WILD EUPHORIA

As I turn 26 tonight

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 15:33:00 +0000

I am not nervous right now. In a few minutes, when the long and short needles of the clock meet each other at 12am, I will turn 26 years old. I have declared that I am not nervous but not sure why I did it, not sure if I am supposed to be nervous. I could have been anything - happy, sad, scared or maybe restless - but the only emotion I can anticipate right now is of nervousness. But as I said, that's not happening. I am not nervous. I feel nothing to be honest.

Right now, I am in a company of 2 good friends in Gokarna, a place that I love by the way. So, I guess things are pretty much fine.

As I turn 26 tomorrow, I'll still be the same. I mean things don't change overnight. But that's the bad part. At this stage of my life, I am doing exactly what majority of all other people my age are doing. I am running in this life's race, working in decent organization and drawing a decent salary. The bad part I was referring to is the fact that inspire of being in a pretty stable zone, there is sense of

Book Review: The Oxford India Anthology of Twelve Modern Indian Poets by Arvind Krishna Mehrotra

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 20:45:00 +0000

The Oxford India Anthology of Twelve Modern Indian Poets by Arvind Krishna Mehrotra

Enhanced my knowledge about some of the great modern Indian poets, exactly as per the book title. I knew about some of them but the mini-biographies collected by Arvind were very precise and exactly as per requirement, neither more nor less.

Coming back to the book, it is exactly what i was expecting it to be. I was intrigued by the selected poems of Nissim Ezekiel, Arun Kolatkar and Agha Shahid Ali and was left hungry for more, pretty sure i am gonna spend the next few weeks reading more of their work and about their life. Not mentioning Dom Moraes here becuase i have already read (and loved) his selected poems collection which also has a very detailed and excellent introduction by Ranjit Hostoke. I am sure the other poets are also great in their league but were not exactly the type i love to read.

I am also interested to read the poems of Arvind Krishna Mehrotra now. I really liked this anthology curated by him and his perspective about these poets/poems.

Book Review: Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 20:41:00 +0000

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Honestly speaking, don't think i deserve to review a book as good as this, written by a writer as good as Tolstoy.

I'd just like to say that it is beyond me how Tolstoy could analyze and describe humans, human emotions and emotional complication of human souls. Not sure if i am going to feel like this about a book ever again in my life. I mean while reading this book, you will come across instances which will make you think, "oh boy, is Tolstoy describing me there?". And all of this with what simplicity and ease!

Read this book for the heroine Anna, the writer's voice that is Levin, the picture of society in those times and most importantly for the literary genius that is Leo Tolstoy. One of the few books that will leave you with both knowledge and entertainment at the same time.

Book Review: Suraj Ka Satwan Ghoda by Dharamvir Bharti

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 20:37:00 +0000

Suraj Ka Satwan Ghoda by Dharamvir Bharti

Not much to write here mostly because I had very high hopes from this book. Having read and loved 'Gunahon Ka Devta', I was really looking forward to this book.

The book's narrative is very unique wherein a series of short related stories spread over the life of a dozen or so main characters is narrated by the storyteller, Manik, in his own unique style to a bunch of his friends over 7 afternoons. Women play a very pivotal role in these stories and although all the stories flirt around the love life of these women, I would refrain from calling this a book of short love stories.

The unique storytelling is what makes this book very interesting especially if you see the era in which it was written and that says a lot about Mr. Dharamvir Bharati, the writer, the visionary. Unfortunately, that's where the magic stops for me as the stories or novel if you may choose to call it, fail to make an impression. These turn out to be very simple and straightforward leaving you with nothing to ponder over once you finish them. The characters are interesting to begin with but then that story gets over by the time you have just started to understand/appreciate/judge them, leaving you unsatisfied and cheated. I'd have ignored this glitch if the stories were powerful enough to keep you hooked.

The more i think about it, the more i am convinced that the book was more of a shot at storytelling rather than the stories themselves. Hence, it is not surprising that majority of the acclaim that this book gets is centered around the narrative style - so much most of the times that infact people usually forget/fail to even begin talking about the stories.

Book Review: To The Lighthouse By Virginia Woolf

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 20:32:00 +0000

To The Lighthouse By Virginia Woolf

Phew! One of the toughest book i have ever read. One of the best written book i have ever read. Each page seemed like a hard-work of years. In addition to the writing, this book also demands hard-work from your side because one moment of negligence from your side could result in you missing a priceless moment of brilliance from Woolf.
The character, their sketch, their feelings and emotions, their internal complications and their fight with themselves is displayed in such simplicity that it's just too hard to believe that it is true, you will constantly sweep through the pages in awe and admiration.
Definitely one of the best books i have read and if you are an admirer of good, quality writing, then don't miss this book. It's impossible to believe that a human could write such a complex novel in such a fabulous way. All my respect Virginia, i am sure it would have drained everything from your mind, body and soul.

Book Review: Gunahon Ka Devta by Dharamvir Bharati

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 19:51:00 +0000

Gunahon Ka Devta by Dharamvir Bharti

Let me start by saying that it might not be easy for readers of this generation to relate to the stories written in and around this era. This book was published around 1949 - a time when the society, culture and the socioeconomics was totally different. So different that it is unfathomable for us.

