Wizard of thought

I can do anything in life but never forgive them...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 14:31:00 +0000

You are driving on a road and somebody cuts you off. Whats the immediate reaction?

You are playing a sport like basketball and the other team person is aggressive and does a foul on your team. How does your face change?

It is easy for anyone to say oh ignore them, just be happy.
And you are thinking - "Oh whatever! You don't even know what I am going through. You don't feel what I feel when they did that to me."

Lets revisit our thought in a bit, shall we.

Question for those of you who are familiar with Islamic history:

Who was Prophet Muhammad (SAW)'s closest companion? The kind of love he had for SAW, no one else can even compare to that kind of love. His love for the messenger surpasses everyone else's. On top of this his daughter was married to the prophet of God (SAW). So he was not only the messenger of Allah but also family.

The man was Abu Bakr Siddiqui (RAA).

His daughter was accused. And on top of that his daughter was accused by someone he used to give allowance to. Now those of us who have daughters, imagine when our daughters are wrongly accused, what is the amount of anger we feel. Accused in an ugly way in which the mother of believers was accused. Just imagine the rage you would feel, the anger that will burn you. And on top of this add that this is not just any woman. An attack on her was an attack on the holy prophet (SAW) and on Islam as well.

Imagine the kind of anger, the kind of hurt the kind of pain he would have felt. And how did he take out his anger. By discontinuing his allowance. That is all he did.

And Allah (SWT) set such high standards for Muslims that he said, "you should forgive out of love. Turn the page. Wouldn't you love that Allah would forgive you?"

Imagine the scale, on one side there is the genuine well deserved anger and on the other side is the forgiveness by Allah (SWT) himself. And which side weighs more.

A lot of people, a lot of situations make me angry everyday. But then I am supposed to think is my anger or the extent of my anger, anything in comparison to the anger that Abu Bakr Siddiqui (RAA) would have faced. Does it even begin to compare?

And what is being offered to us in return of forgiving someone with love is forgiveness from Allah (SWT) himself. Once we get this part, we don't even care whether the other person deserves forgiveness or not, what kind of a person they are, if they even acknowledge their own faults or not, etc. All we then care about is that Allah (SWT) is offering us our forgiveness.

Lets get back to our situation now, shall we?

So with this new perspective of forgiveness, lets revisit our situation. The noble companions were not made of material different from us. They had the same feelings of anger and hurt and pain. Only difference is that they understood what our Lord commands of us and they followed it despite however hard it was.

Yes no human can understand what I am going through. But there is only one who understands. And the one who understands has given me the only way there is to overcome my grief.

May he also make it easy for me to follow that path.

And for you!!

Foundation Foundation Foundation

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 01:03:00 +0000

(Including excerpts from Oprah’s Lifeclass)

I used to look at some of my problems and feel they are huge, until I looked at what a lot of people face in the name of modernism everyday. And my problems seemed nothing in contrast.

I am lucky to have a father who I know would happily give all his lifelong possessions for my happiness and a husband who would burn his own desires for the sake of me and our kids. But then I look at some people, happenings, statistics and sayings of the world around me:

71% of men in American prisons come from families that fathers were absent.

Iyanla Vanzant on Oprah’s Lifeclass said the reason why some men can’t be good men or dads is because they haven’t finished being a boy yet.

Barrack Obama said in 2008 – “What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. Any fool can do that. It is the ability to raise one that makes you a MAN.”

The fact that single parent families are becoming “normal” shows the vast number of families that are breaking up and the equally vast number of men and women that do not believe or invest in the institution of family at all.

Where a mother teaches a child to love, a father forms a child’s identity. There is not one more important than the other.

Where a complete absence plagues the majority of black or the Caucasian community, the majority of South Asian community faces a challenge of absence while being present. A parent’s role is providing, nurturing and guiding. And the South Asian community gets stuck on providing alone.

Universally, we take the biggest role of our lives lightly. It seems that success, finances, entertainment, fun, admiration and attention are so important that responsibility and meaningful relations dive deep in the priority list.

But there’s more to the story than meets the eye.

Get rid of “YOUR STORY”
Today’s average 30s and 40s have a story:
“We want to be good. We want to be great. But there is a part in us that makes us feel that we can not be good because we don’t know how to be good.
Many of us while growing up yearned for a mentor. There was a constant yearning for someone to affirm our path, so that we know we are not guinea pigging our way through our whole life.”

You have to forgive and forget the story you have been telling yourself over and over. The meaning of that is GIVE UP THE HOPE THAT THE PAST COULD HAVE BEEN ANY DIFFERENT.

Whatever trauma any of us faced in the past, part of the pain that we have, that we carry and that we rarely confess is that it was somehow our fault and it is now an imprint on our soul. First thing we need to tell ourselves is that it was not our fault. Whatever made a parent absent physically or emotionally was nothing to do with you. It was just the best that THEY could do at that time. Forgive yourself and forgive YOURSELF for believing that it was your fault.

Mentally go through your life. See whatever you told yourself would have been different about you and your life, if that had not happened. And then forgive yourself for your fantasies and forget your fantasies.
Every time you tell your story to yourself, it becomes bigger and bigger, and then the ego becomes the author of your life instead of YOU.
Once you forgive yourself, you open up the space for now.
You open up the space for better things to come in your life.

Hole in the soul
We all need system, structure, affirmation – these are the things that grow hair on a man’s chest.
To become a man, a boy needs to know 4 things from his dad:

- Are you proud of me?

- Do I matter to you?

- Is what I do important to you?

- Do you love me?

When these questions are not answered, you don’t feel important and there is a hole in the soul. You try and fill the hole with several ways. Many girls, many jobs, drugs, wrong people, misdirected anger, overcompensating, under-compensating and so on…

Filling the hole
We want to see someone in our life that reflects us.

If you don’t know your history, you are not going to know your future.

Iyanla Vanzant’s son at 41 years of age, saw his mom and dad talking to each other for the first time in one room having a calm conversation together about something silly like making of a soap, and just the sight filled a hole in him. And it felt like a family. It never daunted on the mother or the father that how much it meant to the children to see the mom and dad together.

For every hurt, there is a healing cycle:
Anger,
hurt and
love…
At first there is anger. Anger is really just a shield to protect ourselves. And as long as we stay in anger, we can’t really get to what we are really feeling. Hurt makes us vulnerable. Once we get over the anger, we give ourselves the permission to feel the hurt and be vulnerable to more hurt. And once we get past that, only then can we heal and get back to loving and feeling the love.

Then comes the physical affirmation - own your destiny yourselves… Whoever you think your pain is related to, simply affirm to yourself…
What you did might have caused me a pain like no other pain, but despite your choices and that pain, I am the best man/woman that I can be. I am going to be the best man/ woman I can be.
(Interestingly, this works with every hurt or pain that you feel has been inflicted on you by another being)

Affirmation before temptation
The tempter will come to the children as they grow up in many forms... in drugs, selling their body, their souls, their abusive relationships, supervisors from hell, excessive pride and so on…

But if the hole in the soul has been filled; if there has been an affirmation of the path; if the top four questions have been answered: then the temptation won’t hold a chance.

