Benston Blogs

Come on over!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 00:54:00 +0000

Moving Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 11:45:00 +0000

Hello all!

I have been working for a while on moving all of my blogs to one place. Benston Blogs will now be maintained over on Wordpress. Although I love Blogger, I find it easier to work on all three of my blogs if they are together in one place. So, if you would be so kind as to hop on over to the new blog site and follow me, I'd so graciously appreciate it! I'm at http://ronashively.wordpress.com!

Thanks!

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I object...ify?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 01:29:00 +0000

Recently, I made a decision that surprised even myself. I decided that I would not be going to the movies to see the much-anticipated chick flick, Magic Mike. The reason for this is not that I am a prude or that I feel that I am somehow above watching movies about male dancers. The reason for this is that I have had such a strong opinion over the years about how men objectify women that it would not make much sense for me to go out and do basically what I have thought was abusive to women all these years.

The idea of a movie featuring both Matthew McConnaughey and Channing Tatum is appealing, but it's the subject matter that I was somewhat loathe to accept as okay. I am a Christian woman and although I make mistakes and I may do things from time to time that seem questionable to other Christians, there are some things that I have personal objections to not only as a Christian, but as a woman. Fighting for equality and empowerment does not include treating men in the same way that we say they shouldn't treat women.

So, with this inner struggle taking place, I decided that I would forego the film in favor of watching movies that present these men in their best light. Movies that seek to appreciate them as men and not as sex objects. I thought this was pretty good considering I generally have very little willpower. This is kind of like a chocaholic passing up a plate of fudge brownies. For me, it's a step in the right direction.

Along those same lines, the issue of self-control has always played a huge role in my life. It's never been a strength and it has always presented challenges. Since I've been trying to be a better person and develop my relationship with God, the issue of self-control keeps rearing its ugly head. This movie is just one of many tests that I have had to take recently and though it may seem like a trivial thing to some, it represents some growth on my part. And this type of growing is very difficult. It's tough to know how much leeway to give oneself when you're trying to make positive changes. This is especially true when you know that you've not been quite diligent enough in some areas all along. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. To the contrary, He expects us to make mistakes and to be uncertain about whether or not we are on the right track from time to time. These are the times we are supposed to lean more heavily on Him and allow His word to guide us toward the right decisions. That's what He's here for. He's not sitting up there waiting for us to trip up so He can jerk the rug out from under us.

As a writer, I have had to tone down some of what I write as I've tried to walk more closely with Him. Some of the things I would say in my books before were not what I would call necessary for any other reason than to glorify myself. Since that is not what I am trying to do these days, I felt it would be more genuine and beneficial to the message I am trying to get across in my writing if it didn't contradict itself. If that makes sense to my readers, then I'm on the right track. If not, then the books aren't going to have the desired effect anyway.

The whole point of the books I write is to show the growth of the main character, Rona Shively as she faces the same challenges that most of us face every day. By throwing in some very strange cases and giving a little comic relief, sometimes the focus falls away from the lesson I'm trying teach her, but I am happy to say that at least in my mind, Rona has made some real progress over the years. It's nice when we can have that kind of comic relief in our own lives that allows us to forget our troubles if even for a moment. We just need to pay attention to when what we're doing is merely a diversion until we can gather our thoughts and make a good plan of attack and when that diversion is more of a focus than the problem at hand. Covering up the problem won't make it go away and projecting our issues onto others doesn't help either.

So if you're compelled to see Magic Mike, please don't take what I am saying as some sort of condemnation. Everyone doesn't have the same issues and movie choice may not be as big a deal for you as it is for me at this point in my life. I find myself trying to limit the number of images and words that I let into my brain that aren't lining up with what God is trying to show me about myself. I realize that this may only make sense to me and I'm okay with being considered somewhat flaky in this instance.

I hope you will stay tuned for more details on my newest book. I'm writing it as we speak. In the meantime, if you haven't read the first five books in the series you can order them by e-mailing me at lonestoryteller@yahoo.com. The books are $9.95 each plus shipping and I'll even sign them for you.

Until next time...

“Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

~Job 40:8~

Out with the old...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:39:00 +0000

Somehow, I'm not sure I like that statement. Out with the old seems to imply that the old simply isn't worth keeping. And since I'm getting older every day, it isn't very smart for me to be so eager to usher out the outdated. In light of this, I decided that this year I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions. Instead, I'm going to give an accounting of the things that made the last twelve months meaningful and I'm going to strive toward making even more memories as I venture into this new year. Some of the things that made my list were:

Attending the Beth Moore Living Proof Conference this summer.

Taking my daughter to a Kari Jobe and KJ-52 concert.

Taking my mother to see Joel Osteen in Cincinnati.

Buying the entire Harry Potter movie collection and watching it as often as possible.

Seeing movies like African Cats, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, Kung Fu Panda II, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid II with my daughter.

Going to COSI to see the Dinosaur exhibit and movie and to the Boonshoft Museum so my daughter could see the big constellation display for the first time.

Taking my daughter to the circus for the first time and riding an elephant with her.

Finishing my fifth Rona Shively story, Now You See Me.

Leading my first Bible Study at church.

Having the opportunity to work with a wonderful children’s theater company in Yellow Springs in my very first job as an Executive Director for a non-profit.

Starting a degree program (finally) in Religion at Liberty University.

I had a great year in spite of ending up unemployed and I plan to have an even better year this year. But in order to ensure that I suffer no disappointments, I'm making absolutely no big plans. This is a new thing for me. Usually, I'm sitting there on New Year's Eve with my tablet and my pen in hand, writing up a list of things I need to do. Somewhere around April, I misplace the tablet and from that point on it's all downhill. Of course there are things I plan to do, but nothing along the lines of setting unrealistic expectations for myself and then feeling badly because I don't hit the mark. I've adopted the Rona Shiveliest of attitudes this year and will now be removing this pressure from my life. At least, until I get so frazzled by not having a plan that I have to buckle down and write myself out a big "to do" list.

