Work And Play, Day By Day

Homeschool Stressing You Out? Support is Just A Phone Call Away!

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 05 Feb 2019 21:36:00 +0000

We are super excited to announce the opening of the first slots for Work and Play, Day by Day homeschool consulting services!

While heavily inspired by Montessori in our own homeschool, our primary goal is not to support you in the implementation of our philosophy but in the expression of your own.

This might look like helping you narrowing your curriculum search by listening to your family goals and values and suggesting options that might work well.

This might look like helping you figure out how to adapt what you've always done for the child who just isn't clicking.

This might look like encouraging you in homeschooling from your heart, through non-traditional approaches or with unusual family circumstances.

This might look like helping you tackle high school (or preschool!) for the first time.

With an extensive pre-consult interview packet, all of our education and expertise will be applied in the context of your unique family. No two families are exactly the same, nor should your homeschool solutions be!

Particularly for new homeschoolers, now is the best time to talk before the spring homeschool conventions. We can help you clarify your goals and narrow your curriculum search to make the convention floor that much less overwhelming!

Order Now!

(To serve you best, we will only release new slots on a monthly basis in small batches.)

****

New to homeschool?

Join our Mailing List for your FREE BEGINNING HOMESCHOOL CHECKLIST!

Montessori: A Benedict Option Education Solution for Serious Catholics

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 16:27:00 +0000

I'm probably the last traditionally minded Christian on the planet to read The Benedict Option by Ron Dreher, but that isn't going to stop me from taking what I know and writing an extraordinarily late to the party response/extension to what Mr. Dreher has to say about education.

One of the reasons I held off on reading this book is that I made the (incorrect) assumption that it was going to be about withdrawing and about duplicating monastery life in the home. I just could not quite shake the idea that option isn't best for my family. Nor, in the spirit of full disclosure, does Mr. Dreher claim it should be.

My mistake. I probably should have paid a little more attention to what others were saying, like this review from Bishop Robert Barron.

I don't want to talk about the whole book, I'll let you read it for yourself and discern your own conclusions. I'm really not an expert in much of what he says and we will be taking it to careful consideration ourselves. I would, however, like to expand on what he says about education specifically, because as he states, "Christians have not been alert to the importance of education, and its time to change that."

Truth: The public education sector is no longer safe, or even friendly, to orthodox Christians.

The Sexualization of School

The sexual agenda has invaded and its here to stay. It is far more complicated than opting out of certain content...the sexual agenda IS the content. Major money is being thrown at textbooks, etc, that have blatant themes promoting non-binary gender ideology. A massive amount of education equity and access research is focusing on gender minorities instead of racial, ethnic, and economic minority...despite a lack of published evidence of an academic achievement gap on standardized testing based on sexual identity and loads of statistics about the continued gaps involving racial, ethnic, and economic minorities. **PLEASE! See Note Below**

Opting out is not the option it was even 3-5 years ago. It's accelerating that quickly.

If you aren't in, you are wrong and you are bigoted, hateful, and more. So much so that it is with a careful hand I will push publish and share this post. Simply writing it is cutting my credibility with my peers in education and no doubt will ruffle the feathers of more than a few who think the problem can't possibly be as widespread as claimed.

Mr. Dreher presents a future where orthodox Christians are unable to teach except in orthodox Christian organizations. I'm going to tell you from where I'm sitting that is more here than not. For now, the tenure system protects a great deal of our orthodox faculty even at public institutions, but I anticipate that will not last forever. Yes, there are still public schools that have not yet been affected, but this will not last forever. Almost certainly in our lifetime, both situations will cease to exist.

I'm telling you that as someone who is deeply familiar with the inner workings of the other side of education.

Florists, bakers, and photographers were first.

Educators are next.

I knew it long before I read the Benedict Option.

But what do we do about it?

We don't opt out by skipping the sexual education unit, we opt out by skipping the schools altogether.

In a nutshell, Mr. Dreher promotes pursuing classical education.

According to Classical Academic Press, classical education,

"..is a long tradition of education that has emphasized the seeking after of truth, goodness, and beauty and the study of the liberal arts and the great books. ... The classical approach teaches students how to learn and how to think."

If classical Christian schools are difficult to find or financially prohibitive, Mr. Dreher suggests forming together a group of parents and starting your own.

If that doesn't work, homeschool.

**There is an undeniably large and disproportionate suicide rate among teens struggling with sexual identity. This is a real problem that should concern all Christians. That said, there has also not been a decrease in the suicide rates despite increasing access to hormone therapies and almost unlimited social acceptance of nongender-conforming students. This is a complicated issue, requiring undoubtedly complicated solutions from a social standpoint. My point is not that these students aren't struggling, but from a statistical standpoint, they aren't struggling academically. The focus has shifted to their wellbeing over the wellbeing of other students who statistically are struggling academically.

What does this have to do with Montessori?

If Classical education is a long-ago method of education that is going through a much-needed renewal, Montessori is a relatively new approach that offers many of the same underlying goals for its students. Classical education seeks to systematically introduce students to a growing breadth, not just of facts but of ideas that are discussed and applied in ways that emphasize personal excellence. Montessori also incorporates several additional factors that I believe make it at least equally relevant and possibly preferred for some students and families.

Mr. Dreher explains a quality education as one that, "imbues [students] with a sense of order, meaning, and continuity. It's one that integrates knowledge into a harmonious vision of the whole, one that unites all things that are, were, and ever will be in God."

He goes on, "Mastery of facts and their application is not the same thing as education, any more than an advanced degree in systematic theology makes one a saint...If a Christian way of living isn't integrated with students' intellectual and spiritual lives, they'll be at risk of falling away through no fault of their own."

Montessori education does all this and more. In fact, it ties in with almost all of the non-education aims the Benedict Option lays out. This makes it not just academic and/or spiritual preparation for actually living out the Benedict Option, but whole person preparation for doing so.

Some of these include,

Focus on living and thriving in a community
Focus on hospitality and service (Practical Life, Grace & Courtesy, Social Justice Work, and more)
Emphasis on the importance of an ordered external environment leading to internal order.
Through Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, young Catholic are invited deep into an understanding of the liturgy, sacred scripture, and more.

I am not the first to see the tie between Montessori and classical education aims. Other Montessori homeschoolers have found classical education to be the natural extension of the Montessori study through the elementary years. In fact, I believe that Montessori herself given more time would have come to a similar conclusion. An education that floats somewhere between classical education content, Charlotte Mason living books, and a more individually directed Montessori feel. Unfortunately, Maria Montessori passed away before her educational approach was extended to the adolescent period and we are left to flounder a little bit with less scientific approaches than she used.

I also personally believe Montessori education to be more accessible and dignity promoting for those members of our community with physical and neurological differences. For some of these students, the reading required of the classical method alone makes it completely impossible. With its focus on practical life skills, self-care, and more we could give these students access to an education that truly considers their future independence and confidence, while also giving them access to big ideas.

Now, as with public sector education. Montessori education has been largely and quickly co-opted by the modern agenda. Even as a parent deeply dedicated to Montessori philosophy, I could not in good conscience send my child to a non-Christian Montessori school. That said, it is extremely difficult to find appropriate resources to use at home. Classical education has certainly been made more accessible for homeschool families.

It is important to note, however, that just as our country's founders would have taken for granted that the Constitution would always be interpreted with a common moral understanding, Maria Montessori was herself a highly spiritual person. I don't believe that she would have embraced the idea of creating one's own reality in contrast to the natural and moral law. I think this belief is justified in her absolute insistence that materials be used for their proper purpose.

Of course, the availability of Christian Montessori options makes Classical Christian options seem commonplace! The spread of Christian and Catholic Montessori hasn't made it too far...yet. That said, I believe as more people begin to discover the beauty of Catechesis of Good Shepherd in their parishes, the natural next step is to begin to incorporate more Montessori options into the schools themselves. This will be a positive step in the right direction and one that I hope that my readers in Catholic education will support and even encourage this.

Where Christian Montessori schools are unavailable, you can start your own. Even to begin by transforming our parish religious education programs towards a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd model would be a huge victory for the future of our Church by creating a generation of youth deeply connected to the liturgy and scripture.

If that doesn't work, homeschool.

****

Totally new to the idea of homeschool?

Join our email list and we will help you get off on the right foot with a Beginning Homeschool Checklist.

Interested in exploring Montessori as a Catholic alternative more deeply?

Join our Montessori Premium Content group and we will walk you through making it work within the context of your family or local Catholic school.

This post contains affiliate links.

Premium Content FAQ

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 20:30:00 +0000

Have you had a chance to think about revolutionizing your homeschool with Montessori through membership in the Premium Montessori Content Group? Here are a few questions you might be asking!

What exactly will I find in the Premium Montessori Content group? The biggest draw is the curriculum library that you will have access to. Free downloads, articles, resource links, and more. All divided by subject. Not just for academic content and subject areas, but resources for the prepared environment, special needs, infants/toddlers, catechesis, and more!

What if I don't homeschool with Montessori, can I still join? If you are homeschooling with a heart for hands-on, relationship-driven, child-respectful learning there is a good chance that you will find a ton of ideas that will help you. That's why I call my approach Montessori (ish)! I'm not really a purist either. If you are still worried, drop me an email (just hit reply to this one) and tell me a little bit about your homeschool and goals. I can help you figure out if the group will be a good fit.

What age ranges does the group cover? The goal? Everything from birth through high school! The reality? This is curated content and the main focus will be whatever the membership drives it to be. So if you want to learn more about a specific age, just ask!

Can I try it before I buy? I wish that I had the luxury to offer you this. Unfortunately, in the digital age if I open up this content to a person to preview for free they will have the ability to download everything and promptly request their money back. I hope that wouldn't happen, but to protect my investment of time and expertise into this project all sales are final. That said, if you are truly on the fence, please hit reply and let me know your questions. I want people to join because they know it is a good fit for them!

We aren't friends on Facebook, how do I join the group? Don't worry! When we receive your request to join we will email you to make sure you are properly added. If you don't hear from us in 48 hours, you can drop us a note and we will get you added!

Can my spouse join the Facebook group too?  Yes! For the $25 purchase price, husband and wife teams are welcome to both join the group. Please let us know up front if this applies to you. This privilege is a courtesy, not a right. The $25 does not cover two memberships of any other arrangement (other partner relationships, child, friend, etc.).

How long does the membership last?  This is a lifetime membership rate. The introductory price is low, so act now. We expect to raise this price incrementally to keep the group size reasonable. The price will also rise as the value of the curriculum library grows!

What if I need even more help?  If you are looking for individualized phone or email support as well as the curriculum library, we recommend purchasing a full annual membership, which includes these forms of support AND membership into our Premium Montessori Content Group. This membership level isn't available just yet, but if you click here you can join the waiting list and be the first to know when it is.

*****

Do you have other questions?

Do not hesitate to reach out to me! That's what I'm here for. I want you to see an immediate benefit to your homeschool by making this commitment. If you aren't sure, let me know your reservations and I can help you decide if the group is right for you. Leave a comment or reach out to me via email workplayread@gmail.com

****

Ready to jump in?

Click below to join us now!

Announcing New Premium Montessori Content!

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 20:12:00 +0000

I've been to dozens of homeschool retreats, conferences, workshops, support groups, etc. over the years and one thing I've heard again and again is "I really like what I hear about Montessori, but..."

..."I just need something more grab and go."

..."it's only good for preschool."

..."it's too much freedom for my kids. They need more academics."

..."I just can't find anything that tells me what I'm actually supposed to do next."

..."it's not really religious."

..."no one else in my area does it."

And you know what? I get it! Homeschooling is hard, add in a less common approach such as Montessori and it can seem impossible! I never would have made it this far without my husband Tim, and his Montessori training...particularly his very detailed albums. The truth is that many of the reasons above are based on misunderstandings of Montessori and on a lack of quality information.

I understand why you have been confused!

For ten+ years I've been listening to your wishes. I've heard the longing in your hearts for help on this homeschool journey. You think that maybe this Montessori stuff might be something to enrich your homeschool, but you just don't know where to start. Pinterest is overwhelming, conflicting bloggers confusing, and pure Montessori too strict for your real life.

