With a Smile

Official

2011-04-08T11:47:00.002+08:00

Anne Does Have a Point

2011-03-29T13:47:00.000+08:00

Gandalf or DumbleDore

2011-03-09T11:53:00.001+08:00

You win batman-looking guy!

SnowStorm

2011-02-08T14:06:00.001+08:00

Making the most out of it :)

What Mothers Think

2011-01-20T13:29:00.000+08:00

To Steal or Not To Steal

2011-01-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

Submitted by Jason

This made my day ^_^

Perceptions

2010-12-06T09:53:00.001+08:00

Women Friends chatting in office.

Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?

Woman 2: Yes.

Woman 1: Was it good?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of for*play. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

SmartPhone Users

2010-11-10T12:57:00.003+08:00

Expand

2010-10-11T14:53:00.001+08:00

Best Friend

2010-10-08T08:46:00.001+08:00

Who is really your best friend? Your dog or your spouse?

Ok, check this out....I tried this...and guess what? It really, REALLY works!

1. Lock your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car.
2. Wait one hour.
3. Open up and see who is really happy to see you.

Bidding

2010-10-05T08:18:00.001+08:00

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Parrot

2010-10-02T08:37:00.000+08:00

There was a man who traveled all around the world. Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her.

On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages. He immediately bought it and sent it home to his mother.

A few days later he calls his mother. "Did you like the parrot?" he asked her.

"Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious."

"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it! That parrot wasn't for you to eat! It spoke thirty languages!"

The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"

Understanding Women

2010-09-29T08:41:00.001+08:00

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Wordless

2010-09-26T09:31:00.002+08:00

Gimme your best shot!

Remote

2010-09-23T08:26:00.001+08:00

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.

The MRI Experience

2010-09-20T09:55:00.003+08:00

Marriage

2010-09-17T08:16:00.001+08:00

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

He said, 'I found the remote'.

Indecent Proposal

2010-09-14T08:21:00.001+08:00

Chuck Norris

2010-09-11T09:49:00.001+08:00

Fail

2010-09-08T08:24:00.002+08:00

Creativity

2010-09-05T10:36:00.003+08:00

Biker

2010-09-01T08:27:00.001+08:00

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...

'Grandpa... Go home! You're drunk!'

Knob

2010-08-29T10:36:00.005+08:00

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand-new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob".

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful: she remained young-looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, however, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags; those are your breasts."

The woman then answered...
"Well, then, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee!"

Plane

2010-08-26T08:47:00.003+08:00

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer then asked, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Permission Slips

2010-08-22T08:58:00.001+08:00

For Him:

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

Date:
Time of departure:
Time of return NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units)
Beer:
Wine:
Liquor:
Total:

Locations to be visited:

Females with whom conversation is permitted:

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

Request is: APPROVED DENIED

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date:
Time of departure:
Time of return:
Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

For Her:

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:

I’m going out.

Signed: (me) _____________________________