Words Passing You By

officially moved

2017-07-12T09:19:00.001-06:00

Hey Words Passing You By blogger crew,

just wanted to let you know that this blog is officially "completed." (not quite the right word, but not the wrong one, aha.)

This chapter is over. So if you want to join me, if you haven't already, hop on over to Brin Lael. Laugh at the golden hues because they are so BRIGHT. and so good. yep. Also the comment section looks especially beautiful. I promise you I'm not trying to coax you into commenting. laugh laugh. It's just seriously one of my favorite parts of my new design.

ALRIGHT. goodbye. *salutes* it's been a good run on this one.

NEW BLOG HERE

(click itttt. you know you want to.)

sneaky laugh.

so many loves. see ya later.

announcement + never seen before poem

2017-01-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

summer

we talk of summer with longing in our voices
for the sunlight that warms up our icy eyes
forget-me-nots peeking between blades of grass
day dreaming with clouds about the dirt beneath our feet

we look forward to springing up from new ground
breaking the frost with love running wild
road trips across soul filled mountains
under hills with red dirt and wrinkles of time

but today as the afternoon rolls around
we sit beneath the ceiling made of plaster
holding onto the summer in one another
like we will never see it again

we believe in resurrection like we are violets
so when the rain comes we are not afraid of death
but the red mountains run like blood
and the grass bends so low that it can feel our heartbeat

x

HEY WHAT. addy and i worked together on that. it was sitting in my drafts gathering dust. so i'd thought i'd let it see the light of day and make it's home on this blog.

dun dun duuuun.

which brings us to my announcement.
WOO.

with a changing heart and happy eyes, i am pleased to let you guys know that i'm moving on from this blog. i've had it since the beginning of two-thousand-fifteen. that's two entire years, yo. since then, my writing has greatly improved, i've laughed more than ever, had several adventures, and changed.

whaaaat.

so. it's time to clean things up and start on something else. this blog will still be here. just a chapter. you can look back on it and laugh and cry (or forget about it entirely. no hard feelings).

from now on, you can find me here: brin lael.

ha. hope to see you there. and if not, that's okay. i already know. no need to explain.

*salutes* farewell, words passing you by. i'll come back to hear your stories soon. keep a steady heart and listen to the waves of the sea. they're constant.
God is good.
x

Q & A with you

2016-12-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

using this unedited summer photo because why not

GUYS. Guess what we're doing today. That's right, a Q&A. Can I get a whaaaaat. Except this time you guys are doing the answering. I put together a little survey because I want to hear about the things in your life. They're mostly short answer questions, but I won't blame you if you only put a single word answer in there. A simple "yes" will suit me just fine.

I'm the survey link! Click me!

can't wait to hear back from you guys! hope you like it. *grins*
x

p.s. i have no clue how to put the actual survey in this post so you'll have to make do with that link. whoops. loves.

seasons feel just like home

2016-11-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

i knock on the wall

and i hear old summer songs.

still there like they will never leave this house.

i trace the window pane

and i feel the frost soft and watching

because autumn has already come to visit with her stories.

i hear the heater turn on

and the smell tells me i'm eight years old,

barefoot and fighting with an old stick and a winter grin.

i change the light bulb

and spring sits with her sweet laughter.

she is warm and bright and there exactly when you need her.

but even with these things

it doesn't quite feel like home

until your laughter, combined with mine, echoes through the halls.

come home?

one last post before december sweeps november away.

i'm missing something

2016-11-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

it's the sound of tired feet

pattering into the kitchen at 2am.

it's the sighing of the trees

when the wind is soaring by.

sung like an old song on my lips.

letters tucked between the pages

of my favorite book.

his eyes hiding behind the ghosts

we were of yesterday.

when did i become so wrong?

i lingered in the quiet house,

watching the sunset grieve gray and blue.

doubt remnants on my heart,

stuck stiff and unmoving.

i'm missing something.

i wish

2016-11-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

i wish i could wrap up all i want to say to you in a letter

and put it in the mailbox to send your way.

because i stare at the stars as we drive down the highway

and your name is written in the dust they leave behind.

i lean my head against the seat and i can't get your fingerprints

out of the worn leather that tells of where we've been.

memories.

they are stuck bronze behind my eyelids.

i can't stop wishing you were here now.

i am grasping for the last threads of old skins,

and yet He is saying that it is time to let. them. go.

your name has never been this hard to say before.

the room has never been this small before.

