fabulous movie

It seems she instead felt her evening was a little more surviving in the African plains:

More Darwinian...less Hollywood...Chez moi. Photo Credit: Medford Taylor

Below is her account of surviving a night in the ‘burbs alone with two kids savages:

The gazelle was trapped. Hunted all night by the 3-year-old red-headed wildebeest.

The gazelle was exhausted and scared. 

She took refuge on the couch, her eyes darted around her unfamiliar surroundings and she dared not stir from her seat for fear of waking the beast. But wait..it can’t be! The wildebeest has awoken! The gazelle is frozen in fear. Should she pretend not to notice the tuft of red hair poking around the wall?

Should she slide off the couch, crawl across the floor and approach from behind?

Anyone else considered the army crawl out of a room to escape the sight of a toddler who won't stay in bed?

No, said the gazelle. She will approach head on: Face to face with her opponent.
And showdown begins.

Slowly the gazelle approaches.  The red-headed wildebeest stares intently. Her blue eyes begging for the gazelle to make a move. The gazelle gives only a nod of recognition and stares back. The wildebeest, cloaked in the latest spiderman costume, makes the first move. A slight smile, or is it a smirk, crosses her face.

The gazelle, taken off guard, hesitates.  She smiles back as she desperately thinks of a way out.  If she speaks, she runs the risk of the red-headed beast opening her mouth in rage and awakening the elder of the wildebeests. If she lunges at the beast and attempts to corral her back to her cave she surely will be faced with this same situation again. 

How to out-wit her opponent? Surely she has age, life experience and size, on her side?

Ah ha! The gazelle has an idea. 

There is nothing more coveted in the world of the red-headed wildebeest than playtime in the shiny yellow Mini Cooper. The gazelle holds the key to coveted treasure. Should she use this bribe to tame the beast?

Yes!

And so she speaks. In a strong, clear, confident voice, the gazelle negotiates time in the shiny yellow mini in exchange for the beast retreating to her cave.  A moment of silence. Has the beast bought it??  Will the gazelle survive the night without more fear?  Victory! 

The red-headed wildebeest lowers her head in defeat and accepts the future offer. High on the sweet taste of victory, the gazelle picks up the red-headed wildebeest and carries her to her cave. She sings songs about future playtime in the shiny yellow mini and rocks the beast to sleep. As she lays the beast in her blankets and says good night, the gazelle thinks she sees a small smile cross the face of the beast.  The victory may have been hers tonight but the gazelle has learned that she can never underestimate the power of the 3-year-old red-headed wildebeest.

For more adventures in babysitting & survival of the fittest tips, be sure to “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page.

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Mr. Welch told the Society for Human Resource Management’s Conference a few years ago. “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.”

“Once you get off the escalator, you don’t get back on,” said my investor relations professor in graduate school, to a room filled with 20-something women who were eager to achieve career success and planned on eventually having children. We all looked nervously at each other after hearing what this woman, a wildly successfully IR PR professional for a Fortune 500 company, a Northwestern University graduate school professor and mother, had to say to us so very bluntly. Could she be right, we all worried?

Each of these statements are harsh, unforgiving, blunt and brutal. But are they wrong? Among the world of Type A, educated, successful, intelligent women, in this eternal quest for “balance” and “juggling” – are we creating expectations that just aren’t realistic?

Please tell me that this isn't what I look like handling my life

Balance implies equal parts, right? Juggling, well aside from the fact that creepy circus clowns are the only people who actually juggle, isn’t the idea of juggling meant to be fun? You’ve mastered a sport, you are having fun, you are showing off your talents. Do any of these things sound remotely like what it is like to have a career and a family?

Not in my experience.

Welch might hail from an 80s-era business philosophy of good-old boys and face-time in the office, things that we are slowly chipping away at with time and technology but is his statement actually antiquated and incorrect? I don’t think so. We individually decided to have children knowing that it would change our lives forever and dramatically. And from my almost 6 years in, the biggest consequence is not the lack of sleep, the unwanted lines appearing on my face, the amount of time I’ve spent cleaning hynies or even having to say that word, or wasted hours watching the same “Backyardigans” episode on repeat. The biggest consequence is the fundamental change in my career.

But I don’t view it as a permanent one or that I’ve been victimized in the work place. I actually disagree with my grad school professor that once you get off the escalator you can’t get back on. But it would be naive for me to think I’d get back on in the same spot and continue on the same path. The thing is, if I wanted that, I wouldn’t have stepped off.

Ultimately, we can “mommy track” ourselves and have more time to see our kids after school, take them to playdates, get them to the doctors when they are sick, volunteer in class and all these other things that happen during the business day. What I don’t understand is why this is viewed as a bad thing instead of the reality of choosing to create more time for our kids, to the detriment of our career.

