I took a really great class recently in the city and was partnered with a wonderful woman as we took part in a meditation exercise.  The work in the class was all about “dropping in” and feeling the presence of the Divine in everyday moments. At the end of the exercise, this wonderful woman and I began chatting about life and asking questions to get to know each other better. I told her that I was an at-home mom with 2 young sons and all that comes with it. She noticed that my body tensed up and I started to talk faster when speaking about the many tasks that there are to do every day and how challenging it is to stay ahead of it all. She was absolutely correct. My heart rate increased, my hands clenched, my eyes grew wider. I love what I do, but it can get overwhelming, which is what she picked up on from my energy and body language. We were so in tune with each other after the exercise that I believe she delivered to me the perfect message that I needed. She leaned forward with a smile and soft tone in her voice and said (paraphrasing here):

What if, everything you do in your life, for your children, for your husband, for your family and friends, for yourself, for the community, you do it all from a calm, relaxed place of peace. What would change in the outcome? Would you be more or less productive? If your sons were late to school or a lesson once or twice what’s the worst thing that can happen? You would still be taking care of your responsibilities, just not in a ball of knots. And you would enjoy all of it so much more.

So simple, right? She brought back the many readings I have done about mindfulness in Buddhism. And the advice to stay present that we hear in many traditions and now even in the mainstream. It’s amazing how one can know these things intellectually but it may take the additional inspiration from a wonderful soul, whom I did not know previously and may never see again, to bring it all together.

 In Moments of Disturbance

When we feel disturbance in our bodies and minds it is a message alerting us that something is wrong. That at some point we have allowed ourselves to veer out of the divine flow of who we are. We’ve closed our hearts without realizing it and sank into the identification of our importance; the importance of our roles. I am the MOM, no one can do this but me. I am the head administrator, or nurse, or teacher or CEO. If we stop just a moment we can climb out of the illusion that we are the roles that we play and realize that the world would keeps spinning if we didn’t play any of these roles.

True freedom is freedom from yourself, not for yourself.

- Michael Singer

Author and spiritual teacher, Michael Singer speaks about developing the habit of catching oneself when a disturbance to your peace occurs and asking “Is this helpful? Do I want to be disturbed? Do I like being disturbed?” He says to relax and lean back into silence. Watch the thoughts fueling the disturbance. Recognize yourself as the awareness, for you are not your thoughts.  This is true self-care. This is true freedom. We have a birthright to choose how we feel, whether or not we react, and if our hearts remain open and loving no matter what is going on.

Catch Yourself, Save Yourself, Heal Yourself

The weekend before Halloween, I took my 2 sons to the zoo to wear their costumes and enjoy the Halloween festivities; just Mom and the kids. From the time we got up in the morning it was rush, rush, rush. I rushed to get them in the car, rushed to get them to the zoo, stood in line to get their pumpkins in a hurried posture. I was tense. Then I heard the wonderful woman’s voice in my mind, “… from a place of peace.” There was no need to rush except that it had become a habit in all of the activities we do. There was no logical sense in being tense, no one was getting a grade here. We were there to have fun. I needed to surrender.

After that moment, we had a wonderful time. I even got my faced painted like a peacock. We did not change the activity. We still stood in line. I still managed their varied interests and emotional states. I had to stop my youngest from climbing over ropes and scaling walls a few times. The things that come with taking children out and about were still there, but I had changed. I exercised my right to choose to remain open. Let me tell you, it is a new habit in the making but oh so worth it with just a little effort. It really can be that simple.

Now, in the morning when I’m waking children and getting them dressed, getting lunch together, paying bills, organizing my day of home schooling/housework/extra-curricular activities etc., and even while driving in my car, I catch myself, I save myself, I heal myself, in the moment, simply by falling back into the silence.

Care… but not that much

Should we take care of our responsibilities? Absolutely. Should we honor the work we do? Definitely. Should we care about the outcome? Yes… but not that much. Our self-worth is not wrapped up in the outcome of a task or fulfillment of a “responsibility.” Your value is in who you are, not in what you do.

Say to yourself… Without the task, I AM, without the responsibility, I AM, without the role, identification, or position, I AM, simply because God extended his light and created me. Who you are in truth is quiet, in the silence, the loving presence who sees it all.

