This weekend I participated in a gifting suite for the Academy Awards.  The celebrities came to the Womanly Journey table to learn all about my product, receive the Journey bracelet as a gift and make plans to work together if appropriate.  This opportunity was amazing.  The whirlwind of excitement while sharing my passion was a dream come true.  I was moved by how kind, friendly, and down to earth the celebrities were.  They truly understand the courage and value in standing up for your passion.

The reception of the Womanly Journey purpose was well received.  Today my next step is to follow up with those celebs who expressed interest.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  I want to touch as many lives as possible to raise self esteem.  This company was started to do so for women and girls.  Next company phase will be to raise the self esteem and empowerment in our men and boys!

Enjoy the pictures of the event.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

The swell of emotion

The realization that comes

forth in a moment

The calm of it all

That what is…

Is not what it seems
Oh the calm of it all

Until the storm rages forth

And contentment ceases
Anguish burst forth
The wall is broken

Spinning out of control

Freedom from self

The self imposed restraints

believed to be factual.

Found to be inconclusive.

Denial based on indoctrination

Until

Illumination

Arrives

One tear

I am FREE

Released…..move away from me

Set free

Redemption based on the birth of ME

This is a guest post by Angela Harris.  She is an amazing writer and a wonderful friend.  She is a wonderful author of children’s books as well.   Check out her website.  http://www.angelascreativeworks.com/

Attention and focus may sound simple, but really how are you doing in those areas?  I personally have, let’s say, extended time of difficulty with them.  Often times texts and emails are moved to the top of my to-do-list because they alert me of their presence with fabulous alert jingles.  When I surrender my focus to these tasks ,I loose attention and awareness to the opportunity right in front of me.  How many times have you been with someone who stops your conversation to take a call, or texts while you are sharing a meal together?  How many times have you done this?  Aside from being rude, it short changes the opportunity that is right in front of you.  If you don’t want to participate in what is in front of you, do yourself and the other person a favor, and with dignity end the relationship.

We are not designed to divide our attention and gain the full gift of each.  We all do it.  I do 300 things at a time and some how believe I did a good job at all of them.  Wrong!  On the occasions when I only do 1 thing with my full focus I notice there is a greater return on my time investment.  Go into any office and see the multitasking whirlwind occur.  Answering emails while on the phone, setting appointments while eating lunch, sending a quick text to the kids and friends in meetings.  Stop!  Try for 1 day to focus only on the task at hand.  Yes it is uncomfortable.  What else would it be after years of developing your master craft of multitasking.  That’s okay, give yourself the gift of awareness in this moment!

Be present in each moment.  You never know when opportunity will show up right in front of you!

I was a teenager trying to figure out how to move through the world of dating.  I made a choice at a cross road in my life, followed my desire to speed things up, and turned right into the arms of an abusive boy who was also lost.  Excitement and unhealthy drama are often confused at that young age.  What I thought was concern and comfort was really manipulation and control.  My prince charming turned into a nightmare that still to this day occasionally visits my dreams. He was punishing me for the lack in his own self esteem.

Your bill of teen dating relationship rights,  written in Saving Beauty from the Beast, by Vicki Crompton

1. I have the right to be treated with respect
2. I have the right NOT to be abused – physically, emotionally, or sexually
3. I have the right to say no and be heard
4. I have the right to express my own opinions
5. I have the right to private time and my own space
6. I have the right to have my needs considered as much as my partner’s
7. I have the right to  have friends of my own
8. I have the right to pursue my own special interests- and not be criticized for pursuing them
9. I have the right to accept a gift without having to give anything in return
10. I have the right to hear about my strengths and assets
11. I have the right to ask other for help if I need it
12. I have the right to a violence-free life.
13. I have the right to change my mind- to “fall out of love” and live with no threats

I did not know what to expect in a healthy relationship.  My knowledge of teen dating came from my friends and other kids in school.  No one really knew what they were doing, but we were all trying to figure it out.  By the time I realized this was a bad relationship, I was without the support necessary to escape.  I simply did not know!  I spent years being scared, angry, and running.  I want to provide you with the information I did not have when I needed it most.  Let’s blow up a common misunderstanding to start with.

Abusive relationships are NOT something a woman deserves, likes, or wants to stay in.  We stay because we feel trapped and without alternatives.  Teenagers are even more interested in not making waves or bringing negative attention to themselves.  They have to see and deal these boys at school every single day.  With adult relationships you have more choices than a teenager believes they have.  These relationships start off amazing!  The boy is perfect, attentive, complimentary, and loving.  In my experience, that is exactly what happened.  I received gifts, loving attention, and I felt like I was the most important person in his life.  He enjoyed my friends and family.  A dream come true; or so I thought.