Or, we can remain on the upward trajectory of high-achieving business success, the kind that shatters glass ceilings. And in making that choice, we know that someone else will spend more time raising our children than we are. But that is our decision. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t disagree with Welch and I don’t disagree with Judge Preska. Ask someone without children how they feel about working parents getting promoted above them if the working parent spends fewer hours in the office, travels less, and comes in late more?  Those people don’t care about our reasons because we decided to have the family.

Doesn't she look confident and in charge?

The good news is I think that we don’t need to be making final and ultimate decisions right now. I think the work place has evolved into an arena where you can stay in the game, take on less, but in time, ramp back up. I think that instead of spending our time on this eternal quest for the shangri-la of motherhood, the ultimate in work-life balance, we need to do what we talked about a few weeks ago -see the whole picture – see that there are ebbs and flows to life and own our decisions, be proud of them, and be at peace with the consequences of them. So may of us have periods of work intensity but perhaps it can follow with a period that is more family focused, we can get promoted but then maybe we want to remain at that level for longer than our pre-children selves imagined we would. We can try to stay home, realize we don’t like it, and return to work with more vigor and dedication than we had before but with a peace of mind that we are proud of this decision because we’ve tried the other way. We step off the escalator and let our future selves worry about how and when we get back on, knowing the financial implications this brings to our household.

I firmly believe that what makes you “supermom” is owning your decision, recognizing the consequences and accepting the reality that you can’t give it all to both. “Balance” is for the birds, as my mom would say. Own it, be realistic about the consequences, realize life constantly changes and be proud of it.

Yeah, I'm talking to you, old white dudes. January 25, 2012 - Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images North America

For the past few weeks, my mom kept calling  me, all riled up mainly about you, old white dudes. She found you painful during the Republican debates,  we’re really lookin’ at you, Newt Gingrich, but then the Komen disaster took some of her attention off old white dudes and refocused it on crazy white chicks. (I mean – WTF on that). But see, I was taking the high road from you old dudes. I just kept agreeing with her but ignoring it. I’ve been in denial. Surely, our national discourse was going to right itself and we were going to resume talking about issues that need to be addressed RIGHT NOW, I reasoned. Surely we weren’t going to keep shitting all over women’s healthcare and the importance of access to medical care and tests for women when the foreclosure rate is expected to rise 25 percent this year, to one million homes? Up from last year.

Right?

Right. Surely we were going to refocus back and stop this madness. I mean – people are losing their homes every day. Why aren’t we talking about that more? Why am I surprised considering one of you old white dudes admitted to not caring about poor people – seems not just poor women – but poor people – yet I still kept naively thinking the spotlight was going to come off women’s healthcare and back onto broader issues.

But then, then, I’m driving home the other day only to hear Santorum’s donor on NPR mouthing off about how women should put an asprin between her knees as a form of birth control (was that “joke” even funny to the 70+ crowd?) and then Santorum ticks up in the polls and suddenly he’s questioning the necessity of prenatal tests. And I

JUST

CAN’T

TAKE IT

ANYMORE.

Sure, old white dudes, keep on talking about women’s bodies and women’s healthcare, and cloaking yourselves behind “right to life” language. It’s not hypocritical at all that men receive health insurance coverage for the much needed penile implant while women should have to even think to justify why they should be given access to the broad array of prenatal tests which are used to evaluate the viability of the fetus. Or free access to life saving mammograms? Where along the way did the people so concerned about health care costs think that letting women with breast cancer go undetected, costs anyone less money, than early prevention? Huh?

Will the aspirin between our knees protect us from other diseases, not just pregnancy?

And old white dudes, you are given health insurance coverage for your vacuum erection devices while prenatal coverage for women is being dissected in grave detail? Really? And you want us to vote for you? If values are what this is about – what’s the family value you’re teaching young girls here? That the penis deserves to be erect but the vagina and the breast don’t warrant medical coverage? And better yet - the health and viability of  a fetus in the womb shouldn’t be given the same kind of attention as your vasectomy? Is that a strong family value?? So we care only about the fetus when the mom has a right to choose whether to keep it – but beyond that point – we don’t really care about what happens? Is that the family value?

Then fueling my fire, is the recent study in England revealing that women, in fact, need an entire year to recover properly from child birth. So across the pond, the dialogue is on evaluating their own weaknesses in postpartum care and listening to what women need to recover while here, we question giving women the access they need to life-saving tests (ahem, Komen) and prenatal coverage (umm, Santorum).

Here’s the lesson my kids are learning from our national dialogue, if I’d let them listen: only men matter. I see how that’s cloaked in Christianity and humanity.

I hope we’re about done falling down Alice’s Rabbit Hole and will instead land back on our feet and resume discussions on national issues that warrant so much of our time and attention, like the foreclosure rate, like the employment rate and the reality that prevention costs our country much  less than treatment, in healthcare.

