Wisdom from the Backseat

Target - That'll be three hundred dollars ma'am.

2014-02-10T09:09:00.001-08:00

Does anyone escape Target without dropping a hundred bucks? I've now taken to just avoiding Target altogether. It is the only store I go into requiring socks and come out with a basket full of "necessities". Well, there and Costco, and maybe IKEA. Thank goodness IKEA is four hours away.

This is a scene I witnessed when Sasha was much younger, like five. I'm sure she would be appalled to think that at one time, this was a struggle for her. I would go as far as saying, she would most likely deny this ever happened. But, we actually got off pretty cheap on this trip.

TARGET CHECKOUT COUNTER

Sasha shuffles toward the checkout, wallet dangling by the key ring looped around her finger. She clutches her purchases with both arms: bag of Fritos, bag of Airheads candy, mechanical pencils, and a box of fruit roll-ups.

Barely three feet tall, her eyes even with the counter, she pitches the loot onto the belt, then fumbles to open her wallet. It overflows with wads of crumpled bills.

SASHA

(peering at me)

I don't know if I have enough quarters.

CLERK

That will be six eighty-four.

A tall HIPSTER in his 20’s hovers behind Sasha.

SASHA

(desperate)

How many quarters is that?

Give her seven one dollar bills.

Sasha digs through the wad. The line behind her deepens.

ME (CONT’D)

Here. Let me help.

(locating a ten amidst the crumpled notes)

Here. You're giving her ten dollars and it costs seven dollars. How much do you get back?

The Hipster leans in a bit. Will she figure it out?

ME (CONT’D)

What is ten minus seven?

SASHA

Is minus the take away?

(aware of the growing line)

Yes.

Sasha shifts her weight, then extends her five mini fingers on one hand and five on the other.

SASHA

(whispering to herself)

Ten.

The Hipster cheers her silently. The Clerk fixates on Sasha, rooting for her as well, waiting to hand over the change.

As Sasha focuses, her tongue glides to the corner of her mouth. She closes each finger as she counts.

SASHA (CONT’D)

One, two, three, four, five.

Moving to the 2nd hand, she folds down the thumb easily.

SASHA (CONT’D)

Six.

As she bends down the middle finger, the ring finger folds against Sasha’s will.

Feeling her strain, the Hipster leans a little closer.

Sasha struggles to fold the pinky finger instead, but can't quite keep it down with the thumb.

The line behind Sasha swells. The Clerk leans closer.

Finally, she attempts the pointer finger. Success!

SASHA (CONT’D)

Seven.

(counting the remaining raised digits)

Three. I get three dollars back.

HIPSTER

Excellent!

CLERK

That's right! Three dollars and sixteen cents.

The Clerk deposits the bills and coins on Sasha’s open palm. Sasha clenches her fist and shoves it toward me.

She skips over to the low counter where her bagged loot awaits. Grabbing the loot, she grasps my hand and skips off, tugging me along.

END

Now that the kiddos are in school, I try to avoid shopping with them, ever. The days of a successful shopping trip defined as me NOT being that mother with the child running maniacally through the aisles have mostly subsided, but I'm still somewhat scarred. Who would have thought a happy memory could result from a shopping trip with my kiddos? I guess they do grow up.

Kiddos Update: Sark and Sasha performed at the elementary school talent show last week. In year's past, they always performed together. Much to my dismay, the brother sister duo split this year due to creative differences. Sasha thought Sark shouldn't hula hoop. Being as that is his whole act, they came to an impasse. Instead, Sasha recruited some friends to perform gymnastics with her. I was sad at first, but soon realized it was easier to cheer them both on separately than to be in the middle of their squabble about who should be in front when, etc.

Sark's Writing Advice

2014-01-31T06:40:00.000-08:00

MINIVAN - ON THE ROAD

As I’m driving, I check the rearview mirror and find Sark perched in his booster seat surveying the scenery as it floats past.

So what did you think of the beginning of my screenplay?

