Wisdom Class

Update from Mike: The "New Normal" and a request for your help

2010-05-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends:

This morning, I was reminded once again that I still need a lot of work to master a lesson that life continues to bring to my attention. I want to share how I did with on this “pop quiz.” And then I would like to ask for your help.

Today started out just fine. The sunrise was gorgeous, as I drove to work. I came in early to get a project out of the way, then it happened - - - suddenly all the work I had been doing since I hit the office door 3 hours earlier simply disappeared. (Even though I thought I had carefully backed up all info on the computer.) A couple other minor fiascos happened and then my phone rang. It was my older son Daniel. I picked up the phone and Dan said cheerfully “How are you dad?” I started crying and all I could say was, “Dan, I’m not doing very well.” Dan has spoken to my neurologist in the past, so he knows when Parkinsons is getting the best of me. Dan simply said, “I’m sorry to hear that Dad. Can I call you back in 30 minutes or so?”

So, 30 minutes later, he called me back and my mental fog was lifting.. He said “Dad, I have a story I want to share with you about Erin’s recent visit to the doctor. (Erin is Dan’s beautiful wife.) I don’t know if you remember that soon after Grace was born, (my 1st grandchild) Erin ran a half marathon. She’s continued to be very dedicated to getting back, and staying in top physical condition. Shortly after Grace was born, Erin was frustrated that she wasn't getting back into shape as quickly as she wanted to. So she asked her doctor, "when will my body return to normal?" Her doctor replied, "very soon, you'll be back to a new normal."

Dan continued, "Dad, I think that just like with Erin, you too are struggling with YOUR NEW NORMAL. In other words, your new norm is recognizing and accepting Parkinson’s for what it is . . . a degenerative disease. Your memory WILL continue to get worse. Depression will likely become more intense. Multi-tasking may be a thing of the past. All of these things are becoming part of YOUR NEW NORMAL. So dad, make it part of your NEW NORMAL to take Davis Phinney’s advice. CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES EVERY DAY. Know you will deal with it every day, and continue to move forward., practicing the lessons you have been teaching me my whole life, and that you are now sharing with people through your speaking."

Accepting “New Normals” can be tough. Find the people you can talk to about anything. In the Living Bible James puts it this way . . . Welcome problems, (New Normals) as you good friends. Or as Paul McCartney sings in his wonderful song BLACKBIRD, Take your broken wings and learn to fly. Fly into the light of the dark black night. Whew – what a picture – Fly in to the light of the dark black night. Learning to Fly eh? This going to be fun! Celebrate each victory. That’s your NEW NORMAL.

Here's where you come in. In a recent blog entry and emailed, I stated "I'm so excited, I can't stop shaking." I shared with you about my new public speaking business where I am sharing the lessons I have learned and am learning through my life with Parkinson's. I am still excited... and yes, I still can't stop shaking.

I have a number of successful speaking engagements under my belt, and as I experience "New Normals," every day, I want to make the most of this time and reach as many people as I can with my message and my story. I offer keynotes, meet-and-greets, and entertainment, or "edu-tainment" to a variety of audiences.

I need your help spreading the word. I need your help networking, reaching out to organizations, companies, charities, and anyone else who might benefit from my services.

My speaking has evolved into a combination of entertainment and inspiration, drawing from Beatles lyrics and lessons learned. I use my "Lessons from a Lookalike" to serve and inspire audiences that range from business groups to charities and non-profit organizations.

Please check out my website at http://www.parkinsonsinspiration.com, and please help me by reaching out to your networks to help me build my business and allow me to serve more people. Please direct them to the website, and if possible, share any key contacts with me who I can follow up with.

Thanks for your help,

Mike Oltersdorf

Update from Mike Oltersdorf: I'm so excited... I can't stop shaking

2009-12-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I’m So Excited. . . That’s what I said to my wife 1999 when I called to tell her that I was going to be part of a story about the Beatles, on Good Morning America. That short spot on GMA launched me into the Celebrity Lookalike arena as a Paul McCartney Look-alike. During this last decade I’ve worked as “Sir Paul” all over the world. During this last decade I’ve worked as “Sir Paul” all over the world. During this time, I’ve done a less than stellar job keeping up with everyone regularly, which is why I’m sending you this email.

