Whisper Creek: Poetry and Prose

Numbness is Salvation

2021-03-22T21:28:00.000-04:00

When that which should bring you comfort

feels like being wrapped in razor wire

and chained to a mirror

to look at nothing but yourself

Numbness is salvation

As the blood drips with

every rip of your flesh

and tears do nothing but

make you wet.

Numbness is salvation.

When the chain around your neck

is too heavy to move

and the cold stone floor

is freezing

Numbness is salvation.

When loneliness is easier

than taking the chance to be loved

because everything has to be in its place

to keep you sane.

Numbness is salvation.

When every thought you have

and every move you make

is to balance you enough

that you don't fall off a cliff.

Numbness is salvation.

But when that happens,

you aren't numb anymore

and you can't control it

and you wonder then

What is my salvation?

Then you see how far you have to fall

and that chain doesn't look so bad anymore.

Burn

2021-03-21T18:01:00.003-04:00

The demons became tired of the midnight battles

and I became tired of their constant prattle,

and finally, thank the Goddess, they fell asleep,

and it was a nap that I prayed was six feet deep.

Not wanting to bother, just let them dream,

I quieted my Others, didn't let them scream.'

Forbid them to whisper, yet they continued to shake

like we were submerged waist high in a frozen lake.

I remember the fire, I could feel the blaze

can't forget the burn among the smoky haze

the vibration from the pain of my body on fire

and I begged for the Goddess to take me up higher.

But no matter how I begged, it was useless to plead

for they woke and my tears did surely bleed

my skin crawled as their breath I felt

and the brimstone, once again, I clearly smelt

Once the sun went down, it was time to go

to the nights I remember, I intimately know

So I curled up tight and I did ache

for now it was time again for a demon date

Once again their voices would loudly scream

whether awake, in flight or in my dreams

Now they have their second wind and are ready to blow

the deep dark fire that burns away my soul.

Acceptance

2021-02-25T21:13:00.001-05:00

I've gotten to know me,

and I know me quite well.

sometimes its been painful

a guilt trip to hell.

I had to learn to love me

when I was told I was a curse

some abomination that

was proven with some holy verse.

Its been a lifetime of voices

external and in my head

some telling me I'm worthy

others wishing me dead.

What shouldn't have been a trauma

cause I was promised pure love

became a verbal beating

and I spilled my own blood.

I hated me for being me

curse God for this cage

felt nothing but anger

that turned into violent rage.

I screamed in my mind

and it shattered like glass

my heart broke in pieces

the blood burst forth en masse.

I learned how to cut

and I learned how to bleed

because it was my lifeline

when for death I would plead

And slowly, too slowly

I began to accept

That when people condemned me

it was their own souls that wept.

For that hate and self-righteousness

was nothing but fear

that they had to appear better

better than this queer.

All the talk was about them

it was never about me

they feared for their souls

although they said they were free

To think God could be proud

believing her queer kids were worthy

that love is just love

and they deserved their love story.

Such a thing would rock their foundations

and their perfect world, it would crumble

and instead of standing on soap boxes

they would kneel and be humbled.

So if God says she loves me

who am I to debate

I can lay down my armor

and stop being irate.

So with the perspective of God

I can see me and say

God made me just perfect

for I was made this way.

Shatter Like Glass

2019-07-13T00:36:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid to go to sleep
cause time will pass to fast
and the time will come I'm dreading
when my heart will shatter like glass

I wanted so badly to save you
to help you let go of the pain
of the nightmare you lived
memories seared on your brain

You wanted so much to be loved
and I promise I loved you much
but I couldn't break the bonds
even with a gentle touch

You made me love hard
and angry like no other
I wanted to give you peace
to be able to love another.

The past had damaged your spirit
the fear damaged your heart
the rage replaced your happiness
I hope you knew at the start

I saw kindness in your eyes but
Your fear transformed to anger
and when it hit its peak
it transformed to danger

You were so much like me
my fear often turned to rage
you and I lived alone
in our own fiery cage

I held you in those rare moments
when you finally let go
and stopped living like a warrior
and let love from me flow

But your pain was to much
to let your heart transform
to dream of only good things
when inside you were a storm

I'm sorry that I failed you
I know I was too late
maybe if things had been different
I could have saved you from this fate

I hope in letting you go
that you will find your peace
and no longer remember
and the nightmares will cease.

