Whose Are You?

long time, no see

2011-08-02T21:53:00.002-05:00

I'm FINALLY out of my hibernation from blog world.....I can't, however, keep up with two blogs so be sure and follow me over at The Kindle Crew!

Kingdom Focus

2011-05-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

I've had it all wrong for weeks now. I can't serve this sweet little family of mine and expect to be fulfilled.

Quiet honestly, I've found no satisfaction in my days lately because I guess without realizing it, I've expected some sort of affirmation or evidence of growthin in these little members.

Some things I have restrained from....
no elbow have been thrown, no teeth have been knocked out and noone has been strangled

Some things I confess to....
idle words have been spoken, angry eyes have been glared and lies from Satan have been believed

Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind." He says this is the first and GREATEST commandment. It cuts deep and reminds me that if I seek first His kingdom and His righteousness then all other things will be then added.

I've tried serving my family because I love them and have their best interest in mind. I desire for them to exemplify great manners, a well rounded education and most importantly moral character and an undying passion, devotion and love for Jesus Christ.

What's wrong with these goals? Nothing.

It's my love - it's a faulty love. Parents like to believe we love our children unconditionally but it's impossible for unfailing love to be poured out of a sinners heart. Only Christ's love is perfect and unfailing. It's His love that must be poured out of us.

My good news and hope for today is that if I love him with all my heart, soul and mind and seek his kingdom and his righteousness then I will be filled with his love which can then be poured into my family. I have the ability to love like Christ.

"Whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto me...."

If I can serve my family out of service, passion and devotion to Jesus then my fulfillment will come from Christ....which is the only true fulfillment in the first place. "He has set eternity in our hearts."

What a great reminder for me today. I once knew this. When I lost sight of it I do not remember but how thankful I am today to be reminded.

I can't be devoted to my family.
I must be devoted to Jesus and in his strength I can serve the family he has called me to nurture.

Thank you, Jesus. What a relief!

whatever my lot

2011-05-15T17:56:00.000-05:00

I just deleted my post because it's not what God put on my heart...it was what Jennifer thought was a "good post" but that was never my intention for this blog so.......tonight when I can't sleep I'll come back and restart this whole blogging adventure over....being real and praying I point you to Jesus.

I've missed you.

such a long time....

2011-05-01T23:16:00.000-05:00

have so many things to write.....

maybe one day soon they'll make it from my notepad to here

pondering lots these days....have many new views and insights about quite a few ways of thinking I've always had...interesting how He shapes us....

hopefully more sooner than later...

Conditioned

2011-04-03T15:58:00.000-05:00

I realized today how much religious culture has conditioned me. Even when I've allowed the Lord to teach me and grow me, to increase my faith and show me how to walk in the Spirit...today I wasn't guarding my heart and I let this old "conditioning" come out in me, right in the middle of church! Urg. I was very convicted and disappointed in myself for several minutes until I turned it into thankgiving. I'm very thankful He opened my eyes and worked in my heart....and it wasn't even the invitation time! (That's an attempt at humor for you other "conditioned" Christians in case you didn't catch on.)

For the past few weeks I have diligently been praying in my quiet time for my children. For this particular child I have prayed that he hear from the Holy Spirit, that he be obedient and realize the Lord can tell him great and mighty things if he will open his heart to hearing from the Lord. God has been so faithful to show me over this past week how He is indeed growing this child, I've been so thankful and have practiced turning these blessings back into praise.

To set the stage for today; I've also prayed for myself that I would have the childlike faith required to inherit the Kingdom of God, that I would not put the Holy Spirit in a box and that my life would be a reflection of walking in the Spirit every moment. I am such a work in progress, for the Lord's sake quite literally. He has grown me by leaps and bounds at times and other times, just by baby steps. I have been so amazed that this heart of filthy rags even finds favor in the sight of Christ. Thankful and overwhelmed describes the cry of my hear these days.

Today during the praise and worship time. Yes, there's a time carved out for this and I am by no means knocking that. God is a God of order and I appreciate His sovereignty in order. At the same time, I feel that we throw the Holy Spirit in a box and ask him to come out for 15 minutes here, 15 minutes there and for the most part...stick to the order of things. That, in my opinion, is not a church downfall. Like I said, God is a God of order. Just like the seasons. Spring is always after Winter, Summer after Spring and so on. What I see as the downfall is the heart of His people. We condition ourselves to stuff Him in that box and we in turn, condition our children to serve Jesus with passion....by all means..within the boundaries of that box, please.

So I ramble. Sorry, here is the point:

I love Jesus. I love words of praise we can sing to the Lord. Worship music meets my soul like nothing else can sometimes. Today, during the middle of worship, my child pulls my ear to him and says, "I feel like the Lord is saying go down and pray."

