The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.

The Romanov family visit to the Black Sea Fleet in Sevastopol, 12-15 May 1916

2017-01-23T15:50:00.001+08:00

Photos of the same occasion scattered over the Internet. Some very poor quality duplicates. I will update this post if I find more or better versions.

Царская Семья приветствует команду линкора Императрица Мария. Севастополь, 14 мая 1916 года
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 8 об.

Царская Семья в Севастополе, 12-15 мая 1916 года
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 7

Августейшая Семья и команда линкора "Императрица Мария". Севастополь, 12 мая 1916 года
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 8

Посещение императором Николаем II г.Севастополя. Император Николай II приветствует офицеров на палубе линкора "Императрица Мария" во время осмотра линкора. Среди присутствующих: дочери императора, вел.княжны: Ольга, Татьяна, Мария и Анастасия Николаевны.

Посещение императором Николаем II г.Севастополя. Император Николай II, императрица Александра Федоровна, наследник-цесаревич Алексей, дочери императора, вел.княжны: Ольга, Татьяна, Мария и Анастасия Николаевны, командующий флотом Черного моря, адмирал А.А.Эбергард (2-й слева) в группе офицеров на палубе линкора "Императрица Екатерина Великая". 12.05.1916 г.

Посещение императором Николаем II г.Севастополя. Император Николай II, императрица Александра Федоровна, наследник-цесаревич Алексей, дочери императора, вел.княжны: Ольга, Татьяна, Мария Николаевны, командующий флотом Черного моря, адмирал А.А.Эбергард, командир СЕИВ Конвоя, генерал-майор свиты, граф А.Н.Граббе обходят строй моряков на палубе линкора "Императрица Екатерина Великая" во время осмотра линкора.

#Севастополь, 12-15 мая 1916 года
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 7

Севастополь, 1916 год
ГА РФ, ф. 683 оп. 1 д. 125 л. 5 фото 56

Севастополь, 12-15 мая 1916 года. Лейтенант Шестаков эсминец в фоновом режиме.
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 7

Плавучая мастерская "Кронштадт". Эсминцы 1-го дивизиона "Пронзительный", "Счастливый", "Беспокойный", "Гневный", "Дерзкий " на рейде. 13 май 1916 г.

Николай II посещает эсминец 'Дерзкий' в Севастополе, май 1916 г.

Летопись войны 1914-15-16 гг.
Посещение Их Величествами с Августейшими детьми Севастополя и черноморской эскадры в мае 1916 г. (К статье «Воспоминания») [3 фото.] – стр. 1697

"Гидроавиация 14-го Мая [1916 г.]" #Севастополь
ГА РФ, ф. 673. оп. 1 д. 206 л. 10

Посещение императором Николаем II г.Севастополя. Император Николай II, наследник-цесаревич Алексей, дочери императора, вел. княжны Ольга и Татьяна Николаевны, морской министр адмирал И.К.Григорович и др. направляются на осмотр гидро-авиационной станции у Круглой бухты. 14.05.1916

Yesterday I learned something new about the Romanovs

2017-01-18T14:22:00.000+08:00

Tsar Nicholas II and Empress Alexandra had dinner on board the French battleship France on the evening of 23 July 1914, which was President Raymond Poincare's final day in Saint Petersburg. I don't know if Alexei or the grand duchesses were there, but Maurice Paleologue's diary mentions Olga.

It had indeed a kind of terrifying grandeur with the four gigantic 304 cm. guns raising their huge muzzles above the heads of the guests. The sky was soon clear again; a light breeze kissed the waves; the moon rose above the horizon... I found myself alone with the Tsaritsa, who asked me to take a chair on her left. The poor lady seemed worn out... Suddenly she put her hands to her ears. Then with a pained and pleading glance she timidly pointed to the ship's band quite near to us which had just started on a furious allegro with a full battery of brass and big drums.
'Couldn't you?' ... she murmured. I signalled sharply to the conductor... The young Grand Duchess Olga had been observing us for some minutes with an anxious eye. She suddenly rose, glided towards her mother with graceful ease and whispered two or three words in her ear. Then addressing me, she continued, 'The Empress is rather tired, but she asks you to stay, Monsieur l'Ambassadeur, and to go on talking to her.'

If Olga was on board, surely her siblings were there too.

The footage above shows two grand duchesses accompanying their mother on the carriage with the French president at Krasnoye Selo on 23 July 1914. There is no mistaking Anastasia with her flowing hair. Her sister, on the other hand, is difficult to identify, and that is not helped by the video's 480p quality. Luckily, the few high resolution photos below provide some clarity.

I think it's safe to say that the grand duchess looking in the direction of the camera is without a doubt, Tatiana. The Big Pair were in a carriage with two other ladies. Perhaps one of them is the wife of the French president?

The next three photos (probably not in sequence) show the other carriage with Empress Alexandra, President Poincare and the two grand duchesses. Again, there is no mistaking Anastasia's flowing hair. The photo on the right (with all the officers saluting), shows a grand duchess looking in the direction of the camera. However, her face is partially obscured by shadow.

But judging by the shape of her face I would guess that she is Maria, as she was known to be the chubbiest of the four. Maria and Anastasia always travelled together anyway, as did Olga and Tatiana. There was clearly not enough space for all four girls, so they travelled on seperate carriages, the Little Pair with Alexandra and the Big Pair on the other.

Thus I believe it is safe to assume that all four girls attended the farewell banquet on board the battleship France with their parents that evening. The only person missing from this occasion is the Tsarevich Alexei. No photos of the Romanov family on board the battleship, but a well documented event nonetheless.

