Wildflower Writes

Like a Wad of Wire

2012-01-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

For Christmas, my mom received a beautiful copper sculpture of a butterfly from their exchange student. When asked, Linh said she just formed the copper wire into a butterfly.

Artistic talent like that amazes me (and makes me a little jealous). If you gave me a bunch of copper wire, I might be able to make a two-dimensional flower. Maybe. So, if I wanted something beautiful created, and all I had was a ball of copper wire (do they come in balls?), I would hand it over to my foster sister and ask her to create it. I simply do not have the ability.

I'm seeing that my life is a lot like a tangled mess of copper wire. I don't know what to do with it, or how to form something useful or beautiful out of it. So I've decided that I need to hand it over to the Master Creator, and let him create something amazing out of it. If something wonderful results from my life, it will only be because I was willing to submit to Him. If I keep trying to make it on my own, I'm sure it's going to make a bigger mess!

You May be Famous

2011-12-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

While wandering through the grocery aisles of an over-crowded Wal-Mart, I came across a young girl pointing excitedly at a woman passing by. "Mom, that's the... the lunch ticket lady! She takes our names for lunch!"

I imagine the "lunch ticket lady" is a middle-aged paraprofessional who may not even enjoy working with children all day. She may see her job as an end to a means, rather than a meaningful contribution to the school and community. But to that first-grader, seeing her at Wal-Mart is the equivalent of a movie fan spying Johnny Depp in the produce aisle. The lunch ticket lady plays an important role in that child's life, whether the woman realizes it or not.

I think sometimes we underestimate the influence we have on others, especially children. We just go through the day, doing what has to be done, and don't realize that little eyes are watching. And listening. And taking cues from us on what to say and how to behave in this world. And taking cues from us on who they are and why they matter.

So, even if you're not a parent, grandparent, or teacher, you may be a "lunch ticket lady," or a "man who passes the money plate at church." You matter in the life of a child. Be sure you play a positive role!

Back to Life

2011-11-16T21:22:00.000-05:00

I just returned from a fantastic weekend getaway. Luxury hotel, deluxe shopping mall within walking distance, and beautiful weather. Lots of rest and relaxation with a break from "momdom."

Monday morning it was back to the real world- to an annoying alarm at 6:00 AM, to children who would rather stay in bed than get ready for school, and a fresh load of laundry. Back to "life," right?

Actually, having some time to do some fun things with my husband really did bring me back to life. I wore nice clothes and makeup and went out with other adults. I had time to think about my values and priorities, count my blessings, and plan for the upcoming Christmas/ birthday/ travel season.

I've been "spelunking" for the past few months- a euphemism for dealing with depression. Sometimes I explore the caves; sometimes I seek out the light. Now I think I'm ready to explore some trails and mountains instead- and ready to start some new adventures. Look out world!

Working in your Passion

2011-05-31T15:11:00.000-04:00

For many people, work is a necessary evil, a means to an end. If you're employed, you earn an income, which pays for food, shelter, transportation, and other nice things. You also have something productive to do during the day (or night). If the benefit of a paycheck were removed, or if the necessities of life were taken care of, many people would not work.

I don't think that God intended people to loathe work, to dread Mondays and thank Him for Fridays. Yes, He originally introduced the idea because His first creation, Adam, was disobedient, but that doesn't mean He can't redeem it for good things in the world and in you.

You were created for a purpose. You were created with a combination of personality, passions, and talents that are uniquely yours. If the planet Earth were a factory, you have a job doing your part to make the world go 'round.

While it would be wonderful if we could all choose the perfect degree, and get hired into a company with the perfect job, it rarely happens that way. Why? Because God's idea of education and work are not the same as the world's. He may educate you through a difficult experience in your life, giving you the resources and compassion to help others in need. He may provide a volunteer avenue for you to expression your passion that is totally unrelated to your 9 to 5. He needs innovators and entrepreneurs and leaders and philanthropists, not just office drones.

So, you may have to work a job you don't like for a period of time. You either reconcile the dislike with the benefits, or you use that period of time to improve your education or skills to transfer into a field that you do enjoy. I don't believe God wants anyone to be miserable... but misery is often an attitude that a person chooses. If you don't like your situation, focus on the good, and what you can change. As John Wooden said, "Nothing will work unless you do."