And yet, this approach tugs at the corner of your heart.

Could my kids do this too?

The answer is YES! Your kids can learn through hands-on, practical approaches that extend beyond the early years. You can teach from a place of confidence that your child's internal motivations can drive their learning all the way to the finish line. That your homeschool can be a place of relationships and experiences, not one of pencils and paper.

Those beautiful Montessori approaches you see and hear about can happen in your home too.

And, I can help you.

I've spent the last few months dreaming about ways that I can help you embrace the beauty of "Montessori (ish)" homeschool.

In the coming weeks, I'm going to be sharing more ideas, but for today I want to invite you to be the first to join our brand new, intentional homeschool community on Facebook. The focus will be on the how-to of making Montessori work for your family. I'll be doing live Q&A sessions and there is a curriculum library that is growing every single day.

All organized into easy to navigate groupings.

Need ideas for Pre Readers? You will find that in Unit 6.

Geography?  That's Unit 13.

Special Needs?  Try Unit 11.

New to homeschool?  You get to start at the beginning with Unit 1.

Are you getting the idea?

[If you know you want in, click here now! If you're on the fence, keep reading for more information!]

Now, this is a growing project. It takes a long time to organize and upload 10 years of our lessons and activities to make them totally accessible. What is there today is only the beginning of what is to come. Some of the content is recycled from other places, but other activities are brand new. Some resources are paid, but much of it is totally free!

Even though the library is continually growing, this week, I opened the doors to the first members and I want to invite you to become one of them.

Membership is lifetime and you will have access to not only the always growing curriculum library but also to personal support from other members. Run into a snag? Now you can ask for help from other parents who are working with a similar homeschool approach, even if no one in your local area is.

If you've always wondered if Montessori is right for you, the answer is YES! And we can help each other make it happen. We can start a Montessori (ish) revolution, if you will, and create an intentional and diverse community of homeschooling families who are learning how to observe, embracing the prepared environment, valuing hands-on approaches, seeking social-justice driven education, and more. We can make Montessori work for you, the way it has worked for me for the past ten years.

I'm planning to revolutionize the world by revolutionizing the education of my children?

Are you in?

***

Just getting started?
Not sure about Montessori Homeschool just yet,
but ready to dip your toes into learning more about homeschool in general?

Join our mailing list and we will send you a free checklist to get you on the right foot!

Traditional Education Meets Homeschool Support

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 17 Jan 2019 20:20:00 +0000

Have you ever needed help with parenting or homeschool, only to discover that to get help from a professional you had to suffer through a system that devalues your family values, including your decision to homeschool?

Can you imagine being able to find help for your struggling self or child without hearing that school is the "obvious" solution?

As trained educators, we respect the expertise these professionals have to offer. They have deep knowledge and skills that can benefit both child and family when provided in a family-centric model. Yet all too often, we know that isn't what happens. We actually had to ask an early intervention teacher to stop coming to our house and take matters into our own hands because the person they sent was so openly outspoken against our Catholic faith, our large family, and our decision to homeschool!

We can be the person you troubleshoot with when it seems like your curriculum isn't working or your child isn't thriving the way you expected.

Or maybe your kid is doing great and you need some encouragement because you are stressed out beyond belief juggling all of the realities of home, school, and family. (We talk to a lot of parents and teachers, trust me you are more normal than not if this is where you are!)

We can do that, and more.

We know it is hard to homeschool. With all of our education and experience, we still struggle with finding the right combination of curriculum and approaches to help each of our children thrive!

It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to admit you need help with homeschool. It's hard to admit you are overwhelmed or outside your skill set. It's even harder to do that when you are worried what the person across the desk or on the other end of the phone is going to blame homeschooling (or beliefs, or family size) rather than actually empower you with tools to help your family.

From the beginning of this blog, we have been teachers. We were teachers who were noticing that- from the parent side- this education thing wasn't working so well for us.

Is it working for you?

If not, skip the step where you grit your teeth and hope that other person you ask for help isn't going to come down on homeschooling too hard.

You can homeschool with confidence.

We can help.

3 Quick Questions to Evaluate Your Homeschool Curriculum

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 18:18:00 +0000

How do you know your homeschool curriculum is working? Curriculum should be one of the first things you evaluate when you need homeschooling help. You should also evaluate before you purchase any new curriculum, when you start a new homeschooling journey, and when you are looking for supplements to your Montessori (or other non-traditional) homeschool curriculum. In determining the success and effectiveness of your curriculum, I want you to ask yourself three basic questions.

1. Is my child growing and developing over time?

2. Does my child enjoy learning?

3. Am I enjoying teaching?

Three yeses, go ahead and stop reading right now- you don't need the rest of this post! Your homeschool is doing great. You have a solid fit of curriculum for yourself and for your child. No need to worry, even if what you are doing looks totally different than your friends or what you thought your homeschool would be like.

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then there may be tweaks that need to happen. Does that seem overly simple? I promise it's not. The younger the child the more simple this is, but let's look a little deeper at each question.

Is my child growing and developing over time?

The schools and standardized testing would have you believe that there are hard fast rules for when a child needs to be doing certain things. Logically, however, in most cases this doesn't pass the snuff test. Yes, a child will need to be able to read or do certain types of math by a certain age in order to perform to a "standard" when it comes to testing. But who sets the standard? Standards are developed based on how most people teach it in the school system. That doesn't automatically make it superior- there are many other schools and methods that use a different sequence for learning. Particularly in the early childhood and elementary years there is a great amount of variety in what is considered normal and acceptable. If your child has new skills this month that they didn't have last month, they are probably doing ok. This might mean new skills in language one month and in math the next month, but as long as they are making some sort of progress forward at any given time then the combination of your curriculum and teaching are getting the job done.

When to worry: If your child goes through several consecutive months without seeming to make much progress or has a specific area that their development seems to be at a standstill, it might be time to try something new. Look for Homeschool Curriculum Check Up Part 2.

Does my child enjoy learning?

Now, most children will not enjoy every minute of learning. The question is not could they enjoy learning more- absolutely they probably could. But in general, is your child learning from a state of contentment. Are they delighting in new discoveries? Do they have interests of their own to spontaneously investigate?

When to worry: In this case, the worry will probably precede the question. Something has felt off in your homeschool for awhile and you couldn't quite put your finger on what. Sometimes enjoyment is robbed from a child due to really easy things to fix- like moving with a solid curriculum but at a pace that is too quick. Other times there are environmental and life factors that make focusing on school tougher for a season. Don't be afraid to ask for your child's input here. You still get the final say in what changes are made, but their reasons for discontent might surprise you and provide a key to moving forward.

Am I enjoying teaching?

I'm just going to jump straight to the next section- when to worry- because the answer is NOW! Mom, do not discount yourself in the assessment of your homeschool. Is the curriculum working for you? Are you spending too many hours planning and grading? Can you easily track where your various children are in their individual curriculums? Sometimes it isn't the curriculum that needs to be changed necessarily, but how you interact with it. Are there parts of managing the curriculum that you can hand over to your students? As all types of responsibility, you could be doing them a favor by letting them lead.

Don't push yourself to the limit for a curriculum even one that results in the first two questions being a yes. Because eventually you will burn out. Eventually you will overthink things and make choices that make life more difficult than it is. Even if you don't change the curriculum, if you are feeling burned out you need to adjust your schedule to give yourself a break on something. This is one of those ask me how I know things..... Being a teacher is hard. There is a reason that so many public school teachers burn out in less than five years. They are locked into a teaching method, curriculum, and system of standards. You are not. Free yourself from that expectation and you will free your homeschool.

********

Knowing if your curriculum is working is only the first step. If your child is not growing and learning, if your child is not enjoying learning, or if you are not enjoying teaching it might be time to evaluate your curriculum in more depth to determine if a change is needed...and to identify which changes are mostly likely to be successful for your situation.

If you read this post and are ready to make a change, the next post in this series, Identifying the Guilty Party: Homeschool Kill Joys, is for you. Hear about it first by joining our mailing list below! You may also want to check out my -Help! Homeschooling Isn't Going So Great!- board on Pinterest.

If your homeschool is struggling and you are can't afford to wait for the rest of the posts in this series, click here for more information on booking an individualized homeschool consulting session.

Is Homeschool Right For You?

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 21:33:00 +0000

New to homeschool? Wondering if homeschool right for your family? Before you can do anything else, you have to discern if it's the right choice for your family. Here are three questions to ask and a getting started with homeschooling printable free checklist of homeschool help to get you on the right track once you've decided to dive in!

What are your dreams for your kids? I don't mean what do you want them to be when they grow up, but what kind of person do you want them to be? Are you primarily concerned with virtues, values, and character or academics and study skills. It's ok to be concerned with both, but what is the most important to you? The choice between options is so much more than homeschool versus school. What kind of school? A public school, a Catholic school, a Montessori school, a magnet school for the arts or sciences...the list goes on. To make the choice that is best for your family, you have to have an idea of what your goals and dreams are.

What knowledge and skills do they need to reach those dreams? If you decide to homeschool, this question will be key to choosing which curriculum options will be the best fit for your family. If you decide to go the school route, this question will help you decide which school.

How are they going to get those knowledge and skills? I'm going to be very honest with you. Public school in the year 2019 looks nothing like the public school of our childhood. It doesn't even look like the public schools of 15 years ago when I first graduated from school. There are great schools. There are great teachers. And they are all forced to work in a constantly shifting political windstorm that puts political decisions and legislation way ahead of your dreams for your child. Many of them are doing beautiful things, but they are doing it wearing handcuffs.

Answering these questions is made more complicated by what resources you have available locally. Homeschooling has given our family access to a Montessori education that would be otherwise inaccessible due to geography. Homeschool has allowed us to make that Montessori education also a Catholic education.

You can make all sorts of sacrifices and modifications to a curriculum the way we have and you can adjust your daily schedule and routines to accommodate for homeschool, but at the end of the day its really hard to adjust those big picture goals. Start with your dreams and what it will take to reach them. Make your school choice from there, and God will grant you the grace to work with your situation to homeschool (or not) successfully. I can't promise it will be easy, but I do promise it will enrich both yourself, your children, your family, and your community.

Why Blog in 2019?

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 22:19:00 +0000

With the explosion of social media and microblogging, why should I still write an old fashioned (gasp- blogger) blog in the year 2019? The truth is, I think I spent most of 2018 trying to prayerfully answer this question for myself so that I could serve my readers (that's you!) better. Not just in my typical sporadic Heidi fashion, but in a way that enriches both of our lives.

I wear a lot of hats in my life as a small business owner that have nothing to do with maintaining this space. I am a wife and a mother. I am homeschooling my own children. I am building a life for us on our little homestead. I am a special needs parent. The truth is, I don't have to do this and it would make a lot of sense on paper to stop.

Except, I hear you moms.

I hear that you want another option for your family. I hear that your mama heart is telling you that what has always been done isn't the right choice for your family. I hear that you want to delay academics, parent gently, and ground your children in faith and virtues before academics. I hear that you want to homeschool your special needs child even though everyone says it can't be done, that you won't have any free time and that there's no need to burn yourself out like that. I hear that you want to make your own plan for high school rather than buy into a structured school at home program or push your child into college early.

I believe those inklings in your heart are the voice of the Holy Spirit inviting you to live your homeschool life more radically in line with God's overall plan for your life. I hear you and I believe there is another option.

So this year I am offering you permission. Permission to homeschool with your heart instead of a curriculum. Permission to do what doesn't make any sense on paper. Permission to homeschool with intentionality not driven by what has always been done or by what your best homeschool buddies are doing. Permission to let your homeschool serve your life, rather than forcing your life to serve your homeschool.

I want you to trust the seeds of the Holy Spirit in planning your homeschool and family life from this point forward.

Why? Because when you do that- there is a radical joy that comes from living the most trying of circumstances. There is a joy to be found in trusting God's plan for you rather than fighting it with whats always been done or what others think you should do.

This year I am going to put that goal at the center of everything I write here, in the curriculum I develop for my shop, and in the part of our life I choose to continue sharing on social media.

That's why I will blog in 2019.

