First Day of School

Last Day of School

As I begin to pack away the teacher’s guides and paperwork from this homeschool year –tears well up in my eyes.  A sense of relief washes over me, I made it through another year.  I can’t believe we made it.

Second and third grade are done and next year we will tackle 3rd and 4th grade and be starting our 5th year of homeschooling.  The sense of accomplishment is overwhelming only because I thought more this year about quitting than I ever have.  I’ve sat with my husband late at night discussing the local Christian school and all the benefits –including a break for me.

Running this on-line ministry mixed with homeschooling and managing my home has been an overwhelming challenge.  The days stack on top of days and my to-do list seems impossible sometimes. The kids and their education come first and as a result the guilt of not keeping up with friendships, making the time to exercise or keep the house as clean as I like, burdens me.

And then there’s all my fears…my biggest is if I’m good enough at this.  Are my kids being as well educated as their public school counterparts?  Statistics show that homeschoolers do overwhelmingly well on state tests and entrance to college exams but I’m not so sure that’s happening in my home.  I don’t want to fail my children and so I feel pressure to ride them a bit to make sure they are reading, writing and doing arithmetic to the best of their ability.  And when we hit rough spots and attitudes, I shake my head and the discussion about the local Christian school begins again.

While I found this year to be one of the most overwhelming for me in the area of time management and major lack of sleep {which led to me literally quitting blogging for two months last December and January–I thought I was going to pop from all the pressure}, I believe it has been the most fulfillng yet.

For the first time, my children made real friendships with other homeschool children and I connected on a deeper level with other homeschool moms.  I am sad to admit that I have purposely not pursued friendship within the homeschool community because I was afraid of being judged for my parenting and potentially held to a higher standard because of this blog.  My fear of new friendships have stunted our homeschool years and when I started this year with open arms –allowing myself to be “known”, I found real moms who are a total joy to talk and laugh (really hard at times) with. And this has been such a gift –a gift the Lord knew I needed this year. 

Some of Lexi’s Classmates – they really need to lighten up a little

Alex’s buddies

A science experiment  –dissecting – ewwwwww:

The curriculum we tackled this year was a perfect fit for us.   I have received emails asking me what we used this year —so here’s the run down.  We loved everything we used !

Math: Saxon –my son began the videos this year and it’s pricey but a welcomed break!

Reading, Writing, Spelling –Sonlight (we LOVED this change from Rod and Staff –it fit our style much better)

Phonics for Lexi (2nd grade): Explode the Code

Spelling for Alex (3rd grade): Spelling Plus and Dictation by Susan Anthony, 1,000 words towards spelling success

History, Science, Latin, Art and Music - Classical Conversations – this curriculum includes a Tuesday morning class with other homeschoolers (as seen in the pictures above).  We did science experiments, memorization work, painting, music, singing and other fun activities.  And yes – even I attended the class.  Mom’s stay with their kids during this time. We LOVE this class!  Next year Alex will attend their afternoon class where he’ll use the Excellence in Writing curriculum.

Extra Science and History – Rod and Staff (next year we will be changing to Apologetics Science and The Story of the World for history by Susan Wise Baur)

Cursive Writing: Handwriting Without Tears

When I reflect back to September of last year and compare it to where we are today, I can see amazing growth mentally, spiritually and emotionally in both of my children.  I’d love to brag on them but I’ll spare you the details –I’ll just say that it’s enough to give me peace knowing we are on the right track and we shouldn’t change a thing.

If you have questions about our homeschooling – check out some of  my past videos here where I discuss the benefits, challenges, how we structure our day and other thoughts on homeschooling.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”~ 3 John 1:4

Chime In:  Did you homeschool this year? How did it go? What did you like and what will you change?  Share with us your favorite currriculum!

Walk with the King,

Janelle from Comfy in the Kitchen is back with the perfect spring/summer recipe for us ~ Marshmallow Fluff Fruit Dip.  I love it because it’s only 3 ingredients!  This has been my personal “go-to” fruit dip for many many years too!!

Janelle writes:

I wanted to share this simple recipe because 1. It’s yummy 2. It’s easy 3. It’s healthier than other appetizers/desserts and 4. It’s allergy friendly!

