Life is better that my sleep issue has been resolved!! I have energy! My mojo is back! I’m logging and tracking my food, and I’m exercising! I did a 45 minute walk yesterday, and I ran two miles bright and early this morning. It feels good!

Tomorrow I will be working out at Iron Tribe Fitness with my buddy Trey. They do these new fangled crossfit workouts. May God have mercy on my soul.

Peace.

Last night, the new show, “My 600 LB Life,” premiered on TLC. This documentary  has four episodes about four people who transformed from over 600 pounds to their ideal weight by undergoing gastric bypass surgery. Melissa’s story was the first episode, and it was so touching to see her transformation. We got to see seven or so years of her life, starting out at 650 pounds and ending up around 200 pounds (I can’t remember the exact number.)

One thing that I know from experience and really saw in last night’s episode was how much of weight loss is mental.

Being morbidly obese is the result of a combination of factors:

1. Use food to cope with everything. If the individual is happy, sad, mad, frustrated, upset, depressed, lonely, bored, plus any other feelings, they eat. (I know because my starting weight was 632 lbs.)
2. There is an enabler in the house. To me, an enabler wants to make the enabled person happy by whatever desires the enabled has. No matter the consequences, such as weight gain, debt, loss of friends, lack of mobility, etc.  For example, Melissa’s husband had the desire to take care of someone. It’s what he wanted. So, if Melissa wanted food, he gave it to her, not considering that the food was killing her.
3. Make excuses and have faulty logic. To justify being morbidly obese, Melissa had this crazy notion that she would be overweight when she finally got to the point of not being able to walk. I can remember going to the doctor’s office a long time ago and making crazy excuses (the scale is broken) when the scale would show tremendous weight gain.

It was fascinating to see Melissa’s mental transition from 600+ lbs. to 200 lbs. She commented a few times about how she mentally still thought of herself being 600 lbs even though she weighed much less. I catch myself doing the same thing, sometimes.

I received the most joy from watching Melissa’s happiness about being mobile and free again. Free from being dependent on others for regular day to day tasks such as bathing and going to the bathroom. I loved the smile on her face as she ran up and down her front porch stairs. She had not been able to run stairs in a long time.

The most touching part of the show, to me, was when Melissa had her baby. Her husband and her struggled to get pregnant, including having one miscarriage, which understandably made Melissa extremely depressed. Finally near the end of the show, they had their beautiful girl.

I also loved seeing how Melissa’s weight loss affect her marriage. No one thinks of how the weight loss of a spouse will change things. — Melissa and her husband had some problems, but it appears that they worked them out with counseling.

My thoughts on gastric bypass surgery: First, if you haven’t followed my blog, my dad died from complications of gastric bypass surgery in the early 80′s when I was one. So, I never knew my father because of the surgery. It’s very sad, and a result of that event, I know that gastric bypass is not for me. However, I do not frown upon others who get the surgery. Just like food choices and religious beliefs, the choice to have gastric bypass surgery is a personal one. If you feel that the only way that you will lose the weight is gastric bypass surgery, please research it, speak with your doctor about it, and see if you are a good candidate for the surgery. The procedure has advanced in many ways since my dad had the surgery in the 80′s. It’s a personal decision. I have friends that have had the surgery and have been successful at losing weight, but I have also heard some horror stories. Please understand that no matter what method you choose to lose weight, you still have to learn good eating and exercise habits.

I look forward to next week’s episode.

Link to TLC’s My 600 LB Life

Weigh-In:

Last Weigh-In: 358 LBS

Today’s Weigh-In: 355 LBS

Loss for the week: -3 LBS

Starting Weight 02/01/09: 632 LBS

Total Weight Lost Since 02/01/09 : 277 LBS

Thoughts:

I am surprised at the 3 lbs loss. I really thought that I was going to have a significant gain.

Good news: I tried out my new CPAP machine last night, and I feel great today!!

So, I’ve been thinking. Remember I said that I was going to give up running for a while? Well, I believe that was over-reacting a bit. So, I’m still undertrained for the Mercedes Half, but I’m well trained for the 5KBR the day prior to the Mercedes. Thus, I’ll run that race.

I believe that my latest episode of weight gain was related to the CPAP problem. I believe the new automatic CPAP machine will resolve that issue.

“The Project Manager is responsible for the success of the project. NO ONE ELSE!” <– Quote from a training manual on project management.  I am the project manager for my weight loss project.

