Wisdom to Create a Beautiful World

Inner Power For A Wonderful Life

2011-05-27T17:30:00.027+08:00

The Measure of a Man

2011-01-20T11:27:00.001+08:00

Since the end of the Industrial Age, men have lacked proper male role models. Pampered by our cushy white-collar jobs, our hands have become soft and our will has turned to mush. We have become the proverbial 'yes man' of the corporate world – lacking a spine, slithering around with a knife behind our backs, looking for someone to stab so we can climb the snakes and ladders of financial success. Perhaps we think: “Maybe the ladies will like me now that I have my cool new car and luxurious bachelor’s pad.”

Where are the real men of yesterday? The ones who worked hard all day till their muscles burned; the ones with blisters on their hands and calluses on their feet; the man that women swoon for at first sight? The answer is: “They’re all dead, Jim. All that’s left is us backstabbing, spineless, slithering yes-men.”

The real men may be dead, but their lessons from the past live on. Let us learn from our forefathers, what it means to be a man’s man.

#1        A Man Must Be Bold

In Chinese philosophy, a man's body composes mainly of Yang chi – the essence of male energy, representing vigour and vitality. Yang is forceful, the aggressor, and symbolised by fire and heat. Women on the other hand, are composed of Yin chi – the cooling, receptive energy that surrounds everything. Yin is subtle, the receiver, and represented by flowing water.

Being a man, it is your duty to represent the essence of Yang chi. There is no time for beating around the bush; being too shy to ask for what you want, and being unsure of yourself. You have to be bold... it is your duty to be bold. You are the Yang – the aggressor. If you want to know a woman, you have to make the approach. You cannot wait for her to make the approach; she is Yin. She is the shy, receptive one, who is waiting for you to approach her. Pardon my seemingly chauvinistic suggestion, but let her be the Yin. Do not try to reverse roles and be the shy man who cannot even say ‘Hi’. I have never heard someone say, “Hah, he’s such a wuss for thinking she would even talk to him…”. What you would usually hear is, “Wow man, you’ve got guts! I wish I could do that.”

Women are attracted to men who are not afraid to love them... someone they can lean on, a shoulder to cry on; boldness is a representation of that inner strength. You can define boldness as ‘the courage to act’, turning your fear into strength, accepting rejection and pain as a natural consequence for daring to achieve your dreams.

Boldness also applies to business and life in general. The British Special Air Service (SAS) has a famous motto: “Who Dares Wins”. If you have got the brains, the guts, and the tenacity, then chances are success is yours. Listen to what German Philosopher, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

#2        A Man Must Live with Honour

Honour is a virtue of the Gentleman. Having honour means that you commit yourself to following a specific set of moral guidelines. People trust an honourable person’s word as a guarantee of future moral performance. Nowadays, we sometimes use the word ‘Integrity’ to represent honour.

Learning to live with honour will make you more of a man than ten years of corporate snakes and ladders can. Your promise must be a solemn commitment that you will keep to, no matter what. Your word must be as good as gold, if not better.

Building an honourable reputation is no easy task. It means total commitment to upholding your integrity and living your life by defined moral principles. If you are successful, your good name will spread. People will recognise you as a trustworthy individual, whom they can count on to take care of the largest responsibilities and entrust with the most confidential secrets. Taking on more responsibilities and secrets, can raise your life to new levels of prosperity and plenty. But let us be warned… if we ever breach that trust by committing just one selfish or perverse act, what could take a lifetime to establish, we can destroy overnight.

In the present Communication Age, good news travels fast and bad news travels even faster. The only way to stop the bad news is to never allow it to be created. So mind your actions because people listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. Place your hand over your heart and say, “Let my principles be my guiding light, distilled from my highest wisdom about what is right. Let my morals stand tall and true, let them choose the things I do.” Now touch your head and say: “So Be It!”

Make a difference today, put your foot down and be bold about upholding your honour. Adhere to your principles. Never do anything that would compromise your integrity and the trust people have in you. In return for your efforts, you will create more flow in your life; opportunities will come faster and more abundantly. You will have the chance to live your life to its fullest potential and splendour. So be a man of honour – your life depends on it.

#3        A Man Must Be Magnanimous

Magnanimous means to have a generous, forgiving, and noble nature. Simply put, magnanimous people have a big heart. They are gracious and kind, philanthropic and benevolent. A magnanimous gentleman gives generously and expects nothing in return. He takes joy simply in seeing those around him happy. He is an intriguing conversationalist and tells jokes to make others laugh.

A man’s magnanimity does not allow him to easily take offence at the words and actions of others. Anything potentially offensive is simply seen for what it truly is… wind passing through the trees. Like bamboo, he will never break, but only bend with the direction of the wind.

When you have mastered magnanimity, you will intuitively understand that there is a Law of Increasing Returns in the universe which states, “Whatever you give out will come back to you ten times stronger.” For example, if you look down on someone, ten more people will look down on you. If you cheat $500 from an old woman, sometime down the road, you will lose $5000. Likewise, if you contribute $200 out of the goodness of your heart, $2000 will be available for you to earn back. Perhaps through your business or in a sudden lottery windfall.

If you choose to let your greed get the better of you, manipulate others to your benefit, and refuse to help the needy, you can only expect poverty, hate, and disappointment to head your way. You reap what you sow; you get whatever you give out. This is a universal law.

A magnanimous man knows that helping others does not exhaust his resources, but rather because of the Law of Increasing Returns, it increases his resources tenfold, allowing him to do more good for the world. He knows that in helping others, he is also helping himself.

Develop the habit of solving other peoples’ problems and you become a more generative person. You produce and contribute more than the average guy, and thus earn more because you deliver more value to others.

Take little steps starting today, to make these characteristics a part of your character. Help someone in need, keep a promise, dare to speak up. Challenge yourself to become a man’s man: Be Bold, Be Honourable, Be Magnanimous.

The Secret of Being

2011-01-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

Freedom Map #1: The Secret of Being

Define: Freedom Map
Freedom Maps are my special series of articles. Freedom Maps are designed to help a person break free of the limiting mindset which binds them to the Mouse Wheel.

Define: Mouse Wheel
The mouse wheel is what traps most people in the nine-to-five grind. In recent years, this has become more of an issue when people feel the drain of running in circles; pushing hard but not making progress. Freedom Maps are aimed at breaking the Mouse Wheel experience and creating a more liberating life.

“A Boat Without a Rudder”

This is your first Map to Freedom. Using it, you will be able to touch upon a deep-rooted issue that bothers many people.

If you have been stuck on the mouse wheel for a while, you know two things for sure: 1) you repeat the cycle day after day, and 2) no matter how much you do, there is always more to come.

Would you not say that these are perfect conditions to develop the belief that life is meaningless?

You are not alone. Millions of people are lost in a flurry of activity where they just work continuously without considering where their actions are taking them.

A popular saying nowadays is: Take Action! Take Action!

But without clear deliberation, people often end up running in the wrong directions... wasting time, energy, and effort. This reveals two causes for failing: either you do not know where you are going, or you are not doing the right things to get there.

An ounce of clarity is worth a ton of effort.

“Time and Tide Waits for No Man”

Life is short. The average lifespan is about 80 years in a hygienic country. It seems long when you are young, but count your days and it becomes obvious how much time you have.

One year = 365 days. If your days passed like the seconds on a clock, it would take just six minutes for you to age one year.

What can you do in six minutes? Maybe watch a Youtube clip.

If you were to live till 80 (6 mins x 80), that would translate into 480 minutes on our clock, which is 8 hours.

From birth till death in one working day, simply by reducing the days into seconds.

So... how many of your hours have you used up? Take [your current age in years x 6 minutes] and divide by 60. You will get your answer.

My hope is not to sadden you, but to make you aware of the time limit we are dealing with.

You need to make steady progress towards your dreams if you want to achieve them while you still have vigour in your body.

One of the dangers to your progress would be if you got stuck doing something you dislike.

Too many late nights and dashing in circles doing pointless tasks, would drain your vitality and leave you stranded without reaching your paradise.

Thus the old adage: Do What You Love, Love What You Do.

Accept nothing less.

Questions and Issues with this Adage

“What if what I love, does not make money? For example, I love playing video games and chatting with friends.”

Yes, this is a question of tying what you enjoy doing to what the market wants. You cannot sell if the market does not want to buy, so succeeding at this is about developing your product or service for the customer.

You need to think in terms of contributing and making life better for others. Only then will others pay you for the value you provide. It might take time and thought to translate what you enjoy into what others will pay you for.

“What if I do not know what I love?”

This would be a serious problem. It could also mean that you might be unsure of where to find the joy in your life. I have a magic question which might be able to help you.

In times where life feels bland or meaningless, I ask myself the magic question:

“What would I rather be doing instead?”

Allowing your mind to flow freely around this question, you engage a magical faculty of your mind which begins with the amazing ‘F’ word.

Fantasy.

Yup, all you need to do is engage in a little fantasy. The purpose of which is to identify what feelings you sense inside you, when you are doing what you enjoy.

Areas to pay attention to are your head, your heart, and your tummy area. Most people report sensations in one or more of these zones when they are fully fantasising.

I just want you to notice... what does it feel like when you are doing something you love?

If you have trouble fantasising, then close your eyes and recreate the fantasy experience in your mind’s eye. Visualise with your five senses — see, hear, smell, taste, and touch everything as if you are really there now. Then notice what you feel.

When you have identified that sensation of joy within you, you now have a reference point for any activity you choose to undertake in your life.

