Wisdom-to-share

Only 30 years

2022-06-25T02:00:00.001-05:00

Notes: this is my speech in front of (and for) a young generation

I was 25 years old, a fresh graduate from college, and I thought I could find the job that I wanted. But once I applied for a job, they asked me, “How long have you worked?”

“I am a fresh graduate from college,” like a warm bread fresh from the oven.

They turned me down by saying, “Sorry we need people with experiences.”

Experiences are important, as much as education. So I started to build my certification collection. Now, I have more than 40 certifications and over 35 years of teaching experience. However, when I apply for a job now, they tell me, “Sorry you are overqualified and we can not pay you.“

What?!

It is unfair! Yes, life is unfair.

When I was young and had no experience they didn’t want to hire me. When I am older and more experienced, they don’t want to pay me.

If you start working at the age of 25, you have to retire at the age of 55.

Life only gives you 30 years to have the right time and value to achieve your dream.

This is my two cents about life:

Never say to yourself that you are “a fresh graduate” like bread fresh from the oven. You are not bread yet, you are just dough.

Life itself is a baker, squeezing and smashing the dough. That is your condition now. Your fate is in the hands of the baker.

You could feel the pain when you’re broke, no hope, no job, no money, and no “honey”. Or when you feel tired; you think you are in a war now.

Please remember, you can be a “plain doughnut”, or “doughnut with filling”.

The difference between those doughnuts is the room for the filling. If you want to have a filling, you as a dough should have the flexibility to be able to give room for the filling. You should be able to be pulled to create the room for improvement and then you can be the doughnut with chocolate or other fillings.

If life only gives you 30 years, it is really your choice now how to turn the dough. Are you ready to give more room for the filling? Are you ready to turn in order to have hope, experiences, a job, money and “honey”?

Your value is in your education and experiences. Let’s do it now … or never! I see you again in 30 years

Jakarta 21 June 2022

I miss you, Mom

2021-08-21T06:36:00.000-05:00

It had been more than 18 months since you got sick. In time, you couldn’t do much. Cancer stole your capability. Seeing you in that condition was so hard for me. Spending time to serve you daily was a privilege for me. I was extremely tired but also satisfied.

Mom, you passed all the stages, from the initial anger to the final acceptance of your condition. I learned a lot from you and your life. How you forgave everyone and told me to live my life. You didn’t want me to cry. It was not easy to do but I tried.

On February 27,2021 you passed away, but sometimes I still wake up at night and think that I need to check on you. Only to realize you are no longer there.

I miss you Mom and I love you.

Jakarta, 21 August 2021, 6.09 PM

Lina Kartasasmita

Suffering and tired

2020-07-08T23:41:00.002-05:00

On that day, my mom said, “ I want to take a shower” The fact is that she could not sit properly anymore. It was not a joke. Some images came into my mind. There was a movie “Patch Adam” about a doctor who would do anything to make his patient happy. So I asked my mom, “ Do you really want to get a shower? “ Instantly she said, “ Yes. Is that difficult for you?” It was a big challenge. I said, “As you wish, mom. I will make it happen for you”

I prepared a wheelchair and covered it with plastic, then I asked my husband, my daughter and my assistant to help me lift my mom from her bed. We put her in the wheelchair then brought her to the bathroom. My daughter and I gave my mom a bath. She was in pain but she had the biggest smile on her face that day. She was so happy after almost two months lying in her bed without getting a real shower.

I cried … I cried in my heart. I was so happy to see the hard work that we did. My mom can go anytime … but I am grateful I can serve her well. What I miss right now, is maybe my life itself. I cannot do my daily activities like before, but there is always a right time for everything. I just need to accept the condition and be grateful that I still have the opportunity to enjoy this time.

Some friends asked me, “How do you handle this situation?”

If life is a choice, I choose the right thing to do while my mom still has her time.

I miss to write in this blog for many months, but seeing my mom is getting worse and worse hurts my heart. My blog can wait. My mom cannot.

Cancer has stolen her life quality. Life is not too short for my mom and also we don’t know how long she can stand in this condition.

Let’s be honest! My mom is suffering because she cannot move around; she is in pain almost all the time. She is also tired to be in bed for many months, I am tired and suffering too to see her in that condition. How I can cope to deal with this situation for almost a year? I keep telling myself to pay back what my mom has done for me. Do you think it is easy? It is definitely not easy at all.

Spending time with my mom makes me think a lot about life. Life is so short that we need to cherish every moment. How many times we forget to enjoy the moment because we let our minds wonder around, going back and forth between the past and future. It builds anxiety when we need to pass our life daily. Something that we also forget to really appreciate the time that we have, when we were young we thought we had a lot of time, but time went faster than we thought. The only thing that makes me stronger … is the mindset that I don’t want any regret in my life. By serving my mom daily and taking care of her, I get to do what I always wanted to do for her.

Mother Teresa said,

“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home “

Jakarta, July 9, 2020 at. 11.36AM

Lina Kartasasmita

I am still learning

2020-01-31T05:58:00.003-06:00

Michael Angelo at the very old age said “ I am still learning “ So do I

It was 31 years ago. For the first time I taught accounting for senior high school student. I was young and unexperienced as teacher at that time. In the class there were 25 students. It was easy because I had confidence that I knew accounting. I taught diligently and clearly at that time. Most of the students got a good grade, but one student kept got 2 out of 10.

