Why Moving Sideways is Actually Still Moving Forward... It just depends on your perspective

Figuring out that your worst day was really a great day

2010-09-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Figuring out that your worst day was really a great day
September 9th, 2010

I recently attended a self-improvement conference and one of the themes that we discussed was “making your worst day, your best day”. After spending more time with this idea, I have decided that you don’t really make it your best day, but instead you change your perception of things to better understand all of the positives that can come from a “bad day” or a pivotal moment in life.

As many of you are aware, I became very ill last September and had many of my physical strengths borrowed from me for some time. It has been almost one year to the day since that occurred and I am able to look back at that moment and really measure all of the positives that have resulted from a seemingly awful experience.

Here is a short list of the positives that resulted from my illness; I learned that…
• The true nature and scope of my positive attitude is so powerful and that it really can overcome incredible obstacles
• Family is the most important and often most taken for granted aspect of a young adults life. Also that your parents love you as much or more then you ever imagined and even at age thirty three, they will give anything to keep you safe
• My wife is incredible
• Momentary pause to check what course you are following is extremely important
• The universe is whispering to us every day and if we ignore it long enough it will turn up the volume and intensity until she is heard
• Strange things that happen in life, coincidences that are not coincidences at all and that there are reasons beyond our understanding for events that shape our world
• Being forced to be a “stay at home dad” for a year is a pretty awesome thing and that we can learn as much from our children, even in infancy, as we’ll ever teach them
• I have a purpose on this Earth and that it is my job to find it, follow it and achieve it.
• People are thinking of you even when you least expect it and that old friends are still good friends they just appear less frequently in person in our daily lives
• Your hometown is always your hometown
• Strangers care about other strangers and the power of empathy is baked into our nature as humans and that we need to return to that very nature if we are going to survive as a species
• Who you are is not a one dimensional thing. Our being has so much depth and is different to so many people but is still attached to the larger person that we know as ourselves
• Finally that the voice inside of us, our spirit, is the truth, it knows the truth and is our compass leading towards health and happiness. The voice that we often hear opposing it is just our ego and is a creation of our physical mind which is weaker than spirit. Learning to separate the two and to follow the truth is not easy but is necessary to really living our life.

I apologize for the bullet format but as you can see there have been a lot huge lessons that I take as positive and that have led me in a better direction in life. My family and I have returned to Canada and our so happy to back nearer to our families. I am rapidly approaching 100% health and am very thankful for all of my lessons.

Thank you to all of the people who pray for us and who gave any amount of money or kindness in an effort to help stay on track. We are filled with the love that you shared with us and we have every intention of paying it back into the system each and every day of our lives.

Jim Moss

PS I am still going to space!

Big Scary Stranger... Thanks for the reminder

2010-03-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

Dear angels thanks for sending me a reminder...

I was driving in downtown Waterloo, Ontario today and I stopped randomly to go to a comic book shop to add a gem to Wyatt’s collection. When I got out of the car I was approached by a great big dude dressed all in black who needed a shave amongst other things. He had a kind of broken smile, removed his hands from his pockets and held them out in a very non confrontational way and said “can I ask you something? Um… can I just be really honest with you?” I said of course. He went on to explain that he had just been released from prison yesterday, he possessed only what was on his person and was more than a little lost and in need of a number of things. He never actually asked me for any one specific thing, but I gave him some money that I had in pocket and then we walked for about 45 minutes and talked. I think that is what he needed the most. I told him I had been through a bit of a crazy year as well and that I had learned a few lessons in that time. He asked what those lessons were? First, forgive yourself but don’t forget what you have been through. Second, surround yourself with good people and good situations and follow your instincts when you feel otherwise. We continued to walk and talked a while and the third thing we arrived at together.

We spoke a little about what he needed and where he was headed. He mentioned a woman that he loves but who he is not in good favor with currently. He mentioned a couple of kids that were his and how badly he wanted to be in their life and he mentioned a few health issues that he had that would likely continue to cause him trouble in the near future. He had obviously had some rough times in his life, he inferred that his childhood was less than awesome, and that he had some things he felt regretful for and mentioned that multiple things from his past nagged at him consistently. I suggested that he focus more on what he can be doing today to take him in a good direction and then that he try to gently push those hard and ever present emotions aside, be honest that they are there but to quickly return to what he can be doing to move forward in a positive direction. He was a big and potentially intimidating dude, so I suggested that he get some clean “happier” looking clothes, get back to the halfway house and have a shower and get cleaned up and then to go out in the world feeling better about being clean and alive. That’s when we came up with Our third thing. He needed to find public health, and some source of moral support and a job; we agreed that he should... show up on time, smile and be clean and then vow to himself to do as many good things as he can to earn his and others faith and respect in himself. Seemed like good advice for anyone.

If he ever reads this, my message to him would be…

Big unshaven fella, in the black hoody with the spikes on it; with a good heart and a boat load of baggage: you have a somewhat clean start and a lot of opportunity to change your life for the better. Chip away at life, one good decision at time and then one day at a time and so on. Earn back respect in yourself, focus on that big heart of yours and listen when it speaks to you, the respect of others will come in time and will be earned with consistency and love for yourself. Thank you for stopping me on the side of the road and reminding me of a few good lessons about life, and most importantly, how fortunate I am. Take advantage of your chances, life is long and forgiving if you let it be.

Say "Thank You" from the heart...

2010-02-28T18:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 27, 2010
Say "Thank You" from your heart...

Say Thank You

I am sitting in the car with my parents, we’re driving to Rochester New York, from Port Elgin Ontario. I was invited to attend a professional lacrosse game, one that just two years ago, would likely have found me competing in it. The owner of the home team, a man I have never formerly met or played for, has pledged to give my family $1000.00 for each goal his team scores tonight.

The team is filled with players whom I have battled alongside and against for years, more years than I can remember. Pat O’toole, a soon to be hall of fame goaltender and perennial representative for the Professional Lacrosse Players Association, mentioned to mister Curt Styres, that my family was doing some fundraising to help offset our medical bills and lost income. His response was something along the lines of “well we can give him a jersey to raffle off, but we can do a lot more than that as well”. If times were different it may very well be that I’d be battling against Curt’s players tonight. If I was having a typical night, I’d like to think he’d be cursing me and calling me any number of well deserved names. Instead he is instructing his staff to get us VIP passes and he welcomed us into his suite with his family and he treated us with incredible dignity and respect. We met his mother Vera, a lovely and kind woman who had a very interesting pearl of wisdom to help me with my healing. Here were children running around and a beautiful little baby just the same age as my 3 month old daughter. The arms of the lacrosse family opened up and invited us in and made us safe and comfortable.

My time recovering has taught me many things. One of them is that one person’s illness can bring out the absolute best in others. I write these thoughts down as way to burn them in to my mind, and a way to provide myself reminders. One day soon I will be much healthier than I have been recently, and nature will have its way and be inching me closer to taking things for granted yet again, these memories should serve as a cold ice cube on the sunburned back of life. They should make me sit up straight and remember that things can change in an instant, and when they do, everything will be fine and some incredible people will be there if you are open to finding them. And I had better pay back into the system because it sure is taking good care of us.

