Wight Wing Wadical

He giveth and He taketh away.... thank goodness!

2009-04-27T21:39:00.002-05:00

Last week, I married a woman that God made just for me! Kelli surpasses anything I could have hoped for myself. God has given me a second chance in life and has started that second chance with an awesome display of His love for me so long as I keep Him at the front of my family. I stand in awe of how quickly and completely God has rebuilt my life into a magnificent testimony to His power and glory. What He has given me far exceeds that which He allowed to be taken away. I built what I lost on the proverbial shifting sands of faith in my own ability to control my life. I almost find it embarrassing that I mourned so pitifully over the loss of what had become such a pathetic monument to my own ability and will. But alas I rejoice from the top of my lungs at the incredible display of His mercy and goodness in what He has replaced it with! Our God is truly an awesome God and I am an unworthy recipient of his favored blessing.

I find myself asking Him lately, “What have I done to deserve such a generous gift?” The answer is, “nothing.” That’s what makes Him such a great God. I will never be worth all He has done for me. I can never earn His favor. He blesses me because He loves me, plain and simple. And the older I get, and the more times I am witness to this wonderful truth, the more I am amazed by it. It is when we are humbled that he exalts us. It is when we are weak that His strength shines through. It is when we are helpless that His power is so evident.

Last year was a tough year for me. I dealt with pain, rejection, betrayal and depression on a scale unprecedented in my 37 years. I was at my lowest, but fortunately for me, it was at that low and humble point in my life when pride and haughtiness were flung as far from my psyche as the east is from the west, paving the way for God to do a magnificent work in my life. I needed Him and I sought Him like I seek air to breathe because I knew in the deepest part of my heart that no one had the blueprints needed to put together the pieces of my broken spirit except the one who created it.

The shining bow on this gift He has given me was the speed with which it was delivered. I cannot cite any reason other than the fact that I was completely and utterly dependent upon Him for every aspect of my recovery and I trusted Him with every fiber I had left because it turns out that it is easy to die to one’s self and submit to His will when one has no strength or foothold with which to resist it. It was the right time and I was at the right place in my life to surrender completely to Him. And THAT is all it takes! God went to work, dropping one miracle after the next into my lap… chump change for Him… Life change for me! It was as if He were saying: “Look what I can do, when your will yields to mine!” “Look what happens to your pathetic empty cup when you get out of the way and let me work!” Truly it overflows!

I’ve taken no credit for anything. I’ve waved no flag, nor blown no horn of my own. And I believe that has been the key to ushering in all that He has done for me. Everything I have today is painfully obvious to all who know me, solely because of Him! And I’d give it all right back to Him if he required it of me because I have learned the hard way that I cannot create anything. Nor can I protect anything. If He is not in control, then no one is. The belief that I might be is nothing more than an illusion.

If anyone could look at my life and learn one thing from it, I pray it would be this: That if you are a Christian and you have placed or ranked anything in your life above God, either willfully or subconsciously, then it is THAT THING that you will lose control of every time and eventually lose altogether. Ten times out of ten, whatever that thing is, will be VERY important to you and because it is, it will hurt like the dickens when it’s gone. But God won’t stand for second place and you and I have absolutely no power of our own to safeguard anything that we treasure. If we truly want to protect it, we must surrender it to Him. Nothing we have is of our own accord. If we treasure anything, any person or any area of our life that we are not willing to give up for Him, then we usurp His will for our own and we are out of step. That goes for our friends our family, our jobs, our money, our homes and our very lives. When you give it all to Him, He sees to the needs and desires of your heart like no other can. Any good thing you think you can do or build for yourself is NOTHING compared to what God can do for you!

Caddies storming the pool! Oh my!

2009-03-18T11:34:00.005-05:00

Everyone remembers this ‘80’s classic, right? …. RIGHT? Aw come on people? CADDYSHACK! The first one? The day the Caddies have been given access to the country club pool for exactly 15 minutes from 1pm to 1:15? They storm it like the bunch of inbred heathen invaders they are, terrorizing all of the prim and proper pool regulars. Misbehaving, cutting in line, breaking all the rules, making up their own. Just a general bunch of pests.
Ahhh, classic.

So “Why?” you might say? Why draw reference to such a seemingly insignificant Hollywood moment greater than 2 decades old? Well, my friend what comes around seemingly goes around. And I would submit to you that this is exactly what the Democrats, liberals, leftists, socialists and down right communitst have done to assert their authority as the keyholders of not only one, but all three houses. Dangling precariously out of reach of the few conservatives left who’ve not sold out to the dark side of the force only to have to hang themselves in the potter’s field later out of shame.

They’re just happy to be here, in so total control. They don’t know if it is, in fact, the “control” that provides some sense of satisfaction to their otherwise insatiable addiction to power so much as the twisting, writhing, conservatives so precariously positioned beneath their custom Italian leather wingtips. Both are so satisfying that they think they’ll just kick back their feet and stay a while!

What’s that you say?? Work to be done? Economy? War? Financial woes? Recession? (gasp even the great feared word … “depression?”) Oh my God, man! I just got here! It's party time! Time to see who sits in what chair and what color drapes get hung in what office.

Throw some money at it. That’ll work. Crack open the public coffers and pour out hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of Billions of dollars. Give it to whomever we owe the most favors to first, mind you but give it away. That’ll make the people happy. How will we pay for it all?? What?? Are you serious? Do you not know the answer to that question? Didn’t they teach you anything at Democrat elementary? Fist of all we'll blame it on the outgoing administration. Tell the American people we "inhereted" it all. Then, we’ll enjoy 8 years in the government, spending all we want on our pet projects. Robbing from the rich and “redistributing their wealth to the deadbeat poor”. Robbing equally from the military, social security and whatever pot we have the key to. We’ll load our union’s pockets with access to union only bids for infrastructure construction projects that probably aren't even needed in the first place but they'll make a whole lot of people happy because they got a $25 an hour job pushing a shovel and building a bridge to nowhere into the Everglades!

Then when it’s all over, we’ll lose the next election to the Republicans who will come in like a bunch of fuddy duddy, old farts, stamping out peoples celebratory cigars, and preaching of cut backs, tax cuts, and military strengthening. Real buncha party poopers those guys are. Pork and earmarks and pet project spending will be watched heavily but not cutback altogether and they will come up with a not so fun plan to bail us out of our spending spree. 8 years later, we’ll be back on the spring board ready to storm the pool again!! In the mean time we will have placed one or two new extremely liberal bench legislating Supreme Court Justices in office to ensure that Roe v. Wade stays firmly in place and we get a good start on whittling away that last boneheaded move they made about the second amendment! We'll be in good shape!

It’s a vicious circle, young grasshopper, but you too shall learn! That in the current state of affairs… one can’t live without the other. It’s the best kept secret in the beltway! Ha! Welcome to Washington! Want another Bahama Mama… ooh they’re great with those little umbrellas and that fruity little...

Creaking hinges on the door. Light clicks on (amazing)... "Cough cough cough" from the dust. Sweep away the cobwebs.... Anyone still here?

2009-03-17T11:18:00.006-05:00

I’m not dead. I have not been sent to Guantanamo Bay Cuba for stock piling too many guns. I am not in the Federal Witness Protection Program. I have not been deported, traded to some foreign intelligence community for a higher value dirt bag. And, to calm the anxieties of my more loyal readers who’ve feared the worst during my extended absence, I most assuredly have not been shanghaied into the indentured servitude of the dark, seedy and secretive (but extremely profitable) world of fat-bald-guy prostitution. Oh yeah we’re in demand baby! A posterior like this will fetch a pretty high dollar on the streets of Mosul Iraq, yes sir! Why a cute, white, infidel like me would literally be snatched of the street!

All joking aside, where have I been? Nowhere and everywhere, I guess. I’ve not left, physically. But I’ve been around the world mentally and emotionally. I’ve been healing, I guess you could say. And all the places one must visit in order to do that, I have been. The desolate isolation of Denial, the sweltering climates of Anger, the drowning desperation of Bargaining, the dark frigid valley of Depression and the healing spring of Acceptance. I’ve been fortunate to have the support of family and friends. I am even more fortunate still to have had my children, steadily by my side through it all. So many fathers are denied what, for me, has been a crucial key to my recovery. Having custody of my children has probably been the single most important factor to my mental health and stability this year.

I made it through. Actually I made it through long ago. The road that grief travels wasn’t especially difficult for me in retrospect. Through reading previous posts, you might have reasoned that I was in for a long haul! I would have agreed. You know, if you find where a man spends his time, you’ll find where he leaves his heart. I have been spending a great deal of my time with an angel. I know she’s an angel because God sent her. . . TO ME! She’s been a warm breeze that has carried away so many of my doubts and fears about what life would be like and what God had in store for me. Her strong Christian faith has been a pillar for my weary legs to lean against. Her gentle heart has been my refuge and her ability to put me first has made it so entirely easy for me to do the same for her. You may have deduced that it sounds like I might be in love. You would have deduced correctly! And don’t worry; the “rebound” was a quick and devious person who disappeared as quickly as she showed up as soon as she discovered I wasn’t “heir” to my family’s fortune. Good riddance. This person is who God promised me. This person is the one he groomed and designed just for me. And it appears that all my failures and successes, sorrows and elation, injuries and recoveries have served as a forging and tempering process to prepare me for her. And if she is my reward, then it was all worth it.