Nicholas and Alexandra: The Tragic, Compelling Story of the Last Tsar and his Family by Robert K. Massie

GameStart 2016

2016-10-14T13:22:00.001+08:00

I went into this event without looking up on any model or cosplayer on social media to see if they will be there. Not really a fan of anyone in particular so I just thought, surprise me. Didn't pay attention to the event schedule either as almost none of the games showcased at GameStart appealed to me.

There were a few familiar faces, one of whom is obviously the mascot Alyse. Regrettably, I was unable to acquire a better digital camera, so I again used the same Nikon Coolpix from last year's GameStart. Money is always in short supply. Still I've learned to appreciate photos taken either by me or a friend, regardless of its quality. As before, I am always nervous when approaching a model or cosplayer for a photo. My friend is no better, though it's easier for me to encourage him rather than approach the person myself. We're both cowards, but we don't get to do this regularly. It's not like we attend every gaming convention.

One cosplayer placed her arm across my shoulder when we were having out picture taken. It induced an emotion I could not describe. Comforting? Admittedly, I did not know she was cosplaying as Spider-Gwen, I had to look it up on Google to find out. At the Monster Energy booth, I mustered the courage to ask a model (pictured) for a picture with the bike. What's wrong with that? The fact that most of the photographers snapping photos of the Monster Energy girls were professional photographers with lavish DSLR cameras. Out of nowhere I appear with a puny digital camera, which was embarrassing. Even smartphone camera users have more dignity. Still, I'm so glad she obliged and posed for my photo. I guess there is some satisfaction knowing I personally took the picture.

My friend and I did get a taste of DSLR quality. While taking a picture with a cosplayer at the FunPlus booth, a photographer got the three of us together for a photo with his DSLR camera. I could hardly believe my eyes. But I had to make sure I will get the photo, because back in 2012 I also had a DSLR photo taken with a model at the World of Tanks booth, but I never received it (they did not upload every photo of the event on their Facebook page, and my attempts to acquire it only fell on death ears). So I later approached one of the employees about the photo, and she promptly opened up her Macbook and emailed it to me. Armaggeddon also had a photo booth where visitors could have their picture taken with a very attractive Tracer cosplayer. Unfortunately, I did not know about it until after I got back home. Still I managed to get a picture with her outside the hall with my own camera.

I did not know the names of most of the models or cosplayers we took pictures with, and I didn't dare ask as I think it's creepy. They have already agreed to have their picture taken with me, what more do I want? Though when I look back on some old photos I do wish I knew their names. I found out some of the models' names or alias through tags on social media, but I refrain from sending anyone a friend request or liking their fan page. Just because I had my picture taken with them doesn't make us friends. They all have their own lives as well as I do.

In the end my friend and I we were pretty satisfied, taking almost twice as many pictures than last year. Will GameStart Asia organize another gaming convention in 2017? Will I finally get a better camera next year? I guess time will tell.

Tatiana in a letter to her friend, Zinaida Tolstaya

2016-10-02T17:46:00.001+08:00

It's so good out in the garden, but even better when you go deep into the wood, where it is quite wild and you can go along the little paths and so on . . . Oh how envious I was to read that you saw the dreadnoughts Alexander III and the Prut. This is what we miss so much – no sea, no boats! We had grown so used to spending practically the whole summer on the water, at the skerries; in my opinion there is nothing better; it was the best and happiest of times – after all, we went sailing for nine years in a row and even before, when we were quite small; and now it’s so strange to have been here for three years without the water, there’s no other such feeling in the summer for me as we only used to live at Tsarskoe Selo in the winter and sometimes in the spring, till we went to the Crimea. Right now the lime trees are in full bloom and it smells so divine.

Letter of 17 July, quoted in Dnevniki I, pp. 596-7.
The Romanov Sisters - Helen Rappaport, pp. 316-317.

Learned a bit more about the Romanovs today

2014-11-21T17:18:00.000+08:00

The family's imperial yacht Standart ran aground in September 1907 during one of their holiday cruises to Finland. Fearing it could sink, the family was transferred aboard the Russian cruiser Asia. Fortunately, the Standart didn't sink and it was later recovered by naval engineers.

Prince Carol of Romania and his parents made an official visit to Russia in January 1917. It was during a state dinner in the prince's honour that the Grand Duchess Maria accidentally tripped, to which Tsar Nicholas II replied, "Of course, fat Marie." It was also during Carol's visit that he formally asked Nicholas if he could marry Maria. The Tsar rejected it as Maria was still too young (she was 17 at that time).

Interestingly, all this took place not long after Rasputin was murdered and shortly before the revolution. I guess the Romanovs were just trying to move on with their lives. I've read of Maria tripping and Carol's proposal before, just didn't know it was during the same event or when it happened.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #19

2013-10-31T20:42:00.001+08:00

Ekaterinburg, Autumn 1918

Thugs abducted me just as Nicholas had predicted. They took me to a hotel that was being used by the Cheka, half a mile away from the House of Special Purpose. People were being tortured and executed there. I was thrown into a cell with Klementy Nagorny. He was badly hurt from weeks of abuse. In the adjacent cell was Prince Dolgorukov. He was convinced that the Romanovs were in grave danger and begged us to save them. Guards took him from his cell shortly after and we never saw him again. In spite of his injuries, Nagorny overcame the jailers to help me escape, giving up his life.

The house was empty when I returned and the bedrooms had been ransacked. Almost nothing remained except for a pouch of Alexei's toy soldiers. My heart sank when I went down to the basement. Blood was strewn across the floor and the walls were riddled with bullet holes. I came to the sudden realization that I was too late. I staggered back into the grand duchesses' room where I eventually collapsed. There was nothing I could've done, for I would've been killed too. But I knew the risks when I chose to be imprisoned with the imperial family.

