We have to let go of what’s familiar and move into unknowns.  We have to be ready to be in a learning curve, ready to make mistakes, and ready to feel a bit inept.

But we usually have a choice about when and how much we want to allow change.  Sometimes we’re stuck and can’t change, but that still has been a matter of you tackling it when and how you decide to.

But what about right now in our world?  Right now, as I write this, we are in a global pandemic with the COVID-19 crisis. 

It has changed just about everything we knew before it showed up.  Hugs and handshakes, grabbing something casually from the grocery store, going to work, eating at your favorite restaurant, and the list goes on….

Now we are being forced to change.  No longer a choice.  We have to learn to work from home, do school at home, visit with friends from home, etc.  And this can really spin your kaleidoscope of feelings -- sometimes landing on scared, sometimes angry, often grieving, at times stirring up old trauma.

Your feelings will come in waves or come and stay, but ultimately, you need to figure out how you’ll adjust and adapt to this forced change.   You’re being challenged to step out of your comfort zone.

Here are a few ideas to help when you’re anxious about disruption and change:

Attend to your feelings

This isn’t a time to chase your feelings away or minimize them.  You will have many emotions right now about what’s going on in the world around you, your own life, and the changes and losses you’re confronted with.  

Listen to yourself, recognize what you are feeling, and give yourself time, space, and compassion for these emotions.  They are a NORMAL human reaction to the extraordinary circumstances in which your find yourself now.

Calm your body

When your emotions are heightened, your body and nervous systems are also buzzing.  You could be feeling saturated or flooded with thoughts and emotions.  Perhaps you’re bordering on rage, panic, or even numbing and shutting down.

This is a time to help yourself regulate your body and calm your nervous system.  To feel well and safe in your life, you need to do this for sure.  And, right now, when you’re forced to adapt and change, you can’t ask much of yourself until you’ve found a way to calm your mind and body.

• Start with slow, deep diaphragmatic breaths (push your belly out when inhaling while keeping your chest relatively still).  This might be hard if you’re heart rate is high and you are highly anxious.  Walk around the room a bit while you begin slowing and deepening your breathing.

  
  

• Ground and stabilize yourself.  Sometimes heightened feelings can leave you feeling like your floating or spiraling and grounding can help.  Feel your feet on the floor, your bottom in your seat, put your hands on your legs and feel the concreteness of yourself in the room.  

  
  

• Take a look around you and name things you see in the room.  Consider all your senses and name what you are noticing through those senses.  This helps you be present right now, body and mind.

  
  

Shift your mindset

Now that you have given space for your emotions and regulated your nervous system, you can begin to take a look at what your thoughts are doing through this time. 

There’s no doubt that to take on the new ways of operating right now, we need to accept that there will be new things to learn and we will be functioning in a way that initially feels unfamiliar or like a compromise to how we normally operate. 

These are new challenges and opportunities to grow.  When you find yourself resisting, or feeling afraid, or grieving what is no longer an option, remind yourself that this is a time of discovery and growth.  

Amid the feelings of loss, there can also be new possibilities.

But what if you’re stuck?

Sometimes, even if you’ve done all you can to adapt to change, you may feel stuck.  You may have the intention and desire to change and adapt, but you just can’t seem to take the action.

It will help to explore what it means for you to make a change.  If you sit with this question for yourself and see what comes up, at first you may have some conscious, expected responses.  

Then with a bit more time and reflection, you may also notice memories, family attitudes around change, your personal attitudes, fears, excitement, issues with deserving, worries about your capacity to really change, hope, safety to hope……….

You name it, there can be A LOT of meanings.    

If you’ve been resisting change and having to learn new ways to operate please remember this:

Following through and succeeding with change isn't always about logic, willpower, or the right plan.  There's a powerful force at work and that's our unconscious, gut-level, reaction to allowing change.  

What could be getting in your way?  

This is a huge question!  Give yourself time to dig deep and see what you find -- Old stuff?  Things you learned along the way?  Core beliefs about yourself?  Fears about whether you can maintain the changes?  Worries that other people will be critical or not like you if you're doing well?

You got this!

Ultimately, you will change and adapt because that’s what needs to happen.  It may not be 100%, it may not be pretty, it may come with tears or anger.  But, it will be unique to you.  How you do it, how you pace yourself, and how you care for yourself in the process is what you do have a choice about. 

If you need any support or guidance through this crisis or at any point, please contact me.  I would love to help.  Just click the “Get Started Now” button below or call me at 626-836-2023.

For periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, emotional wellness, and relationship health, click here. You will also receive news about Dr. Sona’s events, articles, workshops and more.

Many people see this as a time to re-set, refresh, or become more intentional.  It's also a time to be sure to not lose track of your intentions and let another diet or wellness plan dictate what's best for you.

If some of your intentions have something to do with your eating patterns and relationship with food, I wanted to lay out a few possible categories to help you identify where you think you might land.

Are you a binge eater? Compulsive overeater? Chronic dieter? Food restrictor?  Always compensating in some way for what you just ate?  

Below you will find a very brief description of these eating patterns that set them apart from each other.  But it's important to remember they have much overlap in many cases.  You may find yourself in more than one category, or having experienced different eating patterns throughout your life.

What they all have in common is they often lead to or are launched from feelings of shame. They also indicate some form of Disordered Eating.

Here's a very quick guideline to consider:

Binge eating

Eating large portions of food in a small period of time to the point of feeling uncomfortable or even painfully full. A feeling of no control.

Compulsive overeating

Eating with a feeling of no control, randomly throughout the day, often to the point of uncomfortable fullness.  

Chronic dieting

Doing diet after diet only to lose and gain back the same or more weight.  Often begin diets with big hopes and optimism and then stopping them from a feeling of failure followed by shame.

Food restricting

Always at the root of binge eating, compulsive eating and other eating disorders.  Food restricting can look like limiting certain food types or macros, it can look like "clean eating," it can be limiting food intake to a certain calorie goal, and it can spiral down to anorexia or backlash to binge eating.

Compensating

Any kind of "compensatory" behavior which would undo or make up for the food just eaten.  This could be restricting food, overexercise, vomiting, or laxatives.


If you find yourself caught up in any of these patterns of eating, you are probably feeling trapped in an unhealthy relationship with food and your body.  You are probably craving freedom from these entrenched patterns and a release of the shame that comes with them.

Please consider taking a look at where you find yourself and make a commitment this year to break free from those patterns.  Here are a few of my previous blog posts you may find helpful for you in the process:

Breaking Out of the Diet Trap

Releasing Shame to Heal Your Relationship with Food & Body Image

Healing the True Hungers Beneath Emotional Eating

I'd love to help.  Please reach out if you'd like some support along the way. 

You may also be interested in my new and updated guide, Finding Peace with Food and Your Body which is now available.  

I'm really excited to offer you help to find your freedom from eating concerns, weight, and body shame, and finally get out of the vicious cycle of reaching for new diet and wellness plans.

The only way out of this is to find your own unique path to transforming your relationship with food and your body -- finding out what keeps you in the vicious circle first so that you are free to make your own decisions about what is uniquely right for you.  

I've updated and expanded my original Deep Dive Guide to provide you with a step by step system to get unstuck and have a plan for moving forward. 

Your mind is busy always planning, speculating, and trying to be prepared so to avoid the “bad.”

Sometimes, this helps you feel more settled and prepared.  However, most of the time, this kind of thinking and planning seldom works and leaves you feeling worse.

Why is it making my anxiety worse? 

When you approach your life in extremes, it either all works out, or it’s a horrible failure.  But even if it all works out, it’s fleeting and temporary.  You still fall back into the pattern of aiming for the “all” and fearing the “nothing.” 

This is an exhausting mindset that keeps your anxiety high. 

Typically, when you approach life this way, it’s likely because you are more of an anxiously organized person.  You may not be visibly anxious, but your inner experience is more wrapped up around an unsettled, worried existence in your life.  

In pre-planning and expecting things to go one way or another, we are usually trying to avoid and prevent things from feeling difficult or even unbearable.  Perhaps avoiding pain, rejection, being vulnerable.  Maybe trying to prevent shame, humiliation, abandonment, being exposed, or being judged.

Can’t trying to control things manage my anxiety?

The trouble with trying to control how something goes for you is that you are tightly wrapped around one correct idea of how it should happen.  And, most of the time this expectation is never met.  It may be met partially, but there were other things that didn’t meet the mark.  

And for someone who gets trapped in the exactness of black and white thinking, you will continually be let down and feel like you have to try harder.  This cycle keeps your anxiety alive and powerful.  It’s like feeding the anxiety monster.

It’s important to become aware of your anxiety and work to heal what contributes to it.  But trying to live in a way to avoid difficult feelings will just keep it more powerful.

A few reminders when you’re grappling with black and white thinking

•  Life’s not exact

  • Everything is layered, complex and specific to the context it’s in

•  Human’s aren’t exact

  • Like life, humans are also layered, complex, and we change according to the context we’re in

•  It actually makes your anxiety worse

  • Striving for one right way doesn’t ward off difficult feeling experiences but keeps the fear and anxiety always present

• Your unresolved issues will keep cropping up

  • Expecting to understand the world in absolutes will not keep you safe from things that had hurt you in the past.  Your mind will make you think so, but your pain and old hurts must be dealt with and healed for what they were.  

