Wonderful Now

Begetting Change | Same Choices, Same results

2012-02-12T11:52:00.002+13:00

A change in perspective, behavior, or response

can do so much more to help us move past issues left unresolved.

Repeated bouts of adversity are an unavoidable aspect of human existence. We battle against our inner struggles or outer world forces, and in many cases, we emerge on the opposite side of struggle stronger and better equipped to cope with the challenges yet to come. However, we can occasionally encounter trials that seem utterly hopeless. We strike at them with all of our creativity and perseverance, hoping desperately to bring about change, only to meet with the same results as always. Our first instinct in such situations is often to push harder against the seemingly immovable obstruction before us, assuming that this time we will be met with a different outcome. But staying power and stamina net us little when the same choices consistently garner the same results. A change in perspective, behavior, or response can do so much more to help us move past points where no amount of effort seems sufficient to overcome the difficulties before us.

Whether our intention is to change ourselves or some element of the world around us, we cannot simply wish for transformation or hope that our lives will be altered through circumstance. If our patterns of thought and behavior remain unchanged, our lives will continue to unfold much as they have previously. Patterns in which fruitless efforts prevail can be overcome with self examination and courage. It is our bravery that allows us to question the choices we have made thus far and to channel our effort into innovation. Asking questions and making small adjustments to your thought processes and behaviors will help you discover what works, so you can leave that which does not work behind you. To break free from those unconscious patterns that have long held sway over your actions and reactions, you will likely have to challenge your assumptions on a most basic level. You must accept once and for all that your beliefs with regard to cause and effect may no longer be in accordance with your needs.

Stagnation is often a sign that great changes are on the horizon. Courting the change you wish to see in yourself and in the world around you is a matter of acknowledging that only change begets change. The results you so ardently want to realize are well within the realm of possibility, and you need only step away from the well-worn circular path to explore the untried paths that lie beyond it. ~ The Daily OM

I have been stagnant for long enough and now there is bigger change on my horizon than i had anticipated.

I thought that i had applied to study at certificate level. I have not done any study in a good ten years, and i want to be able to get back to work - only this time doing something that i am interested in and enjoy - as soon as possible so i had initially applied to only study a one year certificate. I also thought that i would probably need to complete a one year certificate before i would even be accepted to study an actual degree - since i have no formal education.

On Friday afternoon i received an email from the University with my log in details to the online information for the course that i am enrolled in, and the papers that i will be studying this year. I have spent all weekend following links to reading material, information on the assessments that i will have to do, and just generally going through all the mounds of information that i have been sent.

It all seemed like a lot for certificate level study. I had another look at the email that i had been sent and it turns out that i am enrolled in the 3 year degree.

That scared me.

I went back and spent all of yesterday going through all of the information for the papers that i will have to do this year though, and it does not look daunting at all. In fact, i am finding that because it is a subject that i have such a huge interest in - my Facebook and blogging addictions are at a huge risk of being replaced.

My subjects for the first half of this year are;

Theories of Substance Abuse, Misuse, and Addiction
The Sociology of Addiction. ( I am going to LOVE this one. )
Interventions for Alcohol and Drug Problems.
Motivational Interviewing. (This one scares me a bit. I am good at writing - speaking - not so much)

The second half of the year consists of;

The Treaty of Waitangi. ( WHY??? But that is ok - i already studied this while doing nursing )
Clinical Practice and Professional Development
Client Centred Practice Issues

Oh. My. Gosh. I can not wait until Thursday to get started!

I obviously had been stagnant long enough so God has pushed me in a little deeper than i thought i was ready to go.

That is all good. I will have my Bachelor of Alcohol and Drug Studies a year sooner than i had anticipated.

I. Am. So. Excited.

Different choices | Different results.

Self - esteem - Built on God's Esteem

2012-02-12T08:33:00.000+13:00

'You are precious to Me. You are honoured, and I love you.' Isaiah 43:4 NLT

Are you able to look in the mirror today and say, 'Thank You Lord, You did a good job?' If you can't, you're in danger of settling for anyone who can give you what you're incapable of giving yourself - a sense of worth! You've got to find a healthy balance somewhere between martyrdom and narcissism. Until you do, everybody else's needs and opinions will be more important than yours. When that happens, you end up resentful and living without things you don't have enough self-esteem to ask for, because you don't think you deserve them.

If you don't believe in yourself and respect your own opinions, you'll finish up living to please everyone else. One wrong look or one critical word from them and you'll say, 'I'll never do that, say that, or wear that again.' Talk about feeling worthless and insecure! Thank God you don't have to live that way. Peter writes, 'The God of all grace...[will make you]...perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you' (1 Peter 5:10 NKJV). God wants to give you a sense of self-esteem - built on His esteem. Will you let Him? Once others have heard you sing confidently, they'll want to hum along. Just make sure they're in harmony when they do. You train others to treat you by how you treat yourself. The buyer will pay no more than the seller demands.

So go to God today, ask Him to tell you who you are and what you're worth. He will say, 'You are precious to Me. You are honoured, and I love you.' That's God's opinion - make it yours!

This morning started out bad.

I was greeted by a headless mouse while on my morning trip to the bathroom.

There are not many things that can wake you up faster than having a headless corpse catch your eye while you brush your teeth.

The T's orphaned kittens were sitting there staring up at me with looks of pride on their faces. They are still wandering around the house acting all proud of themselves.

Luckily for you lot - T disposed of the body for me before i thought to get my camera out.

Now i am sitting here in bed wondering where the heck that head is!?!?

WHERE IS THE HEAD?!?!

Prime suspects for the murder one rap

Escaping from what? Your pain, or your power?

2012-02-11T11:19:00.000+13:00

Escapism. Most new-age gurus say we’re expert in it. I can’t disagree. We’re distracted. Denatured. We’re overbooked. We tend to be disconnected from our divine nature, the food we eat, the shit we buy, the eyes we look into — our own and others.

We buffer/numb/avoid/distract ourselves with TV, caffeine, drugs, getting off, gossiping, complaining, having otherwise meaningless conversations, shopping (more aptly, “stuffing”), working, tweeting, surfing work email, work, work -– all to avoid feeling particular things. This is what the Buddhists would call “The Principle of Death.” Keep it safe; keep it small. At all costs, avoid life.

The self-help book aisle is busting with the theory that what we’re running from is our demons. Sadness, grief, emptiness, loneliness. Pain.

Pain management

Personally, I haven’t run from my pain. I compensated for it. I spent so much time accommodating it, “working with it”, paying attention to it –- not avoiding it, that I neglected my very agency and power: my joy. Unbridled, unabashedly sweet, essential joyousness.

I’m a recovering metaphysical overachiever. After I got done being a good Catholic girl I moved on to being a good new-age girl. Subtly, I just swapped one gospel with the other. I just wanted to get it right, you know. I was up for facing demons. Bring them on — and the more analysis, the better. Crusading all the way.

Continually staring down your demons can be an act of avoidance all it’s own.
Recapitulating the reasons for your hurts, isms, and faults can become addictive in and of itself.
Eventually, you have to stop picking a fight with your true nature and decide to seek the joy that underlies it all.

Bliss is big

I got caught up enough in going where the pain was (“brave”, “evolved”,) that I avoided going where the delight was. And here’s what I figured out (later than I hoped but just in time): I have not shied from pain. Oh no. I have shied from ecstasy. Surprisingly, (thankfully!) ecstasy is quite patient. After all, she starts with a slow burn.

When I take the certain routes to awakeness, through the portals of breathing, laughter, stillness, spontaneity; when I exercise the courage to not fill up space with empty conversation, with the tube, with busyness, it’s not my pain that I most often meet in such presence — it’s my power.

When I override my senses, refuse to bend, when I check my email just one more time before I make time for me, when I eat even though I’m full, when I hold myself back from a bursting expression of “I love you so much!” because I don’t want to be too much, it’s not my pain that I’m avoiding — it’s my very life force.

So which of these concepts would you rather investigate?

Avoiding your pain, or avoiding your power?

The cosmic twist is that both routes lead home. But how you make the trip to enlightenment is up to you. Pack light.