"did you make a wish?" he asks from the back seat

after i told him i thought i saw a shooting star.

i shook my head.

the little girl in my soul is learning to

sit on her knees in the garden to water the plants.

the little girl in my soul is learning how to grieve loss.

and man. it stings.

he comes

2016-10-02T23:04:00.000-06:00

exhausted//.

i woke up this morning with eyes more tired than the night before.

the trees swayed in the October breeze. the sun shone its October warmth. (yet it was more lonely that way.)

i sleepily watch as Fall sets in to the month. a tree out in our yard is already burning orange and losing leaves. the trees are cold to the touch in the morning.

and this heart is breaking more and

more.

indigo blue//.

the stars were up way before the sun. so was i. (for the first time in a long, long time.) it was sad. the birds were still quiet in their nests and the traffic light turned from red to green for a lonely car.

i remember i climbed that hill as fast and hard as i could. to run, run, run away from the things i couldn't face. you. them. the pain that was already choking me. no one was there.

i've tried to move on, but these things haunt and

haunt.

she calls//.

i called out into the valley for an Answer. and it came. sweet and soft, but burning powerful. a wild pain that required sacrifice and death.

(a cold wind flew through and that's when i knew.) the Lion said it all.

i can still feel the ache. i can still see the blood and the wounds. i sat against the wall and cried until my throat was sore. (He comes.) the Shepherd sat beside me and hugged until there was nothing left.

don't you ever doubt it.

(He comes.)

it's been a really long week.

before you go

2016-09-27T18:49:00.000-06:00

and the words echo beneath this old ground.

they shatter who i was and i can hardly stand the loss --

no. please.

come back. it's not too late. i promise it'll be okay.

but i see the look in your eyes

and i know deep down that this is the part where we

both let...

go.

trust me.

i am. i will.

just one thing --

promise me you'll never doubt that i love(d) you.

i pinky promise.

(his laugh is sad

and the trees even bend lower)

i love you too.

p.s.

hope is a precious thing.

this is worth fighting for.

2016-09-01T21:11:00.001-06:00

via tumblr because i am a wee baby who didn't go and take pictures

she came like a mighty storm in an envelope. i cried hard when i got it. it was about restoration and hope and good things, but man i cried hard. because you have to let things go.
(let go, let go
let go.)

but i stood on that shore and the waves receded and then came back and then went and came. cowardly?
that i am.

i ran out into the ocean like it was my name, but even the mighty blue cannot wash away the pain that comes with wounds as deep as mine. and before that, i ran to the mountains. to the deep forest green that wrapped around old memories. but even that precious overwhelming place cannot give you rest.

have you ever ran from the thing you knew you needed?
(i'm good at that,
you know.)

you run and you run, but there's this compass in your heart and it screams against you and tells you you're going the wrong way. but in the end, you end up right where you were meant to be anyway.
because there's a Voice that calls your name when you finally run out of places to go. there's a Light that shines on you when the darkness is all around you. there's a Shepherd who searches for the lost sheep until it is found.

there's a Cross where self dies and Glory reigns.

a million words come to mind when i try to tell of that story. the one about pain. about Death. but none of them are good enough or the right ones. but i'll tell you one thing -- three days later, He is risen.

you know.

there is hope.

there is something so precious and so holy that i cannot bear the weight of it in these small words. there is a Restoration so strong it shakes me to my bones and i tremble and laugh until Joy becomes the center of my heart. there is a Death so deep that it cuts the darkness apart and destroys what Evil had taken root.

and then comes the morning.
then comes the tears of joy and the laughing and the gasping and the River that rushes wildly again. the Father takes you up in his arms and calls you Beloved. and you just start bawling again because there is goodness here and you can finally see. they say grace is like an ocean, but this grace is even bigger than that.

