Whim of Whimsicality

New Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 25 Aug 2015 04:41:00 +0000

So, I feel like this blog is just not working. Almost no views...almost no audience. I'm creating into a void and thats just....depressing.

I might add more updates to this blog here and there if I get any good ideas for a blog post, but mostly I just can't keep working on something that no one cares about. I guess the humor here is just not relateable? Or is funny, but not funny enough to impress? I don't know.

I have created a new blog that will be featuring weekly short comics in a different type of format, for anyone who is still reading this blog and interested: http://whimsicalityabounds.blogspot.com/

Escapism and compartmentalization

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 11:00:00 +0000

Growing up was something of a rocky road for me. I was teased a lot in school because I was weird, and every time I came home I wasn't sure if my dad waited for me, or the monster he sometimes became. I quickly came up with coping mechanisms, and the one that worked best for me was escapism. I would spend half my time devouring books, and the other half lost in the vast dreamscape that was my imagination. I would often envision scenarios in which I would be transported to a magical world where a better life awaited me.

I steadfastly clung to the hope that I had some great destiny awaiting me, and it was only a matter of time before I was whisked away on an amazing adventure in which I would have special powers and would be loved and appreciated for my great acts of chivalry and kindness.Or that I would be taken away to Neverland. Or in lieu of the last option, I would be the only child who would never actually grow up.

Of course I realized later that it was just a form of coping. It makes sense that a child who feels unimportant and completely powerless in life to have such fantasies. It makes sense that a child intensely afraid of death and the darkness that followed adulthood would imagine a scenario of eternal youth. What didn't make sense is how long my suspension of disbelief allowed me to actually keep believing these things would happen despite the fact that they kept NOT happening.

My curiosity about the world led me to start learning things very quickly, and the more I learned the harder it became to believe my fantasies would one day come true. But not believing them wasn't an option because then I would have to face hard reality. So what ended up happening is that those magical thoughts got compartmentalized away, safe from all the logical thoughts that would destroy them.

As I continued to mature it became increasingly difficult to visit the magical bouncy house kitty utopia equipped with a chocolate cake fountain.My logical side wouldn't let me alone.

But as my life wasn't getting any better I clung to it with an abject stubbornness. The only thing holding up my fragile self esteem at that point was allowing the delusion to continue: that magical happy adventure time forever child future was going to happen. So it goes without saying that when I first got my period I went into "womanhood" kicking and screaming. I had promised myself that I wouldn't grow up. Yet here I was growing boobs and bleeding for a week.

My mom couldn't understand why getting my first period was so upsetting. Most girls looked forward to it as something that automatically made them into adult women and one step closer to a life where they could make their own decisions. I saw it as a painful reminder that I would grow old and die just like everyone else. That I wasn't special at all. And my logical side took that opportunity and ran with it.

I didn't want to be an adult. I didn't feel that the benefits outweighed the horrors of adulthood (and I was right, they really don't). Which is actually very odd because I was an outspoken little girl who had very firm opinions on how things should be done and desperately wanted to be able to make her own decisions. My fear of adulthood (and the death that it leads to) was so great that I was basically willing to give up my free will to keep my childhood.

Losing that buffer of imaginative fantasies threw me into a short depression, which I battled with the one weapon in my arsenal I had left: escapism through reading. After reading enough young adult fiction, that magical side of me piped up again, "You know...maybe you NEED to grow up to be ready for your happy fun magical adventure!" and soon I was sneaking into the bouncy room again, only now it was a lot harder to get into because my logical side was a lot more alert and intelligent now that I was a teenager.

But even my logical side had to conceive that perhaps a small lie was better than facing the crippling disappointment that is real adult life...at least for a little longer. After all I didn't REALLY believe it was true...just a small, hopeful part of me did; and my logical side didn't have the heart to crush my spirits again.

