Math is hard . . . → Read More: And the worst semester ever is finally over]]> The last three months have been strange. On the one hand, school was horrible. It was probably my hardest semester yet, and there were more than a few times when all I wanted was to drop out and have my life back. I managed to make it through statistics, but barely.

Math is hard enough as it is, when you take out the numbers and replace them with letters and symbols, that’s just mean.

And my knee injury has kept me from running off any of my stress. I’ve been going to the gym, but it’s just not the same.

It’s been a struggle.

But on the other hand, the last three months have been pretty great. For the past two years I haven’t had a life, everything I did revolved around school. I almost never went out, and when I did, I would only allow myself one night per weekend. That was excellent for my GPA, but not so much for my sanity. Now, I’m barely home on the weekends. I’m getting out and doing things, and it’s been so good for me. School has definitely suffered a little, but sometimes something just has to give. Now semester is finally over, and with the exception of statistics, I did alright.

More importantly though, my knee is actually starting to get better. It’s been feeling good enough that I even went for a run yesterday.

It. Was. Awesome.

The weather was perfect, I felt good, my phone played nothing but good music, it was exactly what I needed after 2.5 months off.

My knee is definitely not 100%. Even though it felt fine through my entire run, and afterwards, I don’t feel like it’s ready to get back out there regularly quite yet. But the end is in sight and I am so, so excited about that.

All in all, despite my struggles over the last little while, I’m happy. Life is good, and now that I have a break from school, life is even better.

On Thursday morning when I exploded my smoothie all over the place, I knew I was in pretty desperate need of a break.

The long weekend . . . → Read More: Weekend Shenanigans]]> The last three weeks have been pretty rough. Work has been crazy, school isn’t getting any easier, and I was really struggling to keep my sanity. 

On Thursday morning when I exploded my smoothie all over the place, I knew I was in pretty desperate need of a break.

The long weekend couldn’t have come at a better time.

I did get a little bit of my homework done, but I have nothing due this week, so I didn’t put much effort into anything school related. Instead, I spent three beautifully sunny days with the boyfriend.

I even let him talk me into doing some things I never thought I’d do.

I know, I’m pretty much the greatest girlfriend ever. On Friday we went fishing, and then on Saturday morning we got up bright and early to go shooting. And you know what? Neither activity sucked. I actually had fun doing both. The fishing was relaxing, and the shooting, well that was just what I needed after such a bad week.

And in case that wasn’t enough excitement for one weekend, on Sunday we had turkey dinner (well, lunch technically) with his family, and then another one with mine afterwards. There was even an Easter egg hunt before lunch. I ate way too much food, and even more chocolate. It was perfect.

I had Monday off work too, but spent most of it recovering from my food coma. I did however, manage to get out of the house long enough to buy myself a new purse for the spring time.

As weekends go, I’d say this one was pretty perfect.

Things at work have been pretty stressful lately. . . . → Read More: Let’s Just Make a List]]> Lately I’ve been trying to do all the things. It’s tiring. On Saturday night, we went to a BBQ and I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30. Normally I’d feel bad about that, but everyone else had fallen asleep too. That’s how you know we’re getting old.

Things at work have been pretty stressful lately. The other day, my boss actually insisted I have a margarita because he thought I needed to calm down.

My parents take St. Patrick’s Day a little too seriously. We went there for dinner, and they were dressed head to toe in green ridiculousness, and made me put on a leprechaun hat.

As you can tell, I was pretty impressed.

My mom made Lexie wear one too. I think it looks better on her than it did on me.

I bought a giant pictures from Ikea a week or so ago. I was pretty impressed with myself this weekend when I managed to get it hung up by myself. I only had to call my mom once to ask about nail placement. It hasn’t fallen down once.

Tonight I’m going to Trader Joe’s with the boyfriend. He’s never seen me in a grocery store before, I have a feeling it won’t take long for him to start wondering what he sees in me.

I’d like to say I’ve been busy, but that would be a complete and total lie. I skipped one of my classes, and have spent most of my time sitting around . . . → Read More: Changes]]> Maybe it’s just me, but this week has sucked. There aren’t even words for it. It’s just been bad all the way through.

I’d like to say I’ve been busy, but that would be a complete and total lie. I skipped one of my classes, and have spent most of my time sitting around and complaining about how exhausted I’ve been.

I have however been going to the gym.

Yep, I joined a gym.

And you know what? I don’t hate it. My knee just isn’t in good shape, and the elliptical is pretty much saving my life right now. I can go at it for 45 minutes, and still be able to walk down the stairs afterwards. It’s wonderful.

I’m still making sure to ice afterwards, but so far so good. The pain isn’t getting worse, and at this point that’s a pretty big win.

In other news . . . you may have caught onto this already, or maybe not because I haven’t come right out and said it. But there’s a boy. It’s going well, he takes me out for ice cream, and doesn’t complain when I cook him eggs for dinner. But that’s about all I’m going to say about that right now.

I’m really hoping today goes by quickly. This week has sucked all the life out of me, and I just want it to be over so I can party it up at Ikea tonight. I know, I know, my Friday night is going to get pretty out of hand. Hopefully I can handle it.

It hasn’t really gotten better.

I’m not too sure if school is getting harder, or I’m getting lazier (or both), but I’m having a really rough time this semester.

I’ve been trying to get everything . . . → Read More: Getting Out of Hand]]> Remember a couple weeks ago when I when I said I was failing miserably at the whole balance thing?

It hasn’t really gotten better.

I’m not too sure if school is getting harder, or I’m getting lazier (or both), but I’m having a really rough time this semester.

I’ve been trying to get everything done, but it hasn’t been going all that well. I even needed supervision last week just to make sure I got my essay finished.

