WiseQuacks

Is Chocolate Healthy?

wisequack — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:53:37 +0000

Must diets always be given harsh sounding K-type names like PritiKin, AtKins and Kellogg Special KKK? Would diets not be more enticing if they used kinder, gentler soothing sounds such as Nestle, Tootsie Roll and Peppermint Patty?
“I’m here to see Dr. Wonka about starting the Hershey diet.”
Too busy advising a boring diet of high fibre, low fat, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, blahblahblah, seldom do we admonish adopting a diet high in chocolate macaroons, Black Forest cake or Baby Ruths. Well chocaholics may want to unite behind researchers at the University of California who are uncovering the positive medical benefits of chocolate. As it turns out, the cocoa plant is loaded in good old catechins, polyphenols and certain flavenoids. Not only do these phytochemicals appear to have an intriguing cardioprotective effect, they also actually decrease nasty LDL cholesterol. Chocolate has a positive effect on brain neurotransmitters and can act as a mood enhancer. Cocoa has also been found to be rich in powerful cancer-fighting antioxidants. In fact, the prestigious British Medical Journal printed studies that showed that a few pieces of dark chocolate a month actually helped to extend life! Hey, sign me up for the study! Give me a chocolate physical. Heck, transfuse me.
Should chocolate become the newest health treatment, I’d be among the first to open up a Willie Wonka clinic. We’d be open After Eight as we Skittle about spreading Mounds of fun and Almond Joy. We’d use Pez dispensers to take temperatures (oral only). We could fudge the test results. “Congratulations Sweet Marie, you’re expecting Twix. You’re going to have a couple of everlasting gobstoppers.” Terminal patients could eat Death by Chocolate and… OK, I can tell I’m getting carried away here as evidenced by the saliva on my keyboard.
(“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”…Willie Wonka)

Though it’s unlikely we’ll ever see Cadbury’s Phenylethylamine bar on the candy shelf, the names of certain candy bars do in fact remind me of some of the medications available today. For example:
M&M’s could well stand for Maxeran and Maxalt, in treatment for migraines. Many migraineurs suffer from debilitating nausea/vomiting, which often prevents the ingestion of medicine. Maxeran abolishes the nausea. Maxalt is a wafer that melts in your mouth not in your nauseated stomach.
Aero – Asthmatics can be severely aero-challenged. Their life is one of puffers, pills and panicky panting. Now assorted combination aero discs and puffers have revolutionized asthma treatment. No more multiple puffers.
Butterfinger- For those who have blood running in their butterstream, several very effective cholesterol-lowering medications statins can now decrease the grease.
Godiva Chocolates – No real medical correlation, but I include it in hopes that the free advertising in this widely read column will generate a “thank you” from this very wonderful company with handsome and generous management.
Mercedes Benz- ditto
Mr. Big, Skor, and Oh Henry! : Got ED? See Alice.

Stay tuned for more exciting results of long term chocolate studies. Even if “the suspense is terrible….I hope it’ll last.” Wonka

Jelly Roll Model

wisequack — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:52:09 +0000

Should we as doctors be healthy role models to our youth? If we aren’t should we lose our jobs? Recently a raft of rather rotund doctors in Austria’s state-run clinics with a BMI (body mass index) over 25 received letters telling them to shape up or they’re fired! Fired for being fat. Fired for being a roll model.

One in three kids in North America are overweight while a Big Whoppering nine million kids are classified as obese. Pediatric obesity is the greatest health threat facing our children. Some, unfortunately, are primed to be large as a genetic battle between hormones like ghrelin and leptin is waged in the internal milieu. But many others, the corpulent computer-keystered Kripsy Kremed kids, are also developing a host of co-morbid conditions associated with obesity that up until now have never been heard of in children. A life sentence of misery secondary to Type Two diabetes is showing up in younger and younger kids. More recently NASH (non alcoholic hepatitis), previously a purview of plump, portly, or puffy parents is now showing up in obese youth and damaging their livers. 12-year old livers are looking like they’ve been abused in the Navy (motto: “We Sail Wet”) for 20 years.

A few tips on how to prevent your young ‘un from becoming a big ‘un.