To this day, that small part of me exists; but I think to some extent everyone has a part of them like that. Letting at least a little part of yourself believe that there is something better waiting for you is a great way to keep the soul crushing disappointment of real life and your job from destroying you. My version is just a little more fantastic than most peoples.

After all, Gandalf took Blibo on an adventure when he was 50...so why can't I go on one in my 30s!

Warning

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 11:00:00 +0000

Saw this in a bathroom recently:

Warning: do not use kung-fu to attack the baby changing station - it will only fail.
Alternatively: This is not a portal to the matrix.

Netflix insanity

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 20 Apr 2015 11:00:00 +0000

My husband was about to log into Netflix when he noticed this picture on the screen:

Perfectly innocuous family scene of them watching some funny TV show together and laughing at the antics of something or another, right? Wrong. Take a closer look:

They're not even watching a show yet. They're browsing through the available shows and laughing their crazy butts off. I don't know about you, but when I'm browsing Netflix trying to find a show to watch I'm not laughing like some insane person. Mostly I frown as I dredge through the crap to find the shows I actually want to watch.

So basically, this is a family of people who have completely gone over the edge of insanity by their inability to find a show in a reasonable amount of time to watch together.

This is what we do at weddings...

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 15:23:00 +0000

A while back we attended a wedding, and the favors were ingredients for s'mores. There was a decided lack of fires upon which to roast the marshmallows and we were getting hungry so my husband came up with a ingenious solution.

This is what we do at weddings. Besides sit there awkwardly while trying to avoid small talk with people we barely know, that is...

The Phone

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 11:00:00 +0000

Anyone who is introverted and/or has social anxiety understands the terror that accompanies having to use a phone. Most people (read: Extroverts) don't understand because making a phone call is easy for them. Just make the call, they say. But it's just not that simple. To an introvert a phone call is a forced social interaction where it is impossible to read body language and the rules are not well defined. Which means it is always a disaster waiting to happen.

Any time I have to make a phone call I go through the five stages of social grief:

In order to avoid the phone at all costs over the years I developed a system that has worked fairly well for me. Always remember the four T's:

The problem with my system is that it is not foolproof. Sometimes I have no choice but to make a phone call because, for some reason, being an adult requires you to make many phone calls. Yet another example of why adulthood is not all it's cracked up to be.

This isn't usually an issue at home because I have time to mentally prepare myself for making the phone call (ala the gif at the beginning of this entry). If the phone rings at home I let the answering machine get it because 9 times out of 10 it's either a telemarketer, not the kind of phone call that needs a call back (like doctor appointment reminders), or someone I know whom I can text a response to instead of calling back.

However, at work it's different. It's technically a part of my job description to answer the phone if necessary, and if no one else is there to get that phone I have no choice. I just started working in the bakery, and usually there's always someone else to answer the phone until one night. It did not go well. It was especially bad because it was the first time I had to unexpectedly answer a phone call, unprepared, in years.

My coworkers were in the freezer finding product, so I was all alone. My brain then makes the connection that I will have to answer the phone and it will probably be a customer with a million questions that I don't have an answer to because all the people who know stuff are only in the bakery in the morning. So not only will it be a phone call, but it will also be extra nerve wracking because I won't know anything. My brain then overloads, and does the only thing it can think of.

That is literally what happened. My brain shut down just long enough to deny that there was a phone call until it stopped. I had only a small moment of relief, broken when the intercom pops up saying there is a call holding for the Bakery. Which meant I would have to figure out how to push the buttons in the correct order so I didn't hang up on the person (which is what happened the last time I answered the phone there). But by the time I get over there the hold button has stopped blinking, meaning the customer already hung up. This whole sequence happens about three times, with me messing it up in a new way every time. At this point I'm wondering who the heck wants to call a bakery at 8pm and why are they so adamant to get through that they feel the need to call five times in a row while I keep screwing it up. Probably someone who really, REALLY needs cake.