Keepin’ it real, old white dudes,

Wired Momma

PS – You don’t get my vote. And I’ll keep talking about you to anyone who will listen.

For more rants, and some celebrity gossip thrown in, be sure to “Like” the super famous Wired Momma Facebook page.

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Ahh….it’s that time of year…that time that many of us think will never come….Back-to-School! And with the return of the cherubs to school comes that never-ending, itchy scratchy problem that if you’ve never had, you pray you never will, and if you’ve never had, you probably think you only get when you’re a dirty, lazy parent…..LICE. Lice. The great equalizer. Lice. The equal opportunity offender. Lice. It happens to the best of us.

Don't fake it, we all look like this when we realize our kid has lice

And so, for today’s expert series, I turned to none other than the lice expert in Montgomery County. The woman who saved me in a dark phase of my life exactly one year ago when I realized that my child wasn’t scratching her head because she was hot and needed to pull it back (denial is never a good thing when it comes to lice), my child was scratching her head because it was infested with lice. And despite what I might have thought before, lice does happen to people who are clean and anal and attentive. I introduce you to Karen Franco of Advice on Lice in Kensington, MD. Without a doubt, my money spent at Advice on Lice was some of the best money I ever spent. Is your head itchy yet? Cause it will be by the time you are mid-way through our very helpful interview but well, an ounce of prevention does us all a world of good as we gear up to send the kiddo’s back to school in less than two weeks. Karen and her husband now run a full-time business checking heads for lice, educating parents on what to do, and generally being life-savers in your time of need when lice hits the house. Karen got started in the lice business 15 years ago when her daughter was young, she used to volunteer to do head checks, and was appalled with the stigma attached with lice and how unwilling people were to acknowledge it and do something about it. Her experience evolved into an in-demand local small business. Karen and her husband not only check families for lice, they educate you on what to do and give you the steps you need to take to make sure you eradicate it completely from your house. I won’t lie, it’s definitely work intensive but I survived…so read on for some great advice.

Karen, is there a peak time of year for lice?

Yes. Back-to-school is definitely a peak time of year for lice. Because of summer camps and people traveling, there are cross-over populations and people are sharing lice. All summer long, we are distracted – which is partly where some of the denial comes in that you mentioned – we think it must be allergies or dandruff which is absurd but people don’t want their summer disrupted.

How do we know it’s not dandruff?

Dandruff will blow off easily. It flakes. There is a mis-conception about lice – people think they are greyish white but that is misleading – they are transparent, a milky color and the nit is glued onto the hair, you have to scrape it off, whereas dandruff flakes off.

Let’s talk more about the role of denial and lice. I am very guilty of this. This time last year, my eldest walked around scratching her head like crazy for easily 2 weeks. I didn’t want to accept that it could be lice, and because we’d never had it before, while I did check her head, I didn’t really know what I was looking for and her hair is very thick. It wasn’t until there were bugs actually hopping that I had to accept this child had lice. I feel like sleep away camp is a big problem with lice and going back-to -school. Do you find this about sleep-away camp?

Yes. Kids go to sleep-away camp and often get lice. And many of the camps actually screen them when they arrive and if they find lice, send them home, which leaves upset children. Some parents bring them to see us for a head check as soon as they pick the kids up from sleep away camp. The bottom line is there is no magic potion to make lice go away – there is no smell that repels them.

So what can we do to prevent lice?

Get a fine tooth comb and comb their hair on a regular basis. Make it part of your weekly routine and that is your best prevention.  Prevention is getting the lice out before it takes root and sets up a family. I recommend the Lice Meister comb and brushing through the child’s hair twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. You can order the comb online. I have one client who has made combing through her child’s hair part of their family routine by starting and ending the week with the comb throughs. Every Monday and every Friday, she sits down her child, uses some conditioner, and combs through from the scalp to the end of the hair. The public schools here believe that lice is a nuisance and because it is not life threatening, you don’t have to keep your child home from school, but that doesn’t help anyone. The bottom line is, it’s prudent to designate a day to look through everyone’s hair every week. It is never appropriate to say your child can’t miss school and you will just let it go.

So, you find out your child has lice – so then what? What do you do?

First let me say that the homeopathic treatments are not based on science, they are not effective. You need chemicals to kill the lice. I recommend Rid and I recommend that my clients leave it on their heads for longer than 10 minutes, which is what it says on the box. I advise clients to leave it on for a minimum of 30 minutes to kill all the live bugs. The method that we lay out on our web site has been validated time and time again. The problem is that the live bugs are the contagious ones, they crawl, they know they want to be in the human head. There are so many mis-informed theories out there about how to kill lice. One really common one is putting olive oil on your head and sleeping all night with it – that does not kill the lice. The lice breathe through pores and they can close their pores for up to 18 hours, so sleeping with olive oil doesn’t kill the lice. And then – you have to comb through the hair. The comb that comes with the RID is a joke. They do not work. You have to use a fine tooth comb, like the Lice Meister. Parents of boys often shave their son’s head and that will get rid of the lice.

