Why your life is terrible

The End

2006-04-26T19:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I've moved to a new blog! You can find it here: http://shanda.wordpress.com/
I hope you enjoyed this.

Fuck That

2006-04-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I tried switching this blog over to Wordpress because they let me upload files directly to the post. Unfortunately, the format is fucked up. I dunno, it will take some fiddling to get used to. When it's fully operational, I'll post the switch here. I told you I'd be coming up with something sweet.

Wow

2006-04-25T17:10:00.000-04:00

"Freakin' sweet!"

- Peter Griffin

Wow, first post in a while. Sorry about all that. Anywho, I'm going to get around to making some sweet stuff. I won't tell you what it is, because my making it all depends on my ability to finish it. I can say that it will be sweet, though.

I'm The Man Now, Dog!

2006-04-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

The Shanda now has it's own YTMND page!

If you don't know what YTMND is, then you should probably look at the wikipedia page for it. If you don't know what the Shanda is, you're a fag.

What is it With Cannibalism?!?

2006-04-18T15:32:00.000-04:00

"This is where a quote would go if I weren't utterly scared shitless at society."

- An Author Would Go Here

Wow. So, I opened up my personalized Google homepage today and what did I see in the Reuters column? "Sex expert says German cannibal had no urge to kill." Holy shit. What is wrong with society today? What the hell is up with this new fad of cannibalism? What the fuck? This is the second time in a week that I heard about cannibals in the news. What the hell is wrong with everyone?

The Shanda

2006-04-17T22:20:00.000-04:00

I've just created the ultimate being: the Shanda. It's a shark and a panda in one. The deadly shanda stalks its prey in the underwater bamboo forests of the Atlantic. Beware the Shanda, in all its glory.

Fitness

2006-04-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Since the weather is warming up, I'm going to make it a goal to walk several miles a day. Also, other changes are being made:

I'm deeply considering getting contacts.
I'm going to make more fortune tikis and not charge anything for them.
I'm going to get my hair cut.
I'm going to work out.

And no, I'm not joking. I'm really going to do this. Not to get healthy, just because I feel like it. Actually, I'm thinking about getting contacts so I can wear sunglasses like a normal person. Of course, I'm only going to get disposables. Maybe try them out for just a month. I'll still wear my glasses ordinarily, like in school.

Ick.

2006-04-17T18:51:00.000-04:00

“Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?”

- Stanislaw Lee

This is from CNN's breaking news:

Prosecutors filed first-degree murder charges Monday against a grocery store clerk accused of killing a 10-year-old neighbor after writing about a bizarre scheme to consume human flesh.

Well, even I find this ridiculously appaling. I read this on my cell phone and nearly threw up my Caribou coffee cooler. I do, however, have a witty remark about this: why didn't he just try Hufu?

On the lighter side of things, One Red Paperclip got on the local news! Congratulations Kyle!

Happy Easter

2006-04-15T23:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter
Originally uploaded by chad.sobodash.

"On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer."

- Douglas Horton

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Easter. I'm going to go eat this chocolate bunny and probably get driven to the hospital afterwards to get my stomach pumped. My Easter present to you is my kickass GooglePage. The link is on the left under My Home Page. It's awesome.

In the news: apparently the police have arrested someone in the disappearence of Natalie Holloway (that one Aruba chick). CNN had this to report about the arrest:

"A prosecutor's spokeswoman, Mariaine Croes, in keeping with Aruban law, identified him only by his initials, S.G.C. She said he was born July 21, 1978."

Why the fuck even open your mouth? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Good, glad you made an arrest, but we don't need to know this shit. I agree that justice is a wonderful and righteous thing, but how the fuck does this serve the people's interest in justice?

Oh, and just for your information, a search for Natalie Holloway (pun definately intended) on Google returns about 2,260,000 results. However, a search for Easter Sunday resurrection returns about 2,120,000 results. You gotta love America.

Have a great Easter everyone. Make sure you count your blessings.

Steady Your Nerves

2006-04-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk."

- John Marcellus Houston

I finally understand the irony behind the idea of taking a drink to "steady your nerves." The meaning of that phrase is that the person is so shaken, so disturbed, that they have to take a drink to bring themselves back to reality. Of course, drinking causes you to be more unstable. Hence, the impossibility of needing a drink to steady your nerves.

