Fastpitch Softball | Tips to Improve Game Confidence and Performance

5 Keys to Being a Superstar at Nationals

2013-06-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

As national fastpitch softball tournaments around the country approach in late July every team, player, coach and parent sets their sights on winning a championship...or at the very least playing their best ball and representing their team, organization, league or state well on the biggest stage of the season.

If your athlete is playing at the 14u travel level or above she will likely be playing in front of numerous college coaches scouting players looking for the very best athletes they can offer scholarship money to.

As well, parents will make their biggest financial investment of the season to attend these national tournaments.

In other words the stakes couldn't be higher for every athlete to play her best when it matters most! Well, if that is the goal...how does she get there?

In my experience in coaching over 1,200 fastpitch softball games the outcome of most every game is decided on six or so pivotal pitches or plays over the entire game. That's right, only a handful of moments decide the outcome of any game, any time.

Therefore the players and teams that can execute and perform their best during these pivotal moments will be the most successful. Make sense?

We've all seen it, haven't we? The bobbled ground ball with two outs that lets the winning or go ahead run score. The based loaded opportunity late in the game for a hitter that ends up in a strikeout (or for a pitcher an 0-2 count that turns into a three run double on a poorly located screwball). These are all moments that define success or failure for team or player every time they hit the diamond.

Boost her self-confidence for Nationals here.

Here are the 5 essential keys for your athlete and her team to shine during their upcoming national tournament (ignore them at your own risk!):

1. Prepare - Since it seems like every national tournament is located in some far flung hot and dry/humid location prepare for extreme weather. Hydrate a few days BEFORE the tournament. Adjust to time zone changes and get plenty of rest. Try to keep the same sleep schedule as at home (hard I know). Nationals can also bring numerous games and long, long days...so mentally prepare for it. Remember, success lies at the intersection of preparation and opportunity; and since opportunity is always present the player and team most prepared will likely prevail!

2012 ASA 14u Nationals in Sioux Falls, S.D.

2. Business as Usual - At national tournaments it's easy for players, teams, coaches and parents to get caught up in the hype and ceremony of the tournament with opening parades, larger audiences and teams from all over (not to mention the sightseeing opportunities). Keep it business as usual for your athlete and team. Sure...have fun, but make game preparation and games the same as always. Remember, the bases are still 60 feet apart, the ball optic yellow, the dirt brown and the grass green. The "bigger" the adults make it the more anxiety and stress your athlete and her team are likely to feel. And playing tight is no recipe for success on the diamond.

3. Lower Expectations - Sometimes in big tournaments the best players try to do too much and their performance suffers. This is why seemingly every year the World Series has an unsung hero (remember Bucky Dent?). If parents and coaches can refrain from expecting more from their players than they usually give, again, the stress level will remain low and performances can excel. Besides the added pressure from "external" expectations many athletes elevate their "internal" expectations for themselves (If your athlete is a perfectionist you know what I mean), again causing unnecessary anxiety.

4. Hyper Focus - On the biggest stage the perils of distraction are everywhere (both on and off the field; see #2). In any sport the athletes than win those pivotal moments (think Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Reggie Jackson) have been capable of extreme focus and the incredible ability to stay "in the moment." Present Moment Awareness (PMA) is essential for your athlete to possess to play her best at Nationals. Often, with all the social time a player and team has during their week at Nationals finding focus come game time can be challenging.

5. Being Her Best - At Nationals if your athlete can really dive into the fun, joy, challenge and privilege of playing the sport she loves in a new, exciting place...and bring an expectancy for success she will have every opportunity to shine. Fear is always the absence of Faith. The athlete that expects to play well (because she has done the physical and mental preparation) likely will. Remember prior successes in big games and meditate and visualize that success. Feel it, see it and live it!

Remember my formula for game day success:

R + C + F = CS

Translated...a Relaxed athlete is a Confident athlete able to play the game with laser Focus, leading to Consistent and optimal Success on game day!

My best wishes for a memorable nationals experience for your athlete, team and family this July!

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The 3 Secrets to Game Day Success

2013-05-09T15:25:00.001-07:00

As Memorial Day looms around the corner every softball player from coast to coast will start playing more meaningful games very soon...all leading up to State and National Championship tournaments.

As the games and the stakes get bigger will your athlete be ready to perform her best in the moments and games that matter most?

Will she stand out from the crowd...particularly in front of college scouts?

Here are three critical factors that will absolutely predict her success or failure during championship season:

1. Proper Preparation - I always tell my players that they can truly be as good as they want to be. If they are willing to do the work both physically and mentally the sky's the limit as to their performance level on game day. What are some of the ways your athlete can properly prepare to insure her success?

a. Recognize her strengths and weaknesses in her game and actively work on improving the weakest parts of her game. This may also include improving speed, strength and quickness. For pitchers this might include developing a better change or rise and working harder to achieve pinpoint location. On defense this may mean more work on the backhand or for catchers more practice on quick release throws to 2nd or 3rd.

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b. Have a mental game plan to properly prepare for each game, each at bat, each pitch on defense or in the circle. Softball is a game that demands all players make timely adjustments. By paying attention during the game any player can gain an edge that will enable her to more easily make adjustments (like recognizing the umpire's strike zone or the pitch sequence tendency of the opposing coach/team). if your athlete is a pitcher she MUST develop a consistent pre-game routine to insure her mental and physical readiness for the game.

c. Being properly prepared physically and mentally prior to stepping on the field builds a strong sense of self-confidence. If you know you've done the work and all you can do to prepare for battle it is far easier to play free of doubt and anxiety. Confidence is the critical foundation all elite athletes share. With it any success is possible on game day, while without it the game can be a nightmare roller coaster ride of disappointment.

2. Having an Expectancy for Success - With rock solid self-confidence comes an ironclad expectancy for success. Imagine this expectancy for success to be an armor against the inevitable stress and pressure of bigger games and pivotal moments within those games. Having an expectancy for success looks like an individual and team swagger that makes the game fun.

Alabama: 2012 National Champions...Expecting to Win!

Last season's NCAA Softball Championship series between Alabama and Oklahoma was a phenomenal example of two teams and 45 players breathing the expectancy for success. I guarantee you each batter on both teams couldn't wait to hit, and this against the likes of Keilani Ricketts and Jackie Traina...two of the nastiest pitchers around!

In a game built on speed where each player has so little time to make a decision there is a razor fine line between expecting success and expecting failure. Cultivating the expectancy for success takes some time, but it will ultimately mean the difference between success and failure on the biggest softball stages!

3. Rebounding from Adversity - In a game where failure is more common than success a young player's ability to bounce back from the inevitable kicks in the stomach the game will surely administer is critical. Proper preparation and having the expectancy for success and foundation of rock solid self-confidence are essential elements, but to be able to consistently rebound from mistakes and game day failure requires a far different mindset. Here are a few tips to help your athlete more quickly bounce back from a tough game or play:

a. Understand that failure and mistakes are part of the game and no one who ever played the game has been immune to game day adversity. In other words even the great players have gone through tough games!

b. See mistakes as an opportunity to grow and get better. Although it sounds weird mistakes allow each player, if framed properly between the ears, to see which part of their game needs work. I tell my girls that the game will always give them a report card that tells them exactly where they need to get better.

c. Focus on the process and not the results. Softball mastery takes years and years. No matter how old your athlete is and what level she plays at she will still need to climb the ladder of mastery for many more years to come. In the interim if her focus is on getting better and not worrying (and judging herself) solely on her results (this means you too parents and coaches!) your athlete will be able to bounce back from mistakes and poor at bats far quicker. Her confidence will more likely stay in tact and her "slumps" will be shorter.

As championship season approaches if your athlete can focus on these the "secrets" her game day performance will soar and her joy for playing and competing in the biggest games will be something she looks forward to rather than dreads.

Like I said earlier...your athlete can be as good as she wants to be. It just requires having a good game plan and sticking to it!

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Sports Parents: Part of the Problem or Solution?

2013-04-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

Regardless of the sport, the gender, the age group or corner of the country on any given Saturday millions of sports parents will be dissatisfied with their son or daughter's coach(es) and/or team.

With the expectations for performance so visibly sky high for all youth sports in 2013 is it any wonder that parent/coach conflict is the norm rather than the exception?

As a coach and sports parent myself I ask you this question: Are you part of the problem or the solution?

Now I fully understand that there are numerous situations where, as a parent, you may be fully justified in being upset, bewildered or disappointed in how your athlete's coach runs their team or handles your athlete's playing time, etc. And you certainly have the right to expect an acceptable level of competency and decorum from your coaches during practices and games.

On the flip side you might be the kind of parent expecting nirvana, perfection, an idyllic season where your athlete, team and coach do no wrong in your eyes. Be truthful...how often has that happened before at any level? Being realistic of your athlete and their team's potential is critical for any sports parent.

So let's look at what being part of the problem or the solution looks like. Which category do you fall into (or your spouse)?

Here's what being a part of the problem looks like:

1. You keep track of game statistics and each players participation time to justify that the coach isn't treating your athlete fairly. Furthermore you will go out of your way to throw these stats at the coach to intimidate or manipulate his or her game day decision making.

2. You stand behind the backstop or in the stands verbally bad mouthing your athlete's coach or, worse, other players on her/his team; whether about his/her game strategy or player usage. This type of behavior is the worst kind of poison because it serves to undermine team unity, respect and support for team and coach; particularly if these verbal snipes are within eye shot of players, other team parents and coaches.