For more wisdom from Danielle, visit whitehottruth.com.

I found that on Crazy Sexy Cancer.

I love it - and i love Kris Carr. I have written about her before, and what an inspiration i think she is - but in case you have forgotten - I will remind you!

8 years after being diagnosed with stage 4 (there is no stage 5) cancer of the type that i can not even pronounce - and being told it was untreatable - she has defied all odds and is still kicking along, sharing her amazing attitude and life with the world.

Last Night's Sunset

2012-02-10T12:55:00.000+13:00

I was not the only one that noticed the amazing cloud formation during last night's sunset.

Auckland's skies filled by stunning sunset

I took that photo on Pigeon Mountain Drive last night at about 8pm.

The view made the hike across Auckland to T's place worth it. I could have driven all night - with that to look at.

Bummer - I can't enter

2012-02-10T07:42:00.000+13:00

Radio Station's Divorce Promo Cowardly

A Valentine's Day promotion by an Auckland-based radio station to spring a divorce on an unsuspecting spouse has been slammed as "cowardly and disrespectful" by a relationship counselling organisation.

The Rock hosts Robert Taylor and Jono Pryor - who are also behind the aggravating Wind Up Your Wife stunts on the Drive show - are offering to "lend a helping hand" to a not-so-in-love couple on what is meant to be the most romantic day of the year.

The MediaWorks-owned station will pay for the divorce provided there are no children involved and the person being dropped only learns their relationship is over live on air.

I got excited there for a minute - until i read the last eight words of the entry conditions.

Excitement and subsequent disappointment aside - what kind of person would enter this competition under those conditions? I mean who would stoop to humiliating their husband or wife - someone that they promised to love forever - by telling them that their marriage is over on air via a competition!?!

That is just cold, callous, and evil. It kind of reminds me of that ridiculous Temptation Island reality show that was on a few years back where married couples got a free holiday on a tropical island. The catch was - it was full of hot people that were going to constantly attempt to have an affair with your beloved.

I refused to watch that - and i will refuse to listen to this.

Not that The Rock will care - i never listen to them anyway.

I have taste.

Sometimes.

The world has gone mad.

PS. I will be happy to take the free divorce in the event that no one enters!

Stop Waiting For Perfect Conditions - 3

2012-02-10T07:11:00.001+13:00

'...He kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.' Hebrews 11:27 NLT

There is a strong relationship between our movement toward our dreams, and the resources we need becoming available to us. Too often we want to see the resources, or have them in hand before we start moving forward. When we do that, we have neither the resources nor the movement.

We need to be like the snail that started climbing up the apple tree. As he inched his way upward, a worm stuck his head out from a crevice in the tree and said, 'You're wasting your energy. There isn't a single apple up there.' The snail kept on climbing, and replied, 'No, but there will be by the time I get up there!' Over and over in Scripture God sent people out with what seemed like inadequate resources. But when they got to where God wanted them to be, the resources needed to get the job done were in place waiting for them. Vision doesn't follow resources, it happens the other way around. First we have a dream, then we have to move forward. Then - and only then - do people and resources follow. Then the plan God has given to us begins to fall into place.

A wise man once said, 'Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.' People who succeed 'see' what others don't. It's what keeps them moving forward. 'It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king's anger. He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.'

I feel like that snail with my community service - all 240 hours of it! I wonder how many hours i have done now? It seems never ending. I was good at keeping track of how many hours i had done - the first few weeks - and then i forgot. I must be down to like 150 hours by now. Maybe. Hopefully.

I so don't feel like going today. I didn't feel like going yesterday either. That Church is stinking hot and poor Nixon has to wait in the car the whole time otherwise i risk him escaping and me getting MORE fines.

240 hours of community service to pay off Nixon fines - and he has no idea what he is putting me through. I have wondered this before and i am wondering it again. I wonder if Danny would mind if i UNstole that mutt from him?

I'm tired.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The funniest model - ever

2012-02-09T19:43:00.002+13:00

Clarence Tillman

Not only is Clarence Tillman a boxer who is worthy of fighting heavyweight title fights - he is also a model!

Exactly what he models is anyone's guess...

Karma...

2012-02-09T13:45:00.001+13:00

Has made me laugh today.

Leonie Brookhammer

What's with the silver, curly doo? Is she trying to look like Laws?

Yep. I would say that photo is just as bad - if not worse - than the photo of me that the media had taken with a long range lens when i answered the door to them after i had been up crying all night - that Leonie made sure was plastered all over the Women's Day Magazine with the word PROSTITUTE repeated about 50 times - next to glamour shots of herself.

Sometimes it is fun to watch what comes around - all by itself.

This is one of those times.

Laws' ex smashed in his window

The pair of them should be sent to a desert island to fight it out. Between the roid rage, the constant quests for public attention, and the evil tempers - it would make fantastic reality TV.

The funniest boxing match - ever

2012-02-09T13:07:00.003+13:00

I can't stop laughing at Sonny Bill Williams being so proud of winning that match. First - a sickness beneficiary - now this!

Could Boxing New Zealand not come up with a better opponent? Where did they find Clarence Tillman - at an over eaters anonymous meeting? He looks like he is trying to swim - the way he is flailing his arms around.

What. A. Joke.

I feel sorry for anyone who actually paid money to watch that.

Quote of the Day

John Key is an election campaign cheat

2012-02-09T08:36:00.000+13:00

DJ Key's show broke law: Watchdog

An Electoral Commission ruling due out today has found the Radio Live show hosted by John Key last September was an election programme and therefore a prohibited broadcast.

Newstalk ZB's obtained a copy of the commission's decision over a Labour Party complaint about a show the Prime Minister conducted on Radio Live during last year's election campaign period.

The commission's found the broadcast was an election programme and a breach of the Broadcasting Act.

No sh*t Sherlock.

Today's decision by the Electoral Commission will now see the police decide whether to prosecute the broadcaster which could be fined up to $100,000.

Lets all wait for the hypocrisy to spew forth from John Key's mouth in relation to prosecuting RadioLive for very clearly breaking the law - as opposed to his pathetic attempt at prosecuting Bradley Ambrose and any media organisation that released the Tea Pot Tape.

RadioLive AND John Key broke the law - why is it only the broadcaster that could prosecuted and fined?

Is online dating destroying love?

2012-02-08T15:04:00.000+13:00

Online dating is now one of the most common ways to start a relationship. But is it fulfilling our dreams – or shattering our cherished ideal of romance?

^'I'm telling you, this is Love Year Zero, the Year of True Love, the Real Thing." So writes cinderella69 (AKA Jennifer – she was born in 1969) in her blog about her online dating experiences. "You couldn't do this until now. You went on waiting and waiting for your Prince, and you still had a long wait ahead of you, because he didn't know you were waiting, poor thing. Now you're on the net, and everyone knows it. It can't fail to work. All you have to do is look."

She's right. Last millennium 72% of us met our partners at school or university, at work or in networks of family or friends. The other 28%, presumably, met the loves of their lives by tripping over them as they lay in their own filth outside a Black Country pub. Or such were mating rites in my day. The internet is revolutionary because it renders it easy for us to make contact with people we don't know and, better yet, those who don't necessarily live within the Dudley travel-to-work area/look like trolls/cite assembling Airfix models as their favourite hobby even though they're 43, etc.

According to a new survey by psychologists at the University of Rochester in the US, online dating is the second most common way of starting a relationship – after meeting through friends. It has become popular in part, says one of the report's authors, Professor Harry Reis, because other methods are widely thought of as grossly inefficient. "The internet holds great promise for helping adults form healthy and supportive romantic partnerships, and those relationships are one of the best predictors of emotional and physical health," he says.

The Guardian, for example, has had its own and very successful online dating site, Soulmates, since 2004 – more than 650,000 have registered. It can put you in touch with Guardian readers – true, that may be some people's worst nightmare, but it does mean you won't get propositioned online by someone whose leisure activities are attending English Defence League demos and you won't have to explain on a date that Marcel Proust wasn't an F1 racing driver.

