WORDS ETCHED ON THE MIRROR OF TIME

Waterfalls

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 23:39:00 +0000

I think Bridal Veil falls is actually the first waterfall I've seen in my life at such close distance. McWay falls isn't accessible to the public beyond a certain point. It turns out that California's drought has been hard on the waterfalls this year. The Bridal Veil falls are almost dry at this time. I think I am lucky to have been here earlier in April.

Likewise, I am glad I made it to Yosemite Falls before the heat vaporized most of the water.

Road Trip Memories - 1

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:40:00 +0000

Somehow, this post has been long pending and yet very hard to write. It's probably because I am not looking for synonyms of beautiful, amazing and wonderful here. I intend to be very straightforward instead. I have been living in California since 2011 but I didn't get a chance to see a lot of places until recently. I had worked really hard for 16 months, without a day's break and I thought I could take a week off as a friend was visiting. I had a lot of great experiences but I learned that I was actually not tired at all previously. I am very comfortable at home & work. I like being online, in a civilized place and I haven't been out in the wild at all. Therefore, I was in for some surprises.

I am going to talk about the good surprises. One memory at a time, perhaps. Here's one to start with.

I was at Baker Beach and I was wearing sneakers. I decided to write "HOLIDAYS" on the sand (wearing my shoes) & a wave wet my shoes completely. I was a lil mad but then I liked the fact that I was forced into the water and I actually had a really good time. I was reminded of my childhood in Chennai; the Besant Nagar, Thiruvanmiyur & Thiruvalluvar Nagar beaches. (I hadn't gone to Marina a lot in my childhood but there will be a mention of the Marina in a later post. ;) ). A part of me felt really childish again. On the flip side, I bought new shoes too. ;) Water, is one of those things that will always make me happy. After all, I am a Chennai kid.

Who Lamha Kahan Tha Mera

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Mon, 26 May 2014 08:52:00 +0000

I haven't been to many live shows by singers in the film industry. In 2007, I happened to be in Kolkata when Atif Aslam was performing and I attended the concert. It was a superb open air concert and I have fond memories of the same. Today, I happened to go to Sonu Nigam's live show due to some last minute plans. The concert started around 8 and ended a little after midnight. That's typical of the Bay Area (I have been to 3 Carnatic classical concerts here and found similar enthusiasm in the audience).

Personally, I get tuned to like a certain kind of music and I get very involved when something that's tasteful to me reaches my ears. I delve in the notes of the song, the mood, emotion, soul etc. etc. I have always felt that live concerts are made to please a large audience, so there's a bit of everything. I can appreciate classical songs and highly energetic songs, although I am not a big fan of many popular numbers that I've heard over and over. At the end of the day, how much I liked a concert is determined by how much involved I got. Today's experience was more than just musical.

Sonu Nigam presented Malgaunji (Deewana hua badal), Desh (Sarfaroshi ki tamanna & parts of the interlude In Lamhon Ke Daman Mein), Shiv Ranjani (Dil Ke Jharoke Mein Tujhko Bithakar) & Aahir Bhairavi (Poocho Na Kaise Maine Rain Bitai). I didn't think this concert would have a classical touch, but Sonu Nigam is a very versatile musician and I am not surprised that the medley exceeded expectations.

The rest of the concert had many songs from the 90s and 2000s. It took me back to Ranchi and BIT Mesra, specifically because I have heard most of the songs in my hostel mates' rooms & seen my friends dance to those numbers. Among the old numbers, I remember Tere Mere Sapne in particular because a friend from college used to sing that song. Sonu's rendition of Kya Hua Tera Vaada was endearing and he did mention that it was the first song he sung on stage (when he was 4 years old). Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna & Dard e Dil were really good too. It was sad to know that his mother passed away last year. I think he got a little emotional when he talked about her.

In the first 30 minutes of Sonu's singing, I had already got transported elsewhere and I was completely oblivious to where my thoughts were taking me. I realized where I was when I felt a lump in my throat and that's a feeling that I know very well. I was reminded of Bahar. She passed away 4 years and 2 days ago. It was an irreplaceable loss and it wasn't easy dealing with it. However, I have a life to live and I learned to keep myself so busy that I don't have time to think about what I don't have / what has been taken away from me. Initially, the memories always choked me. Later, I learned to remember my friend without losing the grip I had over myself. I remember her whenever I see success and I remember her whenever I need to push myself to succeed. There are some things that are so easy to understand and yet so difficult to express. Sometimes, music transcends the barriers that words fail to break. Today was just one of those days and I have decided to allow myself this post. :)

The Chennai Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 12:28:00 +0000

Chennai has been in the news a lot more than usual lately. Well, for good reasons indeed but a lot of people are talking about the city I come from and I feel entitled to say something in return. :)

I remember seeing a Facebook share from someone a couple of days back - "Chennai is a city, Madras is an emotion". I agree, you'll see why. I was born in South Madras a little over 2 decades ago and I grew up there. There are still a lot of places in Chennai that I haven't been to so far ... but I can say I know parts of the city pretty well and there's an emotional connection with almost everything I like about this city. Chennai always had more than enough to please my palate and my soul; nice bookstores, great places to eat / shop and a bunch of old friends who I can always go back to. That's pretty much all I ever needed from the city and I have always been happy. The weather, pollution, crowds, dust and rudeness never bothered me really because it was my home and that changes everything. I preferred to condemn less and appreciate the good things happening around me and contribute (remotely, these days) whenever I feel / felt strongly about something. My ties with Chennai will never break and I am not unhappy about that.

