Whimspiration

Transphobia & Heterophobia now Available in Leather

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 07:00:00 +0000

So, this happened http://www.leatherati.com/2013/09/ilsbicbb-changes-2013/

I agree with most of it just because logistics. But not the dissolving of the regional titles. Stopping the regional contests is one thing, but dissolving the titles is entirely another, disrespecting those who worked hard to win, and rendering their titles null and void.

I am also most definitely not approving of the cisgender thing. That is a step backwards if there ever was one. I mean, heck, nobody is getting onto them for them being males only or gay only. But making it so that gay males who were FaaB can not participate is pretty rude, not to mention downright transphobic.

For the record, from what I know of it, the original International Leather contest was split by gender for no other reason than that they could get away with it. And I am pretty sure there is /not/ a leather contest for straight people only, as that would be "bigoted".

As for their excuse that there is a trans contest... I'd never heard of it before today, and I am a bootblack!

I just talked to my mentor (title holder of Central Plains Bootblack Competition, 3rd place IMLB winner, and proud transman). The trans contest was created by a cis male, the first one was competed in by only two transfolks (who worked at the bar with the creator of the contest after being talked into it), and judged by a panel of cisgendered judges. The guy didn't even consult with a transperson about how to run a trans-centric contest, what mattered to transfolk, or even /if/ a contest especially for trans was necessary. There are /not/ any feeder contests for the trans contests (even if it mattered).

The trans community doesn't want a bunch of special, separate stuff, any more than the African Americans did during the civil rights movement, they just want to be included and treated the same as everyone else! So transfolk are supposed to just be quiet, sit at the back of the bus and drink from that special fountain over there? I call bullshit!

As for me, I can no longer support the ILSb circuit. What do you think?

More info on the transgender contest: http://www.examiner.com/article/international-transgender-leather-at-leather-bash

Straight competitors and title-holders are so rare, that it was in the news when it happened: http://www.queerty.com/hes-into-leather-he-competed-at-international-male-leather-and-hes-straight-20101222/

A shout out to Aris Karese Sandefur, of Schaumburg, IL

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 06:21:00 +0000

AKA mewgirl, God-CaringFilth,, Raven Johnson, and Rayvn McTiernen,

Gender: Female

Date of Birth: 1985-04-26

Height: 5 Ft. 03 In.

Weight: 172 Lbs.

Race: White

This female has been arrested for the following items:

Theft of unauthorized Controlled substance With Intent to distribute,

Burglary,

Illegal Use Of Credit/debit Card,

Attempt To Obstruct Justice,

Retail theft of Display Merchandise,

Theft by Obtaining possession or control over property of the owner via threat.

These arrests were made throughout the Chicago area and she just got done serving time in late 2012. Please keep in mind that a criminal is caught less than 1 time for every ten crimes committed, and arrested for only about half of the crimes they are caught for on average.

This person somehow thought that she could upset me I guess, by ranting on a post that was over 5 years old. The information above was garnered via a quick Google search to see if I knew the person. I don't, and from the looks of things, I'm rather glad I don't. I do feel sorry for her child though.

Though I am positive that this female might want to put some serious effort into getting a life if 5 years later, after moving hundreds of miles away from where she first lived when she latched onto me as someone to have a vendetta against, she still has a case of chapped ass about an email-group. She is probably still accosting the people who banned her from the tech support forums for her behaviors there, too. I think it would do her a world of good to look into getting some professional help to get over herself.

On a personal note: Baby don't trifle with me, I've been trollin' since longer than your little punk ass has been alive. Whoop Whoop JuFFalette!

Invisible Illness & Awareness Week: Sept 9-15

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 02:04:00 +0000

Today for invisible illness awareness week, I'm going to talk about a subject that is very close to my heart.

In a world where if you have a neurological or psychiatric disorder, you get lower quality health care and people make assumptions about what type of person your illness makes you, this needs to be said.

Today, right now, and all over the world, it needs to be spread.

Getting the message out, removing the stigma, forcing people to realize, recognise, admit, and react in a way that shows that they know that a person is just a person, regardless of their illness, is vital.

It can, and will, save lives.

If someone sprains their ankle, and they have no "mental drugs" on their medical record, they get pain meds. If that same person has even a single med for depression, or anxiety, or any of a million other drugs for mental or neurological disorders, then they get tylenol or ibuprofen, if they get anything at all.

"Nobody wants to be around a gloomy Gus", "We like you better when you are happy", and so many other sayings make it clear to those with depression that it is unacceptable to be, or feel, any way but perfect, cheerful, entertaining, happy.

The stigma surrounding mental illness is so great, that I raised my daughter without any help for my disorders, because I was terrified that if someone, anyone, knew what was going on in my head, they would take her away from me. That is what our society, and this stigma has done to those of us with these types of disorders. The stigma, that terror, kept my daughter from having as good a childhood as she could have, because I knew that I would be judged. Not for something I could control, not based on my actual parenting skills, but judged as a person, and as a parent, for the illness in my brain.

How is that good? How is that productive? How is the prejudice that propagates these feelings beneficial to anyone, anywhere, at any time? It's not. Stigma never has been, and it never will be any form of helpful or positive. Ever! Whether that stigma is against "blacks", "retards", "nerds", furries, "spics", people with service dogs, "gays", "poor people", pagans, handicapped people", "transgenders", "the 1%", or any other group or label, stigma and prejudice is still wrong. It is painful, unproductive, cruel, unnecessary, and wrong.

We have all seen what socially-acceptable prejudice creates, what it encourages. It is more clear when looking back in history to the Jews, the "blacks", pagans, "gays", and so many other groups who were treated like they were less than human simply because they existed. It wasn't acceptable then, and it is not acceptable now. Prejudice is never acceptable, no matter what group is the chosen target.

There are those who write nasty letters, discriminate against, and even purposely torment those who are in a group that it is "socially ok" to hate or look down on. Purposeful psychological abuse of the mentally ill by cruel people who like to watch others suffer is rampant and widespread. And it is considered acceptable by the population at large, because "those people" being abused are "crazy", and not deserving of being treated like a "normal person". Normal is a setting in a dryer. When applied to people, I can only assume that "normal is some sort of pretend conglomeration based on the most popular people in the world at any given time, and that not a single one of them, as individuals, actually meet the definition that they assisted in creating. I don't know for sure what "normal" means, but I can be sure that I have never met, and I doubt I ever will meet, anyone who fits the label.

We need to stand up and speak out. All of us, all of the time. Those with as well as those without an illness that affects our brains. We ALL need to speak out, and we need to keep speaking out. Spread the word, mental illness isn't "crazy", it's not "bad" or "scary". Mental illness is not a precursor or a symptom of substance abuse. Mental illness is it's own thing, separate and alone. And millions of people suffer from it every hour of every day.