This is a delicious recipe for all to enjoy. Especially if you, a family member, or a friend have allergies to wheat. When others are enjoying pies and cakes it will mean SO much to have something to enjoy that’s allergy friendly. Enjoy!

Marshmallow Fluff Fruit Dip

Ingredients

• 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
• 7 ounce jar marshmallow creme
• ½ teaspoon vanilla
• Sliced and rinsed fruit {strawberries, grapes, oranges, melon, blueberries, etc}

Instructions

1. Beat cream cheese with mixer until fluffy.
2. Add marshmallow creme and vanilla-mix until well incorporated. 

 

Voila!!! The perfect appetizer, side dish or dessert for any picnic or gathering!!!

Walk with the King,

Janelle is a Christian, a Wife, a Stay at Home Mom of 3 young children and a proud- to- claim- it “Foodie”. She absolutely loves to cook and typically has an audience of 3 children, pulled up on chairs, taking turns pouring ingredients into bowls. Her spiritual gifts are a mix of “hospitality and evangelism” and is here in the center of God’s will hoping to help you get a little more “comfy in your kitchen”! You can find her displaying step-by-step photos of her recipes, giving devotionals,and sharing meal ministry stories on her blog.

Last week my family hit the pause button on life and we headed down to the beaches of South Carolina.

…for some wave riding, collecting of sea shells, kite flying, reading of books on the beach, and the building of sandcastles.

My husband rented a Harley for a day…(helmet included) –just not for the picture !

And my tough guy Harley Dude was knotting-a-quilt in the evenings with my daughter.  He’s such a great father –makes my heart gush!!! 

We played a little putt-putt golf – my husband beat me by 3 strokes!

And may or may not have enjoyed some romantic time together !

I return, relaxed and refreshed but a little off kilter as we settle the family back in after vacation.

So, I’m hitting the pause button on the {Opposite World} series and will resume it again next Monday.

Instead, I want to announce the Summer Book Club over at GoodMorningGirls.org !  I really hope you will join me over there for this – it’s gonna be SO good!!!

The book of the summer is Anything by Jennie Allen!

I read this book last year and could.not.put.it.down!!!  It was a book I bought on my own (I did not receive it free and was not asked to review it) and I was amazed at how deeply it touched me and challenged me in my prayer life and faith!

 GoodMorningGirls.org has free materials for you!

{FREE} Materials that accompany Anything

For this session we have created a study guide for you to use as you go through our 8 week online Bible study/book club as well as an easy to use reading plan. Both of these files are available to GMG subscribers and will be located at the very bottom of the GMG emails once you subscribe. Stay tuned, we also have children’s resources that will be available for our summer session and which will follow our reading plan.

We will also have weekly videos, devotionals and all sorts of fun stuff to accompany this book club!

Won’t you join us this summer? Here’s some details:

 To get more information like where to buy Anything (which is discounted right now everywhere – for all those participating in the book club — special thank you to Thomas Nelson) and to enter to win our giveaway happening right now – of 15 copies of Anything (Paperback) and 15 copies of Anything – (ebook)…head on over to GoodMorningGirls.org !

Planning to join us? Help us spread the word!!!  Facebook it, tweet it, pin it –and do tell in the comment section –are you joining us???

Walk with the King,

In February of 2012, I met former Victoria Secret model, Kylie Bisutti, at a local Starbucks.  She sat with me and 2 of my girlfriends, and chatted for nearly 2 hours.  She was so sweet and gracious and solid spiritually. 

She had literally just come from New York city where she was a guest on multiple shows like Good Morning America and Fox and Friends.  All of them baffled at her choice to quit being a Victoria Secret model.  The media attention all began when a tweet came from Alex Eklund, the founder of Live31.  He said:

I’d much rather have a Proverbs 31 woman than a VS model.

Then Kylie tweeted back:

I quit being a VS model to become a Proverbs 31 wife. 

Little did she know what that little tweet would turn into, as the media caught wind of her story.

And so you probably wonder –how did she become a model, what’s her story and how in the world did she reach angel status and then quit for Jesus?

