whygirlsarejustsomuchbetter

Breaking Up Is Never Easy

2012-03-13T19:07:00.003+00:00

We have all done it. Well...most of us. And I think it would be safe to say that for most of us, breaking up with someone is not an enjoyable experience. Whether that be because one or both parties get upset; things get violent or for any other reasons. Breaking up is not something that we would want to do everyday.

I am of course, talking about a break up in a romantic sense. But what happens when you want to break up with someone outside of this context? If anything its much more gruesome, messy and downright difficult.

Breaking up with a friend is sometimes not even possible.

We all have that friend that isn't always quite what we would want from a friend. When we realise that we are being taken for granted, or messed about by a friend it can often be more upsetting than if it were your boy/girlfriend. Friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial. No mind games. No cheating. No fuck-ups.

But sometimes this doesn't work out. We sometimes put up with more shit from our friends then we ever would from a romantic partner. I found myself once turning round to one of my best friends and saying, "if *** were my boyfriend, I would have broken up with them ages ago". So why do we do it? Can you even, ever REALLY break up with one of your best friends?

Okay so everyone argues. You argue with your parents, siblings, lovers, flings, friends, the guy at Starbucks who got your order wrong. You don't instantly write these people off because you have had a fight. That would be ridiculous. But there becomes a point where, not only is enough, enough...but its also fucking tiresome. It is usually at this point that we start questioning any sort of romantic relationship that we may be in. When it's gone one fight too far.

When it comes to friends however its different. You can't turn around and just say, "I'm so fucking tired of arguing with you, we are no longer friends"...well, maybe you could. But I myself have never done it, nor have I known anyone else to take this route. Usually when you break-up with a partner you utter the words, "we can still be friends". You are demoted to friend status. When someone is already your friend, then what?

I think that everyone has friends that they have just drifted away from. For a huge variety of reasons this can happen, sometimes it can be a bit of a bummer, but it just happens. This isn't what I'm talking about though. It's when you consciously decide, "I don't get back what I put into this. They are taking me for granted, why am I putting up with being treated this way by someone who should be my friend?" that things become difficult.

I know that at least for me when I have debated whether to "break-up" with a friend in the past that I have known that I don't necessarily want to hate them. I'm not looking for an enemy. But I also don't have time anymore to be a friend whose there for them all the time and isn't ever getting anything back from it. Like any relationship, this one-sided deal is never going to work.

There is of course the ever-favourable and popular tactic known as either, the "phase-out" or, more brutally - the "cutting out". Let me explain. Both relatively self-explanatory. Tactic (1); you gradually start to ignore texts and calls and invites to places, hoping that you can induce a doctored "drifting apart". Making it seem like you are both naturally just growing apart. Tactic (2); stop all communication full stop. This can be easier to do in certain situations. If you live relatively far away from one another for example. Sometimes though if you are at the same school or workplace, this can be almost impossible. Unless you also combine it with the good ol' fashioned "silent treatment" that is. But then that's always gonna be awkward.

I think that realistically when it comes to stopping a friendship this is never going to work if one of you is still adamant on being friends. One party may in fact be totally oblivious to the fact that the other is planning a snipe attack and kill on their friendship. Which again - makes things difficult.

In the end, I have never "broken up" with a friend. It's too difficult. Unless you two have a genuine falling about over something and you decide that it's not worthwhile having a reconciliation - breaking up with a friend can be next to impossible. And to be honest, I usually end up forgiving them after a while. Things tend to fix themselves naturally, or come out in a big built-up rant and things change. We usually end up going back to exactly how we were. Water under the bridge as it were.

It's a shame really that we don't approach romantic relationships in the same way. It could make things so much easier.

Boys - What You Are Doing Wrong

2012-03-13T19:07:00.000+00:00

This blog is going to be a bit different from ones in the past, asides from it being all bullet points they are the opinions of many girls that I have posed the question of "what annoys you about boys" to. These are a combination of things that really piss me and the girls I asked off, about the opposite sex.

Boys - take note. And if I get enough suggestions about what annoy you about girls, it is only fair that I include that in a blog in the future.

Should probably mention that when I asked a lot of girls this question the immediate response by 100% of them was along the lines of; "everything", "what doesn't annoy me about boys", "I hate boys", "they exist". Etcetcetc. On that note...here you are;

First off - I'm not even sure if the male species ever really afford the right to be called "men". In my eyes they are, and shall always be, "boys".
Guys who complain about the pain that they went through that one time that they got their chest/legs waxed but how it was "worth it" cos it was for charity. We get it done every 6 weeks. Seriously - grow a pair.
Transparent boys. "I don't just want you for sex." Then why is it that EVERY time you get in touch its a call or text past 2am. I don't call my female friends at this time unless I've lost them on a dance floor. I suggest that you too, follow this rule.
Guys who can't dress to save their life. It's not that difficult to look half-decent as a guy so throw on something that's better than just a pair of Canterburys and a clean(ish) hoodie. Current fashion advice for the under 30s - a pair of chino-esque trousers, a t-shirt from Topman, Toms and a cardigan. Get it done.
Thinking that period pain is "probably not as painful as being kicked in the nuts". Ye. Maybe. If you were continuously being kicked in the nuts day and night for 3-7 days a month. Once this has happened - we can talk.
Guys who always have to appear better than you even if they clearly aren't. Total power struggle. Get over it. It has long been established that women are just as smart (smarter) than men. Plus, anything you can do I can do better ;)
Seeking approval through compliments.
Covering their Facebook with invites to their friends to go to the gym for a "big sesh", y'all have phones right? Use them. Then later on making sure they mention how much they benched or posting a picture. (You know who you are and you largely live in North Berwick...)

Trying to show off with abilities or possessions that they clearly don't have. Oooh you have a Vauxhall Corsa with stripes painted on it...that will definitely make it go faster.
Making up crappy excuses as to why you didn't text or call back. Believe it or not, most girls would just appreciate the truth that you just aren't that into us. Or if you are into us and it was genuinely you losing your phone for the 5th time, might I suggest a fanny pack?
Starting fights when you are drunk. I don't even know if you know what the fight is about half the time. Either drink less so that you are drunk but not angry-drunk or do what girls do - glare at someone you don't like and bitch behind their backs...no blood that way at least.

If it's okay for you to go to strip clubs and get a lap dance off a random girl then you will be okay with me becoming a lap dancer. Oh you arent'? How does that work then...
Thinking that you know about guns cos you play COD. You don't. Unless you are in the armed forces or hunt a lot then you don't know about these things. You may know the names - yes. But if I were to present you with one of them would you even know how to begin to assemble and shoot it?
Guys pretending that they are richer than they are. You bought a bottle in a club. Congratulations, you just bankrupted yourself. Oh how do I know this - cos you are now posing with the bottle and putting the picture on Facebook.
Guys who meet you on a night out and chat to you for ages. Filling you with promising of dates and romancing that is destined to never take place as it turns out that after giving you their number and you texting a few days later, that they never intended to text you back.
Which brings me onto another one a friend suggested - "I would rather that they said nothing, than promising me the world only to get next to nothing."
If you are explicitly asked "do you have a girlfriend" - don't lie.
Over-reacting at the slight mention of one of your ex's even if it's when a girls mentioning their ex in a bad light. Don't take it so seriously. Chill.
Grabbing my bum will not make me like you. I don't grab your crotch.
A guy can have female friends and we are called a "psycho bitch" for asking about it. Yet as soon as we mention that male friend we have, shit just got real.
Telling people who you had sex with. We get it, you used your penis. Congrats. Do you want a medal? Plus you know what they say - the rule of 3. Divide the number of girls a guy says he's slept with by 3 and that's the real number (if American Pie said it, it must be true.)

And one girl said;

"They breathe...that's pretty annoying."

So there you have it! If you want me to add any then you know where to find me. And boys, I think that the answer to your question is probably, no. You can't ever get it right.

I Have Sex.

2012-03-13T19:06:00.001+00:00

SEX. I have it. There - I said it.

This is sort of a continuation on from last weeks post as it got me thinking about how there appears to be a stigma attached to women being able to talk openly about sex outside of the comfortable bossum and confines of their social peers. Hear a girl say that she enjoys sex and the room goes quiet, all eyes on her as she sit there feeling like she may as well have just turned round and said that she likes to slaughter animals in her spare time. Why is it STILL such a subject of taboo.

Now I know that I have mentioned this family before and it's not very like this blog to talk about a particular individual for too long but in this instance I feel that not only that I must but that it is totally necessary. Khloe Kardashian. Yeah, I know, big Kardashian love as always. "But what have they done?" What HAVEN'T this family done...don't start you will only get a rant. Anyway. I digress, Khloe Kardashian is a young woman who is not afraid to talk about sex. Especially considering the amount of time that she spends in the public eye. She has every word she says, dress she wears, career move she makes, photo that's snapped, scrutinised to the enth degree.

I find it very refreshing and empowering that she openly discusses sex not only on the tv shows that she is in, but also on chat shows she goes on or radio shows she hosts. She married hubby Lamar Odom over 2 years ago now and, being a Kardashian and all, they have a spin-off show "Khloe and Lamar". On this show she has often made direct reference to her sex life, and in the most recent episode that I watched she actually goes out and buys a bunch of sex toys, outfits etc to make a sexy boudoir in her own home. Before this she often makes sex-orientated jokes in "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami". And good on her I say. It isn't often that you hear a female, let alone a celebrity so openly talking about their sex lives, ups, downs, keeping things fresh with a new husband etcetc. I wish that this more the rule rather than the exception.

It made me think how people often respond if a regular girl (my wonderful friends and I mainly) if they overhear our conversations about sex and dating. It's still not entirely socially acceptable for us to talk like this, well...without people looking at us with a look in their eye that suggests *slut??*. Without really noticing I find myself lowering my voice if I'm talking about it in public, changing the subject if I'm near a sales assistant or if a waitress comes over to the table. Similarly, if I'm at a social occasion and guys are talking about sex and you decide to join in with their sex-banter this tends to go one of two ways. (1) They look at you or even make a comment to the effect of "why the hell are you joining in with this conversation." or (2) take it a bit TOO well and assume that because you have just made a comment about having sex that you must want to have sex with them right then and there.