Technicolor faith

2011-05-26T14:43:00.001-04:00

I auditioned for a show the other day. I hadn't auditioned for anything for two years. And I am getting old. I probably wouldn't have felt as old if I hadn't gone with my college-age friend, who happens to have an amazing voice and can apparently pick up dance steps as if she were, in fact, a dancer.

The show is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I am a huge Andrew Lloyd Webber fan, but I didn't know this was his first publically performed musical. One of the songs captured my attention as my daughter played the rented VHS tape this morning before school:

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time
(It was written in the 60s. after all.)

The song highlights why Joseph's story is so amazing. It wasn't just about going rags from riches, or overcoming adversity. It was his faith. It was a belief that even if circumstances seemed dark, God had a plan.

Joseph has a line in the song, Close every Door:

If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie
Far from this world...

For I know I shall find
My own peace of mind
For I have been promised
A land of my own

Of course we know a psychedelic musical doesn't necessarily represent the true character of Joseph, but obviously, no matter how many times he got knocked down, he acted with courage and integrity, and became the vessel through which his entire family was saved from famine.

Unfortunately, my audition shook my faith that I have a destiny on Broadway, but whether I'm in the show or moving scenery, Joseph's lessons of faith, leadership, and tenacity will remain.

Let Fortune Smile

2011-04-17T14:07:00.002-04:00

My fortune at the Chinese restaurant was “Sell your ideas they are totally acceptable.” Oh, and my lucky numbers are 10, 11, 25, 29, 32, and 47. Which is sad because my birthday is next week and none of those numbers is my birthdate or my age.

I was just thinking today that I need to be less attached to my ideas. I become my ideas, to the point that if you don’t like my idea, I take it personally. I know that’s not logical, it’s just the way I’ve always been. I got a piece I’d written sent back covered in “red ink” last week, and I was devastated. There was this voice in my head that said, “Toughen up. You’re never going to make it as a writer if you can’t take a little criticism.” Of course, that’s my fear- that I’m not good enough. But Chinese fortune says differently!

I have tons of ideas. So many that I’ve thought about hiring myself out as a board member to various organizations just to help them come up with new ideas. Now, I admit, I’m not the best person to see an idea through… unless it’s my passion. But if you just need a brainstorm, I’m your gal.

So, I want your opinion! If I have ideas that are salable, I don’t know which ones they are. Can you recognize a good idea? Check out my facebook page, my blogs, my old website. Comment if you want- even if it’s criticism. I can take it. No, really!

I’d also be interested in hearing from you- what would you do with a writer? Suppose you had access to my writing services for free for one project- what would it be? Memoirs? Resumé? Thesis? Children’s story? What are writers good for anyway?

Thanks for playing!

Top Tips for Fun at Festivals

2011-04-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

I enjoy festivals. It’s not the crowds, because I could do without that. It’s the celebratory atmosphere, the neighborly chats, and the break in the everyday humdrum.
I just came back from the Wakarusa Maple Syrup Festival. Even though it was cold and wet, my children and I had a really nice time. After several years of festivalling with my children, I’ve learned a few things.

1. Know where you’re going. I spent a half hour traipsing all over a small town with young children because I was too proud to get a map and too cheap to pay for a shuttle. These days almost everything is online. You can look up schedules, directions, everything. You just have to plan ahead.

2. Dress for the weather. And walking. I always make my kids where tennis shoes and socks, even if it’s scalding hot. Hot is better than blisters. I also try to prepare for the worst. It was fifty degrees outside today, but if we hadn’t all had long sleeves and winter coats, we would have frozen. Ponchos would have been a good thing, if I knew where ours were…

3. Eat first. And use the restroom. Even though festival food- fried everything- is one of the main draws to attend, trying to purchase a meal and a snack for a family of four can easily run to almost $50! If you eat before, you won’t be tempted to overdo it. And you can focus on enjoying your favorite treat instead of mere sustenance. The second is obvious- facilities are rare and rarely ideal.

4. Weigh the costs and benefits of paid parking. Often, if it’s a small town event, you can find street parking or after-hours business parking within a few blocks of the main attractions. It beats paying Joe Schmoe $20 for a patch of his lawn. On the other hand, I’ve found that young children have a limit on walking distance- if they’re exhausted by the time they arrive, it’s probably too far.