Kylie tells her entire story in her newly released book titled — I’m No Angel: From Victoria’s Secret Model to Role Model and I had a chance to read an advance copy.

In Kylie’s book she shares about her road to modeling and salvation.  She moved to Las Vegas with her family and at the age of 14 began walking in runway fashion shows there.  By 16, she had moved to New York City alone and was modeling in New York’s well-known Fashion Week. 

Previous to her move to New York, a girl from school who had never spoken to her previously, invited her to her church youth group.  She was warmly received there and for the first time in her life learned about Jesus and the Bible.  She had spent so much time on her external transformation that she found much hope in the message of internal transformation through Jesus.  And off to New York she went straddling two worlds that would eventually collide.

One of the most eye opening parts of this book is when Kylie shares the harsh realities of modeling.  She writes:

Ultimately, your body doesn’t really belong to you.  It belongs to the client.  Since they’re paying, they figure they can do pretty much whatever they want to you.  They can curl your hair, straighten it, dye it, cut it –even shave it.  I’ve seen hair extensions being pulled out by the roots and smoke billowing out of flat irons while the hair inside gets singed and fried.  I’ve watched models squeeze their feet into shoes so small their feet literally bled, and I’ve seen false eyelashes torn off so quickly that the natural lashes came off with them.  Modeling may look glamorous on the outside, but believe me, beauty can be an ugly business.

Kylie’s brave and transparent stories of the modeling world (from the inside) truly broke my heart for both the women in the industry and all of us who look at fashion magazines and dream of having their beauty.

She speaks of being 5’10″, 108 pounds, a size 0 and still being considered too large for some designers.  These designers wanted their clothes to fit on the models like hangars and so she tells of some models going to heart breaking extremes to meet these standards –starving themselves.  And then there’s airbrushing…

Oh friends, don’t we all struggle with feeling like we aren’t….thin enough, pretty enough, or just…enough.  We would be tempted to believe that these super models must be free of these struggles but this book shows the pressures these women face –beyond any we can imagine. 

In the end, Kylie meets a wonderful Christian man and falls in love –truly it’s a fairy tale love story but not without heartache as she wrestles with her decisions to go forward modeling for Victoria Secret while trying to lead a committed Christian life. 

I find Kylie’s testimony both riveting and powerful.  She chose her faith over fame, fortune and the most coveted title in modeling and for that  –I am so inspired by Kylie.

Want to learn more about her?  Read her blog here: http://www.imnoangel.org/ or follow her on twitter here: https://twitter.com/mrsbisutti and you can buy her book on amazon here: I’m No Angel: From Victoria’s Secret Model to Role Model

And just a side note, I was pretty blessed when Kylie tweeted this last September:

Walk with the King,

 Candace Cameron Bure (formerly known as DJ on Full House) has a new – made for tv – movie coming out.

So I wanted to share it with you, so you could watch it and tell your friends about it on facebook or twitter or pinterest!

So I asked Candace to first – update us on her! 

1.     How old are your children now and what is everyone up to?

 My kids are 14 (15 this summer), 13 and 11. We are living in L.A. always with a pull of moving back to Florida (per our kids request!). The boys are playing travel hockey, Maks’ team won State Championships for a 2nd year in a row! Natasha is busy with school plays and musicals as well as playing tennis. Val is back and forth between Napa Valley where we have our family vineyard and wine label, and I just finished filming a Christmas movie and writing my 2nd book, both will be out at the end of the year! We are certainly keeping busy and very grateful for all God’s given us!

This is the movie description:

In the GMC TV World Premiere Movie ‘Finding Normal’, Dr. Lisa Leland (Candace Cameron Bure), a brilliant surgeon with no bedside manner, is on her way to the Hamptons to join her boyfriend as a concierge doctor for the rich and famous when she totals her car and is found guilty of speeding through the small town of Normal. She is ordered to do community service in the small town of 332 people with no wi-fi, no lattes, and no credit cards. Will she survive and find out what a meaningful life is all about?