Firstly - boys, if you are talking about sex and you are straight guess what...the other person in your little story was female, and was therefore having sex at the same time you were. So for a girl to make a comment about how she's had sex, this shouldn't shock you. Grow up. Secondly - why can't we joke about sex just like you can? Or mention that we like it. I think that it was established a loooong time ago that women can actually enjoy sex too and aren't just there are a sex vessel and/or baby oven. Have you not heard of Cosmopolitan, Sex in the City or Ann Summers?

It still seems to be the case that in the eyes of society that only the most promiscuous girls amongst us should be "allowed" to talk about sex in a public or social setting. That girls who enjoy having sex but don't want to have sex with everything that walks and has a penis should keep our feelings to ourselves. I really hope that this begins to change and that girls start to take a leaf out of Khloe's book and talk openly about sex cos guess what. I have sex, and I like it.

Women's Role Reversal 21st Century Style

2012-02-21T18:27:00.001+00:00

There are two seemingly very different things I want to talk about this week. One being Valentine’s Day related/inspired and the other being music related…all will become clear. I hope.

It was a leap year this year which traditionally means that women can get involved with proposing wedding to their partner.

Over the Valentine’s weekend, having watched Channel 4′s “The Wedding Proposals” and something by a very similar title on BBC Three too, for some reason after both I found myself thinking about the role reversal of a woman proposing to her man. I don’t know WHY I was so shocked to see a woman in both shows proposing to her boyfriend. I kind of felt annoyed at myself upon, after further consideration, I decided I didn’t like the idea of a woman proposing.

I’m very much all for women being equal to their male counterparts but for some reason this proposal business just didn’t sit right with me. Traditionally I guess women are meant to kinda…sit around looking pretty, cooking and baking well, showing she is a mean hand at mopping and wonderful at child rearing until her partner bids her to be of high-enough quality to be deemed “marriage material” at which point a proposal will occur. Possibly a little bit more romance, and “wooing” is involved than that but you know what I mean.

Good little wifey

It comes down to the idea of the woman having to wait around until she is asked, (reminding me of being “seen but not heard”), this idea I don’t like. And on that basis part of me does think ye, sure, why not, ask your boyfriend to marry you if you feel you must cos you have been waiting too long.

I think it’s just the little girl in me who knows that when it comes to it, that I know that I don’t want to be the one doing the asking. I want to be in awe at the [hopefully] very imaginative and romantic way my future boyfriend/fiance/husband decides to propose to me. Showing how much they care and love me, in a very fairytale-esque way. That part of me wants to hold onto the tradition of the guy proposing to the girl.

Plus the practical side of me always thinks…well what would she give him? Guys don’t get engagement rings. So would she just get down on one knee, ask the question and that be that? Anyone know?…

That’s not to say that I would say that a woman proposing is ‘wrong’. I just don’t think that it’s what I would want for me.

Second thing I want to talk about on the basis of role reversals is how popular culture seems to be gradually leveling the playing field somewhat in regards to sex.

Rap music above most, has been renowned for using lyrics that are derogatory towards women. Who can forget Jay-Zs lyrics, ”I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Male rappers are forever tagging women as their “bitches”, “hoes” and the like. Often talking about how much sex they have had with all of these loose women. Chris Brown‘s current song “International Love” featuring Pitbull talks about all the women that they have basically shagged in every country and city that they have ever visited. Apparently the more you talk about sex, the less you are having…but I digress.

But I reckon that these tables are starting to turn. Despite there being plenty of songs written by male rappers with many many derogatory terms towards women in them, the same cannot largely be said about the lyrics in female lyricist’s songs. Being female, they are fighting back in a more direct and yet still, subtle way. Stooshe’s new song “Love Me” (that I am self-acknowledgingly obsessed with), has the lyrics in it that say,
“Listen mate, I don’t mean to brag, I’m telling you imma be the best you’ve had so lets roll. Don’t be taking your time, get it up, pack it in, blow my mind.”
These three girls aren’t flipping the tables by calling men a string of abusive names, but instead are saying, “yes I do have sex, I have sex like men have sex and I’m going to sing about it, what’s your point?”

Stooshe

Missy Elliot, Lauren Hill, Nicki Minaj and Kreayshawn, to name just a few are all lyricists who are not only showing that girl’s can do it too, but that they can do it just as well. Some of them are also using words like “whore”, “bitch” etc but because they are using them are arguably reclaiming the words. Who knows, this could in time mean they lose their current meanings.

Kreayshawn

There is now no such thing in Western societies as a “traditional” woman’s role. Since the equal opportunities act for employment came into place, and the pill came in and the skirt hems went up, things have never been the same.

Women continue to change society. I hope that the female artists such as the ones mentioned and others continue to write such thought provoking lyrics. And I also hope that women in all spheres of life continue to challenge what is seen as, what to do and what not to do, simply because she is female.

Stooshe’s song “Love Me” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rcxnwv7yaQk

Valentine's Day Woes

2012-02-15T21:29:00.001+00:00

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!…or not.

I just don’t get Valentine’s Day, I have never been a fan. I’m not just saying this because I am single. I’ve had the whole red roses and ‘romantic’ set menu meal at an overly priced restaurant, surrounded by other couples also holding flowers, chocolates, teddys, and jewellery. Barf. Spew. Please. No need.

I seriously don’t get it, it truly is a holiday that’s not even a holiday. It was created by gift companies who wanted to sell cheesy cards and crappy chocolates in heart-shaped boxes. It’s further proven to be a non-holiday as we don’t even get the day off. Worst. Holiday. Ever.

I think that it is sweet in a way that there is a day dedicated to showing the one that you love that you…well…love them. But why do we have this assigned day? You should be telling and showing the one that you love, that you love them on a near-enough daily basis. Not having Hallmark telling you that February 14th should be the day that you declare your love.

I have seen so many men walking around today clutching bouquets of flowers, frantically looking around the supermarkets for some chocolate-based dessert and choosing the least cheesy card that they can amongst the pink and red flashing tack. As cute as it is seeing them looking so defenceless and flushed I cant help but think, why are you here? Why are you not buying your girlfriend something she actually wants? Why instead are you on a temporary “seasonal” aisle, picking up the same gift pack that the guy before you did.

Skip over this kinda shit and get her something she would actually choose.

Valentine’s is all good and well but I will never understand it. The set menus that fill your favourite restaurant with couples the week surrounding Valentines Day are just a pain in the arse. As is the fact that you often can’t order anything of the non-Valentines menu. What if I don’t want a heart-shaped chocolate fondue for two for dessert?

My thoughts on Valentine’s Day come down to three things:
1) I think that people in general, regardless of whether or not they are in a couple, should be spreading the love and showing the people around them how much they love them, as often as possible.

2)I also think that if you are in a couple then sure, celebrate Valentines Day but must you do it in the most clichéd way possible?

Get her something to be excited about.

3) If there is a made up holiday for those in relationships, surely its only fair that they make one for those of us who aren’t. I’m single and I want it celebrated please and thank you.

And dear god, the people who propose on Valentine’s Day?? Not cool. Well done, you just managed to make a question that should be the most personal and intimate moment in your life, fall on a day that is not only clichéd to hell and back but is also a day shared with so many other couples around you.

This said, next year I think I am going to go to town on Valentine’s Day. Buying everyone that I love one of these to show them how much I care, whilst also mocking the day all at the same time. Perfect.

7pence a piece...

The Age of the Cougar?

2012-02-05T21:22:00.000+00:00

For generations...nae CENTURIES it has been the social norm in a couple that the male half is older, or at least the same age as the female. It was normal for example in ancient Rome for girls usually aged about 9-15 to marry a man aged 30-40 years old. But alas! Times are a-changin'.

I don't know why it is frowned upon for a women to be the older one in the relationship. I was accused at school at the age of 17 of being a "cradle snatcher" when dating someone just one year below me who was 16. I faced more grief again when my boyfriend after that was also younger than me...by 3 months. Most people probably couldn't tell you why they think its wrong. If you ask they tend to hesitate and just kinda say, "...well...I dunno...just weird isn't it?"

I'd be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I also think that it's a bit strange and stammer a half thought-out response. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (aged 33 and 49 respectively) had a bit of controversy when they initially got together but after a short while this issue seemed to fade. However I have to say that when I first heard, I also thought it was odd. And like I said before - I couldn't tell you why. Maybe it was because I was possibly thinking he was hot, and closer to my age than hers. But I think that largely it was because if we were honest, we are brought up in a society where it's not normal.

: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Recently a few of my friends (no names) have had flings/relationships/one night stands with guys 2,3 or 4 years younger than them and had a lot of stick for it. If they had had this relationship with someone the same sex as themselves and had had the same amount of stick for it, it would be homophobic and socially wrong to mock them. Yet, being an older female seems to be reason enough to be mocked.

It's always an awkward one really, the topic of age differences in relationships. Regardless of which way round the gap is. Who can forget that 16-year-old girl who married that 51-year-old. (Turns out their names are Doug Hutchison and Courtney Alexis Stodden, to be honest, I don't think anyone cared, they were just fascinated by that age gap.) And of course Anna Nicole Smith and her 63 years her senior, billionaire husband.

: "Normal" for the man to be older?

But as I said before....times are changing. In the celebrity world recently we have had Kutcher/Moore as already discussed but also many other celebrity couples where the age gap has been controversially, the 'wrong' way round. My favourite celebrity Kim Kardashian was with Kris Humphries, 4 years her junior. Nowhere Boy lead actor Aaron Johnson who is currently 21 got married at the ripe age of 19 to his girlfriend Sam Taylor-Wood who was 42 at the time, they now have 2 daughters together. And of course those of you from Britain probably got wind of One Direction's Harry Styles' romance with Caroline Flack. For those of you who haven't heard of this, it caused a storm not only because he was 15 years younger than her but also because he was only 17. This was seen as bizarre as, in many people's eyes, he isn't even legally considered an adult yet.

