Yesterday I had the pleasure of giving a small pep talk to a group of faculty and staff members at Homewood High School. They will be participating in this weekend’s Mercedes Marathon, Relay, or Half Marathon. I really, really appreciate them allowing me to come out and say a few words. I know that you guys will be great on Sunday! Remember, wear your medal to class on Monday. Be proud!!

Also, thank you for the Homewood Patriots water bottle!! I have it on a shelf in my office.

I will also see you guys out on the Lakeshore trail.

Misc Thoughts

Today, I’m not feeling particularly inspirational because of my past 12 mos weight loss performance. So, I have my Mercedes Medal from last year in my pocket. I earned that medal, and no one can take that accomplishment from me.

Finally, I love the song “Frantic” by Metallica. I believe they were referring to drug addiction in this song, but it can also be applied to my situation.

If I could have my wasted days back
Would I use them to get back on track?
Stop to warm at karma’s burning
Or look ahead but keep on turning

Do I have the strength
To know how I’ll go?
Can I find it inside
To deal with what I shouldn’t know?

Could I have my wasted days back?
Would I use them to get back on track?

You live it or lie it
You live it or lie it
You live it or lie it
You live it or lie it

My lifestyle determines my death style
My lifestyle determines my death style

Keep searchin’
Keep on searchin’
This search goes on
This search goes on

Keep searchin’
Keep on searchin’
This search goes on
This search goes on

Frantic tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

I’ve worn out always being afraid
An endless stream of fear that I’ve made
Treading water full of worry
This frantic tick tick talk of hurry

Do I have the strength
To know how I’ll go?
Can I find it inside
To deal with what I shouldn’t know?

Worn out always being afraid
An endless stream of fear that I’ve made

You live it or lie it
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/metallica-lyrics/frantic-lyrics.html ]
You live it or lie it
You live it or lie it
You live it or lie it

My lifestyle determines my death style
My lifestyle determines my death style

Keep searchin’
Keep on searchin’
This search goes on
This search goes on

Keep searchin’
Yeah, keep on searchin’
This search goes on
On and on

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

Do I have the strength
To know how I’ll go?
Can I find it inside
To deal with what I shouldn’t know?

Do I have the strength
To know how I’ll go?
Can I find it inside
To deal with what I shouldn’t know?

Oh, my lifestyle determines my death style
A rising tide that pushes to the other side
My lifestyle determines my death style
A rising tide that pushes to the other side

Keep searchin’
Keep on searchin’
This search goes on
On and on

Keep searchin’
Keep on searchin’
This search goes on
On and on

Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock
Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tock

Lyrics Source: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/metallica-lyrics/frantic-lyrics.html

View the official music video on YouTube

Weigh-In:

Last Weigh-In: 355 LBS

Today’s Weigh-In: 355 LBS

Loss for the week: 0 LBS

Starting Weight 02/01/09: 632 LBS

Total Weight Lost Since 02/01/09 : 277 LBS

Thoughts:

We had a “come to Jesus” meeting this morning at Dr. Dan and Sonthe’s office. A tough love session. It wasn’t fun.

If you’re a long time reader, you know that if someone tells me what I don’t want to hear, I get pissed off. Even if what I don’t want to hear is the what I need to hear.

I am not finished losing weight. I am not at where I want to be. Sure, I’ve lost a lot, but I’m not done yet.

There are no justified binges. NONE! If I’m sleepy, take a 20 min. nap, drink a cup of orange juice, or get some exercise in. I have plenty of options other than to binge eat.

I am going to follow their advice and set myself up for success by:

• Getting 7 hours of exercise per week. Studies have shown that people that exercise an hour per day maintain their weight loss versus people that exercise less.
• Plan my meals and exercise. So I’m not facing any surprises. I’ll know exactly what and when I’m going to eat.
• Track my food and exercise. Studies have shown that people that track their food and exercise are more successful at losing weight versus people who do not track.
• Keep trigger foods out of the house.

Also, we’re going back to the blind weigh ins. I will not know my weight. My job at hand isn’t dealing with numbers on the scale, but dealing with my daily behaviors and being consistent.  As a result, Wednesday weigh ins are going away for a while. I’ll come up with something else. Maybe a song and dance routine or something. Stay tuned.