I'll remember you forever
you are sealed within my heart
I will grieve you greatly
when we are pulled apart.

Stranger Staring Back at Me

2019-07-03T15:47:00.002-04:00

Tell me sweet Momma

what should I see

when I'm standing at the mirror

a stranger staring back at me.

Who the hell is that?

I've never seen her here before

I'm getting kinda dizzy

I don't know myself no more.

I'm weighed down so heavy

both my heart and my skin

gravity, my enemy

stole the one I was within.

I once was strong, but now I'm weak

my body I betrayed

I let it down, cant pick it up

felt my ego cascade

My eyes look worn and tired

an `old soul, or just plain old

the fat hides the wrinkes

and keeps out the cold.

Do I love me as I am

or change who I should be

a question I ask of you

the stranger staring back at me.

Girl x 2

2019-06-26T19:03:00.000-04:00

When I think I know what I look like

but then a mirror I walk passed

I see someone I don't recognize

society's outcast.

I run into deep shadows

hoping it wasn't true

the person I saw in the mirror

was a girl multiplied by two.

Perspective is everything

a room of mirrors, my foe

seeing the whole picture

is my ego's final blow

She is me, but he is she

a kaleidoscope of faces

envision all or envision none

truth pours into these spaces

A half century has passed

and yet I am still breathing

completely unexpected

that my heart is still beating

I'm nothing I thought I would be

maybe a failure, maybe not

I guess its about who you ask

and if I'm in ear shot

When I look closely at my past

I think "oh fuck what did I do"

I want to smack myself because

I made my nightmares come true.

So again, I look at my reflection

why didn't I know I looked like that?

a middle aged woman

mentally ill, embarrassingly fat

In my mind I have envisioned

androgynous with a touch of boi

stronger, chunkier than most

a sense of humor and coy

So, what the hell happened

where did I change a long the way?

nothing feels like it should but

thank God that I still am gay.

Daniel

2019-06-22T14:42:00.003-04:00

Don't jump, please don't, Daniel

don't jump now from this place

your body may be gone

and your spirit into space.

I know that your Dad is gone now

in the river he was found

lifeless, his heartbeat quiet

no one knows why he drowned

I know you're engulfed in anguish

feeling it'll never cease

unbearable is putting it lightly

only death will bring release.

Daniel, I've been there before

to this river I came to die.

I starred at the current crying

to get the nerve to say goodbye

I lived thanks to one thought

tomorrow I can die my way

death can come when I want it

it just can't come today

So Daniel, I promise I get it

the last thing you want is to leap

but you can't live like your living

so you beg for eternal sleep.

You don't want to go

but no wish to exist

is the strength remaining inside

enough to try to persist

You'll never know, Daniel

if you dive down from this place

You'll never know, Daniel

if you jump out into space.

Daniel, please don't go

Changing

2019-05-12T22:54:00.000-04:00

Leaving behind the anger
Leaving behind the rage
Walking out the gate
Leaving my steel-hard cage.

Sitting on the grass
Sitting beside a stream
Listening to life's glory
Setting aside my screams

Maturing in mind and body
Maturing to my years
Maturing into a butterfly
Maturing beyond my dreams.

Learning how to be content
Learning how to cope
Finding happiness has different forms
and there is always reason to hope.

Recognizing my strength,
Recognizing my will
Acknowledging the women who gave me form
Recognizing they're still here.

Inside me lives the blood of struggle
Inside me lives the acceptance of change
Inside me lives determination
Inside me a soul rearranged

Made for Eternity

2018-08-08T17:43:00.001-04:00

Come on let it rain

let my tears fall round me

release my pain

that brought me to my knees.

Forgive me for my rage

for letting the bridges burn

For releasing my outrage

will I ever learn?