: Flack and Styles

: Taylor-Wood and Johnson

As I said, I think that in the Western world, whether we would like to admit it or not, we are brought up to think that a woman being older in a relationship is 'wrong'. But I think that with everything that is changing in society, and with celebrities leading the way through example, that this view is only bound to change. And I think this change is already underway. Born is the day of the cougar.

Cyber Sexy Time

2012-01-31T15:14:00.000+00:00

Since the swinging 60s, sex has evolved leaps and bounds. For generations, sex was a topic of taboo and outrage. For years the flash of the female knee in public was often seen as grotesquely inappropriate and cleavage simply didn't exist, apart from the in dirty back lanes of bigger cities.

What a change there has been since then. In 50 years the face of sex across the world has completely changed. No longer is Bettie Page or Playboy Magazine the centre focus of an uproar about sexual decency. Whether we like it or not, it is undeniable that sex is everywhere.

Photographs of half naked male and female models, singers, sports people, movie stars, or just any regular person can be seen in magazines, television, books, sides of buses, adverts on the Underground, in music videos, the list goes on. This has all becoming more and more common since the late 1950s. Something that is - relatively speaking - very new on the scene is, cyber sex.

Sex through the aid of technology has become possible to the masses really in just the past 10-15 years. Now I'm not talking about watching porn and what people do whilst watching it. Porn has been around for years. And I mean, YEARS. Paintings on pots, and drawings on cave walls depicting all kinds of sexual fantasies or stories are thousands of years old. However actually climaxing (or trying to) with a partner through the aid of technology is a whole other ball game.

E-mails and text messages were the first way this came into play. Unlike the old-fashioned love letters that were really received far too far apart to be able to be much use for us sexually, e-mails and text messaging offered an alternative to this.

Then shortly after came the camera phone and with it, "sexting" quickly became common place for most of us. Apparently 70% of people aged 18-25 have admitted to taking part in it in some form or another, from a raunchy text or a naughty photograph. Then with webcams and internet etcetcetcetc...it almost became unavoidable.

In some situations I would say that cybersex is saving relationships. If your partner has to spend a lot of time away from home for work, or it's a long distance situation, or maybe even if your partner is in the forces - it provides some way for you to keep the most intimate parts of your relationship going in this absence.

However it is also ruining relationships. My concern is that people who are sending images to other who they can't fully trust. Once you have sent a picture - it's out there. You have to be able to trust that they aren't going to send it on *cough*AshleyCole*cough*. If you decide to film yourself, be doubly careful that this doesn't leak as I have read that it can be near impossible to have it taken down if it has been uploaded to the internet. I checked and there is a whole porn website devoted to ex-girlfriend sex tapes. So please be careful. Much as I love all of my friends, I don't really wanna be seeing any of you like that.

A Simple(wo)man's Guide to Dating

2012-01-23T18:50:00.000+00:00

So I have been on a lot of dates in the past few months and some of them have certainly been better than others. Not just because of the chosen activity, but a lot of it has been down to the company and their chat...or lack there of.

SOME of these dates have been literally unbearable. One I literally just left. Terrible - I know but I'd never been in a situation before or since when I had wholeheartedly wanted the floor to suck me up.

At the time some of this was, yes, INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. But I can laugh about it now. I can even blog about it. I thought it would be fun - and beneficial to both sexes - for me to write down what I would consider to be the serious do's and don'ts of those first few dates that you initially go on in the "getting to know you" - stage.

Please feel free to let me know of any you would consider to be equally as crucial.

WGAJSMB's Basic Guide to Dating

Don't1. Get a text from your date saying she's going to be 15min late and reply saying, "don't worry, take your time" but THEN, be such a moody bastard that 5minutes later you send an angry text declaring that "you were taking your fucking time so I went home"...to Helensburgh, having just driven for 45mins to get to the date in the first place. THEN send a text saying, "it wasn't your fault, you are amazing, I was just in a bad mood". It will make your date assume you are bi-polar/slightly mental/you will be incredibly lucky if you hear from her again.

2. Take her to a bar that you know to be one of the busiest and loudest bars in the city centre only to speak so quietly that after 20minutes of strained conversation she's so sick of having to lip-read that she suggests going to the cinema.

3. Lie about your age. Okay I know that some people whilst on a night out may lie about their age. I know certainly that when I was 16/17 I said I was 18. If you are 35 and say you are 30 in a club, this is kind of acceptable if you have no plans on seeing that person again. However, don't continue this lie on into the 2nd date when your date asks a question that clearly reveals your age. She will then realise you are closer to her mums age than hers. Que swift exit.

4. Spend the whole night being a moody prick. You don't have to have a smile plastered across your face the whole time but don't spend the entire time criticising the food and the drinks and the restaurant. At least crack a smile or show some sort of sign that you have a soul when I point on the Des from Capital FM is sitting at the table next to us.

5. Chat up/check out other women on the date. This hasn't actually ever happened to me. But I have had a friend where the guy seemed to find it fully acceptable to chat up just about anyone who walked past. She ended up leaving.

6. Get too serious on date one. Your birthday is in a few weeks? You are visiting extended family up north for it? That's cool. Oh, now you're inviting me to come with you too? Your grans going to be there? Oh, you've told her about me?...I think I just saw a cab with its light on.

7. Disagree with EVERYTHING I say. I know that opposites attract and all that. And an intellectual debate on a date is good in my books, shows not only that you are intelligent but that you also have opinions. Fine. Getting to the point where you are even disputing my choice in cocktail. Not fine. Just annoying. There is a fine line between opinionated and just being a dickhead. And you just crossed it.

8. Wear the same clothes every single time. A while back I dated a guy a couple times, think we went out 3 or 4 times? Anyway. He apparently had a wardrobe that consisted entirely of Canterbury jogging bottoms and a Snoopy top. Not saying you need to come in your Sunday best to a date, the jogging bottoms were even fine the first time as it was a chilled out date. But four times in a row, no matter the activity? That's just a huge lack of effort.

9. Use the words, "babe, "hun", "misses" etc. These are terms of endearment that are fine to use once you are with someone, or even on occasion in the first couple dates. Using them as every third word however, will not suffice. For one, it makes you sound ever so simple. It also makes me wonder if you can actually remember my name. And I'm all for casual dating but also makes me think how many other "hun"'s you have kicking about.

10. Disappear. Again, this happened to a friend of mine. They went out for drinks and got on well. He was going out that night so invited her. She said she'd need to nip home to change her shoes and grab a different bag etc. He drove her home. She went in and changed. She came out. He had gone. Whata weirdo.

11. Sometimes it really is better if you say nothing at all. It's okay if you go on a date and there's not that "click" that everyone would like. Your date may be attractive, intelligent, funny but for whatever reason you aren't feeling it. Be pleasant, but don't say things you don't mean. If you are thinking that, lovely as your date is - you don't want to see them again. That's fine. What's not fine is to shower them in compliments and talk about what you are going to do in future dates etc. I believe it's called, false hope. And really its just mean and confusing.

And, finally, just for good measure.

12. Wrong name me. It's happened. This happened to me when I was with an ex when I was 17. The same day that he asked me out we went for drinks with people we worked with, he got slightly tipsy and called me Christina. When I said, that's not my name his response? "Well I don't know how to pronounce it". I should have seen what was coming really...

Do (a lot more simple and less of them):

1. Compliment your date. Compliments go a long way and let's be honest, further down the road they may benefit you too. If you get my jist...

2. Be original. If she says, "you pick the place", this does not constitute as a "let's go to Nando's". You have been warned.

3. Listen AND talk. I have been on dates that have been on both sides of this extreme. One guy who seemed to think that everything he said was pure gold. I left knowing about every tiny detail of his life, whereas he probably couldn't even tell you where I was studying. On the other hand I've had others who ask so many questions but then give you the shortest answers when you ask them something.

4. Avoid the topic of ex's. Do this at least for the first date, to be honest, try to hold of for as long as possible is probably your best bet. Operate a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

5. If you are interested, show you are interested! But then, in relation to what i said before - don't freak her out with it. We don't expect an engagement ring on date one.

Some of these may seem very basic indeed but I think you would be very surprised.

All it really comes down to is two people trying to be as close is humanly possible to being civil, polite, honest, interesting and fun for a couple hours of their lives. A lot harder than it may seem apparently.

Gay, Straight, Bi, Trans, Asexual, Monogamy, Polygamy...Come Again?!

2012-01-18T03:02:00.000+00:00

People are obsessed!!

Okay, so I have to admit. To write this blog I probably do read an above average amount of magazine/newspaper articles, watch t.v., and talk to friends about sex and relationships. But STILL. It seems that recently everyone is getting very into all this labelling stuff.

I'm not one to shy away from this topic of conversation but fucking hell!! I never knew there were so many options! Even I'm left feeling ever so slightly confused.

This BBC sex season that is in full swing right now has my head swimming. In case you have missed them - or haven't had access to them here's a brief fill-in for you. Turns out there are some mental placenta munching, home-schooling, risk-taking, over-working, nappy-free, obsessive baby-making mothers out there. Who produce kids that could grow up wanting to be the gender that they aren't, or maybe get with the sex that they are, whilst also simultaneously getting with the sex they aren't in a polyamorous, bisexual, sex-exploring, webcam using, promiscuous "she's not my girlfriend", non-relationship, relationship. Got it? Good.

On top of all of this, shows like The Sex Education Show and How Sex Works seem to utter the word chlamydia, every 10 minutes or so. We get it. The pill is good, but condoms are better.

Anyone else feel like after all these shows they had a serious case of mind-fuck? What happened to the good old days when people just dated and you had to figure out sex with a biology textbook? I feel like I, of all people, am becoming less and less liberal with each of these shows that I watch. Mainly out of sheer bafflement than anything else.