Today, I am more excited than ever, but now, I'm So Excited, I Can't Stop Shaking. I was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2004. Now, I’m not only a Celebrity Lookalike, Now I’m also a Celebrity “Shake-alike.” I still look a bit like Paul, and now I shake a bit like Michael J. Fox. Parkinson’s has its daily challenges, but it has proven to be a blessing in disguise.

Parkinson's has actually been the catalyst to get me moving (and shaking) on becoming an inspirational speaker, something I had been moving toward and dreaming about for the last 15 years. My message is not only lessons I have learned, but now lessons I am living as I learn to live with this disease.

I am now serving as an inspirational speaker, striving to help others expand their possibilities. My message is “Breaking Old Assumptions” which is all about Expanding Possibilities, Developing Purpose and Igniting a passion to love and serve others. I’ll keep you posted on new lessons that I’m learning, primarily through my blog. I also look forward to learning from you as well.

What I’ve done is to scour scouring my emails, business cards, and every contact I’ve found dating back to 1999. I know some of you from business ventures, others through my years as a Paul McCartney Lookalike, and through numerous other points of connection. I have exciting news to share, and if you’re interested, I will keep connected with you. If you are not interested, please feel free to opt out of any future updates by clicking the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.

I have launched a new website and blog at http://www.mikeoltersdorf.com. Please read the latest blog post at http://www.mikeoltersdorf.com/soexcited/ for more details about my new direction.

Also, if you are on twitter and/or Facebook, find me there! Links are on the website, and pasted below

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mike-Oltersdorf/195516407369?ref=ts

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mikeoltersdorf

Wishing you a wonderful New Year,

Mike Oltersdorf
http://www.mikeoltersdorf.com
http://www.paulmccartneylookalike.com

PS… Please drop by my website and read the latest two blog entries. The first goes into more detail about what I am doing, what my plans are, and how you can get involved. The second blog post is an attempt to share with you in more detail how Parkinson’s is affecting me on a day-to-day basis (http://www.mikeoltersdorf.com/mysymptoms)

My first addition

2009-08-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

This might be a bit less practical than what is intended for this blog...
"Bessed is the man who listens to me (wisdom), Watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord;" Proverbs 8:34-35
My opinion/experience is that...
Seeking wisdom from God not only gives us more understanding which in turn opens doors. The world shifts for the man with wisdom because it in itself is an aspect of God. When carried the very power which was there at creation becomes present in our lives. Shifting and changing circumstances in a supernatural way. We get wisdom and apply it and it affects a bit of change but the presence of wisdom in our lives also works at a whole other level because it is in fact the presence of the Spirit of God, and His presence always causes a reaction. (ps 68:8)
Thats the reason why in James asking for wisdom is related to asking God for 'every good gift'.

Living with discipline

2009-07-08T06:46:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I posted anything here, so it is somewhat fitting the verse that stood out to me in Proverbs this morning was the following:

Proverbs 8:33,34 (The Message) "Mark a life of discipline and live wisely; don't squander your precious life."

I have been thinking this week about disipline and goals, setting new goals, and working to accomplish the goals I have.

This requires discipline, and one discipline that I am working toward is reviewing my goals daily. I am using Google Docs, where I have saved a goals worksheet. I have written goals in the past, but it's been a while since I've set any BIG GOALS.

I pray for the wisdom to set goals that glorify God and the ability operate wisely in accomplishing those goals.

When was the last time you set goals?

How often do you review them?

What are you doing today to move toward them?

Better than Gold or Silver

2008-10-16T07:31:00.000-07:00

It seems we can't turn on the news without hearing about our current financial crisis in some way. People all over the world are understandably stressed about finances from retirement accounts to unemployment, to simply putting food on the table.

I read Proverbs 16 today and this verse stood out to me:

16 How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!

God promises he will take care of us, and further tells us to focus on wisdom and understanding.

Question of the day: Are you letting stress about money keep you from seeking Him first?

Make Insight Your Priority

2008-10-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

In reading Proverbs 2 this morning, I liked how it really makes a case for seeking wisdom and understanding. It first tells us to make it a priority, then tells us why, and finally provides some stark contrast between the results of living with wisdom and not walking straight.

Proverbs 2

Make Insight Your Priority

1-5 Good friend, take to heart what I'm telling you; collect my counsels and guard them with your life.
Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom;
set your heart on a life of Understanding.
That's right—if you make Insight your priority,
and won't take no for an answer,
Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold,
like an adventurer on a treasure hunt,
Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours;
you'll have come upon the Knowledge of God.

