Whinydad Chronicle

Getting Press

2009-11-11T08:00:00.003-05:00

An honorable book published by serious men in time for Veteran's Day is also — unfortunately for what it probably says about WD or pop culture — a somewhat smutty segue to other daddy news.

The serious book, written by father and son Aaron and Nathan Keirns, is Honoring the Veterans of Licking County, Ohio. Although the book was intended to highlight local, military history, there is something in that title that could attract some out-of-state attention.

Of course, the attractive element is the idea of a licking county, which is the unfortunate segue to the news that a man who isn't the biological or in situ father is claiming fatherhood in order to sell his new book. You might think that the provocatively outrageous Miss J (Alexander Jenkins of America's Next Top model) would have enough to attract attention to his new book, Follow the Model. However, he also felt the need to claim 7-year-old Boris (the son of a French lesbian via the sperm of J's ex-partner) as his own son in order to get some media attention. Apparently, being a dad is the new black.

Quiet Now, Loud Then

2009-11-10T07:59:00.003-05:00

There was a father who told his daughters that they would always be part of one of America's greatest problems (racism, and all because they would forever have white skin). Yet, they still made a complimentary film about him. Disturbing the Universe [Earlier: Daddy Documentary], the tale of radical lawyer William Kunstler as seen through the lens and film editing of daughters Emily and Sarah is still making its way without too much press through festivals and private showings in a so-far very limited release.

Ironic, isn't it, that the film of a very loud man continues to move so quietly?

Cracking the Image

2009-11-09T08:22:00.004-05:00

The newest father on a book tour is tennis icon Andre Agassi. In Open: An Autobiography the man who once personified gloss &mdsash; is famous for his "image is everything" sales pitch [Earlier: Image Is ...] — telling the tale of how his father shaped him and how he became the man who will shape his son and daughter.

Most of the sizzle of the book is about his drug and hair scandals, but the "steak" is revealed in a question and answer article about the book, he admits to holding up his driven, pugnacious father's behavior in a very harsh light. However, he is pretty confident his dad is still very proud ... not that he would ever read the book: "I don't read, and why the hell do I need to read [your book]? I was your father."

And with that, we can close the file on our inquiry into why the publisher didn't time the release to try and sell it as a father's day gift.

Inside Out Fatherhood Truths

2009-11-07T08:03:00.005-05:00

If you can imagine fathers punished for acting well and a pop rewarded years after acting questionably mdash; perhaps the kindest way to phrase it, despite some extraordinary results — then the news about two Hoosier fathers, as well as Michael Jackson's daddy Joe.

Now it is certainly possible that the two fathers being married to each other could well have caused their near-arrest at the Niles, Ind., Wal-Mart store and banning from the chain. However, they only went there to reward for their two adopted twins, not expecting that despite dropping over $200 on various goods and treats, they would be falsely accused of shoplifting and then handcuffed and thrown into the back of a police car.

It is also certainly possible (but very unlikely) that when entertainer Jackson passed [Earlier: Ashes to Ashes, Crazy to Crazy], his last wish was that his father be taken care of in recognition of his importance in shaping his career, and not his influence in creating such a strange and seemingly unhappy mind and personal life. Of course, the final wish doesn't matter and papa Joseph is conspicuously absent from the singer's last will ... a matter the father is trying to change by appealing to receive money from the estate as reward for being who he was.

The recap. To reward as a father is to gain punishment. To punish as a father is to possibly gain reward. Questions?

Is Pops Preggers?

2009-11-06T07:49:00.003-05:00

Pregnancy and men can get pretty confusing, particularly when someone says something like, "that dude doesn't have the huevos (eggs in Spanish, although balls, nerve, guts, bravery, etc. in the vernacular) for kids. [Earlier: Love and Longing in Pretend Land and Neo-Heavenly Father]

Eggs, however, is exactly what determines the mother from the father, at least according to a discussion about why pregnant sea horse fathers are not actually the mother. Even so, and completely believing he doesn't have the huevos, ~~four~~ five time daddy Kevin Federline — at least via Perez Hilton — is looking mucho preggers ... not that that is a bad thing.