This sort of thing happens from time to time, often enough to further reinforce my hatred of phones. I dislike phones so much that I didn't own a real cell phone until one year ago. Now that I do have one it spends more time being used as a tiny computer than it does a phone. On an average day I'm 100% more likely to be using it to browse pinterest or listen to audio books than to be making a call. Only about five people have the number, and it's likely going to stay that way.

Ironically, having a cell phone has actually helped me avoid further phone calls by being able to text and e-mail from wherever I am. I guess that's why people call them 'mobile devices' more often than 'cell phones' nowadays because phone is just one of the things it does.

Here's hoping that one day those mobile devices make phone calls obsolete. Then we can all do this to our phones in revenge and say goodbye to them forever:

Lego Twilight Posters

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 12:00:00 +0000

So, the husband and I have about a bazillion Lego minifigs. Recently I decided that it was time to put that glut of resources to good use - cannibalizing parts to create characters with them. So, naturally I used that new found power to make fun of Twlight.

I think this might be something I'll be doing once in a while from now on - making Lego parody posters. It was lots of fun! Anyone have any ideas/requests?

Always watching

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 19:47:00 +0000

A local company has this guy outside their business. I never thought much of it until I saw him at night and realized that he was out to steal all our souls.

During the day he looks all innocuous.

But now I know the evil truth...

Small cat. Big everything else.

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 03:11:00 +0000

We recently got a new kitty named Luna. She is exceptionally cute and tiny, weighing only 5 pounds even now that she is a year old.


Luna as a kitten


Luna present day with our other kitty Heph - who is literally twice her size. Don't worry, he isn't squishing her as she is sitting in the hollow in my lap.

We don't know why she is so small, just that she is. She's like the jackpot of cats - a super cute foreverkitten!

Despite her size, she more than makes up for it with her other attributes. We're not sure how something so small can produce sounds so loud, or smells so pungent, but she does.

Seriously, it doesn't seem right. Luckily the probiotics we've started her on seem to have quelled the room clearing farts, but that doesn't stop her from being super loud.

Tell me about your cats and their quirks!

I'm allergic to everything

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 18:06:00 +0000

I've always know I've been allergic to something. At an early age I got puffy eyes and nasal congestion a lot more often than the common cold could explain.

so my mother brought me to our doctor who proclaimed that I was most likely allergic to dust mites. Since allergy testing is notoriously expensive, and we didn't have stellar insurance at the time my mother left it at that. Unfortunately this meant that they had to get rid of anything that would make that allergy worse, which included my feather pillow and about a dozen stuffed animals. I used to line up all my stuffed animals on my bed with care, creating an impenetrable line of defense against monsters each night.

If you've read this post, you know how important that is. So you can imagine that it was a long sad night indeed, my bed barren of stuffed animals and my pillow replaced with a folded blanket.

This only improved my flare ups a little, yet my parents insisted that the stuffed animals would never return. Clearly I was allergic to something else, but because allergy testing wasn't an option they were going to stick with what the doctor told them. I would just take allergy medication when it got bad. They were a fairly constant low level annoyance, but thankfully I never had allergies as bad as my brother, who got these epic nosebleeds that would not stop.

Ever since I moved away from my childhood home they had been getting steadily worse, so I decided that since I finally had decent health insurance (thanks to my husband), it was high time I got an allergy test to see exactly what I needed to be avoiding, and possibly find a better solution than the side effect laden antihistamines.

After answering some questions and speaking with the allergist, she decided to test for a wide variety of things due to the fact that I wasn't able to find any real pattern for when my allergies flared up the most. So I got in the hospital gown, they numbered my back, then scrubbed in allergens with this little metal brushy thing. They then informed me not to itch my back no matter what, and that I had to wait 20 minutes for the results.

The nurse left, and this is about when I realized that coming there without any form of entertainment, on my own, was possibly not the best idea on my part. I have trouble sitting still and not doing anything in the best of times, nevermind having itches that I can't scratch.