When they know who they are; the real thing: no imitation or compensation will do… and they will sail through just fine.

Once we have this physical authority established in our lives, only then can we connect to the spiritual authority. (But that is the next level, to be explored in another post)

The End ..... of 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 13:30:00 +0000

It is 2013.
The world didn't end after all!

And yet, a lot of events questioned - Is it is even worth going on? Nature created its own havoc and mad nature of humans even more.

Super storm Sandy to Sandy Hook Elementary School, earthquakes to Colorado movie house shooting, war-torn African and middle eastern nations to gang rapes and brutal killings, threat of Cancer to financial recession, heart break lies and betrayals to relationship issues... A lot happened that gave rise to questions like why?

As we disseminate the whys a lot more questions come up...

Follow Damini rape and murder case in India and you would ask why does gender inequality even exist? Why is there even a question like what punishment to be given to the offenders? Why are people even passing remarks like "dented and painted" women etc.? Why does this incident come as a shock in a place where females live with eve teasing everyday?

Follow Sandy Hook shooting and you would ask - why are mentally ill children not given enough support? why are guns easily accessible? Why is it a shock that a generation raised on psycho killing movies thinks nothing of killing anyone?

Why are the best of people diagnosed with worst of diseases? When those seemingly worthy of worse punishment cruise through life?

Why is life not treasured as the gift it is? Why does other persons life and dreams seem cheaper than our own?

Why do things happen as they happen? Why do people behave as they behave?

Are we all any different though?

Is there anyone whose angel on the left shoulder has been idle all through?

Probably not. The difference is just in the degrees and intensities of our sins.

I might not have raped anyone, but have I never broken anyone's spirit by my harsh words, even if it was not intentional?

I might not have taken a gun and killed children in a school, but have I done anything worthwhile to make the world a safer place?

I might not have cheated in my relationships, but have I never lied about anything to anyone?

I might not be a part of the new gothic kind of culture and worship devil, but have I put enough effort into understanding what god really wants from me?

Isn't the root cause of all evil simply - pride, jealousy or greed? I might be proud that I am more good looking than another man or woman, but are good looks nothing but a gift from the almighty. I might be jealous that someone has a better life, but do I know of half the struggles and efforts that they have gone through to reach there. I might want more and more of somethings, but do I know whose rights I will be violating when I fulfill my greed. Or who all will have to go hungry to satisfy my insatiability. Blown into higher proportions combined with ease of doing wrong, the same three emotions cause bigger unimaginable sins. Whether it is racism, theft, killing, rape, oppression or war...

Simple as the dark side may be.... so is the light. All that anyone really wants in peace, love and kindness. And when anyone feels a lack of any of these, they try to fulfill the void inside somehow - many a times through sins and losing our souls in the process.

Oprah's lifeclass, Aamir's Satyamev Jayate... small efforts towards a bigger goal. And we can all make that effort, at least in our own personal lives. If we can't create peace, lets not feed demons. Punish where it is due, but more importantly lets try to counter the coming crimes. Start with ourselves, our families, friends, communities and then the world - lets extend kindness, peace and understanding. One way to spin the ways of the world - make it easier to do good, than to do evil...

I wish I could say it as well as Maya Angelo in her facebook status today -

"As we come into 2013, we bring with us the need to find answers and the hope to find what can we do to prevent the recurrence of these despairing occurrences. I think we must commit to a commitment to all human beings and a decision to accept our responsibility to nature's outpouring and human misbehavior. I wish that we could say with Horace Mann that each of us should be "ashamed to die until you have won some victory for mankind." I think we must surrender the despair of unexpected cruelty and extend the wonder of unexpected kindnesses to ourselves and to each other. 2013 can bring us the chance to be kind to each other and kind to ourselves. We deserve each other and each other's generosity."

When did love become so cliche?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 18:43:00 +0000

I, like many Indians, have grown up on Yash Chopra breed of romantic movies. Come valentine day and everyone is talking about love, defining love in big fancy words. And nowadays, courtesy social media, we don't even have to wait for valentine day, its there for us all over everywhere. Until you do something outrageous, you haven't really done anything in love. A Romeo-Juliet story has the audience, applause as well as motivation. The only problem with doing outrageous acts of love, is that you soon run out of outrageous stuff you can do for each other. As a generation brought up on media, we don't associate normal mundane life gestures as gestures of love.

And then the multi-billion dollar industry takes over. Everything sells in the name of love - the size of diamond on my ring finger is supposed to be directly proportional to the space i occupy in my husband's heart. Birthdays, anniversaries, valentine days, facebook statuses, we all do it all in the name of love. Lets face it, gifts are a measure of love, aren't they. Why does he feel pressured to join a million dollar club just to buy her something worthwhile to show his love for her?

Love is useful too. After my first move to the west, I came across everyone being called "love". A sweet endearment, expertly used to give strong signals which can easily be retracted in the name of "platonic friendship" if need be or if the response from the other side is less than passionate. "Love" takes the game of flirting to a whole new level. One expression that I could never understand is after a few years of having a serious relationship, people would walk out on each other saying- I still love you, but I am not in love with you anymore.

All in all, "intelligent" media has given LOVE the ultimate status of either big fancy words, acts and gifts or another four letter word to get potential mates, while still having the open opportunity to fall back into "just a friendship" mode at any time.

Love nowadays is like the F word. Another thing that we don't do as much as we talk about it.

But true love is where the heart is. And in today's world its so easy to misplace and not even know where our heart is. It gets lost easily and invariably. How do we know the difference?

Love doesn't give us a high, it is love when it gives peace to our hearts.
Love doesn't help us get things or rewards, it is love when it makes us feel good about ourselves.
Love doesn't build "me", it is love when it breaks "me" down to build a we.
Love doesn't achieve anything, it is love when losing ourselves feels like we are becoming what we were originally meant to be.

Love is when your friend from the other corner of the world says she misses a cup of coffee with you.

Love is when you look at your husband playing with your kids and your eyes water from affection.

Love is when you cook for him and anxiously wait for his reaction after the first bite.
Love is when he hears your moaning and groaning about silly stuff, and then makes you smile and forget everything with some silly joke.
Love is when you are on prayer mat and you can't believe that god gave you so many blessings after you have been so thankless and committed so many mistakes.
Love is when your parents miraculously know that you need to talk to someone and ask how you are.
Love is when your daughter wants to press your back and shoulders so that you are not tired.

Love as we know it can be cliche...
But true love is when a friend feels like a friend, when a family feels like a family!

O Canada!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 16:58:00 +0000

Two years!