El Hijo de Mal In His Own Words

2009-11-05T07:38:00.003-05:00

Dad was evil. Let's learn, forgive (not forget) and move on.That's the message of Pecados de me Padre, a new film featuring Sebastián Marroquín, son of Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar, as he seeks forgiveness for the sins of [his] father. It's a very unusual thought from a son who grew up in very unusual circumstances, but it gets boiled down to: "I have learned many things from my father. The most important one is that if I want to live I have to do everything oppossite to him. That was my lesson. ... Wherever he is, I know he has to regret what he did."

It's Off to Work We Go

2009-11-03T08:08:00.006-05:00

While the standard work flow is from father to child — or great-grandfather to grandfather to father to son, as in the case of the baseball-playing Muellers of Missouri — there are certainly plenty of cases of fathers finding their job through their children. Famously, now, we can add hack Mitch Winehouse [Earlier: Drugs and Dads], about to debut his show.

Winehouse, father of singer Amy, will be interviewing celebrities in "Mitch Winehouse's Showbiz Rant" from the front of his London cab. Hopefully his new job goes well and he makes his daughter proud ... not something that can always be said about his premiere guest, David Hasselhoff. [Earlier: Some S/B in Custody, Others Should Have It and Dadelusions]

A Nnoying

2009-11-02T08:13:00.003-05:00

TGFML. Thank God for Michael Lohan [Earlier: Wild or Too Mild? and Stats on Richer and Happier]. Day after day I hear from Things 1 & 2, "you [as in me] are sooooooooooooo (sometimes 'the most') annnooooyyying." However, now that screwed-up daughter/actress Lindsay is getting tweeted and celled and celebritygossipped by dad 24/7 in antagonism to the restraining order she has against him and to the point where she wants him behind bars, I am feeling pretty good about how high on the annoying father food chain I must be.

Bring it on girls, I've got a role model.

When an Angel Gets His Wins

2009-11-01T08:28:00.005-05:00

Today's hint for the father who has been a tyrant: do a [George] Steinbrenner and stay alive long enough to be feeble and remembered fondly. Thus, we have this week's objet d'eBay, the March 1, 1993 Sports Illustrated cover (highlighting the featured article, "Will the Boss Behave" inside), playing off what an ass the Yankees' owner often made of himself.

Today, having been an increasingly silent and absent presence in baseball and with his team leading the 2009 World Series 2-1, Steinbrenner is suddenly "pops." Now, driven in golf carts to death's doorstep, he is beloved by sons Hal and Hank who combine to run the team, as well as to the "Bronx bombers" themselves. The story seems to be building that when (if) the Yankees can win two more games to take this year's title, then "pops" will be able to ascend to heaven as a beloved, sainted character (except for those of us who will never get beyond that tyrant thing).

Apparently, in one man's transition from ass to angel there is some sort of lesson for us all.

Living in the Dadows

2009-10-31T08:30:00.004-04:00

It doesn't happen often, but there are some dadows (generational shadows cast by near superhuman fathers) that are too large to escape, no matter how grand the child's accomplishments. In My Father's Shadow, the autobiography of Chris Welles Feder creater of the Brainquest empire) details what it is like to be successful in your own life but the child of genius — in her case auteur Orson Welles.

There is almost an affirmative action stigma ("you only got to that place with help...") to any achievement of the daughter or son of a GREAT man. So, even though, for example, Bernice King is accomplished as a reverend and attorney and (combining the two) as a toiler for civil rights, an article "celebrating" her election to president of the Southern Christian Leadership Council says little more about her personally than that she is the daughter of a great man, who was one of those who initiated the group and that her election is under a cloud of suspicion.

So, congrats to both Feder and King, but sympathies too: alas, you'll never be your own man.

Twin Musings

2009-10-30T08:22:00.003-04:00

Are twins really twice as much joy, two times the trouble? You could ask the father, but how would he know ... it's not as if he has conducted a scientific experiment to compare his feelings with test and control subjects.

