How are you progressing with your New Year’s Resolutions? You may have started the year with great intentions for improving the quality of your life or achieving specific goals. But by the end of January, if you’re like most people, “life” has gotten in the way and your New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten.

Fortunately, there’s a much better way to manifest what you want. It’s called a Passions Vision Board. And it works! It’s a powerful tool for reinventing your life, especially after a life-shaking transition like a divorce, job layoff, career change, retirement, or empty nest.

If you want to see an example of a vision board methodology that works well (and see real proof of the results), learn how to create a vision board for yourself, and understand why it’s so effective, keep reading.

A Vision Board Methodology That Really Works

I first discovered how to create and use a vision board several years ago, when I was going through a traumatic divorce and career meltdown in the same year. It was such a life-shaking transition that I had no idea how to pull myself up and out of my misery. But in those rare moments of clarity during that tumultuous time, I asked myself what I wanted to do for the next 50 years. And the answer was clear as a bell … that I wanted to follow my passions. But I didn’t know what my passions were, nor did I have any clue as to how to pursue them.

Imagine my excitement when I found a 3-day seminar on finding your passions! How timely it was. I learned how to explore what kind of things I truly enjoyed and valued, and was able to identify my Top 5 passions. I also learned how to create a Vision Board the traditional way, which is to use a large poster board and paste pictures cut out of magazines.

Since then, I’ve developed a methodology of creating a Passions Vision Board using digital images on a PowerPoint page. Here’s an example of the Passions Vision Board I created in 2010, just 16 months after my divorce:

I was amazed at how well it worked! Within one year, here are the results I got:

• I settled into my new San Francisco home, surrounded by magnificent scenery.
• I made lots of new friends in San Francisco and have been enjoying a very active lifestyle here.
• My coaching business started to take off.
• I got engaged to a man I met a few months before, who turned out to be the love of my life … and we’re now married! 

Since then, I’ve updated my Top 5 Passions and my Vision Board every 12-18 months … because it works! And my life has gotten better and better. You can use this powerful tool too, just by following some simple instructions below.

How to Identify Your Passions and Create a Passions Vision Board

Step 1 … Use the Wings for Women® Passions Discovery Guide to identify your top 4-5 passions. Click here to access this tool. Make sure to allow at least one hour of uninterrupted quiet time to do the exercises.

Step 2 … Find digital images online that resonate with you and portray each of your top 4-5 passions. GoogleImages is a great place to find a wide variety of images using key words to search their archives. Copy and paste the images onto a PowerPoint page. Shrink the images and arrange them nicely so that they all fit onto the page.

Why it Works

A Vision Board works because it focuses your attention on what you want with such clarity that you can actually feel yourself living in that picture. That emotional connection with your vision creates a vibrational frequency of energy that can attract the right opportunities, people, and resources to your life … but only if you truly believe that it will happen. That sense of relaxed “knowing” is important, because if you have doubts about your ability to make it happen, then it won’t happen.

What’s especially cool about creating a Passions Vision Board on a PowerPoint page is that you can print out copies and hang them up on your walls, keep a copy in your purse, share it with your friends. And every time you show your Vision Board to someone and explain your passions and the pictures on it, you raise your vibrational level even more, which increases your probability of manifesting what you want. I keep one copy on my bathroom wall and look at it every morning to remind myself of what’s important. And I share it with my friends every chance I get.

Create a Passions Vision Board for yourself. It’s a great way to start the new year on the right track!

Keiko Hsu
Wings For Women

The post How to Create a Vision Board to <br>Begin the New Year on the Right Track appeared first on Wings for Women.

Sound familiar? Are you suffering in silence in situations like these? Or complaining behind their backs to other people but avoiding a direct confrontation with the individuals?

 
Then it’s time to have that dreaded but crucial conversation to stop the madness once and for all.

 
If it feels impossible to do … especially if your emotions are on high alert because you’re going through a big transition in your relationships, career, or life … you’re not alone. The book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High” lays out some very useful concepts and frameworks for having an effective conversation in a difficult, emotionally-charged situation.
 

It’s important to know that in these types of situations with high stakes and differing opinions, things can get very emotional very quickly for everyone involved. And when emotions take over, your body instantly reacts to prepare you for a fight or flight situation: Your adrenal glands immediately pump adrenalin into your bloodstream. Your brain diverts blood to areas of your body needed for survival (hitting and running), leaving less blood for the rational part of your brain. As the book authors say, “A brain that is drunk on adrenalin is almost incapable of rational thought.” No wonder we tend to mess up (or avoid) these types of conversations!

Another critical point is that other people don’t make you mad. YOU make you mad. It’s our interpretations (stories) and judgments in conflict situations that trigger our emotions and reactions. That’s why two people can view a situation very differently and have completely different interpretations and therefore completely different reactions to what happened.
 