Sometimes seems like they have flown by... and sometimes feels like every second has stretched beyond imagination.

The first half of 30s age group combined with a new country and new people led to experiences that would probably shape a lot of the life to come. Companionship, friendship, love, care, co-operation, compassion, patience, impatience, shock, betrayal, anger, hatred, loss, unrest, peace, uprooting and then re-rooting… such a short time has been jam packed with so many things, so many emotions.

Life felt like a rollercoaster, feels like I am the pot that has been wet and thrown in the potters wheel again to be reshaped, remoulded, realigned… I feel the change in me, I am beginning to be a different person. Or may be I am starting to become who I really am. Life is being scrubbed; the dead cells and masks are being peeled off, and inside there is nothing but undiluted self - true to the being, true to the core, nothing but the bare truth.

Its ironic how life shapes up. Just before coming here and right after coming here we made lots of friends and relations. The relations that have struck through are in fact totally different from the ones we first imagined. The person who came to pick us from the airport remained a friend for barely a week. Some relatives didn’t respond to calls as they were far too busy. Other relatives that we had no set of expectations have stood by our side whenever needed. The traders from “back home” tricked us heavily financially for some mere recognition at their workplaces. The “friend” that I felt might turn out to be my best buddy backstabbed and betrayed the trust in the worst possible way. Another friend that moved an hour drive away moved closer to heart, in fact became more family than friends. Acquaintances turned to friends, and back to acquaintances.

The self awareness and empowerment journey that started with STEPS in the UK, matured with the Self Employment Training and Counselling at Community Microskills. The complete past 30 years began to flash in front of my eyes, literally had flashes when I couldn’t sleep, flashes of past, present and even future. Some issues cropped up that made way to sort past issues. Some early morning short dreams were so real, I could almost feel the divine presence. At first, the religious and spiritual growth that started in UK, got put on hold. Very subtly and quickly “duniya” took over “deen.” There were too many distractions, too much entertainment and all of a sudden there was a face off. It was as if I could so clearly and vividly see the devil behind the lure.
Where was I heading?
Where did I come from?
What do I stand for?
Who am I?
What do I want?
What do I really want?

The questions haunted me more and more and slowly took me back to where I started. Back to my being. At the time when there was unrest, annoyance and havoc at every corner, peace came right from within. Isn’t that what they all say? But this time it was real. Real for me. Only time I breathed in peace was on the prayer mat…

The journey has only started, heartache is still there, peaceful sleep still eludes… but there is no more despair. There were some construction faults, building has been torn apart but the foundation is still strong. Its now time to rebuild with a new floor plan...

Beware! Are you the garbage truck?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 23:05:00 +0000

What does a garbage truck do?

Fairly simple, eh! Picks up somebody's garbage, carries the stinky stuff for a while and once its full - dumps the garbage at another site.

Consider this, your day starts on a fairly good note. Things are going reasonably well for you. Then somebody around you behaves badly. It could be a driver on the road, who cut the vehicle dangerously in front of you or a family member (spouse, in-laws, parents, extended family) who throws their weight around needlessly. It could be a child throwing a prolonged tantrum or a work colleague acting bitchy.

Either ways, your whole mood comes crashing down. They/ It ruined the whole day for you or even days. You are no longer the sunny self you were in the morning. And you are so mad at them. If it was work, you drive back in a temper. If it was something on the drive, you greet your home with a frown. If it was some family member, your spouse or children bear the brunt. You end up being miserable till the time you are able to finally relax and put the whole stuff behind you.

Recognize that? Notice what's happening here?

You picked up somebody's garbage (anger in their life because of work, home, kids, spouse, family, friends, life situation, health), carried it for a while and then, just like they had done, you dumped it on someone else (another colleague, driver, family, kids).

What if you refused to pick up the garbage? What if you let another person handle their moods and issues?

David Pollay says in the Law of the Garbage Truck:

"Many people are like garbage trucks. they run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You'll be happier" (Pollay, 2010, p.10).

Our life is like a drive. The weather might change around us. The number and width of lanes might keep changing. The vehicles around us will change. The drivers around us will sometime drive perfectly to relax us, sometimes very roughly to keep us on our toes. But the only thing we have control over is our own wheels. Just keep your own vehicle in good condition and drive in your particular manner. Don't worry about how others are driving, that is not your business.

As they say, how others treat you is their karma.

Stop sweating it!

Make this year your best year ever...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:29:00 +0000

I attended a tele-seminar recently and the gems shared by Hunter Phoenix, Life Coach and Strategist were too valuable to not be shared.

HUNTER PHOENIX
Professional Life Coach and Mentor
Inspired Solutions Coaching

Here are Hunter's recommended 10 steps to success:

Step one - CELEBRATE LAST YEAR - What did you achieve and what all went right for you...any jobs, career jumps, starting business, family time, been to gym a few times, next emotional level in close relationships, started any savings, paid off any debts, made any wise investments, personal growth, spiritual growth, prayers that you did, connected to higher power in any way you follow, any fun leisure activities, socially responsible thing you did, hard truth you spoke, did anything that you love doing, made anyone happy, anything in business like marketing, operations, invoicing, customer service, productivity or philanthropy.. in this list you write at least 50 things....

Step Two - ASSESS, CORRECT, MOVE FORWARD - what did not work last year. The purpose here is not to beat yourself up but to think about what did not work, and what would you do differently. Human brain is made in a way that it hates leaving things unresolved. Through this exercise, we are going to just put issues to rest, not dwell on it anymore. Say after me - WE CAN NOT HAVE A BETTER PAST, JUST A BETTER FUTURE... write what didn't work, why, and what would you do differently.. think about relationships that turned sour, issues that cropped up, financial stress, health issues, delayed success ....

Step Three - RECOGNIZE THE THEME - Its time to look for themes in last year. This step requires a slight thought. are there any particular "patterns" in your life that appeared again and again. In case you find it hard to recognize themes, explore these - which area of your life was good. What were your key hopes and desires, what drove and motivated you. What was the major factor in your decisions. The key is to discover 2-3 major themes for last year...

Step 4 - TIE UP LOOSE ENDS - Things that keep troubling you are like strings on our back that hold you to the past. You can not move forward unless you break that bondage. The purpose of this exercise is to start with a clean slate. Face things that you have been avoiding. Find out whats still nagging you? Clean up all correspondence with family, friends whoever... You need to "clean up" by the end of January. These could be anything in any sphere of your life - internal external whatever.

Step 5 - CREATING FOUNDATION - Think consciously about what are you looking forward to this year? What do you want to create? and most importantly - WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BECOME? What are your 1 to 3 specific goals that you want to accomplish this year? to see these goals, what changes will you make now? Now recommit to these changes.. Don't get overwhelmed by them as a whole. break them up into smaller and yet smaller goals if need be... Keep the big picture in mind and then start taking baby steps....

