Working On Freedom!

Long Awaited Update

2010-10-04T10:31:00.002-05:00

So here I am. More than 3 yrs post op and my life is completely different than the one I used to lead. I'm getting divorced, I have a new wonderful man in my life, I moved, I started nursing clinicals and I am determined to live a life full of happiness and peace!

My weight fluctuates 15 lbs or so... and it's always a constant struggle to stay in control. I guess somewhere inside I'll always be fighting that fat girl! lol I usually wear a size 8 or 10 and I'm ok with that. It's a far cry from the size 28/30 I started at!

The kids are doing amazing. Hannah is in middle school. Abby is in 3rd grade and Gabe started preschool this year.

School for me is exciting and stressful. I am determined to finish though and get that RN degree in my hand! I'm still working at the nursing home and gaining a lot of experience.

My marriage fell apart, but truly I don't think the weight loss had anything to do with. It was already failing. All the weight loss did, was allow me to see that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to and that I did not have to settle for being treated in any way that was harmful or caused me pain or sadness. I chose to take my life back and I am truly happy!

My boyfriend Chad is amazing and I am so blessed to have him in my life!!!

I will post some updated pics!

3 years post op

2010-04-17T18:59:00.004-05:00

This is going to be a quick update b/c I'm getting ready to run out the door to work!

Start: 277 lbs.
1 year post op: 142 lbs.
2 years post op: 144 lbs.
Current/ 3 years post op: 152 lbs.

Total loss after 3 yrs: 125 lbs...

I've fought the dreaded bounce back but am still happy to be maintaining a 125 lbs loss after 3 years!

I'd call myself a success!

Easter 2010

2010-04-09T14:31:00.003-05:00

Down 10 lbs. of regained weight.

2010-04-01T17:59:00.002-05:00

I'm down to 150 lbs again... Now to lose 10 more! :)

It's almost been 3 years!

2010-03-26T14:05:00.005-05:00

Three years ago vs. TODAY!

I'm still here

2010-03-22T11:05:00.003-05:00

I know it appears that I went into hiding again but I'm here! I did have a couple days of struggle but am back at it. I refuse to give up. End of story.

Weight today: 154. Had seen lower but I'm taking it and going to see lower again...and once I leave these 150's behind, I'm going to try very very hard to not see them again!

It's a chilly rainy day...I've got homemade chicken noodle soup on the stove for the family. I'm doing laundry and watching a ton of shows I've dvr'ed over the last couple weeks. Basically just relaxing until I go into work tonight. I picked up a few night shifts this week to help out a friend.

I'm on spring break right now... Ended up w/ an A- in my class!

Kelly to answer your question about protein in my coffee... I use the RTD Atkins protein shakes and just pour some in the cup instead of using half and half. It mixes right in! :)

I'm watching Celebrity Fit Club right now... some of these people are not even fat. You've got to be kidding me... LOL

better!

2010-03-11T14:25:00.003-05:00

Today was a better day! I went and got my nails done and then bought Gabe a new pair of shoes (its camo in the DC)... these:

Then we ate at Olive Garden while Pepboys put a new tire on my car. Yep, that's right. Just bought 4 new tires two weeks ago... When we came out of the mall I heard "whoooooosh" and looked and there was a huge piece of metal in the tire. Thankfully, they gave us a brand new tire for $1.00. Now to call about the crack I got in my windshield Monday. A huge rock flew off a semi and cracked my window. And DJ is putting brakes on Saturday. I'm seriously SICK of putting money into this car!

I have been eating pretty well and have completely avoided sugar for almost a week now. :) Hope to see some movement on the scale again soon!

Bad, no good, horrible, can't end soon enough day...

2010-03-10T18:05:00.002-05:00

Does that title tell you anything?
It's been a rough week... and today was no exception. I am still eating right and hope it continues to pay off. I'm not planning on weighing in again until maybe Saturday morning. I still feel pretty puffy/bloated. Not sure what's up with that.
I bombed my anatomy exam today, and dropped from an A in the class to a B+. Ugh. If I buckle down for finals next week, I'll be able to pull it back up I hope. *fingers crossed*
A few other craptastic things happened today and I'm just in a mood. Rawr.

;)

day 5....

2010-03-09T16:41:00.001-05:00

Worked today...going strong :) 151 lbs. Now off to study for an exam tomorrow.

Day 4...154

2010-03-08T09:24:00.001-05:00

On plan. Worked 16 hrs yesterday... exhausted today. Down 6 lbs. so far....

Day 2...156.2

2010-03-06T04:49:00.002-05:00

Yep, down 4 lbs. Can you even believe that? I'm amazed at the amount of water my body holds on to when I'm not eating right. It's crazy and although I know that's water weight, it still gives me a boost to make it through another day of clean eating.
I'm heading into work and have my lunch packed! :) We have a wedding to go to tonight, but I'll behave!