3. You share your displeasure with your athlete's coach with your athlete in the car from a game or at home. This serves to undermine the coach's efforts and plants the seed in your athlete's mind that his/her coach is incompetent or purposely treating her/him unfairly. She/he may then share your views with their teammates and team unity is then shot...leading to poor effort and game day performances.

4. You say nothing but are constantly pacing during the game or hovering by the dugout or bench in an attempt to hear what the coach or coaches are saying to the team. You are the proverbial fly on the wall, the pest the coaches can't wait to avoid at all costs (I have even seen players cut because of parent behavior like this).

5. You put your athlete on a pedestal, myopic to his or her true athletic ability. You can't understand why she/he isn't playing over Tommie or Tammie because she/he is clearly better than them (when the truth and stats clearly don't support your position). You maintain "small picture" thinking, without regard for team or individual player development.

6. You publicly confront your athlete's coach(es) immediately after a game in a quasi emotional rage making a fool of yourself in front of fellow parents, players and other teams...causing extreme embarrassment for your athlete and team, and risking permanent alienation with his/her coach(es).

Here's what being part of the solution looks like:

1. You express your frustration or disappointment in your athlete's coach(es) in a constructive, non-emotional way.

2. You approach your athlete's coach(es) at an appropriate time when neither of your emotions are high; at practice or in a private meeting set up by phone or email. You might find your athlete's coaches far more approachable and far less defensive if you proceed in this manner with any questions or problems you have. If you can cultivate a relationship of mutual respect with your athlete's coaches you'll likely be heard a whole lot more. Remember the old saying..."sugar catches a lot more flies than vinegar."

3. You communicate positively, but realistically to your athlete regarding her/his coach(es). You might say something like this, "Even though we may not agree with some of your coaches strategies (or you playing time/position) we need to respect his decisions. You can't control what your coach does (other than the player seeking out the coach to discuss concerns) so don't let it affect your attitude or game performance."

4. Maintain "big picture" thinking. You recognize that your athlete's coach(es) may just have a longer range plan for player or team development that you are not privy to. At the bare minimum maintain the perspective that it's youth sports: that where ever your athlete and their team are today is not where they will be in a year or two. Comparing their performance to that of professional athletes and teams is silly and psychologically destructive to all involved...most notably your own athlete.

5. Because you do maintain "big picture" thinking you keep your emotions in check before, during and after your athlete's games. You give your athlete and her/his coaches "room" during games keeping your physical and verbal distance.

6. You recognize that coaching is not an easy job. So much more goes into what a coach has to do on the field or court than what any parent sees during a game. Coaches are constantly evaluating their athlete's during practice for effort, attitude and skill mastery (far more closely than you are able to observe). A good youth coach is always doing his/her best to put the team in a position to play their best while being mindful of each player's game and emotional development. Having to deal with irate parents in the stands should not be part of the job description!

The bottom line is your athlete and his/her team is comprised of kids who are, by nature, works in progress. Their coach or coaches may be volunteers or minimally paid individuals who, like their professional counterparts, are prone to making mistakes in strategy and judgment from time to time.

Now, that being said, there are bad coaches out there...absolutely. I am certainly not going to defend them. But even bad coaches deserve your respect for their effort; even if you don't understand or like the outcome. If they are verbally or physically abusive (like the Rutgers coach who was just fired) you have every right to confront your athlete's coach(es).

In any difficult situation in sports or in life you can choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution. The key is in recognizing which behavior leads to which result. You can be in a perpetual state of aggravation and frustration over your athlete's coach(es), spreading your venom where ever you go on game day...or you can be the adult and find a way to affect changes that might result in a positive solution to your problem (which might even include accepting the situation or even changing teams). But beware of "team hopping" because of your dissatisfaction with your athlete's coach(es); the grass isn't always greener on a new team and your athlete's being ripped away from his/her comfort zone may adversely effect performance.

[If your coaching issue is involving a high school coach I understand that transferring schools is likely not an option so, again, if you have no control over it why fume? If need be express your concerns to the school Athletic Director or Principal. High school coaches can be stubborn, especially if they also teach at the school. At least travel or competitive coaches know that if you aren't pleased with their performance you always have the option of leaving.]

Soon enough your little athlete will be out the door to college (whether playing ball there or not), so enjoy watching him/her play while you can. These are precious moments that will never come again. Do your best not to spoil them with misplaced anger and ego. Remember...be the solution not the problem!

What do you think? Share your thoughts or coaching/sports parents stories with me below.

Thanks for reading!

***************************
Every athlete needs a high level of sports confidence to be successful on game day. Does your athlete have it? Take her sports confidence to the next level with the Sports Confidence Blueprint program...a proven step by step formula to skyrocket game performance and game confidence!

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Travel to High School Transition Tips

2013-02-24T09:05:00.002-08:00

As the 2013 high school softball season is upon us many players must make the transition from their travel team to their high school team. This can be a difficult process for some as the dynamics between the two are quite different. Here are 5 Tips to make your athlete's high school season as productive and enjoyable as possible:

1. Practices - In most cases high school practices aren't as rigorous or structured as travel practices. If your athlete has been used to tough practices continue to give the "travel" effort and focus during high school practices. The great thing about high school softball is your athlete has five days each week to work on her game (particularly if she is a pitcher). So utilize this time to work on weaknesses. The high school season offers over 100 hours of cumulative practice time, so DON'T WASTE IT!

2. Team Dynamics - In travel ball most every girl aspires to play softball in college. They are typically very purposed and driven to succeed. Your athlete's high school team is likely made up of a mixture of travel and non-travel players, so motivations for playing will vary. The key is achieving a balance where your athlete can continue to play the game at the elevated level she expects without getting frustrated with teammates who are just out there to participate in a high school sport.

3. Coaching - Although many high school coaches also coach travel in my experience most high school coaches are a step or two behind in practice preparation and game management. As such your athlete (and you) needs to recognize and respect the differences between her travel and high school coach. Their coaching philosophies may be far different. Participation may be more important than winning to some. Your athlete may be asked to play a different position simply because she is the best athlete on the team and her high school team has a hole at a certain position she must fill. The key here is patience and a willingness to do whatever is best for the team! Remember, college coaches rarely scout high school games.

4. The Joy of the Game - All too often in travel softball the game looks more like a "job" than a "joy." The high school softball season is the time of the year your athlete can relax a bit and enjoy the game a little bit more. Pressure can breed a disdain for the game, with a constant worry of mistakes, judgment and failure. At the high school level the game is much the same: 60 foot bases, optic yellow balls and three strikes. However in this environment, your athlete's attitude and mindset can be much different if she chooses. Without pressure her performance can soar and her enjoyment for playing the game can skyrocket!

5. The Big Picture - The main difference between travel and high school softball is the honor of representing your school and playing with your school friends. After all the early mornings driving to far flung places for travel, and playing with teammates you never see outside of travel high school softball offers a "kinder and gentler" experience for your athlete; an opportunity to relax a little and enjoy Sundays off and team bus trips to away games. So rather than you and your athlete being frustrated with the talent level or coaching deficiencies at the high school level look at it for what it is: a three month break from the pressure of travel and an opportunity to get five days per week to sharpen her game while hanging out with friends in the process.

The transition from travel to high school can be a great experience or a frustrating one; it's all in the thinking. Remember, effort, attitude and preparation are always a CHOICE.

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The Attitude of Gratitude

2012-11-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

Being grateful means being appreciative, and to appreciate means to value or admire something or someone highly. Another great definition from Merriam-Webster for "appreciate" is: to judge with heightened perception or understanding; to be fully aware of.

I bring these definitions to your attention this Thanksgiving weekend in an effort to heighten you and your athlete's awareness, perception and appreciation for the gift of softball and youth sports in general.

Let's get down to specifics with The Attitude of Gratitude:

Players - Recognize and be aware of just what a privilege it is to play your sport. No matter what team you play on your coaches chose YOU to be on it. They believe in your ability, so respect and honor your coaches and teammates by giving 110% effort all the time and bringing the Attitude of Gratitude to every practice and game. Get excited about being on your team and appreciate every minute of it. Your energy of gratitude can inspire you and your team to do great things!

I ncrease your athlete's gratitude and performance here!

As well you should express deep gratitude and appreciation to your parents and other family members who support you in playing your support and sacrifice both valuable time and money for you to participate and improve through private lessons, traveling tournaments, clinics, top equipment, etc.

And although it may be hard to grasp in this generation but a generation ago young female athletes did not possess the opportunities to play the game as you do today. Honor those opportunities and those players who went before you to pioneer the game paving the way for the great opportunities you have today.

Remember that effort and attitude are always a choice. That you can be as good in this game as you want to be and are prepared to work for. Being grateful for the opportunity means not squandering it. If you have goals to play your sport in college find that burning desire to be your best and go for it!

Parents - For parents the Attitude of Gratitude looks like appreciating coaches for the hard work and commitment they make to your athlete's development (no, you don't need to like or agree with all their coaching decisions, but you can still be grateful and respect their time, energy and commitment). Appreciate your athlete and their team for the effort they put into mastering a very difficult sport. This means don't expect perfection; allow them time to learn by making the inevitable mistakes and adversity the game will throw at them. Focus on the process or getting better rather than solely on the results.

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Appreciate your spouse, your family and yourself for their (and your) sacrifices made that enable your athlete to pursue her dream. Being a sports parent today can be stressful, especially if you have more than one child pursuing their athletic dream! Employ "big picture" thinking.

Be grateful for all the wonderful life lessons your athlete is learning through her sports experiences...win or lose. As in life we tend to learn more in the midst of failure and adversity than constant smooth sailing, so allow your athlete to fail and know that inside she is learning and growing greatly from it. These life lessons she will carry her entire life and will (and likely already) make her a better, more disciplined, more resilient person able to handle the many challenges life will throw at her as an adult.