6-8 And here's why: God gives out Wisdom free,
is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding.
He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well,
a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere.
He keeps his eye on all who live honestly,
and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.

9-15 So now you can pick out what's true and fair,
find all the good trails!
Lady Wisdom will be your close friend,
and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion.
Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,
Insight will keep an eye out for you.
They'll keep you from making wrong turns,
or following the bad directions
Of those who are lost themselves
and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed,
These losers who make a game of evil
and throw parties to celebrate perversity,
Traveling paths that go nowhere,
wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends.

16-19 Wise friends will rescue you from the Temptress—
that smooth-talking Seductress
Who's faithless to the husband she married years ago,
never gave a second thought to her promises before God.
Her whole way of life is doomed;
every step she takes brings her closer to hell.
No one who joins her company ever comes back,
ever sets foot on the path to real living.

20-22 So—join the company of good men and women,
keep your feet on the tried-and-true paths.
It's the men who walk straight who will settle this land,
the women with integrity who will last here.
The corrupt will lose their lives;
the dishonest will be gone for good.

A reminder about Grace

2008-10-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

Isaac & Dan,

God reminded me this morning not to forget all his wonderful acts of grace. It's so easy to fall into guilt over mistakes, and forget to marvels of His "Grace that has brought me (us) safe thus far - and marvel that his grace will lead me (us) home.

Love you guys

Dad

Commit whatever you do to the LORD

2008-09-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

I had previously blogged about Proverbs 16:3, and it hit me again this morning: "3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

In addition to the center of my life, which is my growing family, I have a lot on my plate at work right now. At times it feels like more than I can fit my head or my arms around. This verse is a great reminder of the importance of living with the intent to serve God and commit every effort to Him.

In Ephesians 6:7, we read: "7Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,". It can be difficult at times to keep this perspective when focused on day-to-day "mundane" tasks, yet this doesn't say "when at church, serve wholeheartedly," or "when doing spiritual work, serve..." No, this implies that in everything we do, we should do it with all of our hearts. Colossians 3:23 states: "22-25Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work."

We are called to a higher standard in every area of our lives.
Are you committing your familiy, work, and everything you do to God?
Even in the mundane, are you committed to "Do your Best." to "Work from the heart for your real Master?"

Got Wisdom? ASK!

2008-08-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 4:7 (NIV): "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

As previously mentioned, this theme of "getting wisdom" is seen throughout Proverbs. This verse associates a cost with getting understanding, and it raises the question, "how?" How does one "get wisdom?" How does a person "get understanding?"

I believe the answers to those questions are very multifaceted and are discussed throughout Proverbs, but I like how the following verses in James break it down into something very simple... in a word, James advises us: ASK!

James 1:5-8 - "If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

Growing up, my dad had Isaac and I pray for "Wisdom and strength like Joseph and Daniel in the Bible."

So, in a word, today's thought is "ASK." Ask for wisdom. Ask for understanding. It is God's will to have these things. He wants us to be living intentionally, for Him, rather than being "adrift" with no purpose.

Are you consistently praying for (ASKING) for wisdom and understanding?

GPS Built In

2008-07-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

SO, this morning I am walking to work while blogging on my phone. Conclusion... we are in the 21st century. and I am a bit of a geek.

But that has almost nothing to do with today... almost. I'll explain below.

As a relatively new parent, thinking about how my kids will "turn out" is to be quite honest, a bit scary.

I found this verse encouraging today:

Proverbs 22:6 Point your kids in the right direction�when they're old they won't be lost

This brings me back to my "walkblogging." This phone has a built in GPS chip. On a recent trip, it helped us to navigate the California coastline, avoiding wildfires an even showing where to find the cheapest gas.

To me, this verse tells me that as parents, our role is to help program that GPS chip built into our kids. They will still have to learn to use it, and they will still lose their way, but they will have what it takes to find their way.

With God's help and no small amount of assistance from a couple of great parents who have always helped me to find my way, I'll be able to do the same for my kids.

Thanks mom and dad!

Take charge of the unruly child in your workplace

2008-07-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

Wisdom is the theme of this blog, and it is the running message in Proverbs, which tells us to seek after wisdom, as if we were seeking for hidden treasure.

What does this really mean? In the months since I've started this blog, I have begun to gain a better understanding of how seeking wisdom might work on a day-to-day basis. To me, it means looking around at the familiar, seeking new insight. It means reading something I've read dozens of times and suddenly learning something new. This is one of the reasons I have enjoyed getting back into reading Proverbs regularly. Each time I read it, something new sticks out. Today is no exception.

