Word Salad, Dressing on the Side

Taking Photos At Disneyland

2012-03-02T12:27:00.001-08:00

I love Disneyland. I also love taking interesting pictures, though I really hate carrying my DSLR around the park all day. Sometimes I forget that I have a fairly good quality camera on my phone (as most of us do), and in good lighting I can take a very nice quality photo with it.

On a recent trip to Disneyland I rediscovered the HDR app I installed several months ago called, of all things, HDR Camera. I have the Android version, so if you are Apple-inclined, I'm not sure if this applies. HDR ( or High Dynamic Range) photography is rad, combining different exposures from multiple images of the same subject to produce an image entirely new and impossible to get from just one single image. For an example, check out my buddy Charlie's HDR of a snow day downtown. My app can't do images of this quality, but it is good enough to offer a different photo experience while at Disneyland.

The app takes 4 photos, each at different exposures, and meshes them all into one picture. Then it gives you some ways to adjust things like color saturation and contrast to sort of dial in your new HDR image. Most of the time I end up tuning the saturation and contrast sliders up all the way, but that's just me and that's how I like the images that come from this particular app. The hard part is holding the camera still while it cycles through the four pictures. Just breathe out slowly and you'll be fine.

Ok, so the details are done, let's look at some pics! Here are two photos I took of the Flag Retreat Ceremony at Disneyland, something I've been wanting to see for a long time now. See it: it's cool, and something not many people know about. It is a bit too cheesy at times, but hey - who cares?

The Daper Dans are singing, and sounding great. The first image is just my little Droid X on Automatic. The second is another pic I took using the HDR app. As you can see, everything pops a bit more, while not looking too cartoonish, as can happen with HDR photos. Nothing fancy, but it does enable you to take a more vivid photo with minimal work.

I've been really into the Haunted Mansion lately, and on this trip it just screamed HDR to me.

This is a good example of not having enough light in the other shots to compose a decent image, but it's still a bit more interesting than it would have been normally. The siding on the walls of the porch stand out more, while keeping the rest of the house covered in shadows, with just enough moonlight to define some edges. I don't have a normal shot to compare, but it's still an ok example of this app.

These were taken inside the mansion, in the elevator that takes you down to the ride itself. The top one is normal camera function, the second is the HDR app. The differences here are clear - not only are the colors brigher, but you can see some detail on the gargoyle to the left of the frame. Some of the right gargoyle and the candle flames are blurred out, however, and this is a good example of the downside of mixing 4 pictures in a free HDR app. I'm not sure why this happens, though I imagine it's probably a factor of matching all four pics into one and accounting for camera movement. Oh well, I'm not looking to print these, just to have a little fun.

Nothing fancy here, I was just testing it on the plaque that sits above the fountain in line for Pirates. Ever notice it? It's in HDR, so the color of the tile and grout is a bit more saturated, and I think the detail of the engraving is more pronounced. Not to mention the rad color scheme near the bottom, closest to the water.

HDR is better when you have some cool lighting to play with, and night time at Disney California Adventure offers a playground of lighting effects. This shot is of the zephyr ride (which always seems to be broken when I want to ride it ... ) and the entrance to Paradise Pier.

THIS is what HDR can do for your images. Never mind the ugly blue cropping at the bottom, just look at the almost neon blue sky with the lights playing off the wires. Good shot for a free app. Try taking this with your camera phone and the sky will be dark and the lights blown out.

Leaving DCA, I had to snap this pic of the new sign at the entrance, again reaching for the softness of the HDR app. This was my favorite photo from the trip.

They don't look all that different, but I think the bottom image in HDR is more interesting when you look down at the gates and bars.

I hope this makes you want to futz around with some free HDR apps in the future. They can be great fun, but they eat your battery alive and don't always produce great results, but I think it makes you look at Disneyland in a new way, while looking for cool photos to take. It's not a fix-all for bad photography, but more of an extra tool in your bag to have some more fun.

The Next Great American Brewer

2012-02-21T10:56:00.001-08:00

I first heard of this show last year when they were calling for homebrewers to audition, and until recently I had hoped the project had died out. After watching this all too long promo video for the show, I still wish it had died on the table.

In case you don't know, I had a show that was oddly similar to this one called B.Y.O.B. TV last year. From what I hear we did fairly well in the ratings - at one point beating out SNL in the Bay Area. Not saying I believe that (though when was the last time SNL was funny?), but it's a good piece of info and makes me feel good so I'm sticking with it.

At any rate, if you haven't seen this new show promo, hide the sharp objects and go watch it.

Back? Wipe the bile off your chin there, and let's talk about it.

The obvious complaint I have is that it's fairly close to our show. Homebrewers competing to be the best brewer by doing brewery tasks, cooking with beer, brewing beer, etc. It does differ from ours as there are no men wearing lipstick or playing Liars Meat, but the structure and many of the competitions are direct ripoffs.

Ok, so that's out of the way, let's deal with location. Chicago, they say, is one of the centers of craft beer in the country. Um ... seriously? Goose Island is there, and they make good beer, but that's about the sum of it. Why not do it in San Diego, Portland, Denver, San Francisco, Seattle, anywhere but Chicago? I assume it's just to be close to The Sieble Institute, but to say that town is the center of anything but blues and knife wounds is just a joke.

During the planning phases of our show, we talked about having one of the challenges that homebrewers have to do is some sort of marketing thing. After seeing that part of the new show plugged in the promo video, I'm extremely glad we didn't put it in our show. Who really wants to sit there watching homebrewers pitch their bottle labels to people? It just seemed like the most boring thing to watch, and I'm very pleased that we didn't make our audience slog through it. Not to mention that most commercial brewers don't have a say in their brand marketing, so I'm not really sure what this has to do with the best brewer in the country. I can make a mean beer, but my art has never progressed much farther than putting shorts on stick figures. Does that mean I wouldn't make a good brewer?

Back out of the actual show for a second and look at the marketing ...

Douche bag new host

Greg from Stone Brewing

Anything about this seem familiar? Did this show have a single original idea, or did they just take bits from various areas and re-package them with an easy-to-use applicator?

Aside from the content, production value is just as - if not more important than the activities on the screen. One thing you learn when shooting video is to always check your White Balance (the setting that makes the color white seem like white). Even in the promo the whites where very yellow in the indoor shots, and when they weren't yellow the shots were dark and poorly lit. Come on, kids! You are supposed to be professionals, how do you shoot footage and not have the white balance set right?

To be honest, I stopped watching their video halfway through. Which makes me feel a bit bad for them, because if they can't even hold my attention in a sizzle reel, how can they hold it for an hour?

No, it's not sour grapes. I don't care that they stole bits from my show. I'm just sad they took them, squatted over them, and laid cable.

Death on the Farm

2012-02-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Lucretia

The Madame, trying to lay an egg ...

It was bound to happen, really. With all the stray cats running around my neighborhood because shitty fucking pet owners can't fix their fucking animals, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Yes, one of my birds got taken this AM. Drug into the bushes by a faggotcat.

I heard them squawking around 6:30 this morning, which is a bit early but I just figured it was due to the mornings getting lighter. It wasn't the type of sounds you'd expect an animal to make if it was in danger, more like just general "Ok I'm up now" noises. Though they did sound closer to my room than before ...

Finally I look out the window and see Butterworth just walking around on the grass, with a shitty fucking stray cat right next to it! I run outside in my bare feets and my boxers - the cat rips out of there and Butterworth is just chilling out, looking at me as if this happend every day for her. I pick her up and take her to the coop, and then I saw the Trail of Feathers ...

Somehow the coop door had been opened - unlatched and opened - and starting from the front door there was a good 3 foot trail of large feathers, probably wing or tail, then a little break, then another trail of smaller feathers leading to the bushes. Oh shit ...

A quick examination shows me two chicken feet lying in the dead leaves, obscured by branches and matted feathers. Fuck.

Anyway, I buried her by our Japanese Maple tree, and put a clay Fox statue our friends left as a sort of grave marker for her. Even though she was just a chicken, I had her for about a year, and she was my pet. I paused to say a few words, but the only thing I could do was tell her I was sorry over and over.

