I had a tough discussion with one of my employees this week about the demands of consulting. I told him about the hours required. The dedication. Then, I turned around and had a discussion with my manager. His take was that he’s all for work life balance, but “50/50″.

I was caught off guard. Can you really balance your work and the rest of your life as if they are on a scale? Perfect balance. Work on one side, life on the next. 50/50. Even if it’s possible, is it fair for your life to get half of you while work gets the other half?

Truth is work life balance is a myth.

Sure, it sounds good. It makes corporations feel good about themselves. When employees see it highlighted in the glossy recruitment package or on the company website, they feel like the company is going to care about them. Therein lies the lie.

I believe that supervisors, managers and companies mean well when they talk about work life balance, but their underlying motivation skews it every time. In the end, companies exist to make money. Healthy, happy employees are more productive. Higher productivity in a well-managed company means more money. The glitch happens when supervisors, managers, and companies – even employees – start to think of work life balance as if life and work are two separate entities that require split attention.

Rather than think of work and life linearly as competing priorities, why don’t we approach it in a more holistic way. You have ONE life. Part of your life is work. You’ve also got your physical health, personal relationships, devotion to your community, not to mention fun. It’s not a matter of slicing your life into pieces. It’s a matter of having an integrated life.

Work life integration, there’s a concept worth exploring!

The time crunch is real! Yes, it is! There, you are now vindicated.

I travel 16 hours a week.

Work at least 40 hours a week.

Sleep – well, it’s kind of embarrassing – 56 hours a week.

Spend 27 hours eating, exercising, and grooming.

14 Hours a week bookending my days (more on that later).

10 Hours on education. I love to learn!

That leaves about 5 hours for errands and a social life. And I don’t have a significant other or kids.

So yeah, the time crunch is real. I discovered all this when I was trying to carve some time out in my schedule to write. I LOVE to write. It feeds my soul. In the hubbub of life, though, I just couldn’t find the time. So, I wanted to see on paper where my time was going. Am I making this up?

I wasn’t. It was there in black and white. What to do?

For years, I blamed my job. It’s a convenient scape goat. It sucks up a third of my week, right? Well, I could blame my work, but then I get so much out of it. Much more than the money. I had to look elsewhere.

Here’s what I did to create more hours in my week.

No Television

For 3 years, I didn’t own a television. It freed up 20 hours a week for me. When I moved to Orlando a couple years ago, my parents brought their television for entertainment. Since then, my TV time has been inching up (lovely episodes of Grey’s Anatomy).

Many people say to me it’s not the TV. Well, clock it! That’s the only way to see just how many hours you are spending in front of a device dedicated you to persuading you to want a life that you unconsciously accept.

Oh, the TV thing goes for the internet, video games, or any other time-sucking, low value activity that’s your escape of choice. It’s not a matter of guilt. It’s a matter of freeing up the space in your schedule to live the life you want. Or, for that matter, freeing up the time to figure out what life you want.

Multitask

I’m usually not a fan of multitasking. You’ll see me contradict myself in the next section. Multitasking to me is more like folding my time. I travel 16 hours a week. I decided to spend 5 of those hours sleeping, and 5 reading. It made that time useful and freed up 10 hours in my week. There’s solid writing time right there!

You don’t want to overdo multitasking like being on the phone with your friends when you’re at your kid’s all star game. There, you want to single thread, which brings me to my next point.

Single Thread Soul Fueling Activities

By far, this is my most useful tool. When I’m talking to family and friends, I am fully present. When I’m writing, I’m fully present. When I’m exercising, or bookending my day, I’m all there.

Being present in these activities expands my time. Try it for a 21 days and see for yourself. When my soul is fed, somehow I feel I have more time and energy to do all the mundane activities. Perhaps it’s a case of getting the big rocks in my jar first. The sand filters into the spaces.

Slow Down

YES, SLOW DOWN!!!

Seems counter-intuitive, but like single-threading, slowing down gives you mental space. It helps you to be present. It gives you the breathing room to be more efficient and prevents mistakes. Mistakes take one unit to make and 5+ units to fix. If you can avoid them by slowing, down wouldn’t it be worth the time?

Employ the Kaizen Way

A few years back, I gave myself 3 priorities for the year: walk, write, and meditate for 30 minutes everyday. It was a year of life transformation. At the time, it didn’t seem to be doing anything. I wasn’t losing weight, or getting the readership I expected on my blog, or somehow reaching a Zen like state of mind. However, the effects of that year are with me to this day.

My body is trained to crave exercise. My mind can fall into a meditative state in under a minute. I can access the field of Infinite Possibilities in that space of time. That translates into instant peace, and more important, answers when I’m on the spot with clients. And that blog, every so often I get a check from Google.