You can help ease the suffering of someone with a mental or neurological disorder today. By educating others, you can help to remove the stigma, you can cure some of the fear that those who suffer have about being "found out". You can help all peoples to have equal health care, regardless of the diagnosis that live in their brains and on their medical charts.

For more information check out these valuable links:

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/

http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-thinks-we-could-save-so-many-lives-if-only-it-was-okay-to-say-4-words?g=2&c=ufb1

http://invisibledisabilities.org/

http://www.greenribbon.ie/about-the-green-ribbon.php

Service Dog Names

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 00:17:00 +0000

Fine, I give up!

For over a month now, I have been training my rescue as a service dog. Everywhere I go, people ask me her name. But I haven't picked one for her yet. When folks hear that she has no name, they look at me oddly, and think that I don't care for her enough to name her, or some other nonsense. But the reason she doesn't have a name yet is the exact opposite. The name I pick will be with us both for the rest of her life. It is an important thing to consider, just like naming a child, and I will be saying it a lot throughout the coming years. Not too big of a problem until you get to the part about my personal preferences, and basic training tips.

Dog name advice from the professionals:
* A dog's name should be two syllables,
* A dog's name should have at least two "sharp" sounds, such as K,P,T,B, and so forth.
The above rules are suggested for naming as they provide a name that is easy for the dog to recognize, learn, and hear/respond to on the first call.

My personal preferences:
A name must represent who the dog is, and give a feel for her personality and temperament.
A name must feel good rolling off of my tongue. I must enjoy saying it.
A name will hopefully be relatively simple to spell and remember, for ease at vet's appointments and the like.
I would like for her name to be from a language other than English.
Her name will not be ridiculously cutesy like baby, princess, baroness, or anything ending in y, ie, or sounding like it does.
I would like for her name to mean something like helper, assistant, friend, mindful, support, service, attendant, ally, boon, gift, blessing, relief, loveable, sympathetic, perseverance, kindness, moxie, efficiency, competence, patience, hero, prowess, adroit, wisdom, or similar.

Of course, the REAL problem behind naming her is her personality. As is sadly rather common for most rescues, she has some PTSD of her own from being abused before she was dumped outside of town by her previous owners. This has led to no small amount of difficulty when discovering who she really is under the fear that she regularly expresses. This isn't to say that she isn't intelligent, sweet, and affectionate, she very much is all of those things, and training is moving along rather rapidly because of it. But she was so badly mistreated before I took her in, that she ducked all the way to the floor at any rapid arm movement closer than 20 feet away from her, was so terrified of water that she just vibrated during her baths, and regularly shied away from any swinging rope, large person, men, and even some household items. She was even afraid to vocalize in any way! I've been working with her on these things, and many of the issues have improved greatly, to the point that you almost can't tell they were ever a problem. That said, other new things are revealing themselves, as the bigger issues are resolved. We're working on all of these things as we go along, and while she has learned many of the things necessary to pass the *test, I still sometimes worry that she will never quite overcome her fears and let me see who she really is under all the emotional baggage. But I digress.

I need a name for my dog, and I'd love to have your help. XD

* There are no official/legal government service dog registration organizations, training requirements/schools, or sanctioned tests. I have chosen to have her pass a test known as "public access" test, as well as have her capable of passing the AKCCGC test before I present her as a fully trained service dog in public.

Demanding Trigger Warnings: Self-Importance in Action

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 05:39:00 +0000

In America, we are exceedingly self-important. We seem to think that we have the right to complain and alter the behavior of others. That we somehow have the right to hold other people responsible for our comfort, even if they don't know what might make us uncomfortable. If we expect to have everyone we meet never to say anything that might possibly offend us, then we are asking to live in a world with automatons and robots, not other people.

You might be a bright and shining star, a unique and beautiful snowflake, but you aren't the only one. Everyone is special, not just you. We, as humans, communicate with a vast collection of words, images, and languages, full of nuance and inflection. Everyone's interpretation and understanding of the same word(s) is based on, and colored by their own perception and previous experiences. To one person "ice cream" might bring up images of an abusive childhood, and "snake" would be a happy memory of a childhood pet, while to others, the words/images have different feelings attached. To avoid, or expect to avoid saying or doing anything that might possibly offend or trigger someone, is to stand perfectly still and not make a sound or move. And even then, someone might be traumatized or triggered by silence, mannequins, people standing, the color of shirt you are wearing, or any other of a million things. It is impossible to avoid issuing a trigger, or to know what might be a trigger for someone else. If we posted "trigger warnings" on everything that might be a trigger, then everything that was said or written would have a trigger warning on it. That would be just as useless as not having a warning at all, and it would take more time, and be an obnoxious amount of work for the person trying to communicate.

If you (person-general statement, not finger pointing) want to keep from being offended or triggered, stay off the internet, don't watch movies, sell your television, avoid people at all costs, and never leave the house. That will help you avoid most potential triggers. Please note that I said most, because even those extreme measures can't prevent an individual's exposure to all possible triggers.

I have a goodly collection of triggers for my PTSD, some worse than others. I have very rarely seen any warnings for my triggers, and until now, I haven't mentioned them on social networking sites. If I see something that bothers me on the internet, I just scroll down or go to another web page. If there is a trigger that effects me in person, I attempt to remove myself from the situation so I am not around the trigger anymore. The only time I mention a trigger is when it is a really big one, and even so, usually only in person when I can't escape it, and later, privately, after the trigger has stopped and I have regained my composure, in order to prevent it from happening again. It REALLY is that easy. See trigger, leave situation.

Now, I'm not talking about discrimination, hate crimes, or anything of that sort, but of things like "OMG, you posted a pic of a spider, you know I hate spiders, how could you?!", "you said something about appearing as if you have an addiction, and I'm offended because I have trouble with willpower and self-control and took what you said as a personal insult.", or even such silliness as "You said you didn't like my hairstyle, so I'm going to bitch you out because I took it personally, even though you had no idea what hair-style I have.".

I'm not talking about pet peeves. If you have a pet peeve about something that is easily changed for the better of all involved (like my hatred of willful ignorance, or horrible grammar), go ahead and say something. But whatever you say, do try to make it pleasant and non-caustic, or at least somewhat humorous.

And finally, I'm not talking about things that are sent specifically to you via personal chat, private messages, or whatever. If someone is sending you something in particular, and you have told them that a subject bothers you, they should avoid sending things specifically to you that mention it.

Nobody should have to warn everyone off of a public post in the off chance that someone might happen across it and see something that they don't like.