After the game….

Now, sitting here in the hotel room just after the game in Rochester, I am a little overwhelmed and am trying to process the lessons in life that I just learned. “just say it from the heart”… that will be the take away from today. Sometimes “Thank You” doesn’t seem like enough because we say it everyday. We say it to someone who holds a door open for us, we say it to our kids when they do something nice, to our spouses, to taxi drivers, we say it to total strangers. What do you say to someone who you have never met, but has heard about your story and hands your family $23,000 to lighten the burden that you are experiencing.

“You say Thank You and you say it from the heart and they will know.” Wendy Styres February 27th, 2010.

Never ever forget that lesson.

Jim Moss

Excellent horoscope for Tuesday Feb 9th

2010-02-09T00:49:00.000-08:00

My recent horoscope - so true this one is...

Most of your energy today will be focused on matters of reputation and image, Pisces. There is a lot of support from many quarters for you right now, and others are willing to give assistance. Even those who either openly oppose you or do so in a clandestine manner inadvertently act to your advantage by giving you the opportunity to show of a skill or ability to someone who matters. Follow your intuition and be flexible, and try to stay away from those who are more focused on happy hour than personal power.
Post my horoscope to my profile!

Finding my LEGO spirit again…

2010-02-01T16:03:00.001-08:00

Finding my LEGO spirit again

Jennifer and I were at the mall yesterday and we wandered into the LEGO Store. I wanted to see what the new school of space lego looked like. In many ways it had changed, there were logos and cross branding and new types and styles, but its heart and soul was still the same.

The store was awesome, it was bright and filled with colors, there was tons of LEGO for kids to play with. They had high tech video stations were you could scan a box and it would play a video and show what could be done with the blocks inside. I was really very inspired and my heart was filled with memories from my childhood. It seems that I am returning to the inner nerd that was creative, and playfull, loved copmputers and learning. (when I use the term "nerd" know that I mean nothing negative, I was in an advanced learning program as a child and I affectionitly referred to us as NERDS)

The greatest part of the Lego store was when I turned around and my son was elbow deep in two tubs of lego blocks and was so engrossed I struggled to get his attention. It reminded me so much of myself and how LEGO made me feel as a kid. I spoke with the store manager, a guy named Matt, and he was super nice, spent some time with me, helped me look for some classic lego kits, and then gave me a card with the information for the LEGO charity where they support projects just like mine.

Here is the Lego Vision (taken directly from their website www.lego.com)

LEGO's
Vision

The purpose and vision of the LEGO Group is to inspire children to explore and challenge their own creative potential.

•  We strive to accomplish this by offering a range of high quality and fun products centered around our building systems.

•  In the hands of children, the products inspire the unique form of LEGO play that is fun, creative, engaging, challenging - all at the same time.

•  This activity supports the child, giving it the special pride of accomplishment. In the process it "automatically" or playfully develops a set of future, highly-relevant capabilities: Creative and structured problem-solving, curiosity and imagination, interpersonal skills and physical motor skills - building with LEGO bricks is thus about "learning through play".

I found certain elements of this to be perfect metaphors for what I am trying to accomplish. LEGO lets you dream and create and actually build those little creations. It gives you directions that you can follow and earn a sense of accomplishment, but you can also take the pieces and build something totally abstract as well. There are so many great lessons for kids of all ages.

I am going to approach LEGO with a request for corporate partnership for the Dream Cadets, the non profit aspect of my project. It will surely prove to be interesting working with these big corporations and seeing what they have to offer, what interest I can generate and how big we can make this project.

Like the little penny stop motion movie that I made, LEGO offers a great lesson for me to return to as well;

Question: How do you complete your LEGO projects, both big and small?

Answer: One block at a time and follow your plan.

Until next time,

Jim Moss

The Panhandling Spaceman

Some great questioning from a great friend

2010-01-27T08:21:00.001-08:00

Here is a great Email I received from a great Friend who took the time to ask questions as he really wanted to learn more… I thought I would share it to clear up some question that might be out there.

Jimmy,

I know you put a lot of thought and insight into this and that you’re going through a lot right now. I respect how you channel your energy into your blog & other various projects that take balls and brains to accomplish (i.e. building a computer).

I realize there is quite a bit of “shock value” in planning your space mission and that you’ve put yourself “out there”. I love whacky stuff and the going for broke attitude. Without entrepreneurs and producers we have a boring world, and you my friend are far from boring.

I have 2 criticisms which you may have already addressed, and you know me well enough to realize this is raised with the intent of being constructive:

1) The reality you’re obviously facing here is that other people’s money comes into the equation. In theory, raising $200k is a piece of cake, but you’ve possibly simplified this a bit too much. Are you sure that Virgin Galactic is going to cost $200k in 5 years? (i.e. what if it costs less – are you re-imbursing a percentage to all of these fundraisers?) Have you done the appropriate research? What is the backup plan? It doesn’t exactly sound like space travel is a slam dunk, even for the company that is planning to offer it. They “plan” to provide sub-orbital spaceflights, but what is Jim Moss’s “plan” if in fact this mission is delayed or Virgin cancels the program altogether? I know you don’t have all the answers, but there is a feeling of shady that you’ll have to battle through and you will be accountable to all of these investors out there.

Virgin Galactic is a company within Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Group which plans to provide sub-orbital spaceflights to the paying public, along with suborbital space science missions and orbital launches of small satellites. Further in the future Virgin Galactic hopes to offer orbital human spaceflights as well.

2) I’ve never started a non-profit, but my feeling is that you need to clean up the mission statement.

“to generate 2 million USD in corporate funding to create a non profit that provides tools and support to others, of all ages and demographics, to achieve their dreams.”

“Achieve their dreams?” Sorry buddy, but I just don’t know what this means. What dreams? What goals? Are you giving money to kids to start their own business? Go to the Super Bowl? If I’m in charge of a Fortune 500 company’s philanthropy efforts or if I’m on the board of a Venture Capital firm that reviews hundreds of grant applications a week, I’m reading this and asking much deeper questions. Is this a competitor to Make-A-Wish Foundation? Big Brothers & Big Sisters? What are the tools you’re talking about?

I want to look people in the eye and say my buddy is not a whack-o, and he needs your support, but I need more details from you in order to accomplish that…

Talk to me!

Your pal,

I responded….

You my friend are an excellent individual and I really cannot say how much I appreciate that you took the time to write down these thoughts, but also to put the time into the thinking involved. This is why I love ya buddy and I take it all entirely as constructive.

So here are some quick responses.

First of all the let me say that this is a very organic and so I am not pretending to have all of the answers to begin with, instead I am working away and filling in the blanks and firming things up over these first few months. Questioning like this is integral to that process. I am expecting that this will build momentum considerably over time and so it allows me to be a little loose now and firm things up over the next 90 days. The verbal - whacky up front commitment is a tool to do exactly that –be committed.

