Illustration by Shilo Shiv Suleman, contributor to *What Is Dying To Be Born?*

"What's dying to be born?" Lianne said to some of us women over mint tea earlier this year. Kelly. Ronna. Gwen. Lee-Anne. We nodded, quietly, taking it into our hearts. It was a lot to take it.

This question wouldn't leave Lianne alone. (What question won't leave you alone?) Until she knew she had to give it it's own red tent in which to be explored. She sent out a fiery, impassioned request to dozens of global-hearted chickas - among them, Martha Beck, Meg Wheatley, Brene Brown, Patti Digh, Colleen Wainwright - and midwifed a veritable feast of wisdom and art. (NOTE: creating a work of art can be that easy when you don't hold back.)

Click here to download free copies of What Is Dying to Be Born. It's generous and intense. Leaders of every kind should read it. And because Lianne Raymond is such a multilingual mystic, it's full of gorgeous art work.

My contribution to the collective goes something like this (an excerpt):

What is dying to be born?
The beauty of our DNA is dying to be born: an acceptance of the order of chaos; the reverence of High Priestesses in the grocery store; the force of incredibly tender men; the critical necessity of senses that transcend technology.

The genius heart is being born.

NOW THAT DAMN QUESTION WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
This question has since set up it's own lounger in corner of my psyche, and it's been demanding to be fed. When I worked in Washington DC with a team of futurists and freaky braniacs, this question, to varying depths, drove everything we did. Scenarios on AIDS in Africa, water wars, extraterrestrial contact, the evolution of consciousness. The Future In All Its Gore and Glory. Naturally, we were obsessed with it.

But these days I'm much less interested in the future and fancy suppositions as I am about the present. If we can penetrate the present, we can be more pro-creative with what's next. When we can clearly see the now - as the hologram that it is, we step into to our Godliness.

WHY THIS QUESTION IS SO POWERFUL (IF YOU LET IT BE)
There's a similar question that I've come across with organizational development consultants and high-minded facilitator types: What wants to happen? It's effectual, for sure. It allows for authenticity to surface. But what's so freaking brilliant about Lianne's question is the double entendre of it:

1) What is dying to be BORN - gotta hatch, must happen, on the way, what emphatically desires to be real?

2) What is DYING to be born - crumbling, fading, breaking down, in order that something therefore can be... born?

I'm interested in the dying part today. Because this question comes with a premise, I think: something must die in order to be born. Today, I believe that.

And if this is true, then we've got to ask this of our lives: What needs to die?
Fears. Perceived failures. Contracts that bind too tight. Excuses for hatred where compassion is called for. Limited thinking. Antagonism. More fear. Callousness. Lethargy. Cynicism. Greed.

These are big sweeping concepts. We tend to place them "out there" on groups and nations and others. But each of us has some stinky, life-sucking behavior, or paradigm, or dis-ease, that is having it's way with the best of us - the part of us that always wants to be born. And whatever it is, (and it's probably ugly) it needs to die so that you can be You. Fully.

Euthanize whatever is holding you back. (Might I suggest that you do it gently, swiftly if you can, ideally with gratitude and free of aggression.) That's the only way to know what's dying to be born.

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Speaking of useful, the GOLD DIGGING EXCURSION to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities", is almost full. I give it a 4 star + a high 5 recommend. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

An old friend of mine was the Chief Technology Officer of one of the largest banks in the world. He helped Bill Gates design the techno part of his uber techno home. He wore navy pinstripes. He taught me a lot. The least meaningful but fun lesson: business cards are overrated. "If you want to find me, you will," he told people. "The older I get the more I lighten my load."

Adorable CTO, he was.

I've worked with a number of entrepreneurs who actually held off launching their websites or going to networking events because their business cards weren't back from the printer. That left me gravely concerned for their future. Business cards might have their place for on-the-road salespeople and a few retailers, but before you send your logo to Kinko's, check your reasoning. Business cards are not an imperative to a rocking business or being reachable.