Love.

the word is finally sweet on my lips. i had only borne the weight of the pain of it. i had run from the very thing because Love? it is hurt.
(wait.
it is Death. of self.
selfless love is the only Love worth having.)

i told myself i wasn't willing to stay. i wasn't willing to bear the Death that came along. but i sat in the garden and talked with Love Himself and he taught me what it meant. and told me...

he told me...

(can you dare to hope?

will you believe it?

i know you've been hurt, but just wait one second --)

that Love was worth fighting for.

he did not only tell me that, but He showed it. his Nail-Pierced hands and the Hole in His Side. He cried. and when a Love like that makes you cry, you don't let it go. you take it in your arms and you hug until nothing is left. you fight and you do not let anything take it away.

this is to the ones who gave up all hope and started to fear and doubt:

Love is worth fighting for.

(..."i will call those who were not my people, 'my people,' and her who was not beloved, 'Beloved.'" hosea 2:23)

not your every-day love. the Love. the selfless love that takes you out of the equation. others above yourself. sacrifice. tears. it's not about who is deserving or not, but it's about raising everyone above yourself and taking the place of a Servant. it's about loving when it hurts and putting Self to death every morning when you wake up.

i ran back to that ocean -- but oh whoa, not as who i was before -- and i stood upon that shore and felt the cold ocean run up to my feet and rush back down. i laughed. because He had been talking to me all along. even the ocean fights for the Land.

i hiked those dirt trails in the mountain and i felt the air in my lungs. i came upon the land that had been burned by a forest fire, but i couldn't contain what i felt either, because new saplings were growing. the mountains fought for Life.

there was a little sapling of Love growing wild in my heart like never before. this time, i was willing to fight for it. there's a difference between letting go and letting things die. i know that now.

---

special things if you're willing to take the time:

letters kept to ourselves || tremble || we won't give up || 7:37 || the chair || fall in love || love them hard

do not fear.
xx
cally

7 Pieces of Advice

2016-08-21T12:28:00.000-06:00

one -

go outside. go out under that big, blue, giant sky and watch those clouds make shapes. feel the warmth of the sun upon your skin. take this moment.

take this moment.

rest.

God is enough.

two -

make the effort.

make the effort to say hello, to send that letter, to say what you mean, to be genuine, to love, to be kind, to be patient, to wait the extra minute, to smile, to talk to the people who want to talk to you, to talk to the people you love, to laugh, to live.

make the effort especially when other people are not.

three -

don't focus on your appearance so much. it takes the joy out of life and out of photos. if you look ridiculous, you look ridiculous. this is the time you learn not to care. 1 samuel 16:7

four -

it's not a waste of time. you're an adventure-filled soul and staying home doing nothing all day doesn't quite fit your fancy. but stop right there -- it's not a waste of time. sit down with your best friend to watch that movie, lounge on the couch, or (i especially like this one) lie around and take a nap. time passes quickly, true, but be content in every way it is spent.

it's not a waste of time if you enjoy doing it. so enjoy it. "nothing" can be quite enjoyable and an adventure if you make it one.

five -

write letters.

i'm a letter writer. and hoarder? i've kept pretty much every single letter i've ever received. write letters about love, about God, about summer, about things coming, about what makes you laugh, about what it feels like to be home, about your favorite people.

one thing though -- don't rush it. letters are precious. they are made for you to think out what you're going to say. use a pen. let every word count and take the time to let it mean what it needs to mean. don't rush it. write it when it is time.

six -

seek. seek. seek. seek the Lord with all that you are. let nothing be put above Him and let Him be the only thing you want. set your sights Above. be intentional. there is nothing else in this world worth going after. there is nothing on earth better than God. seek. wake up early. make time to talk to God. spend time with Him.

seek Him. in the music you listen to, in the movies you watch, in the places you visit. whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. (philippians 4:8)

lamentations 3:22-25

seven --

learn what it means to truly love. this one is for you to figure out.

xx.
p.s. addy is featured in four out of seven photos. you'd think this was her blog. whoops. also, photo creds to her sistah for some of the pictures. <3

summer's end.