For example, Jane, a divorced mother, sends her 25 year-old son Jason an email invitation to a large dinner party next month. He doesn’t respond, even after she sends him two follow-up emails over the next few days, so she tries to call him and leaves him a terse voice message for him to respond to her invitation.

• Jane fumes and says to herself: “I can’t believe that Jason did it to me again! I try to include him in our activities, and he never responds. He should have responded to my email right away. He is so disrespectful to me! He would never treat his father that way!””
• Jason is puzzled by her terse voice message and thinks: “Wow, I wonder why Mom sounds so upset at me? I saw her invitation but I’m not sure if I’m free that night. I’m so busy at work right now, I don’t have time to respond to personal emails. The party’s not till next month anyway. I was going to let her know next week. Why does she need a response now?”

Clearly, these are two very different interpretations of the situation, resulting in two very different reactions.

 
The good news is that we all have the power to create a different story that will affect our emotions differently. If we don’t do that, then our stories will continue to affect and control us, making us hostage to our emotions … making it impossible to have a productive resolution.

So how should we manage our emotions and have effective conversations in these difficult situations? Here are 5 tips distilled from the Crucial Conversations book that are useful in both personal and business situations:

 
1. Start with the Heart

Even if you don’t respect some things this person has done, at least have some respect for his/her basic humanity. Look for what you have in common. Recognize that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and different values and expectations.

Ask yourself – What do you want from the relationship? To rebuild a friendship? To connect with each other at least once a week? To establish an effective partnership? To have mutual respect for each other? Or just to co-exist peacefully?

 
2. Set a Mutual Purpose

Demonstrate respect and trustworthiness by stating the purpose of the conversation … from your heart. For example:

“John, I’d like to talk with you and explore how we can work together more cooperatively. It’s important to me that you and I put our past issues behind us and build an effective partnership for the sake of our business. Does that sound like a reasonable goal?”

If you can’t think of a mutual purpose, at least commit to him/her that you will jointly develop a mutually agreeable objective for your conversation. Say, “It seems like we’re both trying to force our views on each other … and it’s not working. I commit to stay in this dialogue until we find a solution that works for both of us.” Then dig deeper to learn the underlying reason for their point of view. Listen to understand.

 
3. Create Safety

Safety is a critical pre-requisite for having a productive dialogue. Meet in a neutral place like a conference room, a quiet restaurant, or outdoors. Enter the conversation with a sincere intention to honor different points of view and different interpretations of situations.

If there’s a possibility that you had done something that hurt or offended them or created a misunderstanding, start by offering an apology and ask them if there is anything else you need to clean up before you begin (you only know to apologize for what you observe or are aware of, there may be more). Show sincerity in your authentic intention to repair the relationship.

 
4. Engage in Dialogue

A dialogue is a free flow of meaning between two or more people. Create a “pool of shared meaning” by enabling all participants to contribute their opinions and concerns so that the best decisions can be made.

After you’ve set a foundation of safety, here are 10 steps you can follow:

1. Share your observations about the situation (facts only, not opinions or judgments).
2. Acknowledge how your actions may have contributed to the misunderstanding or conflict.
3. Then share YOUR interpretation of the situation (your story) in a way that acknowledges that other interpretations are possible.
4. To prevent others from getting defensive, talk in a tentative manner, e.g. “Perhaps you were unaware that …”, or “I’m wondering if ….”
5. Ask the other participant(s) to share THEIR interpretations of the situation.
6. Be curious. Listen with an open mind and open heart so that you can truly understand their points of view.
7. Calmly acknowledge their feelings and opinions, and reflect back what they said so that they feel heard. For example,“What I hear you saying is that you felt disrespected when I said I didn’t think your team was on track to make the deadline.”
8. Contribute any other relevant observations or facts to build the “pool of shared meaning.”
9. Develop possible solutions that would be acceptable to all parties, and decide on the best solution.
10. Come to a specific agreement about who is going to do what by when. Then agree when you’ll follow up to confirm that all parties have kept their commitments.

 
5. Notice the Emotions

Detach yourself periodically from the content of the conversation to observe the dynamics of the participants. Are you (or others) starting to withdraw into silence? Are you (or others) beginning to get angry or frustrated? Before your own emotions take over, learn to catch yourself by silently asking yourself: “What’s going on in this conversation? Do we need to restore safety so that we can shift back into dialogue mode? What would cause the reaction I am observing? What does the other person value in this moment?”

Ask yourself “What emotions am I feeling, and what story am I telling myself that is triggering these emotions? What evidence do I have to support this story?” Typical stories are “It’s not my fault,” or “It’s all YOUR fault,” or “There’s nothing I can do about this.” These types of stories serve to get us off the hook, but they are counterproductive because they prevent resolution.