Before long I found myself in the company of the anti-communist White Army. I had hoped to find the murderers as well as the Romanovs' grave site. I dreaded at the thought of seeing their corpses, but it wasn't right to just leave them there. The hours turned to days. Then, finally, I shot dead a commissar during a skirmish. He served at the House of Special Purpose. Inside his bag was my journal, along with many valuables taken from the Romanovs. Among them was a partially bloodied, shredded garment sewed with diamonds. It must've belonged to one of the girls. The bastards stripped them. The commissar's documents only stated that he was to report to Moscow with the stolen goods. Circumstances did not permit me to capture him alive for interrogation. My search had reached a dead end.

For a while I was in anguish. I spent weeks in the city trying to find new traces, but to no avail. I am not a detective. When I regained composure, I remembered Olga's letter. Hopefully her aunt is still in the Crimea. I won't be staying with the Whites, who are divided about their goals. Nor will I stay with the surviving imperial entourage. They plan to head east towards Omsk. My only remaining duty is delivering Olga's letter to her aunt. My journey to the Crimea will be long and treacherous, but I'm doing this for Olga's sake. The personal belongings I recovered, though sentimental to me, are not mine to keep anyway.

I feel terrible for leaving the Romanovs behind. I wanted to give them a proper burial somewhere safe and far away from the chaos that is ravaging Russia. They have made a real difference in my life, and the grand duchesses were more than just friends to me. The eight years I spent with them are by far the best years of my life. I will always treasure my relationship with them and think of them with fond memories, warm feelings and a special place in my heart.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #18

2013-09-21T17:48:00.000+08:00

House of Special Purpose, July 1918

Guards were harassing the grand duchesses in their bedroom. They were aggressively accusing the girls of hiding more valuables and demanded that they be handed over. I went in and told them to leave but they ignored me. They grappled Tatiana and tried to rip her blouse open, splashing alcohol at her when she resisted. I wrested a pistol from their grasp and fired a shot across the room which got their attention. One of the thugs did a cut-throat gesture at me as I forced them out.

I checked with the girls to see if they were okay, wiping the alcohol off Tatiana's traumatized face. The commissar came in shortly afterwards. I surrendered the pistol willingly, but he said that I will be expelled from the house for attacking his men. I argued that their hostile and drunken behaviour forced my hand, but he was beyond reasoning. He gave me an hour to gather my belongings and say my goodbyes to the family, after which I will be escorted to the train station to rejoin the rest of the Romanov entourage.

Nicholas and Alexandra do not believe the commissar. They warned me to expect to be arrested once I step outside the fence. Alexandra asked me not to endanger her family by trying to rescue them. When I left their bedroom, Anastasia quickly hugged me. There were tears in her eyes. She is afraid of what the guards might do to me. We went back into the girls' bedroom. They are grateful for what I did earlier. I could not promise them if we will see each other again. They each did a prayer before tearfully hugging me. Marie removed her necklace which carries a small religious icon and hung it around my neck. She expects me to return it to her when we are reunited.

I implored Olga to end her rift with Marie. In return, Olga asked me to deliver a letter to her aunt if I see her. She does not want the secret police to intercept it. Marie assured me that she does not bear any grudges towards her sister. I told her to stay close to her family no matter what happens. I will be leaving my journal with them as a farewell gift. Just needed to destroy a few pages that are private to me. Olga, Tatiana, Marie and Anastasia: I want you all to know that I deeply care about you and that I will never forget you or your family. Take care of yourselves. Until we meet again.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #17

2013-09-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

House of Special Purpose, 27 June 1918

The guards are gradually being replaced by Cheka agents. One of them fired a shot without warning at Anastasia when she kept peeking out of a small ventilation window. They scrawled obscene graffiti on the walls of the bathroom and lavatory. Tatiana and Dr Botkin appealed to the commandant to stop his men, but they only fell on deaf ears. Olga, repulsed by their behaviour, avoids them entirely.

I overheard Alexandra chastising Marie for fraternizing with a guard. A commissar warned us of severe consequences if we speak with any of the guards again. Olga was perhaps the most unforgiving. She has not spoken to her sister since that morning. For the rest of the day, Marie stayed very close to me like an inseparable twin. She must have felt rejected by her mother and sister. I resumed my daily routine trying to ignore what happened. I later asked Marie if she was okay and she simply nodded.

Marie came into my room late that night, asking if I could share my bed with her. She did not feel like sleeping with her sisters after falling out with Olga. I refrained from asking about her association with the guard as she was still looking distressed. I do not resent her anyway. I told her that she could have the bed while I sleep on the floor, but she insisted on sharing. We were facing each other in bed. I could tell that she was still awake. A lot must have been going through her mind.

I almost forgot that it was her birthday. I could not find the right moment to say it to her until she was in my room. I whispered happy birthday to her and told her to make a wish. Marie's luminous eyes opened and stared at me for a moment. Without saying a word, she pressed herself against me and softly kissed me on the cheek. Then she laid her head on my chest and fell asleep. Her warmth and breathing were intoxicating. I was glad to be of some comfort to her. Hopefully what occurred today will fade away with time.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #16

2013-09-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

House of Special Purpose, May 1918

The guards kept most of the imperial staff on the train. Those who arrived were all soaking wet from the rain. Tatiana was carrying her little pet dog. Her feet were muddy and she was struggling with a heavy suitcase. None of the guards bothered to assist her. They just gazed at her with contempt, as if she had committed a heinous crime. No doubt her drenched clothes made her look unattractive at a glance, but clearly those thugs knew nothing of beauty.