5. Pick a few favorite events or activities. Don’t try to do it all. Today, we ate pancakes for breakfast with the Lions, attended a parade, visited the Wakarusa Dime Store (home of the Jumbo Jelly Bean) and went to a magic show. It was actually a pretty full docket, but I can get away with it with older kids, and a very small venue.

6. Budget. Everyone wants your dollar. And I’ve gone between spending nothing (which is boring) and bending to every whim (not really, but I still felt guilty). The last few times I’ve only taken x amount of cash- so when it’s gone, it’s gone. Today I gave the children their own spending money, and I actually spent less. I could say no without reservation- they made their own choices (which, incidentally, was mostly buying candy).

7. Have fun. That’s why you came, right? Chances are the weather will be iffy, and something unexpected will happen. That’s part of the charm of the event. Keep your cool and your perspective. You’re making memories… no matter what.

A Beautiful Life

2011-04-15T08:43:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth Taylor is still stealing headlines weeks after her death. Who was Liz Taylor? Why was she called “Liz” when she didn’t even like the nickname? How could someone who was so adored by the public seem to be constantly seeking love?

I’m too young to appreciate who Elizabeth Taylor was in her glory days. I can look at her pictures, at that fabulous hair, itty bitty waist, gorgeous skin, and dark eyes (some people say her eyes were violet). She was an accomplished actress and Oscar winner, well known for her roles such as Cleopatra. She was actually a British citizen, born in London, ballet dancing virtually from birth. Her father was an art dealer, her mother, a stage actress. Practically after setting foot on American soil at the age of ten, she was in the movies.

Less than a decade later, she was pursuing what some considered her second career: marriage. Seven husbands, eight marriages, spanning over 40 years. How could someone so loved by the public struggle to find love?

It seems people are drawn to dreams of fame and fortune, yet so few who gain celebrity status are able to find joy, love, and peace as they try to meet the demands of their admirers. They discover that no amount of stuff makes anyone happy.

In reality, then, anyone can choose to have a full, rewarding life, whether fortune smiles on them or not. Isn’t it ironic that some celebrities retire from their careers because after they’ve had “it all,” they decide they want to spend time with their families and pursue philanthropy? They are seeking after the mundane, everyday experiences of love and generosity that you and I have the opportunity to participate in everyday! Is it a case of the grass being greener? Or is a desire for fame merely a craving for love and acceptance? Is a desire for fortune merely a longing to pursue our passions without financial concern?

I’d like to believe that at the end of her life, Liz Taylor was at peace with who she was. In 1993, she was honored with the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for her work raising money for AIDS research. The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation is a lasting legacy of the true Elizabeth Taylor- a beauty inside and out.

Crossroads

2011-04-08T09:01:00.000-04:00

I think that people reach their mid-life crisis (I’m pretty sure everyone has one) when they realize that time is going by so fast, they can’t keep up any more.

It’s like the moment when your child passes you by in a talent or skill. Weren’t you just teaching him how to sing a nursery rhyme, and now he’s performing in front of others? Weren’t you just showing her how to kick a ball, and now she’s winning soccer championships?

Around the same time, your child believes he or she is so much smarter than you. I don’t mean when you can no longer help them with their math homework. I mean your child’s perceived reality is that you can’t possible know all the right answers or give good advice and you are basically clueless to the real world.

While your child is dealing with a new identity crisis: Who am I? Where am I going? What do I want to do with my life?- you start to have one as well. You may have spent the last 12 to 15 years in the role of a parent- maybe in the same job or field as well. All of the sudden, you’re not sure what you want to do with your life either!

My children are not yet teenagers, but I find myself asking my oldest: “Why do you always have to argue? Why can’t you just do what you’re told?” I know that’s a silly question. And I know in my heart I want them to have a tendency to question. I don’t want them to take everything they learn in school as gospel. I want them to ask “Why?” and “How do we know?” Especially when half of what they learn is on the playground. I want them to be strong and think for themselves. As long as they clean up after themselves and do their homework!

As adults, I don’t think we can take anything for granted. We have a limited amount of time to be hands-on parents. We have a limited amount of time on earth! Are we asking questions that will keep our life’s journey on the best, most fulfilling path? Are we settling for a life based on the circumstances we’re given, or do we choose to make our own way?