To restore a loss of safety, restate the mutual purpose of the conversation or call a time out, with a mutually agreed time to reconvene.

 
I hope you find these tips helpful when you’re in an emotionally charged situation. Remember that these are learned skills. Continuous practice will turn these into new habits. You can start by applying these tips on a small conflict first to gain the confidence needed to apply them to a more crucial situation.

After all, wouldn’t the world be a much better place if everyone used these tools in crucial conversations?

 
Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post How to have Crucial Conversations in Emotionally-Charged Situations appeared first on Wings for Women.

If you’re feeling frazzled, overloaded, and overwhelmed with your work, you’re not alone … especially if you’re also going through a big transition in your relationships, career, or life. This high level of constant stress takes its toll on our physical and mental health, relationships, quality of work, and quality of life. We all need new strategies to cope with (and to thrive in) this faster paced environment.

Here are 10 strategies and tips to manage extreme workloads and bring sanity back into your life:

1. Focus on what’s most important to you.   Make a list of your highest priority goals. Then identify which activities and projects are aligned with those goals, and what people can most help you to achieve those goals. Decide what matters, and then do it.

2. Beware of the “shiny red ball syndrome.”   It’s human to be attracted to the new, exciting things. These shiny red balls can also be terribly distracting if we allow them to derail our focus. Remember we only have 24 hours in a day. For every shiny red ball we want to chase, we need to give up time we’ve allocated to something (or someone) else. Exercise self-restraint to stay focused.

3. Know how you currently spend your time.   It’s eye-opening to discover how we spend our time. You don’t need to go through a time-consuming time audit or survey to measure how you currently spend your time. Just keep a log of how you spend time for one week, Monday through Sunday, and track your time by category of activity. Here are some tools you can use to develop your time profile:

• Time Tracking Worksheet
• Time Profile Chart

4. Set your boundaries.   Know that we can’t respond to nor please everyone. Many of us are wired to please other people. We want them to like us so we feel obligated to respond to their requests and their needs. We need to take care of our own needs first, so that we can be a good leader and good partner to those we care about. And sometimes that means we have to tactfully say “No” or “Not right now.” Better yet, let people know what your boundaries are so that they know when you’re available and how best to involve you.

5. Set up a system to manage your workload.   Don’t rely on your memory to remember all the things you have to do. Your brain will fry from data overload. Instead, have a system to keep track of your tasks … either on a master To-Do List and calendar, or by using software like MicroSoft Outlook’s Task List and Calendar. Organize filing systems with labeled folders for your documents. Set up folders in your email system to file your emails by subject. Get into the habit of staying organized on a regular basis. It will do wonders to reduce your stress level.

6. Be present to the person (or task) at hand.   Multi-tasking is of limited effectiveness because it’s nothing more than attention-splicing. Like playing tennis with two balls, multi-tasking only splits your attention and dilutes your ability to focus on the task at hand. Instead, be fully present to anyone you’re talking to and any important task you’re working on, so that your effectiveness will be maximized.

7. Only Handle It Once (OHIO).   When going through your emails, mail, or other documents, respond to it right away if it’s urgent or if it takes less than 2 minutes to handle it. Otherwise, schedule it on your Task List, file it in a labeled folder, or discard it.

8. Use your rhythm to raise your productivity.   We all have a certain time of the day when we’re at our most creative. For some people, it’s the early morning hours. For others, it’s late at night. Schedule your activities so that you do your thinking and creative work during those peak hours. Protect that time from intrusions and distractions. Do more mundane tasks (or things you do on auto-pilot) at your less-than-peak hours.

9. Avoid things that clutter the mind.   There’s no shortage of inputs … TV, social media, junk emails, newsletters, magazines, talk shows, internet surfing, blah blah blah. Yes, they may be entertaining, but at what cost? The mental clutter an distractions created by all those inputs may prevent you from focusing on what matters most to you. So turn off that TV. Cut back on social media. Protect your mind from unnecessary blather and clutter.

10. Cultivate a positive mental attitude.   By focusing on what matters most to you, and by protecting your boundaries from lower priority tasks or undesirable people, you can maintain a positive mind frame that will help you do your best work and improve the quality of your life.

We’ve all heard the saying “Don’t try to do too much, or else you won’t do anything well”. Focus on what matters the most and what you do best, and stick with it. By following these 10 strategies, you will reduce your stress, think more clearly, and get more of what’s important done so you can thrive even in these 24×7 times.

I would love to get your comments and feedback, which you can post below.

All the best,

Keiko Hsu
WingsForWomen.net

The post Overloaded and Overwhelmed? 10 Strategies for Managing Extreme Workloads appeared first on Wings for Women.