2016-08-17T11:43:00.000-06:00

summer?

she tasted like yesterday mornings and afternoon naps.

she was painted on your skin like farmer's tans

and stuck in your hair like soft dirt and golden sun.

summer.

i left her in a little town with the ones who know how to love best.

i left her with a piece of my heart and crazy sunflowers.

oh, oh i didn't want to go. (but sometimes goodbyes have to be said.)

time to move on

2016-08-04T13:15:00.003-06:00

so i took your name and i put it in an envelope
and set in the pocket of my heart to read when
i feel especially alone.

there's a golden sound that comes from the ticking
of the old clock down in the hallway that
sings with a Voice i know all too well.

tonight i sat outside on your front porch
and i watched the magpies and robins
dig in the wet dirt for worms and lost memories.

but this morning i awoke and there He was,
holding out His hand for me to take.
and so i set aside the old skin and walked on to new things.

we walked along the road of sunflowers
and hacky sack laughter in the distance,
and He told me about old things and about surrender.

there He stopped, by the old willow tree on the corner,
and gave me an envelope like the one i had stored.
it was the color of the first snow and it smelled like home.

with one last smile, He went on His way,
and i stood on the corner and opened the envelope.
i'd tell you all that He said and all that it meant,
but there are things you must keep to yourself.

but i'll tell you it was about redemption and
it made me cry harder than i ever did before in my life.
it was about the hello after the toughest goodbyes.

and your name was written in the letter
along with this summer that i held more tightly
to my heart than all of the others.

xx

p.s. backa lacka from camp. missed you more than my heart can ever say. tell me how your week has been & what summer means to you.

i'm older now

2016-07-16T22:34:00.000-06:00

i miss... you.
it was dark,
but the words echoed.
a light on quiet shadows.

i didn't tell you that i missed me too.
the younger me. the one with bright eyes.
the one who knew what to say,
who was as innocent as the clear morning.

but we're older now. and it hurts.
because those sweet little hands are gone now,
and i kneel on this wet dirt,
calloused and bruised.

what am i holding?
it is all i hold dear.

see, these are the things they left behind.
i'm one of the things they left behind.
it hurts when everyone goes on without you.
did i tell you i missed you?
because i miss you more than ever.
i miss who i was more than ever.

these are the days of an older me.
but all older means is sadder.
sorrow weighs on me
like fog on the cold gray mountains.

still, i will rejoice.
still, i will bow my head before the Lord.
and still yet i will sing.
Jehovah Nissi written on my heart.
there is one who will never forsake me,
whose love is unfailing,
and who has grace overflowing.

and surely i am with you always. (matthew 28:20)

MY PEACHES. Hey, I'm off to camp but I'll be back in two weeks. see you when July is over.

be good and learn to love every precious minute you have.

email me when you're lonely.

i'll be back.

goodbye

2016-07-05T22:10:00.000-06:00

photo creds to the wild dreamer for this pic

i watched the air balloons today.
they floated softly up
and i watched them with tired morning eyes.
there are days you have to say goodbye
to your old self. to who you were.
to who they were.

the other day i sat alone and just cried.
i don't even know why.
but i know i needed to.
the bluebirds sang to each other
and the wind blew hard and wild.
oh, it was one of the hardest goodbyes i ever had to give.

i drove in silence back home,
the highway stretched out before me.
she was asleep in the backseat
and i had my sleepy thoughts to myself.
we got up early to drive back.

i felt it then. the change in my bones.
i can't go back to how it was. to how i was.
change.
my old, old friend. you have come again.
i know it is time and i've already mourned the coming.

