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Being assertive is not always easy, especially when we have to refuse requests from people that we love or know well. However, with some of these tips, you can practice to develop your assertive communication skill. Try them slowly but sure, and notice the difference in yourself.

1. When approaching someone about behavior you would like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they have done that is upsetting you, rather than labels or judgments. For example, when your friend, who habitually arrives late for your plans, has shown up twenty minutes late for a lunch date, say “We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it’s 11:50,” instead of “”You’re so rude! You’re always late.”

2. Use “I Messages”. If you start a sentence off with “You”, it comes off as more of a judgment or attack, and puts people on the defensive. If you start with “I”, the focus is more on how you are feeling and how you are affected by their behavior. Also, it shows more ownership of your reactions, and less blame. For example, instead of saying “You need to stop that!” say “I’d like it if you’d stop that, because I feel upset by it.”

3. Use factual statements, rather than judgements or labels, to point out about behaviors that you would like to see changed; it is good to combine this trick with the second point above. You can use sentences like, “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.” Or, ““When you tell the kids they can do something that I’ve already forbidden, some of my authority as a parent is taken away, and I feel undermined.”

4. Remember, your body language should reflect confidence (not intimidation). Stand up straight, look people in the eye, and relax. Use a firm, but pleasant, tone. Do not assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they’re negative. When in a discussion, listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view as well. See if you can find a compromise or a way for you both get your needs met.

1. Being defensive
Rather than facing the conflicts with an objective eye and willingness to understand the other’s point of views, defensive people deny any wrongdoing and work hard to avoid looking at the possibility that they could be contributing to a problem. Denying responsibility may seem to alleviate stress in the short run, but creates long-term problems when partners do not feel listened to.

2. Being right
There is no exact right and wrong in resolving conflicts, especially if we think that our way of seeing things is right. It makes us blind to other solutions to resolve continuous conflicts, and makes us being avoided when it comes for others to talk about something that requires giving opinions.

3. Forgetting to listen
Some people interrupt, roll their eyes, and rehearse what they’re going to say next instead of truly listening and attempting to understand their partner. This keeps you from seeing their point of view, and keeps your partner from wanting to see yours.

4. Playing the blame game
Some people handle conflict by criticizing and blaming the other person for the situation. They see admitting any weakness on their own part as a weakening of their credibility, and avoid it at all costs, and even try to shame them for being ‘at fault’.

5. Stonewalling
When one partner wants to discuss troubling issues in the relationship, sometimes people defensively stonewall, or refuse to talk or listen to their partner. It shows disrespect and, in certain situations, even contempt, while at the same time letting the underlying conflict grow.

6. ‘Mind- reading’
Instead of asking about their partner’s thoughts and feelings, people sometimes decide that they ‘know’ what their partners are thinking and feeling based only on faulty interpretations of their action, and always assume it is negative. It creates hostility and misunderstanding.

1. Set your priorities
In holiday events, especially the ones that demand participation from the whole family members, you must decide what traditions offer the most positive impact and eliminate superfluous activities. For example, if you usually become overwhelmed by a flurry of baking, shopping, sending cards, visiting relatives and other activities that leave you
exhausted, you may want to pick a few favorite activities and really enjoy them, while skipping the rest.

2. Take shortcuts
If you feel that you cannot skip any activities, do them in smaller scales. For example, limit yourself by sending cards only to people whom you know well or are close with. Or, if you think that you can just buy some of the food you need, buy it instead of cooking all of the food yourself.

3. Change your expectations for togetherness
Being together does not always mean overwhelming yourself with all of your family members’ presence until you feel exhausted. Think back to previous years and try to pinpoint how much togetherness you and your family can take before feeling negative stress. Also, when dealing with difficult relatives, set limits on what you are and are not willing to do, including forgoing your visits or limiting them to every other year.

4. Set a schedule
Find out whether you are being realistic or not about your expected tasks during holiday. Putting your plans on paper can show you, in black and white, how realistic they are. If you find a time management planner and fill in the hours with your scheduled activities, be realistic and include driving time and down time. Start with your highest priorities, so you will be able to eliminate the less important activities.

1. Look for any incongruent behaviors
If someone’s words do not match their nonverbal behaviors, you should pay careful attention. For example, someone might tell you they are happy while frowning and staring at the ground. Research has shown that when words fail to match up with nonverbal signals, people tend to ignore what has been said and focus instead on nonverbal expressions of moods, thoughts, and emotions.

