• Saddleback Church – It is hard for me to describe how I feel about this community of believers. Being part of this movement has been one of the most unbelievable experiences of my life. To think that God loves Brandon and I so much that he would “pluck” us up out of Arkansas and place us here to learn from some of the most influential leaders in the world is amazing. I know that our time here has been a gift and am determined to not waste what God has given us. I am not the same person I was a year ago-much of that is due to the influences of this church, especially fellow pastors and wives that have come along side our family to love us and encourage us. God has his hand on this church and her leaders and to be a part of it has simply been spectacular.

• The Weather – I have to admit the thought of returning to the heat and humidity has me a little sad. I will miss the constant sunshine and sweet breezes. I completely understand why so many people choose to make SoCal home despite the high cost of living.

• Adventure – Their is always something new to discover or explore. We have experienced endless possibilities of places to shop, swim, hike, explore. We live halfway between San Diego and Los Angeles and 5 miles from beautiful Laguna Beach. It’s easy to adopt a “beach bum” mentality here, and I like it!

• No Bugs – Seriously, I’ve seen a couple. We leave our doors and windows open year round and their are no fly’s or mosquito’s. It’s a beautiful thing!

• Small Group – My experience of what it means to live in community has been expanded due to these great families. Brandon and I have learned from them and been loved on by them. As we prepare to plant “Grace Hills” we know that we have 3 incredible families committed to praying for us. They know our hearts and see our flaws and love us anyway. We are grateful they welcomed us in and we will be better “church planters” because of them.

• Staying at home-This past year I have had the double blessing of being at home with both of my babies. I have been able to take care of little Sam, watch him grow and be a part of the day to day nurturing of our little man. I don’t take this for granted as I know there are many mom’s out there who must hold down a full-time job while being a full-time mom. When Ella was a baby, I worked outside the home and so I recognize the gift I have been given this past year. I also was able to stay at home with Ella and home school her this year. It has been a joy (most of the time)! The real delight has been in seeing her interact with her baby brother-they have a sweet bond that I pray will last forever! When we return to Arkansas, I will be returning to work and Ella will be returning to school (Life Way Christian School). I will cherish this time I had with them always!

This list could go on and on. I really do love the life God has given us here. He has been so good to give us exactly what we needed. He shook us up and refused to let us be “comfortable” in ministry. This move to California has instilled in us the value of taking risks for the cause of Christ. I’m so ready for what’s “next”….but I’m gonna enjoy every minute of the “now”!

It’s always sunny in Calfornia is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

http://brandonacox.com/personal/changing/

Big Changes for the Cox Family is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

The first year of Sam’s life has been an adventure to say the least. Our Arkansas baby has spent the majority of his short little life a California cutie! I was 26 years old the first time I flew in an airplane and visited the ocean. Sam has been to the beautiful Pacific Ocean many, many times. And he’s racking up the frequent flyer miles. Who would have imagined?

Ella is completely taken with her baby brother. When I say she adores him…it’s not just a cute saying. She is wrapped up in him and delights in his every move. She tells me often that she can’t imagine life without him. When I look at my children together I am easily overcome with gratitude that I get to be their mom. They are amazing. I always thought I was a “girl” mom. I find great delight in all things “girly”. So, when we found out we were having a baby boy-well, I wondered if it would be “as fun”. I never imagined that I would so completely love, love, love being momma to this little man. It is beyond fun!

The Father’s goodness to us is beyond what our minds can fathom. He does all things well and Sam is proof of that. We can’t wait to see the little boy that Sam is becoming and yet wish that time could stand still on this moment. I tell everyone that Sam is our long awaited gift from the Father. Samuel is “asked of God”. We prayed for this child for years…but oh the joy he brings…well — I could not have imagined!

Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

More than I could ask or imagine is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

I have the great opportunity each week to attend a Bible study with other moms. Lately, we have been studying how to love our children like Jesus loves us. That is the goal, right? But, if you’re like me…that standard leaves you feeling like you may not ever get it right. Here is just one change I have made in my parenting that has changed everything.