A “crisis,” mid-life or otherwise, is not always a bad thing. It can be a crossroads. It can be a point of assessing your values and strengths, and determining to either persevere in the current path, or to find a new way. It is, however, a purposeful choice, to go forward in the direction we feel called.

Building Fences

2011-03-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

I’ve always had a problem with boundaries. It’s not due to some traumatic event in my childhood. Rather, it’s a defective personality (so to speak). I am a people pleaser. And a perfectionist. So I not only want to make people happy, I want to make everyone happy, all the time.

I’ve grown up and I’ve realized that one person can’t possibly please everyone she meets. I’ve also decided it’s okay to say “no” to a lot of good things: projects, organizations, and ideas, when I don’t have the interest, time, or ability to see them through.

Now I’m in a situation where I’m really struggling to create or maintain boundaries as needed- mostly with myself! I work from home. I also manage the home. So, while I’m trying to work on a grant proposal or write a blog, that growing pile of laundry is nagging me. My daughter comes home from school and wants to talk. My husband can’t find his keys. My sister needs help with her kids.

While I am so glad to have a more flexible schedule so that I can better meet the needs of my family, I’m not sure how to protect my time so that I can get all my work done. Part of the problem is that my work is the kind that can easily take over. I enjoy it so much I could do it 10 to 12 hours a day if I didn’t have any other responsibilities.

I know that only I can make this work. I plan to start by designating a work space. Working in the bedroom or living room seems to be counter-productive. I have an office, but it’s also been a play room and storage area in the past. Boundaries. My next step will be designating work hours. They don’t have to be 9 to 5, and they don’t have to be rigid, but I need to make sure they’re there and that I communicate them to my family.

So, I suppose I should move to the office to write this blog. Did I mention I’m a procrastinator?

I Did NOT Eat All the Cookies

2011-03-22T17:05:00.001-04:00

I sent out a silent plea to my bathroom scale to read under a certain number (a lady never tells). The scale laughed at me. "Yeah, right," she said. (Of course it's a she. I'm in my bathroom!) "Aren't you the same person who ate half a box of Thin Mints last night?"

"So?" I asked, indignant that she would even bring up such a thing. What I consume in the privacy of my own bedroom is my own business. I got on the scale any way, and lo and behold, it was five pounds over my requested number.

What really stinks is that I had set a goal at the beginning of the year to be at my ideal weight by my birthday next month. Alas, I still have 10 pounds to go. I think that's where I started in the first place.

I'm not sure why I'm surprised. I was supposed to start running again at the first of the month. I don't like running outside in the cold and I haven't saved up for a treadmill yet. So, I exercised... once this month? My eating habits are atrocious- eating sporadically, grabbing whatever convenience food is available, and missing most of the fruits & veggies.

I know what I need to do. I even know how to do it. I'm just not motivated to change my current habits. I'm going to have to, though. Not because I want to lose weight, but because I want to be a better role model for my kids. How can I tell them that cookies are not for breakfast when I eat them for dinner (in the privacy of my own bedroom)? How can I encourage them to drink milk when I'm reaching for a can of pop? How can I tell them to go outside and play when most of my free time is spent on the computer?

So, tomorrow, if it's not too cold or dark or wet... I will go for a run. I will eat oatmeal for breakfast. I will take it one day at a time.

Bailed Out

2011-03-21T12:02:00.001-04:00

It is officially the first day of Spring and I am taking it on as my second New Year. Spring is supposed to be a time of new beginnings, of new growth and turning over new leaves. That is what I’m doing this year.

Three weeks ago tomorrow I was let go from my stressful job as an admissions representative for a nursing home. Today I am ready to write a thank you note to the person who gave me the “pink slip.” After the initial shock, I’ve done some evaluating and praying and really feel that God opened the door to a prison cell, and I am FREE! I now sleep better at night, have put away the anti-depressants, have fewer GI problems… Although I hated that job, I didn’t realize what it was doing to me. It was my security blanket, though, and I never would have let go if someone hadn’t wrenched it from my hands.

So, I am pursuing my dream as a self-employed, work-from-home, freelance writer. I have several projects in the works already, including a grant, three blogs, a press release, a newsletter, and have another proposal waiting for a response. I know it’s going to take some time to get used to the idea of being my own boss. “Procrastination” is my new dirty word- I can’t afford it anymore. Life is too short and my obligations to myself and my family too important.

