WomanSavers Dating Expert and Relationship Expert Tips

Does Your Man Know the Real You

2010-03-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

In a relationship, it is very important that you be open and honest with one another for the relationship to be successful. How often do we as women say "I want my man to be honest with me" or "I want my man to tell me what he's really thinking"' Yet, we don't always show our true colors to our partners.

Does your man know the real you' Or is it possible that you've been showing him one side in order to "land him"' We often act one way in the beginning of the relationship and as time goes on, we complain that our men don't understand what we really want. Perhaps this is because you're not showing your man the real you.

Here are some signs your man may not know the real you:

* You pretend to like things that he likes
* You pretend to like things to please him
* You never remove your makeup, wear comfortable clothes, etc when he is around
* You never talk about your past
* You never talk about your family
* You never talk about your true feelings
* You feel your partner doesn't understand you

These are just a few signs that you may not be revealing your true colors to your man. If you're just in a short fling, it's not that big of a deal but if you're looking to serious with someone, you have to open that emotional door and reveal yourself to him. This doesn't mean you have to open the floodgates and let it all out at once. However, over the course of a relationship, little by little, you should begin to know one another. Through chats and time spent together, you can begin to share things about yourself that will help your partner get to know you.

Does your man know what makes you tick' Does he know your favorite color, your favorite song, your favorite movie, how you feel about world issues, politics and religion' Have you ever debated with your man over a controversial topic' Have you ever shared a secret or something very private'

Revealing things about yourself heightens the intimacy in your relationship and makes the bond between the two of you stronger. It also helps your man get to know what you're really like inside so you both know if you are a true fit for one another and also how to keep one another happy. A relationship built on false pretenses will not be very fulfilling and typically does not last very long.

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Top 5 Steps for Dressing Sexy in the Bedroom

2010-03-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't want to look hot in the bedroom? Most all of us will want to look and feel sexy in the bedroom but so many women feel like they fall short in this area. Are you waiting until you look sexier before you dress sexy? If so, then you're looking at it backwards. To be sexy, you need to dress and feel sexy. It's also important to get something that makes you feel good. Even if your man buys you an outfit, if you don't feel good in it, you're not going to exude the same sexiness as you will in your favorite lingerie. What are some ways you can feel sexier when you dress for the bedroom?

Here are 5 steps to dressing sexy in the bedroom:

1. Feel sexy. Sexiness is all about attitude. Your man is much more likely to notice low self-esteem and self-consciousness in the bedroom more than a little belly bulge or cellulite thighs. Stop worrying that you're not perfect enough and feel sexy. You will elude sexiness all around.
2. Get sexy lingerie. Take the time to find some special pieces of lingerie that really make you feel good. Choose pieces that suit your body type and your personality and make you feel like the sex goddess that you are inside. Sexy lingerie doesn't have to cost you a fortune and if you worry that you can't afford it, just save up for one really nice piece that makes you feel great.
3. Get the right size. Many women make the mistake of buying lingerie in the wrong size or style for their body type. When they put it on, it's doesn't look good or feel good and they do not feel as sexy. Choose something in the right size for you and something that fits your body type. It will make a huge difference in how sexy you feel.
4. Dress sexy when no one is around. Wearing your sexy clothes around the bedroom or even around your apartment when you are alone is a great way to make you feel more comfortable in them when you are with your man. Watch yourself in the mirror while wearing your favorite sexy outfit. Practice walking and dancing and moving.
5. Practice technique. Don't be afraid to rent an exotic dancing tutorial video or read up on your striptease skills. When you practice your technique, it will help you perform it with confidence in the presence of your man.

Remember you don't have to be a supermodel to look sexy in your lingerie. We're not all built for Victoria's Secret but that doesn't mean you can't feel good about who you are. Confidence is one of the sexiest features any woman can have.

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Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

2010-03-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

Why men cheat on women is an age-old question. The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Nevertheless, we have compiled a list of the top ten reasons why both married and unmarried men cheat. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.

So why do some men cheat in relationships? Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren’t we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn’t we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions? Apparently not always.