It is a natural human instinct to fight back at something that makes you uncomfortable, but we must remember that staying around a trigger, dwelling on it, and complaining about it, only increases your exposure to it, and aggravates the effect it has on you. Hear that? Purposely choosing to remain in the presence of a trigger, for whatever reason, and letting it control your thoughts, is harmful to your well-being.

So avoiding triggers in this world is an unreasonable expectation, dwelling on having seen a trigger is unhealthy, and demanding that others cater to you is presumptuous and rude. What is the other option? Stop blaming others for how you feel. Grow up, take responsibility for your own feelings and react to the world in all it's glory like a responsible, considerate person. Don't like what you see, get over yourself, and move on to something else.

King Size White Sheets

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 04:15:00 +0000

Seeking white flat sheets, king size. The landlord came to do the inspection, and she wants me to take down the bubble wrap off the windows because "It looks bad". I think it's pretty and makes the windows look like they are made with or covered in a decorative glass coating, but whatev. Also, I don't want higher utility bills, these windows leak like a sieve! This is why I need the white sheets, if I hang them in the windows, they will still let light in, but block the ability of anyone to see in (or see that I have bubble wrap in the windows) So white sheet, bubble wrap, plastic wrap, the window covering that came with the place, and finally, my curtains. Sorry, she can say it's ugly all she wants, but I'm not having my utility bill go up by $80+ a month, just to satisfy her personal aesthetic preferences. She also told me that they were planning to have the windows and doors all replaced, and she'd put me 4th down on the list to get mine done. (not as promising as it sounds, because I still haven't had my busted door frames replaced/repaired, nor anything else that might cost more than $5 to fix, and I had to replace the latch-plate on my bedroom door myself because it wouldn't stay closed. But hey, it sounds nice... even though it is probably a bald-faced lie).

The inspection that was done today wasn't so much an inspection as it was "I want to stick my head into every room in your house to make sure you are living how I think you should live, and this had nothing to do with maintenance at all, even though I told you that it did. Even though you are a great tenant who never causes trouble, isn't loud, gets along great with the neighbors, reports trouble when you see it, and always pays your rent on time, I don't trust you and I think you are doing something wrong or illegal in that apartment, so I am going to (barely) legally find a way to spy on you". Very not happy AT ALL with this bullshit.

So she's working on writing up a lease renewal for me, and sometime next week, I'll be looking for the owner's name and contact information so that I can call him about her. I don't know if this is some sort of discrimination based on my hairstyle, the fact that I sleep days and work nights, or she's just this insane to everyone, but it's wrong and unprofessional, and I won't stand for it.

I am very much not pleased, and as soon as I can save up to get a down payment on my own home, I am applying for a loan and getting the freak out of anything that belongs to anyone else, ever again! I am sick and freaking tired of this crap that I get from landlords all the time. I settle in, and they all want more money, or to start telling me how to live, or to invade my privacy, or to offer me a "better" place in some other property so they can make more money off of college kids renting my current location, or some other such nonsense. I'm also sick of my money going to make other people rich. But for now, I'll have to make do with saving up as much as I can to move into a different place, and doing just that, as soon as the growing season is over.

Passive-Aggressive Landlord Notes

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 25 Jul 2013 22:51:00 +0000

Got a letter on my door from my landlord today stating that they were not going to renew my lease, and I needed to be out of my apartment by the end of next month. The letter said that this was based on the fact that I did not allow them into my house when I was asleep (Didn't want them waking me up) to change the filters, and instead did it myself instead. Seems they needed to do an "inspection" after they bought the place, and I "refused", so I need to get the feck out.

I can't afford to move on short notice, I don't make that much money in a month! Deposit, first month rent, moving van rental, gas fees, utility and internet transfer fees, and so much more, plus the fact that I just fnally almost finished unpacking from the last move! (I am REALLY busy)... Talk about starting a panic attack! ((0.o))

After taking a few minutes to compose myself (not calm down, just be able to act calm-ish), I went to the landlord and asked them what I did wrong that they wanted me to no longer be their tenant. Come to find out, this note is like the other over-the-top passive-aggressive notes that the landlord hands out (Like the angry one to pet-owners, complete with a few sentences in all caps and bold, that went out to everyone, whether they had a pet or not), and the (much more reasonable than usual) note at the pool (pictured above).

What they meant to say instead of "The landlord does not intend to renew your lease..." and "If you fail to vacate the premises by the above date, the landlord will commence eviction proceedings against you..." was "We were wondering what you planned to do at the end of your lease. Did you want to renew?". But somehow, copying the lease I signed, and highlighting the part of it that I supposedly infracted (I didn't break the lease, this was just intimidation), then writing about my "refusal of inspection" on the "Notice of lease expiration" form seemed to the landlord to be the right thing to do at the time.

Why in the bloody hells, the landlord chose this form, I have no flaming clue. From what I have come to understand after a visit to the office is that the landlord just grabbed the closest document that looked like it might do the job, and used that instead of writing a quick note or dropping me a phone call about the subject like a sensible human being.

I really like it here. The location is nice, the grounds are well-kept, and it's like going back in time to when people talked to eachother, and neighbors were actually neighborly! If it weren't for the exceedingly bizarre (read passive-aggressive, unstable, frightening, and nearly-sociopathic) way that the landlord often communicates, this would be a damned-near perfect place to live.

But I'm not getting kicked out or asked to leave, according to the landlord's assistant. I just need to let them into my house for an inspection. They are doing some inspections tomorrow, so they'll drop in after they are done with those, and do mine, in the morning... ACK! Time to shove the clutter into boxes like, NOW!

It's still panic, and I still might be asked to leave, but this way I have a chance to fight for the right to stay put for another year (or at least until I find something better and can save up to move).

ADHD & Invisible Illnesses

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:13:00 +0000

I liked what I thought was a good and useful page on Facebook a bit ago. Then I followed a link on that page to their website, and discovered that they are prejudiced and ignorant. If you like Stop Workplace Drama, and aren't the type of person who tells people that they are faking if they have a disability that you can not see, you should probably un-like them right now. If it sickens you when you see others doing it, then you definitely need to un-like them.

What set me off, you might wonder? Well it was this post: http://stopworkplacedrama.com/become-a-creator/destruction-and-distractions-keep-you-from-creating-what-you-want/ I thought it might be helpful, and contain real and helpful advice, but instead, it called me names and insulted me and thousands of others. Below is what I wrote as a comment on their post.

