Whims and Inconsistencies

New blog!

2014-04-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hey awesome people, who despite a year of inactivity, have not deleted this blog from your follow list!

I've started blogging again at a new blog called Blue Joy. I hope you'll come visit!

200 Years of Darcy

2013-01-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

On this very day 200 years ago, my most favorite book, filled with my favorite places and characters, was published.

A few suggestions for how you can celebrate:

+ Check out this lovely, brief comic version. "Refusal for the ages" indeed.

+ Watch the Lizzie Bennet Diaries if you aren't already. (Love it!)

+ Why we named Elizabeth.

+ In addition to the many film adaptions, I recommend Lost in Austen and Bridget Jones for a slightly more modern spin.

Cheers to 200 years of Lizzie, Darcy, obstinate headstrong girls, blue coats, officers, 10,000 pounds a year, turns about the room, entailments and Mrs. Bennet's poor nerves.

18 months

2013-01-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

As of January 13, my little booger is 18 months old. That seems so old, yet she still can't bring me a glass of wine or vacuum. Silly toddlers.

She can walk. After taking her first step on Father's Day and some shuffling episodes in the days leading up to her birthday, she quickly put it all together and was walking everywhere soon after turning 1. Now she can even walk backwards and just the other day she managed to climb to the top of our arm chair (which prompted me to text Lee, "She has no compassion for my poor nerves.")

In September she started going to a Parents' Day Out Program two mornings a week which we both love! While she wasn't very enthusiastic about it for the first month or so, she didn't have any major meltdowns like I feared. Now she throws her arms open for her teachers when we arrive and when I pick her up I hear reports of how she is just the smiliest, happiest, best baby ever.

For Halloween Elizabeth was an ice cream cone (not a cupcake). She wasn't a big fan of her costume but she did let me snap a couple pictures. Lesson learned from Halloween shopping this year: If you wait until the last minute, you will wind up spending more than you wanted for a costume that you like a lot more than what you would've purchased to save money. So it's a win? I don't know.

In November we took two back-to-back vacations to Gatlinburg. First, a weekend getaway for our friend's 30th birthday and then a week with my parents and sister. We drove during the middle of the day every trip and E did really well. She would get a little restless and fussy, but we never had to pull over. The second trip we had my sister with us to help provide entertainment and cheddar bunnies. The best part of the trip for me was the three nights that E slept in my parents' room. Even though I couldn't sleep as is my habit now and was up reading from 3-5 a.m. one morning. Elizabeth enjoyed her first (second, and third) winery tour(s).

Christmas was pretty great. Our realtor always has an open house with a Santa for free pictures, but we had an out-of-town wedding that weekend. I was torn between paying silly amounts of money to stand in a long line and have Elizabeth break down in tears when I leave her in a strange man's lap and having the "needed" annual photo. We compromised by taking her to see Santa at our favorite toy store for a casual meet-and-greet. She was very reluctant to get even this close to Santa, so I think I'm relieved we didn't go the mall route. But my friends' pictures of their kids melting down in Santa's lap are pretty awesome. ;)

Why yes, I did craft that lopsided pot on the fireplace. An eyesore only a mother could love and display.

She was a bit more into her presents this year, although still not paying attention long enough to open one. She really liked handing/throwing people gifts.

And we have to include a picture of her in her Christmas dress! Gorgeous! Sadly I don't think we got a picture that included her champagne shrug. And she was especially opposed to shoes that evening.

Now that Elizabeth is getting older she is finally started to carry some of her weight around here. ;) The other day I was wiping her off after lunch and the she wiped off her tray. She can also put her shoes away (A huge help since she likes to take her shoes out of their spot and line them up on our bed.) and help carry things to and from the car.

She loves Sesame Street, reading, Zoey and Reagan, and cheese. She loves to give hugs, blow kisses and pull my hair. She can sometimes get her clothes off and is trying to figure out how to get them back on. When she manages to get her sock on her toe she gives herself a round of applause. Recently she started giving the Sign of Peace during mass, much to everyone's enjoyment. After over a year of playing with my phone screen, she now also likes to pretend talk on it and hold the phone to your ear so you can talk too. She also thinks that Zoey enjoys talking on the phone. She doesn't seem to be into using actual words, although she babbles all the time. She likes to "read" to herself and it often sounds like she's muttering spells. I'm not sure if they're for good or evil. ;) I slacked off on my attempts to teach her sign language, but she will do her own little version of "more" while saying, "Mo?"

When I'm not making burnt offerings to the toddler sleep gods or explaining again that that hurts mommy and it is not funny (Maracas are not weapons.), I completely believe that she is the bestest, sweetest little booger ever.

One Year

2012-08-15T06:45:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth's first birthday was July 13. Of course I'm sharing this a month later.

My Dearest, Loveliest Elizabeth,

You are a whole year old. I'm not sure what to make of this. Part of me thinks that you should probably be at least seven by now. Are you sure you still can't use a vacuum? I look at pictures of you from a year ago in loose-fitting onesies that you have long outgrown. Was that you? How were you ever that small? Part of me longs for the days when you would spend so much time sweetly sleeping on my chest. Part of me is ready to keep powering on until the day comes when you can use a vacuum.

I feel like I'm supposed to say something about how this past year has been the best year of my life. Yet any year in which I think, "I only got four hours of sleep last night but at least it was consecutive. I probably won't need a nap today." clearly can't be the best year of my life. At least I hope not.
When you were about three months old a mom with grown children asked me, with so much joy in her voice and a huge smile on her face, "Isn't being a mom the best thing ever?!?" I don't remember what I said, but I remember exactly what I thought, "I think a glass of wine and some alone time with Hulu sounds like the best thing ever."

