It started with a massive omelet failure, and only got worse from there.

According to my coworkers, I was radiating “jagged energy” all day long.

I blame this partly on people . . . → Read More: Making up for It]]> Oh my, was Tuesday ever a bad day. I’m really starting to think Amy’s had the right idea all along – Tuesday’s just suck.

It started with a massive omelet failure, and only got worse from there.

According to my coworkers, I was radiating “jagged energy” all day long.

I blame this partly on people and their douchebaggery, but also on the fact that I took two days off from working out in a row.

Normally this would be no big deal, but I sit for 8.5 hours at work, and then another 3 in class. That’s 11.5 hours of sitting per day. For someone as hyper as me, this is bad news. My energy builds up and has to come out somehow.

So yesterday I was determined to make myself less jagged.

I got up at 5 and popped No More Trouble Zones into my DVD player. I threw all my bad energy into that workout and I’m pretty sure I sweat it all out.

See the disaster that is my hair? That’s how I know it was a good workout.

I felt a million times better, and I’m pretty sure it was the workout that made the rest of the day so great.

Of course, walking outside and seeing sunshine instead of rain sure didn’t hurt either.

The rest of the day flew by. Before I knew it, it was 10pm and I was on my way home from school. That never happens, but I’m not complaining – it definitely made up for Tuesday.

He said this while giving me advice about my eating disorder. He told me he had figured . . . → Read More: Using My Crazy for Good]]> Ever since I was little, I’ve had at least a mild case of OCD. Supposedly it runs in my family. And by that I mean, once my dad told me that I get it from him.

He said this while giving me advice about my eating disorder. He told me he had figured out how to use his OCD in a productive way, and that I needed to do the same. He believed if I could do that, then I could get past my eating disorder.

It was an oversimplified way of explaining it, but he was right. At the time though, what I heard was, “Leah, you’re being dramatic. I don’t believe you could possibly have any real problems and you need to just suck it up and stop being so miserable.” Obviously, I didn’t take what he was saying seriously.

But the thing is, my dad knew what he was talking about. I’ve had obsessive compulsive tendencies my entire life, and at that point they had gotten out of control.

Since stress is a major trigger for my OCD, I’ve found that instead of fighting it, its best to just embrace it. Otherwise taking on a full time course load along with work would be just begging to turn into a giant ball of crazy.

Lately I’ve gotten really good at harnessing all my crazy energy, and using it for good. You know, kind of like Superman.

Its taken a lot of practice, but I find that if I focus my OCD on making my life easier, it actually makes my life easier.

First, I plan. Everything.

I actually am going to get another weekly calendar so I can have more detailed plans. It makes life a lot easier when I can see what I have to get done each day.

Second, I prepare.

I have exactly an hour from the time I get home from work, until the time I leave for class. In that hour, I need to eat, walk the dog, and get my school stuff together. Cooking just isn’t realistic. So on Saturday and Sunday, I cook enough food to get me through my dinners for the week. Sometimes I make extra for emergency lunches too.

Then, chop up a bunch of vegetables for my snacks, and wash some type of fruit to hopefully keep me out of the candy dish.

Its just a couple of little things, but they’re little things that keep me from completely falling apart. It is so much easier to handle a crazy schedule when the only thing I have to worry about is getting everywhere on time.

After working a full day, and then sitting in class until 10pm, its comforting to know I don’t have to worry about packing a lunch.

Do you prepare your food for the week ahead of time?

My weekends are still exhausting, but not for the same reason. Instead of partying it up, I’m spending my . . . → Read More: Showing My Age]]> It’s funny how much things change as you get older. Not that many years ago, my weekends were filled up with parties and drinking. By Sunday night I was exhausted, but it was awesome.

My weekends are still exhausting, but not for the same reason. Instead of partying it up, I’m spending my time trying to get as much done as I possibly can.