Primarily this is a love story, rather a story of love or actually no, a story of unrequited love. The characters of this book are everyday common people who are leading a regular life. In this regular life, 2 young adults Sudha and Chander fall in love but understand it very clearly that their union is not going to be accepted by their family. Cognizant of this fact, they don't give a shot at their relationship as life keeps moving forward. This book is about the early days of their friendship, their moments of weakness, the sacrifice of their love and their attempt at dealing with the truth. Think about it for sometime and you'll feel that this story is similar to a Bollywood movie of 60s or 70s that you may have seen. But unlike reel life, this story is more real and the circumstances much more complex (yet simple). This story will break your heart and leave you feeling blue.

The above summary of the book should be enough to give idea about the plot. But no matter what I write, it'd be very difficult to describe the beauty of Mr. Dharamvir Bharti. He has written this book with such beauty and care that every single word, line and page evokes a storm of emotions that leaves you with nothing but haunting afterthoughts. The book stays with you for days after you have finished it while the characters stay with you forever. You will fall in love with the writing and may become his fan. It happened to me!

Book Review: The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 28 May 2016 18:54:00 +0000

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

	I will start with saying that I agree with Holden's (the 16 year something narrator) view of people and the world he lives in. It was true then and is still very true today. People and the society as a whole, don't change over 50-60 years, actually not even in centuries. What makes this book just a passing read is the fact that it fails to instigate any emotion or afterthoughts other than maybe a feeling of mutual agreement on people, society and how they are phony as i mentioned in the paragraph above. Nothing else in this book is worthy of a second glance. I liked a few bits towards the ending with the sister and the parts where Ernie, the dead brother is mentioned but that is it. Based on this novel (haven't read any other novel written by Salinger), feel like his short stories are way better. Probably I'll stick with his short stories only after this book. I quite like them.

I will start with saying that I agree with Holden's (the 16 year something narrator) view of people and the world he lives in. It was true then and is still very true today. People and the society as a whole, don't change over 50-60 years, actually not even in centuries.

What makes this book just a passing read is the fact that it fails to instigate any emotion or afterthoughts other than maybe a feeling of mutual agreement on people, society and how they are phony as i mentioned in the paragraph above.

Nothing else in this book is worthy of a second glance. I liked a few bits towards the ending with the sister and the parts where Ernie, the dead brother is mentioned but that is it. Based on this novel (haven't read any other novel written by Salinger), feel like his short stories are way better. Probably I'll stick with his short stories only after this book. I quite like them.

It is time to quit

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 00:48:00 +0000

I have been working for some 2.5 years now. I am still in the same company I started with and it is my 1st job, ever - the start of my career in the digital marketing industry. I still remember those times when I was searching for my first job desperately but without any luck. Suddenly, I think after 3 months of intense search and countless heartbreaks, I landed in this company with a job profile I had never even heard of before - Digital Marketing! And since that day, I have just been falling in love with what I do, day by day.

I still remember those initial days when I was trying to understand this landscape and what exactly was one supposed to do, the excitement and energy. For most of my time in this company, I have learned continuously, worked my ass-off till late nights and all the while loved my job. I met some extra-ordinary people, people just like us who made mistakes but yet came back strongly, every single fucking time. People who left an impression every single time you met them.

My company is or rather was a start-up and the initial learning was immense and I'll be forever thankful for this. But over the last 6 months or so, it has become very dull with no scope for any learning visible. A closer look at things also reveal that even though the learning was quite deep, it was actually very slow, too slow for such a fast-paced industry like digital. If I must believe the plans they have for me, I might get to learn another new vertical in the next year or so but I have started to realize that it'll still be too slow. My plans of being a 360 degree digital guy in 5 years (2.5 already gone) has started to look quite impossible now. This has compelled me to look out for a new job.

Honestly speaking, it isn't just learning that's bothering me. The office culture and atmosphere has also changed drastically in the last few months but that's for another day. For now, my emphasis is on learning and why it is important to change, change to a job with wider prospects in terms of learning if I have to meet the 5 year deadline. Hence, I'll have to let my emotional self aside and do the right thing from a career perspective. Let's hope I can find a job exactly like I am looking for soon before it is too late for that and I end up being a specific subject matter expert, forever! Having said that, this company will always remain special for me, no matter what happens tomorrow. I hope we continue to grow stronger every year, cheers to that!

------------------------------------------------

Playing in my head: 'Sweet Home Alabama' by Lynyrd Skynyrd

P.S: I am going home next week! Yaaaay!

Varanasi boat school - Let's do right

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sun, 05 Apr 2015 17:56:00 +0000

It has been more than 60 years since 15^th August, 1947. We are free from the shackles of British rule. But are we in that place where we would want to be today? I don’t think we are.

Do you know the reason for that? It’s because we couldn’t prioritize our requirements. We got democracy and cry about secularism but we never realized all of this isn’t only what we needed. Without educating people, we cannot reach the promise land. According to a stat, 37% of our population is illiterate, more than any country in the world. Believe it or not, literacy is the most powerful tool that can help us reach the place where we always wanted to be. Only a young country with literate individuals can help us grow, develop and reach that promise land we have been striving to reach.

