Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Ugly People

2011-09-07T13:05:00.000-04:00

Joseph: (12:56:31 PM) I can't stand ugly people.
Joseph: (12:56:34 PM) Is that bad?
Katie Jones: (12:56:38 PM) not at all
Joseph: (12:56:49 PM) It's not very sexy in the TECH today.
Joseph: (12:56:57 PM) But I'm seeing a LOT of people with weird faces.
Katie Jones: (12:57:00 PM) noooo
Joseph: (12:57:02 PM) And I'm just like, take that somewhere else.
Katie Jones: (12:57:12 PM) bahahaha
Katie Jones: (12:57:15 PM) it totally happens
Joseph: (12:57:22 PM) I think it's just today.
Joseph: (12:57:30 PM) I can't tolerate uggos.
Joseph: (12:57:48 PM) Like, why would you wear your hair like that with that facial frame?
Joseph: (12:57:54 PM) Don't sit nex-
Joseph: (12:57:56 PM) God damn it.
Katie Jones: (12:58:02 PM) yeees that just happened
Joseph: (12:58:22 PM) Smells like peanuts in here.
Katie Jones: (12:59:11 PM) awkward?
Katie Jones: (12:59:26 PM) i wish Jessie would get back sooo the maintenance guy being here would be less awkward
Katie Jones: (1:00:24 PM) ugh i do not want to write a paper tonight
Joseph: (1:00:30 PM) No one does.
Joseph: (1:00:54 PM) For instance, I'm prepping a poetry presentation right now and I'd rather have hot lava run out of my anus.
Katie Jones: (1:01:14 PM) you just expressed my feelings exactly

Birthdays Are Just an Excuse to Eat Cake

2011-06-21T14:08:00.000-04:00

Katie 1:55 pm
was yesterday some sort of social experiment?

Joseph 1:56 pm
    I just didn't want my wall flooded with OMG HAPY BIRFDAY.
    And then I decided not to be a dick and put my birthday back up on FB and what happens?
    Bethany Clevenstine and 50 other people posted on your wall.
    :|

Katie 1:56 pm
    hahahahahahahahah
    i love it when that happens
    but i still hate you

Joseph 1:57 pm
._.;

Katie 1:57 pm
you made me look like the biggest dick friend ever

Joseph 1:57 pm
I don't understand.

Katie 1:58 pm
you should have been like "Hey, guess what, Katie? It's my Birthday!"

Joseph 1:58 pm
o___________o
I didn't...think it was important...

Joseph 1:59 pm
    Plus I was rull busy yesterday.
    Waking up at 2 and cleaning the basement.
    So...
    I just.
    I don't care?
    Yeah.
    That's it.

Katie 2:01 pm
grrrr
well I CARE

Joseph 2:01 pm
    Sounds like a personal problem.
    You should speak to someone about that.
    A professional of some sort.

Katie 2:01 pm
well damn

Joseph 2:02 pm
You've just been verbally assaulted.

Katie 2:02 pm
I will physically assault you

Joseph 2:03 pm
@_______@

Life, Death, and Maracas

2011-06-01T21:46:00.003-04:00

Katie 9:15 pm
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1FhkEN/www.buzzfeed.com/burnred/pure-genius-281t
let us please do this

Joseph 9:17 pm
This is like.
This is an incentive to have kids.

Katie 9:17 pm
exactly my thought

Katie 9:18 pm
dude, i feel i look completely different from when i was a kid though. Like...somewhere along the way, my genetics were like...uhh lets just change up her face when she turns 12. So i feel like that age thing wouldn't have worked

Joseph 9:20 pm
    You do look drastically different.
    Like
    Damn.
    What the fart happened?

Katie 9:21 pm
i have no fricking clue!!!!
Brian was looking at a picture, and he was like "Who was that kid?" And I was like...uhhh

Joseph 9:21 pm
@_@

Katie 9:21 pm
    yeah
    well
    i used to be really tan and really blonde and skinny as anything
    according to what I looked like as a kid, i should be a model...but then i stopped growing, got hips, and stopped going outside...and got curly hair

Joseph 9:23 pm
You have really nice birthing hips.

Katie 9:23 pm
thank you
i appreciate that

Joseph 9:23 pm
I forsee twins being a possibility.

Katie 9:23 pm
    shit
    nooo
    hell no

Joseph 9:23 pm
    DUDE.
    WHAT?
    That would be AMAZING.

Katie 9:23 pm
i think they are freaky

Joseph 9:23 pm
We could do it Parent Trap style though!

Katie 9:24 pm
ha!

Joseph 9:24 pm
Promise me.
If you ever have twins.

Katie 9:24 pm
severe emotional trauma for the win

Joseph 9:24 pm
    I take one and move to England.
    We purposefully send them to the same summer camp.
    Boom.

Katie 9:24 pm
hahahaha omg

Joseph 9:24 pm
Twins fencing.