1. Best thing to do for an obese child is to give him a prescription for a new set of parents. Studies indicate that many parents with obese kids, especially overweight boys see their child through rose-coloured glasses and don’t see the “big” problem. “Porky’s not obese, doctor, he’s just big boned. Now you’ve upset him. There there now, you’re mommy’s little Piglet, have another Oreo and don’t listen to that Austrian.”
2. “Breast is best.” Another Navy motto, but also refers to the fact that the GUTS (Growing Up Today Study) found that children who had been breastfed were 34% less likely to become obese regardless of how chubby or diabetic their mother is. Of course if your big baby is twenty seven years old then perhaps he’s just best left fat.
3. Role model v. roll model. “OK kid go out and do some push ups or something just leave me alone and keep away from my remote!” Kids born to overweight moms are 15 times likely to be obese by age six and in fact start to pack on the Gerbers by age three.
4. Remove words like “fat”, “exercise” and “diet” and replace with more fun euphemisms like “play”, “great nutrition” and “kumquat” (Kumquat has nothing to do with this article I just think it’s a hilarious word.)
5. Don’t eat in front of TV, in fact get rid of your TV. Go ahead. In fact, if you have a 52inch LCD then as a caring medical professional it would be in your best interest for me to remove that from your home. Trust me. I am only thinking of you, your children and the playoffs.
6. Eat as a family.
7. Eat like the French, Slowly all day lunches with excessive amount of wine. I believe this works because the diners pass out and don’t wake up in time to eat supper. Make the meal a marathon not a sprint. Try to stretch out the meal or you’ll stretch out your Lulu Lemons.
8. Start meals with salad or soup. Stuff ‘em early, stuff em hard! (They won’t be able to wolf down dessert.)
9. Fridge full of healthy snacks like carrot sticks , celery sticks and Snickers sticks. Obesity comes not only from eating the wrong things, it also comes from not eating the right things. Undernourished kids gain weight as they get hungry and end up eating cardboard-like products.
10. No junk food in the house. Changing eating habits as a child is easier than treating obesity as an adult. I might add that nowhere on the Snickers wrapper does it actually refer to itself as a junk food per se.
11. Be active in promoting active lifestyle options for kids in your community.
12. Let them get their sleep. Leptin, a good guy hormone is released during sleep.
12. Move to Vienna.

Old People Have No Taste

wisequack — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:50:04 +0000

Did you know that as we get older we start to lose our taste as witnessed by the tendency to wear checked sweaters and plaid pants …but we also lose the sensation of taste. Although we are born with over 9,000 taste buds, as we ripen, the number of these tongue sensors decrease leaving us with less than half that number later in life. As well, by the age of forty-five, these dwindling buddies also diminish their sensitivity. This combination results in the inability to distinguish between bitter and salty flavours which explains what went wrong with Granny’s roast beef at Xmas. The good news is that as we age, we gradually lose all our senses such as hearing, sight, smell, and touch so we don’t really care anymore.

People Who Wear Glasses Are Smarter

wisequack — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:49:26 +0000

Quite often when we look at a person wearing glasses we automatically assume that they must be an intelligent individual but are they really smarter? Researchers in Singapore studied whether there was an association between level of intelligence and the likelihood of being myopic or nearsighted. The results indicated a 4-fold increased risk of needing eyeglasses in those people that were enrolled in gifted school programs or who attended post-secondary institutions. Although you might think this is simply because students are more likely to perform close visual work such as intensive reading and studying which causes eye strain, there does not seem to be a clear correlation with this assumption. Furthermore, psychologists in Australia tested the theory that people who wear glasses tend to be the top nerds in school…but this also does not seem to be the case. This study found no increased link between eyeglass-wearers and personality traits such as introversion and excessive conscientiousness. In fact, the only personality trait that was seen more in myopic people was actually openness which is often correlated with being more educated because of a wider range of interests. So, if you like to wear glasses just to look studious, it might not be a smart decision…