That said, I understand it's not the same for everyone talking about it and I don't mind lending a patient ear to different opinions sometimes. Sometimes it's funny because I don't even care to identify myself with people who belong to this city and try to feel a sense of bonding or look for a common thread. And I know I am not alone in being like this. In fact, that defines a section of people in the city - people who mind their business and prefer to keep it quiet. :) It's totally normal ! Anyway, I've met a lot of Chennai-ites in grad school and in the Bay Area. Some of them are the best people I've met in the past 5 years but I'd say the same of them if they came from Mars / Jupiter. I don't get particularly excited when I meet another Chennai-ite, probably because I grew up knowing I had company but I was never in want of it and part of me is still the same. Diwali, Pongal and Tamil New Year were special to me because they were holidays back home and I got to eat my Mom's special food. They're not the same here for obvious reasons. :)

Time to wrap up and I think you're slowly getting the drift. Chennai is a place where you can be a silent observer and yet stand out. You can stay detached and yet be happy because there's a lot of warmth in the city, more than what the thermometer shows every year. :) And even if a million things change I know this wouldn't and I am happy to close this post on that note and call it a day. Adios !

Deal-ing with everything

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 01 Dec 2013 08:39:00 +0000

I look at deals everyday because relevance is my business at work and I am a habitual online shopper. I did some heavy shopping at a Kohl's store near my apartment during my first Thanksgiving in the US. That was out of need more than want. I have more clothes than I need now and search should be powered by technology, so I just shop online. I hate doing manual stuff. :) Anyway, this Black Friday has been special because I have splurged on electronics and I am eagerly waiting for the shipments to arrive. Found that there are bigger discounts on older models of anything and most major e-commerce companies have the same pricing for popular products. Nothing new for seasoned shoppers, I guess. Gmail threw a couple of good promotion mails into my spam folder and a certain store canceled an order I placed because my phone number couldn't be verified (without notifying me over email, text or phone). That apart, I am satisfied with the deals I got from all the different places I shopped at. Didn't have to step out to shop. Job well done ! :)

The Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 01 Dec 2013 05:23:00 +0000

Quoting Ben Sweetland, "Success is a journey, not a destination." Oft-repeated quote, isn't it ? I'm sure it means something to everyone. There's another quote which I can relate to more closely - "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". One thing leads to another and if we follow my train of thought, we'd go back to something I wrote about 4 years ago. Success isn't a journey that comes with a roadmap. Well, knowing where to go is probably the first step in the journey.

The rest of it is at least definable, one needs to envision something even while walking on trails with limited lookahead, toil relentlessly and have unshakable faith in times of extreme uncertainty. My cursor stops here because I can't not mention that having great teachers / mentors gives us an extra boost. Life has been kind to me on that front lately. I find myself looking at the world with a fresh pair of eyes and I needed to do that. The journey will unfold and I would be happy to go a thousand miles and more. Here's to new beginnings and plenty of hope ! Adios !

Hit or Miss - Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 07:37:00 +0000

This post is titled "Hit or Miss - Part II" for obvious reasons. The first part was published about 3 years ago. Back then, I was a naive grad student with no reservations about sharing whatever was on my mind. When I read my older posts, I only feel an overdose of energy and emotion now. In addition to that, I think I was really smart and really stupid at the same time. Anyway, that was retrospective enough to please myself and whoever took the trouble to read the prequel. So I'll just move on.

Over the past couple of months, I have been thinking about what changed and why I haven't been blogging so much. The answer to that question is pretty simple. This blog started out as an "opinion" blog. Most of my posts are logs of things that I thought / felt and I did reach a phase where I picked the easiest medium to express myself and blogging clearly wasn't the obvious choice. I have been binarizing everything. I can provide a rather simple analogy. At any point of time, I only look at two boxes. Within each box though, there could be a lot of small boxes. Lets call my two boxes "mundane" and "extraordinary", which is exactly what they are. A lot of lightweight stuff gets into the mundane box frequently and the box gets filled up to maximum capacity. When I run out of space, I end up discarding the old boxes to make room for newer ones. The cycle goes on. The extraordinary box, on the other hand, has a rather strange property. Whatever is added into it is extraordinary only until it is added to that box. Once in, nothing remains extraordinary. Hence, it is just a box that holds things that were once extraordinary.

I guess that pretty much explains my extended periods of silence. Either I am doing things that are not groundbreaking and hence I don't have much to say or I am so engaged in living those moments that change something in my life significantly, that I end up having nothing to say after I've savored it all.

It's almost time to wind up but I think I could add a little story and finish it on a happier note. :) I was at a bakery with a friend last night. It was my first time at that bakery so I really didn't know what to expect. I ate a pastry, part of a pudding and some fruit tart; all of them were sweet but not cloying sweet. They were all just right. There was a fourth item on the table, and that was a cup of latte which my friend offered to me. He told me that it was latte without sugar. I took a sip and said it was bitter. He said I should drink it slowly and enjoy the subtle flavors in it. I decided to try it again and I realized I could acquire a liking for that drink after all. It wasn't bad at all. That's exactly how some of my experiences have been. When I look back at them someday, I'd probably say the same thing. But it's going to take a while. Like Alexandre Dumas said “All human wisdom is contained in these two words--"Wait and Hope.” . :)

Adios !

Earworm

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Wed, 26 Jun 2013 07:41:00 +0000

I usually don't like playing the same song over and over again but sometimes it just happens. And when it does, it's usually an experience in itself. Over the past couple of days, I listened to three tracks from A.R.Rahman's Raanjhanaa over 50 times. While Tum Tak is soul-touching with a beautiful interlude in Desh raga, Banarasiya is a pure melody in Yaman. The title track, Ranjhanaa is just foot-tapping and has a really happy feel. Shehnai, dhol and sitar couldn't have sounded better in any of these tracks and I don't blame myself for falling in love with this soundtrack. Anyway, I am breaking out of this loop while I am happy and satiated. Peace !