So, instead of getting caught in the concreteness of your black and white thinking:

• Notice Your Absolutes language

  • Are you categorizing things into “always,” “never,” etc.  This will keep you defining things, people, foods, etc. into good or bad. 

• Explore the spaces in between – the gray area

  • This is where all life happens!

• Embrace your imperfectness

  • That’s the thing you can be most sure of.  We are all imperfect, and that’s a very human way to be.

• Discover your true self 

  • When you accept the fact we are all imperfect, let this be an opportunity to discover who you really are.  What do you think, how do you feel, what do you need, how do you want to be known, what is private, what is public, what are your boundaries?  

• Ride the wave

  • When difficult feelings strike, stay with them and become curious.  What has triggered this feeling?  What do you need when you feel this way?  Sometimes looking at these feelings rather than forcing them away will help them soften much more easily.

• Know you’ll be ok

  • You will be ok.  You will learn and grow.  Best of all, you will be in charge of you

• Work to heal your unresolved issues

  • Getting to know and heal old hurt from your life will be a more direct way to manage your difficult feelings.  There’s nothing wrong with getting to know all of your varied states of being.  Think of it like a kaleidoscope with a multitude of pieces all interacting and creating a different picture every time things shift.  We are very much like that too.  No one piece of the kaleidoscope is wrong or doesn’t belong.  Same with our feelings

Don’t get caught in black and white thinking.  Life happens in all the shades in between!

If you need help for your anxiety, leaving black and white thinking behind, or healing unresolved issues, please give me a call.  I have helped many of my clients and I would be honored to be able to help you through this process as well. If you’d like to talk about how therapy could be helpful to your own unique life journey, just click the “Get Started Now” button below or call me directly at (626) 836-2023.

For periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, emotional wellness, and relationship health, click here. You will also receive news about Dr. Sona’s events, articles, workshops and more.

Even so, these movements have also stirred up a lot of fears.  We have witnessed many opposing voices ring out with charged intensity:  What about the obesity crisis?  What about health?  You just need to eat less and exercise more!  

With plenty of research supporting the benefits of a no-diet approach, embracing Health at Every Size, and body acceptance, we are thankfully inching very slowly towards more people finding their own path to feel their best, get off the diet roller coaster, and bust out of the shame.

I’ve seen many of my clients find more peace around food and their bodies, and reach that point when they are truly living in the freedom that comes with that.

You may be on that journey towards food and body image peace yourself.  

But, sometimes along the way some doubts and fears can creep in for you.  Whether it be the voices of diet culture feeling a lot more vicious and louder to you, or your own inner vicious and critical voices swirling around, or your family giving you caring concern about your “health,” or feeling fed up, scared, and uncomfortable in your body.   

These doubts and fears can be normal stumbling blocks along the way.  But they are so painful and can keep you stuck or reaching for another restrictive diet.

I decided to compile a blend of the most common themes my clients have struggled with when they’re on their eating recovery journey and present them to a dietitian.  

While I do work with disordered eating in my practice (helping people navigate the emotional, relational and personal experience of healing from food and body image issues), I often team up with a dietitian to fully help my clients recover.  There are aspects of healing the food issues that fall under the expertise of an eating disorder dietitian.  

In this blog post I have asked for expert answers to some of the most common questions I see in my practice.  

Our expert today is Nicole Cruz, Registered Dietitian and Eating Disorder Specialist.  She practices in Agoura Hills, CA and you can learn more about her at www.nicolecruzrd.com

So, let’s jump in and learn Nicole’s expert answers now.

Doubts, fears, and stumbling blocks when on your eating recovery journey — A dietitian answers:

1)    I know I’m supposed to accept my body size, but I’m just so tempted to do a diet.  I’m frustrated with being heavy and not having the quality of life because of it (tired of being in pain, can’t easily tie my shoes, get out of breath, can’t keep up with activities, etc.)

Nicole answers:

I know it can be hard to accept your body size as it is today. We live in a world that is constantly telling us our bodies are wrong and we can fix them. It’s hard to not listen to that message when it’s inundating us.

Body acceptance

First, I want to speak to the piece where you say, “supposed to”. I’m guessing you’ve had practitioners say this to you, or you’re seeing the body positive movement on social media and feeling like that’s what you should be doing too. 

But there is no “supposed to” for anyone. It’s about what is right for you. You can choose to not accept your body as it is now, but what will that be like? Some common things I hear are: going on and off diets, feeling restricted with food, forcing oneself to do boring workouts, being hyper-focused on food and body, living with constant shame and self-deprecating thoughts, never feeling good enough, and constantly searching for the next diet or weight loss tool. You do not have to accept your body size as it is, but if you choose not to, what will your life consist of? Choosing to accept it or not is a choice only you can make. 

Diets don’t work

Second, being tempted to go on a diet makes perfect sense! We are conditioned to believe we can go on a diet and magically change our body size. We are sold the idea that losing weight is easy if we find the right combination of foods, eat the perfect number of calories, or take the proper supplements. Diets are glorified. “Do this simple thing and you will look like a model and live your best life,” we are told. 

However, the truth is, diets don’t work. Most people who lose weight by focusing on weight loss as a goal, regain the weight they lost and the majority gain back even more. Diets are not easy. Our bodies are not meant to feel deprived and restricted. They eventually start to fight back as they fear famine. This is true for physical and emotional deprivation. 

At first it might seem empowering to say no to the cookie, cake, pasta, or whatever said food, but over time that starts to wane. It’s hard to not be a part of social events involving foods you desire or to not partake when you’re having a stressful day. Once the excitement of the diet wears off the high of saying no diminishes. 

You might be saying, but I’m still tired of living like this. If dieting doesn’t work, what should I do? When it comes to daily activities, we can still focus on improving quality of life without focusing on weight loss. 

Finding your best route

Many people go through a cascade of thoughts such as, “It’s hard to walk up the hill. It’s because I’m fat. If I lose weight it will be easier. Once I lose weight I will start walking.” However, regardless of your weight, you can still build stamina and walk up a hill now. 

 What if you started treating your body with kindness and providing self-care right now, regardless of its size? Can you go for 10-minute walks on flat ground 3 days a week, building up to longer walks, and eventually hills? If you can’t tie your shoes, can you work on stretching and increasing flexibility? What are the things you do have the power to change?

We act as though we can change our body size, but most of the time we can’t. There are some things that will be harder to do in a larger body, and you will likely need to work with a skilled therapist to grieve the idea of changing your body size. But there are other things you can start working on now, regardless of your weight, to improve your quality of life.

2)    I have a medical condition (diabetes, cholesterol, etc) and my doctor has told me I need to adjust my diet and/or lose weight to improve these conditions.  I don’t want to restrict or be on a weight loss diet because I’m just finding my own freedom with my eating and food choices.  What should I do?

 Nicole answers: 

First, I highly recommend working with Health at Every Size practitioners whenever possible, specifically a physician and dietitian in this case. The answer to this question is going to be different for every person and every condition, and so working with someone who can help you navigate the nuances will be extremely helpful. To address the question regarding weight loss, remember, the majority of people cannot lose weight and keep it off long term. 

Opening up your thinking about health

Further, there are multiple factors that contribute to one’s health status, and there are many things you can do to influence your health that do not involve focusing on weight loss. Increasing daily movement, taking medication, getting more sleep, and decreasing stress can all improve health outcomes. 

You may have a physical health condition, but disordered eating is also a factor in your mental well-being. Just as you need to care for your physical health, you need to care for your mental health to the same degree. If cutting out a certain food might be better for you physically, how does it affect you mentally? Do you feel stressed about it? Do you end up bingeing on it or other food? Do you start becoming more restrictive with your intake or anxious about eating different foods? If so, this might not be the right course for you. 

 Finding the middle ground

There is likely a way to find a middle ground. Can you reduce a certain food or drink but still have it sometimes? Is there a substitute food that might work for you? This is a process to go through while assessing the mental and physical effects with support. The best thing you can do is experiment with curiosity and not judgment.  

Depending on the condition, there may be times when a certain food does have to be eliminated, such as a medically tested allergy. In this instance, avoiding the food is part of self-care.

It’s important to shift the perspective from restriction and weight loss to self-care and being attentive to what your body needs.

Regardless of whether you need to eliminate a food or are trying to improve a medical condition, the focus can be on including foods as opposed to excluding foods. For many conditions, eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and omega-3 fatty acids is beneficial. Without thinking about removing foods, simply focus on incorporating more of these foods and making them more accessible. 

3a) If I truly accept the HAES approach, I’m really scared I will become and stay obese and bring on more health problems. 

Nicole answers:

I know it’s scary to let go of control and trust the process without knowing the outcome, and unfortunately, we don’t know the outcome. If you let go of trying to control your weight, your weight may go up, down, or stay the same. It depends on multiple factors including, but not limited to, genetic predisposition, age, lifestyle, and history of dieting. 