At first it wasn't so bad - the only spot that itched right away was the test spot where they put histamine to make sure your body is capable of producing a reaction. But about two minutes in the itches started popping up, and after five minutes I realized that I might just be allergic to everything.

The itching escalated really really quickly at that point.

Needless to say, at that point time started slowing down. Even though I knew it would only be 10 or 15 more minutes it felt like it would be an eternity of itchy torture. I tried to take my mind off it by pacing, but that only made it worse when I walked by the mirror and saw what my back looked like.

Eventually I just sat back down and gritted my teeth. By now it was taking superhuman effort to NOT itch my back, so when I heard a timer go off just outside my room I rejoiced because they would wipe off the allergens and I would be free from the torment. Oh how wrong I was.

It was kind of like walking through a hot desert with a really mean hallucination promising water every once in a while to just screw with you.

When the nurse finally came in, wiped the allergens off my back and sprayed benadryl on it, it was such a wonderful relief that I expected rainbows to explode out of my back and angels to start singing.

When the allergist came in and informed me that I was allergic to everything I wasn't surprised. Apparently my body has a hard time telling the difference between helpful, neutral, and bad things and categorizes just about everything as bad.

So what exactly am I allergic to? Turns out I'm allergic to all sorts of weeds, trees, molds, dogs...and cats! :(

Luckily the allergist explained that I probably had an immunity to my own cats because I spend so much time with them, and that's why only other people's cats make my nose itch.

As it turns out, everything that I'm most allergic to just happens to be all the things I grew up with in my house, except for dust mites. Those I'm barely allergic to. So thanks a lot parents - the great stuffed animal execution of 1989 was totally unnecessary!

Tell me of your adventures with allergies!

So it's a bit of a fixer upper!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 16:15:00 +0000

My husband and I have been watching a lot of house hunting reality shows lately. Our favorite so far is The Property Brothers. Every time one of them would say "It's just a fixer upper" of course the first thing that came to my mind was the song from Frozen where the trolls begin singing to convince Anna to be with Kristoff.

So one day I rewrote the song to the tune of the Property Brother episodes!

Happy Holidays - I'm back!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 06:14:00 +0000

After a long hiatus I will be coming back with my first full post in January! I will be posting one full post each month as well as random funny stuff each week as they occur to me. I'm all prepared; I have a buffer and everything so there will always be one long post per month this year!

Are you all ready for Christmas? We've got everything set up in our Lego Christmas village, but this year there's been an unexpected visitor...

Have fun watching all the Christmas specials...

And don't forget to lock your doors cuz,,,

I'll see you next year!

The Wormie

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 14 Apr 2014 15:10:00 +0000

Forget the snuggie....

Adventures on Ice

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 17 Mar 2014 06:21:00 +0000

Last weekend my husband and I decided to take a trip into another world - a world of ice!

No, not THAT world of ice (but how cool would that be?!). We traveled 500 miles to northern Wisconsin to visit a place that had been inaccessible in the winter for five years - The Apostle Islands ice caves.

The polar vortex that had situated itself over much of the Midwest had one good effect - and that was making the lake ice sturdy enough this year for people to make the walk to the ice caves. The amazing pictures that were posted of the caves went viral, and were more than enough to tempt me (as well as over 100,000 other people!). So despite the fact that I try to avoid things that are highly popular we found ourselves on our way there.

Since Saturday is the busiest day we made sure to go on Friday instead. However, we still had to get up at the crack of dawn to get a good parking spot because the entry point is a beach with only 50 spaces. With thousands of people visiting each week, the cars were parking more than 2 miles down the side of the highway every day. There were people who were adding four miles of hiking along the highway to the already 2-4 mile hike at the caves.

As you may know from my earlier posts, I'm about as far from a morning person as is humanly possible.

