Just a normal guy who tries way too hard to create that perfect moment. He means well. But, in the end, it just doesn’t work.

I believe there’s a little Clark Griswold in all of us leaders. We pursue a “perfect” image when what we really need to pursue is authenticity.

As a leader, I used to try way too hard to portray a certain image. I still fight the urge to do it sometimes.

The Clark Griswold leader…

• spends a lot of energy trying to look like a leader.
• is afraid to let others know they make mistakes.
• is concerned about others seeing them as significant.
• is focused on now.
• feels pressure to always have an answer.
• endorses themselves.
• ultimately believes leadership is about them.

The leader concerned about authenticity…

• desires to build a healthy culture for others.
• is comfortable being themselves.
• makes others feel significant.
• is focused on tomorrow.
• is comfortable saying, “I don’t know.”
• endorses others.
• ultimately believes leadership is about everyone else.

Just a normal guy who tries way too hard to create that perfect moment. He means well. But, in the end, it just doesn’t work.

I believe there’s a little Clark Griswold in all of us parents. We pursue perfect memories with our kids when what we really need to pursue is a relationship with our kids. And, no, trying to create perfect moment after perfect moment will not create the kind of relationship our kids need to have with us.

As a dad, I used to try way too hard to create those perfect moments. I still fight the urge to do it. But my kids, especially my eight year old daughter, have taught me that those attempts are more for me than them…even though I think I’m doing it for them.

What does it mean to give up the Clark Griswold in us? We may not have as many posed pictures. Our calendar may have less things scheduled. We may spend less money. We may get less agitated when things don’t go as we planned. We may spend less time looking for what’s next. We may not feel like we’re doing enough. We’ll have less stories to share to impress our friends.

Instead, we go slow and steady building a relationship with each one of our kids. We do life with our kids. We invite them to join us in the everyday things. We stay home more. We pay attention to our kids. We don’t worry about creating memories. We invest in building a relationship.

In my last three roles, I’ve had the opportunity to be a boss. You’ll have to ask them what kind of boss I’ve been. I’m sure you’ll hear different things depending on who you talk to.

Having experienced different types of bosses and having been a boss, I feel like I’ve learned at least one thing about bosses. Every boss needs to be led…Not only led by those above them but also by those below them. Bosses need those who report to them to lead up.

Does every boss want to be led, especially by those under them? Unfortunately, no. But even the best boss in the world needs those who report to them to lead them. I want those who report to me to lead up. What does this look like?

• Don’t talk with other staff about your boss in a negative way.
• Do talk with other staff about your boss in a positive way.
• Build a sincere and meaningful relationship with your boss.
• Ask your boss questions to learn how he/she thinks and processes life.
• Learn about your boss’ past. Understanding someone’s past will help you understand their present.
• Be respectful and humble when you make suggestions.
• Invite your boss into your world and ask for input.
• Keep your boss informed. No one likes surprises at work.
• Learn from your boss.
• Learn with your boss from a book study, conference, etc.
• Submit to your boss’ authority.
• Follow your boss’ leadership.
• Publicly support your boss.

What are some possible results of leading up?

• You have increased influence with your boss.
• Your work culture improves.
• You have a stronger relationship with your boss.
• You have a better boss.
• When you’re a boss, you value being led by everyone around you.

Okay, looks like I felt like making lists today. Hope they help.

• ignore Halloween and pretend it does not exist
• pass out “Christian” candy (which never tastes good) to trick-or-treaters
• fear Halloween and try to scare as many other people as they can
• plan an event (usually at a church) on Halloween to redeem the day
• see Halloween as evil and condemn anyone who even acknowledges it
• Christianize it by letting their kids dress as Bible characters and trick-or-treat
• get married on Halloween and ask everyone to come in a costume

This is just what my family does on Halloween…We turn off all of our house lights and shout judgements at anyone who walks by our house in a costume. It’s fun! We get some weird looks, but we think it’s effective.

Okay, we don’t do that. We see Halloween as a night to build relationships with neighbors and anyone else who comes to our door. We turn on our lights. We hand out really good candy. We get excited about every knock on our door. We try our best to engage every child and adult we can. And we pray these interactions will build a bridge to the next time we connect with them…hopefully soon.

Let’s face it…What other day of the year do people who do not go to church and who are not a Christian walk up to our door and want to see us? I just feel like we’re wasting an amazing opportunity if we’re not home, waiting on them to knock on our door, and giving them our best. And I secretly wish every other Christian would view Halloween this way. Imagine the relationships! Imagine the influence!

By the way, those Christians who had a Halloween costume wedding were friends of ours. And I performed their wedding. It was great! I’m Ricky Bobby…

Have you ever heard yourself saying any of these things? Maybe not out loud. But you’ve silently wondered them. I have.

Many of us share a desire for the next thing. Yes, there is a season for not being satisfied and wanting to move forward. But there is also a season for being content and committed to where you are.

Only let us live up to what we have already attained. - Philippians 3:16 (NIV)

Would it really make a difference if you and I lived up to what we have already attained? Absolutely! Wondering what’s next causes us to lose our focus on what we have already attained. It causes us to paint our current situation in a more negative light than it really is. And our commitment to our current reality often wavers.

Paul was speaking about what we have attained spiritually. He has a point. What if we simply lived up to what we’ve already attained spiritually…salvation, unconditional love, forgiveness, eternal security, etc.? What a difference we could make if we simply accepted these things as true in our lives and were committed to living them out!

As I’ve been thinking about this verse, I’ve extended the thought to leadership. What if we simply lived up to what we have already attained in our leadership…our current role, the influence we have today, etc.? How powerful (in a positive sense) we would be if we embraced where we are and owned the responsibility of making the most of the opportunity!