Katie 9:24 pm
that would be hilarious!

Joseph 9:24 pm
Twin swapping.
Hopefully you won't give them tragic ginger genes.

Joseph 9:25 pm
    Hmm.
    We'll need a picture of ourselves on a ship.
    We could do this point by point.
    It's not like they'll ever watch it.

Katie 9:26 pm
never ever

Joseph 9:26 pm
It'll be years.

Katie 9:27 pm
and i mean, it wont be weird that you are arabic and my child will be aryan as hell

Joseph 9:27 pm
I guess we'll just have to do it.
:|

Katie 9:27 pm
mmhmm!

Joseph 9:28 pm
    I should start practicing wedding dress designing.
    Also.
    Just realized.
    I made you Dennis Quaid.

Katie 9:29 pm
    thats fine
    he rocks my socks
    and he has a vinyard
    and horses

Joseph 9:30 pm
    I made myself Natasha Richardson.
    I'm okay with this.
    I'll just stay away from ski slopes.

Katie 9:32 pm
good plan!
I would cry if you died of a freak accident

Joseph 9:33 pm
    I would frown down upon you from Heaven or view you from the flatscreen in Hell if you ever cried if I died.
    Promise me.
    That if I die randomly.
    That there isn't a funeral.
    But a friggin dance rave.

Katie 9:33 pm
I can't promise that
there will be far too many depressed people

Joseph 9:33 pm
Eff that ess.
I'm making a will.

Katie 9:34 pm
maybe a sing-along to Sound of Music?
seems more fitting

Joseph 9:34 pm
    No way Josie.
    People need to be festive.
    And wear bright colors.
    Maybe some limbo.

Katie 9:34 pm
fiiine

Joseph 9:34 pm
    I don't need whiney bitches mourning a loss.
    But rather...
    CELEBRATING A LIFE!
    With maracas, preferably.

Katie 9:35 pm
hahahaha fine fine

Joseph 9:35 pm
*shoulder pop*
Drama.

The Early Bird Gets the Weirdo

2011-05-05T12:40:00.001-04:00

Katie 12:11 pm
So I was hoping to have the classroom to myself for like an hour before my final but THE most annoying guy in the class just showed up and he is eating his lunch
loudly

Joseph 12:12 pm
Start a fire.

Katie 12:12 pm
i should
this is really bad

Joseph 12:12 pm
Start crying loudly.

Katie 12:13 pm
i think he has like autism or something

Joseph 12:14 pm
Scream in latin backwards.

Katie is offline 12:15 pm

Digresstion

2011-04-23T14:05:00.001-04:00

Katie 1:46 pm
    GOOD!!
    soory
    my caps lock was on

Joseph 1:47 pm
Cruise control for cool, much?

Katie 1:47 pm
mmhmm

Joseph 1:47 pm
I think I was supposed to go to church with mom this morning at 9.
But she didn't wake me up?

Katie 1:47 pm
way to be a terrible son

Joseph 1:47 pm
    Well she said that we'd be there for an hour.
    And it's clearly almost 2 and she's not back yet.
    So disaster avoided.
    Plus.
    I'm going back with her at midnight, so I win?

Katie 1:49 pm
deeef
winning

Joseph 1:49 pm
LIGHT BULBS AND ALUMINUM FOIL.
I absolutely cannot return to Philthy without them.

Katie 1:49 pm
    omg
    i thought that was a new expression of surprise like "JUMPIN JEHOSAPHAT!"
    I like it
    i think we should starting saying it

Joseph 1:50 pm
HAHA.

Katie 1:50 pm
LIGHT BULBS AND ALUMINUM FOIL! I just cut my hair and its terrible!

Joseph 1:51 pm
LIGHT BULBS AND ALUMINUM FOIL! I JUST STUBBED MY TOE!

Katie 1:51 pm
exactly
you're pickin up what i'm puttin down

Joseph 1:51 pm
That is something I never want to hear/see you say.

Katie 1:51 pm
d'aw why?

Joseph 1:51 pm
    The TA in my race class is super awkward.
    And he would not stop saying that during one class.
    He tries so hard to be funny and it never works.

Katie 1:52 pm
hahahahaha
awww

Joseph 1:52 pm
So that expression makes me think of him and I cringe because he's so awkward.

Katie 1:52 pm
I wasn't trying to be funny though
so

Joseph 1:52 pm
Just.
Never.

Katie 1:52 pm
FINE

Joseph 1:53 pm
Light bulbs and aluminum foil, you're so dumb.
How's the whole work load?

Katie 1:53 pm
    uh
    well
    i got nothing accomplished yesterday

Joseph 1:53 pm
Good.
Wait.

Katie 1:53 pm
but I am almost done with my lesson plan

Joseph 1:53 pm
Nothing?!

Katie 1:53 pm
    yeah
    nothing
    shut up

Joseph 1:54 pm
No no, it's fine.