• Mission Statement at heading is not the completed mission statement just a quick overview of the project – act as a draw to get people deeper in looking for answers.
o That said – the Nonprofit project mission statement is firming up to be more… – support through the providing of resources, coaching, mentoring, networking, and financial support for likeminded individuals, looking to pursue their goals and dreams that will leave a positive mark on the world and its inhabitants. Projects to be reviewed and accepted by a panel of board members. But will also include resources and counseling available online to everyone to access and use in effort to better their own goal pursuits. We will pick some projects to put our weight behind and launch in a big way.
• As per cost of project…
o The Cost will be the cost at the time of purchase – I have spoken to them and the cost reduces as well as the amount of deposit depending on the flight priority that you are looking for. If you pay the full amount up front you take priority in the launch order.
o If the cost were to come down there will be fine print that the donations received would automatically kick in to the Non Profit to fund the ultimate project goal. I have a lawyer out of Denver working with me on the fine print, project legal etc.
o There will also be declarations that I will be accepting the donations as income and will personally pay the income taxes on the entire project out of my own funds until the non-profit is started.
o There are also three other companies working on doing this same project –so there may be some potential back up options if Virgin were to take a crap – a big part of the whole plan is that the pursuit of your dreams definitely requires adaptability as a key characteristic.
o So even though I might not get to fly for 5 years 7 years etc… I will have paid much sooner than that. The amount will likely not fluctuate within the first 5 years they have said and I expect to be completed within that time, but there will be fine print as I stated to touch on those potentialities
• As per people’s money being in question….
o I have spent a good deal of time with that. The Idea is that we accept micro donations. $1 $2 etc and that seriously diminishes the amount of commitment any 1 person makes.
 Additionally this is designed to reach out to even more people to get the word out and start the discussion about the importance of having dreams and holding on to them.
 I will be asking kids as well to donate a buck at the sacrifice of what a buck can do in their life – in order to make it happen – in exchange for some inspiration hopefully
o I will be setting up an escrow account where the monies will be kept in and managed by a lawyer and will be audited and reported on a regular basis.
 There will be a more formalized form to fill out when we progress enough to have our own shopping cart, where there will be check boxes for this stuff on the front end ie… If Jim dies beforehand I wish to have my dollar go to the A) red cross b ) united way c) sharks foundation
 There will also be a clause that allows me to transfer the flight into someone else at my choosing. Hint
 This paper work will be all kept and filled formally to be referenced if needed, including privacy agreements and all the legal stuff that is obviously very important.
• AS for looking your people in the eye and telling them I’m not whacky, please don’t, The trick to this thing is that it is a little whacky but…. Very important….. that it is all backed up and airtight. That is what will allow me to be whacky going forward, that I have learned the importance of the back end (ha insert jokes where suited…back end!)
• Also I do like your use of the Word investor in place of donator – I can use that – ask for investments in place of donations. I love that.
• There will be a whole other project surfacing that involves the Nonprofit aspect. This front end is just my personal project of going to space with the promise that that is where I am headed. That is a personal project that will be dependent upon my integrity. As we get some momentum the Nonprofit will become the priority as it will also serve as my place of employment. It will clear up more at that time as I pull together a board and team and volunteers, offices etc.

So major principles of the project – for your talking points when you are selling me to people who think I’m a whack job.
Pursuing our goals = making us happier = making us healthier
Based on the premise that life is too short and that we need to take responsibility for our own happiness and not leave it entirely to chance – Our life is our bus, we need to drive it, actively take the wheel, or we cannot complain where it goes.
I am taking the trip to space and raising the money etc as project #1 to prove I can and be an inspiration
My accomplishing my primary project should act as inspiration and create the clout needed to have the discussions about the nonprofit –
but I need to put my money where my mouth is first –
get my project really going and then use it as the catalyst to do the other and have everything buttoned up before then.

So this is your whacky friend who is really pumped that you took the time to ask the questions and I hope this helps you feel like the backside is getting buttoned up. I know you are only asking cause you care, and I know that you are also asking because you know it has some teeth!

Love ya buddy,
JM

Dear Rotary Club... Thank You

2010-01-25T10:17:00.000-08:00

January 21st, 2010

Rotary Club of Port Elgin
C.O. Ron Moss
668 Gustavus Street
Port Elgin, Ontario, Canada
N0H-2C0

Dear Rotarian's,
I cannot Thank you enough for the support that you offered via the Bonspiel you held to our benefit on January 18th, 2010. The past four months have proven to be a very trying time but a very educational one as well. I have learned so much about myself and have tried my absolute best to remain in good spirits. When you are pushed to your limits it is a wonderful human characteristic that we surprise ourselves and that people around us amaze us as well. As for the Rotary Club and its support, that was no surprise at all. I have been around for my father’s involvement in countless fundraisers and benefits that Rotary has organized and I never thought I would need to be on the receiving end of one but I appreciate it so much.
Between Medical expenses and lost Pay this illness will likely end up costing us between $75,000 and $100,000 USD which is no small amount to subtract from a person’s life. I know we will get through it all just fine, but it is made easier by people and groups like you who go out of their ways to help people in need. The Medical bills are still coming in and now that it is a new year our premiums have reset so we no longer operate under the previous year’s maximum payable. Your fund raising will help relieve some immediate pressure.

I always said that one day I would love to join the Rotary Club, and I think you just locked it up for me. Now I just have to figure out the secret handshake. On behalf of Myself, Jennifer, Wyatt and Olivia, thank you very much for your time and efforts but mostly for your thoughtfulness. I am very proud that my father identifies with such an incredible organization.

Jim Moss

AKA the “I am going to space guy”

The most beautiful and heart wrenching version....

2010-01-23T09:14:00.001-08:00

Jennifer's Guest Blog

2010-01-20T09:19:00.001-08:00

I’ve been meaning to write this guest blog and as most of you are aware, because of recent events I haven’t had much time to sit down and write. They say motherhood requires a certain amount of sacrifice and I didn’t fully appreciate that statement until I gave birth to Wyatt in 2007. Since then, I developed a profound appreciation for time, not just in a ticking clock sort of way, but in presence of mind and awareness of the moment. This desire to live in the moment grew, not only out of appreciation for the swiftness in which time passes, but in the longing for moments missed. No deeper could this feeling set in, then when I learned Jim had called 911 and was in the ER – he had no feeling in his hands and feet and was unable to walk. No one knew what was wrong and I saw life as I knew it, shift and disappear before my eyes. It was like someone was erasing my chalkboard without filling in the blank spots as they swept across the board. This man I love¸ the father of my children and the person with whom I planned to wrinkle with was sick and to what degree was still undetermined.

When we found out it was Guillain Barre, I felt like I was holding my breath for a long time underwater. For some reason, I knew that I would be triumphant in holding it for a Guinness Book of World Records amount of time. Yes – it would be challenging, but I am one of those people that if I put my mind to it and put on the proverbial work hat, I am calm in a crisis. I felt like Jim was too stubborn, and much too strong to let this illness take him over completely so I stayed in that mindset. Fortunately, my husband was exactly as I expected – too stubborn and too strong to let the illness take him over completely. We saw the illness stall and his recovery begin and Jim’s positive and inspirational voice take us up to the top of water so we could all breathe again.

