Wonderings

Legion 2010: Legions of Hypocrisy?????

2010-01-24T19:23:00.000-08:00

Legion
2010
Runtime: 100 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Scott Stewart
Studio: Bold Films
Starring: Paul Bettany & Dennis Quaid
verwon Rating: 6.0

So, I decided to step out and see a movie, today......especially since I am now in an area where I CAN!!!!!!!!!!! After hopping a few buses in the rain, I arrived at the chosen cinema to watch Legion.

What I mainly have to say about this one is, it's not a bad movie and it's not a great movie. There are some neat scenes that definitely make it worth watching. There's a lot of action, so great if you're into that sort of thing.

Brief Synopsis: A fallen angel and some lowly humans are trapped in a diner, fighting the Apocalypse to save an unborn child, whose mother happens to be a waitress there.

There are a few surprises, but if you don't see them coming, it's because you fell asleep and were disturbing the other movie goers with your snoring. And like many movies, there are a lot of cliches and it kind of falls apart in the third act..........and by that, I mean, it just kind of tapers off...........

For me, it just left me thinking they'd cut a vital ending scene or the script writer got bored and just gave up, I'm not sure which!

That's why I gave it a rating of 6.0, there's some good writing and special effects and it takes a different look at religion, with a not so definitive idea of good and bad. This one allows for some shades of gray!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Percy: "I don't give a fuck how long she's been dead, bitch just walked on the ceiling!"

Paranormal Activity2007/ 2009: No Creepy Proclivities!

2010-01-09T16:08:00.000-08:00

2007/2009
Runtime: 86 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Oren Peli
Studio: Blumhouse Productions
Starring: Katie Featherston & Micah Sloat
verwon Rating: 5.0

First, if you are wondering why I list two dates on here, the reason is simple. Due to some issues, such as the budget, this was originally filmed in 2007, but did not make it to theaters until 2009.

Second, what I thought of the movie...........DISAPPPOINTING! After all the hype and people calling it one of the scariest movies EVER, I was hoping for something that might actually get my attention and keep it. That said, NO, this film DID NOT DO IT!

You see EVERYTHING coming, there are NO SURPRISES! It seems to me that they tried to use the most popular elements of other movies, such as The Amityville Horror, and tried to incorporate them into one movie. I realize that attempt was to make a good, scary horror flick, but they failed miserably!

If there is ANYONE in this world, who has EVER watched a ghostly/demonic horror movie and was unable to guess there would be footprints left when Micah pours babypowder on the floor, then they MUST have slept through it!!!

I also realize that they were trying to stick with the supposed elements of the tale, which is why the camera usage is so amateurish. However, they could have incorporated this and done it a little better, so it wouldn't be so damn annoying!

I would also appreciate it if someone could explain to me exactly how a SUPPOSEDLY true story was able to be released with 2 different endings!! There was, of course, the theatrical one and on most DVDs, there is an alternate one that you can watch.

There are very few moments in this movie that even approach being suspenseful, there is NOTHING even close to terrifying about it.

Besides, don't ya just love when these wonderful entities perform ON CUE, ALL THE TIME? Hell, it's almost like they knew a camera crew was going to be there!!!

The cliches and overall NON-CREEPINESS is what caused me to give this one a rating of 5.0. It's watchable, but not one that will make your repeat viewing list.

If you want something interesting to watch, try Ghost Adventures from The Travel Channel. I mean, it has all the same issues as any other completely unbelievable paranormal reality thing, but at least Zak Bagans is HOT!!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Micah, while waiting on the psychics arrival: "You'd think he'd be able to predict that the traffic is going to be bad!"

Angels & Demons 2009: A Good Watch If You Can Ignore the Religious Junk!

2009-11-29T16:16:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 138 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Ron Howard
Studio: Columbia Pictures
Starring: Tom Hanks & Ewan McGregor
verwon Rating: 7.0

I loved the Angels & Demons book by Dan Brown, so I wanted to see if this movie was just as good. This is one instance, where I can honestly admit to being pleasantly surprised!!! Not only was it a decent movie, but due to runtime, it was actually an improvement, as it removed a lot of the bloat that the novel suffered from.

In this movie, our hero, Robert Langdon, played by Tom Hanks and whom we became familiar with in The Da Vinci Code, is called upon by the Vatican to help find the kidnapped Perferitti.

Do I really need to add that it all ties into an ancient scientific sect called the Illuminati and he discovers a conspiract? Nah, didn't think so!

I'll stop there, but just allow me to say that there are some twists and turns, so the ending will probably surprise you!

Since I'm not a fan of the religious overtones and think both the movie and book would have done just as well with less of them, I rated this movie a 7.0.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Robert Langdon (to prominent leaders of the Vatican): Oh geez! You guys don't even read your own history do you?

Lies & Illusions 2009: Alternate Title "My What a Delusion!"

2009-11-29T15:44:00.001-08:00

2009
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Tibor Takacs
Studio: Grand Army Entertainment
Starring: Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding Jr.
verwon Rating: 1.0

While I found the premise of this movie interesting, I was severely disappointed in the movie itself.

To sum it up, they used ALL of their limited budget in getting Christian Slater, Cuba Gooding Jr. and the fancy cars they use in almost all scenes and left NOTHING for anything else!!

I just can't believe no one would open their wallets and hand then $5, it would have greatly improved the movie.