Katie 1:54 pm
i had the apartment to myself do the first time in ages sooo I pretty much spent the night walking around naked and taking baths
2 of them

Joseph 1:54 pm
    We had fun drinking tea and having lemon bars and scones and cookies and cake and playing games and watching movies without you.
    Whatevs..
    You know.
    *shrug*

Katie 1:54 pm
well its fine. I am glad you guys had fun

Joseph 1:54 pm
    I'm not!!! >_<
    Well.
    BUT I DIGRESS.

Katie 1:55 pm
hahaha

Joseph 1:55 pm
And I digest.
I do both of those things that start with di-

Katie 1:55 pm
nice observation

Joseph 1:55 pm
Thanks.

Abba Goulding and the Deathly Transportation, Parts 1 & 2

2011-03-26T22:35:00.002-04:00

Joseph 9:20 pm
How's it goin, dear.

Katie 9:20 pm
    howdy!
    just dandy
    except i just realized the amount of work to do that i haven't started on

Joseph 9:21 pm
Sounds intense.

Katie 9:21 pm
yeeeeah
like i have a paper to write, a proposal to propose, and two books to read

Joseph 9:22 pm
Better get on it I guess!

Katie 9:22 pm
meh

Katie 9:22 pm
that would mean being proactive
and we both know thats not going to happen

Joseph 9:24 pm
The probability is low.

Katie 9:24 pm
    exactly
    the paper is only 2 pages
    and the proposal will take like half an hour tops
    i am a little concerned about the readings

Joseph 9:25 pm
Why?

Katie 9:25 pm
    well
    because they probably wont get finished
    but thats no biggie
    thats why the invent summaries

Joseph 9:28 pm
Sounds like a cohearent sentence.
I agree.

Katie 9:28 pm
thanks
i try

Joseph 9:30 pm
So what are you going to do instead of work?

Katie 9:30 pm
uh sit here and stumble upon great stuff

Joseph 9:31 pm
Groovy.

Katie 9:32 pm
how are you my friend?

Joseph 9:32 pm
It all started with sideboob.

Katie 9:32 pm
you mean mine? the one you poked in history?

Joseph 9:32 pm
Is there any other?

Katie 9:32 pm
no

Joseph 9:37 pm
Nor will there ever be >:|

Katie 9:37 pm
-_-
i meant to ask "How are you, my friend?"

Joseph 9:38 pm
I tragically mock your lack of comma sense.

Katie 9:38 pm
i know
i hate you

Joseph 9:38 pm
So anyways.
You probably don't know who Ellie Goulding is, but I saw her live last night.

Katie 9:38 pm
cool?

Joseph 9:38 pm
    MONDO cool.
    tl;dr
    saw a concert

Joseph 9:39 pm
    met a musician
    became a minority
    got yelled at by an arab

Katie 9:39 pm
woot woot!

Joseph 9:40 pm
So I went to go meet Beth and our friend Sara, who went to Octorara, at 30th Street station.
They were taking the R5 in.

Joseph 9:41 pm
    And I get to the subway to get some tokens and for some reason my stupid ass only brought 3 dollars when I know that 3.10 gets you two tokens from the machine.
    I awkwardly stood staring at the machine and asked the person beside me if they had a dime.
    Dude totally faked me out with "Dang I only have 8 cents!"
    T_T
    "WAIT. Jk, here's two nickels."
    @_@

Katie 9:42 pm
bahahahahaha

Joseph 9:42 pm
    I almost had a heart attack.
    So then I go through the gate and went to put my earphones back in aaaaaaand
    I notice that the right rubber ear thing is missing from the headphone.
    MY NEW HEADPHONES.
    ...

Joseph 9:43 pm
MY RELATIVELY NEW HEADPHONES.

Katie 9:43 pm
aaaahhh i hate that

Joseph 9:44 pm
Yeah, so the whole trip I had to deal with Kesha in the left ear and the musical stylings of unknown rapping noises from a distant iPod that was way too loud for anyones own good.

Katie 9:44 pm
i haaaate that so much

Joseph 9:45 pm
So I get to 30th Street eventually and meet up with Beth and Sara.

Joseph 9:45 pm
    Beth who is wearing tights and Sara who is in flipflops and a skirt.
    It was cold as Santa's balls last night.
    I don't know how they survived after what we went through.

Katie 9:46 pm
Why were they wearing those kind of clothes? Makes absolutely no sense

Joseph 9:47 pm
Hell if I know.
They explained it to me but I was too busy trying to pronounce the name of this random italian pub.

Joseph 9:47 pm
    Silante?
    Seelanteh?
    Was it Silante?
    Wait.

Katie 9:48 pm
hmmm

Joseph 9:48 pm
Siiiilllllaaannnnn...
Whatever. I'm calling it cilantro.