On track

2010-03-05T16:31:00.003-05:00

I'm doing well today. Not one cookie or bad carb has crossed these lips. I found that old determination and today really hasn't been much of a struggle. I'm not getting haughty about it though. I know at any given moment I could plunge right into old habits and eat my way through a box of cookies. I am making a conscious decision though....each hour, minute, second.... to eat right.

Not working out very well

2010-03-04T12:55:00.003-05:00

So I came on here a few days ago frustrated with my weight gain and claiming I was going to make some changes. Instead, according to the scale, I gained 2 lbs. I know it is the endless snacking I'm doing. I think I have some issues going on though that are making eating less difficult for me. I am pretty sure I've got an ulcer brewing and when my stomach is empty, I get this gnawing pain that is alleviated when I put something in there. It has become a cycle... eat, feel good, get gnawing pain, eat, feel better, get gnawing pain, repeat...
Normally, I would've already been to the doctor and gotten some medication, but we are with out insurance right now b/c of the job situation we've been dealing with. I suppose I could try something over the counter, but I'm not sure of what would even work! Any suggestions?
Today I've made an effort. Which has been sort of blocked by the 175 boxes of girl scout cookies I have sitting in my kitchen. 16 of which belong to us. I think I've had about 5 cookies today. I also had:
coffee w/ protein
english muffin w/ pb and half a banana
chicken salad w/ spinach, ranch and cheese
a pickle
a string cheese
oh, and 5 girl scout cookies...
There is progress there, believe it or not. I've got a yummy crockpot full of chicken taco stew going for supper. It's low cal/low carb-ish and will get me through the evening.
I can't believe I'm one of those WLS people who let myself go and gain 27 lbs back from my lowest weight. I used to sit back and think it could never happen to me, but it did.
I didn't update this blog for many reasons. First of all, I knew people in my real life (family, co-workers, etc) had found it and I didn't want to fuel any gossip or drama. Secondly, I didn't think I needed support anymore. And finally, my life got really super busy there for a while and I didn't have time to write. I believe those 3 things have directly effected my failures. It made it easy for me to ignore what I was putting in my mouth.
So I've decided that those who want to talk about me can continue to talk. I do need support and no matter how busy I am, I can not let my health go. I can't tell you the last time I took a vitamin. :(
So again today I vow to do better. It may be baby steps... and it may take me awhile to get back to my sweet spot (140-145) but I will get there. I have to.

Almost 3 years out...

2010-03-02T15:18:00.003-05:00

Next month is my 3 year anniversary since having gastric bypass surgery. I really have changed so much since I rolled into the OR that day. Being in nursing school, working full time, running like crazy w/ my kiddos and husband and taking on new challenges that I would've never been able to accomplish at 300ish lbs.! Lately though, I've been feeling like old habits have creeped in. Even now, I can see the heads of fellow WLSer nod their heads in agreement, as they read that statement. It starts as a little extra bite or there.... or sip of liquids too early.... a nibble of dessert here and there til the whole piece is gone.... then turns into sitting in line at a fast food restaurant for lunch 3 times a week.

So my weight is up. I weighed 157 lbs. this a.m.... teetering on the obese category according to the BMI charts. I had to buy new jeans and they were a double digit size... something I said I'd never see again.

The thing is, I don't have to be 132 lbs. again... I'd love to stay between 140-145. That is where I feel the best. I am a size 6/8 and feel healthy at that point. Where I am now, I feel fat again.

So, why do I continue to shovel food down my throat? Yesterday I had consumed almost 2000 calories before 11 a.m. Um, yeah. That's sick. Lack of sleep, lack of choices, lack of self control....

The plan? I bought a ton of healthy food today... I've got 16 RTD protein shakes in my fridge too. No excuses. I've got to lose 15 lbs.

My surgerversary is next month. It'd be nice to be in my happy weight zone by then. :)

So, hop on.....I'm on the move again.... :)

It's time for an update

2010-02-08T16:07:00.003-05:00

Hello world!

After a tiny freak out from finding out that people in my real life knew about my blog, were reading and then gossiping about things I wrote, I went private. I'm back now. Screw them. I love my readers and I'm here to tell my story. They can stuff it. LOL

I am proud of my life, my struggles and my accomplishments and I know that what I share has helped other people too.

So here's where I am now!

Weight: up! 155.6 lbs as of this a.m. Eek. I know what to do, and I'm doing it.
Work: Crazy! Working full time on 3rd shift! Whew! I'm tired most of the time!
Kids: Doing awesome! <3
DJ: Still laid off from his awesome job, but working a mediocre job for the time being.
Me: I got my braces off! And am still plugging away at school. I'll be in clinicals this fall and am ready to get this done!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T14:15:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! It's been too long again!

School is going amazingly well. I am getting awesome grades... all A's so far. I'm taking English, Chemistry and Anatomy. I will start clinicals in the fall. :) I am so excited.

Work is busy. That's all about all I say about that. That place and its drama is nuts. Always has been...always will be I suppose!