I don't handle death well. After my Mom died suddenly, not a day goes by that I don't think of my own mortality and when my ride will end. When things around me die it's even worse. I know it's only a chicken, and that things die and blah blah blah, but she was our chicken. I held that bird every day it was a chick. When I'd go buy her worms I was exited to get home and feed them to her. It's sad to have to bury a pet that you brought up like that. Especially one that got it's back ripped out by a fucking faggotcat.

Even though Lucretia was the loudest of the two birds, and the one that laid the smallest eggs, she was part of the team, and I feel bad for Butterworth now, as she's the only one left. I'm the first to say that we, as humans, anthropomorphizes animals too much, but I have always been a believer in having two of the same animal so they have a companion. And I can't help but feel that even a chicken can realize when they are the only one left.

I'm fucking sad. And I hate that. I hate being sad about a bird - it's a bird, a chicken! Fuck, man, get a hold of yourself! But in reality, she had more personality than that. She was a pet of the house, and I will miss her shitty squawks and small eggs. Her stupid darting head and her knocking over their water feeder because she liked to eat wet dirt. She was an idiot, but she was my idiot.

I'm sorry, Lucretia. I'm really very sorry.

I'm An Idiot

2012-02-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

I am. Not news by any means, but still as factual as any statement can be.

So I was out in the coop a bit ago, feeding the birds some scratch grains (seed, corn, etc.) to warm them up on this cold and rainy day. I decide to look for eggs under their perch, which is where they like to lay them. Open the door, and there is a little brown egg waiting for me. Hella sick! I grab it and tuck it in my zippy sweatshirt pocket, thinking enough ahead not to put it in with my phone, but rather in the other pocket with my chap stick.

Shutting the door, I bend down to open the door to the run and toss some grains out when I hear a muffled "crack", and suddenly the left side of my gut is a few degrees warmer than it's counter-part. Yeah, in that 4 second window between getting the freshly laid egg and bending down to feed my grills, I had forgotten that I had a very breakable and potentially moist item in my pocket.

My smooth move ...

I'm an idiot.

This post written under the influence of Brainoil

I Love Hypocrisy

2012-02-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

To me, beer has alway been an easy thing to love. Even easier is to love the beer industry. If I can't work for Disneyland, I'd want to stay in the beer industry - the people are rad, and the product we push is even more radder. Perhaps the radderist, even, I dunno.

When people start pushing their ideas into the stream, it can only invite criticism, which you have to be ok with if you are in the public eye. Well, as public as the beer industry can be, right? I mean, being the smelliest hippie still means you are a smelly hippie.

My complaint this time is this Top 20 Dudes List of Guys That Make Beer and Are Also Hot list that comes out every year. Why, I have no idea, but it does and it gets attention for about 8 seconds until that old beer can in the yard glints in the Sun, and we all collectively move on to something else. I'm fine with this, really. It's fun and you can laugh about it an have a good time, and that's all fine and good, but if you are going to produce a list that ranks a sex from best to worst (which if you are on the bottom of any list, you are the worst of the whole list, right?), then you have to be ok with this same format being used elsewhere.

What really burns my burners is the women who write this list - I know some of them, and they are really very nice ladies. They know their beer and they hold strong opinons on most everything. Rad. Awesome. But some have been very vocal about sexism in the beer industry. Remember when that Pink Beer cast it's rose-colored shadow across the beer industry? And remember when all the women in beer were burning their bra's in protest? Oh man, a more angry group I have never seen. "This is bullshit" here, and "This is bad for women" there - even a few "This must have been made by men" comments in for fun.

And maybe I'm just a shitball, but I'm having a hard time seeing these same women - who once stood up against the wet fart that was pink beer - now dance around in a circle, waiving their hairbrushes at the Moon, and celebrating this Men List like a gift from Heaven. How can you even begin to be involved with a list like this? You women have just done to men what ou claim Pink Beer did to you - made you objects. You want to be taken seriously, and I applaude you for it. But how are we ever going to take your opinons seriously from this point on - especially when you are telling us how wrong men have been to women in the media? We can't! You women have just set back the women's rights movement by at least 20 years. Good job.

Hypocrisy is a funny thing. If you are going to take a hard-core stand on something, then stick with it. If you want to float the line here and comment on both sides of any issue, then you cannot really be the spokesperson for one side or the other. Women are beautiful. We, as men, will look at them. Doesn't mean we want to sleep with every single one we see. Do you want to pick every flower you look at? Women, you have to be ok with being attractive. Men are. And don't you want to be more like us?

Facebook: A Threat

2012-02-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

In the past few days I have been seriously reconsidering my participation on Facebook. It's been a long time coming, but I guess I just realized how ... insane that thing is. Facebook has become a dumpster for our lives that we just keep feeding, throwing the fat that we trim off our lives into it. Go ahead, go look at your feed. Notice how 98% of it is all white noise? Nonsense? Meaningless gibberish? Beyond the "I'm eating sausage lol" comments, most of the stuff people post about themselves is literal waste.

Chances are, if you are my friend on Facebook, I have your feed hidden. Why did I add you as a friend then? Because I would feel guilty rejecting you, just like I feel guilty in unfriending you.

I use Facebook as a way to gain popularity. There - I said it! And it feels good to be honest about it. In fact, many people post something witty in attempts to be liked by people they have never met, and most fail at it. Not saying I never do, but I make a small, unlivable wage by being funny, so I kind of am bestowing those powers onto myself to determine what is and what is not "Funny". And trust me, dude ... you are not it.

My goal now is to get back to using Facebook for what I feel it's good for - keeping in touch with friends. For some reason there are people out there that want to be in touch with me, and see what I'm doing, and laugh at me for various things, so I ask that you just follow me on Twitter (@majorjipp) - it's just easier that way.

Look, it's not you, it's me. I'm the crazy one. I'm the one who just kind of wants to close off a bit of the bathrobe. So if you go looking for me and I'm not in your feed, please don't feel bad. It really isn't anything personal. Plus, I'd bet that many of my "friends" have hidden me already - we have just maintained our FB friendship out of fear of insulting the other. Why do we do that? Why are we so afraid to deny someone entry into our lives? So I doubt anyone really will know or care about this. But I'll feel a bit less creeped.

Homebrew: An Explaination

2012-01-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

A lot of what I say on the air is just for fun. Well, ok, I'm lying. SOME of what I say on the air is just for fun, and it rides the line between what I'm about and what I think will get a reaction. I'm not racist, but I do operate off of stereotypes, and I think those lines are fairly blurry. If you really think about it and stop worrying about feeling guilty, you'll come to the same conclusion.

Specifically I'm talking about homebrew, today. We can discuss my shitty views on race another day (though if one group isn't supposed to win, they shouldn't call it a race ...), today I want to address Homebrew. I bad mouth homebrew a lot on the show. Is it for fun? Profit? Just to be a dick? Well, yeah. And so much more.

If you are really honest with yourself and think back to the last homebrew club meeting or NHC. Really try to remember how the beer tasted then. Remove the fact that you or your friends made it, or that you have any ties to the hobby at all. Would you buy that beer? 90% of the time the answer is "No", but a "No" said through a rising column of bile deep in your throat.

Ok, stop being offended and let me explain. Just because something is bad does not mean it is without merit. I like homebrewing, and I do it often. I think the hobby is a good one and it promotes learning about biology and science and all that stuff. Even if the product can be ... less than stellar.

I just tasted two homebrews, sent to me by two homebrewers who listen to the show. One happened to be a clone of my oatmeal stout. Both were good beers, with some flaws. But even with those flaws they were above and beyond most things I have at homebrew gatherings. Why is that? I really want to know. Why do people insist on bringing their contaminated beer to events? They have a club, does their club just not say anything? Do they not know?

Drinking these beers made me realize that there is a lot of beer out there, and regardless if it's good or bad, people are trying hard to make things they don't normally see from a commercial brewery. Whether or not that is a good thing remains to be seen. But next time you hear me go on about how homebrew sucks, I hope you can cut me some slack, and also realize that I'm probably right.