 I finished it, but it wasn’t even close to my best work. I feel like I’m burning out, so I haven’t been giving my all to anything for awhile.

See, the thing is, there’s just so much else I would rather be doing. Like taking the dog for a long walk in the trails with a boy . . .

And then giving her a bath when the trails made her smell awful.

And then watching her as she punished me by rolling around in my laundry after said bath.

Or having a girls night that involved way too much food, and Magic Mike.

All these things are way more fun than sitting around and reading my text books. Which is why I’m sucking so hard in school right now.

Last year, I was so inspired and excited to be in school, but this year, I’m just tired of it. It’ll be fun to see how I get through the next 3 years (or so). Hopefully I’ll get it together sometime between now and then, because seriously, my slacking is getting seriously out of hand.

Lately, it would appear that I was mistaken.

Yesterday, after leaving work early, I’m pretty sure I bombed my statistics exam. I tried to . . . → Read More: When Life Gets In The Way]]> I used to think I had a really good handle on the work/life balance thing. Or I guess in my case its work/life/school balance.

Lately, it would appear that I was mistaken.

Yesterday, after leaving work early, I’m pretty sure I bombed my statistics exam. I tried to study for it, I really did, but it’s just so hard. I mean, it’s math that looks like this:

I can study it all I want, that doesn’t mean I’m going to understand.

I was freaking out all day yesterday because I knew I wasn’t ready, but then the first few questions on the exam weren’t so bad, and I started feeling pretty good. That’s when life slapped me right across the face. I got to the actual math part, and had no idea what to do. In fact, instead of numbers, I just wrote down words because I had to put something.

Yah. There may have been some emotional eating after that. And wine.

Speaking of emotional eating, I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, and it’s a bit of a problem seeing as how I can barely workout. My knee is not getting any better, and I feel like I’ve been icing it more often than not. Even at work.

My x-ray results came back and showed nothing abnormal, which I find hilarious considering the GIANT LUMP. The doctor thinks I have Osgood Schlatter disease (which typically happens in children, of course I would develop a children’s disease), and wants me to go for physio. Another thing I don’t have time for, but have to figure out a way to get done. Excellent.

Add trying to have a life on top of that, and it’s basically a mess. At least I have some amazing friends that don’t mind when I show up for dinner with a box of wine and a half eaten cake as my contribution.

That’s true friendship right there.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m failing at life right now. I know I’ll figure it out and manage to get everything balanced eventually, but right now, everything’s all over the place.

Good thing there’s always Lexie cuddles to make it seem a little less sucky.

I mean that I run away from the things that scare me the most.

When my knee started to bother me, I ignored it. I was too scared that it was going to be something awful, and I chose not to deal . . . → Read More: I am a Runner]]> I am a runner, and I don’t mean in the athletic sense.

I mean that I run away from the things that scare me the most.

When my knee started to bother me, I ignored it. I was too scared that it was going to be something awful, and I chose not to deal with it. I chose to pretend it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t go to the doctor until I was harassed into going.

I’ve known for my entire life that I wanted to be a teacher, but it took years for me to work up the courage to go back to school. Why? Why would it be so hard when I knew, without a doubt, that this was what I wanted? Because it’s easier to run. Then I wouldn’t have to fail. Then I wouldn’t have to face the possibility that I wasn’t good enough.

Running away is what I do. It’s easier. It’s less risky. But I’ve been missing out on so much.

In the summer, one of my friends said she thought I was hiding from life because of the choices I was making in the relationship department. It made me angry, and I got all defensive. I listed all the reasons why that wasn’t true, and I do think the reasons were valid. But honestly? She wasn’t entirely wrong.

I’m not hiding from everything in life anymore. I’m going to school now, I’m taking control of my future, and I’m making sure I get the things I’ve always wanted.

Except for one.

As it turns out, I may not be as healed as I thought I was.

I am terrified of getting hurt again. Its ridiculous, since it’s been years and years since I’ve had my heart broken. But I’ve built a wall up around myself and I’ve spent all those years hiding behind it. I’ve used my past and school as an excuse for why I’m not putting myself out there. I say I’m too busy, but the truth is, I’m afraid. It’s easier to run away and make excuses than it is to take a chance.

I’m trying to stop running. I’ve taken some chances, and it’s really hard, but I think I’m getting better. There have been a lot of moments when I’ve wanted to run, and thought it would be easier to just keep hiding, but then I think about how much I’d be missing and I know it’s worth the risk.

At some point, you have to stop running right?

I waited for about an hour and a half, which considering I had no appointment, I guess isn’t all that bad.

Hospital gown and boots. It's a good look, I know.

I’d never . . . → Read More: The Knee Situation]]> Last Thursday I dragged myself to the hospital before work so I could get this x-ray business taken care of.

I waited for about an hour and a half, which considering I had no appointment, I guess isn’t all that bad.

Hospital gown and boots. It's a good look, I know.

I’d never had an x-ray before, so I had no idea what it was like, and it was nothing like I was expecting. It wasn’t bad though.

I don’t have my results yet. They said it would be about ten days, so hopefully they come in soon. I’ve been trying to take it easy on the workouts until I know what exactly is going on so I don’t cause unnecessary damage. And also, because you can see the lump through my pants and that can’t be a good sign.

It doesn’t hurt all the time, just when I bend it. Watching me try and get something out of the bottom cupboards in my kitchen is quite a production. And I’m very aware of it whenever I stand up after sitting for awhile. Its uncomfortable and annoying.

So that’s where we’re at right now. Basically nowhere.

It’s ok though, I’ve been handling the situation like an adult.

With alcohol.