This weekends activities included a trip to the States. I had a package to pick up from the post office, and wanted to hit Trader Joe’s while I was down there. I did my regular grocery shopping first so I wouldn’t go overboard, and had planned to only buy some 21 Seasoning’s Salute, and freeze dried berries.

What really happened is unacceptable, and I don’t want to talk about it.

But in my defense, everything is just so much cheaper in the States. To demonstrate this point, let me show you the difference in the price of cheese – something I spend a lot of money on.

Here’s a block of cheddar cheese that I got here.

And now cheddar cheese that I got from Trader Joe’s.

Ok. So we’ve seen the prices, now lets compare sizes.

Yep. We get ripped off up here.

Anyhow, back to the point of this post, before Trader Joe’s I went for a 9km run with my friend Kelly. We had an 8:30 am running date on Saturday morning, which is a much better idea in theory than actual execution.

She is quite a bit taller than me, and therefore can run much faster (yes, that is a legitimate reason). I swore at her pretty much the entire time, but we made it and neither of us died. I actually felt pretty great by the end. Go figure.

On Sunday I went to my cousins bridal shower, tried to catch up on homework, fit in a 10.5km run, and did all the housework/cooking that I didn’t do on Saturday.

Basically, what I’m trying to tell you, is that I’m kind of worn out. I need another weekend just to recover from the one I had. Which is exactly how its always been, but for very different reasons. I’m really starting to show my age aren’t I?

All those excuses I used to put it off – like not having the time, being too old, not having enough money – they . . . → Read More: A Little Irresponsible]]> Going back to school has taught me a lot of things. But I think the biggest lesson is that I can handle way more than I thought I could.

All those excuses I used to put it off – like not having the time, being too old, not having enough money – they were crap.

There will never be enough time, I will be just as old when I finish school as I would be if I hadn’t gone back, and the money, well that part’s true. But I’m managing.

Still, there are some days when I just don’t feel like managing. Sometimes, I have a day off and I like to be irresponsible for just a little while.

Sometimes, I just need to stop at the liquor store in the middle of a stressful day.

And after two weeks without a single alcoholic beverage, this is what happens.

Decisions are hard for me, and I really like wine. So instead of deciding between the three bottles, I just bought them all. It’s not like I won’t drink them.

And sometimes, when I haven’t had a chance to wash a single dish all week, I don’t want to cook dinner. I want to spend $20 that I don’t have on sushi from my favorite place.

(For the record, I got more than just those two rolls. This place isn’t cheap, but its not ridiculous.)

Then I want to skip my workout and have a giant glass of wine instead.

So even though my bank account hates me right now for spending too much on wine and sushi that I absolutely did not need, my sanity is thanking me. Because the fact is, sometimes being a little irresponsible is just the right thing to do.

Too much affection makes me uncomfortable. So for me, this is a bit excessive. I only celebrated it before so as not . . . → Read More: Dealing with Valentines]]> Oh Valentine’s Day, I just don’t like you. And no, it’s not because I’m single this year. I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s, probably because I’m not really a lovey person.

Too much affection makes me uncomfortable. So for me, this is a bit excessive. I only celebrated it before so as not to offend the ex boyfriend with my complete lack of interest. It always felt like nothing more than a waste of money.

Now as a single person, I have a different kind of hatred for the day. Not because I’m single and jealous of all the couples, but because today I get to have everyone I talk to act like my world must be empty because I dont have a man. Seriously, does this happen to other people or is it just me? Because I feel like the list of people offering to set me up is never ending.

So in order to deal with all that ridiculousness, I got up early and busted out No More Trouble Zones this morning. It was a mess, and the fact that it was 5am didn’t help. I’m not too convinced I’ll be able to make it through the rest of the day without falling asleep.

 Now, at least I’ll be too tired to care what kind of crazy things people say to “comfort and reassure” me.

Let’s just hope today goes by fast – and that I can get through it without punching anyone. No promises though.