Step 6 and 7 - BRAINSTORM - According to Hunter Phoenix, this is a major step that a lot of us miss...brainstorm the obstacles to your goals. What could go wrong? What could stop you from achieving? Could be internal or external, like recession or health or lack of confidence, fear, need for support, lack of knowledge or procrastination. In the same vein, what would be solutions to these problems - for example procrastination - have a buddy team who will motivate you.. think of someone who you can talk to that will quickly get you back on track.. have some support group,. reward yourself. how will you make sure you dont give in to old habits.... you will obviously not brainstorm all the problems and solutions that life throws your way. but you will be well prepared for most...

Step 8 - BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS - Hunter says don't make things tough for yourself. Life is always easier when you have a little help. Collaborate personally and professionally. Associate with someone like you would with a workout buddy. You could have different goals but you can help each other out as and when needed. Think about this - who will you spend your fun time with? Is there any area where you need to work on relationships. Who will help you make changes? Have atleast 10 people. You may or may not know these people yet. These could be people or even corporations. But you should know what person/ corporation/ kind of person or corporation that you are looking for to guide/ help/ associate with... who would you reach out to? Refer back to this list once a month...

Step 9 - LET GO OF THAT HABIT - For more fun, more peace and more success.. Things that keep you away from your most important goals.. these could be things like too much tv, facebook or twitter that consume a lot of your valuable time. Cut out late night TV or get enough sleep. Give up a particular mindset or idea. Once you decide take one day at a time. Have bite size successes.

Step 10.. HAVE FUN WITH IT... Achieving your dreams and a better life doesn't have to be hard work. In the process don't just do more, experience more... Think of your overall outcome, your great vision - what images come to your mind when you have achieved your dreams? Does it allow you to utilize yourself creatively, emotionally and spiritually? Feel your emotion as you feel the positive energy. Emotion is nothing but energy into motion. If you feel like make vision board, or find images from internet that represent your goals and save them as screensaver on laptop to give you daily motivation. Just put some images in some place, physical or online that you access regularly. It will keep you focused. Now that you have all the essential steps, go on and consciously create growth. Last year gave you a lot of achievements, make this year's even more. Cheers!

Rightly called the Inspired Solutions Coaching, Hunter's life coaching has the potential to take you to the next level of success in personal or professional life.

Hunter Phoenix is a Certified Life & Success Coach, national speaker and the creator of the Life By Design™ Coaching System. She helps clients strike the sweet spot between simple self-care and accelerated growth. You can learn more about Hunter at: www.inspiredsolutionscoach.com

Do you see me?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 02:58:00 +0000

What is the one thing we as humans need the most in our social interactions?

No matter who we are and where we are in our walk of life, what is the one thing we all aspire for?

What we need more than anything else, is the knowledge that we exist and that we matter to someone.

Out of a lot of messages, one from Oprah's Lifeclass stuck with me. Oprah says the worst thing that we can do to a person is to make them invisible. Everyone essentially is looking for validation. More than anything else, we all want to be seen and heard.

When I look back at my last three decades of life, I can quickly name the times that made me feel the most cherished:

When I was the College President in Lady Irwin College. I would be on stage anchoring the juke box, or the fashion show, or cultural nights, and my friends faces would light up. I could see the happiness and enjoyment in their faces.

When I was the go-to person for any problem solving in GE. In all business meetings, my division head would trust in my judgement completely.

When my husband would come back from his double jobs working from 6 in morning to 2 at the night, and yet spend half an hour talking to me before getting any of his beauty sleep.

When my kids showed me their artwork, waiting anxiously for my reaction. Just a little encouragement from me, would increase their confidence manifold.

What was it that made these times so special?
I could see that it mattered to them.

I could see that I mattered to them.

The noble prize winning American novelist, Tony Morrison says that the most essential thing when raising children is not to make sure that they are well dressed or have perfect manners when they walk in the room. Instead the most important thing is that - "Does your face light up when they walk in?"

It makes so much sense, and not just for parenting but for every relation in our lives.

Kids can feel invisible when their parents can't manage any quality time for them.

People undergo mid-life crisis when they are afraid they don't matter to their husbands or wives any more.

Seniors undergo old age agonies when they don't feel the need from their children anymore.

At the base of every human interaction, is the same emotion. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to know that we matter.

A helpful tip for nurturing our relationships is what Jim Fannin, the celebrity Life Coach, calls the 90 second rule. In this short and simple rule, he says that, if you have been away from someone you care about or love for at least two hours, the first 90-seconds that you see them has more impact on your relationship than spending hours with them later. Lets all try and practice this simple rule. Let us show the love we hold in our hearts to let our dear ones know that they matter.

Who I love and what I do...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:58:00 +0000

I have lately noticed something I have done automatically for a long time. As have many others. When we go to India, we buy the best gifts that we can find for people - the best brands and the most useful things. We spend ages thinking and buying just the right things. So much thought goes in when there is friends and extended family involved. And yet when we get to our own kids or ourselves, we end up heading to Dollarama or the easiest options.

Its with a sense of delight as well as envy that I see my husband when he plans so heartily for our friends' birthdays or gifts, so they have a great day. It warms my heart to see that. And yet on the other hand, it makes me envious. Would he ever put as much effort into my or his own parents or siblings birthdays, to make them our special unforgettable days. It is not that he wouldn't want to. But its just that we all take our closest people for granted. We expect them to understand we are too busy or short of cash or short of energy to make out time or money for them. And yet we do it for other friends despite all the usual life handicaps.

I have so much patience with other people's kids and parents and their little nuances. But when it comes to my own, I somehow don't have the same level of patience. I snap easily and I expect them to put up with it. Every advise feels like criticism and every job a chore.

When we speak to friends, colleagues and acquaintances, we observe superb manners, take utmost care of the words we use and are mindful of our behavior. We make sure that we are not rude or disrespectful. And yet, when it comes to the people who we love the most, we forget all these basics.

As soon as we are too close to people, we expect them to live with our worst and yet believe and keep hope alive for the best. Whereas with friends and colleagues, we keep on our best always.

May be this is more pronounced in Indian culture. But we simply do stuff for others more easily than our own nearest and dearest ones.

I will ask you to do something here. Make a list of your priorities. Have yourself at the top of your list above everything else.

You exist and you matter!

Your closest people exist and they matter!

Everyone else matters too but we have to take care of the core first and the periphery afterwards, not the other way round!

We can hurt... and we can heal!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 16:19:00 +0000

Social media and BBM were the main culprits behind London hooliganism. But were they?

As the fabric of Britain collapsed under the riots by a directionless youth, a big debate followed. A lot of people are condemning social media for bringing about the riots, but then again well-meaning residents also used social media to organize the clean-ups. The same tool used both to hurt and to heal. Read more...