I hope everyone had a great New Year's and that the next twelve months are full of peace and prosperity for you and yours. If you do find yourself making resolutions, resolve to read all of my Rona Shively books this year. You can get them all for just $50! Proceeds benefit Higher Ground Ministries for women's empowerment.

Until next time....

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New Contest: Tell Me Your Story and you might win a Kindle...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 21:20:00 +0000

Well, it's that time again. I haven't had a contest on my blog for a while and so I figured that it would be great to do something this holiday season!

Here's the scoop. To enter this contest, all you have to do is follow this blog (Benston Blogs) and then send me your story about the most ridiculous Christmas gift you ever received. The winning story will receive a brand new Kindle E-Reader as well as Keeping the Faith and This Side Up for Kindle. And, I'll include your story in an upcoming Rona Shively book. Easy! Follow, share, win!

Deadline to enter is December 10th. Winner will be announced on December 15th right here on Benston Blogs!

As I've said, proceeds from all sales of the Rona Shively Stories goes to help my women's empowerment ministry, Higher Ground Ministries. With that in mind, please consider purchasing all five Rona stories for just $50. This price includes shipping. Just e-mail me to order! If you don't want to order all five, my newest Rona Shively story, Now You See Me just came out on October 31st so, it's a great time to order the latest story if you've read the rest. You can get your copy of this book or of any of the Rona Shively Stories for just $10 (includes shipping)!

Good luck to those who enter and thank you for following Rona!

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Back from Where I've Been...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:22:00 +0000

...wherever that might be. It feels like I have been lost for a very long time and as I looked back through some posts that I wrote before my "mojo" packed its bags and ran off with the neighbor's wife, I began to wonder just what had happened to me. Granted, I've been writing and I've been blogging, but it hasn't been the same. There was a time when I made myself chuckle and when I truly enjoyed sitting down to put pen to paper. But a broken heart can mess up even the best creative minds. Just imagine what it has done to someone like me. But enough of that. I have now resolved to dedicate myself to bringing "sexy" back. Or at least "mildly attractive." Yes, I'm getting my groove back...and I didn't even need to go to Jamaica.

In the spirit of this great comeback, I have decided to share with you the top ten ways to derail yourself from a successful writing career. I have completed them all and so I know they work. Here goes:

10. Get a divorce. It's the biggest and baddest way to motivate yourself into doing absolutely nothing for a period not less than one year but not to exceed five or six. I'm hoping not to reach that top threshhold, but rounding out this year I began to wonder if maybe I wasn't on the fast track to allowing it to sink its teeth into me and effectively bite off my writing hand. (Of course I write with both hands, but you get the point).

9. Change Day Jobs-This is certainly an effective means of cluttering your mind with enough crap that you can never get back into what it was you were originally thinking about. I managed to keep myself distracted for the better part of eight months and I work with books for crying out loud.

8. Attempt to become spiritually enlightened-This is only a deterrent if you are going about it in the wrong way...which I did for a while, but I think I might be on the right track now. So, maybe this one doesn't really count...but I needed something for number 8.

7. Wallow in self-pity-This one is really cool. I can do this one for days and have managed to allow my focus on my own shortcomings to overtake my creative genius on a number of occasions. It all started when I began having difficulty booking events as a result of the state of our economy. It wasn't really my fault and I knew that it was no reflection on how charming and entertaining I can be if given the opportunity; yet I took it all to heart and repeatedly reminded myself that I was just a lowly, unknown author whom nobody wanted to hear about, talk about, or see. Awwwwww....barf.

6. Spend your writing time watching 'Why Did I Get Married?'-Lord, I have wasted soooooo much writing time this year because I had planted myself in front of my television with a box of tissues, ready to commiserate with the cast of virtually every Tyler Perry movie in existence. This only served to make me angry and contrary to popular belief, did not motivate me to write the next great American novel. On a positive note, however; it appears that I can do bad all by myself.

5. Continuous adjustment of your feng shui-Nope, it doesn't increase your creative flow. It does give you lots of sore muscles and a really funny looking living room, though. I moved furniture in my house at least three times this year trying to get things to "feel" right. Guess what, it still doesn't feel right and I am starting to think it might be me.

4. Fail to embrace that side of your personality that seems to be inspired by David Spade-Everyone knows that allowing yourself to vent every once in a while can be a great thing. It is especially good for preventing a build up of negativity that will undoubtedly reveal itself in an epic display of ugliness that even God will not feel compelled to forgive. And so, I needed to remember that it is okay for me to explore my disgust for some things and to give it a name. I have resolved to call it Snookie.

3. Cut off the part of your personality that requires love and attention from the opposite sex-This is just plain silly. However, it seemed like a good idea to me. So much so that I have effectively snuffed out any prospects as soon as they presented themselves. My whole demeanor says, "Don't even approach me!" It takes me back to my teenage years when guys were scared to even look my way for fear that they would turn to stone. Of course, that could have been my hair...or the fact that I usually said, "Don't even approach me."

2. Resign yourself to watching only Disney, Nickelodeon and animated films-No better way to put out the creative flame than to fill your mind with the incessant yammering of the cast of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. After a few episodes of that, you just don't have a lot left for good plotting. Never mind being able to finish a novel, try writing a substantial blog post after a marathon of Good Luck, Charlie...it'll never happen.

1. Just get fed up and stop writing-The absolute best way to derail your writing career is to stop writing. Even when you think you have nothing to say, there is probably someone out there who wants to hear it. Wait, that almost sounds like someone out there wants to hear nothing...not exactly what I meant. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how much life is hurting you; no matter how many poor entertainment choices you are making, and no matter how dedicated to a sense of self-deprivation you become, you must never stop writing. Write about the struggle, write about the angst, write about the idiocracy of it all, but keep writing. Even if no one besides you and your twelve cats ever see what you've written, it is a creative release that needs to happen. If you're a writer, write. Period.