I asked him “ Do you understand when I teach you “ He looked at me with a confused face.
He yelled at me “ what “ I was angry then I stared at him “ Why you always get a bad grade ? If you don’t understand you can ask me “

He looked at me, his face showed he was frustrated to deal with me.

I said “ If you never tell me whether you understand or not. I can not help you “
I left him.

I was sad and angry. Basically I don’t care if people hate me, but I hate to be misunderstood.

I shared the problem with other teachers and one teacher told me. “ Ibu Lina that boy has hearing problem. He needs his hearing aids”

I said “ But he could understand when I talk to him “

“ Yes .. if you speak slowly and you face him because he actually read your lips “

Most of the teaching time I had to write on the board and of course he couldn’t hear my explanation he couldn’t read my lips

Suddenly I felt guilty that I couldn’t transfer my knowledge to him, not because he is stupid but because I couldn’t understand his needs, I assumed he could understand, I assumed he was lazy, I assumed he could listen well. I assumed he ignored me. It happened because of bad communication.

I put effort to draw with colorful pens the accounting process from journal to the income statements in a big piece of paper.

I told him “ Please study this paper all the explanation is here” after that he got the best grade.

He graduated from high school and one day he found me on Facebook. He told me he took Master degree in Accounting 😍😍

Communication is a bridge to understand someone and to be understood. Communication only works when both side in the same pages.

Communication is a skill that we need to practice, because we communicate with others since we were born to the end of our life

In my life I meet many people with different back ground, different styles, different characters... Communication with them is a big challenge.

I am still learning now, because people changes based on aging, wisdom and experiences.
How about you ??

Jakarta 29 Jan 2020

*Lina Kartasasmita**

Welcome 2020

2020-01-04T04:04:00.002-06:00

It has been months that I didn’t write for my blogs. One day my friend sent me a message, “Lina, when will you write again in your blogs?”

He didn’t know that my life has changed a lot. I had many things to do back in 2019. A trip to Europe for my daughter’s graduation, my daughter’s wedding preparation and then my mom got liver cancer. It was good thing and bad thing happened in the same time. I told myself, “ It is well with my soul … I just need to be focus “

Duke Ellington said, “ A problem is a chance for you to do your best “ and I tried to do it. It is not easy at all, but it is true that each problem in life will give us a chance to do our best. We can learn how to handle our emotion better than before. I learn more from life …

Especially I have to take care of my mom, and she was in pain and she didn’t want to be served. I learned to serve her better and I learned to understand her emotional to face the cancer. When my mom decided to take palliative treatment, people judged me as if I didn’t want to fight for her cancer. My mom has her own point of view at the age of 85; she knows what she really want at the end of her journey as human being. I do respect what her wish is.

Welcome 2020, I don’t ask the year will be without problem, I wish “All is well with my soul” Happy new year everyone.

"Happiness is a quality of the soul...not a function of one's material circumstances." –Aristotle

**Lina Kartasasmita**

Jakarta, Jan 4, 2020 at 4.54 PM

We love to love

2019-07-12T11:02:00.002-05:00

It was just regular day, but I had two special moments to celebrate. It was my 28^thwedding anniversay and my daughter’s birthday. I never expected something special, any gifts or anything. As a quote from Leo Buscagalia said, “Love is always bestowed as a gift -freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved, we love to love.”

Marriage is not an easy journey in life. The fact that no all the people can have a long lasting marriage. I am probably still the lucky one …

Some people asked me, “How do you manage your marriage life ?”

Fawn Weaver said, “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.”

It is really important that we should have mutual respect, to give space for our spouse to be himself or herself. Respect that they have their own point of view. We can agree or disagree with that point of view, but we can always discuss it not as competitor/ rival but as a team. A healthy dose of admiration is like a medicine for our relationship. We should admire each other …Look at the positive side of our spouse. If we can still say “He/she is a good person …”then we cover with “Love and Grace”to keep the marriage still warm and lovely.

My husband and I, are not a perfect couple …but we promise to hand in hand to learn how to make this teamwork works well all the time.

Respect each other, admire each other with love and grace !!

Happy 28^thanniversary to my best friend and my husband June 22, 2019

Lina Kartasasmita, Jakarta 12 July 2019 at 10.51 PM

“Alone”

2019-05-01T03:46:00.002-05:00

I have heard people in a bad relationship but they are still keeping their relationship together …

Why??? Sometimes we couldn’t understand why people chose to be suffering like that?

There is not right or wrong answer for this question.

Some of young ladies …keeping their relationship actually not because they still want it…but they are afraid to be alone in this life!!

Sometimes in life we have thousand of considerations before we make an important decision. And sadly sometimes it doesn’t make a happy ending.

One of the most important things in life is to understand the rules in reality.

It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

Marilyn Monroe

I think it is better if we could put this statement into our basic consideration before we make a decision whether we will stay or not in relationship.