The female leads were both just AWFUL! These women couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag, so who in the hell expected them to be able to act? The only person who actually used an iota of talent in this movie was Christian Slater, it seems everyone else just gave up!!! (He did his job, which is why I gave it a rating of 2.0)

Do you remember those old cap guns we had when we were kids? The ones that used those little red rolls? Yes?? Well, it seems the sound effects department did, too, because that's exactly what all the gun shots in the movie sounded like.

It is pretty sad when you watch a movie and even the car crash SUCKS!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Wes Wilson: "I've care about two women in my life and they've both lied to me, not little white lies, big huge getcha killed kind of lies!"

Things Movies Have Taught Me: Part 1

2009-11-19T17:57:00.000-08:00

I used to watch movies, a lot of movies, then for awhile, for various reasons, I got out of the habit. Having recently gotten back into them, I've also remembered all those interesting little movie quirks that any movie lover notices, you know, those crazy absurdities that make absolutely NO sense, but seem to be include in an inumberable number of motion pictures, anyway. It's almost as if the writers and directors are running a test, to see exactly how long we'll put up with them!

(I've listed this post as part 1, because I am CERTAIN that more will pop-up very soon!)

That said, here's a some of my favorites:

1)Ladies, if a deranged killer starts chasing you, while you are wearing high heels and you have to run, WHATEVER you do, DO NOT kick off those shoes........I mean, after all, you spent a lot of money for that high-fashion footwear and sore, cut-up feet are WORSE than death anyday!

2)If you are on foot and the person you are chasing jumps in a car, ALWAYS chase the car on foot.......don't worry, you'll ALWAYS figure out where they are headed, regardless of how fast they speed away from you!

3)If someone kidnaps your child, you MUST go nuts and go on the defensive.....ignore EVERYTHING the police and negotiators tell you, you WILL always know exactly what to do!

4)If you move into a house that has EVER had anything remotely to do with dead bodies, even though the place has been peaceful and quiet for the past 150 years, this WILL change as soon as you move in!

5)You can pick-up a gun, any gun, and even though you have NEVER touched one in your life, don't worry, when you need it, you WILL KNOW how to use it!

6)If you throw your laptop across the room, it WILL NOT break and please, ignore the battery that flew out, it will be back in place by the time you pick it up!

7)Cell phone batteries last FOREVER.........unless you are in an emergency situation where you REALLY need it, then it will die IMMEDIATELY!

8)If you don't believe in God, he will suddenly decide to give you his powers......if you're a raving lunatic who wants to kill people, then all the better! (contributed by Tom)

9)When the end of the world is coming, the knowledge will be granted to someone who is already losing it, that way we don't have to believe them and go through all the fuss and bother.!

10)You CAN hang around outside windows watching women get undressed and they will NEVER notice!

11)No pregnancy actually lasts for 9 months! (Most women could get behind this idea!)

12)ALL children are geniuses, if you think yours isn't, then cleary the fault lies with you!

13)No matter how much you drink or how many drugs you ingest, you WILL NOT die........unless it is EXACTLY the right moment for you to do so. (Same for heart attacks, cancer and anything else you can think of!)

14)Pardoxes DO NOT occur because of time travel, so feel free to enjoy yourself and do as you wish!

15)If a hotel pool disappears and is found on a desert planet, it needs no maintentance, it will still be as full of crstyal clear water as it was the day it happened!

16)Werewolves aren't REALLY bad creatures, they are just misunderstood. (Vampires are also good at heart and will fall in love with you and make all your dreams come true!)

17)True love ALWAYS works, it doesn't matter if you hate each other for other reasons, it just will.........BUT ONLY if it's TRUE love, so if you lost the girl, then you never really loved her to begin with, you schmuck!

18)An engagement or marriage done under false pretenses was fate...you were just MEANT to be together!

19)If you're poor, just relax..fame and fortune are waiting right around the corner.......LITERALLY!

20)Women always flash their breasts and/or strip for rock stars! (Apparently, we also give them blow-jobs in elevators!)

I know there are tons more, feel free to add yours in the comments or suggest them to me for the next post!

Shrink 2009: It WILL Shrink Your Mind!!!

2009-11-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 104 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Jonas Pate
Studio: Ignite Entertainment
Starring: Kevin Spacey
verwon Rating: 4.5

The first thing I have to say about this movie is IT IS SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Seriously, it is slower than snail mail during a snow storm! (Or any other type of weather, because we all KNOW the "Postal Creed" is B.S.!) As if the very slowness of it isn't bad enough, they really, I MEAN REALLY tried to toss in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many elements, many of which aren't explained, it's just kind of supposed that you'll figure them out on your own.

This of course leaves us with a very rushed ending, because they're trying to wrap everything up, so 10 years worth of details are condensed down to less than 10 minutes!! (I know, sometimes when I am working I WISH I had a time-warp like this!)

The movie can be summed up pretty simply, the shrink himself loses it and has to get his brain back and this, of course, is another topic that's been done in the movies 2 million times already........perhaps that's why they tried to toss in so much other stuff?? One can only hope they had some rational reason for it, however, as a writer myself, I'd have left some stuff for a future script!!!

So, basically, the entire movie is what caused me to rate it only a 4.5 and I am thinking that's pretty generous!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Jack: "This guy sees more puss than a litterbox!"