I read a quote today while visiting one of my clients. It was something like “Do what you like. Like what you do.” That is my new life goal- not for selfish reasons but because I believe God creates us with purpose and passions, and the restlessness I’ve been experiencing over the past year lets me know that I wasn’t doing what I was really called to do. Yet, how could I have known the peace I know now if I hadn’t gone through that year?

So Spring is here. The birds are singing and leaves are beginning to bud. I can’t wait to see what develops!

The Pink Slip

2011-03-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged for awhile. At some point I decided that writing daily was never going to get me to the writing career I longed for.

However, since I am recently unemployed (technically self-employed with a tiny paycheck), I thought maybe sharing my experiences in that category might be helpful to others.

I've always felt the most for those who have been laid off because there wasn't enough work, or there were budget cuts, or the position was eliminated. No one feels sorry for the person who was fired.

That's me. Fired, canned, terminated, given the pink slip. I had been joking for years that I looked forward to that day. It wasn't that great, after all. Although I don't believe I deserved it, no one wants to hear that. It doesn't matter that Indiana is an at-will employment state, and that my employer did just that- fired me without a good reason. I didn't complete a project because I was working overtime with what I had always been told were the primary responsibilities of my job. Insubordination. Terminated.

I can still see the look on the face of the person who delivered the news. Cold. Unfeeling. Even vengeful. Even though I had long known the company I worked for cared little for the well-being of their staff, it hurt to be treated like a piece of useless garbage.

I suspect that they needed a scapegoat- numbers were down and if it wasn't my fault it might be my supervisor's, or her boss- the one who gave the ax. Or maybe eliminating me allowed them to free up some labor hours. It sure seems strange they filled my position with a co-worker the same day.

I tell everyone I'm doing okay. I have some prospects. I sent resumes to a dozen companies already. I've talked with a few schools about additional certification. The truth is I'm just doing it to do something worthwhile.

I'm not okay. I can't explain it. It's not that I lost a piece of me- because I was not my job. I never defined myself by my work. It's not that I'm worried about money. I probably should be, but I know we have a little from our tax return, and I should get some unemployment. I just feel lost. My time has been so structured- I never had to think- just go from one activity to the next. And for some reason, now I can't keep track of one appointment a day.

Is it depression setting in? Maybe. I haven't showered since "the event." I'm wearing the same clothes now I wore yesterday. I have some little blue pills I usually take in the winter, but I probably should get them out. With my vitamins. And I realize now I haven't eaten anything except what my husband puts in front of me- and he's at work today.

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm torn. My life's goal is to make a living through my writing, and now, when I have all the time in the world, I still don't think I can do it. I'd rather make a go of it than go back to full-time work, but I'm so afraid of failure. And I know I can't do enough to start with to support my family.

If you're a praying person, and you're reading this, I'd appreciate your prayers. My only salvation is that I am dedicated to being totally reliant on God. I know He has a plan, even if I can't see the blueprint. I trust that He will provide the opportunities, if I will be responsible with my time and resources. Which probably means I should get my rear end out of bed. :)

Outlive your Life by Max Lucado

2010-09-10T20:59:00.000-04:00

With another call out of complacent Christianity, Max Lucado brings to every person, especially the most ordinary of us, the nature of God's call and purpose for life. He reveals both sides of the coin that all people matter to God: Every person is called and equipped to make a difference in the world, and every person is worthy of God's touch through the service of His people. As always, he threads the lives of heroes from the Bible, history and present day to encourage and inspire Christians to reach their potential as Jesus' ambassadors.

More than once, this book moved me to tears and prayer. It had me question my attitude toward the people I meet every day and the ones I only glimpse on the evening news. It had me question everyday encounters. As Hebrews 13:2 says, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

Don’t read this book unless you are ready to question everything you believe about what living the Christian life is really about and are ready to make some changes. You may have to make personal sacrifices to make a difference in the lives of others, but it’s the only way to outlive your life.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Sorting it all out

2010-08-27T02:04:00.003-04:00

I finally did it. It took two mornings before work, but I finally organized my bathroom.
That may seem a little OCD, but not for our house. I took the bath toy out from behind the bath salts (my kids shower now), and put the tylenol and antacids in the medicine cabinet with the dozen stray band-aids I located. I separated my makeup items from my daughter's lip gloss and hair bands. I put the crazy number of hotel shampoos, conditioners, and lotions into one container for future road trips. And I finally found my favorite pair of tweezers and my eye pencil sharpener! My daughter will be glad that I don't borrow her pencil sharpener any more.