What about if you are pregnant or have very young children – what product should you use that will still kill the lice but doesn’t have chemicals?

There is a new prescription medication that has no pesticides called Ulesfia. It’s not meant for anyone under 6 months. Because the product is new, we recommend using less product than prescribed the first time and then using it again 10 days later. Many pharmacies don’t carry it but the pharmacy in our building does carry it.

Are we all itchy yet?? But seriously, having lived through this, I was cursing all the stuffed animals we owned as I put them in the dryer and bagged them for a few weeks. How long do they live when they are not on a head? And what about car seats?

A healthy adult female or male can live for about 1.5 days, depending on where it is. The nits will die within an hour or so. If your child has been in the car seat and it’s summer time, the bug will be dead in the hot car within 2-3 hours. The bottom line is the head is where they live, they are not infecting your car, carpets, your home. They can’t do their important activities anywhere beyond the head, so what I urge people to do is spend their time focusing on combing the hair with a proper fine-tooth comb.

So Karen, as we embark on the school year, can you tell us how much your services cost and give us some parting words of wisdom?

Yes, we charge $85/hour or $20 for a screening. All the products we recommend are available in our store. We can go to people’s homes but children are usually much better behaved when not at home and in our offices and we are just better equipped with the seating and lighting in our office.  Also, I think it is important to teach children about lice in terms of “life sciences” to help eliminate the stigma attached with lice and really teach prevention and education. As for parting words of wisdom, I like to say “When in doubt, comb it out.”

Those are excellent final words from Karen. So moms, when in doubt, comb it out……and call Karen. And remember, denial is never a good thing when it comes to lice.  Finally, if you liked today’s WM Expert Series, please “Like” Wired Momma on Facebook or look to the right and subscribe…it’s an easy way to keep up with future fabulous local mom expert interviews and well, other random things we discuss here.

It was so worth the wait....for the final act of Lion King

With an opening act of Aladdin, including a rink filled with dancing blue genies, a pre-intermission finale of retro fav (for all of us 80s kids) It’s A Small World including the Disney light parade – except on ice- and a final act of Lion King before the grand finale – it’s safe to say two hours flew by in a heartbeat at Verizon Center last night. What this year’s Disney on Ice show does best is this: celebrate how well-rounded Disney is and reminds us why Disney appeals to all children, boys and girls alike. Last night’s acts were brief and princess light, leaving room for every kid to see their favorite Disney character. In the first act, the show swiftly and easily moves from Aladdin to Nemo to Mickey and Minnie to Beauty and the Beast, an interval with all the Princesses, Toy Story and concludes with It’s a Small World (a favorite ride for anyone else back in 1986?).

Hands down I loved the costumes in the Finding Nemo part, as did my eldest. The sharks really were so creatively designed and while I had a penchant for the hammerhead shark, my eldest took to the big shark. Somehow I always like it when my kids like the nemesis in a Disney show more than the main characters, maybe I’m a little twisted. But how the two dancers could coordinate moving around in that enormous shark costume, let alone the rear dancer’s ability to pick up the front dancer at one point, escapes me entirely (probably part of the reason I was in a seat and not on the ice). Both my girls were especially excited when Belle entered the ice because I was lucky enough to interview the performer who skates as Belle and Nala last week – and both girls listened intently to our interview. More on that in a bit….

The Toy Story scene came in as a close second for our favorite part of the first act. The green soldiers’ coordinated ice dancing, along with the individual moves of the head soldier, who clearly would be the guy to go clubbing with, really caught our attention. I am no expert in costume design but the shiny green material, including covering their faces, was a nice change of pace from the more classic ice dancing costume we typically see during shows.

Here’s where I enter my one complaint with the Disney on Ice evening shows – why do they start so late? Last night’s performance started at 7:30, intermission an hour later, with the show wrapping up by 9:30. Given the kids who are most interested in seeing Disney on Ice shows are pretty little still – it is just too late to start and so late to end. We have a hardcore Lion King fan in our house, who happens to be 3-years-old. There was no chance we were leaving the show before we saw Lion King, which clearly is held over until the very end because most people have hardcore Lion King fans in their house, but let me tell you, by then this little fan was out of gas and was motionless not because she was entranced but because she was just exhausted.  While the second act was just as brilliantly executed as the first act, what was disappointing for me was seeing my kids run out of steam and just lose the energy to react in the same way as through the first act. Feld…any shot at earlier start times for the evening shows? Given then abundance of epic meltdowns I heard all through the halls of the Verizon Center as we were leaving, I’m confident we aren’t alone in this feeling.