However, your weight does not determine your health. People in all body sizes experience injury, ailments, and disease, and being in a lower-weight body does not guarantee you escape these things. Further, research shows people can improve their health status by changing their behaviors, even when they remain at the same weight. These behaviors include adding physical activity, increasing fruits and vegetables, and meditating. 

When you truly adopt the HAES philosophy, you are inherently focusing on better health.

3b) My family and loved ones are really scared about me accepting the HAES approach.  They say they just want me to be “healthy.”  I do too.

Nicole answers: 

We often use the term “healthy”, but we don’t always have a clear definition in mind. I would first try to get clear on what you mean by “healthy”. Some things to consider are physical and mental states of health, freedom from injury or illness, and stress levels. 

Weight is not a determinant of health, so let’s be sure to leave that out! You can pursue health without pursuing weight loss. In fact, you can better pursue health when you are not distracted by weight loss. The pursuit of weight loss itself may contribute to poor health by depriving the body of vital nutrients, taking harmful substances, or by contributing to binge eating from deprivation. 

If your family wants you to be healthy, the best thing they can do is support you as you stop the pursuit of weight loss and adopt the HAES approach. After all, social support and relationships are key contributors to better health as well.

Thank you so much to Nicole Cruz for sharing her expertise and wisdom around these common doubts, fears and stumbling blocks.  

So, now what to do with it?

How to use this advice when you feel doubts and fears during your own eating recovery

It can be a challenge and a relief to be working towards real food and body image peace.  Healing eating issues, healing your body, and healing your mind around life-long judgements can be a bumpy road.  

But recovery is possible and today you are tackling one important step in supporting your journey:

• arming yourself with accurate information

Make sure you also add in

• motivating inspiration (books, people, videos, quotes, etc)

  • There are 5 books I (Sona) highly recommend and refer to for my own clients. Dig deeper and find your inspiration with these.

    • Embody

    • Body Kindness

    • Intuitive Eating

    • Intuitive Eating Workbook

    • Health at Every Size - The Surprising Truth About Your Weight

• deep connection and support (your network of friends and family, groups, therapists, dietitians, etc)

These steps will give you the help you need to walk the path and find your own freedom from the diet culture trap.

Today you are armed with awesome expert advice. Take it with you and use it when you are running into doubts, fears and stumbling blocks. Teach this to your support people too so that when you reach out to them, they can connect with you around this information and advice.

Sometimes professional help can really facilitate your process of creating your unique path and help heal the issues along the way.  If you need guidance and support along the way, feel free to contact me so we can discuss how psychotherapy with a therapist and/or nutrition therapy with a dietitian can help you transform your relationship with food and your body.

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

We do enjoy food. We’re supposed to, it’s one of the pleasures of life.

Yet sometimes our eating doesn’t bring pleasure but becomes more of a villain.  You might fear you enjoy food too much, indulge too much, or just feel out of control with your eating. Then comes the vicious cycle of guilt which pulls you right into emotional eating.  

This is not fun anymore. This is painful and exhausting!

Digging deep to understand why you feel like food controls your life

You may have been battling food and body image issues for years.  And if you’ve felt caught in this battle for too long, please know there is a way through and out of it….

Get to know your true hungers, desires and longings.

So, you may notice this doesn’t sound like a plan to change your behaviors.  It’s a plan to know yourself.  I say this many times, but it’s worth repeating:

Self-awareness is always the most valuable tool you have.

If your eating feels out of control to you, it could be a sign that there is something you are avoiding feeling, experiencing or doing. You may use eating or starving to soothe painful and difficult emotions, and play out your deep needs for connection. By getting to know what underlies emotional eating, you can open up new ways to take care of yourself and heal the hunger within.

Early childhood roots to emotional eating

In taking a look at your life experiences and relationships, you will notice certain patterns. 

-      Did you learn and come to expect that your feelings or needs were not significant or valued enough to warrant a response from a loved one? 

-      Was your experience attended to and recognized in your life? 

Giving yourself some time to reflect on these questions, journal about your experiences, and talk to trusted others can begin a process of uncovering and understanding what underlies your difficulty in allowing a particular feeling or need. 

Once you get to know there are deep needs, you can start to really get to know them.  And, once you know them, you can work towards ways of meeting those needs directly rather than keeping them hidden by emotional eating (as well as other self-sabotaging behaviors that keep feelings and needs at bay).

Exploring Your own True Hungers, Desires & Longings when eating feels out of control

Here are some questions to help you explore what could lie deep beneath your emotional eating and other self-sabotaging behaviors.

What am I hungry for?  

This goes beyond the type of food you are craving.  This is more about an experience you deeply need. Think about something you are longing to experience but are missing.  Possibly wishing for more real connection with others, wanting to be seen and known but deathly afraid of that, wanting to be sure you matter, wishing you could just stop depending fully on yourself and start allowing others to care for you.   

These are just a few possibilities which may resonate with you. They do for many of my clients. But keep asking yourself because there are likely different and unique experiences you are deeply needing.

Who do I need?

Has someone been just out of your reach and you are really hungry for connection?  Either because they have pulled away or because you can’t fully let them in?  Ask and honestly answer this for yourself.

Who am I waiting for?

This question is about tapping into what is old and long-held for you. Often people longed for a certain kind of relationship with a parent (or someone significant in their lives) but that longing was left unmet.  A parent (or other) may have disappointed and never been that person you wished. Sometimes, this sticks with you and you unconsciously are “waiting” for that person to come around and be able to connect with you in that way you’ve always wished.  This kind of waiting can leave you stuck in a lot of repeated disappointments and hurt.  Know this deep longing because it has its own path of healing.

Who am I?

You may feel like you are a bit lost in having a true sense of who you truly are.  You know your roles in life, and the tasks you do, but to truly know who you are leaves you feeling empty and unsure.  

What am I afraid of?

This question explores the deep fears that come with being you. Typically, these fears are about lack of safety or security, not being loved, being alone, not mattering, etc. Your answers here will be very personal and unique to you.  Once you can know your fears, you can really make a solid plan to know what you need and how to meet those needs.

Am I OK having an appetite (for life, love, sex, connections, etc)?

This may sound like a strange question, but sometimes you may really struggle with being ok to “want” or “need.”  Do you feel you can comfortably and knowingly have cravings and appetites for pleasures?  Do you feel like you are deserving of these needs?  Can you allow yourself to “feed” these appetites?

Once you have worked through these exploring questions and have gotten some clarity, you are more free to find new and healthy ways to take care of yourself and break out of the vicious cycle of emotional eating.

And when you have gotten to know your true hungers, desires and longings, you can wholeheartedly take on the amazing things that come when you know you are being fully, deeply, and genuinely you.

And if you would like some support and guidance to dig deep as you’re exploring these questions for yourself, please give me a call at 626-836-2023. I’d be glad to help.

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

If so, you’re not alone.  

Many people have a complicated relationship with food and their bodies.  Sometimes this begins with body criticism and judgment, which then leads to unhealthy choices around food and exercise in an effort to improve their body. 

And every time you try to control your eating by restricting or limiting certain foods, you are susceptible to regaining weight, losing your ability to read your own body cues, deeper shame, body hatred, feelings of failure, potential for eating disorders, or deepening an existing eating disorder.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster of trying each new diet or wellness plan, only to find the same outcome of defeat!  This can be so painful.

How does your relationship with food & your body create shame?

All the efforts you make to change or “perfect” yourself only deepen your feelings of shame.  You are constantly in a state of “I’m not ok, unless....(I am thin, I don’t overeat, I can fit into my old jeans, I have flat abs, I have a thigh gap, my face was less round, etc, etc).”  

What is this reinforcing in you?  You are telling yourself, in your very core, that you are basically faulty.  You are not a fully acceptable person for someone else to see, know and love unless you (fill in your own blank here.)

What is Shame?

In a previous post, The Insidious Nature of Shame and Finding your Way Out, I wrote that shame is "insidious because it really creeps in slowly and subtly, almost stealth.  It doesn’t rise up quickly like rage, panic, or excitement.  It holds on tight just beneath the surface and colors one’s perception of themselves in their world and in their relationships.”

So, you can see with the constant attempts to try to manage your food and body issues with some kind of restrictive, limiting and, quite frankly, punishing approaches, you are deepening your shame.  And as a result, you are taking yourself farther away from finding real freedom from your food and body image issues.  

Read on to learn how to free yourself from the Shame about your disordered eating and negative body image

Why are you so drawn to trying another restrictive diet or eating plan?

Desperation

You may have reached a real breaking point in your pain and hopelessness in feeling out of control with your food.

Promises

You may have found the promises made by a new eating plan hold the real “answer” to what your struggles with food and your body have long time been.

Fears

You worry you will always feel out of control with your eating and your body shape or size will keep you from belonging and love.

Externalizing

You’ve lost trust in your own body cues and can no longer feel confident in when you are hungry, full, tired, craving something, etc.  You defer to a plan “external” to you to show you when, what and how to eat. 

Now begin to rebuild your trust for yourself

• Attune to you

  • Learn to listen to your body again. Get a feel for your body cues as well as your emotions. Tune in so you can really know what you need, not be told what you need.

    • Tip: start with tuning into your 5 senses, then take that awareness deeper by noticing what you’re feeling both physically and emotionally.