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

Orson Welles

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, May 1, 2019 at 3.44PM

I am still here for you

2019-02-11T02:25:00.003-06:00

It was a regular day for me when one of my students told me a story. Here is the story :

There is a young mother who has a new born baby. She asked her mom to come from abroad to help her during the first months to take care of the baby. As a new mother, she lacked of sleeping time and she said to her mom, “ I am tired and it has been a month I’ve been lacking of sleep.“

The mother said, “ It is just a month. I am still here while you are more than 25 years old “

It is a truth and it is a fact that we might forget in life. We need our mothers not only to accompany us to be young ladies, but also to help us through the difficult time as young mothers. We might not have the same parenting style like our mothers, at least she is around to just be a mother, a friend or someone who comforts us.

Being a mother is a timeless work with no retirement.

Love your mother while she is still around you.

Jakarta, February 10, 2019 at 8AM

Hundred percent!!

2018-12-31T09:02:00.002-06:00

One day, in a coffee shop …I was about to pay my coffee. A waiter who often met me there asked me this questions, “Madam, do you like to do exercise?”
I asked him back, “Yes. Why do you ask me that question?”
He said, “You look young and pretty”

I said confidently, “I know I am pretty, even when no body says it…I will tell myself that I am pretty”

Someone behind me said, “Wow …you are so confidence. People might not think you are pretty”

I said, “Can you really read what people thinks about you? If you cannot recognize your own mind, how come you are so sure about what they think about you? If that minds cannot help you to build your confidence, forget it. Yes we need to be confidence, and don’t let anyone turn you down. A confidence is hard to build and it might take years to build it. Start from today you have to tell yourself that you are beautiful”

People are worry about others’opinion, they never live their 100 percent capacity, and they keep wondering, worrying and overthinking. Time will not wait us to make a right decision about ourselves. Time will leave us behind…

Today is the end of 2018, and most of us think about New Year resolution. How many of us can achieve our last year resolution. 10 percent? 15 percent? Or ZERO percent?

How about a New Year resolution, live your life 100 percent of you??

Like C. Joy Bell C said:

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.”

Good-bye 2018

Welcome 2019

Lina Kartasasmita** December 31, 2018 at 9.58 PM

If not now then when

2018-12-19T08:49:00.002-06:00

Tuesday December 18, 2018 was a contest day in my regular club meeting. It was table topics contest, and the question was “If not now then when”

I wanted to answer the question but I was not a contestant. However if I have a chance to answer that question, I would say:

If I were single and I had so much money and one of my dreams is to travel around the world. I would definitely take the chance to go around the world. I would not think twice because if not now then when. However if I were poor, I would start to save the money so one day I could travel around the world and I would tell myself If not now then when …

If right now, right here …there are some people look unhappy and if we could help to make them smile again. I would ask you all If not now then when. Help people right away when they really need us.

If you haven’t called your parents, you should consider doing it now. If not now then when you will do it. Don’t wait the precious time to tell your parents that you are grateful to have them in your life. Don’t wait to tell your parents that you care about them and love them.

If you have goals in your life, please ask yourself many times. If not now then when we would like to start…we couldn’t achieve our goals, if we keep waiting the good time to do …we wait until we are older and older. We have limited time in our life; time wouldn’t wait for us.

If not now then when, it is a good question. Life is precious, time is precious but only action that you choose right now will make a different.

If something good comes in your mind now, then just do it now.

Roy. T. Bennett said, “The beginning is always NOW”

**Lina Kartasasmita** 19 December 2018, Jakarta 9.44 PM

A peace in mind

2018-08-17T23:08:00.002-05:00

“If you put a spoonful of salt
in a cup of water
it tastes very salty.
If you put a spoonful of salt
in a lake of fresh water
the taste is still pure and clear.

Peace comes when our hearts are
open like the sky,
vast as the ocean.”
― Jack Kornfield, The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace

It was a such regular day for me to enjoy a cup of coffee and to talk about random thing. The topic was “we live sorrounding with bad people” Yes that is true, but I think bad people is everywhere. I heard people said, “I don’t want to live in this country because this country is so bad and there are so many bad people here” or I heard as well, “There is no hope to live in this country”

I believe it could bother our mind, by asking, “Are we living in the right place?” Or we rush to find the world map and then to try find the right place to live?

How about people who lives in the war zone? Do they think the same thing like us?

I probably have different opinion. “Good or bad is a concept in this world, because there is someone bad so there is someone good” My mind went to the quotes from Lao Tzu, said,

“When the people of the world all know beauty as beauty, there arises the recognition of ugliness. When they all know the good as good, there arises the recognition of evil.”

So it is not about the place we live … it is not about the people we deal with … it is about a peace in mind we should have.

The fact that we don’t know about our future, so life is too short to worry about bad people around us … we just need to enjoy the moment, the present that we have and be grateful.

If you still can look around you and you still find someone who smiles to you and does something nice to you … Be grateful and put a peace into your mind. All is well… all is well.

“Nothing can disturb your peace of mind unless you allow it to.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, 18 August 2018 at 11.03AM

Do it for fun ...

2018-03-11T04:42:00.000-05:00

She said,”Mom, I don’t want to compete again”
I said,”Please do it for fun”
And she won the second place for International speech contest and table topics contest in the Club. She had to compete in the Area level
She came to me and said,”Mom, may I just do one contest category? And let someone replace me for table topics contest”
I said, “Sure”

I came home late a day before the contest and she came to me and asked, “Mom please read my speech drafts”
I read and said,”I think I love your idea about International women’s day”
Without complaining, she wrote her speech ... about Women
And once again she said, “I compete not to win the contest but to share the message to respect women because what women can do in this world”
I said,”Yes....... just do it for fun”

Yesterday ...
She won the second place for International speech contest in the area.

