Winning Is Never Enough

Will.I.Am ... Charmed, I'm Sure

2010-03-10T14:51:00.007-05:00

Last night was a memorable evening for a couple of reasons:

1. I took my 12-year-old son to his first concert, that being the Black Eyed Peas, and not only did he get an amazing show, sitting suite style (his snobby preference), he also got to see a surprise performance by Kid Rock. For a first show, it set the bar really, really high. I also am currently rated Coolest Mom. Ever.

2. After the concert, I drove my son home so he could get to bed, then went back out to the Black Eyed Peas after party at Clutch Cargo in Pontiac. (Really thought about getting into the ol' jammies and calling it a night, but the Peas were supposed to turn out for this party, so I convinced myself to take advantage of it.) Well, they turned out, minus Fergie. The Dude Peas were beyond awesome, with Apl.de.ap being a tad on the shy side, Taboo being quite friendly, and Will.I.Am being a total charmer. I finally left the party at 1:30 a.m., and knew I was going to pay for it in the morning (I was up at 7:30 a.m. Ouch.) but it was totally worth it:

I would like to state for the record that I have this stupid look on my face because Will.I.Am was dishing out some flirty teasing, and apparently, I eat that shit up. Otherwise, I try to be photographed with some semblance of control:
See? I am the epitome of cool when you barely speak to me.

Fashion Brainwashing Our Youth

2010-03-09T06:48:00.003-05:00

I'm a little concerned how well my 2-year-old son can rock a pair of Burberry sunglasses:

I couldn't do that until I was four and a half.

Little Mouth, Big Embarrassment

2010-03-08T09:05:00.006-05:00

It came as quite the shock when the dentist announced, "You have a small mouth." Of all the words I thought I would hear in my life, these were the least expected. My reply? "My mother will have one hell of a laugh over that revelation."

Apparently my mouth is so small, an adult-size toothbrush is too large to reach the back of my teeth, hence the cavities, crowns, etc. that have a home back there. And so I was given a directive to start brushing with a children's toothbrush.

Have you shopped recently for a kid-size chomper cleaner? They only exist in bright color combinations covered with Disney or Nick Jr. characters. I remember as a child the highlight of toothbrush shopping being picking a color from about five options. Now it's impossible to find a tiny toothbrush that isn't ridiculously childlike.

And so now I brush my teeth with the help of Dora and Diego:

Thank goodness I don't have any slumber parties on the calendar because this is not the easiest thing to explain away and not have people wondering just how desperate I am to revisit my youth.

The Ups and Downs (and Doodie) of New Neighborhoods

2010-03-05T12:11:00.008-05:00

Moving to a brand-new neighborhood managed by an association was intended. While some may say "I'm not paying all that money for a house just to have someone else tell me what I can and can't do with it", after living across the street from a couple who partied on their boat by parking it in front of their house and drinking beer on it all day, and living next door to a couple who decorated their front yard in Scooby Doo (I can't make this stuff up), I happily applaud neighborhood rules.

We are, however, still under construction around here, and that means putting up with some things that rather remind me of those old neighbors, including waking up in the morning to the dude who sucks all the junk from the pink porta-potty positioned in front of my house:

I could do the crappy photo/crappy job/crappy contents joke here, but I'm going to spare you all such obvious humor. (But I still kind of slipped it in there, for those of you not yet through your morning coffee quota.)

At least there's no homage to Scrappy Doo plastered on the exterior of the porta-potty. I've got that going for me.

Stop That Now! Or Why Matchy-Matchy Equals Ouchie-Ouchie,

2010-02-26T19:49:00.007-05:00

It's time for another round of Stop That Now! - my findings of fashion don'ts that must, in the name of all things good, be stopped immediately.

Today:
Don't coordinate your outfits, especially when the outfits suck.

Fitted, too-tight sweater dress? Check. Baggy tights? Check. Dirty mid-calf boots? Check.