With prayer, pondering, discussions, arguments and careful consideration always measured with a healthy dose of love and affection, we have decided to marry! And so, this April, I will do what at no other time in my life I would have been properly prepared to do. My lessons have been hard-learned. My victories have been hard-won. My losses have been painfully hard-taken and my spirit, having been broken, has spent a hard time healing. But for it all, my head, my heart and my soul are stronger, more resilient, more flexible and more loving for having been put to the flame and forge of the Master Blacksmith. Finally, I will share my life with another who sincerely desires to share hers with me. Kelli is my soul mate, and I am a happy man!

Wadical fans may be happy to learn that the future “Mrs. Wadical” is a writer. Yes, a news editor to be exact and will be encouraging me to write. Perhaps there’s a few more years of ranting in these old bones after all. Stay tuned!

Sobbing Happy People Holding Hands

2008-11-11T21:41:00.003-06:00

"Emotion"... Easy little word. Sounds harmless, doesn't it? It's just feelings right? Not so fast! Emotion is a very powerful thing. It can be much more than just "feelings". For some, it is their navigator. These people make no decision without being influenced by the weight of this mysterious baggage we must all tote around. They adjust their path to accommodate their emotion. All else must yield while the emotion at hand is felt and dealt with. It is quite a burden for friends and loved ones who are constantly dealing with this roller coaster of "feelings" manifesting itself in the stressed relationships of the person to whom "emotion" is all important and for these people, "emotion" is a handicap.

The spectral opposite of the emotionally navigated person is, well ... ME. I experience emotion, just like everyone else but I would not characterize myself as an emotional person. Feelings are a part of life. I believe it is what sets humans apart from all others. It is what makes us unique in the vastness of creation. Feelings are important. But I regard them as just that... "feelings". Dynamic symptoms of the perception of a situation that may neither be correct nor objective and that, no doubt, will change as will the symptoms themselves. We view the world from our own perspective. And the view from that perspective might very well be entirely different than reality. And so I and people like me, learn to disconnect ourselves from ever present "emotion" and at least attempt to be objective.

Emotional people are needy people. They constantly need to be coddled and reassured that they are loved and accepted. Likewise they feel the need to constantly coddle and reassure those around them. This can become quite tiresome for the non-emotional. They cling to one another like plaque. They seek each other out and form bonds and relationships that are just as dynamic and unstable as the emotions they are founded upon. They feel a need to "tame" the non-emotional, to convince them of their folly and convert them. To them, the non-emotional are on a lower plane of existence and are not as "enlightened".

But it is in a state of emergency that the emotional NEED the non-emotional. It is when they are powerless that they need someone with a level head who can punch through the emotional fog and lead them out. They will shout praises to your name and call you things like "hero" and "strong". These are the same people who later will call you cold and heartless. Contrary to the claims of the emotional, "non-emotional" does not mean "emotionless," but it is a perception none the less.

They love you when they need you because you are strong and level headed. They love to pile things on your broad shoulders and see you as a protector. But they hate you when they don't need you because you are dry and callous. They want you to change. In fact, they want you to be both! They want you to be emotional, in order to coddle them yet be able to turn it off and be non-emotional when toughness is required. "THEY" can kiss my ass! I will always view them as sheep and they will always view me as savage.

We are both wrong. And we are both right. So be it.

Mole Freckels? You know it's funny!

2008-08-30T20:57:00.002-05:00

Bless her little heart! She tries!

"Hoplophobia"... what the hell is that? The beginning of the end of freedom, that's what.

2008-08-28T06:46:00.002-05:00

Renowned firearms instructor Lt. Col Jeff Cooper coined a term in the early 60’s in an attempt to describe the manic nature in which gun control advocates attempt to apply an evil stigma to inanimate objects. This term, “hoplophobia”, is taken from the Greek words “hoplon” meaning weapon and “phobos” meaning terror. Of course Gun Control advocates despise this word, arguing that it is not a legitimate medical term but rather a political pejorative used to discredit certain individuals who desire only to protect human life by suggesting the existence of an irrational fear when, in fact, such a fear need not exist in order to adopt the political viewpoint that the manufacture, sale, possession and use of firearms be controlled, limited or forbidden altogether.

To be fair, it is important to point out that it is common for those on both sides of the political isle to discredit the other by using the age old battle tactic of accusing them of “xenophobia” or possessing an irrational fear of that which is unfamiliar foreign or unknown. The term, “hoplophobia” is no exception. But do you remember the terms “homophobia” or “Islamophobia” coined by the left and used to discredit those who would otherwise be at odds with gays or Muslims? Of course you do. It didn’t matter why one might be at odds with those groups of people, only that one was. Soon, those terms were flying off the lips of anyone who wished to dismiss the concerns of the another by assigning to them a term or label that carries with it the connotation that the person is in some way “irrational” and thus not worthy of expressing an opinion at all.

I happen to think it is a lazy way to argue one’s point and that a point, if one exists at all, is done an injustice if not obscured totally by refusing to argue it on its own merits. But sometimes the shoe fits and while it may not be true that all gun control advocates possess an irrational fear of guns, it is arguable that the methods by which they recruit others to their cause certainly involve the fostering of such an irrational fear. Guns are commonly presented as tools of evil and thus evil themselves and, as is true in so many political arguments originating on the liberal left, the concept of personal responsibility has taken a backseat to the practice of blaming others as enablers of a crime rather than to hold the criminal responsible for his or her actions. In other words, if Smith & Wesson, for example had not been allowed to produce a particular firearm, then Joe Shmukatelli would not have been able to perpetrate a crime with that firearm and thus Mr. Shmukatelli is not responsible for his heinous actions but rather Smith & Wesson instead. Likewise, if Bob’s House of Guns hadn’t sold that Smith & Wesson firearm to John Q Public, then Mr. Shmukatelli would not have been able to steal that firearm from Mr. Public and perpetrate a criminal act. So again, by the logic of the gun control activists, it is not Mr. Shmukatelli who is responsible for his actions but rather Bob’s House of Guns for selling the firearm and Mr. Public for buying it legally. Despite the fact that a four year old child could easily deduce the error in this logic, it persists none the less. The idea is peddled that it is not because evil people possess guns that evil itself is perpetrated but rather instead that guns themselves are evil and without them, no evil deed could exist. Therefore if guns are evil, then they are to be feared as evil’s source.

Cooper argued that "the most common manifestation of hoplophobia is the idea that instruments possess a will of their own, apart from that of their user." It is this fear of an object with no will of it’s own that makes that fear itself “irrational”. If gun control advocates are not peddling “hoplophobia” then why would it not make more sense for them to call themselves “criminal control activists” and focus their efforts on preventing and controlling the people who perpetrate evil rather than attempting to control the access to the tools they might choose to perpetrate it? What if those criminals chose to use knives, baseball bats, claw hammers or tomahawks? If there were a sudden exponential increase in the amount of strangling murders in a place, then by their logic, should not piano wire and rope and extension cords be outlawed? Of course not! But why not? Because there exists for these things, a legitimate need and use. In other words, because they are misused by one, does not mean that they should be prevented from being properly used by another. The Latin phrase, “Abusus non tollit usum” transliterated as “misuse does not remove use” has existed for centuries and addresses this very logic. It is an axiom which states that just because something can be, or has been, abused, does not necessarily mean that it must be, or always is. Abuse, therefore does not, in itself, justify denial of proper use. Apparently the Romans knew a thing or two about logic. Perhaps gun control activists should take note.

You see the proper use of a firearm as a defensive weapon is to defend against an attacker. Why do I have the need for such a weapon? Because criminals can and will always have access to an unstoppable source of weapons. Our national borders literally bleed with drugs. Countless local, state and federal law enforcement agencies are tasked with preventing the manufacture, trafficking, sale, possession and use of these illegal substances. Can anyone argue logically that they are making progress? Can anyone deny that if I were to desire to obtain these substances that, with the proper amount of cash, I could not in the span of an hour obtain them with virtual ease? Why then would anyone suggest that various forms of small arms and weapons would not then be just as easily obtained? Why would anyone argue that we have any greater hope of controlling the black market trade on firearms any more successfully that we can control that same black market in the trade of narcotics or any other illicit substances?

It is the age old nemesis of Gun Control. They can’t get past that one sticky wicket. The broken cog, if you will, in the wheel of gun control… the black market trade. Who hasn’t seen a bumper sticker or t-shirt emblazoned with the now cliché saying that “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns?” It’s painfully overused and no less true because of it. How can they guarantee my safety if they would deny me the very means by which to keep myself safe? They can’t. They don’t. They don’t even touch this subject. You won’t hear an argument from them. They have chosen not to fight on this front because this is the front where Second Amendment Activists congregate en masse! But their agenda is no less important to them and in light of the recent US Supreme Court ruling that the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms applies INDIVIDUALLY to every law abiding citizen of these United States, they realize the only way they can disassemble that right is to make people afraid to exercise it. How? By villainizing and stigmatizing the humble gun itself as evil from its inception. By fostering and pushing and irrational fear of that which is otherwise not understood to crowds of sheep who reject the concept of personal responsibility and who believe that it is the government’s function to attend to their every need.