Luckily, there are a few people who are trying to make sure that the future of India, gets an opportunity to learn. Meet Ajeet Singh – a true Do Righter, who started a novel and innovative ‘boat school’. It can be considered a stepping stone in the world of learning. A school where children spend two hours after their regular school day to study, play or revise without any pressures or tensions.

But this is not easy. In order to help people like them achieve what they are doing, they need help in their journey of doing right. Currently, this Varanasi boat school isn’t really the ideal learning environment for these underprivileged kids. These kids on this unique #ScholarShip need facilities like a library, educational toys, stationery and computer etc. but this isn’t going to be easy. In order to achieve this, these people need the support and donations of us privileged people. All of us, who are working or/and have a good enough economical background can help these kids read and help these noble people in their great endeavor. Because let’s be very honest, this cannot be a magical transformation. It’s not like these people can generate enough money on their own to achieve this noble dream. But we can definitely help them and we should! Together we can create an ideal learning environment for the children. Do you want to know how you can help? Then do check out the DoRight website to learn more about what people like Ajeet Singh are doing and make your contribution to help them achieve our goal, this country’s goal. C’mon, let’s do right!

It’s not just this. Many similar efforts are going on around the country to help this cause. This DoRight campaign in Varanasi which is an initiative of TATA CAPITAL can help brighten the future of thousands of homeless and underprivileged kids. Let’s play our part too. Go to the Do Right website, donate whatever little money you can and help the stars of tomorrow shine brighter than the Sun.

-----------------------------------------------

Playing in my head: Dream On by 'Aerosmith'

Life without money

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sun, 29 Mar 2015 20:36:00 +0000

I recently bought a new phone, oneplus one. You guys must have heard of it. It is my first smart phone. Isn't it great how technology can touch our lives? I mean you look at those mac-books, DSLRs, Airbuses, spaceships, nukes, cure for malaria and polio…boy who would have thought that was possible. Wow, we have come too far…too far from the time when we couldn't even figure out how to light a fire!

You see many of these technological and medical advancements couldn't have been possible without the motivation of money. Of course you could argue that these were a result of the great dreams a few individuals saw. But could they have been possible without the unrecognized contributions of numerous other people who helped these great individuals achieve it? Those numerous people who worked with these great minds with just 1 simple motivation, money! Money to feed themselves, money to feed the ones they love, money to help them survive, money to help the ones they love thrive. Would it be possible without this great evil motivation? Well the answer isn't NO. I believe it would all have been possible. We would still have all of this. But it would have taken a lot of time. Without so many people working to make it possible, it would have taken many more years for these dreams to come true. The world as you see it in 2015 probably would have been the reality of the year 3075. That is how important money is. A world without money would have taken us back generations.

But when I think of a life without money, it fills me with immense satisfaction and happiness. I believe a life without money would have made us more human. I say this because then we would have been closer to humans and humanity. In today’s stupid rat race, in spite of kind intentions, we end up thinking only about us and our family at the end of the day. Without this chaos, we would have cared more about humans and humanity, traveled more, talked more and would have respected Mother Nature much more than what we do now. We would have been humans, not animals.

I’d like to conclude by saying that without money, life would have been more peaceful and people would have been satisfied and happy. As I already said we wouldn't be as advanced as we are now, but personally I couldn't have cared less about it.

It really amazes me when I think how much I would have traveled around the world without the restrictions/need for money, which I can’t now. Oh I would have loved it! But then, would there be sufficient means to travel? I wonder, I wonder!

-----------------------------------------------

Playing in my head: 'Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai' by Luck Ali

To Ziva, Dhoni’s Daughter - We salute your Father

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Thu, 26 Mar 2015 19:58:00 +0000

Hi Ziva! By the time you are old enough to read and understand this, you must have already heard everything about the great achievements of your father – Mahendra Singh Dhoni aka Mahi aka Dhoni aka MSD.

It has been more than 20 days since your arrival and your father hasn’t been able to see you, hasn’t been able to hold you, hasn’t been able to see you smile. He hasn’t been there with you because he was on national duty – leading team India in the ICC world cup 2015. And oh boy, what a leader he has been. He had enough time to return back to India for a couple of days to see you but he chose not to. He chose to stay in Australia and made sure that he and his young team were fully prepared to fight against the world in order to retain the world cup, which India won in 2011 under his superb captaincy.

Sadly, today is when it ends. Soon your father, along with his team, will pack his bags and return back to India because India lost against Australia in the semi-final today. I want to tell you that the whole country is proud of your father and the way he led his team in this world cup. Team India had a pretty rough couple of months leading to the world cup, 2015. We performed very badly in the series prior to world cup and no one expected India to perform well in the most coveted competition of the cricketing world. But we did…your father and his team made sure we did.

Don’t believe anyone who says otherwise. Team India, under your father’s captaincy, won 7 matches in a row in this world cup. We topped the group stages and went on till the world cup semi-final where Australia defeated us today, ending the dream run. I want you to know that even in loss, we are proud of what your father has done for us. He led a team of young boys and motivated them to act like men, always leading from the front. He was cool when catches were dropped, he was cool when catches were taken, he was cool when the required run rate was 15, he was cool when the required run rate was 5, he was cool when we were losing and he was cool when we were winning. No wonder we all adore him as the captain cool.