People can now be born one gender and decide that, naaaah, you know what? I don't want to be a boy, lets change my penis into a vagina. Done. (Maybe a SLIGHTLY dumbed down version of the truth - it's done for dramatic effect.)

There is now even a reality game show like The Bachelorette (is that what it was called?!), called Playing It Straight, but the woman has the thankless task of having to choose between a bunch of gay and straight men to date. I've seen so many transsexual men, and "men's men" gay guys in the past couple of weeks that I feel I will need to do a frisk test and psycho-analysis next time I meet a 'guy' in a club. Just to be sure of course...

But why do we even care? Okay. So it makes great t.v. But all this labelling? I don't even really care WHAT someone is, or isn't...or might be. I'm even confusing myself now.

I now know things that I didn't even know there was to know. But the information is a total overload. Par exemple, did you know a gay guy can apparently be either a "top", "bottom" or "versatile" (figure it out). Now there's a gem that - depending on your sexual preference - you may not have wanted to know. A gift from me to you.

The weird/worrying thing is, that instead of coming away from it thinking, "condoms are amazing" (the message I'm sure most of these shows are trying to promote). I find myself thinking things like, "I wonder if I could make myself gay". "What would happen if I suggested to the guy I'm seeing that we pop another girl in the bed?" "I wonder what I'd look like if I turned into a man." These thoughts last for a few minutes before I come back into reality and realise, I don't want these things - it's just the t.v. doing the thinking.

Asides from the good t.v. aspect though why is it there? Is it for us to ponder our own sexual orientation at 9pm every night? Is it for us to think "oooh, there's an app to find other horny, single people in the area *click download*"? Or is it just for us to become more aware of what our options are? Maybe people who have a feeling they aren't "normal", will figure out from watching these shows, what - of the many, many categories - it is that they fall into. (If they do, there are so many categories I'm beginning to think no one 'falls' into any of them.) I can only assume that it's the latter. Either that or the producer of BBCThree is just on overdrive right now.

This media outlet is good in the sense of raising awareness about all these types of ways of living your sex life - making you feel that there is no "correct" way. This - I like. It's very refreshing.

That said. It's been an overload recently. (ESPECIALLY the up close and personal pictures of genital warts - there is a time and a place and neither of these is on my t.v. screen, thanks.) Also, maybe if they could make the programmes once a week rather than once a day...just a suggestion.

As liberating and refreshing it is, much more of this gender/sexual orientation, crazy sex life chat and I feel I may become dazed and confused with my many options. I will have no choice but to hold the BBC personally responsible for my arrest at some top-secret, rave-esque, sex orgy party in the undergrounds of London, wondering - in a state of utter bewilderment and euphoria - how the hell I got there.

[caption id="attachment_213" align="aligncenter" width="195" caption="A swimming cap and egg timer clearly does it for some people. Each to their own."][/caption]

For those of you who missed any of the shows recently here's the one's I can recall:
Playing it Straight
How Sex Works
Cherry Healey: Like a Virgin
Websex: Whats the Harm?
The Sex Researchers
The Sex Education Show
The Joy of Teen Sex
My Daughter: The Teenage Nudist
My Transexual Summer...etcetc
And they say Britain is the most sexualised Western country. Can't possibly see why...

Serial Relationships - Bad For The Soul.

2012-01-16T00:31:00.000+00:00

Have you ever relationship hopped? Don't pretend like you don't know what I mean...going straight from one relationship and into another one. Some of those among us are serial relationshipers - they boy/girlfriend hop. (I love Kim Kardashian but she is definitely guilty of this - at 30 says she wants to be single and by 31 is married and divorced again. Oops.) Now, the result of doing this can be debated. Some argue that doing this never gives the person time to get over the last person, and that surely they are just doing this to never be alone. And therefore, how much can they actually like each person they are dating one after the other in such quick succession?

I am almost convinced, that this type of dating is no good. I've done it once when I was 17, was dumped and maybe out of frustration, anger or maybe just to purely prove to my ex that I was definitely, 100%, dateable - I started to date the new guy just 3 days after the break up. Error. The new relationship lasted just about as long as the one before it and I never had that necessary, relationship "grieving" period. Doomed from the start possibly.

Maybe for this reason it makes me biased. But partly as a result of this and partly from observation of people I know, I reckon that this type of dating - if done on a serial basis - can make a wonderfully wonderful person, a weak, blubbering mess. Let me explain.

By dating in this way you aren't leaving any time for yourself to be...yourself. What is the need to continuously having someone else to justify you, make you happy and rely upon? There is none.

Now I know, I know, before any of you say it - there are other reasons to be in a relationship other than the ones that I just said, but they are three biggies. I personally think that you NEED that time by yourself, even if it is just to remind yourself that you can be all those things by yourself.

Friends of mine that come out of relationships tend to go one of two ways:
1) They remain single for a while - usually through choice - and take the break up surprisingly well. They have more time and energy to catch up with friends and family that may have drifted and just generally seem to get on with things.
2) Or, they malfunction, cripple and fail. They genuinely don't seem to be able to comprehend why the world hasn't ended, and why the apocalypse isn't in full swing. They become either obsessed with getting the newly-ex back, OR finding a replacement asap (especially if they were dumped in favour of someone new). This replacement need not be "good enough for them", but just adoring of them in general and someone they can call their girl/boyfriend. Someone they can whap onto their Facebook as being "In a Relationship" with. They tend to also forget that they have spent the majority of their life single (at least at my age) and that they were fit, well and surviving previous to said relationship starting.

So why the change? Love? PLEASE. For a start, I would say that in most people's lifetimes they are in love more than once. Yes, they may marry just one of them (or not as the case may be), but I think marriage also has a lot to do with timing as well as love... Anyway, I digress. There are now 7 billion people in the world, if you honestly believe that there is just "The One" for you well...gooooooood luck finding that one in 7 billion. Statistically I have read that there are actually more like an estimated 30,000 people on the planet who would be suitable for you. So chill out - you will find another one of those few thousand again soon.

And you know what, until you do - just enjoy it ! Believe me - I know that a break up is tough, we have all been there. But when you can - savour the single life. You will have plenty of time when you get a mortgage and children to be in one of those relationships you so crave.

Is Facebook Ruining Relationships?

2012-01-12T19:26:00.000+00:00

With the number of us using online social networking sites rising there have been debates as to whether or not sites such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace are, in fact hindering relationships rather than helping them. Now I'm not going to go all statistical on you, nor am I going to delve too deeply into whether or not sites like this are good for our social skills. I am however going to put this question to you: Do you think that Facebook and Twitter are putting strain on romantic relationships?

There are a few reasons as to why I feel that the answer could be, yes...

If I meet a guy, and we decide to go on a date, or are even just texting, I will usually look to see if he has a Facebook, or ask him if he does. If his page is private, that's fair game (but annoying), and I will drop it. If however if you can see stuff on it you tend to take a quick look around. Instantly you can see if you have friends in common, what he does, if he's been at Uni, if he's gone travelling etcetcetc the list goes on.

Now. I know that I am certainly not alone in this. I know that my friends often do the same, whether it be with a guy, new work colleague or whatever. This is commonly referred to as; "having a Facebook perv". We all do it - let's be honest.

The amount of times however that I have met a guy whilst out, texted a bit, seen his Facebook and then changed my mind about them completely...I fail to count. Maybe I'm too judgemental, or "too picky" like my sister would say, but I often write off perfectly decent guys based on their Facebook. Half the time I probably couldn't even tell you why.

That is obviously ruining a relationship that is yet to even happen. But what about people who are in one, what's Facebook doing to them? I know from personal experience, gossip with friends, stories about friends' of a friend and reading magazines that a lot of shit can go down in relationships when Facebook gets involved. Reading your other half's texts is one thing, but if, somehow, you get access to their Facebook account. Fucking hell. WHOLE other kettle of fish.

Instead of now just being able to see text conversations, or phone calls received, you have a backstage access all areas pass to the social communication that they are having. Even if they aren't an avid Facebooker you can see EVERYTHING. Especially now with this whole timeline business. A couple of clicks and you can go back to that year your current boy/girlfriend was with their ex. I think Zuckerburg should have considered this before creating such a wonderful stalking tool (but then again, there is a pretty high chance he has had minimal contact with the opposite sex).

For example, did you know, if you go into your inbox and click on any conversation with a friend and just start scrolling upwards, you can see every conversation you have had with them. Yes. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. And not just since Facebook started saving your conversations into your inbox, nono. From the very beginning. I did it the other day and I can still see conversations I was having with my friends at school in 2007. Weird.

Put this into relationship context. If your current boy/girlfriend knows your Facebook password they can see all conversations you have ever had with any of your ex's. Ever. If you are re-using the same romantic dribble you used on your ex, sending them the same songs that remind you of them etc, they will find out. Scary.

The amount of times a current partner must have looked at their other halfs Facebook and seen something they don't like is, I would imagine, a shit load. The amount of conversations I have had with friends trying to reassure them that "it's probably not what it looks like" is, again, a shit load. The amount of times that I have known couples to break up, whether it be permanently or temporarily, or have a HUGE argument because of the content of conversations, pictures, friends they have on Facebook is sufficiently more than - a shit load.

So why do we do it? When we know that rarely, anything good is going to come of it. Back it the good ol' days of yesteryear, (well actually even just 10 years ago) we simply didn't have these types of problems. Whether or not being friends with an ex on Facebook or Twitter was okay or not was simply not an issue. Phones then could only store about 10 text messages at a time, so that too - not an issue.

Why can't we just leave it alone? Let it play out, without the obsessive compulsive checking of Facebook and Twitter pages to check to see if a prospective date is 'normal' or if our partner has deleted their ex off of their friends list yet. It's killing the romance. I'm guilty of "Facebook perving" too but one of my New Year's resolutions is quite simply - not to be. I vow, next time I meet someone, despite the huge urge that I'm sure there will be, Thou Shalt Not Facebook Search A Prospective Date. Promise...

