Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???

Checking out my Breasts

2012-01-26T14:47:00.000-06:00

Now THAT title is sure to get me some spam.
*************
I turned 40 last Saturday. I'm not happy about it but I always knew it was coming, obviously. I always felt like 40 was so far away...

Turning 40 means I have to start getting mammograms. I'm not happy about that either but I do know it's for my own benefit. I was mentioning that to my mom, who's 78. She mentioned to me how funny it was, considering her doctor told her she didn't have to get mammograms anymore.

I was like... "what are you talking about?"

Apparently, when a woman reaches a certain age, they no longer need to get mammograms. I asked her why and she didn't know, that she was just told she didn't need one anymore. I don't know if it's because the risk of initial onset of breast cancer after age 75 is so low, but I sure hope that's the reason. Because of course my mind went to that place where they're telling me that a patient of advanced age has less of a chance of survival if they are diagnosed late in life... blah blah blah... and I told my mom, "THAT IS CRAZY - YOU KEEP GETTING THEM. FORGET WHAT THOSE DOCTORS SAID." My mom is a spunky 78 year old woman. It would not surprise me one bit if she lives another 25 years and when her last day comes, she won't go easily. She has never known an easy day in her whole life. She knows - heck, I think she created - the definition of hard work. My mom stays young by keeping active and, I'm embarrassed to admit, she can run circles around me keeping all my kids in line. She's an amazing role model for me.

So, I hope this year I won't be the only woman in my family getting a mammogram. That's all I'm sayin.

Breakfast

2012-01-19T00:52:00.001-06:00

My day starts way before breakfast. I am usually awoken around 5am, when either Violet or Sally poke me to move over so they can slide into the bed next to me. No matter how many times I point to the pile of blankets on the ground and explain, "there's no room up here! Sleep down there by the comfy pillow," they don't care. They'd prefer 6 inches of mattress next to mama over 2 feet of space on the floor.

Once one of them (or, sometimes both) climb in the bed, the kicking and fidgeting and whispering and giggling starts. It's not the worst way to wake up in the morning, but since I usually don't get to bed before midnight that snuggle party just comes too early in the morning.

At 6am the alarms finally go off, one after another in various bedrooms. Someone hits snooze, someone else gets up and hits the shower. I look at the red numbers on the clock and make deals with myself about how quickly I can get up and get the kids off to school. If I really push the envelope, I get up at 6:30 and check who's doing what. I find someone still sleeping, someone else still in the shower, and someone on the couch, awake and wrapped up in a blanket, making no movement toward getting ready for the day. I think, for a moment, they are trying to hide in plain sight under cover of a blue fleece blanket.

I start right in. Get your shoes on! Eat your breakfast! Brush your teeth and put on deodorant! Where's your hat and gloves? Is your backpack by the front door? Do you need this math book for school today? Where is your lunchbag from yesterday? MOVE! FASTER!!!!

By now I'm cursing myself for sleeping too late. I'm counting the minutes until the bus will show up at the end of our driveway. I'm telling myself that tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be easier. Tomorrow I will have all my shit together. But wait, isn't today just a repeat of yesterday and the day before? My mornings seem to be on a continuous loop.

What do you want for breakfast? One wants toast with peanut butter. One wants sugared cereal. one doesn't want anything ... until 2 minutes before walking out the door. By that time I'm ready to poke myself in they eye. I'm wondering, Why didn't I buy that box of Pop-Tarts? Sure, they're filled with sugar and a terrible excuse for nourishment, but HELLO? Breakfast in 10 seconds, max. Sometimes I need that. No one wants the same thing. No one ever wants something easy.

Then it's on to making lunches. No mustard on one. No bread on another. Find an alternative for granola bars, since one person hates them and life is only fair if there are the EXACT SAME NUMBER OF ITEMS in each lunch box. Purple drink for one person, Red drink for another, Blue for the third. These are the facts that fill the capacity of my brain - not literature or history or current events; I know who likes ham and who like Cheetos.

Finally, everyone is bundled and backpacked and booted. Wait, there's 3 minutes until the bus comes. Can we watch TV? HELL NO YOU CAN'T - JUST SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR THE DAMN BUS.

On the one hand, I can't blame them for trying. On the other, they better learn fast which buttons of mine not to push. If momma ain't happy...

This Post is part of Mamakat's Writers Workshop

2012-01-06T15:07:00.000-06:00

Over Christmas break, I got the luxury of some time by myself... in the waiting room of a physician's office. Having a UTI is absolutely NO. FUN. AT. ALL. While waiting to give a sample in the lab, I sat down and glanced at the (short) stack of magazine offerings: Road & Track, Working Mother, or Golf Digest. I don't golf. I do drive a car but I'm betting they don't cover Cheeto-laden minivans in Road & Track magazine. So, since I'm a mother, I figured I was half-qualified to read Working Mother.

Staying home with our kids has always been the right choice for our family and thankfully, it has always worked financially. I'm so glad I have had the opportunity to be a homemaker. But at the same time, I have always been keenly aware of the loneliness that can go along with having companions under 4 years old.

Reading the Working Mother magazine, I saw articles about women who were mentors to their peers, made time for developing their professional skills, and learned (and practiced) a healthy balance between work time and family time.

I suddenly thought, "who are my peers?" Gulp. Do I even have any? I don't think the grocery checker counts, even though I see her more often than I see any of my friends. I know I help my children and I'm proud of most of the decisions I make as a parent, but I have to ask myself, "Am I really developing myself personally or otherwise?" The skills I practice: folding towels. Organizing the board game closet. Making baloney sandwiches.

This introspective bit is probably born out of the time of year. The beginning of a new year always makes me, like so many others, think about my goals. I make new plans for the upcoming year but I also think about whether or not I reached any goals that I set last year (I didn't). Then I look back on the last 2, 5, or maybe 10 years and ask myself: how have I grown? Have I changed for the better?

I want to make the lives of the people around me better. I really think I do that. I know I have certainly grown as a MOM and WIFE in the past 12+ years. But what kind of example am I setting for my daughters? Am I teaching them that they when they grow up, they can aspire to be an amazing.... towel-folder? Or they can be really great at the concept, "go along to get along"?