I would also like to tell you that your father was a great leader. His coolness, calmness and understanding of the game were something that is unparalleled in the cricketing world. I won’t even mention the records that are under his belt because this is not the time for numbers, this is the time for words. You can ask anyone who has ever worked under a manager or a leader in any organization and they will tell you Dhoni’s qualities are what they would like to see in them. He motivated the youngsters, always led from the front and whenever required, never hesitated in getting his own hands dirty, making sure that the job was always finished by staying there till the end.

I want you to know that just like billions of Indians even your 'cool' father will go to bed tonight with a heavy heart and a head full of thoughts. I want you to know that even though we feel the pinch of pain, your father would be the one taking the maximum toll. But let me tell you, your father will be back, stronger than before. Because that’s what your father is – a true cricket fan. Come tomorrow, he will carry on with the learning from this series and will improve himself and the team. He will do what he does best – play cricket and lead from the front.

I would like to conclude by telling you that you should be proud of him. Just like the whole country is proud of him. Even today he fought bravely and made sure that we didn't go down without a fight even though players on the other end kept on leaving. I am sure that if you are reading this today, you would already be proud of your father because there’s no reason why he wouldn't have been an equally great father to you. And from all the cricket fans across the globe, we thank your father from the bottom of our hearts and wish you both a very healthy and happy life.

Thank you Dhoni, thank you for being a great leader, a true gentleman, a thrilling finisher and an honest cricketer. We will never forget your contributions to Indian cricket! #DareToBeDhoni

--------------------------------------

Playing in my head: 'Zinda' from Lootera

I pledged not to break traffic signals!

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 20 Mar 2015 23:46:00 +0000

Some incidents happen in your life that make you miserable. Some other incidents, they change you forever.

This is a story of learning. About the day I realized why following traffic signals is necessary. Hoping that you guys will understand and implement this too. It was a big change in my life! #StartANewLife

Being an Indian, we just love not following rules. More so, when we are out on the streets. No wonder, we have such pathetic traffic congestions every other day. I am not any different from you all. I never really followed traffic signals. It was like one of those rules that you are ordered to follow in schools which don’t make sense. Even more so, when the traffic is less. It was one night a few months back and I was returning from work very late, around 9.30 pm. I was driving my car while listening to Snow Patrol’s compilation album. As was my habit, I was moving ahead breaking one signal after the other. Since it was so late, there wasn't much traffic. Suddenly my phone started ringing and I decided to take it. I was near a traffic signal and decided to stop as the signal was red, which would also allow me to receive the call. Few seconds later, a car crossed me, breaking the signal in the process. I didn't really cared at that moment. But behind it, another 2 wheeler came in full speed. The guy riding the 2 wheeler assumed that the road was clear because the other car had just crossed the signal. Under this confidence, the biker didn't bother to check and kept on coming. That was when I noticed another car coming in from the left side prepared to cross as the signal for him was green. He was also not expecting anyone would be come from the lane in which I was parked. Both the car and the bike hadn't seen each other and were confidently moving on in their stride. I noticed it but had no time to act. I somehow prepared myself for the inevitable and was about to close my eyes when I suddenly realize I could alert the car driver. As a reflex action, I started furiously blowing the horn and flashing the dipper. Thankfully, my idea worked and I was able to alert the car driver. It all happened in a moment but the car stopped right at the centre of the road with enough space for the biker to squeeze through without a scratch.

That was the day I realized that even though you may be confident, others may follow you when you break the traffic signal. This is actually over-confidence, not confidence. I pledged that day not to break traffic signals ever again in life.

Watch the video below to see how https://housing.com/ started a new life. If I can and they can, then even you can do it!

You are never too far to forget

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 20 Mar 2015 21:49:00 +0000

Distance is just a number. I have been in all kinds of relationships, at least all the major ones. I have been a son, a friend, a brother and a lover.

I am sure we’ll agree that your home, where your parents live, always welcomes you with open arms. You may be in a different location for studies or job but every time you come back for a vacation it still feels the same. Countless kilometres of tiring journey never detaches you emotionally from your parents and that is kind of expected because family, we always take them for granted.

What actually amazed me about humans and human nature is that when a person apart from your family is not near you, we still remember that person and cherish their presence in our lives. That’s how some people touch our lives!

I recently met an old friend and it was one of the best days of my life. That meeting also taught me a few things about life. He was an old friend and a pretty close one when we were studying in school. Over the course of last few years, our interactions first reduced to monthly calls and gradually faded into yearly birthday calls. Although believe me, they used to be crazy long calls, almost stretching to 90 minutes and sometimes even more. Obviously cause we had so much to catch up! I had started to believe that whenever we meet next, ours would be a very strange and boring get-together. I was very sure that we would both run out of words in a couple of hours looking at the fact that we both were leading such different lives, exclusive of each other. But what happened actually was totally unexpected. It was one of the most unforgettable day of my life. From the moment I landed in his city and till the moment I boarded my train back, none of us kept mum for even a second. We discussed everything under the sun – right from our good old school days, our old classmates and the ice-cream seller outside the school to the state of politics in the country, Sunny Leone’s item song and the exciting start-up culture growing in India. We ate, drank, talked and roamed around the city and in the end, we found ourselves hungry for more. When I came back to my senses, I found myself standing at the door of the train, waving him goodbye. All of this, just like that!