Katie 9:49 pm
i just spent like 10 minutes trying to phonetically spell it out but then I remembered that I dont care and gave up

Joseph 9:49 pm
    Atta girl.
    Oh.
    Apparently it means 'Cheers' in Irish.
    So.
    Not Italian.

Katie 9:49 pm
*facepalm*

Joseph 9:49 pm
    Italian bars?
    I'm a stupid bitch.
    Well in any case, we made it to the World Cafe Live.
    Which sounds like a TV special.
    But is actually a cafe/bar.

Katie 9:50 pm
naturally

Joseph 9:50 pm
    So the thing started at 8 but we figured Ellie wouldn't be on until 9 because they had a...
    What's it called?
    Opening band.

Katie 9:51 pm
opening act

Joseph 9:51 pm
Right.

Joseph 9:51 pm
Which wasn't a band so much as it was two guys banging on drums and synths for a straight hour with familiar beats from our childhood.

Katie 9:52 pm
sounds like a typical garage band

Joseph 9:52 pm
    They probably smelled. I don't know.
    So instead of watching that hot mess, we stayed on the first floor and got some food.
    Then we made it down a few floors to the actually performance area.
    So we got our wristbands on and we're about to walk in when this random ass lady emerges from the corner of the shadows
    I flip shit and cower in fear at this sudden batmanesque figure.

Joseph 9:54 pm
    She goes, "DID YOU GUYS KNOW...You can buy her CD and get it signed after the show?!"
    Five minutes later we walk into the room with CD's in hand waiting for the opening act to finish.
    This place is boss, btw.
    There was a bar and a line of tables in the back.
    In the front was the stage and in between was a biiiig floor area full of people.
    It was awesome.
    And around 9:15, my girl Ellie rolls out looking fly as hell singing her face off.
    It was amazing.
    Like, you need to be introduced soon.

Joseph 9:56 pm
She was awesome live.

Katie 9:56 pm
oooh sounds like fun!

Joseph 9:56 pm
    It was! It was a blast! I put pictures and a video on FB btw.
    Okay, except.
    We had to situate our standing area a few times because Beth is vertically challenged and there were tall people all up in our business.
    And I ended up behind this guy whose dance moves primarily consisted of what I can only describe as rapid hip thrusts.

Joseph 9:58 pm
The beat would be going and this guy would just throw his hips forward and backwards wildly.

Katie 9:59 pm
that is most unfortunate

Joseph 9:59 pm
    And every damn time his butt would punch me in the crotch.
    Like, no sir.
    I'm sorry.
    That's not dancing.
    That's awkward sex.
    And I'm not having it.

Katie 9:59 pm
so much grossness

Joseph 10:00 pm
So it came to a point where as he was throwing it back, I threw my hip forward.
I was like, "HUUUUUH!"

Joseph 10:00 pm
So he pretty much stopped after that.

Katie 10:01 pm
yeah, you showed him!

Joseph 10:01 pm
    And then there was this dumb girl behind me that kept hitting my ass with her purse because she kept turning to dance with her man and then back to watch Ellie.
    FRONT OR BACK.
    Pick a place of interest.
    So that happened.

Joseph 10:03 pm
    It ended around 10:20 and the line for the CD signing appeared heading into a door to the side of the stage.
    We hung back and sat at one of the tables to rest our weary feet.
    Our logic was that if we were the last ones, we would get to talk to her more.
    But...
    That didn't happen.
    She looked really exhausted.
    So I was like, "Hi!"
    And she was like, "YOU ARE THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN I'VE EVER SEEN."
    And I threw her on the table and now we're engaged.

Katie 10:04 pm
are you checking to see that i am paying attention?

Joseph 10:04 pm
._.

Joseph 10:05 pm
    So I was like, "Hi!"
    And she was like, "Thanks for coming!"
    And she signed the CD.
    And we took a pic.
    And I was like, "The show was great by the way."
    And she was like, "Aww, thanks! Have a good night, hun!"

Katie 10:05 pm
she was probably envisioning stabbing you in the eye with a pen

Joseph 10:05 pm
    I wouldn't put it past her.
    She saiiiiid she had a great time in 'Philli' so I doubt that.
    Anyway, we made it out of WCL and we were walking back to 30th street to get back to my apt.
    And we get down to the subway and we're waiting.
    And we're waiting.
    Beth is being entertained by the rats running around on the tracks.

Joseph 10:07 pm
    And we're waiting even more.
    And I'm getting nervous that this train is never going to get here.
    But fear not, fair maiden.
    It arrived.
    Took FOREVER.
    But it did.
    And we rode the MFL down to City Hall so we could take the BSL to Girard.
    Haha.
    That didn't happen.
    No it surely did not.
    What had happen was this.
    1) We got off at City Hall and walked a few feet to the stairs going down to the Northbound Broad Street train.