Ladies, we all have fashion misses from time to time, but do your best girlfriend a favor and do not coax her to go down that style-less road with you.

And while we're at it, let's all pinky swear that we will never try to wear fittted knits unless our bodies have miraculously transformed into beanpoles. (I'm still waiting for that day to arrive.) When clothes are this unforgiving, no amount of sorry is going to help.

Giving New Meaning to Crank Call

2009-07-22T20:04:00.003-04:00

Does anyone ever want to call on PMS?

Stop That Now! Or, Why Longer Shirts Are A Blessing For What They Disguise

2009-07-05T10:18:00.008-04:00

It's time for another round of Stop That Now! - my findings of fashion don'ts that must, in the name of all things good, be stopped immediately.

Today:
The Thong Song is no longer in heavy rotation for a reason.

The one thing about fashion we can always count on is that styles are going to change. And while some trends, such as classic suits and menswear never really go out of style, others (gauchos and guys' half shirts, I'm talking to you) have thankfully made their rounds and disappeared into the far reaches of otherwise well-appointed closets. Still, some people can't seem to let a bad trend end, including this woman:
I was beyond grateful when designers moved to longer-cut T-shirts and blouses last fall. The longer length kindly hid all that the public eye should not have to bear witness: the bulging belly, the muffin top, the peeping thong. This woman, however, apparently did not get the memo as her shirt fell short of keeping her personals, well, personal. This fashion horror is so easy to avoid - no mom jeans required - I wanted to run out to Target and purchase her a five-pack of Hanes T-shirts so she could finish her beer with dignity. Or at least find her a bar stool with a solid seat back.

Stop That Now! Or, A Facelift Is A Better Fountain of Youth

2009-06-24T07:22:00.007-04:00

It's time for another round of Stop That Now! - my findings of fashion don'ts that must, in the name of all things good, be stopped immediately.

Today:
You can't turn back the clock by wearing outfits from Gymboree

I know Avril Laveigne had a cute thing going back in her Sk8er Boi phase, but she was also what, 18? Now in her mid-20s, even Avril has classed up her act quite a bit, making me wonder why this woman, so obviously at the 30 mark, would choose to parade about town in an outfit clearly meant for her daughter:

There is so much going on here that's wrong, it's difficult to pick a place to start. The shorts are so teeny, her cheek bottoms have as good a view of this shopping trip as her eyes. (The front of the shorts were even smaller, leaving her lady parts a fraction of an inch from falling out and saying hello.) The tight, cropped shirt probably looked good on her back in middle school. Then there's the accessorizing with a pink-trimmed armband, pink bandana and crazy pink/purple grafitti handbag. The only thing halfway grownup about this ensemble is the slingback wedges, but they're too far removed from the rest of the outfit to hear its cry for help.

Stop That Now! Or Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Fanny

2009-05-27T06:38:00.005-04:00

It's time for another round of Stop That Now! - my findings of fashion don'ts that must, in the name of all things good, be stopped immediately.

Today:
Why your tush is not the place to showcase your trendsetting bravery.

It's no small fete to take on a trend and try it out in the public eye. And it's no small ass that can handle the appointment of body billboard, parading not one, not two, but three trends at the same time, across a mere 12 inches (give or take) of prime rump roast.

Which is why it was so easy to zero in on this girl's posterior from across a crowded rooftop bar:

While I apologize for the quality of my camera phone and its nonexistent flash, I do not apologize for trailing this woman around the bar with a quest to capture these "all-intrendsive" shorts. Note the three summer trends happening on one piece of fabric: short-shorts + black & white + floral = a whole lot of junk on one trunk. Amazingly, the rest of her outfit was nondescript. It was like the only place on her body she was willing to take a chance on fashion was her gluteus maximus - the one spot most women want to make less obvious.

While it's unfortunate to spend money on clothes then not wear them, at least these shorts can find new life covering a very small throw pillow.

My Favorite Tattoo Ever!

2009-04-27T08:15:00.003-04:00

May I present Christian, and his finger mustache:

Instant makeover!