Here is the secret: What you choose to do, should spark off that sense of joy within you.

If it does not, then you should re-evaluate the project you are considering for its value and significance to you.

If the work does not inspire you, please junk it. Select goals you find meaningful and worthwhile. That is the way to long-term happiness.

“What if I am tied down by responsibilities which prevent me from doing what I like?”

Handling your responsibilities well makes you a responsible person. I salute you for that.

At the same time, it is a question of what responsibilities are you choosing to take on, and are they in alignment with your long term goals?

Certain responsibilities like taking care of your parents and children are lifelong and should never be considered a burden. Supporting family is an honour and should be a driving force which gives you the strength to go further.

Thus, make the distinction between meaningful and meaningless responsibilities.

Meaningful responsibilities inject joy into your life; meaningless responsibilities drain life out. Both require sacrifice and will cause you to bear pain.

What pain are you happily willing to sacrifice for because the meaning it brings into your life is worth so much more?

On the flip side, if the pain you bear only brings you greater sadness, then please junk it. Life was never meant to be a meaningless torture.

If you are in such a situation, perhaps the goal is to see if you can muster the courage to get yourself out of it.

In difficult decisions, I often ask myself three questions:

“Who am I choosing to be?”

“By making this decision, am I living up to who I am?”

“Can I die with no regrets?”

At the end of life, seldom do people count their money, cars, or assets. On the deathbed, a person thinks about what they have been through in life, they count their memories of happy and sad times; they think of the people they love, they regret their wrongdoings and pray for forgiveness.

What you have achieved becomes less important than how you have lived.

Your responsibilities might not be great achievements to the eyes of others... but in your heart, you know they are most important to you because they define how you have lived your life through every decision you have made.

We are the accumulation of our actions... thus you realise that you are constantly creating yourself until the very end.

Are you happy with who you have become?

The only person you need to come to terms with is yourself. Everyone else in life was here to facilitate your growth.

You thought it was about proving yourself; it was about being humble.

You thought it was about getting what you want; it was about learning to give.

You thought it was about seeking maximum pleasure; it was about sacrificing for what you love.

A Definite Purpose in Life

If there is one direction you can be sure of in life, it is that of growing yourself to be better than you are. The development of your character equals the growth of your soul.

Fortune and achievement aside, it is who you have become which ultimately decides your success or failure in life.

I want you to succeed, so I am here to tell you the secret of Being:

Take every decision personally. It reflects who you are. Live by your principles with your long term goal in mind, and you will always do the right thing.

Competing With Others

2011-01-17T14:13:00.000+08:00

Something about the frantic pace of today's society... people are always trying to get ahead of one another. You can hear them say, "Outdo the other guy; be better than them... this is a dog-eat-dog world." Some people feel that they have to prove themselves to the world. To show that they have what it takes to be great. Only then can they feel good about themselves. So they work doubly hard, constantly comparing their success to that of others. "I can run faster than you, I'm more capable, more knowledgeable, richer, better-looking, and even my dog is cuter than yours..." But have you heard the Chinese saying, "With every mountain crossed, a higher mountain awaits"? If you believe you have to beat others to achieve success, then your opponents are just going to get bigger, ‘badder’, and meaner. On the flip side, if you believe you have to cooperate to achieve success, your friends will get bigger, stronger, and more capable. It will be like standing on the shoulders of giants.

Let us be realistic here: nobody ever built an empire by themselves. They relied heavily on the strength and support of others. Just like the Pyramids of Egypt, The Great Wall of China, and the City of Rome. In fact, much of it they built using slave labour – people who did not even believe in what they were building. Do you know how many people died building these monolithic structures? They chained people up, whipped them around, and tortured them for not obeying. Can you imagine doing that to someone in today's modern society? Perhaps not, but let me tell you... people are still practicing this behaviour. Modern day corporate bureaucracy is just a kinder form of slave labour – whips and chains are replaced with wages and contracts. There is still a part of us that seeks to dominate others. It is in our genes.

Survival and reproduction instinct urges us to outdo others, be stronger, smarter, richer, so we can have a higher chance of mating and passing on our genes. This is a core motivation for all the fake accent, conversation monopolising, jargon-spouting behaviour you see at cocktail parties. Everyone's trying to raise their social status by appearing cultured, refined, and polished.

In the Stone Age human days, the guy with the highest social status was the one with the biggest club and the largest muscles. But the battlefield today has changed... Clubs are replaced with cars. Flexing muscles has been replaced with displaying intelligence. But you know what has not changed? Everyone's still trying to prove they are better than the next guy! You cannot escape it; it is in your blood. So perhaps you can say that your biology is not up-to-date. Your body is still running those old programs which say, "Put them in their place! Show them who's boss! You're the Man! You Go Girl!" But what we need is more cooperation and less confrontation.

To climb high and stand tall in today's world, you need to overcome your biological instinct to compete, and instead, seek harmony with others, which gives you opportunity to cooperate. Learn how to make friends out of enemies; see the good in others, and win people to your side. The soft approach is the only alternative to that old caveman violence which no longer produces results. Nowadays you try to dominate others through physical force, and soon you will see these red flashing lights and dark blue men arrive on the scene.

You have to decide how you choose to treat others – with respect, trust, and integrity? Or with disrespect, suspicion, and deceit? This is not to say that you should blindly trust everyone.... Always practice good judgment of character. Learn to read people. See past the surface and reveal the personality within. Honestly, I believe it helps to learn the Chinese Art of Face Reading – Mian Xiang. I am a practicing face reader myself, and till today, I am still surprised with the accuracy of this ancient skill. People with certain attitudes and behaviours, do grow to look a certain way, it is strange.

In the story of Pinnochio, whenever he tells a lie, his nose grows longer. In Chinese Mian Xiang, you can spot a liar through his zigzag nose, distorted lips, and crooked teeth. I have seen people with one or more of these characteristics, and over time I have watched their actions... they do lie a lot. You can also spot people who are mischievous, people with sexual promiscuities, and people who are dangerous (murderous intent). My point is… do not blindly trust everyone, but judge who you consider trustworthy. And once you find good people, treat them with respect, honour, and integrity because people can smell when you do not trust them. There is a saying, "Xiao Li Chang Dao" – meaning, 'hiding a dagger behind a smile'. You do not want people to think that is what you are trying to do, so be congruent in the way you treat others. Do not pretend to be gracious when meeting face-to-face, but when backs are turned, call them the enemy or the son of a dog. Even if words do not hurt, it still reflects poorly on one’s character.

Rise to the top through cooperation and strategic partnerships. Learn to read whom you can trust and whom you cannot. Be congruent in the way you treat others. And most importantly, overcome the inflated idea of self-importance. Conquer your ego, for we are no better and no worse than anyone else. That difference exists only in our minds. Given the right circumstances and role models, we could grow to be anything – good or evil, upright or corrupt, rich or poor. You are who you are today, largely because of the life you were born into. Each life has its own lesson and its own special purpose. So there is no point comparing your life with others because each of us must walk our own path. Look to others as role models and guiding posts, but do not become infatuated with being better than others. A more positive gauge would be to aim to be better than you are now – compete with yourself. And that is how you can get ahead without stepping on anyone’s toes.

Controlling The Inner Pervert

2011-01-16T14:10:00.001+08:00

Men have two heads. The big head, and the little head (the smaller, more purple one). The problem is, in the average male, although the purple head is smaller, it is also more powerful than the big head. That is why they say, "It has a mind of its own."

Many times when I suggest that men should practice self-control, discipline, and restraint, I know it is not easy. As a male, I know how powerful the little head can be. Why do you think psychologists say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds? That is the little head doing the thinking. And if you think with your little head, it is going to lead you around by the 'you know what', and cause you to waste time, money, and energy. Resources which could be put to better use.

Just today (26 July 2008), I was walking to lunch with a friend along Singapore's Arab street when I passed by a serious-looking Chinese businessman in a short-sleeved shirt — about 48 years-old with a royal belly, a shock of grey hair, and a large mole on his left cheek.

He looked fine and proper, but what unnerved me was the way he looked at the two women who were passing on my right. He kept a straight face, but the intensity of his gaze told me he was visualising something in his mind. As he walked pass the women, his right hand reached down and groped his crotch, a slight curl appeared at the corner of his mouth. Then he noticed me watching, his facial expression tightened and became blank. I looked away pretending not to notice.

The world is getting pretty perverted and sexuality is out of control. In public spaces, men stare lustfully at women's bodies, commenting about how big or how small, giving the woman a ‘hotness rating' on a scale of one to ten. Comic books depict sexual acts with alien tentacles, French maids, sibling incest and other unmentionables.

This perversion is further fuelled by the media. Splash open any urban magazine for men or women, and you will be assaulted by the number of sexy pictures and juicy stories. The risqué tolerance is so high that a breast is not considered exposed as long as it has two little stickers or two fingers covering the nipples.

All this leads to a perversion of the mind. A guy once asked me, "How do I make money and be productive? All I like to do is watch porn and spank my monkey."

"What would you do if you had money?" I asked.

"Get laid, of course!" he exclaimed.

"Well, you are getting laid by your hand," I replied.

Inside my heart, I understood his pain and his underlying desires. Every man has the drive to procreate, or there would not be six billion of us on Earth. Somebody was doing the humping.

Yet, if this guy had money, he would definitely turn into a player and wreck havoc in many women's lives.