It might be hard... I struggle with the same insecurities as all of you. I still wear all those other hats. There will be hiccups as I discern what to share and what to leave for other formats. So give me feedback- tell me what types of resources help you homeschool and parent intentionally. If I hit it out of the park, tell me. If I totally screw it up- tell me that too (maybe gently...).

As I near the high school halfway point with my oldest student, I am suddenly extra aware of the cost of not trusting those inklings of the Holy Spirit to slow down and just be. I am suddenly aware of how much the encouragement of other non-traditional homeschoolers has made a difference in our journey. I am grateful that every time I tried to stray off course, something pulled me back- often unexpected things.

Because we are still here. Doing our non-traditional Montessori-ish Catholic homeschool thing for more than 10 years now. And we are loving it, even when its hard.

And I hear your voice when you wistfully tell me that you could never do it (maybe meaning Montessori, or maybe another crazy seed that the Holy Spirit has planted in your homeschool heart).

I disagree, and this year I plan to show you how.

I want you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.

Our eclectic selves on Christmas Eve 2018.

Growing and Grieving Together

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 19 Nov 2018 02:59:00 +0000

For my husband Tim and I, grieving our many losses together has changed over the past sixteen years. Our first miscarriage took place in my parents basement. A young couple only a few months into our marriage, we oddly invited a friend over to keep Tim company watching the Minnesota Twins play October baseball while I spent most of the night in the bathroom. It wasn’t that Tim was uninvolved or remotely unsupportive, but we did make some strange decisions that first loss!

Fast forward thirteen years and when our daughter Siena died shortly after death, Tim was fully involved in every step. He slept at the hospital in the days after delivery, called the funeral home, chose a burial plot, and took three weeks of leave from work to be with me. He did this while keeping track of what was happening at home with our other five children so I didn’t have to!

What changed?

Well, in short, we did. As a young couple, we found few resources and little support for our situation. We were making it up as we went. Each successive loss we would look back months later and think through what would have made it easier. We would talk about pictures we wish we took. Memorial arrangements. Things I wished I had done differently during labor.

And from the very beginning, Tim was incredible about remembering them all.
The only thing I remember hearing about grieving as a couple was not to expect Tim to grieve on the same timeline as I did. After our daughter Kenna was stillborn, I even heard the number three months attached. Something about three months, when I was starting to emerge from the raw and physical realities of my loss, Tim was simultaneously done with urgent things to do and started grieving in a new way. In some ways this wisdom nugget held true and other ways it did not.

There is no manual for grief. As we have had more opportunities to “practice” the processes of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, we have gained clarity in the types of things that work for us as a couple. We have danced the delicate balance of space, support, and time. In absence of a manual to give us as a starting point, each of our losses became the starting point for the next. Not making grief easier, per-say, but easing the burden of decision making in the unknown.

But what if there had been a manual? Would it have made life easier- If someone had handed us a book of information on baptism, burial, physical pains, and those emotionally tricky to navigate first months?

I think it would and I am ever so grateful for my friend Laura and her husband, Franco, for writing just such a book. Grieving Together is a compassionate and comprehensive look at grieving and growing together following pregnancy loss.

Laura and Franco can’t make any couple’s grief “easier”, but the friendship of their words can help guide decisions on topics we haven’t had a chance to think about. Their friendship leaves readers feeling a less lonely, afraid, and isolated.

In sixteen years, the awareness of pregnancy and infant loss as an important issue has grown. Support and resources are more readily available, particularly through online connections. As Catholics, we value the sacredness of both marriage and the unborn. This book fills a needed hole, upholding the dignity and importance of both.

You can read more about our pregnancy and infant loss journey here. I also invite you to join my pregnancy and infant loss dedicated mailing list and receive a free copy of Scripture Study for Pregnancy and Infant Loss! (I have an exciting announcement of my own coming next week and mailing list members will be the first to hear about it!)

Disclosure: As a part of the book launch team, I received a free copy of this book. All thoughts are my own. This post contains affiliate links.

On Being A Grieving Mother And An Advocate

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 01:34:00 +0000

I am a grieving mother.

Through three miscarriages, a stillbirth, and an infant loss- Not one day goes by when I don't think of my girls. They are my whole world, every bit as much as my living children.

I am also a blogger. I have a platform and an audience and (I believe) a responsibility to use that platform and audience in a way that builds up community and encourages people.

Of course, in this space, I advocate for a lot of things. I advocate for a non-traditional style of education. I advocate for a certain style of informed and intentional parenting. I advocate for making it work for you, not doing what I do.

I also advocate for pregnancy and infant loss awareness.

And its very, very hard....because, I too am a grieving mother.

I too cry myself to sleep some nights.

I too have people make insensitive comments.

I too have to fight against unexpected triggers...and known ones I can't ever hope to avoid.

Yet I still write. Why?!?!

For about a million reasons, but for one big one.

I don't want any woman to think that because they are still grieving their loss a month later, a year later, or more that they have done something wrong. That there is anything at all wrong with them.

Grief has its own crazy timeline, but I've noticed over the last ten years (between Kenna and Siena) that social media has raised awareness and made talking about loss more acceptable. Unfortunately, it has also put a perceived cap on how long one should talk about it.

For example, pregnancy and infant loss is tragically prevalent. This means that on somewhat regular intervals, our online communities will face a loss. It almost doesn't matter what kind of loss- miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss- friends and followers will rally around this woman for a few weeks and then they will float away to the next story (maybe another loss, maybe not). The blogger/person facing the loss will keep talking about it for a few more weeks. Then they realize no one is really paying much attention any more, so they go radio-silent and work through their grief on their own.

In reality this part is good. Such a deeply personal loss cannot be worked out publicly. Its a grueling rollercoaster.

The problem is when they decide to break radio silence. In my observation, the majority either never (or rarely) talk about their loss again or talk about it at first and then realize that now their loss has become a liability. As in, if they are a legitimate business owner, speaker, author, whatever, now instead of the support of their followers they start losing followers and as a result income.

And sometimes in dramatic (and rude) fashion. It isn't just loss of followers, its private emails telling you to "go away and never contact" a person again and people reporting your emails as spam to your server. It's people telling you that your content needs to be held because a newsletter is full or it might be upsetting so maybe keep that just to the pregnancy and infant loss people, even rejecting it outright.

It is the rare few who keep talking about their loss months and years later.

So why do I?

Because I'm still a mother. I'm still a grieving mother, walking that delicate balance between the living and the dead.

I'm not telling you this that you will feel sorry for me. Please don't make that mistake. I can take it and I do take it each year because every day another family joins this club. I want them to know that their new normal is ok. If they are still thinking about their baby a year or more later. That's ok.

Five years.

Ten years.

All still ok.

See at the end of the day, it isn't all loss of followers. Frankly, that's mostly annoying and usually temporary. It's hard in the moments, but not what sticks with me in between posts. At the end of the day, there is a deep feeling of honor when a woman comes to me and tells me her story. I am so humbled to be able to share in a woman's healing...sometimes decades old...when she tells me the story of her little one gone too soon.

I have heard from women who's loss was 50 years ago and they still have a desire to share their story with someone they can trust. Unfortunately they quickly learned, like the moms of today, that sharing had a cost that they weren't sure they were willing to pay.

So mama if you are out there and getting the message that there is something wrong with your grief as it is lasting beyond some arbitrary socially acceptable limit, take heart.

Your great grief is just a measure of your equally great love.

The Words They Say

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 19:28:00 +0000

An ultrasound tech.

An absent heartbeat.

And then come the words.

Almost always inadequate, these words, but yet they frame a couple’s experiences of pregnancy and infant loss for years to come. When they remember that tiny life gone too soon, they will also remember the words. In my many years working within the pregnancy and infant loss community, I have heard many stories. Women being told it was “just cr*p luck”. Women being told that it was so early they didn’t even need to count their pregnancy in future medical records. Women being denied testing for possible causes. Women being told their milk wouldn’t come in because they didn’t really have a baby, but then it did.

Because of course there was a baby.

The words a provider chooses in this moment matter. And it isn’t just the medical profession either, I’ve heard numerous stories of priests and pastors who didn’t choose their words with compassion. While the negative stories get more traction, shock, outrage, and overall reaction, within the community of men and women who care for families facing pregnancy and infant loss, there are those who know a better way. Those who compassionately, respectfully, and empathetically support these families.

When we faced a poor prenatal diagnosis for my daughter Siena, our longtime OB told me that faced with the same situation he and his wife would be making the same choice we were. To carry to term not knowing the outcome. Later in that same pregnancy, a high risk doctor confessed to me that despite having worked with moms who “made the other choice” he had over and over again observed that those who chose to carry to term tended to be in a “better place” six months after their child’s death.

Those are words to be clung to.

Words to remember.

And providers to be celebrated.

These two providers, and many others, are working tirelessly every day to compassionately care for the men, women, and children affected by pregnancy and infant loss. They are fighting for us.
They are doing this in a world where it is normal to discount the value of the unborn child. Where it is easy to make the “other choice” when things aren’t going as planned.

This year during October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, I would like to invite you to thank these providers for the difference they make. Join our GoFundMe campaign to send thank you care packages to providers around the country. Each care package will include a personalized thank you card, a copy of my book (Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb: Rosary Reflections for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss), prayer cards, and other goodies. Every dollar counts and it is my personal goal to raise funds to ship at least one box to each of the 50 states. Two would be even better! You can make a donation above, and even nominate a worthy provider (medical, spiritual, or other) to receive their own care package!

Be sure to follow #BlessedIsTheFruitOfThyService and #SayThankYou on social media and add your own stories to connect with other families and outstanding providers!

Euphrosyne Paper

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 31 Aug 2018 15:44:00 +0000

Kylee, age 10, has decided that our farm, Euphrosyne Corner, is in need of a daily newspaper. As such she is following us all around with a notebook and pen recording our daily lives. For the privilege of sharing this glimpse into our days with you, I have paid .25 for reprint rights. I have also given up countless hours of work time on my computer because a "proper" newspaper is always typed. All spelling and grammar are her own- read carefully.

Euphrosyne Paper

written By Kylee A. Indahl

Mr. and Ms. Indahl were trying to establish the propriety line. Ms. Indahl said that her husband was trying to fix his compass. When Mr. Indahl caught up with his wife they start talking about the propriety line. Mr. Indahl goes to get the tractor. While waiting for her husband, Ms. Indahl points her compass north. While all this goes on Nutmeg is stalking through the grass. Just then Mr.Indahl returns on the tractor. Ms. Indahl tells her children, Caleb and Kylee, to get out of the way so they run to the barn were the goats and the cats live. Another one of Mr. Indahl’s sons

joined them. In the barn Caleb and Logan played with dust until Caleb threw dust in Logan's eyes and Ms. Indahl then sent Logan Caleb and Kylee inside to help Aidan with the little kids. Inside Sarah the baby of the family walks to Ms. Indahl as she comes into the kitchen. Then she leaves and goes into the living room to nurse Sarah. Lucie plays a tape story on her CD player while Caleb starts to play with Tomas nearby and Tomas then asks for a bunny ride. Then Sarah tries to pick up Gavin the only inside cat. Logan is now done showering and is listening to Lucie’s tape story. Then Sarah trying to follow the cat fell down the stairs luckily she was un hurt. Lucie turns of her CD and asks to go to bed so Ms. Indahl says she will put Lucie to bed and that Caleb and Logan and Kylee have to watch Sarah and Tomas. Logan plays with Sarah and Caleb plays with Tomas. Just then Mr. Indahl came in from mowing the path and goes in to the kitchen then Logan starts to sing then Caleb jumps on him then Logan starts to whine . Then Mr. Indahl asks where his wife is and his children answer she is putting Lucie to bed then he asks if Sarah has been fed and they say she has. Then he goes back outside for a second and comes back to put Sarah to bed and Tomas goes to bed. While Caleb plays on his computer Logan comes to watch him . Aidan just came in from mowing and goes into the kitchen and does the dishes. He starts by clearing the table. Logan then starts to make a clucking sound and says he is a chicken. Caleb tells him to stop so Logan stops and watches Caleb. Ms.Indahl just finishes putting kids to bed then Mr. Indahl comes up with Sarah .

Next day.