I can't believe it took me just a few hours to accomplish this task. When I think of all the times I've gone crazy searching for a hairband or deodorant, or a band-aid... It is so nice to go in the bathroom and know where to find what I need!

As I grow up, I'm starting to rebel less against all that is neat and orderly. If you talked to my parents, you would know what I mean. I kept a bedroom you had to wade through.

Now, keeping my keys on one keychain, that sit on the same hook every night, makes my life so much easier! Putting my time badge in the same place in my purse every day after work, keeps me from losing it and driving my HR person crazy. In fact, putting my debit card and shopping cards in the same place every time, really makes my life less stressful.

The bottom line is... even though organization and routine are work, and may seem boring, in the end they can make life easier, less frustrating, and even become part of your stress management program.

Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God by Sheila Walsh

2010-06-20T22:19:00.001-04:00

Even as a lifelong Christian, Sheila Walsh struggled to trust God completely. It took a complete emotional breakdown for her to address the fear and shame that had kept her from making a final step of faith so that she could live completely for God. Even then, as her Biblical profiles exemplify, faith involves a moment-by-moment commitment to believing in God's provision.

I was astounded that a Christian with such a public life as a writer, speaker, and singer would lay bare what are probably the darkest moments of her life, in order to demonstrate her understanding of trust in God, forged in the trenches, so to speak. In fact, I was encouraged by the idea that we can trust God to make our dreams come true, when those dreams are of God and for His purpose. Welsch blends in her personal experiences, with detailed stories of people we think we know from the Bible: Anna, Joseph, Martha, Abraham... letting us see through fresh eyes the faith dilemmas these people faced, and giving the opportunity to accept the all-encompassing love of a Savior. My faith was deepened and challenged, and my heart touched by what God has done in the lives of his children.

I recommend this book especially to women who feel lost in the shuffle of life, and wonder if God still has a plan for them. He's never left your side.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Just a little more...

2010-06-20T17:54:00.000-04:00

If I could save up a little more money, I could work from home...
Someday I'm going to buy that little VW bug convertible...
One day I'm going to take that Caribbean cruise...

Someday. My bills will be paid; my house will be clean; my flab will be gone; my life will be organized. Yet, each day another 24 hours comes and goes, and for every step forward toward one goal, another goal lies tantalizingly out of my grasp.

And I wonder. Does ANYONE really have it all together? Or are we all juggling time maintaining our house with building a family or juggling energy keeping a job with building a career?

The apostle Paul said, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phillipians 4:12 NIV).

There is a line, a tightrope even, that every healthy person must walk. Everyone should set goals, aim for something greater, commit to personal growth. We're not created to be stagnant. On the other hand, in the present moment, we have to be grateful for NOW, for what we have today, for the relationships we are a part of. We have to be content with what is and accept what has been before we can make realistic strides toward what may be.

Will you be happy with just a little more? Or can you be content with what you have right now?

Two sides of trust

2010-05-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

We use the word "trust" in many different contexts. A living trust is a legal financial agreement. Trust can be reliance on a person or entity. "Mutual trust is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose." (Ten3).

As I listen to Stephen Covey elaborate on his 7 Habits, he points out that trust is based on both character and competence. In other words, to really trust someone, you have to believe that he does what he says he will do AND that he can do what he says he will do.

Think of someone you might hire to perform services for you, say, a landscaper. It's important you work with someone of good character, who isn't going to overcharge you for the materials or make the project bigger than you originally agreed on. It's equally important, however, that she knows what is aesthetically pleasing, knows what types of flowers and shrubs thrive in different climates, and can physically accomplish the tasks involved in creating the desired effect.

Part of competence, then, is knowing yourself well. If I tell you I am going to climb Mt. Everest, and you know I get winded on the treadmill, you may not question my character, but my judgment. You don't trust me to carry out what I say I'm going to do, because you don't believe I'm able to do so.