The reason I wanted to write about my experience through all of this, is to share with others what I learned in the process. I won’t claim to have the authority on how to best support someone you love in crisis, but I do think that our experiences as a family shaped me to be a stronger person and hopefully, in future, shaped us to be a stronger family. When Jim was in the hospital for 28 days, I was 8 ½ months pregnant with a two-year old boy at home who had no idea why he had to “visit” daddy. I knew that Jim would have wanted me to do my best to keep stability in the home for the health of our children, and my health as his very pregnant wife. So, we worked as a team to create normalcy for each other – knowing that life hadn’t stopped around us.

As I mentioned, I put my hard hat on and Jim kept focused on recovery. There were so many moving parts to our lives at the time including: moving into a new home, preparing for maternity leave at work, life in general like fixing cars and paying bills – responsibilities that Jim would have cared for, had he been home, that I needed to take on. There were moments where daily life could have just stopped us in our tracks, but something much bigger was happening to us so we had to let life work itself out. I admit, there were times where I didn’t think I could hold my breath any longer. I couldn’t put the image of Jim struggling to walk out of my head at night and when he went back into the ER from rehab, I thought he may not make it to hold my hand at Olivia’s birth, or be the first arms to hold her when she entered the world. Those feelings hugged my days and hovered over me like a grey cloud and it would make me weary. Sometimes I couldn’t keep it from Jim and I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t hide it better, especially when he seemed to have such a positive grasp on his experience, as challenging as it was. I guess it was during this time that I realized how much I love this man and that my life without him would be devastating. I also learned that I needed to live in his world and rather than feel these very justified feelings, mirror his experience instead. Maybe I didn’t know what he feeling or going through, and he couldn’t know what I was dealing with at the time either. The truth is, neither of us needed to know. It had to be about being his cheering section, his safe place to hide if it got tough and arms to be held in when the loneliness of the hospital sunk in. I don’t know if I was able to provide as much of that kind of “wifely” support, the kind that only comes from a wife and not a friend because I was so focused on keeping the world around me from spinning, but I made it my daily promise to give him some semblance of normalcy. I tried to make it so my actions showed him that he was the most important person and through simple gestures like bringing him a coffee in the morning, just the way he liked it and working with his mom and my mom to bake homemade meals each night so we could eat together as a family, and to sit on his tiny bed until he fell asleep, watching our favorite TV shows, I was hopeful he would know just how much I love him. By maintaining these rituals and the constancy of home life, we all tried to make everything feel like it was a little bit of normal amidst all the uncertainty.

Jim and I have learned to say, “This too shall pass”, but we also made a promise to ourselves to keep from living for the future. We need to be reminded that these everyday experiences shape us, change us and hopefully for the better. I am more aware of myself and my happiness and the need to prioritize happiness in my life too. What a better way to learn a lesson than to witness someone go through it. We should all be so lucky to learn from others and take the lessons out of it, to impart on our own journey. Our family could look at this last year as one of the worst years of our lives – but instead, we plan to look at 2009 as the year that defined us. What I hope you can take away from my story, is to learn it through us and not have to learn it the hard way. Take stock of your life, appreciate how wonderful it is and love it and everyone in it just a little bit more.

In the end, what I’ve taken away from all of this is a deepening of a belief system that started at the onset of parenthood and how I started off this blog – the importance of staying present. Through it all – Jim and I managed to stay present. In rough patches and in times of unimaginable harmony we strived to appreciate the moment. Sometimes, appreciating the moment is allowing room to fail and forgiving the moment itself as we never handle every situation in life with perfect accuracy and intention (another lesson I learned too well through this process). Sometimes, appreciating the moment is to simply live through it and know that time is fleeting. And, most importantly, sometimes appreciating the moment is to relish in it – learning that we all may lose the ability to walk, or run or hold our child again so don’t forget what that feels like every single day. When you feel rushed at night and you hear, “just one more story, mommy”, read one more story. When you feel too tired to pick up the PlayDoh or take out the scissors and paper and crayons, or feel like you’re too tired to get off the couch and play outside, or you’re too mad about the dishes in the sink to give your spouse a hug and kiss goodnight – remember that you could be a 911 call away from losing that ability altogether - that you may not get the chance to do these things, to play with your babies, or to hold your husband through the night. So, in short – lesson learned: appreciate this time we have with each other and do so right now – don’t waste time by doing it later, do it now.

Thanks for listening and supporting us.

Jen

goals and dreams and leading by example

2010-01-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Inspiration and the importance of supporting people who are trying to something good in life

2010-01-18T18:40:00.001-08:00

A quick honest chat about the project….

There have been a lot of great questions lately regarding the project and the intentions of it. I know that there will be people who don't take the time to understand what I am doing, or who judge it with whatever opinion they have from the little they know about me or take the time to understand the project. I need those people. I need to be questioned and put to the test and reminded that I believe in this. I don't have it all figured out yet, and I don't want to. I really am betting that the journey, the changes and the adaptations the relationships and the side projects are going to be the greatest part of the whole thing. I'll put myself on a course for space, and get a whole lifetime of experience because of the first right minded change in direction.

I appreciate that people will have their opinions and I appreciate that they will take the time to voice them. I also appreciate the people, who come to the defense of the whole thing and the chatter that ensues, the fact that people are taking positions and defending their views, getting in the mix, that is a great thing. Our lives are easily drummed to sleep by the fast paced beating of the economic machine. We don't take enough time to sit and think, talk, argue about what we believe, concede to someone else's views, take a new view point or allow ourselves to be convinced of something good and true. There are many sub goals for this project of mine, and this increase in awareness is one of the major ones. When Obama was inaugurated, I felt this wonderful tingling inside of me. It was hope and inspiration and it was really wonderful, I loved it and I want to feel it more often. I would love to help other people to feel like that.

My niece is going to do a project on me for her school, we are going to do some video interviews and have some fun. We are going to try and do some new tech long distance communication. I am pumped that I can be an inspiration to my niece an I hope that she can be an inspiration to other kids. It is very contagious. What she suggested is actually something I had planned for the future. As a part of the awareness aspect of my project I am intending on "Skype-ing" into classrooms to get the discussion going with children, get them thinking about their dreams and goals and how to stay on track and not underestimate their abilities to reach them.

I love that people are passionate; it is one of the defining characteristics that make us human. When we lose that and subsequently drone away at life, stop pursuing our goals and dreams, our lives turn into the movie Groundhog Day. The days just keep repeating themselves until we figure out the meaning and the important stuff. It might be cliché but life is too short; people are dying around us, text messaging drivers running over babies, earthquakes in Haiti, 911, airplane underwear bombs. If there was ever a time to support the people who are trying to do more with their life, people who are trying to lead us into change, it is now. That might sound self-serving but I really believe it.

In earthquake lingo, I had a minor tremor last September, when the Guillain Barre hit. In fact, as I sit here right now the bottoms of my feet are still tingling and my big toe is completely numb. One day my 7.2 quake will hit and if I am trapped under the rubble of my own life, when all of the construct collapses down on me, I hope as I lay there and wait for help, I can say that I was awake, I breathed in life, I took chances, I got people talking and thinking, I inspired people. If I can do that, when my time comes, I'll have done something right.