I am fallible and broken

but I limp to earth's song

my love often unspoken

I am weak, but you are strong.

In my final hour

let me return to the Divine

in that holy shower

let me feel the sunshine

And as the rainbow reaches

guiding me along the way

and the flower preaches

to a new and brighter day

Let me root into the earth

reach up to sky

glory in my rebirth

never asking why

Embraced by my mother

created all that we see

and her almighty Other

encompass me in your mercy.

Surpassing the Erotic

2018-07-16T19:14:00.000-04:00

I've got an ache

and a yearning

chains I can't break

a heart that can't stop burning

Once upon a time

A covert mission

to some, a war crime

to me, sweet submission.

I was on fire

surrounded by the Divine

I did desire

to be mystically intertwined

An intimacy

that surpassed the erotic

its intricacy

hopelessly hypnotic

An eager passion

to experience and to dive

drown in compassion

to finally be alive.

Encased in peace

hugged by my craving

may it never cease

may I be worth saving.

Hiding Behind the Post

2018-07-14T18:58:00.001-04:00

Who is it that hides behind the written post

the mundane musings of a cyber-ghost

a picture of one you have never seen

yet call them friends, an introvert's dream

Do they pretend to laugh, when flames of hell

tickle their feet, and the dead man's knell

rings to the beat of their heart's drum

and they beg that the darkness never comes.

Are they composed, unruffled, tranquil, even placid?

deadpanned, poker-faced, stone-faced, impassive?

Yet while comprising a sentence, leaving nothing to spare

their world is exploding, they are left with no air

Normal is a strange man's ambition

a foolish game, for there's no transition
to be normal is to live as some one else

who you don't recognize to be yourself.

Behind the post, you hide in consonants and vowels

make people think you have spilled your bowels

when all you have dumped is empty bullshit

for behind the sentence exists a misfit.

Behind the post, hiding in the wings

avoiding their own image for inside it stings

stands a soul naked, its secrets uncovered

waiting to be noticed, to be discovered.

The Great Abyss

2018-07-11T19:26:00.001-04:00

Everybody's got their demons
memories that won't let go
pain that digs trenches
but their faces will never show

Hiding behind a pace
a ritual of routine
moves it to the dark
a place of unheard screams

But when the world goes silent
and breathing is all they hear
the mind wanders in circles
to a mirror that reflects their fear.

As they stand and face themselves
the bloody tears streak their face
the empty eyes look back at them
scars and bruises have found their place.

Its easier to stare at each other
to criticize and dismiss
for to glimpse our own image
would open the great abyss.

Queen of Heaven

2018-07-10T18:42:00.000-04:00

The Queen of Heaven shined brightly
as Eternity she did bare
her creation, a divine infant
stellar eyes, a twinkling glare.

Her child was named Gaia
the earth, this princess be
and she grew to be a world
the land, the air, the seas.

Upon her sacred body
Seeds began to grow
and as they sprouted, people
moving to the volcanic, gentle flow.

The Queen of Heaven they worshiped
for all things she was life-giving
the body, the soul, the spirit
a gift that made life worth living.

As time passed, she was forgotten
in the closet, just a memory
and the feminine was replaced
by a masculine energy.

All mention of her, sacrilege
how could a woman be divine
they couldn't see through their blindness
of the sacred, holy bloodline

For thousands of years she was held hostage
as her daughter suffered attack
the agony became unbearable
so she determined to come back.

She broke out of her stockade
flowing into the sacred heart
that beats only in a woman
where all wisdom found its start.

A slow and subtle rumble
an echo you could feel
rose up in the hearts of women
and the world began to heal

If you listen and watch closely
in the rainbow you will see
the Queen that giveth all life
and you will utter "blessed be".

Two Souls

2018-07-02T23:07:00.002-04:00

Two souls crashed into each other

as they flew to toward their place in time

one, to a future lived already

the other toward a life yet to climb.

They recognized a shared spirit

and their eyes looked one in the same

one older than the other

knew the younger by her first name.