Without any specific thoughts coming to my mind, I know my "conditioning" kicks in and my unguarded heart slams the door shut on that box I've let the Holy Spirit try to sneak out of. I look at this child and from this mouth that was just singing, "when the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come.....wanting to bring something that's of worth, to bless your heart"...I said, "WHY?"

(Thoughts of "it's not time for that" didn't even come to my mind but I know that was the foundation of the "why?" That is a a pity and I vow not to raise my children to be conditioned.)

Stab in the heart. Did this child's Jesus loving Momma, who teaches him to walk by faith and to hear the prompting of the Spirit and act on it, did I really just ask my child "why" over his obedience to the Father? I did. I confess. My heart sank. Immediate conviction. I so grieved my Creator. I took my child's hand, led him down front and he prayed to Jesus. Short and sweet, blessed his Savior's heart...next to him kneeled me...unworthy of the calling bestowed upon me. Unworthy of another chance, unworthy of anything good....so unworthy. Smack. My own heart was grieved over my "conditioned" state. Back in our spot, I leaned over and told this child how very proud I was of him to hear and obey the Holy Spirit. He smiled and said thank you. I'm so unworthy to have experienced this blessing....thankful I serve a God who redeems.

I have been made aware today that I need to grow in this area of walking in the Spirit. I never want to grieve Him in that way again. Nor do I ever want to do anything "in His name" without first being led. My belief of the importance of daily seeking Him was made evident again today. I didn't do my quiet time this morning because I didn't get up early, I didn't prepare my heart before worship and therefore my unguarded heart grieved the Holy Spirit. I'm thankful He was ready to do a work regardless of my lack of preparation.

Blessed be the name of the Lord who will not be kept in a box!

amazed

2011-03-28T17:48:00.000-05:00

Last summer I was having to prepare for a short speech and as I was praying rather diligently over it, I just couldn't find a peace about a topic, words or anything. I really was at a loss of words. A few weekends before I was to deliver the speech, we sang Word of God Speak at church and the words brought tears to my eyes....those words were exactly it and how overwhelmed I was for the Lord to speak so softly.

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay

The last thing I need is to be heard

But to hear what You would say

The voice of God was so loud in my ears and on my heart. It was evident to me that the Lord was saying, "it's more important for you to hear me than for you to be heard" and that there's nothing I can say to speak into the hearts of another unless first I hear from the Lord. So, I waited patiently, prayed with thanksgiving for the drawing of my heart to his and he gave me a short little speech that was totally from him. He is so gracious.

I had to prepare another little speech to share my heart a few months ago and same thing.....I knew that there weren't any words for me to say except what He prepared for me to say before time began for me. He is so faithful to show his power and I just love these words, "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I'm a recovering control freak and it's part of my sinful nature to expect my timeline to be accomodated and what peace, growth and affirmation the Lord has spoken into my heart as I continue to wait and wait and wait on his timing for so many little details of my life. God is so worth the wait.

I realize this post is seeming rather random but as you that faithfully read what I have to say have probably noticed, I obviously haven't blogged in such a long time....or been able to read many of yours. Oh how I have missed sharing my heart and so much more I have missed being encouraged by those of you who so often encourage me through your own heart sharing.

I have written (in my mind) many a post that just haven't made it to the keyboard...instead, they've soaked deep into my own heart & soul and I have had to apply each and every one in my own life....I've been saturated with these "in my mind" posts and have had them rub me raw, rip through my core and I've had to search myself for long periods of days. What a blessing it has been. In the past I have written, from deep conviction, what I know the Lord has put on my heart and then I'm off to see what else the Lord has for me to share. Lately, the Lord has worked it out that these deep convictions I know he has put on my heart has sat, fermented and penetrated my heart and actually has changed me, grown me and allowed me to sit still and settle in on what truth he really has had for me. I can't even begin to tell you how amazed I am at my Creator.

I read this the other day at the end of a very perfect devotion for me; "And you will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside." That's me right now. I am the most amazed person to see what the Lord has done for me on the inside. The outside still comes with flaws when I'm not submissive to the Spirit but I am truly, thankfully, gratefully so amazed on the inside....in so many ways I don't even know how to express my gratitude....so overwhelmed and so very humbled at how many times the miracle of God's grace is showered down upon me.

In these times of seeking the Lord with all my heart, I have found him and what's so exciting about finding him is knowing that there's even more of him to be found and he is so eager to give himself to me.

So as the rest of the song goes, like we sang again this weekend...what perfect timing for me again....

Would You pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That You're in this place

Please let me stay and rest

in your holiness

Word of God speak

Thank you, Lord, for pouring down like rain for me in these times of seeking you. Thank you for the continual process of washing my eyes and letting me see the path of life you've called me to, your grace and your majesty. Thank you for teaching me to be still, to know you're with me, to nudge me to respond to your greatness with a worthy manner. Oh Lord, let me stay, rest and swim in your holiness. Thank you for speaking Lord Jesus....you redeem. You save. You satisfy.