I don't think my life is bad at all. I have a sweet, faithful, honest, and hard-working husband. I have intelligent, healthy, beautiful, friendly children. We have enough money to buy what we need, but not so much that we forget to be humble. And certainly, what I have is enough. No, it's more than enough. I just keep wondering if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing with the gifts I've been given.

Sometimes I just don't know what I'm chasing.

Christmas... unwrapped.

2012-01-04T21:54:00.000-06:00

Being the mom on a budget is sticky sometimes. Even when I *can* buy something for my kids, many times I choose not to. Sometimes it's because I know I can spend my money on other, more useful things. Sometimes its because I just don't need one more thing cluttering up my house. But mostly, it's because I don't want my kid believing that they are entitled to everything they ask for and everything they see that their friends have.

Yesterday was my kids' first day back to school. Like every kid after Christmas break, mine were anxious to get back with their friends and compare how they made out from Santa.

Charlie Brown was super excited when, on Christmas, he got a Kindle e-reader. It's not the fancy kind, it's the $79 version with "special offers". He also got a wii game that he was really hoping for - Zelda Skyward Sword or something like that (the guy at GameStop totally knew what I was talking about even if I didn't.) Charlie Brown even got some cash, with which he bought himself two hermit crabs and the full setup to go with them.

But when he got into the car yesterday after basetball practice, he said, "ya know mom, I was really excited to tell everyone about my Kindle but actually, it was no big deal. Two kids in my class got an iPad 2! One girl got an iPod touch and a laptop. A few kids got a Kindle Fire. Mine seemed so... unexciting."

I am almost 40. I am WAY past caring what people think about me. But I am no dummy. I know that elementary school has a very precise pecking order and in today's society, it's peck or get pecked. The pecking comes in the form of electronic gadgets and our kids are at the bottom of the pecking pile. Although I wouldn't have gotten him anything different, I have a hard time thinking about how his excitement was crushed under the sheer volume of his friends' bigger, better, more expensive gifts. Truthfully, we are not interested in getting our kids a bunch of expensive electronic devices. We think they are a distraction as well as being a huge responsibility for someone so young. Hundreds of dollars on a small, fragile device for someone who's not even old enough to stay home by himself yet? No matter how mature or careful he is, he's 10. That's just too early, in my opinion, for me to spend a bunch of money on something just for him alone. We didn't even get him the Kindle - his grandparents did (with our blessing). The Kindle seemed like a good choice - CB is a voracious reader and Amazon just came out with an affordable option for the e-reader so we figure the timing was right. I don't think it ever crossed his mind that the "basic Kindle" was anything less than awesome until he saw what his friends were getting.

I still remember the Christmas just before I turned 12. I was in 6th grade and my parents bought me a Seiko watch. It was gorgeous. Did I understand how valuable it was? No of course not. They could have bought me a Timex and I wouldn't have known the difference. But it was their money and they could afford it and that's how they wanted to spend it. In retrospect, it seems strange that my parents would give me something that was so valuable - as a parent now myself, I feel like "valuable" gifts are more like the reward for becoming an adult. Like, when you're a kid you make due with whatever your parents give you and when you're an adult you can spend your money on the nicer things.

As for other parents buying their kids expensive gadgets - I don't begruge them one teensy iota. Why should I care? Like I said, if they have the money and want to spend it that way, so be it. If they buy their kids an xBox 360 or a laptop or an iPad or a cell phone or whatever. Their family - their business. All I'm saying is, it's so tough getting my kids to understand why *WE* don't buy them those things. Right now, as it is, we have enough going on in our family that we have a hard time giving focus to each other; there's basketball practice, cheerleading practice, scouts, church, work, meetings, homework, etc. If we had any more distrctions in our household we probably wouldn't see each other for days at a time. Limiting our electronic access is the way our family makes it work. But to someone who's 10, whose friends all have Facebook accounts and play Angry Birds in the car on the way to school, to him it all just seems... unfair.

Charlie Brown has a very good head on his shoulders. It seems like he knows why his dad and I have made the decisions that we have, even when he doesn't necessarily like them. I am hoping, and praying, that by not giving our kids all that the world has to offer, it will leave them wanting more. But not more from the store.

Please Pardon the Interruption

2011-12-14T09:00:00.000-06:00

Hi All.
I bet you think I fell off the face of the earth.

Wait, what? Life went on without my posts appearing????

hmm. will have to check into that.

So, Since I know you're wondering what's up with the contest I ran for Family Game Night 4, I am happy to report that I did select two winners:

BlessedMomof2 and Nicole!!! Thank you all for entering the giveaway. Send me your address at tx dot mama dot 4 at gmail dot com and I will send the game packages out to you!

On another note, we bought a house. We're finally in it, after living in a hotel for 2 months. I can't even explain the relief it feels to be settled. Although, we're really not settled yet. We're still tripping over boxes and piles. Unwrapping the contents of our house, well, all I can say about that is... many trees were harmed in the packing of our house. ha ha There is SO much cardboard and paper and oh my.

Pictures to come soon.

I'm online at McDonalds because we don't have internet up at our house yet, so please forgive me if I'm slow to get back to you!

Five Things

2011-12-01T11:42:00.000-06:00

Five Things you don't know about me:

1. I have never eaten a Big Mac or guacamole. Never. Not even a taste. Not interested.
2. I have big feet. Size 10. I've been a size 10 for forever. Now, after 5 kids, even the size 10 shoes are getting tight.
3. I was first-chair flute in 8th grade for one glorious week when I knocked Geri S. on her ASS. Victory is sweet. I didn't even care when she knocked me back to my 2nd chair status - it felt good in first chair no matter how brief it was.
4. The first audio cassette I ever owned was Beastie Boys: Licensed to Ill. (9th grade!)
5. I've never broken a bone.

Five things I'm knowledgeable about:
1. Math. I'm not the smartest cookie on the block but I can hold my own with a polynomial equation.
2. Preserving. I won 5 blue ribbons in the County Fair when I entered my green beans, tomatoes, pears, peaches, and okra. I know a little bit about gardening but mostly, I just plant enough so that 50% of it can die and I'll still have enough for what I need.
3. Baking. I can make a mean Gooey Butter cake. Yum.
4. Spelling. I won the spelling bee in 4th grade. The winning word was "separate".
5. Photography. Just goes to prove: you can learn anything if you own a library card.