Joseph 10:09 pm
    2) We waited there forever.
    3) Miraculously, more and more people flooded down.
    4) Loud rapping noises and loud screaming talks about weaves.
    5) Beth feared for her life.
    6) Sara fell asleep.
    7) The train just never came.

Katie 10:10 pm
Beth should probably go into the city more often if she is scared of weaves

Joseph 10:10 pm
    Yes, because that's what she was scared of.
    If you've ever taken the subway in philly, some stations have an Express and Local line.
    Express has way less stops than local and gets right to the end of the line.

Joseph 10:11 pm
    Express trains were the only ones coming.
    Which is not what we wanted.
    So it's frickin' 12:30 at night and there are three kids sitting waiting for the train at City Hall.
    Something's not right here.
    So I go upstairs to ask the person in the booth what was go-
    WHAT?!
    NO PERSON IN THE BOOTH?
    What?
    Why are the doors locked?
    Is there a chain around that gate?
    WHAT?!
    WHAT IS-
    Guys, I don't think the train is coming.
    Uhhh...let's try this way.
    No, Sara, it's okay.
    I'll just call the police if we're locked in.
    We're fine, guys.

Katie 10:13 pm
ooooonly you

Joseph 10:13 pm
    Yeah yeah yeah, etc.
    So we eventually make it to the MFL and find an exit.
    I scurry to find where we are and I whistle down a taxi.
    We get in and I'm like, "15th and Master, please."
    Dude has the toll starting at $2.70.
    I let it slide because I just didn't care anymore.
    Dude is on his bluetooth the whole time.
    Dude keeps driving past Master.
    Dude eventually turns around and asks if we're here yet.
    NO, DUDE.
    WE'RE NOT.
    I tell him, "Just drop us off here."
    So he pulls over to the next lane and SURPRISE.
    There's a car there, dumbass.
    So we all almost die.

Katie 10:15 pm
woooow

Joseph 10:15 pm
And we finally make it to the sidewalk.
And I pay with my credit card.

Joseph 10:15 pm
Which is apparently bad?
Because he's like, "*mumblearabicmuble* Y U NO TELL ME U USING CARD?!"

Katie 10:15 pm
you were probably just not meant to live last night

Joseph 10:15 pm
    OBVIOUSLY.
    I was just like, "IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU. I just have a CARD."
    Angry arab was just swearing it up and I looked at him and I was like
    ._.
    So can I use my card or not?
    And we do.
    And I GTFO.
    And I say something bad to him in Arabic.

Katie 10:16 pm
hahahaha
did he hear you?!

Joseph 10:17 pm
I assumed because he hit the gas so hard and got the FUUUUUUUU- out of there.

Katie 10:17 pm
or he just hated you to begin with

Joseph 10:18 pm
    Well whatever the case was, we were three blocks past my apartment.
    And we begrudgingly walked back.
    It was one block past where we saw Easy A at that theater.

Katie 10:19 pm
holy shiz muffins

Joseph 10:19 pm
It was not cool, yo.

Joseph 10:19 pm
    So anyway, we get there and before going to the concert, I let Erica come have the apartment because she needed to study for her orgo test.
    We're in different lectures.
    And I tell her about it.
    And she's like, "You do know that the express stops at Girard, right?"
    o_o
    So then she went back to her place and I set up everything and they slept over.
    We went to bed at 2am.

Katie 10:20 pm
ouch

Joseph 10:20 pm
    And we woke up at 8:30am.
    They needed to catch the 9:30 R5 outta here.
    And so we gathered our wits and made it across campus. We stopped by a coffee place to perk us up and continued our cold journey to the station.

Joseph 10:21 pm
    We get there and the train arrives.
    Sara goes, "I don't care if this is the wrong one. We're getting on it right now."
    Hah. So I just laugh and give them hugs.
    Bon voyage, etc.

Katie 10:22 pm
aww very cute
but oh so depressing

Joseph 10:22 pm
    Yeah, you'd think that's it.
    You'd like that, WOULDN'T YOU D:<
    No.
    That was not it.
    I look at the e-info sign.
    They got on the wrong train.
    T_T

Katie 10:23 pm
hahahaha noooo

Joseph 10:23 pm
So I quickly text Beth and tell her to just get off at City Hall and switch trains.

Joseph 10:23 pm
    And I walk out of the station with my headphones in my ear.
    I replaced the right earbud.
    But failed to reinsert my memory card in my phone prior to leaving.
    So no music.
    I was left with headphones in my ear for nothing.

Katie 10:24 pm
please stop failing

Joseph 10:25 pm
I stopped in my tracks, laughed at my fortune, and then took a sip of coffee while trying my damnest to get "Take a Chance On Me" out of my head.
Ask me how that ABBA song got stuck in my head.

Katie 10:27 pm
no idea

Joseph 10:27 pm
Seriously, ask me.