My dearest munchkin, this has been the hardest year of my life: learning to care for you, trying to keep up with all the things, trying to take care of myself, pushing myself through crazy exhaustion, trying to stay positive when it feels like everything I attempt is met with resistance and frustration, trying to remember that you are more important than my to-do list.

(Sometimes I think Type A people shouldn't have children. But then how could we win at parenting?)

Yet I'm getting all misty, baby girl, because I want you to know that even with the sleeplessness and the stress and the puke and the poop and hair-pulling, every second has been worth it. Just one of your smiles. Just one of your hugs. So worth it. I have spent decades dreaming of you, my darling girl, and you are perfect. Better than I ever could have dreamed.

This past year is the year my heart exploded. I love you so much. In a couple years we'll watch the How the Grinch Stole Christmas and there's this scene where the Grinch's heart grows three sizes. I can be sad/frustrated/mad/annoyed/tired/allthethings, then you look at me with your gorgeous blue eyes and smile, and my heart grows three sizes. And I squeeze you. And you squirm. Then I set you back down so you can go back to pulling Zoey's tail and eating books.

I am honored to be your mom. Seriously. And I can't wait to see what the next year brings. I anticipate more dance parties and crayons. You're so close to being ready for crayons!

11 months

2012-06-28T20:16:00.000-04:00

Last month's sleep drama wasn't totally resolved like I had hoped. Elizabeth would wake up at 5 a.m. and I would nurse her before putting her back to bed for a couple more hours. Well, she started trying to squeeze a couple more late night feedings and in my groggy state I'd normally go for it, thinking it was probably a growth spurt. But pretty soon she was getting up every two hours again. For two nights Lee would go to her and stand by her crib and rub her back when she would cry but wouldn't pick her up. Now we're back to sleeping until 5 a.m.! Hope this sticks. Now if only she would go to sleep for me as quickly as she does for Lee.
And she's napping in her crib more! Have I also mentioned that the sun is brighter, foods taste better and the air is sweeter?

She is cruising all over the place and getting more comfortable standing on her own. She's so close to walking but we'll see how much longer she keeps holding out.

She loves to wave and give high-fives. The way our bedroom is set up, the bed is right across from a mirror so you can see yourself when sitting on the bed. I usually feed her in our bed and once Elizabeth is done eating she likes to stand up and wave at herself. It cracks me up!

I've had a difficult time coming to terms with this, but it appears that Elizabeth is no longer giving kisses. She's just biting my face (arm, shoulder, fingers...). Now to figure out how to get her to stop.

Elizabeth has spent the past couple months often picking at her food, if eating anything at all. This is really frustrating because A. I spent time to prepare that and B. Zoey's tongue isn't as effective at cleaning the floor as I like to think it is. We've been taking the baby-led weaning approach and I don't know how many times I've read, "My 9/10/11/12/13-month old just wasn't interested in food and then one day it clicked," but I've still been paraoid that I would be the main source of nutrition for my two-year-old. (I'm totally fine with the idea of nursing a two-year-old, just not 6 times a day.) The past couple days though it seems that she's really clicking with the solids. Some favorite foods are watermelon, tomatoes, and edamame. You can also never gone wrong with Cheerios. And she loves water! Now if only the sign language wound kick in. It would probably help if I signed more often than 40% of the time.

Elizabeth loves to dance which is the most precious thing ever. (Okay, everything she does that isn't whining, refusing sleep, pooping, peeing, spitting up, biting, hair pulling, collarbone pulling and resisting diaper changes is the most precious thing ever.) We used some rattles as tambourines and had a Call Me Maybe dance party. We like the Jimmy Fallon version best.

10 months

2012-06-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

There's been a lot of sleep stuff going on this month. To recap, Elizabeth slept as perfectly as one could expect for her age, and by around 4-5 months, would sleep 10-12 hours stretches. Oh the joy! Then she quit that. It was gradual, but the next thing I knew she was waking every 3 hours and I was super sad. Then this month we had a couple nights where she woke up every. 45. minutes. There was much distress. So I got a book called Good Night Sleep Tight (I think.) and it suggested we beef up her bedtime routine, separate nursing from bedtime, put her in her crib drowsy but awake, and then sit by her side and intermittently pet her if/when she cries. She cried for fifty minutes. Every 5 minutes or so I would rock her. Once she finally fell asleep I cried for fifty minutes. We weren't really letting her cry it out, but I still felt horrible. However, the next night I put her in her crib a bit drowsier and she went to sleep in under 5 minutes and the next thing I knew she was sleeping longer and longer stretches. Hallelujah!

She has four of the most adorable teeth. As long as they're not digging into your flesh.

She will pull up and let go and stand for several seconds before sitting back down.

Her stubborn personality is starting to come out more and more. Diaper and costume changes are getting squirmier and squirmier so one night I gave her a cloth wipe to play with. She immediately put it back in the basket and pulled a handful of cloth wipes of her choosing. That's my girl!

In my-baby-is-a-genius news, she can put smaller cups into bigger cups.

The highlight of the month for me, and I'm sure for Elizabeth too, was running my first 5K. I had quite the cheering section.

9 Months

2012-06-05T00:39:00.000-04:00

Nine months! My darling girl has been in for as long as she has been out. I spent so much of her inside time thinking about how glorious it would be to finally have her on the outside. I did not enjoy being pregnant. At nine months outside, might be nice to have her back in for a couple days. ;)

On her 8-month birthday (It's that confusing thing where her nine-month post is a reflection on the time that she was 8 months old.), Elizabeth pulled up for the first time, and has been doing that repeatedly all month long. Now she's figured out cruising and zips along the furniture. Zoey is finding it increasingly difficult to hide.

In addition to putting all things in her mouth, she's learning to stick her tongue out. She often sticks her tongue to aid in concentration.

She enjoyed her first St. Patrick's Day and her first Easter. The Easter Bunny brought her some Indestructible books and froggy friend.