Oh and you'll want to keep your eye out for the amazing disappearing and reappearing script as well as for when the writer tosses his closed laptop on the floor and the battery flies out........only to pick it up 2 seconds later, it's open and on and the battery is NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! WOW! Now THAT'S movie magic!!

Star Trek 2009: Answering Questions and a Good Movie!

2009-11-17T18:58:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 127 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: J.J. Abrams
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Starring: Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto
verwon Rating: 9.5

If you were a fan of the original Star Trek, then you will definitely like this movie. Remember those unanswered questions, like wondering what the Kobayashi Maru test was and how James T. Kirk, played by Chris Pine, managed to be the only one to beat it? Well, you'll get the answer to that one in this movie and find out how he became the youngest, ever Starfleet captain!

Not only that, but they also managed to fit in a great scene with an antique car, the abuse of said car, the wrecking of this very vehicle, an awesome flying motorcycle and lots of stunning visual effects and explosions to round it all out. Most of the young actors did quite well in managing to match their counterparts from The Original Series and Motion Picture Collection, except for Bones, played by Karl Urban, he just seemed to be lacking that same snippy attitude of the original Dr. McCoy. This is why I only rated it a 9.5, the rest of the movie was REALLY good!

I also have to wonder what we're supposed to think of Spock's love affair? It was never mentioned in the original series........is this related to that time thing??

And what's up with the brain slugs? Personally, if these things really exist......I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, THANKS!! (Keep it to yourself...NO, really, I MEAN IT!)

BEST MOVIE LINE: Kirk: (in reference to Spock)"Who was that pointy-eared bastard?"

The Proposal 2009: Everyone's Dream....MARRY ME OR ELSE!!!!

2009-11-15T18:01:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 108 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Anne Fletcher
Studio: Touchstone Pictures
Starring: Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds.
verwon Rating: 8.0

Okay, there have been MANY 'we HAVE to get married' movies, so I admit to some trepidation when I decided to watch this, however, I am pleased to report that it was, another, pleasant surprise.

To sum it up, Margaret Tate, played by Sandra Bullock, is about to be deported to Canada, but doesn't want to leave the U.S. and lose her high-powered job, so she bullies her assistant, Andrew Paxton, played by Ryan Reynolds, into agreeing to marry her and this is where the hilariity begins.

Ever watch a guy make a woman propose, on her knees, on a busy, public street? No?? Then you won't want to miss this one, it's well worth the watch.

Everyone knows I'm a big fan of sarcasm and that's where I found this movie to be MOST original, many writers and directors tend to shy away from it, I suppose because they think it will go over the average movie-goers head, but this movie embraced it and did so VERY well. The snappy comebacks were very witty and kept you waiting in anticipation of the next good line!

I rated this one an 8.0, simply because it's not a GREAT movie and the story line has been done so many times, but if you like humor and sarcasm, you will enjoy this movie.

My main question is, if he was going to make her propose, as I mentioned above, then what the hell was going on at his parent's house that made him give her the bed and sleep on the floor? When did he suddenly become the gentleman?

For men, and some women, if you need further incentive to watch this movie, it does have a MOSTLY NAKED Sandra Bullock!!! (Personally, I have no complaints about the mostly naked Ryan Reynolds!)

I also find the scene interesting where she, supposedly, just wakes up and her hair's a mess, but her eye makeup is PERFECT.....guess we aren't supposed to notice this.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Margaret: ""You touch my ass one more time, I will cut your balls off while you sleep!"

P.S. Don't miss the 'exotic' dancer scene!!

Hardwired 2009: We're In Your Brain..........BUY OUR STUFF!!!

2009-11-15T17:09:00.001-08:00

2009
Runtime: 94 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Ernie Barbarash
Studio: Insight Film Studios
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr. & Val Kilmer
verwon Rating: 6.0

How strange that would be, to wake up in the hospital after a car wreck, in which you lost your pregnant wife and have no memory of her, but yoiu suddenly start seeing holographic ads everywhere you look!! Ads that WON'T quit, until you obtain the product, one way or another! Kind of can't blame the guy for getting JUST A LITTLE pissed off. That is exactly what happens in this movie to Luke Gibson, played by Cuba Gooding Jr.

The basic problem with this movie, of course, is the fact that the whole 'messing with the human brain' thing has been done MANY times, it's not the first time we've seen some type of microchip implanted to suit someone else's nefarious purposes, I will give them credit, though, since the idea of using it for advertising was a new one, mostly they just try to turn the person into the 'perfect weapon' or something. That's why I gave this movie a rating of 6.0, it's okay to watch, but certainly not the best or most original out there.

There were a few amusing moments, even though it is supposed to be a serious movie, such as during the beginning credits where you see some big name product placement, such as Aquafina advertised on the side of a gazelle and the moon turned into a giant Pepsi logo. Seriously, I wish I had thought of this stuff....then I wouldn't have to write this blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd also like to add that the exploding heads were a VERY nice touch!

My main question about this movie is: What's up with Val Kilmer??? Did they forget to bring a hairbrush???

BEST MOVIE LINE: Drake: "Take it from me, this is gonna hurt!"

Hyenas The Movie! A New Take on an Old Legend.