Also in your grateful bliss commit to honoring the game which means supporting your athlete's team 100%. Nothing is worse and more detrimental to a team's success than parents talking poorly about players, team or coaches to other parents or within earshot of players. This divisiveness creates negative energy among parents and team that can only hurt your athlete. Also support and appreciate the opposing team for without them there would be no game. Despite wearing a different uniform, as adults, we should wish success for all these young athletes. Recognize that they are all working hard to achieve their athletic dreams too.

Finally as part of having an Attitude of Gratitude please respect and appreciate the umpires and officials each and every game. As with the coaches you may not agree with all their calls (I know I usually don't!), but you can still show respect and recognition that he or she is doing the very best they can to get each call right. I can assure you, having spoken to hundreds of umpires and officials over the years, that they take their jobs very seriously. Most of them sat where you did years before watching their own kids play sports. As such they respect the athletes and want to be a positive force on the field. Your verbally ridiculing an umpire only serves to disrespect the game and undermine your athlete and her team.

So on this relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, while you and your athlete are likely taking a short break from the game remember the Attitude of Gratitude. I'm confident that if you and your athlete keep the points I have written here in mind you will both enjoy the game more and you might even enjoy writing those sports related checks a little more (okay...that might be a reach!).

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Hitting Slumps: The Real Causes and Solutions

2012-11-14T09:51:00.002-08:00

My 14u team is currently mired in a collective hitting slump. After starting the season red hot, hitting .365 as a team, we have struggled over the last three weeks hitting about .230. Our run production has gone from 5 runs per game down to 1.3 runs per game. It's no surprise that after a solid 9-4 start we're only 1-5-1 since.

It's one of softball's immutable laws...if you can't score you can't win!

It's also one of the immutable laws of the universe...13 years old athletes are inconsistent!

Now certainly hitting slumps, whether for a 13 year old softball player or 30 year old Major Leaguer, may well be rooted in physical and mechanical flaws. If your athlete is pulling her head, dropping her hands or swinging under every pitch she won't have much to show for it.

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However, the more common root cause of hitting slumps lies between the ears. The mind is, in fact, so powerful that it can actually cause physical changes that make hitting a ball squarely nearly impossible. Therefore the mental plays a far bigger part in both causing and solving hitting slumps for individual players and entire teams.

So in solving your athlete and her team's hitting slump consider these 6 "mental dynamics":

1. Over thinking. Too much going on inside the head. Maybe coach and parent are yelling instructions while she's in the box. The mind must be entirely "zen like" focused on the task at hand to be successful as a hitter.

2. Can't do thinking. This looks like "expecting" failure...doom and gloom thinking. Negative thinking and fear of failure can actually cause anxiety than will cause reflexes to slow, eyesight to diminish and hitting mechanics to be altered.

3. Lack of focus. This can happen when the mind is distracted by dwelling on the past or future rather than the present moment. With only 1/3 of one second to make a decision on pitch velocity, movement and location anything less than 100% focus can doom your athlete's potential for hitting success.

4. Not paying attention. Your athlete can help herself out immensely as a hitter by noticing little things like umpire strike zone, pitch type and location tendencies, defensive positioning, etc. When in a slump your athlete needs to look for any edge she can get!

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5. Trusting herself. For younger athletes I find this is the biggest culprit that sabotages success. When in a slump younger hitters tend to take too many good pitches and find themselves perpetually behind in the count. I encourage my players and those I coach privately to be aggressive and trust themselves to swing early in the count at a pitch they believe they can hit. Don't wait until you have two strikes and the evil rise ball and change up rear their ugly heads.

6. Team energy. A collective team hitting slump can be caused and remedied by something as simple as team energy. Hitting is certainly contagious and so is not hitting. I have found that staying loud in the dugout and staying mentally engaged in the game can help a team hit well. Good team energy can fuel comebacks, while poor team energy looks like waiving the white flag!

So take these 6 mental dynamics into account (as well as any mechanical problems) to help identify and solve your athlete and her team's hitting slumps. The great news is that these 6 dynamics are all a matter of choice. With proper mental preparation your athlete's slumps should be few and far between!

**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $39.97...full of a ton of mental performance resources!

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6 Ways Parents Can Insure Softball Success

2012-11-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

As a softball parent I know the challenges I face in wanting every on the field success for my daughter. As adults we always see the big picture and do all we can to help our kids avoid mistakes on and off the field.

We coach them from behind the backstop because we figure one little verbal tip from us will surely make the difference between success and failure in the at bat.

If our daughter is a pitcher we bark mechanics reminders to her between pitches (maybe every pitch) hoping she'll be the strike and location machine she is in practice.

A friend of mine said to me this week that it's truly amazing how involved parents are today with their kids' sports, given that our parents hardly ever showed up to watch us play (to my mom...you are the exception!!). Heck, I rode my bike to little league practice and games. As a freshman high school I rode my bike to 6am basketball practice every day!

Today, as parents, we tend to micro manage our kids' schedules from sunrise to sunset...including their sports.

Is she a game changer? Find out.

Then you add in the cost of youth sports today and I kind of feel like, as parents, we are managing our "investment" from the stands (or pacing behind the backstop or dugout...come on...you know who you are!).

Now I know that all parent involvement isn't negative. Sometimes parents yell supportive things to their daughters during the games. Sure the old "Hit that ball pumpkin" comment is always a "hoot." But this post isn't about the "I'm just happy to watch my kid play...win or lose" parents.

Because of the investment of time and money you and your athlete put into her sport she is acutely aware (even though she may never show it or mention it) of the expectations on her to excel on the diamond.

It may be a quick comment you make, your body language after a mistake on the field or poor at bat, or an all out "Do you know how much we spend every month on your softball? Between private lessons, travel dues, your new $300 bat; gas costs over $4.00 per gallon...did you know that? And your mom and I sacrifice every weekend to travel to God knows where...and for what...three strike outs and two errors? I just don't get it!"

Hopefully this is not you as a parent, but even the best meaning parents can blow a gasket if their daughter's game day performance is below their "expectations."

Here are 6 ways you, as a parent, can help insure your athlete's softball success:

Reasonable expectations - Be mindful of your athlete's age, experience and competition level. No one who ever played the game was, is or will ever be PERFECT (were you perfect when you played sports??), so be extremely careful to set reasonable expectations for her performance.
Help her to set goals and a reason for playing the game - With goals and a clearly defined purpose for playing your athlete will be able to summon the effort, determination and focus necessary for her to be her best in a sport that inflicts a heavy dose of failure on all who cross the white lines. When she can connect her effort (long days, pain, time away from friends) to her desired outcome (scholarship) she will be able to persevere through the tough days.
Give her unconditional support - This includes supporting her team, her teammates and her coaches. It also includes you and her both focusing on her effort and the process of getting better instead of simply her results. She will look to you for approval and she toils long and hard on the diamond. Please give it to her without strings attached!
Allow the coaches to coach -For your athlete to play her best she needs to know you support her team and coaches. Talking harshly about her coaches during the game to other parents, within earshot of the team or in the car on the way home only serve to undermine your athlete and her team's success. If you feel she is on the wrong team make a change, but until then let the coaches coach.
Be aware of your athlete's confidence levels - As I write about often your athlete's self-confidence levels are the single biggest predictor of her game day success. All of the suggestions in this post are designed to help improve her confidence. However, for a young female athlete little things (both on and off the field) can have huge impacts on her confidence. Monitor your athlete's confidence levels by observing her body language, the tone of her voice, her eating and sleeping routine and, of course her sports and school performances. Help keep her confidence up and watch her soar!
Keep the game fun - As always the you, as a parent, can keep the game in perspective for your athlete the more fun she will have. And the more fun she has the better she will play. If the sport feel more like a job than a joy to her she will feel stress and anxiety to perform, limiting her success.

Parenting is always a delicate balance. However, as your athlete advances in the game of softball and the game of life continue to be a positive influence and allow her success to unfold like a brilliant flower...one day at a time!

You might also enjoy these two related posts:
Do We Ask Too Much From Our Kids.
Parents Beware the "60 Minute Rule"

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Success By Design: 5 Surefire Predictors of Her Success!

2012-10-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Even though I've been in the game of fastpitch for awhile I am not clairvoyant and don't claim to have a crystal ball. However, when it comes to predicting the absolute level of game day success a softball player will have I'm pretty confident I could do so blindfolded!

Yes...if I have just a handful of facts and a brief conversation with your athlete, without ever watching her play, I could tell you how good a player she is and will become with pinpoint accuracy.

How can I do that? Let me explain my magic.

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As in life softball success is predictable based on a number of key factors, the most important of which is the Law of Cause and Effect; that every action empirically causes a specific and measurable reaction. Author Tony Robbins describes the process like this:

". . . the most powerful way to shape our lives is to get ourselves to take action. The difference in the results that people produce comes down to what they’ve done differently from others in the same situations. Different actions produce different results. Why? Because any action is a set cause in motion, and its effect builds on past effects to move us in a definite direction. Every direction leads to an ultimate destination: our destiny."

Yes, I too had to read that passage a couple of times to really understand what Robbins was trying to say. After I figured it out it seems perfectly applicable to any athlete's sports "destiny."

One's destiny, in essence, is always shaped by choice; a choice of effort, a choice of attitude, a choice of preparation; a choice of purpose. And, thus, these different choices become the primal cause that shapes the ultimate levels of success and performance one athlete achieves versus another athlete.