Who am I?

2011-03-16T17:34:00.000-05:00

My mom gave me a little charm for my necklace. It's the cutest little owl. I just read a friend's blog about her making over an area in her home and she had the greatest owl decoration that I love. These words keep ringing through my mind....WHO am I that you are mindful of me? I just love that people think of me when they see cute little owls because of this WHOSE ARE YOU blog. I see how perfect God's timing is that this blog idea was put on my heart right before everything "owl" came out on the retail shelves....or at least before I noticed it. I love them and I love that the Lord uses them to remind me of WHOSE I am, WHO I belong to, WHO I serve and WHO it is I should aim to please.

WHOSE ARE YOU and WHO are your serving today?

How shall I see this day?

2011-03-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

God's grace upon me - to allow me fellowship with him - isn't that enough to sustain me?

Bowls of dried oatmeal top the sink, laundry piled high on the couch, the floor peppered with toys - all of these are reality but what Kingdom value to these have that I would waste a breath of complaining on?

Oh but the mouths that devoured that oatmeal have the potential to speak Truth into a lost soul and into my future grandchildren. The children whose bodies wear this laundry shall be mighty warriors for Jesus. The little hands who played with these now lonely toys will oneday, I pray, feed the hungry, nurture the sick, cloth the poor and take His message of salvation to a lost and perishing world.

My prayer today is that my focus will be one of Kingdom value.

I'd be a fool...

2011-02-28T09:36:00.000-06:00

This morning before the sun shone on East Texas, we were bombarded with the reminder that Satan seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

Attacks on the health of a family member, attacks of a thief running their car into my FIL's pharmacy (surely in hopes of stealing drugs), attacks of a loved one taking their own life.....that's just the big ways Satan has tried to get to us this morning...

As the commotion woke my little one up, I filled the sippy with chocolate milk and she guzzled herself back to sleep at 530 this morning....I stayed by her side for a few minutes making sure she fell back asleep and I prayed, thought, pondered and worshipped.

My mind and heart was reminded that every inclination of the human heart is evil....we are determined to stray from the Lord. We are wicked and we relish in our evil thoughts, desires and actions. As I prayed for family members and pondered these thoughts.....the Lord brought these words from a song into my heart...."seeking you as a precious jewel, Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool".....over and over and over again the words, "Lord, to give up I'd be a fool" kept resounding in my heart.

I've tasted His goodness, I've seek His faithfulness, He has proved His power when we allow Him to work through us.....I would be a fool to give up searching after the Lord.

I'm no different than these who have fallen into Satan's traps...believing his lies and acting on my own selfish, prideful desires. I thank the Lord for protecting me, for guarding my heart, for convicting me of letting myself become idle and corrupted at times by this world.

I encourage you, sweet brothers and sisters in Christ....press on. If you seek Him you will find Him, if you seek Him with all of your heart. The Lord is so worth it. He doesn't promise that we will be free from trials and tribulation but He promises to carry us through. My prayer today is that we will seek the Lord like a precious jewel worthy to be found. Worthy of our time, our effort, our self denial, our daily taking up the cross.

Yes, Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy but praise God....the Lord comes to give us life and give it abundtantly. May you abundantly overflow with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control today.

Seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.....and live like it!

live by works

2011-02-23T09:23:00.000-06:00

"if we only do what we can do on our own ability, we will always be bound to works"

I might have gotten a few words but basically the above statement is what I heard and is what sunk into my heart this past weekend at the Mom Heart Conference with Sally Clarkson.

Wow! I've never considered myself to be in bondage to my works. I believe that faith without deeds is useless. Faith and actions work together and faith is made complete by what we do. A person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead......deeds without faith is dead as well so beware....don't take my word for it....see James chapter 2.

As that statement hit me so hard this past weekend, I've pondered it a bit over the past few days. I have been in bondage to my works so much of my life. When I only do what I can accomplish, I'm in bondage to works and my faith is useless....mainly because I don't have any I guess. We say we have faith but if we really have faith then we would do all he calls us to do...not just those we can accomplish on our own.

Visions, dreams, desires, promises....all from the Lord, without a doubt. I know what the Lord has called me to. I know the short term and long term visions he has put into my heart. I know the desires he stirs within me and I know the promises He spoke for me. So many times I put all of these on the back burner of my heart because I know I can't do them. Yes, I say I have faith and I'm praying that he increases it for me but instead of promptly obeying, I daydream about these ideas...instead of walking toward them.

Awh...I can't seem to type what's in the depths of my heart. The Lord has sparked a desire of complete reliance. My reliance and dependence on him has grown so much just through this journey of homeschooling but I know he has so far to pull me to him. I want to build an altar at the Marriott in Las Colinas because it's there that the Lord proved his power and it's there that he said to me, "see...I can do anything if you will let me!"