On . . . → Read More: Weekend Eating]]> My eating habits on the weekend pretty much suck, but this weekend I may have really outdone myself. The combination of homework, running a million errands, and trying to fit in the long workouts that I can’t do during the week, pretty much killed any interest I had in making a proper meal.

On Saturday I went for a 10k run with my friend Kelly, and had she not provided me with a post run snack, I probably would have just gone home and had a bowl of cereal.

Red velvet cupcakes are far more appropriate.

Because our run was later in the afternoon, I didn’t really have a proper lunch. I had half a green smoothie before we headed out, and half in the car on the way back home. After I showered, I went to my parents house to do a little homework before we headed off to see The Vow. I planned to make dinner while I was there, but that got too difficult so instead I melted some cheese on Triscuits with pickles.

At the movie I had some strawberry pineapple frozen yogurt, which kind of makes up for my lack of any real food because of the fruit.

The movie was fine btw. It wasn’t exactly disappointing, and I can’t say anything negative about it. I liked it just fine. But the thing with these movies, is that none of them will ever compare to The Notebook, and I guess I always go in expecting them to. This one did make me a little teary, but only a little, and I felt like it needed more. It ended too soon for me, and I just wasn’t ready for it to be over quite yet.

Lunch yesterday looked like this:

See it?

This is what happens when I study at my parents house. You would think that since it is where I grew up, I would know how to find something decent to eat, but they don’t have a single thing that I’m interested in. So every time I go there to do my homework, I eat crackers. Every. Time.

Obviously, crackers aren’t enough food so I wound up making the only thing I could think of – grilled cheese. I had such high hopes for this sandwich too. I filled it with onions, tomatoes, hummus, and this amazing spicy mustard they have. It was going to be so amazing.

Then I forgot about it until I smelled burning.

I was beyond disappointed. It wasn’t entirely inedible, but it sure wasn’t what I had hoped for.

I kind of feel hung over today from eating nothing but crap for the last two days, so I’m almost glad to get back to the week and my regular eating habits.

I need to get it together and figure out a way to eat properly on the weekend. This whole looking forward to Monday thing, I don’t like it.

I’m going to see The Vow this weekend. Even if the movie sucks (which I refuse to believe is even possible) Channing Tatum has a . . . → Read More: Friday Facts]]> I’ve written half of 4 different posts this week. I’m full of all these half ideas and I can’t seem to finish them. It’s starting to really irritate me.

I’m going to see The Vow this weekend. Even if the movie sucks (which I refuse to believe is even possible) Channing Tatum has a nude scene. Pretty sure that will make up for anything that may be lacking.

Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. Probably because they’re my only school/homework free night. I probably should spend them doing at least a little homework, but I don’t want to. Plus, if I did I would miss out on things like walking the dog during the sunset.

With all my extra time last night, I decided to do No More Trouble Zones. Its been awhile, and I forgot how hard it was. I had to switch to my 3lb weights halfway through, and I won’t lie, even that was pushing it.

Apparently the workout was hard for Lexie too. She sat on the couch and cried until I let her participate.

Planks aren’t her strong suit.

School has made me even more ADD than I was before. I can’t even sit through an entire tv show without feeling like I need to get up and do something. I’ve become obsessed with mutitasking and its kind of exhausting.

I’ve been out of wine since Saturday, and I didn’t notice until last night. It must have been a better week than I realized.

Ten years ago I was going through what was quite possibly the most difficult time of my life, and even though in some ways it feels like . . . → Read More: Another Lifetime]]> Somehow, in two months I’m going to be 27 years old. I have no idea how it’s happened, but the last ten years have absolutely flown by.

Ten years ago I was going through what was quite possibly the most difficult time of my life, and even though in some ways it feels like yesterday, in others it feels like an entire lifetime ago.

When I turned seventeen I was falling apart. Nothing in my life was going the way I wanted it to, and I felt totally lost.