Kylee goes up stairs were Ms. Indahl is feeding the little kids in the kitchen.Then Kylee goes back down stairs to wake up the boys and goes up stairs to the kitchen were Ms. Indahl is making a butter egg for Lucie. Then Caleb comes up stairs and Caleb and Kylee go to do the chores. Then they go in to eat breakfast .After breakfast Kylee starts to play piano. When she finishes playing Ms. Indahl puts Sarah to bed. When Ms. Indahl finishes putting Sarah to bed they have a meeting not including Mr. Indahl. Then Kylee has her school meeting when it is done she starts her school work. Then Caleb and Ms.Indahl start to organize books while Logan starts to throw stuff at Aidan. When Caleb and Ms. Indahl come up Ms. Indahl tells Logan to pick up the living room and Caleb starts to read. Ms. Campbell and her children come to pick up Lucie. The Campbell children are great friends with they Indahl children so they played some then the Campbell's leave then the Indahl children go back to what they were doing.

Three Things Mom Needs to Do Every Single Day

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 27 Aug 2018 18:32:00 +0000

Being a mom is hard. So hard I hate talking about it because I am tempted to get sucked into focusing on the hard and forget all the grace that makes the hard doable. The longer I parent this crew, the more I realize that when I physically do these three things every single day I feel much calmer in the hard moments. I don't know if life is actually any easier, but I feel less stress and more positive about dealing with difficult times.

Breathe Fresh Air

A few months after my daughter Siena died, a friend stopped by on one of those first nice days of spring. You know the type? The first days you can quick walk outside on a porch without your socks and shoes on. I probably hadn't left the house in days even to walk to the mailbox, but she insisted that I needed to hug the sun. At the time, I maybe thought she was a little nuts, but not wanting to be rude I pushed myself through the door behind her (or maybe she pushed me through instead- I don't really remember). I still remember the feeling of that spring air going all the way to my toes.

Try to get outside every single day. Pause and take a couple deep breaths standing right where you are. Even 30 seconds is better than not at all. Moving between house and car and car and store doesn't count unless you make the effort to stop, close your eyes and just breathe. Breathe enough air and you will soon find that the seasons taste and feel different. Soak that in.

Sit on the Floor

This might sound crazy, but sitting on the floor every day will make you a calmer parent. The older we get the further down that floor is, so to get to it we have to make an intentional choice to be there. It is another choice to slow down and choose to be less hurried. It doesn't matter what you do when you sit on the floor, just sit. Read a book to your toddler. Build a tower. Even have a conversation with your teen while sitting on the floor.

I'm not any sort of physio-intelligent person (I also made that word up), but I would bet there are some great body posture advantages to spending time sitting on the floor too. As a Montessori teacher, it is sometimes easy to slip away from sitting on the floor especially during late pregnancy, but I find when I do it anyways (even if someone has to help me up or I have crawl over to a chair to heave myself off the ground) lessons go more smoothly, the kids are more engaged, and school work lasts longer with fewer interruptions. I don't know why, but I'm telling you this is some sort of special magic to sit on the floor with your kids.

Pause-Look-Listen

A few years ago at a conference, I heard a speaker talk about a notebook she keeps near her bed to write down how she has touched base with her kids at the end of each day. I expected her to share how she created individual quality time for each of her 6 kids daily, but what she actually shared with us (and in her notebook) was observations about a child each day. She used it as a place to jot down notes about something she saw or heard- be it a funny quote, an act of service to a sibling, a struggle she might want to work on with them. She did eventually begin speaking of individual quality time. She spoke of how her notebook helped her see patterns of when one child might be in certain need of some mom-time and what they might enjoy doing!

Observation is a cornerstone of the prepared Montessori environment. In my experience, quality observation is a common trait among successful families even when they don't realize they are doing it. It is difficult to properly prepare any environment (implementing schedules, selecting toys, creating chore rotations & house rules) if you don't have a good feel for the environment itself. By pausing, looking, and listening you are forcing yourself to take in information without creating actions just yet. You will likely later decide to take action to solve whatever problem you are having, but when you do it will be based on factual information not quick judgements.

***

I challenge you, the next time things get overwhelming at your house, to try these three things. Step outside for a quick breath of fresh air, pause-look-listen, and then sit on the floor with your kids and see what happens. After a few times of using this technique for keeping your cool in a tough moment, you might start to realize that there are fewer moments of feeling out of control (even if there are no fewer tough moments).

Are you a homeschooling mom looking for relief? Support? Encouragement?

We can help!

New to homeschool and hoping to head off stress before it starts?

Join our e-mail list for a FREE BEGINNING HOMESCHOOL CHECKLIST!

A Last Minute Kindergarten Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 03 Aug 2018 12:00:00 +0000

When we packed our house to move last spring, Lucie wasn't participating in school at all. On top of that, I was pretty certain that I wouldn't be homeschooling her even this fall so I packed our Montessori materials with that in mind.

Then surprise! We had that amazing visit with her new nuero-psychologist who thinks that homeschool and Montessori are just what she needs to maximize her potential this year.

Enter homeschool mom research mom-mode! You know that one? Thanks to lots of experience and some good old fashioned tenacity, I think we have a plan that will work.

This post contains affiliate links. By purchasing through these links, I may receive a referral fee which supports the continued work of this blog. Thank you.

Materials

Materials is a big issue this year. Our new house isn't quite finished, which means I don't have any materials storage or display space. They are in buckets in the garage until further notice.

The Solution

I've made room for a couple of target materials to rotate throughout the year, but I can't keep them out or even close. Earlier this month when Tim was out of town for a week, I went through all of the boxes and made a list of every material that I think she should work with this year, from dressing frames, to beads, to maps. Then I made a checklist (using the same sheets I'll describe in a minute) of months so that I can keep track of what has been out and what has not. I also resorted the boxes so that all of those materials are in just two boxes making them easier to find.

This was not easy for my subject and age sorted boxes but I guess I will have to live with it!

I've also been on the lookout for small and portable materials. I've been making use of digital printables, like the Montessori Inspired Math Bead Bar Bundle shown above from Ever Star is Different Montessori, and also the Montessori Workbooks. The Montessori workbook gives us a supplement to the materials that allows Lucie to review and work with materials longer for additional practice, which she needs but doesn't take up as much room. Also pencil practice that she needs for age and development but isn't necessarily built into the materials as they are intended.

With the digital printables, I'm able to only print the pages we are going to use each week, avoiding the storage issue that can come with card work. It's less ideal to use them as consumable pages, but it is a good solution for our current season.

Goals

The entirety of the Montessori scope and sequence is way too much for Lucie. We've had five (I think) hospital stays the last 2 years all between October-December...that doesn't count ER visits and general seizure and non-seizure related sick days and therapy/appointment days. I have to plan ahead that we will be taking long periods without work. If we don't, great. But I cannot over plan or we will both end up frustrated. I need to keep it as simple as humanly possible.

The Solution

Shortly after speaking at the Minnesota Catholic Home Education Conference, Jen Mackintosh shared how she is using the checklist in her Erin Condren teacher planner to track the Charlotte Mason list of Attainments for a Child of 6. Since I'm already using the Erin Condren in combination with the Ultimate Montessori Planner, AND since these goals are quite in line with where Lucie already is and adaptable to Montessori, I decided to implement the same system. (I ended up using the checklist pages to do something similar to track work for my older crew as well- I need to post an update for everyone on that!)

Each week I can track what we worked on in the weekly planner, and then translate that to checks in the back in order to make sure we are covering a variety of things. Already, I'm finding I use this page quite a bit in considering what I would like to introduce next. This will also give me a great record of what we do, which will be helpful in working with her therapists and with the school district for services.

If you have a preschool or kindergartener, I also highly recommend you check out the Back to School bundle that my friend Renae has on sale with her Every Star is Different Materials.

1. The Ultimate Montessori Planner
2. The ABCs of Montessori and Special Needs
3. Montessori Letters and Sounds Printable Pack Bundle in print
4. Montessori Math Bead Bar Printable Pack Bundle in print
5. (New) Montessori-inspired Continents and Oceans Printable Pack Bundle
6. (New) Montessori-inspired Introduction to Biology Printable Pack Bundle
7. (New) Montessori-inspired Letters and Sounds Play Dough Mats Bundle
8. (New) Montessori-inspired Math Bead Bars Play Dough Mats

Bonuses:

1. (New) Montessori-inspired Fall Harvest Unit Study Syllabus
2. (New) Montessori-inspired Fall Harvest Printable Pack Bundle
3. (New) Montessori-inspired Autumn Math Facts Clip Cards Bundle

Seriously, all of this is only $34.99! Purchased separately, over $130 worth of materials!

I kid you not this is an incredible deal and you could use it as stand alone curriculum for all of the fall. If you didn't have a plan, you do now. I've talked about the planner before (see link above), and The ABCs of Montessori and Special Needs is a must read for those in that boat. Letters & Sounds and Math Bead Bars are going to be the exact materials we are focusing on this fall with Lucie (which of course I decided before knowing about this bundle). As much as possible I'll be mixing in, Continents and Oceans and Biology, too. Of course, I'm working with a consumable mindset this year until our materials storage is ready, but you could easily print and laminate everything as intended.

Do you have a Kindergartener this year? I love hearing about other people's plans so please share! It does not matter that we've been doing this for double digit years now, I learn new tips from readers and other bloggers every single year.

Robotics & Electronics for Homeschool

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 20:17:00 +0000

Have you ever had a kid really interested in something you know almost nothing about? Who hasn't, right?!

That was me when it came to teaching electronics and coding to Caleb (12).

42 Electronics reached out earlier this year and offered us a copy of their Introduction to Robotics Curriculum and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to collaborate with Caleb while boosting his knowledge and skills for something he is very interested in.

This post contains affiliate links. I was provided with a free copy of the curriculum, all opinions are my own (and Caleb's).

What is 42 Electronics?

42 Electronics sells curriculum kits for teaching introductory robotics to middle school aged kids and up. Each lesson has an in depth reading assignment, hands on activities, follow up questions, and more. They build on each other to introduce students to the use of a breadboard and Raspberry Pi.

What worked for us?

I thought the curriculum was a bit more textbook-like than we usually use but it was done in such a way that allowed Caleb to work totally independently other than a little troubleshooting. That troubleshooting turned out to be a nice way to include Dad in our homeschool. Which also reads as mom didn't have to do a whole lot for this one. While I love being involved in the kids' education (otherwise why homeschool?), it is nice to occasionally farm a few things out to other people!

Because the curriculum is digital, I was able to print one lesson at a time. I kept them on a clipboard and put the new lesson on top each day. It was slick to review the previous lesson and then work forward. I used the questions verbally at the end of each unit to quickly assess that he really knew everything before moving on. I printed the same number of pages as an entire curriculum, but the end lessons weren't crinkled by the time he got there!

It also worked well for us that Caleb had a background in basic electronics from using Snap Circuits, completing our Electricity & Magnetism unit for upper elementary, and from Khan academy lessons. All of these resources gave him about the perfect working knowledge diving in.

What didn't?

When I asked Caleb for his thoughts on if other people should buy this curriculum, he said, "Make sure they get the kit!" We pieced our kit together from supplies we already had and a few key purchases. Caleb was repeatedly frustrated when something didn't look exactly the same as the pictures or when he had to dig through a box to find the right size resistors.

This worked for us because Tim has enough background in electronics. That said, we had to do a lot of troubleshooting and problem solving right off the bat. By the time, Caleb got to the lesson dedicated to troubleshooting he had a lot of practice! That said, while not acknowledged by him, he also had some neat experiences in that he and Tim built their own power pack for the breadboard. The curriculum is definitely meant to be used with their kit- not as a stand alone!

For me, I thought the curriculum was a bit more textbook-like than we usually use but it was done in a way that allowed Caleb to work totally independently other than a little troubleshooting.

My Recommendations

Also known as would I pay for this? Absolutely yes. I think that the target age was dead on, the lessons were easy to use (with the caveat of using their kit), Caleb learned a lot (so did I), and he had fun. Win. Win. Win. Win.