According to The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, "Trust is both important and dangerous." It's important because you can't have relationships, personal or business, without it. It's dangerous because if you don't take the time to find out if the object of your trust has the character and competence to perform as expected, you may be in for frustration, disappointment, or worse.

It's not enough to be an honest person. In order to be a person of integrity, you have to know yourself to be able to accomplish what you say you will, and then do it. Then you will be worthy of the trust of others.

Secret Code

2010-05-03T19:55:00.002-04:00

MMQZQMEWJQ8F

Road Less Traveled

2010-04-27T09:54:00.000-04:00

They said I was crazy. After the fact.

My husband and I had driven separate cars to church that morning, and driven one car home. I thought it would boost my weight loss plan and save the earth, if I rode my bike to the church that afternoon for choir practice. 5 miles. No big deal.

As I wheeled through my suburban neighborhood, I planned on taking the same route I drive to church. I started on the road, just like a car. Technically, a bicycle is supposed to follow all the rules of the road a car does. Logistically, most drivers of motor vehicles do not know this and do not respect a cyclist's right to be on the road. Healthwise, safety dictated a sidewalk route whenever available.

When I decided a little air in my tires might make the ride more comfortable and expedient, I took a short cut through a side street rather than go to a complicated interesection to get to the gas station. I felt completely safe as I took the alley behind the gas station to the main road.

However, at this point, for the second half of my journey, there were no sidewalks. There were no shoulders. It was a busy, 2-lane road, where a 45 mph speed limit was a mere suggestion. I tried to stay as far to the right as I could, but at least one motorist honked, and several came close enough I could have touched them if I reached out. When I reached the light, a car decided to come up beside me rather than give me space.

I arrived safely, but I learned my lesson. The next trip I made, I didn't follow all the rules. I didn't always cross at intersections or stay on the correct side of the road. I did what was safe, what made sense for me.

The lesson here is not to play it safe in life, but to make your own path. Question whether you're going a certain direction because it matches your personality and interests, or if it's just the way you've always gone. Maybe it's the way everyone else goes, or the path of least resistance. Take a moment to stop and think about where you want to go and if the road you're on is going to get you there. Don't be afraid to take a less traveled back road or alley.

Which way will you go today?

Who have you connected with today?

2010-04-14T22:33:00.000-04:00

I live in a medium-sized city. It's similar in size to Novato, CA; Moore, OK; Euless, TX; Bowie, MD; and Chapel Hill, NC. In case that helps any.

It's not the type of town where everyone knows your name, but it does seem like it's a small world- perhaps 3 degrees of separation rather than 6.

My favorite hobby is introducing people to each other. I like to be a resource. In my dream world, I would be able to match every person with their ideal vocation; and fill every staffing need presented by local companies (at least the good ones).

You never know when the people you meet are going to be major players in your life or the life of someone you know. You never know what fascinating stories they have to share, interests you may have in common, or connections they can introduce you to.

Networking is not merely a business tool. It is a way of life. It is meeting the variety of God's creation face-to-face, and helping to build connections between people who matter to you.

Face your fears

2010-04-08T20:45:00.000-04:00

What do people fear the most? I've divided it into a few categories:

For many, it's the creepy crawlies: snakes, spiders, mice, and bugs.

For others, it's larger creatures, like dogs, children, and terrorists (or children who are terrors).

For some it's all things health related: doctors, dentists, shots, cancer, vomiting, even death.

For some it's social: speaking in public, crowds, a job (or lack thereof), people in general, divorce, relationships, and the economy

For some it's spatial: heights, closed spaces, open spaces, flying

For some it's natural: dark, storms (and the aforementioned creepy crawlies)

For some it's personal: finances, insignificance, rejection, failure

When it comes down to it, the primary motivations are avoiding discomfort, pain, and death. Even when it may seem irrational (1 in 9.2 million chances of getting killed on an airplane; 1 in 2.3 million chances of being killed by lightning).

One of the greatest draws of the Christian faith is that it gives the believer the chance to rise above all fear because death has no hold. There is nothing that can't be overcome with the power of Christ (who, incidentally, was the first to overcome death). And there is nothing (Romans 8:38-39) that can separate us from His love- whether we believe in Him or not.

So go forth, and fear not!