Upon reflection of my latest weight gain, I did a decent job of realizing that a problem exists and took steps to resolve the problem. Those steps were: A. Go to the doctor B. Buy a new CPAP machine — Purchasing the $450 auto adjusting CPAP machine was lower priced than a new sleep study ($2000+)…

“There is only one reason why businesses fail: BAD MANAGEMENT.” <– A quote from my economics class from long ago. I’ve been poorly managing my day to day (weight loss) operations, but I believe all systems will be back to 100% in a couple of days.

Well, I still feel like hell. (Sorry, no sugar coating today.)

I ended up going to my local doc in the box yesterday because I needed refills for my prescriptions. So, I talked with them about my sleep troubles and being tired all the time. They took blood and sent it off to a lab (the results should be back today) to test my testosterone levels, thyroid levels, and liver/kidney functionality.

Yesterday, I ordered a new auto pressure adjusting cpap machine with humidifier. My current machine is not auto adjusting. It’s set to the pressure that the doc ordered: 18.  The new machine will monitor my pressure and adjust as needed, so I no longer need a sleep study. The new machine was $400, which is cheaper than a sleep study… It was a no brainer. Hopefully this solves my sleep problem.

My blood pressure was normal, thus the doc didn’t want to adjust my meds. One person believes that I might be dehydrated, thus causing minor dizzy spells. Come to think of it, I have not been drinking enough water lately.

Why do I default to my old, unhealthy behaviors when I’m tired or don’t feel well? Why can’t the default be good, healthy choices?

One example of how I want to behave in the future is Dr. Dan told me last week that he only got one hour sleep the prior night, but he still ran in the morning. That is dedication. At the moment, I can’t do that. If I have one hour of sleep, I’m sleeping in.

I am really mad at myself for allowing my weight to go back up, yet again. I was so close to 332, and now I may be in the 370′s. I feel that I can’t control it.

I’m hoping that the new CPAP will fix my tired issue and I’ll get back on my A game. I just can’t function well when I’m tired. Some may say that I just don’t want to lose weight bad enough, but when I had energy in late December and early January, I was being consistent, but as soon as tiredness set in, I fell, and fell hard.

I still know that I’m going to lose this weight, and that I’m working on this whole tired issue, but I’m also going to have to work on making healthy habits my default habits.

My legs are sore from the swelling of retaining fluid from all of the sodium that I’ve been eating. BLAH!!!

When I’m this tired, I don’t have the energy to walk out the door, let alone run for 30 minutes.

Final note: I decided to not run the Mercedes Half. I haven’t been training as I should because I don’t feel good. So I am bummed out about that, but I was afraid that I might be having a health issue, thus the decision.

Last night’s sleep was not good. I woke up twice in the middle of the night. As a result, I will be a zombie today. B – R – A – I – N – S….

My whole fatigue issue might be sleep related.

Today, I will call around and get pricing info for sleep studies… I looked at the pre existing insurance program that I told you about yesterday, and it’s not such a great deal. The premium is $225ish a month with a yearly deductible of $2000. A sleep study and blood work will be around $2000 (worst case) soooo, I’ll just save up the necessary money instead of throwing it away on premiums. I know I don’t have coverage for emergencies, but for the moment I’m willing to take that risk.

I could cry and say “woe is me”, but that doesn’t pay the bills. It’s time for action on my part. I’m gonna make it happen.

Quick post… I’m doing fine today. Eating well and I played basketball for 30 minutes. I am sleepy today because I didn’t sleep well last night. To troubleshoot, I had my blood pressure and sugar tested. They were both fine. BP was 119/67 and blood sugar was 79.

I have a new doctor that I’ll be seeing in the near future. I’m hoping to get a physical done and a thorough blood test to check all of my nutrient levels. I believe getting rid of this fatigue will be very helpful with my day to day routine. Right now I must stay extra diligent and patient.

Hopefully a good nights rest will be had tonight… because I’m going to: FOOD BLOG SOUTH !!!!! I’m so excited!!!! I love being around these positive/creative people. I almost go more to be influenced by these great folks, than going for the content.

I have to get this fatigue thing figured out. It appears that I’m gonna have to just break down and make health insurance a priority. I stumbled upon a pre-existing condition insurance program that accepts everyone, and is around $250 per month. My logic is, if my health is affecting my ability to earn $$, then my ass better find a way to pay for that health insurance…. It appears I really need to have another sleep study done…. I’m considering moving to Canada. (I’m being serious.) I’m going to do whatever it takes to get past this fatigue road block. I’ve come too far to let this pesky little problem sink the ship.

Sorry I’m jumping around all over the place. I’m a better writer than this. Also, all these simple sentences. Oops. Maybe I should rename the blog to, Who Ate My Sleep? Who Stole My Winks? Don’t Shoot the Sheep.