2.       Why did you choose this role and movie?

I loved the role of Lisa Leeland. She has absolutely no bedside manner and isn’t the most lovable person from the start of the movie. I had’t played that character before and was interested from an actor’s perspective.  Hopefully, she’ll grow on you throughout the movie! And of course, the script was adorable. I love romantic comedies! I got to go from playing arrogant and self centered to just making a fool of myself!

3.       What is the heart of the story or message of the movie?

The movie takes a self-centered, driven woman and puts her in the middle of a slow-paced family town, where she has to serve 3 days of community service. She clearly has her life mapped out for herself, but might just realize it’s not the life God has mapped out for her. I love that as a theme because it’s so relatable isn’t it? It makes you stop and think about who’s driving your life; You, or God? And that’s the heart of this movie. 

Finding Normal premiers May 18th & 19th at 7, 9 and 11pm EST.

Watch GMC on Dish Network on CH 188, Directv on CH 338 and local cable.

 This is a family friendly movie and GMC is now the fastest growing cable network on tv and is known for it’s Up-lifting Family Entertainment.

 This link provides all the information about the movie.

http://www.watchgmctv.com/GMC/FindingNormalPressRoom 

Please help us spread the word by sharing this post or telling your friends about it!  Thank you so much!!!

Walk with the King,

 (Image Credit: New York and Company)

 So I’m pretty sure I’m not the queen of modesty and I know I don’t want to be the woman with the yard stick telling girls what length their skirts should be.  So I’ll give this a go and see where we end up.

My history.  I was a cheerleader at a public school…so I lived in short skirts for 9 years –modesty issue right?  But my mom made me wear tights and shorts under my skirt anytime I wasn’t actually cheerleading…this was a bit embarrassing but I obeyed.  Another rule in our house growing up was no bikinis…again a bit embarrassing in college when I went on a spring break trip to Key West, Florida and it felt like I was the ONLY one on the beach without one. 

Then I went to the Moody Bible Institute for college and they had a rule – “you must wear long skirts to all classes”. Those long skirts were a far cry from the short mini skirts I was wearing in high school!  And when I graduated and married, I felt liberated and wore some short skirts…and a bikini.

Then, I was confronted by a Deacon’s wife for being dressed immodestly (this was 9 years ago). I blogged about this incident here and the comments showed me…we women have A LOT of baggage with this issue.

Some women come from churches where they were judged or treated poorly based on their clothing choices and others are frustrated because they sit in the pew every week and the girl in front of them is showing their underwear!  Modesty –and where to draw the line – is a problem in the church. 

How do we, as Christian women, live modestly in Opposite World where we are told and sold the idea that plunging necklines, belly buttons and short shorts make you more desirable?

I’m not going to give length and width rules here…because you can have on a sack but have an immodest heart.  It’s not always the way we dress that is suggestive. It could be the way we look a guy in the eye, laugh at his jokes, touch him on the knee or ask flirty questions to draw him out and connect emotionally.

But here’s a piece of truth that can be hard to swallow –

The way we dress IS a reflection of our heart.  The way we dress can reflect wordliness or godliness.

If we choose to follow Opposite World, then we can’t be surprised when Christ followers question our intentions.  I know that some of us are quick to be offended and think, how dare someone try to take away my short shorts.  We cling to our bikinis and “our rights” and get very angry when someone points out this issue in our lives.

I Timothy 2:9 is a verse commonly turned to when we converse within the church about modesty:

“I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes.”

Yikes!  Is Paul forbidding jewelry, fancy hair and expensive clothing here? The Proverbs 31 woman wore fine linen and quality clothing. Esther had nearly a year of beauty treatments. And we see other Godly women in the Bible who were called “beautiful” on the outside such as Rachel and Sarah.

So what does this passage mean?  Back when Paul wrote I Timothy, the women who were prostitutes adorned themselves with elaborate hair styles, jewelry and fancy clothes to attract and seduce men.  It was a signal –they were available.  Paul was telling the women in the church they ought not to show up to a worship service dressed like a prostitute.  

 So let’s take this passage in the rest of its context –check out the second half of this command:

“9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, ¹⁰ but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

A woman who professes to worship God should not have her beauty come from her clothing and jewelry but from her good deeds.

