If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to be behind a real lecture podium and instruct a room full of undergrads with flair and panache, this is your opportunity! American PhD School’s experienced instructors will teach you basic lecturing and office-houring in a real-looking classroom.

Your instructor will explain and demonstrate the PhD lesson. After that you will go behind the podium and start lecturing and musing aloud like your favorite PhD!

Learn how to grade, lecture, chair a committee, hire grad students, guide dissertations, and dress dowdily at the American PhD School simulated classroom. Experienced instructors will show you the fine art of professorizing and give you insight into the basics of being a superior sort. During the two-hour course, you’ll also learn the basics of book reviewing and curriculum design.

You get all this and more:
Directory of all world PhDs
Detailed information on how to set up and stock your home library
Demonstration and instruction on how to use professor’s tools and equipment
Learn how to read, write, and research like a pro
Learn how to make exotic theories, invent specialty sub-disciplines, and throw stylish parties
Learn fun ways to garnish, rim, and fail graduate students like a master
Get advice on choosing the correct and latest eyewear and laptops

FAQ

Q. How much do PhDs earn?

A. A PhD is worth about $17k per year. 2009 Salary = $52,484 + $2,941 (Years of Experience) + $16,880(PhD) + $11,108 (Manager). It’s a tough call. You will end making more on average, but the job market is a ton thinner because an experienced non-PhD candidate has been earning experience while you were in school.

Q. Do you use real students in the PhD school?

A. No all the students are simulated to look and sound like the real thing. During the PhD class you’ll be amazed at how real the students look.

Q. If you don’t use real students, how do you know how the classroom will smell?

A. All ingredients are measured. Measuring ensures consistency.

Q. What happens if I can’t learn it all in 1 or 2 weeks?

A. Don’t worry. You can stay as long as you like, at no additional charge. We want you to be totally confident in your PhD skills. You can take extra classes and practice free.

Q. How soon can I get a job after graduation?

A. It depends on your motivation. Some students are out interviewing for jobs while attending class and have jobs lined up before they finish the class.

Q. Do I need a license to be a PhD?

A. No you don’t need a license. Some cities require PhDs to complete an Acronym Awareness class. You’ll receive this certification at the completion of training.

Q. Do I need to be certified?

A. Your diploma from American PhD School will certify that you have been fully trained and tested in every phase of PhD-ing. This is the only certification necessary for you to start working as a PhD.

Q. What is the difference between a PhD and mixologist?

A. Many PhDs don’t know why they do things when being a professor. They simply are following a recipe. A mixologist is a PhD who understands why specific things are done or not done to make great tasting theories. This knowledge allows a mixologist to perfect great new theories and sub-sub-disciplines.

Damn if I can explain ASO looping.

Decode the doll date. Dion cruises all the rich ones.

Did the new AT&T fake out John Pappy and his shoddy old enemies?

Dukoff said they can stick it and we get to roll it. Dolnoch can feed you.

Hey Dave (the key idiot loser pectic) Your grotesque pants left the mall

I just called out for Nepali ravioli but they’re all sick.

I saw Posiath with the dubious Codamol

If they deceive Sapulpa it is known to call me again from that name.

I’m all for boosters but I need a mall to myself.

Kobi did an afternoon plea deal with Minnie.

On the movie set Dixie eyeballed dad. Always amazed that he didn’t know a tiptoe from a sutra.

Or do you still represent the portal name?

Prepare to be missed when Sapone flies a fresh mulberry

See Tosh doing that sickle cell? Sit but don’t listen.

That dog has Exxon gas.

The practice group is cruel and cold.

Young Delfini will get to you tomorrow.

poem: hamid karzai: the tainted politico and the immensely cool fashionista

poem: imaginative nephew morphs into military hitman

A prompt bull on an AIPAC leash
Barrego’s mom paid Sam on contestation day
Clif then had a new Dick patient who exercised.
D is a known Italian.
Denison Navios soon grows gay
Donald didn’t mean to granulate.
Fly in five new lesions or a bonded top crew
Hail friends and nonmedical chairs. It’s me, it’s Julian.
He’s a monad outside his own road.  Name this endgame on Chinon Arlease day
I teach Sundays on the grassy Tohono Niuiki Gayosa
Ignore the tolling bell; he’s just doing his daily Laboldi.
It’s potteries day and that’s Loreen on the mag cover.
Lean the new folder down my Janerio,
Message for you at the Daystar parapet.
Nice stuff in digitonin Romanko.
Opening the check, Gulliver knew his warehouse days were over.
Sam’s fountain Locked the code for Orangina.
Sweet sissies lose their fossil clocks.
The school mistress quantified a loaf and got Tulira to eat it.
Under the tenant phone Inglenook came into being
Why does Jean-Pierre can a lot?

A few Zilai attended the PO Saturday over in Kinestow
Al had Borcht at Eastgate optical
Boy they played Bob alright
Colin must pay the bill from Mascorro Rosoff & Thornal.
Dalfrey is our team name.
Did you, do you, live to Wash?
During the 007 screening John Cleese gazed at mold
General Batista voted no fuel on rye rolls.
He was posthumously gay and I hated that.
I know Laura’s Greig pool.
I went deep with trainees as Leonora spoke of candles.
Is Meakaua teaching? I got no luck.
James led the Safari to hear the local band Postino and the Electric Doverstones
Mama is full but she holds in her stuff
Momento to Meanchea: Hello, show your panel
Nina responded to Walmart Cave and warded a call for Mr. Krouse
Pedagogue unity can talk safety if they’d pull you
Seven seamless Englishmen went seven days without Darfur.
The chief feline weighed Lindbloom info and named seven Mearaina
They may be gone to this E-base swab
Vogelaar hit the monkeys. do we know I pay your old day
You could join the Candelero Hulu group, and there’s always Dewes.com

Poetry Congress (aka PoJam) at Paul Baker’s House in Madison WI