The big adventure of the month was surviving the UK vs. UofL Final Four game and the eventual victory by our beloved Wildcats as they became 8-time national champions. It was gr8!

Other big 9-month firsts: first bubbles, first trip to the park, and first teeth began to break through.

8 Months

2012-05-08T22:21:00.000-04:00

I think I'm almost starting to feel like I'm getting my to-do list back on track, but for today let's all pretend it's March 13 and Elizabeth turns 8 months old today!

This month began with our first Valentine's Day. We kept it pretty laid back with a heart-shaped pizza and Ben & Jerry's.

Elizabeth sort of said "mama" for her first word. For months she has been making a “ma” sound when upset. She will cry and wail, “mamamammammamamammammama”, which obviously doesn't really mean anything. I’ve been trying to encourage her to say “mama” with a smile and she is starting to lessen the number of “ma” repeats. But one night I was working on my computer and Lee was watching her. He was mostly playing on his phone though (which is something I do often as well, so no judging), and Elizabeth wasn't happy. She looked right at me and sadly called, “Mama. Mama.” Lee said it was questionable, and she hasn't really done it since, but counts in my book!

Her sippy cup skills are improving but she mostly just wants my Camelbak.

Elizabeth can now bring herself to sitting and is pretty much crawling. She has also starting giving me kisses/biting my face. I love it!

My favorite moment from this month was one particular morning cuddle. We were smiling at each other and everything in the world was perfect. I mean, not actually perfect, but the imperfect was irrelevant with the perfect smiles and giggles and cuddles in my lap. I have often thought since Elizabeth was born that I wouldn't know what to do if we had another kid right now, not that we won't eventually, but at the moment it's terrifying. Partly financially and partly just the stress of it all. But in this moment of perfect snuggles, my only worry about having a second child was that my heart would burst from all the love. There is just so much love.

Homemade Bread. Finally.

2012-02-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

I blame Elizabeth a lot for my love handles and to-do list that just won't quit, but really, those have existed long before she graced us with her delicious thigh rolls and squeals. Somehow though, I finally managed to bake some homemade bread. It's a little short, but otherwise very bread-like. Success!

mmm...cinnamon toast!

Homemade bread has been on my to-do list for well over a year, so long that I had to buy some ingredients twice because they expired before I used them. Whoops! Despite having read several easy-sounding recipes, I just couldn't shake the notion that baking bread would take me at least an entire day. But we've reached that time of the budget month where we should really stop buying things already, we were out of bread, and had a pantry full of bread ingredients. It was time to fulfill my bread destiny. Or something.

The Budget Bytes recipe I used was so easy and delicious. I'm determined to never buy bread again, but we'll see how that goes. Lee, in between compliments, mentioned that he misses the bread with all the additives. *sigh*

Seven Months

2012-02-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

This month was mostly consumed by introducing solids and face rashes. We do not believe that the two are related.

Here is a point that mildly confuses me and is not helped by my tendency to post these updates months after they happen: This "Seven Months" post is meant for the day she turned seven months old, but includes a reflection on all the things that happened while she was six months old which is her seventh month. Like how Jane Austen is a 19th century writer but I always want to say she's an 18th century writer because it was the 1800s. And how Hazel was 16 during her 17th winter. That's mostly to note that we started solids at six months, if you're interested in the debate on when to introduce solids.

Solids have been a lot of fun. I was kind of sad to introduce them because, despite those early weeks of being so eager to no longer be the sole source of nutrition, I was getting bummed about no longer being the sole source of nutrition. (I do this at bedtime too. I can't wait for bedtime and once it's here I just want to hold her longer. It's pathetic. And confusing.) She loves to play and smush food around and put it in her mouth and spit it back out. We're doing baby-led weaning which we think is really awesome. It's made some pretty big messes at this point, but Elizabeth loves to feed herself. She seems to have mixed feelings about bananas, but avocado, cucumber and carrots are popular.

She healed super quickly from her fall and for safety's sake, this month's photo session had a spotter. (Thanks Aunt Laura!) We never had to get her the prescription pain medicine and in a week or so she was back to rolling around like nothing ever happened. We did make some extra trips to the pediatrician though for her face. It was red and irritated (normal-ish) but then got scabby and leaky (not normal). One cheek got mildly infected so she was on antibiotics for a week -- which was not fun to deliver -- but still continued to have some problems. The pediatrician thinks it just got dry from drool and winter and she kept scratching it which kept it from healing. She's currently on a steroid cream and also getting lots of Aquaphor and coconut oil. It's finally starting to look better.

This is probably one of our favorite photos of her at this point. Lee took it because I won't let her get that close to my laptop. Is she taking after her mom or dad? Depends on if she's looking at Pinterest or Battlefield 3.

Six Months

2012-02-23T18:20:00.000-05:00

This month brought the highly-anticipated first Christmas, although this month has definitely not been your typical holiday fun times.

At the start of December we learned that my grandpa had leukemia and did not have much longer to live. His goal was to see Elizabeth's first Christmas and he did. (He even saw her first New Year's!) We have a rotating holiday schedule with our families, so since we were staying in Louisville for Christmas, we went to Owensboro the weekend before to see my family. It was bittersweet, but we tried to focus on the sweet.

We learned that Elizabeth is pretty good at opening gifts if you give her something to pull.

This was her favorite gift of course. Santa has excellent taste.

Between heading to my hometown to see Grandpa and the flurry of holiday activities, Elizabeth's sleep got all messed up. She's had some spurts of waking up every 2-3 hours again. I keep thinking it's teething but still no teeth. I think it's finally starting to work its way out to something more acceptable.

She is getting extremely good at sitting, so much so that I can even walk away and she can hold her own. And if she teeters over she's getting better at not having too terrible of a melt down.