On the surface, nothing has changed in the completion of the tasks at hand. However, your peaceful energy as the foundation of the fulfillment of these responsibilities has the potential to change your whole life and the lives of those around you. It is that powerful.

With Love,

Many of the songs remind me of high school. Naturally, I am in a different place, and yet… I think that if at a young age, I was exposed to a plethora of genres, styles, energies and messages… if I had really had a choice… I may not have chosen the same music.

Admittedly, there is some nostalgia there. Music is powerful. It can push and pull emotions. It can be relaxing, centering, and balancing or it can rack your nerves, stress you out, tick you off or wrap you in sadness. Music reminds us of events and feelings from the past. From the very first note, we can be pulled right back word for word, ad-lib for ad-lib, beat for beat. Even some of the most (now) offensive lyrics pop right into mind while the song is playing.

The difference is that this time, from a place of awareness, watching how my body, mind and spirit reacted to the music, it felt off. Incompatible. The message didn’t jive with who I am today.

Are You Negatively Programming Yourself Without Realizing It?

It dawned on me. I don’t feed myself these messages anymore. The songs used to sound like they were “keeping it real” about life and love. Now they sound misguided and even silly.

At home, I usually enjoy music (of all genres) that elevates my mood, and increases my joy. I’m especially thoughtful about this because I have 2 young children. It’s a daily dose of positive programming for all of us. However, many people are unconsciously exposing themselves to the potentially negative effects of music and it’s messages. I’m not saying this applies to all of radio, but it is there, in the mix and in heavy rotation. Over and over, day after day, music that does not affirm life and the journey.

Do I listen to pop music because I’m miserable or am I miserable because listen to pop music?
– John Cusack

I remember going into low emotions just by putting on a specific song. I even knew the exact song to play to go into the dumps, even when my own situation wasn’t really that deep. Sound familiar? We all have done it and definitely when we were teenagers. Seems like insanity in retrospect, but I know many, many people do this without taking a moment, just a beat, to say, “Wait a minute!!! This is crazy! I am doing this to myself! Cut it out!”

Did I Choose the Song or Did the Song Choose Me?

I am not against radio music (or any music for that matter).  And everyone needs moments of catharsis every now and then. My thoughts stem from many of us acting as passive consumers, allowing messages to enter our ears and ultimately our minds that we did not choose. Hop in the car, pop on the radio and go. Daily, we feed ourselves potentially harmful messages and rhythms pulsing with heavy emotions, just because it happens to be the song of the day.

Think back to a time when a song you disliked played so frequently on the radio, that it ended up playing in your head. Sometimes you found yourself saying the song “grew” on you. Play a song over and over and it can stick on you, for better or worse.

Choose Music Like You Would Choose Affirmations.

Affirmations are (usually) positive statements that affirm who we are and who we can become. They are used to bring about a change in thinking about ourselves, life and the world. Common affirmations are: “I am a joyful person. I am love. I am at peace. I love life. I am successful.” The shift starts on the conscious level and ultimately moves to the subconscious. The goal is to bring our understanding of ourselves into alignment with the love and joy that is already within us. What really seals their effectiveness is adding emotion as you utter or think the statements. As you believe, things show up in your life that are in line with what you believe.

Whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality.
– Brian Tracy

Unfortunately, negative thoughts are just as easily accepted into the subconscious as positive thoughts. Every morning would you repeat, “Love is dangerous. I am a victim. I am in agony. I am filled with poison.” with passion and emotion? Probably not on purpose. But if you are regularly listening to music about shooting people, or love that is depicted as painful and dangerous, wanting to be someone’s victim, etc. (all themes from songs currently on the radio), then these are the messages about life that you are programming yourself with. Especially if you are feeling some emotion as you listen and sing along. Again, as you believe, things show up in your experience that affirm what you believe.