Despite this I'm one of those people who, once they are awake, have no problems being awake until late afternoon. This is something I am highly grateful for because I cannot partake of caffeine. So once we got there at 7:30 (and managed to get one of the last parking spots in the lot!) I was wide awake and excited to be there.

It was warmer that day than it had been the day before, so there was a light mist in the air and a darkness in the sky from flurries that had passed earlier that morning. Because we were some of the first to arrive it was eerily quiet, which made the sights even more beautiful.

My husband had downloaded a map of the caves from the website the day before and we were able to compare that with the cell phone's GPS function to keep track of our progress. I highly recommend this method as it's easy to lose track of where you are and go farther than you have the endurance for. We were really determined to see it all, but ended up turning back around here:

On the way back it really started filling up and we noticed more and more people completely wiping out on the ice; which is why we were grateful for our yak tracks and ski poles (My husband and I aren't exactly graceful people at the best of times). We were also surprised at the high number of dogs. It was a lot warmer that day than it had previously been, but from what I read people were bringing their dogs out in single digit weather. Seems to me that's a recipe for a dogcicle...

We made the mistake of turning around when we were starting to get tired because by the time we had made it to the last leg of our journey we were exhausted. Our once light pack now felt like an anchor on our backs that we took turns dragging.

With fatigue setting in and excitement wearing off, my brain then was able to start plaguing me with horrible scenarios that could happen. They say on the website that although they check the ice thickness every week, hiking on the ice is never 100% safe. Things can and do happen. So every time I would see a crack in the ice or hear something my mind would automatically jump to worst case scenarios.

And of course, even the more mundane, yet still disturbing, scenarios:

We would have liked to go farther but we just didn't have the energy for it. Only four hours of sleep and the poor meal we had the day before (half a subway sub on the drive up) allowed for only so much energy before our bodies just crapped out on us. My advice is to have a very good meal the day before and actually eat all the snacks you pack (granola bars, beef sticks etc.). We had packed a ton of snacks but got so caught up in our excitement that we kind of forgot to eat and we really paid for it later.

I found out after the fact that hiking on ice and snow takes a lot of energy. When you hike for a long period of time you have to eat twice as much just to keep status quo for energy reserves. Which is why I was really disappointed there was not a single Chinese buffet for miles. The one day I could have pigged without regrets I ended up having fish and fries. It was very good fish, but I love me some Lo Mein.

The next day, despite our sore legs, we decided to take the ice road to Madeline Island to visit Big Bay state park. We figured we would take it slow hiking there, and besides how could we pass up the opportunity to DRIVE on Lake Superior?

Although it was a little stressful for my husband due to the fact that we were driving on ice over water that was up to 250 ft deep, it was still well worth the experience.

We saw a guy in a jeep swerve because he was going too fast. The speed limit is 15mph for a good reason - when driving on ice speed is the only way to control your car. Four wheel drive doesn't change that.

Luckily the road is 6 lanes wide so if you do lose a little control you're less likely to go off the edge of the road. You really don't want to go off the road because if you hit an ice ridge you could end up like this guy:

Not my picture - if I had seen this on the way to the island we might have turned back!

In any case, we made it safely and without any incident. When we arrived at the park and hiked out to the ridge we were greeted with an amazing sight:

Apparently high winds break up the thinner ice and pushes it to shore, creating huge piles of these glass like shards of ice.

I mean HUGE. Here's a picture with people for scale:

I was so excited by this I had no idea what to do with myself.

Eventually I decided I would try to get down to the beach to get some close up pictures of the ice. However, my husband and his common sense stopped me as it would have been difficult to get down the small cliff and back up again.

Luckily I got a lot of amazing pictures anyway as we were able to get to the shore safely further down the trail:

Overall it was a worthwhile trip! Now with the weather warming up the caves have closed, but hopefully next year other people will get the chance! Did anyone else make the trip up here, or hope to next year?