The “Do over”! What a beautiful thing! Do you ever wish when you said something unkind to your husband, or lost your patience with your kids, or failed to show sensitivity to a person in need, that you could say “Do over!” That is exactly what we are doing in the Cox house these days. Each family member has the right to ask for a “do over” and as parents Brandon and I give the opportunity for a “do over” before we “bring down” the long arm of the law in consequences and the usual ensuing lecture.

I’ve discovered that the chance for a do over is grace. It’s the chance for us to say, “you didn’t get that right and you deserve consequences, but I want to give you another chance to get that right…because I love you”. Isn’t that what we all want in this life? We want to be shown grace when we mess up. We want the chance to make it right. It’s what our Father bestows on us daily and I desire for the way I parent my children to point to the Father and His great love for them.

Did I mention I love grace?

Do Over = Grace is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

Change is inevitable. It’s going to happen. If we’re alive and breathing on this planet than we know we will experience change in some shape and fashion. Why does God bring change into our lives? I believe he brings about change to grow us, to draw us closer to Him, to bring Him glory. However, while change is unavoidable, spiritual growth through change is a choice.

When we moved from our home in Arkansas to Southern California, my sweet family experienced a heavy dose of change. I struggled. I frequently found myself in tears, or angry and frustrated. When these feelings would come-I had to retreat. One of the problems in living in a small condo with no yard (with a newborn baby) is there isn’t anywhere to go. So I found myself getting as far away as possible in my little home – on the bathroom floor. Just me… sitting there, facing our 1970′s model toilet with it’s mahogany seat.  Just me and the Father and all of my feelings of fear, sadness, and entitlement.

While I was struggling with the questions of “why are we here?” and “what’s my role?”, God very clearly began to teach me three big lessons. It was critical that I began to move through this change, to grow through this change and eventually get up off the bathroom floor. Here’s what I learned:

Trust Me

God wanted me to trust Him. I had put all of my “trust” in my husband. I would say to myself, “he’s God’s man” and “I trust Him to know God’s will for our lives.” But I was really not trusting anyone. When things got tough or didn’t work out the way I had planned, I had someone to blame. I could point the finger at my husband and say “I trusted you,” which wasn’t God’s plan. He desired for me to trust Him. He could handle my questions and fears.  He could reassure me the way only a loving Father could with His peace. Psalm 9:10 say’s, “Those who know your name will trust in you. For you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Watch Me

In change, we worry about “what’s next?” We worry about finances, relationships, and health. I would often say to my husband, “How is this going to work?” I couldn’t see the answers, and he had no answers. And the whole time I’m looking for answers, God is saying “Watch me.” Ephesians 3:20 says, “God can do anything you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His spirit deeply and gently within us.”

Know Me

During the initial stages of this transition, much of my old identity was stripped away: the friends that occupied my time; the responsibilities I had in our previous church; and a full-time job in a professional career. God was removing all the “noise” from my life so that I would see him and know him. He was pursuing me with His love. “Be still and know that I am God”. (Psalms 46:10)

So…what is God teaching you through change? I’d really love to know!

Lessons learned in the Bathroom is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

You see most of us think comfort is a good thing. We believe that we have “arrived” if we are comfortable in this life. The problem with this thinking is Jesus was not comfortable. From his birth in a manger to his death on a rugged cross, He was not comfortable.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to have wealth, material goods, or stability. God is abundant in blessings to His children. But I am saying that when we put such great value on our own comfort at the cost of taking a risk for Christ-we will miss His best for us.

It really all boils down to where and in who we find our satisfaction. If I am satisfied in Christ alone, then all other sources i.e. nice home, expensive cars, secure job, 401K, will fail to provide the “comfort” only the Father can give.

I am humbled by the example of many including Bruce and Heather. You can read more about their faith journey here.