2. Use good eye contact
When people fail to look others in the eye, it can seem as if they are trying to hide something. On the other hand, too much eye contact can seem confrontational or intimidating. While eye contact is an important part of communication, it is important to remember that good eye contact does not mean staring fixedly into someone’s eyes. Some communication experts recommend intervals of eye contact lasting four to five seconds.

3. Concentrate on your voice tone when speaking
Your tone of voice shows many things, ranging from enthusiasm to disinterest to anger. Start noticing how your tone of voice affects how others respond to you and try using tone of voice to emphasize ideas that you want to communicate. For example, if you want to show genuine interest in something, express your enthusiasm by using an animated tone of voice.

4. See the context
Non-verbal signals between formal and informal situation can be different, so always analyze the context and situation around you before making judgement.

5. Be aware that signals can be misread
According to some, a firm handshake indicates a strong personality while a weak handshake is taken as a lack of fortitude. This example illustrates an important point about the possibility of misreading nonverbal signals. A limp handshake might actually indicate something else entirely, such as arthritis. Always remember to look for groups of behavior. A person’s overall demeanor is far more telling than a single gesture viewed in isolation.

1. Doing too much
There are too many things to do during a holiday; cleaning up, planning for events, and engaging in family gatherings or events. All of those activities, even the fun one, can leave us exhausted and frazzled, rather than fulfilled.

2. Overindulgement
During holiday events, we tend to overindulge by eating, drinking, and spending too much. The temptation to overindulge in spending, rich desserts or alcohol can cause many people the lasting stress of dealing with consequences such as debt, weight gain, and memories of embarrassing behavior. Those can linger long after the season is over. Also, finding affordable gifts can be stress in itself, and carrying holiday debt is a tradition that too many people unwittingly bring on themselves.

3. Too much togetherness…
Spending time with family and friends is great, but in order to balance our roles in life, we also need some time of being alone. The holidays are a time when extended families tend to gather. While this can be a wonderful thing, even the most close-knit families can overdose on togetherness, making it hard for family members to maintain a healthy balance between bonding and alone time.

4. …and lack of it
While many people suffer from too much togetherness, others, who do not have family issues, often feel depressed and deserted. As the world seems to be gathering with family, those who rely more on friends for support can feel deserted and alone.

5. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
This condition often happens to people who experience year-end holiday in areas with four seasons, especially during the transition between fall and winter. As daylight diminishes and the weather causes many of us to spend more time indoors, many people are affected to some degree by a type of depression known as seasonal affective disorder. It can cast a pall over the whole season and be a source of stress and unhappiness during a time that people expect to feel just the opposite.

Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist who developed cognitive therapy in 1960, stated that if we think something often enough, we begin to believe it is true and our feelings match what we are thinking about ourselves. The goal of this therapy is eliminating cognitive distortions, or faulty thought patterns, that send us into depression. Take a look at these cognitive distortions, and see if you recognize yourself in any of these.

1. All-of-nothing thinking
This thinking is characterized by absolute terms like always, never, and forever, based on the lack of accurate description of a situation. For example, you were hoping to be promoted, but your boss promoted other employee with more experience than you, and that made you feel that you are a total failure and would never be promoted for anything.

2. Overgeneralization
When someone is overgeneralizing, he or she takes one sample case and assumes that all similar cases are the same, and there is no acknowledgement of individual’s differences. For example, you were in love with a man, but he dumped you unceremoniously. Therefore, you assume that all men are callous and mean.

3. Labeling and mislabeling
When we label ourselves, we set ourselves up to become whatever that label entails. This can just as easily work to our advantage. For example, you were on a diet, but then you cheated your diet. Instead of going back to your effort, you think “I’m such a big, fat, lazy pig” all the time.

4. Mental filter
People who fall victims into mental filter tend to outline the bad events happened to them, and fail to see the good ones. For example, when you were driving, some drivers cut you off or honked you without reason. You were so angry that you failed to think about one nice driver who waved you to go ahead him.

5. Disqualifying the positive
Some people are good in taking the positive situation and turning it into something negative, which partly comes from low self-esteem. For example, when you got your picture taken and turned out to be a very beautiful picture, you concluded that the photographer must have tampered your picture, and you would never look that good in your whole life.

6. Jumping to conclusions
Too much insecurity can lead us to doubt and, finally, over-preparation for a disappointment that actually never comes. For example, you had waited for your date at the restaurant for about 30 minutes, and you started to think that you must have done something wrong, while in fact your date was merely trapped in the traffic.