Why would they want to do this? Are they stupid? The answer is “no”. They are not. They know exactly what they are doing. They understand their agenda and are banking that you do not! If they can make you fear exercising a right, then they can make you forfeit that right altogether. They know they can’t do it in one fell swoop. But they have a fantastic shot at it by attrition. One at a time! They’ll chip away at this right of ours little by little. They’ll continue to indoctrinate our children in the academic arena and send them off to reject that right themselves. And pretty soon, much sooner than you might imagine, the majority will believe that our Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms is antiquated, barbaric and unnecessary. The minority will be silenced and the Bill of Rights will cease to exist. Why? Because they don’t like guns? Because they honestly believe in the cause they sell to you and me as caring about the sanctity of life and wanting to protect it? NO! Because it ushers in yet another agenda that has been sleeping and lying in wait to take its place when you and I are no longer able to protect ourselves and our individual rights because we are disarmed. What is that agenda? It’s called SOCIALISM, folks! And this malarkey about you and I being safer with less guns in our hands is just a smoke screen to what they really want….and that is for this nation to be one of collective rights and not of individual rights; for the United States of America to be a nation of collective ownership and not of individual ownership; for our country to embrace the idea of collective thought and not individual thought.

If you don’t believe that then you are one of the sheep mentioned above. Ever notice that it’s the same players who are present in the anti-gun movement and the anti-God movement? Ever wonder why? Hmmm… because God doesn’t fit very well into socialism either. Disarming Americans removes from us the means by which we would resist a socialist revolution or even a slow moving socialist reformation. We want our individual rights and we would fight and die for them. They want their collective rights but they are not willing to fight and die for them. Revolution does not have to spill blood to be a revolution. It merely has to swiftly change the ownership of production. But revolution is not in their grasp so long as you and I are armed and so long as a conservative Supreme Court continues to uphold the individual rights in our Constitution. So for now, they are relegated to selling their own form of xenophobias like “hoplophobia” and “Christianophobia” to impressionable young Americans who don’t know any better because they were never taught the value of their individual freedoms in a socialist run academia. How long before you and I fight back??

Onward through the night I ride...

2008-08-19T01:32:00.003-05:00

I haven't spoken much lately. Not here. Not in this place. Because THIS place is the place I made. This is MY place. A place of order and of reason. Nothing that has happened to me lately can be given to stand for anything like order or reason, much less logic or justice. I place my thoughts into this arena to be read and scrutinized when I am sure that they have been properly considered and well cataloged in my mind. I use this place for, among other things, the ability to draw upon these volumes of thoughts and opinions and scrutinize them myself. "Was I right?" "Do I still feel that way?" "If I knew then what I know now, would I have still written that?"

I have to do these things so that there is continuity in my thoughts and opinions. I must be intimate with my own viewpoints enough that I know how I got here. How did I arrive at this place? Why do I feel the way I feel about this particular thing? How can I possibly defend my stance on anything if I cannot reasonably state that the views I have today are better, more reasonable, more logical and more evolved than the views I had yesterday? And so I come back and I read and I think and I digest the Jason of yesterday in order to become a better Jason tomorrow. For the most part, I am happy to report that it appears that my mother didn't raise a fool. Most of my opinions and viewpoints can be defended even easier today than at the time they were written. I seem to be a pretty well rounded fellow... but not always.

Those who read this blog on any sort of regular basis, know that I am a firm believer that anything under any circumstance can be categorized in one of two labels, "wrong" and "right". Well, last week, I was wrong and today, I shall endeavor to be right. People do things that knowingly hurt other people for none other than selfish reasons. It doesn't matter specifically why they did it, just that the answer to that question will be a reason that benefits the doer and not the recipient. Most people are selfish. When you get right down to it, the fact is we all are selfish. If I do something nice for you because it makes me feel good... is that act of selfLESSness not in fact derived out of selfISHness? Let me put it this way: If making you happy, makes me happy, then why do I do things to make you happy? To make ME happy! I'm not saying that every selfless act is rooted in selfish gain. Not the case at all. But I am saying that in almost all things we do, we consider first ourselves and how we will be affected. But better is the person who derives his own pleasure from that of another than he who would stand upon another in order to benefit himself. Both are philosophically selfish. But one promotes harmony and the other promotes discord.

I made the mistake of assuming that everyone is selfish and that that selfishness is always wrong. It is not. There are people out there who are good and wholesome and well rounded just as I fancy myself to be. My work tends to make me skeptical and distrustful of people in general and though I prefer to term myself as a "realist", the simple fact is that I have the tendency to be a "pessimist". I have met a few of these people this week. Good people. People like me who have been dealt a shit sandwich and have chosen to diet instead. And so I will try to restate my post below in a way that is befitting of the way I feel today.

Dating is not stupid. People need other people. We want to feel needed and valid and useful. Not everyone is out to only please themselves. Many people are and I have learned to be wary of them... more now than ever before. But most are just trying to find their way through the same dark woods I find myself in. Some don't know they are there. Others don't want to get out. Still others, like myself, trudge along hoping that all is not in vain and that we will find someone who seeks to meet the needs of another in order to have that person meet their needs in return and exit the darkness together. It may suck.... but it is most definitely not stupid. So onward through the night I ride...

"Dear Love Diary, The End"

2008-08-14T23:03:00.002-05:00

In the short amount of time I've been gone, I endeavored to "jump back on the horse", so to speak. I went out and searched for the perfect person to shit on me again! All I have to show for it is a lighter wallet. Oh, yeah I got a dumb t-shirt too. Dating is stupid. It's for kids and idiots. God help me learn to be single. I'm convinced he doesn't make great people anymore. They're all in wedded matrimony or in heaven. Everyone left that plays the field is in it to make one person happy... themselves.

So it's me and my yungins. New life and new focus. Close ranks and move the hell on without the stupid idea of falling in love again. I'm gonna buy a singles gig one day though. Some nice little restaurant or cafe for hopeless romantics to go broke in. Maybe one of those "online meeting places". I could charge people a hell of a lot of money to stay single! Dating has turned me into an asshole. I don't like who I've become with the added stress of having the ridiculous trait in common with another person that the only one we both seem to care about is them. Screw that.

Not to worry though. I'll be back soon with new "direction".

World's worst weight loss program

2008-06-24T21:55:00.003-05:00

30 lbs in 30 days. Yep. I sweated out pound number 30 today. Stress is a natural appetite suppressant. I'm pretty sure 30 pounds in one month is not a healthy rate to lose weight, but it did need to come off. I bet I could count the meals I've eaten this month on two hands. My back feels better but my heart still hurts.

Had a 30 yard roll off dumpster delivered to the house and started filling it up with 18 years of stuff. Memories. A hell of a lot of them "good" memories. It's the small stuff you miss. A picture of the kids in day care with a real honest to goodness smile on their face. Good times. Tennis rackets and fishing rods. Clothes that "used to be cool". A 1967 Amana Radarange Microwave oven, a big ol' chrome plated monster bought used the year I was born. Still works, but I'm afraid to stand in front of it for fear it would nuke me sterile. Old rusty tools and even a love letter or two. Nobody wants the expensive family portraits that have hung on our wall for years now. Can't throw them away though. Books and papers. Homework that should have been turned in 3 years ago. Shoes...tons and tons of shoes. Holy crap I didn't realize how many shoes I'd walked in. But I'd give anything not to be walking in the one's I am now.

Lot of stuff in that dumpster outside. I'm 36 years old. That's HALF of my life out there! Part of me wants to rush out there and save it. Part of me can't wait until it's gone. Either way, there's 18 years and 30 pounds just melting away. 218 to go, and I'll be gone. Wonder how long that'll take? Lotta work left to do. Took a couple of weeks off of work to get my feet back under me. I'll be back when they show up.

"... something about the duality of man… The Jungian thing, sir" - Joker

2008-06-19T21:22:00.005-05:00

In the comment thread below, my friend Leonidas offered an alternative to the dark madness of Poe. "Vitae Summa Brevis Spem Nos Vetat Incohare Longam"-- "The brief sum of life forbids us the hope of enduring long". Both are a little dark I think. But I agree, life is short, why spend it crying over spilled milk, right? But "forever" is supposed to mean "forever" (however long that is) , not just until I'm tired of living up to my commitment to another. If "forever" is what I promised, "forever" is what I should give. It's what I was prepared to give and would give still. But the one thing I was supposed to be able to count on, I can no longer count on. So what can I count on? The "duality of man"?? The collective unconscious wins over the personal every time. Divorce has become way too easy and way too common. Pay some money, sign some papers, bada bing bada bang. You're free. Does anybody stand for anything anymore? Was I raised in a fairy tale?

One need only go back about a year to see a post similar to these. It was at that time that I saw divorce as imminent. We separated briefly but even then, I held on to hope. And reconciliation came against all odds. The past year has been pretty happy, at least for one of us. I fancy myself an intelligent fellow. Am I that easily duped? Or did I just want it to be so badly that I would lie to myself to make it so? Either way, reality has slammed down on me like a ton of bricks. Which is OK except for the fact that I never saw it coming.

I guess what's different this time is the finality of it all... its conclusiveness. For the first time in 18 years of marriage, I feel no urge to fight to hold everything together. I have acknowledged its inevitability without yet accepting. I don't even know how I got here. My head is spinning trying to make sense of it all but there's no sense to be made. Painful in many ways, I'm not sure what hurts more, "missing her" or "not being missed by her". Both are a knife in the gut.