Why do some things with a high potential to induce happiness come with short expiration periods ? It's almost as if there's a TTL for anything that makes us experience a level of happiness that above our normal threshold. Let me give you an example. I used to love white chocolate. I don't know why, but I just couldn't stop myself from going overboard every time I laid my hands on a bag of white chocolates. The mania lasted a couple of months and then it just disappeared. I don't like white chocolate any more. It's too sweet to my palette now. Something else took its place and that too didn't last too long. Overall, I am glad. While it's fun to get these bursts of excitement and relish what we like and live the moment, there is a deeper joy in having a more static superset of things / activities / memories / people that we can cherish.

Music without words, with just the notes to say it all,
Evergreen moments and undying laughter,
The smell of wet earth and the soft patter of rain drops,
Seaside talks and walks on moonlit paths,
Warm showers and cool breezes,
daydreams where time freezes,
unforgettable melodies with words faded in time,
unforgettable melodies with words faded in time ...

I think I've pretty much said what I intended to say. I'll pick up the scattered pieces in another post ... so long ... adios !

Busy

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 06:52:00 +0000

I had read this article a couple of months back but I forgot to bookmark it.
Found it again on Facebook and I set myself a deadline to blog about it. That seems to have brought me back to my blog after 4 months of procrastination.

Here's my take on a couple of statements made in that article.
"It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence."

Being busy is a good thing. I think I've progressed in life during all the phases in which I have been hard pressed for time (for all good reasons). To me, the opposite of busyness is stasis and consequentially stagnation. I dread both. I think most of us would concur on this.

Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.
I think there are different kinds of busyness.
a) You are doing what you want to do and it takes up all of your time. Yes, that's totally being busy.
b) You are doing multiple things and you're not exactly doing them in a round robin fashion. There are priorities and there are wishlists. Well, welcome to the real world. This is crazy busy !
c) You're faking busyness because you don't want your time to be at everyone's disposal. "I'm busy" is a tested shield and excuse. But you have to have the smarts to pull it off without getting caught. Anyway, that's also a kind of busyness.

Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done. “Idle dreaming is often of the essence of what we do,” wrote Thomas Pynchon in his essay on sloth.

I am accused often of being a control freak and I deny several perspectives of that complaint whenever someone mentions it. But, frankly speaking, I am a control freak when it comes to my own schedule. I try to do all my chores on Friday evenings so that I can be more creative on Saturdays and Sundays. I work, read, watch movies, listen to music, talk to my family etc. I find solace in locking myself up in my apartment to free my mind every once in a while. Idleness / stillness is sometimes the only way to filter all the noise that surrounds us otherwise. When we push everything aside and let things be, we get recharged and get back to work with renewed energy. I would gladly be busy for 120 hours a week to get 8 hours to myself. And in those beautiful moments of reflection and daydreaming, I'd find that I indeed love myself and it's a beautiful world after all. That's the end of this post guys ! Adios !

Vacation - Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 20:05:00 +0000

I have been sick since Monday - viral infection, sinus, allergies, fever, wheezing and cough plus a couple of other pains. I couldn't ask for more. :P Anyway, the countdown to the end of this year's vacation already began. So I decided to fight the aforementioned woes and spend some time outside. Went to the Marina yesterday and walked about half a mile. Couldn't do more than that but I had my Mom and a great friend for company. So it was an unforgettable evening. Went to the Besant Nagar / Elliots beach today (around 4 30 pm). Was disappointed to see a plethora of shops / stalls on the beach and litter all over the sand. Walked till the water and made it back (panting quite a bit). Stayed home until I was sure I could walk some more and then I started towards the Thiruvanmiyur / Thiruvalluvar Nagar beach. Had the same great friend and my cousin for company. Walked till the end of the paved road (have done this before). This walk is a "must do" activity for me whenever I come back to Chennai. It's a pity I couldn't it earlier during this vacation. It was 8 30 pm or so and we were at the border. There is a small dip at the end of the road and had to step on the sand on the other sand to complete my ritual. :P I saw a dog that was tied to a post about 15 feet from me and no other threats around. Street lighting was moderately okay and I felt safe enough to complete that last step when something unexpected happened. Some stray dog that was hiding in the clearing started to bark and run towards us. I was about to run but my bodyguards stopped me. The dog stopped and turned back soon after we stopped. We walked back without any unexpected twists and made it home safely. I wish I get over my mortal fear of dogs ! Would look forward to doing the walk again. Hopefully the "Border Security Force" (of stray dogs) would depart sometime and let us walk in peace. :) Adios!

Life of Pi

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 05:58:00 +0000

Mild spoiler alert. Read on if you don't care. :)

"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, he was watching. Even when he seemed indifferent to my suffering, he was watching. And when I was beyond all hope of saving, he gave me rest. Then he gave me a sign to continue my journey."

These words have moved thousands of people all over the world. How can a man have such absolute faith in God? How can he show so much love albeit extreme pain and suffering? Both in the book and in the movie, Pi fights, endures, cries, prays and moves on. He survives unimaginably harsh conditions at sea, not alone but in the company of a ferocious Bengal tiger.

Here's another excerpt from the book:
"I practised religious rituals that I adapted to the circumstances – solitary Masses without priests or consecrated Communion Hosts, darshans without murtis, and pujas with turtle meat for prasad, acts of devotion to Allah not knowing where Mecca was and getting my Arabic wrong. They brought me comfort, that is certain. But it was hard, oh, it was hard. Faith in God is an opening up, a letting go, a deep trust, a free act of love – but sometimes it was so hard to love. Sometimes my heart was sinking so fast with anger, desolation and weariness, I was afraid it would sink to the very bottom of the Pacific and I would not be able to lift it back up."