Show me an elite athlete all the college coaches are drooling over and more often than not that athlete became elite as a result of the decisions, the actions, and the choices she has made for years.

As I often say, success simply is not an accident. An athlete succeeds by design. And a well designed and well executed plan will, as Robbins says, set in motion causes which will produce predictable effects, or results.

Here is an even more startling fact about athletic performance; right decisions, actions and choices made over time will absolutely accelerate any athlete's success because these actions become cumulative in nature. They truly build upon one another and, in fact, become habits that are the true predictors of consistent game day success.

And, perhaps, the biggest "cause and effect" benefit to your athlete approaching her success by design is that her self-confidence will skyrocket over time as she sees her decisions, actions and choices pay off on the field.

Here are five surefire "predictors" of your athlete's level of softball success:

Does she have clearly defined goals? In other words, why does she play the game? If she can develop and be motivated by the "why" she plays, keeping the end goal(s) in mind, she will have the right foundation and focus to accelerate her success.
How bad does she want success? This is the most powerful "cause" there is in predicting any athlete's success. It defines the intensity of purpose and effort an athlete is willing to expend to achieve her goals. In other words, what is she willing to do to succeed? Is she driven to be good or be great?
How well does she prepare? Greatness is built by the sum total of small efforts repeated daily. Is your athlete willing to work on her strength, her quickness, her hitting, pitching or fielding...her mental game for just 30 minutes each day to become the best player she can be? This is the "cumulative cause and effect" I talked about earlier. Is she doing ALL she can to get better, to master a difficult game....does she take massive action?
Does she enjoy the game? Ultimately for your athlete to reach her fullest softball potential she must enjoy the game enough to put in the consistent time and effort to achieve greatness. Remember what Tony Robbins said: "The difference in the results that people produce comes down to what they’ve done differently from others in the same situations." For your athlete to stand out from the crowd she needs to have passion and joy for the game...a pep in her step that others notice.
Does she expect success? Here is the mental ignition that can absolutely propel or limit your athlete's game day success level. Having the expectancy for success allows an athlete to bounce back from mistakes or bad games because she knows that she has done all the right things with her decisions, actions and choices and, thus, deserves success.

In the final analysis you don't need to be a fortune teller to predict your athlete's game day success level. It is the sum total of her actions that will define her greatness or lack thereof. It's simply the Law of Cause and Effect in action.

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The Confidence Battle in Softball

2012-10-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

As I have written many times before the game of fastpitch softball is a tough one to master. It is full of cliffs, ledges and pits to fall off or fall in every game.

I have come to the conclusion after 11 years and over 1,000 games of coaching that the absence of a high and consistent level of self-confidence is the single biggest cause of poor game performance for every athlete.

For most younger players maintaining confidence on the field is an ongoing battle. At times the confidence is low as a hitter but high as a fielder (or pitcher). Other times the hitting confidence is soaring while fielding (or pitching) confidence goes in the tank.

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The bottom line is that self-confidence can be fleeting at best for most younger athletes. It's the roller coaster ride that drives players, parents and coaches nuts!

But like everything else in sports and in life there is a clearly definable cause that dictates confidence levels in a younger athlete. And more often than not player, parent and coach rarely focus on what that cause is and how to change it. You see if you change the cause you can change the effect...meaning low or inconsistent levels of self-confidence on the field can be changed more easily than you may think!

To change a player's confidence level requires pinpointing exactly what factors are causing the problem. Invariably it gets down to an athlete's thinking; particularly at the "point of attack" as a hitter, fielder, pitcher or base runner.

Change the thinking and you change the results.

Here are but a few "causal factors" of low self-confidence I have discovered in the athletes I work with:

1. Past experiences. Looking at past failures as a predictor of future performance. This is very dangerous for a young athlete to engage in this type of thinking because it will limit performance potential and create a self-fulfilling prophesy for future failure and further self-confidence erosion.

2. Expectations for perfection. In a game where no one is perfect a young athlete can easily get down on herself after a poor at bat or error in the field. Negative self talk can ensue after a mistake puncturing self-confidence quickly and swiftly.

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3. Being results only focused. Every young athlete needs time to learn the game. Mastery does not happen overnight in such a difficult game. Focusing their thinking only on game results (hits, errors, walks) can lead a younger athlete down the wrong path. Once she can become "effort" or "process" focused she can start seeing her mistakes as part of the process of getting better and as a challenge to take back into practice. Self-confidence can flourish with this kind of thinking.

4. Excessive external expectations. Parents and coaches can often make or break a younger athlete's self-confidence. All kids seek to please their parents and mentors and, thus, seek approval for their performance. Criticism is the quickest way to damage self-confidence. Far too often parents and coaches expect too much from someone so young and inexperienced. Once an athlete is allowed to blossom in the sport over time, often needing to take a step back before taking two steps forward, her confidence and game performance will soar. Unconditional support, not perpetual criticism is the answer to increased self-confidence.

5. Poor focus or concentration levels during the game. In softball laser focus is essential to success. When a younger athlete gets distracted from the task at hand game performance must suffer. If a player is worried about failing, nervous about letting parents, coaches or teammates down her performance will drop. Over-thinking at critical moments can cause doubt and hesitation, leading to failure. A confident athlete trusts in her ability and decision making and reacts while an un-confident athlete lacks trust in her ability to succeed and waits before reacting...usually losing the play on defense or failing at the plate.

Self-confidence will always be a battle for a younger athlete, but a battle she can win once the cause of low confidence can be identified and eliminated.

Remember, a younger athlete needs time to develop critical game skills. As a parent or coach your unconditional support and patience during the process of mastery will allow your athlete to build self-confidence in all areas of their game and reach their true softball potential on game day!

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Top 5 "Must Have" Ingredients for Her Success

2012-09-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

With the 2012 fall season underway I'd like to share with you five "must have" ingredients your athlete MUST have to reach her fullest softball potential on game day.

As a mental performance expert and game coach of nearly 1,000 fast pitch games these are the absolute essentials I have found any athlete must possess and demonstrate for both skill development as well as to stand out in front of scouts (be they college or whatever level your athlete aspires to).

Here's the thing...these five "must have" ingredients are all interwoven together. They are interdependent on each other to truly propel an athlete to greatness.

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Here are the 5 "must have" ingredients for her success:

1. Preparation - There simply are no shortcuts to success. Exceptional preparation...following a clearly defined plan for both physical and mental preparation...will lead to the rest of these five "must have" ingredients being fulfilled. Without adequate preparation game day performances will be inconsistent at best...a roller coaster ride of mediocrity.

2. A Relaxed Mind - It's cause and effect...the more relaxed an athlete plays the more confident they play. And the more prepared, both physically and mentally a player is the more relaxed they will be come game time. A relaxed mind comes from both physical and mental preparedness and the cultivation of an expectancy for success each time an athlete walks on the field.

3. Self-Confidence - Truly the foundational ingredient for any successful athlete in any sport. A high level of self confidence leads to a high degree of mental toughness and an ability to bounce back from mistakes. Self-confidence emerges as game mastery progresses. Self-confidence also stabilizes when an athlete becomes effort or process focused rather than simply results focused.

4. Focus - A highly confident athlete will be far more able to exert the necessary mental focus and concentration to succeed in a very difficult game like fastpitch. Lack of focus, in my experience, is the single biggest cause of game day mistakes and failure. Without a relaxed mind or confidence focus can be nearly impossible as the mind wanders to both past focus or future focus rather than focusing on the task at hand.

5. Purpose - Without a clearly defined purpose your athlete will not be able to summon the motivation and desire necessary to cultivate the other four "must have" ingredients. Purpose looks like why she plays the game; what her goals are (short term and long term), and how she plans to achieve her goals. Having appreciable "fire in the belly" is necessary to become your best in a game where failure is more prevalent than success.

These five "must have" ingredients for your athlete's game day success are all a matter of choice and effort. Like I always say to the athletes that I coach..."You can be as good as you want to be." If your athlete can truly cultivate these five ingredients her softball future will look bright indeed!

Be sure to read more of the over 100 articles on this blog for more mental performance tips and strategies.

Also check out my hugely popular Game Changer Audio Program with 24 mental performance audio lessons, over 5 hours of instruction, plus my best selling 174 page eBook, How She Thinks is How She Plays, all for the crazy low price of $29.97 (that'sless than the cost of a single hitting lesson!). Invest in your athlete's mental game today. Click Here for more info.

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Reflections from ASA Nationals

2012-08-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

Having just returned from the ASA 14u National Championship tournament in Sioux Falls, South Dakota I thought I would take this opportunity to share some random thoughts and reflections from my week at Nationals.

1. I came away from the week extremely impressed with so many players and teams from places I did not expect to be impressed by!

2. The people of Sioux Falls are some of the nicest, most genuine people I have ever met.

3. The organizers of the tournament did an incredible job running the tournament!

4. I saw a lot of burned out corn fields on my drive from Omaha to Sioux Falls and back. It was a tragic and surreal scene.

5. As a softball coach or softball fan you couldn't be happier than to see so many girls and teams so enthusiastic about playing the sport they loved, and having the opportunity to play on the biggest stage in their young careers!

Melissa Sue Gerrits / Argus Leader

6. Umpiring can be bad outside of southern California too!

7. The bigger the stage the greater the pressure. For a lot of these girls, my team included, it was the first time they had college scouts watching them play.

8. One night all nine games got suspended due to weather and several teams, with the help of a boom box on the back of a pickup, found themselves dancing in the rain in the parking lot at 10pm. These are the memories I think are the coolest!