Ronald McDonald: serial force feeder

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 09:12:00 +0000

Anything is possible when your man is creative

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sun, 16 Feb 2014 02:47:00 +0000

...and doesn't stick to cliche Valentines celebrations. I'm on a horse. (gotta love old spice guy :D)

So my husband is awesome. He really outdid himself this year for our Valentines day. The below post is consolidated into an image for pinterest friendliness!

(edit: made the bottom one bigger so it's easier to read :) )

Hallmarks of a douchebag's truck

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 00:27:00 +0000

After being cut off, blinded, tailgated, and generally harassed by inconsiderate truck drivers I have compiled a helpful list of traits in order to better identify, and avoid, these people.

These truck owners are not to be confused with people who actually USE their truck for hauling, off-road adventures, or other related activities with consideration to the rest of the public. Not all people who own a truck are douchebags - but all douchebags who own a truck have a douchebag truck.

About the truck nuts - I have to admit that if I saw truck nuts on a smart car it would make my day. I would laugh so hard that it would fill my laughter quota for a week.

Share your experiences with inconsiderate people on the road!

Tactical Acquisition of Foodstuffs: Pet style

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 31 May 2013 22:42:00 +0000

If you have a pet you must be forever vigilant. When I'm cooking I can't leave the kitchen or I will come back to find this:

Or if you have a dog and leave the garbage cabinet door slightly ajar:

Anyone who has, or has had, a pet knows that they have an intense and irrational need to consume anything in their path. Usually this is food, but in some cases it's just things that might have, at one time, come into contact with food. For example, my cat loves to chew on my work shoes. Maybe he's crazy. Maybe he's trying to show up all dogs out there by stealing their stereotype. I don't know for sure, but I think it's because our pets love food so much that they will do anything and everything to get it; even if the only thing available at the time isn't necessarily food.

If you have even been in the same house as a pet, you know they are sneaky and have many tactics to accomplish their end goal: to eat until they explode. Some are clever enough to get into the cabinets, (we had to put child proof locks on all ours because of our cats) but most go for a more bold approach and attempt to steal your food from right under your nose.

Dogs are fairly simple and straight forward. Sometimes they will take advantage of your distraction,

but mostly they use the dreaded, nearly impossible to resist, puppy beg eyes:

Cats, however, have a multitude of sneakier tactics at their disposal, and they aren't afraid to pull out all the stops. Some will use the beg look, but most feel that they are above such things. They are entitled to that food, after all! How dare us humans keep it all to ourselves! But since they know we love that food just as much as they do, they had to become very creative to get what they want. Such as well timed shedding to 'mark' the food as theirs.

They also use their ninja-like speed to grab morsels before you even know what happened

Although most cats will balk at begging, they have no problem turning the cute on so high that you cannot resist their charms.

If a cat encounters someone immune to their tricks they will pull out their last and most deadly weapon. Incessant annoyance.

Now that you know the weapons at their disposal you can better defend yourself and your food against their assaults!

What tactics do your pets use to get their nom noms?

Pro-cat-stinating....

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 25 May 2013 03:29:00 +0000

Working on a big post about kitties and their food stealing ways currently...but said kitties are hindering my progress...

So it may take a a little longer than usual. Blame the slightly cooler weather - if the sun isn't out they crowd my lap for lack of their favorite sunbeams.

Anyone else who has cats get delayed because you can't bear to move their cute butts?

Jurassic Park

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 17 May 2013 23:00:00 +0000

We recently saw Jurassic Park in 3D, which was awesome because it was our first time seeing it in the theater. My husband tried to see it once at a showing of classic movies, but the film broke the second Jeff Goldblum came on screen. He's just that awesome.

This artist responsible for this masterpiece is seriously fantastic check him out

Seeing it all big allowed us to notice a few things we didn't before. For example, Nedry (Newman) named the computer system "Nedryland". I imagine Nedryland would probably be something like this:

There's also the realization that one simple piece of technology could have saved the characters a lot of trouble.