SARK

I liked it.

Do you have any suggestions for it? Any feedback?

SARK

Well. What are you going to rate the movie?

Ummm. I don’t know.

SARK

Like, is it going to be PG-13?

I guess so, probably PG-13.

SARK

Well... That’s the first thing you need to know. You need to know your audience. Like if it’s going to be PG-13, you need to have stuff in there for a 13 year old.

What do you think a 13 year old would enjoy?

SARK

A battle is always good. You need one at the beginning, one at the end, and one in the middle to give you a good thrill. If it’s PG-13, you probably need 5 battles.

But this is a story about relationships.

SARK

Well... you know, you just need some conflict. How about a fight?

END

#GoodInstincts

You know, it’s always more fun to fight with your sister. You pick on her, pick on her, pick on her, and then... explosion! So fun. The spice of life:)

In the Moment

2014-01-24T07:36:00.001-08:00

Check out my first guest blog post:

In the Moment - Me Writing for JayhawkMommy.com

Fun to be connecting with other bloggers. When I started this blog, I didn't realize myriads of Mommy Bloggers toil in cyberspace. Often isolated from the adult world with just a two foot tall babbling crazy person as a source for stimulation, I think us "stay-at-home moms" (by the way, I hate that term, but more on that another time) crave a creative outlet. An outlet where we can at least pretend we're talking to other adults.

One of my favorite parts of writing is the solitude. I used to love going into the office, brewing a cup of tea, then warming my hands with the cup as I settled in for a few moments of quiet before the hubbub of the day began. Or, at the end of the day when the lights were dim, I cherished the time to just be alone at my desk and actually check something off my to do list.

Pre-kiddos, I was the operations manager of a manufacturing facility. So there was always hubbub. The hubbub is what drew me to manufacturing. Always a fire to fight, the work day flew by. Of course, this was BS (Before Sark&Sasha), before my personal life revolved around fighting fires.

I would never trade those days of chasing toddlers for a quiet office, well maybe..., oh no of course I wouldn't:) But now that the kiddos go to this wonderful thing called "school" most days, I do cherish the time I have to write. Sitting down to my desk in perfect quiet, Wolfy cat asleep on the couch, no one on my lap, no one asking me to "watch this", PURE BLISS.

Thank you, Denise, for the opportunity to blog together.

Screenwriting Update: I have finished my first draft of my first screenplay. Yeah!! It's a Coming of Age Dramedy. Now for revisions, I'm quickly learning about how much I don't know:( Still enjoying the process though:) I'm learning that my engineering brain delights in streamlining: cut, cut, cut.

Money in the Bank, Plus Birth Receipts

2014-01-10T09:37:00.001-08:00

MINIVAN - DRIVING HOME FROM GYMNASTICS - NIGHT

SASHA

Mom, do you have one hundred dollars at home?

SARK

Adults have more than one hundred dollars. Kids think one hundred dollars is a lot, but it’s not a lot to adults, Sasha.

SASHA

Oh yeahhhh. Mom, do you have two hundred dollars at home?

SARK

Adults have like thousands of dollars, Sasha. Besides Sasha, you don’t need to worry about how much money we have. You just need to worry if we have enough money to support the family.

(he places his hand on Sasha's arm and leans closer to her)

Sasha, we have enough money to support the family.

(he relaxes back in his seat)

Besides, adults keep their money in the bank, not at home.

SASHA

I have like ten dollars. I wouldn’t put that in the bank.

SARK

Why wouldn’t you put it in the bank, Sasha?

SASHA

I’d give it to the family to support the family.

ON A SIDE NOTE

I have to brag about my big hearted girl for a minute:

This summer Sasha was working her little patootie off to save money for some crazy elaborate Halloween costume, thank you chasing fireflies:(

I’m in charge of the parent fund-raising at the school. To involve the kids in the fund-raising, one of our efforts included a coin drive. The grade who raised the most money also won a day where they didn’t have to wear Standard School Attire (SSA).