"Seriously? You wrote ADHD, a serious, and often debilitating neurological disorder, on your list of "justifications" and "labels" to "excuse" distracted "behaviors" along with all the things that can be overcome with willpower or the desire to succeed? I liked your page on Facebook because it had some good wisdom on it. But now I know you are one of those ill-informed people who thinks that ADHD, and the torture it causes in my personal day to day life, is some sort of fake little pretend excuse for not facing my challenges. I assure you, I have more challenges than you will ever guess, and my willpower and desire to succeed is beyond measure. I work constantly towards my goals, from waking until bed, and sometimes I forget to eat or sleep because I am so devoted to my work. Saying that this disease doesn't exist proves that you are prejudiced against those of us with this invisible disability. I have changed my mind about both you, and your page. Good day to you."

Needless to say, I am quite irate. This is the second time in as many weeks that I have encountered this type of bigotry. And the first time, it was from a woman with fibromyalgia! You'd think she'd know about the discrimination those with invisible illnesses are subjected to, and not spread the prejudice around, especially since my disease can actually be tracked in a brain scan and hers is the result of a subjective test and a bunch of doctors saying they have no clue what's going on! (For the record, I know fibro is real, and no I don't have it. I don't have to have it or know how it works to know that my friends and family are NOT lying, whiny attention-seekers, making excuses for laziness. -That is what the ignorant say about fibro patients-) I am simply making a highly accurate comparative example.

But I digress. There are well-educated people out there who are so willfully ignorant on the topic that they think that decades of clinical research and documented scientific evidence are completely false. These people think that I and the hundreds of thousands of others with ADHD are crazy, stupid, and lazy. They might not use those words exactly, but that is what many of us grew up hearing. We were put in learning disabled and remedial classes, asked why we weren't "applying ourselves", ostracized by our peers, and degraded at every turn by the very people who were supposed to be teaching us and helping us grow into responsible adults. In fact, this type of treatment is so very common, a book was written about it! "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder"

The next time you see or hear some person speaking ill of someone plagued by an invisible illness, disease, or disability, or even just the ailment itself, speak out, take action, educate and make the truth heard. Because the next time an ignorant person speaks badly about it, they might hurt someone you care about. Even worse (for them), they might say it where I can hear. With all I've written here, you can imagine how clearly I might chose to educate someone who says that I or someone that I love is a lazy waste of air to my face.

Anger & Discrimination

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 18:11:00 +0000

So the first place I go with my dog after I get the service dog prescription, and can officially (ie: legally) say that she is a service dog in training (SDIT), I get rudely attacked.

You would think that people could have a modicum of politeness. The sad part about it is that it was at a friend's house, and I had taken her over there twice before. If they had had a problem with me bringing her over there, you would think that they would have said something prior to me coming over again at our regularly scheduled time. Instead, they waited for me to arrive, then had their [*redacted] roommate bite my head off about her.

As I was packing up to leave the stressful situation, (a common and positive technique to avoid conflict), he chased after me in order to continue accosting me, while becoming increasingly aggressive. That didn't help matters at all. It took me less than a minute to get myself out of the house, but by that time, I had already been sent into a PTSD episode/panic attack. The worst part is that the residents of that house KNEW that I am training her as a service dog, AND that I had been in the process of getting a prescription for her. (I don't know if they knew that I had gotten the prescription yet or not, but that doesn't matter when all things are considered.)

Should I have told them that I had gotten the prescription when I got it? Maybe, but it's not a legal requirement to show anyone the prescription for a service animal unless you are in court, or renting a housing unit of some sort. Should I have asked if I could bring her with me the second and third time I brought her over instead of just the first time, and assuming it would be okay henceforth? I can see how verifying before every visit would have been more mannerly of me, but asking the same question over and over every week is annoying, even to those being asked. (These folks have said as much to me about other topics)

Maybe I should thank the [*redacted] for triggering an episode and helping me to train her faster. Maybe I should thank him for being so outright caustic the first time he blew up, that I am incapable of thinking it was a one-off event that might not happen again (thus saving me for being forced to endure future events of this type). Maybe I should be happy that I have another day of my schedule free to do other things. But I won't, and I'm not.

I never liked this person anyway, something about him has always put me on edge and made me very uncomfortable. But I didn't say anything about it, because I try my best to be polite. He may be [*redacted], but it's their house, their lives, and none of my business who they chose to let live with them. So I kept my trap shut, and endured the discomfort I felt when he was in the same room with us during our weekly events. Their house, not my place to get involved in their private matters, period.

If this had happened in a public place after her training was complete, it would be a prosecutable breach of federal law. Instead, I guess I'll just never go over there again.

I was in the process of recovering from a suicidal depression when this happened, and now it's worse than it was before, because now I have lost a friend, maybe two, plus one of the regular social events that I come to rely on in order to keep myself relatively stable.

I never thought that having a service dog would cause me to be more disabled. Especially not disabilities thrust upon me by the housemates of those I once thought I could call friend.

An alert to all: As I do have a prescription for her, and she will soon be a fully trained service dog, I will not be going anywhere without her. This is part of her training, as she must learn to avoid distraction in any situation. If this is a problem with any future events or gatherings, please let me know so that I can plan to sit at home alone and not attend. Simply write "Service dogs not welcome" somewhere in your event description.

*Redacted: Edited for publication, or for legal or privacy's sake. (two strings of text were removed in order to be polite, though no cursing or foul language was present, and one string of text was removed in order to protect the privacy of others)

[Edit] It has come to may attention that the issue had little to nothing to do with my SDIT, nor my bringing her over, but that she and I just happened to be a convenient target for the roomate's frustration over some other event. This in no way makes things better, but it bears mentioning in order to provide a complete and accurate representation of the events discussed here.

Also, two of my friends from that home have verified that they have no intention to stop being my friend. Happy thoughts, even in tough times,

Depression, ADHD, & My Dog

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 00:32:00 +0000

I have been in a severe depression for about a month now. Sure, there have been periods of happiness, joy, distraction. But I am worn thin, downtrodden, sometimes suicidal. I haven't said this to anyone because I don't want or need sympathy. There is very little, if anything that can be done about it, so I have just been trudging onward. Like Churchill said 'When you are going through hell, keep going'.

My physical ailments have been getting worse again, and I have so little energy that my house is rapidly becoming more of a disorganized clutterbox. My Air conditioner doesn't work at all, so I have been using fans to stay cool. I can't call my landlord to fix it, because my house isn't presentable, and I have no energy or motivation to fix it myself.

I am out of money again, and the month is only half-over. But getting the food, medical care, and everything else worked out for my new service dog is expensive. It would also help if I remembered to pay ALL of my bills EVERY month instead of forgetting them and needing to make double payments every other month or so. *sigh*

I went to the doctor last week, and he changed my prescription again. He dropped my dosage of one of my ADHD meds because it was having an adverse effect on my concentration and mood. I just wish I could get something that worked and didn't cost an arm and a leg. The ability to be on time for things, concentrate on topics that don't interest me, and remember, well remember anything at all with any reliability, would be a true godsend.