At our six month appointment we weighed 16 pounds and 14 ounces. (75th percentile) and were 25 inches long (25th percentile). I think we have a shorty!

The six month photo shoot was actually a bit of a disaster. I thought that placing Elizabeth in the middle of the full-sized bed would give her plenty of room to roll. She rolled once and I kept snapping away with the camera, not realizing that she had used up her room to roll, and the next thing I knew she was on the floor. The hardwood floor. It's a drop of 2 feet and 7 inches. After our first trip to the ER, first CT scan and first X-ray, we learned she has a broken clavicle. Not how I wanted to start our sixth month.

Five Months

2012-02-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

On November 20, Elizabeth was baptized. She was very squirmy while we traced the sign of the cross on her forehead but other than that she was pretty happy. Lee's brother Brian and my sister Laura are her godparents. Lee's mom sewed this beautiful gown for her to wear.

Her first Thanksgiving was spent in Owensboro. She got to meet most of my aunts and uncles for the first time. Thanksgiving dinner was spent scooting my plate farther and farther from her grasp. Still a bit to go before we start solids!

Our realtor had a holiday open house with a Santa for photo ops. I was hesitant on standing in line at the mall to overpay for crappy awkward photos so we jumped at this chance to meet Santa for free! And there were cookies! Double win!

We started to put the tree up during Elizabeth's fifth month but didn't put the ornaments on until her sixth month. It was a bit of a hectic month. She did enjoy helping us fluff the branches.

Lee's sister got married in Cincinnati and I must say, with the exception of the lovely bride Elizabeth was easily the best dressed there. Not wanting to let her aunt and new uncle get all the attention, she spewed all over the pew right when Aunt Catie was about 3 steps away from the altar. There was very entertaining to everyone except Grandmommy, whose fur coat was almost a victim. The spit-up stayed in the pew though so was a really easy clean up. It was really the best possible scenario for massive wedding spit-ups.

In development news, Elizabeth has found her feet and enjoys sucking on her toes. This adds a new level of challenge to diaper changing. Once the diaper comes off, the toes are so much easier to grab that it's hard to get her legs back. She is giggling more and more. Lee has the easiest time getting her to giggle and blowing raspberries on her belly/side are generally the most direct routes. Shortly after mastering rolling from front to back, she discovered rolling from back to front and is now a rolling machine. Elizabeth is also increasingly aware that she is not the only creature in the house under our care, and so far the pets seem to be accepting of her pets, grabs and tugs. When she pulled the cat's tail Reagan did not retaliate. She just meowed pathetically. I think they'll get along well!

This might seem totally crazy, but the first few months of parenting can be a lot of giving with little show of appreciation or affection out of the wee one, which can be a bit of a bummer. However, there was a moment this month where I had my hand resting on her belly and she placed her hand on top of mine and it felt like she was saying, "I love you, mom" as opposed to "I want to eat your hand now" or "Entertain me, slave." Cue the heart meltage.

Four Months

2011-11-30T17:38:00.000-05:00

(Yes, I am ridiculously behind on this. She turned four months old on November 13. But anyway...)

She is now 15 lbs., 23.25 inches and looks awesome in a tutu.

Elizabeth is growing increasingly fascinated by the television, which is causing Lee and I to reflect more on Elizabeth's presence when we watch South Park. Will her first word be "Beefcake"? We hope not. But it is kind of hilarious to watch her stare so intently at football games and sitcoms. In general though, we're trying to keep her from watching much TV at this point. Partly because of all that research that says that babies shouldn't watch TV until they're two, but mostly to avoid having to watch Dora the Explorer for as long as possible.

Her head control is awesome (Did we discuss this last month? I feel like she's been doing this for awhile. It all blurs together.) at this point and she's getting better at sitting. She rolls over rarely, but apparently rolling over has more to do with personality than development. I read that somewhere...

She had her first cold, which even though I called the pediatrician twice about it, was super mild. It never seemed to bother her and she never had a fever, there was just snot pouring out of her nose for a couple days followed by a cough. Sucking snot out of baby's noses is surprisingly fun. Well, for me at least; she hates it. I'm almost a little sad she's well now because I want to suction more stuff out of her nose.

Unfortunately, she no longer sleeps through mass. Bummer. Please share any tips on what to do with babies in churches that don't have cry rooms or nursery programs.

This past month saw two major holidays: Homecoming and Halloween. Elizabeth was so excited to get her first glimpse of Centre College and met many adoring fans at her future home-away-from-home, the ADPi house. (I'm not already planning her bid day or anything. I don't get misty talking about being there when she runs to the house and how I'll have my chapter letters ready for her. I didn't set aside a box of ADPi things for her before I even met Lee. I'll love her no matter what she decides and clearly she should make her own choices, but...)

For Halloween she was the prettiest mermaid ever. We were going to drive around and visit family until I realized that it's impossible to buckle a mermaid into a car seat and there's only so many times I want to redress my mermaid (none), so we stayed home and visited our neighbors and handed out candy.

Three Months

2011-11-14T06:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Elizabeth turned four months old, but she keeps me pretty busy so let's go back in time and pretend it's October!

This month she discovered toys and the joys of putting things in her mouth. It started one morning at mom's group when she was sitting in my lap, playing with my hand and the next thing I knew she was sucking on my finger. Her princess has been her favorite toy and she's also started to enjoy her baby gym.

She went to her first wedding this month, although I fed her in the car during the ceremony and she slept in her carrier through 95% of the reception.

We moved her out of the pack-and-play in our room into her crib in her room. As fast as she's growing, I always think she's growing much faster, so it seemed like any day now she would very likely break the 15-pound weight limit for the bassinet. She of course still hasn't hit 15 pounds, although we are now only ounces away. I also felt bad because the pack-and-play's bassinet wasn't entirely level so she would always slide down to the middle at night with her face smooshed against the mesh side. She's doing very well in her crib and the hardest adjustment has been hoisting over the crib's side, which is much higher than the bassinet, to get her in the crib without waking her.