9. Lots of bad parent behavior, unfortunately. I guess when you pay more for the trip you have the right to yell at players and coaches more.

10. It was great having the opportunity to meet several college coaches and have conformation from ALL of them of the vital importance mental skills mastery plays into being recruited and achieving college success.

11. Traveling today is a royal pain. My trip to South Dakota took 17 hours, and my trip home took 20 hours. No, I did not drive...I flew American (last time). I now know every nook and cranny of both the Dallas/Ft.Worth and Omaha airports! I did meet some interesting people though.

12. Nothing was cooler for me all week than watching the full moon set over the cornfields of Iowa at 3am on my drive up to Sioux Falls; the incredible array of stars in the South Dakota sky; or the solemn moments before an 8am game (of course I was at the field at 6) watching the sun rise while the grounds crew watered the diamond.

Enjoy your brief softball respite before we all crank things back up in a few weeks!

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The Comeback Win

2012-07-13T11:03:00.001-07:00

My team just finished winning our second straight tournament last weekend, this time in dramatic fashion...erasing 4-1, 6-4 and 7-6 deficits to win 8-7 in our second tie breaker inning.

What was more interesting to me was how my team responded in this game, having not yielded a single run in our seven previous games.

The drama of a comeback win is hard to beat in sports and there was certainly an air of high excitement in our comeback victory to be sure!

However, it was the "how" that propelled the win that I'd like to focus on in this post.

I have recently come to believe, as a game coach and sports performance expert, that a team's energy plays a huge part in their Game Day performance level. In fact I would say that a team's energy level is, perhaps, the single biggest predictor of their success on Game Day. Let me explain:

Team sports are unique (unlike tennis or golf) in that the dynamic is a group one involving many people. This "group dynamic" can either propel or hinder performance. It is the collective energy within a dugout or on the field that often ends up being the deciding factor between victory and defeat...particularly in a close game.

Negative or "can't do" energy can infect a team and doom it to failure. This is the team that never has a comeback win.

Positive or "can do" energy will uplift a team to perform at higher levels than it probably should. This team is never out of a game.

But it goes deeper than this.

A team's energy is the result of a team "mindset" of how they approach the game. Because we know that fastpitch softball is a game built on adversity, how a team responds to the inevitable mistakes that it makes will define their collective energy and the way they play.

Early mistakes, coupled with a critical coach, can spiral a team's energy and performance downward; particularly if they focus on game results only and are not armed with enough individual and team mental toughness. In other words...a solid game plan to deal with adversity.

On the other hand a team with a healthy view of the game, with their focus placed on the process and effort and not solely the results, has a much better chance of bouncing back from mistakes and adversity during a game. This leads to more focused and inspired play, which leads to increased energy levels in the dugout and on the field. For this team comebacks are the rule rather than the exception.

This comeback thinking works in every sport at every level. Comebacks are never spontaneous, but rather the result of some mysterious cause...a shift in momentum. I firmly believe it is an attitude...which is always a player's choice.

As a coach I feel it is my responsibility to set the tone, or lay the mental foundation for my 14u team to follow. Ultimately it is their energy, their choice that activates the comeback. I try to take the pressure off of them by getting them to focus on their effort, their attitude, their energy from the first pitch.

Give them the belief that anything is possible if they keep up their effort and energy! This leads to a vocal, energetic group that believes in themselves. Remember...never give up!

So in the end the "comeback win" may be more predictable and less random than previously thought. Of course the best way to avoid the pressure of the comeback win is to stay in front!

Good luck to all in whatever regional or national tournament your athlete plays in over the next month.

Be sure to check out my brand new free video training series on Building Rock Solid Self-Confidence. Just click here: http://GameDayDomination.com.

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We're Going to Nationals!

2012-06-11T13:55:00.001-07:00

Just a quick shout out to my TNL Blue '98 team for a 5th Place finish in the SoCal ASA State Tournament this past weekend and a berth to ASA Nationals! Quite an accomplishment for a first year 14 team. We'll be heading off to scenic (?) Sioux Falls, South Dakota to compete in the ASA 14u National Championship tournament July 28.

Great job ladies! I couldn't be prouder of you.

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The Real Secret Behind Alabama's Softball Title

2012-06-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

Winning a National Championship is never an easy feat and it certainly wasn't so for the Alabama Crimson Tide softball team this week in Oklahoma City. After going down in game one fairly convincingly against the hottest pitcher and team in the tournament, Oklahoma, Monday night Alabama was just seven innings away from another disappointment at the NCAA Women's College World Series.

But something magically happened overnight to the Bama team and they came out in game two a different team.

As I say often...success is a choice and so, apparently, is winning a National Championship.

In addition to some tremendous on the field adjustments Head Coach Patrick Murphy and his staff employed the Bama girls brought an incredible energy, enthusiasm, focus and a skyrocketed expectation for victory.

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As Alabama had been close several times before in the OKC the team's motto for the season was "Finish It!" And finish it they did in jumping out to an 8-1 lead in game two against a virtually un-hittable Keilani Ricketts (the NCAA Player of the Year).

Almost as exciting was Oklahoma's last inning five run comeback to make it close. Alabama won it all with another comeback in game three winning, arguably, the most exciting softball championship series ever.

So what is to be learned from both Alabama and Oklahoma?

1. Both teams never gave up and never gave in. They got to the championship series because of their talent and their character. Champions simply never stop competing.

2. Alabama made critical adjustments in the batter's box that served to take away one of Keilani Rickett's main strengths...the outside corner on her devastating curve. All great players and teams must make constant adjustments to maintain their edge and give them the best shot at victory.

3. Alabama got incredibly noisy on the bench. Their energy became contagious and absolutely spilled out onto the field and got into the Oklahoma players' heads. This energy literally shifted the momentum back over to Alabama's side and was the outside emotion of the inside thoughts (cause and effect).

4. I guarantee you that inside each of the Bama players' heads were nothing but positive, "can do" thoughts. Their internal conversation was all about "finishing it" and the expectancy for success. Their ultimate success was not an accident. It was the result of design...including incredible mental toughness and rock solid self-confidence.

5. There was an absolute absence of doubt on the Alabama team, starting with their coaching staff. I would suggest that immediately after game one Coach Murphy was already minimizing the loss and framing it as but a challenge to be overcome. Alabama played hard and lost. Game over...let's make some adjustments and come out tomorrow and win (one game at a time, one inning at a time, one pitch at a time). This is a huge reason why the Crimson Tide came back, and one your athlete needs to learn. Any adversity she faces can deflate her or pump her up to rise to the challenge like Alabama did.

In the end Alabama refused to lose. They willed themselves to victory against a tremendous opponent. They chose victory...this is the Alabama Advantage.

In the bigger picture each of the players on Bama won something much greater than a National Championship...they learned a life lesson they will never forget: If you work hard enough, keep believing long enough and never give up dreams can and will come true!

Congratulations to both teams for putting on a phenomenal show of effort, competition, sportsmanship, drive and passion. They demonstrated for three days what makes the game of fastpitch softball so great!

Your athlete and her team can use the Alabama Advantage whenever they choose to. Remember, success is a choice!

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The Game Day Report Card

2012-05-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

Sport mimics life certainly. For younger athletes sport also mimics school in so many ways. One way is in the comparison of report cards. In academics the student who comes to class most prepared for an exam will likely receive a high score for their test performance.

Likewise in softball the athlete that shows up on Game Day most prepared has a much greater likelihood of achieving a high level of performance success on the field.

Both the exam in school and competition on the diamond will equate to a report card, a progress report of sorts, to assess where student or athlete is in terms of subject/sport mastery.

So now that I have made that correlation let's dig a little deeper into the softball Game Day report card, and what determines an "A," to "F" grade.

Like any subject in school an athlete must spend the required time to learn how to perform their best on Game Day. This effort must include both physical and mental preparation. An athlete preparing only on their physical game (and not their mental game) would be akin to a student studying only the text book and never going to class to hear the teacher's lecture and taking appropriate class notes. Ultimately the student would not be prepared enough to excel in the class and would likely receive less than an "A" grade.

Game Day Success = Proper Physical Preparation + Proper Mental Preparation

Here is what your athlete's Game Day report card might look like if she fell into the green zone ("A" grade), yellow zone ("C" grade), or red zone ("F" grade):

With extraordinary physical and mental preparation your athlete has the right to, and will likely achieve, consistent and sustained Game Day success found in the "green zone" and even domination...an "A" grade!

With a lower level of preparation and commitment to being her best your athlete will fall into the "yellow zone" or "red zone" with the appropriate Game Day results and grades.

In short the game of fastpitch softball is just too hard to take the ultimate physical and mental preparation necessary for granted. There is no question that there are days and moments when the game will "get" your athlete. The only question is how frequently, and how well she will bounce back from that Game Day adversity.

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Bouncing back from the inevitable mistakes and adversity is far easier if your athlete can frame her Game Day performance in terms of a report card; meaning, like school, a report card (or progress report) tells student and parent the weaknesses and areas that need improvement to improve the student's grade.

Likewise the "game" will always give your athlete a daily report card on the areas she is both strongest and weakest in, and areas she needs to work on to improve her Game Day grade. Game Day failure or adversity always offers within it a tremendous opportunity to go back to practice, motivated by the challenge of turning a weakness into a strength!

The achievement of consistent and sustained Game Day success is difficult but possible for every athlete if she is willing to put forth the effort to prepare both her mind and body for the rigors of the game.