I wish I kept up that practice, but I’m back at it now. I even backed it down to 15 minutes 5 days a week so that I can feel the sense of accomplishment and trust in myself that comes with keeping my word.

Contrary to our hard-wired beliefs, time is flexible. If you look at it one dimensionally, you won’t ever have enough. It would serve you well to breathe into it for expansion and collapse it so that it multiplies.

When I meet with clients for brainstorming sessions, I usually have 3 seed ideas to share with them. Some of my colleagues think that I’m leading the client. What I learned is that, when met with a blank page, most of us are like deer in headlights. We are afraid of the blank page.

Sure, we have a lot of ideas when our lives and thoughts are already cluttered with information. We don’t capture these ideas. When met with the question, “If you can have whatever you desire knowing that you have absolutely no constraints on your life, what would you like?” We’re caught red-handed.

Don’t be troubled, there are solutions for the blank page.

Capture your ideas when you have them.
When you’re walking through your day, or sitting at Starbucks or on your morning run, carry a notepad with you. Electronic notepads work just fine. Hint, hint, you can use your smartphone. When you start capturing your ideas, your mind will generate more of them.

Use your captured ideas as seed ideas.
No idea is too silly for a seed idea. Sometimes, the sillier the better. Seed ideas are meant to activate your mind. They are the end of the thread that your mind can follow and head down the rabbit hole. Seed ideas are inception.

Start writing anyway.
Sit at your desk, your computer or notepad and write. Write that you can’t write. Write that your mind is stalling. Write your favorite lyric. Ramble on the page. Eventually, your mind will hook onto one of these ideas and meander into a complete work.

Ask leading questions.
If I have no seed ideas when I walk into a client meeting, I stand at the board with marker in hand. My first question in those instances is, “What do you do today?” When clients start to talk about what they do today, they begin to tell me what they would like to change about it. If not, they tell me what’s wrong with it. When they start telling me what’s wrong, I ask them how they would like that to change. That opens up the floodgates!

From now on, you can think of the blank page as possibilities. It’s your jumping off point. Just come with a parachute (seed ideas)!

What do you do when you are met with the blank page in your life?

In 2001, I came across a book that revolutionized the way I thought about work and money. Until then, I was living by the edict, “Go to school, study hard, and get a good job.” Being the overachiever that I am, I excelled. I got my Master’s, graduated magna cum laude, and got a great job with IBM. I did better than anyone in my family did by that age.

By my family’s standards, I was successful.

Then I read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and I felt immensely resentful. How could they withhold such valuable information from me!!! This whole going to school and getting a good job is such a farce. I’ll be in the E Quadrant FOREVER!!!

While the E (Employee) quadrant is not as sexy as the B (Business) or I (Investing) quadrants, I’ve come to appreciate it. It provides free training, steady income, benefits, capital, structure, and a REAL social network.

When you are living in the E quadrant, you’re on a fixed income. It’s an opportunity to internalize the basics of financial intelligence. With earned income, you can learn how to budget and save. For someone like me who had zero financial education and thought that money is made to be spent, learning what to do with earned income was a significant accomplishment.

What does all this have to do with being a mystic? Acceptance and appreciation for where you are! The longer and harder you resist where you are right now, the longer you will be there. Resistance includes trying with all your might to get out because you absolutely can’t stand it here. It includes prematurely leaving where you are without the bridge to the next step or the tools to get there. Resistance includes beating yourself up for being where you are.

Take a moment to stand where you are and just observe it objectively. There’s good there. What can you use in the situation to help you get where you want to be? What nuggets are ripe for the plucking? Do you see any silver linings?

The first week of the year is over. Most of us have already resolved, intended, or chosen a word for the year. Some of us are still wondering what we want the year to be about. We’ve tried resolving, intending, and choosing a word before and it didn’t work. What to do, what to do?

Here are some alternatives to resolution madness:

Dragos is taming his monkeys, one monkey a month. According to Dragos, a monkey is “a goal frozen in its evolution”. You already resolved it once, and it’s still hanging out there. Taming a monkey is “an attempt to complete and refine that underdeveloped part of yourself, but at the same time to keep its wild, playful and enthusiastic nature.” Read more about the monkey business here.

Jacqueline achieved financial independence by setting a simple process goal, so she’s sticking to it. No New Year’s Resolutions for her! She’s sticking to a simple process. She’s even applying it to weight loss.

Feeling adventurous? You can choose to do something you’ve always wanted to, but never did. Stop right there, I know what you’re thinking, sail around the world, make a million dollars! Nope, nothing that sexy or ambitious. Choose something like taking up golf, or knitting, or learning to speak Spanish. Choose something that’s not a major imposition, but it would be fun and life enhancing.

If one word is not enough, choose as many as you want. The ever creative Patty encourages us to fully express our desires for the new year in any way we choose. No need to limit yourself. You can embark on other creative venture with Patty in her new program, Sunday Night at the Movies.