Addicted to Comfort is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

A few weeks ago in our small group we contemplated the question, “Is the Creator of the Universe concerned about the minute details of our lives”? It’s a big question and I’m quick to answer yes. But then I wonder, is He really or am I just so concerned with my life that I assume God must be up in Heaven equally deliberating over weather or not I should wear the brown shoes or the red shoes. Like I said, it’s a big question…thankfully, He’s an even bigger God. I don’t think God is as concerned about the color of my shoes as He is with where I’m going to be walking in those shoes-to serve Him, to minister to a neighbor, to love on my family.

However, I do believe God is in the small things and sometimes He gives a clear sign that say’s “I’m here and I’m listening and if it’s important to you, it’s important to me”.  Last night I decided to make a chicken spaghetti dish for a sweet family who is in my small group. They are moving this weekend and she is super pregnant. I went to the grocery while I did not have the 9 month old baby who hates to shop with  me. When I got home I realized I had forgotten the bell pepper. Now my husband quickly encouraged me to just forget about the pepper. But I promise you, it is not the same…it NEEDS the bell pepper. I began to contemplate when I could get the pepper…I had my ladies Bible study in the am and then I needed to prepare the dish. I could get the pepper on the way home, but Sam falls asleep and so waking him up to go in the store..blah, blah, blah…you mom’s get it…a nightmare. I went to bed thinking about the pepper and I woke up thinking about the pepper.

When I walked into my ladies Bible Study, a large room with probably 25 big round tables, all covered in white table clothes – I kid you not…there was one table in the middle that stood out…almost like it had a light from Heaven shining down on it. At each place setting at the table was one perfectly perfect bell pepper. I knew instantly that was my table and sure enough one of the sweet momma’s at my table had picked us each a pepper from her garden and brought them to share.

God gave me a bell pepper this morning and whispered “I love you”. I cried over the stinkin pepper…but I really cried over the undeniable presence of the “God who sees” me and my need for a bell pepper. So…What is God whispering to you? How is He showing you that He sees you?

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Peppers from Heaven? is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

This year we have jumped feet first into the adventure of homeschooling. Many factors influenced our decision to home school Ella, but the culmination of having a new baby brother, moving to California and journeying into a whole new church life was all the change we felt Ella Grace needed. So here we are. I must admit, it’s not easy. We kind of “honeymooned” so to speak the first few weeks, then we hit a wall. We’ve had “impatient mommy” days, “whiny Ella” days, and “needy Sam” days. Were pushing through and despite all our various emotions and needs…I think she’s learning something. Of course I know she’s learning multiplication, nouns/verbs/pronouns, American history, photosynthesis, ect. But there are some things Ella is learning that I didn’t include in my lesson plans…

• She’s learning how to be a mom. Sam provides constant distractions and interruptions; however, Ella has the privilege of watching me nurture and take care of him. She gets to take part in his care and their bond is stronger because of it.
• She’s learning that her mom is very flawed. She’s seeing sides of me that I’m not sure she’s seen before. Trying to explain math brings out my “ugliness”. She’s seeing me struggle with my sin. However, she’s also seeing me demonstrate a repentant heart. She’s learning that while my flesh is weak, my Creator is not and we can go to Him with our flaws, and He is faithful to work in our hearts.
• She’s learning to embrace the moment. One of the blessings of homeschooling is the benefit of a flexible schedule. We enjoy many cuddle breaks, tickle fests and outdoor adventures.
• Finally, she’s learning about her Lord. Our Ella is a sponge. She soaks up what she learns and asks questions. We consistently have to call Daddy to get answers to some of her questions. She’s developing a craving for His word and getting to dive into together is worth every other “not so great” moment.

I just love how we have our “plans”, and God is able to teach us more than we could ask or imagine. Of course you don’t have to be homeschooling your children to get it right.

What are you passing on to your children?