The whole way back to my destination, I kept on thinking about what happened and how terribly wrong I was. As it turned out, we both always had mutual respect and admiration for each other. We cared for each other and accepted each other the way we are. Years of separation and kilometres of distance couldn't take that out from us and that’s what relationships are made of: RESPECT.

In order to summarize, I’d just say that respect the people in your life and stop taking people for granted. I have often seen people taking their family for granted and not having enough time for them. That’s not how life works, that’s actually how we kill our life.

In case you are leaving your city for a job and are looking for a house, go check out the listings on https://housing.com/. And once you have your house ready, make sure the people staying in it are valued and respected. In the end, all that your family expects from you is your time. So don’t disappoint them. Believe me, #together with the people whom you love, every other day is going to be memorable.

----------------------------------------------------

Playing in my head: "Baby Doll" from Ragini MMS 2

The Unforeseen Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 16:33:00 +0000

So last week of November 2012 was when i posted last. I still remember those times and i am sure i will not forget them ever. Things certainly were not looking good but then gradually, as they say, times changed. Well, what was bad then could have got much worse but let's just say i managed to stay on the safer side.
Things happened, pieces fell into their right places and i am now much better off than what i had expected then.What can i say, 2013 came and changed my life, giving it a new direction altogether. Thank You!
Since January, 2013 i didn't expect much, from anything or anyone. I was very content with things the way they were because i didn't want to screw up and to be honest, things were fine as they were. Of all those things that witnessed a transition, me drifting away from writing was seriously not something i had imagined. But it happened. I haven't written a single poem in the last 8 months. Even worse, i haven't written anything, not even a trivial post like this.

This was a hiatus that i never planned. Actually, this is a hiatus i never took. It just happened and this needs to be changed.

Starting today, i will try to write more. Ideas and issues are always in the head but it's just that the will and urge to write has almost dried up. Will try to change all this starting today. I don't like to challenge myself when it comes to writing so i won't do that, more so not with poetry. But i hope i do manage to find that missing fire again. I seriously miss writing Poetry, i do!

--------------------------------

The music is back on baby! :)

Playing in my head: "Hey Jude" by The Beatles

Stubborn History

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 19:32:00 +0000

There are already a lot of quotes, philosophies and rants upon History. Me adding some more wisdom to that list won't really matter but then, since when did we start doing things to make them count?
History they say:

repeats itself, is re-written.
is a myth and pretty ambiguous.
is imaginative.
is like a memory.
is a very tough and boring subject, when in school, esp in CBSE.
is as good as a rumor.
is a useless heap of facts. (this one's my favorite)

Anyways, besides the above detailed adjectives, there are few more things that History is. The thing that has been bothering me the most since the last few months is a very prominent, obvious and undeniable fact that we all know. However, how many of us think that it matters is an altogether different issue.

History, never changes. It always remains constant and present with us.

No matter what we do and how we play the game, what has been done is there to remain and remind us forever of it's presence. Nothing can be done to change it. We might change places, documents and all other proofs of its existence but deep in our heart, we'll always know what happened. A bright history will always remain shiny and beautiful, an orphaned history is always suspecting and searching, a shameful history is always embarrassing and humiliating and a blot on your history will always remain black, dark, painful and infuriating.

Deep down with time, the shadows of history and all things associated with it dissolve but the history always remains constant, in block letters like the name of a brand new big budget movie on a billboard. They say our history keeps on haunting us but they don't understand that even if it didn't, we would have still kept on running around history just like a sex deprived man keeps running around brothels. We may deny it in public but every time we sit alone, our history always makes sure that we have company. Such is the power of history, such is it's overpowering presence in our life.

History never changes. A blot remains a blot. Things may not be the same for everyone but what matters for us is all that matters in the end. History is purely relative, just like triviality is. Everybody's history counts, atleast for them, atleast in their eyes, soul and heart.

-------------------------------------

In other news, people who were pretending to sleep haven't opened their eyes yet. All other news, do they still matter? I don't think so.

It's Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 05:52:00 +0000

Life is.
It can be a silent butcher.
It can be a generous whore.
It can be a slutty bitch.
We'll never give up on defining Life in our own words.
We all have our own definitions.
We have our own experiences, good or/and bad.
Sometimes, it makes sense.
Sometimes, it doesn't.
Sometimes, it is all make believe.
We fight.
We let it pass.
We give up.
It is full of surprises.
It is full of setbacks.
It is full of comedies.
For some, god is great.
For some, god is late.
For some, god is fake.
Some say, Everything happens for a reason.
Some say, Everything happens for good.
Some say, Everything just happens, we can't control it.
It keeps you alive.
It kills you.
It plays with you.
It's a cocktail of all the above things.
It's cruel, evil, happy, sad and so much more.
It's but, even after all these things, funny. Amusingly, the joke is on us, most of the time. Sadly, you and me will never get the joke. Nope. Nada! Life is so damn funny. It's funny.

What's amazingly commendable is that, even after everything, we just never give up on our mediocre attempts at life, death and everything else in between.