So about the Second Act….Pinocchio is the first story to open the act and I found myself deeply appreciative of the emphasis on some of the Disney classics throughout the show. And again, the enormous whale that makes his way on stage to swallow Geppetto and Pinocchio, how do they do it? Brilliantly executed special effects and innovative costumes on ice is something that is easy to overlook because you get lost in the story but I think is one of the highlights of these Feld productions. Mulan, again with a big bright orange dragon, follows Pinocchio and then came our favorite superheroes, The Incredibles. I appreciated the humor infused in the Incredibles scene with the “I’m too sexy” dance but frankly, I was preoccupied with how not-flattering the costumes are on athletes who are otherwise very thin and fit people. Note to self – don’t dress as an Incredible for Halloween next year despite my obvious super powers.

And then, at long last, wise old Rafiki appeared on stage, followed soon after by Pumbaa and Timon, and I knew there would be peace in my house for a while because my daughter’s best friends had arrived. Simba and Nala embark on one of the most beautifully choreographed dances of the show but I know my little one was too busy gazing at her worry-free best friends to take note of the talented ice skating and creative  lion costumes performing in front of her. 

With a finale that no one can deliver like Disney, including every performer and fireworks, I’m certain that everyone left the show feeling that their money was very well spent. If you haven’t done so already, with the long weekend ahead of us, I’d encourage you to purchase some tickets for this show.  Tickets can be purchased at all Ticketmaster outlets via charge, by phone at 800-551-SEAT, via www.ticketmaster.com and at the Verizon Center box office.
 
Show Times:
·         Thursday, February 16th @ 10:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m.
·         Friday, February 17th @ 7:30 p.m.
·         Saturday, February 18th @ 11:00 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.
·         Sunday, February 19th @ 12:30 p.m. and 4:30 p.m.
·         Monday, February 20th @ 12:30 p.m. (President’s Day)

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, last week I was lucky enough to interview Marina Bystryakova, who performs in this show as Belle and later as Nala. She hails from Lipetsk, Russia and began ice skating when she was four-years-old. I’ve always wondered about the performers in these shows and what their lives might be like, so if you’re as nosy and curious as me, Marina answered my questions. First, I quizzed her on when she began skating and what age she thinks is the right age for kids to start ice skating lessons, as I wrestle with this in my own household. Though Marina, who grew up with a mother who was a figure skating coach, began at age four, she said ages 6-7 is when you can really first begin to see results and you can tell “right away” if they’re good. Marina said she competed in Russian National championships and then connected with Feld Entertainment when she started University. She was a young 17 when she began skating with Disney on Ice and managed to complete her university degree in six years while touring.

Clearly I sit there and marvel over how they skate so beautifully in these costumes and Marina said “with lots of practice and you get used to it, you just become the character you play.” With such an international cast, naturally I wonder how long they prepared for these tours and surprisingly, Marina said just for about 2-4 weeks before the show starts. Many of the skaters have been touring for years, so she  noted the new skaters typically have more rehearsals.

She wouldn’t commit to enjoying performing as one character more than the other, she said she really enjoys both Belle and Nala, but personally, I thought her costume as Nala and her dance with Simba was so well choreographed, that it won hands down in my book over the Belle scene.

Bottom line – the show is well worth your time and money – and the kids will be entranced.

Disclosure: I was gifted the tickets by Feld Entertainment but my opinions here are my own.

But not me.

Nope.

Maybe it was Adele’s soul rushing through the speakers and over the room but here’s what popped into my head:

PEACE AND QUIET

And I actually had to fight back tears.

Arguably, I could have started crying because the class was so challenging or I probably shouldn’t have eaten so much Quiche and croissants all weekend long – but that’s not what it was about. While skinny spin  lady was thinking we were focusing on kale and swimsuit bodies,  instead I was fighting back tears because I just  need a moment.  Or two. Or ten. That’s what I need, lady. Thanks for asking.

There’s no way I am alone in this and it struck me so powerfully. Honestly, I am the gal who pretty much hates feelings, so imagine my own surprise when suddenly I’m feeling all weepy on the spin bike. Once class was over and I could actually think, it hit me that this is an annual rite of passage for me: my children burn me out in the winter. Is it really them? I don’t know.  

Every winter, by about this point, I just can’t stand it any longer. Two years ago it was Snowmaggedon and weeks of no school and the difficulty we had in going anywhere made me bat shit crazy. Last year it was the marathon commute in the sneak attack snow storm, naturally because I live in Montgomery County, our power went out for days, and I learned that the firm where my husband worked was dissolving. That was all on the same day.  Again, I just couldn’t take it. It’s like I itch.

I’m pretty sure I found myself in the dark giving my kid a rare spanking that night – and well – it probably was her – but it was also me then. Just like it is now.