Diagnostic Imaging

wisequack — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:05:33 +0000

A Real Groiner

wisequack — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:03:56 +0000

There are few things I enjoy more than playing hockey. Actually I’m a little deeper than that. I also enjoy watching hockey, table hockey, roller hockey, playing hooky, Stompin Tom, hockey gear, hockey pools and Jello. But I, like many of you, am not as young as I was a year ago. This means I must now resort to wilier tactics such as tripping, slashing, blaming others and reminding the ref that he may, one day, find himself lying naked on my examining table. But for a few moments last week I thought I was 21 again. I accelerated on the ice, like really, really fast dude. My groin was not happy about this 21-year old thing. It groaned, whined, roared and then snapped. A few strides later and I was toast. A groin pull/strain/tear/owwie. Reacting in typical hockey macho style, I tossed my helmet, broke my stick over Scottie’s head and lay on the ice making snow angels, or at least half a snow angel. I writhed and grimaced and clutched myself so dramatically that soccer scouts started salivating. The next morning I prepared to ooze out of bed, but my groin was still in the penalty box. Unable to move my left leg I log-rolled onto my stomach, pivoted about my navel axis, arched my back and slid off the mattress, backwards, like a confused walrus. Now as much as the condition of my groin is, no doubt, of great concern to you, this column is about physiotherapy, not the state of my groin. (That story will be told in my upcoming book entitled “Dr Dave, A Real Groiner” soon to be made into a TV docudrama featuring Dr. George Clooney as myself, with groin stunts and clutches performed by Michael Jackson and Manchester United.)
Recalling a painful teenage experience with Absorbine Junior and a previous groin strain, I decided that, instead of self-medicating, I would visit my local physiotherapist. Physiotherapy is not something doctors necessarily know a whole lot about. We are the diagnosers, they are the fixer uppers. If a patient limps into the office, holding a kneecap in their hands, we diagnose “Sore leg”, prescribe them a drug to make us feel complete and send them to physio to get fixed up.
As I lay on the physio’s table, Barb (perfect name) marched in towing an ultrasound machine. Now U/S is an excellent treatment modality, though I must admit I was a tad leery of anything attached to an electrical outlet getting that close to my nether regions. But my groin pain was growing pain so I let the machine do its thing. U/S not only decreases inflammation but also speeds up healing by allowing the muscle fibres to properly align. In addition, therapeutic U/S has been shown to expedite fracture healing. And I was amazed! After a few minutes I was all but able to throw away my crutches and hop out of the office, which I did with such glee that I tripped and pulled my groin. So I returned the next day, wanting to know what other instruments these physios employ to heal foolishly injured patients. I asked,
ME: “What other instruments do you employ to heal foolishly injured patients?”
Barb: “Well, we have Interferential, an electrical suction cup device that relieves pain and stimulates muscle, causing it to contract and relax.
ME: “To be used when?” I gasped as I reflexively guarded my injury with a magazine.
Barb: “When muscles need to be strengthened, such as after a joint, muscle or bone injury or operation. It can also be used to strengthen intrinsic back muscles allowing those with back pain to rebalance their spine. And over here we have a traction device, (pointing to a device with a pulley, chains, a dial and MORE WIRES CONNECTED TO AN OUTLET!) commonly known as “the rack”. Assorted back and neck pains can benefit from traction.”
ME: “Hence the term physioterrorist.”
Barb: “But our greatest tools are these.” she remarked as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a vicious pair of hands, conveniently attached to a muscular pair of arms. To make matters worse, they smelled like… Absorbine Junior. (For the final outcome of this groin therapy please see the movie or read Chapter 11 entitled “It’s Just a Little Limp!”)

Are We Nuts?

wisequack — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:02:12 +0000

On rare occasions, when I find that my pantry is low on the essential food groups such as Cocoa Puffs, Snickers and Dr.Pepper, I go grocery shopping. Not one to linger too long in the tofu and wheat germ aisle I slink over to the bulk food section, salivating fondly over these massive barrels of massive calories. When it comes to the cases of nuts, admittedly, I am a bit of a nutcase. I scoop up a large mixture of nuts, flick aside the ugly Brazil nuts, flick in a few more cashews and make for my pantry. But I happen to have two teenage sons/squirrels nesting in my home. By the time I get around to treating myself I notice that all of the cashews have mysteriously fallen out of the bag. My “Keep your hands off my nuts!” command does nothing but garner snickers, which as I mentioned is one of the more important food groups. Returning later, the almonds have been selectively extricated and are gone. Finally the walnuts are freed from the mix, leaving me with nothing but a bag of filberts and salt. This drives me…exactly.
Nuts, though unquestionably chockfull of fat, just might be the healthiest snack in your cupboard.

ALMONDS A handful of almonds a day will keep the cardiovascular surgeon away. The lowering of LDL cholesterol, known as the mother of all evil cholesterol, is essential for routine heart pump maintenance. In fact, in those who are at risk of heart disease, the aggressive lowering of LDL cholesterol is necessary. According to the nutty professors at Harvard who study these things, a daily handful of almonds can lower LDL cholesterol enough to reduce cardiovascular disease by a whopping 20%! In some cases a handful of almonds may be used instead of cholesterol-lowering medication. Almonds are also rich in folate, a vitamin important in keeping hearts, fetuses, bone and brain healthy.

CASHEW Gesundheit. These luxurious nuts are nothing to sneeze at. Cashews are rich in selenium, a mineral shown to protect against prostate cancer. (This being the case my sons should have the healthiest prostates south of Spitzbergen.) Cashews, like most nuts are best eaten unsalted and raw while the oil is fresh. Like almonds, these nuts are loaded in monounsaturated fats, which is good fat. If “good fat” makes as much sense as “slumber party” or “cat owner,” realize that, like good cholesterol, unsaturated fat acts biochemically to reduce the risk of cancers and coronaries.