Parenting is not to force our children to do something that they don’t like ... but to encourage them to use their talents to explore the world and to do something good for others

Congrats Vin ... you did it !

Jakarta 11 March 2018 at 9.31 AM

Dealing with difficult person with acceptance

2018-03-04T06:50:00.000-06:00

Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.

Jessica Lange

On that evening my husband suddenly asked me,” Lina, do you have any article about dealing with difficult people?” I just realized I never wrote about that. It was easy to write about good experiences in life. In my life I have lots of experiences dealing with people and most of the times I just wrote about the good one.

I curiously asked my husband, “Why do you ask me about that? We have the book somewhere in our book shelf about Dealing with difficult person” He looked at me and smiled, “I think you have one article about it and I want to share to my friend” The only answer came out from my mind was,” If you can not deal with difficult person, deal with yourself first. Just accept and change the way we deal with that person. It is hard and takes time to apply in your life, but it works” It was so simple but also too hard to apply in life.

Sharing this story it is not easy for me. Many years ago I had seen problem with one of my family member. He used to be a very nice person when I was a little child. During his teenager life he involved in many problems. At that time I was too young to realize what his problem was, I just knew that my parents struggled with him. Times went so fast while I was a teenager he stayed at home and he started all the problems at home. In my eyes, he was like a bomb. It could exploded in a minutes, he changed from angel to a monster. I lived with a big fear in my mind. I couldn’t stand to see him creating problem in the family. I couldn’t stand to see how my parents struggled to handle him. And sometimes at the end I had to involve in that situation.

I remembered one night he had a problem with his family and his wife came to my parents’ house bringing two little children. I had to take care of the children the whole night while the next morning that was my university final test. I couldn’t run away from that situation and I hated him.

From problem to problem without solution, the only thing, which I remembered, my dad always sent him to hospital and after treatment he would be normal again. There wasn’t any right explanation for his behavior. My dad spent a lot of money to heal him but it didn’t work well. My parents always asked me to give him tolerance. I thought I had given enough for him. My dad passed away in 1995 and only my mom took care of all the problems in our big family. He started to disturb my mom. I saw his behavior and sometimes I thought that was unfair for me. If there is a problem, I have to involve and to be there to help. I hated to deal with him.

My husband always said to me, “Lina, please forgive him” I said, “It is hard for me. I can not forgive him. He always gives me hard time in my life. And he is my brother”

Back in the year 1999, he made a big problem again and my mom sent him to hospital and he was under treatment with a psychiatrist. My other family didn’t want to take care of him. One night my mom cried and talked to me, “Can you help me to take care of your brother? I will go to India for 10 days and nobody will talk to the psychiatrist. Please help me, you need to come to see the doctor” I screamed in my heart, “Oh God … why me… why I have to deal with him again” I couldn’t say no to my mom even though I thought that was the hardest responsibility in my life. The only thing I know life is responsibility and it runs in my blood.

That responsibility brought me to deal with the psychiatrist. The first time I met the psychiatrist, it was like in the classroom discussion. The psychiatrist asked me whether I knew about stress, phobia, depression, paranoid and schizophrenia. Many questions from the psychiatrist and he also gave a great and detail explanation to me. He told me at the end,” Your brother’s problem is called Paranoid schizophrenia, you can learn about this … I will teach you to understand more about this” The psychiatrist made a deal with me that he would teach me and at the same time my brother would be under treatment for three months. Every week for three months I had to meet the psychiatrist and before I entered his room I observed the behavior of his patients. My husband gave me articles about schizophrenia and I also read the book. From discussion to discussion, I learnt more and more from the doctor. The psychiatrist was a great teacher for me and he opened my eyes about lots of thing can happen in someone’s mind. It became my new subject to learn. At the end I understood my brother’s mind problem, sometimes he couldn’t control his mind and his depression and it created problem in his life. All of sudden everything became so clear in my mind.

I wished my parents knew about this many years before, he probably would have a different life. I also didn’t need to live with fear for many years. Anyway… everything happened for a purpose. Times couldn’t be reversed. That learning experience made me easy to forgive my brother. The freedom came into my life by forgiving.

In life, once I can accept … I can forgive.

Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

Albert Ellis

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, May 14, 2011 at 11.51PM

I decided to post this on March 4, 2018.

The music of my heart

2017-12-15T08:49:00.003-06:00

“Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.”
― Alphonse de Lamartine

We passed twenty-six years of marriage on June 2017. We didn’t celebrate with anything special. It is actually good for people who have romantic side in their life to celebrate their anniversary with flowers, candle light dinner and diamond as the gift.

In my life I didn’t need those thing, on that day I usually do the reflection of my journey with my husband. I realized sometimes both of us were busy with our duties, we didn’t speak much about our daily activities. We seemed like two people listen to the same song with different harmony.

There was nothing wrong about it. We understood each other; we believed we were in the same track to spend our life together, but each of us needed to be alone sometimes.

