Womanopoly

Dearjohn

2016-10-28T09:48:00.001-05:00

In other news,
I once was in love with a man for several years that will never be mine. How, you say, can you be love with a man that could never be yours....easy...that's me...always wanting something I can't have. I met this man in 2011 while I was going through my divorce. He was everything I thought I was missing in my life. Tall, sexy, caring, thoughtful, attentive, etc. I was caught off guard and didn't think I deserved something like this so what did I do? Treated him like dirt. And he stayed consistent. Constantly pursuing me. Sounds too good to be true right. It is. He's married. Did I know this? Absolutely. But I didn't care. It was all about me! Every once in a while, my conscious would get the best of me and I would call off the "relationship". Time would pass, I'd get lonely, and I was right back into his trap. But, this time is different. I want better for myself and my kiddo. I know that right man is out there but I swear he be hidin'. Let me stop lying. I'm hiding. I'm a home body by nature. I don't socialize often (ever) and that's why I'm not in a relationship. I've had several men come into my life that I have shunned away. Holding out for the one I can't have. So, this is my dear john (for real this time). I can't do this anymore. I get my hopes up for you all the time knowing that your situation will never changes. It is unfair for me to continue to wait for you so I'm done. I wish you the best.

B

Hello....It's Me

2016-10-28T09:34:00.002-05:00

Wow, I didn't realize how long I've neglected you. God knows, I needed the friend but sometimes, life circumstances get the best of you. So, let me back track a few years to catch you up.

In late 2013, I was let go of my job. Reasons....I called my boss a racist. Of course, I never said those words but an employee told her that I called her a racist so she let me.

Hardest and Best thing that ever happened to me. For the longest, I have wanted to move to Atlanta. One of my sisters live here and I always enjoyed coming to visit her. So when I was let go of my job, I moved to Atlanta. No job but a place to stay. I lived with my sister for 4 months while my parents took care of my kiddo so I could get on my feet.

I leased an apartment, earned money to buy furniture and brought my kiddo back to Atlanta. I got a job at an RTC in 2014 and the drama began. As much as I loved the patients I worked with, once again, my supervisor tormented me. Week after week, she would send 100s of emails, second guess my every decision, say one thing to my face and another in an email. It was bad! In Aug 2016, my supervisor came to me and gave me a 30 day notice...stating company restructuring, I was out of a job. I was in shock but Dr. Creflo Dollar had been teaching on rest. So, I rested. I actively looked for jobs knowing that in the end, God got me.

I ended up in another department for the same company as the school counselor. I am constantly being pushed outside of my comfort zone and I create and implement school wide programs for the mentally challenged. Not too much drama now which is good. I hear about it but it does not effect me.

Until next time.....

Easter

2013-03-31T21:31:00.002-05:00

So another holiday has come and gone. It was an eventful holiday filled with family and food. Church was good, although I do feel guilty for not going more often. Hope you had a great holiday!!! Until next time....

Bag Lady

2013-01-08T13:14:00.000-06:00

Bag lady you gone miss your bus. You can't hurry up cause you got too much stuff. When they see you comin' ninjas take off runnin' from you it's true oh yes they do. Girl I know sometimes it's hard and we can't let go. Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside, you can't deny it you can't stop crying. So oh, oh, oh. If you start breathin' then you won't believe it. You'll feel so much better.

This is how I'm feeling right about now. I've got so much baggage and I'm vowing to "pack light". I'm finally in the last "phase" as I call it of my divorce-grief-moving on-cycle. I've learned so much from this experience. The hurt, the pain, the tears helped shape me into the woman I am today. So what's next for me....only God knows but I'm ready. I'm finally ready.

When You Least Expect It....

2012-12-17T12:59:00.000-06:00

Friends....they come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They come when you least expect it and when you need it most. I've had friends come and go through my lifetime. The friends that stay are because they have no choice....they are my sisters. Now, I will put them on time out at any moment but in the end I love them dearly.