2009-11-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

Hyenas
COMING SOON! (2009)
Director: Eric Weston
Starring: Costas Mandylor & Derrick Kosinski
Company: Entertainment Lab

This movie HAS NOT been released, yet, but if you click the link above, you can view the 'unofficial' trailer on Youtube.

This movie is based on a very, old legend regarding roving bands of shape-shifters, who go from being people to being Hyenas. It's kind of a werewold-esque concept, but it does look promising! I think it'll be fascinating to see if they can add more new ideas to an ancient movie concept, because the basic Werewolf movie has been out for a long time, it's been done and REDONE!

You can catch movie news at their official Hyenas site and follow them on Twitter for updates.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......perhaps this means that @Cammmalot WAS right and body hair IS making a comeback!!!

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The X-Files: I Want to Believe 2008: If Only You Were Believable!!

2009-11-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

2008
Runtime: 108 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Chris Carter
Studio: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation
Starring: David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson
verwon Rating: 2.0

Let's see, as a fan of the series in it's early years, what can I say about this movie? Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....the dead bodies were EXCELLENT!!

Seriously, you know how, when the first movie came out, they kind of destroyed the series and made it even WEIRDER than usual? Well, they just continued that with this one. NOTHING makes sense, but somehow, Mulder, played by David Duchovny, thinks it does and tugs are every damn string he can find to try and make his theories work.

Scully, played (no surprise here) by Gillian Anderson, is in love with him, but he could tell her a scorpion is scaling her head and, even as it stings her eyeball, she wouldn't believe him. (I gotta tell ya, THAT'S LOVE!!!)

I do have to admit, however, that the 2-headed dog is a VERY nice touch!

That said, no, the movie ISN'T very entertaining, this could have all been condensed into 1 demented episode that we'd have all regretted watching, anyway, so I gave it a 2 and ONLY because those dead bodies were REALLY realistic!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Mulder: "If it were me, I'd be on the guy 24/7, I'd be in bed with him kissing his holy ass!" upon finding out the former Priest is a pedophile "Maybe I'd stay out of bed with him!"

I Love You, Man! 2009: The Ultimate Bromance Movie!!!!

2009-11-14T17:02:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 105 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: John Hamburg
Studio: Dreamworks SKG
Starring: Paul Rudd & Rashida Jones
verwon Rating: 9.0

Okay, this is just a funny movie, it's well done, the acting is great and the story line is something we are ALL familiar with....the infamous BROMANCE!!

The basic premise is, Peter Klaven, played by Paul Rudd, gets engaged and realizes he has NO close male friends to be in the wedding party, let alone someone to ask to be his best man. Thus, he embarks on a series of "man dates" to try to find that 'special' someone. His hilarious misadventures will have you laughing throughout the movie!!!

I am picky about comedies, because I am not generally entertained by stupid, I like stuff to actually be FUNNY and this movie does, definitely, achieve that. I was particularly fond of the 'bromance' break-up scene, you can definitely recognize EVERYTHING that occurs, unless you've NEVER, EVER dated someone.

The most hilarious aspect of the movie, is when his fiance, Zooey, played by Rashida Jones, says she was once involved with a man who didn't like blow-jobs...................PURE FICTION! Any straight woman who's been involved, sexually, with a man can tell you that such a creature DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!

Lou Ferrigno, aka the original Incredible Hulk, also has a great role in this movie.

Since the movie is just a touch sappy for my taste, I gave it a rating of 9.0.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Sydney: "What the fuck is there to do at Legoland that you take these kids there every weekend?"

Taken 2008: Enraged Father Strikes Again!!

2009-11-14T16:31:00.000-08:00

2008
Runtime: 93 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Pierre Morel
Studio: Europa Corp.
Starring: Liam Neeson & Maggie Grace
verwon rating: 8.0

This is another movie that I was very pleasantly surprised by, since I quite expected yet another crazy kidnapping movie, a la Mel Gibson in Ransom , you know that lovely insane quality that he's so good at and if oft copied, but never quite mastered in other movies?

This one, however, is quite different in both the reason for his daughter's kidnapping, as well as how he reacts to it and goes about looking for her. Liam Neeson plays the part of the father, Brian Mills, very uniquely. He doesn't attack the problem with seeming insanity made worse, but rather in a matter of fact manner, as if to say "This is what I know how to do and I am just going to do it."

I do, admit, that the kidnapping of a child plot is a complete rehash, it has been done so many times that it's just not possible to keep it completely new and fresh, so there are of course some similarities here with other, related, movies, which is why I only rated it an 8.0. It's worth the watch, but will not make it on your favorites list.

I do have one big question though, why do almost ALL action movies, at some point, show someone ON FOOT chasing a SPEEDING CAR? Come on film makers, we all know by now that they ARE NOT going to catch the car...and NO! You won't fool us by changing it to a bus, train or any other type of vehicle in your next movie...just give it up already!!!!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Amanda: "Come on, you gotta lose it sometime, might as well be in Paris!" (Referring to Kim's virginity!)

Slumdog Millionaire 2008: Yep, he earned it!

2009-11-09T18:16:00.000-08:00

2008
Runtime: 120 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director(s): Danny Boyle & Loveleen Tanden
Studio: Celador Films
Starring: Dev Patel
verwon rating: 8.5

I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised by this movie, it was much different than I expected and turned out to be quite good. (Frankly, after watching "Pandemic 2009" I am REALLY glad I rented this in the same night, so the evening wasn't a total loss!) From what I'd heard about it and read on Twitter I was expecting something that was much more focused on a stupid gameshow. (Have you seen some of the questions people get wrong on there? Have they been living in caves their whole lives?)