From Oswald Chambers yesterday, "Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God."

Why is it that I walk with the Lord daily, I pray to hear, to discern, for wisdom, for creativity, etc etc then he abundantly supplies and I second guess. I'm so conditioned to "be ye not self righteous" that I limit the Lord and I become once again in bondage to my works. No...I can't do it and no, I can't boast in myself but you know what....I boast in the Lord. I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able!

I know what the Lord has protected me from. Thank you, Jesus. I know the Lord has drawn me from an early age and more than half of my life was lived in disobedience. Grace, Lord...thank you. I realize all I could've done for the Lord but did for Jennifer. Forgive me, Father.

Why does He want me? Why does He promise to use me, to show me, to walk with me, to provide for me, to give me wisdom and discerment, to gently lead me because I have young...because my heart is devoted to Him. Do I fail? Everyday...oh my gosh..miserably. But, He searched the whole world looking for a heart committed to him and I humbly confess that he found mine and thanks be to the Most High God....as he promises...he strengthens me. To God be the glory!

Lord, thy kingdom come.

I fall down, I lay my crowns, at the feet of Jesus. I cry holy holy holy.

Just Do Something

2011-02-16T15:36:00.000-06:00

I know I've posted this somewhere before but I came across it today and thought I would share it...

"Live for God, obey the Scriptures. Think of others before yourself. Be holy. Love Jesus. And as you do these things, do whatever else you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, and you'll be walking in the will of God." - Kevin De Young

Obedience has been on my heart a lot lately. I spent so many years thinking I loved Jesus but I wasn't living in obedience.....yeah, a few fruits might have been evident but God's Word doesn't say fruits....it says, "FRUIT!" How could I ever have claimed to love the Lord and not be being molded into His likeness....seeing ALL the fruit of time spent walking with Him.

Love. May His love pour out of me. Joy. I can choose joy. Peace. True peace, I believe, can only come through time spent with Jesus. Patience. My selfish desires won't allow this, only submission to the Spirit for me. Kindness. Oh, this is all about being submissive for me as well. Goodness. God is good and only when He pours out of me can I bear good fruit. Faithfulness. Thanks be to God for drawing me, calling me, separating me, saving me & increasing my faith. Gentleness. He is as gentle as a lamb. May I reflect Him. Self-control. Only by yielding to the Spirit.

What I thought was love a few years back, I realize wasn't love at all. So thankful for God's patience with me. I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good! How can I not spend time in prayer? How can I dismiss my need for soaking in His Word? I can't. Simple as that. If I love Him, I will obey Him. My prayers lately....that I would be a hearer and doer of His Word. Without knowing what His Word says, I can't obey so I'm eager to know it so I can walk in full obedience. How dare I go before Him asking for His blessings when I am not obedient to Him....in everything!

I love you, Lord.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus

2011-02-07T13:34:00.000-06:00

David says he just wants to gaze on the beauty of the Lord. (Psalm 27)
What a desire and how beautiful he is when we are intentional about sitting at his feet.

"the more I seek you, the more I find you...I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay against you and breathe....feel your heartbeat...." He overwhelming takes my breath away.

I'm reading about loyalty this morning which has made me think about how loyalty is displayed in my life. Am I more focused on not letting people down or not letting the Lord down?

The lust of our flesh has such a strong draw - but the draw of Jesus for me is so much stronger. I'm thankful I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good so I long to sit at his feet. If I would not have ever experienced Jesus, I'm afraid my flesh would win out.

I pray for friends, family and loved ones who allow their flesh to "win out"....I pray they will experience the Lord and find that He only satisfies. He alone fills our lives. He alone abounds in love. He alone brings peace. He alone saves. He alone is everything.

This is not to say my flesh never gives in to sin, this is to say how thankful I am that when I do please my flesh.....the separation from Christ is such a heavy burden that the draw to be close to Jesus is enough to repent, allow him to restore me and to deny myself.

How is your fire?

2011-02-05T11:56:00.000-06:00

This morning as I was praying over the hearts of women like you a song came to my heart.

Light the fire, in my weary soul...fan the flame make my spirit whole.

Lord you know where I've been so light the fire in my heart again.

The Lord lit a fire in my heart and thankfully although I allow the world to do their best in snuffing it out, he just keeps on fanning the flame and today it's growing into a wildfire.

When I think of a wildfire I think of it being reckless...uncontainable...uncontrollable. In most areas of life these aren't words we would like to be described as because they are irresponsible. But...when it comes to following Jesus, I pray he sees me as willing to be recklessly abandoned to him....willing to not think of the cost or consequences but just follow him where he leads. The only consequence I want to consider is the one I would face for not following obediently.

Does your fire need to be lit?

Does your flame only need to be fanned?

Regardless of the status of your fire...I'm praying for my own heart as well as yours. With man nothing is possible but with God, all things are possible.