Here are the top ten reasons why men cheat:

1. Because they had the option.
The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.

2. It boosts their ego.
Sometimes men no longer feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.

3. You grow apart.
Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.

4. You argue a lot.
Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.

5. They have fallen out of love.
Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.

6. Your sex life stinks.
If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.

7. To get revenge.
A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old-fashioned sex?

8. It’s new, different and exciting.
Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.

9. To see if they can get away with it.
If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.

10. Because you have allowed it in the past.
If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.

Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above list or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest. After all, what comes around, goes around.

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Avoid Dating a Scammer

2010-03-09T13:09:00.000-08:00

Avoid Dating A Scammer
4 tips on how to screen men
By Dating Expert Stephany Alexander

Dating safely after your divorce is an absolute necessity in today's world. Some people can begin dating again within a few months, others take years.

Whatever the length of time you decide to take is up to you, but it is important that you do take some time to get to know yourself again and embrace the single person that you once were before your marriage.

According to a poll of over 1,500 women conducted by womansavers.com, 31% feel that a date turns into a relationship after dating for 3 months, 20% after you've had sex, 16% when he says I love you or after 6 months, and a mere 14% after 5 dates.

There is no rush ' so take your time and do your research. Here are some tips:

1. Explore options of meeting a safe date through friends, church, school, the gym, at a party or even walking a dog in the park. If you decide to date online, be sure to go to established date sites that have a long-term success ratio.

2. Try to get a first and last name of your potential date as soon as possible ' Google his name, run it through the womansavers.com database, and check your local felon registry. If you think that this person is someone you may be interested in long term, do a background check on them. If you have children, you must screen your dates even more because many times pedophiles will target single mothers for access to her children.

3. Stay as anonymous as possible and don't give out your real name or personal details early on. When you meet someone for the first time, meet in a public place and use only your first name. Wait for a while before becoming intimate. This allows you to screen out the players who are only after sex.

4. If you do decide to become intimate, use protection until both parties have been tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

Good luck and safe dating to all!

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News Release: Crime Prevention 101 Show to Air Exclusive Interview with Dating Expert Stephany Alexander, CEO of WomanSavers

2010-03-01T00:50:00.000-08:00

ExpertClick News Release: Crime Prevention 101 Show to Air Exclusive Interview with Dating Expert Stephany Alexander, CEO of WomanSavers

Womansavers Top Dating Do's and Don'ts

2010-02-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

As a dating expert who has given dating advice to tens of thousands of people since early 2000, there are 20 basic Do's and Don't Rules in the world of dating to help you increase your chances of succeeding while dating. Dating can be fun and exciting but getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life. How do you put the odds in your favor when dating? I have broken down the top 20 Rules of Dating to help you find that special person.

TOP 10 DATING DO'S.

1. Do relax and have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun so make it fun. Choose activities that you both love so you can relax, laugh and enjoy. If you think dating is miserable, then don't do it.

2. Do groom yourself before your date. Make sure you are freshly showered, have fresh breath and have an outfit on that flatters you. Save your crazy or overly sexy outfits for when you get to know the person better.

3. Do Listen. Listening is more important than talking. Ask your date lots of questions and hone in on similar interests. Don't brag about yourself constantly because that is the ultimate turn-off.

4. Compliment your date. If you think your date looks nice, say so. Don't focus on your date's imperfections; focus on their good points. If it looks like your date took time to get ready, compliment them by letting them know.

5. Be positive. Don't complain on your date. Nobody wants to hear how miserable you are. A poor attitude can destroy a date faster than anything.

6. Be honest and upfront. If the date didn't click, tell your partner that you will have to think about it and that you will contact them again if you are interested.

7. Be proactive. You need to take the initiative to meet people to date. Practice flirting, smile, be friendly and make eye contact. This will show people you are available and will increase your chances of being asked out.

8. Do date creatively. Don't go to the movies where you can't talk or get to know your date better. Go to dinner, bowling and then a movie or go horseback riding, hiking or to an arts or music festival.

9. Do let your friends and family know you are dating. You never know when someone you know may try playing matchmaker for you. It may or may not work out but you should be open to meeting someone new.

10. Do be polite and have manners. Offer to pay for all or half of the date even if you are a woman. Say “please” and “thank you” and be respectful of the other person's feelings.

10 DATING RULE DON'TS

1. Don't be late for a date. Make sure you leave early enough to deal with traffic delays or other things that could delay you. Being late shows that you don't respect the other person's time and sets the date off on the wrong foot.