Still, for interesting opinions on new twins, you could probably do worse than to ask Nguyen Duc (a Siamese twin separated from his brother who has just given birth to fraternal twins) or Richard Roden, 71, who impregnated his 25-year-old wife with what have turned out to be twins to the oldest Brit pop of twins and previous father of a mere 10.

So far, though, Roden is offering much more than cliches:

Being a dad at 71 is definitely more tiring than in my 20s, but they give me such a lot of pleasure; and, I wouldn’t swap them for anything – not even winning the lottery. They have made my life complete.

Listen Up

2009-10-29T08:37:00.003-04:00

Advice for new fathers come in all forms. There are the columns of collected wisdom such as the easy column for new dad journalists to phone in. And then there are the men who want to talk of themselves as they talk of their kids. Presumably with tongue stuck somewhere in his cheek is unacceptableface, offering "My thoughts on this momentous occasion. Probably one of the most important, inspiring videos on youtube." Including such revelations as:

Mother and baby both very good. I mean, if I'm forced to choose, I'd probably prefer the baby.
It was only when I looked at little face that I realized ... quite ... how incredible I am.I created life.
I'm not saying I'm better than someone who hasn't gotten a child; I obviously am.

Almost reluctantly, he reveals the important stats. Eight pounds (and 40 pence) to pay for parking.

Have a Heart, Pop

2009-10-28T07:39:00.003-04:00

Stefani Germanotta bought her dad a heart. First she wrote him a song (Speechless), but, apparently he didn't pay attention to her fears for his death so she spent a bit of her advance against music royalties. Not much newsworthy about this until you add that the father of SG is the pop of poptart Lady GaGa — who will be tattooing how she hearts dad to celebrate the successful surgery.

It would be nice if this idea would catch on — buying, not tattoing, the heart ... to be more specific — specifically in the case of Omar bin laden, who was offered some change to speak up about the father who beat him and encouraged him to become a suicide bomber. It is probably too late, but if some of the money from Growing Up Bin Laden were to be spent on getting a (presumably metaphorical) heart for the evil Osama it certainly couldn't make things worse.

The Genius of Fictional Autobiography

2009-10-27T07:45:00.004-04:00

The son loses his father to war without ever knowing him. His mother remarries and the newlyweds rename the boy (both middle and last name), not yet five. He has a learning disorder, but grows up quiet, a bit odd, a wrestler and, eventually, a writer in search of father characters.

Such is the biography of writer John Irving. Such are many of the works of Irving. And, with some variations on his usual themes, such is the new novel, "Last Night in Twisted River," that is a picaresque quest of father and son, begun when the child skillets the cranium of a woman, fearing she is a bear instead of a mistress (and his sitter) looming above his pleasured father in flagrante delicto.

In writing his fictional fathers and sons, Irving is in search of himself. Still, the magic is that his words, somehow also turn out to be the same search — yet unique to each — of many other dads and their children.

Baby Baby Daddies

2009-10-26T08:27:00.003-04:00

Baby daddies keep getting younger. Not "baby daddy" as in some unmarried guy who impregnates an unmarried gal. No, here — as in the saga of the anonymous (so far) 13-year-old Brit and his 14-year-old baby mama — we are talking about boys, practically babies, who have done the deed and implanted the seed.

It's very sad. Maybe cake and candles would make it better?

There's a Soup in My Mouse

2009-10-25T08:11:00.003-04:00

Television folk often seem like the family. They're not. They're folks who have family of their own. Today, as we say ciao bello to Milton Supman — video anarchist (nihilist?) Soupy Sales, who passed this past Thursday — we also remember his Top 40 hit, this week's objet d'eBay, Do The Mouse.

But the man of The Mouse is also father to two sons, Hunt and Tony Sales, who became the legitimate musicians (although in rock, not his father's beloved jazz) that it seemed daddy Soup always wanted to be.

Here's to part of the Soupster's legacy, Hunt

and Tony Sales.