Proverbs 17:2 (The Message) "A wise servant takes charge of an unruly child and is honored as one of the family."

Today, this verse actually made me think of the workforce. I do a lot of work looking at management practices and leadership development, and one thing I see a lot is a lack of initiative and people taking ownership in their roles. The bigger an organization gets, there tends to be a silo effect and a pervasive attitude of "that's not my job," or "that is someone else's problem".

I see true leaders shed these attitudes and take on the role described in this verse of the honored servant. They take the bull by the horns and take ownership in addressing issues that may or may not be "their job."

Whether it is from being overwhelmed and overworked, or simply not wanting to take risks, or being limited by title or position, the majority do not step out on a limb and show initiative to take charge when no one else is.

I see the word servant being a key and critical concept here. This is not about a hero stepping up and then receiving accolades. This is about having a servant mentality about getting things done, about handling the unruly child, and ultimately being honored and respected for it.

1) When do you tend to "silo" yourself in the workplace or in other areas of your life?
2) Where could you better apply the principle of being a servant and reaching out to help with the "unruly" issues you could make a difference by addressing?
3) If there are issues you are unable to do anything about because of your position, your title, or your situation, how can you serve those and communicate with those who can do something about them? (Rather than just complaining about the obnoxious, unruly child).

Leadership development in Proverbs

2008-07-16T04:24:00.000-07:00

I am a "self help guy". The leadership development guy. Yes, that means I go to THAT section in the bookstore. I read stuff like "7 Habits" and "21 irrefutable laws of leadership". I'm that guy.

In reading this morning's passage, what sticks out to me is the simplicity of the advice shared in this chapter about leadership.

Proverbs 16:

"It Pays to Take Life Seriously

10 A good leader motivates,
doesn't mislead, doesn't exploit.

11 God cares about honesty in the workplace;
your business is his business.

12 Good leaders abhor wrongdoing of all kinds;
sound leadership has a moral foundation.

13 Good leaders cultivate honest speech;
they love advisors who tell them the truth.

14 An intemperate leader wreaks havoc in lives;
you're smart to stay clear of someone like that.

15 Good-tempered leaders invigorate lives;
they're like spring rain and sunshine.

I find it interesting that here in the Old Testament, these principles for business and leadership are laid out for us. These ideas have not changed over the years, and it would seem obvious that the fact they were written then means there were some of the same problems then in leadership and business.

What kind of a leader are you in your environment? (Whether you have a formal leadership role or not).
What would those around you say about your leadership?
Are those around you better for having worked with you?

A little less talk, a lot more action

2008-06-27T05:03:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 27: "1 Don't brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow; you don't know the first thing about tomorrow. 2 Don't call attention to yourself; let others do that for you."

This one reminds me of the song that has the lyrics "A little less talk, a lot more action".

We are defined by what we do much more than by what we say. Set goals. Move forward. Demonstrate results.

Tears dried by the years

2008-06-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

Today I have a meeting downtown and I rode my bike to a coffeehouse downtown. For some reason, this morning as I made my way downtown I was struck more than usual by the faces of the people who tend to populate Colfax. I saw the temp agency full of workers getting ready to start their day, hoping for a good job with a good day's pay. I saw people standing in the street, and I passed by people walking nowhere.

I spend a lot of time on Colfax, but this morning for whatever reason, these things stood out to me much more than usual. Some words came to mind as I rode, so I opened my computer to write them down, then read today's chapter of Proverbs, which tied right into what I was thinking.

I stopped today to see people instead of see through them.
Behind vacant stares I see a life lived through many hard years
I see hope drained away with streams of now dried up tears.

Regret and scars remain as stains.
Sharp pains dulled by time
Joy is a distant memory covered by pain

Life is now about surviving.
About making memories go away.
Of making it through the night and living again for another day.

Proverbs 19:7 When you're down on your luck, even your family avoids you—
yes, even your best friends wish you'd get lost.
If they see you coming, they look the other way—
out of sight, out of mind."

I don't know about you, but I often "look the other way" to avoid possibly making eye contact with people who are down on their luck. Why is this? Are we afraid of what we will see? Are we afraid it will jolt us out of our comfortable reality?

19:17 Mercy to the needy is a loan to God, and God pays back those loans in full.