The basic concept of this movie is that a teen from the slums of Mumbai gets on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and, somehow, he knows all the correct answers. When the police pick him up and torture him, suspicious that he's cheating, we learn how he knows them.

I'm not sure what the purpose of the dance scene at the end of the movie was........but it sure as hell looked fun! I'm also thinking that the group of people in the credits who were all just listed under the title "Javed's Goons" had to feel REALLY special!!!!

My question: Before this movie, COULD YOU have named The Three Musketeers?

For the the fact that they made this movie completely interesting, I gave it a rating of 8.5, I would have given it a big higher, but some of the violence depicted wasn't really necessary to the plot, they could have left it out and the movie would have been just as good.

BEST MOVIE LINE(S): Jamal: "I love you!" Latika: "So what!"

Pandemic 2009: ..........Can they make them any worse?

2009-11-09T17:54:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 90 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Jason Connery
Studio: Hollywood Phoenix Studios
Starring: Alesha Rucci (under Alesha Clark) & Graham McTavish
verwon Rating: 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000

Okay, before watching this movie, I'd have SWORN there were limits to how bad any movie could be.......but this one proved me wrong....VERY WRONG!

This is, quite possibly, the worse I've ever watched!!!!! (Hell with that, IT IS the WORST I have EVER watched!) The acting is awful, the filming is awful, the directing is awful and the music is, if possible, even worse!

DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT waste your time, I lost 90 minutes of my life that I can never regain and the horrible memory of watching this thing will linger, for a long time to come, like the aftertaste from cheap beer.
This movie is SO bad, that I wish someone from the studio would reimburse me the $1 plus sales tax that I wasted to rent it.

A group of kindergarden children could have put together a better production AND written a better script!!!!

I'm almost embarassed (HA! FORGE THE ALMOST) to admit I actually watched this pathetic attempt at a movie!

That said, I gave it a rating of 0!

BEST MOVIE LINE: HA! THERE WEREN'T ANY!

Crank 2006: ...Just Good for a Laugh!

2009-11-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

2006
Runtime: 87 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Mark Neveldine
Studio: Lionsgate
Starring: Jason Statham & Amy Smart
verwon Rating: 5

Okay, the basic idea of this movie is simple, a hitman, Chev Chelios, played by Jason Statham, pisses someone off and gets poisoned, in order to stay alive, he has to keep his adrenalin up and run around like a maniac. (A role he pulls off VERY well, might I add!)

The way this movie was recommended to me was "This is NOT a good movie, it's just a fun, over the top romp!" and I have to agree with that statement WHOLEHEARTEDLY! So, if you're looking for a good movie, forget this one, but if you just want something that'll make you laugh for the duration, it's well worth the watch.

It seems that, for this movie, the writers and director just decided to see if they could put EVERYTHING that's too far out there to be put in a good movie, all into this one and get away with it.

Another way it was explained to me in the recommend: "You can almost hear the director, off camera, laughing with glee!"

Seriously, I can't think of any other movie, without an X rating, in which you get a boob shot, quite a few ass shots, sex on the sidewalk in front of an audience and an obvious raging hard-on in quite a few scenes, what more could anyone ask for?

On top of this, we get country music star, Dwight Yoakam, playing the role of Dr. Miles, which he does wonderfully (He's also a much better actor than singer!) and possibly the WORST cell phone ringtone you'll ever hear.

That said, the pure fun and laughter this movie provided me with caused me to rate it at 4.0!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Chev Chelios: "Wanna hold hands?" said as he tosses a severed hand at someone.

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Damien Cripps Band........NO! NO! NO! NOT the antichrist Damien......the SINGING DAMIEN!

2009-11-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, I think we've already established that I'm picky about EVERYTHING, from my friends to movies and from music to men. (Yeah, I can't stand most of you........okay, so I can only stand about 2 of you.......DEAL WITH IT!!!!!) That's why, most of the time on Twitter, when someone sends me a link asking me to give a listen to their music, I find myself cringing. I always have this fear that I am going to click through and find noise akin to my dad and his friend tossing stuff around her salvage yard blasting through my speakers.

I am, however, happy to say that when people started tweeting about The Damien Cripps Band I was VERY pleasantly surprised! Not ONLY does it all ACTUALLY sound like music, but the vocals are also excellent and, if you're feeling so inclined, you can dance to some of it. (Although a drink or two might not hurt with such an endeavor!)

You can give them a listen on the Damien Cripps Band My Space page and I really hope you enjoy their music as much as I do!

The Taking of Pelham 123 2009: ...and typecasting and more typecasting!

2009-11-08T17:49:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 106 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Tony Scott
Studio: Columbia Pictures
Starring: Denzel Washington & John Travolta
verwon Rating: 7.5

The basic story line of this movie is not new, a lunatic, Ryder, played by John Travolta hijacks a subway car and holds the passengers hostage, he ends up communicating with Walter Garber, played by Denzel Washington, who is under investigation for taking a bribe. It has all the typical aspects you expect from a movie of this type:

Ryder gets attached to Walter and doesn't want to talk to anyone else.