The only really good thing that has come out of the last week is that while I was at the doctor's, he gave me a prescription for a service dog. Now that I have the paperwork to back me up, I can keep this dog, and train her in more places, so that she will learn all of the skills necessary to be a proper service dog. Public exposure with lots of distractions around is necessary for training the focus-on-handler and ignoring distraction that all service dogs must have.

Well, the prescription, and the fact that now that I have her on a better dog food, with a morning yogurt supplement, her gas smells like cabbage again instead of nauseatingly nasty stinking dog farts that chase you out of the room.

The Other Edward in Pop Culture Today

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 07:54:00 +0000

The UK says he is not welcome there, and the US is hunting him like a dog. His last known whereabouts are somewhere in Hong Kong. "God grant, that not only the Love of #Liberty, but a thorough Knowledge of the #Rights of Man, may pervade all the Nations of the Earth, so that a Philosopher may set his Foot anywhere on its Surface, and say, “This is my Country.” - #BenjaminFranklin, December 4, 1789

If he is a #whistleblower, and from his #history, it looks like he is, despite the fact that the government is now trying to paint him as a #doubleAgent #spy(which is a far juicier tale than the fact that the constitution is being rapidly shredded, and of course the American public will eat it up "ooh, a #distraction!"). It's like the show "#BurnNotice" for goodness sake! Here we have this guy who did the right thing, and he lost nearly everything in the process because of #bureaucracy and #fear. Now those he outed are doing all they can to discredit him as a person and ruin his name, so that the #facts he brought to light can be lost in the #sensationalism of speculative, and indefinite "#news"!

In the event that some day, this country is again, finally, run by a government 'of the people, for the people, by the people', then #EdwardSnowden will likely be lauded as one of our nation's heroes, instead of the #traitor that he is being painted as today. Here's what faux news has to #distract us with, and even the most hateful and falsified politicized opinion "news" agency in the US can't make him sound like a terrible person, saying "#Snowden’s background isn’t squeaky clean. During the eight years that he worked as a contractor for the Central Intelligence Agency #CIA and #NSA, he routinely went online and ranted against corporations and citizen #surveillance." That sure doesn't look like a negative to me! It sounds like he knew right from wrong and wasn't afraid to speak out about the wrongs he saw, even from the beginning. Read more of how they shed twisted light on the facts to make him look as bad as possible: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/06/14/edward-snowden-whistleblower-or-double-agent/

Whereas, on the other hand, the #news agency he divulged his information to, is presenting facts only, with no opinion at all added in. Please note the two very distinct styles of writing. the one above is #sensationalist, and uses wording that incites emotion, whereas the article by the Guardian news agency (not entertainment like the above Fox/fauxnews article) is composed entirely of valid reporting, quotes, and #facts. It might not be as #entertaining to read, but it's the #truth, so please read the whole story, with all the facts that are currently known, before you form an opinion: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/11/edward-snowden-nsa-whistleblower-profile

And in #HongKong, #protestors took to the streets in heavy rain in an attempt to prevent their government from extraditing Mr. Snowden if he is found.: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/15/do-not-extradite-edward-snowden-hong-kong-protesters

Now, this is NOT new news. Many of us have known about this sort of thing for a good long time, even before 9/11. But back then, folks called us crazy, paranoid, or #Conspiracy theorists. Sad thing is, and YES, it is quite pitiful and #disheartening, sad thing is, we were right. Oh what I would give if it weren't the truth, if we, as a nation, were actually free, if #FreedomOfSpeech was true instead of a #delusion. (Don't get me started about "free speech zones" where protesters are cordoned off away from whatever they are protesting so they don't interfere with what they are protesting against.)

The Constitution in Section 9, Clause 2 reads: "The privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it." Oh, I see now, yes... The country is at risk of rebellion for certain, and that risk seems to keep growing each day. One only has to look at the 99% protests to know that is true. And the more "We the People" find out about what acts are being carried out on our name, both at home and abroad, the more likely it is to happen. "So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do." -Benjamin Franklin

For those that blame the president, no matter who is in office, it bears to keep in mind that the president is just figurehead with no actual power. The system is the problem, and it is the system that needs to be fixed. Think you have no power to make a difference? Think again.

There have been several places recently that have proven it only takes a number of determined people to make a difference, and even create change on a pretty massive scale.

Why should you pay attention? Why should you care? Care because the more people who do, the slower the degradation of our great country occurs. If enough people care, and take (nonviolent, legal) action, things turn around. When nobody cares, when the laziness of Americans wins out, that is when we fail. As a people, as a country, and as a free republic.

I have long spoken out against the #injustices enacted in the name of this great country by it's controllers, and I have said many times that I am perfectly at ease with the idea that "they" will likely eventually "detain me for questioning", or send me to a "re-education facility" for my "#ThoughtCrimes". But like anyone else who cares about our nation, our #constitution, our freedom, I will not let fear stand in the way of the truth. 20 years ago, 10 years ago, and today. I will speak out in wholehearted #support of the United States of America, her people, and The Constitution, until the day I die, because I love my country. Why do I speak in support of this stranger? Ask a certain famous poet from WWII; Reverend Martin Niemoller.
.

And a quick quote from just after 9/11: "It's not domestic spying, it's freedom listening!".

This $20 Bill Has A Story...

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 08:38:00 +0000

Some friends and I were downtown for a free concert the other day, and I left for a few minutes, to buy myself a beverage. When I got back, there were kids throwing popcorn at each other, and the stuff was everywhere. They managed to splash me with something as well, and I was suddenly wet, with heavens knows what. #trauma Anyway, as I walked back towards my group of friends, I spy a couple of bottles of water on the ground. Unopened bottles. So I immediately open one up and use it to clean off the splatter of whatever that got on me, and pocket the other. I can only assume that while I was gone, some place, likely the local movie theater, came downtown and handed out free popcorn and water bottles.

But then the tale gets interesting. I hand off the full bottle to my friend who dehydrates easily, and taste the water I bought, (some sort of unsweetened, flavored stuff that I'm sure I'll review here at some point).

Anywho, I give my purchased water to my friend because I really don't like it, and it's her favorite flavor. she hands the small bottle back to me, and a minute or two later, up comes this strange young man, who asks me if there is any water left in the tiny little bottles (6oz) in front of me. Well there was, and one bottle was still unopened, so I said so, and this fellow offers me $20 for one of the bottles!