but here i stand with shaky knees and eyes afraid,
and with a heart ready for the hard, sweet taste of rain.
i'm ready for more goodbyes...but only because
the hello will be worth all that He takes.

come, let us return to the Lord.
he has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
hosea 6:1

xx
remember who our God is.

i am a stained glass window | guest post | abbiee

2016-06-16T06:30:00.000-06:00

“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

We live in a really really interesting world. A world that bends and pitches and sways, depending on how you look at it. Colors weaving through each other, bleeding through each other. There is love and hate and beauty and jealousy and laundromats and happy tears and waffles.

And planet earth spins and spins and spins. It orbits the sun.

We look for poetry, we look for words. But sometimes all we have is nothing.

We look for lyrics, we look for melodies. But sometimes all we have it sitting in the backseat of a car, thinking about how pretty the trees look.

And wow. I’m alive.

We live in a really really interesting world. A world that doesn’t always like us, isn’t always impressed by us. No, make that never impressed by us. People are impressed by us, but only what they’ve observed. There is hiding and fake smiling and flash photography and good thoughts and bad thoughts and burritos.

And planet earth spins and spins and spins. It orbits the sun.

We look for excuses, we look for happiness. But sometimes all we have is nothing.

We look for authenticity, we look for order. But sometimes all we have is entropy and listening to people yelling and debating and watching Respect glide gently downwards to haunt the kitchen floor.

And wow. I’m alive.

We live in a really really interesting world. A world that I don’t quite understand. No, make that never understand. It’s a maze, a map, a puzzle. Something we probably won’t figure out. There is confusion and people and happiness and anger and I can’t figure it out because I am a stained glass window.

I am a stained glass window when it’s really really dark out. I need my light in here, not out there, trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. I need my light in here, where it matters. Not in the future or the past.

Here.

Because planet earth spins and spins and spins. It orbits the sun.

And the world bends and pitches and sways, depending on how you look at it. Colors weaving through each other, bleeding through each other. There is Light, and Light, and Light. There is You, and You, and You.

And wow. I’m alive.

xoxo

this is the part where i sob about abbiee. she is too good with these old words. there are those little ones that sink in like the warmth from a fireplace in the middle of winter. you didn't know how much you needed it until it was there.

honored to have you guest post, abbiee!! you already know how i feel.

i'm crying

2016-06-13T15:06:00.001-06:00

flashback.
i take one look at you. sadness suddenly overwhelms me.
because this is our goodbye and it always comes.
i'm crying.
you see me. and then we both laugh because we're both crying.
(that laugh where you can hear our hearts breaking to pieces underneath it like a gasp and a plate slipping to the ground shattering.)

memories.
the sun fell like ripples of apple pie baking. sweet and soft.
i was okay until i heard your voice. the memory swept across me as waves do over the sand.
i'm crying.
my hands are scarred from these good memories that break me down until i am dust.
(i still see your smile when i close my eyes. these are the things that i cannot handle. where do we go from here?)

right now.
i can still hear you saying, "please don't cry." when did i ever listen to you, you dork?
your face is painted across my mind like the melody in someone's favorite song.
i'm crying.
the blood in my veins shake until my knees collapse and my lungs gasp for air.
(i can still see the tears forming in your eyes. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.)

xx
two camps down for the summer.
tell me how your weekend was.

i look for him

2016-06-02T22:21:00.000-06:00

the night falls upon me like nothing i have ever known.
silvery threads of cold twist in the air,
these clouds drift like smoke.

{i caught a glimpse of y o u}

he walked along these old roots like memories.
your voice drifting to and fro in the air,
reminders of those younger days.

i look for him, you know.
in the reflections of dark dirt in puddles.
he will never be gone to me. hearts don't let go like that.

{where are you now?}

so i sink into the blue velvet night
until my sorrows turn cerulean
until they fade.

fresh spring days with the babe.

this is where i learned love.

