Wise Talk By Me

Many Pirates in the Bay

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:36:00 +0000

I hope that person is smart enough to get it.

Stress Reduction

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:20:00 +0000

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.

What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go...

You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.

There now... feeling better?

Your Moma jokes in the toilet

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:20:00 +0000

Odd One Out

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 17:38:00 +0000

Q: Which is the odd one out - a refrigerator, a washing machine, a TV or a woman?

A: The TV because all the others leak when they're fucked!

Thanks Jassi paaji for this joke... lol.

Best Friend

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:26:00 +0000

Your best friend will help you move the body as well.

Sneaky Psychology

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:40:00 +0000

10 Signs Of Being In Love That Might Actually Be Symptoms Of Crippling Or Fatal Disease

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:44:00 +0000

1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricular fibrillation and myocardial infarction (heart attack)

2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Parkinson's Disease

3. Constant smiling.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Bell's Palsy

4. Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus on tasks at work or home.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: early onset Alzheimer's Disease

5. Frequent or constant sexual arousal.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: nymphomania

6. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: multiple sclerosis

7. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: OCD

8. Bruising on neck, breasts and other tender areas.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: leukemia

9. Insomnia.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: benign prostatic hyperplasia

10. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him or her when not in his/her presence.

You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: schizophrenia

Psychofied!

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:40:00 +0000

Am starting a new blog, Psychofied!

This is a more personal blog than this one. It's collage of my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings.

Storm

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:06:00 +0000

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be all right
I know everything i'ts right

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know will be all right

And I would walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

Pick up lines that could get you killed

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:03:00 +0000

1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.
9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?
14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?
15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.
23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.
24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

Sid Said

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:55:00 +0000

Life's a bitch and then you die? If you're Hindu like me, you tend to reincarnate and it's a bitch over and over again.

This guy speaks some serious shit when he's doped!

Rules for Dealing with Women

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 30 May 2008 09:57:00 +0000

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed…..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1
You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty…..0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the nex t bathroom…. ; -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
In the snow …..+8
But return with beer…..-5
And no liners…..-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night…..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing…..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something…..+5
You pummel it with a six iron…..+10
It’s her cat…..-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party…..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking buddy…..-2
Named Tiffany…..-4
Tiffany is a dancer…..-10
With breast implants…..-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday…..0
You buy a card and flowers…..0
You take her out to dinner…..0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar…..+1
Okay, it is a sports bar…..-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night…..-3
It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and you r face is painted the colors of your favorite team ¦.-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal…..0
The pal is happily married…..+1
The pal is single…..-7
He drives a Ferrari…..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)…..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie…..+2
You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
You take her to a movie you hate…..+6
You take her to a movie you like…..-2
It’s called Death Cop III…..-3
Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls…..-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly…..-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…..+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…..-30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”…..-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding…..-10
You reply, “Where?”…..-35
You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”…..-100
Any other response…..-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression…..0
You listen, for over 30 minutes…..+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience…..+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “…well, what do you think I should do?”…..-100
You have fallen asleep…..-200

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

You talk…..-100
You don’t talk…..-150
You spend time with her……-200
You don’t spend time with her…..-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER. YOU LOSE.

Emo Bulb

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 07:54:00 +0000

This is for all the wannabe fake metal heads/indi dudes/gals out there

10 Breeds of PC User Identified and Explained

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 03:49:00 +0000

They are: the traumatized virus victim, the two-fingered typist, the DIY optimist, the blinkered office-worker, the obnoxious expert, the upgrade fanatic, the fixer, the PC evangelist, the addict and the GTD maniac. It’s time for a bit of fun with our first ‘Unplug’ column.

Which one are you? If you’re a Mac user, you probably have a friend who matches one of these descriptions.

* Note: I use a PC and a Mac, and I like them both. This isn’t an anti-PC article.