Pi does admit that it was inconceivably hard to keep that faith alive. However, he prays and doesn't let his heart sink in despair. Here's the continuation of the earlier excerpt :

"At such moments I tried to elevate myself. I would touch the turban I had made with the remnants of my shirt and I would say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S HAT!" I would pat my pants and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ATTIRE!" I would point to Richard Parker and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S CAT!" I would point to the lifeboat and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ARK!" I would spread my hands wide and say aloud, "THESE ARE GOD'S WIDE ACRES!" I would point at the sky and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S EAR!" And in this way I would remind myself of creation and of my place in it. But God's hat was always unravelling. God's pants were falling apart. God's cat was a constant danger. God's ark was a jail. God's wide acres were slowly killing me. God's ear didn't seem to be listening. Despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out. It was a hell beyond expression. I thank God it always passed. A school of fish appeared around the net or a knot cried out to be reknotted. Or I thought of my family, of how they were spared this terrible agony. The blackness would stir and eventually go away, and God would remain, a shining point of light in my heart. I would go on loving.”

Life of Pi is an unforgettable journey. It's a story of faith, love, friendship, struggle and more. I started reading the book a year ago. Read about 50 pages or so but didn't read the rest of the book for several months. This book gave me company during my flight(s) to India. I was stunned when I finished the book. The author did have a big surprise waiting in the end, which of course is now known to everyone who either read the book / watched the movie.

Would give the book a very special place in my virtual bookshelf. That's all folks. Adios !

Vacation - Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 04:39:00 +0000

The last part of our road / temple trip was around the Kumbakonam - Mayavaram area. Went to a couple of temples there. The drive back to Chennai was long but not too tiring. I was a little impatient till we reached Pondicherry, where we lunched and continued the rest of our journey till Chennai. It felt great to move at 110 kmph on the highway with beautiful water views on either side. We stopped at the Shirdi Sai Mandir in Mamallapuram. It's one of the calmest places I have seen in & around Chennai - a fitting finale to the longest road trip we have done in years.

Vacation - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 04:00:00 +0000

We went to Vaduvur and Kudikadu yesterday (11/29/2012). Was wonderful to pray at the Ram and Vishnu temples in these places without the usual crowd. Drove back to Srirangam in the evening and met Lord Ranganatha. Actually I saw the full idol yesterday, for the first time in 20 + years. Had been to Rock Fort day before yesterday. Could see the happy Ganesha there very nicely. Didn't feel exhausted during the climb but my feet hurt when I stepped on the literally rock hard surface. Will be departing from Srirangam in about two hours. It has been a memorable trip. Will yearn to visit again.

Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:37:00 +0000

Five days have passed since I landed in Chennai. I met my family after 2 years and 4 months. It took me some time to detach myself from the other world in which I exist and feel at home in India. Part of me still keeps thinking about my work, life in the US, things queued up there and so on. I have been BUSY, in the truest sense of the word. I don't know how many hours of sleep I got in the past couple of days. I have three weeks to catch up on everything that I have missed in the past 4 years and I am trying my best to make the most of it. Have been traveling in the Trichy - Tanjore area for the past 3 days. I've been to a dozen temples so far and I will be doing pretty much the same thing for the next two days. Rest later. Too tired to write nicely. Adios !

Footsteps

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 09:19:00 +0000

A thought had crossed my mind multiple times over the past 2 years. I kept picturing myself walking and running with no care about anything. Somehow, it never happened. I lived by a beautiful trail by the water in Redwood Shores for almost the whole of 2011 but I never ran on it. (I have walked on that trail quite a bit but it was always < 3 miles.)

Anyway, I think I needed a certain push to do a long hike and there's no better stimulant than peer pressure / awesome company. We planned to do it as a team and I said yes despite feeling nervous about the 8 mile hike in Mc Nee Ranch State Park.

My fears were simple :
i. I gathered that it was an arduous uphill climb
ii. There were no restrooms along the way (there's one at the start of the trail and there are no tall bushes either)
iii. I could run out of breath / feel giddy or both

That said, I was in for a surprise. I discovered that I had some brute strength that was left undiscovered in me, some kind of untapped reservoir of energy and a wild desire to just unleash whatever was tightly sealed within me for so long. I walked, ran, jogged and even skidded / slided deliberately once today. The distance didn't seem to matter. I didn't care to check how far I had gone. The initial mile was hard and I was slow. The group stayed with me to make me comfortable. Later, I just let my feet take over and felt safe knowing that my friends would catch up with me / vice versa. Reaching the top was surprisingly easy after a point. I did run out of breath but I kept breathing. I took 45 second breaks, sat down twice and ran whenever I was too tired / too fresh. An 820 calorie breakfast consisting of chocolate chip pancakes and raspberry iced tea seemed to have done it's part exceedingly well. I was / decided to be thirsty till I completed the hike but I was safe when we were back downhill and I quenched my thirst without having to hold back at all. :)

Going downhill wasn't easy though. I didn't have a great sense of balance and my toes kept hurting when I stepped on stones. I got plenty of "support" (in more than one form of the word) and that made it a lot easier than what I'd have imagined it to be.

Walking / running on a flat road would be a lot of fun. The Marina would be an ideal spot but the beach is always crowded when the sun's up and I am not too sure if I can jog freely there. Planning to try it when I am in Chennai.

Ending a day well spent & hopefully a post well-written. ;) Adios !

Today

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:04:00 +0000

One of my friends asked me what 25 feels like. 18 and 25 aren't very different. I was on the threshold of something back then, I am waiting to get on the threshold of something else right now. I didn't know what that something else was 7 years ago, I wish I had known though. May be I'd have unloaded some extra baggage on the way. Alright, I'll interrupt myself. This post is going to be a little cryptic. Subtle hints here and there would open the doors to interesting discussions later, which of course would make this post more memorable.