Five things I know nothing about:
1. automotive workings. I don't know a valve from a piston. I couldn't tell you how to change the oil. I'm lucky I can fill the gas tank.
2. Poetry. I can't figure out what all that imagery means. Why can't a flower just be a FLOWER?
3. Beef. For the life of me I can't figure out what to look for when I'm buying it, how to cook it, how to season it, etc. Ground beef? I'm good to go. Otherwise, I'm just wasting my money.
4. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Twilight. I just don't get into those kind of stories. I know what they are but haven't read a page nor watched a minute of any of them.
5. Smart Phones. I have a regular-old cell phone. My best friend has a smart phone and I looked at it but I was afraid to touch it... it looked too sci-fi for me!

Five things I believe

1. I will never, ever be able to truly appreciate what it feels like to be poor.
2. When I am content, I will start to get complacent. That's probably why I am so self-critical.
3. Sometimes keeping my mouth shut speaks volumes more than anything I could say.
4. Whenever I criticize someone else, it's usually a criticism about myself, in disguise.
5. No one will ever love, care for, protect, or forgive me the way God does. If I lose everything else in my entire life, I will still have Jesus. Or, I should say, He will still have me.

This post is part of the Writers Workshop over at MamaKat's Losin It. Hop on over to see the other entries too!

FACE!

2011-11-30T06:07:00.125-06:00

I like to think I'm a good sport.

My kids might tell you otherwise, but I like to believe that little white lie I keep telling myself. They probably would say I'm NOT a good sport because I have a tendency to yell FACE! while pointing my finger at them whenever I go out in Uno, slip one shot past them in 2-square, or even spell a word correctly.

Yeah, I know. I'm extremely mature. Considering I'm like 30 years older than them. (In all fairness, I let them yell FACE! at me when they send my Sorry! game piece back to home, double jump me in checkers, or find my hiding space in hide-n-seek. don't dish it out if ya can't take it, right?)

Anyway, I'm noticing that since we got our Wii last November, we're actually playing MORE games as a family. That seems counter-intuitive but its true. We can play in the cold of winter or heat of summer; we can play sports without buying (or storing) tons of balls, bats, pads, sticks, etc.; no one's at an advantage because they are taller or shorter or faster; even our littlest Peanuts can get in on the action.

Playing together is really important to us - we don't have a lot of time to spend together once homework is done, chores are completed, and meals are finished. We like to do activities that are fun for ALL of us when all 7 of us can gather together.

Some of our other favorite things to do are: spend time outdoors, going on hikes or checking out state & local parks; reading books together, especially the Illustrated Classics series, and we do like to go shopping, especially at resale shops! The bargain hunter gene is strong in the Texan family!!!

This year I would really like to get my family into the tradition of also doing more volunteer work. Serving others is so important and yet it's one area I've talked the talk but not walked the walk. I need to lead them by example. Texan Papa and I discussed the idea of, next year, spending Thanksgiving serving meals at a shelter or a place like that. It sounds a little cliche, but I know it would be a good way to start the season of DEMANDING GIFTS for my kids to see how rich they already are - with blessings both tangible and intangible.

How do you and your family spend time together? What activities do you like to do?

I have an awesome giveaway for your family. I am partnering with Hasbro, EA, and Best Buy to help them celebrate the launch of the new video game Family Game Night 4. On Sunday December 4th, the Best Buy in Frisco TX (located at 3333 Preston Rd) will be hosting a Family Game Day from 11am to 3pm. Head on over there to play video game versions of your favorite Hasbro games like Connect 4 basketball and Scrabble Flash. You can also enter (at the event) to win a fun-filled, family vacation or a new iPad 2 loaded with your favorite FAMILY GAME NIGHT games! There will also be balloons, face painting, and popcorn for any families that participate, and radio station i93 will be on site doing a remote.

For more information go to check out the event on Facebook.

You can win a Family Game Night pack for yourself, including a copy of Family Game Night 4 for XBox! You can enter up to 3 different ways:

1. Leave a comment, telling me your favorite game you played with your family as a child, or your favorite game you play with your own family now. Board game? Video game? Card game? I want to know!

2. Post about the Family Game Day event on Facebook (just copy & paste the phrase below for your status update, then come back and comment that you shared it):

Celebrate Family Game Day with @EA Play and Hasbro at Best Buy in Frisco on December 4, 11am-3pm.

3. Tweet about the Family Game Day event Twitter (again, just copy & paste the tweet below, then come back and comment that you tweeted.)

Celebrate Family Game Day with @EAPlay at Best Buy in Frisco on December 4, 11am-3pm more info: on.fb.me/eaplaybbe @TexMama

Entries will be accepted through 5pm Sunday, Central Time, December 4th.

I was contacted through Allied Media to participate in this giveaway for Hasbro, EA games, and Best Buy. I was given a complimentary copy of Family Game Night 4. All opinions in this post are uniquely mine.

Winners: "Love Begins" Giveaway

2011-11-28T23:15:00.000-06:00

Thanks to everyone who left a comment for my giveaway of the movie, "Love Begins".

I selected two winners via Random.org and the winners are...

#4: Gigi

and

#6: Brad

YAY! I'll be sending the DVD to you this week.

Where does the Time Go?

2011-11-22T02:51:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to my little baby Peanut.

I can't believe you are two years old today. You're so beautiful and smart and sweet.

You always have a smile on your face and you love to have fun. Your squeals can be heard for miles around. Okay, well, maybe not MILES...

You're such a good sport - you always put up with me sticking that giant camera in your face and you never complain.

Sometimes you give me that goofy, gummy smile but I don't mind.

You rarely have a clean face, or are without a scab or a runny nose. Your hair often needs combing. Stains on your dress are commonplace. I don't consider it a mess. I consider it... a zest for life.

You are inquisitive, much like any toddler, and you can easily find your way into trouble...

And you love to be silly. That's for sure.

Sometimes you turn my world upside down

You've taught me to take a closer look at myself, to slow down and savor the moment.