It may seem as we only have wet wood to offer Jesus but that brings to my mind Elijah and the barrels of water poured out upon the altar...the Lord consumed it all!

Those of us that feel the warmth in our hearts from the fire lit inside of us....take heed lest we should fall....I welcome any debri the Lord wants to use to ignite me, refine me and build a bonfire it my heart.

Jesus is so enjoyable.

fill me up

2011-02-02T22:48:00.000-06:00

Fill me up.
Pour yourself into me.
Let your love flow through me.
Father fill me up.

My latest blog entries have been scribbles on notebook paper in the wee hours of the morning then torn and thrown in the trash because we have enough papers sitting around.

God has been working in my heart, showing me himself and teaching me that I need to know him. I don't need to know what he is up to or what his plan is or even what path he is taking me down...I just need to know him.

I've enjoyed my time of learning, studying, reflecting, pondering and being molded. Don't think for one instant that you haven't been prayed over. God has kept it on my heart to pray for revival in the hearts of mothers. I am praying your heart is softened and that as we seek to know him, we will grasp all these truths he has for us.

hook, line and sinker

2011-01-21T17:18:00.001-06:00

"A man after God's own heart."

How could David be described this way by our Lord?

David wasn't perfect. We all know he had his moments where his bold faith engaged him to be a vessel of mighty works of God. We also know of David's downfalls and how he slipped into sinful acts of disobedience - murder - adultery - OUCH! Pretty "big" sins, huh?

This reminds me of the Scripture that warns us....if we know the good we ought to do and don't do it - we sin! Another OUCH! I am David - a sinne. But, am I a women after God's own heart?

Psalm is full of Scripture that speaks my heart's language. Chapter 119, verse 106 - I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws.

As I ponder why my faith can teeter totter between being bold & obedience and being unfaithful & disobedient I realize God's grace in my life and how He continues to reel me in, regardless of my falling away times. Hook, Line and Sinker - He has my heart!

I admit I allow my selfishness and lust of the flesh to entice me for short seasons but He so faithfully keeps reeling me in - most times with a soft, steady pull as I'm drawn closer and closer but as I start frantically pulling my own way, He jerks me back and digs the hook even deeper into my heart. "YOU ARE MINE" he tells me - "you have made an oath to follow my righteous laws, take heed, Jennifer - this would be a lot smoother ride if you would allow me to pull you along at my pace - which pleases me!"

Verse 111 reminds me that his statues are the joy of my heart. Truly I am at peace under the freedom of his ways. I'm so thankful for King David's transparents heart he shares with us - as his heart was set (v.112) on keeping the Lord's decrees to the very end.

My heart desires to keep these decrees as well. I pray as He continues to steadily pull me in, that He will strengthen me, keep me from falling and eventually describe me as a woman after His own heart.

(a monkey climbing on the author of this blog....disregard any typos or misspellings, please!)

Loving Jesus

2011-01-14T10:04:00.000-06:00

We are grateful, Lord, for the blessing of another day. Forgive me for missing divine appointments out of fear and pride. As we go about this day, seeking to honor you, allow us freedom and boldness to speak of you to those you put in our path. Open our eyes to an obvious encounter where we need to share your love with someone else. You are so much more than we acknowledge, forgive me, Lord. Let what we give you today be something worthy before you. You alone are our heart's desire and we long to worship you with our thoughts, our words, our deeds, our responses, our actions...our very being. We fall short as a family every day. You want all of us and I pray you will continue to grow us to see what it means to worship you with every bit of ourselves.

I lift up families today. I pray for the hearts of mothers to be drawn to you. Open our eyes to your divine plan in leading our little ones. Give us strength, wisdom, discernment and the desire to honor you in the stewarship of our families. Thank you for those you've brought lately that want to follow you and allow me to continue to desire to encourage these. I pray for specific hearts that you put on my heart....fill them with awe as they seek you. Draw them, draw me. Draw us to be the body of Christ you've called us to be.

Thank you for those you put in my path. Those that encourage, inspire and help equip me with your truth. You know them by name and I pray you will bless them abundantly, Lord. Send others to encourage them so they will not grow weary in their walk with you as they serve others.

You have already blessed this day, Lord...open our eyes to it!

We love you.

why pray?

2011-01-11T20:24:00.000-06:00

Why do you pray?

Through my reading today I was asked the question, "why do you pray?"

It's interesting that this question was posed mainly because my main goal this year is for my prayer life to grow into something pleasing and honorable to the Lord. I realize that although I do pray regularly, I do not pray without ceasing. I want to be a prayer warrior and my heart's desire is to be so in step with Jesus that my very breath is offered up to Him in prayer.