I must say here that I was proud of myself, as I only paused for a moment, before I picked up the bottle with my left hand, offering the bottle to him, while holding my right hand outstretched in anticipation of payment, looking him straight in the eye. Well he runs off saying he'll be right back, which I don't believe for a second. I mean, seriously, who pays $20 for a 6oz bottle of water with no label? Sure enough though, this college kid come trotting back less than two minutes later with a bill in his hand, and offers it to me! It's actually twenty dollars! Needless to say, I handed him that bottle real quick-like. He runs off, and somehow, even though I was sitting with 5 of my friends in close proximity, only one of them actually noticed what happened. So I told the tale to my friends.

It was such a strange tale, that I ended up carrying the bill in my purse for a week, each time I encountered it, relating the tale yet again, the those nearby. After a while, I decided to finally spend it, but not before marking it for Where's George, and writing "read my fantastic tale" on it, so that I could track it and folks could read the story of how it came to be worth "George-ing". And of course, I wrote this blog entry, and linked to it on the bill's page.

So that's the tale of the tiny twenty-dollar water bottle. A bottle that was given away for free, discarded, picked up off the ground, given to a friend, traded back, and finally sold to a desperate college student, when there was a grocery store less than two blocks away.

It's almost unbelievable! Almost. *wink*

Bootblack Graduation

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 00:30:00 +0000

Prelude:

Once upon a time, a couple of years ago, in a land far away, known as STL, there was an anime convention. I had no interest in attending said convention, and no money with which to go, had I wanted. But there were some kids I knew who badly wanted to go, and I was their only possible transportation. So they begged prettily. If they paid for all the gas, and let me stay in their hotel room for the duration of the convention, could I pretty please drive them there and back home? I said yes, and my life was forever changed.

Trails:

I searched my social calendar for things to do while I was in STL and found what seemed to be an interesting event. Some educational social thing that you had to RSVP to, in order to be allowed in. Sounded fun, so I signed up. When I got myself and the kids settled into the hotel room, I trekked on over to the facility where my event was being held, and where I would unknowingly step my first steps on a path I never knew existed.

Allegory:

When someone wants to learn Kung Fu, they find a local Dojo in the phone book, and take classes. When someone has never heard of Kung Fu, and meets freaking Bruce Lee in the local spa, and he offers to train them, they freaking learn Kung Fu, and they learn it from the best!

Tales Part 1:

So there I was, that 12th day of March 2010, meeting new people, making friends, learning new skills and so forth, when I dropped in at the hospitality room of the event space. As I grabbed myself a can of soda, I noticed a presentation going on, with quite an impressive attendance, so I walked around to the other side of the room in a roundabout manner so as not to disturb the presenter, and watched.

The presentation was informative, entertaining, surprising, and creative. But even with how intrigued I was, I still had no idea what the panel was about. I had come in in the middle, see, and didn't get the lead-in or the explanations, so I was rather lost. I wandered off after the panel like everyone else, but something was niggling at my mind, so not long afterward, I returned when the presenter was alone, and asked one, simple, question. “What exactly is this 'Bootblacking' thing, besides shining shoes?”, I said, once I'd gotten his attention. Little did I know, this was almost the wrong question to ask. Almost, but not quite. He was taken aback for a moment, told me that what he did was more than just shining shoes. and I responded that that was why I asked what it was besides that. He relaxed noticeably. He told me that most folks think all a Bootblack does, is shine shoes. Little did I know that I had hit a nerve with how I had asked, but that was the moment my education began.

Tales Part 2:

This person told me about what it was he did, how it was a vital service to the community. The way a Bootblack's job is not only to care for the leather itself, but should always strive to be the glue that holds the community together, remaining free of any interpersonal or inter-community drama and strife. He even told me that some folks will title themselves as an expert without any actual training, but that you could tell a real Bootblack in quick time if you knew what to look for. I was warned that while Bootblacking is really rewarding, it wasn't the road to wealth and fame. He used words and turns of phrase that sounded like a sermon. Preaching the way of the leather, as it were. Filling my ears and mind with the passion he felt for his personal calling. It was almost hypnotic, and I was awed by not only his devotion to his craft, but also the nearly poetic, impassioned way he spoke of it.

Seeing as how my mother has some old leathers from her cowgirl days, I asked him how I might go about keeping them in good shape for her, so they didn't crumble into dust. He gave me some tips, and told me about the products I'd need to do the work of conditioning her stuff, as I took some notes, and after I thanked him for his time, we parted ways.

Time Passed:

A few weeks later, we got back into contact via one of the many social networks we are both on, and we got to talking. We talked, and talked. About geekery, numerous categories of nerdy things, and, of course, leather.

It wasn't my intention to learn all that was and is the art of leather care. I had no desire to become an expert. I only wanted to learn to care for my own things, and sometimes the things of those I care for. To make those items stay in good shape. That is it, nothing more. But this man, this Bootblack saw in me something. He saw a love of community, the drive to help others, an insatiable passion for learning and discovery, and a high midichlorian count.

That's not to say that he didn't try to scare me off from learning. It's hard work. Very hard work. He says that he warned me that it was the path of pain and heartache, your body screaming in protest as you work your fingers to the bone for whatever small token the customers chose to tip. He says he told me all of these things and more in an effort to save me, but that I didn't listen. The truth of the matter is that I don't think I even heard him when he said these things. All I heard was that I could save people money, create joy, make memories last longer...

I do remember him telling me that it was often the case in his area that Bootblacks were treated like servants, or like a commodity instead of the highly skilled experts in their field that they are. He told me of his experiences serving his community, the good and the bad, and I remember those too. Most of all, I remember him telling me, in that first short bit of getting to know each other, that Bootblacks are people just like everyone else, and they come in all types. That you can tell a real Bootblack by their attitude, and by the quality of their work.

I still needed to know though. What I didn't know was that my wanting to know just enough about how to properly care for a small few items, would somehow turn into a lifelong devotion.

The big announcement:

For those that may not have known, for the past couple of years, I have been participating in old-school Victorian-style studies under a master Bootblack. One-on-one apprenticeship with a master of an ancient and endangered trade.

Bootblacking is a calling, a passion, and requires a devotion that one is hard-pressed to find in the modern age. This is why it is one of the few remaining arts that can only be properly learned by studying under an established master of the craft.

To the uninitiated, Bootblacking is the art of leather care, repair, and restoration. But in reality, there is something more sacred than all of the technical skill, attention to detail, fields of knowledge, and artistry required to do the hands-on work. A true Bootblack's solemn and sworn duty is to hold the history and memories of a community carefully in their hands, and to help preserve those memories for generations. A Bootblack is a part of a long lineage, a family, and community, of those who care for the items that carry and protect us from our harsh world, and those items that hold, in some cases, our dearest and most cherished memories.