Tim told me that Python (computer language) and the Raspberry Pi are being used more and more in his job. Its a place the PhD's are learning from kids with little to no degree at all. He said anyone who knows how to use it is getting a leg up in the tech field and in all of the non tech fields that are looking to integrate apps and other technology into their field. This curriculum is teaching a valuable practical life skill in addition to a ton of electronics knowledge.

Speaking of electronics knowledge, my favorite moment in all of this was a "conversation" between Caleb and Logan a few days ago. Logan was working with the snap circuits and Caleb wandered over to watch. When Caleb has an idea he thinks with his whole body and I could tell something was brewing.

"You know, mom," he said. "Snap Circuits are really just a modified breadboard. See, this is the ..... and this is the .... and this is... It's totally not as complicated as you think. Pretty ingenious actually."

Genius, indeed.

Oh, You Magical Montessori

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 14 Jul 2018 19:49:00 +0000

Montessori is an important part of the fabric of me. Many things I do as a parent are influenced by the internalization of Montessori beliefs about childhood. That said, I know that occasionally children with certain temperaments, needs, developmental issues, or more may NOT do best in a pure Montessori setting. Not that Montessori can't be used to meet them where they are, but that the methods as written are not in line with that child.

For a child with manual dexterity (fine motor) issues, for example, the golden bead materials can be very cumbersome. They might do better with a different material, a helper to work with the materials, or even no materials. On the other hand, the same limited motor skills would be supported in maximizing the child's capacities through the sensorial and practical life activities that strengthen the hand. These are all things a trained and experienced Montessori classroom guide would automatically work through, but something that is a little harder in the home setting.

I haven't done a lot of Lucie updating in this space since her health issues this winter. There are a lot of reasons for that, including the fact we don't really have answers or know what the future holds and that I do want to protect her privacy to a certain degree. (I'm also absurdly busy managing her care and needs- it's a lot!) Today, however, I want to talk a little bit about what I've observed of Lucie and some of the hesitations I was having about continuing with Montessori and homeschooling for her (and the surprise person that changed my mind).

First of all, Lucie has been doing much better seizure-wise for the last several months. Maybe it is the fresh air of summer, maybe it is finally the right combination of medications, the ketogenic diet, or just plain dumb luck. In any event, she has only had a couple isolated seizures since late April. This is a fantastic answer to our prayers!

At the same time, however, we have been noticing all of the trickle down effects of 7 months of extremely regular seizures. Our brains are amazing, but they can only take so much, you know? Her motor skills, speech, cognitive abilities, memory, and executive functioning have all been a little fried!

A few weeks back, she was trying to crack eggs for dinner except she couldn't remember how. Which side did she crack? How did she open it? Put it over the bowl before opening it- this is apparently optional. Every step had to be broken down, broken down further, and still supervised. When I turned around she forgot the whole process.

The Montessori principle of using breakable dishes with young children holds that they will, naturally, break some dishes but in the course of their mistakes will learn to be careful and gentle. Only, sometimes Lucie's hands just open too soon or accidentally and what she is carrying falls. Not because she was failing to be careful enough, but because they just plain stopped communicating with her brain.

Everything I am observing tells me that, while Lucie will be six in just a few months, rather than transitioning to the second plane of development we will be hanging out with early sensorial and practical life for a while as a form of rehab and reinforcing brain connections through heavy work. (I'm still undecided about those breakable dishes...)

What I was feeling much less confident about, is what to do with her academically. Due to executive functioning and memory loss (and seizures of course!), she needs pretty full time supervision. The other day she calmly got out of the van, walked around the house to the grill, and turned on all the knobs! Transition periods are often like this and have more than once ended in finding her somewhere we thought she couldn't get to. That's a lot of supervision to provide all day while also providing for our home and educating my other children- particularly for a parent who's default is to maximize independence as the norm.

Lucie kind of needs a full time helicopter right now for her own safety.

The reason for all of these issues is (to the best of my understanding) that she had (and has) a lot of disruption along the paths that are usually used in the brain to communicate these things. We can practice and make the same brain paths smoother, but Lucie is constantly forging new paths for old skills. Because the seizures affect her whole brain, paths that were clear one day may be blocked the next. Her nuero-psychologist described it as a brick of swiss cheese with different holes every day. Some days have relatively few holes and conversely, in Tim's words, some days there isn't a lot of cheese!

But what to do about it?

I had almost convinced myself that I couldn't homeschool her. Even convinced myself that she would be better not with us (certainly the schools all think that). I figured that the answer might be more drill and practice, flash cards, and traditional learning methods. I wanted to keep her with us, but I just felt like this was out of my league and at the very least I might need a new approach.

Oh me, of so little faith.

It turns out, according to Lucie's nueropsych, that what Lucie needs most is exactly what I've been doing all along.

According to Dr. B., Lucie is struggling to process visual information. Take cracking an egg, for example - most kids are able to pick up that procedure from observing. Think of every two-year old you've ever known trying to mimic mom's cleaning or her exercise routine! For Lucie, that's not enough, even for seemingly simple tasks. She will do better with the spelled out steps and consistent procedures. She may need supports like broken down instructions (verbal and/or pictoral- likely both), but she needs the exact motions and patterns. But she needs it for everything and she can't cancel out other background visual noise very well, so a busy kindergarten classroom would be an extremely restrictive environment for her.

The other place Lucie is currently struggling cognitively is in the signs and symbols. If you ask her how old she is, for example, she will show you a whole hand and then whisper to the closest adult "How many is that again?". She was repeatedly able to answer questions like "Which picture starts with the 'c' (sound)?" But struggled to recall even the few letters and numbers she knows.

I asked if more traditional methods (think flash cards and direct instruction reading) would help. Dr. B.'s answer- a clear nope! Anytime I can put the sound or quantity in her hands it is going to allow her to communicate what she knows without relying on the symbols that are tripping her up. See, Montessori allows us to more accurately assess what Lucie knows and can do and allow her to work further, without holding her back on things that are more challenging.

Mind blown.

Not only did she tell me the best thing to do is homeschool, but she told me the best way would be to continue as much Montessori as humanly possible. Since that's pretty much all we do in preschool and kindergarten- that's not problematic at all!

But there's more Montessori magic.

As we were getting in the car after the appointment, Tim says to me, "You know what this means, right?"

(I didn't- Leave it to the guy with all the letters after his name.)

It means that she's stuck on abstraction. The numbers and letters are the abstraction. It means that she did lose skills and she is behind and there are other issues, but you know exactly where to go back. Go back to before abstraction in everything and that's where you start. Spindle boxes and number rods, stuff you'd never do with a six year old if you didn't have this information. That's what you do. Again and again and again.

And it means that thanks to Montessori, you are going to be able to take her that much further, especially in math, without relying on abstraction at all.

Super Magic for Super Lucie.

The End of a Year Long Study in Radically Following the Child.

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 30 Jun 2018 02:54:00 +0000

A child changes a lot in one year. No more so than the first year of life, of which Sarah's is rapidly drawing to a close. During her pregnancy, I discovered natural motor skills development. The idea of no tummy time, no swaddles, no bouncy chairs or swings, no propped sitting, no walkers or hand holding adult-led steps appealed to something deep within me.

After 19 months of fighting for every milestone with Tomas, I just felt tired. In honesty, I think there may have been a streak of laziness that made freedom of movement sound like a good plan.

But mostly I just felt there had to be a better way.

Eventually I discovered that better way for Tomas, when I returned to my Montessori roots to observe him and discover where he was and work from there rather than applying him to a set of arbitrary guidelines. I was determined to do better this time.

And so began my year of radically following Sarah.

So what went well?

In the beginning I was very diligent about setting up our movement area with materials to promote natural movement (more ideas here and here). I think this was important because it set the habit for both of us to put her down! When she was about 9 months old, a friend commented on her incredible ability to play. She still likes me close, but she can play for very long periods of time if she is uninterrupted. I credit this to our early commitment to allowing her freedom of movement- even small ones!

Even as I was less intentional about her play spaces through our move and Lucie's tough winter, my existing experiences in observation were paramount to our success. I already knew how to make the best of observations about other developmental areas and with practice that transferred to motor skills as well.

I also had a network of like-minded moms, especially on Instagram, to rely on when I needed ideas and inspiration. This is such a counter-cultural way to support an infant it helped a lot to have others fighting the same fight, so to speak! My three favorites are Nicole @ The Kavanaugh Report, DIY Corporate Mom, and Mama the Explorer. All three are younger than me with fewer kids yet have taught me huge, huge lessons. They all have a toddler a bit younger than Tomas, but that has made their archives a gold mine of ideas for both him and Sarah. They are natural teachers and researchers and I'm glad I was able to tap into their wisdom! Just a caution- although highly compatible, this is not exactly a Montessori approach so don't assume that if you are following a Montessori mom that she is promoting natural motor skills development. Look for RIE or natural motor skills specifically. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to pick out the differences, but wow can I now!

What were the challenges?

The biggest challenge was, honestly in other people. Relatives who assumed she could sit because she could crawl and put her down on her bottom or people wanting to interrupt her play to hold her. I know that sounds mean, but it truly was the biggest challenge. I want to educate people on quality education facts but I was still learning this one and I was trying to watch Sarah so we could learn together. I could have done a better job with being prepared to educate and that probably would have helped me be a lot less frustrated.

Children's clothing is not meant for children to actually move in. I have had the hardest time dressing Sarah for our Minnesota weather and to be movement friendly. Its actually a lot easier now in the summer with just a diaper and a t-shirt or onesie, but as she approaches a year it gets less and less acceptable to go barefoot- and barefoot really makes a difference.

Temperamentally, Sarah is very low key so she wasn't terribly phased by going to appointments with Lucie or hanging out at the hospital. She was happy to move in whatever ways we could allow her, but that definitely took some creativity!

What did I learn?

This is really the fun part! I learned first and foremost that babies are so much more capable than even most early educators give them credit for. Seriously. I have been promoting the cognitive capabilities of the child for years but I had been selling them sort when it comes to motor skills.

Secondly, our developmental milestones are out of order. Seeing as I only have a case study of one, I could be wrong about this, but I observed Sarah crawl before she sat and stand up in the middle of the floor before she walked. She isn't walking yet and I find myself oddly unconcerned if she will or won't before her birthday Tuesday. So many things she succeeded in the first time she tried, like climbing up stairs and even sitting. One day she was just on her bottom and she could sit! Sitting for Sarah was extremely active. It was a position that she merely moved through for the first month or more she did it.

Even when I am watching her, she is watching me. This is huge. So many times when I was nervous about a situation and stepped in too close or too fast, she picked up on my anxiety and stopped trying whatever she was doing. Of course there were times I needed to step closer, but it has been a lesson not to step in unless it is clearly needed.

Now what?

Now we keep going. We keep watching Sarah. We keep trusting her as she builds motor skills and awareness of her body. This has been an incredible year. For the first time (maybe because I'm older and know there are no guarantees in life) I feel pretty weepy about her birthday. She is my baby and I am so proud of everything she has accomplished this year!

But more importantly, so is she.

A year ago, I would have told you that the best way to build a confident child is through a close relationship with a trusted primary caregiver. I still believe that, but I have to modify it to be a partnership with a trusted primary caregiver who also trusts the child.

That's the kind of support no sit-up pillow can provide.

There's An Alpaca On The Road {And Other Things I've Heard Since Moving to The Country}

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sun, 24 Jun 2018 20:43:00 +0000

There really was an alpaca on the road. Two of them actually.

And a llama.

Since moving out to our farm I have seen and heard a lot of things. Some of them beautiful, some comical, and some a little bit hard. Here are a few of my favorites.

I can't, it's hard. You can do it!

Some kids are naturally more courageous than others when it comes to trying new things. What has been really beautiful is to see those for who this transition has been a bit easier, encouraging those who are less likely to jump in.

{Insert name} is really good with the {goats, chickens, gardens, tractor, etc}.

Again with the encouragement! Let me just say, that in the past (and even now) my kids have not always been poster children for sibling encouragement but I really see it coming out more in recent weeks. We've done hard things (and united around a common cause) and made mistakes but we are working together towards a common goal. At least some of the time.

Why can't we move back to our other house?

