Eminem came back with a great CD, Recovery, that I just started listening to. There are a few songs I like, but this one is stuck in my head

Talkin’ 2 Myself Lyrics

Ayo Before I start this song man
I just want to thank everybody for being so patient
And baring with me over these last couple of years
While I figure this shit out

Is anybody out there?
It feels like I’m talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
It guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I’m going insane
Am I the one who’s crazy?

So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I’m on my own
Is there anyone out there
who feels the way I feel
That there is then let me in and let me know I’m not the only one

I went away I guess to open up some lanes
But there was no one who even knew what I was going through growin’ pains
Hatred was flowing through my veins
On the verge of going insane
I almost made a song dissin Lil Wayne
It’s like I was jealous of him cause the attention he was gettin’
I felt horrible about myself
He was spittin’ and I wasn’t
Anyone who was buzzin back then coulda got it
Almost went at Kanye too
God it feels like I’m goin’ psychotic
Thank god that I didn’t do it
I would of had my ass handed to me
And I knew it but proof wasn’t here to see me through it
Im in the booth poppin another pill tryna talk myself into it
Are you stupid? You gon’ start dissin people for no reason?
Especially when you can’t even write a decent punchline even
You’re lying to yourself, you’re slowly dying, you’re denying
Your health is declining with your self esteem, you’re crying out for help

Marshall you’re no longer the man, thats a bitter pill to swallow
All I know is some wallowin, self-loathing and hollow
Bottoms up of pill bottle maybe i’ll hit my bottom tomorrow
My sorrow echos in the hall though
But I must be talkin to the wall though
I don’t see nobody else (I guess I keep talkin to myself)
But all these other rappers suck is all that I know
I’ve turned into a hater, I’ve put up a false bravado
But Marshall is not a egomaniac that’s not his motto
He’s not a desperado he’s desperate its startin to bottle inside em
One foot on the brake one on the throttle
Fallin asleep with writers block in the parking lot of mcdonalds
But instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about it
Admit you got a problem you brain is clouded you pouted long enough
It isn’t them its you, you fuckin baby
Quit worrying about what they do and do fuckin shady
I’m fucking going crazy

So I pick up myself off the ground and fuckin swim before I drown
Hit my bottom so hard I bounce twice suffice this time around
It’s different them last two albums didn’t count
Encore I was on drugs, relapse I was flushing em out
I’ve come up to make it up to you no more fucking around
I’ve got something to prove to fans I feel like i let em down
So please accept my apology I finally feel like im back to normal
Let me formally reintroduce myself to you for those of you who don’t know
The new mes back to the old me and homie I don’t show no
Signs of slowin up, pullin up, blowin up, all over no mo
My life is no longer a movie but the shows aint over homos
I’m back with a vengeance homie weezy keep ya head up
TI keep ya head up, Kanye keep ya head up
Don’t let up, keep slayin em
Rest in Peace to DJ AM
Cause I know what its like
I struggle with this shit every single day

So there it is, damn, feels like i just woke up or something
Guess I just forgot who the fucvk I was man
Ayo, and to anybody I thought about going at, It was never nothing personal
Just some shit that I was going through
And to the rest of you, I’m back!

Being alone always represents darkness to me, especially being lost and alone. I picture myself at the bottom of some hole, or wandering around at night.

The sky went black,
My eyes went blind,
Darkness surrounded me,
When you left me behind

excerpt from Path of Darkness

I found that searching through several old poems and I thought it was pretty dead on about how I feel right now. However after hitting rock bottom, you can always go up from there.

If you can make it through the night, there’s a brighter day.”
— Tupac Shakur

Another good one is Tupac’s poem, The Tears in Cupid’s Eyes.