Quoting "dark" poetry isn't my way of pouting. It's just a way of summing up into someone else's eloquently stated words, an emotion I'm not all too familiar with. In "The Raven", Poe lamented over his lost "Lenore" and his ending was indeed bleak. But I thought that particular verse appropriate given my state of mind at the time. The "aloneness" can be crushing at times. I know there is light over the horizon but for now, I see no horizon. So onward through the dark I tread, fearing all the while, the horizon will never come. "Hopeless" seems to sum it up for today.

"Through me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.

Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.

Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here."

(sounds better in Italian)

Of course Dante was talking about "hell"... Sounds a bit like "divorce". Or was it marriage??

Alone with myself.

2008-06-16T21:31:00.008-05:00

Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams
no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken,
and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken
was the whispered word, 'Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo
murmured back the word, 'Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more. - Edgar Allan Poe (from "The Raven")

The silence is deafening. Not a sound but the clock on the mantle and the slow exhausting repetetive draw of each breath I take. These are the moments I hate yet, oddly, seek the most. These are the moments where my thoughts are so loud I wish they had a volume control. This surreal existence, hanging from the thinnest of threads, suspended somewhere between the dreadful reality below which I am not yet ready to accept but into which I will inevitably fall, and the imaginary fantasy above, of what life once was and what it would be still had I only done something different to change it all. But what? When? How might I have changed the road down which I have traveled to arrive at this place? Questions to which I may never know the answer abound in my head... throbbing and aching until what?? Until I become "used to" or just numb from the pain of not knowing??

I have never been one to be led by my emotions or to allow myself to make decisions based solely upon them. Analytical by nature, I have always searched for "reason" and for "logic" before cataloging away, in the annals of my brain, even that which is painful or sorrowful to me. Skeletons and hatchets seem to remain buried that way. It has always worked, at least until now. Now, when there is no logic or reason to be found am I suspended in this hopeless transition between what I thought existed, and what exists despite my efforts to prevent it. These emotions which have never guided my path now threaten to suck me powerlessly into a place of which I am terrified.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a robotic shell of a man who never experiences emotion. I simply do not allow myself to make decisions, especially life-changing ones, with no compass to guide me except that which constantly points to how I "feel" at the moment. Feelings change from day to day but the polarities of right and wrong do not. I've prayed. I've pondered. I've listended to advice and surrounded myself with those who love and care for me. But it does not change where I am. It does not change how I feel. It does not change the desperation with which I cling to this rapidly unraveling thread that keeps me from drowning in the reality of being alone. It does not silence the deafening roar of silence itself. Yet still I seek these moments like I seek air to breath. These moments where I am alone... alone with myself.

Where have I been?...The abbreviated answer because I'm "Effin" Exhausted.

2008-06-13T22:51:00.003-05:00

Divorce. 18 yrs. Screeching halt. Single parent (again) with full custody of a 12 year old "tween" daughter and a 14 year old autistic son. Momma just up and friggin left to pursue her "new life"! Daughter cries daily. Wants no contact with her mother at all. Feels abandoned and betrayed. (rightfully so) My autistic son just wants things back to normal and would forgive her for anything to get it that way. Bless his heart...it is made of gold!

But pile on the pressure and stress of a day at work, my work, calming a hysterical mother so I can give her CPR instructions on her 4 month old baby; the fire department rolling up just in time to watch a man burn to death in his vehicle before they could extinguish it...and so on and so on. Daily stuff here. Someone tell me please. Where the hell do you store all that shit? What do you do with it?

Beer and Ambien doesn't wash it away anymore. How much can a man take?

Thanks for tuning in. I'll check back when I'm finished licking a few deep wounds.

Pray for my kids. Pray for me.

Thanks, friends.
- Jason

Remember this classic movie line?

2008-03-13T23:26:00.003-05:00

What a great line! Bob Hope's character, Larry Lawrence in the 1940 comedy, Ghost Breakers takes a stab at Democrats. Funny stuff!

Do They Really Want Racial Bigotry To End?

2008-03-13T09:24:00.008-05:00

It certainly seems as though they do not. Who are "they", you ask? Black Civil Rights Activists (at least the ones who are courted by the mainstream media) and a few black Politicians. Now I know there are those who will interpret "they" as a "you people" type remark. Screw them. This is self-evident. "Race Pimps" like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton make their living by seeking out things to throw down the "race card" on, often vague and questionable things like Sharpton did to Golf Network anchor, Kelly Tilghman's use of the word "lynching". They CREATE racial tensions, paint them white and then strive with all their might to shine every media spotlight on them that they can for as long as they can. You see without them, they'd disappear. They wouldn't be important anymore. They'd be out of a job and out of the news. People like Jesse and Al are the biggest racist bigots of them all. They fuel the fire. They feed off of the controversy they create, victimizing the downtrodden, all the while claiming to fight for them.

As far as politicians are concerned, I don't mean to suggest that all black politicians are bigots. Not so. But the ones who run their campaigns on race and seem to make every issue about race, most certainly are. Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick is a prime example. You may recall last summer when he and several other "civil rights activists" conducted a mock funeral for the "N" word complete with coffin and grave, comical if nothing else. Well it seems Mr. Kilpatrick is just one of the latest politicians to be investigated for improper conduct. I'm sorry, if you're an elected official, black or white, you are held to a higher standard of conduct than the average Joe. If you're caught with your pants down, you deserve to be dethroned. What he did, isn't important. How he's deflecting attention is. Resurrecting the "N" word he buried amounts to nothing more than "race-baiting". He said that since this scandal broke, he's been called that "N" word more than any other time in his life. Only Kilpatrick didn't feel the need to "abbreviate". He said he's received more death threats than at any other time in his administration. It's the classic "smoke and mirrors" act. It's sad really.

I hear the "N" word all the time, but not from white people. I'm white and I live in the south, the cradle of racial bigotry according to the rest of the country and I NEVER HEAR THIS WORD FROM WHITE PEOPLE, not even in exclusively "white" company. White people are scared of the word. No, I hear it all the time from black people. (None of the black people I call friends, mind you) Many of them call each other that and use it almost as a term of endearment. It is quite confusing, but either way, it is "their word" now. They have staked claim to it. They use it as loosely as they use their own name and they wear it like a badge of honor and to be honest with you, I couldn't give a damn one way or the other. I saw it on a hat the other day in the mall! Obviously the man wearing it wasn't offended by the word, it was embroidered on his apparel!

Fact is, if you want the word to "die", leave it the hell alone. If you want to attain public office or make your living by enraging people then by all means, use it as often as you like. I don't use it, so I refuse to accept responsibility for its offensiveness. I don't know any white people who use it, so I think its perfectly acceptable for me to be offended by the suggestion that they do it all the time. I don't think Jesse and Al believe it, but I think Jesse and Al want black people to believe that white people sit around all day and tell black jokes, send racial death threats to black people in power and conjure new and inventive ways to oppress them, as if we have nothing more constructive to do with our time. Who is weak minded enough to believe that? None of the black people I know pay them any attention or claim to be spoken for by them. They just go to work and pay their taxes like everyone else. So who lends these idiots credence? Not black people, at least not the ones I encounter on a daily basis. So who? Yep, it's white people. White people are the primary audience. White people listen to them and then run for the hills in fear of being offensive for being white.

I don't know any racists. But Jesse and Al and Louis Farrakhan and politicians like Kwame Kilpatrick and Ray Nagin epitomize the image of racial bigotry in America. They serve it up and white people swallow it down like hemlock. Racism happens. I realize that. There are white mental midgets in this country who have been bred (or inbred) to believe that they are supreme. But I honestly believe that the majority of Americans, both black and white are not, and that the world would be a better, more productive place without sawing down the equality tree which has taken so long to cultivate merely to give these chumps a stump to preach from.

Personal Responsibility. What happened to it?

2008-03-09T23:30:00.009-05:00

The LA Times article I was going to link to is now dead. So I'll just report. This woman (I shudder to call her that... more like 2 year old child caught in a woman's body), Arelia Margarita Taveras, a well known attorney and media comentator, lost a fortune sitting her dumb ass in a casino gambling away here savings. 1 Million dollars at a craps table! She says it's the casino's fault! They should have stopped her! This blows my mind. I'd like to think she hasn't a chance in hell of winning this ridiculous law suit but I can't put such misguided confidence in our screwed up judicial system. It's happened before. We sue gun manufacturers because a predator used their product to kill someone. We sue Mc Donald's for making us fat. We sue cigarette manufacturers because we smoked their products till our lungs turned black. We sue car manufacturers because we drove reckless and killed our loved one. Where does it end?

We have become a pathetic society of slackers. How did we get here? No one is responsible for their actions anymore. A person can murder someone in cold blood and somehow, inevitably wind up usurping their prey and becoming the victim. It's never the perpetrator's fault. They're just "products of their environment", or "victims of circumstance". "The deck was stacked against them", or "they didn't get a fair shake". "They were poor" or "they were abused". Anything to shift the blame from the person who's screwed up to anyone/everyone else. The bleeding hearts say things like, "We failed them as a society", or "We should have noticed something was wrong and gotten them help...we missed the signs". Well guess what? IT AIN'T MY FRIGGIN' JOB TO GET YOU HELP!