OFFICE

I’m prepping the jars for the coin competition.

SASHA

Mommy, do you think it would cost a lot to make a cat costume?

Just some ears and a tail, I don’t think that’d cost too much.

SASHA

I think I’m going to be a cat for Halloween.

But you’ve been working all summer to save for the dark bride costume.

SASHA

Yeah, but I just think the school really needs that money.

That’s thoughtful of you.

SASHA

Plus, ya know, wouldn’t it be so cool if 1st grade won the competition and I got to wear non-SSA to school and Sark didn’t?

END

Well... maybe her heart was in the right place? Ya know, you've got to celebrate every small victory of motherhood. At least she got it partly right:)

BACK TO THE SCENE

SARK

But you could put it in the bank.

SASHA

If I put it in the bank then I can never take it out, like forever, until I’m like... an adult.

SARK

You can take the money out of the bank, Sasha. The bank keeps your money secure.

SASHA

Oh yeahhhh, like Gringots.

Gringots is the wizard’s bank in Harry Potter for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last decade or two. Or who don’t have kids, which means you’ve probably been busy doing “whatever you want, whenever you want, all of the time” (quote from my brother-in-law pre-kids) other than reading Harry Potter:)

SARK

Yeah, like Gringots, Sasha. But besides the adults keep other things secure at the bank, like our birth receipts.

SASHA

What’s so important about our birth receipts that they have to be at the bank?

SARK

Well, Sasha, our birth receipts have to be secure because someone could steal our birth receipts and then they could steal us and say that we were their kids, Sasha.

SASHA

(nodding her head)

Ahhhhh.

END

Tooth Fairy Part 2 - Inflation Bump

2014-01-01T14:07:00.001-08:00

I know the sequel’s never as good as the first, but I’m going to tell the story anyway. Sasha lost her second tooth last night on New Year’s Eve. She really wanted to lose the tooth on Christmas Eve, but I think she would have needed dental surgery to remove it that day.

So her back-up plan was New Year’s Eve. She’s been working that tooth since before Christmas. I’ve never seen the girl eat so many carrots and apples. I’ve been getting status updates on the tooth hourly. So by New Year’s Eve we were all ready for that thing to come out.

OFFICE - 10AM - NEW YEAR’S EVE

I’m writing. Sasha bops in for the status update.

SASHA

Look mom, check this out.

She wiggles her tooth at me.

Getting close. Do you think it’ll come out today?

SASHA

It’s coming out today.

Sasha does a headstand on the couch working her tooth with her tongue the whole time.

SASHA (CONT’D)

Wouldn’t that be awesome, for New Year’s Eve?

Awesome.

She bops back out, I’m assuming to eat another carrot.

OFFICE - 10:20AM

That's real blood on her lips.

Vampire Sasha is back. Blood puddling in her mouth, barely able to speak.

SASHA

It’s out! It’s out!

That’s a lot of blood! Did you rip it out?

Sasha nods trying to keep the blood from flowing out of her mouth.

ME (CONT'D)
Go wash your mouth in the sink.

SASHA

(gurgling the blood)

OK.

She bops back out, hand cradling her chin.

OFFICE - 10:30AM

Sasha bops back in again.

SASHA

Check it out!

She juts her jaw forward so I can admire the hole. She holds out her mini hand with her mini mini tooth.

It’s still bleeding quite a bit.

SASHA

I know. It tastes yucky. Do you think it’ll stop before 11?

Are you worried about lunch?

SASHA

Yeah.

Maybe we should delay lunch.

SASHA

Probably.

How much do you think you’re going to get this time?

SASHA

I got five dollars last time.

Yeah, but that was your first tooth. Usually you get more for that one.

SASHA

Yeah, but it’s New Year’s Eve.

You have a point there.

MASTER BEDROOM - BEDTIME

For New Year’s Eve we all watched a movie in our room. The kids’ sleeping bags sprawled on our floor, so we could have a sleepover after the movie.

Sasha readies her tooth in the holder and puts it under her pillow.