This verse is a promise and a challenge to us. It reminds me of the work Isaac and Brit are doing in Sierra Leone. God will surely bless them richly.

What are you doing to show mercy to the needy? Who are the needy in your life? Your city's homeless? A friend? Family members? What do you have to offer? Is it money? Gifts? Time? Or is it just eye contact and a smile?

Check your motivation at the door

2008-06-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 16:2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.

How often are you honestly critical of your own motives?
Do you assess this during conflict?
Prior to a confrontation?
Before making decisions?

Prayer: Lord, please help me to see clearly when my motives don't align with your Truth.

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

It's been said that "any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad." Today is Father's day, and I wanted to use this post to share a few thoughts on the topic. More specifically, about my dad, whose desire to instill a desire for wisdom in his sons is the reason for this blog

Today I read in Proverbs 15:20 "A wise son brings joy to his father..."

Well Dad, I hope that we have and will continue to bring joy to you. You have done so much for Isaac and I and I am sure I can speak for him when I say that I hope we are both able to be the kind of father you have been to us.

You have been there for us all the time. You taught us to value and seek wisdom. You taught us how to be men. You showed us how to be loving fathers.

As I write this, I'm sitting beside Grace, and I truly hope I am able to instill the same things in her as she grows up as you did in me.

Happy Father's Day!

Wisdom got your tongue?

2008-06-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

There is a lot said in Proverbs about self control, and specifically about controlling the tongue.

Proverbs 11:
12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.
13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."

1) Think of recent times at work or elsewhere when you could have held your tongue but didn't. What would have happened if you had exhibited this level of self control?
2) How well do you keep secrets? Can you be trusted?
3) When are you challenged with betraying confidence or gossiping?

Don't waste your breath on fools

2008-06-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

I spent the week doing training with a great group of leaders. It was refreshing to see their desire to learn, grow and develop throughout the week, as that level of passion and interested that is not always there in people I have worked with.

When I saw this verse today, it stuck out to me.

Proverbs 9;: "7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
all you'll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
that's different—they'll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it."

Our CEO says that we look for people with three qualities: 1) Intelligence, 2) Integrity, and 3) Passion... the rest can be taught. I think this approach is backed up by this passage.

As a leader, are you focusing your efforts on building up people who will truly be better for your efforts?
How do you make that distinction and know when it is really worth your time?
How do you keep this advice from turning into elitism, pride and condescending attitudes?

The beginning of Wisdom Class

2008-06-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

Today as I read Proverbs 3, I thought I'd make a note of the verse that started Wisdom Class.

The verse is Proverbs 3:21: In the Living Bible paraphrase, it says "Have two goals: wisdom, which is knowing and doing what's right, and common sense."

Here it is in some other translations:

NLT: 21 Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life;
don't for a minute lose sight of them.

NIV: 21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;

Anyway, this is the foundation for this blog, and according to much of Proverbs, this should be the focus of our lives, pursuing common sense and the understanding of how to "know and do what is right" (Wisdom).

Please post your comments and opinions below!
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Looking for nuggets in all the right places

2008-05-30T05:49:00.001-07:00

Passage Lookup: Proverbs 30;

As I was reading Proverbs 30 this morning, which is a collection of words from Agur Ben Yakeh (I have no idea who Agur is, but that's a pretty cool name), I found it interesting to see this disparate set of advice. I imagine these words were bits of wisdom he collected throughout his life, about everything from God's unfailing word to lessons in nature, to not starting fights.

I was told by a mentor a long time ago that I should always ask people whom I respect what their "nuggets" of wisdom are? If they could pick their top three pieces of advice, what would they be? In her case, she shared some basic lessons about decision making (the 24 hour rule), to learning to discern between good, better and best opportunities. These were little things that have stuck with me.

Another mentor of mine, Joe Martin, sums this up well in his "OPE Principle". He says that experience is not the best teacher, but rather "Other People's Experience" is the best teacher. Learn from others life lessons.

1) What are some of your core principles? What are your "Nuggets"?
2) Who in your life can you ask about what their nuggets or pearls of wisdom are?

Listen to rebukes... or be DESTROYED? Yikes.

2008-05-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 29:1 A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy."

Today's post correlates well to yesterday's post about giving rebukes. It helps when on the other end of the equation to receive them effectively. This is a great reminder on the importance of accepting critical feedback and honestly assessing how we can improve. As I mentioned in the post about confrontation... I'm not always too good at it, and a rebuke is a type of confrontation. It is hard not to take a rebuke personally, even if it is delivered effectively. My immediate reaction tends to be taking it personally and/or getting defensive, rather than assessing what I can gain from honestly listening.