Katie 10:27 pm
hooow

Joseph 10:27 pm
I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

Nothing Good Comes From Parking Lots

2011-03-14T17:53:00.000-04:00

Joseph 5:39 pm
Katherine

Katie 5:39 pm
Joseph

Joseph 5:40 pm
Time for laughter.

Katie 5:40 pm
i am in class

Joseph 5:40 pm
Even better.
Are you ready for thisssss?

Katie 5:41 pm
noooo

Joseph 5:41 pm
It's going to happen!

Katie 5:42 pm
not a goooood idea if it is dirty

Joseph 5:42 pm
It's not.
Tis a story, lassie.

Katie 5:42 pm
ok fine

Joseph 5:43 pm
    Alright, so I get back from class today and I am le hungry.
    And my mom gave me this huge container of salad but I didn't have this awesome dressing we had at home.
    So I drove on over to TFG to get some.
    I had previously been texting Mariam about Sesame Street live so when I parked in the parking lot I sat there texting her.
    And then I was like, "HAY. I WANNA SHOW HER MY HAIRCUT."
    So I start taking kissy pictures with my phone.
    They all looked terrible.

Katie 5:45 pm
hahah that happens

Joseph 5:45 pm
    I was going at all different angles.
    Like.
    Yeah.
    Just nothing worked.
    So I gave up.
    And I got out of my car and I look next to me and there's this lady sitting in the passengers seat in the car next to me.
    We make eye contact.
    For a while.
    A straight minute went by.

Katie 5:46 pm
awwwwwkward

Joseph 5:46 pm
    So then she slowly starts to smile.
    And I start laughing and say hi.
    And she says

Katie 5:46 pm
hahahahaha

Joseph 5:46 pm
"It's okay, honey. You look good."
I died.

Katie 5:47 pm
ooooh wow

Joseph 5:47 pm
I was like, "Awww! Haha, thanks! I was just showing my sister my new haircut."

Joseph 5:47 pm
I was so embarrassed.
I laughed loudly to myself walking into the grocery store.

Katie 5:48 pm
that is amazing

Joseph 5:49 pm
I had to call Mariam and tell what happened.

Joseph 5:49 pm
When I got home I shut all the blinds and closed the door to the bathroom to take the pic just in case if another elderly lady in the car next to me wanted to creep on my awkard kissy faces.

Drinking in the Afternoon is Not Classy

2011-01-21T22:46:00.000-05:00

Joseph 3:39 pm
Damn it, come back to me girl.

Joseph 4:13 pm
cokmtrrrrr baaaaacj
come bachkkk

Katie 9:41 pm
wtf happened to you?

Joseph 10:08 pm
Well la dee dah.
Look who decided to show up.

Katie 10:08 pm
haha i went out to dinner

Joseph 10:09 pm
    Dinner? How wonderful for you.
    While you were out stuffing your ugly face, I was dealing with a crisis of considerately miserable proportions.
    I take that back, your face is very pretty. I was angry when I said that.

Katie 10:10 pm
Oh dear. Do tell
Its quite alright. I ignored you

Joseph 10:10 pm
Worst day ever.
Our internet kept failing.

Katie 10:11 pm
Aww

Joseph 10:11 pm
Then my phone fell from quite high in the shower and got wet.
It's dehydrating in rice right now.

Katie 10:11 pm
Rice?

Joseph 10:12 pm
    It's a trick you do.
    I didn't make it to orgo because I couldn't make it throught the wind without my hat and hoodie and I had to go back for it.
    I sat through an hour lecture in Physics learning that 1 + 1 = shit I already knew.
    We watched 300 in my Race class.

Joseph 10:12 pm
    300!!!!!
    LIKE
    WHY.
    My eyes were in a perpetual rolling motion the entire time.

Katie 10:13 pm
I thought you were excited about that?

Joseph 10:13 pm
    Yeah, until I remembered how incredibly stupid and cheesy it was.
    And..
    He...
    Skipped the sex scene.
    But that's beside the point.
    Then Taylor and I decide to go to UPS and pick her package that they didn't deliver, YET AGAIN.
    FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPS.
    So on our way there, what does my car decide to do?
    NOT WORK.

Katie 10:14 pm
Wait, a college professor skipped the sex scene?

Joseph 10:14 pm
And we end up stranded on 95.

Katie 10:14 pm
How does that work

Joseph 10:14 pm
>_>

Katie 10:14 pm
oh no
why didn't you call me??

Joseph 10:14 pm
    .....
    My.
    PHONE.
    DIED.
    THIS MORNING.
    KATHERINE.

Katie 10:15 pm
Oh yeah
but Taylor?

Joseph 10:15 pm
    Hmmm...
    Call Katie...
    Or...
    Call the police and get a tow truck?

Katie 10:15 pm
    oh that
    OMG
    what if you were on that show where all the tow trucks in philly are competing for the job?

Joseph 10:16 pm
I have no idea what that means.