To worry less about the mess and more about the memory

To dance in the rain and let my hair down.

You give me a reason to smile every morning.

You give me a reason to love

You give me a reason to enjoy life

You are an ever-present reminder of God

Thank you for being who you are. I love every part of you.

Love Begins - A GIVEAWAY!!!

2011-11-21T13:34:00.004-06:00

Have you read any of the books by Janette Oke, the author of the immensely popular "Love Comes Softly" series?`I feel like I'm the only dork in the room who hasn't. I barely have time to read the directions on the box of instant oatmeal - I never seem to have time to read a book.

Recently I was contacted by the peeps at 20th Century Fox to screen the latest edition of the Love Comes Softly movie series - "Love Begins". I LOVE watching movies. One day, when I'm not up to my eyeballs in Barbies and crayons and cheese puffs, I will definitely make time to read books. But for now, I'm getting a better use out of my minutes by watching a movie.

Okay, enough about how I'm shrinking my brain and succumbing to the idiot box.

This movie was really good! It was set in the frontier times and, I'm told, it's a pre-quel to the "Love Comes Softly" series. The main characters are Ellen (Julie Mond) and Clark (Wes Brown) - Ellen and her younger sister live alone in their frontier home after their parents have passed away, and Clark is a man on his way to the gold rush in California. After Clark gets mixed up in a fight at the town cafe, Ellen hires him on for odd jobs on the farm so that he can pay restitution to the cafe owner (Nancy McKeon). Ellen and Clark develop first a friendship and later a close bond.

I liked this movie, mainly because it was a fresh change from watching a TV show or movie with one eye flinched, waiting for the next curse word or flash of boobies. Not that I'm a huge prude or anything, but honestly I'm getting tired of telling my kids, "Okay, go out of the room, I'm watching something that's not appropriate for kids." And sometimes, that's just the commercials!!! The acting was o-kay, but the story line was sweet.

Here is something you may find shocking: I was speaking to the chaplain for the local prison and he told me how EXCITED the inmates were about this new release. Apparently, the "Love Comes Softly" series transcends all ... hmm.... incarceration statuses? He told me that the guys at the prison had watched all the movies that have been made so far and look forward to every new one that comes out. When I heard this, I'm pretty sure I stood there with my mouth agape for a few seconds, trying to imagine some giant prison inmate with gang tattoos watching a Janette Oke movie.

So, here's the good news: I have two movies to give away to you! All you have to do is leave a comment to let me know you'd like to win. (If you're anonymous don't forget to leave your contact info in case you win!)

If you'd like to tweet about it, you can do that for another entry! (come back and leave a comment telling me you tweeted, please.)

If you'd like to share about it on facebook, you can do that too! (I loves me some Facebook! Don't forget to come back and leave a comment telling me you shared.)

Deadline for entering is Saturday night, 11-26-2011, 11:59pm Central Time. I will pick two winners randomly and post the winners on Monday.

leggings

2011-11-14T13:24:00.003-06:00

Fashion victim. Guilty as charged. Well, not so much "fashion" as you might say "comfort".

So, against my better judgment, I bought two pairs of leggings last year. I really loved the comfort! Felt like sweatpants, only acceptable in public.

Except for one problem.... hmm, how do I put this? Well, I just don't think anyone wants to see that part of my anatomy with such snug material. Everytime I put them on, I remember in high school when I first learned what the term "camel toe" means.

yes, I said it.

SO, the solution? I guess? wear super long shirts to cover it up. Except, I can't ever find shirts long enough to cover ... the area. I could maybe wear maternity shirts, except then I look like I'm pregnant. Which makes sense since IT'S A MATERNITY SHIRT.

I've tried the tunic look but those shirts are just a smidge too short. I am fighting the camel toe tooth and nail.

My daughter loves to wear leggings with boots and a shorter denim skirt. It looks so cute! I toyed around with the idea of wearing that, until I thought it made me look a little desperate - an almost-40-year-old, trying to look 20 years younger or something. Really, I am not afraid to look my age! I just want to look discreet.

So, internet peeps, any suggestions? Links to a possible solution? I'd really like the leggings thing to work since I'm in WI now and the leggings will help me stay warm. BRRR!!!

Weekly Winners, Long Time Coming

2011-10-30T18:54:00.001-05:00

Hello my lovelies.

I don't want this blog to turn into a giant sob fest, but this *IS* my blog after all. So brace yourself.

Living in a hotel sucks. Everyone in my family is on edge. There are 2 more TVs in our suite than we actually own. Needless to say, it's tough to peel kids away from tv (cable, no less). They aren't listening, except when one of their siblings is doing next to nothing to annoy them, then they listen perfectly and start a huge argument.

Violet has taken to screaming at HIGH PITCH, FULL VOLUME. What exactly am I supposed to do about that?

I have no where to go. The walls of our crackerbox hotel room are closing in on me. I don't really have any friends. I can go to a bible study with my kids or a playgroup with my kids. Both options sound fine but honestly, I'm so depressed about my situation that I really don't want to sit around with a bunch of people I've just met, pretend that I'm not about to punch myself in the face because I'm so sick of my life, and explain for the dozenth time about why we don't have a house to live in yet.

And the answer to that is: not for lack of trying. House #1 (the ugly house) we didn't get. Someone else bid on it and we lost. House #2 ended up just being too old and too small. House #3 went to a renter with a year lease right before we were going to look at it for a second showing. House #4 (we've got an accepted offer on that one) has an old guy living in it, with a reverse mortgage, and it might go into short sale. Short sale is code for "prepare to go the distance waiting for the bank to sell you this house." House #5 is pretty far out of town but it's on 15 acres, which we like, but it's zoned for agriculture so we'd have to get a special lender (not the one we're planning to use) to loan us the money. House #6 was nice & fixed up but just, really, too small for the money, considering it was about $10K over our very top budget.

Our house in TX is almost sold. We're getting screwed, we're losing ALL of our equity, and we'll be lucky if we're not upside down on our mortgage. I know our situation is neither disastrous or unique. But it really feels sucky to us. It's a very tough lesson to learn when we feel like we have so little money to play around with.

We don't have any babysitters here in WI.

I don't have a pediatrician for the kids, and they need physicals because they want to play basketball/cheerleading.