2. Don't chase someone. Don't phone, text or email them more than once a day unless you are in a conversation with them and they are replying. Being desperate is a huge turn off.

3. Don't date people who you think will use you. If you have money, don't tell the other person. If a man comes on too strong for sex early on, shut him down and move on. You want someone who wants you for you, not what you can do for them or give them. Once they get what they want, they'll move on to their next target.

4. Don't lie to your date. Don't over exaggerate your income, education or what you do. These lies will eventually come out and then you will appear as a dishonest loser.

5. Don't come on too strong. If you are anxious to get married right away, that's okay. However, constantly talking about serious commitment issues such as marriage and children on a first date can scare your date away.

6. Don't sit around and wait for his or her call. Stay busy. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who immediately drops their life or routine for someone they just met. Your goal is to have a fulfilled life that another person can add to.

7. Don't get drunk or use drugs on your date. What kind of an impression are you making if you are incoherent when you first meet? Your date will think you are like that with all people.

8. Don't flirt with others while on a date. This may seem like common sense but nothing will end your date faster than you hitting on your date's friend.

9. Don't have sex with someone until you have dated a while. A while does not mean 1 or 2 dates. If it was meant to be, it will be and part of the fun of dating is the thrill of the chase.

10. Don't give out too much personal information on a first date. Keep your home address and telephone number confidential until you get to know your date better and make sure you always meet in a public place.

Abusive Men: Top 10 Ways to Spot Abusive Men

2009-04-16T20:09:00.001-07:00

Abusive Men: Top 10 Ways to Spot Abusive Men

Abusive men seem to think there is a reason behind every woman’s actions and words. They are always under the assumptions that women are trying to influence them. Often, they accuse a woman of doing things she is not guilty of and they are easily irritated by her, especially when she is in a good mood. These men may feel they love these women but emotionally they do not “like” them. The most important aspect of any relationship should be mutual respect. Unfortunately abusive men always strive to project themselves in a favorable light and put women down. They thrive on making a woman feel inferior in all things. The object is to tear her down to make her feel weak, insecure and co-dependent. It is a double-edged sword: a no win situation or a do or die situation. The woman spends years trying to prove that she is not bad but they are kept on deaf ears. No matter what she does, he doesn’t care so it is futile for her to try to prove she is worthwhile.

According to the Department of Justice, recent study shows that two thirds of all marriages will experience domestic violence at least once in their life time. One shocking discovery from a study found that 37% of pregnant women, across all class, race, and educational lines, were abused physically during pregnancy. In all there are 4,000,000 women who are assaulted by their partners.

When it comes to discussing about abusive men, the most popular name, which comes to everybody’s mind, is Mike Tyson. This is because he has been involved in a series of accusations, which are often the tell-tale signs of an abusive man. He has two divorces, a rape conviction and other sexual assault accusations to his credit. He always asserts that a female reporter should not interview him unless he “fornicates with them.”

Here are the Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man.

1. He has a history of drug abuse and/or alcohol, and possibly violence.

2. He has record of being arrested for domestic violence. Do your homework and if possible the background check to know more about him. According to a poll of over 500 women on WomanSavers.com, over 50% of women google a person’s name before dating.

3. He has a poor or no relationship with his mother or ex partners.

4. He speaks negatively about all his past relationships, blaming them always. If at all possible, try to speak to these women to hear their point of view. If he badmouths them, you may be next.

5. He exhibits an over-bearing, aggressive personality. You may be attracted by his apparent confidence, strength, determination and aggressive personality – the kind of qualities you think you lack. However, this personality type can also be a red flag for abusive behavior.

6. He talks at length, bragging about himself. This self-obsessed behavior is frequently seen in abusive men.

7. He expects a big return on his venture. He may seem happy to put your needs and wishes first for a little while, but it will not be long before he throws it in your face by saying: “Look at everything I do for you. You owe me!”

8. The relationship moves forward very quick. Abusive men persuade as fast as they can. They know that they cannot sustain consistent good behavior for very long. Good behavior does not give them the pay off they want, controlling through abuse does.

9. You catch him telling lies. There are areas of his life that he is not telling you about or is lying to you about because he may lose you.