How do you typically react when you receive a "rebuke"?
Next time you receive an admonishment or correction, assess your response. What's your immediate reaction? Defensiveness, anger, retaliation, or honest self evaluation? (or perhaps all of the above)
How do you handle rebukes that you feel are not warranted? How do you respond?

Choosing a wise rebuke over empty flattery

2008-05-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 28;: "23 He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor
than he who has a flattering tongue."

This verse stuck out to me today, because I tend to "sugar-coat" things when I have a confrontation to make. For a lot of reasons that I'm sure will be discussed later in this blog, I am very conflict avoidant. I seek harmony and avoid confrontation. This trait can be a blessing and a curse. It helps me be relationship-focused and bring people together, but it also can be very limiting.

To emphasize this point, the following are all direct quotes I've had directed toward me:

"You could tell me my grandmother had just died and I'd leave the conversation with a smile on my face"

"You are always on such an even keel"

"If you don't allow yourself to experience negative emotion, you'll never truly experience the positive. If you raise the floor above the lows, you also lower the ceiling and never experience the highs. Being on an even keel isn't always a good thing"

So, given my propensity for avoiding confrontation, which I tend to identify as "negative interaction," what are the keys for effectively following this proverb and rebuking when appropriate?

1) Check your motivation at the beginning. What is your end-game? What is your reason for the "rebuke" or confrontation? Is it simply to satisfy your anger, or is it for the benefit of the person you are confronting? Is it to hurt because you've been hurt, or is there a bigger picture outcome. If your heart is not in the right place, it may be best to wait.

2) Choose the right time, place and method for a rebuke or confrontation. Avoid doing it in a way that could be misinterpreted. Choose to wait if you are highly emotionally charged and waiting is possible. Don't rebuke in public.

3) Be willing to accept temporary discord when a rebuke is necessary. Follow up with the person later to focus on the relationship.

4) If you followed step 1, you don't need to apologize.

What does it really mean to "Sharpen one another?"

2008-05-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 27;:

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

This verse is often used as a foundation for mentoring relationships, accountability groups and bible studies. The men's group I started at my church is called "IronMan Life Group", with this verse as the core of our mission.

On its surface, this concept is simple enough - we 'sharpen' one another, spurring one another to grow, to dig deeper, to be challenged.

The reality is a bit more complicated. I officiated my first wedding this weekend, and one of the points I shared was to "keep God at the center" going back to God's word as the "number 1 source". Again, this idea seems simple enough; have a God-centered marriage... but what does it really mean? What does it mean to "grow together in God?" What does it mean to make Him the "foundation" for your relationships?

I have been asking myself this question over the last few days since the wedding. How am I, after 8 years of marriage, putting God at the center of our marriage? In my IronMan life group, am I really doing anything to "sharpen" the other guys in the group?

I want to be someone who really does help to 'sharpen' those around me - to encourage them - to help them to grow.

While these questions focus around others; my wife, my friends, and even my family, I think the answer is even more close to home. The answer is me.

It's been said, "you can't lead others until you first lead yourself." I desire to put God at the center of my marriage and to encourage others around me, but the answer is not to focus on them first, but rather on my own walk with God.

Am I striving to grow?
Am I seeking out others to challenge me?
Am I critically looking at the areas I need to change in my life?
Am I asking for honest feedback from those who will give it to me?

The answer to all of the above is a definitive... sort of. I'm working on it.

Dear Lord, please help me to grow in You. Please show me where I need to change? Please draw me closer to you. Please make me the best husband, father, brother, son, and friend I can be. Please help me to glorify you and to encourage others as I grow.

Have Zeal... AND Knowledge

2008-05-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Proverbs 19: "2 It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way."

Shut up, wise guy! Proverbs 17:28

2008-05-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 17: "28 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

This verse always makes me laugh when I read it. I laugh because I think of the many times I have opened my mouth when keeping it shut would have served me SO much better.

I see this applying in every facet of life, from the workplace to marriage. It does not mean to constantly hold things in and bottle things up. Rather, it means to think before we speak.

Ask yourself:
1) Why am I about to share this? (what is your motivation?)
2) What could happen if I do share this? (Positive or negative)
3) What could happen if I do not share this? (Positive or negative)