Ryder is a real bad-ass who kills a few random people.

There area few dramatic pauses, where they play the appropriate dramatic music to get your attention and make sure you don't miss what's going on.

Even though less than 30 seconds has passed since they showed you why a police car and motorcycles are speeding through the city, they make sure to label it with a green flag on-screen that says "Money Transfer," in case your memory doesn't last that long.

A man chases a car on foot.

Ryder decides that the only acceptable person to deliver the ransom is Walter Garber.

I don't even have to finish here, you can figure out the rest of the movie based on prior roles played by both John Travolta and Denzel Washington, who have let themselves become hopelessly typecast, so they NEVER branch out and play any other types of characters.

Is it worth a watch? Yes! Is it a great movie? NO! It's decent, but it's not great. There have been so many similar movies out that you can guess the ending and approximately 80% of the dialogue, so I gave it a rating of 7.5.

(Tip for writers and directors.....a new twist would be a GREAT IDEA!)

BEST MOVIE LINE: Ryder: "He's got a sexy voice, though man, he'd be my bitch in prison."

IMPORTANT MOVIE LESSON: 'Wall Street guys take ass models to Aspen for weekends!'

The Haunting in Connecticut 2009:......And a repeat of a repeat of a repeat........

2009-11-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 92 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Peter Cornwell
Studio: Lionsgate
Starring: Virginia Madsen & Kyle Gallner
verwon rating: 2.0

Supposedly, this movie is based upon a true story, the eerie events that take place when Sara Campbell, played by Virginia Madsen, rents a house for her family, so they can live closer to the hospital where her son, Matt Campbell, played by Kyle Gallner, is receiving a new, experimental, cancer treatment. The 'perfect' house in these scenarios, ALWAYS has to have had some type of creepy past, in this case, it housed dead bodies as a mortuary and unsurprisingly, it was later found that some weird stuff had happened there and the owner had buried caskets SANS the requisite bodies. It is also NOT surprising, that up to the time these supposed haunting incidents took place, said bodies HAD NEVER been found.

I know you've all read my reviews where I rant about cliches and please allow me to assure that this is another movie COMPLETELY FULL OF THEM! It has EVERYTHING, aside from what I mentioned already, they threw in: reasons the kid was not believed right away, bugs, bumping into a preacher who just happens to understand such things, a soul that MUST be freed and a solution that turns out to be incorrect. What more could you want in a horror movie?

The only different twist I could find is that, at the end, they claim that when they finally eliminated the haunting, the boys cancer disappeared right along with it and he was instantly happy and healthy!

Basically, what I'm saying is if you've seen one, folks, you've seen them all, so save your money!!!!

It even has the basic horror movie lessons:

In a creepy house, NEVER look under the bed!
Avoid any enclosed spaces, such as closets and dumbwaiters AT ALL COSTS!
Never glance in your rearview mirror and heaven help you if you turn your head and look in the backseat!
Preachers know ALL and religion solves EVERYTHING!
Never live where dead bodies where EVER located for ANY reason or nearby such a location!
Could on ALL electronics to go completely wonky and lights to just DIE for NO reason!
There WILL be bats AND bugs!
Closets and attics are ALWAYS a BAD choice!
Any home you can't afford, anyway, will always be too good to be true
There WILL be dead bodies in your walls!

Overall, since the active was good and the film well made, I have it a 2.0, but I can't go any higher, since it is a "been there, done that!"

BEST MOVIE QUOTE: Matt Campbell: One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came and killed those two dead boys.

Valkyrie 2008: ....and an Ego too Big for the Big Screen!

2009-11-06T18:15:00.000-08:00

2008
Runtime: 121 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Bryan Singer
Studio: United Artists
Starring: Tom Cruise & Kenneth Branagh
verwon rating: 7.0

Since my father was in World War 2 and I have spent most of my life listening to the true historical facts of what took place, I am fascinated by anything concerning it, including museum displays and movies. This movie is based on a true story, an attempted assassination attempt on Adolph Hitler by members of his own Nazi forces. This was the last of many attempts by his own people to eliminate Hitler's hold on Germany, known as Operation Valkyrie, it is perhaps the most-well known and best documented.

Tom Cruise plays the role of Colonel Claus Von Stauffenberg, who is basically the mastermind of the assassination attempt and this is where the movie loses a little of its possible luster. In my opinion, it's been many years since Tom Cruise has been able to let go of his ego long enough to really immerse himself in ANY role!! Even when the rest of the movie is historically accurate and the other actors are superb, this always detracts from how well it could have been. To really enjoy a movie, we want to lose ourselves in the lead character and forget that we are, indeed, just sitting and watching something on a screen.

The other thing I noticed is there is NO spoken German and no German accents throughout the movie.......now, call me picky, but since this WAS a historical movie about Nazi Germany, this would have added to the authenticity. However, even if they though chose NOT to make it a foreign language film, more than likely hoping it would appeal to a broader audience, I'm thinking they could probably have left out the actors with the English and Irish accents.......you know, being as it IS a movie about GERMANY!!!!! A mix of accents, NONE OF THEM BEING GERMAN, really kind of made it an odd watch!

That said, the movie is done decently, it stays true to history, both with the store line as well as the props, so overall I rank it a 7.0, it's decent, but could have been better!