DJ and the kids are doing well. He's still laid off but we have all adjusted pretty well and are doing well working together as a team to get our goals accomplished!

Weight wise I am struggling a bit. I've hit my all time high (since surgery)... about 153. I can't stand it. I feel so bloated and I really need to refocus. It is tough with the crazy schedule though. I'm working it though!

I will be 140-145 again soon. :)

28 months

2009-08-17T13:13:00.002-05:00

I figured it was time for me to hop on and give an update.

I'm in school full time for nursing and it is going well. I got my grades today for Summer quarter. All A's again! :) Fall quarter doesn't start for about 4 weeks so I have a nice little break. Work is going well too. I went ahead and took a bid job on 3rd shift. I love it. Though I don't get much sleep I am able to juggle the kids and their activities so I feel good about that.

My weight is a struggle right now. I'm all over the 140's and have to admit I'm not eating well. Night shift really screws with my meals and when I'm hungry and I find myself grazing a lot. Part of it is that I feel nauseated when I go without sleep so I find myself snacking on crackers to try to settle my tummy. The scale is close to 150. Scares me! Time to get a grip!!

The kids are doing well. DJ is still laid off, but is doing great as the stay-at-home daddy! Gabey and him are super close. It hurts my feelings a little bit when he cries for daddy instead of me, but at the same time, I am so happy to have a man who loves his kids and cares for them so well. I am blessed. <3

The girls are in 4H and so we've spent most of the weekend and today running and back and forth to the fair. It is so fun, but really hot today!! We came home this after noon to cool off and get a quick nap in before Hannah's style review tonight.

Guess that's all for now! ;)

Loss

2009-06-08T05:34:00.003-05:00

I lost my biological dad this past weekend. He died suddenly Friday night. Here are a few of his music videos.

Wedding...

2009-05-11T07:33:00.002-05:00

My little brother got married this past weekend. :)
Here are a few pics. Sorry about the glowing/red eyes.

Thank You!

2009-04-20T07:45:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everyone who watched my videos and commented here and on YouTube. You guys have been awesome! ;)

2009-04-16T19:31:00.003-05:00

Pictures of my journey at the end!

2 years post op!

2009-04-16T07:00:00.001-05:00

Starting weight: 277 lbs.
1 year post op: 142 lbs.
2 years post op: 144 lbs.

Not too shabby! ;)

EASTER !

2009-04-12T17:08:00.005-05:00

1st pic Spring 2007
2nd pic Easter 2008
3rd pic Easter 2009

The kids!

Almost two years post op....

2009-04-11T07:10:00.002-05:00

In 5 days I will be 2 years post op from my lap RNY. I have maintained my weight pretty well for the last year and feel great. :) There is so much going on in life right now... and it's hard for me to get here to update a lot but I want all of my readers to know that I appreciate all the love and support you've given me over the last two years. This blog was a place of refuge and comfort many times during all those early changes. You listened to my ups and downs and offered support and no judgement. It was refreshing and therapeutic to come here daily and just spill my guts to open arms and listening ears, when in real life, so often we are surrounded my critics and haters. For that I am grateful. I feel like I have abandoned his blog and yet, it seems to be part of the process, as I've watched many post oper's end up in this very place. When I first came into this community of WLSers online, I was hopeless, helpless, alone and wondering if this last ditch effort at weight loss would even actually work for me. I spent endless hours looking at before and after pics, reading blogs, articles, searching for websites, information, anything.... wondering if it would work for me, as it had for them. I started blogging. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't hold back. That I would allow you all to see inside my soul... to see the real Amber, for better or worse, and let you all observe the change that I would go through, without reservation. I shared feelings and thoughts here, that I would never allow anyone in my day to day life to know about me. I posted unflattering before pics, starting weights, and my truest, honest feelings and you all embraced me. Now, two years later, here I am. At that place where so many of us find ourselves. The scale has stopped moving.... I've settled into a pattern and there isn't much to blog about. I weigh 140-145 most days. Some days I eat 1800 calories... other days I eat 1000 calories. Eating the right foods and making good choices is a struggle sometimes, but there is a built in governor and I don't binge like I used to. When I eat crap I suffer and so that is a good deterant. Healthwise I'm having some issues, but non-RNY related for the most part. I've been wearing a holter monitor for 3 weeks now b/c my doc thinks I may have A Fib. Very scary and I don't know much about it yet. I will know more when the results are in and I will be sure to update you all. I started school last week and it's going well, but keeping me super busy. I am also still working and DJ is still laid off, so we are learing a new balance in the house and I am trying hard to stay positive. It's hard to be away so much from the kids, and I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I know in the long run, its for them, but for now I won't lie. It sucks. I guess this is enough for now. See? I've become (or maybe I've always been... lol) boring. Here are a few pics from our weekend in PA:

Back to School I Go!

2009-03-24T07:59:00.002-05:00

I start Monday! Eek!

The Meet and Greet is this weekend too. Wow... Lot's of stuff going on!

Weight: 140-145 every. single. day. :)