Here are the lessons I’ve learned, which I’m sharing as a 5-step WINGS process (including my examples) to help YOU to find your wings and soar:

Wholeness

Whether you’ve gone through a separation, divorce, or job layoff, it’s a big loss. And like any kind of major loss, there’s grieving to be done. If you try (like I did) to short-cut the grieving process, the tears will come back to bite you at the most inopportune moments, so take time to reflect on your loss.

Seek to understand the underlying causes of the situation and what you learned from it. You may realize (like I did) that your crisis was a wake-up call from an unhappy relationship or a less-than-fulfilling job. Use the wake-up call to assess what was missing from your life … and to set a vision for a new chapter of your life that would nourish your heart and soul.

Inner Self

This is the time to reinvent yourself from inside-out. Simply jumping to a new job or a new relationship will just repeat the same patterns you’ve experienced in the past. Instead, go deep within yourself to understand who you really are at your core, and who you can be. Seek to understand the patterns from your past … both the good and the bad patterns.

Tap into your inner self … What’s really important to you? What are your passions? Learn to love and respect your true, authentic self … and the right people will love and respect you too.

Navigate Your Obstacles

What stops you from moving forward? What causes emotional swirl and indecision for you?

Typically, our biggest obstacles are in our own minds … the fear of failure, fear of the unknown, self-limiting beliefs about what’s possible for us, and our very loud Inner Critic (the Gremlin who tells us we’re not good enough). Once we realize that these paralyzing messages are simply an outdated but natural self-protection mechanism, we can recognize when they pop up and take action to control the negative self-talk. By shining the bright light of awareness on them, we can take away their power so that we can move forward.

Generate Your Roadmap

By setting a clear vision for a whole and fulfilling life, you have a “destination” toward which you can create a roadmap.

In my case, my post-divorce and post-corporate vision was to live in my dream city of San Francisco, develop new relationships that would nurture my heart and soul, and do work that fulfills me and helps other women navigate major transitions in their lives and thrive. I created a roadmap and took actions to get me there. It took less than 2 years to transform my life, reach my goals, and achieve the happiness and success I was aiming for. Along the way, I noticed that everything was miraculously falling into place. It was as if the universe was conspiring to help me reach my destination. I realize now that the key was in having a clear vision of what I wanted my life to be like … and to trust that it would happen.

What’s YOUR vision for your ideal career, your ideal relationships, your ideal life-style? What actions must you take to get there?

Stay on Track

There most certainly will be speed bumps along the way. Unexpected things will happen that can derail you and your best-laid plans. You need to develop strategies and systems to stay positive, motivated, focused, and accountable to yourself. It helps to have an accountability partner or professional coach to help you stay on track and maintain that precious forward momentum. When going through a major life transition, you don’t know what you don’t know, so don’t hesitate to get help from others who have been on that path. You’ll reach your destination much faster.

I hope you found my WINGS process to be helpful and inspiring. Want to learn more about how to apply it to reinvent YOUR life? Curious about how a personal coach can help you navigate a big transition in your career or life? For a complimentary consultation, go to http://wingsforwomen.net/consultation-request-form.

Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post Find Your Wings, and Soar! appeared first on Wings for Women.

We often find we’re spending time on activities that don’t align with our goals, but we do them anyway because someone requested us to do it. Do you have a hard time saying no, especially if you have a good relationship with the other person? You may feel obligated to agree to requests, but saying yes when you really want to say no can damage relationships. You might feel resentment toward the person and/or fail to perform the request to the best of your ability. At the least, you will not enjoy doing it!

Here are some tips for saying no tactfully.

• If you are too busy, say no and explain your priorities, so the person understands your situation.

• If you are willing to say yes at a later time, ask if things can be temporarily postponed. If so, set a specific date. If things cannot be postponed, say no with your reasons.

• If you can’t decide whether or not to do it, ask for time to think about it. Specify a time when you will have a decision.

• If you want to say no and encourage future opportunities, decline with your reasons and ask the person to contact you again when you might have more time or more interest.

• If you are not the best person for the job, decline and suggest someone else who might be better.

• Just say no.

Remember, your time is precious, and it’s your own to use as you want. Invest your time in activities that produce the results you need for business success and for creating the quality of life you want. Learn to set boundaries. Learning to say no enhances your self-esteem and demonstrates self-respect.

I would love to get your comments and feedback, which you can post below.

All the best,

Keiko Hsu
WingsForWomen.net

The post Just Say No … Reclaim Your Precious Time appeared first on Wings for Women.

A confidence crisis can be caused by a big life transition such as getting a new job, moving to a new city, starting a new business, or starting a new relationship. Serious losses will surely cause you to lose confidence … the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of a big client, or the loss of a dream we come to realize will never happen.