This time of study has been very challenging. A lot of hard work, sweat, tears, and pain. Times when I was pulling my hair out with panic over a repair I thought was impossible, moments of bliss when I mastered a new technique, and even surprise when I learned that I had developed a technique that had never been tried before. Saturday February 9^th, 2013 at around 6:15pm, the Leather-Fu Master I was studying under, SirLoki Bootblack, granted me full status. I am now a Bootblack.

Thanks to the patience and devotion of the wise and generous Jedi who honored me with the gift of his precious knowledge and time, I am now myself, a Bootblack, and ready to serve my community. I will never stop learning new things, refining the techniques of my trade, and sharing new discoveries with the others who hold the title and sacred duty tattooed on their hearts. I swear to pass on my knowledge when I feel that I am ready to teach, and have found a worthy and devoted student.

And I will accept always, the opportunity to participate in the high holy old-guard Bootblack ritual of the chocolate cake. <3 p="">

Welcome Instant: The Gift of a Moment

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:34:00 +0000

Yesterday I picked up my daughter on the side of the road.
Chance meeting.
We went shopping.
She gave me gifts.
It was odd.
Unexpected.

Living away from one's children,
our only contact, the internet.
I have no telephone.

Such a strange and separate parenthood.
I do my best to guide her from afar.
And try to convince her to go back to school.

She's almost 17 now.
Still dating the boy she fell for at 14.

Life can be odd sometimes.
But still it is full of love, and happy surprises.

May your Valentine's Day be rich with unexpected joy.

Writing, Endo, & Moving

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 10:35:00 +0000

I've been awarded a great job writing for companies! It's a lot of fun, and it really challenges my writing speed, research skills, and creativity. Of course, writing for a living means that my typing bone has been re-energized, so I'll be back here more often as well. Heck, I already have several posts just ready to go, so stay tuned! I won't be posting every day any time soon, but I will be posting at least once a week, if nothing else, just to keep you posted on current happenings and so forth. *smile*

In other news, I've started having some of the symptoms of Endo again, so I'm afraid the doctor might not have gotten it all, even though all of my girly innards are gone. Luckily the discomfort is mostly just an annoyance at this point, but I'm going to set another doctor's appointment soon anyway, just to be safe.

We moved again, this time into a new place that's just beautiful. A friend of ours is letting us stay in his home while he's not using it. This will allow us to save up money to get our own place, or, *hope hope* to make a down payment on a place of our very own. It would be so nice to finally own a place! *smiles wistfully*

Anywho, I have to get back to work, so I'll talk to you later. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

.

Back Again

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:40:00 +0000

I know, I know. Bad blogger. Let's move on now, shall we?

Life's been crazy and hectic since the surgery. I moved into a new place wit my new boyfriend, and promptly went so far into debt trying to pay off all the bills that I can't see where I'll ever get out without moving again. Of course, moving will cost a lot of money that I don't currently have, so I sold off a lot of my personal possessions at a yard sale last month. I still don't have enough money to move yet, but I'm really hoping that I can make that up this weekend when I have my massive Tupperware liquidation party and my stone-painting art party.

Other than that, my recovery is still going on. My back and abdomen are killing me on a pretty regular basis, but not nearly as bad as it was just after the operation. I've gained a whole lot of unwanted weight, skyrocketing back up to 220lbs! Needless to say, I'm a very fat case of not happy about that, not only because of the extra strain, and therefore, pain, but also because I now no longer ave any clothes that fit me properly. I've started NHRT, so I'm hoping that will help with the uncontrolled weight fluctuation.

I've started an exercise regimen, and if I can somehow remember to do it every day (damnable ADHD), I should be back in the shape I was before the surgery in a couple of months. Wish me luck!

Lol Cat Aerobics

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 23:46:00 +0000

Our baby kitteh makes his internet debut on YouTube! :D

Barataria: The Festival Season Begins

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 07:32:00 +0000

And let me tell you, it started with a bang!

Not that I broke even, but I had a lot of fun, and there's good news on the horizion for Barataria being even better next year. Seeing as this was the first year of the festival, no vendor worth their salt was actually expecting to make a lot of money, but rather, we put on a good showing, so that the attendees would be excited about it and tell all their friends. Of course, that makes for a bigger event in future years, more people coming, and bigger profits for the vendors.

Working festivals for fun and profit: All it takes is a little patience! *grin*

But I digress... The costumes of the players (pirate and faerie courts) were simply breathtaking, the events and performers were professional and fun, and all ages attended and had an absolute blast. Barataria would have been hard pressed to do better as a first year faire than they did, and that's saying a lot! I've seen established events that weren't anywhere near the quality that Barataria was in it's first year.

The tale of how Barataria, the mythical aisle of the pirate king, Captain Black, came to be moved by the faeries into the current day is well told in numerous "journal entries" by the various characters of the faire, and is a great read, even if it was not associated with such a beautifully put-together event. You can find the tale on the Barataria website.

I already have a few of the unseelie court in love with my Vita-FizZ. It was really amusing that they gave my candy yet another nickname "crushed baby Seelie in a tube". I'll tell ya, they all played their parts well, stayed in character, and were creative to boot! *smile* In the heat of the day, I was fanning people on my break, and I fanned the fire faerie, another of the unseelie, and she thanked me by saying something along the lines of "oh that's lovely, I just might not kill you" *chuckle* Simply beautifully done, really, on all counts.

To see some of what I am talking about, photos, videos, and commentary on the first year, check out Barataria Pirate and Fairy Faire on Facebook.

And Now We know

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:23:00 +0000

What is it we know, you may ask yourself? Well we now know exactly how long it is between when I feel good enough to blog and do a few other small things in my life, and when I tackles everything head-on again after a major surgery! *laugh*

As evidenced by my recent disappearance from the blog, I've been exceedingly active as of late. This coming weekend is Barataria Faire, Springfield's very own pirate and fairy festival. I have to finish my costume, I'm impatiently awaiting the delivery of some of my components, I'm trying to get out of sewing as much as I can manage, and since the great data loss a few months ago, I've also been completely reworking my product labels! *pant pant*

But that's not all! Oh no, of course not! I still have to make a new batch of every product I sell, adfter, that is, I say, AFTER! I find my danged recipe book! *pulls out hair*

And I have to get a whole lot more volunteers to paint on before the event so that I can make a paint example book that will be not only worthy of the event, but also worthy of my artistry. These next few days are going to be a TON of fun, let me tell ya!

Actually, they will be. I've been having a blast creating the little finishing touches for our costumes, and I'm planning a sew & show party for Wednesday. I finally found both my canera and the charger for it's battery, so the photos are coming as quickly as I can find models willing to be immortalized in my paint book. Three down, about 40 to go! LOL

And of course, everyone is welcome to attend Barataria Faire The tickets and attractions are inexpensive, and it's going to be a fabulously fun time! Bring yourself, bring the kids, and come frolic with the faeries and pirates in the first Barataria Faire ever, on the square, in Springfield, MO! *grin*

Wish me luck!