I need to shed my skin.  I can’t stop the emotional itch. The whining, the complaining, the incessant need for something – all these things that are typical kid things that happen every day, all year-long, just seem more taxing as winter is pushing through to spring. Also, I’m just a better mom when I can get outside with them. I don’t like to be cooped up. I’m like a spring flower that needs to blossom in the sun…

Heh heh.

It fascinates me that I feel this way again this year because it’s been such a warm winter; we can get outside in the late afternoons or head to the park on random Tuesdays but still, here it is, mid-February and I am shedding my skin, my patience is skating on thin ice and because my kids aren’t going to be my target, you know who has bulls eye painted right on his forehead?

You got that right: Mr. Wired Momma.

Ain't he a lucky guy?

Tell me I’m not alone in the winter ritual of this emotional rash?

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Dear Readers -

Just be realistic about it.....is all I'm sayin'.....

Kitty-Time is blushing over all the tokens of love and affection her beloved fans sent her on Valentine’s Day! All the notes, the dark chocolate, the beautiful flowers – you really shouldn’t have! I know you think I’m pretty and smart, but those of you who called me “Beauty Queen Yoda,” you really went too far. We barely have any empty vases left chez moi…….

And so, on this day of love, should we discuss all the ways you love moi? All the reasons you love moi? Mais Oui!

Or….shall we discuss being smart in love…..because Kitty-Time readers are not silly, naive women. Mais non! KT readers are savvy and sexy….

I was inspired by Sunday’s Modern Love column in the NYT. Any of you catch it? The columnist covered all the standard mistakes people make in love. My two favs were as follows:

1. People who want to keep a childless marriage although they have children
2. People who believe they should make love like porn stars.

SO let’s get started, kittens.

First up – those of you who are still in denial that your life and marriage is the same, even though you have children. Darlings. Gather round – not only are your life and marriage different, but so are your floppy boobies and flabby abs. I’m making your body sound like bunny characters out of an Easter tale, I’m sure you love it.

But Yes. Yes. Of course you had perfectly round and perky bosoms before. And yes, we all know you had rock-hard Jessica Biel abs. Of course you did. It’s good that you believe that. But you probably don’t anymore.
With the right bra and the right clothing (think SPANX, girls), you can still give off the impression that you have these things – and that, my dear readers, is what counts! Feeling sexy makes you sexier to anyone around you. It’s all about attitude, cats, so work it! And the more you believe that your boobies look like Jessica Simpson’s and your tummy like Jessica Biel, the more this will become your reality! There’s nothing wrong with that.

But back to your life and marriage. It’s different. Accept it, deal with it, find a routine and a system that still gives you time for each other, don’t fight it and you and your partner will find yourselves lucky in love like you were on your wedding night. If you keep denying the fact that your life is different, if you keep resisting the change that this beautiful babe has brought to your world..well then…sorry……Cupid’s got his golden arrow pointed right for your ass.

Now, as for having a love life like a porn star.
That one makes me laugh out loud.

Kitty-Time is a believer in playing to your strengths and playing to your partner’s strengths.
Has your partner shown that he is like Casanova in the boudoir before?
Do you have all kinds of XXX trixs up your sleeve that you can pull off like a natural?
If so, well then, you do make love like porn stars and it sounds fun!

If not, then quit your crying and wishing he’d become Casanova and instead, focus on his strengths. And yours.

Does he surprise you by making coffee and doing the laundry without you asking?

That’s my kind of Casanova.

Does he remember to get milk on the way home without a whisper from you? Does he just make dinner and take the initiative?
Now you’re talking dirty. It’s getting hot in here…..

Seriously kittens…..KT hopes her dear readers don’t set themselves up for disappointment. If your beloved doesn’t have a track record of surprising you with gifts and flowers, well then, he’s not going to start now. So don’t be disappointed, be realistic on what to expect – and if you’re looking for that white dress and busily planning your wedding….and he hasn’t started those things yet, he sure as hell isn’t going to start once he tears that white gown off you.

And so, dear readers, keep all the mementos of your affection for me coming. I might be blushing, but I love it.

Have a fabulous day of love. Love yourself, love your babies, and remember – play to your strengths and Cupid’s Arrow will keep hitting your home and your heart.

Among my circle of friends, I am surrounded by women with a range of really cool, creative and artistic talents. One edits films, ads for Etsy vendors or corporate videos, one takes fabulous pictures of children and families, one paints beautiful customized canvases for kids rooms (oh, and yes, those are my sisters), another is a party planner and then there is my friend Vanessa Giancamilli Birch, who  along with several talents, has published four children’s books. Receiving a pitch letter from one of your best friends is pretty much hilarious but along with her pitch came an autographed copy of her latest book, Seagull by the Shore; the Story of  Herring Gull.

Beautifully illustrated and written

Not only is the book a delightful read, my girls absolutely loved it, it is also beautifully illustrated. In her well written pitch, Vanessa immediately noted, “Why would children be interested in a book about a seagull?”