Pitch Black Night

I thought I was tested enough
To see if our love was real
I went to the deepest and darkest place
Waiting for you
To pull me back

In the light again with you
Completing my heart
Making my life whole
Without you something is missing
The world just isn’t right
Without you,
Everyday is like a Pitch Black Night

I accepted you as you are
Even if it wasn’t perfect
Forgiving you for leaving me that way
For breaking me in half
Now once you have finally made me whole again
You want to take it all away.

by Matthew Henrickson

When it comes to friendships, relationships, and just general things in life it’s tough to set a part what is true and real. Your heart and your love is so strong on so many levels, your eye can be blind to the truth. When it comes to certain things, I like to reflect on this quote:

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

by Albert Einstein

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great,
And would suffice.

by Robert Frost

I am surprised I never have read this poem before, it’s apparently one of his most famous poems. However, The Road Not Taken is obviously my favorite one. Because I took the road less traveled by.

Phantom Heart

I know I had the real thing once
It belonged to me
I did my best to protect it
Until it escaped me

I didn’t know I lost it right away
The appearance remained to stay
Your phantom heart was there
While your real one left one day

Your phantom heart still beats for me
Or the illusion continues to be
The one that is here right now
Is not real at all, even though it pretends to be

I love you more than love
But my love appears to be blind
If it’s not me you love
And I’m not the one on your mind

Then it’s time to end this race
Because in the game of love
There is no second place

by Matthew Henrickson

You don’t know what you want,
which is now my problem
I can be the asshole who treats you like shit
I can be the jerk you want to hit
I can be the dick you love to hate
Or I can be the funny guy on a date

I can be whoever you need
I can be the one who takes the lead
I can be nice and just about you
I can never lie and always be true

Or I can be me
And treat you the way you should be
Knowing the best words to say
The best things to do
Always being there, to take care of you.

I can be your world
I can be all you need
I can be the one
You just have to let me.

The idea is nice, until reality sinks in
For you it’s not if, but when
I can only go on so long
With the dream that we belong together
I can’t wait until your ready
I don’t know if you will ever be.
You promise me the world,
That I don’t know if we will ever see.

You ask for time that I’ve already lost
You want to find yourself, at my hearts cost
It’s about you until your ready for me
But how long will it take you to truly see?
You are risking love, you’ve been risking my heart
And you continue to, the longer we are apart.

It’s this life or the next
It’s me or them
It comes down to one decision
It comes down to time
And if in time, you can’t make that decision
It will be made for you.
And we will be lost forever.

I have put everything into being with you. I have worked what felt like forever just so we had something. Something that was OURS. Our own things, our own lives, not being dependent on anyone else but each other. I am finally at that place in my life, and now you aren’t there.

Once again you’ve put yourself over me, while I have sacrificed everything for you. Again you are selfish, only seeing your side. Again you’re lies are your own, while I only have true words for you. It’s not about me, as if it ever was. I can only give you so much before I lose myself, and that’s where I feel I am going. I am lost. The worst part is you don’t even care. Or maybe you do, and everything is just fucked up.

Broken Again

The darkness is back
The battle is over
Our time is up
The game was lost
In the end I paid the cost
My damaged heart, broken again.

I can’t explain the pain I feel
Betrayed can’t be the right word
But one doesn’t exist
I’ve made you my life
And with it taken away
I feel like I have nothing left.

If you are everything and I am nothing,
What do I have now?

As we continue on our path
I can no longer guide you
Making your choices isn’t fair to you
And lying to me about what you do
Isn’t fair to me.

This long path we’ve been walking on
No longer makes sense, it hasn’t
I’ve demanded more from you
That you don’t want to give
I’ve given you time
That I didn’t feel I had

Now it’s time for you
To reach that fork in the road
I will be on one side
With open arms, hoping you will join me
My heart wide open, always loving you

On the other side will be your own path
Without me, after so long
Making your own choices, only you to blame

Throughout I can’t be selfish
I want to bring you to that fork in the road
For you to choose for yourself
Regardless of what I feel
I only want,
Your Happiness.
Maybe then, I will find mine.

by Matthew Henrickson