This month also marked her first projectile vomit. She didn't appear to be sick, but still managed to spew, spew, and spew some more over the edge of her high chair tray. It was like a disgusting fountain of undigested breast milk. Once we got it cleaned up (Thank God Lee was home!), we had to comment that we were pretty proud of her impressive vomit skills. It takes so little to amuse us sometimes.

So. Much. Cute. It is a daily struggle to not eat those cheeks. I handle the temptation by kissing them constantly.

Elizabeth's Birth Story Part 3 (The End)

2011-11-02T04:00:00.000-04:00

Despite getting one of the “expectant mother” spots at the hospital, I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to be able to walk all the way in. We got me a wheel chair, which was more uncomfortable than the car and went to registration. They quickly showed me the way upstairs and said they could take care of the paper work there.

We got to the Labor and Delivery desk and… no one was there. At this point I am Captain Not Happy and kept calling, “Hello?! Hello?!” and was just about to tell Lee to go ahead and wheel me back when nurses appeared. Not just any nurse either, but the nurse I fell in love with on our first tour (We wound up taking like 4 hospital tours.) and would have booked to my labor nurse right on the spot if you could do that sort of thing. And here she was to be my nurse!

I hadn’t been able to find my birth plan before I left but it didn’t matter. This is why I love my midwife and Clark Memorial. They asked if I wanted a tub room/ no drugs, I said yes, and that was all they needed to know. They had a tub room available but no telemetry monitor and took me there to get set up. I guess I looked far enough along in labor to skip the whole triage check.

About two minutes after I entered the room and had finished telling them that I would like to continue laboring in my own clothes, my water broke. Just pop and whoosh. I went ahead and changed into their hospital gown then. They got me in the bed to check my dilation (which is really one of the worst parts of the whole thing. I’m convinced our bodies were made to deal with contractions, but not anyone’s hand going up there.). I was at 8 and they asked me to give a little push and I opened up to 10! Success! The staying-home-as-long-as-possible plan had gone perfectly and I arrived at the hospital just when I wanted to.

Even though I could’ve technically started pushing then, I didn’t. I was a little unclear as to some of the reasons why. I’m not sure midwife was there yet and doula was still on her way (What do you know she had another client in labor at the same time and was leaving a third client’s emergency c-section to come meet us. I’m just thankful she made it because it would’ve sucked without her.)

So they took more blood, got my hep lock on (The only needle I wanted.), took care of some paperwork and got me my wristbands. They didn’t have any telemetry monitors available so I stood next to the bed, kind of leaning on it, while they hooked me up to the external monitor. The only part that was really a hospital annoyance was the monitor. They kept me hooked up to that for a while because they couldn’t get the reading for long enough because the belt kept slipping. Or something. But the readings they were getting suggested that everything was fine. Not that I really felt like moving that much anyway, at that point. This stuff took about an hour to an hour and a half. It seemed that we were waiting for something but I don’t know what. I just leaned into the bed for the contractions. Lee kept pushing on my back, which still hurt but at this point I wasn’t sure if it was because of labor or because Lee had been pushing on it all day.

I was eager to push or get in the tub so they checked me and I was at 10! Push time! Do I care that I didn’t get tub time? No. Just get this baby out!

At 7 pm-ish I started pushing. I was hoping I’d be one of those people who pushes for 30 minutes. I told myself it would all be over in an hour.

The nurse from the tour had gotten caught up with someone else’s birth so now I was with a new nurse who was delightful. I was a little bummed, but new nurse was awesome and I love her and if it hadn’t been awkward would have probably given her lots of hugs afterward. (Of course, after all she saw of me why not hug?!). I was very concerned because my midwife wasn’t there yet but apparently it was fine for me to go ahead and start pushing. Perhaps they knew that it was going to be awhile. If they knew that, I’m glad they didn’t tell me. ;)

Lee was behind me and I propped my legs up on the squat bar and started pushing. Just like we learned in class, pushing is a bit of a relief. The hard part for me with the pushing was A. Holding my breath. Seriously. That was ridiculous. It felt so natural to exhale and moan/scream but no, I had to try to hold my breath. And B. OMG my thighs were so sore from my tendency to tighten them during contractions all day (I know, bad Katie.) so holding them up on the bar was miserable. Honestly though, at the point the worst parts of labor (For me, everyone feels it differently.) were vaginal exams and how tired my thighs were.

I kept pushing. I kept begrudgingly holding my breath. I felt like I was doing a horrible job but nurse, doula and Lee kept encouraging me with each push like it was my first. They were amazing. Seriously. In my head I felt like I wasn’t doing a good, but all I heard was praise and encouragement. So much excitement and praise and encouragement.

After an hour, there was still no sign of Elizabeth. I was trying to remember the cons of using a forceps or vacuum because I was sure that I was an insufficient pusher. Nurse and doula would help me stretch my legs. Lee would help me hold them back. Seriously, at this point I had no idea how I could hold my legs back and hold my breath and push. I was exhausted. I hadn’t really gotten any real length of sleep the night before. Doula kept the ice chips coming and the cool wash cloth on my head. I kept glancing out the window. Our room had a beautiful view of downtown Louisville. By sunset, I told myself, she’ll be here.

And sure enough, probably around 8:30, my midwife, who had been wearing dress pants and a fancy top, got a big hospital cover up thing on. She pulled out a fancy wand to adjust the lights (which were still dim) so she could see my lady bits better. My support team was getting more and more excited. More and more people were in the room, quietly getting together trays and equipment. I knew we were finally almost done. No one seemed to mind anymore when I would scream instead of holding my breath while pushing.