"But... what's wrong with that?" I hear someone say. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Well, according to Karmic Law, the amount of emotional pain a player causes to someone, is said to be multiplied and returned to them at a later stage in their life. By hurting others, we create lessons for ourselves.

The problem with the player is that he or she does not respect a person as an individual. But rather, they see the opposite sex as their plaything or toy. A human being becomes an object rather than a person with dreams and desires of their own. They have no qualms about going in and messing up someone's life for their own pleasure. How would you like it if someone comes into your life, wins over your heart and then crushes it? Throughout the Ages, what women have yearned for is sincerity, but what they get are wolves in sheep skin.

That might not be the end of it... a scorned ex-lover might approach a witch or a voodoo master to place a curse. The victim’s luck might reverse; their whole life could turn upside down. And worse, they would not even know why.

Saying 'I love you' without meaning it can be dangerous because 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. I suppose you could also say, '...like a man scorned'. But men would more likely take direct action like murder rather than use magic.

When we see people as objects rather than individuals, we say insensitive things like, 'fatter than Jupiter', or 'he's so bald I can see my reflection' or 'boobs like an airplane tarmac' and 'her face is uglier than my dog's'. Maybe it is funny, but it is also painful for the person it is directed at. Avoid judging people as objects.

If you do judge people in this way, then we might say your mind is infected with a cultural disease. You need to be cured. And the first step to the curing of a diseased mind is the removal of mental trash. Cut the intake of media which discusses and disrespectfully displays people as objects. These include gossip magazines and tabloid news, internet porn sites, and trash TV.

Just like how junk food spoils your body, junk content spoils your mind. Some people close their eyes and all they can see are pornographic images; then they complain they seem unable to accomplish anything worthwhile. Remember the computer term, GIGO — Garbage In Garbage Out — what you get out of yourself, is only as good as the content you put in.

If you can adopt these three habits: 1) Respect people as individuals, 2) Avoid hurting others through words or actions, and 3) Cut the intake of mental trash, you will come closer to developing a personality which people love and appreciate. Your refined character will attract new people into your life (possibly romance). The removal of mental garbage will give you more clarity of purpose to enhance your vision and direction in life. Plus, the mental space allows you to think and reflect deeply.

Another thing you can do is not try and pick up every person you meet. Everyone has their own life to lead, and they would be better off if you did not interfere with their life's path. Messing with other people just for the fun of it will invite problems into your own life. Only do it when you are pure in intention.

Finally, replace your gossip magazines and porn with some good books and engaging hobbies. Simply channel your extra energy into worthwhile pursuits. That will help you grow into a more interesting and well-rounded individual.

These three qualities are important in developing an optimal character, but there are more I will share with you in future. I will attempt to expound on these unique characteristics in each article I write.

Cleaning for Success

2011-01-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

When you are bored or have excess energy and you do not feel like sitting still, you should clean the house. Housework is one of the best forms of therapy available. If you are an office worker, you have already spent the whole day stuck to your chair, flexing your brain and while your body goes idle. When people get home, most of them slump into their couch and turn on their TV. Most of the time, it is not their body that is tired, but their mind. Is it not silly to tax your eyeballs with TV when you have already spent your whole day staring at your computer screen?

This is unhealthy.

You should do the opposite and activate your body while relaxing your mind. Housework is the perfect activity because it does not take much brain power and it exercises all major muscle groups in your body. Let us compare this with sport because I know there are people who would rather play squash than clean the house.

In any ball game, the objective is clear. You have got to score a point. In housework, the objective is also clear - you have got to make the area clean and organised. In sport, the motions are repetitive, like running, bouncing the ball, or teeing off in golf. In housework, the motions are also repetitive – scrubbing, sweeping, folding and more.

In many ways, housework is just like sport. But better because you get to savour the results of a sparkling clean and efficiently organised home. Old people know that housework is great for relaxation. You see them pruning their gardens, painting their fences, and tidying up the place; always with a smile on their face.

A clean house will sustain a healthier body and lifestyle. Get your black belt in killing germs, dust mites, fungus, mould, and mildew. Steam-vacuum your floors and carpets, scrub your toilet bowl, sink, and shower; rinse the dust mites from your sheets and curtains. Did you know that ringworms can live inside your socks? Kill the bastards before they give you this:

[ Don't sleep on your socks. ]

When your home is neat and beautiful, you can be proud to entertain your friends and relatives there. Show them that there is a civilised person living in this house. They would surely be impressed by your fastidiousness. And if you ever have to entertain a business client at home, the cleanliness and organisation says something about you. Plus if you are single, the first thing your potential partner will notice is whether you live in a dump or a residence.

"But I have a maid..."
Stop letting your maid have all the fun.... Even if you are not doing the sweeping or scrubbing, take an active interest in organising your living area. Arrange and set things up to suit yourself. Toss out old clutter which is cramping your space. Surely your maid cannot decide what to throw out. By removing useless stuff and organising useful stuff in a clever way, you make items easier to access and your increased speed makes you more productive.

Here are three easy and powerful de-cluttering tips:

Take an empty plastic bag and fill it up with junk you no longer use or need anymore. Throw out or give away one bag a day.

Dig into your cupboards and wardrobes for all the clutter that is hidden out of sight – because we cannot see it, we do not notice its existence. But it is there taking up space and blocking the way for the storage of useful items.

Reduce the amount of stuff you buy. Economic and scientific research has shown that we do not use a lot of the items we own. And in Buddhist philosophy there is a saying that less possessions is best because more possessions results in more items to mind; more worries and things to take care of. Then it would be the case of the possessions possessing the owner rather than the other way around.

May I add that doing housework is good character training and will create a disciplined mind.

Clean for Success and win the battle for your life.

The Truth About How To Change Your Life

2011-01-15T00:37:00.001+08:00

When life does not unfold the way you expect... and there are many situations like this, where the harder you try or the faster you act, the worse things get. What can you do to shift the flow of things and change your life?

One of the most important principles I have learnt in my lifetime is that ‘Life Mirrors Your Beliefs’.

We are all the product of what is within us. If, for example, you develop the belief that others are out to cheat, then you will find a lot of people who fill that role perfectly, and victimising situations strangely drawn to you.

This is not to say that the world does not have people who intentionally deceive, or that you should not be wary, but if the fear of deception becomes your main focus, then that is all you will find. The intense focus blinds you to those who are honest, generous, and just.

Beliefs colour our perceptions, such that even the cutest, kindest animal can seem to be a venomous beast.

The reverse is also true.

What is important is that you clear your mind to be free of beliefs which cloud your perceptions, such that you can achieve clear sensing to get the most objective impressions of people and situations.

This alone, can shift the course of your life.

Many of us are not aware of the thoughts which flash by in our minds. The culmination of these split second assumptions and judgments, subtly shift our moods and conjure emotional storms that cause us to act in destructive and detrimental ways.

That is why I always say: The better a person you are, the better your life shall unfold.

Sometimes, people challenge me on this and cite examples of those who are dishonourable, selfish, and greedy, who seem to have all the wealth, power, and fame.

I say yes, they are right. There are people who use an underhanded approach to quickly achieve wealth, power, fame, and pleasure. Yet, there are people who achieve equivalent results using honourable, generous, and fair principles.

The difference is in which way allows you to get a good night’s sleep.

Let us examine the question of quality of life for a moment….

Is a good life defined just by money, luxury, status, and the satisfaction of our desires?

Or could peace of mind, family harmony, friendly neighbours, and a sense of meaningful existence, contribute to your happiness?

Even though one road is faster… at the end of life, the the ultimate question is still:

“Achievement and luxury aside, are you happy with who you have become?”

And I do not mean ‘who’ as in status or reputation, like:

“So-and-so is a Powerful Leader.” — Who’s Who

“Revolutionary Brilliance.” — TIME

These are achievements.

What I mean by ‘who’, is the measure of your character, which requires the transformation of your heart.

The most difficult situations in our lives that we are stuck with, cannot be broken through with a simple change of strategy or the latest tactic.

These are tools of the mind. The best tools, wielded inappropriately, would become a weapon, and instead of building something worthwhile, would lead to destructive results.

What you need are not new tools or techniques, but a different way of using them.

And the difference here, is in your heart — not in your intelligence, but in your wisdom.

Wisdom comes from the heart. It is what you choose to do with all that you know; the alignment of your actions — what is your effect on the world?

When it is finally time to go, what have you left behind through your life on Earth? Will the world be any better for your friends, your family, your children?

Or have you unknowingly made it harder for them to carry on?

Life is a transformation of character.

You could just be doing an ordinary job, leading a simple, routine life. Yet, you are in the same boat as the most extravagant millionaire.

You are on the Life Boat… and on this journey, the destination is not as important as how you choose to get there.

The path you choose is a reflection of who you are. And in God’s eyes, that is all that matters.

How To Manage Anger With Ease

2011-01-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

Many situations in life can cause us to boil. Once we are enraged, it seems we only have two choices to dealing with our anger: explode or implode. Either way, it only brings more frustration into our lives. Anger management is a skill you can learn to manage your emotions to restore inner peace and harmony in your life.

The Truth about Dealing with Anger

Managing anger is not so much about the techniques as it is about understanding yourself and your relationships with others. When you sense anger, it is a signal that there is something for you to learn in this particular situation in your life.

“Wait," you say. “It is the other person's fault; they did me wrong. Why should I have to learn anything?"

Well, that may be true, but let me ask you: if someone did you wrong, and you got angry, does that make you right? It is an imperfect world. People are still learning from each other. You could be perfectly in the right and yet because you carry the anger, the one who suffers the most is you and those you care for.