As Kahlil Gibran said,

Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Happy wedding anniversary my best friend and my husband, we might not listen to the same music, but we listen to our heart and our love.

Note: very late post

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta 15 December 2017 at 9.39 PM

The awesome Indonesian people

2017-09-25T10:32:00.003-05:00

It was so common in my class that my students would ask me random questions especially about Indonesian culture.

“Lina, I don’t understand your people”

“Why?”

“Look, they like to sitting and talking for hours.”
“O… we call it ‘nongkrong’ ….”

“What the meaning of nongkrong?”

“Sitting, talking and actually doing nothing”

“O my goodness. And look at them. They are so happy and do you know they probably don’t make enough money. Do you think they have a life insurance or a lot of saving in their bank account? But my maid at home she doesn’t have a bank account. The money I gave to her … easily gone”

My other student always asked me

“When some of your people really want to live in United States, why do you still like to live in this country? Your country has no future because of the corruption and they hate each other because of religion or ethnic”

It was so hard for me to explain about those issues.

I found the way to explain to them at the end. Here was my explanation

“If you want to buy diamond, there are some criteria. We call 5 Cs it is color, clarity, carat, cut, and confidence. The quality of Indonesian people has 3 Cs.

The first C is “Collective”

Western people are individualist, but Indonesian people are not. We are considered very collective. You can see Indonesian people like to hang out during lunch. They go together, they eat together, shopping together. Even they go to toilet together. So it was so common when I was a teacher at regular school, my teenager student would ask, “Miss… May I go to the toilet with my friend?” Until now you can see some teenagers post their picture together in the toilet…

For Indonesian they don’t need insurance, they will help each other. One of the group members has problem the rest will help. They will collect the money or they will try to find out the solution.

The second C is “Care”

Indonesian people care so much about their friends or family, sometimes they care to the strangers. It is very common when we have a problem, our friends are more curious and even more stress than we are. Sometimes … in the middle of nowhere, people can ask, “Are you still single? Why are you still single? You know you are so pretty and let me introduce you to someone …”

I could say, “Your stress is not coming from your own problem, but your stress comes from people who care so much about you”

The last C is “Communicator”

Indonesian people are really great Communicator. They are so attached with their smart phone. They send text all the time. And they have more than one number, more than one cellphone. When they have only one cellphone but inside the phone they carry Dual SIM Card. They set their phone glued to the hand… They prefer to forget bringing the wallet and money instead of forgetting their smart phone. Because with the smart phone if they forget to bring the money, they still can text to borrow the money from their friends.

If you deny that … you can say …”No… I don’t really care and I am not a great communicator”

Please look at your phone, how many “WhatsApp” groups you have and how many people whom you chat with.

Base on those 3Cs character living in Indonesia is good because we can always count on our friends, we never walk alone and we always connect to each other’s.

No one knows about the future but at least we still can hope that Indonesia will be great because we are “The awesome Indonesian people”

**Lina Kartasasmita** 25 September 2017 at 10.12 PM

Walk together

2017-07-13T05:05:00.001-05:00

Saturday, July 8, 2017 I ran to the mall to have lunch together with my daughter. She had been dealing with a difficult person and situation for a couple days before. I tried to be with her all the time when she had a problem. Lunchtime was one of the times we could discuss about any problem and we tried to find the solution.

After lunch, we needed to go to other place. I said, “I need to go to the toilet”

My daughter, “Sure mom, I will wait here”

After I am done, I saw a two years kid standing near the door. And a nanny who talked to her, “You need to walk, I don’t want to carry you”

The kid was about to cry. I talked with her, “Why you don’t want to walk?”

She looked at me and she said, “I don’t want to walk”

I said to her, “You need to use your feet to walk so one day you can use to run … and you can run faster. Do you want to walk with me?”

She grabbed my hand and she walked with me.

I didn’t know her name or anything about her. We walked together from the toilet back to the shops area. I saw my daughter and I said to the little girl, “I need to go, now you can walk to your mother”

She refused again to walk and the nanny refused to carry her too.

I asked the nanny, “Where is her mother?”

The nanny, “They are in restaurant a little bit far from here”

I looked at the little girl again and asked, “Do you want me to go with you to meet your mother?”

She didn’t say anything, she hold my hand and dragged me walking with her.

I walked with her and my daughter took a picture from the back.

We reached the restaurant where the parents had their lunch there. The little girl’s mother was surprised and she thanked me for walking with her daughter.

I have two daughters in my life, and I always think; if I have time I will always want to walk together with them.

Simple lesson "Give your children a good example and walk together with them" #parenting101

“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.”

― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, July 13, 2017 at 4.55PM

“The honor is mine”

2017-06-28T09:55:00.002-05:00

“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.”

― Tia Walker, The Inspired Caregiver: Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love

Singapore June 22, 2017

It was a very hot day and I pushed my mom’s wheelchair to enter the Gardens by the bay as part of our short trip to Singapore. My mom can still walk properly but she couldn’t walk too far, so to make the trip enjoyable for her I always brought the wheelchair. The breeze touched us when we entered the flower dome.

There were many people there and they took pictures of the flowers. I saw an Indian couple in front of me, they are probably around my age or slightly older than me. The wife suddenly came to me, “May I take a picture with your mother?”