Boston Improper

2009-04-07T18:10:00.004-04:00

This harem number from Boston Proper are certain to keep me up tonight, worrying over the unsuspecting bottoms of women who thought these rayon, embroidered and beaded drawstring sweat pants might just be the "edge" they've been looking for:

What's next? Bedazzled gym shorts?

Yam On It!

2009-03-31T20:13:00.003-04:00

So, it turns out yams have way more fun than Idaho potatoes:

See? Spuds don't lie.

Stop That Now! Or, What the Hell Have You Done to Your Feet?

2009-03-12T10:38:00.005-04:00

It's time for another round of Stop That Now! - my findings of fashion don'ts that must, in the name of all things good, be stopped immediately.

Today:
Why your bottom third is just as critical as your top third.

We ladies spend A LOT of money on our face and hair. We're constantly searching for the next great coif. (Drew! No, Cameron! No, Kate! OK, yes, let's go with Kate.) We'll try any face serum that promises to erase lines and make us look 13 again. And we own every color of lipstick ever created. Even the ones that look hideous against our skin tone.

So much time and money has been spent on our top third, that sometimes it's easy to forget there's a bottom third that also requires a bit of love and effort. Like this lady:

Cropped pants, black socks AND hot pink Crocs? It's like I died and went to rubber-clog hell. OK, here are three quick tips to upgrade (if possible) this look:
1. Capris and socks NEVER go together. Never.
2. Black socks only go with black pants that are full length, and then only with black shoes.
3. Crocs go with nothing. Unless you're three years old. Then they delightfully go with everything. That's your window for Croc wear. If you're not in it, then you can't wear it. Them's the rules.

Now, toss that outfit into the garbage can so conveniently positioned next to you and get shopping for something a bit easier on the eyes.

Go Get Your Read On

2009-03-01T09:37:00.004-05:00

My book "Split In Two: Keeping It Together When Your Parents Live Apart" (Orange Avenue/Zest Books) is now available in bookstores and online!

Here Comes Summer (In My World Anyway)

2009-02-18T08:17:00.004-05:00

I regularly incorporate my spring/summer clothes into my winter wardrobe. I can't be without those cheerful dresses for all those depressing months. All it takes is a long cardigan, a pair of dark tights, and either sleek calf boots or a killer pair of platforms.

In fact, I just ordered my first real summer dress at Modcloth.

It's the Elizabeth Bennet Dress and it's only $69. Isn't it darling?

Find it at Modcloth.

Golden Globes Good & Bad: Give Us a Challenge, Will Ya?

2009-01-13T08:04:00.008-05:00

As a fashion stylist, I appreciate a red-carpet event where the ladies' looks hit so many points along the fashion spectrum, it requires a great deal of hemming and hawing to decide if a dress/hair/makeup combo really is a surprisingly good hit or an unforgivable miss.

That's why this year's Golden Globes were such a disappointment. There were no challenges. There was "Yeah, she looks great", there was "Still refusing to use a stylist?", and there was "Holy crap! Who stole her sedative?". What is this, grade school? Can't the test have some degree of difficulty? Fine, here are the good, the bad and the nut jobs:

The Good

It's tough to swallow, but the more skin J Lo shows, the better she looks. This dress couldn't hug her curves any better, and considering that this garment leaves no opportunity for Spanx, that means it's all her. AFTER having twins. Twins! I need to lay down.

When I think best dressed, Jane Krakowski is not generally the name that instantly pops into my head, but look at her: can she look any better? Amazing dress, amazing hair, amazing makeup and a fabulously self-confident pose. The girl rocked her look.

The Bad

Rachel Griffiths gets prettier with age. However, age didn't give her the wisdom to select a dress that flattered her figure (ever hear of a belt?) and didn't look like she took a quick nap in it before the event. Next time, Rachel, sleep sitting up.