At times, our confidence is already shaky as a result of a transition or loss, and a single incident like having a disappointing conversation, missing a deadline, getting a bad haircut, or spilling coffee on a document can trigger a confidence crisis.

When you crash, it is usually because your daily diet of life has not included enough confidence-boosting “foods.” Confidence is like Vitamin C. You need it in your diet. Your body can only store it for a short time before it needs some more. You have to take responsibility for planning your “confidence meals” and making sure you have large enough portions to sustain you.

When a confidence crisis hits you, don’t despair. Instead, start to use some of the following 11 confidence-boosting techniques. Begin with at least two, and then add a third and a fourth. You will gain a lot more than confidence – you will learn to love, honor and appreciate yourself more and more.

1)  Make a List of Your Strengths and Accomplishments
When your confidence is low, it’s time to remember all the strengths you have and the accomplishments you’ve achieved in your life. Make a list of what you’re good at, and what other people have told you they appreciate about you. Look at your resume to see all that you’ve accomplished in your career. Make a list of personal challenges you’ve overcome in your life, and how you were able to do it. These exercises will remind you that you’re a precious soul with lots of contributions you can make in the world.

2)  Notice your Inner Critic
A loss of confidence is usually accompanied by a very loud Inner Critic. What is your Inner Critic saying? That you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not creative enough, not witty enough, not attractive enough, or that you’re a fraud? Know that your Inner Critic is a self-protective mechanism in your brain that exists to warn you against potential threats. Notice the message it’s giving you, but know that you don’t need to heed its warnings.

3)  Keep a Journal
Keeping a journal is a great way to process and clarify your feelings. Forcing yourself to write everyday also forces you to take time for daily reflection. Daily reflection can help you solidify what you know, what you have learned, and what you still need to pay attention to.

4)  Show Gratitude
Practice gratitude – be thankful for what you already have and put your attention on all the blessings you already possess. Keep a gratitude section in your journal. Everyday write down five things you are thankful for. This will help you feel richer and stronger in character and that translates into confidence.

5)  Use Affirmations
Affirmations work. Write a list of statements that say what you want and how you want to be in life such as, “I get more confident every day,” “New clients come to me easily,” or “I get more and more fit every day.” State all affirmations in the present tense. Some people stand in front of a mirror and say them. I also encourage you to record them and play the recording over and over. Read your affirmations at least once a day.

6)  Evaluate Your Relationships
Assess the relationships in your life. Do they support you or sabotage you? All relationships change with time; some get better, some get worse. If you have relationships in your life that are more of a burden then a joy, it may be time to sever your ties – or at least loosen the reins.

7)  Start New Relationships
Identify people who have the qualities you admire – people you feel you could learn from and who could learn from you as well. Look for people you can have fun with. Boosting your confidence can be really fun, if you want it to be.

8)  Join a Group
This may be time for a traditional support group. Chatting over a cup of carrot juice with your pals might be a remedy. Organize your own group of confidence boosters and support each other in making changes.

9)  Change Your Daily Routine
What activities tend to boost your confidence, and what activities tend to bring it down? Exercise, getting enough sleep, speaking your mind, and dressing well are activities that tend to boost confidence.

10)  Speak Up
When we withhold communication because we are afraid of how we will be received, we chip away another bit of our confidence. Share your thoughts, opinions, and preferences. Speak up in all situations. The insignificant situations will be practice for the important occasions that are sure to follow.

11)  Take a Risk A Day
A risk is something you would do in an instant if you knew you would be successful. It is the fact that you do not know how it will turn out that makes it a risk. The best way to bolster your confidence is to start doing things you are afraid to do. Make a list of things that are risky for you and start to do them one by one.

Sometimes it takes a few days to boost your confidence. Sometimes it takes a few weeks. Occasionally it can take a few months to overcome a confidence crisis. Know that if you are consistent with your confidence boosting techniques, you will eventually find yourself renewed, stronger, and more confident.

Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post How to Overcome a Confidence Crisis: <br>11 Confidence-Boosting Techniques appeared first on Wings for Women.

Sound familiar? This is the voice of your Inner Critic. It’s also known as the “Imposter Syndrome.”

What impact does your Inner Critic have on your motivation when you’re planning to make a big strategic leap? Does it hold you back from moving forward after a big career transition or life transition? Does it keep you from reaching your full potential and doing what you know you’re capable of achieving?

Rest assured, we ALL have an Inner Critic … the voice inside your head that tells us we’re not ____ enough. (You can fill in the blank.) Our brains were wired that way during childhood as a self-protection mechanism against perceived threats or dangers. That voice may have served its purpose at that time, but we’re adults now. We have enough education, skills, and real world experience to know what we are capable of handling. But that Inner Critic still comes up when we’re planning to make a bold move or stretch outside our comfort zone. So what do to about it?