How did you meet your friends? The friends I have now I've met through dance. Believe it or not, dance has been a God send from me and my daughter. I originally put her in dance because she's an only child and, being the counselor that I am, wanted her to gain socialization and interpersonal skills. She already danced around the house, so why not put her in dance with other little girls. I've met so many amazing people who I can relate to on a level that I can't with my sisters.

So how do you know when a friend is a friend? When you're down and out, who's there for you? It's a trust thing....but that's the trick, right? How can you trust another? What's the test?

Letting Go

2012-12-13T17:40:00.002-06:00

When do you let go? When do you move from one relationship to the next?

So I've been divorced now for 18 months. It's been a struggle but we're making it. We had to make some major changes in our lives and I believe they are for the best. The thought that's running through my mind is when do I let go? I feel like I've removed most of the negativity that came from my past relationship but do I still hang on to a piece of it??? For my daughter's sake?

Today is my ex's birthday. No, I did not wish him a happy birthday. I've deleted him from my facebook including most of his family. I don't call or text him. He does call.....often. I have a special ring tone for him so when he calls I just pass the phone to my daughter. He texts.....often. I prefer texts because I have proof of what you said and I can respond when I feel like it.

Am I being ridiculous? He hurt me. I want nothing to do with him but I'm forced to be in this 'somewhat relationship' with him for my daughter. When can I let go? When can I move on with my life without having to be reminded of my past mistakes?

Boy Best Friends

2012-11-28T09:43:00.001-06:00

Best Friend- Best Friends are very special people in your life. They are the first people you think about when you make plans. They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. You will phone them up just to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life. When you’re sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They give the best hugs in the world! They are the shoulder to cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. In most cases they would take a bullet for you, because it would be too painful to watch you get hurt. - Urban Dictionary

Is it ok for a girl to have a guy best friend? Where is the line drawn between best friend and f*$% buddy? So here's the deal. I have a guy best friend...and he's not gay (Although I think every girl should have at least one gay best friend). We talk almost every day about absolutely nothing. He makes me laugh and comforts me when I cry. The thing is....I would never sleep with him. To me, once you sleep with a "guy best friend" he's no longer a friend but a sex partner and will expect it every time you meet. Don't get me wrong...opportunity has come a knocking a couple of times. But I cherish our friendship too much to ruin it over sex. I'm pretty sure it would be good (LOL) but I just can't. Why do you ask? Well here's a tidbit about me. I've been known to hit it and quit it. If I slept with him (bestie) I would probably never talk to him again. I've stated at the beginning of this blog series that I was a little quirky. Maybe it's all in how the relationship starts. Like if you start out being friends then that's all it should be. If you start of sleeping together then that's all it will be. I've been in situations where it was all physical. No "hi how was your day?" or "let's go to the movies". Just get in, get off, and get out.

I have a friend who is in the beginning of a relationship....let's call her Anna. Anna has been seeing this guy Ron for several months. Ron has a "girl best friend". Ron claims that he slept with this best friend several years ago but he's not interested in her like that anymore. PUUUHHHLLEASSEE. He may not be interested in sex with his 'best friend' but I'm pretty sure she's interested. Ron is not from Texas so when Anna goes to visit she's tried to meet the best friend. Well, the best friend is conveniently busy every time Anna goes to visit Ron. What's up with that?

Here's what I'm thinking....sex totally changes the relationship. Thoughts?

Fetish

2012-11-19T11:18:00.000-06:00

Fetish- Something sexual or nonsexual, such as an object or a part of the body which arouses sexual desire or is necessary for one to reach full sexual satisfaction.

Where do I begin....well during my "crazy phase" I encountered some strange things....but nothing tops some of the most recent stories I've heard. So for your pleasure and enjoyment, I'd like to share those stories with you.

1. The Foot Fetish.....Oh yes, it is real. Now, I personally have had my toes sucked on every now and then but not to this extent. Someone close to me just experienced a guy actually getting off by having rubbed her toes on (wait for it) his nipples!