Update:
some people are having a hard time understanding my point. Greg. And I get that - most times I am just shooting from the hip, without an outline or bullet points or even a clue as to what I'm saying. Which is why I picked the name I did for this blog. Most of these posts are just written thoughts. Anyway, I'm not saying homebrewing is bad and you shouldn't do it. I'm saying that there are shitty homebrews going around the world, and we are afraid to say that. The beers I had today were pretty ok, but they were trying to get better, and that is the point - improve. Or not.

Understanding Your Place

2012-01-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

I had intended to write about the latest hullabaloo in craft beer the other day, which is, if you don't already know, that thread on some beer site about which breweries are overrated. I won't bother with the link, because you have already read/heard about it, I'm sure. To make a long story short, some dude was calling out breweries for not living up to the hype. Fair argument. Having done this myself on more than one occasion, I didn't think much of it.

But man, did people ever freak out about this! One brewer after another started posting about where this guy went wrong, how hurtful this is to craft beer, and blah blah frigging blah. I left it alone, assuming it was one moment in time, and would pass faster than it had started. Then comes Jim ...

Jim Koch, from Samuel Adams, decided to put his dog in this fight and speak up about how unfair it is to be called overrated (read his deal here). First Sam from Dogfish jumped in with his speech (it's not on his blog, so Im not linking other shitty beer sites that took it and posted it - but find it, it's worth the read), and now Jim. To make it easier, I'll just address them both ... ahem ...

Guys - there is a phenomena on the internet called "Trolling". People who are trolling are called "Trolls". Their only purpose behind posting is to make people mad. They want to bait people into conversations and responses that they would normally not even think about. You guys were trolled in that post. Hard. Like, SuperTrolled. Do you really think that your comments on how innovative your beers are will change anyones minds on your beer/product/brand? Sam, your post was just an advertisement for your beers. Jim, I liked yours, but it just said how mad you were and how much you like Sam. No offense, but Big Hairy Deal. Who cares? The thing you have to learn about internet trolls (as opposed to those who live under bridges) is that if they get ignored, they go away. You have to be confident enough in your product to take a punch from some nobody on a lame forum and continue walking. Instead, you both let this dude grind your day to a halt while you penned a response that really lacked any sort of real focus or point. This is why trolls are trolling - to get these soft responses and to laugh at them. You feed the troll. Never feed the trolls.
*End*

Ok, so that's out of the way. Here's my opinon: bitching is great. It's good from your fans, it's good for your brand, it's just a good thing. I never understood that whole "support craft beer simply because it exists" attitude that most craft beer fans seem to have. If the beer is good, it will sell. If not, it will die out and leave us alone. Right? So why the need to have ALL beer be equal? It never will be. Understanding that, we can then turn to marketing. Some breweries are known more for their marketing than their beer. I won't name any names, you all know who they are. When you have a rad marketing campaign, you are already setting yourself up for be judged at a much higher level than other beers in your range. And, sorry to say it, but you may not live up to your marketing hype in some eyes.

I like beer. Love it, even. But there are beers that I feel are overrated by the general public. Doesn't mean I'm right, doesn't mean I'm wrong. And if I wanted to, I could post them here and feel totally fine in expressing my opinons. Which is what that dude did on that lame forum. So WHY all the beef? These craft brewers are getting all over a beer guy for what - putting them down a peg? It's the adult equivalent of "No YOU are smelly!" "No ...YOU are the one who is that thing you just called me to my face!"

The whole thing is stupit. Yes, I said STUPIT.

Beer makers should really feel ok with hearing bad things about their beers. Ignore the fluff and accept the rest. The last thing you want to do, though, is to make a long-winded post in response. It makes you look silly.

Harvesting

2012-01-18T10:22:00.000-08:00

Both of my hens are now starting to lay eggs, though one is firing them out more often than the other. Lucretia is being a bitch, while Butterworth is quietly going to town, providing me with about an egg a day. Awersome!

They have been eating mostly pellet feed - a mishmash of vitamins, plant protein, and whatever else chickens eat (souls?), and I wanted to give them some other stuff to eat as well. Some digging around and I found this rad chart from backyardchickens.com that has what to feed them and what not to feed them. It's good info and can really be summed up to this: birds will eat most anything, so don't give them things you wouldn't eat yourself. In case you like details, here's the link to the Chicken Treat Chart.

This post written while listening to some old shite ...

Hidden Flavors

2012-01-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

I like this title. I wanted to call it "How Does Your Draft System Taste?", but all I could picture in my mind is a fat 40-year-old on his knees in the garage, head in the fridge, tongue running over the side of a 5 gallon corny keg. So I went with "Hidden Flavors".

The purpose of this post is not to inform, but simply to suggest an experiment to find out if it's possible to track down flavors in your beers that may not come from fermentation, or contamination, but from your draft system. Now, I realize that how clean your keg is will directly impact the flavor of your beer, but I'm talking about flavors that you might consider as your house flavor. Maybe you have tasted some dry, musty thing in your beer and chalked it up to wild yeast. Maybe some plastic, honey-like flavor and figured it was ingredient based.

I got thinking about this recently because I started to carbonate water in one of my2.5 gallon kegs. Not everyone digs on water with bubbles, especially if it has no booze in it. But I drink so much of it I figure I can just do it myself. So I cleaned a keg, dumped some filtered water in there, and hit it with gas for a couple of weeks. I had to go buy a new faucet assembly for it, because I didn't want my water to taste like beer.

When I took my first sip of my newly carbonated water, I tasted a flavor similar to my beers. I'm not sure why - could be the way I clean my kegs, could be the new faucet assembly. I was tasting a slight musty flavor, with a plastic note from what I imagine is the faucet assembly. Which kind of shocked me, because it was made from draft line that was not supposed to leach any flavors. My drinking water doesn't taste like this at all, so why does my kegged water? I think I clean my equipment well enough. My beer is good. But clearly I was getting a flavor in my beers that I couldn't place normally, until I took out all of the other ingredients except the water and the CO2.

So this is my challenge to you: clean your keg, filter your water, and put it on gas. See what flavors you get from that - do they show up in your beer? They did in mine. What am I going to do about it? I have no idea. But I'd like to hear from anyone who does this. It really sort of opened my eyes to really how much my draft system impacts my beer.

Chicken Update

2012-01-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

More than a few of you have been asking for an update on my chickens, and I haven't been doing one simply because my birds are boring. They hadn't laid eggs, all they do is get fat and eat - until a few days ago when one of them finally popped out their first egg!

We had been having this new issue, where the girls would knock their water feeder around so hard it would spill all the water out, which meant we would have to fill the stupid thing a coupe times a day to ensure they had enough water. On New Years Eve night, my girlfriend goes out to water them and comes back yelling "Egg!" At first I thought she was making an inappropriate but hilarious joke about her egg, but then I caught on and ran outside with her to see the most glorious sight - a small brown egg lying in the dirt.

I grabbed it (it was still warm!) and we skipped inside to check the thing out. Up until that point, the birds had been with us since the first part of May. Hens are able to being laying around their 22nd week, but some can take up to 10 months, not to mention most shut down egg production during the winter. So we were sort of getting used to not seeing any output from them, which is why the egg got us more excited than it should have. Plus we were drunk.

After a debate on if we should eat it ( I wasn't sure if the first egg would be some nasty warm-up try or not), we cracked it and dropped it into a pan. The aroma was strong, much more so than the "cage-free organic" eggs we currently buy. It's hard to explain, but it was almost musky smelling. Farmhouse-like. And the flavor was intense! Unlike any egg I have had before.

Then - two days later, another one! Same size - small - but it was an egg! Proof that our birds are doing something, which is all you really want after months of buying feed, giving them treats like worms and things, cleaning up their poop.

Mrs. Butterworth and her egg.

Anyway, that is the latest from Chicken Town. I have the second egg in the fridge, waiting for Saturday morning when I can fry that sucker up and truly enjoy the second most expensive egg I have ever had.

JP's Guide To The Bald Lifestyle, Pt. I: The Shaving

2011-12-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

Being bald has its advantages: Shorter showers, no more barber shops, and less time trying to figure out which shampoo is chemically balanced for your specific hair type. Of course, there are down sides, too. Chief among them is getting rid of the last remaning hairs that are still growing.