Do you think the tooth fairy will be able to find you in here?

SASHA

Of course, Mommy. She has a magic ball just like Santa.

Oh yeah. I forgot about that.

DEN - MORNING

The kids are watching cartoons. Sasha’s walking the balance beam which has been temporarily situated in the middle of our den since Christmas morning.

I make myself comfortable in a chair.

What time did you guys wake up?

Yes, your children will eventually get to the age where you can sleep in longer than them. It’s taken training though. They can watch TV, play with the computer or iPad until I wake up. It’s amazing how quiet they can be to eek out a few more minutes of screen time.

SARK

Oh, Mommy. I slept in real late. I got up at 8:30. Sasha slept in even later than me. She woke up at 8:45.

Now, I know Sark is gaming it here. They get an hour max of screen time if I wake up before they have had their hour of electronics. I really woke up at 8:15 and neither of the kids were still sleeping at my feet. I just didn’t go downstairs until 9, so hah, I caught ya. I let it slide though.

Boy. You guys really slept in late.

Sasha throws her crumpled five dollar bill at me.

ME (CONT’D)

You got five dollars?

SASHA

New Year’s Eve ya know.

I guess you were right.

Sark’s plugged into Minecraft on the iPad. He tap, taps as he’s talking, doesn’t glance up.

SARK

I betcha it was for inflation.

What do you mean?

SARK

The tooth fairy raised her rates for the new year, it’s 2014 now.

SASHA

I think it was a different tooth fairy.

Why do you think that?

SASHA

Well, last time, the tooth fairy put the money under my pillow, but just left the empty tooth box on the floor.

SARK

That happened to me twice before. She just threw the box on the floor.

SASHA

Plus, she gave me a five dollar bill. Last time she gave me ones. AND she put the money in the tooth box this time.

Hmmmmm. Good points.

Dads R Fun!

2013-12-13T06:04:00.001-08:00

The morning hustle is in progress, the kids eat breakfast. I’m getting ready to go on a trip (to the Austin Film Festival, which, by the way, was so inspiring). So I’m giving the family the last minute orders.

OK guys, now while I’m away, you guys need to help Daddy.

Greg pipes in while he is packing the lunches (Yes, I have an AWESOME husband who saves me from the doldrums of the daily lunch packing. And yes, I do REALLY appreciate it.).

GREG

Hey! You’re making it sound like I’m a bad dad!

I begin detangling the rat’s nest upon Sasha’s head.

I’m not saying that at all. You are a fantastic DAD. You’re just not a fantastic MOM.

SASHA

You know what's the best thing about Mom being away?

What?

SASHA

I never have to comb my hair.

Rainbow Bands - Over My Head...

2013-12-04T07:18:00.002-08:00

Sark and Sasha squat on the rug immersed in 1”, multicolored, rubber bands. I wend my way through the room gathering stray shoes and pajamas.

SARK

Do you know how to make a single triple?

SASHA

That’s so easy. How about a triple double?

As they strategize, each child weaves a rubber strand, bands strangling their mini fingers.

SARK

(clearly impressed)

Ohhh. You know how to make a triple double?

I notice their finger tips seem to be turning purple.

SASHA

Oh yeah. Kate just showed me last night. With a triple double, you do the same as the single triple, but then you have to do a double over under and then a single under over then a triple under over. It looks soooo cool!

SARK

Oh yeah. That makes sense. Do you know how to make a hexafish?

I lean in to examine their progress. I can't resist...

ME
That looks like a double triple to me. Are you sure Kate taught you correctly?

Sasha pauses to think. She re-examines her work.

SASHA
I think you might be right.

I, of course, have no clue what I'm talking about, but maybe they don't either.

ME
Well, I'm just glad those things are "latex free".

END

Rainbow bands, an ingenious fad making someone millions. Why did I waste my time with differential equations? I should've spent my college years more inventively.