And while it’s a good question, I wouldn’t have asked it because we spend countless summer days in Bethany and my girls are obsessed with the seagulls. My personal feeling towards those birds is a little different from my girls – so I actually can see that it’s a great bird to feature in a kids story – and Vanessa’s book even softened my attitude towards the seagull as I learned about the mommy bird forgaging for her babies.

Vanessa pointed out that seagulls aren’t nearly as interesting as tigers, monkeys, elephants or pandas but it is precisely because they aren’t exotic and they don’t live in faraway lands that she believes this book appeals to children – and I couldn’t agree with her more. Learning about creatures they see every day is endlessly fascinating and fun for little ones. We absolutely loved Vanessa’s book, just as we loved her other three, reading about Patches the dog remains one of our top favorite books in the nightly book rotation chez moi (we also love the Platypus and Gecko books too!).

This is the first book Vanessa has published since she had her first child, so I had to ask her if she feels differently about writing children’s book now that she is a mother. “I feel much differently about children’s books now that I have my son.  I don’t necessarily have the time to write, but I feel like now when I write I’m a much more creative thinker.  I try to view the world from my son’s perspective.  Before I had him, I would write about the everyday life of an animal (like the seagull in my latest book) and take for granted the little things, like the bird plucking a piece of bread from a picnic.  But now, thinking about that same small action from Rocco’s perspective makes those everyday habits fascinating and full of wonder,” was Vanessa’s response to my question. Leaves me eagerly awaiting to see what she writes next and how she’ll feel about that project once it’s completed.

So, please, check out Vanessa’s book and if you’re interested in having this local mom and author come read at show-and-tell at your children’s school, then be sure to post a comment here. She is absolutely open to it – so don’t be shy.

Moving on to other books or authors I love, and in my attempt to highlight authors that aren’t as common as, say, Mo Willems, I feel compelled to talk about Barefoot Books. I found this line before Christmas while shopping in New York City and we love them. I bought six at once and plan to go buy more. We’ve started off with a dinosaur book, a pirate book, a book about a fruit thieving parrot named Tico Tango, a poetic book about animals in the meadow,  two kids’ adventures with a Dragon on the Doorstep, and finally a mathematical twist on the Princess and a Pea. True, I might have a compulsive book-buying problem but these books are fabulous. Not only are they exciting and creative but they come with CDs that sing-along with the book. I think the word for these books is infectious. Beyond Vanessa’s books, they are my new go-to gift books for all kid related birthdays, occasions, etc.  After reading more about Barefoot Books on their site, I am even more loyal to this small company as it was founded by two mothers who wanted to instill creativity and imagination in their children while also teaching them about diversity and the world around them. If a tango thieving parrot, portside pirates or mathematically sophisticated princesses don’t do it for you, then surely they have something that will.

Now let’s move on to apps. I don’t know about you but I am constantly overwhelmed with app choices and what are the best ones for my kids. I’ve given up the “is it good for them” fret and have moved on to, if they’re going to do it, it’s limited and it’s going to be strictly educational (minus the zombie killing game I can’t seem to get deleted off my husband’s iPhone much to my chagrin and 3-year-old’s delight). That being said, I still don’t spend much time researching great apps, because I don’t need too, thanks to Moms with Apps.  I hop onto that site or Common Sense Media and come away with plenty of ideas on great books or apps for my girls. The Common Sense Media app has proven particularly useful to me time and again. Seems I need an app for my apps.

Finally, I recently learned about We Give Books. We Give Books is a free website that enables anyone with access to the Internet to put books in the hands of children who don’t have them, just by reading online.  Simply choose the charity you want to read for and then select the books you want to read. For each book you read online, they donate a book to a leading literacy group on your behalf. It’s as easy as that – and points back to the question I asked at the begining of Winter Reading Week – are people reading books to their kids on the computer? It seems if you haven’t yet – now is an easy time to read a few  – to benefit others! 
 
Starting tomorrow, they are launching the Read for My School Campaign, which will enable you to earn books for your public school!

If you have any beloved children’s books at home, tell us here! Don’t forget, if you’re new here, be sure to “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page, to keep up with shenanigans, great articles and really any other gossip that appeals to moi.

If you believe these kids never had a tantrum & always eat what's put in front of them, then maybe I'll tell you another....

As a general rule of thumb, I try to avoid parenting stories that everyone else is already blogging and writing about. Mainly because – well – what else can I add in that isn’t already being said. But earlier this week I got so fed up with listening to Pamela Druckerman wax on about the French superior parenting styles, that I broke my own self-imposed Winter Reading Week theme, and my own rule on “If everyone else is doing it, avoid it,” and instead addressed the blatant stereotypes about American parenting Druckerman is using for her own personal profit in a post for HuffPost.