I was surprised but I let her do it. Aha… my mother might be famous after that picture uploaded in the social media with the right capture.

The husband showed me the picture he took with his cellphone. And they said, “Thank you” So I replied, “You are welcome”

The wife said again, “Thank you for bringing your mother to visit this place”

I tried to guess what in her mind was.

I just realized that she probably thought about the hassle of my trip because of the wheelchair. That is so true it takes a lot of effort to travel with elderly people. I think that is the same when we travel with babies or kids. When I pushed the wheelchair I thought about my first trip with my two little daughters back in 1995. I had to carry them and also I brought their stroller too. It was not easy at all but I could enjoy because they are so precious for me. I am my mother’s daughter and I believe I am precious for her.

It is not about hassle things to do if you like to serve someone whom you love. I am honored that I get the opportunity to serve my mother.

I think in every stage of our life and age, we have something to admire and to cherish. We are not getting old in a day; it is part of the process. Our life can be a good or bad example for others; it is our choice in life.

“Travel brings power and love back into your life.”

― Jalaluddin Rumi

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta June 28, 2017 at 9.48 PM

“Only one reason to share, because it is priceless”

2017-04-02T04:21:00.000-05:00

There are many reasons why I didn’t write any notes or story for such a long time. I always make a promise to write again for all my friends who love to read my blogs.

It is not hard to write but it is hard to write from the heart. Every time I want to write something … it seems I need to dig deep before I can say it right.

Anyway… a promise is a promise…I try to write now.

Here is the story …

At the end of last year, I got email from my friend. It was just a common email that we used to send at the end of the year, just to make sure we keep in touch. But this time … there was something different in that email. My friend asked me to help her friend to teach Communication skills. She believed I would do it as part of doing good deeds. She has a great trust in my skills and my ability.

Lien is my friend who lives in New York now and I met her many years ago when she stayed in Indonesia. We met in the club where we both were active members. I know her from her speeches nothing else. We are not keeping in touch regularly but we keep our friendship in our mind. We do say hello once in a while and we follow each other from Facebook.

I feel so weird once the universe does something great into our path. People who are around me sometimes it is hard for them to trust or believe in my ability, how come a friend who came across my life for a short time could trust me more.

I counted it as my blessings. When I said, “Agree” to help my friend actually I was worried that I was not as great as she expected. I told myself, “When people trust you, you just need to do your best and let the result come out naturally”

The day came … I arranged the meeting with Lien’s friend. Could you imagine? Lien’s friend came from Spain and she has stayed in my country for more than 13 years. I couldn’t stop telling myself, how wonderful the connection has been made.

Karmele, she works for International animal rescue and focus on Kukang and Orang Utan. She did a lot for my country and I thought if I could do something with her… it would be also for my country. So I started to arrange my schedule and my teaching materials.

God knows what I want to do, He found the way for me.

“Dedicate yourself to what gives your life true meaning and purpose; make a positive difference in someone's life.”

― Roy T. Bennett

I started my project by teaching communication skills for staffs in Ciapus, Bogor. The class has 16 people. I asked my friend to help me. He has something in common with me. We always like to learn, we like to share and we love to do good deeds. His name is Muha.

The project divided into two days. On the first day it was a bit awkward when I asked them to introduce themselves, then to continue to introduce others. However after the third project we could see there was a big change. People started to be more relax and comfortable with their style. They started to share about their opinion, their problems, and their bitterness in their life… Amazing the result at the end of the day… all people seemed to be different.

At that night I needed to stay in the hotel near the office. It was cold and I couldn’t sleep at all. My minds kept asking myself, “What will happen tomorrow and what will be the result”

Day two project started in the morning, they were so amazingly into the project. Some of them cried, some of them laughed, some of them just so happy to share …

The end of the day … each of us couldn’t say anything, we felt each of us has our own stories in life, we hided our sadness deep in our mind and we never be ourselves because we thought bad things in life was not something to be proud of.

Once you release that sadness, the bitterness in your heart … actually we become light … happier and acceptance to ourselves.

I found this quotation described very well what I thought when I saw the result of the teaching project.

“Some will wear masks their entire life because they care about what other people think, while others remove the mask to be who they truly are. The difference between the two is not the ability to trust others, but to trust in God.”

― Shannon L. Alder

I had to thank to my friend Lien who trusted me to share my ability and knowledge to her friend. And I thank you Karmele who gave me the opportunity to teach her team. Amazing to see the result how we could bring out the best in someone.

The experiences that I got on that project was priceless … it gave me the opportunity to help them to see their ability, their weakness, their strength and to let them release their bitterness in life. Those enrich my life.

My name has gone around the world and it just brought me back dedicate my knowledge and my ability for those people who have trust in me.

This is my happiness … this is my blessings.

“The best thing to gift yourself is to be just YOURSELF, improving above the person that you were yesterday.”

― Vikrmn, 10 Golden Steps of Life

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta, April 2, 2017 at 3.59 PM

A star in the heart

2016-10-16T09:51:00.001-05:00

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via" - "There is no easy way from the earth to the stars”

― Seneca

In this world, people can underestimate or overestimate our ability. I probably prefer when people underestimate my ability.