Shoe (and not you) Blues

2009-10-23T08:05:00.004-04:00

In the LOL-crime of the century, adidas won't let Michael Jordan's son step into his shoes. Jordan senior is branded with sneak-maker Nike, while college frosh Marcus is being paid (sorry, scholarshipped) to play basketball for the University of Central Florida, which takes money to make sure all its hoopsters play with three stripes, no swoosh, on their feet.

While unlikely to draw the same headlines, a few other prominent kid-following-in-dad's-footsteps fights are under way. Chris Brubeck, 57, is struggling to get folks in the classic music world to pay attention to jazz and vice versa ... as well as trying to get everyone to accept he and brothers Darius and Dan as musicians with their own work instead of just the kids of "Take Five" and "Blue Rondo" daddy Dave, 88. Beau Biden has returned from war — the Delaware attorney general serves as a reservist in Iraq — and is apparently now fighting about whether or not to fight for his dad (VP Joe's) former senate seat. [Earlier: Veep Daddies]

And then there is Shannon Lee, who lost father Bruce when he was 32 and she was four. Her battle is for his "legacy." Well, maybe not his legacy, more like the $5 to $10 million you can snatch by licensing his image rather than let it being poorly marketed or just used by folks who don't pay the one's who own the iconography of a d(e)ad man.

Can we get sneaker deals all around?

Elephant Lessons

2009-10-22T08:39:00.002-04:00

Making a point about youth violence, writer Lori Borgman tells the tale of the missing elephant dads. Baby elephants at an African game preserve ran wild until mature bulls provided the missing discipline and role modeling to set them straight. Her point: so do young men and women without fathers.

The thing to remember is that there is a soft side to fathers' relationships as well. That gentler, almost teary side is explored in a Japanese cartoon of how a father elephant chooses to spend his last month with his children and wife:

Gentlemen, Vroom, Vroom

2009-10-21T07:37:00.002-04:00

Celebrating fathers whose sons may well join them someday and a dad and little dude joined today, NASCAR announced its first Hall of Fame class.

In a May 2010 ceremony, Bill France Sr. and Jr. (the folks behind the success of NASCAR itself); will be enshrined along with Saint Dale "father of besainted Dale Jr." Earnhart; Richard Petty (father of current antagonist and probable future HOFer Kyle Petty); and Robert Glenn "Junior" Johnson, whose son racing Robert (no connection to bluesman Robert) Johnson is taking to the track while still in high school.

Fathers, sons and cars are such a natural fit, perhaps there is no need for a special HOF when pretty much any garage in any suburb could do just as well?c

Fabo Dado?

2009-10-20T08:26:00.003-04:00

Rapper Fabolous is shooting a reality show that he says will show him "keeping it real" and (per twitter)"...tryin 2 balance that and being 'Fabolous'.. The show is based on da crazy, spontaneous, busy, traveling life of a entertainer & da loving, complicated, genuine journey of a new father."

It seems like a fairly ambitious agenda for a show. Is there any way he will be able to give his life as a new dad the perspective he offers in the his "Stay?" It seems unlikely, but maybe Fabolous will turn out to be a fabulous pop. Perhaps — if he can come across as sincere and determined and focused on his child on screen as via music — he'll even turn out to be a spectacular reality tv dad.

Halloweenies

2009-10-19T08:41:00.003-04:00

Every year I give Things 1 and 2 the same answer when they ask what I'll be for Halloween: "I will be a noyed." (Annoyed. They don't ask that much anymore, if the truth be told ... the joke wore thin probably even before I first told them.)

Dressing to excess and demanding bad candy isn't for everyone — me, for instance. However, there was the good point years ago when I got to see how happy it made T1 and T2. It has been many years since they wanted to hallowander with me ... but I don't think that's what turned me against the holiday.

Of course, not everyone agrees with my take. There are dads who embrace the holiday like a seasonal hadj. There are others who like it all, except for the costumes in extraordinary poor, bad, and even execrable taste.