Eva Mendes is a doll, but in this white number, she looks like the kind of doll that sits on top of a wedding cake. I know white is supposed to be the big evening gown color, but it takes a very non-bridal type of dress to pull off the look. Good luck finding it.

The Nut Jobs

I love Drew Barrymore. I love that she transformed herself into a fashion icon. I love this dress. I love how she gave her cousin Fran (who's opening her first salon, Fran-kly Hair & Perms, in spring 2009) the chance to do her hair for such a big night.

Note to Renee: If you have a stylist, fire her immediately. If you don't, you're as crazy as this look you've put together.

On the Newsstand!

2008-12-06T14:31:00.003-05:00

Fits right in, don't you think?
StyleLine now on sale at Borders!

Local 4 WDIV Beauty Segment

2008-12-03T07:43:00.001-05:00

Just in case you slept in, lazy bones...

StyleLine Has Launched!

2008-12-02T08:18:00.004-05:00

I never thought I'd see the day my name was in Forbes.

Clip, Whip, Don't Forget to Tip

2008-11-10T18:39:00.003-05:00

Toilet stall advertising provides so much enjoyment:

Your hair can be big, bleached and brought back to the '90s, too.
Appointments are now available.

We Should Have Learned Our Life Lessons as Babies - but Didn't

2008-11-07T06:40:00.005-05:00

I call this "Karma".

This cat, Milhouse, has been with us for 11 years, and when my oldest son (who is 11) was Jesse's age, he did the same thing. I'm amazed he will still lie there and allow the baby to open a can a whoop-ass on him.

I call this "Short-Term Memory"

Note the nice red mark on his forehead from his tumble over the cat onto the floor just minutes before. We never learn our lessons.

Why an Escort (not that kind!) Isn't a Bad Thing

2008-11-06T08:14:00.003-05:00

Last night, I went to my favorite little Royal Oak bar with Pregnant Rambo (her stomach is quite flat these days - beers are allowed), and it wasn't long before we realized we were the only chicks in the joint. I don't know what was in the air (or in the drinks), but it seemed every dude in the room wanted to strike up a conversation with us. In very over-the-top ways. One guy challenged us to a "spirit fingers" dance-off, while another, a defense attorney, appeared to take out his day's stress on us.

First he lashed out at Pregnant Rambo for being married to a doctor. Can you believe how ballsy she is, getting involved with someone in the medical profession? Then he claimed we were both in our late 40s, hoping to get some big reaction from us. (Mine was internal. Late 40s? Do I need better eye cream?) He went on and on, trying to get a rise out of us; meanwhile, we could not stop giggling. I wished I had the name of a good therapist to pass along to him, he was so angry, defensive and protective. We found out he worked for a law firm that sounded too much like Earth, Wind & Fire, so he may have been dealing with some "ego at the workplace" issues. Perhaps a switch to a new company would give him a much-needed boost. I hear Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young are hiring.

Arrgh, There's a Beast Trying to Get Me Cheese!

2008-11-01T09:01:00.001-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Curiousity Can Kill the Nasal Passages

2008-10-25T20:17:00.002-04:00

I needed to make a pit stop while at Target this afternoon, so I made a beeline for one of the restroom stalls, and just before I pushed open the door, a woman at the sink grabbed me and said, "Don't go in there. I just saved you." I answered, "Say no more," and found another stall on the opposite side of the restroom.

Seconds later I heard another woman bellow, "What the hell??? SICK!!!!" And then there was some mumbling, which included, "It's everywhere in there." I have to admit, at this point, I was getting rather curious about the horror behind door no. 2. Thank goodness there were other women still in the restroom, because they kept me from sneaking a peek, knowing they all knew that I knew to stay far away from the poo.

What's even more pathetic? That was the most interesting thing that happened to me all day.

Tell Me What I Shouldn't Know

2008-10-17T20:45:00.004-04:00

Fabulous news! Katie Holmes is doing fortunes at the 7-Eleven down the street. I'm throwing on my turban and heading over now to see if she needs an assistant.