I also find it interesting that the few extra books and studies I've started this week all have the focus of prayer....I anticipate many blogs stemming from my time in prayer and in the reading of these books on prayer but as I pondered this question, my answer was simple yet it so overwhelmed me that I couldn't hold back a few tears of thanksgiving.

I pray simply because I want to see the hand of God at work. I was grateful that this was the uttering of my heart because as I came to realize this is why I pray, He spoke into my heart that He is indeed at work and all He wants is for me to get in on what's brewing. He has offered me an invitation to take part in a divine plan. He is at work and I don't want to miss the blessing of being completely dependent upon the one who speaks and it is so.

Lord, you are my rock. You don't need me but you want me and I know my prayers matter to you. You desire to hear the cry of my heart and you long to shape me, to mold me. Thank you for the invitation to join in the struggles of others and thank you for allowing me to enter into someone else's time of thanksgiving. I am willing, Lord. I am eager. I want to be used by you in a way that makes your name great. Show me your way, Lord. The path you set before me is the only one that satisfies me. Don't allow me to fall into the pit of boredom in the body of Christ. Raise me up with renewed strength to follow hard after you. Give me rest only when I've come to you with all that you have put on my heart. Make clear my calling so I can walk boldly in it, Lord. Radically change me this year....break my heart, create a new one that desires you and you alone. Open my eyes to opportunities to speak truth into the hearts around me. Give me a passion for the salvation of your created ones, Lord. Strip me of my judgemental heart, wipe away my pride, fill me with your love that overflows into the hearts of all you put in my path. I'm miserable when I don't walk in the way you've set before me. Give me strength, Lord...to walk your way.

Look for beauty

2011-01-09T15:31:00.000-06:00

The touch of Jesus brings beauty.

The bridge in our small East Texas Town caught my eye today more than it would have yesterday. Why? The touch of Jesus was there yesterday as well as today....just in a different way.

I'm thankful for a creative Lord that grabs my attention and makes me aware of blessings both big and small.

Search my heart O, God...make it ever true. Search my heart O God, may I be like you.

As the deer panteth

2011-01-08T22:52:00.000-06:00

As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship thee.

No matter where I go, Lord, you are there. Thank you for being there. You are there when I want you there, you are there when I need you there, you are there when I don't acknowledge you are there and you are there when I wish the path was my own to make.

You are faithful.

You are love. You are true peace. You are overwhelming. My heart desires fellowship with you.

You are patient. You are mercy. You are grace. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for your grace. I'm so very grateful for you being patient with me.

Looking ahead towards the prize, I'm eager to run the race you set before me and as I seek you wholeheartedly this new year, I trust you will be consistently faithful just as you have been. Forgive me for my taking advantage of your patience but thank you for putting a call on my heart I can't ignore.

Draw me, Lord, draw me....

His glory appears over you

2010-12-16T10:43:00.000-06:00

As I've learned to practice taking my thoughts captive and being aware of the hand of God in even the smallest of life's details.....God is indeed everywhere and it boggles my mind that he loves us so much that he intricately weaves together our days in a way that allows his perfect plan for us to unfold. He is a masterpiece creator.

Isaiah 60:2 was in my quiet time this morning...

See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you.

Life deals us many burdens and hardships and it encourages us to fix our eyes on our circumstances instead of being intentional in our journey of seeking after Jesus. This verse this morning was a reminder that God in all his splendor and majesty is here for our taking if we will seek after it. Yes, darkness and evil is prevelant in our world and the hearts of people are hard because of sin but the splendor of our King, clothed in majesty....fills the whole earth with his glory!

Praising the Lord today for going before me and preparing the path which he expects me to walk along.

Jonah and the Big Fish

2010-12-15T21:19:00.000-06:00

I read to Kate last night out of her The Baby Bible Storybook for Girls. It's so simple but the pictures are pretty cute and much more detailed than even the story.

We read Jonah and the Big Fish.....backup a little to some prayers I've been praying lately about a mission trip. I'm one of those that worry about my safety and what would happen to my children if something happened to me, etc etc. I know the Lord doesn't give us a spirit of fear and I also know that if it's my time to go then it doesn't matter where I am. I also trust that the Lord can grow my kids into the souls he desires without me in the picture but....I obviously question that at times or else fear wouldn't creap up, right? Isn't fear just the lack of faith???

So...back to Jonah...the simple little story goes like this:

Jonah was on a boat in a storm. He was thrown into the water and was swallowed by a big fish! Splash! Gulp!

Jonah prayed to God. Fold your hands and pray.

God kept Jonah safe. The big fish opened its mouth and Jonah came out. Can you open your mouth as big as that fish?

God watches over you and keeps you safe.

Thank you, God, for keeping me safe. Amen.

See....short, sweet & simple...yet so profound for me last night.

God kept Jonah safe and obviously had a plan for his life. I too believe the Lord has a plan for my life and for my family. Only God knows what the plan looks like but pondering the thought of God's protective hand over Jonah brought me peace and affirmation.