Sugardaddy Dating

2012-01-08T19:26:00.000+00:00

How DARE Cosmopolitan slip into my head and steal my ideas for a blog post!! I jest. But still. They did. Irritating.

I'm going to pretend that I didn't read this months Cosmo and the article about being paid for dates and sex and carry on...

Sugardaddy dating is becoming somewhat of a phenomena in the past few years. With the use of the internet, Sugardaddy events are becoming increasingly popular. Along with Sugardaddy dating sites.

There are several dating websites these days that cater to the "sugardaddy" dating scene. Just to make sure no one here assumes anything - when I wrote my first blog post about online dating I can ASSURE you that I was not referring to being a member of a sugardaddy dating site. I mean, I live in the wrong place, everyone on those sites lives in New York anyway...lol jkz bbz. (Well, not really the New York post stated that out of 800,000 members on one site that 100,000 lived in New York state).

Some of these sites include: sugardaddie.com, sugarsugar.com, sugardaddybabes.com, sugardaddydatingwebsite.com and, the most popular - seekingarrangement.com. Just to give you some sort of basic knowledge about how it works (if you haven't already guessed). A "Sugardaddy", is a well off man who can have any marital status who, for whatever reason, seeks a no strings attached relationship with a woman. He is usually the older guy figure. He seeks to find a, "Sugarbaby" who is an attractive younger woman, willing to go on dates with her "Sugardaddy" as well as fulfill a "NSA" sexual relationship. The guys usually pay for membership, whereas the women don't. Really - you need to go on some of these websites and read their descriptions, some of the wording they use is HILARIOUS.

The basis of this type of dating, as far as the women are concerned is, of course, money. If you have a look around a couple of the sites you will see that most either state how much the man earns, or how much he would be willing to give his "Sugarbaby" per week/month/visit. This figure can go into the thousands or can even simply say "will pay rent in full". Thus, having the guy you're shagging becoming your guarantor. How lovely. Bet that would raise a couple of eyebrows in ESPC.

If I'm honest, (which, on this, I always strive to be), I don't know how I feel about this sort of arrangement. I do know a few things; personally sleeping with someone for money is something I couldn't do. Regardless of whether or not they were my age or older. Also, despite the fact that I'm a student and the type of money that some of those guys are offering could put me in good stead for post-graduation after sleeping with them for just a couple months is oh so, very very tempting. I still wouldn't be able to do it.

Do I think that this type of arrangement is degrading to women? Do I think the total opposite? Again. If I'm honest - I don't know! For a start, whenever I see any type of question I automatically start weighing up the for and against arguments in my head. Four years at University doing Politics will do that to you. But also, I think, like most things, it totally depends on the people involved and each and every one of their individual situations.

Some of these women are, yes, probably nymphos. I am sure there will be a few of those flying about within that 800,000 count. Who aren't too bothered about who they are having sex with, so in that case, why not get the guy to buy you expensive gifts. I mean if you're going to do it regardless...

Then there are those who probably look at it with a business mind on. A means to an end. I mean, in America some universities there can cost $50,000 a year, on fees alone. After accommodation, books, trips and living expenses the costs could go up another 50% on top of that. Despite America being The Land of Dreams and all that, not everyone has that kinda money. So, if you were an American female student who needed a lot of money to get through University and had this option of making that money rather than graduating with possibly a quarter of a million dollars in debts - would YOU sleep with some guy who could pay for a substantial bulk of it for you? Those of you who said no, I think you might be lying.

In some ways, yes it is sad to think that women can make more money sleeping with these guys and going on dates with them then having any sort of part-time job. This in itself is degrading - that they have to use their bodies to make a decent wage.

However on the other hand you can think this. Even 50 years ago would this have been possible? Rich guys then would just have expected women to sleep with them. No payment involved. If the woman resisted, chances are they would have been worn down through some means. If sex had been forced upon them, the odds in those days of anything ever coming of it if they reported it - are very much against them. Yet now in this situation it would seem that women - who aren't wandering street corners - can demand payment. Liberating in a sense.

So do I judge these women? I'm not sure if I do. They are obviously willing and heck, in some cases, making a luxurious living out of what most of us do for free.

I also wonder if guys would sign up if some sort of "Cougarmama" dating scheme was set up? (Let's be honest, it probably already exists.) There would probably be less controversy surrounding this reversal of roles as well.

I'm not saying that we should all consider making a living through payment for sexual favours. And I'm certainly not saying that I could do it. However I think that if executed well, some of these women may be onto something. A lot of women marry some old withered
penis
man for money and beautiful things. So why not do this but without the inconvenience of the fake marriage and inevitable divorce?

http://www.seekingarrangement.com/ - just for your reference...

Fun = Fucking

2012-01-03T16:44:00.000+00:00

First off - Happy New Years everyone! Hope that you had a good one, for the first time I actually had a very good night which was nice.

Anyway. Task at hand - sex.

This blog starts again with a series of texts I received (this should serve as a warning to all guys, if you text or BBM me some piggish crap, expect to see it here). They were from a friend who I keep meaning to meet for drinks but one or other of us keeps cancelling. Also note worthy - we have never slept together, kissed or had any romantic involvement. So here's the text conversation that sparked rage:

Him: When I'm back in Glasgow you wanna get that drink finally? X
Me: Okay x
Him: Ye have some drinks n some fun :P I'll text you when I'm back x x
[Note the no reply]
Him: That's if your up for some fun x x
Me: By that do you just mean sex?
Him: Not definite no. Just kissing n other stuff n maybe lead to that if it works out like that. No pressure xx
[Note. No reply.]
Him: Is that alright? X
Me: Well I don't really know what you mean
Him: So you don't fancy any fun then x
Me: I do but why do guys think "fun" has to constitute as sex things
Him: Haha don't worry won't be any pressure to do stuff just a possibility x
[Again, no reply from me]
Him: Anyway I'll let you know when I'm back x x

Sorry - that was longer typed out than I thought it would be. Anyway. What the actual fuck.

First off, "just a possibility". Oh I'M sorry, have I given you some sort of impression from NEVER HAVING KISSED YOU BEFORE, that that's what I'm after from you?!

Secondly. "Haha don't worry". I'm not fucking worried mate. I'm not some all holy, virtuous Mother Teresa. I HAVE had sex before. The thought of sex doesn't worry me. The thought of however some guy who I've barely had any connection with, let alone a romantic one thinking that he can just shove the idea of sex on the table and that be okay - THAT scares me.

And lastly, "so you don't fancy any fun then?" Are you serious?! Fuck RIGHT off love. Yes. Believe it or not, like most people, I like to have fun. I like seeing my friends, I like going out, I like doing things that I enjoy. But oh yeah, you're right. Cos I don't wanna get naked in front of you I CLEARLY don't "fancy" any fun.

It's like I was saying in an earlier blog - to guys, women seem to either only be able to be whores or prudes with absolutely no in-between. This situation adds fuel to this fire. This guy is obviously trying to make out like I am no fun and therefore make me feel I have to prove myself to him. And what better way to do this than to have some lighthearted, no strings attached, sex with him?! How IDEAL !!

Just because a girl doesn't want to have sex with you after some flirty text messages or chat at a bar, doesn't make her boring. Revolutionary I realise. Calling her no fun, a prude or boring is really not going to help you either. You lost. Move on. Stop being a sore loser.

I really hope that he reads this and if you are - I will have you know that I am great fun. And you know what, nine times out of ten when I AM having fun - I am fully clothed...Dick'ed.

We All Just Date The Same Person Over And Over

2011-12-26T22:34:00.000+00:00

What's your type? Apparently we are all meant to have one as this question is chimed all over the world from friend to friend, lover to lover, dater to datee. But why do we have to have, "a type"? Can't we just feel it out as we go along? Maybe NOT having a type is, in many ways, better.

When asked, "so, what do you look for?" has anyone ever given a truly honest answer to this? Surely most people respond with something along the lines of,
"Well, someone who I'm attracted to, who can make me laugh, intelligent, polite, easy to get along with..."
SNORE! It's the generic answer. If we were being honest this list might instead include traits such as, "not a wanker", "amazing in bed", "won't decide every night, that seeing friends is better than seeing me", "someone I can introduce to my judgemental friends with a sense of ease". No. Pretty, smart and funny will apparently suffice.

The people who live up to these traits seems to be...well...everybody. I am yet to have a friend describe to me the new boy/girl in their life as, "he/she is a fat, ugly dickhead, who's as sharp as a spoon and the only one laughing at their own jokes". Thinking about it though, I'd be rather interested to meet them if they were described to me in that way. Anyway, that aside, my point here is that all of these traits are very much up to interpretation. That is to say - every partner of my friends I have had described to me has not, by any means, been the attractive, intelligent, hilarious person they were made out to be in the advertisement to me.

But despite the inevitable clichés in the response to the question of, "what's your type?" Maybe it would be better if we didn't have any sort of pre-conceived ideas of what our future mate is to be like. I come to this conclusion for a couple of reasons:

1) It means that, without noticing, we could be writing people off right from the get-go without giving them a second thought when, who knows, it COULD have led to something more.
2) If we are in the position of having to wonder "who's my type", I think it's safe to say that you are therefore single. Most single people have been in a relationship before, but for whatever reason - these have failed. Maybe, due to the ideas we all have about what makes a suitable mate - we are choosing the same type of person over and over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, this is why the relationships keep failing.

Is it possible that due to the ideas we already have about who we want to date, that we are just dating the same person over and over. The same guy/girl, just in a different, new, shiny wrapper. Without changing any of our specifics are we getting involved in a relationship time and time again that is just doomed?

I myself have probably been guilty of doing this. From the offset, I have been told by a lot of people that I am "too picky". I tend to automatically (embarrassing to admit), skip over the guys that I don't think are amazingly attractive. Shallow? Maybe, but my view is - the initial attraction has to be there. If you don't have the want to see them naked - what's the point?