We were also reminded of just how often Hammond said the line "Spared no expense!". Despite the fact that he kept insisting he spared no expense, he DID spare an expense that cost him the park - on the computer programmer Nedry.

One thing we both wondered is - what would the rival company BioSyn have done with the dino embryos had Nedry succeeded? Maybe Hammond was thinking about working with BioSyn at first, until they pitched their ideas to him.

In conclusion, we thought of a few helpful tips for the protagonists of this movie:

1. Don't be a lawyer. Dinos find them extra tasty!
2. Only hide in rooms with round doorknobs and no large windows.
3. DON'T BREED RAPTORS

Have any of you seen Jurassic Park in 3D? What did you think?

Too cute

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 06:32:00 +0000

For those who haven't heard of the show "Too Cute" it's a show on animal planet that's devoted to all things cute and fluffy - kittens, puppies, bunnies and the like. Everything about the show is cute, right down to the music. It's so cute I'm pretty sure if you watch it for too long you'll get diabetes from all the sweetness.

We don't have regular TV at my house - we watch everything on Netflix and Hulu to avoid 15 minutes of commercials. So we didn't find out about this show until recently; and this is how it went down:

You could seriously watch this show for hours if you are a fan of small fluffy animals. It's like the pinterest of TV.

There are monsters under my bed...

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 07:23:00 +0000

...and I don't just mean the cats!

I am 27 years old, and I freely admit that when the lights go off this is what I do:

I know it's irrational, but I can't stop that part of my brain from going nuts when the lights go out. We even have a nightlight which my husband thinks we have so we don't trip on things at night (he and I are rather clumsy) but it's really to keep the monsters at bay. You know, the ones that live under the bed and lie in wait to get you the instant a limb is within their slimy reach.

So I've come up with a comprehensive guide for avoiding monster attacks!

Rule #1: Keep all limbs within the bed's perimeter at all times!

Rule #2: Bed monsters are slow and uncoordinated. Speed is the only way to travel if you must when the lights are out.

Rule #3: Ironically, the monsters dwell underneath the only safe zone: the bed. Everywhere else you are vulnerable to attack. Do not, under any circumstances, try to use another area as a safe zone.

Rule #4: The blanket is your force shield. Use it in case the bed monsters get ballsy and try to grab you even if you are in the safety of your bed.

Rule #5: Nightlights can be helpful, but they only have a limited radius of protection.

Rule #6: Designate a person as the light bringer if things get really bad. Generally the light bringer is a person (like a parent) who doesn't believe in monsters. This gives them temporary immunity allowing them to traverse the dark room and reach the light switch unharassed.

Rule #7: Monsters take the form of whatever you find to be the most frightening, and feed on your fear to make them stronger. Try not to watch really scary movies before bed because this is a recipe for disaster.

Rule #8: Closets must be closed at all times. Since they are uncoordinated (see rule 2) they are unable to operate most door handles. Unless your monsters happen to be velociraptors. Then you're screwed. (note: add to rule 7 do not watch Jurassic Park before bed either!).

Rule #9: Enlist a security detail of stuffed animals to guard the perimeter of your bed. People may think you're weird but that won't matter since they'll get eaten.

Rule #10 :When in doubt, assume the worst and stay where you are!

There's definitely more rules that could be added. What would you add to this list?

Winter Storm Q

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:49:00 +0000

I've been looking forward to this particular winter storm. I don't care how they came up with that name - as far as I'm concerned it's named after everyone's favorite omnipotent troublemaker...

Just that quick snippet for today! What's been your experience with winter storms this year (Q and otherwise)?

Valentines Day

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 04:41:00 +0000

Valentines day seems to elict a strong opinion one way or another. Some people look forward to it as a chance to celebrate someone they love. Other people look at it as another stabbing reminder of their aloneness. Even others completely discount the holiday because the conveniently placed date in an otherwise holiday free part of year, making it a great money making opportunity for businesses.