--------------------------------------------------

To fly

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:16:00 +0000

I've been trying to fly
i am afraid, i might fall
i don't understand, i don't want to fall
afraid of heights, it's making me cry

This flight isn't new
I've been there, before
around the blue sky, up so close
it's scary now, I've got no clue

I am not even old
i convince myself i can
spread my wings, believe me i ran
fainted at the edge, fell cold

Perhaps, i don't want to fly
i just need a solitary peaceful life
excuse me, gold, engines, greatness, family and wife
don't shower me pity cause i don't want to fly

-----------------------------------------

Less winning and more about Losing

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 13:34:00 +0000

Winning feels great, always. No matter how petty the awards are, it never comes in the way of celebrating that happiness which comes with winning. Obviously, we all want to win.

Losing is a little different. You won't certainly feel happy but feeling sad is actually an option, not a compulsion. This certainly isn't applicable to you if you are one of those hardworking people who took school grades seriously and made sure(or tried your best) that your rank in class never exceeded the number of stumps on a cricket field. This is applicable for people like me, who were just satisfied with a normal carefree childhood with grades that were enough to drag us onto the next class. In the eyes of this society, not winning is equivalent to losing. While winning is a quantity which is measured only by grades, money, properties and such visible things. Since it'd be unfair to presume that all of us share the same mentality, i will just excuse you all from this rant. So, for people like us me, losing is just another part of the race. I try to participate- sometimes i am good, sometimes i am bad, sometimes i fail and some times, well i do manage to win. I don't have much problem with any of them. Sab chalta hai. The unproven fact that remains silent and also the main reason behind this attitude is that one never gets back what one strives, sweats and prays for. Also, there are times when you'll get much more than what you deserved and/ or asked for. But, do they really cancel each other out over the course of time? I don't think so. Actually, they don't.

I don't know the purpose of this post but since i have kissed this topic, i'll just add a little more insight to this phenomena. The People. Yes, for the people who are watching cum judging you, life is amazingly simple. Let me tell you why and i don't think many will disagree:

When you'll succeed, they will tell you that it was all God's grace and love that you managed it.
When you'll succeed continuously, against their expectations, they will tell you that your luck line is stronger than Lakshman Rekha. They'll decorate you with adjectives such as Bright, Fast, Achiever and Intelligent. They'll also make you feel that you settled for less and that you were satisfied with the moon even though plenty of stars were up for collection.
When you fail, God goes on a vacation to Goa and all that you are left with is the lack of hard-work, dedication, commitment, effort and hunger. It all comes down to you.
When you fail continuously, they'll say that it was expected and there is nothing you can do. You are lost and good for nothing. That, based on your track record, which in their cheap sense of life, is based on the marks you get, money you earn, size of your house, brand of your car, dowry you got and such petty things.

Life is so simple for them, eh? Judging and weighing things, even emotions, huh!

Basically, people suck, most of them. I don't know how they weigh their emotions and passions. I guess, it all comes down to these parameters only for them. I tend to feel sorry for them but as soon as i see them happy with what they have got, it baffles me and instead i realize, at the end of the day, they are happy with their life and their thinking, then why should i bother. What the heck!

Let's face life. Let's do what we do the best, let's live. What has to be done, needs to be done. For everything else, you'll always have time. Cheers, to life, to people and to the bitch they both try to be at times!

----------------------------------------------------

I'll wait for November

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 18:29:00 +0000

I'll wait for November
music can stop entertaining now

I'll wait for November
misery can dance with me now

I'll wait for November
hell can burn even brighter now

I'll wait for November
Green day fans can return the favor now

I'll wait for November
issues can multiply now

I'll wait for November
winter can make its way now

I'll wait for November
you all can hate me now

I'll wait for November
you all can judge me now

I'll wait for November
flowers can bloom proudly now

I'll wait for November
the queen can wake up now

I'll wait for November
destiny can sleep with luck now

I'll wait for November
words can go die happily now

I'll wait for November
sorry, it's too late to return back now.

--------------------------------------
The music has stopped!

The Puzzle: Make or Break Piece

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 13:52:00 +0000

At this point in life, i can't really claim any bright ray of light or some life changing scenario in the near future. To make things simpler, i don't really want any such thing. To make things even simpler, i don't really deserve any such euphoric moments for atleast sometime. It is another story, how things that i don't deserve are either kept out of my reach by Life or else they are discarded by my principled sensibility(hopefully, for the best) and wisdom(or maybe the lack of it).

However, this puzzle of life that beckons, can very well do wonders or can make the situation even worse. That's why this make or break piece, which can divert quite a few roads, is playing with my mind and soul. It won't take much, maybe a week or two, but a lot depends on this final piece and to be honest, i don't know what i should pray for. This because, even though if that piece turns out to be the evil one, it can very well turn out to be an Angel in disguise. While, if it turns out to be the good one, the 'maker', then it can mean a course of life i was prepared for and the most easy one of the lot. Right now, almost everything will make complete sense if the puzzle is completed. The promises will be kept, judgments will be delayed, truth shall prevail, confidence will be intact and much more.
Anyways, i don't know what may turn out of this puzzle finally. It can make or break, as i just repeated for the 68th time, a lot of things. Well, I'll just wait for things to clear up. Can't claim what's right and what's wrong but whatever it may be, it is me who has to face it and only me who has to solve it. This realization kind of calms my heart and hysteria, probably this will see me through too. As i have learned from a pretty-down-to-earth guy, to quote him exactly,"I know what I am and what I am not... and I'm prepared to suffer both!".
Not many things have been said more sincere than this line. This line is what i pray for and this line is what i wish could always guide me, through thick and thin.