And then there are dads who, at least according to actor, director, writer, producer Sky Soleil, take the family pranks to places it should not go. In short, fathers, never make your kids fear to lose face when they tell the story of "How My Dad Killed Dracula."

Working on It

2009-10-18T09:45:00.004-04:00

Let's consider the artwork of the movie poster. This week's objet d'eBay advertises the remake of The Stepfather, getting its couple weeks of critical attacks in the theater before moving on in movie history,

A necktie? For a horror film?

There's supposed to be (or at least more of a hint) of nudity and violence. There's also supposed to be something of a plot and suspense. Actually, what's apparently needed in this movie are some of the bits that make an Apopka, Fla., stepdad's story so much more intriguing. In that case, steppa Wade Edwards came home from work early and shot the teen boy having sex with his teen step-daughter. Four shots. No death. But Nudity. Violence. Apparently all the elements of a horror movie, but no death.

The art of the stepfather film remains a work in progress.

Sad: SAHD. Mad: MAHD(?)

2009-10-17T08:30:00.002-04:00

Scot pop Paul Stevenson was wandering through his life as a father of three when the Tourette syndrome that may have always been latent manifest itself in the wake of a friend's suicide. Does he embarrass his kids more than most dads? Well just wait until they are teens.

What is noteworthy — politically speaking — regarding the article is the reference to Stevenson as "busying himself as a stay-at-home dad," as if referring to a man as a "SAHD" is the kind way to define someone as without a paying gig. Similarly, the term doesn't mean a man who looks after his kids, which is how it was used in an article seeming to proclaim one-half of all British men are staying at home to dad, (the article discusses a percentage of men who were studied and took at least a few days off to stay with their newborn). So what's going on in the lexicon with SAHD? Has it lost it's way or it is just being used in a sloppy manner by lazy reporters?

Now You See It, Now ...

2009-10-16T07:36:00.005-04:00

From the yin and yang of the universe (or maybe just its flotsam and jetsam) comes tales of fatherhood.

There is retired Canadian bureaucrat Peter Aykroyd writing about the paranormal in A History of Ghosts: The True Story of Seances, Mediums, Ghosts and Ghostbusters. The tale is some history and bits of family history and its multigenerational search into the closets of the spirit world, culminating most likely with Peter's son Danny (star of the 1984 hit Ghostbusters).

And then there is dododad Anonymous (apparently by order of a Vancouver court) who sent himself to a hospital by applying to himself the circumcision skills he learned and honed via the internet before sending his 4-year-old son to the hospital by "practicing" what he preached as well. He said something about his religion ....

Real Dad, Fake Dad ... Real Change, Mistake

2009-10-15T08:07:00.004-04:00

There was a certain lush beauty (perhaps "lusher" is the more correct word) to the Congo that many see as lost to a changed environment. "Those are memories my children won't have," announced René Ngongo, a 48-year-old father, citing his four children as an inspiration for his attempts along with Greenpeace to reforest and improve social justice in his native land. For his work. Ngongo was awarded this year's Right Livelihood Award and among the reasons he should be admired is for serving as a real symbol of a father doing something for climate change.

Unfortunately, there's another father also currently serving the interest of those combating climate change who is doing damage ... and will likely be getting more press than this year's winner of "the alternate Nobel." (The unalternate Nobel, it should be noted, was awarded to a father humbled by how his two took the news). Members of the British government have chosen to hold a father up to ridicule by having him read a children's book on climate change to his daughter.

The fake dad with a confusing message — all will dry up and die and probably tomorrow ... if nothing is done — will invite ridicule to the goal of encouraging people to conserve and care for the resources of this planet. The ridiculousness of the messenger will be used by many as an excuse to pay even less attention to the message the advert's sponsors wanted to convey. It is a shame the presumably good-hearted advertisers couldn't simply have put their resources to promoting Ngongo. The same 1:01 of YouTube simplicity featuring his work, children and the planet would have had much more resonance for their cause ... and wouldn't have done the damage to the image of fathers as people unable to convey a sophisticated situation to their children.