10. He is interested in everything you have to say and coincidentally always agrees. This is a sneaky technique called mirroring and can later be used to control you by developing trust.

Any of the above must be considered as an important warning sign of an Abusive Men. If you hear any alarms going off in your head, listen to them carefully and act on them. An ounce of prevention can avert a lifetime of heartache.

Sexual, Physical, Emotional, or Verbal Abuse: Are You A Victim?

2009-04-16T20:08:00.001-07:00

From bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual harassment and elder care neglect, sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our society. No one is immune from these kinds of abusive people, but everyone can make healthy choices to end those destructive relationship patterns.

Different Types of Abuse

We tend to think of domestic abuse as physical violence or assault on a wife but in reality, domestic abuse is the summary of physically, sexually and psychologically abusive behaviors directed by one partner against another, regardless of their marital status or gender. Usually, when one form of abuse exists, it is coupled with other forms as well. Physical assault is the obvious form of Domestic Violence, the most visible, and also the most lethal. Assaults start small, maybe a small shove during an argument, or forcefully grabbing your wrist, but over time, physical abuse usually becomes more severe, and more frequent, and can result in the death of the victim.

Physical Abuse: Physical abuse is any act of violence on the victim, and can include: slapping, kicking, shoving, choking, pinching, pulling hair, punching, throwing things, forced feeding, burning, beating, use of weapons (gun, knives, or any object), or physical restraint - pinning against wall, floor, bed etc.

Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse may be defined as any sexual encounter without consent and includes any unwanted touching, forced sexual activity, be it oral, anal or vaginal, forcing the victim to perform sexual acts, painful or degrading acts during intercourse, and exploitation through photography or prostitution. Sexual Abuse involves: excessive jealousy; calling you sexually derogatory names; forcing unwanted sexual act; criticizing you sexually; forcing you to strip; sadistic sexual acts; withholding sex and/or affection; minimizing or denying your feelings about sex or sexual preferences; forcing sex after physical assault; using coercion to force sex; taking unwanted sexual photos; or forcing you into prostitution.

According to a poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 54% of women said they were sexually molested by an adult male as a child. Statistics such as these are staggering and unless our laws are changed, it is doubtful these statistics will decline in the near future.

Emotional Abuse: Emotional abuse is more delicate. Quite often such abuse goes unseen, as even the victim does not know that she is being abused. Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it often seriously damages your self-esteem. Emotional abuse is cruel and scars your essence.

Verbal Abuse: When thinking of Verbal Abuse we tend to imagine the abuser hurling insulting names at the victim, and while this obviously does happen, there are many more forms than name-calling. The abuser may use insulting, critical or humiliating remarks, he may withhold conversation and refuse to discuss issues, or he may keep you up all night insisting on talking when you need sleep. Verbal abuse undermines your sense of worth, your self-concept by discounting your opinions, ideals, or beliefs.

Verbal abuse include: Yelling or shouting at you; insulting you or your family; making threats; being sarcastic about or criticizing your interests, opinions or beliefs; humiliating you either in private or in company; sneering, growling, name-calling; withholding approval, appreciation, or conversation.

All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between the two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions. A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respect and promote the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values.

When Sexual Addiction is Ruining Your Relationship

2009-04-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Sexual addiction is described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all other addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the widespread use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape. Sex addicts do not inevitably become sex offenders. Furthermore, not all sex offenders are sex addicts. According to psychcentral roughly 55% of convicted sex offenders can be considered sex addicts. About 71% of child molesters are sex addicts. For many, their problems are so severe that imprisonment is only the way to ensure society’s safety against them.

According to a sex poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 54% of women said they were sexually molested by an adult male as a child. Statistics such as these are shocking and confirm how serious of a problem sexual addiction actually is in our society.

Society has accepted that a sex offender’s actions stems not from sexual fulfillment, but rather out of a disturbed need for power, dominance, control or revenge, or a perverted expression of anger. More recently, however, an awareness of brain changes and brain reward related with sexual behavior has led us to understand that there are also powerful sexual drives that motivate sex offenses.