Over the past 8 years, I have swung between the extremes of things - extreme happiness, extreme sorrow, extreme frustration and so on. When I think back, I have actually spent (/have been spending) most of my time in few pursuits. Do things happen overnight ? No. Does it get easier with time ? No. Am I afraid ? At times, yes. Do I have a plan ? Yes. I have always had a plan; only that I don't end up executing it to perfection all the time. Nonetheless, I give myself the satisfaction of smaller accomplishments in everyday life. Let me quote a few. Pulling off late nights five times a week, getting out of bed at 9 05 to catch the bus at 9 40 am, laughing at least 10 times a day (I haven't bothered to count how many of those laugh happen in the privacy of my room) ... the list goes on. Anyway, there's a common denominator. I have been trying to get the max out of everything. After all, I am in a world where people compete with each other to do the same. There are no limits, no boundaries, lots of expectations, no rules, lots of surprises and lots of challenges. So where's my peace ... ? It does exist, but in pieces. Perhaps, I'd be able to put them together in the near future.

Will stop here. So long ... adios !

Blown Away

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 08:05:00 +0000

What would you call a man who receives a standing ovation as soon as he enters the stage? A flute virtuoso, a legend, a genius ... ? Words don't suffice ...

He sat down and said casually that he was going to play a new raga; something that he had named Madhyamarwa as it derived it's notes from Marwa and Vasant. Listening to a new raga is akin to walking on a road not taken. There's an element of suspense when you can't tell the pattern in which the notes would rise and fall; you forget everything around you and let music take over. One sound captivated the hall for nearly an hour. He gave the audience the melody of the flute in all its majesty and the tanpura and the tabla players yielded more than willingly. Overall, the first half of the concert was exploratory and musically different.

He started the second half with a Hindustani - Carnatic communion of Hamsadwani. Each improvisation enriched the piece further, leaving me to wonder if the raga could really be so beautiful. I've heard Vatapi Ganapatim over a 100 times. He took the pallavi and blended it with a refreshing medley of swaras - it was energizing and brilliant ! I was overawed and I can ascertain that it's the best Hamsadwani that I've heard on the flute so far. (Vellai Pookkal has a small flute interlude. I love that a lot too, but it's really short and I always wish it could have been longer). He too said he was enjoying himself and that he could play this raga all night. I would have gladly accepted. :)

He asked us what we wanted to hear and the next choice was Jaijaiwanti - caressing and truly apt to hear at that time. That was followed by a Thumri in Pilu. He mentioned that a thumri would typically have romantic lyrics. Pilu is a very romantic raga indeed (Kapi, in Carnatic likewise). IMO, music doesn't always need lyrics (just like we don't always need words to express our feelings). Sometimes, things expressed without words are more beautiful than their verbose equivalents. :)

I tried to request him to play Yaman but I guess I wasn't loud enough or Yaman wasn't lucky enough to make it to his flute today.

The last two pieces were in Desh and Pahadi respectively. Both were charming and absolutely delightful. I can connect with the pensive mood of Desh easily. It's usually played to remind the audience of India, our roots and our love for it. There's a lot of love in that raga somehow. :)

This concert was transcendental because the music and the artist were both extraordinary ! Thank you Pandit Hariprasad Chaurasia - I rediscovered my love for music tonight !

Adios !

Post

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 03:40:00 +0000

Nearly three months have passed since I moved into my apartment. I kept receiving letters addressed to almost 10 previous tenants (or their friends or some mysterious people) over and over again. I'd take the mail out, leave it on top of the mailbox (or neatly on the floor when the envelopes were big) and the mailman would relentlessly pick them up and keep dropping off more mail. I could have stuck a label on the mailbox with my last name (like one of my neighbors did). It kept slipping my mind and the weekly cleanup routine continued instead.

Two days back, we confronted each other and an interesting chat.

Mailman: "What are we supposed to do with all this? Pick it up from the floor? Why don't you leave them on top of the mailbox? Oh they fall down, do they?"

Me: "Yes, I have been doing this for a while now ! Glad I ran into you today ! Thanks ... and sorry ... !"

Mailman: "If you have time, paste a sticker with your last name on the mailbox. Most of the letters are addressed to people with Indian last names, I don't know who's it is".

I taped a sticky note on my mailbox and we're both happy now. He has written a "Thank you !" on my note. Some little things go a long way ! Happy to see that he cared to acknowledge what I had done to make our lives easier !
Adios !

Satyamev Jayate

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Wed, 23 May 2012 05:03:00 +0000

A rather unusual incident happened about two weeks back when I was waiting at the bus stop to get to work. Someone (a man, an African American probably in his fifties who didn't look like a homeless weirdo or a drunk person) asked me if his t-shirt looked okay. I tried to give him an honest answer without being too rude. I am an easy target for questions me when I am outside and I am not on the phone (the phone is going to be my rescuer until I change my lifestyle ;-) ). This person was no exception; he wanted to know if he can ask me a question (usually this is a warning sign :P ). I said a rather reluctant 'yes' and he went to say that he read somewhere that Indian women are made to abort their female fetuses and many women consider abortion a sin. I could see where that was coming from. I hadn't started watching the TV show at that time but I knew what Aamir Khan has been doing and what kind of a reach 'Satyamev Jayate' has on the society at large. And I had to give that unknown person an answer.

In what way am I answerable? My first response was "It's so easy for people to start forming opinions when they read something". That wasn't the nicest answer of course and this person began to explain that he wanted to be educated. I was in a dilemma. Do I appreciate his curiosity (or was it concern ?) on the subject that prompted him to solicit social education from an unknown "Indian" woman on the bus stop or do I just tell him that I had very limited knowledge on the subject of female fetocide despite the fact that I strongly condemn it and hope that my evasive answer put an end of the conversation ? A third element was making me answer though, and that was an innate tendency to not let down the country that I come from. I replied that killing a female foetus is illegal in India (from what I knew) and a lot of change is happening to banish this inhuman practice from the pockets where it's taking place.