We have moved from a respectable country of hard working people who loved liberty enough to embrace it wholesale and be responsible for their own successes, their own failures and their own destinies to a nation of whining, spineless, finger pointing ingrates who don't know the meaning of honor or integrity, the concept of pride in a hard days work, stuffing money in a sock drawer for a rainy day or, God forbid, earning what we have and being just a little bit embarrassed to sit with our hand out waiting to get fed! Instead we have evolved into a self destructive group of lemmings willing to continue to write ourselves generous checks from the public coffers until we're damned near bankrupt for various "social programs" that serve to encourage people from earning their keep rather than providing them with an incentive to do so.

Personal Responsibility. How did that become a bad idea? Stop the planet... I'd like to exit now.

Defensive Shotgun 101

2008-03-07T18:11:00.006-06:00

Do you own a shotgun? Is it your primary defensive weapon for protecting your home and family. If not, it should be. In the realm of defending one's home, there is no better choice than a shotgun. If things have gotten bad enough that you must use a firearm inside your home, understand, you are in a desperate situation. Your first shot must be accurate and decisive. It must count. It must incapacitate your intruder. It must end your confrontation. Experts, overwhelmingly agree that no other weapon can provide the assurance of instantaneous incapacitation like a shotgun can.

Various shot sizes provide the user a wide range of choices in power and caliber of projectiles. When listening to people about what size shot they use in their home, I've heard it all. From #12 birdshot to four-ought Buckshot and one ounce slugs. It can be quite confusing. Your choice may prove to be lethal not only to your intruder but also to your family, or your neighbors. At a velocity of over 1200 feet per second for heavy buckshot loads, over penetration is an issue that must be considered.

00 (pronounced "double ought") buckshot is a very common load for Law Enforcement, Military, and home defense. In fact it is the most popular. But is it the best choice? Here comes my "opinion" backed up with a few facts. It is my belief that 00 Buck is best suited for "offensive" situations, such as those which would commonly be encountered by Law Enforcement and Military. There are tactical situations where it is conceivable that they would need a great deal of penetration. If their target is behind soft to medium cover, lighter loads just won't cut it. 00 Buck provides adequate penetration and an excellent transfer of energy into the target. But what is right for a police officer or soldier in the field is not necessarily right for the home owner in a defensive situation. My choice is #1 Buck and I'll try to explain why.

It is first important to understand what exactly is the "stopping force" behind a shotgun, or any firearm for that matter. In stark contrast to what Hollywood would have you believe, men are not knocked off their feet from the blast of a firearm, shotguns included. Though the sheer pain and shock of being shot by any firearm over 30 caliber is usually enough to halt most attackers, if they are juiced up on some type of drug such as PCP, methamphetamine or cocaine, it is very likely that they won't feel it at all. So then what? A defender's shot must be accurately placed center mass (torso) and must reliably penetrate deep enough to intersect a major cardiovascular structure or organ causing the rapid hemorrhaging and loss of oxygenated blood to the brain needed to remain conscious. This must happen very quickly. The large vascular structures in the abdomen and upper torso including the heart are the primary targets for such a rapid incapacitation to take place. This may seem like a gruesome subject. It is. But understanding it is necessary to taking proper action should the unfortunate situation of having to defend your own life or that of your loved ones befall you. Be crystal clear on this point, you are not shooting to kill. You are shooting to stop, and the quickest way to stop someone is to cause the rapid loss of consciousness and the most reliable way to cause the rapid loss of consciousness is to deny oxygenated blood to the brain. Dying is merely a side affect to being quickly incapacitated and one with which one ought not have to concern themselves should a defensive situation arise where they must use their firearm.

The FBI has determined that to effectively stop a human, a projectile must penetrate at least 12 inches. While the heavier buckshot loads have no problem penetrating this deep, they sacrifice mass and surface area in order to project a larger caliber pellet and they have the real possibility of over penetrating the target and harming or killing an innocent person behind. Remember, you are responsible for the projectile from the time it exits the barrel to its terminal resting place. If that terminal resting place is inside your neighbor or your family member, not only will you have a heavy weight to live with but you'll very likely live with it in prison. #1 buckshot is the smallest load that reliably penetrates 12-14 inches of ballistic gelatin. A typical 2-3/4 inch tactical 00 buckshot load will have a total of nine .33 caliber pellets providing a combined cross-sectional surface area of .77 inches. However, a typical 2-3/4 inch #1 buckshot load has sixteen .30 caliber pellets providing a combined cross-sectional surface area of 1.3 inches. Thus #1 Buckshot has the capacity to produce 30% more wound trauma. The added comfort of the pellets having a minimal likelihood of over penetrating makes #1 buckshot ideally suited for home defense.

So don't get overzealous by loading slugs or heavy buckshot for home defense. It is a personal choice but one that should be made by an informed homeowner. Keep your family safe. Don't accept more risk than necessary when choosing a defensive shotgun load for the home. Remember too that shotguns do not produce a hallway sized spread of pellets at typical combat range. You must aim the gun. Though it is more forgiving than a centerfire cartridge in terms of accuracy, merely pointing it in the general direction of your assailant is not sufficient, you can and will miss if you don't shoulder and aim the gun.

Creeping Socialism

2008-03-07T13:30:00.013-06:00

Anyone who doesn't think it's happening, has a serious case of cranial rectumitis. Take a look at this . If that doesn't piss you off, then you have no business living in a free republic. A California (go figure) court, composed of a panel of three judges has decided that parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children without first obtaining teaching credentials. Read that again. "do not have a constitutional right". It seems that is becoming an all to common phrase these days. Justice H. Walter Croskey penned the courts final opinion which contains the following:

"Parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children... Parents who fail to [comply with school enrollment laws] may be subject to a criminal complaint against them, found guilty of an infraction, and subject to imposition of fines or an order to complete a parent education and counseling program."

That, my friends is the government occupying a much larger swath of your life than was constitutionally afforded it. I could quote for you study after study showing the exceptional performance of home schooled students on standardized testing. I could provide for you volumes of data indicating that children who are home schooled, by and large, score up to 30% higher than those who are publicly educated. I could show you where adults who were home schooled as a children have higher participation in their communities, vote more often and are less likely to commit a crime. I could eat up a hell of a lot of broadband cutting a pasting links and completely lose my point within it, but it is easy enough to find yourself. So why? What's so wrong with home schooling that the government would step in and put a stop to it? You ready? Here it is: It is largely dominated by evangelical Christians. That's it folks. That's all thats wrong with it. Not because these stay at home parents can't do the job without some piece of paper, not because these kids are growing up to be completely inept from lack of socialization, not because they can be proven to have any deficiency compared to publicly educated students... it's because these parents teach their children things like creation in lieu of evolution. It is because they may spend as much time on Bible studies as they do social studies. The government has a lumbering monstrosity of a monopoly on education. It is a dinosaur, dominated by left wing liberals that lets so many children fall through the cracks that it is a wonder we've let them maintain a strangle hold this long.

Don't think the NEA isn't behind this! This reeks of the NEA! This is right in line with their agenda. The NEA is a socialist organization from top to bottom. Championing pro-homosexual (not homosexual tolerance but PRO-homosexual) and atheist agendas, they all but openly admit it to indoctrinating kids into socialism. Their bully union tactics sicken me. What if your public schools suck? What if they're not safe? What if you don't approve of their curriculum? What if you can't afford private education? What right does the government have to force sub-standard public education on you? How long will we let our rights be whittled away. California is fast becoming a moonbat nation all its own. Every infringement on the Constitution, every wacko oddity and perversion of mankind, every assault on our men in uniform, every tree hugging eco-terrorist maniac, every challenge to our national sovereignty, every quack court ruling, from county to Federal seems to originate in this nut house of a State.

We should let Mexico annex them. They damn near have, anyway. I'd tell you not to let this happen in your state, but as long as we allow little demi-god judges to legislate from their bench, we don't really have a choice, do we? I know it was a state court that made this ruling, but I've no doubt that were it to somehow make it to the lunatics on the Ninth Circuit that it would be upheld. You really want Hillary or Obama appointing any more judges? Can our freedom stand for it?

Preach on, playa!

2008-03-04T18:13:00.005-06:00

Found this over at FIU. Rob raised the point: "....imagine what would happen if a white man had said it. Any of it." Indeed. He would be lynched. Ooops! Sharpton says that's a "racist" word..."lynched". Sorry. He'd be mobbed and hanged. Hmmm... sounds like the same thing. Anyway, I kinda like the guy. I think trashin' the ol' "Obama Momma" was way outta line though but there's a lot of truth here too.

A preacher, cussing... in a pulpit? Who'd have thunk it. Obviously, the man's a bigot too 'cause it sounds like he's got no love for white women but all that aside...he's preaching accountability, and that...I like! Falls right in with my post below. So I can deal with a little bigoted madness. To each his own. Preach on preecha man, preach on!

On a stump, ranting about something or another...

2008-03-03T19:02:00.012-06:00

I count myself fortunate to have a profession which reminds me daily how blessed I am. I think it is human nature to take certain things for granted and were it not for my job, I'd stand guilty of that very sin. But I often reflect on what life would be like if I were dealt someone else's hand. I pray that I never lose that empathetic ability. It makes me good at what I do and it makes me thankful for what I have. Bad stuff happens, and not just on Television.