Katie 10:16 pm
Its legit

Joseph 10:16 pm
All I know is that my car is at Pep Boys.
It's probably going to cost a fortune.

Katie 10:16 pm
    Tow Chasers
    aww
    well I am glad that happened when I wasn't in the car
    Why doesn't anyone listen to me?? I told you to get a new car

Joseph 10:17 pm
    That's a good idea.
    Let me just collect the money from my whores on the street and call it a day.
    *sigh*
    All of this led to the unsavory hour of vodka at 3:30.

Katie 10:19 pm
I do not blame you in the least

Joseph 10:19 pm
And you want to know the thing that really just makes this day the worst day in history?

Katie 10:19 pm
go for it

Joseph 10:20 pm
The series finale of Medium aired tonight.
It was terrible.

Katie 10:21 pm
well that is just a bummer

Joseph 10:21 pm
I bet that if you give me a word right now, I can link it back to how much this day sucks.

Katie 10:22 pm
Kimono

Joseph 10:22 pm
    Kimono...
    Easy.
    Kimono ends in ono.
    Ono sounds like "Oh no".
    "Oh no is what I said when my car stopped working in the middle of 95."

Joseph 10:23 pm
Therefore, this day FUCKING SUCKS.

Katie 10:23 pm
I am impressed

Joseph 10:23 pm
Damn straight.

Katie 10:23 pm
Butterfly

Joseph 10:24 pm
    Butterfly reminds me of the Butterfly Effect.
    There was a movie called the Butterfly Effect that starred Ashton Kutcher.
    Ashton is starring in a movie with Natalie Portman.
    Natalie Portman starred in Black Swan.

Joseph 10:25 pm
    In that movie she seemed to have multiple personalities.
    Multiple personalities is what I borderline developed today trying to cope with HOW MUCH THIS DAY FUCKING SUCKS.
    The end.

How You Piss Off a Friend Using Macaulay Culkin

2010-12-08T18:25:00.001-05:00

Katie 6:02 pm
o.O
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Katie 6:02 pm
my roomie is telling me that she has never seen Home Alone or Bambi

Joseph 6:02 pm
People be stupid.

Katie 6:03 pm
how can you not have ever seen Home Alone?!

Joseph 6:03 pm
Stupid person is stupid.

Katie 6:03 pm
...you've never seen it have you

Joseph 6:03 pm
All three.
Even the gross one without Culkin.

Katie 6:04 pm
wait, you have seen it then?

Joseph 6:04 pm
All three.
Even the gross one without Culkin.

Katie 6:06 pm
ok
i hate you sometimes

Joseph 6:07 pm
I don't know how I can be any clearer.
I've seen all three of the Home Alone series.

Katie 6:07 pm
FINE

Joseph 6:07 pm
Even the one that doesn't start Culkin.
Which was terrible.

Katie 6:07 pm
    right
    ok
    I GOT IT

Joseph 6:08 pm
    Are you sure?
    Maybe I can somehow use Google translate to help out this miscommunication.
    Or maybe draft up a document and run it by my attorney.
    Or possibly just repeat it over and over again.

Katie 6:09 pm
i haaaate you

Joseph 6:09 pm
    I'll live.
    I'll somehow cope with your hatred and get through this with my sanity somewhat intact.
    I'll probably attend sessions with a therapist so I can get past this hurtful event in my past and live in the present.
    I just don't know how I'll rest my head on my pillow tonight.

Katie 6:11 pm
or you could just stop talking

Joseph 6:11 pm
*wipes the sarcastic venom dripping off my lips*
'Kay.

Ouch! My the Fact I Lost My Innocence!

2010-11-21T21:06:00.002-05:00

Joseph 8:57 pm
    Haha.
    But seriously.
    I was molested last night after you left.
Katie 8:57 pm
    ...

by whom?

    the homeless woman?
Joseph 8:58 pm
    Not this time around.
    You remember the douchebags on the third floor?
Katie 8:58 pm
    yes
Joseph 8:58 pm
    Well they were getting crazy and they had people coming in and out for a while.
    Around 1:30 I was in bed and I heard the buzzer. Taylor called my name.
Joseph 8:59 pm
    She was like, "These douches outside say they were locked out."
    T_T
    I go out to see who it is and I open the door.
    These two guys come in stumbling.
    The one grabs me in a bear hug face to face and starts humping me against the wall yelling, "YOU A BIIIIG MUTHAFUCKAAAAAA!!!!!"
    I stood there like, "T_T....Get the fuck off of me."
Katie 9:00 pm
    hahaha woooooow
Joseph 9:01 pm
    The other guy went upstairs and the humpydude followed but started talking to Taylor.
    I was like, "GOOD NIGHT."
Joseph 9:01 pm
    And slammed our apartment door in his face.
    </rape>
Katie 9:01 pm
    hahaha well thats awesome
Joseph 9:02 pm
    I was super pissed.
Katie 9:02 pm
    I don't doubt it!
Joseph 9:03 pm
    I was tired, and I was trying to play this sweet Shawn the Sheep game and we get a douche delivery overnight shipping.
Joseph 9:04 pm
    The worst part is that I think he had a boner...