• Follow Intuitive Eating

  • If you follow any eating plan, make it Intuitive Eating. The only approach that helps you get to know and trust yourself so you can live in real freedom with food and your body.

    • Tip: start here with the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

    • Read Intuitive Eating to dig deeper

    • Work through the Intuitive Eating Workbook

• Remember Health at Every Size (HAES)

  • Your health depends upon a variety of factors and measures. Weight is not the determiner of your health. Yet, there are very loud opinions out there about the problems of obesity. Get to know HAES and how it clears up all the myths so you can find your freedom with food and your body.

    • Tip: Check out the HAES Manifesto.

    • Read the book to dig deeper - Health at Every Size - The Surprising Truth About Your Weight

• Embrace body acceptance

  • I’ve written about this before but it’s worth repeating. If you are bashing your body and constantly critical of it, you are really keeping yourself stuck in the pain of body image shame. Body acceptance is about being at peace with our bodies rather than being in battles with them. It values an individual as a whole person rather than valuing just how they look. Finding your connection to who you are, your value as a person, your own beauty, your living peacefully in your skin will allow you to separate from the societal pressures to look a particular way and truly embrace who you are!

    • Tip: Find 5 things you can say to yourself from a positive perspective (rather than a critical, judgemental perspective). What do you value, like, or cherish (yes, cherish) about yourself.

    • There are 2 books I highly recommend and refer to for my own clients. Both very accessible and empowering with useful exercises. Dig deeper with these.

      • Embody

      • Body Kindness

• Find and use your own true voice

  • Speak up when something doesn’t feel right to you, when you need to let someone know how you are doing or what you may need from them. Be authentic and present in your life, both with yourself and with others. This is who you are, your true self. Show up, be seen and let your voice be heard. And when you use your true voice, you can more fully embody who you are, and others can more fully engage with you and know you. There will be less need to hide and numb yourself with emotional eating.

    • Tip: Practice knowing yourself and what you think. Make sure you are careful to not second-guess yourself and stop sharing your voice.

• Bring focus to your relational life

  • We are social creatures. We are meant to be in relationship with others. In fact, we are born with the drive to start attaching. As babies, if we don’t attach, we don’t thrive. As adults, if we don’t allow ourselves to connect authentically with ourselves and others, we also will fail to thrive. We will live our lives isolated, hidden, and deferring to others. Allow yourself to bring more focus to good, safe, and real feeling relationships in your life, and you will gradually loosen your grip with food and your body.

    • Tip: Stay aware of your boundaries. Be sure to not fall into unnecessary caretaking, deferring or giving in to another person. Healthy relationships are reciprocal and have a good dose of give and take.

Sometimes, if you find nothing else is bringing relief, you may consider talking with a therapist.  Beginning the therapy process to help you heal from shame can be one of your most important steps.  

Going through the process I’ve laid out above can be a rich experience when done while in therapy.  A therapist can stay present and deeply attuned to you, they can help you access previously unknown aspects of yourself, they can help you reach your vulnerability and true emotions, and they can help you have compassion for your pain and shame.

I have walked this journey through healing shame with many of my clients and I would be honored to be able to help you through this process as well.  If you’d like to talk about how therapy could be helpful to your own unique journey, please contact me.  

To have a fuller understanding of shame and how it plays out in our lives, check out my 3-part series on shame here:  Part 1 (understanding it), Part2 (how it shows up), Part 3 (healing it).

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

“I’ve tried everything to lose weight and my body just won’t budge.”

“I’ve tried to diet and I lose a little weight then gain even more back! I just can’t stick to anything!”

“When I lose a little weight, I seem to sabotage it by bingeing or eating ‘bad’ foods.”

“I’m a failure when it comes to losing weight. I don’t have the willpower to stick to anything and I just can’t stop eating!”

“How can I make things work in so many areas in my life but I just can’t get a handle on my food and body issues?”

Sound familiar?  This is such a common conversation many women have with themselves and each other.  I’m sure you’ve heard it plenty of times.  Maybe you’ve even had these thoughts and conversations yourself.  

Here’s the good news!  You CAN find freedom from the hopeless cycle of food and body shame and actually have a healthy relationship with food and your body!  

The Dieting / Shame Connection

You may have been battling food and body issues for years!  Each new hope and intention to make this effort THE ONE that will work often gets met with a feeling of another failed attempt.  

Struggling with food and body appearance and becoming highly focused on changing it can lead to shame, depression, and unhealthy relationships with food and exercise.  

It can feel like a vicious cycle!  Finding your thoughts and emotional energy revolving so much around food and your body (what will you eat/not eat, feeling discouraged, feeling shame, feeling hopeless, feeling lonely, and eating or restricting again to soothe those feeling).

So much “if only” thinking plagues those who think that just a bit more weight loss, or landing at a particular weight, or a particular way of eating, or over-exercising will make it all better.

Don’t go down the rabbit hole.  You will only be opening up to:

• deeper shame

• body hatred

• feelings of failure

• isolation

• potential for eating disorders

• or deepening an existing eating disorder

The only way out of this is to find your own unique path to transforming your relationship with food and your body -- finding out what keeps you in the vicious circle first so that you are free to make your own decisions about what is uniquely right for you.  

Your own unique path to healing your binge eating, chronic dieting and body image

This post is the beginning of a series on transforming your relationship with food and your body image.  In the coming weeks you can read about the variety of ways to break out of the chaos and find your own unique path to healing.

Where can you begin?  

Here are some important areas that we will dive more deeply into through this series, but you can begin to set your path today.  

Say no to diets

Plenty of research is confirming for us that diets don’t work!

From genes to evolution to psychology there are many forces impacting a person’s body weight and shape.  Then putting a restriction diet on top of that sways the balance AND increased stress which can lead to comfort eating.  The shame that develops over repeated failed attempts also increases the chances of comfort eating or binge eating. 

Embrace an attitude of body acceptance

There is such a strong pull for appearing a certain way and so many messages around what bodies "should" look like.  This is a non-stop trap and finding your freedom from it comes from self and body acceptance.  There is so much meaning in how we view and take care of our bodies. 

Body positivity is a movement which promotes acceptance of our bodies rather than being in battles with them.  It promotes the value an individual has as a whole person rather than placing worth on what someone looks like.  

The terminology of body "positivity" has shifted a bit more to "acceptance" because the goal isn't always that you must feel positively about how you look.  Sometimes you will just accept that "this is how I look and I am a whole person with many qualities, including, but not only about my body shape / size."

Finding your connection to who you are, your value as a person, your own beauty, your living peacefully in your skin will allow you to separate from the societal pressures to look a particular way and truly embrace who you are!

There are 2 books I highly recommend and refer to for my own clients. Both very accessible and empowering with useful exercises. Dig deeper with these.

• Embody

• Body Kindness

Get to the root cause of your eating behaviors and body shame

Exploring what has led you to your relationship with food and your body shame over your lifetime is a significant piece in your healing and recovery.  It really matters to know yourself and what keeps you in pain and stuck?   Self-awareness is always the most valuable tool you have.  It will allow you to change your relationship with food and your body, building your insight about yourself, and then really knowing how to move forward once and for all. 

Stay Mindful

Mindful eating and body mindfulness will allow you to know what’s driving your eating and body shame, as well as allow you to nourish your body and soul with food.

With so many diets and wellness plans dictating what to eat and how much and when, people lose track of knowing what their own bodies need.  They lose track of when they’re truly hungry or full.  And, worst of all, no longer trust their body cues.  

When you plan to eat mindfully and really tune in to your own body, you will find a way to naturally and authentically take care of you, what your body needs, and trust you are a self-regulating, self-knowing being!

Enjoy your food and exercise without judgement

Embrace and enjoy eating again.  Play with your food, food choices, restaurants, recipes. There are no good and bad foods! No need to be scared of food.

Also important is to embrace fun, feel-good movement. Break out of the rules that you must exercise a certain way for a certain length of time or to compensate for something you ate.  

Find the joy in your body when you play and move the way that doesn’t feel like punishment, obligation, or just plain old work.  Notice your whole self and the mood lift that comes with that.  

You may have found your way here because you've gotten so disillusioned from chronic dieting or the "wellness" advice swirling all around you.  Or you may feel out of control with your eating.  Or, you may still be searching for the "right" plan for you.  

This is exhausting!  This doesn't need to happen!  I never want you to feel this way again. 

Make a decision today to take a look at your own unique needs and trusting yourself.  You’ll really get to clarify what has been keeping you stuck so you can go forward much better equipped to heal your food and body image issues.  

I'm so pleased about this journey for you. 

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

I'm assuming you'd answer something like, "No thank you, Sona!"  

We have learned so much in life about the need to be strong, resilient, assertive, unwavering.......why would we want to subject ourselves to being hurt if we're left unprotected?  Of course, the answer varies depending on the situation in which you find yourself.  For instance, you don't want to be vulnerable if you're walking to your car in the dark, or if you're just meeting someone and you don't have a sense of them yet.  

However, in relationships, especially your most important ones, vulnerability is key. 

How does being vulnerable help strengthen relationships?  