6 Anger Management Techniques

#1        KEEP YOUR FUTURE IN MIND

When all is said and done, I doubt you would be seeking a future filled with strife and struggle. Therefore, you need to work towards harmony. One less enemy saves you buckets of worry. Thus, the golden rule you need to remember is: the better you can handle anger, the better the outcome you can achieve in most situations.

In heated arguments, tell yourself: “Stop! What is my ultimate goal here? Would releasing anger help or hurt the situation?" You always want to act in the way which produces the best outcome for your future.

#2        KNOW WHO YOU ARE CHOOSING TO BE

Your actions are a reflection of who you are. People judge you through your speech and the emotions you represent. Before you act, know what kind of person you are showing yourself to be. Would being labelled ‘hotheaded’ and ‘out of control’ be how you would like to be remembered? If not, how would you like to be perceived instead? Act to fulfil your desired image.

#3        TRUST THE DEEPER TRUTHS

'Hate Begets Hate'
Whatever you give out, comes back to you even stronger. Thus, it becomes a vicious circle of an eye for an eye making the whole world blind. The only way out is if you say:

“I value peace. I value harmony and safety. It is okay if I suffer a little now if the future can be better because of it. I pray for inner strength to hold myself together."

#4        BE AWARE OF THE SENSATIONS OF ANGER BUILDING UP

Some people feel it as pressure in the head, some feel it as rising heat in the chest, while others sense anger as a rush of energy from the stomach. Being aware of the buildup of the sensations gives you an early warning sign that your state of mind is shifting to the negative. At this point, you can still easily transform how you feel.

#5        SHORT-CIRCUIT THE BUILDUP AND RESTORE BALANCE

Excuse yourself and exit the situation. If you are unable to do that, then stop speaking and place a portion of your attention on cooling your emotions. One measure of great character is how well you manage your emotion while under pressure.

You might want to go for a walk or do some exercises like swimming, cycling, and basketball, as these simple movements help release physiological tensions.

#6        CLEAR YOUR EMOTIONS AND REFLECT FOR GREATER UNDERSTANDING

When you feel more calm, sit in a quiet place and reflect upon how you came to be in conflict with this person. If you were a brother or a sister to each other, what is it that each of you wants? What is it that you are not understanding about the inner desires of each other?

Every person in life struggles in some way. To carry a desire which brings you into conflict with another is a form of suffering. If the world were an ideal place, we would all have flawless characters. However, that is not the case yet in our world. People are still learning to be better versions of themselves.

What you might do is set an example for everyone, that although afflicted with the condition of anger, you strive to develop the virtue of patience and understanding. When family and friends see that you are making a difference in the condition of your character, they could be inspired to follow suit.

“Life is a question of who you are choosing to be," is one of my favourite sayings. So much so that I have written a book teaching you how to do that. I hope you can download it, master the technique, and share it with others. Dealing with anger is a breeze when you have cultivated your heart and mind to a level of self-mastery.

7 Concentration Strategies for Work Productivity

2010-12-30T14:17:00.000+08:00

You are trying to get your work done, but keeping your mind, energy, and actions focused on the task seems to be harder than you thought. What can you do to increase your concentration and boost your productivity? This article takes you through a concrete strategy for managing your mind and environment.

When people lose concentration, it is often due to the following factors: a sense of confusion or overwhelm by the enormity of the task, a lack of physical or mental stamina to stay on the job, and disruptions in the environment or distracting thoughts within one's own mind.

If you can solve the problems of organisation, energy, and environment, your concentration can stay on track which means you will achieve more in less time. Try these concentration strategies to boost your success at work.

Concentration Strategy #1:

ORGANISE YOUR WORK BY PROJECTS AND DESIGN COMPLETE MACRO PLANS

To succeed at any large task, all your actions need to be aligned. This is the value of the project planning method as it gives you the big picture and lays out the milestones to work towards. You cannot imagine the number of people trying to achieve their goals in a haphazard way – no strategy, no written plan, dashing from one thing to the next – having one's energy wasted by repetitive and unproductive actions.

You are smarter than that, so you make it a point to plan your projects – break down your dream outcome into major goals, achievable milestones, and doable tasks. You don't start work until you can see the big picture from beginning to end. This is called macro planning, which is vital because it is easy to lose track of what you should do next when you are in the midst of hammering out your project.

Your macro plan is big picture focused, but yet detailed enough for you to see the general steps, e.g. research competition, design marketing plan, draft proposal — milestone 1/24. You want to have all your goals, milestones, and major tasks laid out, then your macro plan is complete.

Concentration Strategy #2:

BATCH YOUR TASKS

Before you begin to work on any major task (e.g. setup home network), take a couple of minutes to draft a micro plan, which would look like a to-do list – a single or a few pages long. The trick to high productivity is to do similar tasks sequentially (one after the other). For example, if in order to achieve your goal you needed to do tasks A, B, C, D, E.... However, B and D are outdoor tasks, while A, C, E are computer-based tasks. Even though you are doing them out of order, batch all your similar tasks to be done together while you are in that environment — in front of your computer (A.C.E) and running outside (B.D).

Concentration Strategy #3:

MOVE YOUR BODY TO REFRESH YOUR MIND

Especially if you are a knowledge worker, your peak performance depends on your body's ability to metabolise energy and stay alert. It is difficult for your body to do that if it is not given the opportunity to exercise and circulate blood. Therefore, taking walks, swimming, cycling, or doing other sports can improve your energy levels and give your brain timeout for that occasional breakthrough idea.

Concentration Strategy #4:

CONSUME BRAIN FUEL, AVOID SLUG FOOD

Certain foods will make you sleepy. If you take a lot of sweet buns, chocolates, and soft drinks, you could get a sugar crash when your blood glucose levels go out of whack. The major source of energy for the brain is glucose and the density of this sugar in your bloodstream needs to be maintained within a narrow range for you to be healthy. Thus, you need to regulate your consumption of sugars and carbohydrates to ensure there is not too much nor too little coming in at a time.

Avoid heavy meals when working, as digesting large amounts of starch and protein can cause drowsiness. Opt for smaller meals consisting of vegetables and other complex carbohydrates like wholegrains, nuts, and tofu. These complex carbohydrates take time to break down, thus the release of glucose into your bloodstream is gradual, and your energy levels can sustain for longer periods.

Concentration Strategy #5:

AVOID CONSUMING EXCESS MEDIA

There is a lot of interesting stuff to watch on cable TV and streaming video sites, and even more hot and racy stuff in magazines and tabloids. However, a lot of that information will not help you get to where you want to be. Instead, it would occupy your thoughts and cause you to daydream or fantasise. Consuming unnecessary stuff fills your mind with distracting thoughts. And one wonders why one cannot concentrate? Protect your mental computer — do not overloaded it, nor allow viruses in.

Concentration Strategy #6:

PROTECT YOUR WORKSPACE

The world moves fast — distractions are all around if you let them in: phone calls, chat messengers, unexpected visitors and more. It makes sense that you should put your phone on silent, turn off your chat messenger, and shut the door. Periods of temporary isolation are useful for making progress on your goals.

You should also keep your workspace clean and organised. Simple and sophisticated is way better than cluttered and confused. Notice whether you are using your wall space effectively: sometimes people decorate their walls with so many colourful posters that distract rather than help to focus their attention. Use your wall to paste items which motivate and help you keep track of your progress.

Concentration Strategy #7:

CLEAR YOUR MIND AND HOLD EMPTY SPACE

It is difficult to work when the mind is filled with extraneous thought. One of your greatest assets is to learn to manage your mind rather than having your mind manage you.

One way you can clear your mind is to use a journal or a diary; either handwritten or stored on your computer. Write down all the thoughts and concerns on your mind onto the pages of this book. When done, put the book aside and all of your thoughts with it. You can come back to them later. Knowing that you no longer have to ponder these thoughts for the moment, you can concentrate on your task at hand.

You can learn to control your thoughts by mastering Samatha meditation. When you succeed at this, you are able to hold empty space in your mind. This opens the doorway to stillness and insight. I have included instructions in my book given in the link below.

http://www.journeymind.info

Love Your Enemy

2008-09-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life is a struggle not because of a lack of money, education, or opportunity, but simply because our human relationships are in a mess.

The strange issue is that in a society where we can become highly educated with numerous letters to our name, we still lack the fundamental education of the heart. Take for example a work-frustrated MBA holder who is doing her ‘power walk' down the street with her suitcase and office attire. She focuses on a single point ahead and her brow is tightly furrowed. An old woman stops her and asks if she would like to buy some tissue. The executive wrinkles her nose and says, "I don't want your dirty tissue," then walks on with a huff.

A core reason human relationships suffer is because many people have not evolved to the point where they can appreciate other people's lives rather than just their own. This self-centredness makes it difficult to genuinely connect with another person.

Today I'd like to share an important belief and perceptual filter a person should develop in order to maintain better human relationships and reduce the anger or anguish in their life.

The first rule to live by is a simple one: Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet because everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.

Aren't we all warriors in our own lives? There are always battles to be fought, fires to be put out, demons to vanquish, and obstacles to overcome. With all this fighting and struggling going on, we can't expect everyone to be nice all the time. People get tired and frustrated. Thus it is important that you take this into consideration when you interact with others. Know that everyone struggles, everyone has their private pain; every person is simply striving to achieve their dream.