While I was helping Tatiana with her suitcase, I noticed bruises on Nagorny's face. During their journey on the steamboat, the guards ordered the grand duchesses not to lock their cabin doors. They took this opportunity to barge in at night, threatening and harassing the girls. Nagorny was beaten up when he tried to stop them. But Tatiana assured me that she and her sisters were unharmed. She held my arm before I could confront the guards, asking me to accompany her into the house. She did not want me to get hurt. When I took the girls upstairs to their bedroom, Tatiana put down her dog and quickly clasped me in her arms. She was relieved to see me again.

Not long after their arrival, Nagorny was called into the commandant's office and escorted from the house a few minutes later. The guards will not tell us why. The Cheka conduct regular inspections of the house, meddling in almost everything we do. They took an inventory of the family's belongings, claiming that any confiscated valuables will be returned to them later. Alexandra refused to give up her bracelets. I do not know why the authorities would send secret police to guard the imperial family, but I am wary of them.

Olga, Tatiana and Anastasia found their first evening here discomforting. They were understandably shaken by their ordeal. The door had to be kept open to air the room and the guards could barge in again. They agreed to let me watch over them while they slept. Marie also kept watch for a short while before I urged her to go to sleep. She made me coffee before going to bed. It was bland given our lack of basic necessities, but it helped. The grand duchesses have lost a lot of weight. Captivity is taking its toll on the family.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #15

2013-09-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

Александровский дворец, 1917 г.
ГА РФ, ф. 683 оп. 1 д. 125 л. 23 фото 389

House of Special Purpose, April 1918

A political commissar took us to another location, this time to the city of Ekaterinburg in the Urals. Alexei was not well enough to travel, having fallen seriously ill a month ago. Olga, Tatiana, Anastasia and a few other captives stayed with him in Tobolsk. I accompanied Nicholas, Alexandra, Marie, Dr Yevgeny Botkin and Anna Demidova to Ekaterinburg. Prince Vasily Dolgorukov, Terenty Chemodurov and Ivan Sednev also came with us but they were ordered to move into lodgings in the city. They will rejoin us later, or so the commissar claimed. Anastasia and I gave each other a hug before separating.

Our new accomodation is guarded by militiamen, led by a secret police force known as the Cheka. Anna and I were made to sign a written statement affirming our wish to continue serving the tsar, promising to obey the guard commandant of the ominously named House of Special Purpose, and considering ourselves of equal position with the imperial family. We were explicitly ordered to address the Romanovs only by their names. Our meals have been rationed. We are only allowed outdoors twice a day, but any form of manual labour is forbidden. All the windows are sealed shut and painted over, and the house is surrounded by a towering wooden fence. It's a prison.

Guards are posted at every corner and anti-tsarist demonstrations can often be heard outside. When Marie and her mother conversed in English, a guard rudely interrupted and reminded them that only Russian is allowed. Marie's camera was confiscated as they forbid photography in the house. They did not even let her develop the film roll which contained photos taken prior to Ekaterinburg. She misses the quiet peacefulness in Tobolsk. Nevertheless, she has not given up on the likelihood of her family being released and still longs for a new life either in the Crimea or England.

I met with the tsar one evening. I pushed him as far as I could to try and smuggle a letter to the nearby British consulate via a sympathetic guard, seeing as he often tries to gossip with them. But in the end, he only smiled and talked of simple pleasures. He commended my loyalty and knows I am fond of his children. Just before he lit a cigarette, he asked me to call him Nicholas. My time with him was more than a while. He reminded me that at his age, a good fire was better than anything. Nicholas is an extraordinary man.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #14

2013-09-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

Governor's Mansion, late 1917

We left the Alexander Palace on August 1st and were taken to the town of Tobolsk in Siberia. The prime minister claims that the local populace are loyal to the tsar and the town is devoid of politics, making it a safer location than Tsarskoe Selo. The imperial family was nonetheless dismayed that they were not going to the Crimea. Marie seems to like the mansion. She only wishes there were no guards. The entourage and servants are sheltered in an adjacent house, though their access to the imperial family is strictly limited.

The guards are intolerant of Anastasia. One day she borrowed Alexei's slingshot and launched a projectile at a sentry, hitting him in the head. She hid behind me as he ran up the stairs and angrily confronted us, confiscating the slingshot. Another guard forced the Romanovs to have their pictures taken individually in an act of humiliation. Anastasia did not comply and ruined her photograph by making a face for the camera. The guard threw profanities at her, and when Alexei told him to apologize to his sister, he was shoved to the floor.

Before I could intervene, Alexei's guardian, Klementy Nagorny, lunged at the guard and beat him to a pulp. Nagorny was therefore banished to the adjacent house, though he was allowed to return the following day after the tsar pleaded with the guard commandant. He has no regrets attacking the coward for bullying the Romanovs. Alexei is indebted to Nagorny for his help, but I think the tsarevich was also brave to stand up to the guard. He used to have two guardians, both of whom were sailors from the imperial yacht. Following the revolution, only Nagorny chose to remain with the imperial family. We are all that is left of the Tsar's Escort.