First of all, you would want to truly understand what vulnerability means.  You can consider it something along the lines of being yourself without any hiding or "putting on" a front.  You can consider it being honest and authentic.  You can consider it a readiness to be seen and know for who you truly are.

Now, some of these ideas may cause you to say something like, "No thank you, Sona!"   Of course.  It's what we've learned.  It's how we may feel exposed or like someone may see us as faulty or "less than."  But, it actually is what will bring someone closer to you and will strengthen your connection with that person.

I wanted to share an article I ran across which really spoke to this. (credit to Lisa Firestone, Contributor to Huffpost)

Click through on the link below to read it in full and see the 5 actions for how to allow this for yourself.  

How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships

For those of you who want a quick glance at the 5 actions, they are:

1.    Ask for what you need. 

2.    Be willing to expose your feelings. 

3.    Say what you want. 

4.    Express what you really think.

5.    Slow down and be present. 

Save it, print it, revisit it, share the it with those you love.  We always need reminders to come back to ourselves and to our relationships.  Life and stressors can tug us away, but remembering these 5 actions can bring you back.

Let me know what you think.  I'm always happy to hear how you're doing.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Permalink

]]>Stronger Relationships through the Softness of Vulnerabilityrelationshipsshameeating disorderstraumaaddictionsanxietySona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTWed, 19 Apr 2017 06:02:46 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2017/4/18/the-insidious-nature-of-shame-and-finding-your-way-out-part-3583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:58f6f82029687f53ff2baccb

This is the 3rd part in the series.  If you haven’t already read the first parts, click here for Part 1 and here for Part 2.

You may wonder how Shame shows up in your own life, or you may already have a good sense of that.  Usually shame is so deeply rooted that only what is noticed on the surface is your first clue. (The first 2 parts of the series will help you understand how it developed in the first place)

How do I see the Shame showing up?

Most of my clients usually come to therapy because of an identifiable symptom or situation that has finally gotten in the way of how they'd like to live. They are either losing control over their food and weight issues (over or under), their relationship has finally broken into fighting or infidelity, or their anxiety has gotten the better of them and they cannot function as they would like.   Sometimes, even though they are anxious, they are also very sad and often depressed beneath the intensity of the anxiety.

They may be in pain, struggling, and ashamed of how their lives have been impacted by what’s going on “beneath the surface.”   They are often seen as so “together” by others in their lives that they feel ashamed to have their lives even reach this point. 

How to heal your Shame

If you’ve been reading through this series and found that it is likely Shame that is deeply rooted for you, let’s talk about how to find your way out.

First, we need to remember Shame is a powerful and deep emotion which has often translated into one’s sense of self.  Because of this, the process to find your way out is just that – a process.  You won’t find a quick fix or simple formula.  Rather, the road involves knowing yourself, valuing yourself, showing up in your relationships, and healing old hurts.

Knowing yourself

Self-awareness is the best beginning you can have in your process of healing from Shame. 

The Past:

Think through your life story and see if you recognize any early experiences that could have contributed to developing shame.  Reflect upon your early family relationships, any stressors or traumas that may have been present during that time.  Think about, write about & talk about what you remember.  Therapy can be helpful in sorting through some of this (see below).

The Present: 

Develop a practice of self-awareness so that you can note how your current life is impacted by your history.  Check in with yourself periodically through the day by:

• scanning your body for points of tension

• tuning in to what you may be feeling emotionally

• paying attention to your reveries (when your mind wanders and where it wandered to)

• noticing and remembering your dreams (dream analysis can be a gold mine of information for developing your self-awareness)

Valuing yourself

Once you become more self-aware, you can make some choices about how you take care of yourself.  If you’ve come from a place of Shame you likely take better care of others than of yourself.  You may not even notice you need care or struggle with the idea of even deserving care. 

But why is this important?  You are giving yourself a message that you are valuable and worth being cared for.  You likely missed this message growing up and need to develop that sense in yourself now. 

Be mindful of your reactions to valuing yourself.  You may find you feel guilty about or resist accepting caring behavior.  Your inner dialogue may be carrying on about not deserving it or taking up time, money, space, etc. 

Showing up in your relationships

Because shame can cause us to hide, quiet ourselves, and doubt ourselves (see Part 1), you are left feeling quite unseen and unknown in relationships. 

Healing shame involves breaking through these patterns so that you can show up to be seen and known.  This may bring up all sorts of alarm bells of danger for you that if you let someone really get to know you, they will notice you are flawed and turn away from you.   This is exactly why you need to grow some trust in this area. 

To begin to develop trust, you need to take small risks with people you’ve identified to be “safe” and let yourself be seen just a little bit to start. 

• take a deep breath and relax your body

• ground yourself in the present by feeling your feet on the ground and your body in the seat. Perhaps even put your hands on your lap so you can feel your own body boundaries and not “float away” into your anxiety

• calm your inner censor that may be causing you to doubt your own thoughts or second guess yourself

• and now speak from your heart

• let the person you are with know you feel a little vulnerable but you want to express what’s on your mind.

Healing old hurts

Allowing the pain of your early experiences to become known, and then to move through your feelings about those experiences is crucial.  Healing from shame also requires healing your soul. 

• Is there something you need to grieve?

• Some tears you need to shed?

• Some anger you need to release in a healthy way?

• Do you need to find self-compassion?

• Do you need to listen to your gut more and find out what you truly need?

This part of your process is so important and can take many forms.  You may write about it, draw about it, talk to a trusted other about it. 

Sometimes, if you find nothing else is bringing relief, you may consider talking with a therapist.  Beginning the therapy process to help you heal from shame can be one of your most important steps. 

Going through the process I’ve laid out above can be a rich experience when done while in therapy.  A therapist can stay present and deeply attuned to you, they can help you access previously unknown aspects of yourself, they can help you reach your vulnerability and true emotions, and they can help you have compassion for your pain and shame.

I have walked this journey through healing shame with many of my clients and I would be honored to be able to help you through this process as well.  If you’d like to talk about how therapy could be helpful to your own unique life journey, please give me a call at (626) 836-2023. 

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

This is the 2nd in the series.  If you haven’t already read Part 1, click here.

Since shame usually develops slowly over time, from early experiences with caretakers and family dynamics, Shame develops as a sense of self.  

So how does shame develop and how may it show up for you? 

We know early experiences of abuse or violation in childhood could leave a child feeling shame. But in addition to that, we need to acknowledge that shame can develop from subtle, non-concrete, interpersonal experiences such as:

• Early experiences of disconnection

• A feeling of invisibility

• Mismatched temperaments between caretaker and baby

• Mal-attunement from caretakers (not being able to have one’s experiences and feelings accurately recognized and responded to)

Children get to know themselves through their parents’ eyes*.  If parents are distracted or preoccupied with life events, if they’re depressed, if they’re numbing their own feelings and so emotionally unavailable, then authentic connection with their children cannot develop and ultimately a child cannot know themselves as valuable, loved, and cherished.  Rather, they are left feeling unworthy, undefined, invisible, flawed, and unlovable – they develop a shame-based sense of themselves.

*(a disclaimer about parents -- they are not to blame!!  This is very important to remember.  Most parents did they best they could and many were parenting from within their own hurt and life experiences themselves)

Look back – Did shame begin early?

Perhaps you grew up in a family with parents unable to emotionally attune to you. Really “see and know” you for who you were and who you were becoming.  There may have been alcoholism or substance use in one or both parents, or affairs, or a depressed mother.  Maybe your parents were too caught up in their own stuff and you may have gone unnoticed.

How did Shame shape your ways of relating with others?

You may have learned to take care of others’ feelings and needs rather than know your own, and be "good" so as not to burden your parents. You may have learned how to read others' moods very well so that you would know how to navigate yourself around them. You longed for closeness and recognition but worried that if people got close they would discover you had big faults and they would go away.

How could Shame be showing up in your life?

You may have struggled with addictions yourself growing up, or food and weight issues. Your relationships may have been one-sided while you became a caretaker to those in your life without your own needs being known or met.

Or, perhaps you’d been lost in your relationship without a voice, perhaps with an unfaithful partner. You may have an inability to have healthy, clear boundaries in your relationships. Maybe you’ve had several failed relationships.

Even if you excel at work you may find yourself caught in problematic work relationships (people taking advantage of you) or overcommitting yourself and being overwhelmed and stressed out.

You don’t know how to say no. You feel shame about expressing your own needs or accepting any care or recognition. You may feel fundamentally flawed but you hold that thought privately.

Shame, with its deep roots in early childhood, can impact every area of your life, limit genuine connections with others, and limit getting to know your own true self.

Stay tuned for the 3rd and final part of this series on Shame to learn how to heal from shame in your life.

Make sure you don't miss the rest of this series.  If you'd like to stay in the loop of this series and future posts as well as my upcoming events, sign up here.  

Permalink

]]>The Insidious Nature of Shame and Finding Your Way Out (Part 2)relationshipsshameeating disordersaddictionstraumaanxietySona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTTue, 04 Apr 2017 20:43:50 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2017/4/4/the-insidious-nature-of-shame-and-finding-your-way-out-part-1583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:58e4021b3e00beb355ac406f

We are typically well aware of the variety of emotions and moods we can go through in our lives.  At any given moment, we may feel some variation of Mad, Sad, Glad, or Scared.  These were the “basic” emotions I taught kids when I first was practicing.  In fact, they are pretty good basic categories for anyone just trying to tune into their emotions.   