Iv'e been shaving my head for a few years now, and I have grown quite accustomed to it. What I hate about it is the actual act of shaving. It's archaic and borderline torture - dragging a bit of sharp metal across your scalp over and over, all different ways until your head looks like a swollen tomato. Even with the expensive razors, I still manage to cut myself from time to time.

Enter the Panasonic Arc 4! I got this beauty for Christmas after pondering aloud how an electric shaver would work on my misshapen skull. The thing works great, and I totally recommend it to anyone who shaves their head as much as I do. It's really a God-send for us bald types.

Before my first shave, I took my clippers and buzzed my hair as close as possible, to reduce the amount of work my new shaver had to do. Then I lathered my head and went to town.

This thing was really smooth. It felt great, easy to handle, and did a pretty great job - for the first few minutes. Then I noticed that it wasn't cutting as much hair as it was in the beginning. I took the head apart, rinsed it out, and it fired up like new again. So I'm thinking that it was just clogged with hair and shaving cream and whatnot. Which is pretty good, considering I had already cut half my head. These things are made for faces, not giant heads. I also figured that the secret to a good shave is maintenance - keeping the hair short will make it easier to cut. So the next day I did just that and gave myself a quick touch-up. Perfection!

If you do end up getting this unit, the one tip I have is to keep your head damp. I find that the Arc 4 doesn't cut as close dry as it does wet - even with shaving cream. and if you do end up buying it, do us a favor and please buy it from one of the links in here, so I can get a little love for the referral. Thanks!

Some Personal Bullshit

2011-12-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

I share a lot of things on the radio. Sometimes those things are 100% real, other times they are a blend of my real personality and whatever it is that I think people want to hear. And, more often than not, I just make some shit up entirely simply to fuck with whomever might be listening. It's fun!

Sometimes I wonder why I am such a cynical asshole. Sometimes I know why. But today really makes me think about it more than usual - 11 years ago today my Mom kicked the bucket on me. Now, obviously I still have some feelings to cope with, but that is hard and takes lots of therapy (which I can't pay for), so after I spent the month following her death in a literal blackout, beer-induced and drug-fueled, I just pushed everything down. And sure, for the first few months it was hard and I wrecked some relationships, but after a year or so it got easier. I highly recommend it.

Having a parent die unexpectedly on you is a really hard thing to understand. Not so much in the way that makes you drop to one knee, lean your head back and cry out, "Why God have you forsaken me?!!!", but just in the "Oh fuck, what now" sense. 11 years later and I still don't know the answer to that one.

I guess it comes from not really having the chance to bond with my family at all, not just my mom. My family has always been real weird about seeing one another, and as a little boy I never understood that. But I am sure that's where I picked up my retarded sense of friendship and personal interaction. Being close is too foreign for me to be comfortable with it. I learned this from my father, which is one reason we no longer speak. He tried to bring the family closer, but he tried too hard too fast, and when things didn't go his way he fucking put up a wall and quit, blaming everyone else for the failure. I wish I could care more about him, but I hope he breaks a hip and runs out of pain meds. Then shits himself. Again.

Things like this can really leave you with an Asshole Vein, running the core of your personality. I am an asshole, and I'm kind of just coming to terms with that. After years of trying to be someone I'm not, well, sometimes you just have to accept certain shit.

What's my point? I dunno. Just venting.

P.S. - Since I forgot to add this at the time of posting, here is my little song of the post. As if you cared.

Acting! Er, Kind Of ...

2011-12-01T23:21:00.000-08:00

I just returned home from being an actor - well, an extra for an International commercial, to run in the Netherlands, for some site called MyCom. Well, I was supposed to be in it, but I got pulled out of the first scene and told I was being saved for a later scene. Then that scene got pushed back, and after much waiting and a brief nap, I ended up being let go altogether. Which is the breaks when doing extra work. You still get paid, and you still get to hang out on a set, watching the magic of "Hollywood" swirl around you. Plus there is Craft Services, which is always a plus.

What almost shocked me the most was how bloddy nice everyone was. I mean, really and truly a pleasure to be around. And it was fun just being around people like that - clearly in love with their jobs and clearly having a respect for who they were working with.

Even though I wasn't able to be in the project, I had a great time - OH, and I made a friend! A nice black man named Dorian. No, he doesn't have a picture of himself in his attic. Yes, I asked.

Things Happened. See?

Anyway, that was my night. Not super exciting, but better than most. Enjoy the video below, too. Great song, with extra kitty footage. That cat is being a very nice man!

This post written under the pleasant guidance of The Heptones:

Star Wars: The Old Republic - Beta Review

2011-11-30T18:00:00.001-08:00

How stoked was I that i got into the Star Wars: The Old Republic beta last weekend? Super, is my answer. I have been waiting to play this game for 8 months, and I finally got to see what the fuss was all about. Which, by the way, was totally worth it.

My MMO past is varied, mostly dominated by World of Warcraft for the past 4 years, when I killed my account to save the money to play this game. No, I don't consider SWTOR a "WoW-Killer", but it comes real close.

The artwork is pretty good - buildings and vehicles all look well thought out - but it lacks the polish that WoW has. The colors are muted, and characters look a bit blocky. I will mark this up to it being a beta test and hope the dial the colors up to 11 for release. The HUD is interesting, the mini-map being the oddest. It takes some time to get weened off of WoW's great navigation and trained in the ways of SW, but once you do, things are pretty straightforward.

Game play was what I was really interested in, and SW held up to my expectations. The quest system is probably the thing I was most impressed about, though I will say the cut-scenes got a bit old. When you accept or turn a quest in you get a short cut-scene that gives you background on your mission, your race, or other things. What I really dig is what happens next - you get to choose a response from one of three choices. Some give you Light Side points (lame), and some give you Dark Side ones (fuck yeah), and the choices are usually pretty good. Seems like SWTOR wants to do you a favor by not making you scroll through text of your quests, and opted to actually give you footage of it. Good choice.

One thing the dev's got right is story line and its impact on questing. I rolled 6 'toons, and not once did I feel like I was grinding out quests, which from a WoW background is something to be happy about. I enjoyed doing some quests twice, and the environment is so new yet almost familiar. The story is good for each character line and I really got immersed in what was going on. It's interesting when you are actually rooting for your character as you would if you were watching a movie. Or maybe I'm easily entertained.

What will be hard to deal with is the chat. I'm not sure why MMO's get the most bitchy people playing, but there is always someone crying about this or that, and usually two people teasing that person. And you have to read it because any in-game text appears in the chat window. So you don't want to miss anything. Sigh ... whatever. Deal with it, I suppose.

Any complaints I have about the game I can chalk up to the beta and my shitty 4-year-old laptop - at times the graphics needed a few seconds to render, which was interesting watching these characters in the cut-scenes have layers added to them while they are talking. Some quests were buggy, and sometimes characters didn't perform as expected (my Sith had issues with a very specific set of stairs ...). I'm still waiting for this thing - pre-order all set, $15 a month ready and willing (sort of).

Overall, this game will fucking rule your life. Play it.

This post written under the influence of Pavement - Cream of Gold

For A Better Society

2011-11-28T16:09:00.000-08:00

There are certain things in the world that exist simply to pollute the stream of consciousness, turning it into a river of bile and filth. What does this mean? I have no idea. But I tell you why I wrote it - Memes.

Fucking internet memes. You've seen them, even if you don't know what they are. Ever see a kitten with words written underneath, like it's saying something "funny"? A car in a ditch with the word "fail" below? Yeah, you get the point. Occasionally, some of these can be humorous, perhaps even earning a low, quiet, singular "heh". But instead of them dying a quick death, some asshole somewhere pulls memes into their every day language and ruins it for everyone. Examples:

FAIL
Ok, seriously. Stop saying "Fail" when something happens that you don't like. It's not clever, nobody likes it, and you just come off as a douche - inserting yourself inside a conversation and spraying your awful brand of humor into it, cleansing it from normalcy.
"Yeah, and then the door fell and broke my hand."
"FAIL!"
" ... idiot."
That's how the conversation goes. Stop it.

LOLCatz
Fuck those of you who use LolCatz when you post on the internet. "I can haz free of dems?" Fuck you right in the face with a fucking car, dude. You are an adult, a grown-ass person, the least you can do is talk like one. How dare you try to be cute online talking like a reject from a mental ward. Enough already, let this die.