Here are 5 tips for managing your Inner Critic and preventing it from running your life:

1) Listen to what your Inner Critic is saying.
Self-awareness is the first step to making a big change in your life. Become aware of the inner voice when you feel stuck, and tune into it carefully. Listen to what it is telling you. Is the message really true? Or is it an outdated self-protection message from 40 years ago? Is it saying the word “should,” telling you what you “should” do, which may be different than what you want to do?

2) Notice the more subtle forms of resistance.
Sometimes the Inner Critic speaks, but rather than being fearful, your subconscious reaction is to procrastinate from working on your big project or opportunity. This can show up in various forms of internal resistance, such as:

• Feeling sleepy and wanting to take a nap
• Being compelled to do all the trivial tasks on your To Do list
• Getting a sudden urge to clean or decorate your home or office
• Deciding that this is a good time to reach out to friends you haven’t contacted in years.

When this happens, ask yourself if this is a form of internal resistance generated by your Inner Critic.

3) Understand the root cause of your resistance or fear.
Is it a fear of being wildly successful? Or a fear of failure or of being criticized? Is it a reluctance of standing out from the crowd? If you examine your capabilities logically, is this opportunity something that you are truly capable of doing? Or are you being overly critical of yourself? In Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” book, she mentioned a Hewlett Packard study that found that many women apply for jobs only if they think they meet 100% of the criteria listed, whereas men apply if they meet 60% of the requirements (because they assume they will learn on-the-job). What’s the root cause of your resistance or fear?

4) Know what impact your Inner Critic has on you.
Similar to if you had an external critic, the negative judgments foisted on you by your Inner Critic impedes your open-mindedness to change, your vision for possibilities, and your ability to generate creative solutions. Generally, your Inner Critic will keep you playing small because it’s “safer” than playing big. The truth is that our growth lies just outside our comfort zone. When we overcome our Inner Critic and push ourselves to play big, we get new insights, see new possibilities, and get new results.

5) Manage your Inner Critic.
Who does your Inner Critic’s voice sound like? One of your parents? A stern grandparent? Your grade school teacher? An anonymous gremlin? Give your Inner Critic a name, based on who it sounds like. When you can personify your Inner Critic into a character, you can take away its power over you. You can say “Thank you Grandpa (or other name), but I can handle this now.” And when you’re about to make a huge leap forward and it starts screaming at you, you can do what you’d do with a car radio that’s too loud … Just turn down the volume knob, or turn it off.

Our Inner Critic is one of our basic survival instincts and has served a valuable purpose. Its messages and warnings need to be re-wired and updated so that it doesn’t keep you playing small. Follow our 5 Tips to raise your awareness of the Inner Critic’s impact. Through repetitive practice, you’ll begin re-wiring your Inner Critic to be your ally, not your enemy.

Need some additional help in controlling your Inner Critic? Consider hiring a personal coach to help you develop your internal resilience and self-confidence, especially to help you navigate a big transition in your career or life. For a complimentary consultation, go to http://wingsforwomen.net/consultation-request-form.

Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post Is Your Inner Critic Holding You Back? 5 Tips to Managing That Inner Voice. appeared first on Wings for Women.

Studies have shown that EQ (emotional intelligence), i.e. how well we handle ourselves and our interactions with other people, is just as important (if not more so) than IQ in determining professional success, regardless of whether we’re in a leadership position or not. In Daniel Goleman’s book “Working With Emotional Intelligence,” he describes emotional intelligence as two clusters of competencies:  Self Mastery and Interpersonal Skills.

Self-Mastery

In order to influence, inspire, and lead others or to be an effective team player, you must first discover and master yourself and your emotions, and develop the inner self-confidence that will allow you to be authentic, “comfortable in our own skin,” and be able to voice your convictions. Here are key elements of Self-Mastery:

• Self-Awareness … Understanding how your emotions affect your behaviors. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Being open to candid feedback and new perspectives. Knowing what your passions are and what truly matters to you. Understanding what motivates you to work and succeed. Is it a desire for achievement? Or a desire to help others? Or a love of learning new things?

• Self Confidence … Believing in yourself, your self-worth, and what you stand for. Having the inner courage to voice your opinions, make sound decisions, and do the right thing, even when being pressured to do otherwise.

• Emotional Self-Control … Understanding what kinds of situations trigger your “hot buttons,” and developing strategies to prevent from over-reacting when those situations happen. Knowing that you have a choice as to how to react and how to express your feelings in an appropriate way. Knowing how to be calm and to think clearly while under pressure. Being able to stay positive and open-minded.