Online dating offers the dream of removing the historic obstacles to true love (time, space, your dad sitting on the porch with a shotgun across his lap and an expression that says no boy is good enough for my girl). And online dating sites, which in the US are growing at 70% a year, surely make it easier than ever to meet the Prince Charming or the Fairytale Princess of your, frankly, infantile dreams. At least that's what cinderella69 believes.

But she's also wrong: it often fails to work – not least because elsewhere in cyberspace there are people like Nick, who aren't looking for love from online dating sites, but for sexual encounters as perishable and substitutable as yoghurt. In his sex blog, Nick works out that he got 77.7% of the women he has met through online dating sites into bed on the first night, and that 55% of his dates were "one-offs", three were "frigid", two were "not too great", eight "hot" and two "atomic". I know, I know: who'd have thought atomic sex was desirable rather than a trip to A & E waiting to happen? Thanks to the internet, such spreadsheets of love have replaced notches on the bedpost and can be displayed hubristically online.

But there's another problem for the lie-dream of online romantic fulfilment: in the hypermarket of desire, as in a large Tesco's breakfast cereal aisle, it's almost impossible to choose.

"When you look at their profiles, they're all the same," wails channelchris in her blog. "Charming, sporty, generous, funny, 'no mind games', good-looking, sensual ... They practically guarantee you'll be on cloud nine."

When everyone is presenting themselves as practically perfect in every way, then you're bound to worry you've signed up for a libido-frustrating yawnathon.

The foregoing sex bloggers are quoted by Sorbonne sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann in his new book Love Online, in which he reflects on what has happened to romantic relationships since the millennium. The landscape of dating has changed completely, he argues. We used to have yentas or parents to help us get married; now we have to fend for ourselves. We have more freedom and autonomy in our romantic lives than ever and some of us have used that liberty to change the goals: monogamy and marriage are no longer the aims for many of us; sex, reconfigured as a harmless leisure activity involving the maximising of pleasure and the minimising of the hassle of commitment, often is. Online dating sites have accelerated these changes, heightening the hopes for and deepening the pitfalls of sex and love.

"I've been researching love and coupledom for 30 years and now the internet has brusquely changed the rules of dating," Kaufmann tells me. "Love isn't an eternal given – it evolves with societies. And people want to know how it functions now. It's urgent to analyse it."

Kaufmann isn't the only intellectual analysing the new landscape of love. Behavioural economist Dan Ariely is researching online dating because it affects to offer a solution for a market that wasn't working very well. Oxford evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar will soon publish a book called The Science of Love and Betrayal, in which he wonders whether science can helps us with our romantic relationships. And one of France's greatest living philosophers, Alain Badiou, is poised to publish In Praise of Love, in which he argues that online dating sites destroy our most cherished romantic ideal, namely love.

Ariely started thinking about online dating because one of his colleagues down the corridor, a lonely assistant professor in a new town with no friends who worked long hours, failed miserably at online dating. Ariely wondered what had gone wrong. Surely, he thought, online dating sites had global reach, economies of scale and algorithms ensuring utility maximisation (this way of talking about dating, incidentally, explains why so many behavioural economists spend Saturday nights getting intimate with single-portion lasagnes).

Online dating is, Ariely argues, unremittingly miserable. The main problem, he suggests, is that online dating sites assume that if you've seen a photo, got a guy's inside-leg measurement and star sign, BMI index and electoral preferences, you're all set to get it on à la Marvin Gaye, right? Wrong. "They think that we're like digital cameras, that you can describe somebody by their height and weight and political affiliation and so on. But it turns out people are much more like wine. When you taste the wine, you could describe it, but it's not a very useful description. But you know if you like it or don't. And it's the complexity and the completeness of the experience that tells you if you like a person or not. And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative."

So he decided to set up a website that could better deliver what people want to know about each other before they become attracted. His model was real dates. "Dates are not about sitting in the room and interviewing each other about questions; they're often about experiencing something together in the real world. If you and I went out, and we went somewhere, I would look at how you react to the outside world. What music you like, what you don't like, what kind of pictures you like, how do you react to other people, what do you do in the restaurant. And through all these kind of non-explicit aspects, I will learn something about you."

His online system gave visitors an avatar with which to explore a virtual space. "There were pictures and images and there were words and movies and bands, all kinds of stuff, and when you came to another little avatar, you could start chatting. It wasn't about where you went to school and what's your religion; it was about something else, and it turns out it gave people much more information about each other, and they were much more likely to want to meet each other for a first date and for a second date."

Badiou found the opposite problem with online sites: not that they are disappointing, but they make the wild promise that love online can be hermetically sealed from disappointment. The septuagenarian Hegelian philosopher writes in his book of being in the world capital of romance (Paris) and everywhere coming across posters for Meetic, which styles itself as Europe's leading online dating agency. Their slogans read: "Have love without risk", "One can be in love without falling in love" and "You can be perfectly in love without having to suffer".

Badiou worried that the site was offering the equivalent of car insurance: a fully comp policy that eliminated any risk of you being out of pocket or suffering any personal upset. But love isn't like that, he complains. Love is, for him, about adventure and risk, not security and comfort. But, as he recognises, in modern liberal society this is an unwelcome thought: for us, love is a useless risk. "I really think that love, in our world such as it is, is encircled, threatened. And I think it's a philosophical task, among others, to defend it."

Across Paris, Kaufmann is of a similar mind. He believes that in the new millennium a new leisure activity emerged. It was called sex and we'd never had it so good. He writes: "As the second millennium got underway the combination of two very different phenomena (the rise of the internet and women's assertion of their right to have a good time), suddenly accelerated this trend ...

Basically, sex had become a very ordinary activity that had nothing to do with the terrible fears and thrilling transgressions of the past." Best of all, perhaps, it had nothing to do with marriage, monogamy or motherhood but was devoted to enjoyment, to that scarcely translatable (but fun-sounding) French word jouissance.

Thanks to online dating sites, Kaufmann suggests, "there was now a vast hypermarket for love and/or sex, in which everyone was both a buyer and seller who openly stated what they wanted and tried to satisfy their needs as efficiently as possible. All they needed to do was sign up, pay a modest fee (getting a date costs less than going to see a film), write a blog or use a social networking site. Nothing could be easier."

In a sense, though, sex and love are opposites. One is something that could (but perhaps shouldn't) be exchanged for money or non-financial favours; the other is that which resists being reduced to economic parameters. The problem is that we want both, often at the same time, without realising that they are not at all the same thing. And online dating intensifies that confusion.

Take sex first. Kaufmann argues that in the new world of speed dating, online dating and social networking, the overwhelming idea is to have short, sharp engagements that involve minimal commitment and maximal pleasure. In this, he follows the Leeds-based sociologist Zygmunt Bauman, who proposed the metaphor of "liquid love" to characterise how we form connections in the digital age. It's easier to break with a Facebook friend than a real friend; the work of a split second to delete a mobile-phone contact.

In his 2003 book Liquid Love, Bauman wrote that we "liquid moderns" cannot commit to relationships and have few kinship ties. We incessantly have to use our skills, wits and dedication to create provisional bonds that are loose enough to stop suffocation, but tight enough to give a needed sense of security now that the traditional sources of solace (family, career, loving relationships) are less reliable than ever. And online dating offers just such chances for us to have fast and furious sexual relationships in which commitment is a no-no and yet quantity and quality can be positively rather than inversely related.

After a while, Kaufmann has found, those who use online dating sites become disillusioned. "The game can be fun for a while. But all-pervasive cynicism and utilitarianism eventually sicken anyone who has any sense of human decency. When the players become too cold and detached, nothing good can come of it." Everywhere on dating sites, Kaufmann finds people upset by the unsatisfactorily chilly sex dates that they have brokered. He also comes across online addicts who can't move from digital flirting to real dates and others shocked that websites, which they had sought out as refuges from the judgmental cattle-market of real-life interactions, are just as cruel and unforgiving – perhaps more so.