A rookie Pakistani pilot shoots down an Indian air force pilot in 1965 war, but then becomes pen pal with his daughter to apologize for her loss. And the daughter responds with calm and acknowledges his effort rather than mindless blaming. What an excellent portrait of human compassion from both ends! Read more...

The coin always has two sides as do all humans. We have both the angel and the devil for counsel. Whose advice we heed, is entirely up to us.

I guess life goes on and people hurt us, a lot times our own loved ones, both knowingly and unknowingly. And the hurt does take a long time to go away. But sometimes, all we need to do is look at the other side of the story. We have infinite love and compassion inside of us – what stops us from expressing it is just ourselves.

I wish all of us would have a future perspective of things we do. If only the terrorists, the fundamentalists, the hooligans, the criminals, the naysayers, the critics, the assaulters, the traumatizers, the cheaters, the liars would take a moment to visualize the long term outcome of their actions – the world would be a different place.

We can all make a difference though. Heal someone, do a small deed of kindness, forgive someone, forgive YOURSELF!

We can hurt anyone easily… but we can heal just as easily too. Baby steps can be the precursors of a MIRACLE!

Problems, Predicaments and Perspectives

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 00:28:00 +0000

We all have problems all the time. Its just that sometimes these problems just won't go away.

How do we approach our problems for maximum results? Before telling you what I am talking about, here is a little technique from Michael Port, in "Book Yourself Solid" that I would like to share with you. Please do this five minute exercise for me sincerely. You could do this in your head, but I suggest a pen and paper.

So here we go:

Identify a small problem that you have in your life right now (nothing majorly big). Answer the following:

What is the problem or dilemma?
How long has this been a problem?
How have you failed to correct it in the past?
Why is it impossible to fully correct the situation?

Thank you for doing part 1 of this exercise. Now that you have answered these questions, how motivated do you feel to take action to resolve this problem? A lot? Not much, eh?

OK turn the page over. Or better still take another piece of paper. Now with the same problem in mind, answer the following questions for me:

What are you working on? What is your goal? State it in the positive and within your control. Clearly define the goal and think about a specific time frame within which to achieve it.
How will you know when you have achieved it? Use all your senses and visualize the result. Imagine how you would really feel and how different your interactions with others would be:

What results will you see?
What feedback will you hear?
What feelings will you have?

What are the benefits of going after this outcome? If you go after this outcome and accomplish what you set out to do, what will you gain? Be specific. Will any of your relationships change? Will you sleep more peacefully at night? Will the confidence you gain from achieving this goal affect other areas of your life?
If you reach the outcome, what will it be worth to you?
Do the benefits outweigh the perceived costs?

Thank you for doing this exercise. Now answer the same question. How motivated do you feel to take action to resolve your problem? A lot!

The problem is still the same. You are still the same. The surroundings and outer forces are still the same. And yet do you see a difference?

How do you usually talk or think about your problem?

You could either do a moan-and-groan session or list your motivators and do something about it. The perspectives and choices are all yours!

Our Gardens needs some DIY...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 17:07:00 +0000

Egypt, Libya, Vietnam, Ethnic cleansing in Bosnia, India-Pakistan conflicts, Israel- Palestine conflicts, Nazi concentration camps, terrorism, war crimes, civil wars, LTTE in Sri Lanka, hunger in Zimbabwe, Taliban in Afganistan, blood strained histories of Russia and America – crime, hatred and exploitation – sometimes it feels we should, by now, have seen it all. And then something else comes up yet again.

Hatred and injustice is like a weed that keeps growing every time we get rid of it.

There are United Nations, Amnesty and hundreds of other organizations and thousands of individuals who reiterate their commitment to make the world a better place and yet sometimes all we see is “too little, too late.”

Life goes on and everyday routines take over. But the thoughts remain in the background.

The recent situation in the Arab world has got a lot of reactions from all over the world and yet I ponder a different side of it. Why did it get to this stage? Yes, people are now rebelling with all their might. But why do we not nip injustices in the bud. And it is not a different story anywhere.

If we keep waiting for the little weeds to grow and overshadow our whole garden before we do some cleaning, then the task is not going to get any easier with time.

Until it strikes home, we stand as dumb bystanders. When corruption starts to eat our systems like termites, we are happy to comply as long we are not inconvenienced ourselves, or as long as we are at the receiving end of some sort of benefit or preferential treatment. And then one day we realize that those in power have gone too far. One day it is our friend, family or neighbor that suffers and then we wake up from our slumber. It is better late than never, but the question I ask is - why we have to wait till it gets late?

We can only hope we have seen enough. But I guess conflict is as old as the two sons of Adam himself and can’t go away forever. The weed will resurface again and again. I hope that we learn our lessons from the past and do some regular housekeeping.

May the likes of Mother Teresa and Tiger Woods grow in full bloom to shadow over the likes of Osama or Ghadafi.

May the garden of humanity flourish in its full glory!

May a new love for humanity grow out of the horrors that we have seen!

Painless Being!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 20:29:00 +0000

It seems like everyone has some suffering or stress that makes their life utterly miserable. We all have our shares of misfortunes or struggles, but what we make of them define us.

There are times when we crib and crib and crib. We think the problem would disappear, but to our dismay we find that its not the problem but the people who used to love to be in our company that are starting to disappear. The problem in fact becomes bigger in our mind, the more we talk and think about it, the more it sorts of overpowers our lives. It makes people wary of us. So the too much thinking or talking technique, doesn’t help. So what is it that does help?

I would like you to watch this little video before we talk any further…

There are thousands of such stories.

A man with similar strong resolve - Ping Suilin, or the half man as he is known! In 1995 a road accident tore his body into half and his lower half was chopped off beyond repair. And yet, he astounded everyone by learning to walk with half a body.

The next time you want to complain about something, think about Nick Vujicic, think about Ping Shuilin, think about the duck swimming on top of water. It looks smooth and calm of top of the water but underneath there is restless peddling. If everything fails, think about Walt Disney.

Walt Disney, eh?

Yes, Walt Disney!

Walt Disney was afraid of mice!

Letting go of his fears and laughing at them, made him build a multi billion empire. We all have stresses and struggles, lets face them and smile at them and they will soon become our strengths.

The girl child has a right to live!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 18:04:00 +0000

I used to think this is a trend in Indian subcontinent, but to my surprise, western countries are not free from gender bias. Despite the women's lib and all, people still crave for a male child. The degree of course differs from neglect and abuse to female infanticide, but the status quo is rarely the same.

I congratulated a family upon having the baby girl recently, but the grandmother wasn't very thrilled at the idea. In fact, it was quite a surprise to see the look of surprise about why I am congratulating upon the misfortune? Despite the modernisation, the education, the revolution, the male child is still the apple of the eye. Sometimes, I think why is it so? They say the boy carries the family name, is a support for the old age, and is an asset. A girl on the other hand could be a liability. Why is it still the same everywhere? Can children be born without the female of the species? Why do the women themselves don't appreciate the miracle that another woman is? I guess these questions have been asked forever but it still persists.