It was happened, when my friend wanted to hire me to teach a group of people. They asked my friend, “Why do you choose Lina? She is not famous and we don’t know her ability. We can hire the famous motivator or famous speaker”

I said to my friend, “It is okay if they don’t want me to be their trainer or teacher. I am fine with that”

My friend told me, “I told them to give you a chance and see what you can do”

A month before that class, I told my husband, “I am not famous, but I will do my best to share my knowledge”

With smiling face my husband only said, “You can do it and it is good when they underestimate you … you will be greater than they think”

The class was very well, I got a good feedback from the participants and some of them really appreciated my class.

A week ago, I got a phone call from a director of the school. He said, “Mrs. Lina we want to invite you as a guest lecturer at least you can motivate our students here”

“How do you choose me? I am not famous and I am simple person”

He continued, “I found you from your writings, I read your blogs and I think you are the right person”

Deep in my heart, I kept wondering, “How come my writings can make this man to invite me to speak in front of his students without knowing who I am”

I agreed to come to his school and then he asked me back,” Why do you want to come to our small school? “

My answer was simple, “Teaching or sharing for me is part of my worship. It doesn’t matter about the place or the people”

This time, I asked, “What subject should I teach your students”

He said, “Just be yourself …”

On the day of the invitation, the director told me that he would personally pick me up. I came an hour earlier to the coffee place; my minds kept telling me that I needed to prepare something… but nothing came out from my brain.

The director came and we chatted a bit. I saw his body language that he was also still wondering; maybe he wasn’t sure about my ability.

In that school, I was surprised, I saw the huge banner on the wall with my face. They welcomed me as if I was a famous speaker or important person. They played my favorite music Keroncong, they had a video about my achievement and my writings.

It seemed they knew all my life.

I was speechless …

The way they treat me, make me so grateful with their acceptance … I am not a famous person at all, I am not a star at all… but I was accepted with love.

They made me great not because I am someone who is famous... They made me great because their acceptance.

I am grateful of this opportunity, I am not the one who teaches them but they actually teach me.

In this world, being a star or famous among million of people is not my goal in my life.

Definitely, I cannot be the star in the sky; I just want to be a star in someone’s heart.

Note: Thank you for Mr. Taufik Hidayat for the invitation to be the guest speaker. Thank you for all students and staffs at JIHS Jakarta- Indonesia.

**Lina Kartasasmita**

Jakarta, October 16, 2016 at 9.38PM

A “dollar bill” Silver anniversary

2016-07-08T06:10:00.001-05:00

People told me to celebrate my 25^th wedding anniversary as a big celebration. I wonder what actually we need to celebrate?

This is actually the accumulation of years that a couple has been through together.

This is not to celebrate the love, the sweetness or the happiest moments in that marriage life.

I think it is more into celebration of the pain, the fights, the bitterness and ups and downs in life during those years. We celebrate that we could bear together

“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer” that is one of the commitment sentence in the wedding vow

Yes … that is all about marriage… Funny that in the vow they only mention “for better, not for the best… for worse, not for the worse, for richer, not the richest, … for poorer, not for the poorest”

All make sense for me, because it is easier to promise one level higher condition than the reality itself. It is already hard for us to accept or to adjust when everything not as good as our expectation.

In the marriage life there are always these conditions:

The wishes that never come true, or the dreams that we have to forget and many things we need to give up to keep a marriage for such a long time.

After 25 years that is why it is called “Silver anniversary”, because we become harder and harder like the silver and we have some shining moments together.

I am not saying my marriage life is like in heaven. We were sad and angry, and we hurt each other but in the interval of those dramatic actions, we also smiled and laughed together, we supported each other, we were happy with our children and life. At the end of these 25 years, we concluded that we are deserved to keep this relationship. I wish I could celebrate our Golden anniversary with a lot of things to celebrate.

I love this quote from Joe Moore:

“Marriage is like a dollar bill. You cannot spend half of it when you tear it in two. The value of one half depends upon the other.”

I hope we can always like a "dollar bill", and we never tear into two so we have the value to spend and to build our happiness, although the exchange rates of dollar might up and down like the life itself… but the dollar bill can still buy something in life.

Happy silver anniversary to my best friend and my best supporter!!

I am grateful to have you in my life.

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta July 8, 2016 at 5.40PM

Cemetery of the mind

2016-07-08T03:52:00.001-05:00

One day I entered a complex of luxurious houses. I was amazed with all the beautiful houses there. But I wondered there were so quiet, there were no sign of people living inside or people did activities there. Probably they were inside and there is such a big house to hide them.

This is my comment at that time, “ These beautiful and big houses are like the cemetery, so empty and quiet “

Some thoughts came into my minds: there are so many people work so hard to have a beautiful house to tell the world their achievement in their life, but for that reason they work late at the office and then they only enjoy a few hours in their beautiful house. That is probably a great award for some people or that is something worthy to have in life. I saw similar thing in this world, the big house is like the cemetery, we might build to enjoy but we are not really enjoy it.

I come across Dalai Lama’s quote:

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

That is so true in this world. Why we sacrifice so many things for something that we cannot enjoy, we only have it as a status.

Anyway I could understand the reason people try so hard to be successful in life and have everything in their hands. That is such a normal human being.

I just wish that I would not bury my awareness in the beauty of cemetery or a big house. I want to enjoy this moment in the present as if tomorrow never comes.