We don't have a dentist and I have a molar that is really hurting.

The kids are wanting their toys that are in storage.

I am completely, utterly, incredibly sick of eating out.

The weather is getting cold. I hate cold weather. Hate. HATE.

And I've lost my mojo for photography. I just want to quit my 365 project. I'm behind in posting the pictures (by about a week) but I really just want to say, "eff it." What am I doing this for? Am I compromising some sanity for the sake of some stupid goal that will mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING??? If I were enjoying it, that would be another story. But at this point, it's just one more thing I HAVE to do every day that I have to squeeze in. I am in a funk. I can't get the shots I want, I feel like I'm *almost* there but I miss the mark. I am my own worst critic, I know that.

I just want to be great at this, ya know? I don't want to be "pretty good" or "fairly decent". I feel like, my whole life I've been racing toward some goal of being the best at something. sports? Cheerleading? spelling? Teaching? beauty? my marriage? motherhood? writing? my prayer life? photography? I know... stupid, very stupid. Many of those things have no "best" and even if they do, the accomplishment is fleeting. Then, when I realize I can't become the best, I drop that and start chasing something else.

I vacillate between being satisfied (does that mean I'm a sell-out? accepting less than my personal best?) and being motivated to do more (am I a masochist? Putting a goal ahead of my own well-being?)

So anyway, sorry this post totally rambled but I am going to put up some photos from the last few weeks - I just havent' been doing weekly winners (or even posting on my blog regularly for that matter) in quite a while. But I miss connecting with all my WW friends. So here goes.

In the Pumpkin Patch (10/21)

The Old Seed & Feed (10/20)

Wishing she could go outside (10/17) - this is how I feel. Our window doesn't even face the outside, it faces the pool.

I miss my Maytag. (10/16)

The fun part of living in a hotel (10/16)

One of our last days in TX, it was still warm enough to wear shorts/skirts. (10/11)

water on grass (10/6)

Violet will be 2 next month. Man, time really flies. (10/7)

Self portrait. I hate my nose. (10/5)

young artist

twinkle lights

Go over to Lotus' place to check out the other weekly winners this week!

What I learned by going to Cost Cutters

2011-10-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

By getting my hair cut at Cost Cutters Family Hair Salon today, I have learned that...

1. The people there are very nice.
2. I don't have to make an appointment, or even wait more than 10 minutes, to get my hair cut in a jif.
3. They are located in handy spots like the exit way of Wal-Mart.
4. The price for a haircut is very cheap.
5. I get what I pay for.
6. They do not give refunds.
7. If I'm having a bad day, I should not think that getting a hair cut at Cost Cutters will perk me up. Because it won't. It might drive me closer to a mental break, but it won't perk me up. Thatisall.

We Made It

2011-10-15T09:14:00.000-05:00

Well, we made it up to Wisconsin.

The plane ride wasn't what I would call "fun" or "easy" or even "quiet". The guy in seat 17A might have called it "hell" but whatever. It's not like I could step outside the airplane to keep from disturbing him.

We are all adjusting to the colder weather. I think 60degrees in Texas is a hell of a lot different than 60degrees in Wisconsin, that's all I'm sayin. I looked about one minute shy of crazy when I was walking around yesterday in my shorts & t-shirts, while everyone else had on jeans & sweatshirts. I foolishly thought I could slip on some flip-flops to run to Wal-Mart, but instead I looked around and saw all the other Wisconsinites wearing boots.

I'm having a bit of culture shock, you could say.

And, okay, I'm going to share something with you that might be the tipping point on whether or not I can see myself living here long term. This came as a shock to me, something I NEVER EXPECTED:

Wisconsin is all about the Pepsi.

The only place up here you can get Coke products is McDonalds and the grocery store. WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE PEPSI LOYALTY, PEOPLE???? It might be a little less painful if they at least also offered Dr. Pepper, since diet Dr. Pepper is a close second to diet Coke, but even DP is not that popular. I don't even know what to do at a restaurant when I ask the waitress, with desperation in my eyes, "Do you have Coke products?" and she sadly answers, "Oh gosh, no. We have Pepsi."

I think I may resort to carrying a flask.

But, to their credit, I haven't yet met a single cranky person. Or impolite. Or anything less than sweet & helpful. These Wisconsin people are totally gold.

I think I might make it here after all.

Let's talk about something else

2011-10-13T05:02:00.002-05:00

I'm so ready for this stupid day to get started so I can just get it over with.

I want to feel excited about moving. I really do - I know it will help my attitude and probably increase the likelihood of everyone being in a good mood today. But honestly I'm just tired, sad, frustrated, and pessimistic.

As I sit here, it's almost 5am. I've been up already for 1.5 hours. I woke up because one of the kids peed the bed. And my laundry machine + detergent are already packed on the moving van. Our stuff is supposed to go into storage for up to 5 months. I can't put pee sheets in storage for 5 DAYS let alone 5 months.

I know I'll get this figured out but I'm just not exactly sure how yet.

I had some really awful, really sad goodbyes yesterday. Every time I move I think, "I can do this. I got through it last time, I can get through it again." And every time, it rips my heart out. I wish I were a person who didn't let stuff tear me apart emotionally so much. I wish I could say, "ah, whatever" more often. I wish I had more of the bigger picture in close focus. But ultimately I get caught up in my momentary drama and I get all upset & freaked out.

Thus - my current state of feeling like I'll puke at any moment.

So, this is my last post as Texan Mama. I guess the next time you read this I will be Wisconsin Mama or something. I'm not sure what I'll do or how I'm going to move forward, but the days will surely march on and I will live & breathe & wake to another morning.

See ya on the other side [of the country].

Going

2011-10-10T08:45:00.000-05:00

I. am. tired.

Bone-tired. Exhausted. I might fall asleep at the compuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

BAH wake up wake up wake up wake up

So... updates! We did not get the ugly house. After all that boo-hooing I did about how I had to go along to get along, how I was not getting the house I wanted, well... I didn't get the house I wanted. Know how - sometimes - a good idea takes a while to grow on ya? Well that ugly house grew on me. I was all ready to take the huge amount of money we'd be saving and drop it on new carpets, new toilets, new cabinets, etc. But now we're back to square one.