Pirate Talk
Hey, I like pirates just as much as the next guy, but Talk Like A Pirate Day is for idiots and their children. Let's continue to identify a low IQ by leaving the pirate talk to idiots, ok? It's not funny, it's not fun, it's not even slightly ok.

Om Nom Nom
Don't even attempt to think you are being endearing when you use this shitty meme when describing someone eating. Just be a man and call them fat to their face. This belongs online in a photo, and even then it's as old as dirt, and about as funny. Om Nom Nom ... fuck you.

EPIC
No, that video of the double rainbow guy was not "epic". It was nothing of the sort, nor was the last episode of Jersey Shore, or anything else you like. The only epic things are porn and video of things blowing up. And a meal made of bacon. And the subsequent heart attack. Which you deserve to have if you have this word in your vocabulary.

Chuck Norris doesn't ______, he ______.
No he doesn't. Sure, I get that you are making fun of how tough the guy was in his movies, but just stop it, please. It's fucking old, and just makes you sound like an idiot.

LOL
I heard someone say this out loud once. And not in a shitty hipster ironic way. They used it instead of actual laughter, and fucking meant that shit. This person is no longer around anymore.

Get my point? Just because you see it on the internet doesn't mean you can bring it into your life and try to be the hip kid in the room. Just be normal. Use full words, not their inbred, deformed abbreviations.

You aren't cute.

Are Beer Bars Hurting Craft Beer?

2011-11-13T23:55:00.000-08:00

There have been several new beer bars in my area, something that would be cause for much dancing and carrying-on for most of you. But at the risk of being predictable, I frown upon these new havens of beer, and for a few good reasons. So set aside your thoughts and feelings (good or bad), and journey with me as I tell you why that latest craft beer bar could very well destroy the thing you love. Beer.

Craft beer already has an air about it of pretentiousness. "What's wrong with the beer I drink now? It was good enough for dad so it's good enough for me." Yes, us with our colored malts and hoping rates you can taste have moved in and just destroyed what the average person describes as "beer". And this average person already has a hard enough time dealing with the concept of triple-hopping, so why would we want to turn this person so far away from real beer with our Beer Pedestal that is a craft beer bar? One bar close to my house doesn't even use the widely-accepted and easily recognized unit of measure known as the Ounce. On their board they use Centiliters - not pints, not ounces, but centiliters. They might as well draw some ironic facial hair on their beer board with that one. Put the board in a vest and buy it a fixed-gear bike. Nothing will separate the common man faster than using a language that is foreign to them in their home town. So what's the point? Well I think that it a great way to be able to over-charge for beers and chalk it up to the experience. You, the beer drinker, assume that 30 cl must equal a pint, right? I mean, most normal bars use that language, and most craft beer makers have tried to market their beers by using the word "pint". Little do you know that 30 cl is about 10 ounces. This is a fact only revealed to you after you get your tiny glass of local beer that you paid $6 for.

Knowledge is important to spread our little craft. But at what cost? I recently got in a discussion with a friend of mine over the topic of beer cost, and how much of that cost goes to off-setting the training of beer servers who know what they are talking about. This is probably the worst excuse for over-charging I have ever heard. Listen, if you want to start a business that caters to knowledgeable folks as well as people who are just learning about something - anything - then it is on you to train your staff properly. Who pays for it? The same one who reaps the rewards - you do. You are the one who is teaching new customers about craft beer. You are the one who will pour them flights of beers in different glasses. You are the one who will teach a new customer so much about beer that they will come back to your place because you have the info they need. THIS is the payoff for you. Loyal customers. Returning customers. Customers who bring their friends. What is wrong is charging me more money because you decided to have some folks trained. It's rude, and kinda snobby - which is what we are trying to avoid here, right?

Now, having been in the retail world for almost 15 years, I know a thing or two about price points. I understand supply and demand. And I get everything about price point leaders. But what I don't get is charging more for a beer that is made locally than a beer that is made in Belgium. I had a local beer at a place for $4 for 8 oz. Not even a full beer, and I paid almost full beer price. Why? Because that establishment decided that was the price point they wanted to serve at. They felt they had to make up for the lower beer prices on their imports by gouging me on the local stuff. The same goes for the bar that refuses to use ounces. Don't you dare overcharge me simply because your server knows how to pour a proper beer. That is what I expect. That is your business! You don't pay extra for an oil change simply because the person knows how to change your oil - because that is what they are paid to do in the first place! So why pay more because someone knows how to put beer into a glass? If these places decide that the only way they will make money is by pricing beer at what the market will sustain, then perhaps they should re-examine their business plan.

These all point to a dangerous rise in snobbery within the world of craft beer. Isn't this what we accuse the wine field of? Isn't this why craft beer even exists - because it is the true common mans drink? Why are we wrapping ourselves in these blankets of "I-drink-better-beer-than-you" when it comes to buying our beer? What we are doing is driving people away from these places in the long-term - people who want to learn and who want to drink good beer. As Craft Beer Loyalists, we should be promoting good beer at a good price, and as suppliers of Craft Beer, bar owners should be doing the same.

And why are we satisfied with paying these outrageous prices for kegs of beer that bars sell for over 300% profit on? It really is enough to drive me out of the bars, and it has. I no longer go to these bars I have loosely mentioned because I value my dollar. I want to get the most from it, and if I can lay that buck down amongst it's friends and get a pint of beer without having to do any guesswork, then that is the bar for me. Is it the same for you?

Do you have any beer bars like those described above around your area? Been to any like these? Tell me I'm off-base here.

P.S. - I realize I made this sound like all beer bars are as shady as the ones above, and that is not the case at all. So please don't think I am hating on all of them. Just ones that price gouge.

Belgian Table Beer

2011-10-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

This is another one I have been working on for awhile - a year and a half maybe. I have brewed about 5 different versions of this with a couple of different people, getting feedback (thanks to Push Eject, David Howes, Matt Staley, and Nate Smith for the ideas!), and just plugging away. The more I brew, the less I want to brew new beers and just dial in my recipes. They need it, trust me.

I had been requested to brew this for a friends wedding, to be served along side Lagunitas and Russian River, which is quite an honor for me. While my friends have not had this variation, I think they will love it, as it is the best one I have made so far.

The goal was to clone Westvleteren 6, the table beer of the monks at the Westvleteren brewery in Belgium. After Justin brought that back for me two years ago, I have been dreaming of that thing. The beer is crisp, dry, slightly bitter - some would say too bitter for the "style", and possibly the best Belgian beer I have ever had.

Anyway, boring story short (too late), here is my recipe. If you brew it, please let me know what you think. I'm not saying this is the recipe to end all clones, but if you are looking for a beer like Westy 6, this will get you most of the way, I think.

11 gallons
90 min boil
70% Eff.
1.050 SG
WLP 530 @ 75F

17 lbs. Belgian Pilsner Malt
1.5 lbs. German Munich
1 lb. Table Sugar

1.25 oz. Magnum @ 14% AA for 60 min
1.5 oz. Saaz @ 4% AA for 10 min
1 oz. Styrian Goldings @ 5.4% AA for 5

Now, the next time I brew this I'm going to try and dry it out somehow - it's a bit more malty than the commercial example, and it could you a more firm bitterness, but overal it is a super drinkable 5% beer. Again, if you brew it, let me know. And maybe consider hitting that "donate" button up top there (cough cough).

Enjoy!

Remember when I wrote an Article?

2011-09-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I wrote an article on using oak in beer. My friend Shea Comfort helped me with the sciency stuff, God Bless him. Anyway, here it is. Read it, print it and line your bird cage with it, whatever.

Oak's Balancing Act

by Jason Petros
Originally appeared in Zymurgy May/June 2008

Oak has been used in brewing for many years, but recently it has seen a resurgence of interest due to its large flavor impact on both wine and beer. In the past, the oak
flavors gained from storage in wood were considered to be a secondary benefit. Now, with the popularity of stainless steel fermenters and storage tanks, brewers and
vintners alike are able to use these flavors as a creative addition to their products.