I hope you've enjoyed this revival of sarcasm and witty interchange. I'm hoping there's more where this came from and that I will now stop following my own advice. God help me get out of my own way. ;)

Until next time...

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What Now?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 22 May 2011 02:13:00 +0000

Sometimes, things change. I was in the middle of writing the Rona Shively series when I reconnected with God and suddenly realized that I just couldn't continue writing in the same way that I had been writing. You see, when I started writing this series I was angry. I was hurt and I had been holding back much of what I was dealing with. Granted, I love some of the stuff that made it into the first four books, but I am now being led by a power much greater than bitter inspiration. And in following God, I no longer wish to write about things which I feel are indicative of the very behaviors which grieve Him. I'm hoping that my readers will appreciate the transformation that I'm putting the Rona Shively character through and not feel as though I've gone crackers.

I'm still me; I just don't want to glorify the wrong things in my writing. I've come to accept that if this is a gift from God, then it should glorify Him and not the things of the world. It may or may not make sense, but this is what is happening in my life. As I looked back on the many experiences that I have had and tried to understand how they all led up to my writing these books I found myself somewhat ashamed of what I was writing. It became clear to me that if I'm going to write this series at all then I really need to change direction. And so, in the next book, Now You See Me, Rona's struggles with her own spirituality are a prominent feature. In much the same way that I struggled to come back to God, Rona finds herself fighting the urge to accept Him in her life.

Writing this book has taken quite a bit longer than I had anticipated, but I believe that the changes will be so worth the extra time. Now You See Me will hopefully make you think about your life in a whole new way and compel you to appreciate the relationships you have with the people in your life. We all experience loss in different ways and Rona Shively is no exception. I hope that as you read this book, you'll laugh a little, cry a lot and remember what makes life worth the struggles and the challenges. Stay with me. It's going to get good.

Now You See Me will be available soon!

Until next time...

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Are you ready for Rona's next adventure?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 19:31:00 +0000

Here's a preview of the latest Rona Shively novel, Now You See Me:

The realization hadn’t quite hit me all the way, but the minute the words were out of my mouth, a wave of panic shot through me. What kind of mother would I be? I had no idea what I was thinking. What made me think I had any business bringing a child into the world? I didn’t even know how to take care of myself. When it came to loving people, I was a first-class loser. Case in point, I had a guy here that wanted to marry me and I was trying to push him away because I felt like he loved me too much. Isn’t that the point? That someone would love you too much?

As I stood there, stunned by the realization that I had absolutely no confidence in my ability to be someone’s mother, Trey put his arms around me and pulled me to him. He completely abandoned his own pity party to pull me out of mine.

There's alot going on with Rona. In case you missed the last installment, well, I'm not going to tell you. You'll have to read the book. ;) I'm hoping to have book 5 in the Rona Shively series out soon. Due to a series of unfortunate events, the writing of this book was delayed. But do not fear, it's on the way...as are the many changes that will undoubtedly carry Rona into a whole new set of challenges.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you.”

~Ephesians 5:13-14~

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My Best Worst Example...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 02:01:00 +0000

It's hard to maintain a positive attitude when it seems that people are just chomping at the bit to see how quickly you'll revert to your old ways. I'm by no means perfect, but it isn't likely that I have been on the deserving end of some of the criticism I've endured over the past few weeks. It got me to thinking, who is the best example of the worst person I've ever had to deal with on a regular basis?

Sadly, I've had no shortage of candidates lately. But if I had to pick one, it would be the person(who shall remain nameless for now)who most frequently approaches me as though I'm a twelve year-old child and attempts to make me feel inadequate because I am not a mind reader. She knows who she is and it really isn't necessary to throw her under the bus to make my point...though it would be quite satisfying. The point is that I've worked for and with many people who made it their life mission to point out what others aren't doing well enough to suit them. I've often wondered what it would take to make them focus less on what others are unable to do and more on what their own shortcomings might be. I've wondered, but no answers have ever materialized.

Rona Shively is trying to turn her life around. She's got big changes ahead in Book 5 and I hope you'll hang in there with her as she starts turning her life around. It's often easy to enjoy reading about the faults and misgivings of someone like Rona because it helps us remember that no matter how bad we are, there's always someone out there who is worse even if they are a fictional character. Rona has been my best worst example for several years now of what a single, self-sufficient woman can be if she gets too hung up on what she believes others think of her. With my own newly regained freedom and an attitude of gratitude, I'm hoping to bring her around to my way of thinking and empower her just a little as the series continues. I'll keep you posted as I get closer to finishing this next book.

Until next time...

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Rona Shively must die...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 14:11:00 +0000

This isn't a joke. Everything you know about Rona is about to be changed forever. She's done what she can to stop it, God knows she fought it all the way. But the time has come. If you missed This Side Up, buy it now on Kindle so that you are ready for the latest installment in the Rona Shively series. Coming soon...Now You See Me: The Rona Shively Stories.

Until next time...

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It really can't be over...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 17:05:00 +0000

Summer, that is. Usually, I spend this time during my year to work on writing, promoting and generally winding down from what I do during the school year. Since I work in an elementary school, I have to fortunate privilege of being on vacation during the summer months. This year, the plan was to have been: finish writing Rona #5, work on revamping my websites, schedule more Tea & Mystery events, and fit in a few moments to get centered. Unfortunately, my summer consisted of the following: moving, going through some very stressful and emotional times, writing just enough to piss myself off, being frustrated, pissing a few others off, starting a new college program and being frustrated with my inability to concentrate, trying to redefine my life, and going back and forth to complete a leftover project that I had to do for work. Generally, I'm upbeat. I like a challenge and I really enjoy staying busy. This year, however; the challenges were not those which I would readily welcome into my life next year. In fact, if I never meet these particular challenges again, that will be just fine with me.

As I look at the next few months, I wonder how it will all work. I'm in classes online that require a great deal of attention. I will be returning to work full-time next Wednesday at a new school this year. My daughter goes back to school the following Wednesday. My divorce will likely be finalized within the next month. I only have about 200 more pages left to write on Rona #5 and the only Tea and Mystery I've been involved in over the past few months has been right here in my living room. Frustrating. Stagnant. Agonizing. The only thing left to do is this: hold a contest!