I became comfortable in the relationship and continued to spend time with my friends outside of time with him.  That is one of the teen dating rights that I did not understand I should not give up.  I notice that once comfort comes into the picture for the girl, great discomfort shows up for the boy. There is fear that you will leave, try to attract the attention of other boys, make them look bad and then their insecurities take over.  Teenage boys are physically stronger than they have been in their lives.  They can physically over power a girl and get the out come they desire.  With strength comes responsibility.  Not all young men are taught this nor truly understand it.   It became a game to force me to move in certain ways like a rag doll.  At first, wrestling around with my boyfriend was playful, then it turned mean and then dangerous.  You know you have crossed a line when playful wrestling leaves you with marks and bruises.  This level of escalation occurs gradually.  Just as the isolation from friends occurs as well.

Support was all around me, I just did not know it.  I stayed in the relationship out of fear.  It was easier to keep up with his moods when I was with him.  This lead to the assumption that I must like him being mean to me, and that leaving marks on my body and soul were something I some how wanted.  Not even close.  I did NOT tell the truth to my friends and family.  I was ashamed of what was happening and did not want to reveal that to anyone who could help me.  I thought I could handle it myself.  My message to those of you who are reading this, You can’t do this alone.  My boyfriend felt guilty as well.  I don’t believe he ever truly wanted to hurt me.  He desired an outcome, and had the strength to make it happen.  After the belittling words and force came great remorse.  Flowers and gifts returned.  He treated me like a princess and showered me with positive attention.  I wanted to soak all of this up.  I saw the potential in this young man.  I confused this cycle with my responsibility.  If I could behave in a way that did not upset him then it could be like this all the time.  Again, I did not know, that his cycle was his responsibility to heal, not mine.  There was not anything I could have done to fix this for him.  He had to do it for himself.  Deep down I knew that as long as I was there to try and “save” him, he would never choose differently.

When it was on the wonderful part of the cycle, that is when I would tell the truth.  I isolated myself from friends to please him.  I wore my hair & make up in a way to to make him comfortable.  I did a number of other things with no success.  This is normal in an unhealthy relationship.  We sacrifice our self for another’s happiness.  That also will not have long lasting effects.  You will eventually rebel.  Your spirit will not stay caged!  I tried to end it a few times before I left for “real”.

Women and girls return to abusive relationships for a variety of reasons; none of them are because they like to be beaten down physically or emotionally.  Attempting to leave the relationship lead to a great escalation in the violence.  It proved to him that his insecurities were right.  It showed him that he was right in his poor self esteem.  He responded with what worked in the past; force.   I have the right to be treated with respect.  I did not claim that right, I handed it over to him to show me what that looked like. I would return to stop the insanity, believe it or not.  I thought that was a better option than getting help.

My spirit started screaming loud enough for me to listen.  I attended a few family events and met a few truly kind young men.  Because I would not see them again, I was free to tell them the truth about my relationship.  Apparently, I came to a point where I was ready to listen and receive help.  I was amazed that these young men were kind to me and had no expectations of me.  I was just me and that was enough.  It took months for this idea that I was enough to provide the strength to end this relationship for good.  I have shared before, that once you decide to step into your truth help is all around you.  I finally said no and meant it.  My boyfriend’s power seemed to vanish.  I had connected in with my true self rather than the fear of him.  I did not want to hurt him, I just did not want to keep hurting myself any longer.  This time I won.

Attention Young ladies: Speak up, Speak out, get help, and end the relationship.  Reach out to me if you’d like.  You need to step out of the way to allow your abusive boyfriend the opportunity to get the help he needs.  He will ONLY change when he decides to heal himself!  You can not do that for him.

She wants the audience to

1. Learn something new

2. Laugh out loud

3. Leave with an idea to apply immediately to your life

Kristin is highly motivated to make a positive impact on the lives of women and girls.  She does this through speaking engagements with a variety of audiences.  No crowd is too small or too large for her.  She creates an environment that immediately sets you at ease, brings humor along with each topic and provides the opportunity for you to share thoughts and stories.  She is most recognized for speaking with great passion.  There is no better experience then to meet with someone who loves what they do.  Allow Kristin to remind you of your importance, value, and purpose.