But beyond that, I seem to have a pretty clear picture in my head of what I would like any future boyfriend to look like. But why? It's not worked before so why should it work this time around.

I'm not saying that we should all date that creepy guy who seems interested but who looks about as appealing to date as Berlusconi. I am however saying that maybe we should broaden our horizons. Maybe we shouldn't write people off as soon as we realise they don't fall into the usual crowd that we tend to go for. It could turn into a beautiful beautiful thing...or it could crash and burn. Either way - we won't know until we try.

P.S. Totally off-topic, but I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas yesterday :)

'Coming of Age' Really So Important?

2011-12-20T19:11:00.000+00:00

First off - sorry for not writing in a while. I wish I could boast and say that its due to the immense amounts of work I have been doing on my dissertation...no, more like I've very much gotten into the Christmas spirit of doing little - asides from using the Radio Times Christmas issue to plan my days around.

Anyway. As Christmas gets closer, as like every year (not surprisingly), as does my birthday. Having a birthday 3 days after Christmas and 3 days before New Years (the 28th for those of you who can't figure that one out) is possibly THEE WORST day to have a birthday. Thanks mum and dad. Couldn't keep it in your pants a couple weeks longer, no?

Friends are all over the place. Going home, seeing family, eating the mounds of chocolate they got from old relatives on Christmas. Everyone is psyching themselves up and saving up for the ever over-rated New Years.

All this aside, I come to my point. I'm turning 21. I've heard its pretty much a big deal. But I'm not really sure why. So far the only difference I've noticed is that people want to get me more expensive presents. Maybe I shouldn't question it...

Now I don't live in America...anymore...unfortunately. So is there really much that I can't do now that I will be able to do a week from tomorrow?? This is the pitiful list I managed to muster:
- Car insurance may become cheaper (with some companies)
- I can drive a lorry and other big vehicles
- Teach people to drive
- Run for local election
- Get hold of any money dead relatives have left you on the condition of getting the pay out once you're 21
- Rent a car (but still pay more until you're 25)
- Drink if you go on holiday to America
- I can drink at the very few bars or clubs in the UK that only let in people aged 21
- In my case, I will graduate at 21
I feel this list is grabbing at straws.

Historically, you would no longer be the legal obligation of your parents (unless you were female and married before 21, in which case you would be the legal issue of the said man). It USED to be the age you could vote. I guess its kinda the age when if you announce you are having a baby or a wedding, its largely socially acceptable now. Big whopty do.

Try googling why its important. Seriously. It's apparently the only question that even Google doesn't have the answer to. The only relatively informative piece of information I could find on the internet said that historically (and I'm talking proper Dark Ages) the 1st birthday was so important as most children didn't make it there. Thus the twenty-ONE rather than just twenty. 'Coming of age' also used to be the age of 12, when a man was considered old enough to marry and have children (creepy). This age was chosen also, as 12 was pretty much middle age, with most people in the world not living longer than 30. As such the 'coming of age' number rose and rose as life expectancy grew.

Based on this logic I'm assuming it froze at 21 some time ago, as if it's considered middle-aged I am officially depressed.

Ultimately - we don't really know why we make such a big deal out of turning 21. Or why we are now seen to be a whole load more responsible. If I've been able to legally have sex for the past 5 years - with either sex. Drive for 4 years and drink for 3, as well as having been at uni for 3 and a half years whats the biggy?

That said, now that you all know when my birthday is and that it IS in fact the big 2-1, all gifts are warmly welcomed.

Drunken Texting Should Be Illegal.

2011-12-11T19:17:00.000+00:00

Going out, drinking and mobile phones. Three things that really - should NEVER be mixed. Its lethal. I'm beginning to think that - like texting while driving - texting whilst drunk should be illegal with an on-the-spot fine if caught.

I am willing to put money on the majority of the people reading this having sent drunk text messages/made drunken phone calls/left drunken voicemail messages (arguably the WORST form of drunken tom-foolery). It's embarrassing. Plus who wants to wake up thinking,
"Shit I was drunk last night. Fuuuucking hell my head hurts...ohmigawd don't try and stand up that makes it worse...I need a gallon of water or I will die. I wonder if I could just stay in bed forever. Wow my purse/wallet is empty, AND I have credit card receipts. Fantastic...OH DEAR LORD I called [insert worst ex's/bosses/parents/friends/enemies name here] last night?? Fuck this for a laugh I'm definitely not going anywhere today or talking to anyone. Kill me."

It has happened to the best of us. If it has happened to you I think you will agree that it is possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially if its just calls that you have made, you have seen they have lasted longer than a couple of minutes and you have NO idea if you were talking to them or their answering machine and regardless of which one you were talking to - what on EARTH were you saying?!

Friendships can be lost. Relationships suffer. Truths spilt. Lies told and fanciful feelings slurred. Its an embarrassment.

I was out last weekend down in the South of England for a friends birthday. All was good and well and I was having a great time. BUT. I didn't seem to think that a couple of Kopparbergs and three quarters of my 70cl of vodka before I left was enough, I had god knows what else in the club - needless to say, I don't remember much past getting out the taxi. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to a BBM message to one of my friends professing my feelings to them. Megafuckinghugecringe.

I laughed it off. He did too but oh dear lord lets just hope its not awkward next time I see him.

Why do we do it?!?! Surely there is some part of our brain telling our drunken selves that this is what we want to do. It's almost like we become possessed by some horrible, evil being who wants us to be ridiculed in our sober lives. Fuck off!! Not necessary.

The worst part is the drunken "I looovee yoooooooou SO much" answer machine messages. Ever left one of those? Or left a message about how drunk you are? And then had your friend play it back to you whilst holding back tears of laughter the next day. Oh hoho, yes very funny now please delete that. Oh. No. You're playing it again. Wonderful.

Its an unnecessary evil. But fear not I have figured out a few ways of tackling this crisis:
1) Don't bring your phone out with you. Simples. (Sometimes not practical though if you need to keep in touch with someone)
2) Clubs should have a cloakroom and a phoneroom. Yes. A place where, when you get into the club you can check your phone into and leave it for the duration of your stay, picking it up as you leave OR if you're too drunk - the next day.
3) Have two phones. Have your day-to-day fancy phone, Blackberry, iPhone etc and then a cheapy one for evenings. On this cheapy phone you will just have essential numbers programmed in, taxis, and the numbers of the friends you are out with that night. This will solve two problems - drunken messaging AND if you lose it, who cares, its cheap.
4) The best possible solution to this problem -
A phone that knows when you are too drunk to operate it and just shuts down. It would be ingenious and I would definitely want one. Now I'm not talking about it stopping working once you are above the drink-drive limit as that's only a few drinks. I mean that this phone would somehow be able to sense that you are totally out for the count and really, with the level of alcohol in your system, should be hospitalised. As such it would only be able to make 999 calls and let you operate Angry Birds and Doodle Jump.

I know that this is far-fetched but they are apparently making cars that won't start if you are above the safety limit so it could be possible. Plus 10 years ago we wouldn't have known we could have phones that do what most of our phones do now.

Ultimately all that I'm putting forward is this:
Drunken texting. There should REALLY be an app for that.

What's Your Number?...Who Fucking Cares?!

2011-12-09T16:15:00.000+00:00

Once you have been dating someone for a little while the inevitable question tends to arise - what's your number? This question usually seems to asked whilst in bed so is basically asking, "how many other people have you been in this exact same situation with?"

But why do we care? We have all been guilty of asking that question at some point to a partner, but really - what does it matter? We also all judge the response, whether we are aware of it or not.

I've judged people for the number being too low and too high. Surely if it's too long there's something wrong with him? But if its too high then he's just a slut who sleeps around without thought or care. The strange thing is, is that I don't even know what I would consider to be a "normal" number. What number am I actually expecting for them to come up with? 4? 14? 30? 100? More?? Really why do we ask in the first place? It NEVER ends well.

People tend not to keep track of how many people they have kissed (and really in our generation after Freshers week and Uni in general, I doubt most of us know). So why is the number of how many people you have had sex with seen as so important??

It's almost like we are having to prove our sexual worth to our partner. And, if we are female, that we are experienced but not so much so that we are deemed a 'whore' and therefore fall into non-girlfriend territory.

This doesn't seem to be the case with men, I think when girls ask this question as I said before, are looking for the middle ground. They want to feel 'special' but also don't want to be with a near-virgin (surely if your a virgin in your 20s there's something wrong with you??)

But really what does it matter? Long gone are the days of no sex before marriage. People don't get married in their late teens and early twenties anymore - the peak of sexual discovery. In fact the entire trend of marriage altogether is in decline. So if you aren't hurting anyone (including yourself) where is the problem?

Sex is to be enjoyed. It took us decades to realise this it would seem. Most people now aged 60ish or over who have slept with more than one person would probably feel embarrassed to admit this. But with the pill coming into common use in the UK in the 1970s and the condom widely available, it really is entirely possible to enjoy sex without the dirty business of babies and infections afterwards.

Plus no one tells the truth anyway. There's the golden rule explained in one of the American Pie movies (the second one I think) - guys times their number by three, and girls divide it by three. Naturally. Girls would probably largely fall into 'whore' category if they didn't. We should all just adopt a universal don't ask, don't tell policy. Most of the time we don't like the response and really there are more important things to be worrying about.

For example - I don't know about you but rather than how many girl's he's had in the sack, I think I would rather know if my partner was riddled with aids or had a string of babies lying in his pre-me sex life.

Threesomes. We've all had one.

2011-12-06T12:17:00.000+00:00

As the title may suggest - everyone has had a threesome. Full stop, moving on.

Now some of you may be reading this thinking, "fuck. Really?! I haven't, am I socially and sexually unaware??" Let's get this clear. I am not talking about the type of threesomes that you are all picturing right at this moment (don't try and deny it - you all have pretty much the same image in your head right now). Not the two guys, hi-fiving over the girl kind. Or the two leggy blondes and Hugh Hefner kind either. But everyone has been in a relationship with more than just their better half.