The winner will receive a complete set of Rona Shively books! In the Wash, Under Lock and Key, Keeping the Faith, and This Side Up! Here's what you have to do to enter: E-mail me your best guess at who is going to die in the next Rona Shively book. If you've read them, you'll know that there are at least five possible victims including Rona herself. I already know the answer of course, but let's see what you're thinking. Send me your guess and I'll pick from the entries to see who gets the prize! It's easy! I'll post the results of all of the guesses I receive on the blog for fun. Someone is going to die, but who will it be? Sleuth it out, people!

A contest is a great way to end the summer, so send your entry to me by August 31st for your chance to win! Until next time...

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Trick, Tramp, Skank or Slut?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:16:00 +0000

Sorry to put it out there like that, but the topic of my discussion today is going to have to be about women who can't seem to figure this out. I've run into lots of men in my day. I've dated a few, loved a couple and even married one. I've never been able to understand why it is so easy for a man to stray from the woman he says he loves. It occurred to me that the fault is not entirely that of the man. Though I like to believe that each of us is responsible for our own actions, I have to admit that if there are women out there who are more than willing to offer themselves up as some kind of prize to a man who is teetering on the edge of commitment then they are just as responsible for the behavior as the man who engages in it. And well, those women need to be slapped.

I believe in lifting women up and helping them to achieve their higher potential, but if the woman is so determined to get what she wants that she has no boundaries or respect for what another woman already has, then she doesn't deserve to be lifted up. These women just don't seem to care. They look for any and every excuse to justify their behavior.

"Well, if he could be that easily persuaded, then he didn't love her anyway." No, if he could be that easily persuaded it just means he's a douchebag and that she will eventually need to get rid of him. It isn't your job to be a catalyst. Get your own.

"But he loves me and he's just staying with her because he doesn't know how to let her down." No, he doesn't love you, skank. He's just getting what he can get from you until you either move onto the next one or he finds another one of you to add to his lineup.

"She must not be doing her job as a 'wife, girlfriend, significant other' or he wouldn't be looking for something else." You know, sometimes men just look to be looking. She could be doing everything right even to the point that she's given up on her own dreams to keep his fulfilled (and that's usually the case). It is definitely not your place to determine what she may or may not be doing for him. He doesn't belong to you. You don't know the situation, you only know what he is telling you and I've got news for you, if he's cheating, he's also lying and he doesn't give a damn whether or not he tells you or anyone else the truth.

"She's let herself go, how can you expect him not to think I'm more attractive?" Beg pardon, trick. No. This is certainly not your call. If she has let herself go, it is probably because he has put her through hell and she's given up on trying to make herself look good because he didn't appreciate her when she did. Spend some more time with him and see how you look.

When I was single and out being stupid, I tried to be careful who I spent my time with. Sometimes a man is up front with his status and sometimes he tries to hide it. It used to burn me up to see the same married man out having dinner with his wife in the early evening and then see that same man hugged up with some tramp at the bar later that night. At the time, I didn't know how to approach it. I thought, "It's none of my business." Well, in a way, it should have been my business. I should have said something to them. I knew both of them, not well, but probably well enough to point out that what they were doing was absolutely messed up. It didn't really hit me until I got married that it would have been nice if I'd had the gumption to speak up. If more people publicly frowned on the behavior, then maybe it wouldn't happen so often. Wishful thinking, but you never know.

There might have been something to that whole scarlet letter thing. If all the tramps, skanks, and low-down dirty cheaters had to wear a big red letter on their clothing, wouldn't that be helpful to those of us who are trying to do things the right way? The bottom line is that if he isn't yours, don't look at him, don't touch him, don't think that he's just passing the time with his wife until you pop onto the scene ready to satisfy his every desire. No, he's not been waiting for you. If he was waiting for you, he'd have waited, ho. See, that's how it works. If someone is waiting on you, they wait. They don't just take an eleven-year detour and stop off to have a wife and kids while they await your arrival. Funny how that works.

So today's lesson for all the tricks, tramps, skanks and sluts out there is that we must first look for a wedding ring. Second, we ask the question, "Are you married or living with a steady girlfriend or otherwise engaged?" Third, we make the decision whether or not we want to be part of the problem or part of the solution. Fourth, we think better of ourselves and of other women than to try and settle down with someone who has already been pretending to be settled down with someone else. This is easy. Give it a shot.

Until next time.

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No offense, but do men get this?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 13:22:00 +0000

Unlike animals whose quest for happiness is restricted to survival and to the immediate gratification of sensory desires, we human beings have the capacity to experience happiness at a deeper level which, when achieved, can overwhelm unhappy experiences.

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I ask the question only because I've never seen evidence that they do. Women seem to always be trying to reach a level of happiness that is somehow deeper than what men are content with reaching. It's the whole, 'give 'em a beer and a steak and they'll be happy' mentality. You'll know by the grunting. It sounds terrible and somewhat prejudicial, but as a woman, I've noticed that the men I have known were never really interested in doing more than scratching the surface or simply scratching...when it came to happiness. They were okay with just being content. Perhaps this is why relationships are so difficult. Women are always trying to dig in deeper and men are always trying to hover near the surface.

Unless there is some Zen-like euphoria that comes over you when you are gutting a deer, I'm not sure that men care to get as happy as they can possibly be unless they are in bed. And I don't think that qualifies as a Higher Purpose even though some men would swear that they are performing on the level of a god here. How many retreats or workshops have you seen that focus on men's self-esteem? Is this because men have all of the self-esteem they need or is it because it simply isn't a priority for them to live their lives to the fullest?