Overcoming Sexual Addiction

The consequences of sexual addiction may be devastating to not only the addict but also those close to him/her. It can leave an addict isolated, immensely anxious and depressed to the point of being suicidal. Low self-esteem, hopelessness, shame, and despair are also common feelings experienced by sex addicts. The ramifications of sex addiction do not end on an emotional level but rather, continue onto medical, financial and legal ones too.

Medical consequences of sex addiction may include HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as syphilis, genital herpes and gonorrhea. In addition, genital injury may result from unnecessary sexual activity or the use of foreign objects for sexual stimulation.

Financial consequences of sex addiction may include the loss of one's job, getting sued over sexual harassment or sexual abuse charges resulting in legal fees. Purchasing pornographic material, use of prostitutes, calling 900 phone numbers and traveling for the individual purpose of sexual contacts can create enormous debt in credit card bills and exhaust the financial resources of an addict often many times to the point of bankruptcy.

Legal consequences of sexual addiction include the arrest and incarceration of sex addict. The addict's out of control lifestyle make him to engage in high risk, illegal activities such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, inappropriate touching and the solicitation of prostitutes.

A basic approach in recognizing any addictive behavior is to assess whether it is creating irresistible trouble in your life and yet you choose to return to it despite the problem.

If your sexual behavior is exhausting your time and energy and it causes you to compromise your core values and the beliefs that you hold dear to your heart then there is cause for alarm. Seek help through therapy or join a Sexaholics Anonymous group. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Abusive Husband: Ways to Recover from an Abusive Husband

2009-04-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

Many men admit to using physically aggressive behaviors against their partners. However, there is little evidence that men are as harshly injured as the female victims of male violence. Men who abuse their wives may be extremely jealous and may limit their wife’s activities or relationships or excessively control the family‘s finances. Abusive behavior also includes psychological abuse, such as threats of violence or verbal put-downs. Sexual assaults are commonly reported among women who have been critically abused by their partners. When an abusive husband pleads for help with his destructive ways, it is an important signal that the abusive husband wants to mend his ways. This is often, a good sign that he is turning over for the better. However not all cases of domestic abuse have happy endings. The statistic from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is astounding – one out of four women will be falling prey to domestic violence in her lifetime.

Some women who have just come out of a relationship with an abusive husband normally are just dying to get into another relationship as soon as possible. Many feel they have been psychologically alone for a very long time and indeed they have. Unfortunately, getting into another relationship too soon is not always wise. These women have not had time to do some soul-searching and are putting themselves at risk of falling into the same trap of abuse again. According to an abuse poll of over 7,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 55% of women have been sexually abused at some point in their lives. Frequently, if abuse occurs during childhood, women tend to marry abusive husbands thus repeating their abuse patterns.

Behavior changes gradually, not just for the abuser but for the women as well. If you already have your eye on some guy and are afraid you’ll lose him, don't be. If the feeling is mutual, he’ll wait and allow you time to heal. Do not allow yourself to get desperate and jump from the frying pan into the fire! Now you have time to take care of yourself and work on things like rebuilding your self-esteem and learning how to prevent yourself from entering another abusive relationship. If you need help, ask for it.

Jumping into an intimate relationship is not the answer, but how else can you develop a support network if you don’t already have one? Seek out help from family, friends, co-workers, counselors, or through the many resources available on the Internet.

To add some enthusiasm into your life, start making a new list. Get a big sheet of paper and write words on it like “my job is…” “I live in.” Think about what you want and write it down. Get pictures from magazines, draw sketches, and look at it every day. This helps it become a reality. Then start planning how you can achieve those things. The best thing is to write it all down like it has already happened. Do not say, “I want to live in Atlanta with my family.” Say, “I now reside in Atlanta with my family.” That way it’s not some desire that may or may not be fulfilled. It is a statement of reality, a reality that will be. Make a new list of goals, allow your imagination to run wild, get excited, and know it can happen. Once you had a dream to be free from abuse and…. now you are. So learn to trust yourself. The key to recovery is to trust yourself, your instincts and your heart.

The Importance of a Support System

2009-04-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

Having a good support system is very important to your health and well-being. When in a relationship, it is also important to have people close to you who are outside of your relationship that you can talk to. This doesn't mean that you won't still talk to your partner when you are angry, upset or have a fight of some sort. It just means that you need to have a support system outside of the relationship as well so you are not 10% dependant on your man for your emotional well-being.