Prakash Kaur and her unique home for girls is one place that is making a huge difference.

Can we not make some difference at least at the personal level?

Value of life...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 20:41:00 +0000

Last week Sergeant Ryan Russell was run down and killed when trying to stop a stolen snowplow. The driver was shot several times and taken into custody.

Seems like a scene out of a typical movie and in a sense it was. But what has moved me as well as many others is the show of respect and mourning that the fallen police officer has received. It goes to show how much important the life of a person is out here.

What has bowled me over is the large number of people who have gathered at the visitation. The public transport has pledged free travel to anyone travelling to pay respects to the seargent. More than 14,000 police officers from all over north america and some from as far as United Kingdom have gathered to show their support. News channels have sacrificed prime time to telecast the visitation ceremony. People who didn't know Sergeant Russell personally are full of tears of respect and mourning. Schools and organisations observed silence in his memory. My 7 year old came home from school talking about the incident and how brave the police officer was. A fund has been set up in the name of the two year old son of Sergeant Russell, Nolan the details of which are being aired on national television so people can donate for his future and education. On January 18, 2011 the CN Tower, the major landmark of Toronto was lit up blue overnight to honour Sergeant Russell and to pay tribute to Toronto Police Services.

The family will ofcourse go through the stages of mourning and upset. But it is so heartening to see the support that is there for the police officer and his family. Thats a life well lived and thats a respect well paid.

I am more than slightly upset to say that such an incident in "less developed" nations happens every other day. Police officers as well as army officials are killed but they rarely receive more than a mention in the seventh page of the newspaper unless the story has some sensationalism to it. If you watched the movie - No One killed Jessica or followed the popular Jessica murder case in 1999. Although the murderers were finally found guilty in 2006 but the faulty lower court judgements and the delay in justice speaks about the value of life in the subcontinent.

I just wish that all over the world every life could get its well deserved respect and value. May be its something for the media and people in other nations to look up to.

Ripple Effect

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:10:00 +0000

Our best is the very least we can do. But what exactly is our best. From personal experience and experience of lots of other friends, I can say best grades at school don’t matter after a decade. Best salaries, best lifestyle, best behaved kids, even best family and friends are not really OUR best.

Give it a second for me. A deep thought. Think of any time for me when you have felt you did your best. Think harder. Are you sure that was your best? I am not talking about competition in any field, that’s never ending. I am talking about a time when you felt you had made a difference, when your little act meant something to you – even when nobody really knew about it. And what’s more you didn’t even care if anyone knew about it. But you felt great anyway.

It could be something as small as smiling to a stranger, or feeding some birds, or caring for someone, or even donating a lion’s share to some charity. Whatever it is, it most certainly will be an act of kindness you did for somebody other than yourself. Yahoo calls it ripples of kindness. To be precise the site kindness.yahoo.com! Just open the site and look at it for sometime. A smile is guaranteed to surface. Kindness is a small thing, that has been talked about almost forever, and yet it sometimes needs to be remembered.

It does something for others, something for the positive energy around, something for the overall goodness in the world, but more importantly it also does something for your own self. It makes you feel good about yourself. No wonder billionaires want to donate half of their savings to charity, there are mysterious helpers everywhere. You don’t have to have tons of time or money on your hands to do something good. Find simple ways to be there for someone, do something good.

Spread smiles like bush fires, an epidemic, a rumour, a computer virus or an FB fan page for Hannah Montana, whatever your thing, JUST DO IT!

Life Cycles!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 16:51:00 +0000

Embedded in darkness,
A seed in soil,
That is how I began to grow.

Uncoiling in mystery,
A root like cord,
That is how I came in to being.

Emerging in pain,
A shoot so new,
That is how I was born.

Soaring in care,
A stem erect,
That is how I began to find my way.

Spreading in wonder,
Leaves like wings,
That is how started to unearth.

Becoming in exertion,
A bud on brink,
That is how I began to recognise.

Blooming unhurriedly,
A flower so radiant,
That is how I came of age.

Settling in joy,
A seed dispersing,
That is how my generation began.

Sharing in stages,
Like petals falling,
That is how I shared my knowledge.

Withering in amazement,
A flower head drooping,
That is how old age creeps in.

Ending in age,
A dying plant,
That is how my life ends...

- By Shafiqah M

Look at the whole picture

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 20:17:00 +0000

Lets talk about one of the youngest billionaire entrepreneurs that everybody is talking about. None other than the creator of facebook, Mark Zuckerberg! Ok, this post is not really about Mark. And not even about facebook. I am interested in facebook offices, in particular I am talking about the little graffiti on the facebook office walls. Its just one word that stands out and stares at you everywhere – HACK.

Now hack usually has negative connotation to it. But in Mark’s words, “When we say hacker, for engineers it is very much a compliment. To hack something means, to build something very quickly. In one night, you could sit down and churn out a lot of code and you have a product.” If you have watched the movie social networking, you will know that’s exactly how the idea of facebook first found roots.

That brings me to my thought for now. Is there anything like pure black or pure white? Something like hacking Harvard house pictures that started out with a negative connotation now brings joy (and addiction) to people all over the globe. Innovation can literally turn tables. The next time we dismiss anything, any thought, any person, any emotion as negative, lets give it another chance. Let us look for scope for growth. Let us look at the whole picture.

Once a beautiful and well-dressed woman visited a house. The master of the house asked her who she was and she replied that she was the goddess of wealth. He was delighted and treated her nicely. Soon after another woman appeared who was ugly looking and poorly dressed. She said she was the goddess of poverty. The master was frightened and tried to drive her out of the house. The woman replied – “The goddess of wealth is my sister. There is an agreement between us that we are never to live separately; if you chase me out, she is to go with me.” Sure enough, as soon as the ugly woman went out, the other woman disappeared.

Birth goes with death. Fortune goes with misfortune. Good with bad. Yin with yang. Let us recognise both sides of the coin. Let us look at the whole picture.

The only way to erase hate...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 20:00:00 +0000

Rain falls equally on all vegetation. But just as difference plants receive particular benefits from the rain, people of different natures react to situations in different ways.

Diversity can lead to a bigger talent pool, growth, development and love but diversity, for some, also leads to hate. We all can relate very easily to our own communities – for me I could be at ease at a female only group, or a regional group, or a group conforming to my religion. But am I also equally comfortable, accepting and loving towards those who are not similar to me? Or, do I harbour hatred in my heart that can easily find a face when provoked.

Hate is powerful enough to destroy people as well as communities. Hate crimes are a dirty reality that no part of the world is free from. They justify hurting an individual to teach a lesson to the whole sect or group. But is there ever a justification enough to hurt anyone as badly as some hate crimes do?