This brings us to a second understanding about human nature: All sentient beings seek to avoid pain and gain pleasure. There is a positive intention behind every behaviour.

Take for example the Sandman in the Spiderman movie. He robbed banks and hurt many people. But his intention was to get enough money to make his critically ill daughter well again. So behind the mask of a criminal... lays the heart of a good father.

Do you know anyone like that? Somebody who's behaviour you found obnoxious, but their underlying motivation turned out to be noble?

At first glance, we can't see the deeper reasons behind a person's surface behaviour. Therefore it's important to withhold our flash judgement of a person's character based on one wrongdoing. The person simply might not know a better way to express or achieve their desire.

Jesus said, "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do."

Normally we feel angry or hurt when we believe people are deliberately out to hurt us. But more often, they are doing something to help themselves, their cause, or those they care for.

There is an old Buddhist story about falling asleep on a wooden fishing boat. There you are, asleep in your boat, floating in the middle of a lake... when suddenly, a violent jolt shocks you from your sleep. You leap up in fury thinking, "Who's this idiot who can't pilot his boat properly? I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!"

Then you realise it's just an empty boat. And suddenly you don't feel angry anymore because nobody was deliberately out to hurt you.

Do you see the root cause here? The source of our anger comes from being self-centred. When we believe that someone wants to manipulate us or take from us, then anger is our way to protect the ego. The people with the biggest egos are the ones who are most easily angered because they believe everyone is out to cheat them or steal their idea. Even if someone takes from you, it is wise to realise that they do it not directly to hurt you... but because they are trying to care for their grandmother, provide for their children; or maybe they suffer from an insatiable desire for luxuries.

When we only know our existence as our physical self (mind and body without spirit), it becomes hard to quantify our success in life. Thus, we adopt a materially focused point of view. We start affixing the ‘my' label to everything in this world. This is my bed, these are my clothes, my friends, my ideas, my world. This compulsion develops into a desire to possess more than others.

To be happy and carefree, you might let go of the need to have more than necessary, you could let go of the need to be better, you should let go of the ego. Everything you have in this life is on loan... you return it when you die.

The funny thing is some people take this approach: where if someone has more than I - a better looking spouse or a sleeker car - then I swear to take them down someday. I make it my personal mission to be better than them. "I'm going to show them what a piece of poop they are!"

When in reality, it's because I feel like a piece of poop myself, thus I have to take a dump on other people's success in order to feel better about where I am now.

So remember this vital lesson of looking beyond surface behaviour to sense the positive intention behind what people do. It will help you shift your perspective to a more objective; egoless point of view. Then you'll find it easier not to blow your top unnecessarily. This will allow you to maintain more harmonious relationships with others, which will aid you in achieving the success you deserve.

Here is your special assignment: Now that you know everyone is on a journey, fighting a battle of some kind, be their guardian and look for ways to help your friends and family succeed. It's a simple matter of noticing what path they are on and seeing if you can give them a lift.

Do this once a day and I guarantee you'll wake up in the morning feeling like there is great meaning and purpose to your life.... When you can look beyond yourself and consider the dreams of others.

Overcoming Loneliness

2008-02-10T00:40:00.000+08:00

One of the major complaints I've heard about being alive is the pain of loneliness. In this day and age, many people live isolated lives of quiet desperation.

They go to work in the morning, come back in the evening, heat up a microwave dinner, switch on the TV, stone for two hours, drink some alcohol, maybe surf the Internet, then fall asleep.

In the past, it was not easy for a person to lead an isolated lifestyle. Everything we needed to survive had to come through interaction with other people. For example, buying bread from the baker, and meat from the butcher.

In the past, there were no huge supermarkets where you could do all your grocery shopping in silence; quietly comparing prices by yourself. You had to talk to different people to get what you need.

The increase in convenience has probably increased our separation from others. Do any of you talk to the fellow at the checkout counter? You could complete the entire transaction in silence if you wanted to. Just nod your head, pay your money and carry on.

Thirty years ago, there were no fancy computer games, no Xbox, PlayStation, or the Internet to feed your entertainment needs. If you wanted fun, you would have to play a game with others. Whether it was a table game like Chess or Scrabble, or a physically active one like the Kampong (village) game, chaptek, where players do kicking stunts with a flat rubber shuttlecock.

In your school days, you probably played many such games with your friends during canteen breaks or after school. But as we age, many of us lose touch with this precious joy that comes from group games and sport.

There are good reasons why you should shut off your TV and gather your friends for a game or two. The Church understands this principle well. They call it fellowship. Cell group leaders will take the effort to organise group activities, outings, games, discussions, pot luck dinners and more. Friends can bring new friends — the more the merrier.

In my opinion, they are doing a great job of helping people experience the joy of being together. This is a condition you might want to create in your life. Whether you want to join a fellowship organisation, a special interest group, a book club, a school alumni, or simply call up old friends, every one of us needs to work at reconnecting ourselves with others. Especially when you live in a world designed to convenience you into separation and isolation.

You can be happy with a moderate lifestyle. Many people believe they can only be happy with a lifestyle of the rich and famous. They want to jet-set around the world, have multi-cultural affairs, swim in the opulent blue pools of Miami and such.

Now as fantastic as that sounds, there are many rich people who are experiencing loneliness in life. They think everyone around them is just there for their money and nobody really loves them for who they are. As the old saying goes, 'it gets lonely at the top'.

And these people at the top of the pyramid are experiencing their disconnection from the rest of the world. So you see, the problem is the same. What they want and what we want, is a genuine connection to those around us.

And money cannot buy love... it takes an investment of your time, energy, and emotions, to build trusting relationships.

If you consider that every one of us is a soul animating a physical body, then on a spiritual level, we are all connected because all spirit emanates from the same source — God.

(When I speak of God, I mean so in the universal sense as a higher power and not biased to a particular religious order.)

As children of God, we are here to explore and learn from each other. Thus the magic is hidden in our interaction.

Spending time to know others can help you learn more about yourself.

When you play games with others, you learn the importance of sharing and taking turns; offering others encouragement, complimenting their efforts; building camaraderie and deeper bonds. You sense the joy of giving to others, the joy of competition, and the joy of fellowship that becomes rare in a fast-paced world.

Loneliness and boredom happens when we isolate ourselves; thinking that this is the norm when it is actually an abnormality of the human condition.

So now is the time to experience joie de vivre (joy of life) by reaching out and connecting with others. Rid yourself of those old isolation policies and start trading with other people. You'll find that the magic of living is found in connecting your heart to others around you.

Touch the spirit in every person.

Message for World Peace

2007-12-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

Saw this video of this young singer, Declan Galbraith... he's really good for his age. He was 10 years old in this video. Today he's around 16. This song, "Tell Me Why" is an inspirational outcry against war and oppression. I believe he carried the message across pretty well. It will be great if he continues to use his talent to promote awareness of important social issues. Keep it up, Declan!

A Father's Love for His Disabled Son

2007-11-23T23:31:00.000+08:00

I saw this video six months ago, and it touched my heart. To me it represents a role model we can all follow, not only to our own children, but perhaps to our fellow man. Do check it out. I think it'll be worth your time for the inspiration and contrast it brings to your life.

Figuring Out Who You Are

2007-11-21T20:35:00.002+08:00

Janet asks: "How do you figure out who you are and to be happy with yourself?"

Hi Janet, you're asking a deep question. The first part about figuring out who you are, depends on your level of self-awareness. How well do you know your own temperament and personality; your strengths and weaknesses; your talents and abilities? People seeking to know themselves often engage in a process of self-discovery, where they question their purpose for living and why they are here. Now this is not an instant 20 minute process, some people take weeks and years to figure out who they are. The process is gradual with corrections along the way.

Okay, so now let me give you a metaphor for figuring out who you are. Imagine you are a heroine on a journey through life. Now every hero needs a quest or purpose or ultimate goal. Who decides what this ultimate purpose is? The hero of course. So you need to create your own ultimate goal to aim for, which will give meaning to your life. The same applies to your personality. You need to CHOOSE who you want to be. All self is self-created. We decide who we want to be and then through our actions and behaviors we manifest that person into reality.

When we were young, many of us had dreams of what we would like to be, do, and have in life. But too many years of hard schooling and laborious work wiped those dreams from our mind. We are brainwashed to conform to the norm of society, leaving our individuality behind. So now we need to reclaim that younger part of ourselves which was buried under the stresses of growing up and adjusting ourselves to fit into the world.

The truth about you is that you are much more than you think you are. What you conceive to be yourself is just that – a conception. The true nature behind that self-concept is far greater. As you mature, the clouds of your personality’s fixations can dissipate, and then you can gradually witness who you truly are.

For the second part of your question about being happy with yourself, it is related to the first part about being self-aware. If you know who you are currently, and who you want to be in the future, the gap between where you are now and where you want to be can affect your happiness.

The greater the gap, the less happy people are with themselves. Of course, this does not apply to all people, especially if they can see beyond the gap and realize that happiness is found in the present moment. So, just be happy because the condition of your Self is in a constant state of change. Another five years down the road, you might have transformed again. If we keep looking to the future for happiness, we will never realize how fortunate we are, right now.

Nature of Stress and How to Be Worry Free

2007-09-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

Life can be stressful. To some people, it’s like living in a tornado of problems. Everyday work can be a source of stress. So can email, projects, school assignments; requests from other people, deadlines, bills and often relationships too. All these things can frustrate us, causing us to wrinkle our faces with worry, get fatter from binging, lose hair from over-thinking and thus become unwanted, unattractive human beings. Maybe it’s that we’re not making enough money or underperforming at school; can’t afford the new Mercedes or someone at work is pissing us off. Different things frustrate different people.