During winter, Anastasia came downstairs one night feeling bored. She saw me keeping warm by the fireplace and curled herself next to me. We spoke to each other in English in case the guard standing near the doorway was eavesdropping. She has grown used to seeing me every day and hopes that I will continue to stay with her family, maybe live on a nearby farmhouse where we could often visit each other. I would follow Anastasia and her family to the ends of the earth. But once the Romanovs have settled down somewhere safe, I'm not sure if the tsar and tsaritsa will need me anymore. They still have plenty of loyal followers. I will think it over after the family is safely evacuated from Russia.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #13

2013-09-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Alexander Palace, July 1917

Marie is doing well and still chubby. The tsar visited her as soon as her health began to improve, carrying breakfast to her bed. Once she was free of her wheelchair she entered my room and sat at my bedside to watch me sleep, greeting me when I awoke. In the evenings she would come in and wish me goodnight. When I overslept she took her pillow from her bedroom and hit me with it. Thank goodness she is all right.

Shortly after the tsar abdicated, he received a telegram from his cousin, King George V, offering asylum in England. But the tsar was not prepared to leave until his daughters had recovered from their illnesses. No word came from the British ever since, thus the imperial family remain under house arrest. I have lived to see two things which I have never expected. Royal cousins wage war across Europe, now one of them is afraid to help the other whose need has become dire.

The guards instructed us that only Russian is to be spoken in the palace. The family is barred from using the telephone or receiving visitors and any outgoing letters will be examined by the guard commandant. We are forbidden from leaving the palace except for fenced in areas in the park. Olga recognized a former colleague of mine among the guards. While he explained to me his decision to side with the revolution, Olga looked away. Once he was gone, she told me he was a vile man. Only a few guards show respect for the imperial family.

We celebrated Anastasia's sixteenth birthday in the palace. Her hair was finally pinned up and now she wears ankle-length skirts like her sisters. However, clumps of hair were falling from the girls' heads as a result of the measles. They all had their heads shaved in early July, which was a terrible pity for Anastasia. The Tsarevich Alexei also had his head shaved to show support for his sisters. They are not ashamed to show their bald heads while walking outside or gardening.

Anastasia collected several locks of her strawberry-blonde hair and gave them to me, something to remember her by should we ever part ways. In the garden, Anastasia lit up a cigarette and offered to share it with me. I savoured the taste of her warm lips on the cigarette, rather than the tobacco. She giggled when I choked. The grand duchesses are still in good spirits despite the loss of their beautiful hair.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #12

2013-08-30T00:00:00.002+08:00

Alexander Palace, 8 March 1917

Alexandra instructed us to remove the imperial insignia from our uniforms to avoid provoking the rebels when they return. Morale disappeared when we received news that the tsar has abdicated. With each passing day several colleagues eventually left the palace. The situation was hopeless to them. Their loyalty to the imperial family had been pushed to the very limit.

Large numbers of troops led by a general appeared outside the palace. He ordered us to unlock the gates, threatening to use force if necessary. An officer told us to either surrender our weapons and leave or report to a garrison in Petrograd, declaring that the Imperial Guard has been disbanded. Alexandra thanked the guards for their loyal service and presented those who greeted her with icons as a farewell gift. She later met the general and informed her remaining staff that they had until evening to leave the palace or be placed under house arrest with the family. A few have chosen to stay.

Alexei is feeling better but Anastasia has succumbed to the measles, followed by Marie soon after. I was allowed into the sickroom once, but on the condition that I made no mention of the abdication. Only Marie knows that her father has abdicated. The past few days were agonizing for her and she is worried for her parents. She continuously prays for her father to return home safely. Her only consolation is knowing that I did not forsake her family.

I watched over the girls for about an hour before I had to leave so that the nurses could tend to them. Alexandra has given me my own room in the palace now that I was free of my duties. I only intend to stay until the family's house arrest has been lifted, but she welcomed me to stay with them for as long as I like. The tsaritsa's kindness has begun to change my opinion of her. Perhaps I was wrong judging someone I know nothing about except what her daughters tell me.

Before I left the sickroom, Tatiana noticed that I was still wearing my imperial insignia. I couldn't speak to her because she is temporarily deaf from illness. I took off my overcoat and draped it over her as an extra blanket, which she held firmly with her hands. Tatiana knows that I had worked long and hard to earn it, but I was happy to be rid of it. The imperial family is all that matters to me now.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #11

2013-08-29T00:00:00.002+08:00

Alexander Palace, 28 February 1917

Have made first contact with the revolutionaries. A large mob attempted to storm the palace gates, but they dispersed when we fired warning shots into the air. I fear we will not be able to repel them again should they return with weapons. The Tsaritsa Alexandra was advised to evacuate her children to the safety of an imperial residence in Gatchina, but she has been reluctant as she is anxiously awaiting news from the tsar who is at Stavka.

Olga was startled by the gunshots. She is with Tatiana and Alexei in the sickroom. They contracted measles a week ago. I assured them that the palace is safe. However, I am speaking in half-truths. Ever since the revolution broke out, many of the palace guards have either deserted or failed to report for duty, leaving us desperately understaffed. But I cannot bring myself to tell her that. I am sure that Olga knows that I am holding back, but to her credit, she says nothing.

The sound of distant gunfire continued to echo through the frigid night. We were assembled in the courtyard, preparing for another confrontation. In spite of the danger, Alexandra and Marie came out to see us, expressing their gratitude to each soldier for their continuing loyalty to the imperial family. The tsaritsa hopes that our presence alone will be enough to deter the rebels, avoiding any needless bloodshed. She invited us to take shelter in the palace. The guardhouse was no longer usable given our present situation.

Marie and Anastasia brought blankets and hot food for us while Alexandra lit up the fireplace. Sentries were placed at the windows to watch the gate and a field gun was positioned in the courtyard for extra firepower. With rioting on the streets, many of the palace staff were compelled to return home to their families. I like to think that some of my colleagues are absent for the same reason, though the gunfire speaks to the contrary. As I write this entry, nurses from the hospital and friends of the imperial family are gradually coming in.