So what draws others to you –is it your good deeds, your kindness, mercy, service and love of others or your hair, jewelry and clothing?

Necklines in Opposite World are plunging these days.  It seems that the girl who wears the lowest neckline on the red carpet gets the most attention.  So a lot of clothes on the sale rack are low cut.  I have a little tip for women who want help in this area and I made a video of how I solve this problem here:

(If you cannot see this video click here)

We can dress beautifully without being out of fashion or immodest –and I know because there’s many beautifully dressed women every Sunday at my church, who are not attracting the wrong kind of attention.  They are not beautiful because they are fashionable, they are beautiful because they love the Lord and love people. They are beautiful because they smile and have eyes that look to other’s needs rather than their own.  They are beautiful because they walk in the Spirit.

 Chime In: As you can see –I’m a work in progress.  How has Opposite World affected the way you dress?  We are all at different places on our journey towards modesty.  What is your story? What has God convicted you of in your life? 

Walk with the King,

I am super excited to have this guest writer with us today and a giveaway of her latest book at the bottom of this post!!!  The first time I met Tricia Goyer, she was so friendly and open and so easy to talk to.  I asked her a myriad of questions about publishing and she just oozed a love for Jesus and serving him through writing.  It is a gift to have her with us today!

 Tricia Goyer has written more than thirty-five books, including both novels that delight and entertain readers and non- fiction titles that offer encouragement and hope. She has also published more than 500 articles in national publications such as Guideposts, Thriving Family, Proverbs 31, and HomeLife Magazine. John and Tricia have six kids ages 2-23 and the in-laws to Katie and grandparents to Clayton. They live in Arkansas. You can connect with Tricia at www.triciagoyer.com

Tricia writes:

When John and I married we had two different ideas of what good parenting looked like. I was the oldest child and grandchild (ie Princess of Everything). When I wanted something my sweet, dimpled smile usually got me what I wanted. Or the guilt trip often worked. I was an expert at that. To me being a good parent was being attentive and loving … and at times indulgent. Children need to know they are loved, right?

            John was a middle child of godly parents who set boundaries. He believed in respect and in obedience. It’s not that I wanted to raise kids who disobeyed, at times I felt it was just too hard, too much work. I’m so thankful that God got ahold of my mommy’s heart and showed me that raising children to obey was the most loving things I could do for them. I talk about this in my new book Lead Your Family Like Jesus that I co-authored with Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges.

High Hopes, High Calling

What’s your highest hope for your children? Does it include living well and having a long life, growing in wisdom, stature, and in the eyes of God and men, developing a love relationship with Jesus Christ, and fulfilling the purpose God has for their lives? If it does, you’ll want them to know and practice the true meaning of the word obey.

            To help your children attain all you hope for them, show them the benefits of obedience. The level and consistency of your trust in and obedience to God will pour blessings into their lives.

            Leadership is about going somewhere. It’s about making a difference. When you lead your family like Jesus, the difference you hope to make is that your children will not only obey you, but also obey God—and be a beneficial part of His family as well as yours.

How have you and your spouse handled your varied ideas of parenting and your children’s obedience? Have you taken time to sit and talk about this issue? Or perhaps you’re a single mom who wishes you had input and help.

Below are some The Pause and Reflect questions below can help you think about your parenting. If you can, take time to think over these questions. The truth is we often we spend more time planning a family vacation than we do planning on how we will help our children live well—live godly lives!        

Pause and Reflect

• Which two of the following were your parents best at? Which two did they have the most trouble with? Which two are easiest for you? Hardest? Which two do you think your children will need most from you during the coming year?

___ standing your ground

___ not letting fear set your agenda

___ tailoring your tactics

___ modeling obedience yourself

___ building trust

___ testing for understanding

Which of the following do you think would help most as you work on developing the skills and qualities you just identified?

___ your spouse’s support

___ prayer

___ reading Lead Your Family Like Jesus

___ finding a mentor

___ other

Once you’ve identified your needs and goals pray and ask God to bring the people and resources you need to help your children know and practice obedience. Jesus wants to be there to help you. Turn to Him. Jesus was a hand’s on-leader who taught as he walked along with and served his disciples. He can help you do the same.