Know where square one is located? At a motel - the kind with the free continental breakfast. We are moving from our 4-bedroom house into a king suite, plus an adjoining double queen. Yes I'm a little freaked out. Yes I'm worried if I'll be able to survive each other for the month or two we'll be there. And, yes, I am loving the idea that I won't have to cook or vacuum or change sheets for a month. (That part makes the others less stressful). On Tuesday - YESI'MTALKINGABOUTTOMORROWOMG - the movers are coming to pack up all our belongings. Texan Papa & Texan Granpa leave Tuesday with our vehicles all packed. Wednesday they load the truck with everything except our suitcases. Thursday we leave. All our stuff goes into storage until we find a house to buy or rent. Until then, we're kickin' back at the Days Inn.

Thursday. It's coming pretty fast. I mean, I know I'm not dying or anything.... but I have to say, There are so many things I wanted to do! There are so many people I wanted to say goodbye to. But I just don't have the time now. Life goes on. We will move, make a new life, and plant new roots. We'll make new friends and eventually all the things we swore we'd never forget about our old life will be just a distant memory.

I feel like I'm swimming in stress. I have a few last-minute photography clients whose orders I have to finish up, when I should be packing and making phone calls. I have a zillion loose ends to tie up, like things I need to return to the store, bills I have to pay, appointments to squeeze in. Plus, my new (used) van that I just bought that is still under warranty is leaking water. And I'm not talking about the engine. This weekend we had our first significant rainfall since the spring and my ceiling inside, near the panel that shows the temperature, etc., was actually DRIPPING WATER.

The van is under warranty until 60K miles. Did I mention how many miles my van has on it now? 58, 224. And of course we have to drive it to Wisconsin. TOMORROW.

{insert sound of me banging my head on the desk}

We are so smart! Because we bought the extended warranty up to 100K miles! But it doesn't cover weather stripping!!!! Or so we think because we can't get a straight answer from anyone!!!! Or else we get put on hold forever!!!!

*sigh*

Can I share the least fun part? The look of disappointment on my kids' faces when I tell them that we don't have time to do all the last-minute things they want to do. Charlie Brown had plans to go to a friend's house to hang out today, but that friend lives an hour and a half away. So, that would be 3 hours (at least) in the car just getting him there. With all this van business and all this moving business and all this going out of my head with craziness business, I had to cancel at the last minute. CB says he understands, but it broke my heart a little bit when I had to tell him.

The kids are excited to start a new school, I think. Their first day is Friday. I think the thing they're most thrilled about is that they don't have to wear a uniform. FINALLY they can wear their Spongebob t-shirts & camo pants and the only thing standing between them and fashion suicide is their own imagination...

So, once life settles down a little bit I'll be back to my old whiny sarcastic self. Bet ya can't wait.

Where I'm From

2011-09-29T01:14:00.000-05:00

Where I'm From

I am from banana-seat bicycles, from Atari 2600 and Shrinky Dinks.
I am from the sound of my father up at 6am on Saturday morning, fixing up our house or helping our neighbor fix up theirs.
I am from the aloe plant on our windowsill, the cure-all for grabbing a cookie from the cookie sheet too soon.
I am from movie nights with popcorn and chocolate milkshakes and "Oh, just let them be kids!" From Grandma-Mom and Uncle J and Aunt R and more cousins than I could count.
I am from gifts that say I love you but not as much as people who say I love you.
From "Santa bought your presents at Target this year" to "Stop crying or I'll give you some to cry about."
I am from long Catholic roots and mass every Sunday because the only thing worse than making God mad would be making my mom mad. From, don't ask why, just trust the priest, that's the way we do it.
I'm from St. Louis my whole life and Fredericktown at Thanksgiving and Easter, from Velvet Freeze ice cream and Miracle Whip Sandwiches and kaczka (duck blood sausage from the Polish deli - I *think* that's the right spelling).
From idolizing my big sister, wishing I could be her best friend even though I was 13 years younger. From learning years later how much she cherished the letters I mailed to her at college when I was in 1st grade and how much she loved sleeping in the bed with me when she came home for Christmas break.
I am from the same hand-knit Christmas stocking every year for as long as I can remember, and still the same one today. I am from a mother who taught me how to live simply so that others may simply live, and a father who taught me that splurging on myself, in moderation, is good for the soul. I'm from parents who are opposites, yet have fit together perfectly for over 55 years.

I'm Linking Up with MamaKat's Writer's Workshop (even though this is a prompt from last week). I read Jennifer's and loved it so much I had to do it this week!

Inspire

2011-09-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

Who inspires you? And why?

What is it that moves you? What takes you out of your comfort zone and challenges you to do more, try harder, and be better than you thought you were?

When does inspiration strike you? Does it happen when you are appreciating inner peace? Or is it the life preserver in a sea of chaos and misery?

Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

So, where do you get your 1%?

I am inspired daily by things that are beyond my grasp. I see the God-given gifts people have for playing a beautiful melody, or capturing an emotional moment in a photograph, or singing a song with vocal acrobatics. It is no less amazing to witness a friend become an encourager, a doctor be a healer, a mother to be a comforter.

I see the things I aspire to be. I believe it's possible.

I know it is.

Weekly Winners, 9/18-9/24

2011-09-25T20:04:00.000-05:00

Hi! I haven't posted a lot lately because, really, do you want to hear me whining about moving? Or packing? Or homeschooling? Or how my kids would rather be subjected to an entire hour of Teletubbies than say one single kind word to each other?

(see how I snuck that whining in? I'm sly like that.)

Anyway, I also haven't been doing WW lately because {insert lame excuses and whining here}. but I've decided to just give it a go again.

Weekly Winners is hosted by the lovely and very talented Lotus over at Sarcastic Mom. You can see other weekly winners over at her place so go check it out! You can also see my photos on my Flickr Photostream or my 365 Project Blog.

There, I think I got all my kids in there somewhere. I get mom points for that, right?

You say Goodbye, I say Hello

2011-09-14T00:16:00.000-05:00

Hello.... hello....

C'mon, sing it with me folks.