I had to return to the guardhouse to burn some documents lest they fall into enemy hands. I barely left the front door when Marie stopped me. She looked very sick and pale. I advised her to go back inside and rest, but she fell to her knees and begged me to stay, apparently under the impression that I was deserting. Marie was terrified and her hands were shivering. I wrapped my overcoat around her and walked her back into the palace. I have known the Romanovs for almost seven years and I am not about to abandon them now, especially in their time of need.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #10

2013-08-28T00:00:00.003+08:00

Alexander Palace, 21 December 1916

A funeral for Rasputin was held adjacent to the palace with the imperial family in attendance. While they were away, I neglected my duties and sat on a river bridge. I spent sleepless nights wondering what I had done to Olga. I had not seen her since we last spoke to each other. It was peacefully quiet, and I was glad to have some time to myself.

To my surprise, Olga appeared and sat next to me. Having filled her mind with doubt, she chose not to attend the burial. I do not know what excuse she gave for not going, but the tsaritsa must have been furious. Olga asked me about the letter and I confirmed that it was authentic and where I found it. She already knew it was Rasputin's as she recognized his handwriting, but was initially reluctant to accept it. Though the letter was in my pocket, she did not wish to read it again.

What I learned about Rasputin only came from newspapers and gossip, but Olga wanted to know my opinion of him. I think he was just a religious zealot who knew nothing of politics. But he should have been banished indefinitely from the capital, not assassinated. That was all I was willing to say to Olga. There was no need to add anything more. To her it is doubtful if her mother would have approved of banishing Rasputin, much less sever all contact with him.

Olga removed an amulet with Rasputin's picture from around her neck. She and her siblings have had one ever since he first came into their lives. Then she dropped it into the river. Olga feels that while it might have been necessary for him to be killed, it should not have been done so terribly. She knows that sooner or later she will have to visit Rasputin's grave, lest she defy her mother again.

Olga wanted me to swear that I will not tell her family about the letter. I could not bear to keep a secret from them, especially Anastasia. But I still cared about Olga and wanted to earn her trust. I borrowed her cigarette lighter and used it to burn the letter, thereby ensuring the truth remains a secret between us. I told Olga how sorry I was for hurting her, and she tearfully asked me to sit with her awhile longer, resting her head on my shoulder.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #9

2013-08-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

Alexander Palace, 18 December 1916

The imperial family has been devastated by the death of Grigori Rasputin. He was murdered yesterday in the Moika Palace, home of the Yusupovs. His body has yet to be found. For a while I ignored whatever rumours the newspapers concocted about Rasputin's relationship with the imperial family. But as the rumours persisted, I began to feel confused. His death finally convinced me to find out for myself.

There were policemen guarding the entrance to Rasputin's apartment in Petrograd. They granted me entry since I was from the palace. I thoroughly searched the place and did not find anything confirming the rumours. Instead there was a letter addressed to the tsar, written only a few days ago. Rasputin predicted that death will soon befall the imperial family if he was killed by any of the tsar's relatives. I could not understand it, Rasputin was their confidant. Why would he write such a thing?

Olga was alone in the garden when I returned to the palace. She is ashamed of her cousin Dmitri Pavlovich for his involvement in killing Rasputin. Olga also expressed her hatred for Felix Yusupov. He never had the stomach to serve in the military yet he is capable of committing murder. She can never look them in the face again, knowing what they did.

I showed her the letter when we talked about Rasputin. She broke down in tears after reading it. Olga refused to believe he wrote it and was upset at me for showing it to her. She dropped the letter and went back into the palace. I only wanted her to know the truth, but I should have known better. Olga's health has been very poor lately and she is deeply troubled by the war. Now I have inflicted even more misery on her.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #8

2013-08-25T00:00:00.003+08:00

Tsarskoye Selo, September 1914

It seemed only yesterday when the imperial family was on good terms with their German relative, Kaiser Wilhelm II. How times have changed so suddenly. Olga, Tatiana and their mother, the Tsaritsa Alexandra, have underwent training to become Red Cross nurses at a private hospital on the family's estate.

Our campaign on the front has been marked by defeat and privation. Our losses have been grievous, and a close friend of mine fell near Allenstein in late August. German propaganda has been proudly calling it the Battle of Tannenberg. One of the wounded survivors at the hospital brought back his personal belongings, which I intend to send to his family. He vaguely remembered my friend's final moments, but I was glad to know that he did not suffer and was not alone when he died. A prayer was conducted but without a burial as his body was not recovered. His death has been difficult to bear.

While I was grieving outside the hospital, I felt someone patting my back. I opened my eyes to see Olga and Tatiana. They consoled me as I struggled with my tears, realizing I had lost someone very close to me. Olga reminisced about her childhood memories of her cousin Ella, who died when she was only eight years old. She struggled to cope with the loss for months.

An infantry regiment was being assembled for the front and I felt obligated to volunteer, but Olga and Tatiana strongly disapproved, advising me to take time off from work. Avenging my friend will not bring him back from the dead. They both hugged me before they had to return to class.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #7

2013-08-23T00:00:00.003+08:00

Alexander Palace, March 1913

Tatiana was up very late, watching me on guard duty from the big pair's room window. She still has a fever but her condition is improving. She sent me a note promising to make it up to me for her absence at the ball. She asked me to walk by her window on my next night shift. When I did, she blew me a kiss, and I obliged her by fainting in the snow. I still hope to dance with her one day, but after that moment, what more can I ask for?