This is one breaks my heart a little bit. It comes up most when kids are waiting to share a bathroom or still waiting for bedroom walls. Or when they have to go out an manually move the clueless meat chickens under the sheltered part of their tractor in the pouring rain because the little monsters insist on just standing there looking like doofuses.

I hate chickens.

See previous quote. The funny thing is that as the kids unite in their hatred of meat chickens, they laugh more about the same silly antics. It's like a noble thing to go out and move them with Dad and conquer their avian oddness.

My tomato grew!

This one is extra special because Lucie didn't actually plant any tomatoes in her little garden. Mostly some random seed corn that she found and some other haphazard things that didn't come up. She was waiting so patiently for her tomato to grow, however, that one of her brothers dug up a plant from his garden when she was gone one day and put it in hers. I mean, really?!?! Cue the waterworks. Teenagers are more awesome than not.

I've noticed...

A few things that observant children have noticed before the adults. A pregnant cat. A problem with a gate. A chicken limping. A new hen that might be a rooster. They aren't always right, but I love to see them taking in information, making observations, and drawing conclusions.

What if we try it this way?

I will be the first to admit that I don't (can't!) always use the solutions to problems that the kids come up with, but I definitely have had a lot of chances to listen, consider, and hash through their ideas. We have the luxury of moving slowly enough into this way of life to keep them involved as important team members. We want their ownership of both the beautiful and the hard to continue.

At first I didn't like this, but now I kind of do.

If you keep up with us on Instagram, you may have seen we have had a great crop of lettuces so far this year. A pound of lettuce every couple days. As such, I've been putting out salad as an easy veggie side with pretty much every dinner. My pickiest eater announced this week that it turns out he kind of likes salad!

Me do it. Cect (collect) eggs coop.

I tell you what- farm life is better than therapy. I saved this one for last because most days he brings me near tears at least once. So many opportunities to help him to do it himself, show him how to be gentle, and build vocabulary. There is nothing like life in the country to make a toddler's language go crazy. After two+ silent years with this boy, he is surprising us with new words every day. And the way he uses them tell me that he is understanding so much! Earlier this week, he rolled a square bale of hay across the courtyard to the garden. Talk about heavy work and maximum effort!

We've all had our moments. Activities we've missed out on. Animals who have died. Weather that keeps us cooped up in an unfinished house. I know those moments aren't going away, but I find myself appreciating them in contrast to the satisfaction of hard work and the beauty of growth (human and otherwise).

In the meantime, the llama is back.

Organizing My Non Traditional Catholic Homeschool

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Tue, 19 Jun 2018 18:11:00 +0000

In the past I've written quite a bit about how I plan and organize our intentional Montessori-Charlotte Mason-Unschoolie- Catholic Homeschool. We school year round, but build in regular breaks throughout our year and I only plan 1 term (6-8 weeks) at a time. One thing I love about this approach is that we can do anything we don't enjoy or skip anything we need to for 6-8 weeks guilt free. That said I have to balance the big-picture with the term by term needs of seven kiddos.

Last year I didn't stay on top of keeping track of who was where very well and the big picture was kind of lost. As were a lot of daily details, including knowing just where anyone was on a regular basis.

This post contains affiliate links. Purchasing through my links provides an income to support the continued work of this blog. Thank you!

One of the reasons for the gap is that I was planning school and life and blogging in three different places (at least). I had a notebook or planner for each area but I was mostly relying on myself to keep the balance between the three. This is an improvement over when I thought I would keep an individual planning notebook for each child's studies, but it still wasn't cohesive enough.

Can I just say the number of plates I am spinning has outgrown my ability to mentally keep track? Not that I didn't have good systems, its that the systems weren't overlapping anywhere except in my brain! I kept accidentally planning big school weeks when we had long appointment weeks or book deadlines when we had lots of activities.

For years I've been making my own planners and pages and that was a good system for the season. I had a minimal budget and plenty of time (that seems to be the biggest thing lacking lately) to design and create my own. I would supplement as needed with Etsy or Teacher Pay Teacher downloads for a few splurges or to support areas I was struggling.

While I enjoyed spying on other people's planning via Instagram, I convinced myself that I didn't have time to spend on actually using a complete (pretty) paper planner. After moving into my new Erin Condren teacher planner, I'm pretty convinced I can't afford not too any longer!

Before making the jump into my teacher planner (which I'm using more as a daily/life planner that happens to have great pages for organizing school- more on that later maybe), I made the smaller (price-wise) jump to working with The Ultimate Montessori Planner by my friend Renae.

While marketed as a Montessori planner, I think this is a great resource for anyone looking at organizing their whole year at a glance in a way that can then be broken down into smaller chunks like I do with my terms. I don't usually break all the way down into daily or weekly plans, but it is certainly possible to keep going as far as one needs to fit their homeschool best. I really appreciated being able to shuffle through pages and lay them all out on my dining room table to see at the same time.

I used the Goal Setting Pages to break down goals by subject area for each kid**. Renae suggests (and gives copy permission) to print a page for each child, but I prefer to work on the same page for every child. This makes it easier for me to compare and keep things together when I can. For example, using the same types of cooking projects to meet more than one kids' practical life goals.

One area of the Montessori Planner that I haven't had a chance to dig into too deeply yet, but plan to is the special needs pages. As an experience special needs homeschooling mom, Renae developed pages for therapy notes, therapy goals (across a variety of areas), behavior logs, and more. There is some gold there to be uncovered, I just haven't had a chance to dive in yet as I'm working on including Lucie into the family-wide bigger picture right now and assessing just what her new needs are.

I originally intended to bind the Montessori planner with the pages I wanted and create my own homeschool dedicated planner as I have in past years. The monthly calendars, however, weren't big enough for that purpose and I found myself wishing I had a more broken down weekly plan that didn't require me to do quite so much copying and dating.

I started looking at other planners and I realized that what I really wanted was a complete teacher lesson planner. I wanted the academic year. I wanted the planning pages and checklists. I realized I didn't want a specifically Catholic planner because I found them fairly overwhelming. I love our liturgical celebrations, but there is a lot of instapressure to celebrate every liturgical feast with a special day and I know that our family isn't called to that right now. (instapressure= feeling guilted into doing things a certain way, like having a pretty planner, due to seeing so much of a certain thing online including Instagram)

Due to size, however, I felt most teacher planners fell short on space to also be my daily planner with space for life and blogging/business aspects. I don't like the Day Designer, because I am far more of a rhythm than a schedule planner. One of my criteria, if I was going to spend serious money, was that it had to function for everything in one place without a bunch of sections I wouldn't use. The Erin Condren I bought is huge! The calendar fits our whole family (and I finally found markers with enough colors for everyone to have their own- and although Sarah's is kind of hard to read in yellow, she also doesn't have too active of a social schedule). While the weekly layout only goes M-F, there are 7 columns including one set aside at the end that can easily function as a stand alone weekend column.

For every month I have our big family calendar and pages for notes (shown above- planning for our terms will be at the beginning of each corresponding month). That holds all of the big dates/days. Then there is room to include our school work in more detail along with specific times and other to-do's in the weekly pages. (I also added the snap in meal dashboard to the teacher planner, because why not?) In the checklist pages in the back, I am working through copying the goals I set with the Ultimate Montessori Planner into a page for each of the kids. I also have a page of checklists for regular blog tasks that I'm not always great about following through on. To me it's the extras of the "teacher" planner that make it doable as a 3:1.

I have always been a planner. When I started working on this post, I did a quick search to see what I've written on the topic previously (because believe it or not, I do try not to repeat myself). The nutshell version is that I have written a post similar, yet entirely different based on the season of my life, almost every summer for the past 10 years (almost) of blogging. Plan, execute, refine, repeat. That's a lot of planning! It's no wonder that as I'm juggling more aspects to plan, I needed to get more serious about my systems and how they worked together to keep me sane. As we don't do grades, for me organization is my record keeping. My planner pages will probably not win any awards for most beautiful or inspiring, but as long as they keep me going thats good enough for me!

Will I buy another big planner next year? Absolutely yes- it immediately cut down on my loose paper on my desk before I even fully moved in. It's not terribly portable (like the tiny calendar on my phone) but its entirely thorough. Over time though, it has turned into a self contained work record for each of the kids that they are largely keeping themselves!

Share your non-traditional homeschool planner tips and tricks! I'd love to hear them!

*****

New to homeschool? Don't order your planner until you've started with our FREE Checklist for your Best First Day Ever!

My Erin Condren referral link. Erin Condren links above are not tracked affiliate or referral links, but as always I appreciate any and all click throughs. If you click on the referral link and set up an account they will send you a coupon of some variety. Amazon and Every Star Is Different links are affiliate.

On Junk Food and Education

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 13:06:00 +0000

Earlier this month I had the opportunity to once again attend the Minnesota Catholic Home Education Conference**. Going into the weekend, I was quite excited to see Jennifer MacKintosh of Wildflowers & Marbles speaking on Charlotte Mason education. Non-traditional homeschoolers are quite under represented in Catholic homeschool circles. I find people look at me like I've sprouted an extra head when I say anything about Montessori, Charlotte Mason, or *gasp* intentional unschooling/life schooling for certain subject areas. The internet says we are out there, but finding us is a little more tricky than I would like! I enjoyed Jen's wisdom every bit as much as I expected too, but overall I felt a little off-kilter this year at the conference (and not just because I missed the Blogger's Gathering for the first time in.....ever?).

As I was driving home I realized what it was.

Junk food is invading the homeschool community and it's been happening in the same way that junk has invaded our food supply- slowly and without anyone standing up to it. This junk education has made it nearly impossible to know what is really in the products that you are spending your money on.

What do I mean by that?

People who know just enough to be dangerous are preying on the anxieties and insecurities of homeschool parents. People who are really good at marketing are packaging things in pretty boxes and offering fast & easy fixes to slow problems.

People who know very little about education research are taking ideas and trying to standardize things that were never meant to be standardized. In our rush to detach from the public education system, we have discounted the same people who are doing genuine education research on how people learn and made ourselves vulnerable to misrepresentation by those who are trying to implement it.

Here's an example.

In education research there is something called a STROOP task. In its simplest form you read the printed color of a color word that is printed in different color (i.e. green - you say red). They do things like time people, track mistakes, etc. to see how people process the visual information. I only know anything about STROOP because Tim did a variation of it as one of his graduation research projects.

They learned a lot about how to help people do better on the STROOP task, but they found over and over again that those cognitive challenges don't transfer to other areas of cognition (fruits in the wrong color, name the fruit). No matter how much you practice reading words in the wrong color, it doesn't actually improve your visual or mental acuity on other tests. It's only good for itself.

Kind of like no matter how much math you do, it isn't going to actually make you a better reader. You can be better at math, but you still have to do the work to learn to read.

Today, however, all of the research that says you can get better at the STROOP task is being highlighted in order to sell cognitive skills practice. There are dozens of "brain power" apps, often aimed at helping people to "retain their memory" as they age. If they even know, they skip the fact it won't help you get better at doing anything else.

A few years ago, a vendor at this same conference I was at this weekend had a big wheel with a variation of a STROOP task to sell the need for their "latest" brain-boosting product. As an education researcher, Tim stopped to chat with them and ask about their study.

Only they weren't (and hadn't) run a study.

They had never heard the word STROOP.

Their "results" were that kids enjoyed their learning and had fun doing it.

They developed a curriculum based on "research" and they had no clue what he was talking about.

Homeschooling, has never been about an easy fix. It has never been about fast results. It has, at the end of the day, never been about having fun. I mean, yes- I prefer when we are having fun too- but who cares if we are having fun in something contrived if we aren't actually learning anything that will help us be better at something real!

Homeschooling pioneers, particularly Catholic homeschoolers, had to do it themselves. They had to do it the hard way- putting together their own book lists and communities. Trying new things with their kids, watching to see how they responded, accepting feedback, and adjusting. Real individualized, observation-based education was their only choice.

It's what we still claim to want, but its not what the majority of vendors are selling us. We don't have to go to a homeschool conference to be vulnerable to this. Much of what passes for "Montessori" in the online communities is everything Montessori isn't. Vendors are selling us products based on the lies that we believe.