PC user breed #1

The traumatized virus victim

How to spot one:

Will not open any email attachments you send, including images, documents and MP3s. Burn them a CD of music and they’ll ask if they can get a virus from it. Will decline to accept images and MP3s sent over IM “Just in case”. Will usually be running five or six Anti-Virus programs which pop up every few seconds, but somehow manage to get a new virus every other day. Have stopped deleting the ‘Online Casino’ shortcuts from their desktop. Have not yet discovered how to turn on a Firewall and have no desire to learn.

The highs:

Easily impressed by any computer that works.

The lows:

Will remain paranoid and impervious to logic on any computer-related topic.

PC user breed #2

The two-fingered typist

How to spot one:

As per this breed’s namesake, the two-fingered typist will use the index finger of each hand for all keyboard use, usually involving much more force than is necessary. This also goes for clicking the mouse. Two-fingered typists don’t understand computers and are proud of the fact. They won’t retain any computer related information, so don’t bother trying to teach them. They’ll routinely (and possibly deliberately) mispronounce common computer terms or use them in the wrong context. My mother calls Firefox “Mottzilla”.

The highs:

Endlessly amusing.

The lows:

Showing your dad how to send an email for literally the fifth or sixth time.

PC User breed #3

The DIY optimist

How to spot one:

Excited by the prospect of maximum performance and low-cost repairs, the DIY optimist sees actual technical knowledge as unnecessary in the pursuit of PC perfection. BIOS is not a computer’s central nervous system — to the DIY optimist, it’s a playground: a place to change variables and “See what happens.” The occasional BSOD is to be expected. It will usually take the destruction of one or more CPUs before this breed will concede defeat and call a repair shop.

The highs:

When it works, it works. DIY optimists tend to get there eventually (though a few parts might be confined to the scrap-heap along the way).

The lows:

When it fails, it fails catastrophically. DIY optimists can turn a minor RAM allocation problem into a hazardous electrical fire with seemingly very little effort.

PC User breed #4

The blinkered office-worker

How to spot one:

Has been using a computer for 12 years but will rave to you about a cute little program they just discovered called ‘Paint’. Can create multi-layered tables and a complicated footnote system in Word but can’t work out how to change their screen resolution. Will use the internet only to do things they already know how to do offline (i.e. read the paper, check weather and send greeting cards). Discovered ‘Solitaire’ five years ago and have never turned back.

The highs:

Associate computers with mind-numbing work and thus spend as little time as possible using them after hours. Tend to be more tanned than the rest of us.

The lows:

Extremely adverse to trying anything new and computer-related.

PC User breed #5

The obnoxious expert

How to spot one:

Knows a lot about computers and is not content to do so quietly. Can usually be found accumulating an insanely high forum post count primarily by answering tech or gaming related questions with a heavy dose of subtle humiliation. Will disagree with everything and everyone. Uses the word “Obviously” as much as possible.

The highs:

When you can wade through the disdain far enough to extract a nugget of useful advice.

The lows:

When you find out that the freelancer you just contracted is one of these guys.

PC user breed #6

The upgrade fanatic

How to spot one:

You’ll usually spot their PC tower first as a beam of neon shoots into your eye and temporarily blinds you. When you regain your vision you’ll see a vaguely rectangular object which looks a little bit like a miniature alien spaceship with spinning objects, lasers and drifting motes of dry ice inside. If the owner isn’t around, he’ll probably be at the mailbox picking up a new shipment of neon tubing. The crazed modder’s PC will usually be worth at least twice as much as their car.

The highs:

Will eagerly install new hardware for you and may even give you hand-me-down parts which are probably three or four times better than what you’re currently using.

The lows:

They pour thousands upon thousands of dollars into an object that, over time, depreciates almost as fast as underwear.

PC user breed #7

The fixer

How to spot one:

Their PC runs like a dream. They Defrag several times a month, perform regular virus checks and have installed a complicated network of firewalls. If something does go wrong, will insist on fixing the problem personally rather than pay a repair center to do it, almost as a matter of honor. Will volunteer to “help fix” any computer that doesn’t run to their high standards (i.e. any computer other than their own).