Do me a favor… when I write bull shit excuses on this blog, call me out on it. The excuses must stop! It’s going to be tough. I must power through this funk that I’ve been in lately.

We know what works for me. I have to stop the f***ing excuses and do it.

I do have some good news, I had a good nights sleep last night. (Not using the humidifier on the CPAP helped.) Also, I will be speaking to a group of high school teachers at Homewood High School this afternoon. They will be running the Mercedes Half Marathon or Relay this Sunday. This will be the first race for a lot of them, and they are nervous. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.

Last night, I did not sleep well at all. I woke up at 2am and could not fall back to sleep. So, what did I do? Binge…

Today, I have been tired all day. Not feeling well. What did I do this afternoon? Binge…

Fortunately, I ran this morning, something I usually skip when I’m tired.

Tonight I am going to use my CPAP machine without the humidifier. I noticed this morning that water was in my CPAP hose and mask. The water was leaking out of the little vent holes in the mask in such a way that it was making the most annoying whistling sound. I believe that darn noise is what woke me up.

Although I’ve had some binging this week, I believe I will have a loss tomorrow on the scale. I’ve been getting my workouts in and, for the most part, drinking a good bit of water.

I see both Dr. Dan and Sonthe in the morning. If I can get this darn sleep problem fixed once and for all, I will be okey dokey.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of participating in my very first Cross Fit work out. I found it challenging but also fun. My buddy, Trey, invited me to Iron Tribe Fitness in Homewood Alabama for their bring a friend day event.

(click on images for larger view)

We started out with a warm up which consisted of stretches and a few aerobic exercises. Then the coaches showed us the 4 different exercises that we were about to do rounds of. They showed us squats, kettlebell swings, burpees, and pull ups. Once we went through all that, they split us up into teams of two (the gym member and the person they invited), wrote our names on the wall, and also wrote the workout we were about to do.

Our workout was a 12 minute circuit that started with rowing so far on a row machine, then doing rounds of 5 burpees, 10 squats, 10 kettle bell swings, and 10 pull ups.  Trey and I did 6 rounds of the circuit.

Then the workout was finished up with cool down stretches.

It was a really great workout, and I’m feeling it the day after.

My buddy surprised me with a membership to this gym. I feel so blessed!! I really believe this new gym is going to change my life because of the following:

• I don’t have to stress about what workouts I’m going to do. The coaches tell us what our workout is when the class begins.
• I’m with the group throughout the entire workout. Also, everyone encourages each other.
• The gym provides accountability. I had to sign up for a certain time and obligate myself to 3 workouts per week. If I don’t show, they start calling.
• I will finally be adding strength training to my running regiment.

I am an athlete!

Links:

• Iron Tribe Fitness Web Site :: Facebook :: Twitter
• Art Promotional Services Web Site :: Facebook :: Twitter
• Magnets Fast Web Site :: Facebook :: Twitter

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Art Promotional Services and Magnets Fast. I received a five month membership to Iron Tribe Fitness in Homewood, AL, however all opinions are my own. I endorse Blog With Integrity.

Life is better that my sleep issue has been resolved!! I have energy! My mojo is back! I’m logging and tracking my food, and I’m exercising! I did a 45 minute walk yesterday, and I ran two miles bright and early this morning. It feels good!

Tomorrow I will be working out at Iron Tribe Fitness with my buddy Trey. They do these new fangled crossfit workouts. May God have mercy on my soul.

Peace.

Last night, the new show, “My 600 LB Life,” premiered on TLC. This documentary  has four episodes about four people who transformed from over 600 pounds to their ideal weight by undergoing gastric bypass surgery. Melissa’s story was the first episode, and it was so touching to see her transformation. We got to see seven or so years of her life, starting out at 650 pounds and ending up around 200 pounds (I can’t remember the exact number.)

One thing that I know from experience and really saw in last night’s episode was how much of weight loss is mental.