Thanks for your continued interest and support in my journey through Guillain Barre, life, and my trip to space.

Let It Be

2010-01-14T16:38:00.001-08:00

Be Like an Air Balloon…

2010-01-14T10:29:00.001-08:00

Be Like an Air Balloon…

I was sitting in my office this morning (yes that office), doing my morning reading, and I came across a great little segment from some unnamed person's grandfather.

"In almost every case of adapting to life's unexpected changes, you can advance more freely if first you let go of something."

It then proceeds to outline a fill in the blank exercise:

To __________ more, ___________ less

Example: To climb more, carry less

To hear more, talk less

To create more, think less (this was mine)

I thought this was a very interesting concept. I have to admit I hadn't thought in this manner before and it occurred to me that this was living more like an air balloon. For an air balloon to take flight it has to drop some weight. I thought this was a pertinent metaphor to life. Not that you necessarily have to drop all of the weights but as the saying goes… lose the dead weight. Once again it requires us to stop and think about what is and isn't healthy in our lives and then act in a motion towards the more healthy.

For me my trip to space is my "more healthy". I am not expecting the trip itself to be the best part, instead I am looking most forward to the process, the journey towards earning it. Hopefully I'll go up a little faster than a hot air balloon, but maybe a nice slow balloon ride wouldn't be so bad either? Sounds like something worth adding to the journey.

testing video upload!

2010-01-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

New Year’s resolutions and the 5lbs that my butt got for Christmas

2010-01-11T20:56:00.001-08:00

It has been a busy couple of weeks but now it is time to get back to a routine that will keep me getting healthier. It seems that major holidays like Christmas, have a habit of taking you out of your routine. You replace some of your good habits with some less productive ones i.e. drinking and eating too much. Then, enter stage left – New Years and the New Year's resolution, and right on the heels of all of the frolic and fancy of Christmas; when you're feeling guilty about the 5-10 LBS that your ass got for Christmas, and you liver density has increased from medium soft to firm. That is the perfect time to make promises to yourself that you really aren't going to keep, but man do they sound great.

This year I am keeping it simple; focus on getting and being healthier. Whether I like it or not, it will be a transition year. We had originally planned on moving home to Canada this year, but when I got sick we kind of put all plans on hold and we are now just getting back around to redefining what those plans are. Additionally, we had the stork drop off a little bundle for us and new babies have a tendency to throw the old paradigm a shifty curveball. In past blogs I have listed some of the things that have been keeping me healthy; writing, reading, my space project, walking and meditating. Also hopefully I can get back to more rigorous workouts but that is a lower priority. I have ADHD (no big surprise to those of you that know me) and so I need to stay busy, but also I am a little bit limited as to what I can do. I am around the house more of the time because we are now parents of two children. As a result I have been making little projects around the house to keep me occupied and they work for the most part. Recently I built a brand new computer from scratch and totally loved doing it. I also find I really need to get out of the house. I am a people person and I thrive off of the energy of other people.

I have also really been enjoying the blogging and I am going to expand into some other writing as well. I have two blogs going right now, this one, and Imgoingtospace.blogspot.com. I am starting up a third one, where I can be fun and a little more edgy, show more of the dark side of my humor for those that know me, crazyunclejim.blogspot.com. It will be a little bit more of a catch all, for videos, jokes, movie reviews etc. more input and media from other people like a Facebook page.

Let me know if there is any topics or other things that you'd like to hear about, what you do and don't like, and… please comment with yours or any other crazy New Year's resolutions that you have heard this year?

Thanks for the continued support,

Books that have helped me recently...

2009-12-31T10:19:00.000-08:00

Here is a list of books that I have purchased or that I have had given to me recently. I been finding reading, specifically on the topic of healing and spiritual deepening, to be very beneficial to my healing. I have inserted cover shots and links to purchase them on Amazon.com where you can get them for great prices, new or used. I hope you find it beneficial, they have been so healthy for me, helping to keep my on track and remove the ceilings that I have wrongly placed in life to date.

Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
This book has a lot of great little pearls to help you with setting up a routine of healthy activities for your mind and body. I also find that it handles goals and goal setting very well. There are a lot of stories about other people that get a little tired but the index is easy to manage and you can find the stuff that is applicable to your life easily.
"Anthony Robbins is the ultimate coach for that special breed of people who will never settle for less than they can be"
Pat Riley - Coach of the decade - NBA

Buddha - Deepak Chopra
This is a great recounting of the life of Buddha from his time as a boy prince through his walking out of the temple and leaving his kingdom. It finishes
shortly after behind he returns to the kingdom as the enlightened Buddha that we know of today. "Buddha is unlike anything Chopra has ever written before. a Timeless story retold by one of the most inspiring spiritual guides of our era" Brian Grazer Emmy winning producer of televisions hit 24

Mandela - The Authorized Biography - Anthony Sampson
This book I had given to me for Christmas and am just getting started on but his life was so inspirational in the face of adversity that I am sure there will be excellent lessons for staying focussed and persevering towards that which we deem truly important in life. I'll update some more on it when I complete it.
"A truly heroic story of the founder of a Nation, a man of shrewdness, humanity and simplicity whose power cam not from military conquest but from moral authority." Chicago Tribune

Not letting your grooves become ruts, and making time for yourself.

2009-12-30T07:46:00.000-08:00

I have learned that from a healing perspective, my body does much better with routine. However from a mental perspective, I have a hard time being creative inside of a fixed paradigm. Obviously, right now, getting my body healthier is the priority and Christmas, as it is every year, is like a bomb blast going off in whatever your normal routine was. This year was no different. Since the 15^th of December, the healthy routine that I had going slowly started to fall victim to the events calendar and the shopping that comes with the holidays; granted we also have a 5 week old baby so I am sure that she has thrown a couple of wrenches into “routine life” as well. Don’t get me wrong, because I don’t beg for routine and so I am not being negative, but I seem to need it now more than ever. From a psychological standpoint, I do enjoy less routine to more but I am learning more about that as well. Structure seems to help our bodies and minds run on auto pilot which can be a good thing for doing routine activities, however, the chipset that is our brain can get deep grooves of thought patterns that result from that repetitive life. When we introduce new things regularly or randomly, our brains seem to set aside some “CPU time” for the just in case. Just in case it has to do something new, and as a result, we are better able to adapt and think sideways when we need to. Without the challenges that new situations create, our brains deepen the grooves of patterned thinking and I derive that it must make it harder to get out of those deep grooves when we need to. We all know that our brain is this incredible tool that is capable of far more than any of us request from it, but like a leg that you sit on for too long, it too will go to sleep, and when you want to get up and run with it, you might find yourself flat on your face. That is what happened to me.