I realize that women and men are different in many ways and that men have a whole other way of looking at life than we women do. I just don't understand how their value system works. Why is it so easy for a man to drop the kids off at school and simply walk away without a second thought? Why is it so easy for a man to cheat on his wife and then look her in the eye and swear that he didn't? Why is it so easy for a man to be content with living below their potential and allowing someone else to be the go-getter? Are there men out there for whom this is not true? Is it a regional phenomenon or possibly just specific to my little piece of the universe?

I'm truly curious. Other than a Buddhist monk, what man do you know that is truly seeking their highest potential? I'm not talking about the creative types who are chasing after celebrity. That's generally all about ego and hoping to gain groupies or some other bullshit like that. I'm talking honest-to-goodness, on-a-spiritual-quest, looking for fulfillment in this life, depth. If you know of men like this, please share it with us. And for God's sake, don't forget to include a photo and phone number. ;)

Until next time...

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What if it's really not you?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 01:45:00 +0000

I've been thinking about identity theft lately. Partly because this is the main offense being perpetrated in my latest Rona Shively novel and partly because someone I know recently claimed that their identity was being tampered with. In their case, they were lying to cover up some unsavory behavior. In Rona's case, however; it's a bit more entertaining.

Without giving too much away, Rona Shively will soon find herself in the middle of a twisted case of identity theft. Someone wants to make her look bad and they are not above taking advantage of unsuspecting elderly women to do it. When a new client comes to Rona, pointing fingers and asking questions about why she is trying to swindle old ladies out of their savings, Rona has no choice but to dig in and set about finding well, herself.

You'll never guess in a million years who is behind all of this. Rona faces some difficult losses and ends up in an all out war with her worst adversary to date.

In 2011, be on the lookout for Rona in Now You See Me: The Rona Shively Stories.

This Side Up is now available! Just e-mail to order your copy today! Be sure to write "This Side Up" in the subject line of your e-mail!

Until next time...

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From the latest Rona Shively Story...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 15:55:00 +0000

Here's a preview of my new Rona Shively story:

I waddled into the restaurant, mentally ordering my pancakes, eggs, and sausage as I scanned the dining room for someone who fit my client’s description of herself. She had said that she was tall and thin with dark brown hair. She said that she would be wearing a red leather jacket. I spotted her almost immediately. Her hair was short, in a stylish bob. She was almost too conservative-looking to be meeting with the likes of me. I walked up to the table and made one of those “Ahem” noises to get her attention. When she looked up, the expression on her face went from calm to catty in something like seconds.
“So, you’re Rona Shively,” she said, her tone extremely unfriendly.
“So, I am,” I said, “What’s the problem? Are you Susan Fleming?”
“That’s right, and I’ve got a bone to pick with you,” she said getting to her feet. She jabbed a finger in my face as she continued her tirade. “Where do you get off trying to take money from helpless, old ladies?”
Now, I’m not generally speechless. This is especially true when some hag is pointing her gaudily painted fingernails in my face as this woman had done. A few months ago, she would have been on the receiving end of a nasty ass-whooping for this kind of behavior. Today, however; I was feeling generous. Whether it was the nature of the accusation or the instability of my hormones that made me stop and think before taking a swing is not important. What’s important here is that I simply stepped back and calmly asked, “What are you talking about?”
“You know very well what I’m talking about,” she said loudly. People were starting to watch our exchange and with my reputation, I really didn’t need this kind of publicity. “I’m talking about Esmerelda Haynes, my grandmother, the woman you convinced to sign over $5,000 of her retirement money for a phony insurance policy.”
Okay, now she was just being ridiculous. “Esmerelda Haynes?” I asked. My patience was wearing thin and since she was making it very difficult for me to order those pancakes I’d been fantasizing about, I was starting to feel a little less charitable and seriously considering punching her in the mouth to shut her up.
“Esmerelda Haynes,” she said. “You just spoke with her last week, didn’t you?”
I took a moment and then shook my head. “Uh, no,” I said, “I’ve never spoken with any Esmerelda. Not last week or even over the course of my entire existence. I do not sell insurance, nor have I ever convinced anyone to give me $5,000.”
She gave me a look that said she absolutely didn’t believe me. This woman did not know me and I wasn’t sure who had told her that I was the one who swindled her poor old granny, but at this point, I just wanted to sit down.

You can order your copies of The Rona Shively Stories by contacting me here. Get all four for just $40!

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Book Signing Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 14:10:00 +0000

I just wanted to post here that I will be at the New Carlisle Public Library in New Carlisle, OH tonight at 6 p.m. to sign copies of my latest book, This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories. I hope you can make it out to see me this evening!

I'm hard at work on Rona Shively 5! You won't believe what's going on with Rona. She's definitely gotten herself into a situation she won't easily get out of. Someone is trying to set her up and they're using her friends and family to do it. It really is complicated, so if you want to know what's happening, you'll have to read the book. :) I'll keep you posted on my progress, but in the meantime you can order your signed copy of This Side Up or any of the other Rona Shively Stories by e-mailing me today! My first ten orders will get a free gift with their purchase!

Until next time...

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Does it really need to be this difficult?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:37:00 +0000

Some days I fight with myself. Not in a psycho, Fight Club sort of way, but more like I just won't allow myself to enjoy my life. On those days I somehow dig deep and find more and more ways to justify being unhappy. It makes no sense to me. I have everything I need. I'm not overly concerned with money or wanting things I don't have. It's more of a philosophical struggle with my own well-being. Do I not deserve to be happy? If I do, why can't I convince myself that it's really okay to have a good day?

Over the course of my life, I have been known to have a penchant for self-defeating behavior. I am compelled to take the most difficult route to my destination. I like to think of it in terms of my not being afraid of a challenge, but truthfully, I think it's born more out of some sick, twisted fear of success. When I get really close to having a major breakthrough, I back off and simply stop doing whatever it is I'm doing right. I don't necessarily start doing anything wrong, though in some cases I have, but I just don't do anything that will advance me further.