So after your athlete's next game encourage her to give herself a report card on her performance, to be honest about what the game told her she needs to work on, and to take her next step on the ladder of softball mastery. Hopefully she will look at the process as a challenge and opportunity as she continues to show up on Game Day in the "green zone" eager to get another Game Day "A."

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Why Does Your Athlete Play the Game?

2012-05-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Why does your athlete play the game?

Seems like a simple question, doesn't it? And yet my guess is that few teenaged athletes ever ask themselves that question today, yet they sweat and toil 10-12 months each year to master their sport with hopes of glory.

It all starts with an honest assessment of your athlete's motivation and desire for playing their game. For without the proper motivation your athlete will not possess the burning desire necessary to do what it takes to elevate their game so he or she can dominate on game day and stand out from the crowd.

Your athlete's sport is likely a difficult game that will only get more competitive the older he or she gets.

As a coach it baffles me when kids have been taught to do something a certain way in practice again and again, yet come game day they completely forget how to do it. How can that be?

I have come to the realization that it all comes down to an athlete's motivation and desire. How bad do they want the success they work so hard for?

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Today's adolescent athlete is different than I and my peers were a few decades ago. Our motivation for playing was all ours, it was pure, and we worked our butts off to be the very best because we had a burning desire to succeed, to play in college or the pros. We didn't know any other way.

Today's athlete needs to find out why he or she plays the game, hopefully for more than just pleasing mom or dad, and it all starts with determining, specifically, what motivates them.

So let's start with understanding a little about motivation. There are two types of motivation:

Intrinsic Motivation - a personal interest or enjoyment in performing an activity or task (internal).

Extrinsic Motivation - the performance of an activity for the sake of attaining a specific result or incentive (external).

If your athlete loves the game and would play it 24/7 if they could he or she has sufficient "intrinsic" motivation to be great.

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If your athlete doesn't really love the game he or she needs to attach their daily sports effort to specific "extrinsic" motivations, whether it's an iPhone, professional contract or just the drive to be the best.

I used the example in my team training of "what if your parent offered you a new iPhone if you got an "A" in Geometry? Would that motivate you to get an "A" in the class?"

Most all of the 35 teenaged softball players I was speaking to agreed that a new iPhone was sufficient motivation to work hard to get the "A."

The great connector between motivation and achievement are goals. Goals quantify the desired outcome or incentive and create a specific calculable process for their attainment.

Without clearly defined intrinsic or extrinsic motivations and a clearly defined path to get there (goals) your athlete will not possess the desire and overall blueprint to get where he or she wants to go with their sport.

On those long, hot, exhausting days when your athlete wonders if it's all worth it remind them of their goals, the incentives and rewards they decided they wanted out of playing the game.

Their constant connection as to why they play the game will serve to get them through the toughest of times and propel them forward to truly being the very best they can be.

My suggestion is to take the time to sit down and have a discussion about motivation, desire and goals with your athlete and get them laser focused on why they play the game.

It might just make all the difference in the world!

Thanks for reading!

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Why Your Athlete Really Fails on Game Day

2012-04-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

In sports there is a super fine line between success and failure on game day. In a long tournament weekend sometimes that line becomes blurred and as parents or coaches we struggle with why our athlete and team don't play consistently and seem to reach such highs one week then such lows the next.

From a recent experience with my own team I believe I have discovered why so many elite, or travel level athletes and teams fail to achieve their true potential on game day.

If you study, as I do, athletic competition at every level you will find that an athlete's or team's "mentality" before, during and after the game is the X Factor that determines winners and losers. From professional to elite Olympic, amateur and college athletes alike how you think is truly how you will play. With most teams and athletes at the highest levels of competition being fairly equal in ability it becomes the mental preparation and mental response to game day adversity that becomes the deciding factor.

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However, I have discovered for younger athletes the dynamics on the mental side of game day success are far more complex and far more troubling.

Keep in mind that my assessment is a generalization; that your athlete or team may not suffer from these dynamics. I do, however, highly encourage you to look honestly at your athlete and team to see if you can chalk up game day failure to what I'm about to say:

1. We place our kids in a highly competitive sports environment where the bar for achievement and game day performance is high. They may really want to do this or just follow along because friends do it or parent say to do it, or that's just what everybody does.

Poor baby...only went 3 for 4?

2. We investment $100s or $1,000s into our athlete's game in an effort to keep up with the other kids and, presumably, give our athlete the best possible chance to succeed and play at the next level.

3. We tell them where to play, when to play, and how to play.

4. We drive them to kingdom come and game for practice, games, private lessons.

5. We drag the entire family to far flung places for games, packing coolers with goodies for our athletes between games and the reward of "drive thru" on the way home.

6. During games we cheer loudly and after games either soothe our athlete's tender egos and feelings or quickly critique and criticize their efforts because we have a right to expect a perfect performance for the money and time we're investing.

7. Because of skyrocketed expectations from parents, coaches, peers and self the athletes are easily impacted emotionally when game day adversity hits...with heads down, tears and diminished attitude and effort.

In short the younger athlete has become a "robot," incapable of making decisions; incapable of producing the fire in the belly necessary to see adversity as opportunity; quick to pout and emote after adversity.

Instead parents coddle these athletes, leading to mental softness instead of mental toughness. Some bizarre form of ADD takes root in these athletes as they appear to listen intently at practice, yet are incapable of applying what they have been taught on game day...making the same mental mistakes over and over again.

To the modern youth athlete as long as things are going well on game day they smile and play close to their potential. But at the slightest mistake or criticism from coach or parent they crumble emotionally, are quick to make excuses, or just finish out the game in a mental tailspin.

In my opinion many of these kids are cursed with an entitlement mentality, unaware or unwilling to do what it takes physically and mentally to be the best; to see competition as a challenge.

As a parent or coach my suggestion is to sit your athlete(s) down and clarify their motivation and desire for playing the game. Why do they play the game? What do you and them hope to get out of their playing the game at such a competitive level? Do they enjoy playing? Do they enjoy the competition, the challenge? Do they love the game?

To me, the bottom line is how bad your athlete and their team wants success. As I often say success is not an accident; it is an orchestrated effort of clearly defined physical and mental preparation. But more than that it is a burning desire to succeed, to play your best, to meet the challenge that playing sports at an ultra competitive level offers.

As former UCLA softball Head Coach, and winner of 11 National Championships, Sue Enquist told me, "The team that stops competing first will lose." It's just that simple. Unfortunately today many kids and their teams never start competing on game day! They go through the motions...robotic.

Playing youth sports at the highest levels has never been more competitive. It requires no less than everything a young athlete has to give both physically and mentally. I didn't make the rules...that's just how it is today.

Remember, mental toughness, effort and attitude are always a choice. As such game day success is also choice; but so is game day failure.

If your athlete is a robot maybe it's time to pull the plug and see if there truly is any fire in their belly to play the game at this level. If not, maybe chess is the answer?

Let me know what you think?

Coming in May, the first of its kind, the Game Day Domination Online Course for athletes; 14 and 28 day (with parent and coach versions coming in June). Finally, real answers and real strategies for how to consistently succeed on game day.

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What Drives Success?

2012-04-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

As parents and coaches we all want success for our kids and those we coach. Of course some days are better than others, aren't they? It is easy to marvel at and celebrate a player's or team's success after the fact but what is behind the success? In other words...what drives success on game day?

Last weekend my 14u team captured our tournament bracket to come home with medals and trophy. Like all successful tournaments Sunday's are long and generally stressful with many close games. Our Sunday was no different as we came from behind to win three straight games, including a 2-1 thriller in the final.

As happens so often a team gets on a roll and their level of play elevates. Look at most any tournament bracket and the deeper into the bracket you go the closer the games get. All of this would seem contrary to common sense as players battle fatigue with each additional game they play, often in less than ideal weather conditions.

So what drives success?

Focus

As I write about often the successful player on game day is one who can exert a high level of focus and energy in the present moment, whether as a hitter, fielder, pitcher or base runner. This mental focus is a product of an athlete's being in a relaxed state, confident...in the zone.

Typically, as I witnessed on my team last Sunday, players step up with the big hits and big plays because they expect to. At the point of impact they have turned off their mind from negative, doubtful or over-analyzing thoughts and replaced them with a "can do," ultra focused mindset.

In the most critical moments of the biggest games the most successful athletes are able to block out all external and internal distractions and simply do what they have been trained to do.

Preparation

Success is also driven by great preparation. The reason an athlete can exert laser focus in the most pivotal moments of the game is because they feel extraordinarily confident that they are ready for battle...ready to be the difference maker. Competition, big at bats, big pitches becomes a challenge they expect to win, rather than moments to be feared.

Superior mental and physical preparation is necessary for game day success. There simply are no short cuts to greatness. Game day success requires high intensity, focus and energy during every practice to build competence as well as confidence.

Desire

Success is, perhaps, foremost driven by desire. On my team last weekend I witnessed so many of my players displaying so much desire -- an attitude of "refuse to lose" -- on elimination Sunday, proving once again that success is a choice. In a game where only one team can emerge as champion desire, effort, passion, energy all take center stage in determining the outcome.

The will to succeed is an amazing human trait to watch in action. I saw it time and again from 13 and 14 year old athletes who were truly driven to succeed.

Watching younger athletes driven to succeed is an incredible thing. In a world where so many take and give little these athletes give everything they have to achieve their individual and team goals. They are wired for competition, molded for success.

The next time you watch your athlete or team play marvel at their effort, their focus, their desire. Playing this game is a blessing for it teaches these athlete exactly how to succeed in the bigger game called life. If your athlete is truly driven to succeed celebrate it! Maybe you can learn a thing or two yourself along the way!