Lies that tell us that our children aren't as smart as that other homeschooler's kids. Lies that tell us our special needs kids would be better off over in the school system...or at least with this specific program designed to help moms like us who can't possibly do it well enough alone. Lies that plant seeds of doubt about college preparedness. Lies that say we have to teach every subject every year. Lies that tell us there is only one possible sequence for learning. Lies that tell us that holes in any one area of education will be lynch pins in our child's future. Lies that tell us early is better even in homeschool.

On that last one, let me tell you that a lot of research doesn't support early is better for much of anything academic- homeschooled or not- just so you know, but that's a different soap box.

I'm not proposing that we all hide in our houses and stop sharing our success stories and helpful secrets- including products. I sell products. I certainly buy products! I AM asking that if we are going to buy a product based on "research" make sure that we do our own and know what research we are really purchasing and what it really includes. That if we trust the experts to know the subject, that they are really experts. That we don't sacrifice our expertise of our own children to the expertise of the expert in the subject (and yes that includes my expertise).

We all need a short cut or a helping hand feeding our family at times. Real food meals, for example, served up on paper plates in a hotel. Most of us enjoy a candy bar or popsicle from time to time. Just like with junk food, however, our kids brains will turn to mush on a diet of what more and more vendors are trying to sell us.

The best news, is that we really can stop believing all these lies that say we can't live without high fructose science. God says we can, and not surprisingly the research agrees, so lets start with that!

**This post is not a reflection of the Minnesota Catholic Home Education or its organizers in any way. In no way can they vet the educational validity of each vendor. That's our job as mamas! The speakers were fantastic as always. This is more of a general observation about the mindset of parents who think they need one more thing that will fix their homeschool and the marketing people who have latched onto that insecurity. In some cases it isn't even the product that's the problem, rather the way it is marketed. I will definitely be back to the conference again and again and I think you should go too!

Please Don't: Speaking Compassionately & Respectfully To Kids With Medical Special Needs

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 11:56:00 +0000

A few nights ago, I was sitting near Lucie as she fell asleep and she told me that she wishes she was born like the rest of us. That she hates that she has epilepsy. With a chronic medical condition, she endures a lot of necessary pokes, pills, and procedures. They wear on her and make her feel different from everyone else. Somedays are better than others.

As a parent this can be a stressful thing for both me and my child. I can accept (if not always understand) that this cross is one that Lucie and I (along with the rest of our family) have been asked to bear and can integrate that with my worldly understandings. At only five, it is much harder for her.

The way that staff interact with us can make or break each hospital and clinic experience, and she will always be back soon enough to remember the last visit. Here are three subtle things that I've noticed can make a big difference in how she responds to situations, how she feels about her medical condition in general, and why they matter.

Please don't say it won't hurt if it will.

Trust me on this. Nothing breaks the confidence of a child faster than being lied to. It may feel more compassionate to tell her it isn't going to hurt, but that white lie matters. It means she might fight you next time on something that really shouldn't hurt. Don't judge a child's ability to remember by their age or cognitive functioning!

Instead, if she asks be honest about how much it might hurt, how long it might hurt, where it might hurt. Just because she is five doesn't mean she isn't pretty mature when it comes to these things. Give her the information she asks for as plainly and simply and honestly as you can. You can also offer her a choice of how she would like to deal with the hurt. Does she want to hold my hand or sit on my lap? Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. Giving her the choice of how to deal with the situation helps her feel more in control.

Please don't try to trick or distract her into cooperation.

Distractions can be an effective coping technique when they are freely chosen. Show her the new toy and ask her if she would like to use that during the procedure. She has to live with this condition for the rest of her life. Let her choose how to deal with discomforts. Let her learn to advocate for her preferences. If she wants to sit quietly and watch, let her.

She is a tough kid and she really can do it. Don't assume that she is too young to understand or cooperate. If she can't, I am happy to give her a big bear hug and hold her and talk to her so that you can do your job, all while acknowledging her feelings about the situation. The same goes for if she won't, but I find that becomes necessary a lot less often with the building of trust through honesty and empowering her to make her own decisions about distractions. (And if her coping technique today is to stare at the television and pretend you don't exist. Just go with it.)

Please don't offer a choice if there isn't one.

This is another fine line. Sometimes what you are asking to do is entirely harmless and there is no reason for her to say no, but what if she does? Even at five, I believe in my daughter's bodily autonomy. She doesn't always know when to exercise it and offering non-choice choices gives her the opportunity to say no when she doesn't really have a choice. Which forces us into sending the message that her no doesn't matter.

Except her no is very powerful and it is never too early to teach a young girl or boy about consent. No means no. Don't offer a choice unless you are prepared to respect her no. Instead, build trust through honesty and empowering her to make her own authentic decisions.

Of course she is going to not want to participate in some of the activities that are necessary for her continued good health. She's five and not in a place to make an informed decision. The key is not to ask her if she doesn't really have a choice.

Why do these seemingly small and subtle things matter?

For me it is about trust, respect, and consent. I am building trust with my child and she is building trust with you. She may not have a lot of control over her actual treatment right now, but I want her to trust you when it comes time that she does. I want her to trust that I am doing my best to make very difficult decisions about her health. I want to respect her dignity and value as an individual by honoring her choices whenever possible- but that means not giving her choices I'm not willing or able to abide by.

We absolutely can not take consent too seriously in our current culture! We need to not tell kids, but show them, that their no is powerful and should be respected so that they quickly realize unsafe situations. Situations where their body may be at risk from another person be that from physical or sexual assault- this matters! Not only that, but I believe it matters even more in the case of vulnerable children and adults who may have mental or physical impairments that lead them to someday believe that this is the only "love" or "special treatment" they are worthy of.

Because they are worth so much more!

I believe that this small shift in speaking with kids in medical situations could help everyone, but the negative effects add up more quickly for those receiving regular medical care. Like anyone, my daughter has good days and bad days. I can't shift her appointments and care around to when I know she will be feeling cooperative and cheerful. I do believe, however, that showing her respect by honoring her choices and control over her body (even on grumpy days!) will serve all of us, and especially Lucie, now and in the future.

Do you have a child with special medical needs? Have you noticed any of these things? Do you have other ways of speaking to your child about their condition that you've found helpful? I'd love to hear from you!

Will You Leave Room For God?

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 22 Mar 2018 03:05:00 +0000

I'm quite certain that at this point, nothing I can say will shock you.

Make you shake your head, probably.

Shock you, nope.

So here's the thing. Last year we felt strongly called to sell our house and buy a small farm, with the goal of radically transforming our lifestyle and food supply. We've probably always been so-called-urban-homesteaders with our gardens, herbs, cloth diapers, laundry lines etc- just not really thinking much about the terminology. This past fall, however, we just felt like maybe it was time for more. Like God wanted our family life to be more family and more life and abundant in a new way.

And then epilepsy reared its ugly head and it became seriously clear that selling our house while Lucie was unstable was not going to happen. It hurt to pull back, but it needed to be done.

I made myself let that dream sleep. I didn't like it, but I'm a mom- that's what we do sometimes to take care of the little ones in front of us, right?

Well Tim couldn't quite shake the itch that God still wanted this to happen now..

He did some researching and creative thinking and started dreaming of just buying land we could build on later or something that wouldn't mean we had to sell our current house.

He kept praying and kept looking and almost daily bringing me new properties to review or look at. After driving out to look at one that was decidedly creepy (pretty sure to this day there were squatters living there), I finally told him. Honey, look- I want this as much as you do. I just think God is saying not right now. I can't keep looking at listings and driving to places and getting my hopes up, only to have them fall through. I need to just focus on things at home, which are hard enough right now without moving.

He said ok, but one exception- I had to agree to give God room to have the final say.

I had to leave room for God's creativity and blessing.

One week later, Tim brought me another property. I wasn't going to go look. He said he thought this was it. I asked how on earth that could be possible- he said trust him.

I did.

I do.

I should trust him more, really.

Within 24 hours we had visited, made an offer, had the offer accepted and put financing in order.

Not a farm house, but the home an older couple split off (along with 8 acres) from their original homestead and built for themselves 50 years ago that was recently taken entirely apart to be refinished only the most recent owners got tired (broke? bored? other?) half way through and stopped. Right after they did all the hard stuff like new drain tiles in the basement, new well and septic, and the kitchen. Ironically, its the newest house we've ever lived in!

It was a steal and when our old house sells our mortgage will be less than it is now.

A financially blessing on top of everything else.

(We just have to share one bathroom and one bedroom until we can finish the rest of the basement.... Indahl's have got grit though, I'll tell you that, and I'm sure we will be just fine.)

Of course, the reason we have so much grit is because nothing here is ever boring. One might even say we like to do things the hard way.

We closed on the first Friday of March and Tim left the next Monday for a work trip to Florida. I spent that day in the ER with Lucie who wore herself out playing outside while we moved and had 22 seizures before lunchtime.

The next Monday, we spent the day in the ER and OR because Tomas got his finger caught in the front door.

We totally fell off the Soup for Lent train, although we are hoping to make a last push next week during Holy Week.

Aidan is dancing in a show the end of April and has rehearsal many times per week only its now 10 minutes further to the studio.

Lucie is wearing a helmet full time and starting early intervention preschool...in our old school district because they started her IEP and thats what makes the most sense, but it means more driving for me. It's also now twice as far to the clinic for her therapy but somehow I'm making it work. Her epilepsy is still not remotely controlled.

We've painted the entire upstairs, finished the rabbit and chicken coop, started cleaning out the barn, marked out fence lines, are running a dozen maple taps ...and have done absolutely nothing to remedy that bathroom/bedroom situation.

We really do need to work on that eventually!

Our farm has already expanded by 22 wings, thanks to the generosity of another homeschool family getting rid of their flock (and a second family who took them in for us short term).

We reserved a puppy from a breeder.

Sarah thought it would be the ideal time to learn to stand up.

I may or may not plant a garden this year, but I ordered seeds just in case.

Our old house will be on the market in a week or two after we finish cleaning, but that my friends is the kind of crazy that happens when you agree to let God work in the margins of your life to make things happen.

Oh, and I'm speaking at a women's retreat in Wisconsin on Saturday and its supposed to snow. Pray for me!

On the surface it may look like I haven't left much room for God this Lent. In reality, He's found plenty of space of his own to call home. A friend's son walked into the new house, flaws and all and whispered, "It's so peaceful here."

And that my friend, is the whole and entire point.

Soup- It's What's for Dinner!

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 04:08:00 +0000

It has been two weeks since Ash Wednesday, and our now-annual family Lenten soup fast is off to an interesting start. We've had some highlights (see recipe below) and also some very low nights (a soup that somehow went rancid in the freezer leaving us with nothing but a loaf of bread for dinner). In some ways this year has been easier than last, but it has also had it's on challenges.

This post contains affiliate links, I earn a small income (at no extra cost to you) from purchases through these links. See my advertisements and disclosures page for additional information.

I started this year thinking I would also eat soup for lunch each day that we had leftovers, but my breastfeeding-self discovered quickly that the stricter fasting led to the need for far more snacking and kind of defeated its own purpose. (Did you know? Fasting while nursing can change your milk and make it less palatable- I've noticed that if I fast too much I know by how much extra spitting up Sarah does!) I adjusted and started looking for other ways to use up leftover soups (again, see below) rather than continue a discipline that was actually encouraging an unhealthy situation for the two of us!

In addition to the lower caloric nature of soup, one of the reasons I think soup for Lent is an appropriate fast is that it has a cost saving measure. The three ingredients pictured above could, on a typical night, provide the backbone of a hearty dinner for our family of 9. A piece of meat (chicken sausage in this case), a pasta-potato-or-bread side (cheese tortellini), and a vegetable (broccoli). While I might not put together this specific combination, it is pretty typical for how we eat. I don't often serve dessert or fruit with dinner.

At Costco 1 "case" of these three items costs roughly $25 (which is why I might buy all 3, but not for the same meal- this just a rough comparison). To eat the chicken sausage as a main course, the whole package will last only 1 meal but could be used three times in this recipe. The pasta, again only one meal as a side but two as a part of the soup (and it could probably be stretched to 3, but that's not how the packages are divided). The broccoli would last through 2 meals as a side, but lasts 4 as a component of soup.