For instance, I'm going through the beginning stages of a divorce right now. Having separated from my husband at the beginning of May, it's been a little difficult to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing with myself. We were together for eleven years and it's been quite difficult to retrain myself. I know that I don't want to regress and live the life I was living before marriage. Before I got married, I wasn't having any fun (though many would beg to differ) and I certainly didn't feel empowered. During marriage, I felt less empowered but I could always blame it on him or at least on being part of a couple. I had lots of ideas about all of the things I would do if I would ever find myself single again and had no one to answer to but myself. But, now that I have the freedom to do those things, I really don't want to. Hence, the fighting with myself. Even when there are no barriers, I tend to create them so it's hard to know what is holding me back.

Thankfully, I have alot of time to think about things now and when I'm ready, I'm sure I'll figure out what it is that I need to do with my time. I write, I pray, I spend time with my daughter. I worry, I pray, I make funny comments on Facebook, and every once in a while, I eat. Seems too long a title for a bestseller; Write, Pray, Parent, Worry, Pray, Be Sarcastic, Eat. But then, you never know what people will like. Especially if they're like me. ;)

Until next time...

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Kindly remove your heart from my sleeve, sir...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Mon, 31 May 2010 13:29:00 +0000

Life is too short to bear the burden of someone else's dissatisfaction. Huh? Yeah, that's right. I said it. I'm sick and tired of being miserable because someone else can't figure out how to be happy and out of some twisted kind of respect for them, being afraid to go ahead and do what I already know how to do. This is the absolute tip-top of a massive tower of bullshit.

Throughout our lives, we will encounter people who will somehow, whether on purpose or by accident, wrap us up in their own perceptions of who we are and who we are entitled to become. Our choice is to either follow their recommendations and live the way they say we should or we could listen to our own ideas about what we can and can't do and then actually live our lives. The problem is that once we allow someone to dictate who we are and who we are allowed to become, it takes alot of work to get back to our own ideas. Alot of time, energy, patience, determination and real work.

There's nothing like a life transition to throw you into a swirling mess of anger, frustration, and uncertainty. It's like being flushed down a giant toilet and not knowing which ocean you might eventually end up floating in. Wait, did I just liken myself to a giant turd? See, it's rough. It's even affecting my self-image. Seriously, though, I'm in the middle of a struggle that I had no idea I would be facing at this point in my life. I say I had no idea, because for years, I had resigned myself to the notion that I would always have to put my ideas about who I was on the back burner until someone else was comfortable with them. I couldn't be comfortable with them either until the important people in my life were on board. What a backward way of thinking!

I've been talking about empowerment for years, but lately, not really feeling 100 percent empowered in my own life. I've made lots of changes that I think improved the quality of my life and some that might have made it just a little more difficult than it needed to be. Through it all, I was led to believe that I was being accepted for who I was becoming. But, upon arrival at my destination, I was basically told that I had taken the wrong flight and that if I wanted to go where I was going, I couldn't bring a carry-on. Had I known that originally, I would have taken the bus. What the hell am I talking about? No, I didn't take a trip that went terribly wrong, well, maybe I did.

Metaphorically speaking, I guess I did. What I'm saying is that sometimes our relationships hold us back and we think it's our problem. We're told it's our problem, we're made to believe that we are the ones with the problem. In reality, sometimes it's simply that the other players in our little production are following a different script and refuse to edit where it makes sense. Myself, I was born holding a red ink pin and am willing to slash through whatever looks stupid, sounds stupid or just plain is stupid. And so, here I am. Sitting alone on Memorial Day, typing this absurdly poignant piece of bloggery for you, my readers and feeling somewhat relieved that we had this time together.

Have a wonderful holiday, celebrate with family, remember your loved ones who have passed on, and don't forget to be who you are, no matter who likes it.

Until next time...

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Long time, no post...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sat, 22 May 2010 22:18:00 +0000

It's been almost a month since my last post and I'm really forcing myself to sit down and write this one. You see, it's been a rough month. On May 1st, I moved out of my husband's home and set out to live on my own. I took my daughter, my cats, and my stuff and that was that. The move had been a long time coming and didn't seem to make sense to some people who thought that everything in our marriage was just peachy. But in so many ways, it was clear that we had become two people who were moving along on very different paths and in directions opposite one another.

Why write this now? Well, because I'm sitting here and I'm wondering what to do with myself and writing seemed like a good option. I'm not going to go into great detail about our differences here. The point I'm trying to make with this post is that sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Like for instance, I have been trying and trying and trying to write this book on Women's Self-Esteem for the last three years or so. Every time I got started on it, I would stall. I couldn't get past the fact that I was feeling so unempowered in my own relationships that I had no business writing anything to empower anyone else.

I'm not sure if the changes I have made in my life will make a difference in my ability to go back and finish that book or not, but I'm sure they will play a huge role in my decision to keep or scrap the whole thing. And who knows? Maybe I just liked the idea of writing something like that because I needed to feel empowered. Maybe that isn't the book I'm supposed to write. Maybe I'm meant to write something altogether different from what I once thought I needed to say. I know one thing; forcing the issue doesn't make it any easier to write the words. Just like forcing myself to stay married didn't make it any easier to love my husband.

There are things we hold onto, for whatever reason, that sometimes only serve to give us a good excuse not to be what we are meant to be. If we allow ourselves to remain stuck in the belief that the idea we had about ourselves years ago is still the best idea even after years of changes, triumphs, defeats, achievements, failures, ups, downs, losses and gains, then we will never move any further along our paths than where we once stood. And we'll stand there, gazing longingly into the great beyond wondering what the hell we're doing still standing there.

I for one, hate standing still. I try to be a good person and do what makes others happy. Sometimes, though, it isn't possible to make everyone happy no matter how many ways you twist yourself up. Sometimes, you just have to let it all unravel and see what you can make from the pieces once it's all been disassembled. I figure I'll approach it like the guy on Airplane! who looks at his newspaper and says, "I can make a hat. I can make a brooch..." Seems like an optimistic way to go and a hell of a lot more fun that what I've been having lately.