Every part of the world has some stories to tell. Shocking is the only word to describe some of the hate crimes that have been in headlines last few years:

Lesbian women in South Africa raped by men who believe it will “cure” them of their sexual orientation

Somali teenage girl shot to death for leaving her faith and converting to Christianity

Indian students attacked in Australia

Honour killing in South Asian families

Over 50,000 racial and hate crimes reported in UK in 2009

Human activists, reformers and spiritual guides can go on and on about the need to combat hate. But how do we nip it in the bud? What is the way to build tolerance, to show solidarity with each other and in very very simple words – to live and let live? We can do our little both as individuals and communities. I will share one such incident with you that calls for some serious applause and, at the heart of it, some very basic learning.

In December 1993, a five year old Jewish boy, placed a picture of a Menorah, the traditional Hanukkah symbol, in his bedroom window. One night he became a victim of a hate crime when a large stone was thrown at his window. Different ethnic groups around the city had earlier been the targets of hate and the police were worried that the display of Jewish symbols on the house could make the boy suffer from some more violence. The parents contacted the newspaper who wrote the front page story about the attack. But more importantly, they published a full page picture of a Menorah in every newspaper and asked people to hang the paper menorah in their home windows to show their support. The idea soon caught on. The hate crimes continued on the people who showed their support but so did the support. By the end of the month, 10,000 people showed the paper Menorahs in their windows. The message was clear. The people of THIS community will not accept hate towards any of its members.

The hate crime that happened can and does happen all over the world in varying degrees. People resent and attack other people because of their skin, religious beliefs, sexual preferences and abilities.

The only way to beat this is to act AGAINST hate, to UNITE against hate. Let us come forward and not let the victims of hate crimes feel alone and afraid. We must show them that they are a valued member of the community just like everyone else. Something as simple as a phone call, a note or a visit can make the world of a difference. Let us help erase hate...

Flaunting the kids...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 19:05:00 +0000

This is an expression I hear a lot nowadays. It seems like it is aimed as an insult thrown at others. Most 30 something’s who are currently single or “happy” couples without any need for kids usually accuse others of it. At first, I let go of it as a joke but after speaking to some more of mothers like me it seems like it is not a one off.

Increasingly, people are opting to be either single for long periods, or to go for easy live-in relationships, or married couples who feel that they simply have no time or energy left for kids after their careers and social lives. Nothing wrong with that I say. And I must confess that till some time back I almost belonged to the same club of wanting a high flying career and worrying if I would be able to rise and shine after I have children. But now I have kids, they have taken over my life completely. I still crave a high flying career but my focus of life has shifted. My career is still very important to me but it is no more the most important thing of my life.

Now, I end up talking about kids and parenting most of my “free” time. I find myself giving sympathetic rather than annoyed glances to a parent being embarrassed by a child throwing a tantrum at a shop floor. My kids are everywhere from my facebook to my “offline” social life and it is no wonder I keep showing their pictures to my friends and talking about them and their future all the time.

To the non-parents who think that the parent community is flaunting their kids to prove any sort of point, I would just like to say – bringing up kids in the way that feels right to us is bloody hard work man! Parents are a tired, exhausted breed. Let us have the luxury of talking about and being super engrossed in something that makes the centre of our lives. You have made your choices and we have made ours. We do envy you your independence, financial freedom and lack of overburdening responsibilities. As I am sure you might envy our self satisfaction, cohesive family and sense of belonging. But as much as we envy each other, we don’t have to hold it against each other. Both ways of living are a matter of choice and rewarding at different levels. Let us accept others’ ways as much as we want them to accept ours…

Rain or sunshine, Open up your umbrella…

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 17:45:00 +0000

I am going to share with you an unbeatable sales and marketing strategy that I strongly advise all businesses to invest in. This is not a quick fix make money solution. It is not the usual tried and tested open umbrella when it rains kind of strategy. On the other hand, it’s a long term, hard working solution that will establish you as a firm player in your field.

Transparency is the key to any relation - personal or professional. It is also the latest approach to connect with savvy and critical customers even before they become active customers.

McDonalds has a very unique marketing strategy that works very well for it. It believes in catching the customers young. Special emphasis is given on children in all of its stores. In fact, it was one of the first food outlets to start offering high chairs, offer kids free balloons, kids’ meals and other goodies. What do you think is the idea behind all this?

Spot on!

They make it a fun and memorable experience for children to come to McDonalds and it’s the outing they look forward the most for. So when these kids grow up they become loyal customers and in turn their families… Simple and effective marketing strategies - engage and enrol customers, even before they are actually active as customers.

So, how do we exactly do this. How do we engage our customers/ relations?

First we become an expert and then we establish ourselves as an expert in the field. We have valuable knowledge related to our product or service and our customers are people who need these products and services. So the best way is share best practices with them, provide them with interesting content, including newsletters, online videos and blogs. New age salesmen do not rely on cold calls and knocking any doors. Instead they find a way to connect and build a rapport with the customers or people who influence their customers.

Let me give you two examples:

Example One: A new Chinese take-away is about to open round the corner. They send a couple of ads in the newspaper, distribute some leaflets and do a big opening to drive in the crowds.

Example Two: The Chinese Take-away does all that but before opening, they utilise some social media. They open a website, with a blog on Chinese cooking and eating habits, some featured recipes every month, run a contest to offer discount coupons on meals, talk about healthy eating, fresh contents, nutrition analysis, etc. After opening, they talk about the grand opening on the web. Post some pictures and get some happy customers to write some good reviews. Overtime, they maintain the social media presence and look at the option to order online.

Which one do you think will do better?

Lets face it. The more we connect the more robust our connections are. Open yourself up.

You or your company are unique with a unique proposition, share it with the world and make it known.

Stop fighting...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 22:51:00 +0000

Ever tried to meditate?

What happened during the first few tries?

The more you tried to get rid of any thoughts, the more the thoughts kept coming. You couldn’t free your mind at all. There were times that you couldn’t even rid yourself of the thought that you were not supposed to think anything.

We all have to breathe to survive. Yet ever tried to control your breathing patterns?What happened?

Something that you have done naturally every moment of your living life seemed harder.

That’s what happens when we fight things. Fight emotions. Fight conflicts. Fight negative thoughts, people and actions.

Its easy to say don’t think negative about yourself, about your job, about your family, about your friends, about your house, about your life or about your country. Lets face it – nothing in this world is perfect. And the more we try to get rid of the negatives the more life throws them in our face. Or it just seems like it.

But there is a simple way out...

Stop fighting and embrace the negative as well as the positive.

Don’t ignore or fight negative thoughts. Instead, keep yourself so occupied with positive thoughts that you do not have time or effort to have any negative thoughts…

Don’t ignore or repulse negative people. Instead, surround yourself with positive people as much as you can. Find positive encouraging people and spend more time with them.