7. Emotional reasoning
Many people often assess the situation by seeing how the situation makes them feel, not how it really is, and it creates the illusion of double burden. For example, when you looked around your untidy house, you felt overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. In the end, you felt that it was hopeless to even try to clean.

1. Take it seriously
Do not easily fall on suicide myths, such as, “the people who talk about it don’t do it,” “anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy,” and “those problems weren’t enough to commit suicide over.” Whenever someone you know show signs such as talking about suicide in a serious way, or having any sudden and odd behavior changes, immediately talk to him or her.

2. Understanding the “cry for help”
Whenever someone mentions any suicidal intention, there is usually a part of him or her that still wants to stay alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent – part of him wants to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end. If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.

3. Be willing to help
Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on depression say it should be reached as soon as possible. Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain: being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection; punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their condition; or involuntary commitment. You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.

4. Listen, not judge
Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You do not need to say much; if you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you. Avoid arguments and advice giving.

5. Ask for professional’s help
Unless you are an expert yourself, ask for different reliable sources for suicide prevention. You can ask for help from a psychologist, therapist, or experts from suicide prevention service. Try to find as many as helpful sources as possible; this is also a part of being care.

1. Save some time for your well-being
If you are a new mother, you tend to focus on your new baby without giving slightest attention to yourself. It is important to save some personal time, even though it is just some quiet moment alone in a bathroom or when doing personal grooming.

2. Eat well
It goes without saying that if you are breastfeeding you should eat well, but even if you are not breastfeeding, you should feed yourself well. Nutritional deficiencies can cause depression symptoms and make you too tired to properly care for yourself and the baby.

3. Have a good sleep
When your baby requires frequent feedings, it can be difficult to get the rest you need. If you are tired, however, it is natural that you are going to feel irritable and depressed. It is very important that you sleep whenever and as long as possible. Take naps when the baby is sleeping, and allow other family members to take over feeding duties. Pump milk ahead of time, so it is available for occasional bottle feedings.

4. Get plenty of Omega-3
Studies have shown a link between postpartum depression and a dietary deficiency of omega-3 fatty acids. Also, an open trial over an 8-week period showed significant improvement in depression in postpartum women who took omega-3 supplements. Although omega-3 fatty acids may be obtained by eating fatty fish (mackerel, lake trout, herring, sardines, albacore tuna and salmon), pregnant women should take fish oil supplements instead. Fish are likely to contain contaminants, like mercury and polychlorinated biphenyls, which are harmful to the developing fetus.

5. Ask help from friends and family
If it is possible, ask for help. Just because the new baby is yours, does not mean that other people cannot be involved. In cultures where it is expected that family members will pitch in and help, leaving the mother free to rest and feed the baby, postpartum depression is almost unheard of. If your friends and family offer help, relax and allow them to help.

Actually, suicidal people almost leave subtle signs days, weeks, or even months before the actual suicide occurs. If we can read these signs, it will be easier to give those people the help and support that they actually need.

These are some common warning signs of suicide:

1. Increased level of depression
In the young depression may be masked by hyperactivity or acting out behavior. In the elderly it may be incorrectly attributed to the natural effects of aging. Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern. The early stages of recovery from depression can be a high risk period. Recent studies have associated anxiety disorders with increased risk for attempted suicide.

2. Emotional and behavioral changes
Overwhelming pain, results from longstanding problems initiated by recent painful events such as the death of family members or close friends, hopelessness, feeling of worthlessness or guilt, withdrawn personality and excessive anxiety or irritability are common emotional changes of suicidal people. Behavioral changes include declining interests in intimacy or friendship, declining performance at school or work, neglect of personal warfare, disobeying medical instructions, self-starvation, and/or alteration in sleeping or eating habits.

3. Suicidal behaviors
Suicidal people, whether they realize it or not, often show their intentions by commit suicidal behaviors or ‘mini-attempts.’ They include explicit statements of suicidal ideas or feelings, development suicidal plans such as ‘rehearsal’ behaviors and acquiring the means, have self-inflicted injuries such as burns or cuts, reckless behaviors, making out wills and giving away favorite possessions, inappropriately say goodbye, and verbal behaviors that are ambiguous such as “I’m going away on a real long trip.”, “You won’t have to worry about me anymore.”, “I want to go to sleep and never wake up.”, “I’m so depressed, I just can’t go on.”, “Does God punish suicides?”, “Voices are telling me to do bad things.”, inappropriate joking, stories or essays on morbid themes.