I'm thinking that song really isn't about going or arriving or any of that. I think it's more about two people who can't agree. And maybe in some twisted way, this post is about all of that.

You may have read in my previous post that we are leaving Texas.

Yes, I'm sad about it. Yes, I'm stumped as to what I will do about my name. No, I'm not planning to make snowblowing my driveway sound any sexier than it actually is. Which is zero. Maybe even sub-zero (which, coincidentally, will be the temperature up there in January! Goodie!) Texan Papa and I just got back from a house-hunting trip in Wisconsin. We saw it all, people. We saw the good, the bad, and the ugly. We saw the smelly, the once-underwater, and the destroyed-due-to-forclosure.We saw the too small, the too big, the too expensive, and the too much work for us to complete in a lifetime.

In the end, we "agreed" on a house that I don't love. Okay, I don't like it. Okay.... I hate it. I'm not going to lie (do I ever?) The upside? It's a fairly new house (45 years old) and it's got decent structural issues. No mold, good roof, sturdy foundation. It's in a very nice part of town. And, it is really really affordable. The downside? It's a mess. The flooring will ALL need to be removed & replaced. The bathroom will need to be gutted. Yes, I say bathroom because there is only ONE full bathroom. (There are 2 half-baths, one of which we intend to make into a full bath). There are only 3 bedrooms, but we are planning to build more bedrooms in the basement (which is massive and not stinky.)

When I say that we “agreed” on this house, what I mean is, I simply cannot disagree with all the very good points my husband has brought up. We will be able to remodel, creating a house with many brand-new elements. We can do this and still easily afford our mortgage. Its resale value, should we decide to sell later, has a much better chance than a 100+ year-old house. It will hold the heat better than an older house. It has an attached 2-car garage. All the cosmetic things can be changed.

Blah blah blah. All I know is that the house has nasty light fixtures, the tub and toilet are PINK with turquoise carpet in the bathroom, and the kitchen has an inch of grease on all the surfaces. I have told him, I WILL not move into the house until some things are remedied.

*sigh* still, we have to live somewhere. We have to find something that’s a good value. This, this is a good value. It’s not pretty but I’m hoping that it will be when I’m done with it.

Have I mentioned that I have horrible decorating abilities? I am afraid to even hang a picture in my house because I can’t stand the idea of it not being a cohesive part of the room-furniture-ambience-feng-shui.I'm banking on the hope that I can pull my act together so that I can stand to live in this house. I guess, no where to go but up from here, right? yah.

(That's Wisconsin-speak for yes.)

I don't want to put the spin on this like he's calling all the shots and I'm standing 3 feet behind him, saying "yes dear, you're so smart." I have a voice, and I let it be heard on this one. But the truth is, I am being stubborn and maybe I can't see the forest for the trees. Maybe I'm having some difficulty getting excited about moving into a house that's basically gross. Everyone we spoke to about it, who knows the house, says the exact same thing, 'OH! Great neighborhood! But that house... ooh... it really needs some TLC." which is code-speak for "that house is a shit hole on the inside".

I guess maybe it will feel good to transform a shit-hole into something nicer. It's also hard because the house we live in now is pretty nice. We're going to a smaller mortgage on purpose. We want something we can live with, not something we can barely pay. It will be hard to move from the house we live in now, which is the nicest house I've ever lived in, to basically the... um.... least nice house I've ever lived in.

Okay, enough belly aching. I am going to try really hard to be Positive! And optimistic! And I will start warming up my Menard's Credit card! (Menards is totally the Home Depot of the upper midwest, folks.)

Can't wait to share pictures with you...

I {heart} Lungs!

2011-09-07T02:29:00.001-05:00

Is that the weirdest thing you've ever heard? I can honestly say, I've never seen a bracelet or t-shirt promoting Lung Cancer Awareness with that phrase on it.

Did you know, Lung Cancer is by far the leading cause of cancer death in the United States, according to this 2011 data from the American Cancer Society.

I was thinking about this because of all the popularity of the "I {heart} boobies!" t-shirts and bracelets. What do you think of them? The Keep a Breast Foundation is responsible for this popular trend. The purpose of Keep A Breast's "I Love Boobies" Campaign is to speak to young people in their own voice about a subject that is often scary and taboo, according to Sarah Hardwick from the Foundation's public relations department. (Source) Do you think these t-shirts raise awareness to an otherwise unengaged age bracket?

Some people feel the "I {heart} boobies!" t-shirts and bracelets don't really have a place in schools because they minimize the importance of a very serious subject. What do you think?

I'd just love to know if Lance Armstrong is going to start wearing a t-shirt that reads "I {heart} balls!" If that's too racy maybe he could just wear one that says, "I {heart} nuts."

I also wonder if these bracelets and t-shirts would have gained so much popularity if they had said "I {heart} colons!" or "I {heart} Pancreases!" or even "I {heart} skin!"

I know this was an argument that happened like, forever ago. But it's been rattling around in my brain so I thought I would love to hear what y'all think about it.

Photo Credit, used under Creative Commons license on Flickr.

Tempura Batter for Chicken Fingers

2011-08-31T21:54:00.000-05:00

I know, you're all... what the what? Texan Mama is giving us a recipe???

But... this isn't a cooking blog! you're saying to yourself.

Well, self, you're right. And normally I would spare you from my excellent kitchen catastrophes. I have, in the past, shared my ravioli recipe. Tonight though is a special treat: I bring you into the Texas tradition of deep frying.

And when I say "Texas Tradition" I'm totally faking it because, did you know I'm not really from Texas? Yes I do live here for another month or so, but I'm not a Texas native. None the less, I have seen many things deep fried down here, from Twinkies to Oreos, butter to Coca Cola. One thing I've always seemed to miss when trying to deep fry my own junk food is a tempura batter recipe. You know what I'm talking about... the kind of crispy coating that comes on the outside of Sweet 'N Sour Chicken from the Chinese food restaurants. Well, I found one and now it's my go-to recipe for artery-clogging goodness.

And because I love y'all, I'm going to share it with you too.

Ingredients: 2 cups flour, 1 1/2 tsp salt, 2 cups water, 3 Tbsp Vinegar, and 1 1/2 tsp baking soda.