Being morbidly obese is the result of a combination of factors:

1. Use food to cope with everything. If the individual is happy, sad, mad, frustrated, upset, depressed, lonely, bored, plus any other feelings, they eat. (I know because my starting weight was 632 lbs.)
2. There is an enabler in the house. To me, an enabler wants to make the enabled person happy by whatever desires the enabled has. No matter the consequences, such as weight gain, debt, loss of friends, lack of mobility, etc.  For example, Melissa’s husband had the desire to take care of someone. It’s what he wanted. So, if Melissa wanted food, he gave it to her, not considering that the food was killing her.
3. Make excuses and have faulty logic. To justify being morbidly obese, Melissa had this crazy notion that she would be overweight when she finally got to the point of not being able to walk. I can remember going to the doctor’s office a long time ago and making crazy excuses (the scale is broken) when the scale would show tremendous weight gain.

It was fascinating to see Melissa’s mental transition from 600+ lbs. to 200 lbs. She commented a few times about how she mentally still thought of herself being 600 lbs even though she weighed much less. I catch myself doing the same thing, sometimes.

I received the most joy from watching Melissa’s happiness about being mobile and free again. Free from being dependent on others for regular day to day tasks such as bathing and going to the bathroom. I loved the smile on her face as she ran up and down her front porch stairs. She had not been able to run stairs in a long time.

The most touching part of the show, to me, was when Melissa had her baby. Her husband and her struggled to get pregnant, including having one miscarriage, which understandably made Melissa extremely depressed. Finally near the end of the show, they had their beautiful girl.

I also loved seeing how Melissa’s weight loss affect her marriage. No one thinks of how the weight loss of a spouse will change things. — Melissa and her husband had some problems, but it appears that they worked them out with counseling.

My thoughts on gastric bypass surgery: First, if you haven’t followed my blog, my dad died from complications of gastric bypass surgery in the early 80′s when I was one. So, I never knew my father because of the surgery. It’s very sad, and a result of that event, I know that gastric bypass is not for me. However, I do not frown upon others who get the surgery. Just like food choices and religious beliefs, the choice to have gastric bypass surgery is a personal one. If you feel that the only way that you will lose the weight is gastric bypass surgery, please research it, speak with your doctor about it, and see if you are a good candidate for the surgery. The procedure has advanced in many ways since my dad had the surgery in the 80′s. It’s a personal decision. I have friends that have had the surgery and have been successful at losing weight, but I have also heard some horror stories. Please understand that no matter what method you choose to lose weight, you still have to learn good eating and exercise habits.

I look forward to next week’s episode.

Link to TLC’s My 600 LB Life

Weigh-In:

Last Weigh-In: 358 LBS

Today’s Weigh-In: 355 LBS

Loss for the week: -3 LBS

Starting Weight 02/01/09: 632 LBS

Total Weight Lost Since 02/01/09 : 277 LBS

Thoughts:

I am surprised at the 3 lbs loss. I really thought that I was going to have a significant gain.

Good news: I tried out my new CPAP machine last night, and I feel great today!!

So, I’ve been thinking. Remember I said that I was going to give up running for a while? Well, I believe that was over-reacting a bit. So, I’m still undertrained for the Mercedes Half, but I’m well trained for the 5KBR the day prior to the Mercedes. Thus, I’ll run that race.

I believe that my latest episode of weight gain was related to the CPAP problem. I believe the new automatic CPAP machine will resolve that issue.

“The Project Manager is responsible for the success of the project. NO ONE ELSE!” <– Quote from a training manual on project management.  I am the project manager for my weight loss project.

Upon reflection of my latest weight gain, I did a decent job of realizing that a problem exists and took steps to resolve the problem. Those steps were: A. Go to the doctor B. Buy a new CPAP machine — Purchasing the $450 auto adjusting CPAP machine was lower priced than a new sleep study ($2000+)…

“There is only one reason why businesses fail: BAD MANAGEMENT.” <– A quote from my economics class from long ago. I’ve been poorly managing my day to day (weight loss) operations, but I believe all systems will be back to 100% in a couple of days.

Well, I still feel like hell. (Sorry, no sugar coating today.)