While the kiddos are at school, I happen upon half a dozen mini bands scattered here and there. Hmm, how did that one end up by my toothbrush? Little clues as to Sasha's exploits. Each colorful loop induces a smile, reminiscent of the fads of my childhood: friendship bracelets, ribbon barrettes, jelly bands, the list goes on...

The thing I think is so cool about the rainbow band fad is there are so many different ways to make them. The art is constantly evolving as different kids figure out different patterns and share them with their friends. Each kid seems to have a specialty that they pass onto their friends. Kids are mentoring each other right and left.

Black and White

2013-11-20T07:58:00.001-08:00

We took the kids to their first football game this weekend. They have watched football on TV, but only a little bit.

EXT. VANDERBILT STADIUM - MIDDAY

We arrive at the game and are settling into our seats.

Sasha, now the team we are rooting for is the black and white team, that’s Vanderbilt.

Sasha makes herself comfortable taking in the scene, observing the game for a bit.

SASHA

Why are all of the referees on our team?

Go Vandy!

Tooth Fairy

2013-11-14T07:32:00.001-08:00

INT. KITCHEN - AFTER DINNER

Sark and Sasha perch at the table savoring dessert. I wash dishes at the sink.

SASHA

How much do you think I will get for my tooth?

SARK

I got four dollars for my first one.

Do you think it will be the same tooth fairy for Sasha as it was for you?

SARK

I don’t know…

Sasha grins ear to ear dreaming of the candy she will buy with her Tooth Fairy money.

SASHA

I hope I get twenty dollars.

Twenty dollars?? That seems like an awful lot of money for a tooth.

SARK

How clean is your tooth? Is it in good shape?

SASHA

I think it’s pretty clean.

SARK

You should clean it. You’ll get more that way.

INT. BATHROOM - LATER

Sark and Sasha struggle to hold the tooth and try to brush it with the electric toothbrush.

SASHA

This thing is going to be really clean. I bet I’ll get more than four dollars.

SARK

I think you’ll have a different fairy than me.

SASHA

Yeah. Mine will be a girl. I bet yours is a boy.

INT. SASHA’S PINK OASIS, HER BEDROOM - LATER

I tuck Sasha into her pink bed.

SASHA

I’m going to sleep like this.

She pretends to sleep and holds her mouth open, bottom jaw jutting forward.

Why are you going to sleep like that?

SASHA

So the Tooth Fairy can see that I lost a tooth.

Well... that makes sense.

Sasha tucks the case with her tooth under her pillow.

ME (CONT’D)

Do you think maybe you should put the tooth out near the edge of your bed?

SASHA

Why would I do that?

You know... so it’s easier for the Tooth Fairy to find.

SASHA

The Tooth Fairy is magical, Mommy. She can shrink down and go under my pillow.

Sasha stops to ponder a thought.

SASHA (CONT’D)

I wonder if she’ll throw the tooth container on the floor like Sark’s Tooth Fairy. That was so strange...

I bet he was in a rush to get out before Sark saw him.

SASHA

That is so strange because if Sark woke up, why wouldn’t he just shrink himself down and hide under the bed?

Maybe Sark woke up, so he shrank down, and then the tooth container was too heavy, so he had to drop it.

Sasha nods.

SASHA

Yeah… probably.

It's going around...

2013-11-06T03:46:00.000-08:00

EXT. WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL - AFTERNOON

How was your day? How are you feeling Sark?

SARK

Good.

Henry is sick today too. Both your buds out sick today, Henry and Lilli.

SARK

Yeah.

SASHA

Yeah... it’s going around. But I already had it.

I look at Sasha in surprise.

You already had it?

SASHA

(matter of fact)

Yeah. I already had it.

In August?

SASHA

Yeah. You know, five people in my class were out sick with it today.

She holds up her mini hand with five fingers outstretched.

But you already had it. Three months ago?

SASHA

Yeah. I think I’m safe, but Sark better watch out. It’s going through the whole school.