Mix together the flour, salt, and water. In a separate bowl or cup, combine the vinegar & baking soda (it will foam up a bit) and then pour it into the flour mixture. Dip your favorite items in it and deep fry in vegetable oil!

Voila!! Yummy, crunchy, unhealthy goodness.

you're welcome.

Acceptance?

2011-08-22T21:36:00.002-05:00

Acceptance.

This is something I have struggled with since I was a small child, every single day until right this very moment. I want to be loved. I want to be thought of well. I want to be considered smart, funny, creative, and cool.

I want YOU to think those things. I could lie and say, "It doesn't matter what you think, as long as I believe it." My head tells me that's the healthier thing to do. But my heart won't let me forget how it felt to be the last one picked for kickball on the playground, or how it felt when I told my funniest joke and no one laughed, or any one of the numerous times I was broken-hearted before meeting my wonderful Texan Papa. Each of those times sunk my heart and made me question my worth. It's not something anyone ever taught me (at least not consciously). I have a wonderful loving family. I'm just a person who needs my ego stroked. I need to know I'm important.

I need acceptance.

Sometimes, though, I need tough love more than I need acceptance. I need people who care about me to tell me that what I'm doing isn't smart, or healthy, or anything less than narcissistic. Of course, I am hoping that these people in my life who I love and who love me will do it in as gentle and tactful way as possible, keeping my feelings in mind.

But how does a person do that? How can we look someone we love straight in the eye, and tell them something that might crush them?

Case in point: about 5 years ago, I had some delusional thoughts about what my body still looked like. I firmly believed that my body hadn't heaved out 3 babies in 37 months and that I hadn't nursed them all. Add to it that I'd not really been very strict about keeping in shape (imagine the bicep curl from the Krispy Kreme box to my mouth. One! Bite! Two! Chew! Three more reps!!!) Add to THAT the fact that I wasn't exactly trim or fit to begin with (i.e. I was always the "base" on our cheerleading squad. Need I say more?) Add to THAT I still owned - and on this particular day was also wearing - some clothes from my pre-baby days.

My husband tried as gently as he could to let me know that some of my clothing choices just really weren't good choices. I can't remember his exact words but I do remember that he tried like hell to dance around the words "large" or "chubby" or "extra baby weight". I am pretty sure he used words like "too small" and "too tight" and "not the right size" and maybe even the phrase "I am a pastor at a church so you can't wear a halter top that cuts below your cleavage and is too short to cover your stretch marks."

I mean, my recollection is fuzzy. Maybe he didn't say "stretch marks" but he might as well have. I know what he was thinking.

And of course, my feelings were hurt. But, also, he was right. 97% of the clothes in my closet were perfectly fine, normal, age-appropriate clothes. But that little 3% of me wanted to hold onto the hope that I still could wear clothes that were size Medium. I wanted to believe that I could suck it in, and sit up straight, and tuck corners into the right places and everything would look fine. I wanted to dress in clothes that weren't right for me, but for some reason I thought those clothes would make me feel accepted by that age group I was leaving behind.

I needed that mirror to help me see what I couldn't see for myself. It's not about my husband thinking I'm fat. It's not about me wanting his approval and if I didn't get it then I'd be letting him down. It's about... he cared what I looked like and he didn't want me to look like a fool, going out dressed how I was dressed. He cared about me enough to help me see that I needed to wear clothes that were the right size for my body and the right style for ME.

Acceptance is a tricky thing. We all want to feel loved. We want to believe that the choices we are making are the right choices, that they are the same choices someone else would make if they were in our shoes. But the question we need to ask ourselves is this: are we doing any favors to a person by reinforcing the belief that no matter what you do, it's okay as long as YOU are comfortable with it?

Here's another example: I was talking to my best friend the other day about marriage, and fidelity, and our own commitment to marriage. It was no surprise that we both had friends who'd been through divorce due to adultery - either their own or their spouse's. We talked about how, if one of us were to ever have an affair but confide in the other about our actions, what would the response be? Would it be moral support? Would it be condemnation? Would it be ACCEPTANCE? We both agreed that it's okay to tell a friend - especially a good friend - that their behavior is not okay but that you love them still. If my friend had an extramarital affair and came to me, I would absolutely tell her that it was a bad choice. I would listen to her and tell her, "You've got a long road ahead of you. I am going to be by your side the entire way. But if you are wanting someone to tell you that what you did was okay, you won't hear it from me. Nothing you can do will change how much I love you, but I love you enough to help you see what, maybe, you can't see."

I'll say it again: Acceptance is a tricky thing. There's the whole "live and let live" theory. I guess, to some degree, I could see that, but I wouldn't call that acceptance. Maybe, tolerance? or maybe even, ignorance? Unfortunately, I like to ignore things that bother me, hoping they will go away. (my muffin top is proof positive of that. Let's just say, I have even had to reevaluate that 97% of my clothes since having babies #4 and #5.)

I just struggle with this because I know other people need acceptance, just like me. I feel like giving my acceptance to people I love is a way of showing them that I love them. But, like a double-edged sword, I also feel like telling someone that I accept their choices when I can see it's not good for them, I am showing them the OPPOSITE of love.

Gah! Does any of this make sense? Or am I rambling again???...

weekly winners - 8/14-8/20

2011-08-21T20:59:00.000-05:00

Hey, I haven't done this in a few weeks so here goes!

Weekly Winners, hosted by Lotus. You can also check out my 365 blog and my Flickr Photostream.

Wordless Wednesday - Calling Grandma

2011-08-17T20:05:00.000-05:00

Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???

Checking out my Breasts

Breakfast

More

Christmas... unwrapped.

Please Pardon the Interruption

Five Things

FACE!

Winners: "Love Begins" Giveaway

Where does the Time Go?

Love Begins - A GIVEAWAY!!!

leggings

Weekly Winners, Long Time Coming

What I learned by going to Cost Cutters

We Made It

Let's talk about something else

Going

Where I'm From

Where I'm From

Inspire

Weekly Winners, 9/18-9/24

You say Goodbye, I say Hello

I {heart} Lungs!

Tempura Batter for Chicken Fingers

Acceptance?

weekly winners - 8/14-8/20

Wordless Wednesday - Calling Grandma