1. I've never, in twenty professional years, actually finished a box of business cards. Change is the only constant in my career.
2. If you really want to get in touch with me, I’m very, very easy to find. (Most of us are.) Google me. Twitter me. Facebook me. LinkedIn me. Friend Feed me. Buzz me. Email me. (But whatever you do, don't call me. In that case, there's my super VA, Dawn.)
3. If, after hearing me rock the mic for an hour, sharing a drink at a party, or 5 minutes in an elevator, you can’t actually remember my name or my website – then I’m doing a really lame job of showing up, or you just didn't like me enough. If you don't remember my name, it's not meant to be. I'm okay with that. And for the record, I never forget a face, but I suck with names - except when someone has really caught my attention.
If I really want you to get in touch with me, I'll make sure that happens. I'll email you to say, "great to meet, let's save the world together."

4. I can’t remember the last time I looked at someone else's business card to get their info. 2001? Maybe.
5. I save about $100 bucks that I’d much rather spend on shoes or music.
6. Ink, paper, toxins and trees – the world is a little better offer without another box of cards going into the landfill.

NOT HAVING A BUSINESS CARD WILL NUDGE YOU TO:
Shine. Handing out cards can make us feel like we're actually doing something productive. Sometimes we are. But sometimes, we're just filling space and copping out of saying a clear "goodbye" or "I'd like to know more."
Get your own on-line presence if you don't have one. You don't need a "blog," but in this day and age, every working professional should have a one page site/profile of their own, or one parked on LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.

Depending on your business, when someone asks you for your business card, it may be better to smile your twinkliest smile and repeat your Twitter name, your super easy (or clever) Gmail address, and very kindly say, I'm so easy to find. And memorable I might add.

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Coming attraction: I'm deep in my lab creating The Fire Starter Sessions vook: a multi-media program for blazing your entrepreneurial trail. Watch this space for pre-order information and sparks of inspiration. I'm so excited!

I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

I no sooner want to be balanced than I want to be a “good” girl. “Balance” is not something I want to live down to.
- me

If consensus is overrated, I think balance is too. I have no interest in living
a balanced life. I want a life of adventure.
- Chris Guillebeau

In the end, the quest for balance is bogus. Love your burdens. Love them hard. And when your loves knock you down or your weak ankles trip you up, stop worrying about balancing – ‘cuz you’re not – and bounce.
- Kelly Diels

Life balance. Low fat cheese. Walking shoes. Small talk.
Life balance. The term makes me feel bloated and late for my own party.
Life balance. Stressful.

The pursuit of balance makes us juggle. It puts us behind (always behind,) makes us guilty, neglectful, imbalanced. It’s as useful a concept as original sin. You can never get it right.

If you want to do great things, striving for balance is a losing game. I don't think remarkable artists, scientists, activists, entrepreneurs, or generous souls set out on their giving journeys with the aim to be measured and harmonious. Meeting your potential is inherently full of tension (creative tension.) Trying to be balanced about it is onerous and futile.

Fuhget about it. Put balance on pause and feel into…

The out-of-whackness of your life – gigs, kids, commitments, projects. It’s a lot. Yes, indeed it is.
The passion in your cells - to eat life whole, to innovate, to score, to, as Emerson put it, “leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition.”

Feel into….
The hunger to fill the hole in your soul – doesn’t matter how it got there - if it’s there, it’s there.
The aspirations that show up as dreams or strategies.
The curves of your drive.

[HOLD FOR THE PUNCHLINE:]
If you’re alive, ambitious, or depressed; inventive, in the lead, or rapturous – you are imbalanced. The off-kiltering of your life may make you gasp – in grief or in glory. You could be on the leading edge of your consciousness - thriving. You could be a total mess. Things may need to be put in proper order. Loved ones. Goals. Your well being. Your mental clutter. Your blood pressure. Your Mastercard statement. But...

[THIS IS THE PUNCHLINE:]
Getting "balanced" is not the remedy to stress.

Passion is.

I burn a lot of omlettes. It's a regular occurrence - I'm drawing robots with my kid, I'm jotting down an idea I don't want to lose, I'm taking the call. And then the smoke alarms goes off. I "work" on holidays. Last Monday I stayed in bed and read all day. I send birthday gifts three months early or three months late - but it's just the right gift. I can eat cereal every day for a week, wearing the same clothes, never leaving the house because I want to finish a book. I like last minute trips out of town and not answering email for days. The last time I was at a monastery, I tweeted about it.

This is not a balanced life. But it works. And the more I pursue my passions, the more uncomplicated my life gets, actually. There's not much in my life that I resent. And if resentment builds, I'm swift to get it off my plate. It's not the imbalance-ness that stresses me, it's doing meaningless things that aren't taking me where I want to go.