• Adaptability … Being able to handle changing priorities and multiple demands, and adapting your response and approach accordingly. Being able to flex your strategy based on new realities and different paradigms.

Interpersonal Skills

Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, a leader or a team player, having good “people skills” is critical to your success in the workplace. Here are the key elements of Interpersonal Skills:

• Empathy … Being able to sense other people’s unspoken concerns or feelings. Understanding and relating to the emotions of others. Being sensitive to their issues. Being able to “read” interpersonal dynamics within a group of people.

• Communication … Encouraging your staff or team members to voice their opinions. Being approachable. Actively listening to seek mutual understanding. Flexing your communication style based on the personality of the person you’re talking to.

• Influence … Being able to win key stakeholders to your point of view. Persuasion using logic and emotional appeals. Building consensus and support.

• Collaboration … Working well with others toward a common goal Engaging and leveraging the strengths of each team member, gaining cooperation to achieve the best results. Not being a “lone wolf.”

• Relationship Building … Building rapport and trust. Intentionally cultivating relationships for mutual benefit. Maintaining friendships that matter.

• Conflict Management … Negotiating and resolving disagreements. Being able to read your colleagues’ feelings. Being diplomatic and tactful in handling difficult behaviors and emotionally charged situations. Seeking win-win outcomes.

The way you’ve been interacting with people in the workplace consists of habits developed over years of practice. If you want to change them, you can. Unlike cognitive competence (IQ), emotional competence (EQ) can be learned and developed. The emotional intelligence competencies listed above are habits can be developed through training, coaching, positive intentions and consistent practice until they become second nature.

Consider hiring a personal coach to help you further develop your emotional competence (EQ), especially to help you navigate a big transition in your career or life. For a complimentary consultation, go to http://wingsforwomen.net/consultation-request-form.

Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post Develop EQ to Improve Your Workplace Relationships and Career Success appeared first on Wings for Women.

To be emotionally competent, we first need to understand what triggers us, and then know how to choose how we wish to respond. Yes, we do have a choice in how to react to any emotionally stressful situation. But it’s a skill that requires self-discovery, self-awareness, and practice to learn how to react in an appropriate way. Here are 5 tips for controlling your emotions when things don’t go as expected:

1) Discover Your Emotional Triggers

What triggers you? Think about the last few incidents that upset you … people who made you impatient, angry, or lose your cool. You may discover that anyone who does something that violates your core values will trigger you to react emotionally. Here are some examples:

a)  If Mutual Respect is one of your core values, you will get triggered when someone does something you perceive as disrespectful.
b)  If Customer Service is a core value for you, you will get angry if a restaurant waiter ignores you or messes up your order.
c)  If Work Ethic is important to you, you will get very annoyed when a co-worker appears to be slacking off during work hours.

2) Re-Calibrate Your Expectations (Without Lowering Your Standards)

We tend to get thrown off-track when things don’t go as we expected. Since you may not be able to control other people’s actions, the next best way to prevent a nasty surprise is to adjust your expectations. Imagine that there is a good reason that things are different than you expected, therefore perhaps a pleasant surprise.

If you alter your expectations of how your ex-husband will behave around you, you might not get as angry when you see him. If you adjust your expectations of customer service at a popular restaurant during peak lunch hour, you’re more likely to stay calm when the service is slow. If you re-calibrate your expectations of how the audience will behave when you’re giving a presentation, you’re more likely to be able to handle any rude behavior and challenging questions.

This doesn’t mean you’re giving in or compromising your standards. You’ll still have high standards for customer service, for example, but you’ll be able to set more realistic expectations so that you won’t get so emotionally triggered when encountering poor service. Instead, you’ll be able to calmly provide feedback to their management about the service you experienced.

3) Distract Your Brain

When we get triggered, our Amygdala (“reptilian brain”) hits the panic button to cause a “flight or fight” response to the perceived threat. It floods our brain with stress hormones, mainly cortisol. These stress hormones stay in our bodies for hours, causing us to be even more emotionally sensitive during that time. In continuous high stress situations, our stress hormones can reach a toxic level, killing off neurons in the brain (impacting your ability to think clearly) and destroying your body’s immune system.

Fortunately, you can “distract your emotional brain” with some simple techniques such as:

• Take a few deep breaths … The extra oxygen serves to re-set your brain.
• Sip some ice water … The shock of the cold water will momentarily distract your right brain, allowing your left brain to regain control.
• Stand in a power pose … Studies have shown that by opening up your arms and standing in a powerful stance, your self-confidence will increase.

That momentary distraction will help you to regain your composure and decide the best way to respond to the situation.