Online dating has also become a terrain for a new – and often upsetting – gender struggle. "Women are demanding their turn at exercising the right to pleasure," says Kaufmann. Men have exercised that right for millennia. But women's exercise of that right, Kaufmann argues, gets exploited by the worst kind of men. "That's because the women who want an evening of sex don't want a man who is too gentle and polite. The want a 'real man', a male who asserts himself and even what they call 'bad boys'. So the gentle guys, who believed themselves to have responded to the demands of women, don't understand why they are rejected. But frequently, after this sequence, these women are quickly disappointed. After a period of saturation, they come to think: 'All these bastards!'"

The disappointing experience of online dating, Kaufmann argues, is partly explained because we want conflicting things from it: love and sex, freedom and commitment, guilt-free sex without emotional entanglements and a tender cuddle. Worse, the things we want change as we experience them: we wanted the pleasures of sex but realised that wasn't enough.

Maybe, he suggests, we could remove the conflicts and human love could evolve to a new level. "If casual sex is to be a game, it has to be based on new rules that make at least some allowance for love. Or if 'love' sounds too off-putting, for a little affection, for a little attentiveness to our partners, given they are human beings and not just sex objects."

This is the new philosopher's stone – an alchemical mingling of two opposites, sex and love. "If that could be done, the micro-adventure of online dating could mean something very different: it could be a way of escaping ordinary life, of enjoying an idyll for two that takes us far away from the world in which we usually live."

Kaufman's utopia, then, involves a new concept he calls tentatively LoveSex (which sounds like an old Prince album, but let's not hold that against him). Kaufmann suggests that we have to reverse out of the cul de sac of sex for sex's sake and recombine it with love once more to make our experiences less chilly but also less clouded by romantic illusions. "We have to discover ways of loving on a strictly temporary basis."

Or, more likely, realise that we can never have it all. We are doomed, perhaps, to be unsatisfied creatures, whose desires are fulfilled only momentarily before we go on the hunt for new objects to scratch new itches. Which suggests that online dating sites will be filling us with hopes – and disappointments – for a good while yet.

I just thought i would share that because i found it interesting - and i make no secret of the disdain that i feel towards online dating.

In my opinion the internet has ruined romance - not to mention countless marriages that were otherwise happy until the ability to find a partner to cheat with became as easy as flipping open your laptop.

I can think of nothing worse than telling your grandchildren that you met on a dating website. Most people that i know feel the same way hence the "we met through friends" cliche. I can think of nothing worse than finding a partner in the same way you would find a new car, or a job. I can think of nothing worse than the constant disappointment one must feel when they turn up for their latest 'love interview' only to find that the person is not the perfect person that they made them self out to be in their advertisement. I can think of nothing worse than being so unhappy being single that a person would resort to making up an advertisement for them self like they are a Chrisco hamper.

Lets face it. The art of dating is dishonest at the best of times. No one starting a new relationship is ever really their true self around a new potential partner. We all hide our faults and emphasise our strengths for as long as humanly possible. If you disagree with this then men - sit back and think about your ability to do dishes and share the remote while your stomach becomes increasingly bloated from all that wind you are able to hold in - until you get to know her well enough to just let rip whenever you feel like it. Women - we all know that you won't be waking up with your make up perfect, breath fresh, and with a big smile on your face while you stretch and assure your new partner that his snoring was cute - 6 months down the track. That morning smell that is wafting like a big green cartoon cloud from the bathroom and down the hallway after his visit to the loo is just fiiiinnneee 6 weeks into a relationship. A year, or even 6 months after meeting your love though, it's enough to have you stomping down the hallway poisoning yourself with half a can of air freshener while you mutter something to do with why he can't save that for the men's room at work - and while you are at it - you would not be so grumpy if his snoring did not keep you up all night!

So in shorter terms - in the beginning of a relationship - we are on our best behaviour. Men never fart and women never bitch.

We all try to portray perfection to a potential partner at the best of times. Online dating takes that concept a step further though. It allows people to be whoever they want to be, whenever they want to be, to whoever they want at that particular point in time.

If your glamour shot photos don't provide instant disappointment - something else will. Keeping up a lie is hard work and can't be done forever. Online dating just makes that fall from grace that our latest love interest is going to inevitably make - that much more disappointing. The fact that thanks to online dating - people and relationships are disposable - makes that fall from grace much more difficult to accept, so people are traded in for what they hope will be a less disappointing - and less photo shopped - match.

In the good old days it took more than catching your new man picking his nose, or your new girlfriend waxing her ladystache to send us running in the opposite direction in search of a replacement.

They say the truth shall set us free. Bugger getting set free every six weeks.

I won't even start on some people's addiction to the excitement that a new relationship brings and how the internet enables them to obtain their constant need for a fix. Seriously - online dating should be called ADHD dating.

I sincerely hope that by the time my daughters are dating and seriously looking for a life partner, online dating has gone full circle and they won't be lying to me when they tell me they met him "through friends". If that is not the case though - i will encourage them to put their ugliest photo up, and tell the world that they can fart like troopers, leave food under their beds, and get PMS that scares Satan.

The only way is up from that!

If i ever catch them on NZDating - i will be disconnecting my internet connection.

Don't. Go. There.

Stop Waiting for Perfect Conditions - 2

2012-02-08T08:31:00.001+13:00

'Faith is being sure of what we hope for.' Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Successful people do not spend the majority of their time thinking about what must be done. Instead, they spend twice as much time reflecting on what they have already accomplished, and on how they are capable of accomplishing what they set out to do. Football coach John Wooden said, 'Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.'

Pursuing a God-given dream is a bumpy ride, as every leader in the Bible found out. And only those who think right succeed. The greatest gap between successful people and unsuccessful people is the thinking gap. This is especially so when it comes to failure. Successful people see failure as a regular part of success, and they get over it. Jonah Salk, the developer of the polio vaccine, said: 'As I look upon the experience of an experimentalist, everything that you do is, in a sense, succeeding. It's telling you what not to do, as well as what to do. Not infrequently, I go into the laboratory, and people would say something didn't work. And I say, "Great, we've made a great discovery!" If you thought it was going to work, and it didn't work, that tells you as much as if it did. So my attitude is not one of pitfalls; my attitude is one of challenges and "what is nature telling me?"'

Such tenacity only comes from right thinking, and it is the hallmark of all successful people. They keep trying, keep learning and keep moving forward. They win the battle in their minds, and then it overflows into what they do.

Quiz night last night - and we totally sucked! There just were not enough questions relating to 80s sitcoms and 90s boy bands. It didn't help that the pub was full to overflowing and resembled a University Challenge.

No $100 bar tab for US next week. The pizza and diet cokes went far last night though and we had a lovely night out.

Might have a break from quiz night next week - unless i have a big burst of energy. Late nights nearly kill me these days.

I can't write right now. T's mouth goes like a really fast thing after his morning coffee and right now he is on his second. He is rabbiting on about missing his circuit training class this morning at the gym, how he feels like he needs to ring and let them know he is not going to be there, and how of course they will notice when he doesn't turn up - he got the hardest tryer award last year - after all!

He is seriously going to ring in sick - to his gym class!

My ears are about to fall off.

Back later.

He shut up when he saw ^^ that. He now has his diary out!

Showing off our booze culture overseas

2012-02-07T10:41:00.002+13:00

London Waitangi pub crawl appals

The antics of some Kiwis on a Waitangi Day pub crawl through London have disgusted a fellow expat, who has complained to the Prime Minister and High Commissioner and says the misbehaviour has shamed New Zealand.

Dylan Clements says he saw Kiwis urinating on footpaths and historic monuments, including Westminster Abbey, as they took part in the annual Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl on Saturday.

Hundreds of Kiwis also took off their shirts to perform a haka in Westminster.

Mr Clements, who has worked in London for four years and says he's not a prude - "I get on the booze myself" - also claimed revellers misbehaved on underground platforms and used "vulgar" language in front of children and elderly people.

Several Londoners also reported, via Twitter, that they had seen thousands of Kiwis drunk - but those on the pub crawl reported having an awesome time and police said they were unaware of any issues.

The pub crawl is one of the highlights of the year for many Kiwis in London, and is attended by thousands.

This year, one of the promoters met the High Commissioner, Derek Leask, and the Metropolitan Police before the event to ensure everything was well organised.

However, Mr Clements, a travel adviser, was appalled at what he saw. "I'm just really ashamed. What was going on was totally disrespectful to New Zealand."