Everyday, working middle class Americans go about their daily grinds oblivious to life outside of their bubbles. With bills piled on the kitchen table, we peer over our cups of morning joe and bat nary an eye at the sadness that blankets our world. How is it we've become so jaded? I work in an average middle sized population on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Its a "destination" for many. People actually come here to relax and vacation. It's beautiful here. For others, its not so much a destination so much as just a place where they've landed. Economic woes are painfully evident here. Wages are low and unemployment is high. This is the Southland. Social services are sucked up by 4th and 5th generation recipients of government handouts as fast as they can be conjured.

We still have "Dixiecrats" here, though they are increasingly rare. Those "Southern Democrats" are people with conservative values wrapped up in a liberal social spending package. God fearing men in overalls with calloused hands and sore backs. No, I'm not a "Southern Democrat", but despite our differences in fiscal and economic philosophies, I respect the hell out of them. Honest folks with a home they worked hard to get and work harder to keep. Kids with fresh haircuts and bibles with creases in the spine. People who say "yes ma'am" and "thank you" as a matter of course. A bounty on the table at the expense of a name brand label on their jeans or a car that was built in the past two decades. Priorities that fall neatly in order with what is important in life. Does that guy deserve a break? Yeah, probably. Is it my responsibility to ensure that he gets it? No, I don't believe it is, but I'll bitch a heck of a lot less at the prospect of dropping money in his pockets than in the pockets of the new recipients of social services that have supplanted him.

He's being systematically replaced by people whose kids go without while they drive Lexus' and Cadillacs with rims and stereo systems that cost more than my whole car. Wearing expensive name brand clothes, women with new elaborate purple and red hairdo's, gold and platinum jewelry and ridiculous manicures swipe EBT cards at the register then shuttle their truant kids back to their poverty stricken, crime ridden government subsidized housing. Dysfunctional violent households in dilapidated trailers give shelter to those who would ignore a help wanted sign in favor of cooking methamphetamine. Priorities entirely out of whack and no intent to get better.

Meanwhile, Obama runs for the highest office in the land on a campaign of magnanimous generalities describing "new hope" and "change"... empty promises of prosperity with no specific plan and no pocketbook to pay for it. Hilary peddles her socialized medicine package to a roaring crowd of hapless sheep who actually believe that she can pluck them from their plights by giving them something for nothing. Modern day "Robin Hoods", they take from the "haves" and give indiscriminately to the "have nots". Seemingly striving to increase the "crush factor" of social equality while tearing apart any notion of the "American Dream", and like freewill busting juggernauts they remain bent on providing for people instead of teaching them how to provide for themselves and more importantly, holding them accountable for the responsibility of doing so. I think that's really where we miss the boat as a society. We can have all of the subsidies and handouts our imaginations can fathom to try to ease the pain of the downtrodden but unless people are held accountable for what they do with the opportunities afforded them, we will continue to see one generation begetting to another a sense of "entitlement" for those handouts.

I'm thankful for what I have. I'm thankful that my parents instilled in me a sense of pride in a days work. I've hoed some hard rows. There have been days in my past when I honestly didn't know how I would pay for my next meal. But God has provided for my family and I and not a day goes by that I don't value the comforts we've accrued. I remember those days as a young adult when I didn't have a nickel to my name fantasizing about how great it would be to just press the fast forward button to a day when I could just go to work and come home, pay my bills and live my life. I'd imagine having a famly, a house and a car, food on the table and gas in the tank... a normal life. Now that I have those things, I've come to realize that my "American Dream" exists on a sliding scale. The more I have, the more I want. I struggle against the tide to go from financial equilibrium to financial independence. That is my natural tendency. To be farsighted. To lose the present in the haze of the future.

But by a firm hand, God has given me a flush valve for all of those selfish tendencies because just as soon as I lose sight of all that is important to me, along comes my job everyday to remind me that I AM living the American Dream. That's what it's all about... the struggle. Reaping the benefits of my own labor. Knowing that nothing is certain, my successes are all the more satisfying having earned them myself. I am not rich nor is it likely that I will ever be. I am not meant to be. I wouldn't be very good at it. I wouldn't be a better man for it. This I know of myself. So it is with a generous portion of humility that I have learned to be happy with what I have. Slightly more than a meager existence, we have some of the things that we want, but we have all of the things that we need. So, what's so wrong with that? I may have to plan and budget for every dollar I spend but I'll not soon complain about it, not so long as I am fortunate enough to work in Public Safety and be confronted daily with the stark reality that life is so very short yet so very sweet. It gives me pause. And pause is all I need reflect on what I have. So chew your food slowly so as to savor the flavor. Take the scenic route home every now and again and hug your kids every chance you get. Take a look around your house and love the junk you've accumulated. It's yours. Smile and be happy with today because today is all you have. Tomorrow might not come. I see sadness everyday, and I am a happier man for it.

Abusus non tollit usum. (Misuse does not preclude proper use)

2008-02-17T00:47:00.007-06:00

In keeping with the subject matter of the past three posts, I've felt it necessary to compose yet another. Why? Because I have more to say, that's why. And the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get.

Take a look at the map above. You'll see that there are 4 colors on this map of the 50 States. The blue States are called "Shall Issue" States and have adopted a "Florida style" policy on the issuance of concealed weapons permits. That simply means that when applying to obtain a concealed weapons permit, unless you are legally disqualified you "shall be issued" the license provided you complete all of the required steps.

The yellow States are known as "May Issue" States. In these States, you must demonstrate a "need" above and beyond the simple desire to obtain one to be issued a license to carry a firearm. For instance, carrying large sums of money as a condition of one's employment might be a qualifying "need" to be issued a concealed weapons permit in California or New York.

The green States have little or no restrictions on firearms. Anyone, save convicted felons and children under 18 can purchase, obtain, possess, and carry a firearm on or about his or her person, either concealed or openly with no licensing or registration requirements.

Then there are the red States. In these States, the right to bear arms is unconstitutionally denied. No one is issued concealed weapons permits. No demonstrated "need" is good enough. No one can carry a gun on their person under any circumstances except law enforcement and criminals. Everyone else must fall into the inevitable and unfortunate category of "hapless and helpless victims".

One of those red States, you may notice, is Illinois. Illinois is where the most recent university shooting happened. Illinois is where the department store shooting that killed 5 women happened. Illinois is also where one of the most violent cities in America happens to be. No one had a snowball's chance in hell of stopping these men because no one had a firearm. Had one not killed himself and the other not fled, more people would have surely died in a cowering heap of pathetic pleadings for mercy.

How can this not anger the hell out of you? Who the hell is the State Legislature to tell you that you cannot protect yourself? Who the hell are these self-righteous imbeciles at the Brady Campaign to assume that you cannot safely handle the situation of using a firearm to protect your own life and should therefore just die? What gives them the right? Who gives them the authority?

I am constantly outraged by the audacity of those who speak for the Brady Campaign when they argue against legislation that would allow law abiding, adult citizens to purchase, own, or carry firearms. Their arguments are never based on statistical data or facts. On the contrary, they are nearly always based on assumptions and opinions and always presented as though they were fact. They cannot argue with statistics that show that States with looser gun laws suffer less violent crime. They cannot discount the factual data that shows that legal gun owners are far less likely to commit violent crimes. They cannot argue, intelligently so they don't. Instead, they appeal to the audience's emotions by postulating, speculating and theorizing based solely on conjecture or otherwise using the SWAG method to presuppose what they think might happen. SWAG...that stands for Scientific Wild Assed Guess!

In a recent Newsweek interview with a nonprofit organization called Students for Concealed Carry on Campus or SCCC (referenced in a post below), Brian Malte, the State Legislation and Politics Director at the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence said, of course, that the legislation that SCCC seeks simply would not work. He had no valid reasoning for such a conclusion, mind you...just speculation. "It's ridiculous to say someone with a gun could have saved the day"..."with people running all over the place and people getting caught in the crossfire." Newsweek went on to quote Malte as saying that "...his group opposes the concealed-carry legislation, because allowing firearms to saturate college campuses, where young people drink heavily and live communally, would only heighten the danger of deadly violence."

Did you see that? Did you see what he did? He made an assumption and then projected that assumption onto you as fact. How does he know that people would be running into the line of fire and not taking the natural reaction of getting as low as possible? How does he know that the person who may be carrying concealed would not exercise due caution so as not to shoot innocent bystanders? How can he say that college campuses would be "saturated" with guns if this legislation is passed? Saturated? Not everyone qualifies. Not everyone would want to carry a gun. One would have no reason to believe that any different proportion of the campus population would choose to carry concealed firearms than the general population as a whole. And because stereotypical college students binge drink on movies like Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds, it would be irresponsible to allow such an out of control group to have guns. Never mind the fact that these same people already have the permits necessary to carry guns concealed in places like restaurants and malls and marketplaces. Somehow, this genius concludes that the specific surrounding of a college campus makes it too dangerous for these same people to carry those same guns under the same constraints of the law with the same responsibilities and with the same standards and expectations of reasonable behavior. Why? How?