2016-05-19T23:10:00.002-06:00

via tumblr

silence.

nothing in the air except the call of the gulls

down on the beach.

the waves roll over the shore to wash down the things of yesterday.

of yester...me. she had eyes worn down to the color gray.

do you hear the rolling waves? they call my old name. she is on the sea.

she is...gone.

silence.

wait, there is a sound.

wait, there is a beating.

a cough breaks across the sea. a longing for life.

water pours out of my lungs.

oxygen runs through my cold fingers and --

golden dust runs across the sky.

glory flows here.

God's breath.

i stretch my arm out the window of the car.

it had been too long since i visited the ocean.

there it was.

deep blue.

he had asked me why i came out this far.

so far from home. from the mountains.

i said something. he didn't believe me.

"take your time. then go back. don't run forever."

i laughed crystal tears. could he see right through me?

running.

it was the one thing i knew.

i collected seashells and sat until the

sand turned white.

i listen to your voice. it is the color of summer sunshine.

my heart doesn't hurt this time.

moved on?

no, those are the wrong words.

this feels like pure love. heavy on the pure.

i ran along the side of the sea

until it was all that ran through my veins.

holy.

i traced the scars on my lungs.

God's breath? holiness in the making.

there you are.

it is in the middle of the afternoon.

love patterns the carpet,

seeping in through the window.

i came back. i stayed.

oh hey, i love you. i needed to say it.

blurred sight

2016-05-16T09:43:00.000-06:00

i step outside to clear my head. to clear my eyes. my heart is heavy and laughter echoes out the door until it closes. i can't remember the color of the morning. everything seems too okay without me.

i walk along the dirt road and soak in the grass until i can't see anything but green. it is quiet out here. my thoughts are more at peace. brown picnic tables blur with the tall pines and ponderosas. the sun doesn't come out until the afternoon usually, so i stick with the cold.

the horses munch on the grass, and i try to empty the thoughts from my head. i am a foolish girl, and i know the way to the top of the mountain, but i am stuck with staring until my eyes turn dull gray and all i am is dust.

a wilted flower sits in my hands and we are one the same. there is much to feel, but there are things you don't say. so we sit.

until dawn turns to dusk and we are crumbled and forgotten.

you didn't come to look for me.

it didn't surprise me after all. (my heart is more blurred than my sight and i run around in circles, but there are things even the blind can see.)

here i lay to rest.

but still

2016-05-11T06:00:00.000-06:00

packed my camera already so i had to pull out a few pictures from last year.

click here.

she smiles in the rain.

heedless of the messy puddles forming.

she has lost, she has been broken.

but still.

she loves.

he calls in the morning,

and i watch the sun hug the trees good morning.

he is tired, he is cold.

but still.

he sings.

the old lady with the red hat

walks down the road.

she laughs like summer is here.

(doesn't she know it is only spring?)

i greet her and smile.

and then

i learn to move on.

here we go. xx

leaving for the weekend but i'll be back, peaches. life is rooting me on.

(p.s. the 12th is adelaide's birthday. sing her a song.)

change

2016-05-02T23:32:00.002-06:00

the day fell into night suddenly.

a change in the evening breeze.

mist fell from my eyes, the hidden revealed.

i have finally let you go.

wait. let me speak.

words rain like a summer thunderstorm,

and i spill my guts.

this is the right thing. i feel it.

there is still much to do.

i was dumb. i was selfish. i'm sorry.

turn to face the trees and go,

but something holds me back.

it's you.

you're not alone anymore. we're family.

i smile through the tears in my eyes. i tell you i know. it won't change, but i messed up and i have to go. problems don't fix themselves. i'll be back.

we share a joke and laugh.

that's the way the story goes.

without you - for king and country

Blog Update - The New Look on WPYB

2016-04-28T17:48:00.000-06:00

If you have been around, you have probably seen the new look on my blog. Words Passing You By has gone through a lot of different blog designs lately (what can I say? I'm a little picky), but it has landed on one perfect design thanks to Ava from Quiet Land. She was super kind and willing to work with me. Here are some pictures from the process:

My first moodboard for the blog.