I think it goes without saying that the best thing to steady your nerves is water. Furthermore, don't turn to coffee or other caffeinated beverages as a means to settle yourself: they'll only put you more on edge.

Not Too Shabby

2006-04-13T22:11:00.000-04:00

“A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy.”

- Guy Fawkes

I just got back from V for Vendetta. Holy crap. That movie was the greatest thing ever! Well, that's an exaggeration. For a movie, it was awesome, but it's not the political masterpiece that people chalk it up to be. I appreciated the historical accuracy of its introduction, but much of the rest of the movie was overblown. The trails on the daggers didn't need to be there; those were pretty gay. Robby says that there were many references to The Wave, which I haven't read yet. It's now on my list. I did catch the references to Count of Monte Cristo (movie, not the book), however.

I saw Amanda in the car next to us when we were racing to Wendy's. 'Haven't talked to her in a while. Maybe I should call her up or something. I hate it when great friends get out of touch. That reminds me: I should call Kevin. There's alot of people I should call. I'll get around to it. I know Kevin's number is right, but I don't know of Amanda changed her number. Oh well, that's what instant messaging is for.

Oh, and USE GOOGLE CALENDAR!

Google Pwns Information

2006-04-13T10:02:00.000-04:00

So, Google Calendar was launched today. This is actually going to get me to organize my life. It's a spectacular service that everyone should try. Let me give you a rundown:

So, today I have to call Matt around 4:00 to figure out stuff. Click>Add>Done. Oh, I also need to know what time V For Vendetta is playing at the AMC Forum 30 IMAX. Well, what do you know? It's on my Google homepage! Thanks Google! Click>Add>Done. It's really that easy.

Also, in case you want everyone to know when you're shit is running so they don't bug you, you can set your Calendar to be public. My calendar is located at: http://www.google.com/calendar/feeds/chad.sobodash@gmail.com/public/basic
You must use Google Calendar or an appropriate feed reader to view it. Alternatively, you can search Chad Sobodash in the search box.

Boredom

2006-04-12T08:03:00.000-04:00

I can tell right off the bat that this is going to be a boring spring break, mostly because I really can't think of much to do. I'm almost finished with my Go board after putting it on hiatus for a while and I'm sick of making tikis.

I do, however, have a marvelous new project. I call it Auschwitz: Bloopers and Follies. Basically, what I'm doing is taking clips from concentration camps and World War II and assembling them in a chronological order. Then I'm speeding it up and setting it to the song Yakety Sax (also known as the Benny Hill theme). I also found a pack of funny slip and fall noises, so I'll be putting in blooper sound effects. It should be quite a hoot. I got this idea from someone at school—I don't remember who. Please say something here or talk to me in school so I can give you credit (if you want it).

If anyone wants to hang out, just call me.

Speechless

2006-04-08T17:20:00.000-04:00

“I've made up stuff that's turned out to be real, that's the spooky part.”

- Tom Clancy

So, none of my little whimsical tiki art can compare to this chick. She makes art out of bones and antique metal. Holy crap. In the words of Tom Servo: "You are one spooky chick."

I got into a great argument over the weekend. I'm sure most of you know about my belief in my immortality. For those of you who don't, here's the story: last year, Mr. Fralik was telling us how someone who believes they're going to die at a very specific time and becomes obsessed with it will, due to the stress put on their body. I believe it works both ways. If I accept the fact that I just can't die, then I can't. Dying is an option for pussies to cop out on. So, with that in mind, I present you with the argument: someone who is an avid believer in monotheism was trying to convince me that I am mortal. Let's get this straight, someone who thoroughly believes in an all-powerful invisible man—with no evidence to prove either way—is trying to convince me that I am not immortal—a far more plausible belief, since I'm still living. Funny how that works. It's like kid in kindergarten that we'd beat the piss out of, who'd put his hands on his eyes and exclaim "If I can't see you, you can't see me!" But, that is the nature of religion.