He smiled and he continued

to fly to the great unknown

but he left her something to remember

that she would recognize once she was grown.

Still in the womb she felt it

the sorrow deep in her core

her momma's heart was grieving

for the man she had crashed into before.

She wanted to tell her mother

but she hadn't taken her first breath

so she sent her love to her momma

telling her there is life beyond death.

The day she arrived and was breathing

when she first saw her momma's eyes

they were the ones she had remembered

from the man she had met in the skies.

She grew and she heard stories

of the man who now had a name

to her he was her grandpa,

a hero, one in the same.

She went everyday to the church house

with his own hands he had made

she felt him all around her

his gentle spirit as she prayed.

He had left her something to remember

what it was, she couldn't see

then one day she recognized it

in the mirror, it was he.

As their souls crashed together

he left his name, his nature, his love

and the person she became

would be someone he was proud of.

Chained

2018-06-25T23:57:00.002-04:00

In a dream, a light beam

and a body laying there

tied in chains, tethered pains

and silence, then whispered prayers.

Naked, she glistened, and blood christened

the soul be destined to gaze

with no emotion, like a frozen arctic ocean

life existing in the haze.

Into sleep she escaped, but then she was raped

by nightmares all her own

of times past, the broken glass

forever embossed in stone.

She struggled to wake, no breath could she take

the chains held her tightly bound

then she gasped, and quickly grasped

that hers was the only sound.

Out the lone window she peered, and clearly appeared

Life in its breath-taking glory

then she recalled the gore, the inner war

that had become her own life's story.

Time, it ticked, each second it tricked

one minute seemed like forever

all she could do, was to think, and she knew

the chance of her chains being severed.

She had to accept, and suddenly she wept

emotion flooded, drowning her eyes,

though the shackles fell, she remained in her hell

and I woke with the sunrise.

Dark

2018-04-10T21:35:00.000-04:00

What is this, that steals my bliss
and drops my soul to hell
my flames are frozen, I am the chosen
to carry darkness in my shell.

En masse, the shattered glass
from the high pitch of my screams
then the chatter within dark matter
whispering a nightmare in my dreams.

The darkened hand, in shadowed land
takes my heart into its grasp
a crushing vice, threatens my life
as my breathing becomes a gasp.

Its a game of life-long acclaim
participation is required
I have no vote, no momma's note
no option to retire

I must stay and I must play
for mercy I no longer implore
As the darkness blows, through me it flows
a deep and bloody roar.

Its no surprise, I recognize
the eyes of my own fate
dark as night, no friend to light
my companion I love to hate.

He Stood

2018-03-23T19:03:00.001-04:00

He stood as they cursed him

He stood as they screamed

He stood as they shamed him

He stood forever, it seemed.

He hoped on a wish

He hoped on a prayer

He hoped for some magic

He hoped God was there.

He believed in his heart

He believed in his divine

He believed he was created

He believe he was fine.

He swam toward his dreams

He swam against the tide

He swam to find peace

He swam for his pride

then....

He stood as he pondered

He stood a recluse

He stood near a chair

He stood near a noose.

He imagined his death

He imagined the smother

He imagined his tormentors

He imagined his mother.

They stood, a large crowd

They stood, and many cried

They stood as he spoke

They stood full of pride.

He lived on that stage

He lived and made a choice

He lived in spite of heartache

He lived to add his voice.

Ablaze

2018-03-22T20:09:00.000-04:00

At 18 I awoke and opened my eyes
Breaking through my curtains, the morning sunrise
I found that I was breathing and fully alive
"Now what?" I whispered to myself, fully surprised.

The night before I swear, I was only a child,
I was inexperienced, naive, I cried and I smiled
Was it magic or mayhem, was my heart now defiled?
The night my innocence transformed into the dark and the wild.

I gasped, my breath was taken and hidden somewhere
Breathing, an afterthought, who really needs air?
I was lost, afraid to move, but suddenly aware
I was choked by the Bible Belt, and caught in its glare.

The light, it charred me then it set me ablaze
burned for sins to come, not bending to its ways
Without breath, and body scorched, I fell into a daze
all the while I heard them as they loudly praised.