A spokesman for the police said no serious incidents had been brought to their attention.

"There is no suggestion they were causing any problems. I'm sure that as disgusting as that [the misbehaviour] would be, it's not the sort of thing we would be made aware of.

"If there was an assault or arrests then, yes, but general 'bad behaviour' is not something we can really take time to go chasing."

He said Mr Clements' claims sounded like "people who have drunk too much".

"As dreadful as it is ... and I wouldn't want to see such a thing, of course ... it sounds like a usual night out in London for people who should know better."

On the event's official Facebook page, many participants thanked the organisers and said they had had a great day.

"I can't believe I survived the Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl this year ... What an amazing day," said one user. "Cheers to the police, who were in fine form, and to everybody who make this day so awesome."

Another posted: "Good work guys. Had a great day ... Wanna say a big thanks to all the awesome police we met out and about yesterday who all told us we were a well-behaved bunch."

Last month, Mr Clements wrote on the Facebook page that it was a shame locals and tourists of London would have their first impression of Kiwis performing a haka drunk. "Have fun embarrassing our country."

Yesterday, he said he first noticed the pub crawlers when he took the Tube into central London.

Drunk Kiwis were running along the platforms, hanging their legs over the sides and yelling obscenities.

"People on the Tube were quite scared," Mr Clements said. "We've just had the London riots and when you see that degree of disorderly people, that does frighten people."

He saw people urinating on a police vehicle, and against the back of Westminster Abbey - in front of two "outraged" elderly volunteer workers.

"A participant abused a landlord of The Red Lion Pub as the participant wanted to use his toilet. The landlord explained the pub was closed due to damage from a number of participants who were in the bar earlier."

Mr Clements said the behaviour was unacceptable. "I'm not an old prude sitting on my laptop writing letters to the High Commissioner; I get on the booze myself. But I just don't want our country to look bad overseas."

He said he did not want to see the pub crawl banned, just more controlled. "It is not a day that should be represented by drunk Kiwis wreaking alcohol-fuelled havoc on the streets of London, and it does nothing for the image of NZ internationally."

A number of others also voiced disgust on Twitter. One wrote: "Group of Kiwi guys really representing NZ well. So f****** wasted on a Waitangi Day pub crawl they just wet themselves outside Subway. Class."

Another wrote: "1000s of drunk Kiwis on the loose."

High Commissioner Leask did not respond to the Herald yesterday but last month he met Clint Heine, who runs the Facebook page offering expats information on the event.

On his blog, Mr Heine wrote they had had "a cup of coffee and a chat".

Last night, he said he received advice "that we try and behave ourselves as much as we can".

Mr Heine also met the police before the crawl and posted on Facebook: "They have let me know that our presence is an event the police look forward to not just observing, but also participating in. Many police are also trying to learn the haka in time ... They have already done all the planning regarding blocking off the area for the haka and have police allocated (many who jumped at being involved)."

I was amazed yesterday, as i observed the crowd at the Black Seeds concert. This was a concert put on by the Auckland City Council. It was supposed to be an alcohol free event - there were booze ban signs everywhere - you could not miss them.

As i sat there on my blanket for hours, i did a lot of people watching. I could not believe the number of people that i saw who were blatantly ignoring the booze ban and had their wine and beer bottles out. What was almost worse though, was the number of people who were quite obviously drinking booze out of plastic cups or sipper bottles in an effort to hide their alcohol consumption from security and the Police. The distinct smell of marijuana was a constant fragrance in the air for the children to enjoy as well.

I commented to T at one stage, as i pointed to a lady who was hurriedly hiding her wine bottle under a sun hat, how sad it is that people cannot even enjoy a day at a park - without booze - and how glad i am that i am no longer one of those people. Things are pretty grim on the whole substance abuse issue for you if you cannot enjoy a family day out where alcohol is clearly banned - without sneaking your wine bottle out for a swig when you think no one is looking.

This morning i have read other bloggers defending these pub crawler's right to behave in the manner described above, and insinuating that the behaviour during this event has been exaggerated by the media.

It's a sad day for New Zealand when we take our culture of substance abuse - as a nation - overseas, and prove that we cannot even enjoy a National Holiday without the whole focus of the day being to get as wasted as possible - and people think that is perfectly normal.

Awesome stuff New Zealand.

Stop Waiting for Perfect Conditions - 1

2012-02-07T07:38:00.000+13:00

'He who observes the wind will not sow.' Ecclesiastes 11:4 NKJV

Too many of us stand on the dock waiting. We want the ship in place, the gangplank perfectly positioned, the weather right and an engraved invitation before we're willing to launch out. It will never happen! Dreams don't move toward us, we have to move toward them. It's time to quit waiting for the ideal circumstances, perfect timing and hundred percent guarantees.

John Maxwell suggests that instead of saying, 'We've never done it before,' say, 'We have the opportunity to be first.' Instead of saying, 'We don't have the resources,' say, 'Necessity fuels invention.' Instead of saying, 'There's not enough time,' say, 'We'll change how we work.' Instead of saying, 'We've already tried that,' say, 'We learned from experience.' Instead of saying, 'We don't have the expertise,' say, 'Let's network with those who do.' Instead of saying, 'Our vendors and customers won't go for it,' say, 'Let's show them the opportunities.' Instead of saying, 'We don't have enough money,' say, 'Maybe there's something we can cut.' Instead of saying, 'We're understaffed,' say, 'We're a lean, hungry team.' Instead of saying, 'It'll never get any better,' say, 'We'll try one more time.' Instead of saying, 'Let somebody else deal with it,' say, 'I'm ready to learn something new.' Instead of saying, 'It's not my job,' say, 'I'll be glad to take the responsibility.' Instead of saying, 'I can't,' say, 'By God's grace I can!'

I. Am. Tired.

That weekend was too busy. Friday night at T's place with his tribe. Driving back and forth between his place and mine - being mother chef, cleaning lady, and taxi service on Saturday. The Lantern Festival on Saturday night, then picking Jorgia up from her dance party at 1am and being kept awake til 5 am by the squealing teenage girls that had invaded my home. I attempted to recover and sleep all day Sunday but it was too hot to sleep. Taxi / chef / cleaning service again yesterday morning - then The Black Seeds concert at Henderson Park yesterday afternoon.

It took everything i had in me not to just fall asleep on the blanket in the middle of the concert! I crashed out at 8pm last night, then had to be up by 6am to beat the traffic and get back home in time to get the girls to school - and get my butt to community service this morning.

I. Am. Tired. Maintaining two households, and keeping 6 kids happy is exhausting.

I need another weekend to recover.

I did though, manage to avoid politics and the idiots on the news yesterday!

Too tired. I need more sleep.

And i didn't even think about the fact that yesterday was the anniversary of a really bad memory - until just now. Waitangi Day three years ago was a day that i thought i would never forget. I had thought that Waitangi Day would always be tarnished with a hideous memory - but it wasn't. I totally forgot about it until just now as i was wracking my brain for something interesting to write about!

Life is awesome.

I'm still tired though.

Auckland Lantern Festival

2012-02-05T18:01:00.000+13:00

Just a few of my photos from our visit to the Lantern Festival last night. I had never been before, and loved it. I think tonight is the last night, so if you are looking for something cheap to entertain the kids - i fully recommend this. Three dollars was enough to delight and entertain T's youngest with her very own lantern - for hours.

It was a very cool evening.

Waitangi Day should be renamed

2012-02-05T15:46:00.000+13:00

Honestly. It doesn't matter if Labour is in power, or National is in power. It doesn't matter what our government has done or what it hasn't done. It doesn't matter who the Prime Minister is. It doesn't matter who is up at Waitangi for the day or who isn't. It doesn't matter what has been sold or what has been kept - it's always the SAME SH*T - different year.

Waitangi: PM rues lost opportunity

Overwhelming protest action forced the Prime Minister to cut short his visit to Te Tii Marae this morning, where Govt-affiliated Maori MPs were singled out for racial abuse.