The gift of my time in the hospital and at home, has been time – time to spend with my family and time to spend with myself. I’d love to say I’ve been hanging out with my friends a whole lot, but just because your life stops doesn’t mean that everyone else’s schedule opens up. I will say confidently however, that I have not been wasting the time, and although I likely take it for granted on some days, I have been trying my best at doing new things, and challenging myself mentally. This blog is a good example of that. Who would’ve known that I would enjoy writing so much and that it would prove to be such a healthy outlet for me – the professional athlete and perennial jock and salesman? I suppose that I need to be jarred loose from my grooved patterns of thinking to push me to try some new things, and it has been very positive. Getting back to the creative thinking aspect, I have found is that you can make time for creative thinking inside of a routine. Your life doesn’t need to be that of a mad scientist in order to be creative, you can set time aside to do or think about something new each day, and I dare say that you should. I have been doing a lot of meditation and now I can get very deep into thought and separate my mind from the body, and the spirit from the mind even, and I can do it fairly quickly now. Once I get to this place of free thinking and analysis of the present, It is like accessing a deep well of ideas and thoughts that you may have had briefly but never really looked at closely. The trick is to set the time aside to allow that bucket and rope to pull ideas up from your conscious and subconscious so that you can explore them. That requires setting aside some time for you and then to do it. Where does all the time come from? Do you need to be hospitalized to create this time and free yourself from the stresses of life? I don’t think so.

I can honestly say that there has been more stress in life since I became ill. There is more financial worry, and job concerns, etc, but I think my perspective has changed and now I look at things with a newly revived sense of priority. This seems to be the key factor in making time for yourself. You need to make yourself a priority in your life – whether you want to acknowledge it or not is your decision, but you need to be your best to make the people around you their best. You need to keep developing and you owe it to yourself to earn that mental and spiritual and physical health. To do this, you have to set aside time for yourself. When you want to improve your physical health, you get a gym membership and you get on the treadmill or lift weights – not because you have to, but because you make it a priority. When was the last time you put your brain on the treadmill? When was the last time your spirit lifted weights? You might answer that you do it at work, but that doesn’t count. Doing it for someone else’s benefit is not as selfish as it needs to be. You need to take time to identify, and pursue things that stimulate you. Have a hobby, read books on a new subject, take a class, write a list of things and start chipping away at them. Get back to the goals and dreams that you had when you were a kid. Then you need to set time aside for yourself. You’re worth it and it is a priority, and making time for personal health, staying out of ruts and bumping your brain out of its groove.

I’ll finish with this one last thing. The wonderful part of children, aside from snuggling and saying hilarious things, is their imagination and their dreams. We all cherish and admire it in them. They wake up in the morning and tell us about their crazy dreams and we pray that at night they lay awake and think about these wonderful places that they will travel to and incredible things that they will do. Don’t you deserve to do the same? At what point are we supposed to forget entirely what it is to dream big outrageous dreams and travel in our mind to wonderful places. The upside to being an adult is that we are better able to make our dreams come true! We can make the money, we can make our own decisions and we don’t have to listen to adults who might tell us we are crazy. Take some time and go somewhere wonderful in your mind, and do it regularly, do something crazy and don’t allow your mental groove to become a rut.

The gift of my time in the hospital and at home, has been time. Time to spend with my family and time to spend with myself. I’d love to say I’ve been hanging out with my friends a whole lot, but just because your life stops doesn’t mean that everyone else’s schedule opens up. I will say confidently however, that I have not been wasting the time, and although I likely take it for granted on some days, I have been trying my best at doing new things, and challenging myself mentally. This blog is a good example of that, who would’ve known that I would enjoy writing so much and that it would prove such a healthy outlet for me? The Professional athlete and perennial jock and salesman? I suppose that I need to be jarred loose from my grooved patterns of thinking to push me to try some new things, and it has been very positive. Getting back to the creative thinking aspect, I have found is that you can make time for creative thinking inside of a routine. Your life doesn’t need to be that of a mad scientist in order to be creative, you can set time aside to do or think about something new each day, and I dare say that you should. I have been doing a lot of meditation and now I can get very deep into thought and separate my mind from the body, and the spirit from the mind even, and I can do it fairly quickly now. Once I get to this place of free thinking and analysis of the present, It is like accessing a deep well of ideas and thoughts that you may have had briefly but never really looked at closely. The trick is to set the time aside to allow that bucket and rope to pull ideas up from your conscious and subconscious so that you can explore them. That requires setting aside some time for you and then to do it. Where does all the time come from? Do you need to be hospitalized to create this time and free yourself from the stresses of life? I don’t think so.

I can honestly say that there has been more stress in life since being ill and that there is more financial worry, and job worry etc, but I think my perspective has changed and now I look at things with a newly revived sense of priority. This seems to be the key factor in making time for yourself. You are a priority in your life, whether you like it or not. You need to be your best to make the people around you their best. You need to keep developing and you owe it to yourself to earn that mental and spiritual and physical health. To do this you have to set aside time for yourself. When you want to improve your physical health, you get a gym membership. You get on the treadmill or the Stairmaster. Not because you have to but because you elevate the priority of your own physical health. When was the last time you put your brain on the treadmill? When was the last time you put your spirit on the Stairmaster? You might answer that you do it at work, but that doesn’t count. Doing it for someone else’s benefit is not as selfish as it needs to be. You need to take time to identify, and pursue things that stimulate you. Have a hobby, read books on a new subject, take a class. Maybe write a list of things and start chipping away at them. Get back to the goals and dreams that you had when you were a kid. Then you need to set time aside for yourself, you are worth it and it is a priority, and make that time for making you healthy, staying out of ruts and bumping your brain out of its groove.

I’ll finish with this one last thing. The wonderful part of children, aside from snuggling and saying hilarious things, is their imagination and their dreams. We all cherish it in them and admire it. They wake up in the morning and tell us about their crazy dreams and we pray that at night they lay awake and think about these wonderful places that they will travel to and incredible things that they will do. Don’t you deserve to do the same? At what point are we supposed to forget entirely what it is to dream big outrageous dreams and travel in our mind to wonderful places. The upside to being an adult is that we are better able to make our dreams come true! We can make the money, make our own decisions and we don’t have to listen to adults who might tell us we are crazy. Make some time and go somewhere wonderful in your mind, and do it regularly, do something crazy and don’t allow your mental groove to become a rut.

Working on website and moving blog onto website

2009-12-27T11:04:00.001-08:00

Morning All, I am working on a new Website - www.iamgoingtospace.com and i'll be moving my space blog onto that website but still maintaining this one individually.
Thanks and Happy Holidays!
Jim Moss

Health update and what is next for me...

2009-12-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

I have come down with the flu again, but it is clearly my own fault. I tried going out a little too much last week. I was getting sick and tired of missing out on everything and so I went out with my friends to a couple of different Christmas parties. As I should have expected, my body is just not up to it yet. 48 hours later I have the flu. Apparently my immune system is still pretty down and out and so being out too much and running myself down equals getting sick. I can tolerate the flu – it seems to keep coming back, so maybe I’m getting used to it! The part I can’t seem to get used to is the part where the body aches, sweats, headache, and vomit want out of your body so badly that it is willing to travel out of your nose! But, like I said it is my own fault, I need to buy back into the slow and steady plan.

I went to see my neurologist last week and she was pleased with my pace of recovery. She encouraged me to keep working out and told me that maybe in the New Year I could start trying to build muscle again. She also says she is hopeful that in a year we might expect to have no recognizable trace of the illness. The big question is, “When I can return back to work?” We hoped it might be just after Christmas but then recently my doctor said that I need to be able to live full speed for 2 weeks with no sickness or setbacks, otherwise working is still unrealistic. That is difficult to hear as I need to be working on something to maintain my sanity, and so I have started to organize my research and reading towards a goal and created a project of it.