When used properly, oak can lend the most beautiful, full and rich properties of the wood and weave them delicately into the beer. When used improperly, oak can destroy the balance that you have worked so hard to achieve, and can taste like you are chewing on tree bark. A little knowledge on what oak is all about can be the difference between turning a good beer into an award-winner or lawn food.

What exactly happens when you put oak in beer?

Oak is full of many flavorful and aromatic compounds and chemicals that, when added to beer, create another level of depth and complexity. Examples are furfural, which lends caramel sweetness, or eugenol, which is clove-like. Vanillin, the most recognizable flavor, tastes and smells like vanilla. Lipids, which constitute the oils, fats and waxes found in the wood, are responsible for oak lactones, which lend coconut and aromatic wood flavors. These are the basic flavors found in all types of oak, and the ones we as brewers are looking for. The important thing to think about when choosing oak for your beer is, ?How will these flavors interact with the flavors already present?? Knowing which type of oak contributes which flavors is key in matching beer to wood. The three most common types of oak are American, French and Hungarian, each with its own balance of flavor and complexity. American oak has a great aromatic sweetness along with a nice vanilla component. It provides a sweet and full mouthfeel to beer, easily paired with most malt combinations. French oak also has an aromatic sweetness as well as providing a full mouthfeel, along with cinnamon and allspice characters. It is widely praised for its sweet spice and ?confectionary? flavor compounds (custard, butterscotch, milk chocolate). Hungarian oaks are said to provide a high amount of vanillin properties, along with roasted coffee and bittersweet chocolate characters. The flavor profile of oak is enhanced during the toasting process. Which compounds come out in what ratios depends largely on the variety of oak and the level of toast it received, ranging from light and untoasted to dark and heavy. When the oak is toasted, the characteristics unique to that varietal are brought out and defined.

For example, American oak at a light toast level will lend a fresh wood and coconut character to your beers, but as toast levels increase to medium/medium-plus levels, these flavors are decreased and more vanilla and caramel notes are brought forward. Medium-plus is typically the best of all worlds in dealing with toast levels, as it brings out the qualities you would normally find in a heavier toast, without diminishing the vanilla and other ?softer? qualities found in a lighter toast. There are many different oak delivery methods, including aging your beer in a full-size barrel, and using sawdust or barrel replica kits. Oak chips and oak cubes are the simplest for homebrewers to use. A barrel is not feasible for many homebrewers, as they require a lot of hard work tokeep them in good working order (clean, stored properly and bacteria-free). Sawdust can be hard to work with and will take some extra time to drop out in your beer, not to mention its lack of complex flavors. Staves and other barrel replica kits are geared more for use with large barrels that have lost much of their oak impact, and are often too large to be used easily in carboys. Chips and cubes, however, are very ?user friendly? and do not need any sort of extra attention or care like their larger counterparts do.

Oak Chips and Oak Cubes

Chips are flat shreds of oak, usually about two inches long. Because there are only two sides to an oak chip, the wood reacts quickly to the heat during toasting andboth surfaces are toasted to an even level. This gives the wood a rather one-dimensional flavor. Chips have a very short extraction time in beer, usually about a week or so, which make them ideal for use in the fermentation process. Yeast will actually metabolize certain oak compounds, like vanillin and furfural, and leave much of the spice and other characteristics behind. This creates a nice foundation to build off of with any later oak additions. Beers that do well with this method include English bitters and American pale ales-styles that generally don?t benefit from a longer aging time. Oak cubes have several layers of toast due to the thickness and shape of the cube. A toasted oak cube will have varying degrees of color along each side-these layers represent the level of heat penetration during the toasting process. Heat is what brings out all of the different and wonderful flavors of the wood, and different temperatures with different woods for different lengths of time develop different flavors. Oak cubes replicate the complex flavors of a barrel better than chips because the cubes are able to have multiple toast levels like a barrel would. Think of it as ?what you see is what you taste,? where the different colors of the cubes provide more flavors than the single color of the chips. Cubes also have a much longer extraction time, from about two weeks up to a year depending on the size of the cube (the beer has a lot more wood to penetrate than with a chip) and the longer extraction time enables the beer to absorb the full character of the oak, and not just one or two facets of it. Cubes are ideal for beers that require a lengthy aging process such as imperial stouts and barleywines.

The Process

Many homebrewers have not experimented with oak, mainly due to one fear-sanitizing! ?How should I sanitize this stuff? Do I soak them in sanitizing liquid, boil them in water?? Sanitizers should not be used, as the sanitizer will be absorbed by the wood and carried over into your beer.

A simple way is to steam the wood, killing anything that may be living inside. One method is to put the wood in a Pyrex measuring cup with just enough water to cover the wood. Cover the top with a saucer and heat it in the microwave until the water starts to boil. Turn the microwave off and let the wood steam for two minutes. Repeat the process twice. This should kill anything that may be living in the wood. Add the oak and the water left behind to the keg, as the water will have a nice oak essence to it. If you plan on soaking your oak in alcohol, such as whiskey, this is all the sanitizing you will need as the high percentage of alcohol will kill anything that may be living in the wood. Kegs are the best container to store your beer while it is aging on oak. You can carbonate it at the same time, and it is much easier to pull samples than from a carboy. Once the beer has been racked into the keg, it is time to add the cubes. Eventually the cubes will end up sinking to the bottom of the keg, and because this is also where the dip tube will be pulling your samples from, you will no doubt taste a very unbalanced beer. Every three weeks or so, rock the keg gently back and forth to ensure the portion of the beer that is in contact with the oak gets properly mixed with the beer toward the top of the keg.

If you are interested in trying your hand at a bourbon-aged oak flavor, try soaking your cubes for two weeks in a few ounces of bourbon or whiskey, and discard the whiskey before adding the oak to your beer (I find Wild Turkey blends well with darker beers). It is very easy to overdo the addition of bourbons or whiskeys, and less is definitely more which is why I prefer letting the cubes ?dose? the beer over time. The oak should be up front, with the booze layered softly under the malt. If the flavor is not pronounced enough after two months of being on the oak, adding bourbon straight to the keg is acceptable, but be careful not to overuse it. Tasting the beer over the next few months is a great way to see how the flavors and oak compounds blend and merge into your beer. After the first week on the oak, you will begin to taste hints of different flavors, but I find that they really start to meld after about four to six months. The longer you leave your beer in contact with the wood, the more of these great compounds will become infused with your beer. The cubes will continue to add flavor up to about a year. A great way to get that deep, complex oak characteristic is to use a one-two punch of chips in the fermenter and cubes in the keg. Adding oak chips to the fermenter will allow the beer to absorb some of those basic oak flavors we are looking for,
and gives the cubes a nice foundation to build on when they are added to the beer after fermentation. Half an ounce of chips per 5 gallons of wort is a nice place to start. You may find some beers need less, and some need more. Feel free to experiment and find a starting point that bestsuits you. The best part about oak is that it complements almost any beer!

Making beer and using oak are very similar: they are both easy to do, yet the best results require a subtle hand that is achieved only by repetition. If your first wood-aged beer does not turn out right, try again, maybe with less oak, or a different toast level-or perhaps a different varietal altogether. Maybe a blend of American chips and French cubes is the answer for your porter-who knows? Above all else, be patient. The world of oak awaits!

Jason would like to thank Shea A.J. Comfort from yeastwhisperer.com for his technical information on oak.

This article was used with permission from Zymurgy

Recipe: JP's Oak and Dry Nibbed Oatmeal Stout

2011-09-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

After years of typing out my recipe to brewers, I am finally putting it in this stupid blog. This way I can just link to it and not have to make excuses as to why I'm too much of a lazy mess to dig my sheet out and bang these keys.

This is a beer that I have been working on for almost 3 years, and it is one that does very well at my house, but not so great at competitions. It hovers in the 35-40 rang every time, but never clears a medal. Comments are that it is too light, not roasty enough, or some other crap. Which is all true, and I deny none of it. My oat stout is a beer that I make for myself and I purposely made it on the lower end of the style because that's how I like my oat stouts. If you do, too, you might like this beer. It's also the recipe I brought to NHC this past year, with oak and cacao nibs added - details of which I'll post below.