Anastasia was hiding up a tree in the afternoon. She was supposed to be studying but instead avoided her tutor. She only climbed down when I agreed to let her inside the guardhouse where it was warm, though I warned her that if a servant called I would have to escort her back to the palace. While Anastasia was resting on my bunk bed, she saw my journal on the bedside table and proceeded to read it. Ever since she first saw me writing she has been curious of its contents.

Anastasia came across a postcard of her family and another of herself in a white dress, both of which I keep in the journal. She returned to the palace and later came back with a copy of the original photo for me. The postcard of her family was signed by her siblings. Tatiana's signature was the most impressive. She signed hers with a grand flourish. Anastasia spent the next hour or so reading me her English essays. She was happy to practice with me because I did not behave like a tutor.

The scent of Anastasia's violet perfume was still on the bed sheets when I slept that night.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #6

2013-08-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

Winter Palace, February 1913

A luxurious ball was held in the capital to celebrate the Romanov Tercentenary. Tatiana had agreed to go with me before she fell ill with typhoid. She is recuperating in one of the upstairs bedchambers. I visited her first to wish her a quick recovery. She appreciated it and told me not to worry about her, wishing me a pleasant evening.

None of the grand dukes or princes had offered to escort the grand duchesses. A lady-in-waiting ended up shoving a few NCOs to partner the girls. I took the opportunity to ask Marie, and she delightfully accepted. She introduced me to her friends and relatives. Some were surprised to see me as her escort, joking that I am too thin for her. My low rank was also unimpressive to them, but Marie was not discouraged. She admired my full dress uniform and preferred my company more than her social equals.

We proceeded to the dance floor after dinner. Marie was blushing. Olga, however, remained at the table, apparently unenthusiastic about the party. I learned from Marie that her sister had fallen for a naval officer and was heartbroken when he got married. I wanted to cheer her up, so I later approached her for a dance. She was astonishingly beautiful in her pink dress. While on the dance floor, Olga and I fell when I made a misstep and tripped. There were bursts of laughter all around us. I felt awful for humiliating her, but she smiled and insisted that we continued dancing. She thanked me for amusing her. The grand duchesses were talented dancers. I only wish Tatiana was here.

As the evening wore on, I accompanied Olga and Marie to the grand staircase where we bade each other goodnight before they retired to their rooms. They pointed me to Anastasia who was behind me, visibly upset because I never danced with her. I offered her my hand, but instead of returning to the ballroom she happily took me outside to dance in the garden. Afterwards I sat her on a bench to rest, kneeled before her and kissed her hand, to which she responded by pulling me next to her and placing my arm around her. While snuggled on my shoulder, she was softly humming music that was playing in the ballroom.

Anastasia has rarely ever showed her charming side to me in the past three years. As time went by, I saw less of her pranks and more of her loveliness. Either I have finally won her affection or merely satisfied the imp temporarily. I carried her back inside when she dozed off. I will never forget this night.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #5

2013-08-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

Alexander Palace, Summer 1911

Made a long patrol today. There was nothing to report. Time seems irrelevant except for the fact that I am bored and these hours alone are endless. My colleagues offer little comradeship. They are only interested in making sure that the man beside them is doing their job. The daily inspections of our bunks and uniforms has become monotonous. It is difficult for me to muster any enthusiasm for my regular duties here.

The truth is, I am missing the company of the tsar's children. They have been spending their summer at the Livadia Palace in the Crimea. I can see all of their faces, but somehow it is not enough. I find myself drawn to them in ways much stronger than my obligations to the military. They have truly enchanted me. Perhaps it is my own fault that I got so close to them. I often remind myself that they are the children of the Emperor of All Russia, so I must be careful not to overstep my boundaries.

My unit is no longer required to escort the tsar and his family on their holiday trips, only as far as the yacht or train, after which responsibility is handed over to the navy and cossacks. With the imperial family gone for weeks, my colleagues enjoyed lesser workloads at the palace. I only look forward to going home when I'm off duty. Marie sent me a postcard with a picture of her and her siblings on the obverse. Very kind of her. I'll be sure to write to her should the opportunity arise. It may be forward of me, but what can it hurt? After all, she is my friend. Sometimes I even think of her as a sister.

P.S. As soon as I was finished with my journal, I realized that Anastasia was behind me, quietly peeking at what I was writing. She had asked a member of the imperial staff not to contact the palace or guardhouse informing them of her family's impending return. She wanted to surprise me as soon as she came back. Many times I've felt alone, but until this moment, I've never felt completely lonely.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #4

2013-08-16T17:49:00.000+08:00

Alexander Palace, Winter 1910

Marie and Anastasia came by the guardhouse today and had a snowball fight with me and my colleague. Soon a car carrying some minister arrived. We opened the gate for him while covered in snow. Amusingly, the little pair joined us in saluting the vehicle. We waited for it to pass us before throwing snowballs at each other again. Before they left, Marie gave me a flower which she had plucked from the garden, her gaze looking deeply into my eyes. When I informed her that she was staring at me, she quickly covered her face in embarrassment and ran off.

A few hours later, I crossed paths with Tatiana, who took a walk with me in the park. She noticed I was a bit quiet. I barely know her and was mindful of what I said, treating her as if she was my date. Anastasia suddenly pounced me from behind and ran off with my cap. While Tatiana was ordering her sister to give it back, I reluctantly chased after her and grappled her to the ground. Anastasia found my hands ticklish, so I proceeded to tickle her waist. She laughed hysterically but still refused to surrender my cap, clutching it tightly to her chest.