And just like every other Waitangi Day - I am going to join most of New Zealand in not caring about the meaning of the day and head out to do something with family - like another free concert in the park. I will be doing my best to avoid watching the idiots up North compete to get their idiot faces on the news.

Watch idiots here...

For at least the 22 or so odd years that i have lived in New Zealand it has been exactly the same. Every. Single. Year.

Waitangi day should be renamed - Groundhog Day.

What Stinks

2012-02-05T10:02:00.000+13:00

'Lord, by this time he stinketh.' John 11:39 KJV

Sometimes when we have a problem we do what Mary and Martha did with their deceased brother Lazarus. We bury it and roll a stone in front of it. Then Jesus comes along and tells us to roll the stone away so He can deal with it and make us whole again. It takes honesty, humility and courage to roll away the stone on a stubborn or shaming issue. But you will never become healthy and whole until you are willing to do that. Can you imagine the state Lazarus was in after four days in the grave? Martha said, 'He stinketh.' Yet Jesus said, '...If you [will] believe you [will] see the glory of God' (John 11:40 NKJV).

The great thing about this story is that no matter how far gone your situation may be or how unpleasant it is, Jesus can turn it around for you. But you must be willing to roll the stone away and allow Him to work. If you'll let Him, He can give you back what life has taken from you. People may give up on you but Jesus won't. Have you ever changed a baby's nappy? If anything else smelled that bad you would throw it in the trash, right? But not your child; you love them and you know that with a little help they are capable of outgrowing it and becoming something good.

Like Mary and Martha, you may think it's too late for a miracle, but it's not. Your finances may stink, your relationship may stink, your prospects for the future may stink but, if you will believe, you will 'see the glory of God.'

I love, love, LOVE this one.

My experiences have taught me that no matter how bad things get, how royally we screw up, or how far down a dark road we have travelled - that road is not one way. There is always a u-turn option.

I have gotten friendlier with the "porn star" at community service lately and i was telling her about my past the other day. She could not believe it. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for sharing what i had been through with her. I laughed when she did that and said - it's no secret - it was on the front page of every newspaper and on the 6'oclock news! The look on her face though, when i told her where i was, and what my life was like this time three years ago was so much shock that it was funny.

Everyone had given up on me, including myself, when i was standing on that bridge that day - except Jesus. I had a choice that day - jump - or put my life in His hands. Life is so wonderful now. It is hard to believe. So if anyone is on going proof that, that reading is true - it is me. Things just keep getting better and better, and the future is actually becoming exciting - instead of daunting.

I. Love. It.

Right - didn't have time to write yesterday. I had a busy day with my kids, and then a busy evening with the T's kids. We headed out to the Lantern Festival in Albert Park. We got there nice and early - before dark - because his kidlets get tired pretty early - and stayed till just after dark. That was superb timing because by 9pm it was dark enough for us to have enjoyed all the lanterns, and we were able to get out of there before the crowds absolutely did our heads in.

The kids absolutely loved it. I tried to get mine to come with us but i guess hanging out with mum and T on Saturday night is not so cool. Coley just rolled her eyes at the suggestion, and Jorgia was going to some big underage paint party called Splurge. Don't ask me what a paint party is. I have no idea. All i know is that i am going to have loads of fun today attempting to get all that paint out of her brand new Converse sneakers that i bought her for Christmas and i now have a very colourful bathroom.

Paint. Everywhere.

They had fun though. So much fun that i had to put an end to it when they were all still awake and squealing at the top of their lungs in my lounge - at 5am.

Now my house looks like a teenage body mausoleum. Bodies everywhere.

The T and i are gonna need a bigger house.

Thinking of being unfaithful? This might put you off!

2012-02-03T19:25:00.001+13:00

Phillipa Sturges? Or Krista Allen?

Or does American actress Krista Allen have a twin living in Kaitaia?

Awhile back a woman name 'Phillipa Sturges' added me on Facebook. I really should have remembered my very own tips for recognising fake Facebook profiles when i accepted her friend request - but i didn't really care that her profile looked about as real as one of those bunny rabbit things looks like a real penis. I don't do or say anything on Facebook that is scandalous or exciting so if someone out there that i do not care about wants to waste their time spying on me - so be it. Who cares? Sad for them - and their mental health - pretty much.

I ended up deleting her because it soon became apparent that the woman had about 26 personalities going on. I couldn't keep up.

I noticed "Phillipa Sturges" again the other day when she commented on a friend of mine's page. This happens to be the friend of mine who is currently the latest victim of the crazy stalker and destroyer of the lives of married men that i wrote about last week in my post regarding National PartyVoters most likely to be cheaters.

With me so far?

I promptly warned this friend of mine that i believed Phillipa Sturges to be the psycho woman that has the Police turning up at his work, had attempted and failed to get a protection order on him, had accused him of rape, and was basically just attempting to destroy him - a week after she was begging him to leave his partner.

I can't imagine that if someone had raped me, and scared me enough to have the police turning up at his work, and attempting (but failing) to get a protection order (while i make sure that the legal paperwork is sent to his wife) because i am so scared that he may come back and rape me again - that i would be messaging him, and stalking him with a fake Facebook profile.

Sooooo....Either American actress - Krista Allen has a twin - or that is exactly what that psycho is doing.

I wonder if this woman's lawyer will now believe what a psycho she is - maybe recognise that she lies to EVERYONE - and realise that no reputable lawyer, or even a lawyer with half a brain would enable her behaviour - let alone a friend.

One thing that i have to say about my time involved in that hideous world is this;

After spending two years with hideous people, i now recognise evil pretty fast - which is why i cut this woman out of my life after her suicide attempt when her last married man would not leave his wife, her horribly embarrassing behaviour in a pub one night, and her long and constant history of rape allegations that never come to anything - had me realising that she is nothing but poison to everything and everyone that she comes into contact with. I also declined her recent request resume our "friendship" and i just giggle to myself when i read every nasty comment she leaves on here.

25 of this woman's (at least) 26 personalities are psycho. It is too bad the men that are unlucky enough to meet her can't seem to recognise that prior to her attempts at destroying their lives.

Sometimes i would prefer to just be trusting and believe that everyone has good in them - like i was before my time involved in that world. Then i meet someone like that nutter, and realise that there were good things to take away from that experience!

Thinking of cheating on your partner?

If i was you i would heed this warning regarding exactly what else is out there - that the grass is not greener, it is actually covered in dog poop - and take your lovely other half out on a special date.

Honestly - what kind of NUTTER would do this crap?

Phillipa Sturges - currently in Australia saving her marriage.

***Update***

And poof - Phillipa Sturges disappears from Facebook. Whale Oil did a great post regarding her. He should be a private investigator or something!

Oh how i would love to name this nutjob in order to warn men off her, but i have promised the T that i won't poke sticks at dangerous freaks anymore. :(

What a dope

2012-02-03T12:42:00.001+13:00

Revealed: How cops' man leaked info

A police worker used a colleague's computer log-on to leak confidential information to a target of a major drugs investigation for a promised fee of $5000.

Darren Ian Hodgetts, 34, is likely to escape a prison sentence after admitting he used the national police computer system to look up details of an Auckland man who happened to be under surveillance in Operation Ark, which led to 22 arrests in November.

The 12-month investigation targeted the manufacture and supply of Ecstasy, or pills purporting to be the class-B drug, which were linked to serious aggression that led to people, some just schoolgirls, being taken to hospitals in Auckland and Hamilton.

Hodgetts was one of two non-sworn police staff charged and could lose his job after pleading guilty to accessing the computer system for a dishonest purpose.

Two charges of participating in an organised crime group and perverting the course of justice were dropped and he is likely to be sentenced next month to community work.

Court documents released to the Herald show Hodgetts, who worked as a motorway support officer in Ellerslie, was approached by an associate last July to do a police computer check on Shalendra Singh.

In a bugged phone conversation, Singh allegedly arranged with Hodgetts' associate - who has interim name suppression - to organise a police computer check to establish whether there was any police interest in him.

Singh, 32, allegedly agreed to pay $5000 for the confidential information. At first, Hodgetts was unable to obtain Singh's police file because his security clearance was not high enough. He later checked the database using a computer logged on under a police colleague's identity, in a bid to hide his unlawful access.