I shared with friends, I would rather die walking the path God had for me than living a life of disobedience.

responding to greatness....

2010-12-13T23:49:00.000-06:00

This journey the Lord has called me on isn't one that can be taken lightly. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if chose not to take the narrow road which leads to life. I even sometimes, in my fed up with half-hearted people days, ponder how much easier it would be to not even care what the Lord calls me to or worry about the standard he has made me aware of if I am one of his.

Life might be easier without standards, without knowing Truth and without any convictions which I must remain faithful to, but life would be miserable. God doesn't call me to a life of misery, therefore, I must keep trucking along down a path where very few trod. How thankful I am for those trucking along beside me, fixing their eyes on Jesus and seeking to not fill a pew but to be a light on a hill.

I've been in a wrestling match with Jesus this week and regardless of how stubborn I've been or how much complaing about his plan for me I've done, ever so softly and sweetly he has said, "I'm going to give you a few more minutes" Yes...Jesus and I talk like that and then I would answer something back not so soft and sweet such as, "I don't want a few more minutes, I want a few more days...well, crap, Lord....really I don't want anything...just come back for us for pete's sake" With an attitude like that, I'm certainly glad he chose to give me a few more minutes.

Point being......I'm thankful today for a God of mercy which has shown me so much grace and my offering to him is to (like Sally Clarkson encourages) show grace and choose joy. God is so patient with us and I'm responsible only for my obedience. To much is given, much is required. I've been given much, he has shown me much, called me to much and is expecting much from me....I choose to respond to greatness with obedience!

Direction for Aspiration

2010-11-29T10:22:00.000-06:00

As I've allowed the Lord to clothe me with a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair (Is.61:3) He has drawn me closer to Him these past few weeks. His faithfulness, unconditional love and promises to make me righteous are beyond anything I can describe.

I have a million posts I want to share that I trust will encourage you but I came upon a devotion that so put pep in my step that I just had to share. I've been trying to figure in my mind what "goes wrong" in the lives of His people...why passion fades or the zeal is lost and this devo encouraged me to keep on fighting the fight of faith.....praise goes to the Lord for Oswald Chambers and His willingness to lead us to the cross....

May I never settle for the standard of worldly opinion - He ceases to amaze me of how He refines me when I am fully reliant on Him.

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest - Nov. 24th

"Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters...so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God."

This verse is a description of entire reliance upon God. Just as the eyes of the servant are riveted on his master, so our eyes are up unto God and our knowledge of His countenance is gained. Spiritual leakage begins when we cease to lift up our eyes unto Him. The leakage comes not so much through trouble on the outside as in the imagination; when we begin to say - "I expect I have been stretching myself a bit too much, standing on tiptoe and trying to look like God instead of being an ordinary humble person." We have to realize that no effort can be too high.
For instance, you came to a crisis when you made a stand for God and had the witness of the Spirit that all was right, but the weeks have gone by, and the years maybe, and you are slowly coming to the conclusion - "well, after all, was I not a bit too pretentious? Was I not taking a stand a bit too high?" Your rational friends come and say - Don't be a fool, we knew when you talked about this spiritual awakening, that it was a passing impulse, you can't keep up the strain, God does not expect you to. And you say - Well, I suppose I was expecting too much. It sounds humble to say it, but it means that reliance on God has gone and reliance on worldly opinion has come in. The danger is lest no longer relyhing on God you ignore the lifting up of your eyes to Him. Only when God brings you to a sudden halt, will you realize how you have been losing out. Whenever there is a leakage, remedy it immediately. Recognize that something has been coming between you and God, and get it readjusted at once.

Why be intentional?

2010-11-20T02:28:00.001-06:00

Why put so much effort into these little ones?

And the dragon was enraged with the woman, and he went to make war with the rest of her offspring, who keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.
Revelation 12:17

Because the evil one is putting all of his efforts towards them!

My mind is blown away by the testimony of how intentional satan has been in the lives of so many of these women I got to love on in prison. It breaks my heart that the parents were the tools at which satan got a foot hold into their lives.

These prisoners have names, children and families. Now when I hear names such as Kelly, Alissa, Rebel, Lo, Margie, Sam, Emma, Treetop, Dee, Romeo, Malena...the list goes on. These names no longer ring a bell from my childhood playground days, these names have faces of women who have never heard about a Father who loves them. Faces with stories, hopes and dreams of a better future consume their thoughts as they wonder if they will ever get "back out there" and be able to change their lives around. They haven't met my friend, Jesus.