Let’s give them some topics to talk about

You will discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything.  When you make that one effort to feel compassion for someone instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again, and continues opening.  Then, love fills the empty spaces you thought someone else could fill for you.”

Sara Paddison

Well said!

Bad things happen to all kinds of people. You know the sayings.  We have all heard them a million times; Whatever!  Sometimes it is better to have mom or dad out of the picture.  True, but now what?  Post divorce the adults are focused on recovering themselves and getting on with their life.  They want to have fun and “get back out there” after a the end of relationship.  Great!  You have someone else hurting that is involved in this picture; your children.

When children are young they freely express their emotions.  They cry, scream, run, and throw themselves on the floor when they need to express how they feel.  They reach out for hugs and ask for kisses out loud.  Teenagers don’t do those things by nature.  They turn their feelings inward and we get to guess how they will bubble to the surface.  Is it drugs, sex, drinking, cutting, violence, video gaming, constant TV watching, art, music, reading, faith, or something else?  This is a time in their lives where they are trying to get their feet on the ground and figure out who they are in response to the outside world.  Experiences can make us hardy or they can reinforce false beliefs about ourselves.

I don’t know the answers.  I want to create another option for these girls.  That is one of the reasons I started Womanly Journey.  Something quiet, personal and positive.  My dilemma is infiltrating society with positivity.   I too am a divorced mother of a now teenage daughter.  Her father and I split when she was 8.  That was difficult for everyone!  As an 8 year old girl, my daughter freely expressed her emotions and was able to receive support from many different areas.  She shares with me that she sees girls who are now experiencing divorce of their parents in their high school years; she is deeply saddened by watching their pain.

We are responsible for our own lives, even as teenagers.  However, having the skills, outlets, and support are vital to a healthy transition in the midst of major change.  The way in which we live is as adult women is the greatest influence on our girls.  Respecting, loving, and taking responsibility for ourselves is important.  Doing those same things for our teenage girls in mandatory for their emotional and physical health.  Remember they are watching you even when they say they are not.  Give her the skills to succeed while you are moving forward in your life as well.

I know I am not the only one who lives like this.  It is the life of the hamster on the wheel.  It is fun for awhile, then you just get tired.  When I stepped off the wheel it was a bit disorienting.  Taking ownership of time requires responsibility and commitment.  Not to mention the micro-decisions made all day to stay on track or get back on the wheel.  Believe it or not the wheel has a very strong calling to get back on.  Remember in high school when you thrived off attention and longed to be popular in some way.  Maybe there was no desire to be in the popular crowd, but the need to belong and be loved are dominating!  All the alerts from the phone are telling our brains we are popular or needed in some way.  Wrap that up into girl world of wanting to be liked and you have email/text/FB alert addiction.  The handing over of your time to this addiction begins; welcome to the hamster wheel of time.

My challenge at hand is to NOT check email until 10 AM, do what I MUST complete first, and then rewarding myself.  Sounds simple and is simple to type.  To put in practice is TOTALLY different.  What I quickly recognized was that I rewarded myself first with Starbucks and then punished myself all day.  Now I get the stuff I don’t really like but must do first, and then reward myself.  I was able to take a guilt free bike ride and now I am enjoying a guilt free cup of Starbucks.  AHHHHH!  By the way, if you need to reach me before 10 AM, you will need to actually call me.  I am not disciplined enough to leave my phone on alert for all emails and texts.  It is too tempting.

Time management is a misnomer.  We can’t manage time, we can only manage ourselves.  Dang, there it is again; Self responsibility.  It shows up everywhere.  Be your best self; own your time, own your self.

How is it working out for me?  It is a new way of moving through the world that is for my highest good.  Of course it is hard and uncomfortable.  Anything worth it is challenging.  I know I am doing the right thing, because I am uncomfortable.  If I was comfortable doing this right away, it would mean I am still on the hamster wheel.

How about the ease of making new friends.  I remember Mackenzie seeing a group of children she did not know playing with a giant bouncy ball.  She looked up at me smiling and stated, “let’s go make friends!”  She started running towards them.  I requested that we walk over to them instead.  Her words of wisdom were, ” Mama, kids don’t do that.  We just go up to them and say Hi, my name is Kenzie, do you want to be friends, and then you just play.”  What if adults did that with such ease? That joy of new friends seemed to be overtaken by awkwardness and fear around 6th grade.   The discomfort never won over the desire to have fun and play.  Where does this desire go as we enter adolescences?

Just try for today, try to express your emotions as a young child.  Feel the joy in the moment!