I ended up going to my local doc in the box yesterday because I needed refills for my prescriptions. So, I talked with them about my sleep troubles and being tired all the time. They took blood and sent it off to a lab (the results should be back today) to test my testosterone levels, thyroid levels, and liver/kidney functionality.

Yesterday, I ordered a new auto pressure adjusting cpap machine with humidifier. My current machine is not auto adjusting. It’s set to the pressure that the doc ordered: 18.  The new machine will monitor my pressure and adjust as needed, so I no longer need a sleep study. The new machine was $400, which is cheaper than a sleep study… It was a no brainer. Hopefully this solves my sleep problem.

My blood pressure was normal, thus the doc didn’t want to adjust my meds. One person believes that I might be dehydrated, thus causing minor dizzy spells. Come to think of it, I have not been drinking enough water lately.

Why do I default to my old, unhealthy behaviors when I’m tired or don’t feel well? Why can’t the default be good, healthy choices?

One example of how I want to behave in the future is Dr. Dan told me last week that he only got one hour sleep the prior night, but he still ran in the morning. That is dedication. At the moment, I can’t do that. If I have one hour of sleep, I’m sleeping in.

I am really mad at myself for allowing my weight to go back up, yet again. I was so close to 332, and now I may be in the 370′s. I feel that I can’t control it.

I’m hoping that the new CPAP will fix my tired issue and I’ll get back on my A game. I just can’t function well when I’m tired. Some may say that I just don’t want to lose weight bad enough, but when I had energy in late December and early January, I was being consistent, but as soon as tiredness set in, I fell, and fell hard.

I still know that I’m going to lose this weight, and that I’m working on this whole tired issue, but I’m also going to have to work on making healthy habits my default habits.

My legs are sore from the swelling of retaining fluid from all of the sodium that I’ve been eating. BLAH!!!

When I’m this tired, I don’t have the energy to walk out the door, let alone run for 30 minutes.

Final note: I decided to not run the Mercedes Half. I haven’t been training as I should because I don’t feel good. So I am bummed out about that, but I was afraid that I might be having a health issue, thus the decision.

Last night’s sleep was not good. I woke up twice in the middle of the night. As a result, I will be a zombie today. B – R – A – I – N – S….

My whole fatigue issue might be sleep related.

Today, I will call around and get pricing info for sleep studies… I looked at the pre existing insurance program that I told you about yesterday, and it’s not such a great deal. The premium is $225ish a month with a yearly deductible of $2000. A sleep study and blood work will be around $2000 (worst case) soooo, I’ll just save up the necessary money instead of throwing it away on premiums. I know I don’t have coverage for emergencies, but for the moment I’m willing to take that risk.

I could cry and say “woe is me”, but that doesn’t pay the bills. It’s time for action on my part. I’m gonna make it happen.

Quick post… I’m doing fine today. Eating well and I played basketball for 30 minutes. I am sleepy today because I didn’t sleep well last night. To troubleshoot, I had my blood pressure and sugar tested. They were both fine. BP was 119/67 and blood sugar was 79.

I have a new doctor that I’ll be seeing in the near future. I’m hoping to get a physical done and a thorough blood test to check all of my nutrient levels. I believe getting rid of this fatigue will be very helpful with my day to day routine. Right now I must stay extra diligent and patient.

Hopefully a good nights rest will be had tonight… because I’m going to: FOOD BLOG SOUTH !!!!! I’m so excited!!!! I love being around these positive/creative people. I almost go more to be influenced by these great folks, than going for the content.

I have to get this fatigue thing figured out. It appears that I’m gonna have to just break down and make health insurance a priority. I stumbled upon a pre-existing condition insurance program that accepts everyone, and is around $250 per month. My logic is, if my health is affecting my ability to earn $$, then my ass better find a way to pay for that health insurance…. It appears I really need to have another sleep study done…. I’m considering moving to Canada. (I’m being serious.) I’m going to do whatever it takes to get past this fatigue road block. I’ve come too far to let this pesky little problem sink the ship.

Sorry I’m jumping around all over the place. I’m a better writer than this. Also, all these simple sentences. Oops. Maybe I should rename the blog to, Who Ate My Sleep? Who Stole My Winks? Don’t Shoot the Sheep.