That’s when my eating disorder started to really take hold of me. It was my way of coping with all the things I had no control over.

It started innocently enough, I was actually just trying to get healthy. I was running and eating a balanced diet. But it didn’t take long for it to get out of control.

I’m obsessive by nature, so combined with all the hurt I was feeling, I guess it was just the only way I knew to redirect my pain.

I was dealing with my first ever heartbreak, and it was awful. I think we all know how intense and dramatic our feelings are at seventeen, and basically he could do no wrong. It had to have been my fault.

I loved him more than I knew how, and so I let him walk all over me. When you’re seventeen, it’s hard to know better.

And when that kind of relationship is all you know, it’s hard to realize that you deserve better. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you, or how much messed up shit he may have done. It’s one of those situations you need to figure out on your own, and in your own time -regardless of how long that may be.

It took me a really long time to figure it out. Longer than I care to admit, but I did figure it out, and when I finally walked away I was broken.

I’ve spent the last ten years putting myself back together, and sorting through the mess I created for myself.

Even though I’m not done (and probably never will be), I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job so far.

Maybe that’s why this is the first time in years that I’m not dreading my birthday. Much like my beloved wine, I feel like I’m just getting better with age.

3:30 – Leave work.

3:45 – Get to school and find a parking . . . → Read More: A Timeline]]> Yesterday was my first midterm. My brain is tired, and I feel like I have a lot to say but can’t figure out how to say it. So, here’s a point form, by the minute account of yesterday afternoon.

3:30 – Leave work.

3:45 – Get to school and find a parking space right away for the first time ever.

4:00 – Start midterm.

5:30 – Finish midterm and head home. Feel annoyed that I paid for 3 1/2 hours of parking and only used half of it.

5:42 – Realize I’m going to be home before 6:00 and it’s still light-ish out. Decide I’m going to go for a run.

6:01 – Head out the door for my run. Run the fastest 5k of my life (28:38). Feel like a rockstar.

6:34 – Call my mom to tell her how awesome her child is. Then have her put my dad on the phone so I can tell him too. Its important they know how well they succeeded with me. Walk around the block until I hang up.

6:45 – Make a celebratory dinner.

7:00 – Don’t know what to do with myself because I’m not usually home from school until 7:30. Turn on The Bachelor.

7:19 – Wonder how people can watch this crap. All these girls annoy me – but I still don’t turn it off.

8:00 – Decide to make up for the hour wasted watching ridiculous television by reading some quality literature.

10:00 – Feel proud that I had such a kick ass night, and go to bed.

Both Friday and Saturday night were dedicated to studying and homework, so that was fun. Around 11pm on Friday I started feeling overwhelmed with how much I still had left to do, so . . . → Read More: Here We Go Again]]> It’s midterm time again, so I spent this weekend much like the rest of them – buried in text books.

Both Friday and Saturday night were dedicated to studying and homework, so that was fun. Around 11pm on Friday I started feeling overwhelmed with how much I still had left to do, so I did the only sensible thing – I put down the text book, and put on The Notebook.

That probably wasn’t the best idea. A late night, mixed with red wine does not make for a good run the next morning. On Friday after work I ran 8k in 50 minutes, and was feeling pretty hard core. So when I set out on Saturday, I did not expect for it to suck the way it did. It was humbling to say the least.

I started off too fast, and by 2kms in I started to feel like lead. I toughed it out for a full 5k, but it was rough. Especially because I was hoping to fit in another long one. It was so bad, that I actually almost gave up and quit a couple of times. But I kept reminding myself that it wasn’t all that long ago when I could barely manage 3kms, so I pushed through and tried to cut myself a little slack.

So, long story short – the run sucked. These things happen, and I made up for it on Sunday when I hit up the treadmill with some reruns of Whitney and a better attitude.

And now because its so damn early I have no way to wrap this up, so here’s a cute picture of my dog.

That makes up for my complete lack of creativity right?