            Just think of it this way, as we teach our children to obey we are giving them a boost up—lifting them—to obey God better!

Thank you Tricia so much for this encouragement!  Tricia has a new book that just released that she co-authored, titled: Lead Your Family Like Jesus!

 

GIVEAWAY:

To Enter to Win a copy of Lead Your Family Like Jesus – simply leave a comment on this blog post.

For Bonus Entries: Tweet, Facebook or Pin this giveaway and then come back and let me know what you did!

This giveaway ends Saturday, May 11th at 8pm.

For more information go to www.LeadYourFamilyBook.com

Walk with the King,

 Janelle from Comfy in the Kitchen is back with a little frying 101 lesson for us! AND this fun and easy way to homemake your own Tortilla Chips and WOW your family!

Janelle writes:

This is such an easy way to make your own tortilla chips with store bought corn tortillas. There is just something special about serving warm chips with homemade salsa…your guests are going to love these

The first step in making anything fried is to make sure you have the right oil:

Frying Oil 101

I recommend using an oil that has a high “smoke point” — the temperature to which it can be heated without smoking. When an oil smokes-watch out, it is ready to burn! (not so tasty!) Here are some easy tips:

Good Oils for Frying at High Heat: Safflower, Sunflower, Peanut, Soy Oils, Vegetable , Canola , Refined Almond, Avacado, Cottonseed.

Not So Good Oils for Frying at High Heat: Butter, Margarine, Olive Oil

The second step is deciding what to fry your recipe in! I use a Wok…yes, just a Wok! It works great. You can also use a “Fry Daddy” or a regular deep frying pan. Chances are you already have something in your cupboards you can use for frying!  

Start off with store bought (or homemade!) corn tortillas. I stack about 10. Use a pizza cutter to cut a cross in the center.

Then, cut another cross in the opposite direction- there will be 8 triangles

Place tortilla triangles into hot oil. I used a wok and peanut oil- my burner was on the highest it could go. It only takes about 2 mins to cook until lightly golden. Keep a watch!

With a slotted spoon take the chips out of the wok and place on a plate covered with 2 paper towels. Let drain/cool for about 2 more mins before serving.

Serve with Homemade Salsa!  OR top with cheese, beans, beef, jalps, and sour cream and broil in the oven on high heat (5 mins ) for some yummy nachos.

 

EASY Corn Tortilla Chips!

Prep time: 2 mins

Cook time: 2 mins

Total time: 4 mins

Ingredients

• 10 Corn Tortillas
• 2 cups Peanut Oil
• Salt

 Instructions

1. Heat oil in wok on high heat
2. Stack tortillas
3. Slice tortillas with a pizza cutter into a cross
4. Then slice into another cross in the opposite direction
5. Place chips in wok and fry until golden (takes about 2 mins)
6. With a slotted spoon take chips out and let dry on a plate covered with 2 paper towels-season with salt
7. Serve warm!

Notes

These make great nachos! Just top with shredded cheese, beef, beans, jalps and broil! Add sour cream and salsa. YUM…

 

 Thank you so much Janelle for the 101 lesson!  I have never homemade my chips before –but there’s a first time for everything!

Walk with the King,

Janelle is a Christian, a Wife, a Stay at Home Mom of 3 young children and a proud- to- claim- it “Foodie”. She absolutely loves to cook and typically has an audience of 3 children, pulled up on chairs, taking turns pouring ingredients into bowls. Her spiritual gifts are a mix of “hospitality and evangelism” and is here in the center of God’s will hoping to help you get a little more “comfy in your kitchen”! You can find her displaying step-by-step photos of her recipes, giving devotionals,and sharing meal ministry stories on her blog.

You can follow Janelle’s blog at ComfyInTheKitchen.com

Follower her on facebook at Comfy In The Kitchen

Follow her on Twitter at ComfynKitchen

 

Many sitcoms play on the idea that men are stupid and if they didn’t have their intelligent wife to help them think clearly –they’d be in BIG trouble.  The wife is smart, strong and has it all together.  She keeps the family together and really the husband is only needed for a goofy laugh.  She uses sarcasm and eye rolling to show her disrespect. And this goes both ways.  There are some sitcoms that make the men look fun-loving and hard working and the women stay home, whine, complain and have no sense of humor…at all.