Also, we started to work on ideas for the sidebar, Ava threw a few out and graciously accepted my many denials (whoops).

After thinking about it for a minute and running around pinterest for more ideas, I created this moodboard and the image on it inspired my sidebar.

Ava sent me some rough sketches to go with the flower-head idea.

I chose the second, which led on to this:

I about died of happiness. Spot on. Ava's drawing skills amazed me once again (all I had seen of her drawings were on her blog and blew my mind!).

Unfortunately, during the small edits of the blog, I didn't think to take screenshots to show them. So all we have is the finished result with the sidebar. *grins* I would like to thank you, Ava, for bearing my pickiness and still getting what I love through all of it. God is good. hoo baby.

So there we have it! the process is a bizarre thing.

xx
♥

spring evening

2016-04-20T20:33:00.001-06:00

i tie hearts with ribbons of blossoms,
saying how sorry i am.
grace sets in my diaphragm,
and every breath is touched with love.

cerulean eyes, iris holding the light,
capturing this spring evening.
your smile in my mind beaming.
too soon i'll say goodbye and go.

barefoot and spectacular,
we take on laughing with enthusiasm.
mercy like a rocket has him,
and we are caught off guard.

nothing but heaven yonder and everything to ponder.

xx

where did all this joy come from. yikes. ♥

blind man

2016-04-03T19:11:00.000-06:00

golden rays dip behind the mountain

to rest for the night.

ponderosa pines fade to black silhouettes.

i can almost grasp it.

they look to the sky,

and i too,

until mud seizes my ankles and my eyes cloud over

and pitch black becomes my name.

i unearth that i am blind.

a song is slightly muted in my ears,

i guess the words.

but i stumble and mumble and

get it all wrong.

diamond shades of blue and

they are gleaming against the sky.

i wipe the tears away from my eyes.

i did not think i would be the one to lose the thing i valued most.

i do not know east from west,

nor mount zion from siloam.

brutal sun turning skin to dust,

wastelands have nothing to quench thirst.

staggering steps and no sight,

off i go.

the only solid thing i have is written on my heart.

yhwh.

not the prettiest but i have a way to go.

here's to the fight for agape.

the four oceans

2016-04-01T11:01:00.000-06:00

kudos to adelaide for being fab

x to my (non-existent) son x

Pacific
her name means peaceful, son. it makes me laugh until the sun falls over the hills. peaceful? the loudest peace i have ever held. she is deep and she is full of wonders we can't grasp. volcanoes and earthquakes originate from these waters that are called peaceful. the waves run over the shore and smooth it out. i can still hear her laments in the seashells i found in the crest of her glory.

Atlantic
i have met the atlantic at the ports of the sea. from new york, usa to hamburg, germany. there was a greek myth about a titan named Atlas who fought against the gods for control of the heavens. they now rest on his shoulders as punishment. he maps out sorrows and fallen pride on the ocean floor. i sit with him and he tells me about his life until the stars come out and it is time for me to leave.

Indian
my son, the indian ocean is bluer than this sky above our heads. i would rise in the morning to find her ready as cookies fresh out of the oven and milk on the table. she reminds me of your father, i must say. with joy breaking the dawn and warm nights spent under the moon. she laughs warmly and she blushes dark blue. (she also calls manatees "sea cows" just like your father and i must admit that it is so ridiculous that i can't help but laugh.) that is where you'll find whales and seals and learn the gentleness of sea creatures.

Arctic
he is not as cold as he seems to be, i know that. he is still and peace doesn't quite fit here. there is a silence that even splits the wind. but there are days when the polar bears come out and fish in the water. the arctic is cold, yes, but it is alive. you can feel the heart slowly beating if you put your hand to the ice and hold your breath. life is thriving under this charade. don't be fooled.

(working up characters & inspiration for my new book. camp nano starts today and i have a novel to write.)