MOTHERS + CEOs
When we talk about the whole life balance issue, working mothers are central to the conversation. How does the screw-life-balance-and-go-for-passion theory apply when you're juggling P 'n L's and macaroni 'n cheese? It's about an overall proportion in your life, not perfection. It's a work hard / play hard equation. It's about draining your reserves and filling them up again with precious moments or a stolen day. You give give give give give and give some more, and then you get. It's a wonky equation - creating works of art always is - but if you don't stress about how you "should do it", you can create the best way to do it.

When passion is a priority - passion for family, vocation, for meaning - your energy intensifies. And when your energy is more focused, more, "aimed", you begin to care less about the things that don't really matter. You avoid crappy jobs, you stop over-controlling your kids, you nag and complain much less - with everyone. You get the help you need to pull off the important things - whether you're a CEO or an aspiring freelancer, and that support takes the form of a house cleaner, a VA, or a friend or mentor to jam with.

REFUSE TO BE BALANCED
When you refuse the banality of balance and go for full on life (which includes full on productivity and full on stillness,) you'll see the inevitable mess of it all as something more beautiful and purposeful - full of peaks and valleys - an adventure. The climb can be rigorous, grueling sometimes, but the air is cleaner, and the view will blow your mind. The fruit you'll find on your own tilted path is so much sweeter - and there's so much more of it to share.

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Coming attraction: I'm deep in my lab creating The Fire Starter Sessions vook: a multi-media program for blazing your entrepreneurial trail. Watch this space for pre-order information and sparks of inspiration. I'm so excited!

I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE SEGMENT [4 minutes]

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I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

Lora Sasiela is the founder of Financially Smitten. We did a Fire Starter Session last year and I was truly impressed with her knowledge (she's a psychotherapist by training and trade) and spirit (she's on a full tilt mission to help women make and manage real money.) When she launched her new site and workshop line up, my immediate reaction was, "yesss!" I smiled big and thought to myself, "She did it right, and she did it sassy." Read on for a dose of sage advice that you can take to the bank.

1. Cocktail line:
I'm on a mission to put the femme in finance. You know how so many women are scared about money and think that if they don't deal with it, it will just magically go away or somehow take care of itself? Well, I take them by the hand, and using a proven blend of financial therapy and money coaching am able to support them in creating a conscious and empowered relationship with money. Through this transformative work they are able to kiss their financial heartache goodbye and start rocking their money mojo.

2. Best lesson:
Be careful what you share with whom. I'm by nature a very open and generous person, and one of my life lessons continues to be around setting boundaries and realizing that others are not always coming from a place of integrity. I get so passionate when talking about my business vision and ideas for the future, and need to stay mindful at times to keep my cards closer to my chest....until the time is right for all to be revealed.

3. Smartest money spent:
My Fire Starter session with you. ;-) White, hot, truthfully, I'm all about getting the support I need to build my business and bring my goals to fruition, so investing in coaching, virtual assistants, training, etc. is always #1 on my list.

4. True strength: (makes you feels stronger, vital, alive.)
My deep and intuitive understanding of human behavior cultivated from many years of training and working as a psychotherapist. This way of viewing the world is priceless. To understand the motivations of oneself as well as others adds a type of efficiency to living in this world.

5. Who cares: (why does your tribe listen to your story or want what you've got?)
Been there, done that, came through the other side and can now show you the way. This work has been an outcome of my own financial meltdown. I am now so passionate about women not only banishing their fear of money, but also actually showing them how to put out that Welcome Mat, so more money can enter their lives.

6. Say no to: (what do you decline/limit in order to stay in your true strengths and focused on what you do best)
I am a fan of that axiom, "you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with," and really monitor my feeling state as I spend time with people. If I continue to leave interactions with someone without feeling enriched in some way, it's time to re-prioritize that connection. Life is too short!

9. Core feelings: (how do you feel when you're in your zone, doing what you want to do.)
Like I am completely tapped into another source of knowing. I joke at times that it feels like entering the Matrix. It’s like I'm a conduit, that the 'me' has disappeared somewhat and I'm sourcing something much greater than myself. Not to get all woo-woo or anything!

10. Biggest blessing or best advice:
My biggest blessing is to have really nailed down my life purpose, and in a way that allows me to value all that has come before as steps along the path, retrospectively.

11. 1 Year Dream: (intend to accomplish this year.)
To continue to grow the Financially Smitten community and develop more services and products to help as many women as possible create a relationship with money most only dream of.