Hodgetts also told his associate that if police asked why he was checking on Singh, he would say he had stopped him while on motorway patrol. Hodgetts did another check and printed two pages of information, which was given to his associate and faxed to Singh.

Singh queried the information and said it was worth only $200 - not the $5000 promised.

Singh faces 27 charges including supplying methamphetamine and Ecstasy, as well as money laundering more than $100,000.

There is no suggestion Hodgetts knew Singh was allegedly involved in the drug distribution syndicate.

Hodgetts has previously worked for the Fire Service, St John Ambulance and Surf Lifesaving NZ. His future in the police will be determined after an internal employment hearing after his sentencing.

Defence lawyer Todd Simmonds said Hodgetts was a "decent and generous young man" who had made a serious blunder, for which he was genuinely remorseful.

He was particularly aware that he had breached the trust placed in him by the police and apologised for any harm caused.

The other police employee charged with leaking police information is Timothy John Russell Sarah, 36, who was a prosecutor in the Auckland District Court. He faces 20 charges including possessing and supplying methamphetamine and Ecstasy.

Several Operation Ark accused are company directors who have name suppression until their next hearing on February 20.

About $14 million worth of assets were seized in the raids in November, including homes worth millions, up to $1 million in cash, and luxury cars.

At the time of the arrests, Detective Inspector Bruce Good said the alleged syndicate was pressing tens of thousands of potentially fatal tablets a week, which sold for at least $40 each.

What a dope Darren Hodgetts is. He trusted an illicit drug manufacturer to pay him five thousand dollars - then got ganked for $4800 of that 5k - and lost his career for two hundred bucks.

That is so sad that it is funny, and just goes to show what involving yourself with those kinds of people - and P - will eventually do to your life.

I can't wait for the name suppression to run out on these drug making and dealing "company directors". I knew one of them during my bad old days. His bad choices took years to catch up to him but like always - they eventually did - and in what a spectacular way!

It won't happen overnight - but it WILL happen!

Showing Honest Emotion

2012-02-03T08:53:00.002+13:00

'Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!"' John 11:35-36 NIV

Some of us are like a closed book; people never get to know what's on the inside of us. Jesus was not afraid to be vulnerable. He wept openly at the grave of His friend Lazarus.

So, can you show honest emotion? Do you talk of the trophies you have won but not the tears you have shed? When you speak only of your success but fail to share what you went through to achieve it, you leave people feeling like they'll never be able to rise as high as you have. Is that what you want? Jesus was infuriated when the strong took advantage of the weak; it's why He threw the moneychangers out of the temple. Yet He wept over the people of Jerusalem because He knew what the consequences of their rejection of Him would be. Now we're not talking about displays of uncontrolled temper, or dissolving into tears each time trouble comes. But unless you have the ability to show an appropriate level of empathy and transparency, you will have no credibility.

The Bible says: 'For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven...A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance' (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 NLT). If you are able to be tough but not tender, people may admire your achievements and comply with your instructions, but they will keep you at a distance. And you will be lonely. But it's a self-imposed loneliness brought on by your unwillingness to open up and let them in. Jesus showed honest emotion; you must too.

I will show some honest emotion right now.

Day two of the real world and having to be up, showered, dressed, and ready to go - instead of just dropping the girls off at school in my jammies (passion killers as the T calls them) and fluffy slippers - and going back to bed to blog.

I have even managed to squeeze in the cleaning of a runny cat poop. Why on earth do they ALWAYS poop in the same spot? This spot just happens to be all over the computer cords that plug in to the modem. It amazes me how that smell can hit me like a heat wave as soon as i emerge from my bedroom to make my coffee - yet the girls had been up for an hour and not smelled a thing.

Hmmm.

This is going to age me. I just know it! I am feeling very emotional about cat poop and wanting to go back to bed right now.

Knocking as many hours off the community service as i can before Uni starts so i am outta here.

Will write something interesting later - and hopefully my eyes will be able to open properly by then!

Before You Can Move Ahead

2012-02-02T08:48:00.000+13:00

'Arise...go...to the land which I am giving to [you].' Joshua 1:2 NKJV

Joshua had already tasted the joys of the Promised Land. But then he had to go back and wait until Moses died and every doubter in Israel was buried.

Observe: (1) Some of our old ways must die. Moses represented the old system. It was good for then, but not now. When you align yourself with what was, instead of what is, you're not ready. There are still too many people you need to impress. You're so bound by certain philosophies that, when God says it's time to move, you have to consult somebody else. When God told Joshua, 'Moses My servant is dead...arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them,' there was only one correct response: 'Yes, Lord!' You must honour the past, but not get stuck in it. You must stand on the truth, but seek God for fresh instructions and insights if you're to reach your destiny. (2) Your doubts must be buried. Only two out of the twelve spies who went into the Promised Land believed God would give it to them. The other ten saw giants, caved in to doubt, died and were buried in the wilderness. And every doubt that's holding you back has got to die and be buried too, including the voice of your low self-esteem, your childhood fears, your anxieties and your critics. Gather them up, put them in a box, bury it, stand on top of it and say, 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.'

Before you can move ahead you must understand and live by these principles.

I love that one. That was just what i needed to read this morning.

The holiday is officially over. I woke to noisy teenagers getting ready for school this morning. There was no time for me to lounge around in bed taking my time waking up. I dropped them off at school and Nicole looked so gorgeous in her big girl mufti clothes! Year 13s at Howick College don't wear a uniform. This is the first year ever that Nicole has not worn a uniform and the prospect of that has been the cause of much stress - not to mention much shopping - over the last few weeks.

My Coley's last year of college. That makes me sad.

No more sleep ins for me from now on. I have 180 more hours of community service to get through, and Uni starts in two weeks. I am so excited and what makes it even more exciting is that T is going to be studying with me! A couple of weeks ago we got the ball rolling regarding him reapplying for his practising certificate. We really want to be able to live together, but we both know that we can't do that - successfully and happily - until we are better off financially. This was getting us both down at the end of last year but we have fixed that and have so much to look forward to this year. An answer regarding whether or not he will be able to practise law again will take 6 - 12 months, so in the meantime he is studying the same thing as me - as a back up plan.

This makes the prospect of heading off to Uni a lot less daunting for me. It will be awesome to do this together. I can't wait to get started and this time in two weeks - we will be starting.

First though - those 180 hours of community service.

UGH - Nixon is getting a filthy look from me right now - and he is totally oblivious to it.

Summer is over - i think i blinked and missed it.

Easier said than done

2012-02-01T18:50:00.000+13:00

Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said. - Lemony Snicket

Ugh. Ugh. UGHHHHH.

I was right. The pop up woman and her family are back for good.

The T and i had a lovely afternoon together today. We flea bombed his house. Then we locked it up, left the fleas to die on their own and headed to Western Springs Park for lunch and a big walk with Nixon. We then headed to his kid's school to collect them.

There was no sign of pop up woman - or her kids. We had a great time taking a tour of his children's new classrooms and meeting their teachers. We sat and chatted with another parent - who i am sure was on p - but that is a whole other blog post all together! Then we wandered back to the car and home to the T's place.

I then raced home to pick up my girls and take them shopping for a few things they needed prior to school starting.

As soon as my phone rang and i saw the T's name flashing on it - i knew something was up. He had promised to tell me if he had heard anything and never phones my cell phone.

Sure enough - his girls told him that the whole family is back. The pop up woman's kids are in different classes but they are back. T thought it was strange that we did not see any of them there today - but they are definitely back.

Great.

That means that every single day T is going to have to see a woman that he only relates to his drug and alcohol abuse - a woman that used to laugh and tell him she knew that she was a bad influence on him and the cause of him relapsing. Not to mention the fact that she guilt tripped him and told him how jealous she was when he advised her that he had met someone. His response to that went something like - "HELLO - you are MARRIED".

I know that he wants nothing to do with her. He is being completely honest with me, despite his fear that this will set me back into distrusting and insecure "Michaela mode". I love him to bits for that. He has assured me over and over that even if we were not together and were not so solid - that he would not want her back in his life - that he doesn't even like her.