Pass It On is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

Through the years, I have been privileged to meet many other women involved in ministry. I love women and the unique gifts and talents they bring to ministry. The realities of being a woman involved in ministry is that it’s not always a “bed of roses”. We have many roles to fill including wife, mom, professional, grandmother, teacher, leader…the list is endless. Juggling these different roles can be a daunting task. My prayer is that through these writings you may see a piece of yourself, read truth’s from God’s Word and be encouraged.

I would love to hear from you. Please leave comments sharing your own insights and words of encouragement. If I’ve learned anything during the last 14 years it’s that being a wife in ministry is always an adventure and I don’t like to travel alone so I’m thrilled to be taking this journey with you!

Wife in Ministry is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

Life has changed significantly for the Cox’s over the past 6 months. We went from one very well behaved, sweet as pie, 8 year old girl (who’s pretty self sufficient) to having a baby. While were so grateful for our little Sam-we’re starting over! We had forgotten how life is with a baby in the house. We went from a two income house-hold and me pursuing my passions as a social worker to me, staying at home and homeschooling Ella. We moved from Arkansas to Southern California and both took on new and very different ministry roles. Could we have packed in any more change (I did change my hair color-it seemed appropriate)!

What God has taught me through all of this change is … drum roll please … while my surroundings, ministry, roles, income, passions, church, home, and yes even hair color has changed … He has NOT changed. He is still good, merciful, faithful, just, holy, and loving. His mercy’s are STILL new every morning. He’s STILL in control and HIS plan is perfect. His word say’s “I the Lord, do not change” (Malachi 3:6). What a faithful promise!

Don’t misunderstand-I believe God uses change in OUR lives to grow us, to use us for His purposes, to reach an ever changing world. He desires change in our hearts-He uses the word transformed several times in scripture to describe who WE should be “in Christ”. But I’m so thankful that the God of Abraham, the God who created me, is still the same.

He’s changing me-some day’s I look at my life, who I’m becoming and I hardly recognize myself-it’s a good thing. I’m hoping that I get this lesson right.

Lesson #387 In the Classroom of Life is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

I have had a difficult time in motivating myself to blog on our recent move to Southern California and Saddleback Church. The right words are hard to find to express how I’m feeling and how life has changed. And I guess if I’m honest, sometimes it changes from day to day. But the real truth is-it’s hard. It’s not just a little hard, but has been the most difficult transition in my adult life. I am grieving over life as I have known it for the last 13 years as a Pastor’s wife. I keep expecting that one day I’m gonna wake up and suddenly be “okay” with my new life-but that has yet to happen.

Oh, I can put on a pretty good front and brave face. I’m good at smiling and when asked how we’re doing saying “oh, good” or sometimes I even say “we’re super”. But the truth is, I’m hurting. I miss my “old life”. I miss sitting on the front row and listening to my husband preach. I miss teaching my kids in Sunday School. I miss the chaos of Awana night. I miss singing in the choir. I miss the sweet hugs, encouragement and words of wisdom from dear elders in our church. I miss leading women. I miss being a part of the day to day activities of serving a body of believers. I miss everything about “doing” ministry with my husband.

You see, technicaly, I’m still a “pastor’s” wife. Brandon is on the “pastoral” staff at Saddleback. But it is in a very different capacity. There is no need or room in his current ministry for me. I know that sounds harsh and I know many of you would say-but he does need you! “He needs you to pray for him and to encourage him and to take care of the home so he can do his important work”. That is all true-but you see I desire more-I believe I was made for more. God has given me unique gifts and abilities and I believe many years ago called me to this role-and so therein lies the struggle.

Saddleback Church is an amazing place that God has His hand of blessing upon. I am humbled to think that I might get to play some small part in what God is doing through this church. I will be leading a kid’s small group this fall, participating in a womens Bible Study, and volunteering in many ways. I’m praying that through these ministries, I will start to feel purpose again. You can pray for me too. For many of you who will read this and I had the privilege of being your “pastor’s” wife-I may have taken it for granted-but life was sweet then. I’m trusting the Father-that it will be “sweet” again.