Time stood still, yet it moved ever so fast
In my own time warp, saw my space ship sail past
The G forces, strong, but determined to outlast
once innocent and loved, but now a rainbow outcast.

Maybe I haven't been the one others thought I should be
But if I followed their path, I would no longer be me
No matter what it costs, I will pay the fee
To live in the light of the dark and free

66 Reasons

2018-02-12T18:42:00.003-05:00

You've given 66 reasons to make me believe

66 reasons knowing I was naive

66 reasons to follow and cleave

66 reasons never thinking you could deceive.

You handed me a puzzle one piece at a time

promising in the end that peace would be mine

then up a mountain I was told to climb

and I would pray to you every night at bedtime

You said when I reached the summit never look back

but I slipped and fell, no time to react

and I turned and what I saw gave my head a crack

for before me was the puzzle complete and exact

The pieces, now a whole, brought me no peace

it gave me no solace, it gave no relief

for those 66 reasons for my faith and belief

was destroyed in a disaster, a volcanic motif.

Now there's 66 reasons to ask you why

it all seems nothing but a deceptive lie

I was a servant to a Master who said I could fly

then put me in chains and made me look at the sky.

Willow

2017-12-19T16:12:00.001-05:00

Willow left her homeland, the one that love banned

the place where she was born and grew

the hillside, the preacher's bride

longed for more than she ever knew.

When she arrived there, in the sun's glare

stood a woman, exotic and fine

her eyes a brown glass, and Willow did ask

Someday will your heart be mine?

And just in sight, the glowing moonlight

shown proud, radiant and beaming

the stars danced, as if they were entranced

and Willow woke from her dreaming.

When the dawn broke, and the birds spoke

She saw the sun rise off the land

Willow watched her sleep, nice and deep

and brushed her brown skin with her hand.

Unbelieving, still conceiving,

Willow looked up to Heaven to say

How can love be this bare reality

Please never take it away.

Time went fast, and love outlast

as they endured hard ships time and again

death of loved ones, wrath of cruel ones

who declared their love was a sin.

In between the pain, the hard days refrained

and laughter was mingled with romance

they watched people walk by, laughed till they cried

and never gave the future a glance.

They took in a play on a sunny day

and heard about the circle of life

the message astounding, the reaction resounding

it was a great day to be wife and wife.

Then it all went wrong, just like a bad song

and nightmares shattered all their dreams

they couldn't repair, on a wing and a prayer

all the damage that tore at their seams.

Stunned and outraged, in a confused daze

Willow looked up to Heaven in tears

how can love be unjust, I pray and I trust

but now I drown in all my fears.

In a place far away, where the willows still sway

you will find a girl with dreams and with fire

of love of a kind, like your love and mine

someday to be engulfed in desire.

The Mirror

2017-12-13T11:31:00.000-05:00

She knew since she could remember

The demons that stalked her very soul

the hands that swiped her, didn't like her

being always cautious took its toll.

As she grew and became stronger

she wondered if she could stand and fight

but the preacher, said the creatures

had the power and they had the bite.

Only God, he claimed, could banish them

all she had to do was ask

so she implored him, did adore him

but her pleading only burned to ash.

So she ran frantic through the forest

the anger raged inside her heart

the holy assurance, the fire insurance

tore her skin cruelly apart

She knew the floor of the black forest

she had a mental map of the land

the slashing claws, the snapping jaws

the red raw skin whispered a plan

She raised her eyes hopeful through the canopy

and followed the journey of the sun

she broke through briars and the liars

she left behind most everyone.

She chased the light till after midnight

then she rested against a log

the heavy breathing, slowly receding

by morning the sun had lifted the fog.

She ran fast, thoughts of survival

was always in her mind

the thoughts of living, of the forgiving

for those who's intentions were unkind

She finally made it to Paradise

she lost the demons in the east

here in the west, she felt so blessed

to have finally found her peace

She lived with joy, she lived with zest

she became the one that she had dreamed

she found her smile, the entire stockpile

she knew her soul had been redeemed

Then in a moment, it all had crashed

what did she ever do so wrong

she looked at God through his facade

and knew this was her sad swan song.