Here are a few examples of why:

1) Ex's. (The main one.)
They should really just disappear off the face of the planet as soon as a couple break up. Or at least off their phone, facebook, twitter, email, bbm, whatsapp and computer screen saver. Please and thank you. But it never happens. I wish that all of the guys I had been seeing had had horrendous break ups so at least, that way, they would be well and truly over the girls they had been with before me. The amount of guys that I have been with who have either mentioned their ex's...don't EVEN get me started. It's not okay to talk about them unless the sentence in which they mention them also contains the words, "I don't know why I was ever even with her, you're a million times better" - or words to that effect.

Another hate. Ex's who had minimal/no contact with the guy you were seeing after they broke up...UNTIL they found out that they were seeing someone new. Seriously. Fuck. Off. The usual female reaction to this would be; to find your facebook page and look through your pictures exclaiming how ugly you are, how your dress sense is terrible and probably get my friends to join in. This breed of ex's also tend to be the ones who, if they see you whilst out, instantly know who you are and stare you down and sometimes even strike out against you. Not cool. Your ex-boyfriend moved on. Glaring at me in a club will not help this. Over it you should get.

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. The ULTIMATE thing that is NEVER okay to say is:

"She/he used to do it like this..." OR "I went there once with [insert ex's name here], we should go."
No. If you like something a certain why, by all means, chirp up. But do not adorn this statement with your ex's name or any sort of mentioning that this was how they did it. It will mean that your new other half will probably A - not want to do it purely for that reason and B - think of your ex on the off-chance that they do it. As far as taking someone new to somewhere you went with someone old, do it if you like the place but don't tell them. Recycling relationship ideas is never cool.

2) Third wheelsAs much as I am sure we all love out friends, no one loves one that tags along. At least not all the time.

Friends and boyfriends can get along, of course they can. But you don't want friends there when you're trying to get down to some boneage. Friends can find giving you space kinda difficult, especially if you have been single for a long time and have therefore seen them most days. They can sometimes struggle to cope with the fact that you have found someone new. Believe it or not they will probably almost see your new boy/girlfriend as competition for your love. This can be a massive pain in the arse. Especially if they don't particularly get on with one another. But try to make time for both of them and don't keep blowing one-off for the other and you should be okay. (Unless one or other of them is a biiit of a psycho and doesn't let you see the other - then you have issues that only a professional can help you with).

3) Family membersMost of us love our family and like spending time with them. But there's a time and a place.

The right time:
Sunday dinner. Really, especially as a student I think that there are few boy/girlfriends who are going to turn down the prospect of free food. Especially if its homemade and there's lots of it. Unless your family is like the Fockers, this scene is a good one.

The wrong time:
You are planning a holiday with your beau in question. You mention it to your mother. She exclaims, "Oh that sounds lovely! Let me check if I am free." This is bad. If it is your first holiday together, this is terrible. If however your family say they will pay for it and get you two your own room...this is up to debate.

It doesn't take a genius to get this right. So don't fuck it up.

4) Games consoles. Namely COD or FIFATo put it plainly...

No girl (or guy, if that's her thing) should be competing for attention with a games console. I don't care how new the game is, what level you are on, or how close you are to finishing. You should feel lucky that I'm with you and want to get naked in front of you. Put the controller down. Pause the game if you must. And do me.

Simple.

Hard as it may be to admit - most of us have been in some sort of polyamorous, threesome-esque relationship. In most forms this is going to end up pissing off one side of the couple so try your best to cut ties with the third member before your boy/girlfriend cuts ties with you. That isn't to say that you should be ignoring family and friends whilst in a relationship. But just make sure that you aren't having every meal with someone else in tow. Having one of these other people/things in your relationship will probably ultimately go down about as well as suggesting to your new girlfriend that you want to invite your ex-girlfriend into the bedroom. Yeah. THAT well.

Bye Bye Movember

2011-11-30T17:33:00.000+00:00

Hear that? You don't? That, is the sweet sound of electric razors across the land being plugged in and turned on as Movember draws to a close.

I know it’s for a fantastic cause and I am definitely not disputing that but MAN do I hate a moustache on a man. Sometimes they can look kinda cool, but really every time I see one I think three things:
1) Its essentially pubes on your face.
2) As soft as I have been assured that they are (often followed by having someone drag my hand through one) - I don't wanna kiss that and I don't want it kissing me. Anywhere.
3) It had its heyday. Moustaches should remain on very VERY hot men who can pull them off OR, preferably to the pages of history. Like this dude -

If I had a friend who could grow on like the one above, if I'm honest, I would be kinda impressed.

Asides from this. Movember raises money and awareness for a great cause. But it also gives guys the excuse to shave, EVEN LESS. Like most of them needed any more discouragement in that department.

I'm going out tonight so whilst having a shower earlier did the rituals that most girls undertake before a night out. I de-fluffed. After exiting the shower I felt about as hair free as a baby seal. But why? For a start, tonight I am going to a gay club with some of my fantastically camp friends who worship Ga-Ga and dance like Beyoncé. I am certainly not expecting anyone to be touching my legs, unless it’s to reach my shoes and exclaim how FABULOUS they are.

Most guys (excluding the new breed of Metrosexuals that have descended upon us), do not take this much care with their hair situation. A couple years ago I had to actually try to convince a good male friend of mine that I wasn't joking that most guys DID - much to his shock and discovery - 'take care' of themselves.

The amount of money and time and effort, not to mention, blood, sweat and tears that have gone into years of waxing and shaving is ridiculous. I started shaving around the age I went into Senior School, meaning for 10 years it has been a constant battle against the follicle.

But do guys care? For a start, from conversations I have had with friends of both genders, I can assure you that hair care for girls is way more expensive and time consuming than their male counterparts. Not surprising. But then from experience and further conversations it is shocking at how many guys think they can get away with not even the occasional trim. We notice. We don't hook up with you to get a tooth floss. Believe me. If a girlfriend of mine had been with a guy with an unsightly bush, I know about it. I know the tinyyy details about it.

Some of them even say they "can't be bothered" to shave their face. Not being funny, but most guys in their early 20s - unless they are the dark, handsome, rugged type - don't even have to shave daily. So STOP WHINING!

If I have to practically do advanced yoga every time I go to the waxing salon in front of some girl I've just met, you can fucking drag a razor over your face each morning.

The sad thing is, girls take care of themselves because - duh - they care. Which means they care what guys are also doing to combat the bush. Whereas most guys don't have too much preference on whether or not my bikini wax is a 'tidy up', ‘bikini’, 'G-string', 'Brazilian' or 'Hollywood', apparently that's not what their focus is on. Which seems to be reflected in their own personal hygiene.

Maybe girls put too much of an emphasis on this. Putting themselves under too much pressure in an age when porn is apparently dictating ALL of our sexual thoughts (that seems to be what the media would have us believe anyway). I dunno about you, but I don't really watch porn and if I did, I wouldn't base my bikini waxing habits on what some porn star had. Just like I wouldn't buy the outfits she'd be wearing...or not.

But anyway. Girls - guys don't care as much as you might think. So long as it’s not a total throwback to the 70s you are probably okay. And guys. While you are warming up that razor to get rid of your Movember moustache, it wouldn't hurt if your razor maybe had a bit of a wander.

"Friends With Benefits" An Urban Myth or Modern Reality?

2011-11-28T17:53:00.000+00:00

I went to see the Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie bearing the same name and hilarious as I found it, I couldn't help but get slightly annoyed at the outcome. If you haven't seen it but were planning on it and don't want to know the end of this incredibly predictable film, look away now.

They end up together. Massive. Fucking. Shock. I bet you didn't see that one coming. (And in a very cheesy, over-the-top way as well). Now as I said, I found the movie hilarious. For a start - who knew that Justin Timberlake could even remotely act?? Plus, Mila Kunis is possibly one of the most stunning women I have ever seen in my life. Asides from this though there were one-liners galore and I actually laughed so hard that by the end my face hurt. Good movie. BUT. Much as I enjoyed it, it kinda annoyed me how they ended up an item. Trust the all righteous American's to produce a movie called Friends With Benefits only to dash this whole concept after an hour and a half of film. It's almost like they can't bear the thought of people having sex for the sake of sex.

This movie makes out that having a friend with benefits couldn't POSSIBLY work. Surely you would end up in love with the other side? Right? Wrong. I don't want to 'out' any of my friends, so instead I will out them all - most of my friends have had this sort of arrangement at one point or another. Sorry America.

Whether or not it has always been planned, I would say a large majority of my friends have found themselves in bed, on a regular basis with someone who isn't their boy/girlfriend. In the youth of today there is nothing unusual about this.

Most of the time this is accidental. They sleep with a friend and it ends up happening most times they see each other after that. They have a one night stand and keep meeting up - not necessarily for dates per say. Or there's that one person that they seem to be drawn to on every. Single. Night out.

I personally don't see the problem with this. So long as both parties know what's going on, no one is getting hurt and everybody is happy. In more ways than one.

Not everybody has the time for a 'proper' relationship. But then they also don't want to be sleeping with someone different everytime. There's that sense of familiarity and being comfortable with someone, without the initial wining and dining. It's essentially a means to an end (that said in the nicest way possible).

Let's be honest as well, students have sex. (Sorry mum). Students also make new friends. So combining these two things is really just rather economical. Time saving even. We are simply taking the initiative. Isn't that what we are always told to do?

Most people these days haven't been in love with every person they have ever slept with. It's sort of a given. Even in America where they try to make out that abstinence is the answer (more on that later on), people have sex for the want/need of having sex.

So as I said, as much as I loved the movie I couldn't partly help but think that the initial concept of it was dashed. Friends who have sex don't always have to fall in love. Sometimes it doesn't even taint their relationship if they are level headed enough. Hollywood sometimes just need to take things at face value - friends really can just remain friends but with all the glorious benefits.

Strippers, Barmaids and Waitresses - We Are All The Same. Apparently.