Hanging in there until next time. ;)

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To Forgive...divine?

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:35:00 +0000

I've been doing some thinking about forgiveness lately. My P.I. character, Rona Shively has struggled with issues related to forgiving people. She has been estranged from her mother for years, she recently broke off her relationship with her boyfriend who was also a close friend for many years, and she also has difficulty forgiving herself when she makes a mistake. The underlying problem with Rona is that she sees forgiveness as allowing someone to walk all over you and then just saying, "Okay, just don't do it again."

I completely understand having issues around forgiving those who have wronged you. Forgiveness does not translate into allowing someone the opportunity to screw you all over again. It does not mean that you will necessarily give someone the opportunity to hurt you again. Forgiving someone does not necessarily absolve that person of their sins and it doesn't have to mean that you give them another chance to do anything to you again whether that thing be bad or good.

I can see where forgiveness is important; however, I think many people often mistake the intended outcome of the act (which is to free the forgiving party's soul to live a life energized by love and peace instead of being burdened by anger and hatred) for their own interpretation of the meaning of forgiveness. In other words, if the person who has hurt you believes that being forgiven gives them a clean slate on which to once again stomp you into then they miss the point. Forgiveness isn't really meant to make the offending party feel better, though that's the way it is often taken. In many cases, people mistakedly believe that forgiveness is meant to serve as a "starting over" point when it may actually be a "jumping off" point for moving on to a better situation.

Rona Shively has been dealing for years with the guilt of having not been able to forgive her mother for cheating on her father. When her boyfriend cheats on her, she wants to have nothing more to do with him. As she continues to grow from book to book, her capacity for forgiveness is gaining momentum. She will soon find herself in a situation where forgiveness may be the difference between life and death. I'll share more about that as I get closer to getting the next book in the series finished. For now, check out This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories. I'm offering a special right now for anyone who would like to buy two or more Rona Shively Stories! Order two or more of the stories (In the Wash, Under Lock and Key, Keeping the Faith, This Side Up) at the low price of $10 each and shipping is absolutely free! To order this special, e-mail me and put the word "Forgiveness" in the subject line. I'll be running this special until May 1, 2010.

Until next time...

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Rona's Vision of Love...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:01:00 +0000

In my last post, I talked about the importance of knowing what you want in a partner. I even threatened to have Rona come up with her own list of qualities she was looking for in a mate. Well, here it is. Rona and I sat down last week and went over some of the things that have been plaguing her relationships all these years. I asked her, (just play along), if she could list all of the traits she would want in a life partner, what would they be? Her answers were as follows:

Rona's Personal Vision of Love

He would have to like the same television shows I like...and more importantly to hate the same ones I hate.

He would need to be somewhat affectionate, but not smothering.

He would need to understand that my rear end does not need to be swatted simply because it enters his vicinity.

He would need to like most of the same music that I like...and as with television, hate the same music I hate.

He would need to be somewhat adventurous. Note, adventurous has nothing to do with being open to playing a different video game than you're used to playing. For God's sake, get off the damned couch.

He would need to be ambitious enough to look for ways to improve himself without my constant prodding.

He would need to be fairly self-sufficient, at least to the degree that I am.

He would need to actually talk and listen when we are trying to have a conversation. It would be nice to feel as though speaking with one another and enjoying it was an option.

He would need to understand that I am not prone to sitting back and relaxing. I like to be busy and I like to be doing something that means something. Oh, and it would be nice if he were somewhat interested in doing something meaningful as well.

He would need to be at least as intelligent as I am. I'm no genius, but I really hate spelling things out for people. It tends to dampen my mood when I have to explain something simple to a grown person.

Lastly, he would need to understand that I am nobody's mother. Especially not his.

Whew! Well, I'd like to say that Rona is on the right track with this, and I guess, she might be. At least she knows what she wants. In my latest Rona Shively book, This Side Up, Rona is struggling with some serious relationship anxiety. After reading the book, let me know if you think she might be on the right track with her list or if she should just hang it up altogether. You can buy the book at my website or at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

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Love Stinks, But Sadly I'm Used to the Smell...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:48:00 +0000

Rona Shively has always been kind of a boob when it comes to relationships. She can't decide whether she wants something serious or she's content just having a fling here and there. It's not that she's a tramp, really. It's more that she hasn't taken the time to sit down and think about what it is that she wants in a partner. I had the fortunate experience of doing this back in 1999 when I took a class in college called Divorce and Remarriage.

It may seem a little strange that I would take this class since I had neither been married, divorced nor remarried at the time I took the class, but it really served as a wake-up call for me. Up to that point, no offense to the guys I've dated, I had really picked some losers. I'm not sure why I did it, but I seemed to gravitate towards men who had absolutely nothing to offer in the way of emotional stability, support and even romance. I recently pulled some of my old school papers from that class and found one of the assignments (along with years of therapy) that helped me get past my emotional stupidity. The assignment was to make a list of things that I was looking for in a man. The teachers, a married couple, called this a "Personal Vision of Love." Here are some of the things that made my list:

He will believe in the importance of self-exploration.
He will value family.
He will be willing to share his hopes and fears with me.
He will understand how my past experiences have shaped the person I am today.
He will have similar recreational interests to my own.
He will have his own spirituality.
He will be down-to-earth.
He will respect himself and me.
He will enjoy working.
He will evolve.

Nice list. I seemed to have all figured out at one point. The good news is that it was only a few months after I wrote these things when I met my husband and we started dating. One year later, we were married. Now, ten years later, I'm absolutely sure I was onto something when I wrote the list, but that's a discussion for another time. For now, let's focus on how this sort of list might help Rona.

If Rona Shively were to make a list of the things she wants in a man. What do you think she would include? Send me your thoughts and I will publish her list here in a few days. I'm interested in seeing your ideas on this one!

Don't forget to order your copy of This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories at my website today! I'm running a special right now on Keeping the Faith and This Side Up. If you buy them together, you can get them both for $20! That includes shipping! Stop by my website today to order yours!