Was there noone in their lives who loved them enough to protect them, to be intentional in telling them their worth is found in Jesus? Did they not have anyone in their lives who knew Jesus? Surely that's not the case. I can't believe that. I lean more toward the side of these ladies don't know about God's love because noone in their life made a decision to be intentional about speaking truth into their hearts. Some, yes, came from homes and stories where evil has been prevelant for many generations but where were the Christian teachers, the goldy neighbors, the evangelism outreach teams from church? Where were the bold christian friends whose lockers were next to these ladies in school? Where were the people so passionate about Jesus that they told everyone they came across? Did all of these people think it was someone elses job to speak truth into the hearts of these children and teens? I'm so confused......

Molestation. Prostitution. Too many big words to try to spell this late.....sex rigns. Abortions. Drugs. Alcohol. Homosexuality. Lack of Jesus! Where was Jesus? Why do these things happen?

I know where Jesus was....He was there, broken hearted, as one of his little children was being raped by her daddy, he was there when she was left for dead in the woods, he was there when she had her abortion, he was there when she was shooting up, and he was there in that prison when she asked him into her heart. Thank you, Jesus, that you are always there waiting so patiently to be introduced. Thank you for allowing me to introduce you.

Message of Truth

2010-11-17T16:14:00.000-06:00

It's interesting how quickly your life can be turned upside down. Food doesn't taste the same, conversations don't satify like they did the day before, desires change and you realize what you're created for and if you don't walk that way.....awh, I dare not think about not walking that way.

I knew going into the prisons would be a blessing and honestly I prayed in that direction....Lord, pour out blessings upon blessings in such a way that I am never the same. May my thirsts be yours, break my heart for what breaks yours, open my eyes to see others how you see them. Don't let me get back to daily life and let passionless people put out a fire that you intend to burn until you come again.

God does indeed answer prayers.

This post isn't about begging you to sign up for prison ministry but I am advocating signing up to follow hard after Jesus. He quenches the souls of the weary. He satisfies like nothing I can even describe. Walking humbly in his Truth is motivation to endure the flaming arrows thrown by satan.

Daily life has taken on a whole new meaning....seeing others as God sees them is taking new shape in my heart. I was asked by a few female prisoners if I was scared of them. Scared? No, not scared but anytime you step out of your comfort zone and uneasy feelings comes quickly. I was uneasy at the unknown and uneasy and having all of the "right words" to say. Yes, oh me of little faith. How God poured out from my mouth from the storehouses of which I didn't even realize was there. All praise be to Jesus.

I haven't decided yet how to describe my experience with the prisoners just yet so hang tight because I do have stories to share. For now, though, I want to share about the abundant goodness of a God who planned out my days before the foundation of the world. How unworthy I am for him to use me and invite me in on his kingdom work. He wants all of us to take part in the blessings of seeing his hand move. I do pray that every one who reads my blog will have a tug at their heart to be closer to the Lord tomorrow than you were today. I want to be different.

I want to be one of those weird homeschooling families that don't watch tv.....oh...we already are that! :)
I want to be one of those Jesus freaks who take God's comands like He really meant it. I want to be those families who are mission minded, who show grace and forgiveness when the world doesn't see how that could be. I want to be those crazy people who all they do is focus on eternal things...and who have fun doing it. Oh....there is so much freedom in Christ. I'm rambling now......

God is good to show me how he has protected me from so much evil. He allowed me to be taught his truths from early on. He put in my heart at an early age to love him. I'm so thankful. God is good to show me that these prison ladies were dealt with intentionally by Satan and it was the parents that were satan's tools to bring so much hurt and destruction upon the lives of their children. This prison trip has affirmed my belief of intentional motherhood and the need for speaking truth over and into the hearts of all children. It has also affirmed in me that the difference between me and them was my childhood and the call on my life which I accepted from early on. Oh, how I thank God. I can't even begin to know how to show my gratitude to him. I can only obey him.

I got a clear picture this weekend about how Satan's mission is to seek and destroy. These ladies lives growing up weren't like mine and my sweet Kate's. When Brandon gets home he swoops little Kate up into his protecting arms, he kisses her, loves on her and tells her how wonderful and beautiful she is. When she goes to sleep he prays over her, with her and speaks truth into her heart. These ladies didn't have that. Story after story in this form or fashion...not one was without some hint of this.....these ladies almost wet their pants in fear when they heard their daddy's car pull up in the driveway. Instead of swooping them up into his protecting armd, he waited until everyone was asleep when we would sneak into her room with a threatening voice or knife to their throats while he did his business with one of God's children. This was the story of their lives. After childhood it was rape, abortions, left to die in the woods, prostitution and sex rings. Not to mention the drugs they were introduced to at ages 6 and 7 from parents or how their daddy was their pimp and made them sell drugs at the age of 13. I can't even begin to rehash all of the evil my ears heard and my heart accepted. Truth though...truth. Isn't it truth that stirs our heart to compassion. Compassion requires action. Why do these women turn to other women.....no wonder. They don't know they are God's crowning creation and created in His image. They don't know. Why don't they know? They have never been told.

Will you be a good steward of the message of Truth?