Belinda encourages us to accept ourselves as whole. Maybe that’s a resolution in and of itself. I view it as a new platform to dream the year for yourself. What would you do this year if you were loved, special and important just the way you are? How would you live if you were whole? What would you resolve?

I spend a lot of time stressing the importance of having a spiritual practice, or in simpler words, spending time with yourself. It’s a tough discipline because when you get still all the crap that is in your mind thinks it’s party time.

“You’re never going to lose the weight.” “No one’s going to ask you out looking like that.” “Where are you going to find the time to fit THAT in?” “What about the money?” “Where the heck did you come up with that cockamamie scheme?”

Your rogue thoughts finally have an audience, and they are taking full advantage.

No need to fight. Let your mind have its way!

When you start your practice your thoughts are going to run wild. That’s to be expected. You never paid attention before. You’re always trying to shut them up with food, alcohol, exercise, work, shopping, or some other drug of choice. Your thoughts want to be heard. Let them know that you hear them, then gently turn your attention to your practice anchor.

Your practice anchor is an internal focus point. Most times it is your breath. Some other practice anchors might be your heartbeat, or a mantra, or checking in with your body from head to toe.

If your practice is silent sitting meditation, acknowledge the thought and gently bring your attention back to your breath. A simple “I hear you” will do the trick.

If your practice is journaling, write until all the gobbley gook is out, then ask, “What does Spirit have to say?”

If your practice is walking, running, or any other physical activity, acknowledge the thought, then gently turn your focus to the feel of your body and your breath.

How do you curb your rambling mind? Do you have a practice anchor? What’s your favorite practice anchor?

“We are living in a material world, and I am a material girl.” –Madonna

Shocking, coming from a mystic, huh! Not so much, it’s truth. Try as I might to transcend this world and concentrate on all things spiritual, I still have to wake up every morning in my body and take action. Face it, you’re living in a material world too!

What does that mean for the Working Mystic?

It’s good news for us. We’re not just any mystic, we’re WORKING. That means everyday we get up. We bask in our spiritual practice. We listen for inspiration. Then, we get cracking. We take the actions that were inspired. We move our bodies. We make and manage money. We actively interact with the world.

For years I thought that being spiritual had nothing to do with the material world. Guess what, the material comes out of the spiritual. It’s not something separate. It manifests from within. But, one critical thing is required in the material world – we have to get in there and mix it up.

So today, get out into that material world as a Working Mystic. Don’t deny you have a body. Take care of it. Don’t be repulsed by money. Learn to manage it well and have it work for you. Don’t shield yourself from other people. Mingle, embrace, love!

Enjoy the video…

When I worked for IBM, I was the go to fix it girl. A client would call to say that they installed everything correctly, but the software just isn’t working. My managers put me on a plane with strict instructions to stay on site until the problem is fixed. Over and over, I would save the day. It was a constant high.

Like any high, there was also a serious crash. I’d get back home exhausted. I got the at-a-girl, but after a while it wasn’t enough. It was empty. I fixed bigger and bigger things to feel the rush. The praise felt smaller and smaller. The overall satisfaction was diminishing.

The cycle continued until I burned out and quit abruptly.

Employers, family, and friends can spot someone with savior syndrome a mile away. Here’s what they say, “Find the busiest person and give it to them. They’ll get it done.”

And you will. Your reputation is riding on it. Your perception of yourself is riding on it. If you don’t do it, who will?

Don’t confuse savior syndrome for generosity and compassion!

We all want to be generous, kind, and compassionate. It’s who we are. Sometimes, it might require jumping in and taking the bull by the horns. Most times, most times it calls for empowerment.

We want to do a great job. However, doing a great job might look like teaching the client how to fix the problem and walking them through it, rather than pounding out the fix yourself.

We all want to help our families. However, helping our families could look like showing your brother how to budget, rather than sending a check every time a need arises.

Savior syndrome leads to martyrdom.

It feels really good to come in and save the day. The personal satisfaction of fixing something and helping someone is awesome. We feed off the accolades. We begin to feel worthy of the good life. We start feeling entitled. When we don’t get what we feel we deserve we start to feel resentful, angry, frustrated, and discouraged. Then we ge to whoa is me…

Savior syndrome jeopardizes your intrinsic value.

When you have savior syndrome you are constantly looking to the outer world to validate that you did a good job. You want people to recognize that you saved the day. You begin to think that they are the Source of your good. If they don’t recognize all the good you’ve done when you bent over backwards, who will? It starts toying with your sense of worthiness.

Savior syndrome robs other people of the opportunity to shine.

When you repeatedly come to someone’s rescue, you deny them the opportunity to grow. They never learn how to rescue themselves. They think that you are the Source of their good. They don’t look within to summon their own resources.