BEST MOVIE QUOTE: Colonel Claus Von Stauffenberg: " I am involved in high treason with all means available to me. Can I count you in?"

Gran Torino 2008: The Only Difference Between Men and Boys........

2009-11-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

2008
Runtime: 116 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Clint Eastwood & Bee Vang
Studio: Matten Productions
verwon rating: 10

Adopting the premise that I've yet to see Clint Eastwood make a really bad movie, though some of his Westerns were a bit cliched, I decided this was a must watch and I was not disappointed. Once again, Mr. Eastwood, who also stars in the film, has pulled off an excellent production.

When you're an old curmudgeon, Walt Kowalski, (Clint Eastwood) who decides helping a misguided kid, Thao, (Bee vang) is better than having him arrested, what do you? Well, apparently, you slap the teen with all of your bitterness and somehow, IT WORKS! I never realized this, but it seems teens must really respond to a bad attitude.....perhaps more of us should try it! Oh, and you also use what you know, the cherry Gran Torino that you helped build and bought off the assembly line back in 1972, coupled with hard work.

As you start watching this movie, it may seem cliched, but having been in the movie industry for so long, cliches are on thing that Clint Eastwood is VERY familiar with and if you keep watching through to the end, you'll find yourself surprised!

I expected a real tear-jerker here, I mean, when he lent that kid that car..........I was so afraid he was going to scratch it, but, thankfully, my fears were unfounded!

All in all, a great watch and it definitely earns a rating of 10 from me!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Walt kowalski: "Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me."

Land of the Lost 2009 .......and the lame!

2009-11-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 102 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Brad Silberling
Studio: Universal Pictures
Starring: Will Ferrell, Anna Friel and Danny McBride
verwon rating: 1.0

Since I grew up watching the original series, Land of the Lost, I felt that watching this movie was a MUST...........and YES, I seriously regret that imperative urge. I realize this movie was intended as a comedy, however, the humor is SEVERELY lacking. The ONLY explaination I can possibly think of is that the writers AND director forgot that there is an extremely fine line between funny and just plain stupid!!!

The original series was never THAT good, but the movie version moved far, far into territory that I can only describe as completely LAME! I admit, they used every possible thing they could think of to try to cash-in on this movie; it contains everything from scantily clad women to the old icons that those of us who grew up in the 60's and 70's will remember, such as a sign from an old '76 Mobile, Big Boys Burgers, a giant Ferris Wheel and a well-timed reference to weed. For those even older, they've thrown in some show tunes and Boogie Woogie Bugle boy......even going as far as including a stunning *cough* rendition of the original theme song, performed by Dr. Rick Marshall, the character played by Will Ferrell. But, all in all, this movie is an EPIC FAIL that does not even begin to live up to it's hype!.

I do find myself with several questions, though:

1) What type of stain repellant did Holly Cantrell, (Anna Friel) use on that shirt to keep it white through all of that? None of the rest of us would have managed to do so.

2) Why, in a desert environment, did that hotel pool never evaporate and how did it stay so pristine?

3) Why did Dr. Rick Marshall, (Will Ferrell) not get a giant welt on BOTH places the mosquito bit him and why didn't it itch?

The laughs in this movie were just incredibly lacking and the few good lines were mostly delivered by the secondary character Will Stanton, played by Danny McBride. The only reason I've even bother to give it a rating of 1.0 is because, for the VERY few seconds he was onscreen, Leonard Nimoy did an excellent job as The Zarn.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Will Stanton: "Wadda ya know, this is one of those situations where dumping piss on your head's a bad idea!"

Dear Hollywood: Thanks for completely ruining yet ANOTHER of our cherished childhood memories!

The Eels Hombre Lobo: Werewolves and Lust!

2009-11-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

This band was recommended to me by a close friend after I told him I was looking for some new, GOOD music to listen to. (Yes, call me funny, but I prefer my music actually sound like MUSIC and not just the random noise generated by garbage trucks emptying dumpsters in front of cheap tenements, just a funny quirk I have!)

The message I received was something along the lines of: "The new album by The Eels, Hombre Lobo is AWESOME!" and since I really respect this person's opinion when it comes to anything related to music and movies, I hunted up their site http://www.eelstheband.com/main.php and gave it a listen as soon as I got home. (Since I was stranded somewhere for the night, I admit this took several hours and I was very impatient by the time I finally arrived somewhere with an internet connection!)

I went to their site, I clicked on one of the videos to give them a listen and I WAS IMMEDIATELY HOOKED! I ended up following their link and rushing to purchase the ENTIRE album.

The Eels leader, Mark Oliver Everett, aka E, is a very talented songwriter who really understands what goes on in the minds of men and woman and how they toy with each other. Who else could write a song such as "Fresh Blood," which includes wildly chilling howls and yet, on the same album, pen a song like "In My Dreams," where a man realizes that everything he wishes would happen with the girl of his dreams is nothing more than a fantasy?

When you check them out, you should also give their other albums a listen, they are all well worth your time and will not pain your eardrums at all. Why, how can you resist with other song titles like:

"Son of a Bitch"
"Old Shit/New Shit"
"World of Shit"
"The Medication is Wearing Off"
and "My Beloved Monster"

I mean seriously, if these aren't some romantic, heart wrenching titles, then I just don't know where your mind is at!