Once upon a time in land far, far away . . . is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

I have laughed on many occasions when people have asked me “is he a good baby”? I wonder what are the options in answering that question? Have you ever heard someone answer “no, he’s a bad, bad baby”! All baby’s are good-but I must say Sam is sweet natured with a few quirks! He goes to sleep angry but wakes up happy; he loves getting a bath but hates being dried off. We spent the first few weeks of his life holding him ALL the time-even at night-now he won’t let you rock him to sleep. Of course we love him, quirks and all.

He is a long awaited gift from the Father and we are thankful for every day with him. He has been healthy and a delight to the Cox and Kirk families. Best of all he has made one little lonely girl the happiest big sister around. For years with every prayer out of her mouth, Ella asked God to “give us a baby”. God’s timing is always perfect and Ella is at an age where she is able to enjoy Sam in a way that she may not have been able to at a younger age. She delights in him-her heart is bonded to his and I know they will be life long companions.

Sam is more than we could have ever hoped or dreamed of. Scripture is clear that as much as we love to give our children  gifts; how much more the Father wants to lavish his blessings on us. Sam is clearly “heaven sent”!

Sam is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

The Three Muskateer's . . .but wait, weren't there four? is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

We have only considered one little boy name from the beginning. We would continue to throw out ideas and nothing “struck” our hearts the way this name had. We couldn’t get away from it, and therefore new that our son’s name would be – Samuel.

Brandon and I believe that a name carries great meaning. We named Ella after my precious Grandma Briggs. My grandma was one of the sweetest, loving women I have ever known. She loved unconditionally and delighted in her children and grandchildren. She loved her Lord and demonstrated a servant’s heart. Ella’s middle name is Grace. We wanted her name to be a constant reminder to us and her of God’s unmerited favor toward us-of His great gift of love. God showed us unbelievable grace when he gave us Ella.

Samuel means “asked of God”. If there was a name that meant “begged, pleaded, cried, and asked of God” we would probably go with that. But “asked of God” also summarizes our feelings. Of course in the Bible Hannah dealt with infertility and prayed before the Lord faithfully asking God for a child, promising to give that child back to the Lord. God heard her prayers and petitions as He has ours and gave her a son – she named him Samuel. This name and it’s meaning sits heavy within us as we feel the weight of God’s goodness to us. Samuel will never be “just a name” to us-but a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness.

In the Bible, Hannah did indeed give her child back to God and took him to Shiloh to the tabernacle where Eli, the High Priest, raised him. Samuel heard, heeded and followed the voice of God. Our prayer for our Samuel is that he will always listen for the voice of the Lord. We are beyond excited about what God has planned for this “little man”.

Samuel’s middle name will be David after my big brother who died when I was 15 years old. Since that time I have always known if I had a little boy I would want to remember my brother in this way. This is a popular idea in my family as we are expecting a new nephew-David Kirk-in February (my twin brother’s son). My mom and I have laughed over how “silly” my brother David would think it was that were naming our baby after him. I can just hear him laughing that “crazy” laugh of his, telling us to get a life and find our own name :)

Beyond simply honoring my big brother-the name David has greater significance for me. Through the last few years, I have clung to the verse from Job that says, “The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” When we underwent our first pregnancy loss/ectopic pregnancy I felt like I had “lost” so much; our baby, part of my reproductive health, and my sweet Grandma Briggs died the same week-and due to my surgery I was unable to honor her life with the rest of my family. I remember standing in the shower, weeping and singing the praise song “he gives and takes away, he gives and takes away, and still my heart will say, blessed be your name”. The Lord has given Samuel David, the Lord took away my big brother David-and still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord!

After we found out it was a boy-we took Ella to “Build a Bear” and she made Samuel his first stuffed animal and named him “George”.