11 Gallons
60 min boil
70% Eff.
1.058 SG
WLP001 @ 64F

17 lbs British Pale
2.5 lbs Flaked Oats
1.5 lbs Carafoam
1.5 lbs Crystal 75
1.5 lbs Pale Chocolate Malt
.75 lbs Black Roasted Barley
.75 Carafa II

3 oz NB @ 8% AA for 60 min boil
3 oz BKG @ 7.5% AA for 5 min

Now, if you want to add some oak, I would suggest adding about an ounce of French Oak Chips to the fermenter. This will create some mouthfeel and give a good foundation for the oak cubes later.

Once the beer is in the kegs, add an ounce or two of cubes (not chips. C-U-B-E-S) and let that beer age for a few months. If you want to add nibs, put about 6-8 ounces in a hop bag and drop into the keg. Let those sit as long ass the oak. With this beer, I usually let it sit for a month before I can't help myself and start drinking it, leaving the oak and the nibs in the keg until it blows. But it doesn't peak until about 2 months have been put on it.

Of course, this beer sits well by itself - no oak or nibs needed. I sometimes only oak and nib one keg, so I have one straight and the other all funked up. Good times.

Scratch Pad

2011-09-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

You remember back in high school when the counselor would take you into his office and ask, "So, what do you want to do when you graduate?". I never knew what to tell him. "Nothing" was shorter on the pay scale than I had hoped, and "Doctor" just had too much schooling attached to it. It was "Director" for a number of years, but I went down that road for a bit and realized I wasn't as into it as I thought.

I'd say "Actor" now, or "Radio Douche", if I could. "Blogger" seems too ... I dunno, 2005 to really say out loud in polite conversation. After all, doesn't everyone have a stupid personal blog? And how well does that pay?

But getting to write for a living wouldn't be that bad - in fact it would be pretty fun, depending on the topic. And it's something I don't think I'm too bad at. This blog is just more of how I speak, more like an unfiltered transfer of thoughts to pixels. I would church it up more if someone was actually paying me to write for them.

I think my top writing job would be working in Hollywood, either on scripts or maybe a TV show. Perhaps even writing jokes, though I hear those guys who write jokes for shows and talk show dicks have to come up with like 45 jokes a day. I'm funny, but not that funny. Then again, neither are the jokes they come up with. When was the last time Leno was funny? Sometime around 1987 I think. Which is just a small example of the lame, hack jokes I can write for you. Thank you.

Second would be doing the Disneyland blog. OMFG, that would rule. If you have never seen their blog, click on that link and check it out. It's kind of boring and bland, and needs a punch in it's gut. There are so many great things to write about inside of Disneyland proper that I cannot imagine why they feel they would have to do videos of some goofy Italian guy making tiramisu. Let's get more off-target please. Please! I have so many good ideas for stories there, it's just not fair to anyone else.

I know this probably isn't the most interesting thing that your hero, me, can share with you. Trust me, I know. But hey, I was bored and thinking about what I really want to do, and thought I'd share it with someone. Penis.

Reebs

2011-09-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Tee-hee, my titles are so clever.

I made ribs yesterday, and after posting a pic of them, some of you wanted to know what I did. Normally I wouldn't share this stuff because it kind of bores me to write, but I'll write about anything if asked. Almost anything.

I got two sides of pork ribs from Costco. Cut one up and froze it in foodsaver bags, the other I cut in half and marinated it for two hours in a small amount of white vinegar/juice of one lemon/porter. Not sure if the amounts matter, just put in lots of beer and not so much vinegar.

I pulled them out and dried them off, then applied my home-made rub, that I stole from "How To Grill", by Steven Raichlen. If you want to either learn how to BBQ (or grill), or you want to start making your own sauces and/or rubs, buy Stevens books. The man knows what he writes about and his recipes are great starting points for cooks of any level. The one I made (pictured above) was a take on his Basic Barbecue Rub, and my version goes like this:

1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar

1/4 cup sweet paprika

3 tablespoons black pepper

3 tablespoons coarse salt

3 teaspoons garlic powder

2 teaspoons celery salt

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon oregano

a sprinkle of nutmeg

Mix together with your fingers, breaking up the brown sugar. Sprinkle over the meat and rub in.

Anyway, so you do that, rub it on the meat, then put it in the fridge (covered) for about an hour. Not sure why, don't really care. It works.

Meanwhile, I went outside and set up my Big Green Egg for indirect cooking (meaning I put a little platform in there to lift the meat away from the coals). After an hour, I slapped the meat on the grill, added my Pecan wood chips and went to make my mop sauce.

A mop sauce is optional, but I like to use it because I really like fucking with things I'm making/brewing/cooking. It's more of a souther BBQ deal than, say, Kansas City, and I like the bite the vinegar gives. The sauce I made is listed below, and I put it in a spray bottle and hit the ribs with it every 30 minutes. Again, taken from "How To Grill", and this is my take on the Basic Barbecue Mop Sauce.

1 cup white vinegar

1.5 cups Homebrewed Irish Red Ale

1 tablespoon coarse salt

2 teaspoons black pepper

2 teaspoons red pepper flakes

1 shallot, thinly sliced

The spray bottle ended up getting clogged by the pepper, so next time I'll get a brush or something. Though I hate cleaning that shit.

Anyway, after 6 hours the ribs were done. I put a light coating of Stubbs barbecue sauce on them for the final 20 minutes or so and then took them off the grill. Sauce is where I prefer not to make my own. I love Stubbs a great deal - it's the best BBQ sauce I have tasted, and the other times I have tried my hand at sauces, I just ended up making spicy ketchup.

There they are. 9 hours in the making, but worth it. Smokey, with a hint of spice.

If you guys have any good recipes for rubs or sauces, let me know. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to try.

Fraiche Hops

2011-09-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

I have had hop bines in my backyard for a few years now, but have only used the hops in brewing once. No reason, just lazy. This year I decided to at least pick the things off the bines, in hopes that would force me to use them. As it happens, I was planning on brewing anyway, so for the first time in four years, I have homegrown hops to brew with.

The question is, "What is a good hop and what is a bad hop?". I have noticed that on my bines, I have cones that are large and many more that are small. Some are bright green, others are almost parchment-like in color. Are these bad? I have no idea, but I think I'd rather dump them, just to be on the safe side.

On the left are the hops I think are best - they are solid green all around, not super wet (damp), and smell like hops. The ones on the right are papery in color, the leaves are opening, and are small and not really firm.

I went through my pile and pulled the white ones out entirely. Was this needed? I have no idea, but it sure made me feel better. And I think that some of the things we do as homebrewers are simply to make us feel better. More like commercial brewers. I mean, now I can relate when I talk to a pro brewer about "hand selecting my hops". Besides just pulling the packet from the shelf.

The beer I'm brewing today is the "Hop Grenade" Pale Ale that I made with Rodger Davis over at Triple Rock. It's a hoppy, West Coast session ale (1.044 SG, 52 IBU's), and I really enjoy it. I want to add my wet hops to the flavor portion, but the bag they are in is just smelling like pine resin right now, and I'm not sure I need that in my beer. I just don't know what to do about it.

In the end I decided to add two ounces with 20 min left in the boil, then another two ounces with 5 min left. This is in addition to my regular hop schedule. The way I see it, my homegrown hops have such a small amount of Alpha Acids that it won't really affect my IBU's, it's more for flavor than anything.

Here are some pics of the fresh hops:

I forgot that I don't have a screen in my boil kettle, so I had to fish out the majority of the whole hops before starting my cooling cycle ... DOH!

In the end, the beer came out a few points under, and looking like green soup. Should be interesting.

PIECE!

How To Succede At Failure ...

2011-08-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

Those of you following my "life" on Twitter know of my recent pursuit of acting roles - you can blame B.Y.O.B. TV for that. After doing that show, I figured it would be a small leap into extra work, and from there ... who knows? Maybe a paycheck steady enough that I can stay on at The Brewing Network and keep writing scripts. Anything to not have a 9-5 job again. Not that my job was bad, because it wasn't. It was great, and I was great at it. Working from home just suits me better.

Today started out like many of mine do - lots of coffee, little food, pit of self-pity to roll around in. I happened to get a call around 3pm asking if I could be in Oakland by 4pm for a shoot. "Um ... yes?" And just like that, I landed a role. Jason Petros would soon become ... "Bust Cop 2". Villans, wet yourselves now.