Rivertime!

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 08:13:00 +0000

R & I met up with a friend from Facebook the other day and we all went to the river for a swim with K (R's eldest daughter). It was a lot of fun, especially since I remembered to bring my swim fins. It's a good thing that I did bring my fins because the current was pretty fierce, and there were several times that I (or one of the other two gals) would have simply floated downstream had I not been able to swim to the rescue.

In fact, it was really amusing when K & I decided to swim half-way across the river. I had her hold onto my locks and I just dragged her behind me as I kicked us on over there. Of course, I'm the type of person who likes to push herself, so when it was time to go back, I tried to drag both girls back to the boat-loading dock. That was a HUGE mistake, as I was swimming into the current, and I don't think either of them were kicking, or kicking as hard as they could... So I had an asthma attack right there in the middle of the river with two girls attached to my dreadlocks! Eventually we all made it to safety, but I nearly sent our friend into a panic attack worrying about me. :/ So, I'm not going to try to drag people upstream anymore, at the very least until I'm in a LOT better shape! *laugh*

Hysto Swing : A New Set of Moves

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:23:00 +0000

Lots of research going on again these days.

Discovered that in a "normal" woman, there are changes in hormone production daily, weekly, hourly, and even variances due to activity level! I'm not sure that I even want to take hormone replacement therapy, but just in case I decide to, I'm working to find the way to an artificial balance that looks like real balance.

I'm going to try to loose weight again. The significant amount of weight that I gained while recovering from the worst part of the surgery is really getting to me, and by golly, I'm going to get rid of it, and finish my weight loss journey that I dropped activity a while back.

I've also learned that after a hysterectomy, HRT blocks absorption of certain vitamins and minerals, and I've found a vitamin/suppliment prescription for that has all of the extra nutrients I need for complete health during HRT. It's a prenatal vitamin, but not covered my my insurance, so I'll have to continue my search.

Another Day

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:25:00 +0000

Things are busying up again in my little part of the world.

I went camping again last weekend, and ended up helping to set up three tents, walking over 3 miles in two days, and going swimming in the river. It was GREAT, but my legs and back sure were sore when I got back home because I didn't have a camp mattress! LOL No hyster-pain though, so I thought I was in the clear until a friend's dog decided he wanted to step onto my stomach while I was sitting down. That wasn't pretty for a few hours, but I'm all better from that now too. :D

It's getting ready to fold into the busy season for my business now, and I think I'll be able to handle it pretty well if R holds up his part of the bargain.

In hormone news, I still haven't taken the dive into HRT, even though my DR really wants me to. I've been weighing the pros and cons, and I still can't decide on whether it is a good idea for me. Even this long after the surgery, I'm not having any truly bothersome issues from the lack of hormones. A few warm flashes near the beginning, and a little bit of fatigue , but that was all. I've been staying up later and getting a couple hours less sleep per night, but I don't feel any the worse for it because 8 hours sure beats the 10-12 I was sleeping before the surgery. My acne has even cleared up a lot! I really feel like my body is now where it was actually meant to be.

Now I know all of that reads that I don't need HRT, but I am 34 years old, and my DR and I are concerned about the risk of heart problems, obesity, and osteoporosis. It would be nice to have more energy again, and be able to just up and go when I want to, but I don't know if that is fully hormonal, or that I've been inactive for so long. I'm also worried about my skin becoming thinner and early aging.

That said, if I take any form of HRT, I run the risk of gaining weight anyway, having mood imbalances, menopausal symptoms, nausea, increased acne, and, most worrisome, increased cancer risk, and possibly having my Endo come back.

I really don't know what I should do at all.

HysterGain

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 19:01:00 +0000

I've gained nearly 30# in the last 6wks. I don't know how I'm going to be able to loose it all before the next event I'm supposed to attend in early August, especially when I feel so tired and sore all of the time. Most of my clothes either don't fit at all, or fit too tightly, so I've been relegated to wearing loose dresses and my stretch pants with R's shirts.

It's been the full 6wks since my surgery, and I've technically been cleared to resume all normal activities, but that's all dependent on how I feel, as I've been instructed to still "take it easy" and listen closely to my body's signals.

That said, I think I need to lie down for another nap. *sigh*

One of these days I'll be back in top form, right?

Happy Cow Appreciation Day!

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 06:14:00 +0000

On or around this day each year Chick-Fil-A has their annual Cow Appreciation Day. This is the day in which all of the chicken lovers dress like a cow so they can prove they're not chicken, and score a delicious meal, FREE!

We'll be attired meagerly this year, as I'm not sure where all of my cow-ish clothing is since the move. We haven't finished unpacking completely yet, but by golly, I'm not going to miss out on my free chicken! *chuckle*

Oh, did I mention that it's a lot of fun too? *grin*

Tango Hysto: The Dance Continues

noreply@blogger.com (TheyDHD) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:07:00 +0000

Just got back from the doctor's office. While he's had a lot of experience with Endo, his experience is mostly that if a woman has Endo, she should have her ovaries removed. *sigh* So he really didn't KNOW about Endo specialists, the ability to get it all with one or two simple procedures, or whatnot. But he did the best that he could with the information he had, and the only real mistake I can even come close to saying that he made was not making it clear to me that there was a very strong possibility that I had endo or that other thing that acts a lot like it, which would have allowed me to actually do some research and go into the surgery better informed. I can't really blame him for not knowing everything about every single Possible gynelogical problem there is. Not reasonably anyway.

I also talked to him about why, 6wks ago, my body needed the hormones that it was creating, but now, somehow I needed less than that. He told me that I could replace whatever of my hormones that I wanted to, and that was up to me, not him. (This was after I explained to him that I wanted the Progesterone because it decreased the rampant cell growth that is caused by Estrogens, and thus would decrease the likelihood of a recurrence in my Endo).

He referred me to a pharmacist who would be more able to answer some specific questions that I had, and that pharmacist referred me somewhere else after answering all of the questions for me that she could.

I now have all of the information that I need, but am not really any closer to a solution for my concerns.

All I know is that I am now, and will forever be, without my ovaries, and if I want to be a healthy young woman, I will need to take replacement hormones at least for the next 10 years or more.

Hopefully, I'll figure all this out before the end of the week, and if I'm REALLY lucky, my insurance will cover most of what I need to get to keep my body in proper working order. If not, I'll just have to do without, because I definitely can't afford something as extravagant as HRT when I'm having problems paying the utility bill!.