Take your athlete's game to the next level with The Game Changer Program. List $59.97...now only $29.97. This softball specific mental performance program is loaded with over 6 hours of game changing audio lessons, plus John Kelly's top selling ebook, How She Thinks is How She Plays, and more! Click here for more information.

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The Confidence Cycle in Sports

2012-04-09T09:22:00.001-07:00

For most younger athletes their game day success, particularly during the most pivotal moments of the game, all comes down to their belief in their ability to succeed or fail. In other words do they have adequate self-confidence on the field or court or not?

As I prepare in the coming weeks to launch what I believe will be a groundbreaking online mental performance course for athletes, parents and coaches, The Game Day Domination Course, my research on the subject of self-confidence for younger athletes (along with my own experiences as a game coach, mental performance expert and former collegiate athlete) has convinced me that self-confidence is not an accident. In fact I have concluded that self-confidence for any athlete is the product of a clearly defined "cause and effect" cycle that is quite predictable. Moreover this confidence cycle is a clear predictor of game day performance as well.

For your athlete to achieve and maintain a high level of self-confidence, and thus a high level of game day performance they will need to be mindful of their own "confidence cycle."

So what is the "confidence cycle" that ultimately propels or sabotages game day performance?

It all starts with how your athlete processes his or her performance. In other words what are the thoughts swirling around in their head before, during and after his or her games?

If those thoughts are expansive, positive, and "can do" they have laid a great foundation for their confidence cycle and game day success.

However, if their mental reaction to their game day performance is highly critical, negative, limiting and "can't do" he or she has created a rocky foundation for their confidence cycle and game day performance.

Below is a flow chart illustrating the cycle between the most important components that make up self-confidence:

The Confidence Cycle

The cause and effect relationship between the components in the "confidence cycle" can be explained like this:

1. Your athlete holds certain beliefs about themselves and their game. These beliefs in themselves can be expansive or limiting (for example, they may believe they are competent in certain aspects of their game, but not others).

2. How your athlete reacts, via their thoughts, to a game event (in part based on their beliefs) will trigger specific thoughts (positive or negative; motivating or deflating; "can do" or "can't do") that will have an enormous impact on their emotional state.

3. Your athlete's emotional state will either allow him or her body to be relaxed or anxious; able to laser focus on the task at hand (play) or be unable to focus.

4. Your athlete's emotional state, triggered by their thoughts, will dictate in any given moment the level of self-confidence he or she will experience.

5. This confidence level will dictate their game day performance, particularly in the most pivotal moments of the game.

To summarize the "confidence cycle," when your athlete believes they can succeed in the execution of a future game event they likely will. Strong beliefs in future success come from:

1. Previous game day successes.

2. A belief that the athlete has adequately trained or prepared themselves physically for game day success.

3. A supportive environment (coaches, parents, teammates).

4. Use of proper mental performance training to use mental imagery and other mental cues to prepare themselves mentally for game day success.

An athlete who consistently dominates on game day is an athlete with:

1. Strong beliefs and expectancy for their game day success.

2. Positive, "can do" thoughts that sees every game as an exciting challenge.

3. A clearly defined "pre-game" and "in-game" plan or strategy to heighten both relaxation and mental focus that will allow them to optimally approach each game day situation proactively and by design.

4. Rock solid self-confidence is built from beliefs, thoughts and feelings of success, as well as a calm, relaxed and focused mind and body.

So be aware of the "confidence cycle" with your athlete and whether his or her "confidence cycle" is setting them up for game day success or failure.

Remember game day success is not an accident; it is cultivated and maintained by design and by choice. Supreme confidence is the key to sustained peak performance on game day.

Game day domination requires that your athlete be ultra prepared both physically and mentally. One without the other will never yield consistent game day performances. Find out how to improve your athlete's game day performance here.

Be sure to subscribe to Softball Smarts Tips here, where you'll receive weekly insights, strategies and tips on how to take your athlete's mental game to the next level.

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How Emotions Can Destroy Her Game Day Performance

2012-03-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Let's face the facts...all the hitting and pitching lessons you can afford, and all the ground balls and batting cages swings in the world won't matter a lick if your athlete folds under the pressures of the game.

I have seem countless players look fantastic in practice only to come unraveled during pivotal moments on game day. Why is that? There are certainly a number of contributing factors, all found between the ears. However, in today's post, I want to focus on how your athlete's emotional state can and will destroy her game day performance.

If you are a parent or a coach we all grapple with the weekly emotions of our teenage daughters/players, don't we? Teenage girls in general can be a handful, but add the stress, pressure and expectations of a softball diamond into the mix and these young ladies can quickly become their own worst enemies in a heartbeat!

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The diagram below illustrates the impact your athlete's emotional state has on her performance. Your athlete has the choice of how she reacts to a "game event" by her "thoughts." Her thoughts (positive or negative) will trigger an emotional reaction. This emotional reaction will have a direct impact on the quality of her overall game day performance.

If the "chain reaction" of event / thoughts / emotions (feelings) is a positive and healthy one a domino effect of high performance will ensue. However if that "emotional" chain reaction is negative and limiting the domino effect can create a continual stream of poor performance during subsequent game events (or plays).

Here is an example of a negative emotional "chain reaction" that can destroy game day performance:

An athlete makes a crucial error in the field and immediately engages in negative thought patterns that question her ability to succeed. She starts internal dialogue like, "I can't believe I missed that ball. I suck at shortstop."
As these negative thoughts continue and compound the emotional reaction ensues. The athlete feels frustrated, angry or sad based solely on her reaction to her game event and the negative thoughts that bombard her head as a result.
Now her emotional state is heightened in a negative and destructive way, including the inability to focus on the present moment and the task at hand.
The athlete, as many do, takes her mistake in the field and carries it over to her next at bat. Unfocused with diffused energy and "can't do" thinking she strikes out and walks away with an even more elevated emotional instability as her frustration may now turn to anger. Her failure at the plate only serves to reinforce her own conclusions in her head that she "can't do it."
For the remainder of that game (and perhaps several games that day or weekend) the athlete's emotional state prevents her from playing at an optimal level nor from enjoying the game. Her game day performance is dismal...far below her true softball potential.

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Let's look at an example of a positive emotional "chain reaction" that can propel game day performance:

An athlete strikes out with the bases loaded at a pivotal time in the game. Rather than engaging immediately in negative thought patterns she recognizes the pitcher made a great pitch and she can't wait for the challenge of hitting against her next time.
These positive and healthy thought patterns lead to a healthy emotional reaction whereby the athlete is still disappointed in her strikeout but the overwhelming feelings are ones of excitement and determination to do better next time.
Because of her positive and constructive emotional state she is able to remain focused in present moment awareness and is ready to attack the next task at hand.
Any future game events will likely be approached with a "can do" attitude, minimizing the chances for adversity.
For the remainder of that game and likely many more to follow this athlete will perform more near her true softball potential, while greatly enjoying the process of playing the game.

The solution to insuring optimal game day performance for your athlete lies in her ability to properly frame the results of a game event. If she expects perfection or is burdened by excessive external expectations (from parents or coaches), or simply lacks self-confidence a less than optimal game event can cause her emotional state and game performance to spiral downward rapidly. If she can frame the same game event positively and productively (as in "mistakes are part of the game and opportunities to learn" and "I see that opportunity as a challenge") then the potential negative impact from the game event will be minimized and game day performance can be optimized.

Simply stated your athlete's emotional states can expand or limit her game day potential for success. Here are three steps she can take to turn that frown upside down after a mistake:

1. Recognize how she is responding to the game event (what are her emotional habits?).

2. Acknowledge that she has a choice as to how she reacts to the event (taking responsibility for her emotions).

3. Frame the event more positively, focusing on the effort and process rather than simply the results (keeping it all in perspective).

Remember, how your athlete responds to adversity is always her choice. Help her to develop the mental tools she needs to dominate on game day!

**Give your athlete and his/her team the gift of self-confidence and peak performance with The Sports Confidence Blueprint program! On sale for only $49...full of a ton of mental performance resources!

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She Needs to Focus on What She Wants! Find Out How

2012-03-06T12:10:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how many people in the world are dissatisfied with the quality of their lives. And yet if they took the time to analyze the quality of their thoughts they would likely find that they are focusing on all the things they don't want instead of all the things they do want!

As humans we have in excess of 50,000 unique thoughts each and every day, as do our kids. And like their parents young athletes can tend to focus their thoughts on what they don't want...especially when it comes to their sports.

When your athlete is in a hitting or fielding slump her thoughts tend to drift to the dark side as she likely focuses on "not striking out," or "not making an error," or "not walking any batters." In reality all the subconscious mind hears is "strike out," or "make an error," or "walk batters." You may think I am crazy but this has been scientifically proven. When your athlete uses the words "don't" or "not" she is perpetuating her poor performance.

To break free from this negative thought cycle and the boomerang effect that can occur your athlete needs to develop the habit of doing the following 5 actions:

1. Recognize how she currently thinks. Be mindful of the negative focus and the language she uses, and how those thoughts can dominate her head before and during the game; particularly in the key, high stress moments.

2. Begin to develop clarity on the exact results and goals she wishes to see. Without knowing exactly what she wants it will never materialize for her.

3. Start using visualization or mental imagery before going to bed or first thing in the morning of game day to literally start "seeing" the results she wants in her head.

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4. Develop positive self talk and positive "trigger statements" that she can use in the batter's box, in the field or in the circle to maintain positive "can do" focus.