And then I came home and watched the show's first episode. I was totally shocked and moved; it was really painful to see and hear what some women had to say (I might have cried if I were on the sets). :( I could see people asking for a fast-track court to expedite judgment on pending cases against doctors aiding such inhuman killings in Rajasthan and the response was overwhelming. I went to bed hoping that everyone gets an answer.

While that story remains incomplete still, something positive has happened on a different front. The Lok Sabha has passed the Protection of Children Against Sexual Offences Bill today. I'd like to believe that the crime and it's perpetrators would be eliminated eventually and that justice would be done to those little kids who have survived nightmares that I can't bring myself to describe. Let the change happen, hopefully the truth alone will prevail.

Adios !

Kindness

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 07:04:00 +0000

It is a known fact that I live in my own world; it's either deep focus or habitual dreaminess. Sometimes I don't bother to notice what's going on around me. This became very evident after I told my colleagues that I hadn't seen a certain person who sat < 8 feet away from me (in 2 whole weeks !). But I get very defensive whenever there's any movement behind my back. After all, I too am equipped with those reflexes. ;) I had a small mirror on my monitor at my previous workplace. It was a fairly useful thing to have ... but I would still jump out of my skin if someone caught me unawares at my cubicle.

Anyway, I boarded a bus a few hours back. I got in, placed my Clipper card before the card reader, heard the thing buzz it's "OK" acknowledgement, scanned quickly to see if the seats at the back (on the right side of the bus) were free, found a good seat and sat down. Only then did I realize that I didn't even look at the driver or greet him ! He would have let out a string of expletives if I paraded to the front on the moving bus and said "Hi ! I wanted to see your face and greet you."

Well, I forgot about all that as I got busy with my phone while that gentleman did his duty sincerely. I decided to get out through the front door as I wanted to see if a friend was waiting at the bus stop. The wheels rolled to a stop as the signal turned red at the intersection closest to my stop ... and suddenly, the door opened magically (I can't miss this chance to exaggerate) !

It was so kind of the driver to open the door for me there. I crossed the street immediately as the bus and everything else on that side waited for the green light. Before getting out though, I looked at his long white beard, then his smiling face and said thanks; I think he is an Indian. I don't remember his face now. I don't know when I'd meet him again on the bus; but after a long %#@!!% day ... it felt good to know that someone thought about me and showed me that they cared ... and for this very reason, that person is my hero today ! :)

Images

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 02:37:00 +0000

I watched Hyderabad Blues by Nagesh Kukunoor and it's sequel a couple of weeks back and was quite impressed with the portrayal of several characters in both the movies. I followed these up with Aashayein, which doesn't compare to the former but has a subtle touch of class in it's own way.

There's a scene in the movie where Padma, a highly vivacious cancer patient pretends to be unconscious to draw attention to herself. She wanted the other inmates of the shelter to know that she's suffering. She goes on say that people would think that she's really brave if she always sports a happy demeanor. She is as unfortunate as anyone living the last few days of their life is, and she doesn't want to be thought of any differently.

I can relate to that statement. When a friend / someone who we talk to is distressed, we don't want them to see a very pretty picture of our lives. Human beings are a bundle of contradictions. We think we are safer when some things are exaggerated / underscored. We want to be strong and dependable and yet we don't want our struggles to go unnoticed. Are we paranoid that something would go wrong if the world perceives us to be more comfortable than we are? Do we even know how fortunate we truly are?

It is true that our expectations rise steeply as time goes on and sometimes things don't happen as fast as they would in the best case scenario. But don't we all wish for the best and prepare for the worst? Is being over-cautious curtailing our freedom in any way? There's no straight answer to this question. Anyway, it is rare to find instances where one's outward and inner composure are in sync with each other.

There have been times when I have walked to the bus stop near my apartment in Gainesville after staying up the whole night. I'd be completely exhausted at the very start of the day (because my previous day never ended :P) but my mind would still feel fresh when I look around me and think "It's a sunny / windy / cloudy / chilly day in toy town". Gainesville always reminded me of the "toy town" in Enid Blyton's Noddy. Post Gainesville, I lived in a very serene neighborhood when I first moved to the Bay Area. I often thought that walking into a painting would feel the same if nothing else moved around me (there were joggers, ducks and some other birds to give me a sense of reality :) ). Even beautiful images disappear like flashes before our eyes when our thoughts take us to a different world. I left both these places in a very unsettled state, with several unanswered questions; yet I remember them with a certain fondness when I think about the days that have gone by. Long story short, is the heat of the moment so intense that we never feel the presence of a tranquil breeze? I still wonder ... adios !

Rebooting

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 03:55:00 +0000

I am breaking my silence. Brilliant ! At last, this post has begun. Some good writers would write paragraphs in some random order and then sort them to get the right sequence. I can't do that because I face a different problem sometimes. I stare at the screen, type one sentence, delete it and stare at the screen again. So effectively, I'd have written 50 posts in my mind but I'd still end up with the same blank screen.

I am just going to pick one of those things that I wanted to blog about for a long time and try putting it all together in one post. So what's that thing? That thing or rather those things are smartphones. It all started with my internship at RIM. I became friends with a lot of Blackberry phones. Then I bought my first Android phone in September 2011. It was the Droid Bionic - the newest and flashiest Verizon phone at that time. I got the phone from a Verizon store, came home, played with it for a while and voila, there was a bug - a bad one at that ! For some reason, the signal to noise ratio on the phone was jinxed and there was an annoying hiss whenever I plugged my earphones to play any sound / music. I wasn't the only person facing this issue either. There were tons of complaints on several forums. I should have researched more before jumping into the purchase. Epic fail !