Perseverance Pays

2010-04-01T20:56:00.000-04:00

My son inherited his mother's perfectionistic tendencies. When he is unable to accomplish something, he gets frustrated easily and concludes he is horrible at the task and will never be able to do it. He gets angry and cries.

Today we tackled the bike again. Before the snow fell last fall, he was able to go short distances as long as I got him started. That's how it began this afternoon.

By the time we got to the next-door neighbor's driveway, he had already fallen once. By the time we got around the corner, I threatened to take him home if he was going to cry every time the bike went off the sidewalk and into the grass.

Little by little, with encouragement, and letting him pick himself up and start over a hundred times, he started to get the hang of it. After cruising around the basketball court at the elementary school for awhile, he was completely confident in his ability to start, stop, and steer in the direction he wanted to go. In fact, he was ready to get a bike lock so he could ride his bike to the bus stop the next school day.

Nothing is more satisfying than mastering a task. I've found that whatever I try, even if it's totally new to me, with repetition and perseverance, I get better at it. I haven't been able to convince my son of this truth with my words, but I have a feeling he's starting to get it.

Don't give up. Everything seems hard at first. You may fall a hundred times, but the hundred and first, you may just get it right.

Baby steps

2010-03-15T20:28:00.000-04:00

As a perfectionist, I get frustrated that my life doesn't look like I think it should. Ideally, I would be able to do something I love and use the money to give to causes I really care about. I would have an organized house and business, and be there at my family's beck and call. I'd have a hot bod, be well-versed in current events and classic literature, and have time to learn a half dozen languages, a couple musical instruments, and paint landscapes on the side.

Ouch! It's a hard fall back from dreamland to the real world. Even though I may never see this vision (chances are I'll be painting at 90, but the hot bod will be long gone), I can still move in the direction of those ideals.

When it comes to goals (you do have goals, right?), you can either move toward them, move away from them, or not move at all. As long as you are moving in the right direction, celebrate the milestones along the way, no matter how small!

A newborn infant may dream about running a marathon (it could happen). She can't. She has to grow and develop and learn before she can take the first step. The marathon may be decades away, but as long as she continues to use her muscles and build her endurance, she'll get there.

So take that first step. Take a class toward that degree. Research a new career. Organize one drawer. Commit to a daily walk. Baby steps- as long as they're in the right direction.

People Matter

2010-02-22T10:23:00.000-05:00

One of my young friends brought the movie "To Save a Life" to my attention. A movie with limited showings (the closest theater to me is in Benton Harbor, Michigan), it begs the question- if high school students were as concerned about others as themselves, and were willing to reach out beyond their own circles, what kind of tragedies could be prevented?

In April of last year I posted the following blog. I think the message bears repeating.

At some point we’ve all objectified other people. We’ve made fun of someone with an odd appearance, or who walks a particular way. We’ve laughed at jokes based on stereotypes. We’ve dismissed someone as “one of those…” and assumed we knew his motives. We’ve made all kinds of remarks about the car in front of us or behind us, when we don’t think at all about the driver.

I’m reminded of a song that I cannot remember the artist, title, or exact lyrics. It talks about not knowing what the person beside us is going through. We may see a man on a bus with unruly kids and think he’s a terrible father, not knowing his wife is terminally ill in the hospital and he’s having a hard time dealing with it. We may yell at a man who’s driving ten miles under the speed limit on the highway, not realizing he’s a widower with no family nearby that is just trying to survive.

Let’s face it, we have to make quick judgments everyday in order to function. We have to decide who to mingle with in a professional situation. We have to decide if strangers in the nearby vicinity pose a threat. We have to decide whether to trust someone when we’re sharing our opinions or feelings.

Yet, we have to make a conscious effort to see people as individual people created by God. It’s when we drift from that notion that people become things, or even tools to use for our own benefit. Is it that far of a leap that someone would kill others, if they represent objects rather than living, breathing human beings with families, dreams, feelings, and life stories?

Jesus said that speaking in hatred to a close friend is equivalent to murder. It’s a destruction of the spirit rather than the body. We are called to value other people in the same way that God does. Maybe, if we treat each other with kindness, like those Liberty Mutual commercials, the world would be a better place. Maybe by adding a little love, we can counteract the hate and violence that seems to be rampant.