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Read an excerpt from This Side Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:48:00 +0000

From Chapter One...

I slammed the phone down with somewhat unnecessary force; slumping in my chair like a woman who had spent the better part of the day trying to convince herself that she really didn’t need one man while fretting over not being able to get an altogether different man on the phone. Ah, the irony.

As I pondered this, there was a knock at my door. It was most likely the pizza, but I checked the peephole anyway to make sure. I didn’t see anyone there, so I opened the door cautiously. I’d been fooled by this trick before. I peered outside to see if anyone was waiting to club me over the head, but no one was there. That was odd; I could have sworn someone had been at the door. Maybe I was hearing things. I shut the door and went into my kitchen to see if I had anything to drink in the refrigerator. I opened it up and looked inside. One can of Coke and a couple of bottles of beer. I grabbed the Coke and opened it.

As I took a swig, there was another knock at the door. I was pretty sure it was actually a knock this time. I set the can down on the counter and went over to the door. This time, I reached into my purse which was hanging on its hook near the door and grabbed my gun. I held it at the ready as I looked through the peephole again. This time, I saw the pizza delivery guy standing there holding my pizza, grinning like an idiot. What the hell did he have to be so happy about? He was a pizza delivery guy for Christ’s sake.

I opened the door, still holding my gun. The boy’s eyes grew wide as he saw it in my hand.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “it’s not for you.” I smiled reassuringly and handed him a $20 bill to cover the cost of my order. “Keep the change, dear.”

He handed me the pizza and the Coke and then backed away from me without saying a word. I’d tipped him about four bucks, so in addition to not getting shot, I’d say he did pretty well on this order.

Pre-Order your signed copy today at my website!

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This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:43:00 +0000

The newest installment in the Rona Shively series is set to be out on February 4th! I'm giving away free copies to five lucky individuals who subscribe to my blog or to my Rona Shively Newsletter. You can be included in the drawing by going to my website and subscribing or simply becoming a follower here at Benston Blogs. The newsletter is quarterly, so you won't be bombarded with Rona Shively stuff every day of your life...unless of course, you request it. In that case, I'd be happy to e-mail you with more frequency and tell you to buy my books, read my books, give my books away as gifts....etcetera, etcetera...

This Side Up is another big mess. Rona is trying to make some big decisions and becomes involved in helping a teenager figure out whether or not she was adopted. In the process, Rona learns that there is just no end to the terrible things that people will do to one another when they have no direction in their lives.

Still searching for some sense of her own purpose, Rona tries her best to help this girl figure out what's going on and why. By the end of this book, Rona is, as always, even more confused than she was to start with.

I'm now accepting pre-orders for This Side Up. Anyone who orders between now and January 31st will get their signed copy for just $12.95. That includes shipping! Check out my book trailer and order your copy of This Side Up at the Rona Shively website!

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Stop, you're both right...

noreply@blogger.com (Rebecca Benston) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. 1 John 3:18 (NLT)

This week, I've seen a wonderful thing. I've witnessed a most uplifting outpouring of kindness as I watched people bring my sister and her son gifts, clothes and money to help them get through Christmas after having been burned out of their house by a fire on Monday night. It was touching to see so many people giving and giving to a person whom they didn't know, a person who could have been any number of things besides just another human being who was suffering. No one asked her if she was a Christian, or if she believes in God, or if she attends a church in town. People really just wanted to help. I believe that this is what God intends. He wants us to help one another and he doesn't want strings attached. It has always been my understanding that when you are trying to help someone, you are not focused on who they are or what they stand for. You are focused on helping them through whatever it is that they are going through and hoping that you have done all you can without making them feel obligated to do something in return.

So, it got me thinking. My sister was helped by a couple of churches and many, many, churchgoing folks. My sister does not currently go to church. In fact, she believes in some things that scare Christians. I also believe in some things that would scare Christians. But the bottom line is that we both believe in God and have faith that He is leading us on this journey and that whatever He wants to do in our lives is what we must accept and hold as right. We see God's beauty in all things and understand that there is not just one right way to connect with Him. In fact, I feel that to believe that there is only one right way to speak to God is somewhat shortsighted and I'll tell you why. There have been many times in my life when I know that God was right there with me. Many times when I couldn't have been further from being a good Christian woman. I'm still working on being a good Christian woman, but I can look back and see that he pulled me through things that I never should have come through as a sinner who refused, not just put off going, but REFUSED to go to church. I know that there was a time in my life when I was so angry with Him that I worried I would never find my way back to Him. And, if it hadn't been for a constant connection to him through meditation and through constantly looking for answers to the questions I had by exploring other religions and ways of worship, I would never have been able to set foot in a church again.

The point is that He was listening even though I wasn't in church. He was listening even when I wasn't sure if I was a Buddhist, a Wiccan, or a Baptist. He was listening and I'm still here, ready to do what I can to live His will for me.

As the pastor at one of the churches we attend now said at one of the sermons this month, you won't get to heaven by simply going to church. You won't get there by tithing, you won't get there by doing the things you think are what good Christians are supposed to do. At least, you won't get there by doing these things without having this one most important thing: love for God. If you don't love God, no matter what form He takes in your life, you cannot get to heaven. If you don't love God, you can't do His work. You can go through the motions, but you're really only doing these things for yourself and your own gratification. If He isn't at the heart of everything you are doing, then it isn't really for Him.

It's been so hard for me to focus on writing and promoting my books these days because I've been trying to fix my own slanted perceptions of just exactly who I'm doing all of this for. If it isn't for Him, then it isn't worth the time. Yes, it is fun to write and yes, I hope people enjoy what I write, but more than that, I really want to write things that bring people closer to Him. Going into 2010, I'm hoping my work will be worthy of what God wants me to put out there for you. If I'm quiet, you know I'm still working on it.

Here's hoping that you have a wonderful New Year's and that 2010 brings you closer to what matters most in your heart.

3~So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4~Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:3-4 (New International Version)

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