Isn’t it ironic that we have to fight to be content? At least I find that I have to fight for it. But there is power and influence to be found in living up to what we have already attained.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
Philippians 4:11-12
Hebrews 13:5

Yes, some Christians are idiots. I’ll admit…I’ve been an idiot once or twice…okay, maybe more times than that. And, yes, some churches make us all look bad. But I look around every Sunday and see unchurched people and people who are not Christians walking into church with their Christian friends who invited them. I hear stories from people who thank Christians and the church for making a positive difference in their lives. I even meet people and tell them I’m a pastor and they don’t punch me or run away…although they do cuss a lot less around me for some reason.

It was refreshing to finally see something that says this Christianity thing is actually working…not working perfectly, but working well…and that showed a realistic picture of where we’ve come from, where we are today, and where we need to be heading.

It  appears that in many ways, here in America, Evangelical Christianity  in particular, and Christianity as a whole, is doing a pretty good job of being the church.

This positive message is very different from what we often hear  from Christian leaders, teachers, and researchers. Their message can go something like this: American Christianity is rapidly dying, and Christians are immoral, disliked, and not very good at being Christians, so … go invite your friends to join us. Frankly, if after two millennia on Earth and several centuries in this country, Christianity  is as messed up as people like to describe it, we should probably just  give up. No book or conference or magazine article is going to save  it now. Thankfully, this appears not to be the case, and many things  are going well. When we invite others to join us in our faith, we are  not asking them to jump onto a sinking ship; rather, it’s a ship going at maybe three-quarters speed in mostly the right direction.

(Quote from Bradley Wright’s book Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites…and Other Lies You’ve Been Told: A Sociologist Shatters Myths From the Secular and Christian Media.)

Who doesn’t like to get credit for leading well or a job well done? I do. But am I willing to give that up to become a better leader of people?

As I observe the great leaders around me, I notice several consistent characteristics. One of them is their ability to not take credit for the success around them. They can easily point to someone else and explain how that person deserves the recognition. They smoothly deflect the credit and give it to someone else. They not only set up their team to be successful but they also set them up to be seen as the leaders of that success.

If you do it right, as a mentor leader you may make it all but impossible for other people to give you credit. – Tony Dungy

Am I making it impossible for others to give me credit? Am I setting up my team to be seen as the leaders of their success? Or am I leading in a way that keeps the focus on me?

(Quotes taken from Tony Dungy’s book The Mentor Leader.)

How would you complete that statement? Warren Bennis (leadership scholar, professor, author, consultant, guru, rock star) was asked this question in a recent HBR IdeaCast. His answer may surprise you. I think it is surprising him. He mentioned it is something he is still wrestling with. He said…

If you want to be a great leader you need to understand grace.

As he is thinking about it, grace is sacrifice, redemption, generosity, and respect. I can get on board with that definition.

If there is any leadership culture that should understand grace and lead with grace, it is the church world. Would others use words like sacrifice, redemption, generosity, respect, and grace when describing the overall leadership culture of the church? What about my church? What about me?

Just before we (my wife, our two kids, and I) moved to GA in 2008, my dad asked me to go to lunch. He said he had something he wanted to tell me. I was 34 years old at the time, and my dad had never asked me to go to lunch. I thought the worst. It had to be bad news, right?

The very next day (I could not wait) we sat down at a restaurant. Before either of us had time to even look at our food, I asked him what he wanted to tell me. He said he wanted to apologize. My mind raced with worst case scenarios. He said he wanted to apologize for not being involved in a specific area of my life as I was growing up. As he sat there and talked…

He did not apologize for a lack of involvement in the athletic part of my life…even though I failed to grow up and become a professional athlete.

He did not apologize for a lack of involvement in the academic part of my life…even though I failed to grow up and become a lawyer or a doctor.

He apologized for not being involved in the spiritual part of my life…even though I grew up to be a minister.

My dad now, as a dad of two adult sons and  a grandfather of two, knows the most important part of my life growing up was the spiritual part of my life. And even though I grew up to be a minister (the one profession most people would equate with spiritual success), he regrets he was not more involved in this part of my life.

I love to share this story whenever I get the opportunity to talk to parents. Regardless of your church background or how spiritual your family was growing up, being spiritually involved in your child’s life can be intimidating. We can feel woefully inadequate. But a small section in the Bible in Deuteronomy 6 gives me (and hopefully you) hope and instruction…

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. - Deuteronomy 6:4-6

If I am going to lead my  eight-year old and two-year old spiritually, it begins with me. My relationship with God must be my priority. I should place that relationship upon my heart…where the things that matter the most to me live. What is on my heart will naturally come out in my actions and in my parenting. Once my relationship with God is my priority, then I am ready to lead my child spiritually.

Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. – Deuteronomy 6:7-8

Impress. Talk. Tie. Bind. I love the intentionality of these words. Our kids will not catch our relationship with God. We have to intentionally teach and lead them towards their own personal relationship with God. We pray with them. We talk to them. We make God a natural part of our home.

Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. - Deuteronomy 6:9

By writing this down, they were setting up reminders. It’s important for us to set up reminders as well. People are the most effective and meaningful reminders for you and your child.

You do not have to do all this alone! Find a church that will partner with you to teach and lead your child towards their own personal relationship with God. Find family and friends who will partner with you. People who will pray for and encourage you. And people who will directly influence your child by being other voices into their lives.

Being spiritually involved in your child’s life is intimidating. But when you prioritize your relationship with God, become intentional about leading your child, and partner with others who will do the same, the task becomes less scary. It actually becomes fun and fulfilling.