So as the situation gets worse and the stress builds inside us, we feel we can’t escape. We tell ourselves, “Yes, I can do it! I need to be strong!” But more work and more pain keeps heading our way. We reach the point of wanting to punch something or rip our hair out.

We can scream and shout and bash the pillows, but after all that, most people just breakdown and cry. After all our tantrum throwing and release of energy, the problem still hasn’t been solved. It’s still there, laughing us in the face saying, “Naa na ni boo boo! You can’t catch me!” So how do we escape from this stress?

Do you know the secret? You can’t handle stress by fighting or resisting it. You have to let go – release your grip and the need to control the situation. This is easy for me to say, difficult for you to do. I know. But if you let me explain a bit more about the nature of stress and how we can deal with it, you’ll realise it’s easy to relax and be worry-free.

The Nature of Stress

Stress comes from within. It is an internal reaction to an external event. We like to think that it’s all these things on the outside which are stressing us, but in reality, it’s the way we perceive and feel about these external events which causes our stress.

Two people can see the same thing and feel differently about it. A woman may think babies are adorable; an old miser may think babies are irritating and expensive. Likewise, what looks like office politics and backstabbing to one person, may just be a misunderstanding to another.

How we see a situation determines how we feel about it. So if you feel strongly about anything, whether anger, jealousy, frustration or more, ask yourself, “Am I perceiving this in the right way? Is there another way I can look at this situation? What if I were in my mother’s shoes or friend’s shoes? What if I were an angel? How would God look at this situation?” Sometimes you’ve got to step outside yourself and pretend you’re someone else. There you’ll find a fresh perspective which can help you see the situation from a more objective state of mind.

Frustration can arise from conditions we set upon ourselves and others. These expectations are marked out by the words have to and must.

If I say to myself, “I must be number one!” Then that ‘must be’ creates a division between where I am and where I want to be. Thus I cannot be happy until I have achieved my goal. The easier way is to release the conditions you have upon yourself. Let go of musts and have tos, and replace them with can and could. Try it and feel the difference.

How does ‘I can be number one’ feel compared to ‘I must be number one’? Doesn’t it feel like a condition has been released? There’s no more pressure from your self. Why give yourself added pressure when the world is already such a stressful place? As long as we don’t have to be something, there is no internal pressure to resist. When there is no resistance, there is no stress.

As an example, imagine you are sitting in an old clunky mini-bus going down a bumpy road in Baghdad. You are sleepy but can’t fall asleep because the bus is constantly bouncing around. The muscles in your body are tense. You are resisting the movement of the bus. But if you relax your body and allow it to go limp and become one with the motion of the bus, you’ll find it really easy to fall asleep because now you are no longer resisting – there is no stress.

Over the course of your whole life, you’ll probably meet many setbacks and challenges. Maybe a person gets divorced; maybe they get fired; maybe both happen to them on the same day.

Boy, if I were in those shoes, I’d want to kill myself too.

But looking at it over the course of a whole life, I realize this is only one moment in time, and it has already passed. There is still much joy and beauty to experience in years ahead. This challenging experience would make a good story to tell the grandchildren and even old friends as we sit around a campfire roasting marshmallows and drinking hot chocolate.

Doing What Makes a Difference

Many people are stressed because they have too many things to do. I’m sure if you take a piece of paper and list down all the things which are demanding your attention, you could easily fill the page.

All these things which you ‘must do’ or ‘have to do’ usually come with deadlines which compel us to run all over the shop to satisfy other people’s demands.

In the end, after doing all the bullshit, we still feel we haven’t accomplished anything significant in our lives. That’s because we’ve spent all our time doing the urgent things for others, and sacrificing what’s important to ourselves.

Am I encouraging you to be selfish? In this sense, yes – I’m asking you to be clear on what you want and what you value in life. What do you find to be important and what makes a difference to you? What is your scorecard for life?

What I mean by scorecard is that traditionally people rate each others success based on how much they earn, how attractive their spouse is, how physically fit they are; how much respect, reputation or fame they have. Is that the way you rate your own life? Are those your measurements of a life well-lived? That’s why I’m asking you to decide what’s important because many people don’t set their own goals, and thus judge themselves by a scorecard which means nothing to them.

Learn to play a game with yourself – the game of life. Write out a few goals that are important to you and stick it to your wall. At the end of the day, before you sleep, count how many things you have done today which have brought you closer to accomplishing your goals. If your count is zero, then realize that you have spent your day doing the urgent things which don’t contribute to your ultimate happiness.

If you have to do the urgent stuff to get by and survive, it’s okay. But at least make time once a day to do what you feel is important. Just this simple act will give you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Your frustration levels will decrease as you free yourself from the trappings of urgency and move through your life with purpose and peace in your heart.

Rain Glass - Chapter One

2007-06-02T20:21:00.001+08:00

What’s it about?

Rain Glass is a simple story about two men of different backgrounds who meet in a park one rainy day. One helps the other realize an important lesson about life and happiness.

RAIN GLASS

by Lance Ong

__________________________

CHAPTER 1

HEART'S DESIRE

The rain poured onto the streets of New York. Old newspapers soaked into grey sheets of mush. George Hartley sits alone on a park bench in the showering rain. The surrounding trees and flora vibrate; pelted by water bullets. Holding a coffee and a cigarette, he hunches forward, takes in a slow puff, then exhales, and sips his drink. Water drips down his face. Up till about 20 minutes ago, George was a marketing executive who worked at the office on Fifth Avenue, a few blocks from here.

He looks at his Omega watch. It’s 2.35pm on a rainy Wednesday. Not really time to do anything or go anywhere. There was nowhere to go anyway. No work to do, no wife to love, no kids to take care of. ‘Total freedom finally,’ George mutters as he stretches back on the bench feeling the patter of the rain on his face; the warm wetness of his shirt and overcoat weighed him down. He closes his eyes and imagines what it would be like to sleep in the rain forever.

Minutes pass.

‘Hey man, mind if you move over?’ a voice shakes him from his dream. George observes the man for a moment – early twenties, dressed in tattered rags and smelling like liquor – obviously a hobo.

‘Sure, why not?’ says George. He moves over to one side of the bench, allowing the man the other half.

The hobo drops his bag onto the pavement and takes a seat on the bench. ‘Thanks fella,’ he says. George lets a slight smile but remains silent.

‘Nice day, isn’t it?’ the ragged man asks.

‘Yeah… it’s my first day taking a natural shower,’ George replies.

‘How’s it feel?’

‘Feels good.’ George smiles.

‘Glory of God, ain’t it? Nature is magic,’ the pauper holds out his hand to catch the rain. ‘This weather we curse is the same one that brings us life.’ He pauses and turns to George. ‘So what’s your story, paardner?’

‘I quit my job today,’ says George looking down sadly.

‘Quit yer job? That’s cool! Never needed one of those pieces of trash anyway!’ the hobo grins. ‘Look at me fella, I never went to school. I’m still doing fine. Mom & Pops died in a plane crash when I was fourteen! Been on the streets ever since.’

‘I see… I’m sorry.’ George’s eyes soften as he realizes there is someone in a worse plight than himself.

‘Why’d ya quit ya job? Got bored of it?’

‘Well,’ George sighs. ‘I really hate someone there. This guy just really got on my nerves. Arrogant bastard, I could almost strangle him.’ George rings an imaginary neck with his hands.

‘Then why didn’t you?’ The vagrant leans in with wide-eyed curiosity.

‘Kill the guy? Hah. Well, he’s my boss. If I killed him, everyone would know that, wouldn’t they?’

Silence passes as the two men go deep in thought. Only the sound of the rain slapping the ground and the rays of the sun can be felt.

‘Tell you what, my friend,” says George. ‘Are you hungry? Let’s take a walk and get a hot meal somewhere.’

‘Sure thing, I’m starving.’ the hobo says.

The two men stand up, helping each other with their bags; one a polished leather briefcase, the other a worn-out polyvinyl sack.

‘By the way, my name’s George, what’s yours?’

‘Samuel’s the name, you can call me Sam.’

*** *** ***

Walking into Smeg’s Deli, there are only a handful of diners at 3 o’clock. George asks the waiter for a corner table where it’s cosier. Sam follows from behind but the waiter stops him.

‘No problem there, he’s with me,’ says George, slipping a twenty dollar bill into the waiter’s hand. ‘Bring us the best beef you’ve got.’

Sam gives the waiter the middle finger as he passes. The waiter smiles politely.

They slump into the cushioned red leather seats, the polished teakwood table reflecting their faces. The atmosphere has a warm western feel, with wild fixtures like the bull head skeleton attached to the wall. In the corner, a golden jukebox plays pop country from Garth Brooks and Dolly Parton.

‘So why’d you hate your boss so much?’ asks Sam, tinkering his fork against an empty glass.

‘My boss…’ George’s face changes to one of displeasure. ‘Well, he’s an asshole; tried to steal my girlfriend.’ The ex high-flying executive clenches his jaws and drops his fist on the table.

‘And he got her! She left me because he was more successful, better looking, and a sweeter talker than I am.’

‘Oh, now I think you should kill him,’ nods Sam. ‘But do you think she’s really worth it? That girl and all? I mean, if she would leave you just like that, she’s probably the Queen of Gold-diggers!’