Weigh-In:

Last Weigh-In: 349 LBS

Today’s Weigh-In: 358 LBS

Loss for the week: +9 LBS

Starting Weight 02/01/09: 632 LBS

Total Weight Lost Since 02/01/09 : 274 LBS

Thoughts:

Below is what I posted last week. This Wednesday was not better.

I am going to stay positive this week. I am going to stay positive this week. I am going to stay positive this week.

Happy, happy, joy, joy….

Next Wednesday will be better.

I saw both Dr. Dan and Sonthe this morning. We have come up with a plan to get me back on track. I am going to email my food plan every morning to Sonthe and text Dr. Dan every evening about my progress. Thank you!!!!!!!!

One day at a time.
I was reading a project management book recently, and this quote really applied to my recent slip ups:

Don’t get tied up on a grain of sand in the project. Remove the road block. Delegate the solution to someone else.

Obviously, I can’t delegate the solution to someone else, but I can be held accountable. Now I just have to move the roadblock and not be tied up by my binging episodes.

Streaks:

The bus had a flat.

No streaks this week. Getting back on the bus.

This is just a quick post reporting that I slept well last night and ran a mile this morning. I wanted to run more, but am still feeling blah. So, one mile is better than no miles. I’m planning on running two in the morning.

I didn’t eat perfectly yesterday, but better than I had been. Hopefully today’s eating will be better.

I did have a good night’s rest, so hopefully once I get my eating, exercise, and sleep under control, I’ll start having more energy.

Sonthe met up with me today for a brisk two mile walk. During our walk we talked about how I am no longer the biggest person in the room. Sonthe said since she’s worked with me, she’s more aware of larger people out in public. The first question she asks herself when she sees a large person is, “are they larger than Stephen?” She said that majority of the time the person is larger than I am. I think it’s cool that she thinks this way….

I’m still adjusting to my new life. I was used to walking into a room with many pairs of eyes staring at me because I was so large. When a 600 pound mammal walks into a room, people notice! Life today is so different. I’m no longer afraid of walking upon a group of teenagers. I no longer have the fear that they will mock, ridicule, and publicly humiliate me, which, happened somewhat frequently when I was at my heaviest.

Confession

Okay, I planned on resuming regular blogging last week. Well that fell through. Please be patient with me… I am going to Food Blog South this weekend, and hopefully that will provide me with renewed motivation for blogging. I’m also adjusting my schedule to allow for more sleep and rest.  I’m also getting back to daily exercise. So, I’m getting all systems back online.

I had gotten so focused on work that I allowed my health routines to crash. Now I am working on bringing some balance between the two.

Positives From Last Week

I actually climbed a ladder! I needed to reach some networking equipment at a customer’s home, and the only way to reach it was to use a ladder. The customer loaned me his ladder, and I thought that I would try it out… The last time I tried to use a ladder, I was so uncomfortable and unbalanced due to my excess girth. However, last week, I was fine. Now, I’m looking at buying a ladder to keep in my truck. This is also opening the opportunity to install more networking equipment and wiring, which I love doing.

Okay, the positives in this next story are near the end… I had a wreck last week. Fortunately, there were no injuries. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my proof of insurance on me, so I received a $244 citation that has a mandatory court appearance. I’ve heard from some that I can take my proof of insurance to court and possibly not have to pay the fine. Back to the wreck. After the report (and my citation) was written, I got into my truck to leave, and the battery was dead. So, because I was blocking a lane on the interstate, I had to get my truck towed.

I ended up missing a day of work because I had to wait on my truck to get repaired. Also, now I have to come up with $250 for my insurance deductible, and I’m going to be without a truck while the body is being repaired. Finally, my insurance doesn’t provide a rental car while my truck is out for repair… Here’s the positive: when the police officer handed me my license, he said (I’m paraphrasing) “you’ve lost some weight, there’s no way you’re this weight.” The weight on my driver’s license is 428 lbs…. he asked what my current weight is, and I told him 349 lbs. He scratched out the incorrect weight on my citation, and put the correct weight. Then told me, “congratulations.” This felt good.

Weigh-In:

Last Weigh-In: 339 LBS

Today’s Weigh-In: 349 LBS

Loss for the week: +10 LBS

Starting Weight 02/01/09: 632 LBS

Total Weight Lost Since 02/01/09 : 283 LBS

Thoughts:

I am going to stay positive this week. I am going to stay positive this week. I am going to stay positive this week.

Happy, happy, joy, joy….

Next Wednesday will be better.

Streaks:

No streaks this week. Getting back on the bus.