Don’t make yourself stop speaking anything negative about yourself, anybody or anything. Instead, try to always speak something positive about yourself, anybody or anything. Find good, however little, in anything and everything, including yourself. And soon you will see that you have no time left for anything negative.

As they say in Feng Shui, the ancient Chinese art and science, to increase positive energy in your home – have a party at your house. You don’t need to fight the melancholy. Instead, just call in cheerful guests. Your guests will bring in good cheer, good wishes and positive energy, which will dispel the negative energy of your home.

Lets not fight the negative anymore but start thinking positive, speaking positive and acting positive. As they say… Smiles are definitely contagious. Lets start an epidemic.

Don't stop it but leave no place for the negative!

Taking hard work out of our relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 00:58:00 +0000

I just read a very interesting post about - "Seven words that can change your world". Seven words that work in every setting - business, home or social. Any guesses?
While you are guessing these words, let us hear this popular Buddhist mythological story.

There lived a bird with one body and two heads. One day, one of the heads noticed the other head eating some sweet fruit and felt jealous. It said to itself, to get back to the other head – “I will eat the poison fruit.” So it ate poison and the whole bird died.

That is exactly what our relations are like. The more we repel each other and try to hurt each other, the more we hurt ourselves. Whether it is a employee - employer, husband - wife, parent - child, friend- friend or client - supplier relationship, one principle stays the same always. The more we repel, we more we grow apart, the more the whole institution suffers. The solution is the most uncomplicated thing in the world. Its something I learnt in one of my first management classes, but probably fully realise the importance only now. "Always strive to create win-win situations." Its when we work towards common goals that maximum results can be achieved. Whether it is maximum revenue generation for a company or well being of all in the family, its only when we are all committed to the same direction that the progress is well paced.

When in a relationship, personal or professional, we should not like oil and water repel each other. But rather like milk and oil and mingle together.

And what happens when an argument or a misunderstanding occurs and we fall-out for any reason. There could be series of blame games or name callings or we could fall back on the "seven words that can change your world." You didn't think I would let you go off the guessing game that easy, did you?

Without further ado, here goes the magic words - "I was wrong. Would you forgive me?"

And the beauty is - you don't need to be a magician or possess a Jeanie to make it work. All you do is remove the grounds for disagreement and further arguments and take responsibility yourself. You are also in the same breath leaving the responsibility of forgiving on the other person.

Now I don't at all mean to say that you start underplaying yourself and take the blame for everything wrong that occurs in the home or the organisation. What I do mean is be open to accepting your part of the blame first and give a sort of allowance for the other party to accept theirs. Stretch yourself, but don't stretch your ego so much that it takes over your relation. Sometimes loosen yourself, giving the other person room to stretch but don't loosen so much that you lose your own self. Be like the harp, where each string is stretched to the right amount to make the perfect music.

How soon do we judge?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 08:09:00 +0000

We all go through difficult patches. There are highs and there are lows... There are people we like, and there are people we don't... There are places that are our favourite and there are places that we don't want to go to ever again... Sometimes we are happy with our lives, sometimes everything seems but a burden...

Before I go on and on and you wonder what I am talking about, let me share today's story.

A man had four sons. He sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son thought the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no -it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son believed it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful -it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit -full of life and fulfillment. Their experiences were so different they were totally confused if they had seen the same tree in the first place.

The father then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen only one season in the tree's life. They knew only a part of the tree not its whole life cycle. What might be ugly right now, might blossom and flower very soon. What is beautiful might not stay like that forever. And yet all are parts of the whole. All are equally important.

Can we judge a tree by only one season?
Can we judge a person by only one part of his personality or one phase of his life?
Can we judge our life and opportunities before our life is over?

The essence of who we are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

Have you judged someone, some place, some opportunity too soon? Hard as it is to think like that for even the people you don't quite approve of, every person has at least one thing that you could learn from them ....

Let us not judge anyone, anything or our life by one difficult season. Let us not let the pain of one season destroy the joys of all the rest.

If I give up when it's winter, I will miss the promise of spring, the beauty of summer, and fulfillment of fall.

Persevere through the difficult patches; and better times are sure to come sooner or later...

Look again....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:02:00 +0000

A millionaire was bothered by severe eye ailment. He consulted many specialists, but to no avail. Then he summoned a monk, who was supposed to be an expert in treating such problems. The monk prescribed that for sometime he should only look at Green and not any other colour. A big team and an enormous amount were then used to paint his entire surroundings Green. Thereon, anything and everything purchased was in Green. Even his staff, family and friends all sported Green Clothes only. Everything was uniformed GREEN.

Soon, he felt better; and in sometime he was cured...

So, he again summoned the monk, to pay his gratitude. As the monk entered his premises, his staff ran around to drape the monk’s red robes in Green before he went to face the millionaire. The monk laughed, "if only Sir, u had purchased a pair of Green Glasses, worth just a few dollars, u could have saved these walls, assets, furniture, and a fortune, besides the discomfort of others and the colours of this beautiful world." He mused, "u cannot paint the planet to your colour, can u?"

A financial planning programme that I was watching recently on the TV caught my attention.

A lady had huge coffee bills. Basically she used to buy the Starbucks coffee from the café a few yards from her office both in the morning and in the evening. A further analysis suggested that it was actually a status thing. Carrying a Starbucks cup in her hand while entering and exiting her office area was like a status symbol to her. So what did the money saving consultant do. He bought her cartons full of empty Starbucks coffee cups and she was then asked to make her own coffee and then carry it in her Starbucks cups.

Let us change our perception, the way we look at things. And the world will appear accordingly. Its foolish to shape the world. Lets shape ourselves and our realities will change. Lets change our vision. Think simple, live simple!!!

Look at kids today and that’s the main problem. We are often saying to them (and I am just as much guilty as every other parent) – you have hundreds more toys and gadgets than we ever had when we were your age and yet you are always whining, never satisfied and are always bored that you don’t have enough toys or games. What we forget is children are meant to play – to be able to freely play and enjoy – run, scream, shout, paint, make a mess, play, go on swings. They don’t need to own every new swing in the town, a trip to park is still more enjoyable. Isn’t that what is happening with us grown ups as well in today’s world. We have far too much choice. What we need is simple – a meal. What we think we need is the latest food processor, the best brand crockery and cutlery, the high end dishwasher, convention microwave, organic foods, certain brands of “healthy” foods, etc, etc, etc. My husband yearns for his BMW X5, I on the other hand, am quite happy with my car as long as it drives and takes me places. Not to say that a BMW won’t please me, quite on the contrary. I would be the first one to throw a party and be over the moon. But the point is I don’t really need it.

What we really need is food in our tummy, roof on our heads, clothing on our bodies, smile on our faces, compassion in our heads, love in our hearts and our loved ones by our sides – everything else is just the icing on the cake...

Lets spend more time and effort on the cake than the icing.

Look at everything once more. Think simple, live simple and the biggest pleasures of life will be yours…