The Bradys Live On

2013-11-02T04:19:00.001-07:00

I try to instill in the kids an appreciation for the finer things in life…

I bought the DVD collection of Season 1 - The Brady Bunch for the kids to consume during our yearly trek touring the homeland, the Northeast.

If you recall, Mike Brady was an architect.

INT. RESTROOM OFF OF HIGHWAY 81

Sark and Sasha are both in the bathroom stalls side by side. I'm waiting, holding Sark's broken stall door closed.

SARK

Mom, what do you think of Mike Brady’s designs?

Well...

I roll my eyes and motion with my finger to move this along.

SARK

Sasha. What do you think?

SASHA

I love the stairs! I bet they would be fun to jump off.

SARK

Mom, what do you think, really?

FLUSH. Sark tugs on the door and I release my hold. He walks to the sink. Sark pauses before washing his hands and turns to me, very serious...

SARK (CONT’D)

I mean, I really don’t think they are very good.

#GrandpaWouldBeProud

I’m a little concerned that Sasha’s favorite character is Marsha... Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Goggles

2013-10-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

INT. MINIVAN - AFTERNOON

Sasha forages beneath the discarded sock, sweater, and headband. She emerges grasping her swim goggles. As she settles back into her booster seat, she pulls on the goggles.

SASHA

My goggles are tighter than yesterday. How fast does your head grow?

I observe in the rearview mirror...

SARK

Well... let’s see. Did you learn anything new today?

Sasha pauses, thinking... hard.

SASHA

Nope.

Sark pauses, thinking... hard.

SARK

Did you see anything new today? Or... did you listen to anything new?

Sasha smiles... ding, ding, ding.

SASHA

I found my doggy purse...

Sark shakes his head and finally settles into his booster seat.

SARK

That must be it. Your head grows when you learn new things.

Sasha shakes her head in agreement. They each buckle up and put on the DVD headphones. Sark launches the DVD with the remote.

I glance over my shoulder and back down the driveway.

In Honor of Sark's 9th Birthday - Observation on Dads

2013-08-19T11:48:00.002-07:00

Sark went to the school office first thing this morning to collect his birthday pencil.

I brought Ghiardelli, "the Eagle brand" according to Sark, brownies to school today to celebrate Sark's birthday.

At lunch Sark tells me, "All of the kids coming late with the tardies are the dads bringing them."

#JustSaying

I never fail to be amazed by Sark's insightful observations:)

Flush Already!

2013-06-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes we take going green a bit too seriously. I appreciate the fact that my kiddos like to conserve water, but...really?

It's bad enough when you come upon an unflushed toilet, but it's even more disturbing when you find random plops with no Charmin.

What am I going to find in the laundry?

Could this be the answer to the mystery of the itching of the bum? Or the grimace with the whisper of, "fire in the hole"?

Just plain scary:(

Follow Your Instincts

2013-06-12T08:53:00.001-07:00

I'm driving Sark to camp today at the Nashville Children's Theater. We're chatting about our upcoming vacation. He's talking about all of the places we've travelled and what trip he enjoyed the best.

We come to a stoplight. Sark sees this place:

A little concerned, Sark says, "I don't like the looks of that place. I don't think Sasha should ever take dance lessons there."

Although he enjoys teasing Sasha, I'm glad he has her best interest at heart:)

Less Fabric

2013-06-05T09:31:00.001-07:00

We're watching Sasha's dance recital as we're eating breakfast.

The DVD includes dances from groups ranging in age from 3 through high school.

Sark, after shoveling a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, "As you get older, you wear less fabric."

Sasha's Concerns About My Death

2013-06-04T09:10:00.001-07:00

So this morning...

Sasha says to me, "Umm, I don't want to talk about you dying, but if you did die.."

Now I'm thinking we're about to have a heart to heart.

"Umm, if you did die, would we go to after care, or be walkers, or car riders?"

Thanks Sash!

I know your friend Mia goes to after care and it sounds so fun, but tough!

You're stuck with me, at least for now.

Happy 6th Birthday my sweet girl!