My doula said she had red hair but I kept thinking, “Are you sure that’s not all the blood?” I also remember my doula saying that the reason pushing was taking a while was because she was sunny-side-up. But we were starting to see that that was not the case. I reached down to touch her head. It was much squishier than I imagined. And then two more pushes, what literally felt like the biggest poop of my life – so poetic I know. But so. Much. Pressure. -- And she was out. 8:48 p.m.

They laid her on my stomach and wiped her down and sunctioned her like they were changing tires on NASCAR or something. It was so quick and efficient. She didn’t cry right away but my midwife assured me she was fine and then a few moments later, she cried.

Then I got briefly distracted by my midwife asking for some local. I did not feel myself tear, but I did feel the stitches. Then they were pushing on my stomach which was horribly uncomfortable. And after all the labor and birthing, you just want comfort. Just snuggles some Panera (I wanted Panera so bad!), not stiches and pushing on my tired tummy. But I had my baby. It was so surreal. And I think I was too tired to really know what to do or think next. She was huge. We were all surprised by that. I really wanted Panera. It was all I talked about while pushing, but Panera was closed. I was so hungry. I got some orange juice and a granola bar. My doula helped me start breastfeeding. Really, she did it for me. I was so exhausted. I just kind of watched.

We had probably a good hour to snuggle like that. My nurse came back and we handed Elizabeth off to Lee so I could go to the bathroom but I still wasn’t really into the idea of standing. They got me some more orange juice and an IV with fluids and Pitocin. Our family came in to visit briefly and ooh and ahh over baby and get our McDonald’s order. My nurse and I tried to go the bathroom again and I made it this time. She helped clean me up some more and E and I were ready for recovery. I was so weak I wasn’t sure if I could carry her, even in the wheel chair, to recovery. But Lee couldn’t carry her while walking (Apparently you can’t transport babies by foot around hospitals.) so I managed it. It really wasn't that hard after all. ;)

Lee went with her to the nursery. We all waited outside to see how much she weighted! 9 lbs 6 oz! (And 21.5" long and 14.5" head circumference) They found a 3 month shirt for her to wear and some size 1 diapers (The NB diapers they had in the delivery room were too small for her and kind of made her look like a sumo wrestler.) Probably around midnight I got my McDonald’s. I don’t know if I was still feeling wonky from the minimal food I had eaten that day and loss of fluids or if it was just late night McDonald’s, but it did not taste very good.

I was feeling so exhausted in about every possible way one could be exhausted. And really, you can only be so comfortable with an ice pack in your mesh underwear, but I had done it. I had given birth and lived to tell about it. And, minus a second-degree tear and a general desire that the whole process had been a bit quicker, things really couldn’t have gone more perfectly. And speaking of perfect, have you met my daughter?

Part 1 | Part 2

Elizabeth's Birth Story Part 2

2011-11-01T04:00:00.000-04:00

Wednesday, July 13

The contractions continued through the night. 10 minutes apart, 7 minutes apart. I would wake Lee up so he could push on my lower back during them. We would switch sides of the bed so I could rotate which side I was sleeping on and Lee could easily get to my back. My back was still hurting during contractions, but I felt pretty good in between contractions and it was not nearly as horrible as Sunday. Thank goodness.

We called our doula to talk strategy. She suggested we take things slow and that I rest a lot so I did. When I got tired of lying down I tried sitting but that was very uncomfortable. I’m not sure about all that sitting on pillows for the past two days to help the baby turn, but sitting now felt horrible, with or without the pillow. I spent one contraction on all fours but that was wretched. And I know you’re supposed to try something for more than one contraction but that's easier discussed during birth class than actually done.

Lee was generally running around the house, bringing me something, heating up my rice pack, getting our stuff together for the hospital and I would scream “Lee” or “Contraction” and he would come running to push the heel of his hand into my lower back.

Lee made me some toast for lunch and I remember watching the fun wedding entrance dance and my favorite version of Party in the USA on my iPhone because they make me happy. It’s a random detail, but one I want to remember.

I wasn't sure how well things were really progressing because my contractions were spaced out differently according to what position I was in. If I was lying down they were 6-7 minutes apart. If I was walking they were 3-4 minutes apart. I talked to my doula some more. Our goal was to stay home as long as possible, but the tub at the hospital was really sounding nice. Our bathtub isn’t that comfortable when you’re not pregnant, but somehow Lee and I managed to squeeze in there. It felt a little better and I went to lie down some more afterward. This was at 2:30 or 3.

Around 3:30 the contractions started to feel a bit worse, but they were still about 6 minutes apart. I finally got up, uncomfortable in bed. I walked around downstairs a little bit. Sitting was miserable, lying down was miserable. My contractions were now about 3 minutes apart and even Lee commented that they seemed to be getting worse. I asked Lee to make me a baked potato, my go-to sick food. I asked Lee to feed me the potato because I just wasn’t able to at that point, but still hungry and wanting to stay nourished. Lee somehow got me propped up sitting on the Boppy on my desk chair and leaning into the side of the couch. At 4:30 we called doula. She said to call her back in 30 minutes if this kept up.

We learned in birth class that knowing the moment to go to the hospital is different for everyone. My doula knew it was time for me to go to the hospital when we called her around 5 and I shared that I would very likely die in the car on the way there. Mostly just because I could not conceive of sitting for any length of time. So Lee loaded the car with the stuff we had been collecting throughout the day (We brought so much stuff and hardly used any of it. Like the iPod player and video camera.), laid down some plastic and towels in the passenger seat incase my water broke, and we headed to the hospital.