**Lina Kartasasmita**

Jakarta July 8, 2016, at 3.13PM

What will be the last statement from people in my funeral?

2016-04-08T22:51:00.001-05:00

The question was asked when I conducted the communication class last week. That question actually opened my mind that could be my goal in this life. I don’t want to die soon, but death is the most certain thing in this world. And I don’t know what people will say about me in my funeral. However if I know I will die one day … and I still have time to make a difference in other's people life … I will be able to predict what will be happened in my funeral.

I want to make, statement from the people in my funeral as the legacy for my children. Since today till the end of my life, I will make sure I will be a nice person, I am more helpful to others, I love people more, and I will do my best in everything I do.

I wish they could tell my children, “Your mom has done many good deeds in her life time. … Or I am glad to know her… or she is a simple and nice person… “

This is what I want my children to hear, so they can continue their life with the legacy, that they have a good mother.

It doesn’t matter how long my life is … but I will make sure the kindness is printed in others’ heart.

“When we are gone, the only essential things we will leave behind are the memories we create in the lives of those we have touched and those we love.”

― Michael Hyatt

Uncountable value of life

2016-01-17T09:45:00.001-06:00

This story is one of our common conversations in the car during the bad traffic in Jakarta. My husband told my daughter and me that his colleague who is very smart, quit her job to take care of her children. I said to my husband, “It is good for her and I am happy for her too. That is probably the hardest decision for most of the career women”

Then I said to my daughter, “ I am grateful to your dad, who could give me the opportunity to stay home being a mother. We didn’t have much money or luxurious life, but that I had the most precious time to be with you when your sister and you were babies. I could enjoy every moment of your growth. It is really priceless and I never regret it “

My daughter asked me, “ What if your husband didn’t earn enough money for you to stay home?”

“ I think it is more into how you manage the income and you need to sacrifice for not wanting too much in life. And if you have a choice to work at home so you can still take care of your children. We need to learn how to be grateful because we can have what we need, not what we want “

In life there are many concepts about counting your blessings. Most of the concepts have two categories, uncountable vs. countable or tangible vs. intangible.

Both are the same: there are values in what you have in life. Some are really real, so you can touch, and you can put the price on it. But many things in life the values seem invisible to us. We live among the people who can only value the countable things or the tangible things so if we cannot have something that countable, are we considered as a failure?

I don’t agree with that concept. And when my husband discussed more about the achievement of women in the business or in the big company. I have a critical question for him, “What is the value of your life? It is the most important how you give the meaning into your life. Maybe the value is in your career, but at the end of your life the most valuable thing you have in only your family. So people who spend more time and investment into their children, it is not only for them but also for the society. If our children become good person in their society, we help to build the young generation. The impact will be widen to the world”

Women, who care about their children and sacrifice their dream or career, have more missions in her life. They have their values of life, the meaning of their life. It is not about money, position, or anything that countable in this world.

This is about “to love the children”, and "to sacrifice the most important thing in the world; Time which we can not turn the clock back”

If you are working as a full time mother at home, you probably don’t have something fancy or luxurious life; but actually you are choosing the hardest job in the world but you make the biggest impact in the world as well.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”

― Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta January 17, 2016 at 10.42PM

The broken pieces

2015-08-05T21:24:00.001-05:00

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us--that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect.”

― Emilio Estevez

I woke up in the morning and found this beautiful drawing made by my daughter Devina Gunawan. Beautiful face came from many piece of paper, but it has all the detail that the face should have.

I think that is really the reflection of us. We all come from many pieces; it could be our education background, family or ethnicity. Those made us beautifully imperfect but we look ourselves in the mirror with the perfect reflection of our face.

We actually don’t need to be perfect in this life, we don’t need to compare with others and think they have a perfect life. No one has a perfect life.

Life is perfect when you think everything is about right, everything is okay with you and within you. And we cannot see our perfection without a reflection of mirror. That is why we need others to see the beauty of our imperfection. We need others to see the perfection in each of our pieces.

We are all coming from the broken pieces but we are beautiful creation. We just need to love every piece in us and we reflect to others.

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta August 6, 2015 at 9.11AM

The hourglass

2015-07-19T05:32:00.001-05:00

The picture represents a quote from Buddha, ”The trouble is, you think you have time”

Devina drew it with a strong understanding that in life we are always busy to plan something about our life, we want so many things to have in this life, but we forget that our time is limited. While we are busy planning our future, we miss a moment in the present, we cannot enjoy what we should enjoy or we don’t have any awareness about the present time because our mind tries to capture everything.

We run from day to day to collect everything we need to be happy while happiness is simply in us. We are looking for something that we think we do need in life while we ignore all the blessings we already have in life.

I thought I did those mistakes too in my life, I was busy going back and forth between the past and the future, I tried to fix any mistakes I made in the past and I also tried harder not to repeat the same mistakes in the future by making many good plans. Traveled between past and future, my minds were full and tired to make everything went right. I really forgot that I could only make everything better at the present moment, so that would fix the mistakes that I had done before and I would be a different person for the future.

This drawing reminds me to take a break and I learn to enjoy what I have today.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” - Buddha

**Lina Kartasasmita** Jakarta July 19, 2015 at 5.26PM