4) Choose Your Response

The key to emotional self-control is knowing that you can choose how to react to any emotionally stressful situation. What is the most appropriate response to the situation at hand? What does this situation call for? And what do you want the experience to be? Sometimes, the best thing to do is to not say anything, even though you may want to express your anger or frustration. Other times, you can say “Let’s talk about it tomorrow, OK?,” giving you more time to think and process your surprise.

When you find yourself reacting emotionally, you can also calm yourself down with some soothing self-talk. Talk (silently) to yourself as if you were comforting your best friend. What would you say to her if she were in your shoes?

If you have time to think in advance of possible outcomes of a difficult conversation or meeting or event, you can prepare what to say if something goes awry. Think about possible scenarios, and plan how you would respond in each case. This allows you to be more mentally and emotionally prepared in case the situation doesn’t go as you expected.

5) Develop Emotional Resilience

Developing emotional resilience takes practice. Even if you understand your triggers and learn how to re-set your expectations to prevent upsets, you may still get triggered. The tips described above will help handle those stressful situations. With continued awareness and practice, you’ll learn to bounce back more quickly so that your emotions won’t get in the way of your day to day activities and transition plans.
Think about what big changes YOU’d like to make in your life. Do you want to uplevel your career? Start a business? Find a new special relationship? Create a new beginning after a big transition? There’s no better time than now to reflect upon your life and set/embark on a new path. Consider hiring a personal coach to help you brainstorm your options, define your goals and action plans, overcome your fears and mental blocks, and to hold you accountable so that you will make a big leap forward. For a complimentary consultation, go to http://wingsforwomen.net/consultation-request-form.
Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post What Triggers You? Tips for Controlling Your Emotions When Things Don’t Go as Expected appeared first on Wings for Women.

Most people perceive me to be very focused, disciplined, and accomplished. They see my corporate successes, and the “dream life” I’m now living in San Francisco after my big transition … after my 28-year corporate career and 26-year (first) marriage both fell apart a few years ago … and they assume that it’s easy for me to achieve every goal I set and to implement every big change I make in my life.

But the truth is that I’m a procrastinator. When important deadlines come looming, I find dozens of trivial tasks on my To Do List that I “must” check off. When I need to work on an important project, I suddenly feel sleepy and want to take a nap. Or I decide to spend 2 hours doing emails or FaceBook. When I should be preparing for an important presentation, I decide to do my laundry instead. Do these things happen to you too?

Here are 6 tips and tricks I use to manage my procrastination tendencies. Try these yourself:

1)  Prioritize … Sometimes we have so much to do that we feel paralyzed. Make a list of everything you think you need to do. Determine which tasks are urgent, and which tasks are most important. We tend to work on “urgent but not-so-important” tasks versus “important but not-so-urgent” tasks. If you’re going through a big transition in your life, career, or business, you need to focus on the important actions that will move you forward.

2)  Chunk it Down … Break large projects into smaller tasks so that they’re less overwhelming. Doing them in small chunks also gives us the added satisfaction of checking off more tasks as “Done”. If you feel you’re more productive when you do things at the 11th hour just before a deadline, then give yourself a deadline for each of these tasks.

3)  Make Appointments with Yourself …. Schedule time on your calendar for your important project work. Hold these appointments a sacred, as much as you would if they were client meetings. Don’t try to multi-task during those times. Focus on the project at hand. And if it helps, put a clicking timer on your desk to remind yourself how much time you have remaining in your “appointment” to get your task done.

4)  Reflect on your Resistance … We all have mental obstacles that get in our way of making changes in our lives. What’s stopping you? Lack of clarity? Too many options to choose from? Fear of making a mistake? Fear of rejection? Need to do everything perfectly? If you can identify which mental blocks are causing your internal resistance to doing a project or task, you’re more likely to be able to address it.

5)  Be Accountable to Someone … If you’re unable to keep commitments you make to yourself, then make commitments to someone else you respect. It can be a coach, a partner, a co-worker, a family member, or a friend. Ask them to hold you accountable for the commitments you make so that you can make good progress on the changes you want to make in your life, career, or business.

6)  Just Do It … Know that once you get started on a project or task, it gets easier and it flows.

Whatever your procrastination challenges are, these tips will help you get into action and get things done.

Think about what big changes YOU’d like to make in your life. Do you want to uplevel your career? Start a business? Find a new special relationship? Create a new beginning after a big transition? There’s no better time than now to reflect upon your life and set/embark on a new path. Consider hiring a personal coach to help you brainstorm your options, define your goals and action plans, overcome your fears and mental blocks, and to hold you accountable so that you will make a big leap forward. For a complimentary consultation, go to http://wingsforwomen.net/consultation-request-form.

Keiko Hsu
Wings for Women

The post Shhh … Are you a Procrastinator Too? 6 Tips to Get You Moving Forward appeared first on Wings for Women.