Can you smell the bullshit? These people are living in a fantasy land. A land where they honestly believe that it is possible to get control of all of the hundreds of millions of guns out on the street. They envision a day where guns are only in the hands of the police and the military....preferably only the military. They are delusioned idealists who couldn't rub two statistical facts together to come up with a coherent conclusion to save their pathetic pacifist butts. If you could magically wave a wand and make all privately owned guns, both legal and illegal just disappear from within the borders of our country today...then tomorrow, people would kill, rob and carjack other people with knives, baseball bats, claw hammers and power drills. History supports this. People have been killing people since Caine smacked Abel over the head with a rock! And people will continue to kill people no matter what sorts of primitive or technologically advanced weapons are afforded them. But the simple fact is, you have no magic wand. You can never get control over all of the guns available on the black market...ever. The German Gestapo couldn't do it in WWII, and you most certainly cannot do it with any of the First Ten Amendments to the Constitution of the United States intact.

Guns aren't going anywhere, folks. This is about evening the odds. This is about allowing victims to have a sporting chance at survival and giving predators a legitimate deterrent. This is about recognizing that the right to live and the right of self-preservation is inherent and inalienable to all sapient beings and cannot by their very nature be relieved from one by another because, despite any law prohibiting them, they will be enacted anyway as a natural course of instinctual reaction. You cannot make it illegal for me to meet a force likely to cause death or great bodily harm with the same or a greater amount of force anymore than you can make it illegal for me to breath. My life depends on both and despite any law to the contrary I will continue to do both. On the same side of that coin, depriving me of the very means of self preservation is akin, in my opinion, of depriving me of oxygen to breath....tantamount to murder. It is not for the law to presume whether I will act reasonably in any given hypothetical life threatening situation. It is only for the law to decide whether I have acted reasonably after the fact. For the law to step in and preemptively judge that I might act unreasonably and then, for that reason, remove from me the right or ability to act in that instance, forces the law to act in my place. Any failure of the law to act in my place under such circumstances should thus constitute negligence or malpractice, up to and including not having any representatives (ie, law enforcement) nearby.

Now I know that might be a far reach in legal interpretation on my part but theoretically it is sound and there are integral parts of that theory that cannot be refuted, such as the inherent instinctual compulsion to act with deadly force in defense of one's own life. If it is true that access to black market firearms cannot be feasibly curtailed, especially in a free state, and it is also true that all humans have the right to defend themselves and others with deadly force if a force likely to cause death or great bodily harm is met and it is also true that to deny a person either the right or the ability to apply that force in a situation where it is needed might cost that person their life, then it must be reasonably concluded that a person has the inherent right to arm themselves with weapons likely to be capable of deterring, repelling, or quashing an encountered deadly force. Whether I act reasonably and in accordance with the law is up to a jury to decide after the fact, not for legislators to decide before it ever happens under hypothetical presumptions.

How to keep your kids safe from gun accidents

2008-02-15T03:42:00.007-06:00

In light of recent events, I thought I'd take a some time to dispel a nasty little myth about firearms often peddled by anti-gun scaremongers. The loony "Brady Bunch" would have you believe that guns kill kids. Bullshit! Careless, untrained kids kill kids. You want your kids to be safe behind the wheel of a car, you teach them to drive safely. You want them to remain safe from gun accidents? The solution is no different. You teach them. You shoot with them. You remove the Hollywood instilled novelty of guns by giving them plenty of supervised time putting lead down range. Make them fully aware of what happens on the business end of a handgun, rifle or shotgun.

Both my 12 year old daughter and my 14 year old autistic son know how to safely handle a firearm. Both of them have a great deal of respect for firearms and understand the immense responsibility that comes with handling one. They understand this because they've grown up around guns. They've been taught and they will continue to be taught. For instance, our next range lesson will focus on safely clearing various feed and ejection malfunctions and misfires. I'm proud of their progress. They have both become quite proficient shooters. Neither of them have any desire to play with a gun because they see it as a tool not a toy. That's my daughter showing perfect form in the photo above. Warms the cockles of my heart! She's got a mean right hook too! Keep yer hands to yourself boy!

Fish In A Barrel

2008-02-14T20:56:00.008-06:00

It's just too damned bad that no one told the suicidal gunman at Northern Illinois University that he was in a "Gun Free Zone". Maybe if he knew that it were "against the law" to have a gun on campus, he would have refrained from going on this rampage. Good thing that everyone else there was following the law, though huh? I mean at least they died as "law abiding citizens", right? That's all that really counts, isn't it? I wonder how come you never hear of a "crazed gunman" going on a shooting spree at an NRA convention? Quite puzzling.

This is getting old, folks. It's getting ridiculous. Anti-gun moonbats continue to demand that college students remain defenseless while a crazy man takes as many as he can with him to his grave. The law protects no one. No law ever has. The law punishes offenders "after" they have committed their crime. So what if it's "illegal" to have a gun on campus? It's also illegal to shoot people! So when a man sets out fully intent on killing a bunch of people and then ending his own life, he surely doesn't care that it's illegal to possess the tool with which he plans to execute them. Any laws that supposedly "prohibit" such actions mean absolutely nothing! And this is not unique to college campuses, either. It is true of any place where the government says you cannot carry a weapon to defend yourself.

I propose that instead of posting a sign that reads "No Firearms Allowed", or "This is a Gun Free Zone", that they advertise with the following words: "It is illegal for you to defend yourself in this place. If attacked by someone with a gun, yell, scream, pray, or cower but you may not use deadly force to protect your own life." As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, one thing will always remain true: The only thing that will ever stop a person with a gun, is another person with a gun. That is an indisputable fact. The question is: Who will that person be? A cop? Yes, that would be nice and tidy provided there happens to be one nearby. But just as a kid doesn't stick gum under the desk when the teacher is looking, neither will a criminal decide to act when a police officer is present.

So let's say you're the helpless citizen trapped in a building with a crazed gunman or worse yet, more than one. What will you do? Call the police? Yeah, that's a good idea. What's that? They're on the way, you say? Oh, OK! Well then, that makes it all better now doesn't it? We'll just wait for them to arrive and put a stop to this madness. Good thing this gunman is busy shooting "other people" while we all wait on the police to arrive and not YOU, right? Oh, look! Look out there! There's a policeman outside. Hurry, dude! What's he doing? He's hiding behind his car with his gun drawn and talking on his radio! Why is he not rushing in to save the day? My God, there are people dying in here! What the hell is he waiting for!!?? BACK UP? We don't have time for back up! He's coming my way, I'm going to be next. Oh my God, here he comes! Please! Please! Oh God, PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!

So what will you do when there's no cop around? You don't know? I'll tell you what you're going to do. If you are a law abiding citizen in a "Gun Free Zone", YOU WILL DIE! In an horrific and grotesque fashion, you will meet your end at a time of someone else's choosing. No glory or purpose shall have come from your sacrifice. No greater good shall have been served by your willingness to adopt no means of protection. All of your struggles and pleadings will have been in vain and it will be then, amidst your suffering that you will come to the stark realization that no sign, no policy, no law, no court opinion or interpretation, no blind faith in the gentleness of mankind, no pacifist philosophy and no chanted slogans, could have saved you nor prevented the tragedy you have become a part of. Like so many cattle, you and those around you will have been put down, all without a single means of protest. Death will be the only release from your pain. You will have been forced to this point. You will have followed the wide, paved, well beaten path of law abiding citizenship to this very cliff's edge. You will have had no choice. You will have had no alternative. You will have had no escape and above all....You will have had no protection. You will have met this demise....because the government says so.

How long can we stand for this madness?

Empty Holster Protest

2008-02-12T01:30:00.001-06:00

The SCCC or “Students For Concealed Carry on Campus” will stage another “Empty Holster Protest” for the week of April 21-25, 2008. At campuses all over the United States, students will wear empty holsters to school. This is the second such protest staged by this organization, now some 11,000 members strong. The first protest was held in October of last year on the campuses of 125 separate US Colleges and Universities. SCCC says this protest will be different from the last in that it will focus more on educating the uninformed on the facts of concealed carry laws and how they differ on college campuses. I applaud their effort but “educating the uninformed” on a college campus is akin to bouncing one’s head off of a brick wall repeatedly in hopes that the wall will get out of the way. Nevertheless…off comes my hat to this courageous group of students.

SCCC shares my view that state laws and school policies that forbid duly licensed students and faculty members from carrying their weapons on campus tilts the scales dramatically in the odds of criminals and murderers by disarming the only people who are willing to follow the law in the first place. They drive this point home quite well in my opinion with the graphic on a t-shirt they’ve designed, which has the following caption:

"THIS IS A GUN FREE ZONE. If you were planning on shooting a bunch of innocent people and then yourself, we’re sorry, but that is not allowed here."

Funny stuff, but I think it illustrates the ignorance that permeates the anti-gun left and those that think that if you pass a law, criminals are bound to follow it.

Those who have read this site on any semi-regular basis know that this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Having endured the unfortunate experiences of being robbed at gunpoint, mugged twice and stabbed in the stomach, I can speak with a certain degree of authority when I tell you that if you think it can’t happen to you…you are sorely mistaken. I cannot understand why it is so difficult to convince someone who hasn’t personally experienced the terror of having to fight for his life of the need to arm himself today in case he needs to defend himself tomorrow. Excuses abound. “I don’t frequent dangerous areas.” “I’d never put myself in that situation.” “I’d just run away.” “I don’t think I could ever pull the trigger on another human being.” “That’s what the police are for.” All of these excuses are useless drivel to the man or woman being beaten, raped, or robbed in what they thought was a safe place like their home, their car, or the mall.