The most common positive focus point, keeping me on track, is setting and working towards goals. Looking at this more closely, I realized that in recent years I had set my big picture goals aside in the pursuit of more short term and less altruistic, day to day goals. I am getting back on track; “I want to help people to live healthier and happier lives”. Pursuing that goal will help me to be a happier and healthier individual. So I am choosing a huge and somewhat crazy sounding goal of going to outer space and I am going to use the process as a learning tool and a teaching opportunity for others. That is correct I am going to go to outer space. I am planning to raise the money, $200,000 from micro donations from private citizens and then use the accomplishment to create a non-profit, fueled by corporate donations. The foundation of this project, is that the pursuit of your dreams is the pursuit of happiness and that I believe we all have the right to dream big and chase those dreams and in doing that, in a responsible and realistic manner, we can be happier and healthier.

Please read further about my trip to space at http://imgoingtospace.blogspot.com

Ups and Downs

2009-12-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

It has been a bit of an up and down week this week, strictly in terms of my physical condition. Having baby Olivia in the house and my son Wyatt, it has been really wonderful to be home so much even though the reason I am home is not that awesome. That being said, we have a full house right now. Thankfully Jennifer’s parents are down helping us out while she and I both heal up, so we can take care of ourselves and the kids again sometime soon. I struggle a little with all of the commotion at times, but apparently, that is normal. I have committed to making this a really open forum and it has been beneficial to continue doing that so I am trying my best to keep with that regiment. I am honest with how I am feeling and I appreciate your understanding. I still have ups and downs, more ups, but it is becoming obvious that my body does not really like drastic weather changes or cold, changes in pressure etc, it brings out the tingling in my feet and fingers every time. The really good news is that I have learned that the down spells pass in a couple of days and so I don’t let them affect me emotionally as much. Some days I need to get space, and I can drive locally now, so I escape to the library and find a quiet corner to write or read. I want to publicly thank Jennifer and her parents for being understanding that I just cannot handle all of the commotion all of the time yet. The Library has proven to be a real safe haven and I have pulled some great books off the shelves and have been doing some research for a project I am working on. For anyone looking to make a positive change in their life, I would highly recommend it as a hide out!

Thanks for continuing to support, Life is good and only getting better, I will do my best to post a little more frequently now that we are getting in a more comfortable routine with the new baby.

Health status update and some insights that are working for me

2009-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

It has been about 10 weeks now since I fell ill. A lot has happened in that time and it has mostly been wonderful. For whatever reason, we have been able to see my illness as a blessing and used it to refocus on the simple but important things in life. Oddly enough they are generally the things that fill a great amount of the immediate time and space that surrounds our life. Family, close friends, pets, comfort food, sunrises, sunsets, time spent on positive projects, early morning walks, the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, cold air on your face, the smell of a baby, the laughter of a toddler. Not since college have I taken the time to really focus on being better and healthier like I have recently and back then it was a very thin approach focused at broad based learning and physical strength. Since becoming ill, I have taken a much more complete approach at getting physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. My internal dialogue has never been so positive or reinforcing. I am able to see the positive in almost anything. I am able to stay present or regain presence easily in most situations. I make healthier more conscious decisions, and more consistently. I spend time on my physical health but have been forced to refocus on the simple basic things like stretching, yoga and meditation. I am assessing what does and does not make me happy, what is avoidable and what is unavoidable and how to accept the unavoidable knowing that I am doing everything I can do.

I just got a call from the Rehab co-coordinator and they have granted me two more weeks with my Rehab without Walls – where they come to the house for therapy. This is great news for getting back on track before transitioning to outpatient therapy. I have slid backwards since the birth of the baby, but the good news was that I started to get a bit of a cold and I was able to fight it off, even with the tremendous lack of rest. Our families have been awesome and Jennifer’s parents are still with us and have been so helpful. My ability to walk is greatly reduced as I fatigue and I have had to use the cane most days at some point over the past week. There have been nights were there was only 3-4 hours of sleep and prior to this my body has been requiring 12 hours of sleep each day. The most prevailing symptom is fatigue, without a doubt. It is very obvious how focus, positive mentality, and consciousness or presence is all much more difficult to manage when you don’t have enough rest.

I am using today, Monday morning, as a time to refocus, get back to some simple short term goal setting and try to not lose any more ground this week. After that I can get focused on regaining the recent loses. I am walking and functioning around the house pretty well, I have to take breaks and try to find some time to get horizontal and rest even if it isn’t napping. I can help out around the house a fair bit and can play with Wyatt pretty normally but I have to watch to not burn up to much energy in one blast, it made me sick the other night after a good wrestling session but it was worth It! I can cook a full big meal and do simple grocery shopping, take care of the dog (but Grandpa Doug has been doing a great job of that), and I can help with the baby by changing diapers and getting Jennifer what she needs around the house. I am able to run to the store and drive to the mall but have learned that the commotion and amount of energy required by a full trip out on my own is probably a little too much still and I have to be careful and make good decisions or I pay for it.

All in all things are very good and I am so grateful for the health that I have, the lessons I continue to learn and the health and happiness of Jennifer, Wyatt and our newest addition, Olivia. Life is good and only getting better each day.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. How could anything get you down when you have this in your life (see picture below)

The Morning that Olivia arrived in our Life

2009-11-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

Olivia James Moss – November 24^th, 2009 – 7 lbs 13 oz

10:15 AM

I am sitting here in the ante partum ward at the Good Samaritan Hospital. This is the same hospital that I was in just 6 weeks ago. This Morning I was down in the cafeteria getting a snack and I ran into the X-ray technician that had the stomach cancer that she called frank. I told her that she was a real inspiration to me and that I thought of her from time to time and that her positive spirit helped me out while I was in a potentially bad place.

Jenny is laying in the bed in her room. They have hooked up her IV and got her prepped to go into surgery in about 45 minutes. I am not really very nervous, I have a lot of faith that everything will be fine. It is one thing to recognize and respect the seriousness of a situation and another to worry or dwell on it. Jenny is asking me right now to get her a book on creating a positive sibling relationship from the start and figure out how best to introduce the baby to Wyatt and specific to his age. Always the good mom, worrying but planning and educating herself on how to handle things. Jenny is a really good mom. Wyatt is really sweet and fun and smart child and Jennifer’s parenting has a lot to do with it. I think we are pretty good communicators and that we understand the importance of communication and how it relates to both ours and Wyatt's happiness. So sometime today or tomorrow I’ll run out to Borders and see if I can find a book for her.

Back to what I was saying about worry, it is fine to recognize the seriousness of a situation but worrying too much about the potential things that could happen is really a waste of energy and causes undue stress. I am not really a worrier. As long as you are doing what you can to affect a situation positively, there is no sense worrying because things are going to run their course and in the long run, be fine. I am certain that everything will be fine. Very soon we’ll be in the OR and they will be delivering Olivia and then putting her in Jenny’s and My arms for the first time.