What's in a Name? is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.

This past spring, Brandon and I began praying about moving forward with In- Vitro Fertilization. This was a scary prospect to us for many reasons: to emotionally invest ourselves in another fertility treatment, the physical toll for me, and the financial strain. As we prayed we began to feel a peace to move forward. As the summer approached we made the final decision and began the process. A few days before we were to begin the injections-I began to panic (unfortunately, I’m really good at second guessing myself and God). We decided to make a quick trip to St. Louis to visit my family to seek the godly council and comfort of my family. The first day of our visit, I alone in the house, began to pray and completely broke before the Lord. I was scared and anxious, and grieving over the very idea that I was having to make this decision. I very clearly told the Lord “if you were ever going to talk to me in an audible voice or send me a talking donkey, today is the day”!

I did not get my talking donkey-the Lord very clearly spoke to my heart in a much better way (although painful at first). That night as my family and I sat laughing and talking in the living room, my “older” sister began to cry-before she said anything I knew what she was going to say-she was very “suprisingly” pregnant and devastated for her little sis. Before I could fully process this shock-my mom gently told me that my sister-in-law was also expecting (and equally hurting for me) and they were due on the same day. “What? I said a talking donkey, not two pregnant sisters!”

My mom, sister and myself experienced a tough few hours that night, crying and holding each other. I love the way my family loves me. They are tender and compassionate and yet my mom is a real “truth” teller in my life. That night I wrote in my journal the verse from Psalms “I would have despaired had I not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, wait I say on the Lord.” God also reminded me very clearly, only the way a compassionate father could, “You don’t get to make these decisions, I am God and you are not”. Oh the sovreignty of God!

Brandon and I returned home, at peace with our decision to move forward with IVF. It’s important to know that we did not press on because we felt secure that this would work, we pressed on regardless of the outcome. One of the lessons we have learned on this journey is that it’s not always about the outcome (because there are no assurances)-its about our willingness to be obedient regardless of the outcome.

As we began the daily injections, many pills, and multiple trips to Tulsa, God was faithful to keep our hearts at peace. At one point during the process after returning from Tulsa where they checked my follicles to make sure I had “plenty” that were growing at the right rate-the office called and stated we needed to stop the cycle because my body was not responding the way it needed to. Here’s how good God is-I did not feel anxious. I calmly told them they were wrong. The nurse was compassionate and tried to “let me down easily”. I begged her to let us come back the next day and check me again-she relented. The next day, the doctor was shocked (we were not) I was fine and we would continue with the IVF cycle.

Let me share one more detail regarding our IVF journey. Our fertility center is very proficient at what they do-having said that-we were another number. They work with over 50 couples during each IVF cycle. On the day we returned to have our “embryo” babies transferred (put in the uterus)-God showed up in a very real way. As I lay in the operating room, I was very anxious. A nurse whom I had never met before was busy preparing things. She was humming a song and very cheerful. She walked over to me and sweetly laid her hands on my abdomen. She quietly began to pray for our embryo’s, for my womb, and for God’s blessing on our family. I of course wept, she closed her prayer, began to hum again and go about her work. Her only explanation for this unexpected “act” was “I know the doctor doesn’t always think of these things”. The very presence of God was in that operating room-I knew it was no coincidence that our paths crossed on that Saturday in Tulsa.

We found out two weeks later that God had heard our cries and answered our petition. We have had 3 ultrasounds and heard our precious baby’s heartbeat several times. We are now out of the first trimester and praising God each day for his goodness to us. We are undeserving and have committed to giving God glory for this gift every opportunity we have.

I am learning every day to depend on God. A verse from Isaiah says this, “I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I am God”. In darkness and in the secret places of my own heart God has shown himself to be true, faithful and full of mercy.

Pictures to come.

Look What the Lord Has Done is a post from Angie R. Cox. © 2011, All rights reserved.