5. Remain super aware of where her focus and thoughts are throughout the game. While on deck or going out to play defense or walking out to the circle flip on the switch to thinking and seeing the exact results she wants. This will create laser focus and tremendous positive energy, and produce a much higher level of game day performance and joy in playing.

The bottom line, as long as your athlete continues to focus her thoughts on the results she doesn't want she will keep getting those exact results. To use an old zen saying, "What you resist persists."

Once she can employ the habit of focusing her thoughts, focus and energy on all the things and results she does want, while building the daily habits in this article, those exact results will start showing up for her with much greater frequency!

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Part 2: Do We Ask Too Much of Our Kids (The Written Version)?

2012-02-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

My video post on Sunday on whether we ask too much from our kids received a huge response, so I must have struck a chord with many of you. Since it is not 5:30am, and I am not rushing out to coach I thought I would take more time to dive into the question of whether we do, indeed, ask too much of our kids?

The irony of my video post on Sunday is that my team persevered through another long day, making it to the semi final game (and losing in the last inning), while overcoming cold and wind (about 45 degrees) until about 7pm...and the 90 minute drive home.

I was remarkably proud of my girls and their enthusiasm despite the elements and long day. Of course it helps that we were winning all day! Several of the girls commented on how early they had fallen asleep Saturday night after our 4:30am wake up call. Some of them could be seen doing school homework during our only game break of the day.

This question of "whether we ask too much of our kids" is first and foremost an individual, kid specific, matter. Some kids would be happy playing 24 hours each day, while others complain loudly having to rise before 9am on a Saturday or Sunday.

Regardless of which category your athlete falls into here are a few things to consider along the way:

1. Is your athlete getting enough rest? Inadequate rest will lead to the inability to focus, less energy and moodiness; all of which will cause a diminished level of game performance. You and your athlete should plan ahead to be sure she gets to bed early the night before games, and has a pillow and blanket in the car to sleep on the drive to her games if necessary.

My daughter and I in 2009

2. Is your athlete eating/drinking right? Late nights and early mornings on game day can cause meals to be quick and non-nutritious. Proper hydration the night before and during game days is essential to your athlete performing optimally, as dehydration can result in slower reaction time and reduced concentration levels. Lunch breaks on game days are frantic I know, but come prepared with fruit and LIGHT snacks. I cringe when I see players wolfing down nachos and chili cheese dogs within minutes of game time!

Make 2012 your athlete's best season yet.

3. Get your athlete to start mentally preparing herself for the weekend's games on Friday. If it's no secret she is in for a long day or two she has no excuse then for not preparing for that inevitability. If she expects the long day and she wants to perform well she should recognize the need for sleep, getting ahead on her homework and visualizing her success in advance before she goes to bed at night and first thing upon awaking in the morning.

4. Ratchet down your expectations. As I covered in my video insanely early mornings or long hot days in the sun will tend to diminish any athlete's performance, particularly a young one. Give your athlete a little more room on those long days and expect a little less from her. I'm not suggesting that she give any less effort, but her results may not be up to par at 7am, or after her fourth game of the day. Your excessive expectations when she is tired or mentally fatigued will only serve to further damage her game performance.

5. Honest communication with your athlete. In my own daughter's case she finally decided she'd had enough of the 5am trips to the middle of nowhere to play softball all weekend. As she told me, "I only have so many weekends left (at 14) before college and I don't want every one of them to be around playing softball." Just some food for thought. Maybe your athlete has similar feelings but is afraid to tell you? Periodic conversations on the subject would probably be a good idea, to be sure you are both on the same page with her commitment to the sport.

Do we ask too much of our kids today? Probably. I do, however, think we have a new generation of super achievers that genuinely love the competition and the challenge of success! However, as adults we must remember that our kids are...kids. We must strive to provide them with balance in their lives, to create memories and life lessons in as many enriching ways as we can for them. Sports, and softball in particular, is just one area.

With my own daughter, on one of our many early morning or late night drives to or from games, we used to get a good laugh about how crazy what we were doing was (and for sure my ex-wife felt that way!)! But I will never forget all the fun and interesting times we shared together traveling as far away as Colorado, Oregon, Nevada and Utah for tournaments, or to much closer So Cal venues.

Make the most of these special and crazy moments together with her because all too soon these days will be gone forever!

Please post your comments below on whether you think we ask too much from our kids?

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Who I Am and Why I Can Help Your Athlete Be Her Best

2012-02-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

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Do We Ask Too Much of Our Kids?

2012-02-12T06:25:00.000-08:00

Watch John Kelly talk about how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance.

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Please do forward along this information to your softball friends so they can benefit from it as well.

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The 10 Point Blueprint to Self Confidence

2012-02-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Of all the topics I write about, speak about and train on self-confidence is consistently at the top of the list for parents, coaches and players...and for good reason. Without a high and consistent level of self-confidence your athlete will stand little chance of becoming a consistent peak performer on the field.

Self-confidence is the mental trigger mechanism that drives performance. Unfortunately for a young athlete self-confidence can be as fleeting as sand through their fingers, and a frustrating mystery for both parents and coaches.

It's a given that all athletes want to perform their best every time they step on the field. However, optimal performance is a result of both physical and mental skills mastery; one without the other will create a disconnect that will show up in key game situations when an athlete's success or failure will hinge on their "crunch time" performance.

Fortunately there is a blueprint to gaining peak self confidence, the ingredients of which are found in the complex set of variables that either serve to propel and empower confidence or sabotage and destroy confidence. The path this blueprint lays out is easy to understand, yet hard to master. Peak self-confidence comes with time and conscious effort by both player and parent. It requires being honest about the current state of the athlete's level of self-confidence and why it is where it is.

Here is the 10 point blueprint your athlete MUST follow in order to cultivate and maintain peak confidence that will, in turn, yield consistent peak performance on game day:

1. Acknowledge their current state of confidence, fear and anxiety. In other words for parent and athlete don't pretend the problem isn't there. With self-confidence issues your athlete can't just tough it out and work through it.

2. Recognize that fear is the base for most self-confidence issues for athletes. Fear of failure; fear of disappointing parents, teammates, coaches and self; fear of being embarrassed (particularly for girls); fear of the unknown.

3. The kids I train like this acronym: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. Most young athlete engage in distorted thinking predicated on false evidence. Often they belief they cannot do something because their friend can't or simply because they haven't done it before. As a parent it is your job to challenge their beliefs about themselves and their game to get their thinking right. This alone will greatly diminish their fear.

4. Have a short memory. Like professionals your athlete needs to accept that mistakes and poor execution are part of the game; that these mistakes offer great opportunities to learn and get better in their sport. No athlete who ever played any game has been perfect 100% of the time. Having a short memory insures your athlete can get their focus back to the present moment, where peak performance lives.

5. Recognize that mastery of their sport is a journey not a destination. In other words your athlete won't just wake up one day and be a master of their sport; it takes time. Mastery is a process that looks like taking a step backwards some days. Patience is a requirement for building self-confidence.

6. Lighten the burden of expectations. Our kids today are under unprecedented pressure to excel in both school and on the athletic field. In addition to external expectations from parents, coaches and peers, your athlete may also have exceptionally high self-expectations for their performance. I see it every weekend. Setting the personal bar at a high level is admirable, but too high may be unrealistic and damaging to self-confidence when game results can rarely match expectations. In short, excessive expectations are a performance and confidence killer.

6. Visualize Success. In my Game Changer Program I offer a detailed audio lesson on visualization or mental imagery. Your athlete can literally see their success in advance by utilizing these visualization techniques. By using all of their senses they can trick their subconscious mind into believing the performance they see in their head is real, so that on game day the mind and body perform anxiety free and with great precision. This mental "trick," used by elite athletes worldwide, can skyrocket self-confidence.

7. Have a positive mindset. With distorted thinking comes doubt. If your athlete's thoughts are negative they are limiting success. Negative, or "can't do" thinking will never grow confidence. Have your athlete develop positive trigger statements that can be used on game day as well as overall positive "can do" self talk during the course of the day. Re-boot the mental hard drive with a positive mindset.

8. Remember previous success. Often times a young athlete gets negative and engages in catastrophe thinking, when they expect the worst. By remembering a prior success they have had in their sport the chain of negative thinking that leads to a drop in confidence can be broken. Expecting success instead of failure is the goal and it starts with replacing the failure thinking with success thinking...including a belief that I can execute the task successfully because I have executed it successfully before.

9. Unconditional parental support. A fundamental foundation for any athlete's sustained self-confidence is their parents' unconditional support of them on and off the athletic field. Parents, while well meaning, can be the worst offenders to their own child's self-confidence. Being critical or judgmental of game performances is counter productive. All kids, by definition, want to please their parents and desperately want their acceptance. Understand that your athlete will never be perfect, so celebrate their effort more than their results and you will do wonders to build your athlete's level of confidence. Remember...it's only a game!

10. Build confidence by design. The goal of this 10 point blueprint is to change the way your athlete thinks; to start the process of building rock solid self-confidence one brick at a time. The starting place is always addressing the negative and fearful thoughts that bombard their head on game day, and particularly at the key moments of the game. Have a conversation with your athlete about all of these blueprint points as well as have them write down their own thoughts and feelings in their sports journal as a process of elevating their thoughts about themselves and their game.

Lack of self-confidence can be a very dangerous thing for your athlete. So many kids define themselves as individuals based on their athletic performance, particularly as adolescents. Low self-confidence can lead to low self-esteem and low self-image which can cascade into poor academic performance and poor social choices. Work with your athlete to build their self-confidence slowly but surely. The long term benefits will be well worth the time and effort.

Watch John Kelly explain how to skyrocket your athlete's game day performance HERE.

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