So, if these basics are the part we can learn to see and recognize, what feeds these emotions?  What can’t we see as easily?  What is at the roots of these more accessible feelings? 

SHAME

What did you notice in yourself just then when you read that word? Did you hold your breath?  Did you slump?  Did you feel numb?  Did you just gloss over it ready to move on and keep reading?

Shame is a tricky emotion.  I call it insidious because it really creeps in slowly and subtly, almost stealth.  It doesn’t rise up quickly like rage, panic, or excitement.  It holds on tight just beneath the surface and colors one’s perception of themselves in their world and in their relationships. 

Insidious

in·sid·i·ous [inˈsidēəs]

adjective

proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects: 

Shame

[SHām]

noun

a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong

or foolish behavior.

I would like to expand upon this dictionary definition of shame by adding that someone can feel fundamentally flawed and feel shame over being who they are and not just over particular behaviors. 

Going Deeper

For a deeper understanding of shame, I love to turn to the work of Brené Brown, a researcher who studies and writes about vulnerability and shame.  She writes,

From Daring Greatly

So, if the idea we may hold about ourselves is that we are unworthy of love and belonging, something we instinctually need to have in place for survival, we may guard ourselves to the degree that we cannot truly be available for really being seen and known. 

How is Shame Insidious?

It causes us to hide

In fact, there may be more hiding of one’s true self and a feeling of watching the world around from within a bubble.  Being really seen can feel dangerous to someone who is trapped in shame.  One may fear that once someone gets close enough to really get to know them, they will be rejected, left, ridiculed, because their true, flawed self will be realized by the other.

It causes us to quiet ourselves

If someone is caught in shame they will likely keep quiet and not voice their thoughts.  Shame will convince someone that if they express their true voice (thoughts, feelings, needs, etc) again they will be rejected, ridiculed or feel humiliated.   

It causes us to doubt ourselves

In fact, if someone even considers sharing their thoughts, their shame they leave them doubting their thoughts, feeling like they are not accurate, and thus second-guessing themselves.  They will tend to defer to another’s thoughts as more “right” than their’s.

It has deep roots

Shame is a different kind of emotion because it builds up usually over a lifetime of experiences.  Whereas a more recognized emotion or mood can be the result of a situation, shame develops as a sense of self.  Often, we will find this development beginning right from the very beginning of life.  Certain early experiences with caretakers as well as family dynamics can set the stage for the deep roots of shame. 

Stay tuned for the rest of this series on Shame for more on how shame develops, how it may show up for you, and how to find healing from it.

Make sure you don't miss the rest of this series.  If you'd like to stay in the loop of this series and future posts as well as my upcoming events, sign up here.     

Permalink

]]>The Insidious Nature of Shame and Finding Your Way Out (Part 1)addictionseating disorderswellnessSona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTTue, 28 Mar 2017 06:29:00 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2016/11/29/mac-n-cheese-comfort-food-and-oxytocin583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:583e7f2a414fb50504f91d1b

On a recent rainy day I took my workout inside to the local gym.  As I was dutifully (and boringly) trudging along on the treadmill, I looked up at the TV screen and saw a shot of a fork lifting out a bite of ooey, gooey, mac and cheese.  Now I tuned in more intentionally.  After all, on a grey and rainy day that shot of the mac and cheese made my morning.  The show was an episode of "The Chew," a daytime cooking show that I wouldn't typically be watching.  But, hey, I was a captive audience.  

What struck me was the attraction of the warm and creamy texture of this delectable food.  It made me think about how often mac and cheese serves the function of a comfort food.  The kind that will be soothing, calming, nurturing, and just all around feel good.  I also started thinking about the need this type of food meets for anyone indulging for emotional reasons.  Like those times when distress, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. lead someone to the ice cream, pizza, mac and cheese, and "you fill in your favorite here."  

why does comfort food keep calling out to us?

I recall a connection made with comfort food and mother's milk.  That sweet, warm, creamy food that is often someone's first food.  Yet, more than just first food, the experience of drinking mother's milk comes in very nurturing, bonding, loving moments.  That mother/child bonding is forged partly through the hormone Oxytocin.  This hormone is also what brings people together with warm feelings of connection and love.  

In checking this out I found a some research on the levels of Oxytocin and eating disorders.  But one that caught my eye in particular was how chimpanzees show higher levels of Oxytocin when sharing their food than when they are grooming (which is an important social behavior for them).  So, sharing their meal with other chimpanzees provided more social bonding.  This has also been written about for humans.  When we come together with others over a meal it impacts our appetite and we eat less.

What does this mean for emotional eating?  

I'm always one to support intuitive eating and, if you are truly craving something, to listen to that and allow yourself to eat it.  However, if this craving becomes an allowance for binging, perhaps some focus on the feelings needing soothing are in order.  And, since we know a desire for a nurturing, loving experience is likely being sought to soothe that intense feeling, perhaps an effort to connect with others will better meet these longings.  

A phone call with a friend, a hug?  What can you think of for the next time you're in that spot?

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

Permalink

]]>Mac 'n Cheese, Comfort Food, and Oxytocineating disordersshameSona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTSat, 25 Feb 2017 01:29:12 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2017/2/24/dear-client-fighting-an-eating-disorder583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:58b0db76b3db2b9cf9971450*The names mentioned below are not real clients but created from the years of work in which I have gotten to know the courageous clients who have fought their eating disorders.

Dear Client Fighting an Eating Disorder,

For Tracy* who sits on the edge of my couch so she doesn’t feel her thighs spread out on the seat.

For Misha who cries and screams about her concave stomach asking me to see that it’s “fat.”

For Blair who is afraid of anyone hugging or touching her for fear they will feel her fat (or bones).

For Christie who feels like her eating disorder is the only thing that helps her survive her painful life.

For Audrey who just ran until her feet bled.

For Rhonda who hates that she just finished the gallon of ice cream she had sworn herself to stay away from.

For Sheila who just wrote again in her journal about how much she hates herself and let the vicious thoughts flow.

For Valerie who feels so much shame being a mother of beautiful children yet finding herself throwing up after binging when the kids aren’t around.

Oh, my dear clients!  How I wish you could see your amazing, wonderful selves beneath these very painful and soul-killing behaviors. 

There is so much I want you to know.

First of all, recovery IS possible!  You will get to a point when you are free from these food and body tortures.  An eating disorder is like being in a prison.  I know you are stuck there and hate it but you also feel like you can’t live without it.  It’s the worst kind of dilemma you can find yourself in. 

But when you walk the difficult and bumpy path of recovery, you will find more and more peace and freedom along the way.  You can’t even conceive of that freedom right now, I know.  But I have seen it come to numerous people who have stayed on the path. 

I know you don’t feel hope for things being different than they are now.  I can hold the hope for you because I know you can do this.  

I know you are fighting your mind on this one.  I know you struggle with feeling deserving of eating, health, and even other people’s care.  You may not even trust other people’s care right now.  I know it feels like you can only trust your eating disorder.  You know it very well and it knows you.  Yet, I also know you suffer from it.  It takes over your life in a way that you never thought could happen. 

I know there is a YOU under all the struggle and we can find her together. I know you may not know who you are without your eating disorder.  You may even feel a bit awkward, blank, and undefined when you begin letting go of the behaviors. 

And, This! 

• This is the time we can really discover who you truly are without the eating disorder defining you.
• This is the you that you can begin to get to know, understand, and embrace. 
• This is the you that can use your voice and express your true self and know you are deserving of care. 
• This is the hope for the YOU that I will hold on to until you can see her yourself.

Reach out your hand.  There is freedom.  There is hope.

With loving care,

Sona

If you or anyone you know is struggling with food or their bodies, please know help is available.  I’m happy to walk this path of recovery with you and hold the hope.  Call me at (626) 836-2023 if you’d like to talk.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

You know this kind of person…. She is self-sufficient, well-functioning, and put together.

But….. she doesn't have a sense of herself, what she feels, or who she knows herself to be.  

Maybe this is even you to a certain degree. 

This is a person who has, at some point along the way, lost her voice. 

If I look at a typical week in my work with clients I must comment on someone finding and using their voice several times a week.  But what does that even mean?  Of course, we all use our voice every day to communicate, but when I talk about finding and using your voice, you know it’s not about your audible sound.

We use our voice to be heard, make a statement, ask for what we need, and express who we truly are. 

A lost voice

Do you find you tend to defer to others or second guess yourself much of the time? 

Do you feel inhibited to show up and be seen for who you are? 

Do you feel confident in owning your voice except for particular situations in which it is out of reach?

Many times, our voice has been hidden or shut down through particular life experiences.  For instance, a child who grows up in a home where they are discounted and told their feelings aren’t real or true learns they cannot trust their own experiences.  That others know better about them than they know about themselves. 

If they feel strongly about something, they may begin to question themselves that perhaps they are just “making it up” or “making more of things” than are really true.  This person has lost connection with their voice.   

What does a lost voice look like?