Tatiana saw her parents walking nearby and alerted me to their presence. I quickly helped Anastasia to her feet. I thought it best to let her be lest I incur the wrath of the tsar and tsaritsa for touching their daughter. Tatiana whisked me behind a tree for a moment, hoping they didn't see me, and from there we continued walking. She came by the guardhouse afterwards with my cap and offered her apologies, promising to restrain her sister in future. But I told her that it was perfectly all right.

My colleagues believe that Anastasia would not trouble me if I learned to stop being such a weakling. She is annoying sometimes, though I have secretly grown to like her playfulness. I will not have the respect of my colleagues, but the company of a grand duchess is too good to give up. Whenever I report for duty, I cannot help but look in the direction of the palace, wondering if Anastasia will appear.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #3

2013-08-15T20:59:00.000+08:00

Alexander Palace, 1910

The tsar's children were having a photo shoot. I tried to distract Anastasia by making silly faces from behind a doorway. Was hoping to get back at her for pranking me last time. Instead I attracted Maria's attention. She lost her concentration just as the photographer took their picture, and came running after me when the session ended. I made no attempt to flee from her. While I was explaining myself, Maria was punching my belly. The Tsaritsa Alexandra liked the photograph and she hung it on a wall in one of the palace rooms. Maria is embarrassed whenever she sees it.

There was a kitten stuck on top of a tree not far from the palace. I climbed up to retrieve it, and while I made my way down I saw the Grand Duchesses Olga and Tatiana waiting below. The kitten belongs to them and they went looking for it after it snuck out of the palace. I was nervous speaking to them because they looked very mature for their age. The girls asked for my name and they both gave me a smile I will never forget. It was my first time meeting Olga and Tatiana.

The Tsarevich Alexei has a habit of walking past the guardhouse often, and we have to stand at attention whenever he appears. Fortunately, on the tsar's orders, we don't have to salute the tsarevich unless another member of the imperial family is with him. Anastasia knows of this however, and often accompanies her brother. It pleases me to see her around though.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #2

2013-08-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Virolahti, Finland, Summer 1910

A small guard detachment was assigned to escort the Romanov family on their holiday cruise to Finland. We travelled there on the imperial yacht Standart. Halfway into the journey, a seaman was looking for the Grand Duchess Maria. The chefs were cooking meals for the family and she had gone missing. The seaman asked me to help find her but to remain discreet because he was responsible for her safety.

I found Maria below decks weeping at one corner. She apparently had a quarrel with her elder sisters, who called her fat. Wiping the tears from her eyes, I told her she was not fat and offered to carry her in my arms. She was reluctant at first because she feared she was too heavy for me, but I proved her wrong. I carried her up to the main deck and handed her over to the seaman, who escorted her to the dining saloon. Her tears were gone by then.

Maria later asked me to accompany her to the bow section of the ship, where we could enjoy the view of the Finnish coastline. I did not properly introduce myself to her earlier. It was the first time I've ever had a conversation with a grand duchess. She was keen to know about me and was a surprisingly good listener. The sailors would not stop looking at us. After she left, they jokingly accused me of courting her. I hope I have not drawn any unnecessary attention.

While we were on shore in Finland, I had a chance to lay back comfortably on a bench and gaze upon the stars. It would have been an incredibly beautiful night had I only been alone. Anastasia kept me occupied with her usual pranks and playfulness. Were it not for her, I believe I would be having the time of my life. I know she means well, but she is quite possibly the naughtiest child I have ever met.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #1

2013-08-13T11:05:00.000+08:00

Alexander Palace, January 1910

Upon graduation from military academy, I was sent to the Alexander Palace in Tsarskoe Selo, the residence of Tsar Nicholas II and his family. On arrival I reported to my unit and registered with the clerk, who assigned me a bunk and issued me a service rifle and bayonet. I will be issued a handgun when I become an officer. A senior guardsman gave me a tour of the palace's surrounding areas. There were sentry posts and patrol routes I had to familiarize myself with.

Within a week I was out prowling on my own. I was initially content with my posting, but that changed dramatically when I noticed a little girl following me during a patrol in the Alexander Park. She kept her distance from me, picking up the pace whenever she fell too far behind. She vanished when I neared the guardhouse. When I enquired with my colleagues, they told me she's the Grand Duchess Anastasia who is just curious to see a new face and that I can ignore her. They were giggling behind my back as I left the guardhouse, which left me puzzled.

The next day there were two grand duchesses following me. They were wearing identical dresses and were whispering to each other. Suddenly my head was hit by a hard object from behind. I turned to see the grand duchesses looking nervously at me. The taller one apologized while Anastasia hid behind her in fear of reprisal. I continued on my way, unsure of how to respond. My colleagues laughed when I returned to the guardhouse and told them what happened.

It didn't take me long to realize that Anastasia often plays pranks on the palace staff and, to a lesser extent, the guards. Maria, the taller one, is helpless and always ends up apologizing for her sister's misbehaviour. Our commandant is not bothered by Anastasia as he believes her pranks serve to remind us to remain vigilant. The hard object Anastasia threw at me was a tiny pebble, which really hurt. Her aim was very precise. Still, my thoughts kept coming back to Maria. She was a magnificent looking girl.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier

2013-08-12T19:37:00.000+08:00

I suddenly came up with an idea to create a journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier who was with the last royal family. It is of course a work of fiction, but it will be based on actual events.

Only time will tell how many entries I'll be publishing. I may not know much of the Romanov family, but at least I can put some of my imaginations and dreams of them in writing. I may be terrible at English, but it's worth a shot.