‘Don’t talk about Monique like that!’ snaps George. ‘We were about to be engaged.’

‘Mm, Monique sounds unique. But you’d really be in trouble then – she’d take all your money and run. Listen buddy, I may just be a homeless bum, but I know how to handle my bitch. You gotta let her know who’s boss!’

They make eye contact for a few seconds… then laugh together. George nods his head. ‘Yeah, she probably didn’t love me much. Probably wanted to squeeze me dry. Lucky I let that bitch take Aaron instead. I fed him to the dogs! But I can’t get over the feeling of losing to that asshole.’

‘What specifically does he have that you do not have?’ Sam asks thoughtfully.

George shrugs. ‘Better looks, more money, faster car? And my hot babe.’

Sam thinks for a moment then says, ‘Well, let me ask you this… 20 years in the future, how old will you be?’

‘55.’

‘Well, at 55, do you think those things will matter to you anymore?’

George puts his hand to his chin and ponders.

Sam continues, ‘At 55, your skin will be wrinkled like a prune. Your eyes will be so blasted; the only thing you can drive will be your lawnmower. You can still get hot babes with money, but I don’t think you can have fun without some help.’ Sam shows George a small gap with his thumb and index finger.

‘Little George can stand by himself, thank you.’

‘You know what I think is the problem with all you rich people?’ Sam points to the glass cup on the table.

‘Everyone starts out with an empty glass in life. It can hold anything you want. It’s your free choice to decide what you want to fill it up with. Some people like to drink whiskey. For others, clear water is best. Some people fill their glass to the brim, wanting to gulp down more experiences and more passion. Others fill it to half, preferring to save and savour what they get. You pick your pleasures… and whether it poisons you or helps you grow depends on the choice you’ve made. You decide whether whiskey is better than water or water is better than wine.’

Sam picks up the glass and observes it in the light.

‘You might have a beautiful life – you can be rich, have an excellent career, good health, great friends, and a deep relationship with your lover – yet like glass, it’s fragile and shatters on impact. Like how your skull cracks when you smash through your windscreen in a car accident. Was it your fault? Maybe not, you could have been killed by a drunk. But still, everything you’ve worked for until then has ended. Has your life been worth it?’

Sam puts the glass down and steeples his hands.

‘That’s why it’s important to realize that each day we are alive is a gift – treasure it; make the best of it. Many people can’t appreciate what they have… always looking for the bigger house, the better car, the prettier spouse. They can’t let themselves be happy until they have attained these imaginary must-haves. Life becomes a race to get nowhere.’

He looks at George and puts a hand on his shoulder.

‘You know happiness is a state of mind, don’t you? I can sit right here, owning nothing and feel good. Like how you were sitting in the rain, enjoying nature’s shower? All it takes is for you to find peace within yourself.’

‘You’re sounding awfully intelligent for a homeless man,’ George breaks his speech.

Sam chuckles, ‘Well, the streets teach you things. Plus, I like to visit your state library. It’s free, you know?’

‘Okay wait,’ George interrupts. ‘So if life is a glass, and glass is transparent; things should be crystal clear for me now, shouldn’t they? But they aren’t. I just quit my job, I don’t where to go, what to do…’

Sam pushes the cup into George’s hands.

‘Look through this.’ Sam instructs. ‘Do things look straight to you?’

George holds the whiskey glass up to his eye and sees a distorted fractal image of his surroundings.

Sam explains, ‘Like how a glass distorts images, our view of life gets distorted as we see only through our own eyes and are limited by our experience and point of view. This distortion affects your ability to see the possibilities in your life. So if you can expand your thinking – listen to others who have succeeded, travel more, read into new fields of knowledge, you will see more chances to get from where you are to where you can be.’

‘That’s easy to say,’ George replies. ‘You see, I have a unique problem. I have been working so long for my company; I don’t really know what to do with my life if I’m not working. How can I know where I want to be?’

Two sizzling hotplates of prime tenderloin steak arrive. Buttered baked potatoes and steamed broccoli with carrots on the sides.

‘Mushroom sauce please,’ Sam calls out to the waitress.

‘Black pepper for me,’ says George.

Sam slices his steak and puts it in his mouth, savouring the smoky sweet flavour of the beef.

‘Mmm, mmm. Never had food this good since ninety-nine,’ he mumbles through his juicy mouthful.

He pours a glass of ice water from the pitcher and takes a sip. Then answers George’s question on “being”.

‘To know where you want to be has nothing to do with your ability to see, but everything to do with what you feel. It’s about knowing your innermost desire. Like, why did you take black pepper sauce instead of mushroom sauce like me?’

‘Well, I like the taste of black pepper sauce; the spiciness adds excitement to every bite.’

The waitress brings the sauces and pours a generous serving for both men.

‘That’s right,’ Sam points out. ‘You liked it. It brought you excitement. Those are feelings. When something is right for us, there’s a natural sense of fun, engagement and interest. If it’s not right for you, you’ll feel disappointed, frustrated; even angry. How often do we not listen to our hearts and keep doing things that frustrate us?’

‘All the time...’ George mumbles.

‘You see that some people dislike their jobs, yet they put up with it for the income it generates. I’m glad you’ve freed yourself of a painful situation and given yourself the opportunity to finally do what you want. Life’s too short to be carrying grudges or be stuck doing something you hate. You’ve only got about 70 years to live your life to fullest. Now which image of your future or vision in your mind excites and inspires you the most? Have you ever searched your feelings while dreaming about these things?’

‘I don’t know… I… I guess I never tried.’

Sam sighs, ‘If you never try, you’ll never know.’

George frowns, then says, ‘You know Sam, if you have such a powerful mindset and can tell me how to live my life, how come you’re still a hobo?’

Sam purses his lips, taken aback by George’s comment.

The well-dressed executive continues, ‘Shouldn’t a man like you be living his life to the fullest? Why are you still on the streets?’

‘Well,’ Sam replies softly. ‘I like it here. This is my home. I have family on the streets. I don’t need to make a lot of money nor do I desire the high life. It seems pointless to me. Look at it this way… one man’s meat is another man’s poison. To you, perhaps my life is not ideal, but to me, it is fulfillment of my destiny. Maybe you might say what kind of destiny is that? But I’ll tell you, it’s the one I’ve chosen.’

George nods then smiles, ‘Thanks Sam, I see what you mean. You’ve given me a new perspective on things. I guess I owe you one.’

‘No problem, I thank you for this meal,’ Sam says warmly.

‘You know, if you need some help getting back on your feet, I know some people…’

‘Well, thanks George. I’m fine with my life as it is. This is a peaceful existence for me. I am listening to my heart’s desire; it’s where I want to be.’

‘I respect that. Thank you for helping me uncover a truth my friend. I have been fooling myself all these years into doing something I never really liked. It’s time to start afresh, and follow my heart’s desire.’

They finish a fine meal and bid their goodbyes. George slips a thousand dollar bill into Sam’s overcoat – for his friends and family on the street.

Looking Beyond Materialism

2006-11-08T02:05:00.002+08:00

Once I had someone ask me whether there was any greater meaning in this world beyond just making money and living in luxury. She said it seemed the whole culture was just obsessed with becoming rich; nobody seemed to care what we were here for, or whether there was any meaning in this existence.

Here is a little event that set me thinking: While I was in Borders bookstore, an old man sat down beside me and began to talk.

He had kind eyes; a very dignified old man. Looking at him, I recognised a friend, even though we had never met. Norman shared with me some of his life experiences and I began to understand how a man of his age might view the world. Then I asked...

“Norman, do you think that at your age, you have achieved your purpose in life?”

“Well,” he replies. “My life is in God’s hands… I go where he takes me. But I can tell you this: The world today is too materialistic… no good… no good at all.”

Then he goes silent, as if in some sort of deep thought. His words echo in my mind. This, from someone who had lived seven decades more than I. So it really made me wonder what we should value in life and where we should channel our energies.

Out of the entire world’s population, most of us will never live the high life. That is reserved for the top 1% of rich and wealthy – about 60 million people. Let’s not forget that the world has approximately 6 billion people, so there are another 5.9 billion who form our middle and lower class.

Economists have discovered a problem: The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, creating greater disparity between the haves and have-nots. World Bank reports show that many people do not have enough money to ensure a comfortable retirement, and that there is not enough funds stored in pension plans to cater for the ageing baby-boomers.

In China, social trends like an ageing population, longer lifespan, and the one-child policy, predict disaster: Soon China will have less and less adults supporting an overwhelming number of elders.

Everyone will be clamouring to earn as much as they can to pay for hospitals, day care, medication, treatments, and such. The population is desperate to build wealth. On one hand, they want to live the good life; on the other, their financial responsibilities are heavy, so they are denied the ideal lifestyle.

This trend exists not only in China, but in many first world countries with ageing populations. So perhaps now it makes sense why everyone is obsessed with becoming rich.

So it looks like most of us will never get to see the yacht and mansion lifestyle of the rich and famous. However, I have an alternative view of life. When you look through the world through this point of view, you can forgive yourself for not making enough money. You can earn your money in a relaxed manner, which allows you to enjoy your life before it is over.

The view is like this: Like suckling infants, we expect Mother Earth to make us content; we expect God to fulfil our needs; we expect the world to be as we want it. When we awaken to the harsh reality of ‘earning a living’ and ‘working to survive’, then we see money as our only buffer against the pain of poverty – the key to having all that we want, the way to the luxuries and experiences which will bring us joy and contentment.