Wishbone

2010-11-20T21:16:00.000-05:00

Joseph 8:54 pm
    A squirrel barked at me today...
Katie 8:54 pm
    I feel like you are probably hallucinating
Joseph 8:55 pm
    It was real life.
    Seriously.
    Well, listen to this monstranity.
Katie 8:56 pm
    Must I?
Joseph 8:56 pm
    T_T
Katie 8:56 pm
    Fine. Continue
Joseph 8:57 pm
    I woke up this morning feeling incredasick.
Joseph 8:57 pm
    Yes I just said incredasick.
    The combination of incredibly and sick.
Katie 8:58 pm
    I still don't see how this justifies a barking squirrel
Joseph 8:58 pm
    DOES YOUR INCREDULOCITY KNOW NO BOUNDS?!
    And yes, I'm making up words today.
    >_>
    Letcho boy finish.
    I got up on the wrong side of the bed, so that's a pretty good indicator that the shit's gonna hit the fan.
    But I just brushed it off.
Joseph 9:00 pm
    Went to Mosaic.
    Feeling nauseous.
    Have you tried giving yourself a anit-vomit peptalk?
Katie 9:00 pm
    **facepalm*
Joseph 9:00 pm
    No one is there to cheer back at you and it just makes you feel worse.
    By the time orgo lab rolled around at 12:30, I felt like I was dying.
    I finished the prelab quiz in 2 minutes, ran to the bathroom and threw up.
    It was THE WORST.
    Glasses almost fell in the toilet.
Katie 9:05 pm
    Aww I'm so sorry! I hope you skipped the rest of your classes.
Joseph 9:05 pm
    Well luckily lab was the last thing.
Katie 9:06 pm
    Oh well thats good
Joseph 9:06 pm
    I went back and I felt better for
    like
    2 seconds.
    Then I had to sit on the floor.
    My lab partner was like, "Whaaaat is wrong with you."
Katie 9:06 pm
    The floor? Why the floor? I would have been pretty concerned too
Joseph 9:06 pm
    I was like, "Et tu, Brute?! @_@"
    Because labs don't have chairs!
    So I bounced out of there pretty fast.
    I don't know how I made it down the stairs because everything started to look distorted.
    And when I went outside I heard this noise.
Katie 9:07 pm
    Well, you live in the city, so that's not that strange
Joseph 9:07 pm
    It was a barking squirrel.
    It was barking at me.
    And then it started chirping like a bird.
    I was scared.
    It took me 40 minutes to walk home.
    And I witnessed a traffic accident along the way.
Katie 9:09 pm
    I feel like you are making this up and if you aren't then it probably wasn't safe for you to be roaming the streets by yourself
Joseph 9:09 pm
    Look it up.
    Squirrels bark.
    Taylor didn't believe me then I force fed her words back down her throat.
    And I just needed to get home.
Joseph 9:10 pm
    I brought a blanket, pillow and laptop into the bathroom and camped out there for a while.
    Fever.
    Vom vom vom.
    Vom nom nom.
    Too soon.
Katie 9:10 pm
    thats nasty, but I hope you're feeling better
Joseph 9:12 pm
    And you want to know what was the worse part?
Katie 9:12 pm
    do tell
Joseph 9:12 pm
    My mosaic professor didn't know who Wishbone was.
Katie 9:12 pm
    the dog?!
Joseph 9:13 pm
    The freaking dog.
    The best dog of my childhood.
Katie 9:13 pm
    blasphemy!
Joseph 9:13 pm
    Agreed.

The Creation of WWCHNT

2010-11-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

Joseph 8:53 pm
    I finally got my headphones.
Katie 8:53 pm
    ooo yay
Joseph 8:54 pm
    I didn't tell you but I checked online for the shipping status around 3:30 and it said they tried to deliver it at 3:10
    I had been home since 12.
    No one knocked or buzzed.
    They didn't leave an info notice.
    Fuck them.
Katie 8:54 pm
    hahahaha

    those liars!
Joseph 8:54 pm
    So I drove down to the UPS center and the place is PACKED.
Joseph 8:55 pm
    I was angry at that point and I was like, FUCK THAT SHIT.
    So I went to the front of the line and was like, "Give me my damn package, you damn, dirty apes."
Katie 8:55 pm
    hahahahahahaha

    i love this story and its not even over
Joseph 8:56 pm
    The only thing that made everything better was the fact that everyone waiting in line was playing Wheel of Fortune together.
    We were all screaming "BAKED BANANA BREAD" at the TV.
Katie 8:56 pm
    hahahahahaha

you need a fucking blog

please
Joseph 8:56 pm
I am now heavily considering it.