2011-11-26T17:54:00.000+00:00

I became a barmaid just a few weeks after turning 18 and asides from my brief stint in America, have pretty much been one ever since. I have worked in mainly student nightclubs but also more civilised places but one factor has been constant in every place I've worked - the flirtation from men.

Most of the time this flirtation is harmless. A fleeting comment, a cheeky wink, even a couple of marriage proposals - all made in high spirits and with no harm done.

But then there are those guys who seem to think that it is okay to go one step further. I have had bum grabs, and being called every name under the sun - from guys who don't know me at all. I have even had guys get genuinely angry with me when I've tried to laugh off their passes with a chuckle of "hahaha...yeeee, I have a boyfriend, sorry". I feel that this is kind of part of the job though. That I should just get on with it, ignore it. But why?

After talking to a good friend of mine she said that she's starting to really hate her job as a waitress because she also gets the bumgrabs, but from drunken men about her dads age rather than from students fooling around. This seems to instantly make it worse. She went on to say that she also once had a group of guys in who were constantly leering at her and even called her a whore. When she went over one simply said, "I'd do you". This seems all like laddish fun, but do the guys doing it think of the effect its having on these waitresses and barmaids? They are getting this near enough every time they work and really, being called a "whore" by someone you have never met before, isn't funny.

It seems to come down to this idea that as we are doing the job that we are paid to do, it is in our job description to 'serve' these guys. But they don't always seem to be able to draw the line and realise that yes - this is just our job but that is all. Maybe we are partly to blame too, if I think someone is going to tip me I will flirt back. Does this give him the wrong idea? But surely, there is a mutual understanding as to why I am flirting with him.

Barmen also get flirted with of course, but I have never seen one of my male co-workers come out at 4am and have a girl waiting there for him to finish. Yet that has happened to me - more than once.

Technically, any of these guys could have a law suit against them if I decided to go down that route. But this would literally mean a few law suits every night, who has the time or the want for that? Which makes it even more difficult. There is a fine line between what's acceptable and what is not. If a guy is making you uncomfortable you have to say something to him, but again, don't want to be labelled a 'prude'. If you take the easy-going route of ignoring it, it's giving him the green flag to do it to the next girl as well.

When it comes to barmaids and waitresses, guys need to realise - we are there to make money, not to be grabbed. If your server is flirting with you, by all means flirt back. If you wouldn't do it to a girl on the street, don't do it to a girl working in a cafe. In the words of Maggie from BBC's Pan Am, "I am NOT included, in the price of your ticket."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Puabr7WNLY0

Sex - It's What I'm Here For Dahling.

2011-11-25T15:45:00.000+00:00

Whore. Slut. Skank. Hussy. Wench. Tramp. Let's be honest - we have heard them all and probably used most of them too. But why. It seems that despite the "equal rights" women have achieved that there is still a massive double-standard in the sex life of today.

On BBM the other week and a message pops up from one of the bouncers of the club I used to work at a few months ago. All it says is - "Let's fuck". Not even a "do you want to fuck", just a - let's go. Now. This was at about 2am so i didn't think much of it, brushing it off as a drunken message or even one of his friends taking his phone. But no. It happens again a few days after that and then again the day after THAT. I ignore the first two and with the third one simply respond with - "No". I don't get angry, I don't get high and mighty, I just say no.

That's when the trouble begins. I tell one of the barmen I used to work with what he said and he says he will talk to said bouncer. Bouncer (Paul) comes back on BBM and says, "Why are you telling Mike everything I type to you. Is he your boyfriend or something? I'm deleting you. You are useless." This made me SO angry. Using the word "useless" implied that simply because I don't want to fuck him I have no other part to play in his life. No alternate function. I am purely there for his testosterone needs.

It made me think even further. Have we really come on as much as we would have hoped since the days of the 1950s, with the women at home cooking, keeping the kids alive and providing any sexual needs for her one and only? Can a woman really get it right? Would this scenario have played out differently if the roles were reversed?

If it had been the other way round, and I had sent these messages and he hadn't been interested but I kept BBMing him, chances are, he would have deemed me a slag, slut or worse. Not only that but he probably would have told his friends about this crazy girl who wouldn't leave him alone. I would be the crazy nympho. Whereas instead, when I told Mike what had happened he laughed and said - "you can't get mad at Paul, it's not his fault he's a sexpest". Well then who's fault is it??? Why is that okay? Am I missing something?

If a woman says no, especially in a social situation when other males can hear the conversation they will laugh and usually respond with things like, "don't be such a prude" or "he's only joking, lighten up". Yet if she were to have sex with these people who are supposedly "joking" she instantly goes from a prude to a whore. I know a girl who's a virgin who has been shunned into the category of being a slut and a whore purely cos she once gave a guy a blowjob when she was drunk. The guy is now a 'legend' for getting the 'virgin girl' to give him one, and now she can't live it down and will forever be seen as a slut to his entire group of friends.

How is any of this fair? And why do we still think like this? The sad thing is, is that girls think this way too. We also have a double-standard between guys and girls. If you hear about a girl whos had sex with X amount of people in a small time frame, girls and guys alike call her a tramp. Whereas with a guy hes a lad, legend, player etc. It throws into question whether or not we have really come as far as we would have liked since the days of being domestic goddesses. We NEED to combat these negative thoughts we associate with girls and sex. Cos believe it or not - girl's have a sex drive too.

Dating the American Way

2011-11-24T03:48:00.000+00:00

Having spent a year of my University career in America, I was shocked to discover that amongst the Frat parties and Sorority girls that there was a whole other scene that was totally alien to me. Dating.

Don't get me wrong I have dated before, but the Americans seem to have it down to a finely tuned art. Those Americans who think that Europe or British guys are going to be romantic, poetic, charming and Shakespearian-esque, I am sorry to be the bringer of bad news. Until my recent online exploits I had probably only ever been on dates with guys who were my boyfriends or at least were my boyfriends after said date, that's how it works right? Well apparently not.

Back home it works like so, a guy can like you or vice versa for weeks/months before you both get sufficiently drunk to profess your admiration for the other one. You share a snog. Maybe have a drunken fondle and MAYBE a date will come of it...if you can pluck up the courage to declare your feelings again, once sober. Not in America. The American confidence that they all seem to possess kicks in. I was asked on dates not only by sober guys, but during the day time too. Literally seemed to be a case of, "hey, I've seen you around campus, you're cute, can I get your number and maybe we can go out sometime". Simple as it seemed, it was not only effective but more romantic than any chat up line I've had from a British guy.

Guys at home also seem to assume that if YOU ask THEM on a date that, heaven forbid you are totally obsessed with them and planning your pending wedding, you have the kids named and the "I Love You" text on standby. Chill out ! A date is a date is a date. If I want to have a drink with you it's because I want to get to know you, not marry you. This is a concept that American guys on the other hand can relate to.

Not only that but once on these dates they seemed to be perfect gentlemen, picking you up, even opening doors and ushering you through, chivalry is not dead over the pond my friends. They would insist on paying, drive you home, and not try to get you into bed (at least not straight away). This was an alien world but I liked it. Sometimes you would even go on a few dates, have a good time but decide that it wasn't for you...and they were okay with that. Then afterwards they would not only still be civil with you and speak to you when they bumped into you but also seem okay with it when they found out you were going on a date with someone else. So civilised. But maybe I was just lucky.

I feel like Britain hit its romantic peak in the 16th century and since then has become a blubbering date-aphobic mess. Men here think the peak of being romantic is buying you a plastic rose from a street-seller outside a nightclub, or letting you share their kebab in the taxi home. American girls seem to think that European guys are going to be romantic like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth in their many a RomCom - I am yet to be whisked away to the country for a romantic 'get away'. To summarise, I would choose a tanned American frat boy over a pale British lad any day - but then maybe everyone is simply attracted to the foreigner.

Online Dating - Not Just For The Socially Unstable?

2011-11-23T22:10:00.000+00:00

Recently I have entered the often formidable world of online dating. In the past this form of dating has been deemed strictly for the fat, ugly, socially inept, psychopaths amongst us but I can assure that this is no more.

I have been on dates with more men in the past 6 months than, well...ever. Granted, not all of these men were fantastically good looking, charming and suave but they beat most of the guys that I meet in a drunken frenzy in a nightclub. I met plenty of guys whose chiselled good looks and fantastic bodies could have happily graced my bed sheets with their company (and sometimes they did) so why were they on these sites? Many of them were the same as me, shockingly it turns out that some men too are looking for 'that special someone' and turns out that the place to do that isn't necessarily your local. A common feature amongst them also tended to be that they came from largely male-orientated jobs such as the army, RAF, navy or fire-fighters which was absolutely fine by me; it certainly didn't hurt their abs anyway.

Meeting the first of these guys was slightly daunting but strangely I felt relatively calm considering the circumstances - it was only after this that my friend pointed out American articles of the Craigslist killer, it was nice of her to hold off.

When I met Richard I was surprised, he was good looking, well dressed and well mannered, the conversation was easy and he even paid. I was shocked to find out that he had been at the same school as me just a few years above me but then living in such a small area this could easily happen. We went on a few dates and had a good time but ultimately there just wasn't that spark and I guess we didn't really fancy each other, it was the most civilised and mutual break up I have had. But this was just the start. Having been on so many dates now that I can't even count, I have only once been disappointed by the look of the guy standing waiting outside the restaurant. I have dated charming, intelligent, good looking guys, guys who I thought were out of my league even - who actually wanted relationships - I was starting to think such a species didn't even exist.

Turns out now that in an ever growing world which is supposedly getting smaller and more interlinked, that people are still craving companionship and finding new ways of doing so. I have heard the rumours too, but I can assure you with first-hand experience, there are plenty of good looking 'normal' people dating online. Every race, religion, colour and creed is using the internet to find love, it’s not just for the over 40s divorcee. I am yet to find 'that special someone' but until I do, the free meals, coffees and cinema trips with wonderfully attractive company will do.