Some examples of people who can help provide your support system are:

Your parents/grandparents
Brothers/sisters
Best friend
Girlfriends
Coworker

When considering your support system, you need to look at things such as that person's time to be available to you, their emotional ability to be there for you as well as how comfortable you feel talking with them. It's also important to remember that a support system is a two-way street and you should provide the same emotional support back that you are requesting. In addition, your support system is meant to be comprised of multiple people so that one person does not become emotionally worn from always providing you with support. When one person in your support system needs a break, there will be other people you can turn to as well.

Why is a support system so important? For one, it provides you with emotional support from someone other than your partner. This also gives you the opportunity to get the point of view and opinions of multiple people on certain issues. It also gives you someone to turn to if you have a fight or argument with your partner or if your man has wronged you or hurt you in some way.

Another reason why your support system is important is that they keep you in touch with reality. It's easy to become so wrapped up in a passionate relationship that you forget the outside world, lose track of how things really are and become "blinded by love" as they say. This is also a common problem with women in abusive relationships and is a common reason why many women do not recognize the signs of abuse.

Having a strong support system will also help you in the event that your relationship ends, as many do. While men will come and go, your support system will be there to help you through it and to keep your spirits up. Don’t wait until a break up or other time of emotional distress to look for your support system. Pick them now and know who will be available when you need them the most.

Surviving Emotional Abuse

2009-04-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Statistics show that four million women in America live with abuse. Out of those, 35% are victims of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is just as serious as physical or sexual abuse yet often goes unnoticed since there may not be any physical signs that the abuse is happening. If you are a victim of emotional abuse, there are things you can do to get out of the situation and also to recover the emotional scars once you are safe.

First, you must recognize that abuse is taking place. While it may sound obvious to some, many women don't recognize that they are being emotionally or verbally abused. This type of abuse usually comes on slowly and can sneak up on you before you realize it's becoming a problem.

Some signs of emotional abuse are:

He calls you names or puts you down
He puts you down in front of others
He calls you worthless or makes you feel worthless
He doesn't acknowledge your emotions or feelings
He limits your access to money, work, or other things
He prohibits you from having friends or tries to control who you are friends with
He tries to manipulate you
He pressures you for sex, tries to coerce you to do things you don't want to do or withholds sex when angry about something you've done
He steals from you or creates debts that you must pay (such as with your credit cards)
He threatens you, threatens your pets or threatens to destroy things you love
He forbids you to have personal belongings
He throws out or destroys your personal belongings

These are just some of the many signs of emotional abuse. Many women in these types of relationships make excuses for their partners and the behavior they must endure. Once you recognize that it is, in fact, a form of abuse, you can begin your journey to a solution. Some couples are able to recover from emotional abuse, but only when both parties are willing to try. If your partner is not willing to seek help for his behavior or you just feel as if you will not be able to forgive, it may be time to end the relationship and move on.

Whether you are with your abusive partner now or have chosen to end the relationship, the scars that remain will still run deep. There are things you can do to recover from these emotional scars.

First, it can be helpful to seek counseling in order to deal with your feelings and to learn how to rebuild your self-esteem and emotional well being.
Talk with a friend, family member or another victim at a support group. Express your feelings over how you have been treated and how it makes you feel.
Seek ways to boost your self esteem. Hang around with other people who help you boost your self esteem.

You can survive emotional abuse and you do not have to let the scars of your abuse carry with you from relationship to relationship. You deserve better and once you realize this, you will be on your way to surviving emotional abuse.

Pregnancy Abuse

2009-04-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Statistics show that 1 in 5 pregnant women experience abuse during their pregnancy. This makes pregnancy abuse much more common than most people think. There are different reasons why abuse may exist during a pregnancy. It could be a continuation of abuse that has already been occurring in the relationship or the abuse could start with the pregnancy. Some reasons for this are:

• Your partner is upset or angry about the pregnancy
• Your partner is stressed that the pregnancy is coming too close to another pregnancy
• Your partner is upset the pregnancy was unplanned
• Your partner is jealous of the baby

These are some common reasons but there is never an excuse for pregnancy abuse. There are many problems which can result from pregnancy abuse. In addition to the physical damage that it can cause, your baby can also be affected by your moods and emotions. When you are upset or depressed, this can affect your unborn baby's development. Some problems that can come from pregnancy abuse are:

• Anemia
• Bleeding early in the pregnancy (1st and 2nd trimesters)
• Premature birth or small birth weight
• Lack of nutrients (from not eating, or not eating right) can result in developmental problems
• You feel upset or depressed
• You feel angry, lonely or have low self esteem
• Your baby could have problems after birth
• You are at higher risk for abuse of tobacco, drugs and alcohol during pregnancy

The first step to helping pregnancy abuse is to recognize it. Many women do not realize they are being abused or they make excuses for their partners and think they are just stressed from the pressures of the new baby. This is never an excuse for hitting, slapping, punching you or calling you names and verbally abusing you, ignoring you or harming you in any way. There is also no excuse for sexual abuse during pregnancy.

If you are being abused in your pregnancy, it is important that you get out. For the safety of yourself and your unborn child you need to remove yourself from the situation. You can think about reconciliation later if your partner is willing to get help for his abusive actions but don't stay in the home based on the promise that he will stop or "won't do it again".

To leave an abusive partner, you want to be sure you are safe. Talk with someone you can trust about your plan to leave and get help and protection. If you don't have anyone to go to, consider a women's and children's shelter or talk with your OB about your problem. Your doctor will be able to help you get someplace safe for you and your baby. Consider getting a PFA order (protection from abuse).

Not only is pregnancy abuse unhealthy for you and your unborn baby but a man who abuses a pregnant woman is also much more likely to abuse your children as well. This is a situation you want to get out of right away. Remember the longer you stay and the more often you allow it to happen, the more difficult it will be to leave.

Getting Help with Emotional Abuse

2009-04-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

When you start a relationship with someone you expect to have a wonderful long lasting life together. Unfortunately, in most cases it just doesn't work that way. Many women have suffered from emotional abuse that leaves its mark for life. Emotional abuse is just as dangerous as physical abuse and in some cases, even more so. There may be no outward signs but there are inner scars that are difficult to heal.

However, the good news is that getting help with emotional abuse is possible and you can recover from the emotional trauma that comes with being in an abusive relationship. Here are three main steps that you need to follow to get help with emotional abuse.

Step One: Recognizing the Signs

It is vital that you recognize the signs of emotional abuse or you won’t realize you even need help. Many women find themselves in an abusive relationship and don't know it or they may be in denial over the abuse. Don’t confuse compromising with control. Of course, you need to give and take when it comes to a relationship but if you find yourself on the giving end all the time, then you may be the victim of abuse. There are actually many different ways in which you can experience emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is typically more subtle and harder to detect than physical abuse. At first, you may rationalize the cruel remarks or you may make excuses for your partner.

Signs of emotional abuse include:

• You change who you are to please him.
• He makes decisions for you all the time.
• You are being manipulated.
• You have very low self-esteem.
• He withdraws his love and affection.
• You’re not allowed to have friends.
• You are always being criticized for things you do.
• You feel like everything bad is always your fault.

Look for these signs if you feel like you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Step Two: Finding Help

Once you have accomplished the first step and you recognize there is a problem, you can start searching for help. The problem is that many women simply don't know where to go for help. Here are some options to consider if you need help with an emotionally abusive relationship:

• Look in the front of your phone book for help lines you can call.
• Ask family members, friends or even neighbors for help.
• Shelters provide a safe place to stay and information about your options.
• Call 911 if things get out of hand.
• Contact a social worker.
• Contact online organizations.

Don’t wait until things are so bad that you can no longer deal with them; seek help as soon as you realize there is a problem.

Step Three: Education

If you educate yourself about abuse, you may be able to better understand why you were treated this way. Understanding can help the healing process begin because you will see that it was not your fault that you were abused. This step is not meant as a way for you to help the abuser; it is meant exclusively to help you heal. You can learn how to protect yourself from future abusive situations as well as what you can do to help you get out of an abusive relationship that you are still in.

Emotional abuse is just as damaging to a person as physical abuse can be. It will leave scars that may never heal without proper care and work. If you are being emotionally abused, don’t let it continue. Seek help as soon as possible and learn to value yourself more.

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2006-09-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

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2006-09-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

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2006-09-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

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