On my musical ratings scale, I give The Eels Hombre Lobo a full 10!!!!!

Knowing 2009: Dilapidated House and Creepy Bunnies!

2009-11-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

2009
Runtime: 121 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Alex Proyas
Company: Summit Entertainment
Starring: Nicolas Cage and Chandler Canterbury
verwon rating: 5.5

Being a big fan of Nicolas Cage, I've been impatiently awaiting my chance to watch this movie since I first heard of it and saw the trailers, so when I carried the rented DVD home today, I had to watch it immediately. It is your basic, apocalyptic thriller, so my conspiracy theorist friends, you'll all LOVE it.

The movie begins with a scene from 1959, where a class is creating content for a time capsule, which is to be opened by another class, 50 years in the future. A contest was held to find the best idea on what content the children would inter and the winner was a nervous, frightened young girl named Lucinda Embry, (Lara Robinson) whose idea was that they should all draw pictures of how they think the future will look. At the moment of creation, however, instead of a picture, Lucinda obsessively covers a piece of paper with nothing more than numbers.

(WARNING: When you see the Koestler abode in this flick, which one scene faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar into the movie makes apparent was supposed to be a 'fixer-upper', you may get confused and expect ghosts to start popping out of the walls!)

Fast forward to 2009, Caleb Koestler (Chandler Canterbury) is in the class that opens the time capsule and he and his father, John Koestler (Nicolas Cage) end up in possession of Lucinda's page of numbers. Uncharacteristically for a Professor of Astrophysics, John has no fascination with this conglomeration of numbers, until he accidentally stumbles on a link between the series 0911012996 and realizes they precisely match the date and death total of 09/11/01. He manages to match up many of the numbers with tragedies and their resulting death tolls, except for the final 3 dates, which have not happened, yet and some seemingly random numbers in between each significant one.

In a later scene, with a random glance at his GPS system, he realizes that the unexplained numbers are the lattitude and longitude coordinates of where the tragedies took place, meaning that 50 years in the past, this little school girl, in some unknown way, predicted all these events with eerie accuracy. Suddenly finding himself on site for a plane wreck, which kills 81 people, he wonders if he can make a difference and save lives for the final 2 events she predicted.

The writing on this movie is excellent, as well as the acting and directing, though the new method they used of creating fire during the plane crash scene, to prevent the flames being extinguished by the rain, does look rather fake, as if they used CGI.

This movie has all the elements one could hope for, a lead character who's gotten jaded by life, cute kids, fluffy bunnies, a family rift, people who won't believe what he's discovered, a possible love interest, mysterious unexplained characters, shiny black rocks and a dying communications system. That said, this also tends to make it a tad cliched, since I've not yet mentioned the obligatory Biblical references, alien like creatures and their beautiful artichoke spaceships!

All in all, in my opinion, an excellent movie, well worth the watch, but due to the standard cliche's, I have to give it a rating of only 5.5 on my 1 to 10 scale! (The extreme cliches have made me amend my rating!)

(P.S. I think I missed something here regarding the significance of the bunnies, you know, the creepy white ones with the red eyes, if anyone else has a clue, please fill me in using the comments section, Thanks!)

Lagoon Rocking the Universe and the Twitterverse!

2009-11-03T17:19:00.002-08:00

One of the FEW modern bands to impress me in a long time found me on Twitter and you can find them there as @LagoonBand. I have to admit to being a bit of a music snob, I’ve been singing since I was a child and while my tastes tend to be pretty eclectic, I turn my nose up at a lot of the modern stuff, because I can’t stand anything that just sounds like NOISE when it comes out of my speakers. For me to listen to something, it has to make sense and atually sound like music!

When they first followed me, they immediately gave a great impression, with all the stink going on in the recording industry about who owns the rights to what song and people being sued and fined for illegal downloads, these guys wanted to GIVE THEIR MUSIC AWAY! Yes, you read that right, they want it to be available to anyone who wants to listen. That, alone, was enough to completely amaze me and get me to give it a listen and the more I listened, the more I loved it. I won’t deny that their style is very modern, but they have enough common sense and talent to realize that you need a melody and lyrics that actually mean something if you want people to connect with your music.

Their base player, Jacob, is their Tweeter and he’s become a great friend of mine. I guarantee if you give him a shout sometime, you won’t regret it, he’s a super sweet and friendly guy.

While some people may think some of the shenanigans we get up to on Twitter are just silly, such as those of the @SnuggieMafia, which you can read about in the Twictionary Part II, Jake has paid attention and has a realistic grasp on what social media is really all about. This is one person who, no matter how big he gets, will never forget his friends and his roots. They’ve even become the official band of the SnuggieMafia and we are honored to have them!

I’ve really enjoyed listening to their music, giving opinions as they honed new songs and videos and I got REALLY excited when I heard they were launching their new website, I could hardly wait to tweet about that one. Poor Jake, he’s always having to rein me in when I get excited about something new they are doing. (P.S. I do accept bribes and exclusives!)

Anyway, their new site is now up, so please check it out and give them at listen LagoonOnline and I promise you WON’T regret it. (A little birdy also told me that they are going to be adding some more great music, soon!)

I just wanted to add, that while they don’t charge for their music, like all the other groups out there do, they do have expenses and while they don’t go around begging, donations are accepted, please see their site LagoonOnline for details!