My hospital is located just across the river in Jeffersonville, Indiana. To get there, you have to drive through Spaghetti Junction, where 71, 64 and 65 meet to create a general Big Hot Traffic Mess that peaks at rush hour. I had said several times that we would factor rush hour into our decision to leave for the hospital, but here we were, 5 p.m. and pulling out of the driveway. Fortunately, we got there in 30 minutes which is great timing. In the best of conditions it takes 20 minutes. We listened to Terry Meiners in the car.

One of the rationales for waiting so long to leave for the hospital is that often if you leave early in labor, the excitement of going to the hospital can slow your contractions down. If you leave later in labor, it’s more likely that things will continue at a nice pace. The moment we started to walk to the car, the contractions felt easier. The drive wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Lee reminded me to breathe slowly, which I thought I had been doing, but apparently hadn’t. It’s amazing how much actually breathing slowly can help. I was sure that we had left for the hospital too early and I told Lee that if I wasn’t at least 7 cm dilated I would be very unhappy. He reminded me not to get caught up on centimeters and we’d deal with whatever happened.

Part 1 | Part 3

Elizabeth's Birth Story Part 1

2011-10-31T04:00:00.000-04:00

And 15 1/2 weeks later, here I am to finally tell you the story of Elizabeth's birth. This is not well written and it is horribly long. But I love birth stories and I know at least one of you really wants to read this (Hey Amy!), so let's begin...

A. Why can't I take cute self-portraits?
B. Good grief I was huge. I did not like being pregnant. Well, the second trimester was pleasant.

Saturday, July 9

We had some friends over this evening and grilled out. After everyone left I started to feel kind of crampy and began to wonder if maybe this was it. It was a couple days after my due date. I took a bath and while I sat in the tub I realized that the cramps seemed to be lasting for only a minute or so but kept returning at regular intervals. Per my midwife and doula’s recommendation, I decided to ignore this as long as I could and went to bed.

Sunday, July 10

Probably around 2 a.m.-ish the contractions were becoming difficult to ignore. My free contraction counter app said they were about a minute long and 7 minutes apart. I kept trying to sleep but was miserable. I was very distressed because while I
knew labor wouldn’t be easy, I suspected it to be manageable. I thought I would ease into it and have breaks between contractions to rest and regroup. But that was not what was happening. I was feeling the contractions in my back and once the
contraction was over I continued to ache until the next one came. I remember trying to rock in the glider in Elizabeth’s room, miserable, and feeling somewhat panicked that I was already just a few hours into this and already thinking about getting an epidural. While I know there’s nothing wrong with epidurals if you want one and obviously I wasn’t avoiding one to prove a point, I was not happy to think about all the people who said I couldn’t do this and that I was already agreeing with them.

I let Lee sleep awhile, knowing that this would be a long process for him too, and finally woke him up, maybe around 5 a.m. to help me get downstairs so I could watch Arrested Development. It seemed like a good distraction. Shortly after getting downstairs, I threw up. Eww. During a contraction my free contraction counter app informed me that I had used up all the contractions that come with the free app and I would need to purchase the $1.99 app to keep tracking. This was not a good time to hear this information. During a contraction is a horrible time to try to recall a password.

Lee got me settled on the couch and I told him he could go back to bed. When I finally called my doula at 7 a.m. and told her what was going on, pausing in the middle of our conversation to vomit again, she said that labor was probably starting but it sounded like at this rate labor might take a while. She also noted that if I’m vomiting it’s probably because I need to chill out. She
recommended I lie down on my side and switch sides every 30 minutes to help the baby to turn and decrease the back labor. (Babies are supposed to be facing your back for the easiest and most comfortable exit. We guessed she was facing
my front, since that causes back labor.) So I attempted to chill out, set my phone timer to 30 minutes, and went back to bed.

I got a bit of rest and my contractions started to slow down. I took some Tylenol or Advil for my back. We called our parents and I emailed my friends to let them know that labor was starting, but after a few hours the contractions were infrequent, maybe one or two an hour, and by 5 p.m. they had stopped.

Monday, July 11

I was on a mission to get Elizabeth turned and facing my back. I took naps, rotating sides every 30 minutes. I sat on pillows to keep my hips higher than my knees. I went mall walking/shopping with a friend.

Tuesday, July 12

Sometime in the early morning I started to have contractions again. Tolerable contractions with nice breaks in between. Just l had expected. Just like what I felt prepared to deal with. There were maybe 2 an hour. Lee called work to tell them he wasn’t coming in. We called my doula who assured me that Lee should really go to work because 2 contractions an hour isn’t anything to stay home for. So Lee went in to work. I sat on pillows, slept on my sides, tried to get some things done around the house. I called my mom and we talked about how we hoped the baby wouldn’t be born on the 13^th. In the evening, I started to give up on sewing, partly because sitting on pillows was getting ridiculously uncomfortable, partly because the contractions were coming a little more strongly, but still maybe only 3 an hour. Lee and I watched some TV and went to bed around midnight.

Part 2 | Part 3

Garden FAIL

2011-09-27T04:39:00.000-04:00

Remember when I planted a garden? Even though all previous plant experiences had been a bust? Even though I was very pregnant and only about to get more pregnant? Even though I was about to get very distracted by a co-dependent tiny human? Yeah, that didn't end well.

I've gotten a few cherry tomatoes out of it and one pepper. While this is pretty much a 4x4 disaster zone (Like so much of the rest of our yard, but that's another story.) at least it's a start. I'm really optimistic that next year I will try again. And maybe someday I'll keep up with my garden for a whole summer. Maybe even a fall planting. I'll take it one summer at a time.

Birth Announcement

2011-09-19T04:46:00.000-04:00

I was so excited about sending out birth announcements, but after reflecting on how much they cost and how everyone we would send one to has already seen her pictures, it seemed pretty pointless. By the time I reached this conclusion though, I had already designed the card. To not waste the cuteness, here it is:

If you don't get the "Three Is a Magic Number" reference, you should really watch more School House Rock.