What’s the antidote for savior syndrome?

Ever heard the saying: Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for life?

I enjoy teaching! I like finding more effective ways to teach. I like having more opportunities to teach. The best part is that I don’t have teach in a traditional sense. Sometimes, teaching involves letting a person fail and having them figure out how to fix it the problem on their own.

Everyone is capable of managing their life. They are competent. They have the same access to Knowledge, Love, Abundance, and Joy that you do. You are not the Source of anyone’s Well-Being.

I’m recovering from savior syndrome myself. I’m still inclined to jump in and fix a problem, rather than showing someone how to fix it themselves. I tell myself that it takes less time, and that if I do it myself then I know it’s done right. I’m robbing myself of my own resources and I’m not helping the other person to tap into theirs. It’s a work in progress.

Are you suffering from savior syndrome? What are you doing to empower the people around you?

What’s a spiritual practice anyway?

It sounds so serious and scary, but it really isn’t. Spiritual practice is the daily habit of connecting to your internal Self or God. It can be as short as 5 minutes. Or, if you’re a monk, it can be the whole day. For the Working Mystic, 15 – 30 minutes a day is optimal.

What should I do for my spiritual practice?

When most people hear the phrase spiritual practice, they think about prayer and meditation. However, your practice can be any activity that centers you and brings your awareness to the essence of yourself.

It’s best to perform your practice in silence. The idea is to get still, empty your mind, and let a deeper wisdom come to the surface. If you must have sound, you can use light sounds or calming music. However, you want to limit the amount of external stimulation. I prefer to stay away from guided meditations and music with lyrics.

Some other activities for your spiritual practice can be:

• Walking
• Journaling
• Yoga
• Running
• Chanting
• Keeping an art journal

Why establish a spiritual practice?

From the moment you wake, to the time you go to sleep at night, you are bombarded with ideas from outside yourself. Most of us turn on or check the television, radio, computer, and/or phone as soon as they get out of bed. From that moment, you are hearing all the ideas from outside. Not only are we bombarded, we are constantly on the go. Your spiritual practice gives you an excuse to be still and quiet.

It helps you to gain clarity. Part of your spiritual practice is emptying your mind. You can’t stop your thoughts, but you can slow them down enough to get some space in between. Over time, you’ll have longer pauses and some of them will begin to connect. At that point, wisdom from within begins to surface.

It helps you to remember who and what you are. You get some dedicated time each day to dive into yourSelf with a capital ‘S’. You become familiar with that feeling. When you are out and about during the day in the thick of things, you can remember how you felt during that dedicated time. You can use it as a touchstone throughout your day to remind you who you are.

Do you have a spiritual practice today? If so, what is it? If not, what would you consider for your spiritual practice?

[image credit: Andrew Martin]

As we go into the new year, some of us make resolutions, some set goals, others set intentions. Usually, we think about what we want to DO and accomplish in the new year.

What if we led with how we want to BE in the new year?

Before I sound all high and mighty, let me just say that I’m an avid goal setter and achiever. I love setting goals. I love breaking them down into manageable action steps. I love planning. I love executing those steps. I love reflecting on the year and taking an assessment of all that I accomplish.

Year after year, I would achieve 80% of my goals. I felt really accomplished. At the same time, I felt I missed the mark. Yeah, I checked some to-do’s off the list. My life made incremental shifts. BUT, I didn’t feel the way I thought I would feel when I set the goals.

In 2007, I read Christine Kane’s article on the word for the year. A light bulb went off. Why not lead with how I want to be in the new year?

Notice, I say how, not who. For years, who I wanted to be was thinner, richer, a better wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I would set goals that aligned with each of those people individually. Most years I wouldn’t achieve my goals because the person who wanted to be thinner couldn’t align with the person who want to socialize and be a better friend.

Deciding HOW I want to be, set an over-arching tone for my life. It’s like having a blueprint for the year. Once you have a clear picture of how you want to be for the year. You can fit the pieces together within the blueprint.

One year, I decided that I wanted to be stable. I wanted to build a solid foundation for my life. Deciding that I wanted to be stable was the blueprint for my goals that year.

Since the overall feeling I was going for was stability, each goal was directed at putting a block into the foundation of my life. That year, I didn’t set any stretch goals. I set habit goals. The list looked like this:

• Save 10% of my income. (Money)
• Move for 30 minutes a day. (Health)
• Say “I love you” every day. (Relationships)
• Get to work on time every day. (Career)
• Meditate for 30 minutes a day. (Spiritual)

At the end of that year, not only did I achieve the individual goals, I met my over-arching objective of stability. I built a solid foundation for my life.

Since then, I’ve used the words content, and God for my blueprint. This year, I’m going for exuberance. It’s a stretch year, and it’s off to a good start!

How do you want to be next year? What does the blueprint for your next year look like?