Without enough money, it feels like we are being denied all the nourishment and joy which was promised. So we enter the rat race, studying for 16 years then rushing out to the working world where we spend another 40 years climbing the corporate ladder, while raising a family at the same time.

The fundamental problem comes from doing things for the wrong reasons. Most people do not understand their inner desires. That which drives us to do what we do, is mostly animal instinct. The instinct to procreate, the drive to earn as much as we can – for example: to prove I’m a capable man worthy of procreating with. “Look, I can protect the children. Look, I can bring home the bacon. Look, I’m a sexy guy – I work out – good in bed!”

So with this survival, mating, or animal instinct creating desire within us, we tell ourselves, “I must be rich! I must be good-looking! I must be better then them!” And all these ‘musts’ cause us much frustration, especially when we do not have deeper reasons for why we ‘must be’ something.

I do not mean that we should give up trying to self-actualise or become who we are meant to be… what I mean is that we should do it for the soulful reasons. Go beyond your survival and mating instinct and find deeper meaning for doing what you do.

If you want to become rich, do it not just for the opposite sex or because you love luxury, do it because you want to invent something new; for the security of your family, or because you want to experience the world and money is the ticket.

Know your reasons because they are the driving force of your achievements. If you do things just out of sex or pleasure drive, you might run out of steam because as you get older, mating loses its appeal.

In the material world, everything is death-bound, meaning that it will come to an end. Stars like Marilyn Monroe and Elvis died at the peak of their careers. They had everything – money, good looks, great career, fantastic house, boyfriends, and girlfriends – but in the end, it is all death-bound.

If you want true inner peace, then practice non-attachment. Realise that there is nothing you really have to do in this lifetime, only that which you want to. All the material objects and desires we chase are illusions which keep you trapped in a never-ending struggle and pursuit for more.

If you can understand that material luxuries and pleasures are all just on loan to you in this lifetime, then you can approach life in a different way. No longer will you sacrifice your life to chase the almighty dollar, but stop and consider what is your purpose and mission on Earth.

For if everyone that’s born on this planet just needs to earn enough money and hump each other’s brains out, then that would be a mundane existence indeed. There is something special for you to do in this world. But it is not for me to tell… even if I tried, I can only suggest what it might be.

So to answer the question set out at the beginning: There is nothing wrong with wanting to make money, it is necessary for survival. However, it is important to look at what you’re contributing your life towards. When you are old, like Norman, can you look back on all you have done and appreciate the contribution you have made? Beyond just making money and raising a family, can you say, “I have achieved my life’s purpose”?

In a conversation with a friend, he asked a good question. He asked, “What constitutes a life purpose?” I said, “Contribution – something you give to society or the world. Something you love. Something you are willing to suffer for. Something you will do even if no one pays you."

The World's Greatest Lie...

2006-03-08T19:56:00.001+08:00

"Everyone believes the world's greatest lie..." says the mysterious old man.
"What is the world's greatest lie?" the little boy asks.
The old man replies, "It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."
(An excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. A fable about following your dreams.)

Do you believe you have no control over your life? Are you who you are today, by choice or by fate? Will a change in your actions create a change in your life? Many people have given up on their dreams... they say, "Dreaming is only for the rich. When you have money, you can dream. When you have no money, don't dream."

That's true... not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon. If you are lacking in funds, it's going to be difficult to start living life the way you want to. Money buys you freedom to follow your passions. But you don't have to give up on your dreams, just because you lack money. Depending on where you are brought up, you will face limitations depending on your family finance, culture, and environment. Some of us are born to have easy lives, while some are born to take a more challenging path. Perhaps the limitations and obstacles you face today are part of your journey -- you must overcome them to grow stronger on the path to achieving your goals.

When we are young, we all seem to have clear idea of what we want to be when we grow up. But somewhere along the way, these dreams get buried under the reality of daily living. The focus shifts from 'living the dream' to just 'finding a good job with a stable income'. "Survival first", as they call it. The sad part is that many people spend much of their lives doing what they don't like, so they can finally earn enough to start doing what they do like. I say, that's a great way to bury your happiness and turn into an economic slave. Doing what you dislike, day after day, will numb the sense of joy within you. Soon you will feel that your life has no greater purpose, and there is nothing to look forward to but work, work, work.... You will have forgotten how much fun it is to spend your time doing the things you like to do.

The Secret to Living Your Dreams

It's painful if you don't make enough money to live comfortably. But what’s more painful is if the work you do has no meaning to you. Everyday you can drag yourself to work, perform meaningless actions, and then drag yourself back home. Apart from sleeping, work takes up the majority of our time. So if you're not enjoying your work, you're not enjoying your life. And life is so short, isn't it? We probably have less than a hundred years to make our mark in this world. And you never know... you fail to look while crossing the road and BOOM! You could be gone tomorrow. So why spend your life doing something you don't like to do? We don't slog three-quarters of our lives just so we can enjoy one-quarter... we might not live that long. Realize that the essence of your life is happening right now -- you are walking a path; making your journey through life. And if the work you do, is not designed to help you fulfill your higher purpose in life, then perhaps you are walking in the wrong direction. No point taking this path... change direction.

For your dream to stay alive, you have to act on it. It's like a fire that grows brighter and stronger if you fan its flames and keep adding wood. If you leave the fire alone, never doing anything to keep it alive, it will burn itself out. When you fail to act on your dreams, they die.

A little girl called Leanne wants to be a ballerina. But her family is poor and unable to afford the fees of the fine arts dance school. Her father tells her not to dream because dreaming is only for the rich. But her mother says, "Lea, you can be whatever you want to be. As long as you put your heart into it, and never give up. Always hold on to your dreams because when there's a will, there's a way."

Leanne remembered her mother's words. She paid her way through a college degree in the fine arts, using money she earned from working full-time. She was talent scouted by the Royal Dance and Music Theatre of England, where she began her illustrious career as a ballerina. Earning in British pounds, she made more than enough to support her family and give them a comfortable lifestyle.

Leanne had a choice... to fervently believe in her dreams, and do whatever it takes to achieve it, or believe the World's Greatest Lie... that at some point in her life, she lost control, and fate took over. She had to have the courage to step up to her dreams, and not give up just because she lacked money. If she listened to her father and put her love aside because dreaming was only for the rich, then she wouldn't have lived to experience her passion. She would pass on from this world, with the music still left within her... buried under some obscure belief that she could never make money doing what she loved to do.

There is music within you, and you only need to coax it out. The daily grind forces us to forget what we love to do. Imagine you're retired… You have enough money to live comfortably, but not to splurge. How would you spend your time? What activities would you find purpose in? What would you do to amuse yourself? If you have an idea of what you would love to do but are not doing, then schedule some time everyday to do it. Making time for what you love is just like fanning the flames of your passion -- the fire can only grow stronger. It's what will bring a sense of purpose and meaning into your life; that spark of joy and wonder.

The happiest people are those who enjoy their work. They've managed to make money doing what they love to do, just like Leanne. And this can happen for you... if you are willing to reject the World's Greatest Lie. Realize that you always have control over your actions, and therefore your results. The only time your start to fail in life, is when you stop believing in your ability to make a difference. You don't need a silver spoon; you don't need to be a genius. What you need is a sincere belief in yourself and willingness to take action towards your dreams. Believe me, you have what it takes. Just follow what British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill said in World War II: "...never give up, never give up." And you'll win the war.

How to Cure Hiccups

2006-01-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

If you’ve lived long enough, you know that one of the rare and frustrating complications you can get is the hiccup. There are some weird theories of why hiccups occur – you eat too fast, you trap air with your food; you breathed air into your tummy; the methane in your bowels is trying to escape through your stomach…. I’m sure you’ve heard many acclaimed cures like holding your breath till you turn blue in the face, drinking backwards from a glass of water, or breathing out all your air and jumping up and down. But when you tried them, they didn’t work, now did they.

A hiccup is caused by an involuntary contraction of the diaphragm – a dome-shaped muscle underneath your lungs. The diaphragm helps you breathe by flexing downwards to help your lungs pull in air, and bending upwards to help push air out. Sometimes the diaphragm gets irritated and goes out of rhythm with your lungs. Hiccups are your body’s way of trying to correct your breathing pattern. The problem is, the deeper you breathe, the stronger your hiccup gets. Your diaphragm is already out of rhythm, so breathing harder will only irritate it more. The secret to calming the diaphragm and realigning it is deliberate short intense breathing through the nose.

The next time you get hiccups, try this technique:

Lie down on your bed or any flat surface.
Close your mouth. (Breathe through your nose.)
Put your hand on your belly.
Take a short sharp breath in, and feel your tummy go up (Your diaphragm expands). Imagine you have the lung capacity of a sparrow, and breathe no more than that.
Breathe out short and sharp, and feel your tummy go down (Your diaphragm contracts).
Continue this action for 3-5 minutes. You will suddenly realize you have not been hiccupping.

A Frenchwoman taught me a technique, where you would put a tablespoon into a glass of water. You would allow the end of the spoon to touch your forehead, while you drink slowly from the glass. You will find you need to bend your head back to finish the glass of water. Here, the spoon helps put your head at the correct angle for proper breathing. I found this technique to work well, but I soon discovered that it’s not the water that was doing the magic, but the controlled breathing and head tilted back posture (as if you are looking up at the moon). So lie down and try the deliberate, short, intense breathing first. If it works, your diaphragm will realign, your hiccups will stop, and you may give out a couple of burps. Otherwise, get that glass of water and put that spoon in….