This can show up in numerous ways:

• Perfectionism

• Second guessing self, lack of confidence

• Relationships are suffering

• Anxiety or depression are getting in the way

• Struggling to parent

• An unhealthy relationship with food, body and exercise

• Substance use

• Spending too much money

• Having an affair

• And more – you get the idea

Finding your voice

How do you find it when it seems lost? 

Know yourself

Take on habits that help you become more self-reflective like journaling, meditating, talking to trusted others. Develop a routine of checking in with yourself throughout the day to have a sense of what you may be thinking and feeling.  Scan your body to see if you are holding any tension anywhere that you may not be aware of. 

Know your environment

Do you know if you feel safe with the person with whom you are speaking?  Are they someone you trust to reveal your true self? Or do you need to develop a firm boundary with that person?  Be aware that your boundary is to feel safe with a particular person and not being used as a defense in general to stay “hidden” with others.

Know your boundaries

Know where you stop and the other person begins. Be sure to not fall into unnecessary caretaking, deferring or giving in to another person.

Use it, own it and embrace it

– Your voice that is.  Speak up when something doesn’t feel right to you, when you need to let someone know how you are doing or what you may need from them.  Be authentic and present in your life, both with yourself and with others.

This is who you are, your true self.  Show up, be seen and let your voice be heard. 

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

However, if we take a close look at all the ins and outs of our lives and our relationships, Surrender is really present as a constant possibility for us. 

How do you usually think about surrender in your life?  Are you giving in, giving up, settling, deferring, and losing your boundaries? 

Or are you sinking in to a connection, which will allow a real, authentic process to emerge between two people.

There is a danger most people feel in surrendering themselves that they will be losing themselves and really just be submitting to the will of another person -- a sort of    winner / loser type of dynamic.

Even the 70’s band Cheap Trick* sang,

“Surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away”

However, true surrender allows for a genuinely present, authentic experience, without having to feel a need to control the situation.  And in this very present space, we can be most solid in who we truly are, not who we feel another needs us to be – real authenticity!

Psychoanalyst Emmanuel Ghent discussed the concepts of surrender vs. submission in a well know and well cited article in the Contemporary Psychoanalytic literature. 

He indicated that surrender is often a naturally occurring shift as opposed to a choice.  Most importantly, he clarified that there is true benefit for the one surrendering.

“Its ultimate direction is the discovery of one's identity, one's sense of self, one's sense of wholeness, even one's sense of unity with other living beings. This is quite unlike submission in which the reverse happens: one feels one's self as a puppet in the power of another; one's sense of identity atrophies.”

With true surrender, difference between people can be tolerated without losing the self. 

I posed the following question to my Facebook group of women, all part of the group because of their desire to nurture an authentically lived life. 

“Fun authenticity dilemma:  What do you think? What would you have done?

I chose to do an extreme thrill ride with my daughter yesterday at an amusement park because she needed to have a 2nd person sitting with her. I'm not an extreme thrill ride person (motion sickness as I've gotten older) but chose to do it anyway because I wanted her to have the experience (she loves those rides). I was also hoping to tap into my sense of adventure and empowerment. Well, she loved it (which made my heart full) but I felt completely physically scrambled up for a few hours afterwards. Was my choice authentic or deferring?”

I think it presents an interesting dilemma, which makes me think of the concept of surrendering vs. submitting to others. 

I didn’t experience this as submitting to my daughter and the situation.  I allowed myself to sink into a situation (surrender to it) with an unknown outcome.  This was done out of love for my daughter, not as a “martyr mom” type of act, but more of a desire for a shared experience where she and I can fully allow an experience to happen.

How have you allowed surrender into your life?  Into your relationships?  Do you fear losing yourself or submitting to another’s will? 

Or have you been able to tolerate potential difference from another while still holding on to you? 

If the idea of surrendering and allowing an experience to emerge is new to you, please remember this is not a haphazard deferring to another.  And, it’s much more something you allow yourself to become present to as opposed to choosing to surrender. 

Watch what unfolds. 

Watch what emerges. 

Watch yourself nurturing your own sense of self while embracing your most authentic life.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Have you ever played Bananagrams? 

It’s something like Scrabble but you create your words freestyle, not on a board.  And each person does their own puzzle and competes to finish first when all the tiles are gone.  Pretty fun! 

Our family loves to play, especially my older daughter. 

But I can NEVER beat her! 

She is amazing.  Is she a genius?  No, not in the official sense, anyway (although she is in my heart ;)  She’s just super strategic and is willing to play in a way I’m not.   

I’m all about building my words and continuing my path, sticking with what I’ve started.  She, on the other hand, is willing to take apart words and sections to create new words using the tiles she has just drawn.  She makes change! She creates a new path!

There’s an important life lesson in Bananagrams

When something isn’t working, instead of feeling stuck, giving up, and assuming this is always how things will be for you, change your path, create a new system, open up new ways of approaching old problems.

Sounds simple enough, yes.  But, why is this hard for so many people?  It’s about change and all that comes with that.

We know what we know already.  We feel comfortable in the familiar, even if it’s not working – at least we know what it’s like.

Then there’s something called Escalation of the Commitment, where having invested time, energy and resources into something keeps us sticking with that path, even if it is clearly a disadvantage for us to do so.

Allowing change is about breaking out of what we know and allowing something completely different to take shape.  We don’t know yet what that will be and what the road will look like, but we begin down the path.

How to begin allowing change

In this blog, I will not be giving tips to change, rather questions to ask yourself around change in your life.  After all, self-awareness is always the most valuable tool you have.

If you reflect upon these questions and honestly take a look at what comes up, you will have already begun (in Bananagram terms) to “take apart the words and sections to create new words.”

So, ask yourself these questions, (or journal or meditate upon them)

• Do you know when you’ve hit your wall?  When it’s time to change?  What is really evident to you at this point?

• What does it mean to you to make a change?

• What will you need to give up to make a change?  (Starting on another path, we have to leave the path we’ve been on, and that can feel like a loss)

• What stops you from allowing change?  (By the way, this is a huge question.  Give yourself time to dig deep and see what you find -- Old stuff?  Things you learned along the way?  Core beliefs about yourself?.......)

• What do you feel you need to be ready to take step one?

• Is there something in your life now that feels stuck and really needs change?

Remember, taking a new path in life (just like taking apart the words in Bananagrams) isn’t done haphazardly.  You have to have some resources in place, some support, some research, and a willingness to discover uncharted territory. 

I’d love to hear how you’ve sorted through change for yourself.  

And, as always, if you’d like some support and help along the way in navigating change and all that comes with it, I’m happy to help.  Give me a call at (626) 836-2023.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Do you spend your late evening hours eating, drinking, watching more TV than you’d like, wasting hours on the computer….?  What’s your vice in the late night hours?  The hour of the wolf, some have called it.  This is usually a reference to the time of the night when all the “noise” or action of the day is done and we’re left with our thoughts, anxieties, disappointments……basically, what is there to be noticed in us if we’re not distracting from it.

The 1968 horror movie called Hour of the Wolf stated the following as their tagline:  “The Hour of the Wolf is the hour between night and dawn. It is the hour when most people die, when sleep is deepest, when nightmares are most real. It is the hour when the sleepless are haunted by their deepest fear, when ghosts and demons are most powerful…”

That’s quite a grim statement.  But let’s not forget it’s for a horror movie.  But what we can take from this is the depth and intensity we expect our inner experiences to have.  So much so that without even thinking about it, we’re taking part in some kind of avoidance behavior. 

Avoidance behavior

Many spend their days being quite productive, interactive, engaged, etc.  But when the tasks of the day are done and one is left to just “be” with oneself in an unstructered, non-task-oriented way, one can feel lost. 

And many choose to take up this unstructured time with some sort of a behavior that they usually regret.  Whether it’s not good for them or it’s keeping them from using their time in a more meaningful way, it’s almost always keeping them from being tuned in to their own experience.

tuning in to yourself instead

What could you be noticing in yourself if you stopped distracting?  Even for just a small portion of the time.  Chances are what you’d find wouldn’t be anything close to the intensity or fear the horror movie ad speaks of. 

More likely, it will be an unfamiliar experience to you.  Allowing yourself to stay tuned in, becoming mindful of what you’re noticing, without judgement, can be a rich experience.  It may be totally new to you and unsettling in that it feels so unknown to you.  You may not even know what to do with yourself when you are feeling and noticing these new, unfamiliar things.  But it’s the most rewarding path to knowing yourself more deeply, discovering yourself and your potential.

Try it

Write about it

Draw about it

Talk with someone about it

And then have a wonderful, peaceful, deep sleep.

Good night.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Permalink

]]>The Hour of the Wolf and Late Night Vicesaddictionsauthenticityeating disordersrelationshipsshametraumaSona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTWed, 11 Jan 2017 03:57:00 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2016/11/29/do-you-live-in-a-world-of-abundance-or-deprivation583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:583e7ffb15d5dbc2273e9c62

I remember a funny story a friend of the family used to tell. He grew up the youngest in a family with many children, particularly boys. He recalls when dinnertime rolled around there was such a grab fest that by the time he got his share it was only the remnants of what had been on the table that were left for him. He joked that for the longest time he thought chicken neck was all there was to a chicken.