2. The Nipple Fetish....for some reason I would like to believe this is an old people thing but here it goes. Apparently guys (I mean strange guys like this) like to have their nipples sucked! Last time I checked, I thought that was a female thing but I guess not. And yes, I've experienced this as well.

Now I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced something strange in the bedroom. Don't leave me out here by myself...please share your stories.

My clothes don't fit

2012-11-07T22:23:00.001-06:00

So I'm on my way to the Margarita Festival. I lost count on how many times I changed clothes. I'm so depressed right now. But what can I do? Can't wear a moo moo. Can't go naked. Guess ill try and suck it up. But I'm not happy.

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

2012-11-07T22:22:00.001-06:00

So here is my next installment. I'm on a new mission and its bright and shiny (like a diamond). I've decided to make some major moves in my life to create a better outcome for my kid and myself. I have so many dreams and desires and I'm feeling like God is moving me in a new direction. BOAM- Bekah On A Mission!!!

On the Side

2012-10-02T23:28:00.001-05:00

You're the private girl, the side girl
You're the best ride I ever had girl
You're the one I make up more lies to see
But you can't keep callin' my phone
When you know I got a wifey at home
But you still call
Are you tryin' to break up my thang?
Told you to keep it on
The down low so know one knows
That I see you on the side
But you can't have me
So you told everybody
That I see you on the side
You're the real girl, the keep it real girl
And I understand how you feel girl
But I just can't give up my girl for you,
But you're sayin' you can have it
No one else can, you better understand
Gonna stop runnin' 'round, tellin' your friends
I know I put it on you
Now you can't get enough of me
I know you wanna be the
Girl I'm runnin' home to see
I know that I gave it
The way you want me to
I know that I'm not gon'
Give up my girl for you

POSE child modeling mag Junior Fashion Experts: Destinee's Tip of the Week

2012-06-06T09:00:00.001-05:00

POSE child modeling mag Junior Fashion Experts: Destinee's Tip of the Week: Hi I'm back Miss Destinee with Fashion Inspiration by Destinee! All I can say is the battle is on between these two "Oh So Fabulous" scrappy...

Professional Photographer Magazine 2012 Cover Contest

2012-06-05T17:39:00.001-05:00

Professional Photographer Magazine 2012 Cover Contest

Who Can?

2012-05-15T11:00:00.002-05:00

As I stand here contemplating on the right thing to decide. Will I take the wrong direction all my life? Where will I go? What lies ahead of me? I have strong determination and I'm not afraid of change. I have yet to find that someone who would care to satisfy me to stay right by me.

And my mind is so confusing who would be that special one? Everyday I'm trying to find you. All along I've got to know, is there a place for me? I know love has many meanings and a message very clear. All it takes is time and patience to bring you near.

Contribute.....

2012-05-15T10:53:00.001-05:00

verb (used without object)
To give (money, food, etc.) to a common supply, fund, etc.

So there was this guy that I was interested in but I haven't heard from him in a long time. My brother (via my sister) asked me a very interesting question that got me thinking..."What are you bringing to the table?"

Well in a relationship, I bring me! The whole shabangabang.
Nurturing: I'm an awesome mom. I take care of my daughter and expose her to opportunities I didn't have. I'm loving and caring.
Educated: I'm smart. I love my job and I'm good at it.
Loving: I love hard and I put my all into the things that are important to me.
Loyal: Any of my sisters will tell you that. When I'm on your team...It's ride or die.

What are you contributing?

Money...

2012-05-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

Money is any object or record that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services and repayment of debts in a given country or socio-economic context.