I’d never insinuate that I think everyone should carry a gun. Some people just don’t want to. That’s fine. I personally don’t understand that decision but I certainly won’t trample on your right to not defend yourself. But, dammit don’t trample on mine either. How can anyone say that they just wouldn’t feel safe if his or her fellow college students might be carrying a gun? They wouldn’t know! The gun would be “concealed”! How could anyone say that they would feel safer knowing it was illegal for an otherwise duly licensed, law abiding adult college student to carry his or her personal sidearm to class when the otherwise non-licensed, non law abiding, mentally disturbed psychopath who writes poetry about killing people might be sitting in the chair right next to them with 10 guns in his backpack because he doesn’t give a flying crap about some damned policy forbidding him from doing so or some toothless law which threatens to punish him AFTER he’s committed his crime? What other alternative is there besides a Gestapo style Police State where “Big Brother” is lurking in every shadow and there are cameras in the locker rooms? Who the hell wants that?

I finally got my mother “retrained” and “un-indoctrinated”. Now she has three handguns and just mailed in her application for her Concealed Weapon License. I literally drug and cattle prodded my wife to her concealed weapons class this weekend and she is finally completed with the application process, though she still cannot fathom why it is so important to me. With eyes rolling and big nagging sighs and smart-assed little comments about how boring it was, she reluctantly agreed to sit through the class (at my expense) and fill out the appropriate paperwork to get her license. She doesn’t object to the right to keep and bear arms, mind you. She’s just not very enthusiastic about exercising that right herself. Normally, I’d say “whatever float’s your boat, lady” but this is a little different. She is my wife and she is the mother of my children. When I’m not around, the safety of those children falls squarely on her. It boggles my mind, though, how I can work in Public Safety and tell her of all the carjackings, home invasions, rapes, robberies, murders and mayhem that I encounter on a daily basis and her still remain indifferent to it all…living in a bubble. She was there when I stumbled into our little apartment, blood pouring from my abdomen after being stabbed. She saw it. She remembers when two men who wanted my wallet and the measly 10 bucks that was in it, knocked me unconscious. Yet still, she nonchalantly skips through her day, oblivious to the potential danger. If I have to work this hard to convince someone who has lived through this crap with me and who does not object to the right to carry a gun to do so, these students have a long hard road to convince the liberal academia that they should be able to exercise their right to carry an evil firearm. Good luck.

A recent excursion...

2008-01-16T23:25:00.001-06:00

As I was explaining to Robert in the comment thread below, I recently took a very tiresome road trip with some good friends. (I say "good friends"...we all have our faults. Two of them happened to be Alabama fans, a grotesque blemish indeed, but forgivable nonetheless.) It was one of these two friends who happened to get 4 tickets to the 2008 Independence Bowl, starring (for the second year in a row because they seem to have some trouble making an appearance in a respectable BCS bowl)....yep, ALABAMA! Make no mistake, I am a University of Florida fan. But I also love, and I do mean "LOVE" the spirited competition, rivalry and raw talent that permeates the Southeastern Conference and will always cheer for an SEC team against outsiders, even crappy teams like Vanderbilt and Ole Miss....unless it affects Florida's BCS standings, of course (I'm no fool).

Anyway, 6-6 is hardly a season to cheer about, but when deciding which SEC team to invite to the Independence Bowl...well, Bama does bring the fans. And a rowdy bunch they are, let me tell you. Loyal too. You gotta respect that much if nothing else. Having never been exposed to Alabama fans "en masse", I was treated to a spectacle like none other. One of our buddies owns a full-on "Big Al" mascot elephant costume, complete with stubby elephant feet. The feet leaving no dexterity and making it quite difficult to consume the $6 stadium beer, our pal decided to forego the bottom half and stick with the big elephant head. I told him it was stupid. I later apologized to him, for I was WRONG. VERY WRONG!

The man was a friggin' "god" in that ridiculous elephant head. A "god", I tell you! People stood in line to have their picture taken with him. Everyone loved him and, by virtue of being in the party of the polyester pachyderm....me too. No one is allowed to stand at the rail during play at a football game. It impairs everyone else's view. Not so with my buddy. No sir! He was granted a pass because he was wearing a damned elephant head! ESPN featured his big mug during a commercial break. Colorado's "official" mascot even came up in the stands to tussle with him. We were quite popular to say the least.

All in all, a fun day. Colorado got their buffalo butts tagged and bagged and everyone had a great time. Great, that is, until our 8 hour trek home in the dark and fog through "Deliverance land". No joke, I think I heard banjo music! Suffice it to say that we took a little less direct route home for the sake of staying on the Interstate and making the 60 mile longer trip just a little easier to drive in the dark. Yeah, well that didn't work out so good. Seems the great state of Louisiana doesn't find it necessary to advertise that the Interstate you're on, is about to intersect with another. They also got a crafty little trick to get you off the beaten path so to speak.

I-49 ends at I-10 in Lafayette. At least it's supposed to, according to the map. In reality, however, it doesn't "end" at all. It just sort of morphs into Hwy 90. One minute you're on the Interstate, the next minute you're at a red light on a one way street and you haven't exited or turned at all. That's when the banjo music starts. Convinced we could not have possibly "missed" Interstate 10, we continued down the road hoping it would appear. When it didn't, I pressed the little "On Star" button on the rear view mirror to ask where in the heck we were. No help at all. I think "On Star" is in on the whole conspiracy to trap unwary travelers in small Louisiana towns that no one can pronounce. I shit you not...the man told us to make a U-turn then turn left and then left again. Draw that on a piece of paper for yourself. You're heading east, then you make a U-turn, then turn left, then left again. What do you get? Yeah, you get EAST! I just wanted to get to I-10! So we stopped....for directions....in "Deliverance land"....in the dark foggy swamps of southwest Louisiana. Only one man spoke coherent enough English to converse with. And he convinced me that it was nearly 45 minutes quicker to continue east, into the dark foggy swamp than to go back to Lafayette and get on the Interstate. Did you catch that? The seven foot tall cajun in overalls, "convinced me" through his mouthful of Beechnut and coonass drawl that I should continue into the swamp. Very happy that there were two guns in the vehicle, (one of them on my hip) we courageously continued our eastern course until, after one more stop for directions, we found our way to the Interstate....on fumes, I might add. The fog didn't lift until we hit the Florida line.

Mind you, I don't feel at all "cultured" or "well traveled" to have driven the "scenic route" through that state. Having formerly resided in south Louisiana, I certainly don't mind telling you that I don't miss it one damned bit. I haven't lost a thing in Louisiana. I hate Louisiana. With all the chemical plants and oil refineries and dead skunks on the poorly maintained swamp roads....it's the dirtiest, stinkinest, backwoods, mosquito infested state in the union. If you live in or are from Louisiana and I am "offending" you, swallow it and move along. I hate your State. Feel free to hate mine.

Knock knock knock......anyone home?

2008-01-13T01:57:00.001-06:00

Where to begin… I just don’t know. I’ve had a full plate lately. It is amazing how the trivial minutia of life can so completely occupy one’s time. I’d love to tell you of the great adventures I’ve been on. I’d revel in the attention I might receive were I to tell you of the many dragons I’ve slain in the past few months. But it just isn’t so. I’ve no new stamps in my passport, no medals awarded, no battle scars or adventures to tell of. Only the drudgery of the everyday life of a working, middle class “Shmuckatelli” garnished with a few boring inconveniences.

Much has happened since I last visited the blogosphere. I do have many rants rattling around in my noggin. I actually wrote an entire post….well almost an entire post, on the recent assassination of the former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. I composed it in Microsoft Word, as I usually do before I cut and paste into Blogger. Then, as if by some divine intervention, the dreaded “blue screen of death” made an unwelcome appearance on my computer and completely wiped out about two hours worth of research and composition. I know I won’t get one, but I probably deserve an express ticket to Hell for the profanities I cast at this lifeless machine.

Convinced the planets were lined against me, I slithered back into my hole for a couple more weeks. Then I became “inspired” again when the good Reverend Race Pimp, Al Sharpton, reared his bigoted mug about the off hand Tiger Woods “lynching” comment by Golf Network anchorwoman, Kelly Tilghman. Again, I effortlessly pecked out a brilliant composition on the subject. However, before I had a chance to edit it the following day, I discovered to my horror, that Michelle Malkin had used the key I gave her in confidence to sneak into my residence, access my computer and blatantly plagiarize the contents of that file onto her own website! Really! (sigh)…No. In reality, I shouldn’t have taken that Lunesta and drank those beers before writing. I read what I had written the next day and I honestly have no clue what it was about. Spell and grammar check had turned nearly the entire document red and green. There wasn’t a coherent thought to be gleaned from the entire piece, though curiously enough it was quite lengthy.

So here I am. It’s been months and I have nothing to show for it. Thank you to all who have continued to visit and send your regards. I have come up for air and I have full intentions of posting a real, honest to goodness “rant” this week…one that addresses actual current events. It is to be chocked full of the usual colorful wit and humor to which you have all come to expect of yours truly. That is my plan. I was not struck with some terrible ailment while typing this post. No irresolvable technical difficulties befell me and I successfully plastered it to my website. I shall take that as a sign that God is going to let me blog again. Thank you all. And stay tuned.