------------------------------

Playing in my head: "Tere bin nahi lagda dil mera" by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

The Fuel

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 08:00:00 +0000

It wasn't brand new but
dusty, rusted, tested and a survivor
still in his prime people said
long way to go on the road ahead

It won some races, some exclusive ones
they said it was good, gifted, blessed
no one saw the dampness of sweat beneath, drenched
the wheels rolled, under him and burned

A new set of tires, every new race
an ant among rats, it ran and ran again
a picture on the dashboard, the fuel
a hope in accomplishment, so cruel

The picture, fading like an old tattoo
the hope, flickering like a distant star
the fuel, running out of life
the race still on, intense and rife

Exhaust pipes, thick and cloudy, kissing the drain
black, wounded, blocked and blazing hot
some spirit for fuel it takes to quench the fire
but they wither out too, times are so dire

The engine is broken, yearns replacement
fuel spent, none in sight, one in mind
it craves for a garage, far off, in solitude
away from the race, zillion faces to elude

It ain't a quitter but it ain't no god either
without the fuel, it can't face the race ever
not always a winner but always a good finisher
but without the fuel, it can't face the race ever, never...

I am unable to end this poetry, it can go on and on i guess, such is the power of unstoppable bullshit. Huh! But, i have a race to face and hence, i must leave. Let's just hope, the fuel replenishes before the body parts give up, along with the engine and the exhaust pipes.

--------------------------------------

Playing in my Head: 'A Bad Dream' by Keane

That very thin line between

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 19:28:00 +0000

being smart and being a smart-ass
being generous and being stupid
being a success and being a sucker
being successful and being arrogant
thinking good and moving your ass to do it
dislike and hate
proving a point and being evil
destiny and luck
hard-work and the point above
this | that
Perk and Munch
realism and people's perception of it being mega optimism/pessimism
marks scored and people's perception of your ability
marrying for security and marrying for marriage
society's definition of marriage and practical definition of marriage
love and whatever soul is left of that distorted word
money and happiness
Robert DeNiro and Leo DiCaprio
DiCaprio's acting and the Academy Award jury's preferences
present day Bollywood Actresses and Barbie Dolls
Cameron Diaz in 'My sister's keeper' and Surprise
this movie 'A Separation' and all the bloody good adjectives you can think of about any goddamn movie, a master class.
Joe Pesci's killing moves and an Indian middle class woman doing laundry
my poetry and flop forgotten songs
Recycle Bin and Twitter
books and boobs, the spelling only
Catherine Earnshaw and most Women
Mario Puzo's description of sex between Sonny Corleone and his sister's bridesmaid and Literary Orgasm
Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley and Hallelujah by Bon Jovi
secular India and secluded India
huge, posh apartments and the small dependent basti outside it
Football and Religion
Sachin and God
Paul Scholes and Rahul Dravid
Humans and Humanity
what we see and what we judge
being right being self-righteous
being persistent and being super-imposing
an Ass from the pornos and an Ass from your acquaintance
the work of guitar in all RHCP songs
almost all country songs
being human and being a responsible driver
falling in love and fallen in love
hope and survival
satisfaction and the idea of it
everything you thought and everything else that happened
what you deserved and what you accepted/got

--------------------------------------------

Playing in my head: "Challa' from Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Arranged or Love: Regrets, Happiness and the Blame Game

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 11:26:00 +0000

The biggest problem with Marriages in India is not if it’s Arranged or Love but actually it is what happens after the marriage. The ideology of the common Indian mass and the much-cared-but-useless opinions of the Society make any kind of Marriage a big problem, much bigger than the question of Love and Arranged Marriage.

Let’s go 2-3 years into the marriage (Love or Arranged). What happens if the marriage doesn’t works out well and both the sexes involved aren’t satisfied with what they have got? Suppose one of them is not a so called supporting partner. They give their best shot and try to make the marriage work but still they can’t, it turns out to be a failed marriage. Evidently, they ‘should’ look forward to a divorce and prepare for a new life, find a new soul mate and move on with life, a hopefully happy one this time. But, this doesn’t happen. On a cinema/magazines based point of view, Divorces are not frowned upon in the upper-class community but this is not the case with the middle-class and lower-class. In these communities, Divorce is still a disgrace and most of the divorcees/divorced males are perceived to be a loser and a blot on the false vanity of an even more disgraceful society. Besides, as cruel as we humans are, no matter how much you want to but these people won’t let you move on and will keep on reminding you of your sad past, making it a worse-than-Everest-climbing task. As it is going, I can’t see the mentality of the society we live in changing in the recent future. Thus, As of now, I can only see majority of the Indians going along with their Married Life whether or not it is working. Accept it. A bitter truth.
So, on the risk of facing these humiliations either you go ahead with the divorce or else you silently survive the pains and live an even more humiliated life forever with your partner, dying a slow death with false optimism and fantasies(which is a more common phenomenon).