The show is called, "I (Almost) Got Away With It, and I have no idea where it airs, or when, or even if it is good or not. It's one of those re-enactment style deals, where they splice in interviews with the idiot criminal in between moderately acted flashback scenes. Fuck it, it's a pay check, and who am I to disparage something for it's quality - I put out "Lunch Meet".

Firing along the 24, my head is swimming. By the time I'm in Oakland on set, it's at the bottom of the deep end, being pulled down by the pool cleaner. So many emotions going through my head, it was actually hard to make sense of it. I was - at the same time - confused, happy, scared, frightened, shitting myself, worried, anxious, tired, nervous, and maybe happy. But I'm not sure on that last one.

The set was small - just some back alley in West Oakland. The people were nice, and I had a few laughs with some of the other guys while we waited. That's me though, Mr. Super-Eager-To-Meet-New-People ... Eventually I'm costumed to be a cop and again I am sent back to the RV to wait and pretend I wasn't packing a hot steamer in my shorts, laid sometime back between "Yes I can come in for the shoot" and "Yeah that's me - Bust Cop".

Blah blah blah and ... it's time for me! Well, not really ME so much as "Any one of the cops that is dressed and ready to go, I need him out here now!" I get rushed to the trailer, get fitted for my belt, and head to the set (the car across the street from the trailer) to walk through the scene with the Director, Evan.

"OK, Jason. So you are really just going to pull the car here, get out, and just, you know, arrest Brian. Ok?"

"Um ... sure, you got it."

"Ok great."

"Um ... what do - what do I actually SAY to him?"

"Just something like 'You are under arrest for DWI'. Then cuff him."

"Great."

At that point I realize I'm in over my bald head. Unless I'm drunk, I don't know how to be dominate. And I've never cuffed someone with anything that wasn't furry. At any rate, we did the scene four times, and after some quick pick-up shots, I was cut loose. The whole time I was standing there I felt like the biggest fraud in Oakland. I was certain the cast and crew could see right through me, could see that I had never done something like this, and I was doubly sure someone on set was calling the casting director to ask what cruel joke it was they sent to the set in place of an actor. Walking into the RV after my scenes was like facing St. Peter. After all, here was this "guy", coming to their set, dirtying up their towels, stinking up the joint. "Fraud", they thought. "Waste of our time", they screamed at me with their averted eyes. Ok yes I'm being very dramatic, but it's true - I felt like a total failure. Not because I was told I fucked everything up. And not that I was really asked to do things a different way. I just hate anything that I do, and I hate it worse when I do things that people see.

Coming out of this, I really am not sure if I want to keep going down this road. The time on set was great, and everyone was really very nice. But I may just be too sensitive to be in front of a camera. I feel much better hidden behind a mic, or a keyboard and screen. Acting, especially your first time, can really be a mind-fuck if you are not secure in yourself and your talent. You have to be ready to give everything you have and not hear one encouraging word when you are done. You just have to pick up your guts off the floor, shove them back in, and ask "where to now?"

Even now, after my second Old Fashioned, I'm not sure if I went at all. I mean, I'm just Jason Petros. Clown. Co-Host and Second Chair on the radio. Neophyte screenwriter. Chicken owner. Asshole. That's hard enough to live up to.

At any rate, check out Season 4, episode 7 of "I (Almost) Got Away With It". Airing Who-Knows-When, on channel Fuck-If-I-Know. Look for the fat cop arresting the drunk guy - that's me!

Sparklehorse

2011-08-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

It seems like craft beer folk insist on doing things differently than other beer drinkers. They have to have more of this, less of that, and do it in a different shaped glass than has ever been created ever in the world ever. It has always amused me that the reason most bars will not go from the shaker "iced tea" glass to more nasal-focused bar ware is due to the general population that would steal this new, unique glass. Once again, the swill drinkers are holding us down! Whatever.

I agree with the glass shape debate - the shaker glasses are crap and I hate drinking out of them. Personally, I really enjoy the Imperial Pint glasses, with the little bulge near the top. I don't care if it focuses the aromas, gathers the head,or gets me laid, I really just like it because it feels better in my gorilla-sized hand. Fact.

One thing that sort of blew my mind about glass ware is that many breweries in Belgium have different shaped glasses for each brewery. Fucking nuts man. Some breweries are doing it here, encouraging you to drink your beers out of a tulip glass for all of their beers, so you get the true and intended flavors of the beers. Which kind of goes against my core ideals. I don't want you to tell me how I should enjoy my beer. And it led me to this experiment:

I love sour beers, and I have always been told to drink them from a tulip glass. Some beers I have had this way have been remarkable, others not so much. Some beers I have had in a shaker glass and have been wonderful. So today I decided to start figuring out if different beers from the same brewery would do better in different glasses, in hopes of better enjoying my sour beers when I can afford to drop $20 on one.

My first beer is Consecration from Russian River. Batch 3. Bottled in 12/08. Yeah.

I chose this guy, because I have had it a couple of times before and I never really cared for it. The currant flavors distracted from the sour notes - the thing I really love about sour beers. I thought this would be a good beer to begin my experiment with.

I set up three different shaped glasses - a tulip, what I called a narrow glass (stolen from a tour of the AB plant), and what I called a wide glass.

I filled them all with the same amount of liquid and smelled them all first, then tasted them all cold. After, I went back and smelled/tasted again after giving them time to warm.

Tulip:

The preferred glass for sours. Cold, the aroma was of dark sugars, the currants in this beer really came through, but that's about it. I got no sour or tart aromas, no malt, no oak - nothing of any interest. When I tried some, there was a nice bright acidity and an unexpected fruit-forward-ness, mixed with some of those dark sugar notes from the aroma. The tangy/sour flavors came out, with a light mouthfeel.

As this beer warmed though, some of those nice funky aromas poked their heads out. Still not much in the way of oak or malt. Sipping this beer after a warming period, I got some of the barrel flavors, along with a pleasant jammy note and a moderate booze quality.

Narrow:

Side note to this glass - it had the longest-lasting head of all three. For whatever it's worth.

Smelling this guy, it had a much brighter fruit aroma to it than the tulip glass had. I was even getting some malt notes. No sour/tart aromas though. Cold, it had a firm acidity with more barrel notes than the tulip. The first sip out of this glass was almost puckering - a very strong sour flavor, which made my day. It had some good jammy qualities to it. Just a very pleasant experience.

When it had warmed a bit, there was some funk in the aroma, and the bright fruit only intensified. The flavors changed, too. The puckering sour gave way to a more balanced (and enjoyable) sour/tart combo. I got more barrel tones, and no real booze qualities.

Wide:

BNA 4 glass. I love these things, and sometimes I do drink sours out of them. Cold, the aromas were of a sweeter fruit than the other two glasses. More plum/tobacco notes than the others, with hints of oak and wine. It had more tart than sour flavors, if that makes any sense. Heavy, heavy fruit/currant flavors on the back-end, and not much else. All-in-all, the most balanced of the three beers.

Warm, this didn't change much. It still had the deeper currant notes to it, but the oak and the sour/tart really balanced out to form this very complex beer. I did get more booze out of it, though, which wasn't all that great.

When all was said and done, I really enjoyed this beer out of the AB glass over the tulip or the wide. I felt that for this particular beer, you should really be focusing on the currant and barrel notes, and the other glasses really didn't combine them for me in a way that was pleasant. Try to get yourself a glass like this and see if I'm crazy or not. I will say that while I was tasting the second glass, I ripped a nasty fart and had to leave the room for a bit. Not saying it interfered with my tastings, just putting it on the record as an unknown factor.

I will say that I'm still not a fan of this beer. I don't like my sour beers to be dark fruit or boozy/hot like this one is, even after three years of aging. Who is it going to piss off when I say that I drank half the bottle in the 20 min it took to do this experiment, and I totally dumped the other half down the drain?

Did this help? Was it interesting? Did it maybe inspire you to try some glassware trials on your own? I hope so. Let me know what you liked, or didn't like in this, and any glassware you want to see tried out.

Tulip glasses should not be the default glass.