I picked the Samsung Droid Charge right after I returned the Bionic. Though it's specs aren't as cool as the latter's, the Droid Charge is a good phone. 4G LTE & GPS can drain the battery pretty fast, so leaving home with your phone partially charged isn't a good idea. Another pain point is that it takes about 2 seconds for the display to reappear after the screen timeout. Also, the scroll bar on the call history screen doesn't reset to the top after I scroll down & make a call. My Mom has suffered the most because of this. The worst case scenario usually happens when I miss a call from someone and try it to return it too fast without remembering what can potentially happen. When I pull down the notification bar to call back who's ever call I had missed, her number gets dialed as the cursor would stay at the position of last placed call. I hate this !

Speaking of the positives ... , I love the home, menu, back and search buttons, the camera & the super AMOLED plus touch screen ... but there's so much more that a phone can have ... and I began to think about all that within a few days of using this phone. Ironically, my user behavior wouldn't change significantly even if I get another phone with a dual / quad-core processor, newer OS and better specs. But there are trade offs ... and compromises. I thought I'd list out the most important things that I'd look for in a phone (assuming my carrier network supports it). Here goes:

1. Call quality, network capabilities (LTE)
2. OS
3. Processor
4. Display
5. Sound
6. Brand (actually this can be ranked higher ... status matters :P )

My dream phone isn't here yet. There are a lot of cool phones but there isn't one which has the best of all the parameters. Or is there an intelligent reason for not putting together a combination of all the superlatives? >_> Will find out ... but I am still fancying that new LTE phone, or rather, I am thinking about what I can do differently on it to actually feel the difference.

Will blog more on this later. BFN

Bugged

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 23:38:00 +0000

I see a lot of (software) bugs. I find some, I fix some and I live with the rest (not knowing that they exist, lurking in the dark somewhere ... ready to jump at me when I least expect them). :-| Good, that was dramatic enough. I'll start my story.

I hate having unread messages in my inbox. I read email, mark items as read or I trash things that I don't need. Nothing extraordinary there. I'll add that I open my email from more than one computer and I also use email apps on my phone. Yes, yes I am being slightly prissy here (after all that is how we have to be when we deal with bugs).

I did pretty much the same things yesterday - opened a few new messages from my laptop, deleted some without opening them, marked one or more messages as read, opened a few emails from my phone and then I noticed the bug! There was one unread message which was not visible in my inbox. I call such bugs ghosts, so lets call this the gmail phantom (or the black sheep ?! Phantom this time, I'll use black sheep in some other post ;) ).

I searched my inbox, refreshed the page several times, signed out and signed back in, but nothing helped. So I slept on it :) and tried something different this morning. I searched for a tweak online and discovered something interesting. There's this nice search field that lets us search within gmail. Type "is:unread" there and hit search, voila! - you get a list of unread messages (including unread messages from the trash folder). I saw a couple of random messages that were trashed, but I found nothing from the inbox. Anyway, I marked the whole lot as read and my problem was solved.

All I know is that some list didn't get cleared correctly, how and why it happened are beyond my capacity to fathom (without any logs). When I searched for all the unread items, the phantom too came along and I killed it. I hate such bugs, you don't know where they come from but they bug you to no end. :angry frown:

There was another invisible bug that I saw a few weeks back. I couldn't become invisible on gmail chat (the Google Talk that's linked to gmail) even after I signed out of all other sessions (I was signed in on my laptop, a desktop and a phone). Apparently, this was a bug that many mobile users have faced and I tried a remedy that someone had posted in a forum. I signed out, uninstalled the app on my phone and reinstalled it. That did the trick. I don't remember clearly, but I think I was able to turn invisible after I uninstalled the app. Anyway, the end result was that I stopped using that gTalk account on my phone. Actually, life's more peaceful now.

I see similar bugs on Facebook. Sometimes notifications get lost or I see the incorrect number of likes and comments on some posts (mine / my friends'). Later, these bugs go away. But as I said, there's a whole bunch of evil bugs in this planet; love them, hate them, you just can't ignore them! Adios!

Navratri

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 03:19:00 +0000

Ganesh Chathurthi (or Vinayaka Chathurthi) marks the onset of many beautiful festivals in the second half of every year. Janmashtami (or Krishna Jayanti) follows closely and then there's Navratri (or Dussehra). Deepavali is next and then there's Karthigai - the festival of lamps.

Since I grew up in Chennai, these festivals formed an integral part of my life although I did not participate much. I had been wanting to blog about Navratri for a long time. Now is the perfect time as Navratri is going to start in another ten days and celebrations would have already started in my beloved Chennai with the usual festive spirit and bustling excitement. Only school going kids would be waiting impatiently to be get their quarterly exams done with before they are let loose in the holidays. :)

Many craftsmen set up shop on North Mada Street (Mylapore) for a couple of weeks and sell dolls of Gods, Goddesses, cricket sets, the conventional chettiar family and so on. The Golu is kept in many homes for 9 days with a grandeur of colorful dolls and decorations. I too have made steps for the dolls using boxes, tables, books and host of things that are conveniently hidden beneath a silk sari or a dhoti. We had a rack too but assembling it was harder than the aforementioned approach and my mom and I chose the simpler option when we didn't want to wait for help. Here is a related post with more images.

Anyway, half the purpose of this post is fulfilled. Now I have to move on the more interesting part. The ten days turn out to be a socializing spree for many ladies. The thamboolam has to be exquisite and my mom and I have racked our brains year after year to buy Navratri goodies. The obvious choices were plastic boxes, stainless steel bowls, shloka books, purses, accessories for young girls etc. At one point, we exhausted all these options and I firmly said that we should give Rs.11 to all aunties and kids because everyone has a surplus of plasticware and utensils (and honestly I was bored of getting potentially useless gifts). My Mom liked the idea too. The experiment was mostly successful except for that one time when some lady / aunty asked "Why are you giving money?" and I tried hard to not say "Seriously, give it to me if you don't want to take it". I used to collect pens and buy plenty of notebooks and eleven rupees was a big deal to me !! Another year we gave away all the extra gifts we'd bought in the past - some for Navratri, some from my brother's thread ceremony. The problem of plenty indeed !!