Awareness is Key

I understand that most people will choose to listen to music they like over what is probably most beneficial to their well being. This still applies to me, though much less often. In this case, be very conscious of what is playing. Even if you like a song that has some not so positive messages, remain aware of this. You don’t have to avoid popular music all together. It’s entertainment. Just know what is being said and what YOU think about it. If you find yourself agreeing with a lyric that says “life is hard,” or “love is pain,” you may want to question that notion. It’s not the truth just because it is in a song. Notice how your entire system reacts. Are you amped up? Do you feel like you want to fight or curse someone out? Are you sad or anxious? Are you reliving a past event, retelling the story, re-feeling the emotion? Watch, notice and please don’t judge yourself. Stay present. As Eckhart Tolle has said, your power is in “your own conscious presence.”

With Love,

Joy vs. Happiness

Joy and happiness are not the same. Happiness is an emotion, a reaction. There is always an ebb and flow to “happy” because it is dependent upon external circumstances.  It is our attachment to what we perceive will “make us happy” that makes us so easily thrown into despair at the slightest misfortune. Case in point, my husband knows, “Bring my wife a little chocolate, instant happy lady.” It’s like flipping on a light switch.

Joy, on the other hand, is the opening of one’s heart.  It is what we are at the deepest level of spirit. It is the presence of light within us all. It is not dependent upon outside forces, circumstances and events. Joy is the part of you that is always there waiting to be noticed. Waiting to be chosen. Joy is the presence of the Infinite. Your personality can be in an unhappy state and still maintain joy. With a change in perspective, financial difficulties, family issues, job loss and various other misfortunes can transform from problems to lessons, from hardship to hidden blessings. And it is this change in outlook that will often improve the situation.

“The light that belongs to you is the light of Joy.” ~ A Course in Miracles

My children and I say a lovely prayer every night, at the end of which we say, “we are divine spirits created by God and we are never alone.” The joyful presence of spirit is always there. In good times and in challenging times. We are never alone.

I get excited just thinking about that notion. But, beyond the warm and fuzzies, there are practical ways you can remember to choose Joy when lifelong conditioning and external influences would have you do otherwise:

Plant the Seeds of Joy

Remind yourself of Joy when life is going well. Don’t wait til the storms come and expect to just snap out of it in the midst of calamity. Staying in alignment with joy takes practice. When you wake in the morning, simply whisper or think of the word joy and what it means to you.  While looking in the mirror – I am Joy. While washing dishes –Joy in the simplest things. While watching your children play – Joy. While walking in the park – Joy. Breathe and remember… joy.

“Finger the word ‘Joy’ with your thoughts. Feel the tingle of its dynamic infectious energy. It is a force as real as electricity.” ~ Poet Don Blanding: Joy is an Inside Job

Breathe and Be Now

Breathing is so often taken for granted. A good deep breath is an instant pick-me-up. It brings you to now. For that second, you are in and of the moment, not in yesterday, not in tomorrow. All there is is right now. All that you are is right now. There is no tomorrow or yesterday. It is the belief in these time concepts that robs us of joy. Longing for yesterday, regret, and fear of what might happen tomorrow only exist in our minds. There is great freedom in dropping these ideas and choosing the reality of the joy of Now instead.

“The more you are focused on time – past and future – the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is… …it is the only thing. It’s all there is. … Life is now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now

Surrender to What Is

Very simply put, “It is what it is.” Roll with it. When we fight it and wish it was different, we lock that very experience within us. By surrendering to it and to the emotions it conjures, we give it space to move through us and give ourselves permission to decide what it means to us. Are we the victim or the student?

“To relax, to feel the love in your heart and keep to that as your focus in every situation – that is the meaning of spiritual surrender.” ~ Marianne Williamson: A Return to Love.

Remember Who you Are

Every night in my prayer, I remember that, I am light, I am love, I am peace, I am Joy. I am never alone. You are beyond any event, any circumstance. You are the very Joy and Love you seek.

Ask and Listen

Through prayer, meditation or other practices that bring you in alignment with joy. Speak aloud or softly or in your thoughts. In trying times, ask to see things through the eyes of infinite love. Ask to remain open to the lessons you are to learn. Ask to remain open-hearted to find peace within the trials. Then remain open to receive answers, guidance and peace.

These very tools, used daily, have truly changed my life. I have learned that we must love ourselves all the way through life’s ups and downs. Say to yourself, “Okay, this is how I’m choosing to feel now.” And just watch, be the non-judgmental witness, like a loving friend.  And as you open your heart, Joy will be there, as it always has, and always will be.

With Love and Gratitude