I am not going to let this bother me anymore. This is nothing more than a relationship test for us. A relationship is nothing if it doesn't have trust - so i have to just be secure in the fact that he loves me, will never be tempted by drugs or alcohol again - or anyone that indulges in that crap - and that we are solid.

No matter what.

That is easier said than done. I so want to Facebook message that banana boobed, cheating, druggie, pop up and ask her what her husband thinks of her chasing the T five minutes after she arrived back in the country!

But. I. Won't.

I will just blog it instead.

Sheesh - i thought i was safe from this kind of stuff when i chose to fall in love with a broke, skinny, nerd.

What are some women like?!?!

In Spite of Yourself

2012-02-01T09:35:00.000+13:00

'...The Good Shepherd...lays down His...life for the sheep.' John 10:11 AMP

There are two ways in which we are like sheep: (1) Without a shepherd to guide us, we get into stuff that hurts us. God has no 'super-sheep'. The Bible says: 'All of us, like sheep, have strayed...We have left God's paths to follow our own...' (Isaiah 53:6 NLT). Like sheep, sometimes we are clueless and headstrong, choosing things that turn out badly unless God intervenes.

(2) Sheep aren't smart enough to hide their shortcomings. Indeed, their willingness to be what they are is one of their strengths. FB Meyer said, 'I used to think God's gifts were on shelves, one above the other, and the taller we grew the more easily we could reach them. I now find they're on shelves, one beneath the other, and it's not a question of growing taller but stooping lower.' Solomon said, '...with humility comes wisdom' (Proverbs 11:2 NLT). Since God already knows everything about you, why bother pretending? Plus, the things you refuse to acknowledge and deal with just stunt your growth and limit your usefulness to God. That's too high a price to pay! God values truth and He expects you to be truthful with Him, other people and yourself. Paul writes: '...express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]...' (Ephesians 4:15 AMP). And James adds: 'Confess your [faults] one to another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed...' (James 5:16 NKJV).

We all have our pluses and minuses. But when you give God all that you are (and aren't!), He will bless and use you in spite of yourself.

We had an awesome time at quiz night last night. The T and i don't go out and do anything very often - for the obvious reason that we just cannot afford to. On the rare occasions that the T and i have argued i have pointed out the fact that we haven't even been on a "date" in 6 months - and how much that sucks. So just heading out to the pub for quiz night last night was exciting, and a special night for us. It was an added bonus that we ended up winning the competition and now have a $100 bar tab to spend next week! That is going to be a lot of Coke and Pizza. Think i will starve myself next Tuesday so that i can eat a whole pizza on my own!

I absolutely deny the rumour that us winning had anything to do with my knowledge of 90s boy bands.

Today - again - feels like the end of an awesome holiday. The girls are back at school tomorrow, so today is going to be spent just getting ready for that. I am back at community service tomorrow. The T's kids started school yesterday, but they were with their mum. He gets them back today - so he will be collecting them from school.

This has brought back the issue of the latest pop up woman. He met her through his kids. Her daughters are the same age as the T's daughters and were in the same classes at school. If this woman has returned from Australia - to live - there is every chance that her children could be back at the same school - meaning T will have to see her every day.

We are hoping that is not the case. It seems to me though, that if she was just back for a holiday, she would have popped up over Christmas. The fact that she turned up at his house a week before school starts would suggest that maybe her husband did give her the boot and she is back here without him - for good.

That will be a challenge - for me.

T doesn't seem worried. He just says that he doesn't like her, doesn't want her in his life, and will tell her that if he sees her. The end - in his mind anyway. I am sure he would feel differently if it was Dan the Policeman (T hates Dan) that was turning up on my doorstep - or i was going to have to see every day! T made sure that would never happen months ago though. He sent a text to Dan suggesting all sorts of stuff could go wrong for him - if i ever heard from him again. I laughed when i read the text that he had sent - in a fit of jealous rage - and said "well that's that - i will never hear from him again now." And i haven't - which is fine. I always said Dan and i were just friends but some friendships run their course - and that one probably had.

T seems to think that because in his mind this woman is nothing to him - that should make her popping back up be nothing to me as well. "A minor irritation that will disappear from the landscape" - is his description of this issue.

MEN!

Anyway - enough babble for one morning.

I have two houses to flea bomb today. T popped in to his place yesterday and there is an infestation. I guess with it being closed up and no one there for a week the fleas got super duper hungry. T's feet and ankles were covered in bites after ten minutes in his home yesterday. Now i am paranoid about my place as well. The last thing we need here is a flea ridden Nixon. His smelly anal glands are bad enough to cope with at the moment!

Pets - who would have them?

On a brighter note - it has been ages since i saw a mouse thanks to Indie - the kitten!

So this is what happened to Ferris Bueller

2012-01-31T13:17:00.001+13:00

This is kinda cool. I loved Ferris Bueller's Day Off. In fact - i think i watched it so many times that i can still recite the whole thing as i watch it.

Then...

And now...

Yep - that takes me back to my teens when there were only two television channels in New Zealand, TV did not even start broadcasting until 3pm, and then some weird looking bird turned it off again at like 10pm!

What a shock to the system that was when i arrived here for a holiday!

My trusty VHS copy of Ferris Bueller's Day Off got me through those hard times.

Give me walking ten miles barefoot in the snow to get to school - like my Dad had to do - any day!

Why You Need Courage - 3

2012-01-31T09:09:00.001+13:00

'Be strong and of good courage, and do it...' 1 Chronicles 28:20 NKJV

In 1955 Rosa Parks was arrested in Alabama for refusing to give her seat on the bus to a white man. Boycotts and bloodshed followed until the US Supreme Court ruled segregation unconstitutional. Later Rosa wrote: 'Knowing what must be done does away with fear. When I sat down on the bus that day I'd no idea history was being made, I was only thinking about getting home. But I had to make up my mind. After many years of being a victim...not giving up my seat, and whatever I had to face afterwards, wasn't important...I felt the Lord would give me the strength to endure whatever I had to face. It was time for someone to stand up - or in my case, sit down.'

Courage is displayed at unexpected moments; what you do in such moments can change you, and those around you. The story's told of a spy who was sentenced to death by a general in the Persian Army. The general had a strange custom of giving condemned criminals a choice between the firing squad and 'the big door'. When the general asked, 'What will it be?' the spy chose the firing squad. Turning to his aide the general said, 'They always prefer the known to the unknown, yet, we gave them a choice.' The aide asked, 'What lies beyond the big door?' The general replied, 'Freedom.' Then he added, 'Few are brave enough to take that door.'

The dividing line between mediocrity and success is courage. That's why David told his son Solomon upon ascending the throne: 'Be strong and of good courage, and do it.'

We had a wonderful - and very busy day yesterday. It was my little 5lb baby's 17th birthday. I cannot believe it - how old she is - and how beautiful she is. I was up early baking her double layer chocolate M and M cake that are a birthday tradition in our home. We did presents and all that jazz and then she went off to have brunch with her Dad's family.

The T and i then packed a picnic and headed out to Papakura to one of those free concerts in the park. Hello Sailor were playing and we got the added bonus of getting to hear one of T's old University friends - Luke Hurley - play as well. We spent about 4 hours lying around on a blanket eating and enjoying the sun and the music. It was absolutely wonderful.

Luke Hurley - chilled out entertainer

Me - chilled out audience

Nicole's friends had organised a surprise party for her so i dropped her off to that. I think she had an awesome time. The bodies of teenage girls are covering every inch of my lounge floor right now. I am stuck in my room until they stir. Apparently they arrived home about 3am. T is still amazed the the laughter and chatter did not wake me. He said it reminded him of the 12 Dancing Princesses.

Today feels like the end of a holiday or something. You know that feeling you get when you have had a really amazing holiday or break, and then you feel like you have dropped back down to earth with a huge thump when you realise you have to face the real world? Yeah - that is the feeling that i have right now.

Quiz night at the pub with mum and Graham tonight. I hope the T lives up to my mother's expectations! She seems to think he is a bit of an intelligent nerd!

Life is so good right now. Go away unexplained depressing feeling!