You may also recall stories told by grandparents who lived through the Great Depression and how they had to make do. They spent the rest of their lives conserving what they had, even if they had a lot later on in their lives.

We would expect people who experienced these situations to feel they live in a world of deprivation. That there is no such thing as abundance and that we should hold on to what we have, or should not expect that there is anything more for us out there.

But what about people who feel this way who did not grow up in similar situations? Perhaps their families were quite well off, or even moderately middle class. In many cases socio-economic status and the cultural surround have little or nothing to do with one’s sense of deprivation or abundance.

It’s not about the tangible resources...

but rather, those intangible and oh-so-significant early relationships.  When a child is provided for physically, but emotionally is not attuned to, he/she is left feeling empty and hungry. There is a need that is not being met -- A need to be seen and known. A need to feel they are significant and valued and cared about.

When some of these basic relationship needs are not met, a child’s assumption is that there is little to be had in the world; hold on to the little you get because there may not be more any time soon. The relational needs become symbolized in concrete ways.

Fast-forward this to adulthood

One may live this out by binge eating, restricting food, over-spending, jumping into relationships quickly, settling for a relationship that’s not good for them, giving to others but not providing for themselves, hoarding and clutter, etc. (By the way, the development of these behaviors is usually quite complex and there may be a variety of reasons leading up to them).

The relational needs have become symbolized in concrete ways.

On the flip side

When one lives with a worldview of abundance, the belief is that there will be enough. Enough food that I’m fully allowed to have, enough items in my home to meet my needs, enough people in the world who will love me, and enough to give to others without an expectation of something in return, etc. This is a healthy abundance, not a blind faith.

The feeling that there is enough comes from a place within the person. They have had enough experiences of others who were truly able to see and know them as they were growing up, that they could trust the reliability of this. They could trust that meaningful relationships are out there, trust that their needs to be known would be met. They felt recognized and affirmed.

Where do you fall on the spectrum from abundance to deprivation?

Do you experience your world as one in which, for the most part, you can trust that you will have what you need?

Or do you lower your expectations with the feeling that things tend to not happen for you?

Do you talk yourself out of hopeful things?

Or can you hold on to hope knowing that you will be o.k.?

If you find yourself closer to the deprivation end of the spectrum

The good news is that you don’t have to be stuck there.

As much as this worldview begins early in your life, it can still be turned around.

Let yourself begin to allow some trust for someone safe in your life. Let them know you, the real you, little by little. And let yourself experience them knowing you.

If you allow yourself to begin to show up more authentically, slowly building healthy relationships, you will begin to experience some of that reliability that will give you the sense that you can actually have your needs met -- that there is an abundance of what you need.

Do you feel like you need some help finding your way to an abundance mindset and truly showing up in your life?  I'd be honored to help you on this journey.  Give me a call at (626) 836-2023.  

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Permalink

]]>Do you live in a world of Abundance or Deprivation?eating disordersbody imageself-carewellnessSona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTTue, 03 Jan 2017 01:10:00 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2016/11/30/where-has-all-the-intuition-gone-the-simplicity-and-difficulty-of-intuitive-eating583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:583f3d4d37c58126d3cf6a53

For those of you with small children, or those who have spent any time with small children, you may notice they don’t eat like adults. 

Of course you will run across the typical resistance to anything green, or if anything on the plate is touching anything green.  Or that they may spend what seems like forever eating only one type of food (like pasta), or everything from the same color palette (white).  Thankfully these precious little humans eventually grow out of these eating habits.

But what is noteworthy is how little kids know how much to eat before they stop eating.  They are natural intuitive eaters.  They are authentically in tune with when they’ve eaten enough to satisfy their bodies, and then they just stop.  Even with food left on the plate!  Even with desserts!

Unfortunately, by the time these little ones grow up, they’ve lost their intuitive ability around eating.  They’ve been exposed to messages about finishing what’s on their plates, or supersized meal portions when eating out, or using food to celebrate/reward/soothe, etc.  As they’ve grown out of their funny eating habits, they’ve also grown out of their intuitive eating abilities.

What is intuitive eating anyway?

Holding intuitive eating as an ideal can relieve so much pressure for so many people.  Brought down to the most basic explanation, to eat intuitively one must be in tune with themselves enough to realize when they’re hungry and stop eating when they’re satisfied.  By being in tune with one’s body you avoid becoming too famished and also becoming too stuffed.  (For more on the subject check out the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA).

Re-connecting with that natural ability to be in tune with your body’s needs is not simple.  The concepts are simple, but putting them into play and going against entrenched patterns of emotional eating or mindless eating takes time. 

Where to start?  Tuning in to yourself

A good place to begin is to practice tuning in.  Take a few breaks throughout the day of only a few minutes to just tune in to yourself.  Start by experiencing all your senses, then move from the sensations on the outside of your body to those on the inside.  Then move to how you might be feeling physically (hungry, tired, tense, etc.), then to what you may notice emotionally (anxious, sad, content, etc).  Then take a deep breath and realize you’ve just tuned in and registered how you’re doing in that particular moment. 

next?  tuning in to your eating

Once you get a sense of how to do this, you can extend the process to your eating.  Notice how you’re doing just before eating, during and after.  Practice eating mindfully — noticing your food and your experience eating it at that moment. Notice the textures, temperature, taste, etc.

Intuitive eating is never a rigid process, nor is it a formula.  There are no good and bad foods.  It’s quite natural and fluid.  It’s a way of just attuning to yourself enough to know what you need. 

Try to remember life before you were taught to clear your plate.  But this time you get to enjoy more than just pasta!

If you think food and your emotions are dictating your eating more than your intuition, I can help.  Together we can work to find your freedom from food issues.  I'd love to help! 

Ready to settle your embattled relationship with Food & your Body? Grab your FREE Worksheet here to begin your healing journey towards real freedom from that deeply-rooted and exhausting struggle. Recovery IS possible!

Permalink

]]>Finding Your Peace with Food -- Getting to Know Intuitive Eatingaddictionsauthenticityeating disordersrelationshipsanxietywellnessSona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFTTue, 13 Dec 2016 01:54:00 +0000https://www.drsonadelurgio.com/news/2016/12/1/slow-it-down583ca15559cc68a8c3c7f664:583cadd2e6f2e18631da1ba8:5840cff6cd0f683f84780f61

You know life has gotten extraordinarily busy and fast paced when there is an emerging movement spreading like wildfire to slow down life‘s pace. The Slow Movement is a cultural shift to slow down everything from eating to parenting to traveling.

I first heard about Slow Food as a movement originating in Italy in reaction to fast food. It’s premise was to enjoy food grown locally and often organically and eaten sitting down while enjoying the company of others. It has grown to have a bigger agenda including taste education and farming preferences.

But the origins of the movement are so meaningful -- to slow down our experience with eating to value real food eaten mindfully and connecting with others over meals.

I remember my trip to Italy several years ago. I was struck by the void of “convenience” foods. I couldn’t get my coffee in a giant to-go cup and walk around with it! I had to sit down at a table in a café and drink it from a small cup.  Often the café owner brought pastries to enjoy with the coffee whether we ordered them or not.

Well, this became the most enjoyable awakening for me. We couldn’t multi-task on the run. We sat down, enjoyed the sights, talked about our experiences while we sipped and savored the delicious Italian coffee. We had to slow down to truly enjoy what that moment brought.

Slow Food has created many sub movements

Slow Parenting is another that caught my attention. It’s working to persuade families to slow down from the mad pace of daily enrichment activities after school, multi-tasking driving/eating/phone talking/drop offs and pick ups, all while squeezing in homework and meals. It encourages parents to let children experience life at a more natural pace, allowing enough open time and space to let life, learning, and relationships develop.

Both the Slow Food and Slow Parenting movements, and many of the others as well, can truly offer us all some significant reminders of what makes life meaningful for us.

If we cut down our busyness just a little, a whole world of awareness can open up. This is easier said than done, however. Fighting against efforts to slow down will be our internal desires to do it all and hyper achieve, along with a cultural expectation to do the same.

The competitiveness and fears of not keeping up can be paralyzing for some. Many will notice anxiety when they slow down which will be a result of deeper emotions that staying busy can help avoid.

What can you do?

Just making a commitment to enjoy a slow food meal a few times a week and reducing a small portion of your multi-tasking can help you feel more connected to yourself, your life, and others.

Notice what comes up for you in opposition to slowing down. Recognize it for what it is, reflect upon it, write about it, embrace it for what it’s trying to provide for you.

Then, take a deep breath and stay with your plan to slow things down a bit.

You’ll find it’s less about giving up tasks and more about discovering yourself.

Sign up here for periodic emails to inspire and support your healing journey, as well as news about Dr. Sona's events, articles, blogs, and more...

Sona DeLurgio, Psy.D, LMFT is a Psychoanalyst and Marriage & Family Therapist in Westlake Village, CA.  She loves helping people who have gotten lost in their struggles with food, body, relationships, or trauma to find themselves and discover their freedom to live a true, authentic, and connected life.  She can be reached at (626) 836-2023.   Or you can learn more at www.DrSonaDeLurgio.com

Permalink

]]>Slow It Down