Speaking of religion, after looking at all the possible classifications of religious disposition, I'm more agnotic than ever (yes, I realize that agnosticism is a classification in itself, but not a descriptive one). I was trying to find a way to classify my passive apathy for all religious things. I looked at suitheism/autotheism and that's just fucking arrogant. I'm the greatest human being ever to have existed, but I'm not a god (I can't be something that doesn't exist). So then I took a look at atheism, but that's only applicable to god, not everything concerning itself with religion. Then I stumbled on antitheism, but that's too aggressive and active. So, I've decided on apatheism. I just don't care anymore. You can have your bitchy, active, religious pursuits. Fuck that, I'm tired.

Bullshit, Thy Name is ACT

2006-04-08T14:19:00.000-04:00

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

- Tom Bodett

So I just got back from taking the ACTs. I did fine on everything but the science. Let me give you an example science question:

30) The eccentricity of planet A's orbit is .1 and it is in aphelion to planet B, whose diameter is X. If the If planet A's diameter is 430 miles, then what is X?

See? What the fuck is that shit? They give you almost no fucking information to base it off of either. And why the fuck do I need to know this? Aren't the ACTs supposed to test what you should know?

Anways, if you haven't noticed, I put up some chicklets for RSS feeds on the right. I made the chicklet graphics with a sweet generator I found on Google. If you need those exact ones, I already hosted them on ImageShack.us, so just link to the image URL (found in properties, dumbass). I make RSS images so you don't have to. It's how I roll.

Well, I'm going back to listening to Eric Clapton's Cocaine. Best song ever—I reccomend you download it.

Sadies, ACTs, etc.

2006-04-07T16:44:00.000-04:00

"I love entertaining people and this is entertainment."

- Jerry Bruckheimer

Well, someone was asking me today about why I wasn't going to Sadies. Honestly, the only motivation I have right now for going to any social event like a dance is to steal decorations and shit. Like the big anchor at homecoming: I really wanted to take it, but it was too big. So, I settled for almost everything in the treasure chest box, including (but not limited to) the rubber eyepatch, >30 plastic gold dubloons, the plastic sword, etc. Oh, and I stole a paper fish and gave it to someone. If I went to Sadies, I'd be leaving with about fifty of those cardboard stars they put up. Another damn good reason for not going to Sadies is that I can do something just as fun for free: go to a movie (I don't pay, I just walk in), ride a shopping cart recklessly into traffic, do things very harmful to my health, play on my brother's arcade cabinet, etc.

So, ACTs are tomorow, anyway. I can't say I'm nervous about them, since I just don't care, but I am kind of hoping to do well. I know that the math section will kick my ass, but the English will be a sinch.

I hope none of you jerkoffs write an ampersand the way modern man has managed to fuck it up. Orginally, the ampersand was a beautiful scripted character meaning "et," the Latin word for "and." This can be seen in the original character (now known as the "italic ampersand" by stupid fucks everywhere) without question. However, the simple rule that as time progresses, so does mankind's laziness applies to the current state of the ampersand. It's like a fucking curly-q that's been beaten, raped, and thrown on the side of the interstate. If you have to write an ampersand quickly, at least write it like a lower case epsilon with a lowercase "t" attached. Oh, and contrary to Wikipedia, never use it in place of the letters "et." I've read both the Chicago Manual of Style's and MLA Handbook's entries on the subject and it is not to be used during writing unless it's for an abbreviation of "and" in a name (such as a company name, for example). So, for the first time in my life, Wikipedia can suck my balls.

FSMism

2006-04-07T09:25:00.000-04:00

"Then the FSM said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light."

- Bobby Henderson, Prophet

I just finished reading The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and it is truly a marvellous book. It's a light read, but it's something that everyone can appreciate. Except Christians . . . or any other Bible-thumper who has no sense of humor. I reccomend everyone gets a copy. I won't spoil it, suffice to say that my favorite passage was the "Eight 'I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts.'"

That Kid

2006-04-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

So apparently, a student around here killed himself. I would RIP on him (excuse the pun), but I'm too tired and bored to do it. If anyone feels like an asshole enough to do it, feel free to post it in the comments. Honestly, I'm not mean enough to do it, because I feel really bad for his parents. Ah well. On this upside, I found this hilarious page that everone should look at. Mr. Magiera especially appreciated it.

Borders left a message on my answering machine telling me that my book allegedly came it. I don't really believe them, but I'm going to check it out tonight anyways. Supposedly, they ordered a whole shipment by popular demmand. I guess that means other people got as fucked-over as I did. Ciao.