I think, in part, I wanted to blog on this topic because I have a decent view into other cultures from having grown up living overseas. I actually went to a French preschool in Tunisia and spoke it fluently as a young child. I spent my high school years in Brussels, Belgium. I love so much about French culture. But when I read Druckerman’s interviews about her book – I don’t quite know what she is talking about that makes those parenting styles uniquely French. Instead, isn’t she just talking about good parenting?? I think she conveniently globs on to some stereotypes about American parenting to help get everyone talking about her – and while that might be working – I hope it doesn’t translate into book sales.

And look, again,  I get globbing onto stereotypes about American culture. When I was getting ready to graduate high school and return to the US for college, all I knew about American kids my own age was this: what I saw on 90210. Sure, I thought  hanging out at the Peach Pit seemed like tons of fun but I thought Brenda seemed so bitchy and Dylan was way too cool for school – me and my friends seriously wondered how  in the world we would ever make friends in college – because we assumed everyone here was like that.

But here’s the thing. I was 17.  I was allowed to think everything about Americans on TV was true. Druckerman is a grown woman, and a journalist at

I was afraid everyone was going to be like them....unfortunately we all were probably dressed like this

 that.

My conclusion: good parenting is borderless. What I wish she’d spent some time on is how the vast support given to French parents by the state impacts their parenting style. Imagine having four months of PAID maternity leave, or being able to leave your job for a year and know that it’s kept safe? Or 5 nights in the hospital instead of two (or really one if you are unlucky enough to deliver the baby at 11pm). And don’t even get me started on FREE childcare. I’m pretty sure these things would have a profound impact on everything about me, including my stress level and my patience and how I parent. Wouldn’t that have been great to learn more about?

Here’s a link to my piece. If these Druckerman interviews have annoyed you as much as moi, I hope you’ll read it, I’d love for you to share it on Facebook or Twitter (or both) or comment…or disagree with me – whatever moves you. If it moves you.

Will get back to Winter Reading Week tomorrow. I promise! C’est vrai.

One of the I'm In It Personalized Books options..great way to prepare for school

So because I am totally cutting edge and hip, I wanted to kick off this week with eBooks. Either you do or you don’t with your kids. Last November, I read this article  in the NYT with great interest. In a nutshell, eBooks for kids aren’t as widely accepted as eBooks for adults, even among adults who only read books on their iPads or Nooks. By no means am I an early adopter of technology, so we are 99% traditional book readers with kids in my house but not because I’m opposed to it. I certainly wouldn’t picture myself nuzzling up with a newborn in a rocking chair with my iPad, ever, but on a road trip with my 6-year-old, if she wants to read an eBook, then I am all for it.

Before Christmas, I was lucky enough to connect with a local DC area mom, Radhika Murari, who is blazing a trail in children’s eBooks with personalized eBooks called “I’m in It!”. In fact, Radhika had her “ah ha moment” almost one year ago to the day – last February 8, 2011. She told me that  motherhood inspired this business because she was trying to follow the recommendation of her pediatrician to avoid TV time for kids under the age of 2-years-old. On long trips to the zoo and around town, Radhika would tell her son stories in the car. Her stories then evolved into stories with his name in it and she realized that kids really do respond when their name is in a story. And who are we kidding,  not just kids, after all, because  moi loves moi, you say “Wired Momma” and I say “Who me?  Oh yes, I am listening….” You know you’re the same…

So on that day last February, Radhika likened her “ah ha moment” to playing Tetrus and felt the pieces of her puzzle all falling into place. With experience in books and technology, she talked with a software developer and launched her business. Monthly she offers a new feature book and printable coloring pages. She also encourages feedback from other moms and learned that her eBooks are great birthday gifts for other kids but no one likes showing up empty-handed to a birthday party, so now you can print a personalized greeting card from the picture book to bring to the party.

For other family members interested in giving these books as gifts, you can record a personalized audio message on the first page of the book, which is really ideal for Grandparents or parents in the military. As Radhika spoke with me about her business, I really appreciated it when she said “Women think they can’t do things but before you know it, you look back, and it’s done.”

Couldn’t agree with her more.

So whether you are an eBook fanatic or opponent, I think eBooks are just going to continue to grow in popularity for kids and I enjoyed connecting with this local mom and entrepreneur who is forging her own path in this field. These books are compatible with iPads, Androids, Nook readers or Macs and PCs.  The books retail for $3.99 and Radhika is generously offering my readers 50% off to try one of her books, here’s the code to enter to receive the discount: ImInIt-41

So what do you think:  Are you eBook fans in your house for the kids? Would love to hear why or why not. And don’t forget to share your favorite books, apps or reading tips with me before the end of the week, if you’d love a to be included in Super Fan Friday.

Until then, like Moi on Facebook to keep up with the fun and frolic. Winter Reading Week continues all week…..