It is crazy to think about my having being one floor above here, in my own bed, just 9 weeks ago. There was so much uncertainty and fear. I have come so far, stayed so positive and had so much support. I can walk into the hospital today on my own and be a real support to Jennifer like a husband wants to be for his wife. I am very lucky.

Jennifer I love you and thank you so much for all of the sacrifices you have made to bring us our little Wyatt and now Olivia.

Baby Olivia will be born today!

2009-11-24T10:39:00.001-08:00

I am sitting in the Antepartum ward with Jennifer. We are just about to go in and deliver Baby Olivia James Moss. Stay tunes for pictures and details!

I just decided to start running...?

2009-11-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

Nine weeks ago I got up to walk to the bathroom and I ended up in an ambulance headed to the emergency room. Since then, the longest I have walked was about a mile. Today I jogged 3 miles. I just overcame some big hurdles, mental and physical hurdles. I jogged for three miles. The first response I got was “that’s great”, the next response I got was “you shouldn’t do that, you can’t do that, what are you thinking?”. It was for those people that I just kept running. It is not that I don't love and respect their opinions it was just that I needed to wield some control over my life and test to see what my will was capable of in the midst of this recovery. I am going to hurt, yes. I am going to be stiff, yes. I might take some steps backwards in the short term, and that is fine. Today was about mindset and will and personal power.

I went out with the intention of jogging a few 20 meter reps and doing some light stretching. When I got outside, the sun felt good on my face, the cold air felt good in my nose. I thought about my buddies at training camp in Denver sweating and hurting, and when I got done the first 20 meters, I heard myself say, “keep going, you can do more”. That little voice in your head really does have a lot of control over the things that we do or don’t do. While I was running I thought about how people will tell me that I shouldn’t be doing it. I thought there would also be people who would share their experiences with me - some good and some bad. Some other people would say good job! I thought about all of the different people who would think one way or the other. It was a pretty good metaphor for life. They can all have their opinions but ultimately what matters is that I get to decide. You need all of those people in your life. The supportive ones just want to support whatever you are doing, the others want what’s in your best interest as well, they just want you to think things through a little. Somewhere in the middle has to be the right answer. What matters though is that you make the decision and it’s yours to reap the benefits of as well as the repercussions.

If you are worried for me, thanks so much for worrying. If you are excited for me, thanks for being excited. Whatever you are feeling, thank you very much for thinking of me at all.

I am pretty excited; a little scared of how this will turn out, but mostly proud and sore, those two often go hand in hand. Now, a real good stretch.

All coming together - Part 1

2009-11-16T10:07:00.001-08:00

I have been spending a lot of time analyzing and meditating about new habits vs. old habits, on healthy habits vs. less healthy habits. I keep returning to the reality that we all live in relatively set patterns. Patterns or paradigms that we create and that over time become more and more engrained. We often recognize these but rarely do we accept the responsibility for why they are what they are. We have a tendency to make excuses or blame other forces for why we live the way that we live. To rarely we use sentences that include “(something) is the way it is because I choose it to be” or “(something) happened as a result of the choices that I made”. Instead we say things like “(so and so) did this and so it turned out poorly” or “this keeps happening because of my boss or my co workers”. How often do we really honestly, and I think that honesty is the real key here, assess what our role is in our own life? If we are unhappy unsuccessful, coming up short or repeatedly doing something we are not proud of, who is responsible? I would dare to say that when things work out well, we are much more inclined to take credit then when things turn out poorly. Excuse making and the language that we use in both our internal and external dialogue are a different topic that I have spent a lot of time on recently but today I would like to discuss our roles in shaping our reality.

I will try to make this as much about me as possible. I think it is integral that we truly desire to change our paradigm if it is to have any chance of changing. You, reading this, may be very happy with your situation or life, or might not be in the right head space to desire to stop and think about it, so I will focus on me and you can take from it what you like. I want to change my ways of doing things. I want to cut out some of the old unhealthy thoughts, actions, phrases, people, etc that contributed to my being less than optimally healthy and successful. I do not blame anyone or anything for my health or well being. It is nobody else’s responsibility to make or keep me happy and healthy, it is entirely my own. I make choices everyday, all day, that shape my existence and create my reality.

I would suggest that making decisions to repeat behavior is easier than making the decision to eliminate a bad behavior. That the potential pain of making a change often seems greater than the downside attached to repeating a poor behavior, this may not be true, but it is our measurement of it that matters and therefore our own responsibility. If I return to a previous topic about pleasure seeking and pain avoidance, this aligns very well, we view the old pattern as less painful even though that is likely to be untrue. It is the process of changing that we view as the truly painful part. It is no secret that we typically resist change. Even though the something off in the future looks and smells and likely is better and healthier, that uncomfortable road of changing might not seem to be worth it.

I feel like a lot of what I have been thinking about has suddenly come together and I see clearly how it all interacts.

We may or may not want to change. If we do, we then have decide that we want it badly enough to actually outline what that change looks and feels like, and measure it as being worthwhile enough to explore. If we decide to venture down the road of change, we are then open to that experience being uncomfortable and therefore we might stop and decide it is too much, and return back to the old habit because we could not handle the discomfort. This is very key because if we take the time to be honest about this, we can better prepare ourselves for this uncomfortable period. We can say to ourselves “This time of change will be uncomfortable but it will be worth it”, “Once I take that leap there should be no looking back” etc etc. after all once you have made the leap the worst is usually over and you’ll have to re endure the discomfort again if you ever decide to try it again. (I know this is getting long but I need to keep rolling here while it’s flowing out). If we are on the road to change, and we know it is going to be difficult, what tools could we take with us to help us through what are prepared to be difficult? We could take people that will inspire us? A written page that outlines the goal we are trying to reach and in such a wonderful honest way that we would endure any difficulty to attain it. We could vilify the old habit or pattern as so negative that we would never dare repeat it again. Maybe we should do a little of each of these.

I am on the road to change right now. I am glad and lucky to be on it but I am noticing old behaviors that desperately want to sneak back in. It is uncomfortable at times. I feel the ghosts of old habits calling from behind me telling me how easy it was to be that way and that it “wasn’t so bad anyways”. I find situations that create a certain smell in my nose or feeling in my body that I relate to comfort and it would be so easy to just stop moving ahead and just relax and enjoy easy and comfortable. There is nobody off in the distance saying, we are already here and it is awesome, keep working, you can do it. These are my goals so how could anyone else be there already? I need to be so sure that I want to be better and happier that my motivation is enough on its own. I need to make those old patterns of living unacceptable and be absolute. I realize now that discipline is everything when you’re on the road to a change. Honesty is a requirement to real change. Devotion to your becoming better and reaching your goals is a necessity. Anything short of these things will open the door to failure, allow the old demons in and begin a pattern of failure that will make you more likely to second guess yourself and less likely to try again each time you fail. This is what I am learning and becoming more sure of. It is a big topic for me and I have gone on quite a bit for one day so I’ll stop and make this part 1 and complete my thoughts after some more meditation.

Thank you all for reading and supporting me on the journey that I am on.