There was another occasion when one of our guests was a middle-aged woman. She entertained us quite well actually. Our oft neglected veena got some attention from her that day and she chatted on for a while in contrast to many other women. All of a sudden, she asked me "How old do you think I am?". "I think you are fifty", I said. She was so shocked to hear the truth from me. "You guessed right" was all she could say. I still laugh a little wickedly when I think about my honest answer that day. Back then, I was just a girl in my bold teens. I didn't give fake compliments to anyone. These days I do that for fun sometimes or when I am forced to be diplomatic. :) See, I am still very forthright about most things. Not much has changed. :)

I'll add one more incident from my reminiscences. This one is slightly sadder. My mom and I were going to my brother's tuition teacher's home as she had invited us to her golu. I really didn't want to go but I had to tag along as my mom and I had a lot of things in our agenda that evening. I tripped and fell outside a shop close to her home just a few minutes before we went there, and my knee was hurting badly. Unfortunately, she asked me to sing and I yielded notwithstanding my pained state and amateurish singing. I suck at remembering lyrics and I chose this song on Lord Raghavendra only because I play it often and I know the verses by heart. I can't do the same vocal acrobatics as the legend Maharajapuram Santhanam but I think I got the effect right in the last stanza. With my bruised knee, I think I let out a groan with all the notes right in Aahir Bhairavi "Raaghavendra ...". I quickly finished that really hard stanza before I made any major blunder and my mom praised me generously. "I didn't know you could sing this song Vidhyaa. I don't hear you sing at home. It's such a revelation." I don't hear myself sing either. I am a backing vocalist to all the stalwarts in carnatic music in the recess of my room. The bathroom stimulates my musical vein as well but I don't like singing before strangers. :-| Anyway, that lady didn't say a word. I could see the frown on her face and I was glad to be out soon. I'll revisit this topic in a separate post. It's not just me, kids hate it when they are forced to sing. Period.

Year after year, my mom and I have returned home at nine or ten in the night with a dozen bags and sundal packets (boiled beans or lentils garnished with a traditional blend of spices for seasoning). Don't even get me started on sundal. It's nice when we make it at home and eat it or the paati downstairs (my veena teacher) gives us a packet. Otherwise, it's redundant and annoying. Particularly annoying is the fact that it is distributed only customarily and very often it doesn't reach the poor and needy. I wish someone would have the backbone to put an end to this or find a nicer way to abide by the customs of one's faith. I can so hear my mom say "Nobody said that the poor shouldn't be fed Vidhyaa. We can give them sundal as well" and me replying tiredly "What are we going to do with all of this Ma?" My dad saves the day grudgingly - "I will finish everything. God, when is this Navratri going to end!?". The problem is, everyone is right. It's so hard to get that balance. As for the rest of the stuff in the bag, the coconuts get grated and cooked eventually, the turmeric rhizomes enter some tray in the Puja, so do the betel nuts along with packets of kumkum and so on. But the betel leaves are mostly redistributed or thrown into the trash. No one eats so many leaves anyway. Still, people who sell those earn a meager income since there is a market for things that are doomed to be trashed in a few days. I would still endorse giving just kumkum and keeping it simple, but some things never change!

In all this drama, the real guests of honor get little attention, except when the haarathi is done or some ashtotram is said. I am talking about the Gods. But they are nice people. They may seem to be silent spectators, but they watch everything and bless all these families with abundance so that they can welcome them back the following year and later too with the same joyous spirit. I'll stop here. Peace !

P.S. It's a drag to search for an image and give credits to someone else. Yeah, I might be missing Navratri. I have just enough time to write a post. I'll celebrate virtually. :) Oh I almost forgot! We have an expert in our family - my aunty. Photo credits to her. It's her awesome golu from last year. Thanks Ankita, your comment helped me add a beautiful picture.

Exam rant

noreply@blogger.com (Vidhyaa) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 02:44:00 +0000

It's weird that I am ranting now although I don't have to take these exams again. This is the story. Both the central and state governments attack the (sufficiently damaged) education system when they are bored. There was good reason to not include the class XII board exam marks in the IIT JEE scores. The board exams test one's ability to memorize formulas and solve stereotyped problems. It's really not a big deal as a student gets very comfortable to face these exams after 8 months of repeated practice, tests and revision exams. On the downside, it is easy to mismanage time when one gets caught up in board exam prep and compromises on preparing for the engineering entrance exams.

Here are some quick comments. Exams don't have to be comprehensive. What if someone can't stand optics, organic chemistry and conic sections? Perhaps there is something else that a student is extraordinarily good at (or deeply passionate about). In the war of cutoffs and ranks, many people accept whatever they get and move on. After spending 14 years in school, a student who wants to pursue engineering is mostly left clueless about his / her strengths.

Wisdom dawns late on many of us. We begin to question what the purpose of school education is only after getting out of school. It's not just in school; overall, in all walks of life, the pressure to satisfy some immediate requirement / deadlines saps one's motivation to push himself harder and think beyond the tight realms of the present. I have known some self-starters and I try to emulate them. It's easy to start anything, but really hard to keep at it. Most of us are driven by compulsion and competition. In fact, we are driven so much that we forget to start anything on our own and engage ourselves in it. There's always a truck load to explanations and excuses.

Overall, I can only say that the format of the board exams has to change. If the exams test one's "real" problem solving abilities, they would be incredibly hard and making those marks count would actually be a worthwhile effort. But if the bar is raised to improve the quality of these exams, a vast majority of students won't be pleased. Or am I wrong? I hope I am wrong this time. I am not an IIT alumnus, may be alumni out there would protest against Kapil Sibal's proposal. Sometimes it's easy to separate an individual's problems from the problems of the nation. I hope I find a way to contribute better.

Signing off ...