Money- There's never enough of it. I work hard for it and as soon as I get it...it's gone. Ever since I moved out of my parents house, I've struggled. I'll have good times and bad times but the bad outwiegh the good. Moving back to my parents is TOTALLY out of the question. I value my independence (being able to walk around my house naked). I hate to give that up but I'm running low on options. On my drive in to work today, I felt my eyes water as I process how I'm going to pay my rent, put gas in my car, and feed my kid for the next two weeks. I questioned where my money goes and how can I prevent it from leaving me so quickly. I'm tired of struggling...I did that when I was married. Now that I'm divorced I have no one to blame. No, I don't receive child support but I knew that was going to happen. It's just me and my kid. I know that this too shall pass but it's hard. I don't like borrowing money. MONEY MONEY MONEY.....I guess it doesn't help that I watch the Real Housewives and I'm somewhat jealous. Oh they have a ton of drama but they live in beautiful houses and drive amazing cars. Now I know what you're going to say...mo' money mo' problems. But I have little money and BIG problems. Explain that?

Somebody that I used to know

2012-03-19T22:11:00.002-05:00

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know - Goyte

Everything happens for a reason. If it didn't, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. When I go through challenging situations, I'm not as insightful. But when the challenge is over, I can look back and be thankful for the experience.

Newness

2012-03-05T23:04:00.001-06:00

Everything is cool when love is all brand new cause you're learning me and I'm learning you (it's cool)- Musiq Soulchild

Do you remember the last time you started something new? I started my new job today, and even though training is extremely boring I'm still so excited. When you have "a call on your life" as my parents so often like to quote, it's a journey to figure out what that calling is. I have had a tug on my heart for middle school kids for as long as I can remember. At the ripe and awesome age of 31, I am finally given an opportunity to work with them. Yes there will be trying days but I'm excited to be doing what God has put on my heart for so long. Musiq Soulchild is one of my favorite musicians (if you couldn't tell by my blog titles). Newness is learning something. Something about myself, my calling, a new set of skills and so much more. Go out and try something new. You'll be glad you did.

Moment in Life

2012-02-16T14:24:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a day when nothing goes your way? All you do seems to be in vain and everything is just a waste of your time. But have you ever had that moment in life, when everything is cool? Didn't have to worry about the time. It all went as it should and you were having the greatest moment in life. Don't you worry about the past 'cause it's gonna be what it is. All that you can do is try to make your future beautiful. Just let it be the greatest moment in life.

All I can do is reminisce 'cause there's no rewinding my life. But the future's so bright that it's almost blinding my sight. It's like all a sudden your life is so cool 'cause everything in it is working for you. Your friends and your family are getting along. It feels like when you hear your favorite song or when you know that you got money to spend.

You never want that moment to end.

Too Invested...

2012-01-31T09:37:00.002-06:00

It's time for the next installment of my crazy life. I was talking to my brother yesterday about this guy that I'm interested in. First off, I love to hear stories about how couples met and some of the issues they ran across when they start off. So anyways, I was telling my brother that I didn't hear from this guy all week and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. My brother told me, "You are too invested. Just live your life." Short yet powerful. My sister says that she doesn't condone playing games but sometimes you have to. I hate playing games with a guy because I feel like I'm not being true to who am I. I feel like if you are interested in me, you need to know the real me from the get go. I guess in order to win you have to play the game......

Where is this guy?

2012-01-24T23:25:00.001-06:00

I want a guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot. Who calls me back when I hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch me sleep. The boy who kisses my forehead. Who wants to show me off to the world. Who thinks I'm pretty without makeup on.
The one who is constantly reminding me of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have me!

Birthday High...

2012-01-16T11:51:00.002-06:00

So I'm still on a birthday high. I had so much fun. 31 definitely looks good on me. Reflecting back, I can't say that I had some goal that I wanted completed by 31 but I'm thinking about goals for the upcoming year. The complaints that I have about my life are so minor. Overall, I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I also want to grow a stronger backbone and be confident enough to speak my mind. So for my birthday I was fortunate enough to have my worlds (family, work, and dance) come together for dinner and bowling. I beat everyone. Drunk bowling is way more fun than sober bowling. I'm just saying. It's nice to go out and have a great time without sweating in a club. LOL! A highlight of my birthday was that I had a special person. It feels good. Not going to jinx myself but we have fun together. That's all for now. :)

World Wide Web...