Same cost.

2-3 meals instead of 1. That brings typical splurge ingredients down to reasonable dinner ranges. Calculated for a more budget-friendly ingredient list, the savings could be even more. I will also routinely use the leftovers of one soup in another soup. For example, last Friday I made Garlic Royale soup from the Monastery Soups cookbook and used the leftovers as a base in Baked Potato Soup on Monday. We waste a lot less this way.

Of course, saving money isn't a spiritual aim of Lent, but almsgiving is. Soup becomes almsgiving when money saved on dinner is applied to worthy causes. I'll leave figuring out the amounts to you, but know that I certainly don't break it down this exactly for each meal!

The example used in this post probably isn't a great example of a fast for most people because it is very high in fat (unlikely to leave you hungry). Our daughter has refractory epilepsy (difficult to treat) and she requires a very high fat diet. By bumping up the fat in the broth for her (and removing her portion before adding the pasta), we are able to all eat the same dinner. Eating in community is important to us and because we are used to the high fat diet it doesn't feel as much of a splurge to us as it might to you.

Rather than incorporate fasting as a component of every soup night, we choose to incorporate meatless soups at least one day/week in addition to Friday. Our favorite meat-free soups are egg drop, garlic cream, potato/leek, and broccoli cheese. We also regularly incorporate simple broth based soups such as ham and white bean that are literally just ham, water, salt, and white beans.

We add a bread side to broth-based soups for those who can eat it, but not generally to cream based soups, which also helps balance the fasting piece for those who want to be more rigid in the fast. While this is a family discipline, we leave it up to each individual how they want to practice it at each meal.

Sausage Tortellini Soup

1+ Qt Chicken Stock
2+ Cups Heavy Cream
1 8 oz brick of Cream Cheese
2 Tbsp minced garlic

Heat the above ingredients in a pot (I switched from a standard 5 qt pot to an 8 qt stock pot and it is much easier to make soup for 9 now!), stirring regularly.

Once hot, stir in:

1 Cup Grated Parmesan Cheese (Fresh is better but not strictly required)

Blend with an immersion blender if you have one for extra smooth soup. (Note: I just got my first immersion blender this year, after insisting forever that it was an un-needed gadget but I've changed my stance and it is quickly approaching my vitamix as my most used appliance....at least for soup season!)

Bring the mixture to a light boil and add:

1 lb Roughly Chopped Frozen Broccoli
4-5 Sausages of Choice (we like chicken sausages- any brat style could work)

Add additional liquids if needed. Season to taste with salt/pepper if desired.

Add 1 lb package of fresh tortellini (mini ravioli would also work) roughy five minutes before serving and that's it.

All told, it takes me less than 30 minutes to put this soup together.

Just in case you'd like to cut the richness of this soup and switch to a more generally accepted definition of healthy, I'd suggest some combo of the following adaptations.

*Use more, or even all, chicken stock and less heavy cream to make a broth based soup.
*Skip the cream cheese (this is particularly a good option if you don't have an immersion blender as you'll never get it smoothly incorporated without one).
*Use fewer sausages and/or less tortellini.
*Add protein & fiber by adding a can of any white beans.

I would not reduce the parmesan because that provides all the salt the recipe needs.

I told Tim I needed a conclusion to this blog post and he said, "The soup is really, really good. You want to eat it."

This is why I write the blog posts.

That said, it is tasty and different, which also makes it fun. Many of you commented, emailed, and texted that you were thinking of giving soup a try a couple nights/week. Any fun surprises or drastic failures? I'd love to hear how its going! I'll try to check in again in a couple weeks with another update and maybe another recipe.

Happy fasting!

Be Yourself and SHINE

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Sat, 17 Feb 2018 23:12:00 +0000

Recently, I've been putting an extra effort into building the confidence of my third child and oldest daughter with a special mother-daughter project. I want her to always know that she is a unique, loved, and cherished Child of God. I want her to know in her bones that God has a plan for all of the beautiful ways He made her to be just the way she is.

This post contains affiliate links- purchasing through these links provides us with a modest income at no extra cost to you. I was provided with two free copies of the Be Yourself Journal in exchange for sharing the experiences contained here.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I did not exactly enjoy my growing up years a whole lot. I knew in my head that God and my family loved me for who I was, exactly as I was...but I didn't believe it in my heart. I struggled, like many young women, with the idea that I was not good enough as I was. I made many efforts through my teen years to attempt to change who I was by adapting my looks, personality, and beliefs to be as socially acceptable as possible. I struggled with a lot of the vices that can go along with those efforts.

I was a "good" girl who didn't want to be on the wrong side of anything. I was a perfectionist who would rather drop out of an activity, choose something no one believed I could do, or put forth no effort, rather than do my best and only come up with second place.

In reality, I think this is a pretty common experience for most young girls.

Yet, as a mom, I want a better experience for my own daughters. For all of my children really, but knowing the unique struggles of growing from a young girl to a young woman, I feel it most strongly when it comes to my girls. Admittedly (probably due to the fact that I have buried two of my five girls) I also struggle with wanting them to grow wings ... rather than keep them in the tight fashioned cocoon of my protection. That's my issue though and I don't want it to become my girls' burden.

Yet, how do I help them learn to fly?

Because they do need to fly. Leaning a little further on my cocoon analogy, before a caterpillar can become a butterfly they must consume a particular diet based on their species-specific needs. What is the species specific diet for a little girl? I've come to realize that it is a solid dose of scripturally rooted truth about the God who created us with and for a purpose. Who made us just as we are, with unique skills and talents that can change the world with our big dreams.

Not a building of the ego based on false praise, but a nurturing of the soul built on an internally developed sense of dignity and worth. Not a box that they must fit into, but a world that is open for them. A world that needs both who and what they are.

That's what real girl power is.

In the Be Yourself journal for Catholic girls, Amy Brooks, has gifted me a beautiful tool to build Kylee's girl power and nurture our relationship at the same time. To sit down together once every few days and talk about one of the journaling pages, or discuss one of the saint quotes/pages is a way to connect no matter how hectic our schedule gets. As she navigates the rocky waters of her tween years, my heart knows how important this is.

I would love to keep her little, and yet she continues to grow in grace each day.

It is a beautiful and humbling thing to observe.

On a recent day of epilepsy appointments, Kylee generously shared her journaling time with Lucie.

Soup For Lent

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi) — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 16:23:00 +0000

As a family we like to try new things and stretch ourselves to think outside of the box when it comes to celebrating the feasts and seasons of our Catholic faith. Last year we tried something new during Lent and rather than giving something up as a family, we only had soup for supper for the entire 40 days of Lent (minus the six Sundays plus the Triduum). Read on to learn more! This post contains affiliate links, for more information on my affiliate policies please click on the Advertisements & Disclosures button.

Why A Soup Fast?

Great Question! The short answer is that we have a lot of food allergies and intolerances in our house and we eat a fairly low level of "treats" during a typical week. Canceling chocolate or sugar are great, but we didn't really feel like that was much of a stretch for us as a family. We wanted to push ourselves and this seemed like a good way to do it.

The longer answer is that we were looking for a way to spend less time in the kitchen and more time as a family in prayer, service, and relationship building. Due to the aforementioned food allergies and intolerances it was not unusual for me to spend many hours of my day without leaving the kitchen, even with the help of my capable kitchen kids. When we weren't preparing food, we were cleaning up from preparing food. Soup is something we can easily meld and adapt to meet everyone's needs, usually in the same pot. If there is a problem ingredient we can either leave it out or pull a couple bowls for the person who can't eat that ingredient before adding it. Soup is also an excellent way to eat less meat and a way to save money in the kitchen big time. Less money spent on food is more money available for almsgiving.

For us, soup for Lent supported all three of the pillars of Lent in prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.

How We Did It

In setting up ground rules, we gathered input from all pertinent family members. We decided to define soup as anything eaten in a bowl that requires a spoon- thick stews and chilis were allowed. We also allowed a bread, cracker, or muffin side for the family members who are able to eat those foods.

I planned the entire menu for Lent upfront, being sure to incorporate old favorites in the mix with our new experiments. We decided that for our soup fast, Lent would extend from Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday but that we would allow Sunday dinner to be excluded from the requirement. Each kid was allowed to choose one favorite dinner to slot in for Sunday lunch and we continued our normal Sunday Popcorn/Movie tradition for Sunday dinners.

How It Went (Also Known As Getting Creative)

As with all big plans, we ran into a few hiccups. The first is that we really did start to get bored with soup after a few weeks. We anticipated this and tried to prevent it, but it happened. We admittedly had a few kids that wanted to give up, but we stuck with it and came up with some fun ideas to create new soups that have even remained family favorites. I asked the kids for a list of their favorite "normal" foods and we figured out what ingredients would go into that kind of soup.

Some were great, some were not.

I think the big winner was our alfredo soup. This creation involved a very thin cream sauce (made whatever way you prefer- it could even be a jar of alfredo sauce thinned with milk if you like that) with a handful of bowtie pasta, broccoli, and sliced sausage. As for the not-greats, nothing I do will ever convince my children to like anything with mushrooms. I keep trying.

Plans for This Year

We definitely plan to try again this year. For the most part the rules will stay the same, but the meals themselves will have to shift as food needs evolve and change. I want to up the game a little bit by planning ahead better for traveling and/or activities and incorporating more meat-free soups. Last year, when conferences or work kept us away from the house for dinner, we would pick up soup from a restaurant and if we were at a catered event we would try to eat the simplest meal that the event would allow without making an issue of it. This was a system developed on the fly we want to be more intentional about this year.

Another thing I want to do this year is take a couple meals, such as the alfredo soup, and compare it to what it costs to eat the same meal not in soup form. I know there is a difference, but at the end of Lent the smaller amounts I was spending at the grocery store were pretty striking in both time and money. I'm guessing I could make this soup at least three times with the same basic ingredients we would eat in one sitting if we had chicken sausages with a side of bowtie alfredo and broccoli. The extra milk and parmesan cheese needed for soup doesn't even come close to the extra sausage, pasta, and broccoli cost-wise.

I also want to try more new recipes this year. As a compromise to skeptical kids, we only tried one new recipe each week last year. For Christmas, I picked up this book that Jen Fulwiler was raving about on Instagram. I was skeptical that a soup cookbook could be so amazing, but knowing Lent was coming I decided to give it a try. Seriously it is so full of seasonal soup recipes and most of them are entirely without meat ingredients. There are literally a dozen or more recipes for soup for every month of the year. Easy to make (and adapt- see my notes above about the macros for Lucie's seizure control diet). Someday I want to say I've tried them all!

Intrigued by Soup for Lent?

If you aren't sure about diving in head-first, maybe pick two or three nights each week to incorporate soup for dinner. I wasn't on IG last year, but I'll share some of our soup for dinner meals over there this year! Maybe we need a hashtag? #SoupForLent

Hit me up with your best soup ideas!

Work And Play, Day By Day

Homeschool Stressing You Out? Support is Just A Phone Call Away!

Montessori: A Benedict Option Education Solution for Serious Catholics

Premium Content FAQ

Have you had a chance to think about revolutionizing your homeschool with Montessori through membership in the Premium Montessori Content Group? Here are a few questions you might be asking!

Announcing New Premium Montessori Content!

Traditional Education Meets Homeschool Support

3 Quick Questions to Evaluate Your Homeschool Curriculum

Is Homeschool Right For You?

Why Blog in 2019?

Growing and Grieving Together

On Being A Grieving Mother And An Advocate

The Words They Say

Euphrosyne Paper

Three Things Mom Needs to Do Every Single Day

A Last Minute Kindergarten Plan

Robotics & Electronics for Homeschool

Oh, You Magical Montessori

The End of a Year Long Study in Radically Following the Child.

There's An Alpaca On The Road {And Other Things I've Heard Since Moving to The Country}

Organizing My Non Traditional Catholic Homeschool

On Junk Food and Education

Please Don't: Speaking Compassionately & Respectfully To Kids With Medical Special Needs

Will You Leave Room For God?

Soup- It's What's for Dinner!

Be Yourself and *SHINE*

Soup For Lent

Be Yourself and SHINE