Two Months

2011-09-13T19:03:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth is two months old!

She is getting smilier everyday! I'm loving it and everyone just swoons when Elizabeth smiles at them. She's gurgling and smiling at Lee right now. So often I look at her and get U2's "The Sweetest Thing" stuck in my head.

Today we started wearing size 2 diapers. We wear cloth most of the time (see above) but use disposables when it's laundry time. (E's about to grow out of her prefolds and we need more covers anyway, but I'm toying with switching to pockets and being ridiculously indecisive about it. Feel free to advise.)

After trying to get some tummy time photos today -- she hates being on her stomach unless she's on me or Lee -- she started to cry and I rolled her back and kept snapping. I want to remember everything, even her wails and tears.

She calmed down quickly. She's a pretty happy baby most of the time, but we have our teary moments. And our moments where we fluctuate between happy and sad every few minutes.

Her head is getting pretty strong and sturdy. She's watching things move; she watches me. She's kicking and squirming more and more, becoming more resistant to being in her Moby wrap at times. Before too long we'll be able to keep her legs out of the wrap and I think she'll like that. She gets more beautiful and perfect everyday. I was always so afraid that I wouldn't handle her growing up well, and while I often want to just keep her in this tiny, snuggly state, I'm also so excited to see what the next month brings.

Three Years

2011-09-06T08:34:00.000-04:00

I'm a pretty indecisive person. But marrying Lee was one of the best and easiest decisions of my life. Mom was right: when you know, you know.

The past year has been one of the better years, since now we are three. Watching Lee be a dad is pretty much the best thing ever, and in case I had any doubts before, I know now that I have definitely picked the best partner for me.

Happy anniversary, Lee! You are always awesome, but this past year you have had to go to birth classes, watch birth documentaries, rub my back every 7 minutes for 17 hours of labor, help me assemble postpartum diapers, walk a screaming baby around the house for 2 hours so I could sleep, grill me countless hot dogs when I was too tired to cook, and comfort me when I was an emotional, sleep-deprived sobbing mess. I love you so much!

Getting It Together

2011-09-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

I like to think that I wasn't naive about the challenges inherit in having an infant. Yet, I find that it's about 150 times harder than I imagined. This week we had a reunion of some of the families from my Bradley class (During class we were couples, but now, we're families. Funny how that happens. ;) ) and one thing we talked about was how we spent so much time getting ready for the birth and not nearly enough time getting ready for the actual baby. I have the gigantic Dr. Sears Baby Book which I was determined to read cover-to-cover (ha!), but by the time Elizabeth was born I had only read about baths and diaper changes. Nothing on sleep and breastfeeding. You know, the important things.

I think I thought she would sleep more during the day and when she was a wake it would be a breeze to do things with her in the Moby wrap, but

A. She doesn't always want to be in the Moby wrap,
B. I don't always want her in the Moby wrap (It's hot, tight on my chest, and sometimes hurts my back.),
and C. There are some things you just can't do, or are extremely difficult to do, with the Moby (like dishes, cleaning bathrooms and carrying a laundry basket).

Like right now, Elizabeth is in her bouncer because earlier when I sat down at my computer to write this post (Which was about an hour and a half ago. We've had to eat and change diapers since then.), she didn't want to be in the wrap. Now she doesn't seem very happy in her bouncer (Although she slept in her bouncer from 9 pm to 4 am last night!!) and after every sentence I type I have to reach down and give her her pacifier back. She seems so happy once she gets her pacifier, but that dissolves within 60 seconds. This is how things don't get done.

Life is tricky lately. But very, very blessed. Look! Baby smiles:

I'm trying very hard now to get back to doing things, and the first of the month always seems like a great time to start fresh. Sweet baby girl is priority #1, but it's time I start tackling my very scary to-do list. Really, it's for my own sanity and happiness. So today I got a planner. It's still blank (I've been trying to fill it out all day, but you know...), but I'm about to map out some daily goals and menus. Hopefully life will start to find more of a productive routine, and be filled with more pasta dishes and less hot dogs and nachos. Although Lee does grill some pretty fabulous hot dogs.

P.S. We are back in the Moby now and seeming much happier!

A Special Message from Elizabeth

2011-08-24T05:10:00.000-04:00

Welcome Elizabeth!

2011-08-01T16:58:00.000-04:00

In case you missed it on Twitter or Facebook, or didn't assume it from my continued absence, on Wednesday, July 13 at 8:48 p.m., Elizabeth Anne was born. The birth was wonderful and Elizabeth is perfection. There are times of the day when I might not say that, but overall she is the most wonderful, sweetest blessing. When she starts to wake up I'll lie in bed a little bit longer not wanting to get up, but then I see that gorgeous face and I'm ready to go.

While I knew things wouldn't be easy, having an infant is pretty challenging. I hope to be back soon with the whole birth story and more pictures. In the meantime I'm just trying to stay clean-ish, fed and reasonably well-rested. ;)

Sugar Scrub: Cheap, Easy and Tasty

2011-06-23T07:44:00.000-04:00

When it comes to beauty products I generally stick with the basics, but my favorite non-necessity in the bathroom is sugar scrub. I haven't had any for years because I'm cheap, would rather buy a new pair of earrings, and am too lazy to use it when I have it. Which is why making my own sugar scrub is pretty much the best idea ever. I really want to host a baby or wedding shower now just so I can make up lots of these as favors.

I used this recipe and added a couple drops of lavender to recreate my favorite Bath and Body Works scent, lavender vanilla. (I probably should've started with one drop of lavender since I made only half the recipe. They're not joking when the say to go slowly with adding the essential oils.)

And yes, this also makes an excellent snack. But not after you add the essential oils. ;)