I look at Valentines day as a kind of Thanksgiving of love. Instead of celebrating with turkey and stuffing, you celebrate with lots of chocolate and by giving thanks for all the loved ones in your life. When I was single I would still celebrate Valentines day by exchanging gifts with the ones close to me, and my mom would get my brother and I a basket of treats every year. So although some years I was alone romantically, I still had family and friends; and with that you are never truly alone.

This year I do have someone romantically close to me to celebrate - my husband. I have to admit, though it is nice to celebrate your other loved ones, it is especially sweet to be able to celebrate it with your soulmate.

I know that they say when you first meet your soulmate you just instantly know. That's a bunch of BS. If that were true people would be having their happily ever after's all over the place. It would be a chaotic disney-esque nightmare.

When I first met my husband, we goofed around like two old friends. Then I knew that I had met someone I wanted to spend more time with, but nothing more than that. After we had dated for over a year, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was only after we got married that I slowly came to the realization that he was my soulmate. I think the definition of soulmate must be a little different for everyone, but here are the things that helped me to realize that he was mine.

1. At any given moment we are prone to fits of giggles because of something one of us said. This often leads even more humor, and for some reason usually happens at night when we ought to be getting some sleep.

I always read studies that say how good laughter is for you - if that is true then he and I will keep each other healthy well into old age!

2. Every once in a while one of us will bring home a little something for the other person. It's not just the fact that we think of each other while we are shopping, but also how excited we are to be making the other person happy. The best part is that it doesn't have to be something expensive or shiny, most of the time it's just tasty.

3. When one of us is sad the other is also sad until cheering up can happen. Usually in the form of chocolate and/or humor.

4. Not only are we able to put up with one another's weird quirks, we usually play along. For example I have this tendency to break out into random spurts of singing.

These are only a few things that helped me to realize that we are soulmates. I am so grateful to have such an awesome husband. He makes me laugh when I am sad, he brings me chocolate when I'm hormonal, he loves cats...what more can I say? He's perfect for me!

Just remember that even if you haven't found your one and only just yet that you are not alone. And don't forget - even if you hate Valentines day you can still celebrate February 15, otherwise known as dirt-cheap candy day!

How do you celebrate (or not celebrate!) Valentines day?

Hunger Games (kitty stye)

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 05:41:00 +0000

As you know from my earlier post our cats are on a diet because they have special needs. Although Heph was the worst off Osiris also had issues and they both got incredibly fat:

I got them as kittens and since kittens self regulate their eating I thought they were ok to free feed. Some cats can do this as adults and be healthy, but not my cats. As they got older they got it into their heads that it was a good idea to eat themselves into a coma.

We quickly caught on to the fact that they needed a strict diet, and when they started having problems with crystals forming in their bladder we had to put them on a prescription diet. Both of them are now at a healthy weight, and no longer have problems with their health. However they remember being fat and the endless supply of food that made that possible. This is where the problems come in.

They seem to have a basic understanding of time because about an hour before feeding time things start to get hairy. It begins with the pointed stares.

Since us dense humans don't take the hint, every time we get up the cats helpfully point us in the right direction with high pitched meows and batting at the food closet. Even if we move slightly as if we are even considering getting up they will do this.

While Osiris is content to glare daggers into your soul, Hephaestus always takes it up a notch about 15 minutes before dinnertime. Though he is normally a very sweet and even tempered cat he will stoop to guerrilla warfare when food is involved.

When it's finally time to be fed they get downright crazy. While the food is being prepared the cats aggression turns on each other as they each want to be the first to chow down. They get into what we can only call "slappy fights". No claws or teeth, just them slapping each other around. The sounds that they make while waiting for the food sounds like something straight out of a horror film. Though it sounds scary, it's probably just the cats cussing us out. Here's an example of happenings during feeding time:

How are your pets around food time?