12. Final words: (sales pitch, requests, offerings, words of wisdom...)
Come join the growing community at www.FinanciallySmitten.com by grabbing a free Money Makeover Kit on the site. You'll get some great tips and tools and be subscribed to my celebrated newsletter, The Flirting with Finance Diaries. Get ready to kiss you financial heartache goodbye!

....

How can the world find you?
Financially Smitten
Twitter
Facebook

Devilish angel investors, pissed off magazine editors, princess-style spending, red flags firmly ignored. I’ve made some fabulous mistakes in the name of fame, fortune and reputation management. It is my most earnest wish to save you from a few of them.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

1. No partnership agreement. No one gets married to get divorced. Business unions are no exception. You’re high on possibility, you’ve signed the lease, you love that your strengths and weaknesses “compliment each other.” You’re in it to win it. What could go wrong? Everything.

Holler for a pre-nup, sugar. The mere exercise of developing a partnership agreement will illuminate the unspoken fears and foibles that usually stay hidden until the shit hits the fan. In my last partnership we assumed that we’d always be on the same page, in agreement. And it wasn’t so much that entrepreneurial bliss had us too starry eyed to create a bonafide and binding partnership agreement, as it was the fear of the confronting some very sensitive leadership and lifestyle issues - and risking that if push came to shove, someone might get shoved out. Very big mistake.

2. Ignored my own 8 Second Rule* (*my personal theory that you get ample intuitive information about someone in the first 8 seconds of meeting them. Ample.) Consultant Boy stood me up on our first meeting. He called two days later to re-schedule. “Did he apologize or explain?” I asked my assistant. “Nope.”

I hired him (and as an employee no less.) I thought he was the only game in town and that I could teach him some respect. a) Nobody is ever the only game in town. b) Save your respect lessons for kids. As for grown ups, it’s a basic perquisite.

3. Got a workspace too soon. This is one of the mistakes that I love saving my Fire Starter clients from. It usually goes like this: “But we need a stylin’ place to see clients, so you know, they take us seriously.” Nine times out of ten, you don’t, not at first. I know guys grossing a million/year with teams of 5+ who don’t have an office. This is what Starbucks and swanky hotel bars are for. The overhead of space can drain you fast. When times are lean, rent will be what you resent paying for the most, and it will be the last thing you are able cut.

4. Tried to force simpatico with designers. If a graphic or web designer doesn’t get within easy reach of your expectations in the first round of concepts, chances are slim that it’s going to come to a delightful conclusion. Aesthetic understanding can’t be forced. It’s like trying to teach someone how to be a good kisser – feelings get hurt and it never feels quite as satisfying as you wish it did. Fire designers early. Move on quickly. This is where kill fees come in very handy…

5. Not discussing kill fees or exit strategies at the get-go. You’re a third way into a project that started with a strong vision and deliverables. But things get weird. And weirder. You’re starting to feel like a sucker because you’ve paid 50% upfront, but it’s time to pull the plug. Zoinks. Getting money back from a service provider is like asking for teeth back from the tooth fairy – long gone. Now I have conversations in the first agreement meeting that are as simple as this: “I know you’re going to rock this, but what if aliens invade your mind and you miss the mark? How much to cut bait and at which point?”

6. I put it in writing. I’ve gotten into more sticky situations because of what I put in writing than what I didn’t. Sometimes it’s in your favor to keep it loose, contracts can bite. This hard-earned theory is not about reneging or changing the rules as you go. It’s about not making promises to overly litigious, neurotic people who’ll ignore the spirit of collaboration and the natural course of life in favour of the fine print.

It’s a tough call to know when to keep it loose and when to lock it down in writing. At this point in my entrepreneurial/Priestess career, if someone must (as in panicky and antsy,) have something in writing, it’s a red flag for me. I prefer the integrity of one’s word, especially my own. I like contracts for complex projects, though and I never sign anything that I don’t fully understand.

7. Offered people too much, too soon. I’m an optimist. I believe in love, and human potential and the search for intelligent life. And after a few too many early-hires, too-soon raises, and resented percentages, I’ve become a big fan of optimistic-but-incremental commitment.

This gives you leeway for mutual accountability, prerogatives, and the space to see how much you’re capable of when you believe in your own talent - and the mistakes that helped you hone it.

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I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.