Borders Can Burn in Hell

2006-03-31T22:00:00.000-05:00

So, I looked online to see if the local Borders had The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. They didn't, so I ordered it in to the store. I get a call saying it's in, so I naturally went to the store to pick it up. Fuckers gave me a Penguin classic book. What the fuck is that shit? So, I had to fight with them telling them I didn't fucking order that. Eventually, they ordered it again for me. Fat fucking lot of good that will do. Watch: they'll probably order the wrong book again. Fuckers.

Babar: the Fondest Memory I Know

2006-03-25T20:08:00.000-05:00

"In the great forest a little elephant is born. His name is Babar."

- Jean De Brunhoff

Babar's story is arguably the greatest story ever told. Even better than of the books in the Holy Bible. In fact, there wouldn't be as much hate in the world if the King James Bible were replaced with the Babar books. Actually, I think there's a part of the world where that wouldn't be so controversial. Babar's story is a fairly simple one: his mother is killed by a hunter and Babar is left to fend for himself. Eventually, he gets to Paris, where he is raised by the Old Lady. Since he has grown, he makes his way back to the elephant realm and becomes king.

I think it's only fair to reflect on the state of affairs in Paris. Due to labor and tax issues, the people of France have been rioting almost every day. According to CNN, scattered bonfires, Molotov cocktails, and reverse police brutality are a nightly scene. If Babar was there, he could surely stop it.

Would Babar really approve of the actions of the people of France? They showed such love and kindness to him when he was growing up, and now look at them. What if another lonely elephant tottered into France, looking for a home? Would he be turned away?

Earlier I said that everyone would be better off if the King James Bible were replaced with the books of Babar. This may have offended some of you. In that case, you can stop reading now, because it's only going to get more offensive. Babar bears a striking resemblance to someone else of religious importance. This is probably not a coincidence. There is something mystical about the elephant. Perhaps the elephant realm is a theocracy and Babar was appointed the throne for religious reasons. Either way, Babar could quite possibly be the messiah. I don't have to back this up with evidence. Did Jesus have any real evidence that he was the messiah? Of course not.

When my parents used to read me a Babar book before tucking me into bed all those years ago, I used to think how wonderful it is that someone so morbidly obese could be so philosophically fulfilled. I think that Babar is easily the most important literary character ever for two reasons: he's a continuing source of inspiration and spiritual guidance and he's also wearing spats. God bless you, Babar. Whoops, guess that was a stupid thing to say. I mean, why would someone bless themself?

Criminal Mastermind He Ain't

2006-03-20T22:21:00.000-05:00

"You can't fix stupid."

- Ron White

So, apparently, the Professor Moriarty of Rochester Hills has been caught. Daniel Ray Davis Jr. is going to be brought on charges of false threats of terrorism. Though he has not been officially charged, he did not attend school Monday.

Honestly, how does someone get this goddamn stupid? Don't threaten your school, classmates, whatever. Just don't. Then you won't be facing 20 years. Just don't do stupid shit, and you'll be fine. That's all it takes. It's not funny! It's not a fucking prank! I'm not laughing, asshole.

Refraining from doing stupid shit is just as easy as doing it. I seem to manage just fine on a daily basis. I do stupid stuff, however, which is completely different from stupid shit. With stupid stuff, nothing's illegal, no one is injured, and there's a laugh to be had by all. Like slapstick comedy. Stupid shit is just that; stupid.

I don't see why someone has to do something like this. That's probably one of the reasons I got into psychology: to understand the mind of a dumbfuck.

2006-03-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."

- Leonardo Da Vinci

You know what's funny? My complete lack of any work ethic whatsoever and my empty promises. Remember when I said "This is not an empty promise?" Yes, well, turns out I'm a liar. Oh well. Right now I'm fairly concerned with making myself a Go board from oak. I bought the stones online and the board is almost finished. Yeah, it's sweet. I might take some pictures and share them. At this point, expect the least from me.