Now that this point has been explained, let me come to the question of Arranged Marriage and Love Marriage.

You can search for the ‘Love of your Life’ but since not everyone is so lucky to find/get their love and you are still very much left with ‘your life’ which must go on, thus settle for the next best thing, arranged marriage. Even though Arranged Marriage is a blind gamble (not-so-blind) but still, there is nothing in this world that Love and Trust can’t do. After all, you can’t live all your life alone without marrying, can you? If yes, congrats! If no, the answer was above, go for it.

Now, if you really have to decide between Love and Arranged marriage, like in a very dire situation. I’ll give you a simple Talisman. If you go for Love Marriage and it doesn’t works out well then you’ll have only yourself to blame, but you won’t have any regrets for the rest of your life. If you go for Arrange Marriage and it doesn’t works out well then you’ll have your parents and family to blame (wow, large number of options) which will make the suffering a tad easy but you’ll live a life full of regrets.
Since I don’t want to sound pessimistic and cruel, either way if your marriage works out well then all these regrets and blame game don’t come into picture and you’ll continue to live a happy and fulfilled life and that’s what I wish each one of you reading this post. Cheers!
Coming back to reality now, the choice is yours…which life do you want?

-------------------------

This post is my entry for the Indiblogger Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage! contest.

For more details, check out: http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

-------------------------

Playing in my head: 'All by myself' by Eric Carmen

Remembering College, Embracing Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 19:41:00 +0000

I never had to face a crossroad but there was a time when i did come across two very different roads and i took the one which wasn't less traveled. I had my reasons, you'll find your own but you will have to choose a certain path, one path out of the ones you encounter. So, better pray for a single path and wish that it turns out to be the best for you.

16 July, 2008...Orientation. Then it all started. 4 years of bliss, ultimate freedom and rediscovery. Man, unbelievable! College started from the next day. 5th block with a room-mate of my hometown. Things looked good. 4 years later, things look unbelievably amazing.
Needless to say, time flew like that early bird, who was eager to poop as soon as possible in order to go catch the worm. College may not be the same everywhere but i bet people enjoy this Life to the maximum wherever they are but screw you, mine was better than yours.

These 4 years were important even though it might need some more time to prove the written and for the effects to show up or the defects, maybe. The favorable part of this era was that i had the sense to retrospect each semester. Every 6 months, it was a new lesson and a new beginning of the same old chapters. Not in the 3rd year though, that one year passed with the speed and precision of an expert sniper's reflexes. Also, it was on target too as it was painful at times and was full of disappointments. It was too fucked up to give a fuck about and i was so glad when 4th year started. I never got a chance to look back on 3rd year until 4th year started and when i did, it really did scared the shit out of me. Not because it was a big disaster but because it could have gotten so much worse, there was immense scope for that. Man, it was something. soon, 4th year took on full speed and life kinda came on track.

I'll remember these 4 years for:

Friends, what would have life been without them.
The Freedom.
Rediscovery of an untested passion
Realizations, good or/and bad.
People, Society and why they suck.
Wrong decisions and how to correct them.
Forgiving, the ones who matter but not forgetting anything/anyone.
and finally, more Friends.
And yes, the Final year. Topping them all was the last night. It was when i figured out what they exactly mean by 'Emotions Overflowing'.

Phew, A journey of a Lifetime. Easily unforgettable and the best teacher, ever, of course after my Father.
Finally, as i always say:

"People who miss their school the most are the ones who never went to college or the ones who are geeky nerds."

--------------

Playing in my Head: Radio baj raha hai, too many songs!

Words: A Thank You Note

noreply@blogger.com (Nilay) — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 19:34:00 +0000

We are all independently dependent on words. The case is not the same with words. They are like a free bird, coming exactly at the right time when you need some company, you just have to make sure that your hands are full of grains. Slowly, they will start picking up those pieces of grains and will happily get lost in their food, without even giving a fuck about your not-required-anymore presence. But, eventually you'll know what they did by this not-so-cruel act. They were able to bring a little smile on your face, a little satisfaction to your disturbed soul and some rest to your crazy mind. They play their part perfectly and as soon as they are done or rather you are done, they will happily go away somewhere, boundless and free. Same is the case with words, exactly the same. I can never recall an instance when i have pined for words and my Diary or this Blog has gone blank, never. They come when you need them, just make sure you have a motive strong enough to attract them. And once their purpose is served, they follow the path of a free bird leaving you behind with a rather satisfied muse that was trying to play with your heart, mind and soul.
This is just an attempt to thank them. Words deserve a lot more respect than we give. They are not under-rated but then they are not appropriately respected too. I hate it when petty words are used continuously for grand schemes and some rather strong words are wasted on an even more wasted cause. But more on that in another post. I'll just keep it plain and simple. Thank you, words...that poem i wrote describing your essence and your immense presence in this life seemed like it didn't really did justice to the cause because i kind of wandered to a different zone, towards the latter half. Hence, this post.
Thanks buddy, Don't block me, ever.
------------------
Playing in my Head : "Use somebody" by Kings of Leon.