WALNUTS Rich in omega 3 fatty acids, walnuts are, like fish, beneficial in lowering cholesterol. They are also rich in arginine, an amino acid important in the synthesis of nitric oxide, which helps relax tense blood vessels.

PISTACHIOS. These nuts have been known to cause an unfortunate disease known in the medical field as Pistachio nail. Wrestling vigorously to get at a pistachio may cause scrapes under the tender thumbnail skin, which when further irritated with salt will cause its victim to insert the injured thumb into the mouth. Sucking vigorously at the thumb, the victim is often seen simultaneously sifting through the bag for easier pistachios.

PEANUTS. Peanuts are not your normal nut. In fact, peanuts are no more a nut than Michael Jackson isn’t. They are legumes. But as we can salt them, roast them and sell them in the bulk food containers, let’s consider them nuts. The average child will eat 1500 peanut butter sandwiches by the time they graduate from high school. This is not necessarily bad as peanuts are high in fiber, niacin and a powerful antioxidant called reservatol, the same flavenol that gives red wine its reputation as a protector of hearts. Same benefit, less hangover.
So as I sit here with my bag of filberts and salt, my everlasting-prostate sons are fully sated. While a corn doodle or other empty carb snack leaves the snacker hungry again in 30 minutes, a handful of nuts satisfies hunger pangs for several hours. Nut snackers actually eat less, lose weight and have less diabetes. Satisfying, fat, tasty and highly nut—-ricious.

Exercising the Brain

wisequack — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:37:39 +0000

Could I Get a Personality Disorder

wisequack — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:36:45 +0000

“Carl,” I comment to the psychiatrist sitting beside me at a medical conference I recently attended (for some odd reason these guys seem to relish sitting by me), “Is it not true that just about everyone could be slotted into one Personality Disorder category or another?”
“Sort of. We could all be described as having one style of personality or another, with only the degree of the personality trait determining if it becomes a disorder. You for example I would classify as a compulsive personality with…”
“Why you incompetent Freudian snake oil nincompoo… ”
“No, this is true of most doctors. But a personality style only becomes a disorder when it is taken to the extreme. Then it begins to interfere with day-to-day functioning. But by its very definition, those with Personality Disorders don’t believe they have a problem. They think they are OK, it’s everyone around them that notices the problem.”
“Funny, I’ve noticed that my entire office staff, my hockey team and my family all seem to have problematic Personality Disorders.”
“I see. While 2-3% of the population consistently demonstrate a full blown Personality Disorder, the rest of us need to be wary that our particular personality style doesn’t deteriorate down the continuum into a Personality Disorder. Certain triggers such as an illness, (particularly neurological illnesses), stress and even some medications may convert our style or trait into a disorder. For example, someone you might consider “sensitive” may become ill and slide down that continuum to develop an Avoidant Personality Disorder. A “conscientious” person may become an obsessive-compulsive during university exams. While personality traits are often genetically programmed, a dysfunctional Personality Disorder may develop permanently in a child who is the product of chronic moderate neglect or abuse. Once ingrained, Personality Disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. It is not easy to treat someone who thinks everyone else is the problem. These people are able to thwart any attempt at therapy. They are “difficult” people with disturbed, extreme and rigid views of themselves and the world about them.”
Want to get the family stirred up tonight? Try gathering the clan around and determine which personality trait/style each fits into. That way, when Uncle Archibald goes squirrelly one day while on Demerol after bowel surgery, you can predict which Personality Disorder you will be dealing with. To further foment family feuding, grade each player from 1-10 based on how close their trait is to becoming a disorder.

PERSONALITY STYLE DISORDER

vigilant paranoid (unwarranted suspicion, envy, distrust in motives of others)
devoted dependant (submissive and clinging behaviour, fear of separation)
mercurial borderline (very unstable in interpersonal relationships, impulsive)
self confidentnarcissistic (lack of empathy for others, need for admiration)
dramatichistrionic (over reactive, theatrical behaviour and seductiveness, attention seeking, excessively emotional)
aggressiveexplosive (impulse control, temper problems)
adventurousantisocial (disregard for rights of others, sociopathic)
conscientiousobsessive compulsive (excessive concern with conformity, inability to relax easily)
solitaryschizoid (timidness, introversion, social detachment)
leisurelypassive aggressive (negativistism, passive resistance to demands and resposibilities)
sensitiveavoidant (hypersensitive, social inhibition)
self sacrificingself defeating (“If I suffer enough and someone sees it, I’ll be loved”)
idiosyncraticschizotypal (eccentricity of behaviour, discomfort with and reduced capacity for close relationships)