The reality –Opposite World does not portray a Biblical marriage –so we can’t follow Opposite World. 

And so, I was at a get together recently and a wife pulled me aside with her husband.  They had a question for me. 

She asked, “would you ever say, ‘Just wait a minute buddy’ to your husband?”

Uh Oh – I could tell I was in the middle of a marital conversation and I certainly did not want to answer this wrong and be in hot water.  But I was honest, “If I were running late and being rushed, I would probably say – ‘just wait a minute.’  But the word ‘buddy’ on the end.  That could be fightin’ words in my house.”

Now I don’t think that she put the word ‘buddy’ at the end to disrespect her husband but it felt disrespectful to him.  And I can tell you, that would feel disrespectful to my husband also and here’s the tricky part…

We wives do not get to define what feels respectful or disrespectful to our husbands…our husbands get to define that for us.

And vice versa, we should be able to define for our husbands what things they say and do that make us feel loved or unloved.

Every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands.
~Ephesians 5:33

I’ve said plenty of things in my marriage that were not from a heart of disrespect but made my husband bristle.  I’ve had to learn where his sensitivities lie and how my words come across to him. Because choosing to obey God’s command in Ephesians 5 and respect my husband, is really not about my husband at all. 

It’s about who God is and his commands.

It’s about who I am and my character.

It’s about controlling my tongue and mannerisms.

It’s about the grace I’ve received from God that I freely give to my husband.

It’s about keeping my word and the vows I made at the marriage altar.

It’s about heart issues and sin I need to confess.

It’s about not focusing on the flaws or short comings of my husband but focusing on all of the day in and day out ways he blesses us.

I think it’s important I emphasize that God does not command women to give respect and high esteem freely to the whole male population. 

This is a special respect that wives are called to give specifically to their husbands.

And yet, I find that in Opposite World, women balk at respecting their husbands while they go to work and respect their bosses or go to church and respect their pastors or go to the gym and respect their trainer or well, –you get the idea. 

And I wonder, why is it they are so willing to respect other men but the man they make love to and is the father of their children –no way.  They try to control him, criticize him,  mother him and treat him as their extra child…but then they are frustrated and exhausted with the man their husband has become. 

We all know the saying –behind every great man is a great woman.  I believe that our men stand taller with a wife who is their biggest fan.  And I know when our husbands got on one knee and proposed –we thought so highly of them – we said “yes“!  We loved who they were and who we dreamed they’d become…but some husbands have failed to deliver. Maybe our expectations of marriage and our husband were too high.  Or maybe, he’s just not what we thought we married.

But this is where the road gets bumpy and in Opposite World – you’ll be told to check out!  But that’s not in God’s plan for marriage…this is when you check in.  This is when I Corinthians 13 and true love is lived out.  This is when we walk in the Spirit and practice love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  This is when we lean hard on God and Opposite World takes a second look at you as a wife and says “there’s something different there.”  This is when we protect our marriage by respecting our husband and not airing out all his issues to all of our friends. This is when you are the light of the world.  When you stay in the trenches and you fight for your marriage and you obey God’s word and you pray and you wait on God to show up and work a miracle in your marriage. 

 Dr. Emerson Eggerich says “No husband feels fond feelings of affection and love in his heart when he believes his wife has contempt for who he is as a human being. Ironically, the deepest need of the wife – to feel loved – is undermined by her disrespect.”

Walk with the King,

**Dear wounded one, are in you a relationship where your husband is abusive or unfaithful? This post is not for you.  Please seek counseling or outside help.  God is not calling you to stay in a dangerous marriage and respect a man who is putting you or your little ones in danger.  Matthew 19:9 clearly states that divorce is permissable in the case of marital unfaithfulness. If you have no one to turn to – I encourage you to use Focus on the Family’s free counseling hotline: 1-800-232-6459.