2012-01-11T20:32:00.000-06:00

The world wide web. Friend or foe? The Internet gives a plethora of great information and it can cause a lot of trouble. For instance, the web gives me information about guys I may be interested in. I can look them up online before ever even giving them my phone number. I can find out any civil or criminal history, marital status, and even child support issues. Although these tools are extremely helpful, it's still not enough information. Do you really ever know a person? You could spend years with someone and still never know everything there is to know about them. Example: I was married for six years and I uncovered many many secrets, but I still didn't really know him (nor do I care to further investigate) LOL. When I was going through my phase after my divorce, I should've taken my own advice and got to know the guy before I made the mistake (which I made several). FACEBOOK...It's a beast but also a helpful tool. Guys don't normally post pictures or "check in" but there's usually someone in their mix that will and you can find out a lot. Like what kind of crowd they hang with, what they do in their down time, what their kids look like...etc. BEWARE of dual relationships. People that you work with that seem to be 'cool' may not be. Employers look at your page whether you believe that or not. Co workers could investigate your page and report you to management. The list is endless. My suggestion, group your friends so when you post a comment or tag yourself in a photo, you know who can see it. And FYI, once it's on the internet, you're stuck so deal with it. On another note, I know I'm setting myself up here but why do guys that are spoken for pretend they are not? What is that? Have your cake and eat it to....I'm not that chic. So yesterday I get this random instant message from a guy I use to crush on. Well there's been this long game of cat and mouse and I finally had the balls to end the game. We haven't done anything in almost a year but I guess you can call it shameless flirting. We don't go out on dates, we don't talk on the phone, we don't see each other in any form or fashion. But for some reason, he feels he has dibs on me. I'm confused. Don't you have to have spend time with someone to have dibs? I'm just saying. He recently had a birthday and when I went on Facebook to wish him a happy birthday, I noticed comments from a couple of girls that were questionable. ...to the love of my life and to the man I love. I don't know about you but it reads to me that there something a little more than friendship going on there. So of course, in true Bekah fashion, I called him on it. And in true guy fashion, he denied the whole thing, generalizing the situation into, "I got lots of love from a lot of people." Right. So I put the ultimatum out there, "Either you in or your out." His reply, "come pick me up." Negative. I told him no. I'm some desperate chic that picks up randoms off the street corner. PUHLEASE. I'm better than that. I'm more than that, and dammit I will get more than that.

Titles...

2012-01-04T17:59:00.000-06:00

I must say, I have been into titles for a long time. Granddaughter, daughter, sister, wife, ex-wife, niece, cousin, therapist, boss, etc. The one that I love most of all is MOM. I wouldn't trade my kid in for the world. She's full of life and personality. She also knows how to push my buttons and embarrass the heck out of me. But overall, she pushes me when I think I can't go any further or when I'm down to my last dime. A title is a prefix or suffix that is added to someone's name to signify either veneration, an official position or a professional or academic qualification. Some of the titles I hold don't have much weight. It's just a name with job duties but no actual power. There are titles I hope to have in the future and titles I don't ever want again. What's your title?

Child Support.....

2012-01-03T12:11:00.002-06:00

Child support is to help parents obtain financial support necessary for children to grow up and succeed in life. Child support is supposed to encourage parental responsibility. So why is it that dead beat parents can go a very long time without paying a dime and the parents that are actually trying get persecuted? I have a male friend who is actually a model father. He's does for his kid when the mother doesn't. But the mother pursued child support and he's been paying. He was out of work for a second but as soon as he found employment he started paying again. The judge gave him hell about paying on a Saturday when the payment was due Friday! Really? I have yet to receive child support. I work two jobs to create a better life for my kid. BY MYSELF! Sometimes I just don't understand. If your kid's parent is dead beat then I totally understand getting child support. But if the parent is helping financially and doing what they can why would you be greedy? Help me understand here.......