She headed east, she never doubted

demons waited for her return

they'd been refining and even pining

she recalled the heat of the burn

She touched down surrounded by hills

the mountains she knew so well

her breath a gasp, she was home at last

immediately locked inside her cell.

She heard their echos in the distance

good to see you, welcome back

she shivered slightly, waited nightly

in the cell painted deathly black

In the dawn she calmed a little

things weren't as scary as they seemed

the faded scars, her memoirs

perhaps was only in her dreams.

Then in a moment she slowly turned

and what she saw, it stopped her breath

her own expression, in that reflection

then she wished for the mercy of death.

The final truth, the naked honesty

she begged God "don't let me see"

her heart in lockdown, her soul a showdown

in tears she whispered "the demons, they were me"

Black Hole

2017-12-08T18:07:00.000-05:00

Karma shows no mercy

but the acid of my truth

burning in my actions

blaming immature youth.

I can see the sorrow

I left in my wake

the burnt bridges I ignited

drowning those I did forsake

It hit me like a bullet

this karma of mine

tore my flesh and my spirit

leaving dripping blood line

Its not too much to kill me

that'd be too easy they say

best to force me to relive it

let karma crush and repay.

Then I turned and I saw it

a mirror reflecting off my soul

a reminder that bad decisions

lead to a black hole.

I can never go back

the gravitation's too strong

I must live in the abyss

of the things I did wrong.

Frozen

2017-12-05T18:31:00.002-05:00

Alone, paralyzed, frozen and seized
exceptionally afraid to even breathe.
Then the Universe or God will notice me
in all my raw, naked reality.

Please, I beg, don't look in my eyes
where all my dark and secrets reside
You'll laugh and curse, and then dismiss
like I'm a dirty orphan at Christmas

But I'll look at you direct, and my face will be blank
one image you'll see and no you can't
determine the way I feel inside
cause you're not safe enough to go for that ride.

I'll shut you down like a switch upon a wall
and I won't answer the phone when you call
cause it feels like a snake I should surely fear
so I drop it, run, and get the fuck outta here.

And I wonder stupidly why I'm all alone
seized by fear, frozen by God, paralyzed by the phone
Its my circle of life until my circle of death
amplified, solidified, until my last breath.

Souls of a Thousand Women

2017-09-29T10:48:00.001-04:00

Sitting alone in the silence
in the mists of winter freeze
the shiver, a cold quiver
a voice, a chilling breeze

Like a radio out of tune
the signal clear, then fades away
marching orders, mental disorders
demands of me night and day.

Time to breathe, my sincere request
that seems to go unheeded
so I dream in silent screams
that my fantasy not be impeded.

By the souls of a thousand women
I want to be intertwined
a blanket of plenty, warm and gently
they capture my heart and mind.

The intimacy, unmatched
sinless, the holy divine
an orgy of wisdom, dance of sweet prism
this moment of refuge is mine.

The women of times past
their stories they would tell
of perfect visions, terrible decisions
an experience I know too well.

Then spirits whisper the songs
a known repetitive vibe
that enraptures and encaptures
the voice of the female tribe.

To rest within the earth goddess
and the souls of a thousand women
safe in the hand, sweet promised land
I sleep in godly oblivion.

I Wish You Wings

2017-09-28T19:35:00.001-04:00

Pearl: Always in our hearts

You always were a unique little soul
sometimes shy, other times bold

To all the others, you were a queen
a fairy tail, a canine dream

You were irresistible, those big brown eyes,
who could say no, although I tried.

You could piss me off, you could make me laugh
I'd finally give in, when you begged for half

You weren't the brightest, but you were the best
a little pearl, and a lot of jest

I thought you'd be here, long chihuahua days
but when you left, my heart went ablaze

Tell me did I fail you, or were you designed to fly
one last adventure, under the autumn sky

I wish you wings, and a chance to roam
and when you're ready, I wish you home.