About that Exta watermelon-flavored gum? It's ridiculous. I really didn't know that watermelon also contained menthol. Lots of menthol. Chewing that shit is like eating a watermelon cough drop, except it fucking gives you a sore throat. It's the worst best thing I've ever had. It's terrible because it tastes like death, but it's awesome in how incredibly bad it is. More than anything else. God help the person who decides to try it.

Sorry About the Delay

2006-03-09T14:15:00.000-05:00

"I think I can try the film world out for a while."

- Kristanna Loken

So, Things We Know is going to be delayed until next week, until we can finish filming. Seeing as how we just finished scripting, there’s not going to be any time for filming or editing before tomorrow. Since this site is pretty esoteric, I’m going to submit Things We Know to Google Video, where people looking for random shit can run across it. Later.

Are You Ready?

2006-03-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"

- Bud Abbott

So, I hope you're ready for Things We Know, the comedy short starring Nolan, Ryan, and I. I've got some sweet video editing software now, so I can make it really kick ass. I was screwing around with PK Hack today and a few other ROM hackers. I realized I don't have any talent when it comes to making games, so why should I try? There will most likely not be a game about my world anytime soon, unless more people feel like getting involved. And it will probably only happen during the summer.

Tomorow, the first episode of Things We Know will begin filming. Friday of every week, we will release the week's episode. This isn't an empty promise, and we will keep up on this. I'm going to compile a few other things over the weekend. Here's a look at a few things that will be coming:

Movies You Have to See
Books You Have to Read
Why You Need to Read Books
How to Make a Xaphoon
Principles of Wind Instrument Design (when I get around to it)
Review of Wrigley's Extra: Cool Watermelon

Hope you can keep your pants on until I update next. Tomorow I'll probably post my review of Wrigley's Extra: Cool Watermelon, the most deliciously vile thing I've ever tasted. Don't chew it if you're planning on talking, because you'll instantly have a raw throat. Ciao.

Blogger is Fucked

2006-03-06T21:15:00.000-05:00

"One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down.'"

- Norman R. Augustine

So, Blogger decided to crash. Like, the whole fucking site when down for the count. And it was like this for a while. I've been meaning to update, but Blogger was . . . angry at me, I guess. I've toying with PK Hack lately. Nothing serious, just making Earthbound goofier. I had the idea of making a video game of my life, but that would take too much time and energy. Maybe during the summer. I'll need help though—maybe Geiger, Nolan, and Ryan. That'd be cool. Shit, we should do a Final Fantasy VI (III for you Japan-obsessed assholes) hack. That'd be beastly.

So, I had a thought today: according to religious people, God made man, but to what purpose? I mean, I asked a deeply . . . enthusiastic protestant that same question and they flipped. "God doesn't need a reason," they replied. Well, excuse me, but according to your textbook, The Holy Bible (King James Edition), he fuckin' does. According to you, God made man in his own image. Not his appearence, his image. Therefore, he shares the same mental characteristics of man. Now, all of mankind can agree upon one fact: everything has a cause. Even if someone put a slice of meat on their heat and declared themselves the ruler of the internet, the cause of it is they are fucked in the head. So, God had to have a reason for doing all this. Given that he allegedly made us in his image, then he's also selfish. Human beings are selfish. Our natural instinct, like all animals, is to make sure the individual survives. So, why the hell did he make us? My guess is that he was bored. He didn't do it for us, he did it so he'd have a few action figures to play with. God is most likely a 34 year-old, mentally handicapped, balding man, living in his parents house. Bim bam boom, bitch.

In the words of Westley, from The Princess Bride: "Truly you have a dizzing intellect." I'm just about worn out from ranting, so I'll leave you with the Elizabethan sonnet I'm turning into my British Literature teacher tomorow:

The chewy walrus lives inside my mind.
His tusks are as milky-white as your smile.
His silky skin reminds me of your face.
Not as brown and yours is cold as tile.

Dancing and clapping: the walrus at play.
The walrus barks, like an opera of love.
The one thing he can’t do is make you stay.
The walrus, being good, gives me a dove.

I wish the walrus would visit often.
But, alas, the world is very busy.
Thinking of your love makes my heart soften.
But I know I made you very dizzy.

You’ll never come back, you left with Cyrus.
But I’ll always have the chewy walrus.

I realize nothing rhymes with walrus, but I had to put that in there. God bless the chewy walrus, in all his glory and splendor.