The highs:

Can be genuinely useful, particularly when paired with a traumatized virus victim or two-fingered typist.

The lows:

Will chastise you for not fixing that critical hard drive failure yourself.

PC user breed #8

The PC evangelist

How to spot one:

Hates Macs with remarkable intensity, despite having never used one long enough to understand how they work. Will start an argument with every Mac user they encounter and belittle them for their choice of OS. Will claim that PCs must be superior because so many more people use them (logic that also makes Akon a superior musician to Sufjan Stevens, because more people buy Akon’s albums). Can usually be seen with an iPod in one ear and an iPhone pressed to the other.

* Note: Mac evangelists are just as annoying.

The highs:

Great conversation-starter for fellow PC users.

The lows:

Does not mix well with Mac users.

PC user breed #9

The addict

How to spot one:

All phone conversations with addicts will be characterized by the faint sound of typing and delayed one-word responses that often don’t quite line up with the question you asked. Will usually only leave the room containing their computer to relieve themselves or scavenge for food and water (unless they’re playing World of Warcraft, in which case these things are not always sufficient motivations… ouch). Will indicate that they want you to stop bothering them by looking intently at the computer screen as they answer your questions. You probably won’t see the person much for the duration of the addiction.

The highs:

Quite good if you don’t like the person much (for example, a weird house-mate).

The lows:

Bad if you like the person (for example, a spouse).

PC user breed #10

The GTD maniac

How to spot one:

Will spend many hours setting up and refining a complicated folder system which saves less time than is spent on maintaining it. Is plagued by constant guilt because they’re “Not doing it properly.” Regards anything other than a blank desktop as “clutter”. Will allocate a weekly “clean up” session, even if there’s nothing to clean. Will delete important files rather than store them, even if they have a 400 Gigabyte hard drive with 380 Gigabytes free.

The highs:

Will achieve occasional ’serene’ states where they feel like everything is perfectly ordered and as it should be.

The lows:

Usually fail to realize that a highly complicated, regimental productivity system is a symptom of over-work, not a cure for it.

A Random Link : Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 17:38:00 +0000

a random link i came across....interesting though

http://links.zigzo.com/2007/05/09/how-to-make-pancakes-like-a-crack-head/

DICKipedia

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:56:00 +0000

Man the *ipedia fever is getting funnier by the day! I came across this site http://dickipedia.org , which is supposed to be the database of all "dickheads". Guess who featured on the list.......our very own Gen. Mush (http://dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Pervez_Musharraf).

Other interesting people on the list include Bill O'Reilly (if you don't know him, youtube his videos and you shall equally hate it), Rudy Giuliani , Dick Cheney etc etc.

Check it out, it's a new site, but has loadsa potential to be funny as hell.

Touch Me....And Set Me Free

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:04:00 +0000

Protection

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 16:11:00 +0000

This girl I know needs some shelter
She don't believe anyone can help her
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don't want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can't change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her

I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a boy and i'm a girl
But you know you can lean on me
And I don't have no fear
I'll take on any man here
Who says that's not the way it should be

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

She's a girl and you're a boy
Sometimes you look so small, look so small
You've got a baby of your own
When your baby's gone, she'll be the one
To catch you when you fall

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a girl and i'm a boy

Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
Just runnin' round and round, helter skelter
And I've leaned on me for years
Now you can lean on me
And that's more than love, that's the way it should be
Now I can't change the way you feel
But I can put my arms around you
That's just part of the deal
That's the way I feel
I'll put my arms around you

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a boy and i'm a girl

I am back...I guess

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 16:06:00 +0000

Been away for long. Work, work and some more work. I wish I could find time to write down my feelings. I feel disconnected with my inner self if I don't write.

Teardrop

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 09:26:00 +0000

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsions
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine, night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my...



Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

You're stumbling in the dark
You're stumbling in the dark

Cricket all around....

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 12:37:00 +0000

I can write shit loads on this. But I shall be discrete.
3 words :

Fuck off Aussie bitches!

Sorry, I had to make it 4; couldn't resist calling 'em cheating whores bitches

The sad truth about India

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 04:24:00 +0000

I am no political commentator but yesterday I sat and watched the debates all day on news channels (since I had nothing else to do, a cold has tied me down).

I waited all day that someone might say the truth. But neither the media nor the politicians have the balls to spit out the truth as to why Modi won. They just kept blabbering about Godhra and polarization of society because of that and development and other bullshit all day long.

I know many people would disagree with me when I say this. But I don't care because in my opinion it's the truth, harsh and sad as it maybe. Modi is statistically right when he says that there were no terrorist attacks in Gujrat under his rule.

I am not saying that all Muslims are terrorists. But the sad truth is, saying this on media is a faux pas, all terrorists are Muslims. The community has a problem. A problem of giving birth to people willing to kill others in the name of God. I don't remember any Holy Book ever saying "kill the infidels". What Modi did was the he "controlled" the Muslims in his state and injected a feeling of safety into the Majority Hindu. That's why he won.

I'm not saying his way of "control" is right. But we tend to forget that the individual is smart, but the public is a fool. Public has a mob mentality. Modi has used that to his advantage.

But the sad truth is, no one in the mainstream media or politics is going to say it. Faux pas, like i said.

I have to give to Modi though. One heck of a strategist. Maybe he should give guest lectures at IIM-A, on manipulative tactics.

Sad day indeed

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 18:27:00 +0000

Today is a sad day. I am sick of the cold that I have. My nose has ran so much it could've gone till Andromeda by now.
I could not go to ther gig at Opus today. A rotten sunday night.

News channels bored me to death with "Moditva" today.

HBO and Star Movies should stop showing kids movies on Sundays!!

Thank god, metal is still alive ! \m/

All hail Opeth!! Saving grace of the day....

We have a shitty government!

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 06:47:00 +0000

Browsing through "Hindustan Times", I fell upon this little, typographical ........errr....... (what should i call it??) ......effect maybe? It might be a mistake or a smart ass like me who is fed up with the Delhi government. Had it not been the Court's pole up their ass, this government would've done nothing.

My experience | Vol. I

noreply@blogger.com (PSYCHO) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:16:00 +0000

Counter Strike
*sigh*
The word alone invokes a million emotions in me.....
I may sound like a freak to write about the "beauty" of a game, but I know that I am addicted to the game, so there is no shame in elucidating about it's wonder.

I had been an ardent gamer for as long as I can remember. From my Nintento NES to Sega to Media VG to PS1 to PC to PSP, I have been playing games since long. The first console I had was the Nintendo NES way back in 89. Some the games I remember playing very vividly are Mario, Excitebike, Donkey Kong, Mach Rider, Duck Hunt, Ice Climber, Road Fighter on that system. I also played a lot of Contra on it later.

Then came my 16 bit gaming console, which meant better graphics and better gameplay. TMNT, Mortal Kombat, Zelda, Final Fantasy et al; all reminiscent of that era.

Got my first computer in 1996. And welcome to the next level of gaming. Wolfenstein 3D and Doom changed the way I played games. Gore and violence was now quite real (for those times at least, now these games seem funny, but classic nywez).

Well it was then and over the years I have played hell lotta games. If I sit down to write about them all, the list might never end.

But the game that has me hooked : Counter Strike.....!

Glory nights of my engineering were whiled away playing CS which resulted in me n my buddy PSM dozing off in lectures. Frantic abusing and pwning the noobs.....aaah.

Headshots, knifing, nading, pwnage, magging, wallling, haxor, noob, spray, matka......some of the most commonly used words. Abuses are even more common but I thought a lil discretion would do.

Oh damn! CS time.....will continue this laters!